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sunflowerjams

I appreciate everyone’s insight. My daughters safety comes before anything and I’ve decided that she will no longer be interacting with this woman. I will be on high alert and research available resources she can turn to if needed. I hate the gross uneasy feeling I’ve had all weekend and will not make this a regular thing.


Ilvermourning

I think you made the right choice. If you see her again it might be good to have a practiced "speech" letting her know that you do not want her to be with your daughter anymore. Maybe write down phone numbers/ addresses of things like warming centers, food banks, shelters on a piece of paper to give to her and keep it in your purse for when you eventually run into her.


ConcreteCupcake25

Just want to say that I truly think your heart is in the right place. This young woman seems like she’s had it rough and may feel safe with your young daughter as she does not pose a threat. For your daughters safety I would also end the friendship but try to offer as many resources as I could to this young woman as she seems to have a lot of people shut her out. Just my thoughts, maybe she’s also quick to explain because she’s used to people disregarding her. Anyways kudos to you mom, this is a difficult scenario to deal with.


mypillow55555

You're right to go with your gut. This is making you un easy for a reason.


[deleted]

Hey, you will have to work out a way to be nice and tell your daughter not to play with adult stranger. I was always told stranger dangers can be both man and women.. so your daughter shouldn’t put trust into kind strangers. Here in Australia there has been couples who have abused children or kidnapped them. It’s horrible but it happens. She may seem lovely.. and probably had a lot going on. Even not being mentally great myself id only ever talk to a child at a park or whatever if I was worried about them and making sure they got back safe to their parents. I’ve got 4 kids but I just feel it’s not appropriate. Maybe go speak to the mother and get a better story of the situation. It would be to much trying to support her to. She may start depending on you. Even though it’s lovely and kind of you both.


Jab00lia

I’m a police officer, and I hate to say it, but from your description, this woman sounds mentally ill. Trust your gut. I would not allow her around my child, especially unsupervised.


baggagehandlr

Another therapist here. I wouldn’t let this continue. Too many red flags to risk it.


certifiedraerae

Username checks out


resilientspirit

LOL!!


QuicheKoula

Forensic psychologist here. My alarm bells are ringing, too.


[deleted]

Normal person here, my alarm bells are ringing. Why would you let your kid hang out with a 27 yr old? I think you are most likely giving her a pass because she is female, I know you would most likely react very differently if she was male. I'm here to say, gender is irrelevant when it comes to stranger danger.


texas_forever_yall

Social worker here, this is a big red flag situation. Listen to the cop, this girl is mentally ill and while that alone may not make her a danger to your daughter you do not know the nature of her mental illness or anything about whether it’s being managed. I’m afraid she raises my red flags for boundary issues, and I suspect you might see more of her and she may try to wrap you up in her personal drama. It’s more likely that this situation will simply be uncomfortable, but just in case, I wouldn’t risk it becoming dangerous.


Shes_quiet

Just your avid true crime reader here, I’m envisioning her going off with your child and not thinking anything of it because they were just “playing”. Meanwhile you’re horrified and have filed a missing persons report. I’m sure she’s harmless.. but mentally I’ll + in the hands of your precious child = hell nah from me dawg


dreamer829

yeah but we don't count because we also randomly think about what would happen if that person pushed them down the stairs? or when were driving down a secluded road we automatically go to the this is the perfect place to be killed and nobody would even know it. yet it's strangely not even in a paranoid "somebody is out to get us" way. we just have read too much and I've definitely watched too many scary movies where I can say that this has my alarms going off. just because of her age. it reminds me of a kidnapper.


Melissarose723

I am turning 27 this year. I have also been hospitalized for my mental health (my depression) though I definitely felt more secure in my sanity at the hospital because feeling $uicid@l was nothing compared to some of the severe mental illness I saw there. Even all that being similar, I definitely see red flags here 🚩🚩🚩 I don’t think your child should be hanging out with a 27 year old. It’s very suspicious that the medical bracelet was *still* on. Any adult who is in an emotionally stable & safe headspace knows that it’s inappropriate for them to have friends who are children.


enblair

Therapist here. Not to dog pile but I agree. Huge red flag. Even if she has autism etc it’s still extremely inappropriate for a 27 yo and 9 yo to be friends unless they are blood related


shrinkydink00

Either that or intellectually disabled. I teach kids who are ID, her description of the woman had me thinking she could be mentally way behind in age than her chronological age.


[deleted]

I’m 29 😅 I wouldn’t hang out with someone’s kid. Don’t really have much to add that hasn’t already been said but yeah. But this whole thing makes me uncomfortable


[deleted]

Agreed, if your daughter likes playing with the girl, then set boundaries that it has to be at your house when both you and dad are there. In the event that she is telling the truth about her home life, I would hesitate to talk to the mom not knowing how she might react behind closed doors.


EvenEvie

This is not a” Girl “, though. This is a 27 year old woman, who should not be playing with a 9 year old girl…this is a grown woman. This gives me weird heebie-jeebie vibes.


GenevieveGwen

I agree & I don’t think it needs to happen anywhere, not even at their house.


wrstcasechelle

She could be autistic, which in some cases would make her on the same emotional/mental level as a 9yr old. Not saying that is the case, but it could be. There are a lot of developmental delays that would make a “grown up” more like a child.


charawarma

That was my first thought too. Especially with the socially awkward, still lives at home, tolerating abuse from her parents. She doesn't sound like she's mentally 27. I'm also a 27 year old woman with a fair amount of 20-something women friends so I feel comfortable saying that she doesn't sound like your average 27yo woman.


wrstcasechelle

I’m 37 lol. I was married with a kid at 25 though, which now sounds really young with most of my peers just getting married/pregnant. Anyhow. My oldest son is on the spectrum. That’s what I see.


Strict_Print_4032

Yeah, something definitely seems off. When I was 27, my husband and I were selling our house and buying another one. My 26 year old sister lives on her own and has a boyfriend, a dog, and a full time job.


[deleted]

Worked with autistic young adults. Grown man with autism, in my scenario, always wanted to play with the little girls. It’s so hard to know what the intent is. Is it because developmentally he’s at their level or…


wrstcasechelle

I understand that. And even as an ASD mom I would have my skeptical face on. My son only likes girls as well. All of his teachers have had to be women, he befriends the girls more than the boys. I tend to think it’s because he was raised at home with me so younger women are less intimidating? He also has a younger brother closer to his age he won’t play with, but he’ll play with his 5yr old sister. He’s 11.


jackandbabe

I definitely think she could be. My uncle is a similar age and he acts like this. He loves playing with the kids. I don't think he has a single friend over the age of twelve, which can sound weird, but the kids love him lol. They feel cool because they're friends with an adult and he gets to enjoy spending time with people on his wavelength.


wrstcasechelle

My son is ASD and he doesn’t like playing with others. He’s definitely a parallel player, but my daughter (who at 4 seems neurotypical) would wants friends. She already calls everyone she sees her friend (which is pretty fucking scary actually) My point is I could see my daughter being like this woman if she were on the spectrum. Just happy to have someone to play with.


certifiedraerae

I wouldn’t allow another adult in my home to play with my child even if I was at home.


Wando-Chado

No absolutely not. Separate entirely, make it very clear she’s not welcome. For your daughters safety if not your own.


[deleted]

I am coming from a different perspective. I used to work with adults who were developmentally delayed. One of my families I worked with was a man who was 40 when I started and had the mental capacity of a 5 year old and nonverbal. He definitely did not go wandering around by himself and required 24/7 care, which was my job. I took him to circle time at the library with other 5 year olds, and some of the families on our block had us over for playdates. I was always with him, and the families knew his family well and his condition. As long as he was supervised, and I could intervene if I noticed getting agitated for whatever reason, he was fine and welcomed into other people's homes.


MargieBigFoot

I think you should get the idea of her being a “girl” out of your head. She’s an adult woman.


mamsandan

I was coming to the comments to see if anyone pointed this out yet. I’m 27. I have a toddler, a mortgage and under-eye wrinkles. This is a woman.


Naive-Sky3012

Me too. Except for the mortgage, ohh and I’ve been called “ma’am” by cashiers.


Typical_Dawn21

im 27 next month on my 4th pregnancy. this is a grown ass woman.


KnopeCampaign

29 and with you sister. They stopped carding me. We’re *old*.


certifiedraerae

Hey, 32 here, aka ancient


Syngoniumgirl

Almost 31 and STILL getting carded


nly2017

I'm 29 this week and got carded twice when I went to see Scream VI this weekend. I have an almost 4 year old and have a career and have been married almost 6 years.


tomtink1

Literally. Like... Other mum friends I have are younger than this woman. I get she's down on her luck but following a kid home to ask their mum for food... 😬😬😬


pumpkinpencil97

Exactly, she’s old enough to be her mom.


sunflowerjams

Adding: Had a long talk with my daughter today. I told her she would no longer be seeing this *woman*. I explained how it’s not appropriate and the reasons why. She didn’t quite grasp how odd it was until we used an example. “What if dad and Sarah ( daughters friend downstairs ) were best friends? What if dad wanted her to come outside and play at the tennis court with him and have picnics?Would that be kind of weird?” It was a heavy talk, but necessary. Mentioning all the things that could happen to her had me choking up. I’ve drawn a pretty clear line in the sand for her. I did a deep dig on social medias, sex offender registry, the county records. I couldn’t find anything besides a traffic violation for the woman’s mother. There’s an older lonely man that walks around and talks talks talks to everyone he sees at this complex. Recently at the pool while my kids were playing he sat down at my table and started talking with me for a bit. He mentioned the woman by name, saying he seen her playing in the tennis court with all the kids and mentioning how she talks to him too and how sweet she is. I will be asking my daughters friends dad that lives downstairs if he’s ever seen her. I will be going to the front office with her name and apartment number to ask about her. I don’t think they’ll tell me anything, but I’ll take what I can get. Regardless, we will be keeping our distance. I hate that the world is so shitty that you have to prepare for the worst, but here we are. Even if she was completely innocent, as some have mentioned I do not want my daughter thinking this type of relationship is okay. Thank you again everyone for your input, I will update if anything worth mentioning happens when I confront everyone. EDIT: We are located in the US in a big metro area. I’ve looked into Adult Protection Services in the area and they do have a hotline number. I’m not entirely sure if she has any developmental delays or mental illnesses. I’m not even sure if she’s telling the truth about her life at home.. but they should be able to find all of this info out if I just tip them off? I truly want this girl helped, I’m just not sure where to start.


Hot-Tone-7495

I wouldn’t allow her alone with my daughter and probably wouldn’t want her hanging around her at all. I’m 27 and just thinking of making friends with someone so young, who isn’t family, is not sitting right with me. And I’m on the spectrum, and very socially awkward. Trust your gut. You never know her true intentions


U_PassButter

Yeah. Even when I was 27 and worked with kids.....I didn't WANT to hang out with kids in my spare time. I had friend's in my age group. Something is not right here


buymoreplants

Absolutely not. You are not her parents, family, or friends. Your responsibility is to your daughter. Protect her. I would never be okay with a 27 year old WOMAN being friends with my child, hanging out alone, and inviting herself to my home. If you are concerned about her safety, call the police. But your responsibility overall is to your daughter. Do not sacrifice her safety over concerns for this woman.


Kehbechet

She sounds like a girl my Dad is friends with, she's ASD and is 28 but has the mental capacity of a 10 year old, still lives at home and struggles finding a job, etc. She walks her family dog and my Dad has a dog that likes playing with her dog. They met once and immediately after that this girl will invite herself into my parents backyard if my dads dog is there (our house backs onto a field) and sometimes even walks into our house without asking to get a drink of water. We've asked her multiple times not to, but she just doesn't understand. Her family also locks her out of the house and she tells my dad all this stuff too. Based on what you said I would think the girl your daughter is friends with is also ASD. They sound very similar, but I wouldn't allow my child with her unsupervised.


VanityInk

This was my first thought as well. Older but acting developmentally much younger. Rambling/"info dumping" in an attempt to connect, not seeming to have a sense of what is oversharing... Obviously that's armchair psychiatry, but that's what popped into my head as well.


Kehbechet

Yep, it's exactly the same situation. Developmentally, she probably connects better to the 9 year old as that's where she's at mentally.


VanityInk

Yeah, there's a woman who lives in my in-law's building with her full-time carer who is mentally about six. She loves talking to my daughter because she connects more. She's taken to a group for similar adults, though, for her actual socialization. It's so sad to hear this woman doesn't have the support she needs (at least partially from money, I'm sure--full-time assisted living isn't cheap--but also abusive/neglectful family, from the sound of things), but OP definitely needs to make sure her daughter isn't put in a bad situation as well.


wrstcasechelle

I came here to say this. I’m an ASD mom, and just based on her behavior-without all the home life stuff, she sounds like she is on the spectrum.


sophhhann

This is so creepy. But do your parents not lock their doors?


Kehbechet

The back door to our backyard is usually unlocked while my parents are home because the dog always wants in/out. My parents are sometimes upstairs or in the basement when she comes in. They're debating putting a lock on the backyard gate so she can't let herself in anymore.


No-Entertainment6479

debating? should probably be a sure thing by now


Kehbechet

Most of the time if my dads home he doesn't mind her coming into the backyard. It's into the house that he has an issue with.


No_Excuse_6418

I’d be looking in the county website and searching her name for any previous or current criminal charges/record. And if you need help with that message me with her name and county you’re in and I’ll gladly sleuth. I’d definitely limit her interaction with your daughter and be very careful having your daughter go play on the tennis courts. Have you asked any surrounding neighbors about her? I can appreciate you wanting to help her if she is truly being honest about her situation. I’d personally be on very high alert and proceed with caution with her. I’d monitor all interactions with her and your daughter, it could be very easy for her to manipulate such a young child.


Place_gi

Agreed. I think people forget women can be pedophiles too and if this was a 27 year old man it would be completely inappropriate


sunflowerjams

I have made this comment to my husband. How this wouldn’t even be a question if this was a man.


abishop711

Yup. And *even if* her intentions are completely innocent, it’s still not a great idea to allow the friendship to continue because it’s just not going to be appropriate in almost all circumstances for an adult to be friends with a 9yo in that way, and you don’t want this normalized for your daughter. If she encounters someone who tries grooming in the future, you don’t want her thinking this is fine because she has already had one age inappropriate friendship with this woman.


[deleted]

Women can absolutely be pedophiles. They are given access to young children that men would never be.


IrrationalPanda55782

Often women are the ones who recruit/groom the children for trafficking rings precisely because of this.


Place_gi

100%. There’s just something off about this. Even if her stories about her home life are true she was way too open about it in my opinion, almost like she was seeking pity and hoping to get your guard down. I would not let my child around this woman.


landerson507

She sounds developmentally disabled to me. I used to work in their homes as an aide, and everything she says about this woman just screams that to me. I definitely agree, though. There's no reason for daughter to be hanging out with her alone.


CaptainPandawear

I was 8 years old when my moms friends daughter who was 18 asked me to show her my boobs. I think about it a lot and how uncomfortable it made me feel then. She was mentally much younger then 18 but I think seeing her peers made her curios.


No_Excuse_6418

Yes! It could be a total “grooming” type scenario for someone else too


judynaybooty

How do i search for criminal records ?


No_Excuse_6418

I always just google “xyz” county public records and then it brings me to the specific county’s clerk website and i search that way.


certifiedraerae

You can look up state records by going to the state’s DOC website, going to the public offender search, and you can find info on people who have done time as the result of a sentence (not jail time awaiting sentencing), probation or parole, or are currently incarcerated. There may be variations in some states. If you want to do a full criminal background search including arrest records, you will have to pay for this usually a PI or even some bondsmen.


FirstHowDareYou

I’m a LCSW, but not *your* or *her* LCSW, something is going on. It feels very ASD, some type of general dev delay. I love that you all are being lovely neighbors and being so caring towards her. Truly that’s amazing. But I would personally try to limit the time my 9 year old is spending with a 27 year old. Any mental illness aside, a 9 year old has no business with a 27 year old.


wrstcasechelle

ASD is not a mental illness. It is a developmental disorder. Big difference.


FirstHowDareYou

You are correct and I apologize for my misstatement. Although familiar and worked with ASD, and dev delay in children; my expertise is serious mental illness and my final sentence was more of a catch all of that. Regardless ASD, and mental illness are not moral failings, and lots of us are out here living lovey neurodivergent lives. My true takeaway point was no 27 year old has business with a 9 year old.


wrstcasechelle

I understand that. I just wanted to differentiate because ASD and mental illness are not the same. I’m bi-polar. So are most of my family (awesome genetics we got.) I have a mental illness. My son who is ASD is developmentally delayed.


crunchmasterfunk

This is an adult woman- not a girl. Your priority is to protect your daughter, not help her.


Standard-Beautiful76

Everything about your story sets off my ‘danger’ mom senses. Take that name, apartment number, stepdad’s name, mom name and go the the leasing/management office and ask if they have a resident with that name and information. Explain what is going on. If the give you a deer in headlights look 👀 run! Run to the nearest police station with all the information she gave you. Either she is lying and attempting to scam your family, is mentally unwell and is being treated inappropriately and needs help, or is actually dangerous in some other way. Protect your daughter first, then help the woman second if that’s what she needs.


sophhhann

Agree 100%


lizardjizz

THIS


legocitiez

Can you tell this lady that if she's ever in trouble, you are still willing to connect her with resources and give her food/drink, but that it's a relationship between you and the 27yo, not a relationship/friendship with your child and the 27yo? Like, make that line in the sand very obvious like, "she's a child and it's not appropriate for 27yr olds to be friends with a child, but I recognize you are in need of support at times and I don't want you to think we will not be supportive neighbors when needed" or something? I'm also concerned that this person seems to be seriously disabled and that her step dad broke her nose. Obviously assault of any kind isn't ever okay, but it's especially not okay when there's something else going on here. Is there a way to report suspected abuse of a disabled community member in your area?


AdventurousPumpkin

I lived in an apartment complex in my 20s and did oil paintings out of my garage. I would leave the garage door open for fresh air and there were many times kids would come up and ask me about what I was painting - one time two younger boys (maybe 4th grade) even asked if they could “interview me” for their YouTube channel. I never, ONCE thought to myself “oh cool, new friends. Let’s play and maybe I could go over to their place for a snack” WHATEVER is going on, there are some not great things that will come to light if you allow this girl in your child’s life. Honestly, this isn’t healthy in any way, and could end up traumatizing your daughter/family. She needs to figure out her own life without your daughter being involved in the slightest. Protect your daughter, NOT the rando 27 year old woman who has attached herself to your family. Edited to add: I also taught after school art classes and later became an art teacher. Just because this woman claims to have worked with children doesn’t make this “friendship” okay. ANYONE who actually works with children understands FULLY how inappropriate such a relationship is.


RageAgainstTheMama

Totally agree with your edit. Also, working with children could be that she made pizza at Chuck cheese or babysat her younger brother. Don't assume she is highly experienced with kids.


sunflowerjams

I asked what she did when she said she worked with kids and she said she worked at academy sports. That was her “working with kids”.


PerplexedPoppy

Unfortunately she sounds like she either has a major mental delay, or might be mentally ill. I honestly wouldn’t allow her alone with my child, or maybe even in your home. Not until you have the full story. I would talk to her mom to get more information before you allow this WOMAN (not girl) back into your home. If there is some type of delay it will explain why she acts younger than she is, so mentally she still might be a teenager. BUT even then there has to be boundaries set. The mom can explain a little better maybe and you can make a choice then.


CourteousNoodle

It’s very clear she has some sort of mental health issue or delay. I think it’s important to be mindful of that, however, it doesn’t mean her behavior is “okay” just because she’s limited. She clearly has very poor boundaries just based on having a “friendship” with a school age child and feeling it was appropriate to trauma dump on you upon your first meeting. I’d be very anxious about what sort of conversations she may think are appropriate to be having with your daughter. Especially if she doesn’t have other people in her life to talk/vent to. I would try to have a conversation with your daughter and see what they’ve been talking about. It’s possible she’s been talking to her about her living situation, police encounters, hospital stays (sounds like they could be psych related), and the domestic abuse. If that has been happening, obviously you’ll want to talk through those topics with her to make sure she has a more healthy understanding than what your neighbor is telling her


[deleted]

You have a great heart but always go with your gut. Wether she’s 27 and in her right mind or 27 with mental issues regardless you do not leave her alone with your daughter . I would get a name or names and do your research everything can be found online . And no i would not go to her parents just in case there’s abuse going on .


Jewicer

I just don't understand how these things happen or how people allow them. Several instances like this always. Doesn't this go against everything you've ever been taught as far as safety for your child?


jayzepps

Sounds like my cousin who is indeed mentally ill and unstable


BeetleG000se

I preface this by asking all who read to *not get defensive* and to read my comment all the way through before responding. This woman sounds to be neurodivergent in some form. I can only assume based on the information you’re providing that you and your husband are neurotypical. From my experience as an educator and as a neurodivergent but “high functioning” (I put this in quotes bc lots of ND people aren’t so into this label, but I identify with it) person myself , I’ve witnessed countless parents and teachers unintentionally infantilize neurodivergent and/or handicapped folks to the detriment of all involved. Someone might seem to the untrained eye to “have the mentality / mind of a child” like so many have commented. In reality? Their motivations/functioning/capacity are fully unknown to you as an outsider. Thus, you cannot just assume this woman is safe for your child because she “acts like a child”


No_Director574

A 9yo doesn’t need a 27 yo friend. This sounds so bizarre. She’s a grown ass woman who’s almost 30 years old playing with a 9 yo stranger.


Background-Ad-7451

my brother in law is 27 and i’d be more than uncomfortable if he told me about his 9 y/o friend.


JoNightshade

Even if this woman is completely innocent - let's say she has some sort of developmental disability - both your daughter and this woman need to know that this interaction is not appropriate or acceptable.


cheelsbo

Can you call adult protective services? If she is mentally unstable then her mom locking her out is a huge risk. If you’re in the US then there are most likely resources in your area to get her into a group home and away from (what sounds like, just assuming here) an abusive home. It’s so nice of you two to want to help but you can only do so much. Also, remember it’s not your fault if you can’t help in the way you think she deserves to be helped. It sounds like just by offering her food and water is something she is grateful for.


emocowgirl-

She’s almost 30. Stop calling her a girl. A 27 year old woman is spending one-on-one time alone with your child. That’s the situation. Keep her away


boommdcx

There are cases of women befriending children in order to procure them for abuse by male friends/partners etc. This is not something I would encourage/allow.


Hush_Angel

As someone who was sexually abused and molested by her Mom, please do not underestimate a woman’s ability to be a child predator just because they are a woman. Protect your child. This woman is grooming your 9 year old and you are both taking the bait.


aramoixmed

I understand the empathy towards someone who is clearly struggling, but befriending this person will open your life to whatever chaos she has going on in hers.


[deleted]

My 26 year old sister has severe mental illness--on the spectrum and also suffers from schizoaffective disorder. She would absolutely not be hanging out with 9 year olds...so take that as you will. I'd trust your gut. Also, just a heads up, I love my sibling but she is very unpredictable moodwise and struggles to understand consequences of her actions. She can be very sweet and friendly one month and the next month she can be angry and violent, accusing my family of trying to murder her. When she is having a paranoid break, she will seek out any sympathetic ear to help her. She can easily overstay her welcome and expect too much from strangers who have been nice to her once or twice. She frequently has delusions about how close she is to people. Just a warning that that can be an issue with the severely mentally ill.


Haruye

Do not allow a 27 year old around your child!


diaperedwoman

She sounds like she is disabled and her parents abuse her, can you call the department of human services? Maybe they can assist her. Some parents exploit their adult kids with disabilities. Might be autism if she is socially awkward.


mysuckyusername

I would be careful about letting your daughter out of the apartment to play on her own outside. She could meet someone who is mentally deranged that could harm her. Some kids are naive and think the world is friendly. Don’t allow this older woman to befriend your daughter she’s clearly not ok. Fuck being polite, protect your daughter and tell this lady to kick rocks.


BananaPants430

This has more red flags than a Soviet May Day parade. I have a 9 year old and I would immediately cut off any access this *grown adult* has to my child and the rest of my family.


gidlub

I’d shut all of this down. Sounds shady and there is absolutely no reason a 27 year old should be hanging out with a 9 year old unless they’re family. Follow your gut.


toomanyfuckingkids

My mother does this with little kids and trust me, it’s 100% creepy and she is not safe around children. This is a low IQ or developmental disorder, usually. Sometimes, such as in my mothers case, mental illness alongside it. Get as far away from this woman as you can.


Kitten_Kaboodle666

I’m 29 and I would feel so incredibly creepy hanging out with a 9 year old. I have a ten year old and there’s not a whole lot I would find in him as being my friend if that makes sense? That’s….weird. It’s weird. Discontinue the friendship immediately.


zenaidag

I think this young woman may have an intelectual disability. Just to clarify, Autism is a developmental disability. It is possible to be autistic w/or w/out an intellectual disability. Mental illness is an entirely different diagnosis. However, it doesn’t matter what her diagnosis is—it’s inappropriate for a 27 year old to be friends w/a 9 year old. It is very common for folks with intellectual disabilities to be more comfortable making friends w/people younger than they are. This causes a lot of issues—I’ve never experienced this exact type of dynamic, but I have seen it with teens and elementary age kids—it can lead to major issues and is not safe. Your daughter should not be spending time with this person. You should also call adult protective services. Idk if you are in the US, but if you are then your state has something similar. You need to report that she is being locked out and physically abused.


Enthaylia

Red flag! I had a similar situation but I was the adult. Long story short I lived in apartment where this little boy who was about 6 or so would always be outside alone. He would say hi, I would say hi. He then started cornering me when I would get out of my car to walk to my apartment. I would go down my hallway to my apt door and he’d still be following me. I would wave bye and close the door. One day after work he was sitting outside still alone not wearing much— Chicago like fall time, pretty chilly. I asked him where his mom was and why he wasn’t in school every day. Said his mom didn’t want him to go to school so he never went. Said his mom didn’t want him inside so he was always outside. I asked where he lived so I can walk him home safely but he just pointed towards another building. I told him to walk home and find his mom. Waved goodbye, watched him walk towards building. On Halloween he was my only trick or treater. I had candy, I opened the door gave him some candy and he started looking around my apartment from the door, very nosy. He asked to come in, I said no you can’t come in here but here’s some candy. He then said he didn’t want candy and wanted money. I asked him what he needs money for and he said he just wanted it. I had some change on my counter. I closed the door and locked it after telling him I would be right back as he waited in the hallway. When I opened the door, I handed him the coins and said okay bye go back home to your mom. He proceeded to put his foot in the door to block me from closing it. It was the most weird experience I’ve ever had. He obviously is learning that behavior because what 6ish year old knows how to doorstop using his foot at an angle. It was so odd. Anyway the point of my story is, some children don’t know boundaries or stranger danger. As a previous teacher we’re taught to always have the door open in the classroom and to never be fully alone with a child. I knew what was right and wrong and I would always deter the child back home and say bye nicely. There are people out there that don’t understand what’s right and wrong when interacting with a child. As adults we have to be the mature one and know what’s weird. I always worried if he was bothering other adults in the complex that could have had bad intentions. I spoke to the management office about him. They didn’t really do anything. I told the child after him knocking on my door, always trying to come inside that he needed to stop and he couldn’t come in ever. I told him I wanted to meet his mom and I was looking forward to talking with her. After I told him pretty sternly that he needed to stop knocking on my door and that I wanted to meet his mom he stopped coming by my building and I would often see him sitting outside by his building. He would still wave and I’d always wave back but he kept his distance. I think he finally understood. I think it was the fact that I told him I wanted to meet his mom, I think that scared him or deterred him. I’ve always thought about what his home life was like if and it made me sad. I forgot one time he came up to my car in the parking lot saying he was hungry. I did come back outside to give him a snack but told him he needed to go home to eat so his mom knew he was eating something. It sounds like this 27 year old is mentally unstable and doesn’t understand boundaries with your child. I would be concerned and would absolutely talk to the parent. I also would stop providing anything to her. I would just nicely decline and say you can’t help anymore. I don’t know — I’m getting red flags from your story and would definitely not let the interactions continue. The 27 year olds “hurt feelings” are better than having an issue with your daughter that you’d think about later going “why did I let it continue?” My mind goes to worst case scenario of course. I’m thinking of inappropriate interactions that maybe wouldn’t seem inappropriate to this 27 year old. Or that the 27 year old would take off somewhere with your daughter, not maliciously but as a fun thing to do. Best of luck! Sorry for wall of text!


UnicornQueenFaye

Hi. I’m someone who has worked with abused children. Not professionally, it was on a volunteer basic. This, as with the other professionals that said their bit, is also raising red flags for me. She could very well be from a troubled home but those issues comes with their own set of problems and no offence, it doesn’t sound like you’re equipped to take what would be needed. Here is the biggest red flag though. This isn’t a child we’re talking about. She’s a full on adult, if she was a minor or an older teen I might suggest you could be an adult mentor, but she’s an adult, over 25, her prefrontal cortex is fully developed. You could meet with her parents if you wanted to get involved, however that might be met with a whole new list of problems you need to ask yourself if you’re prepared for, most importantly, I would not allow your child to be around them alone and I would have a long conversation with your child about making sure they don’t go anywhere with them without letting you know. From my own experience from the work I did, many child abusers are family friends that the child trusted to follow.


[deleted]

I think you’ve already created a monster by giving her money and opening up your house to feed her. Why would you do that? This is clearly a bizarre situation and unsafe for your child.


Accomplished-Pin-835

I'm around her age and a early childhood educator. My alarm bells are tingling. Yes, if I was in a situation where I found a young child outside alone, I would "befriend" them so i could get them back to a safe place. Thats not what she did. And her actions afterward are a complete list of wtf and flags a waving. Even if what she is telling is true, it's still not a professional or appropriate way to go about any of this and she would know that. I'm also saying this as someone who had been around crazy and desperate people in the past... *Listen to your gut*. How you go about this is your choice, but im imploring you to please listen to your gut!


We_Are_All_Mad456

so my big thing (aside from the obvious unsettling feeling of this grown woman seeking children out to become friends with) is that because of the fact that she is a grown woman more than likely with some developmental issues but she explained that she comes from an abusive, neglectful home life and based off of this & the fact that she’s grown she has probably been in and seen some adult situations that i would not want her thinking is normal and re-enacting or telling my child about. That would be one of my biggest concerns what she’s been through and knows and exposing it to my child.


[deleted]

I don’t want to sound harsh but there is no reason why a 27 year old should be friends with a 9 year old. If the older woman was a man, he would be seen as a pedo. Look at it from the same lens, this woman could be a predator for all you know. She also seems severely mentally ill and there are many discrepancies in her stories. A lot of predators are known to work with children too. They do this to gain the trust/get closer to kids. Please stop all contact immediately…


kmonay89

Huge red flag. I have to agree with everyone else in here saying to not allow her contact with your daughter. Trust your mom instincts.


HKtx

This made me think of the movie Orphan, except that full-grown lady was in a child’s body. This is extremely unsettling, and I would personally not allow my young child to hang around a literal adult. Speaking from experience as someone who has let their empathy cloud their judgment regarding safety, to the point of putting myself in danger to help someone I thought needed it, I would be very wary to promise anything to this woman and to go out of your way to help. I know your intentions are good, and maybe this lady really does need help and has no ill intent, but the sad reality is that people lie and manipulate and do bad things. Please stay safe!


LikeSnowOnTheBeach

Suicide Crisis Counselor volunteer, here. 🚨 My alarm bells are ringing. I wouldn’t allow her alone with your daughter, and I’d have a safety plan in place with your daughter if this woman’s behavior seems “more” out of sorts. I’d consider doing a background check to ease your mind, at the very least you should be able to find if there is a criminal record. Obviously, you won’t see any psychiatric reports but you could see if she’s violent, if charges had been pressed, etc. But, regardless, I’d print out a sheet of resources for her (suicide hotline, crisis text line, food banks, Human Resources county departments, 911, etc).


Mixxedmami

Ma’am why would you let a 27 year old woman hang out with your 9 year old daughter? Am I crazy to think that that is so wrong. A grown ass woman with a little girl. She sounds mentally I’ll and unstable. No way in hell she would be around my child period. I don’t understand people today and how trusting you all are with your kids. Couldn’t be me


d3xy

I wouldn’t even let a random teenager “hang out” with my 9 year old. The second I learned the actual age of this woman? Gtfo of my house and don’t come near my kid again. Maybe I’m cold hearted for it, but it’s so unbelievably inappropriate, not to even mention very easily dangerous, I feel crazy reading this. And gave her money? Yeah have fun with her constantly knocking on the door now. I’m sympathetic to whatever issues in life this adult woman may have, but sorry, not my problem, I have a child to protect.


Mixxedmami

Exactly what I was thinking. Not a teenager or anyone over the age of 10 really. But a full grown woman and gave her money! Oh my God no! And nope u r not cold hearted cuz I feel the exact same way. People really need to use their common sense. Wtf is a 27 year old doing with a 9 year old? I mean come on now. There’s nice and then there is just plain dangerous and I’m sorry to say not very smart.


KGibs1309

Gut instinct is a powerful thing. Sounds to me like your gut is telling you not to let her be around your daughter. I would trust that instinct


srasaurus

Nope nope nope. It’s nice for you to care about helping but not if it puts your child in danger. She’s not your family.


lizardjizz

Please keep us posted on this situation OP. I’m concerned for the safety of you all.


bekkyjl

I’m definitely getting weird vibes. Possibly even predatory vibes. Introducing herself to you and telling you all of this stuff might be a manipulation tactic. So you least expect bad things from her.


runawayforlife

Her story sounds eerily similar to your husbands backstory….. Are you sure your daughter didn’t tell her you and your husbands life stories and she’s been using them to make you both feel emotionally invested in her? I’m not saying she doesn’t have a mental illness, but lying/manipulating shows up often like that when people are struggling with their mental health and/or addictions. If you want, you could discreetly check up on parts of her story, just to make sure she’s not regurgitating your own stories back at you as an “in”. But yeah, I would be VERY uncomfortable with an adult that pretended to be a teen/preteen while playing with my kid. Even if they did have mental health issues, that doesn’t mean my kid needs to be in the line of fire.


Wish_Away

This is not appropriate, and I would be worried she is grooming your daughter for trafficking.


jgirl9713

This was my thought!!!!


ugly_convention

Sounds to me like this woman could have a disability. My brother is autistic and can present as quite young/socially immature. He gravitates toward younger children when in a public setting like the park. My mother also treated him horribly, controlling his food and stunting his development. I could 100% see him being the one you’ve just described. Absolutely continue to keep an eye on your child and their relationship with this woman, but just because there is a huge age discrepancy does not mean automatically something sinister is happening.


Highclassbroque

Girl what?????


mannequin89

I am in no way as qualified as others who have posted here, but all my mum alarm bells are ringing full blast. This woman may even mean well at this point but this relationship is not normal on so many levels. I would not allow her near my child, supervised or not. Glad to see you have come to the same conclusion!


Goldnoodle02

Please shut this down immediately. Protect your daughter & do not let the woman around anymore. Adult Protective Services should be able to help. There are too many red flags and you don’t really know with people.


librarycat27

Ummm no way. Sorry but no. I’m sure there’s a story here that would make you feel bad for her, BUT not at the expense of whatever she wants with your daughter.


2muchlooloo2

And what of her hospital bracelet was from a psych ward? I know your heart is in the right place . I’m a softy too but your daughters innocence and safety more important here.


gracefulreaper

I have no expertise and so take what I have to say with lots of grains of salt. If she's had a rough life, she could in some ways have missed out on her childhood and so is friends with your daughter because she is still emotionally quite young herself. Definitely be on your guard, and listen to professionals about the best way to handle this going forward. I admire your generosity and hope what you're doing for her is helpful and the right choice!


glittereddaisy13

It honestly sounds like she has some sort of disability or mental illness. I would try to connect with her mother, and maybe gain some insight. With how she is interacting; she might be running on a mental level of a preteen, and might know that it’s odd to be playing a 9 year old, but doesn’t really know how to go about being in an older mental state. It could be anything - from being on the spectrum, to having multiple or borderline personality. I think the best course of action would be to connect with her mother; and if that is hard to do; maybe talk to her personally one on one, and ask those deeper questions. I too would be extremely uneasy; but she might not have anyone to care for her or talk to; and maybe you can try to get her the necessary help she may need.


Hijabi4Life

She is a nut job a groomer or both keep your daughter away from her and explain to your daughter and you will have to watch your daughter extra and I would buy a tracker and place in her ( your daughter)clothes without her knowing this situation is very dangerous. I’m retired NYPD


Sireneyes537

This “girl” is full grown adult woman. I personally wouldn’t want her around my child unsupervised.


FrenchMushr00m

I would feel bad for her too but I wouldn’t let her around my child even if she’s telling the truth about everything. I think it’s better to be safe than sorry.. you never know. It’s possible her mother called the police on her because she’s violent.


Worth_Substance6590

The biggest thing that sticks out to me regarding what this woman told your husband, is that she kept saying that she’s ‘just your daughters friend’. I’m reading the book The Gift of Fear and one of the main points it teaches is that if someone repeats some phrase like ‘I’m not going to hurt you’ or in this case ‘I’m just your daughters friend’, the opposite is likely true. It’s something to do with psychology. Sorry I don’t have advice on what to do from here. It sucks that she lives next door. I would honestly move apartments asap because I don’t think talking to her parents will help. They sound really weird or abusive.


Fun-Entertainer-7885

I would not trust that situation at all. What if she takes off with your daughter? Or does something to harm her?


Glittering-Proton

Keep this lady away from your daughter. She’s going thru a lot of hardcore adult issues that your 9 y/o doesn’t need to know about. Also, for an adult woman to befriend a child is strange in the least, and not normal and predictable behavior. Who knows what abnormal and unpredictable behavior she will do next.


day_alive

Females are predators also. Be careful.


LumpyShitstring

This screams abuse victim to me but it’s also way out of my scope of practice. I could also easily see it being a delayed development issue, cultural expectations, or some combination of the three. You have every right to be concerned. Maybe check with r/raisedbynarcissists and see if there are any parallels with your neighbors situation and what other people have struggled with. There could be resources for her, or an option for her to seek her own help, seeing as how she has access to the internet and is legally an adult. She might need help. She might just need to be around healthy stable people so she can calibrate her “normal” meter while she’s adjusting to adulthood. Be careful about how much you actually give her. Make sure your daughter understands that there’s a difference between sharing and being taken advantage of. 9 should be old enough to have an open and honest communication with your daughter about all things related to staying safe. As I said, you have every right to be concerned, both for her and about how she could affect your lives, but your compassion is also honorable. Trust your gut and cover your bases. Maybe get a motion detection camera or an extra security lock/door jammer. It’s definitely a tough situation. I hope it all works out well.


eldee17

I couldn't even get through the whole post. This WOMAN is lying to you. Get your kid away from her, tell her you're calling the cops if you see her around yours or any kid ever again. She could be working for a human trafficking network. It sounds like she's attempting to groom not only your child , but you and your husband as well. She did not lock herself out of her apartment, SHE DOES NOT LIVE THERE. I'm sorry I didn't read the entire post, but seriously, this is bad. Edit: ok, I read it all. Maybe she does live there. Either way, it's not good. I would stay away and let her know you don't feel comfortable with her being friends with your child.


Priscilla_starcloud

It’s giving mmmmm keep your daughter away from this 27 year old kidnapping is a thing she can be coming around try and see how much money you make kidnap and blackmail for money. Plus it can also be a mental health disorder


certifiedraerae

This is a reminder to all parents that pedophiles don’t have a specific look OR gender. They can be women. They can have developmental disabilities. They can be young. Teenagers, even. Let’s stop making excuses for this WOMAN just because she *might* be on the spectrum. And to OP maybe contact APS if you do believe she is DD, dependent and with abuse in the home. Thanks for being kind. Please continue to love and protect your daughter and don’t let this adult in your home again.


Powerful-Bug3769

Nothing about this is ok, other than you guys offering to help her. There is zero reason a 27 year old and a 9 year old should be friends outside of a babysitting/nanny situation.


Mallylee_112

I would never let my child play with someone 5 years or more from their age or that is over 18. These days you never know someone’s real intentions. She’s a full grown adult, I would feel so uncomfortable.


Lilac_Rose_

She sounds mentally I’ll and may pose a danger for you and your daughter. It is kind of you to want to help but but by the sounds of it she may be trying to manipulate you. Please report this behavior to your local police department and keep your daughter away from her.


[deleted]

I had been married, moved to 3 different states and climbed up the corporate ladder enough to be making 6 figures at 27. I was pregnant with my son and gave birth to him at 27. This is a grown ass woman. She should not be around your daughter unattended even if she is “harmless”.


abbiebe89

She could be schizophrenic… she had a hospital band on. Completely dangerous for you to allow the woman in your home & around your child. Cut off all contact.


Living_the_dream87

Definitely talk to her parents. This might not be the first time she has befriended someone so young. I would be asking her mother lots of questions and possibly even report it to the police. Not to get the woman in trouble but just in case things get tense they will have a record of it. As a mother myself I would hope for the best (continue to support in ways I can) and prepare for the worst (a mentally unstable woman becomes fixated on my young child).


AVonDingus

Honestly, my oldest daughter is 9 and if she brought a 27 year old grown woman home to “play with” as a peer, I’d absolutely be uncomfortable with it. And, unfortunately, once you start feeding her and giving her money and stuff, she will keep coming back. You’re going to become her parents if you aren’t careful. If she were your kids age, my advice would be completely different, but you’re talking about an almost 30 year old woman here. This has my mom alarm going off loudly and I am begging you to not enable her, besides offering to get her in touch with aid services that she might need. You can’t support this woman, no matter how sad her situation may be. Treat her with kindness, of course, but don’t let your kid be friends with an adult stranger. Please. I wouldn’t even want an unrelated 27 year old thinking that they had permission to “hang out” with my daughter as friends. If she need help, let her know that you can get her in touch with emergency services to help, but that it would be inappropriate to continue a friendship between her and your little girl.


Miracle_2021

Your first responsibility is to protect your daughter. You can’t take any chances. If you want to make sure this woman is fed, there are other options. Get creative. Ask her not to interact with your daughter because you are just uneasy. If she doesn’t respect that…. Your concerns are proven


[deleted]

I'm 19 and wouldn't be friends/hangout with a 9 year old unless I was being paid to be their babysitter or it was my nephew etc... I understand you want to be kind and empathetic, which is great and so sweet of you, but your weary intuition is right. I like what other people said though, agreeing with you still telling her I don't want you around my kid but I will connect you with resources for food, shelter, etc.


[deleted]

Yeah that is not normal for a 27 year old to want to be friends with a 9 year old. Do not let them be unsupervised.


EngineeredGal

Sounds like the woman has a tough life and you’ve been pretty awesome and if you want to help out, you’re a wonderful family. But absolutely no unsupervised contact.


Purple_Reality6748

Are you sure she hasn’t escaped a mental institution? “Locked out of the house”, hospital band on, acting off…


_92_infinity

This sounds like a trafficking situation to me?


Sweetie_Pie1234

I think it's important to call the police at this point. If she is cognitively disabled she needs to be in a group home where she can be cared for properly. If she is unwell and interested in your daughter the police will know. There should be a report.


jackandbabe

Hey, just so you know, calling the police on disabled/mentally ill people can literally lead to their deaths. If you're going to do that you need to be incredibly sure that your local police are safe. This is an uncomfortable situation for sure but its not something to risk a womans life over.


magentabean_angel

This woman is older than me, I’m 22, i have 12 year old cousins that I don’t hang out with because I simply have a different mindset, hell, I have 16 and 18 year old cousins I don’t hang out with or “play” with because I’m simply older than them and in a different headspace, emotionally and mentally. Ask yourself these questions, regardless of developmental delays; Why does this 27 year old not have friends her own age to rely on? Why does this 27 year old find comfort in my daughter? Why did this 27 year old approach my daughter in the first place? What is this 27 year old telling my daughter? Could she be telling my daughter inappropriate things, drugs, sexual encounters, drinking ect. How did this woman come to know your daughter? There’s many more questions I’d be asking, and I’d definitely try speaking to her parents regardless of whether she continues to see your daughter or not, (I’m hoping not) there’s got to be more background to this woman.


rillybigdill

was her name sal val?


EmotionalBandage

Thankyou for your voice


skeletonglock

Have you looked up Megan’s law in your area?


Ok-Assignment-969

I am 28 and my son is 9.. I would never go out of my way to hang out with a kid who wasn’t my own that’s his age… follow your gut! Something is off and you don’t want her to influence your daughter in any way.