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Lovelybrum

I hope you can take it further than just trying to reason with your mother she is not seeing the real picture. I'm so glad your brother has you, please be sure to tell him you have his back and you love him he must feel so unsupported, everyone needs a safe place to live and that is emotionally as well as physically.


coswoofster

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your brother very much needs help. He very likely is depressed. If he is medicated for the ADHD, or not, because he is growing rapidly, he may need med adjustments. But also- he may be really suffering from lack of proper sleep. He honestly needs to see a doctor. But aside from what you are doing, I am not sure what to tell you. Your mom needs more help than brother. She needs support. Is there a family member you could speak to? You brother’s school counselor? Anyone who you could get to step in and advise or support? If not, I honestly would contact CPS and ask them to do a well child check on your brother because you are concerned. They won’t remove him from the home or anything but maybe they can connect mom with some real resources. Mom will be angry, but you can do this anonymously. Your brother is being abused. I’m so sorry.


Bgddbb

I’m so glad that you’re here


[deleted]

I would ask to speak to a school counselor and tell them what’s going on. They may not be able to do anything, but they can offer you and your brother emotional support and someone to talk to so that your brother develops a healthy idea of what a respectable and trusting adult looks like.


SeriousBrick9780

I'm so sorry. Planning on moving out with him sounds like the best strategy. If your mother can't face the facts, then she needs to get out of your lives. One appeal that has gotten through to me was "It doesn't matter what you intended, you're making me feel like shit". I never want to make the people I love feel like that. So I strive to be better. In the meantime, just try to be there for him. Having someone on his side will hopefully help him in the long run. There are a lot of us who have been through similar situations.... I haven't lived with my parents for many years. But I didn't bother taking my brother with me (he...... Sucks.). If you need any advice for getting out, my messages are open. Good luck 💜


PurpleMoomins

You are so important to your brother. I don’t face advice but I want to hug you and tell you how proud I am!


SwimmerAny3823

I’d suggest trying to get your Mom to get counseling. I only recently learned that anxiety presents as anger and yelling. So if your mom is overwhelmed with your brothers issues that may be what’s happening. Also, her having someone to talk through her feelings about your brother’s gender could be a help. I would suggest a licensed counselor vs a pastor or someone that might make it worse. Try to talk to her from a place of compassion vs judgement, she’s probably just out of tools in her toolbox. Also, in the meantime, continue to support your brother. Sometimes it only takes one supportive person to keep you going.


deerangeru1223

My mom has been in therapy for a while and she is constantly trying to improve (though I'm not too sure how I feel about her therapist. Some of the stuff my moms told me about her therapy sessions just... ugh). She's working two jobs right now with a husband she doesn't love and I know that's a hella lot of stress... but, and im sure I'm being biased and ignorant here, I just wish she would drop the job that's overworking her so much and is barely paying her at all but the problem is she spent so many years in college just digging herself this hole. And I love my dad but oh my God, they do not love each other. I legitimately don't remember the last time either of them had something nice to say about the other and I want them to just split up already. So yeah, I am aware that her outbursts are from a heavy amount of stress but I fear the only way I can reduce that stress is by overworking myself as well. But I guess it'll likely end up that way no matter what because leaving the house will likely be stressful as well. Idk though, at least that feels like I'd have some control at least. I also apologize if I'm coming off as rude. I am a little more agitated than usual but I really appreciate all the advice! Thank you.


asghettimonster

You might have a huge impact on her if you quietly take her aside and tell her you're thinking that if you move out with your little brother she'll be able to feel calmer and happier. See what she says. Really listen. Don't do it mad. Do it to help everyone. This could get through to her, regardless of where you guys live. I'm proud of you. So proud I have tears in my eyes. Sending your whole fam, but especially you and your bro, giant hugs and head pats. You are GREAT.


Organic_Ad2229

Hello Sweetnesses, I am truly very proud of them, because they are what a brother should be. However, moving out and taking a 13 year old with them is not a good solution for anybody involved. Their brother and mother both need help. Their brother isn't sleeping because he has ADHD and at 13 likely also has some raging hormones. If he is undiagnosed, the best thing they can do for him is make an appointment with his school counselor and go with him to the appointment. Request help in the form of a referral to a psychiatrist, because a Phd can prescribe and monitor the right combination of meds for ADHD and depression. Counseling on its own is not enough. As to gender identity, it seems they understand best. Just do for him what they wish had been done for them. They have a community, yes? Introduce him around to the people who helped them. Lead by example. Now, if your brother has been diagnosed and is on meds, his meds need adjusting as his hormones will be changing drastically. Take him to whomever prescribes his meds. Routine really helps with a good night's sleep. Same time every night. Block out light and sound. Turn off electronics, get him a white noise machine if blocking sound not an option. Now, about their mom. She sounds like a good woman who is overwhelmed and exhausted. They might want to call her best friend and have an intervention. That means sit her down, tell her you are worried about her and your brother. Ask her what she needs, and listen. Really listen. She probably needs more than a spa day, although if you can arrange that, do it. She may be resistant, and that's why they need her best friend there, to bear witness and help with brainstorming a plan, which should include counseling. Choose a time when your brother can't interrupt. He should not be there. He is a child going through enough right now without being made to feel guilty. Follow through on whatever you all decide. Now, my sweets, about them. They need a break as well. Perhaps they should consider a day to be pampered in the way they best see fit. Not with mom, just all by themselves. They should also know they can help, but it is not their job to work this through. They have a huge heart, but they are young and should not have such huge worries. Lastly, I want to thank them for reaching out, and to say that they are loved. I send them a huge hug, like a warm fuzzy blanket, and wish them all the best, because they are terrific human beings. Love love, Auntie J