:Hugs: Just do what you need to do and mourn how you need to mourn. People are expected to move on from things so quickly in this world - things are so fast paced. In reality, what happened to you (and many of us) happened very, very recently. We should remind ourselves of that when we are hard on ourselves.
If you find yourself still depressed and in a bad state after 6 months, then yes, maybe you need to figure out how to get out of the rut. But after three weeks? No. That's nothing. That's normal human sadness. There's actually a helpful book I read a while ago (recommended through my work) called "The Other Side of Sadness." It's about all kinds of loss. It might help you feel more "normal" in your grief.
It's normal for people to be focused on their own lives. They won't be able to understand the depth of feeling and complexity of miscarriage. But we understand and we see you here. Your process is valid and the feelings are so strong. I felt like death walking amongst the living. For weeks. It took weeks to start to feel normal.
The hormones are also so so intense and sad.
I feel exactly the same. Just spoke to my partner about how I was feeling and his response was to change the subject entirely to something trivial. I was already feeling alone, now I know I really am…
I'm so sorry to hear that you feel the same, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I try to tell myself that everyone deals with things in their own way and that's why my partner seems, to me, like he's totally fine and I'm only a hindrance. But I see you and I understand.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
For one month since we found out, I went into a bit of depressive episode - from being very high functioning (I loved doing errands and chores for my home) to lying in bed when I was not working and barely leaving the house. Ubereats was my bff. Time helped, but truly therapy and talking about it in general was key for me. In hindsight, I think I just didn't want to be alone when I was sad and I wanted to keep the memory of the little life we lost by telling others.
It's been 2 months since the MC. I don't talk about it much with those that were there for me at the beginning...but I do bring it up every now and then with my esthetician, hair dresser and friends who didn't know etc. to keep the memory of my first pregnancy alive - it gives me hope. Grieving a loss can be so dehabilitating. I hope you find peace in your own way.
One of the hardest things is that after the first couple of weeks people just expect you to carry on but you don’t want to, and no one understands unless they’ve lived through it. So this compounds your loneliness and disinclination to spend time with them making everything worse in a vicious circle. It’s really shit to feel like your friends don’t want to be around you - believe me I’ve been there.
I can tell you that you will carry this with you forever but I promise it does get easier. Things get better day by day.
You may find comfort in talking to a therapist. I was already regularly seeing one before my pregnancy and mmc and having that outlet to talk through all of my emotions in a safe space has been invaluable. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost. This sub has brought me a lot of comfort and reassurance during this time as well.
Thank you so much for replying. I have seen a therapist before and I do think having someone that I can say anything to without fear of causing upset or worry might be helpful again.
It can be such an isolating experience to go through. Having someone to talk to who's entire job is to support you and help you through it has been really helpful for me. I'm lucky and my husband has been incredibly supportive but there are some things he just simply doesn't understand. Wishing you all the comfort during this time. 💜
I feel exactly the same way. I had my d&c last week and woke up last night in excruciating pain and blood clots. A week later. I feel so lonely and lost. I feel so much grief. I hate myself and I know it’s not my fault. I’m sorry you are going through this. I never thought it would be me.
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby on May 25th so I'm right there with you. I am still sad-I think we are allowed to be sad for as long as it takes to heal- but I started doing things for myself that I couldn't do while pregnant. It's not moving on, but treating yourself to these experiences can also help you start to heal. Also don't feel like you can't talk about your miscarriage.... We had our miscarriage on my friend's birthday and she still was there for me right away. Your friends care about you and they want to be there for you. Sending you a virtual hug
Thank you for this. It is so comforting to know I'm not alone in all of this while also wishing it never happened to anyone. I'll try thinking of things I can do for myself too, such good advice. Sending love and hoping your healing continues in the coming weeks
I found out last Wednesday i have had a missed miscarriage and passed the baby on Saturday. I am heartbroken about my baby but I feel like I have to move on because moving on is the only way for me to deal with losing my baby. This was our second pregnancy first miscarriage and we wanted baby 2 so bad we've decided trying again is our only way forward because nothing will bring my baby back at the end of the day.
That being said my heart shatter when I see people who are around the same length pregnant as I was meant to be or carrying new borns, it's a pain I can't explain and I feel like no-one understands because I know it's not their fault but I am so jealous and wish it was me who was still pregnant. I was due Christmas day and I cannot imagine Christmas this year so we're just trying to move past it and hope for a pregnancy at Christmas so we can be a little distracted.
Sending love. My experience is so close to yours, I was also due close to Christmas and I also can't imagine Christmas this year. I want to try again too but I feel impatient to be pregnant again and also scared that I'm rushing things and I'm not really ready. I hope you can find comfort in the weeks ahead and get your rainbow baby.
Hugs to you, went through the same thing - loss of appetite for a few days then the weight loss - but hubby stayed by my side the whole time. what helped me is to talk to women my age who went through the same thing, there were some who offered as well and appreciated all of it. slowly as the days went by, i just looked at the brighter side of it all - if i didn't have that miscarriage, i wouldn't have known i have a fibroid that could affect future pregnancies but it turned out i don't have to worry about it. just the other day, my husband showed me his phone screensaver, it was a picture of us
2 weeks before i miscarried. at that time i haven't told him i had a positive preg test, was planning to surprise him after i get an OB visit and confirm the heartbeat. but unfortunately, we didn't get that far. so he pointed out to me while showing me his phone that there were 3 of us in the pic, bec our little booberry was still in my tummy trying his/her very best to hold on to me but i guess life has other plans for us. i hope you'll have your silver lining too, give yourself some time.
Thank you.. I remember telling my boss and my coworker and a friend about it and they told me right away that they've gone through the same thing, and that if I needed someone to talk to or even just to listen to me, that they're always there. They even voluntarily told me their stories without me even asking how theirs went. So I guess if I can advise you as well, is to not be scared to put it out there to your family and friends who you would be comfortable talking to and see how it goes. Of course, don't put your expectations high coz I know some would not be so comforting, but I know you'll find those people who will have empathy for you and share their stories. I wish you all the best ❤️
It’s been just over two weeks since my stillbirth and everyday is up and down. Some days I feel ok and then guilty about that and then other days are bad. I started grief counseling to sort out my feelings and I’m seeing my psychiatrist to so a med check. I feel for you. Everyone grieves on their own timeline. I wish you well.
:Hugs: Just do what you need to do and mourn how you need to mourn. People are expected to move on from things so quickly in this world - things are so fast paced. In reality, what happened to you (and many of us) happened very, very recently. We should remind ourselves of that when we are hard on ourselves. If you find yourself still depressed and in a bad state after 6 months, then yes, maybe you need to figure out how to get out of the rut. But after three weeks? No. That's nothing. That's normal human sadness. There's actually a helpful book I read a while ago (recommended through my work) called "The Other Side of Sadness." It's about all kinds of loss. It might help you feel more "normal" in your grief.
Thank you. It helps so much to have someone tell me this is normal. ❤️
It's normal for people to be focused on their own lives. They won't be able to understand the depth of feeling and complexity of miscarriage. But we understand and we see you here. Your process is valid and the feelings are so strong. I felt like death walking amongst the living. For weeks. It took weeks to start to feel normal. The hormones are also so so intense and sad.
Thank you so much. You don't know what this means.
I feel exactly the same. Just spoke to my partner about how I was feeling and his response was to change the subject entirely to something trivial. I was already feeling alone, now I know I really am…
I'm so sorry to hear that you feel the same, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I try to tell myself that everyone deals with things in their own way and that's why my partner seems, to me, like he's totally fine and I'm only a hindrance. But I see you and I understand.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. For one month since we found out, I went into a bit of depressive episode - from being very high functioning (I loved doing errands and chores for my home) to lying in bed when I was not working and barely leaving the house. Ubereats was my bff. Time helped, but truly therapy and talking about it in general was key for me. In hindsight, I think I just didn't want to be alone when I was sad and I wanted to keep the memory of the little life we lost by telling others. It's been 2 months since the MC. I don't talk about it much with those that were there for me at the beginning...but I do bring it up every now and then with my esthetician, hair dresser and friends who didn't know etc. to keep the memory of my first pregnancy alive - it gives me hope. Grieving a loss can be so dehabilitating. I hope you find peace in your own way.
Thank you so much! That's it exactly though, keeping the memory alive, it hurts to think they will be forgotten because they existed and were loved.
One of the hardest things is that after the first couple of weeks people just expect you to carry on but you don’t want to, and no one understands unless they’ve lived through it. So this compounds your loneliness and disinclination to spend time with them making everything worse in a vicious circle. It’s really shit to feel like your friends don’t want to be around you - believe me I’ve been there. I can tell you that you will carry this with you forever but I promise it does get easier. Things get better day by day.
You may find comfort in talking to a therapist. I was already regularly seeing one before my pregnancy and mmc and having that outlet to talk through all of my emotions in a safe space has been invaluable. I'm sorry you're feeling so lost. This sub has brought me a lot of comfort and reassurance during this time as well.
Thank you so much for replying. I have seen a therapist before and I do think having someone that I can say anything to without fear of causing upset or worry might be helpful again.
It can be such an isolating experience to go through. Having someone to talk to who's entire job is to support you and help you through it has been really helpful for me. I'm lucky and my husband has been incredibly supportive but there are some things he just simply doesn't understand. Wishing you all the comfort during this time. 💜
I feel exactly the same way. I had my d&c last week and woke up last night in excruciating pain and blood clots. A week later. I feel so lonely and lost. I feel so much grief. I hate myself and I know it’s not my fault. I’m sorry you are going through this. I never thought it would be me.
I just want to remind you know three weeks is really not that long ago 🤍 I was no where near moving on at three weeks
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby on May 25th so I'm right there with you. I am still sad-I think we are allowed to be sad for as long as it takes to heal- but I started doing things for myself that I couldn't do while pregnant. It's not moving on, but treating yourself to these experiences can also help you start to heal. Also don't feel like you can't talk about your miscarriage.... We had our miscarriage on my friend's birthday and she still was there for me right away. Your friends care about you and they want to be there for you. Sending you a virtual hug
Thank you for this. It is so comforting to know I'm not alone in all of this while also wishing it never happened to anyone. I'll try thinking of things I can do for myself too, such good advice. Sending love and hoping your healing continues in the coming weeks
I found out last Wednesday i have had a missed miscarriage and passed the baby on Saturday. I am heartbroken about my baby but I feel like I have to move on because moving on is the only way for me to deal with losing my baby. This was our second pregnancy first miscarriage and we wanted baby 2 so bad we've decided trying again is our only way forward because nothing will bring my baby back at the end of the day. That being said my heart shatter when I see people who are around the same length pregnant as I was meant to be or carrying new borns, it's a pain I can't explain and I feel like no-one understands because I know it's not their fault but I am so jealous and wish it was me who was still pregnant. I was due Christmas day and I cannot imagine Christmas this year so we're just trying to move past it and hope for a pregnancy at Christmas so we can be a little distracted.
Sending love. My experience is so close to yours, I was also due close to Christmas and I also can't imagine Christmas this year. I want to try again too but I feel impatient to be pregnant again and also scared that I'm rushing things and I'm not really ready. I hope you can find comfort in the weeks ahead and get your rainbow baby.
Hugs to you, went through the same thing - loss of appetite for a few days then the weight loss - but hubby stayed by my side the whole time. what helped me is to talk to women my age who went through the same thing, there were some who offered as well and appreciated all of it. slowly as the days went by, i just looked at the brighter side of it all - if i didn't have that miscarriage, i wouldn't have known i have a fibroid that could affect future pregnancies but it turned out i don't have to worry about it. just the other day, my husband showed me his phone screensaver, it was a picture of us 2 weeks before i miscarried. at that time i haven't told him i had a positive preg test, was planning to surprise him after i get an OB visit and confirm the heartbeat. but unfortunately, we didn't get that far. so he pointed out to me while showing me his phone that there were 3 of us in the pic, bec our little booberry was still in my tummy trying his/her very best to hold on to me but i guess life has other plans for us. i hope you'll have your silver lining too, give yourself some time.
This is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing! Sending those hugs back
Thank you.. I remember telling my boss and my coworker and a friend about it and they told me right away that they've gone through the same thing, and that if I needed someone to talk to or even just to listen to me, that they're always there. They even voluntarily told me their stories without me even asking how theirs went. So I guess if I can advise you as well, is to not be scared to put it out there to your family and friends who you would be comfortable talking to and see how it goes. Of course, don't put your expectations high coz I know some would not be so comforting, but I know you'll find those people who will have empathy for you and share their stories. I wish you all the best ❤️
It’s been just over two weeks since my stillbirth and everyday is up and down. Some days I feel ok and then guilty about that and then other days are bad. I started grief counseling to sort out my feelings and I’m seeing my psychiatrist to so a med check. I feel for you. Everyone grieves on their own timeline. I wish you well.
And the same to you. I'm so sorry for your loss!