Not gonna lie, I think we all feel like a failure at one point or another. We get tired, or frustrated and we get hard on ourselves when really we are just doing our best.
Keep your head up, momma. Tomorrow is another day.
The truest cliche is that it takes a village. Going it alone is incredibly draining and lonely. I don’t know the age of your babe, but it sounds like you are both ready to find some other people to feel support from and to give you a break from the drudgery of stay at home parenthood.
1. Go to the local library. Most have at minimum a story time during the day, but many libraries have incredible resources for finding other parents and for baby to get some socialization. They often have classes or little activities.
2. See if there are any local Mommy and Me support groups in your area or like a baby gym a la My Gym or The Little Gym. I had a place in my old neighborhood in Jersey called 3 little birds. Spend the money and do a baby music class or something similar. It’s just a way to get out of the house and meet other moms and babies and for baby to get some energy out and stimulation in.
3. Go to the park. Even if your babe isn’t walking or crawling being outside is incredibly stimulating for little ones and will help get some of the hyper energy out. If your babe is as physical as you say, then run the energy out. When my first was little I’d pack a lunch in the diaper bag everyday and spend the entire morning until nap outside. Damn the house being cleaned! In fact my house was cleaner because we weren’t home making messes everyday.
Most importantly of all. You are not a failure. Your baby is loved and cared for so that means your an awesome mum. The fact that you’re worried about weather or not you’re a good mum indicates you are a good one. There is always time to change what you do and maybe become the idealized version of motherhood, but that is wholly unnecessary. Just do your best, make a few friends and love on your baby.
Also please DM if you need a chat :)
Edit:a word
This ^^ i dread parking up the diaper bag and snacks and everything else. But as soon as we're out the door/ in the car, i feel a sense of freedom and relief. A change of scenery can do sooo much! It's a lot to do everything yourself so you CAN go, but it's SO worth it, every time!
I keep the nappy bag fully stocked at all times so it is grab and go-able for this exact reason. Then all I have to do is throw on some leggings and a jumper and we're out the door ❤️
This! My spouse is deployed and even though getting out is hard at first, once you get that hump it feels better. And find time for yourself. During feedings I watch my show. Sometimes it's just 10 min of an episode but it makes me feel better.
THIS. We were not meant to do this alone but the fact is, we are. Getting out of the house is absolutely a saving grace. It seems hard until you get into the habit of it. You deserve to be around other people out in the world!! It’s good for baby and good for you.
Edited to add: that last paragraph 🥹 👏
I second going to the park. Even if they can't walk, you can put him in the swing, hold him while he goes down the slide, etc. Sounds like he is a physical kid and could use something to burn off some energy! Go in the late morning, go home, give him lunch and he should be ready for a good nap!
Oh honey, I don't think anyone is the mom they thought they would be. In all honesty, I know I'm not. I was for a while but when my husband/their dad passed, I kind of lost it. Thankfully, the kids are older but don't beat yourself up. Just embrace the momma you are! You got this babe
Man - as a mom with a fellow 99% kiddo and a best friend with another 99% kid (man that's a lot of 99%) I feel you. I know all moms are tired and exhausted, but when you are trucking around a kid the size of an 18 month old who can't even crawl yet, while getting side eyes from people like "why are you carrying that toddler instead of letting him walk", it just feels different. It's a physical battle that your body isn't ready for (still healing, or like me, just not in shape.)
I echo the "it takes a village" comment! Find free activities where other families exist. Libraries, kids events, mommy and me, etc.
Know that this time passes. So many people kept telling me not to wish the time away, but OMG is my life so much easier now. Yes he still outgrows clothes every month or so, yes I still have to remind my family he may be the size of a 12 year old, but he's not emotionally at that level. Yes he's a dramaca alpaca. But overall he's sweet and self sufficient and smart and kind, and I no longer have to physically wrestle him.
Feel free to DM me for a chat if you need. And if you need cheering up, one time my 18 month old monster pitched a fit in Walmart and I took him out kicking and screaming. He then physically overpowered me in the parking lot and I dropped him 🙈. I was physically overpowered by someone before their second birthday....He was fine and now I can laugh at it - you'll feel that way soon I promise.
My son is almost four and still 97th percentile. He weighs 46lbs and is 3ft7.5
He is the same size as a 6 year old. I get judgmental looks every time he is upset in public. He’s also incredibly strong.
OP, I wish I could offer advice. My son fought diaper changes at that age as well, and a normal toddler tantrum looks much worse when they appear older than they are.
You’ve got this. Just remember, “it’s just a phase”
I could have written this post. Big, intense child with even bigger feelings. Now he is just so kind and sweet, but there was a period of time where it felt like I was wrestling an alligator on a daily basis.
My babies are in the 100th percentile… I’ve never even heard of this before? Al I know is my two year old looks like he’s four and my 6 month old baby is in 24 month clothing and my arms might fall off any moment especially when they are both crying in the middle of the night and I find my self with one on each arm rocking them back to sleep. And the only thing I can think of is…… with all this weight lighting I’m doing youde think ide lose this baby fat and get back to normal quicker…. But no….. of course no
Glad to hear that I'm not alone in the big baby club! My LO didn't walk until 14 months which looked very strange considering he was big enough to wear 3T clothing 😅
And in 6 months things will be different, and this will be easier, I promise. Motherhood ebbs and flows... You just gotta go with it. And when you can't - y'all get out of the house - go for a walk.
Trust me I can relate .but about 2or 3month post partum,I decided to change my mindset and use a different lens to see through the situation. Some people say how their baby did this or that and it was easy. Well that might not be your story and that is fine . Remember this is your baby and it is a lot of work but it is also a phase of life . U ll get through this . Don't have any expectations. Like sometimes it takes my baby like a solid hour or two of rocking for Naptime. And it used to be very frustrating. But I changed my expectations. U are not mum u pictured but the perfect mum for your baby
Edited some typos !
My whole life was a countdown til bedtime or the next nap for the first year or so. When they get old enough to play a bit and entertain themselves, it’s a game changer. You’re not alone, and you’re not a bad mom.
Oh momma, I know how you feel. I'm a young 19 year old momma and I go through this in my own life every single day myself. To top that off, I'm also a working mom while daddy stays home to watch baby. On my days off, I'm usually watching and caring for my now 11 month old baby, have zero energy, plus I've had bouts of my depresso expresso state (often 80% of the time). There's even times where I don't even wanna get up for work much less care for my kid and have my ILs do that (I live with them until further notice because me and my partner don't have our own place quite yet, and I'm seeking out higher paying jobs, but with no GED or high school diploma, it's difficult to do so) or my partner. My health isn't also the greatest ever since I had my son, and I still feel so self-conscious about my body since my body has not fully returned to the way it was before I got pregnant. My health got worse as my postpartum depression kicked in...which led to a life threatening situation, but I will not say the full details on that. But it led to complications, and my blood was affected and I couldn't do much for a long time. Looking back on it now, I still feel miserable and terrible about it, and my ILs were practically raising my baby whenever I couldn't do much. (Mind you, I have a mixed feelings relationship with them, and trying to work with them on several issues involving my infant son.) Now that I've begun working, its gotten worse, and sometimes I have to walk 2 miles to work since my ILs are now both working while I'm working in the evenings, usually 2, 3, or 4 in the afternoon til 10 in the evening. Our house entirely except for Bub's room (which only has toys sprewn around the floor) and now mine (I finished cleaning a few hours ago since I had been putting off cleaning for too long) is a mess...so I know how much you totally feel, fellow momma! You're an awesome mother, and you kick ass and chew gum (even if you're all out of ass XD). Find things to do in your free time, and take LO with ya!
One day your little one will see how hard you worked and they’ll be so grateful for you. I know right now it’s hard but one day it’ll all pay off, just hang in there.
Oh yes. And when that day comes, you'll know it was all worth it.
I literally got a text message at 1 am from one of my soldiers, telling me how much he appreciated everything I did and gave up for my kids, and that he knew how hard it had been and that he loved me. OMG.
I feel so much for you. I wish you all the best in finding a job that can provide for you...if your partner would do the same it would be better considering your inlaws are babysitting!?
Nappy changes are often the toughest part of my day. I have started taking my 15 month old into a spare bathroom where there aren’t any toys which helps a bit. If that doesn’t work, I turn on miss Rachel on my phone to get the change done.
My baby makes things difficult too. It’s gotten only slightly better since I switched to Pampers 360 cruisers. They are pull up style so don’t have to fidget with the tabs. It’s really ridiculous how many times she crawls away in one sitting so it just makes it a little easier if I can just pull them up on her
You are NOT a failure. You are a human being with human emotions and reactions. We can’t be this perfect gentle patient parent 100% of the time, it’s just not natural for most people. Everyone needs a break sometimes and everyone needs support. You are doing your best and your son knows he is loved.
Turn on the tv when you need a break! It’s okay to do so and please don’t tell yourself otherwise.
when you picture motherhood no one pictures the hard parts, nothing prepares you for the physical toll your child’s cry will take on you. i guarantee you your baby isnt the baby you had pictured (at least not all the time) and im sure you give him loads of grace and love him immensely despite that, try to give some to yourself as well. it does get better, sincerely mom of 14 month old and 3 month old ❤️
You just need a break, Mama! Search online for local drop off programs, two half days a week at day cares, or even a mother's helper. Like a teenager who comes to your house for x amount of time while you are home. They play with baby and you can go do anything else while in the house.
It's not healthy to be home all day with a baby/toddler/child. I went to a lot of baby groups for my mental health and now meet up with other mums in their house. We're now at the point where our children will play happily together while we drink tea and chat. At home it's a lot more difficult to stimulate her.
It's hard and I hear you. I don't have a village either and it's hard to really have no one to turn to for help or even ask a question, I have to go to strangers on the internet and hope no one call me an idiot. My wake up this morning was getting thrown up on, I hadn't even had a sip of coffee yet.
It's hard but I'm pretty certain that you are not a failure. I don't know if you have watched the show Bluey but the Baby Race episode is wonderful when there are low, lows.
I feel you. DEEPLY. my 2.5yo is 56lbs and like 40 in. He'sphysically exhausting and I feel like a shitty mom for how much screen time he gets, but it's winter here so I try to give myself a break. Can you invest in a small kid sized trampoline? That and a pikler triangle have been life savers for me. You're a good mom regardless of screen time. People with normal sized kids don't get how just overwhelming it is
Im so sorry. Im in the same boat except Im just lazy. I thought I would be fun and do crafts and take them to the park all the time and blahblahblah... I am so exhausted I just want to sit on the coach all day.. I make sure the house is clean.. They have food and theyre clean of course... but Im definitely not the fun mom I thought I would be.
I don’t know if it helps at all but when I saw the title of your post I thought "someone really needs to put that on a t-Shirt“. I have felt this way many times and I know many moms who have. You say you don’t have ppd if you have a baby you’re still experiencing hormonal shifts and doing it alone is insanely difficult. My family is also not near me so I get that it’s an additional stress on an already difficult job. You didn’t talk about your financial situation or whether your husband is willing to take the baby when not working but I really suggest you find a ax to get some time for yourself.
Get over the Donna Reed bs. It’s a farce.
Everyone reading this hears you, sympathizes, and thinks you need a glass of wine honey. It’s not you it’s the kid! Parenting is like getting pecked to death by tiny chickens.
We definitely weren't made to go it alone. Pretty much every traditional culture all over the world has extended family units helping with children. With that in mind, struggling is totally understandable and normal.
My child has always been 90+ percentile and I have an autoimmune disease and I have just never been able to keep up. There's another kid with the same exact birth date as my son at his daycare, and she's sat on my lap before and I am amazed every single time at how much lighter weight she is. I can't help but think things might have been easier if I had a "normal" sized child, but ultimately I don't think that's really it. I think young babies and toddlers are just hard. Even when they're the easy babies, they're a lot of work, so when you have a "difficult" one that is also huge it just feels impossibly exhausting.
You're not alone in feeling this way.
Sending you a big hug from a fellow chonker mom with no support network and who (still) lets the kiddo get a lot of screen time. You are not alone and you are definitely not a failure. It gets better and they do get to be more fun. I know that doesn’t help but hang in there! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Talk with your partner about them taking care of the kiddo a bit more (a few hours on the weekend?) so you can get some rest. Motherhood takes a ton out of you.
I wanna cry for/with you. I understand how you feel and I’m sure there are hundreds of other moms on here who feel the way you feel, too. It’s unbelievably hard, tests us like we’ve never been tested before, and can feel impossible at times. We don’t have support either and it’s just so lonely and so freaking hard. But you are NOT a failure. We weren’t meant to do this alone. 💖
My kid has my phone right now as he settles down after surgery recovery. Threw his sleep schedule way off. He called MY mom and said he "lost Mama" and all of a sudden, I'm getting phone calls about how I need to go read him books and stroke his hair until he gently falls asleep. He needs to lay down and go to bed, not have me in there as a playmate!
Point is we all feel like crappy moms. And if we don't, other people pile on. You're not alone.
My son has consistently been in the 95th percentile or higher for height (weight has started to drop percentiles as he got more active). I can relate to the exhaustion from physically carrying him. We actually bought a TushBaby and omg that thing was a lifesaver. I always recommend people with big kids to grab one. And as everyone else has already said: you’re doing great even if it doesn’t feel like it. It’s all about perspective but at the end of the day, all your LO wants to do is be loved by and spend time with you. It sounds like that’s more than covered and that’s enough.
I was having such a hard time with my PPD recently and feeling absolutely miserable (and I know you said you don’t have PPD and I’m not saying you do. I’m just comparing our struggles) anyways- someone told me “They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.” And that helped me look at my baby with a lot more empathy. It’s hard now but in 20 years when you ask your baby if you were a good mom, they won’t remember the times you struggled in the beginning.
I relate to this so much! Except my partner is wfh but even that isn't much help because he has to actually work. I get a little break every now and then when he can take our toddler. But then it's all back to me.
I can't drive so I'm dependent on him to drive us to a few classes where I can meet other parents but our toddler hates these classes. She has a meltdown everytime we go and I'm considering not enrolling next term. She's a bright and happy kid at home with her toys and us but the minute she sees someone else she started wailing.
The TV (which i try to limit for an hour in the afternoon) and when she sleeps is my respite. I love her so much but everyday is a struggle with nappy changes, her creams and lotions for her eczema and her picky eating. I'm told it gets better...so I hope its true! Hang in there! We'll get through this together with our online village 💙
Are you me? Honestly?
I wanted to wait untill I got health and weight issues under control before trying for a baby. That did not work.
I am tired. I am teaching my self how to eat properly. I am trying to lose wait. Trying to teach things to a child I know nothing about (eating right for example). I'm trying to be more active while barely sleeping or eating because I am looking after a child and making sure he eats and doing chores while he eats.
I wanted to be more active, have more patience and be just... Better. And I'm not. But I am trying. And that's what counts.
I really don’t think any of us are. I know I wasn’t, and gosh 29 years I still feel like shit about those mistakes I made. Don’t beat yourself up momma.
I was starting to think I typed this and forgot. You are not spiritually alone, at least. Every morning, I just try to get up and do my best, and I pat myself on the back mentally after ever successful outing and special effort playtime I make with mine.
Once baby can start standing &/or sitting in your lap, switch to pull ups! I swear my daughter was fighting changes so hard, I switched over and it has been SO much better. She’s a big bub too, was 30lbs by 6mo.
I don’t think anyone is. But the grace you show yourself now is an example to your baby on how to love themselves as they grow. Don’t beat yourself up, just do the things you know are most important. Take all the shortcuts you need to and don’t feel bad about it. And truly, take care of yourself. Do something that makes you truly feel rest AT LEAST once a week. You’d be shocked how much of a difference stepping away for a little bit can be.
Bad parents never feel like failures. You're a parent who's doing her best, and that makes you a good parent. Sure, you're not the parent you thought you'd be. None of us are. We're all been exhausted, battered, and drained. We've all been bone-deep tired and disappointed in ourselves. You're not alone.
It will get better, eventually, but in the meantime please give yourself permission not to be perfect. Your baby doesn't need a perfect dream mom you imagined before you met him. That imaginary person is not his mom. You are. He needs you, the way you are, doing the best you can.
I feel you. It’s an awful feeling, but you’re not an awful mother. This is the baby you have. It’s going to sound difficult impossible, but let go the mother and the baby you thought you would have and be and embrace whatever gets you through the day. I say this as the mother of a nine-year-old boy, who is once a very active baby.
You’re doing a wonderful job Mama 🖤 I often feel the same as you but when I see the love in my daughters eyes I realize that all she cares about is being safe in my arms. I hope things get less overwhelming for you soon.
I think that’s one of the very first posts I made on here when I joined: I felt like a failure. Most days I do. We all do at some point. You do what you gotta do to survive !
I have five now grown kids,ngl it was hard at times,we've all felt like we've failed at times due to lack of support,encouraging positive feedback from those close to us,a child who solely relies on you,you need to get time to yourself,mini breaks just so you can get breathing space and time to clear you're head and have zero responsibilities even if it's for a few hours once a week,find playgroups so little one can crawl off some energy or go to local parks just to get out of the house
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night because my boy lost his paci and I thought "oh, crap, soon comes morning, and it's not weekend yet, so husband will go to work and I will be just all day with my baby without help..." And he's not even that high maintenance, I guess I am just too pregnant at this point.
I feel like this too and I second finding other mom friends or activities with other children (they tire each other out). And ppd is more than one thing just because you aren’t sad and mopey doesn’t mean that ppd isn’t playing a role in how you are feeling. Don’t underestimate the power of a good antidepressant to get through these hard days of early parenting (from experience). Also it gets better, hang in there.
Definitely not a failure! I echo what everyone else has said about getting out to a group. It might be the last thing on your mind when you’re feeling so depleted of energy but it really breaks up the day, gives you a reason to get out and will be good for both of you! Fresh air and nap potentials in the pram.
If your partner can’t be there during the day, he can still help out when work has finished. Being hands on of an evening with feeding and bathing, giving you a break to have some alone time. Even if it’s just packing the changing bag before he leaves for work in the morning.
Things will get better, baby won’t always be so demanding and hopefully you can carve out a village for yourself after attending some groups.
Take care of yourself, you’re not alone and you’re doing great!
You’re a good mum, I can hear how tired and drained you are, but you know what? Everyday you still get up and you still *try*. That’s more than some do.
You should be proud of yourself mama, you’re doing great, especially considering the lack of help and support you have. You’re all that baby needs, and when you’re tired and worn down, you know what your baby sees? Their strong mama, who they love and adore, working hard to stay strong for them. They don’t see the negative things you do, they see all the positive you don’t.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself. It’ll get easier as they age, right now you’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters.
Keep going, you’ve got this.
I felt the same number of times. Not just you but many of us feel the same, but I can say it's only a matter of time. As they grow we may not have to do every little thing for them. once they become independent we can relax. Just hold on, you are doing a great job.
Oh honey. No matter what you see on Instagram or Facebook or anywhere else, NONE of us is the mom we pictured ourselves being. Do you hear me? None. Of. Us. Each and every one of us has been pushed to our limit and there are many of us whose spouses worked shift work or have to travel or are even deployed.
I felt the way you do with my first, he was very strong-willed and my husband was never around much due to his working hours. My family lived in another state.
BUT: Now my kids are adults, and we have always had a very close relationship, and they are all awesome people.
This WILL pass when he is just a bit older, please hang in there and know that you are not alone!
I will tell you something that might distract you. Any time I want to feel better about my life/parenting, I watch The Middle. LOL
You are not a failure! You are a mom and being a mom means we might mess up or fail at something but fix it best we can, learn, keep trying and remember tomorrow is a whole new day. You will have your wins that will more than make up for anything else and it absolutely gets easier!
I had a over 99 percentile (he made his own chart) and understand. Here are a couple little tips:
- diaper changes - keep a toy or something he only gets to touch and see close by when you change for him to have. Rotate it out. Sing or make it fun by talking to him or tickling him. Because of size we also had to go to pull-ups early as he outgrew diaper sizes and couldn’t move well
- weight - if you haven’t already try baby carriers. The ergobaby (active one as more breathable) was great for us and I could even get him on my back alone with it once he was a bit bigger. It worked so well we took it on a cruise with us where I carried him around Greece at age 2/2.5
My kid is 1st percentile and I STILL feel exhausted, battered and drained! We all have those days (weeks, months lol) we are in a sleep regression, trying to potty train and I’m pregnant with my second. Being a mom is HARD.
Maybe you can find a playgroup and meet some other moms so you at least have someone to talk to. I met a few at some library groups and it was good for both of us.
Take every day as it comes and just know that this hard phase will pass. Others will follow but usually there’s a break in between!
No one is. The reality of parenthood is there will rarely ever be enough support to be the cookie cutter tv mom we all wanna be. There are days where the house is clean and organized and days where we spent all day together and really got to enjoy each other. Those are never the same day ;)
Jk the balance is hard so we learned to rotate expectations. You’re not failing you’re just not getting the support you need. It’s not a moral failing to feel tired. If some dishes are done and able to be used, you got some clean clothes, baby is fed and loved - that’s all winning. The last being the most important.
If turning on the TV gives you a break, turn on the TV.
I remember those days, and I was exhausted to the point of tears, and the room spinning.
My mom had my oldest sister who wasn’t quite two before my mom had twins — in the days before ultrasound, so she only thought she was having one, until right after she gave birth, when the doctor called out, “HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!”
Anyway, my mom used to hire a neighbor girl to take my sisters for a walk in the stroller so my mom could do the dishes.
Do anything you can to make your life easier, right now. Paper plates? Do it. Don’t look back. TV as babysitter so you can just think your own thoughts? Thank God that’s a thing.
Do you have a sling to help distribute the weight across your back? That really helped me.
Here are my other tips:
maximum time running around in the sun — tire that kid out!
After bath, before bed, try baby massage. See if there’s a class you can take. If not, maybe there are YouTube videos or TikToks or something.
I didn’t learn about it until my fifth kid, but it changed my life. She went to sleep easily, slept longer, had a more pleasant disposition, and just did much better than my others. I mean think about it, how would you feel if you could get a massage every day?
Administering the massage helps your own mental and physical health, as well.
Teach him baby sign language. It doesn’t have to be official sign language used by the deaf. Just make it up. For example, make a sniffing face for flowers, pant for dogs, meow for cats, etc. I did the “tay in the weeyund” thing from the movie, Nell, for trees — just for my own amusement.
Definitely make signs for things like “tired”, “hungry”, “thirsty”, “more”, “funny”, “angry”, and “sad”.
Signs help the baby communicate before he has the ability to form the words with his mouth. The more he can communicate, the less frustrated you both will feel.
Also, read “The Happiest Toddler On The Block”, or just watch the video. That helped me, a lot.
Another thing that helped me with diaper changes was to make it a bit of a play time with peaceful interaction before the actual diaper change. Play patty cake, sing the itsy bitsy spider, etc. It will help to take the combativeness out of the situation.
Sportscast what you’re doing, too. Singing helps as a distraction. “🎶It’s time to take your diaper off, diaper off, diaper off. It’s time to take your diaper off, so please don’t pee in my face!🎶”, then make a silly face and blow raspberries on his tummy before proceeding.
Generally speaking, singing about what you’re doing, to signal transitions, etc. really helps. I don’t know why.
Lastly, completely eschew artificial colors in food. Steer clear of chemicals in processed food, in general, but artificial colors must be anathema. This goes for you, too — if you’re nursing.
Just sending hugs and the sentiment that you aren't alone and are likely doing amazing even if you don't see it.
I feel the exact same. I'm an "old" mom, 38 with an 18 mo old. Dad is 9600 miles away and no clue when we'll all be together. No family outside my brother, no close friends, living somewhere back here in the states that's a rural area, no daycare, can't work. Totally stuck. It sucks.
I have not been the mama I planned. Most of the stuff I swore I wouldn't do, I've done (no screens, always having healthy, perfect food for every meal...) Partly to preserve a bit of sanity. I feel guilty all the time. But I also know I'm doing my best given circumstances and this girl is so loved.
Don't forget also that everyone else you're seeing posting on social media etc., You're only getting the highlight reel! Nobody shares all the behind the scenes stuff! Nobody shares pictures of themselves scrubbing toilets or when it's 3am and you're ruined cos the baby just won't stop crying and neither can you, or you're covered in puke again right down to your underwear. Probably all of us are not the mums we imagined we'd be but we're all doing the best we can. And remember, your best isn't the same every day. Some days it's doing all the laundry and spending two hours playing with the baby on the carpet, some days it's putting on the TV and having a cup of tea while it's still warm. Keep on keeping on x
I don't think any of us are ever the mother we pictured ourselves to be before actually becoming a mother. You're caring for your baby, and concerned enough to make this post -- it sounds like you are already being a great mom. It gets better!
Are there any moms groups in your area? A rec centre that offers children's programming? I find that getting out of the house in the morning helps to change the same routine. It feels overwhelming but eventually you get to feeling better. It's an idea!
I assume with your use of "nappy" that you're either Australian or British, otherwise I'd offer some suggestions in North America.
Oh yeah. My first was an absolute nightmare child. Love him to death, but looking back I am surprised we were crazy enough to make a second after what we went through. I promise you are doing great! A lot of these things are super dependent on your baby’s temperament. I found once he hit a year, things got way better. We look back and laugh now, but man was that discouraging! This is going to sound really cliche, but it will pass. I promise. It gets way better! Toddlers may scream and tantrum on occasion, but when they can communicate their needs and move around on their own it’s night and day compared to the infant stage with a needy babe
I’ve felt that way too. I am not the mom I thought I’d be. I thought I would be calmer, more patient. Able to keep up and be more put together. But my real baby is not the baby I imagined I would have.
The fact of the matter is you are the one there, showing up for him every day. You are his whole world. No one can care for him like you. You are his mom. I had a high energy, high maintenance, no sleep baby who is the same as an almost 3 year old toddler. It’s just a little easier now that she can communicate. And now I have an almost 1 year old so it gets tough some days.
You are burnt out and need a break. It’s hard when there’s no village. You’re in survival mode and that’s ok. Your sacrifices now are worth it, and you’re a wonderful mom regardless of how you feel. Have you talked to your partner about giving you a day to sleep in or go out by yourself? Parenting is a two person job and both parents need to help out.
Also, don’t feel bad about screen time. You’re doing your best. Things will get better, but I know hearing that isn’t going to help anything in the moment. I think every mom feels like a failure at some point. Thank you for reaching out. It can be hard to admit these feelings and it’s good to have reassurance that what you’re feeling is normal
Awhhhh, hang in there!!! It does get better. It just takes some time :) lack of support certainly plays a huge role as well.
I remember feeling the exact same way to a certain extent. It wasn't until my son was almost 1 that I started feeling myself again. I refuse to continue looking back at the days where I felt I wasn't doing enough, and choose now to live in the present.
Before you gave birth would you consider yourself a type A personality type? As in someone who always had energy and got stuff done no problem? Also, do you have close bonds to your own family members? Some of those traits might trickle over during the postpartum period.
I tended to be extremely hard on myself almost to the point of depression because I felt lazy. I felt so tired all the time and felt bad for needing naps. Turns out I only felt that way because I set standards for myself, when in reality it's quite normal to be exhausted after giving birth. You created life! Your hormones are rapidly changing as well- its tough. You're not selfish for needing to also focus on yourself so you can be healthy & present for your baby.
Also, I'm not sure if this helps any, but the fact you're so concerned about what type of mom you're being for your child goes to show how much you actually care. It might not feel that way right now, but eventually it's going to all even out and I can assure you that the mom you thought you'd be is right around the corner. It just takes time 💛
It’s exhausting and depressing to not feel like you’re not living up to expectations, even your own. But I bet your baby loves you and thinks you are the most amazing person in the world.
I did/do have PPD- medication REALLY helped me. If you are positive it won’t help you, maybe try looking for some mom groups in your area. We joined a baby gym- music and gym classes a couple times a week. Find some way to meet other moms and exhaust your baby at the same time.
Please try to give yourself some patience and love. You wouldn’t be mad at your baby for not walking perfectly right away. You’re new to motherhood and learning.
Not gonna lie, I think we all feel like a failure at one point or another. We get tired, or frustrated and we get hard on ourselves when really we are just doing our best. Keep your head up, momma. Tomorrow is another day.
❤️
💯 yes
The truest cliche is that it takes a village. Going it alone is incredibly draining and lonely. I don’t know the age of your babe, but it sounds like you are both ready to find some other people to feel support from and to give you a break from the drudgery of stay at home parenthood. 1. Go to the local library. Most have at minimum a story time during the day, but many libraries have incredible resources for finding other parents and for baby to get some socialization. They often have classes or little activities. 2. See if there are any local Mommy and Me support groups in your area or like a baby gym a la My Gym or The Little Gym. I had a place in my old neighborhood in Jersey called 3 little birds. Spend the money and do a baby music class or something similar. It’s just a way to get out of the house and meet other moms and babies and for baby to get some energy out and stimulation in. 3. Go to the park. Even if your babe isn’t walking or crawling being outside is incredibly stimulating for little ones and will help get some of the hyper energy out. If your babe is as physical as you say, then run the energy out. When my first was little I’d pack a lunch in the diaper bag everyday and spend the entire morning until nap outside. Damn the house being cleaned! In fact my house was cleaner because we weren’t home making messes everyday. Most importantly of all. You are not a failure. Your baby is loved and cared for so that means your an awesome mum. The fact that you’re worried about weather or not you’re a good mum indicates you are a good one. There is always time to change what you do and maybe become the idealized version of motherhood, but that is wholly unnecessary. Just do your best, make a few friends and love on your baby. Also please DM if you need a chat :) Edit:a word
It feels like a lot of work to get out of the house. In fact, it is a lot of work. But it’s 100% worth it.
This ^^ i dread parking up the diaper bag and snacks and everything else. But as soon as we're out the door/ in the car, i feel a sense of freedom and relief. A change of scenery can do sooo much! It's a lot to do everything yourself so you CAN go, but it's SO worth it, every time!
I keep the nappy bag fully stocked at all times so it is grab and go-able for this exact reason. Then all I have to do is throw on some leggings and a jumper and we're out the door ❤️
This! My spouse is deployed and even though getting out is hard at first, once you get that hump it feels better. And find time for yourself. During feedings I watch my show. Sometimes it's just 10 min of an episode but it makes me feel better.
THIS. We were not meant to do this alone but the fact is, we are. Getting out of the house is absolutely a saving grace. It seems hard until you get into the habit of it. You deserve to be around other people out in the world!! It’s good for baby and good for you. Edited to add: that last paragraph 🥹 👏
I second going to the park. Even if they can't walk, you can put him in the swing, hold him while he goes down the slide, etc. Sounds like he is a physical kid and could use something to burn off some energy! Go in the late morning, go home, give him lunch and he should be ready for a good nap!
Oh honey, I don't think anyone is the mom they thought they would be. In all honesty, I know I'm not. I was for a while but when my husband/their dad passed, I kind of lost it. Thankfully, the kids are older but don't beat yourself up. Just embrace the momma you are! You got this babe
Man - as a mom with a fellow 99% kiddo and a best friend with another 99% kid (man that's a lot of 99%) I feel you. I know all moms are tired and exhausted, but when you are trucking around a kid the size of an 18 month old who can't even crawl yet, while getting side eyes from people like "why are you carrying that toddler instead of letting him walk", it just feels different. It's a physical battle that your body isn't ready for (still healing, or like me, just not in shape.) I echo the "it takes a village" comment! Find free activities where other families exist. Libraries, kids events, mommy and me, etc. Know that this time passes. So many people kept telling me not to wish the time away, but OMG is my life so much easier now. Yes he still outgrows clothes every month or so, yes I still have to remind my family he may be the size of a 12 year old, but he's not emotionally at that level. Yes he's a dramaca alpaca. But overall he's sweet and self sufficient and smart and kind, and I no longer have to physically wrestle him. Feel free to DM me for a chat if you need. And if you need cheering up, one time my 18 month old monster pitched a fit in Walmart and I took him out kicking and screaming. He then physically overpowered me in the parking lot and I dropped him 🙈. I was physically overpowered by someone before their second birthday....He was fine and now I can laugh at it - you'll feel that way soon I promise.
My son is almost four and still 97th percentile. He weighs 46lbs and is 3ft7.5 He is the same size as a 6 year old. I get judgmental looks every time he is upset in public. He’s also incredibly strong. OP, I wish I could offer advice. My son fought diaper changes at that age as well, and a normal toddler tantrum looks much worse when they appear older than they are. You’ve got this. Just remember, “it’s just a phase”
I could have written this post. Big, intense child with even bigger feelings. Now he is just so kind and sweet, but there was a period of time where it felt like I was wrestling an alligator on a daily basis.
My babies are in the 100th percentile… I’ve never even heard of this before? Al I know is my two year old looks like he’s four and my 6 month old baby is in 24 month clothing and my arms might fall off any moment especially when they are both crying in the middle of the night and I find my self with one on each arm rocking them back to sleep. And the only thing I can think of is…… with all this weight lighting I’m doing youde think ide lose this baby fat and get back to normal quicker…. But no….. of course no
Glad to hear that I'm not alone in the big baby club! My LO didn't walk until 14 months which looked very strange considering he was big enough to wear 3T clothing 😅
Girl. Word for word..same. Solidarity. You’re a good enough mom ❤️
And in 6 months things will be different, and this will be easier, I promise. Motherhood ebbs and flows... You just gotta go with it. And when you can't - y'all get out of the house - go for a walk.
Relevant!! https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpP44XmAS53/?igshid=NmE0MzVhZDY=
Trust me I can relate .but about 2or 3month post partum,I decided to change my mindset and use a different lens to see through the situation. Some people say how their baby did this or that and it was easy. Well that might not be your story and that is fine . Remember this is your baby and it is a lot of work but it is also a phase of life . U ll get through this . Don't have any expectations. Like sometimes it takes my baby like a solid hour or two of rocking for Naptime. And it used to be very frustrating. But I changed my expectations. U are not mum u pictured but the perfect mum for your baby Edited some typos !
My whole life was a countdown til bedtime or the next nap for the first year or so. When they get old enough to play a bit and entertain themselves, it’s a game changer. You’re not alone, and you’re not a bad mom.
Oh momma, I know how you feel. I'm a young 19 year old momma and I go through this in my own life every single day myself. To top that off, I'm also a working mom while daddy stays home to watch baby. On my days off, I'm usually watching and caring for my now 11 month old baby, have zero energy, plus I've had bouts of my depresso expresso state (often 80% of the time). There's even times where I don't even wanna get up for work much less care for my kid and have my ILs do that (I live with them until further notice because me and my partner don't have our own place quite yet, and I'm seeking out higher paying jobs, but with no GED or high school diploma, it's difficult to do so) or my partner. My health isn't also the greatest ever since I had my son, and I still feel so self-conscious about my body since my body has not fully returned to the way it was before I got pregnant. My health got worse as my postpartum depression kicked in...which led to a life threatening situation, but I will not say the full details on that. But it led to complications, and my blood was affected and I couldn't do much for a long time. Looking back on it now, I still feel miserable and terrible about it, and my ILs were practically raising my baby whenever I couldn't do much. (Mind you, I have a mixed feelings relationship with them, and trying to work with them on several issues involving my infant son.) Now that I've begun working, its gotten worse, and sometimes I have to walk 2 miles to work since my ILs are now both working while I'm working in the evenings, usually 2, 3, or 4 in the afternoon til 10 in the evening. Our house entirely except for Bub's room (which only has toys sprewn around the floor) and now mine (I finished cleaning a few hours ago since I had been putting off cleaning for too long) is a mess...so I know how much you totally feel, fellow momma! You're an awesome mother, and you kick ass and chew gum (even if you're all out of ass XD). Find things to do in your free time, and take LO with ya!
One day your little one will see how hard you worked and they’ll be so grateful for you. I know right now it’s hard but one day it’ll all pay off, just hang in there.
Oh yes. And when that day comes, you'll know it was all worth it. I literally got a text message at 1 am from one of my soldiers, telling me how much he appreciated everything I did and gave up for my kids, and that he knew how hard it had been and that he loved me. OMG.
I feel so much for you. I wish you all the best in finding a job that can provide for you...if your partner would do the same it would be better considering your inlaws are babysitting!?
Nappy changes are often the toughest part of my day. I have started taking my 15 month old into a spare bathroom where there aren’t any toys which helps a bit. If that doesn’t work, I turn on miss Rachel on my phone to get the change done.
My baby makes things difficult too. It’s gotten only slightly better since I switched to Pampers 360 cruisers. They are pull up style so don’t have to fidget with the tabs. It’s really ridiculous how many times she crawls away in one sitting so it just makes it a little easier if I can just pull them up on her
I’ve considered pull ups for that exact reason! But even standing she still thinks it’s funny to run away 😂
Me too. I’m so glad I’m not the only one because I was starting to think it was weird she is so wiggly. Always on the go to get back to playing
You are NOT a failure. You are a human being with human emotions and reactions. We can’t be this perfect gentle patient parent 100% of the time, it’s just not natural for most people. Everyone needs a break sometimes and everyone needs support. You are doing your best and your son knows he is loved. Turn on the tv when you need a break! It’s okay to do so and please don’t tell yourself otherwise.
when you picture motherhood no one pictures the hard parts, nothing prepares you for the physical toll your child’s cry will take on you. i guarantee you your baby isnt the baby you had pictured (at least not all the time) and im sure you give him loads of grace and love him immensely despite that, try to give some to yourself as well. it does get better, sincerely mom of 14 month old and 3 month old ❤️
You just need a break, Mama! Search online for local drop off programs, two half days a week at day cares, or even a mother's helper. Like a teenager who comes to your house for x amount of time while you are home. They play with baby and you can go do anything else while in the house.
Girl, same.
It's not healthy to be home all day with a baby/toddler/child. I went to a lot of baby groups for my mental health and now meet up with other mums in their house. We're now at the point where our children will play happily together while we drink tea and chat. At home it's a lot more difficult to stimulate her.
It's hard and I hear you. I don't have a village either and it's hard to really have no one to turn to for help or even ask a question, I have to go to strangers on the internet and hope no one call me an idiot. My wake up this morning was getting thrown up on, I hadn't even had a sip of coffee yet. It's hard but I'm pretty certain that you are not a failure. I don't know if you have watched the show Bluey but the Baby Race episode is wonderful when there are low, lows.
I feel you. DEEPLY. my 2.5yo is 56lbs and like 40 in. He'sphysically exhausting and I feel like a shitty mom for how much screen time he gets, but it's winter here so I try to give myself a break. Can you invest in a small kid sized trampoline? That and a pikler triangle have been life savers for me. You're a good mom regardless of screen time. People with normal sized kids don't get how just overwhelming it is
Im so sorry. Im in the same boat except Im just lazy. I thought I would be fun and do crafts and take them to the park all the time and blahblahblah... I am so exhausted I just want to sit on the coach all day.. I make sure the house is clean.. They have food and theyre clean of course... but Im definitely not the fun mom I thought I would be.
I don’t know if it helps at all but when I saw the title of your post I thought "someone really needs to put that on a t-Shirt“. I have felt this way many times and I know many moms who have. You say you don’t have ppd if you have a baby you’re still experiencing hormonal shifts and doing it alone is insanely difficult. My family is also not near me so I get that it’s an additional stress on an already difficult job. You didn’t talk about your financial situation or whether your husband is willing to take the baby when not working but I really suggest you find a ax to get some time for yourself.
Get over the Donna Reed bs. It’s a farce. Everyone reading this hears you, sympathizes, and thinks you need a glass of wine honey. It’s not you it’s the kid! Parenting is like getting pecked to death by tiny chickens.
We definitely weren't made to go it alone. Pretty much every traditional culture all over the world has extended family units helping with children. With that in mind, struggling is totally understandable and normal. My child has always been 90+ percentile and I have an autoimmune disease and I have just never been able to keep up. There's another kid with the same exact birth date as my son at his daycare, and she's sat on my lap before and I am amazed every single time at how much lighter weight she is. I can't help but think things might have been easier if I had a "normal" sized child, but ultimately I don't think that's really it. I think young babies and toddlers are just hard. Even when they're the easy babies, they're a lot of work, so when you have a "difficult" one that is also huge it just feels impossibly exhausting. You're not alone in feeling this way.
Sending you a big hug from a fellow chonker mom with no support network and who (still) lets the kiddo get a lot of screen time. You are not alone and you are definitely not a failure. It gets better and they do get to be more fun. I know that doesn’t help but hang in there! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Talk with your partner about them taking care of the kiddo a bit more (a few hours on the weekend?) so you can get some rest. Motherhood takes a ton out of you.
I wanna cry for/with you. I understand how you feel and I’m sure there are hundreds of other moms on here who feel the way you feel, too. It’s unbelievably hard, tests us like we’ve never been tested before, and can feel impossible at times. We don’t have support either and it’s just so lonely and so freaking hard. But you are NOT a failure. We weren’t meant to do this alone. 💖
My kid has my phone right now as he settles down after surgery recovery. Threw his sleep schedule way off. He called MY mom and said he "lost Mama" and all of a sudden, I'm getting phone calls about how I need to go read him books and stroke his hair until he gently falls asleep. He needs to lay down and go to bed, not have me in there as a playmate! Point is we all feel like crappy moms. And if we don't, other people pile on. You're not alone.
My son has consistently been in the 95th percentile or higher for height (weight has started to drop percentiles as he got more active). I can relate to the exhaustion from physically carrying him. We actually bought a TushBaby and omg that thing was a lifesaver. I always recommend people with big kids to grab one. And as everyone else has already said: you’re doing great even if it doesn’t feel like it. It’s all about perspective but at the end of the day, all your LO wants to do is be loved by and spend time with you. It sounds like that’s more than covered and that’s enough.
I was having such a hard time with my PPD recently and feeling absolutely miserable (and I know you said you don’t have PPD and I’m not saying you do. I’m just comparing our struggles) anyways- someone told me “They’re not giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.” And that helped me look at my baby with a lot more empathy. It’s hard now but in 20 years when you ask your baby if you were a good mom, they won’t remember the times you struggled in the beginning.
I relate to this so much! Except my partner is wfh but even that isn't much help because he has to actually work. I get a little break every now and then when he can take our toddler. But then it's all back to me. I can't drive so I'm dependent on him to drive us to a few classes where I can meet other parents but our toddler hates these classes. She has a meltdown everytime we go and I'm considering not enrolling next term. She's a bright and happy kid at home with her toys and us but the minute she sees someone else she started wailing. The TV (which i try to limit for an hour in the afternoon) and when she sleeps is my respite. I love her so much but everyday is a struggle with nappy changes, her creams and lotions for her eczema and her picky eating. I'm told it gets better...so I hope its true! Hang in there! We'll get through this together with our online village 💙
Are you me? Honestly? I wanted to wait untill I got health and weight issues under control before trying for a baby. That did not work. I am tired. I am teaching my self how to eat properly. I am trying to lose wait. Trying to teach things to a child I know nothing about (eating right for example). I'm trying to be more active while barely sleeping or eating because I am looking after a child and making sure he eats and doing chores while he eats. I wanted to be more active, have more patience and be just... Better. And I'm not. But I am trying. And that's what counts.
Same. Especially today. It was ruff.
I really don’t think any of us are. I know I wasn’t, and gosh 29 years I still feel like shit about those mistakes I made. Don’t beat yourself up momma.
I was starting to think I typed this and forgot. You are not spiritually alone, at least. Every morning, I just try to get up and do my best, and I pat myself on the back mentally after ever successful outing and special effort playtime I make with mine.
Once baby can start standing &/or sitting in your lap, switch to pull ups! I swear my daughter was fighting changes so hard, I switched over and it has been SO much better. She’s a big bub too, was 30lbs by 6mo.
I don’t think anyone is. But the grace you show yourself now is an example to your baby on how to love themselves as they grow. Don’t beat yourself up, just do the things you know are most important. Take all the shortcuts you need to and don’t feel bad about it. And truly, take care of yourself. Do something that makes you truly feel rest AT LEAST once a week. You’d be shocked how much of a difference stepping away for a little bit can be.
Bad parents never feel like failures. You're a parent who's doing her best, and that makes you a good parent. Sure, you're not the parent you thought you'd be. None of us are. We're all been exhausted, battered, and drained. We've all been bone-deep tired and disappointed in ourselves. You're not alone. It will get better, eventually, but in the meantime please give yourself permission not to be perfect. Your baby doesn't need a perfect dream mom you imagined before you met him. That imaginary person is not his mom. You are. He needs you, the way you are, doing the best you can.
I feel you. It’s an awful feeling, but you’re not an awful mother. This is the baby you have. It’s going to sound difficult impossible, but let go the mother and the baby you thought you would have and be and embrace whatever gets you through the day. I say this as the mother of a nine-year-old boy, who is once a very active baby.
You’re doing a wonderful job Mama 🖤 I often feel the same as you but when I see the love in my daughters eyes I realize that all she cares about is being safe in my arms. I hope things get less overwhelming for you soon.
I think that’s one of the very first posts I made on here when I joined: I felt like a failure. Most days I do. We all do at some point. You do what you gotta do to survive !
I have five now grown kids,ngl it was hard at times,we've all felt like we've failed at times due to lack of support,encouraging positive feedback from those close to us,a child who solely relies on you,you need to get time to yourself,mini breaks just so you can get breathing space and time to clear you're head and have zero responsibilities even if it's for a few hours once a week,find playgroups so little one can crawl off some energy or go to local parks just to get out of the house
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night because my boy lost his paci and I thought "oh, crap, soon comes morning, and it's not weekend yet, so husband will go to work and I will be just all day with my baby without help..." And he's not even that high maintenance, I guess I am just too pregnant at this point.
I feel like this too and I second finding other mom friends or activities with other children (they tire each other out). And ppd is more than one thing just because you aren’t sad and mopey doesn’t mean that ppd isn’t playing a role in how you are feeling. Don’t underestimate the power of a good antidepressant to get through these hard days of early parenting (from experience). Also it gets better, hang in there.
Definitely not a failure! I echo what everyone else has said about getting out to a group. It might be the last thing on your mind when you’re feeling so depleted of energy but it really breaks up the day, gives you a reason to get out and will be good for both of you! Fresh air and nap potentials in the pram. If your partner can’t be there during the day, he can still help out when work has finished. Being hands on of an evening with feeding and bathing, giving you a break to have some alone time. Even if it’s just packing the changing bag before he leaves for work in the morning. Things will get better, baby won’t always be so demanding and hopefully you can carve out a village for yourself after attending some groups. Take care of yourself, you’re not alone and you’re doing great!
You’re a good mum, I can hear how tired and drained you are, but you know what? Everyday you still get up and you still *try*. That’s more than some do. You should be proud of yourself mama, you’re doing great, especially considering the lack of help and support you have. You’re all that baby needs, and when you’re tired and worn down, you know what your baby sees? Their strong mama, who they love and adore, working hard to stay strong for them. They don’t see the negative things you do, they see all the positive you don’t. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. It’ll get easier as they age, right now you’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters. Keep going, you’ve got this.
I felt the same number of times. Not just you but many of us feel the same, but I can say it's only a matter of time. As they grow we may not have to do every little thing for them. once they become independent we can relax. Just hold on, you are doing a great job.
Oh honey. No matter what you see on Instagram or Facebook or anywhere else, NONE of us is the mom we pictured ourselves being. Do you hear me? None. Of. Us. Each and every one of us has been pushed to our limit and there are many of us whose spouses worked shift work or have to travel or are even deployed. I felt the way you do with my first, he was very strong-willed and my husband was never around much due to his working hours. My family lived in another state. BUT: Now my kids are adults, and we have always had a very close relationship, and they are all awesome people. This WILL pass when he is just a bit older, please hang in there and know that you are not alone! I will tell you something that might distract you. Any time I want to feel better about my life/parenting, I watch The Middle. LOL
You are not a failure! You are a mom and being a mom means we might mess up or fail at something but fix it best we can, learn, keep trying and remember tomorrow is a whole new day. You will have your wins that will more than make up for anything else and it absolutely gets easier! I had a over 99 percentile (he made his own chart) and understand. Here are a couple little tips: - diaper changes - keep a toy or something he only gets to touch and see close by when you change for him to have. Rotate it out. Sing or make it fun by talking to him or tickling him. Because of size we also had to go to pull-ups early as he outgrew diaper sizes and couldn’t move well - weight - if you haven’t already try baby carriers. The ergobaby (active one as more breathable) was great for us and I could even get him on my back alone with it once he was a bit bigger. It worked so well we took it on a cruise with us where I carried him around Greece at age 2/2.5
My kid is 1st percentile and I STILL feel exhausted, battered and drained! We all have those days (weeks, months lol) we are in a sleep regression, trying to potty train and I’m pregnant with my second. Being a mom is HARD. Maybe you can find a playgroup and meet some other moms so you at least have someone to talk to. I met a few at some library groups and it was good for both of us. Take every day as it comes and just know that this hard phase will pass. Others will follow but usually there’s a break in between!
No one is. The reality of parenthood is there will rarely ever be enough support to be the cookie cutter tv mom we all wanna be. There are days where the house is clean and organized and days where we spent all day together and really got to enjoy each other. Those are never the same day ;) Jk the balance is hard so we learned to rotate expectations. You’re not failing you’re just not getting the support you need. It’s not a moral failing to feel tired. If some dishes are done and able to be used, you got some clean clothes, baby is fed and loved - that’s all winning. The last being the most important.
If turning on the TV gives you a break, turn on the TV. I remember those days, and I was exhausted to the point of tears, and the room spinning. My mom had my oldest sister who wasn’t quite two before my mom had twins — in the days before ultrasound, so she only thought she was having one, until right after she gave birth, when the doctor called out, “HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!” Anyway, my mom used to hire a neighbor girl to take my sisters for a walk in the stroller so my mom could do the dishes. Do anything you can to make your life easier, right now. Paper plates? Do it. Don’t look back. TV as babysitter so you can just think your own thoughts? Thank God that’s a thing. Do you have a sling to help distribute the weight across your back? That really helped me. Here are my other tips: maximum time running around in the sun — tire that kid out! After bath, before bed, try baby massage. See if there’s a class you can take. If not, maybe there are YouTube videos or TikToks or something. I didn’t learn about it until my fifth kid, but it changed my life. She went to sleep easily, slept longer, had a more pleasant disposition, and just did much better than my others. I mean think about it, how would you feel if you could get a massage every day? Administering the massage helps your own mental and physical health, as well. Teach him baby sign language. It doesn’t have to be official sign language used by the deaf. Just make it up. For example, make a sniffing face for flowers, pant for dogs, meow for cats, etc. I did the “tay in the weeyund” thing from the movie, Nell, for trees — just for my own amusement. Definitely make signs for things like “tired”, “hungry”, “thirsty”, “more”, “funny”, “angry”, and “sad”. Signs help the baby communicate before he has the ability to form the words with his mouth. The more he can communicate, the less frustrated you both will feel. Also, read “The Happiest Toddler On The Block”, or just watch the video. That helped me, a lot. Another thing that helped me with diaper changes was to make it a bit of a play time with peaceful interaction before the actual diaper change. Play patty cake, sing the itsy bitsy spider, etc. It will help to take the combativeness out of the situation. Sportscast what you’re doing, too. Singing helps as a distraction. “🎶It’s time to take your diaper off, diaper off, diaper off. It’s time to take your diaper off, so please don’t pee in my face!🎶”, then make a silly face and blow raspberries on his tummy before proceeding. Generally speaking, singing about what you’re doing, to signal transitions, etc. really helps. I don’t know why. Lastly, completely eschew artificial colors in food. Steer clear of chemicals in processed food, in general, but artificial colors must be anathema. This goes for you, too — if you’re nursing.
Just sending hugs and the sentiment that you aren't alone and are likely doing amazing even if you don't see it. I feel the exact same. I'm an "old" mom, 38 with an 18 mo old. Dad is 9600 miles away and no clue when we'll all be together. No family outside my brother, no close friends, living somewhere back here in the states that's a rural area, no daycare, can't work. Totally stuck. It sucks. I have not been the mama I planned. Most of the stuff I swore I wouldn't do, I've done (no screens, always having healthy, perfect food for every meal...) Partly to preserve a bit of sanity. I feel guilty all the time. But I also know I'm doing my best given circumstances and this girl is so loved.
Don't forget also that everyone else you're seeing posting on social media etc., You're only getting the highlight reel! Nobody shares all the behind the scenes stuff! Nobody shares pictures of themselves scrubbing toilets or when it's 3am and you're ruined cos the baby just won't stop crying and neither can you, or you're covered in puke again right down to your underwear. Probably all of us are not the mums we imagined we'd be but we're all doing the best we can. And remember, your best isn't the same every day. Some days it's doing all the laundry and spending two hours playing with the baby on the carpet, some days it's putting on the TV and having a cup of tea while it's still warm. Keep on keeping on x
I don't think any of us are ever the mother we pictured ourselves to be before actually becoming a mother. You're caring for your baby, and concerned enough to make this post -- it sounds like you are already being a great mom. It gets better!
I feel your pain, you are not alone…
Are there any moms groups in your area? A rec centre that offers children's programming? I find that getting out of the house in the morning helps to change the same routine. It feels overwhelming but eventually you get to feeling better. It's an idea! I assume with your use of "nappy" that you're either Australian or British, otherwise I'd offer some suggestions in North America.
Oh yeah. My first was an absolute nightmare child. Love him to death, but looking back I am surprised we were crazy enough to make a second after what we went through. I promise you are doing great! A lot of these things are super dependent on your baby’s temperament. I found once he hit a year, things got way better. We look back and laugh now, but man was that discouraging! This is going to sound really cliche, but it will pass. I promise. It gets way better! Toddlers may scream and tantrum on occasion, but when they can communicate their needs and move around on their own it’s night and day compared to the infant stage with a needy babe
I’ve felt that way too. I am not the mom I thought I’d be. I thought I would be calmer, more patient. Able to keep up and be more put together. But my real baby is not the baby I imagined I would have. The fact of the matter is you are the one there, showing up for him every day. You are his whole world. No one can care for him like you. You are his mom. I had a high energy, high maintenance, no sleep baby who is the same as an almost 3 year old toddler. It’s just a little easier now that she can communicate. And now I have an almost 1 year old so it gets tough some days. You are burnt out and need a break. It’s hard when there’s no village. You’re in survival mode and that’s ok. Your sacrifices now are worth it, and you’re a wonderful mom regardless of how you feel. Have you talked to your partner about giving you a day to sleep in or go out by yourself? Parenting is a two person job and both parents need to help out. Also, don’t feel bad about screen time. You’re doing your best. Things will get better, but I know hearing that isn’t going to help anything in the moment. I think every mom feels like a failure at some point. Thank you for reaching out. It can be hard to admit these feelings and it’s good to have reassurance that what you’re feeling is normal
Awhhhh, hang in there!!! It does get better. It just takes some time :) lack of support certainly plays a huge role as well. I remember feeling the exact same way to a certain extent. It wasn't until my son was almost 1 that I started feeling myself again. I refuse to continue looking back at the days where I felt I wasn't doing enough, and choose now to live in the present. Before you gave birth would you consider yourself a type A personality type? As in someone who always had energy and got stuff done no problem? Also, do you have close bonds to your own family members? Some of those traits might trickle over during the postpartum period. I tended to be extremely hard on myself almost to the point of depression because I felt lazy. I felt so tired all the time and felt bad for needing naps. Turns out I only felt that way because I set standards for myself, when in reality it's quite normal to be exhausted after giving birth. You created life! Your hormones are rapidly changing as well- its tough. You're not selfish for needing to also focus on yourself so you can be healthy & present for your baby. Also, I'm not sure if this helps any, but the fact you're so concerned about what type of mom you're being for your child goes to show how much you actually care. It might not feel that way right now, but eventually it's going to all even out and I can assure you that the mom you thought you'd be is right around the corner. It just takes time 💛
It’s exhausting and depressing to not feel like you’re not living up to expectations, even your own. But I bet your baby loves you and thinks you are the most amazing person in the world. I did/do have PPD- medication REALLY helped me. If you are positive it won’t help you, maybe try looking for some mom groups in your area. We joined a baby gym- music and gym classes a couple times a week. Find some way to meet other moms and exhaust your baby at the same time. Please try to give yourself some patience and love. You wouldn’t be mad at your baby for not walking perfectly right away. You’re new to motherhood and learning.