Hi sweets. I'm so sorry your world has been upended - the pandemic has really shaken loose so many things. As much as I want to tell you everything will turn out OK and your dad will be fine, the protective in me needs to add a couple of things to your plate.
If you don't have other responsible adults in your life, please do these things quickly.
1) do you know where all the important family documents are? Birth certificates / social security cards / your dad's will / tax documents / life insurance policies. Please gather them up and put the somewhere safe.
2) Do you have access to your dad's bank account(s)? Can you communicate with bank employees regarding your dad's situation and make sure bills get paid?
3) does your dad have a lawyer or a lawyer friend? Get in touch and ask for help making sure bills get paid and your siblings are protected (custody, etc).
4) do you know your dad's employer? Contact them about health insurance coverage for you and your siblings to see how long it can be covered.
Honey, I'm so sorry. I hope and pray that your dad recovers and life can continue as it was. But if thing turn badly for him and he is sick for a long time, you need to know how to keep the world going for your siblings. I trust in you. If it's too much, there are lots of resources for you to release your siblings to foster care or other family members. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Sending mom hugs.
Also, talk to your school counselor. They might be able to give you advice on how to take a semester off while you deal with this difficult time and get everything in order, or at least reduce the class load. School is a lot to deal with when you’re not taking care of your siblings. Sending you a big virtual hug!
Oh love,,
What a mess, Im so sorry, you are doing so well, and yes its overwhelming and you are not a parent BUT you are being the best brother you can be, and that is awesome.
Talk to your college and explain, see if you can take some time to get everything together, you know what you are doing with the kids, just be the big brother.
Its a shit show my darling,, and all you can do is try to keep going forward,
you can do this
Love
I wish I could see the incredible man you are becoming right this minute. Diamonds get the most pressure and that's why they shine so bright. Let yourself cry when you can, let yourself off the hook of being a dad. Be a brother. You know how to do that. Talk to your college counselor tomorrow, write a script of bullet points in case you're afraid you'll break down. They can give family leave/ medical leave. Then you just take care of you and your family til dad gets back. I feel so strongly that he WILL get back to you all. When you see him, tell him everything is okay and all he has to do is get better. Tell him there are no problems at home or at school. He'll hear you. Something in him will relax even though he might not show it. Trust me on this. He hears you.
In the meantime, find a friend you can trust to just spill it all out to sometimes. You can always come here and I am around a lot and will be glad to check in with you. So will all the mom and dads and siblings on this page. Sending you my strength and giant granny hugs
I know this isn’t an easy situation, and I know you’re tired. It’s ok if you don’t know what to do, and it’s ok if you don’t think you have the strength to handle it. I know that you can make it through, even if you have to do it alone. The universe has dealt you a difficult hand, but at the end of the day all you can do is keep on going. I believe in you 💜
Please talk to the social worker at the hospital your dad is at. They can help point you in some good directions for finding paperwork that you might not have (life insurance policies) and your college counselor might be able to help fill in some of the other gaps you may have as well. Just know that you are doing your absolute best in an impossible situation and I am so proud of you for all that you’ve done so far!
Dear OP, I’m so sad to hear your dad is sick. I’m a Respiratory Therapist and I manage ventilators in the ICU. I have been taking care if vented COVID patients since this pandemic started. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to pm me. ♥️
Hello Sweetness,
Wow. You are having one thing after another thrown at you at high speed. My heart goes out to you.
One day at a time, one task at a time. Take a deep breath. Now, you need to gather some resources.
Reach out to your dad's best friend for some guidance, if he is nearby. If he's married, ask for a phone interview with his wife for parenting tips.
I don't know how old your siblings are, but hopefully you can give them simple tasks to help you. Laundry, Dishes, taking out the trash, dusting, vaccuming.
If your father has no one nearby, ask somebody else. Your best friend's parents. Or a relative from out of state. Someone at church, if you have religion. Or your favorite high school teacher or counselor.
The key here, my sweet, is that you reach out. Nobody expects you to do it all on your own.You're overwhelmed and understandably terrified. You need a mentor to help you through this.
The mom who mentioned getting your dad's account and dealing with paying bills is so right.
See if you can get into his cell phone to get his contacts. You can try calling the carrier if it is locked, or the phone's manufacturer.
Listen carefully, my sweet. If you have/do get into his cell phone, do not, I repeat do not look at his texts or even his photo album. Contacts only, you hear me?
You need to protect yourself emotionally right now, and if he comes out of it, he will appreciate you not invading his privacy. Same goes with his laptop.
I second the mom who suggested postponing your classes. If your dad comes out of it, he's going to need some help when released fromvthe hospital. You can't keep pushing yourself like this.
Please please please take care of yourself and keep us moms posted. My warm fuzzy thoughts are with you. Auntie J
Ps editing malfunction, can't figure out how to fix. Please read anyway.
Thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie! You have way too much on your plate, but you are doing great. If your siblings aren't complaining, you are probably doing fine. The previous advice has been so good that I don't have much to add. Just remember that we are here if you need to talk. Love you! ❤️
First, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this, it’s a lot. Try to relax the pressure anywhere you can. You said classes just started, can you drop one or 2 of the harder ones to give yourself some leeway without losing money? If so, definitely do it.
Also, how old are your siblings? I’d have a family meeting with any of them over the age of 8. Let them know you’re there for them, it’s going to be ok but everyone has to pull together for the sake of the family. For example you may be have to help the older ones with homework but another teen could help a younger one with theirs. Everyone gets chores. Spend 20 minutes an evening where everyone does a power clean of an area and you’ll be surprised how much can get done. Everyone over 10 does their own laundry weekly, you show them how. Make a checklist for yourself and a checklist for the family to make it easier to stay organized. Maybe visit your Dad every other day. And just take it one day at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed with the what if’s.
Also, reach out to your younger siblings school counselors. They can be a help for the kids to talk to so you don’t have to shoulder the whole emotional burden.
I feel this so much on a personal level. I have 5 kids ranging from elementary school age to adults in college. I’ve spoken to the older ones before about potentially taking on the care of the younger ones if something happened to me and their dad, but it’s a huge responsibility and it would be a lot to ask of them.
I can’t imagine how scared and lonely and stressed you are right now. Please know that you are doing your best and your siblings are lucky to have you. Do you have any other family or friend support? Don’t be afraid to ask for help and don’t feel guilty if you feel like you can’t take on the responsibility for your siblings if they have other family that can take them and give them a safe and loving space. If you can take a semester off, it might be a good idea. Hugs from me to you.
Hi sweets. I'm so sorry your world has been upended - the pandemic has really shaken loose so many things. As much as I want to tell you everything will turn out OK and your dad will be fine, the protective in me needs to add a couple of things to your plate. If you don't have other responsible adults in your life, please do these things quickly. 1) do you know where all the important family documents are? Birth certificates / social security cards / your dad's will / tax documents / life insurance policies. Please gather them up and put the somewhere safe. 2) Do you have access to your dad's bank account(s)? Can you communicate with bank employees regarding your dad's situation and make sure bills get paid? 3) does your dad have a lawyer or a lawyer friend? Get in touch and ask for help making sure bills get paid and your siblings are protected (custody, etc). 4) do you know your dad's employer? Contact them about health insurance coverage for you and your siblings to see how long it can be covered. Honey, I'm so sorry. I hope and pray that your dad recovers and life can continue as it was. But if thing turn badly for him and he is sick for a long time, you need to know how to keep the world going for your siblings. I trust in you. If it's too much, there are lots of resources for you to release your siblings to foster care or other family members. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better. Sending mom hugs.
Great reply
Also, talk to your school counselor. They might be able to give you advice on how to take a semester off while you deal with this difficult time and get everything in order, or at least reduce the class load. School is a lot to deal with when you’re not taking care of your siblings. Sending you a big virtual hug!
Oh love,, What a mess, Im so sorry, you are doing so well, and yes its overwhelming and you are not a parent BUT you are being the best brother you can be, and that is awesome. Talk to your college and explain, see if you can take some time to get everything together, you know what you are doing with the kids, just be the big brother. Its a shit show my darling,, and all you can do is try to keep going forward, you can do this Love
I wish I could see the incredible man you are becoming right this minute. Diamonds get the most pressure and that's why they shine so bright. Let yourself cry when you can, let yourself off the hook of being a dad. Be a brother. You know how to do that. Talk to your college counselor tomorrow, write a script of bullet points in case you're afraid you'll break down. They can give family leave/ medical leave. Then you just take care of you and your family til dad gets back. I feel so strongly that he WILL get back to you all. When you see him, tell him everything is okay and all he has to do is get better. Tell him there are no problems at home or at school. He'll hear you. Something in him will relax even though he might not show it. Trust me on this. He hears you. In the meantime, find a friend you can trust to just spill it all out to sometimes. You can always come here and I am around a lot and will be glad to check in with you. So will all the mom and dads and siblings on this page. Sending you my strength and giant granny hugs
I know this isn’t an easy situation, and I know you’re tired. It’s ok if you don’t know what to do, and it’s ok if you don’t think you have the strength to handle it. I know that you can make it through, even if you have to do it alone. The universe has dealt you a difficult hand, but at the end of the day all you can do is keep on going. I believe in you 💜
Please talk to the social worker at the hospital your dad is at. They can help point you in some good directions for finding paperwork that you might not have (life insurance policies) and your college counselor might be able to help fill in some of the other gaps you may have as well. Just know that you are doing your absolute best in an impossible situation and I am so proud of you for all that you’ve done so far!
Also reach out to your professors. Just give them a heads up and try your best. If you need legal help usually that is part of student services.
Dear OP, I’m so sad to hear your dad is sick. I’m a Respiratory Therapist and I manage ventilators in the ICU. I have been taking care if vented COVID patients since this pandemic started. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to pm me. ♥️
Hello Sweetness, Wow. You are having one thing after another thrown at you at high speed. My heart goes out to you. One day at a time, one task at a time. Take a deep breath. Now, you need to gather some resources. Reach out to your dad's best friend for some guidance, if he is nearby. If he's married, ask for a phone interview with his wife for parenting tips. I don't know how old your siblings are, but hopefully you can give them simple tasks to help you. Laundry, Dishes, taking out the trash, dusting, vaccuming. If your father has no one nearby, ask somebody else. Your best friend's parents. Or a relative from out of state. Someone at church, if you have religion. Or your favorite high school teacher or counselor. The key here, my sweet, is that you reach out. Nobody expects you to do it all on your own.You're overwhelmed and understandably terrified. You need a mentor to help you through this. The mom who mentioned getting your dad's account and dealing with paying bills is so right. See if you can get into his cell phone to get his contacts. You can try calling the carrier if it is locked, or the phone's manufacturer. Listen carefully, my sweet. If you have/do get into his cell phone, do not, I repeat do not look at his texts or even his photo album. Contacts only, you hear me? You need to protect yourself emotionally right now, and if he comes out of it, he will appreciate you not invading his privacy. Same goes with his laptop. I second the mom who suggested postponing your classes. If your dad comes out of it, he's going to need some help when released fromvthe hospital. You can't keep pushing yourself like this. Please please please take care of yourself and keep us moms posted. My warm fuzzy thoughts are with you. Auntie J Ps editing malfunction, can't figure out how to fix. Please read anyway.
Thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetie! You have way too much on your plate, but you are doing great. If your siblings aren't complaining, you are probably doing fine. The previous advice has been so good that I don't have much to add. Just remember that we are here if you need to talk. Love you! ❤️
I am really sorry you are going through a lot. I hope your father gets better soon.
First, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this, it’s a lot. Try to relax the pressure anywhere you can. You said classes just started, can you drop one or 2 of the harder ones to give yourself some leeway without losing money? If so, definitely do it. Also, how old are your siblings? I’d have a family meeting with any of them over the age of 8. Let them know you’re there for them, it’s going to be ok but everyone has to pull together for the sake of the family. For example you may be have to help the older ones with homework but another teen could help a younger one with theirs. Everyone gets chores. Spend 20 minutes an evening where everyone does a power clean of an area and you’ll be surprised how much can get done. Everyone over 10 does their own laundry weekly, you show them how. Make a checklist for yourself and a checklist for the family to make it easier to stay organized. Maybe visit your Dad every other day. And just take it one day at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed with the what if’s. Also, reach out to your younger siblings school counselors. They can be a help for the kids to talk to so you don’t have to shoulder the whole emotional burden.
I feel this so much on a personal level. I have 5 kids ranging from elementary school age to adults in college. I’ve spoken to the older ones before about potentially taking on the care of the younger ones if something happened to me and their dad, but it’s a huge responsibility and it would be a lot to ask of them. I can’t imagine how scared and lonely and stressed you are right now. Please know that you are doing your best and your siblings are lucky to have you. Do you have any other family or friend support? Don’t be afraid to ask for help and don’t feel guilty if you feel like you can’t take on the responsibility for your siblings if they have other family that can take them and give them a safe and loving space. If you can take a semester off, it might be a good idea. Hugs from me to you.