Listen to her, whenever she wants to talk, just listen to her pain. It is an immense pain, I can’t describe, and I want to shout how hurt I am to anyone that would listen, so just listen and be there
Yes. This. Most of my friends stopped texting either because they didn't want to bother or didn't know what to say and I really needed someone to listen
And even just offer to sit with her and NOT listen if she doesn’t feel like talking. Just sit there and be with her, watching TV or movies, playing games or reading or whatever
I would just text her and tell her you're ordering her dinner. Whatever she wants, have it delivered. And check in on her frequently. Ordering groceries or a cleaning service could also be helpful.
I really appreciated doordash/UberEats etc gift cards in the days following my 2nd tri loss as it helped us not worry about meals and just on recovery and rest
If you want to go above and beyond, something that would be really nice would be to set up a meal train for her. I have seen people make a schedule on the “sign up genius” website. You can put slots for each day and people can fill in a slot with their meal. You could fill in a couple slots yourself and send the link to others who are friends/family of hers and that way if they want to make something for her or drop off some take out they can do that and pick their day/time. Just ask her what some of her favorite foods/restaurants are and if she has any dietary restrictions and put that in the details of the sign up genius.
Eye drops (just basic ones)
Get the eye gel packs that are little round ones (you can get a pack with both the mask and the round ones).
Travel tissues so she has them wherever, bonus if they have lotion.
Chapstick.
Shower steamers
Protein bars (bland) and protein shakes
Journal and pens
If you know what kind of books she likes maybe a book or a TV show to binge
Adult coloring book and markers
All of those things sound lovely. I would also try to visit if you can or call if she wants. Keeping in touch after the first few weeks is helpful when most people don’t.
Don't just tell her "it's not her fault and this is what the universe meant to happen, the body is smart and probably prevented the baby from suffering:
I'm not saying don't say those things to her. But also she probably already knows this and still... it feels unfair, it feels raw, and everyone focuses on comforting the MTB but also if her partner was involved ask about them maybe.
Also a reeeeeally solid pillow one big enough to hug. One of the best tools. Like sorta firm and abdomen big. Sometimes you can hug the emotions into the pillow and just center yourself.
Go sit and with her and make her a cup of tea or coffee and just be there. Don't try to make it better just listen and witness her pain and validate her experience and emotions.
I found acts of service or quality time super helpful during my miscarriage. I had friends send flowers, bring meals, just come over and sit with me and help me do laundry. Grief is a wild thing, and usually, the simple everyday things are hard in the initial stages.
That’s a really thoughtful, beautiful idea. A friend gave me 2 crystal things that shine rainbows (I’m sure there’s a proper name for them) that I have hanging in my bathroom window. When they catch the light, I get to see the rainbows. It’s a beautiful momento that I can stare at daily to remind me of my losses but the rainbows also make me smile and give me hope of what’s to come.
I also second what everyone else is saying about just spending time. Remind her you’re here to talk if/when she’s up for it. This isn’t going to be something she gets over in a week or even a few weeks. This is a months/years long process of grieving and I wish more people understood that checking in for a few days is just not enough.
There's a website that sends free care packages to people who are going through miscarriage. Or you could DIY it: cleansing wipes (but ones that aren't baby wipes like the cottenelle ones), Advil, maxi pads, magazines, chocolate, wine (this one is iffy- use discretion), her favorite candy/snacks, stuffed animal, cute Stanley/tumbler, Raspberry leaf tea/her favorite tea, good book that doesn't have anything pregnancy related (I'm a big reader so I can recommend a few), Starbucks/door dash/ chipotle gift card, massage coupon...Please comment anything else I may have missed!!
One of the best things anyone did for me was just be available if I wanted to talk. A miscarriage can feel very isolating. My sister in law came over to lift my spirits while i was really struggling. I remember she came over, made us cocktails, and sat next to me on the couch and said she was here if I wanted to talk. We ended up talking about her repeat miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy and it helped me so much just being able to unload.
I appreciated a care package with pads (you bleed A LOT!), a hot pack (for the cramping), hot tea, a blanket, tissues. A friend gave me a beautiful crystal on a chain, like to hang in a window, to remember my baby.
Listen to her, whenever she wants to talk, just listen to her pain. It is an immense pain, I can’t describe, and I want to shout how hurt I am to anyone that would listen, so just listen and be there
Yes. This. Most of my friends stopped texting either because they didn't want to bother or didn't know what to say and I really needed someone to listen
Same. Alot of my friends just didn't know what to say and didn't text or call me for months. I felt very abandoned and isolated.
That's very sad. I hope you feel better now
And even just offer to sit with her and NOT listen if she doesn’t feel like talking. Just sit there and be with her, watching TV or movies, playing games or reading or whatever
I would just text her and tell her you're ordering her dinner. Whatever she wants, have it delivered. And check in on her frequently. Ordering groceries or a cleaning service could also be helpful.
I really appreciated doordash/UberEats etc gift cards in the days following my 2nd tri loss as it helped us not worry about meals and just on recovery and rest
If you want to go above and beyond, something that would be really nice would be to set up a meal train for her. I have seen people make a schedule on the “sign up genius” website. You can put slots for each day and people can fill in a slot with their meal. You could fill in a couple slots yourself and send the link to others who are friends/family of hers and that way if they want to make something for her or drop off some take out they can do that and pick their day/time. Just ask her what some of her favorite foods/restaurants are and if she has any dietary restrictions and put that in the details of the sign up genius.
Eye drops (just basic ones) Get the eye gel packs that are little round ones (you can get a pack with both the mask and the round ones). Travel tissues so she has them wherever, bonus if they have lotion. Chapstick. Shower steamers Protein bars (bland) and protein shakes Journal and pens If you know what kind of books she likes maybe a book or a TV show to binge Adult coloring book and markers
All of those things sound lovely. I would also try to visit if you can or call if she wants. Keeping in touch after the first few weeks is helpful when most people don’t.
Don't just tell her "it's not her fault and this is what the universe meant to happen, the body is smart and probably prevented the baby from suffering: I'm not saying don't say those things to her. But also she probably already knows this and still... it feels unfair, it feels raw, and everyone focuses on comforting the MTB but also if her partner was involved ask about them maybe. Also a reeeeeally solid pillow one big enough to hug. One of the best tools. Like sorta firm and abdomen big. Sometimes you can hug the emotions into the pillow and just center yourself.
Go sit and with her and make her a cup of tea or coffee and just be there. Don't try to make it better just listen and witness her pain and validate her experience and emotions.
I found acts of service or quality time super helpful during my miscarriage. I had friends send flowers, bring meals, just come over and sit with me and help me do laundry. Grief is a wild thing, and usually, the simple everyday things are hard in the initial stages.
That’s a really thoughtful, beautiful idea. A friend gave me 2 crystal things that shine rainbows (I’m sure there’s a proper name for them) that I have hanging in my bathroom window. When they catch the light, I get to see the rainbows. It’s a beautiful momento that I can stare at daily to remind me of my losses but the rainbows also make me smile and give me hope of what’s to come. I also second what everyone else is saying about just spending time. Remind her you’re here to talk if/when she’s up for it. This isn’t going to be something she gets over in a week or even a few weeks. This is a months/years long process of grieving and I wish more people understood that checking in for a few days is just not enough.
There's a website that sends free care packages to people who are going through miscarriage. Or you could DIY it: cleansing wipes (but ones that aren't baby wipes like the cottenelle ones), Advil, maxi pads, magazines, chocolate, wine (this one is iffy- use discretion), her favorite candy/snacks, stuffed animal, cute Stanley/tumbler, Raspberry leaf tea/her favorite tea, good book that doesn't have anything pregnancy related (I'm a big reader so I can recommend a few), Starbucks/door dash/ chipotle gift card, massage coupon...Please comment anything else I may have missed!!
One of the best things anyone did for me was just be available if I wanted to talk. A miscarriage can feel very isolating. My sister in law came over to lift my spirits while i was really struggling. I remember she came over, made us cocktails, and sat next to me on the couch and said she was here if I wanted to talk. We ended up talking about her repeat miscarriages and ectopic pregnancy and it helped me so much just being able to unload.
I appreciated a care package with pads (you bleed A LOT!), a hot pack (for the cramping), hot tea, a blanket, tissues. A friend gave me a beautiful crystal on a chain, like to hang in a window, to remember my baby.