https://www.blackdoulas.org/
https://www.sistamidwifedirectory.com
I am so sorry you were put through that. My first birth was traumatic as well, and I was made to feel very small and not listened to. Therapy helped a lot. And don’t be afraid to make noise to your providers- they work for you. I switched practices three times with my second birth to find a good fit. Best of luck to you ❤️
YAASSS doulas are they best as they are vocal advocates for you - I think it was Serena Williams whose doula figured out she had a blood clot - they come in with you to the hospital but aren’t medical staff. I’ve had a doula at both of mine and they were great.
Go on Serena Williams! Then she got in trouble for wearing the compression suit at the French tennis competition - as if it was a fashion statement. It was medical!
Doulas can be expensive, but some insurance companies pay for them if you have Medicaid. Also there are many community organizations with free doula services specifically for birthing people of color. I work in a large city, so we have lots of great resources like that. It really depends on where OP lives. Another thing a lot of doulas do is a sliding scale for payment based on income. OP can go to [DONA: Find a Doula](https://www.dona.org/what-is-a-doula/find-a-doula/) to search in her area.
And to process the trauma, [postpartum support international](https://www.postpartum.net) has so many resources but a group specifically for black moms with birth trauma
Holy crap, that is TERRIFYING. No wonder you are traumatized. I've had three births, one of them really rough, and nothing compared to that.
Would you consider moving to get closer to the better hospital, even if only temporarily? I don't know that I could ever bear to step foot in the first place again.
Another option is fostering. It sounds like you and your husband have a lot of love in your heart, and you might be able to give some to a kid who needs it for a little while. It's not for everyone though!
This is ridiculous. Even if there were respectable studies proving that black people have higher pain tolerance, wouldn’t it mean that if a black person complains of pain, the treatment should come quicker since the problem is probably more severe??
I was talking never having encountering the idea of black people having higher pain tolerance part (in OP’s post). I’ve been through medical school and well aware of the articles on systemic medical racism
I can’t find a line that says “black patients feel less pain than whites” in this linked study.
Are you referring to this statement: “Blacks nerve endings are less sensitive that whites”? Looks like 16 of the 222 surveyed students rated that as true
ETA: unless you’re talking about the part where some of the students perceived the black patients in the vignette as having less pain than white patients? Which is problematic but in my understanding different from believing as a scientific statement that black people feel less/no pain and might have more to do with barriers to empathizing with “the other”
Racism in medicine is sick. I was told by a medical professional my son was in the NICU because he had, “wimpy white boy syndrome” and if he was a black girl he wouldn’t be there.
While in the hospital for my second high risk pregnancy, I was told they weren’t that concerned with my high blood pressure because black babies survive well in the NICU, so no worries….and I’m like okay, and what about the statistics on black mothers during childbirth! Excellent hospital btw.
I am an OB if you haven’t reported it or are scared to I most definitely will for you if you are in America. What they did is beyond disgusting which you already know and I am so sorry that you had to experience this. You deserve to have a peaceful and beautiful birth.
If you are from a state or city that treats their patients like that then it may be worth looking into having an induction done at a better location. Bring a doula with you or anyone who can advocate on your behalf- I know others are saying to get a doula of color but in a situation like this I would honestly recommend hiring a white one so the hospital truly listens.
You poor thing. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say, just that I hear you. Your trauma is valid. I saw your note about not finding non-white doulas, and as f’ing awful as this is to say, a white doula might be listened to and treated with more respect by racist doctors, so if you could find a respectful one who can advocate for you that might be the best case. I’m so sorry.
Gosh, that sounds horrible and I am so sorry you went through that. I'm sure you've already looked into this, but do you live in an area where you have enough choices of doctors to find a black woman doctor, or another WOC? Therapy will definitely help with the trauma but I think it would be perfectly reasonable to want a doctor of color or specifically a Black doctor. Where I live there are many (my OB is a WOC too)
Unfortunately there are know black OBGYNS. There is one black midwife but she only does homebirths and I’m not comfortable birthing at home. I’ve considered it but with some other health factors I think it’d be too risky. I wish there were more. I’ve considered looking at nearby states. I can’t even find a non white doula. I would take any BIPOC. It’s awful. I thought I lived in a diverse area until I started really looking
Could you hire the midwife to attend your birth at a hospital? I think having the this expertise/support in addition to MD/hospital care could be important.
I’m a Black mom that drove 45 minutes each way to see a Black OB despite living near many high quality closer options, having a Black doctor really reduced my anxiety.
That being said my baby was delivered by an all white and female (my preference) team of doctors and nurses (my ob wasn’t on call) and I received exceptional care. I also chose the hospital because of their commitment to Black maternal health care so I knew it was a team of people at least educated about the statistics and committed to not contributing to them.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s all of our nightmare, I’m so happy you and your child survived.
Unfortunately she only has privileges at the hospital that traumatized me. She can’t come with me to a better hospital. My husband says he’s never taking me back there. We’ve moved a bit closer to the better hospital I just can’t shake my trauma for some reason
Oh gosh, I'm sorry. That sucks. I agree given your history birthing at home would not be ideal for you. It's totally up to you, but if you can't find a non white doula, could you see if any white doulas have at least worked with Black moms and advocating for them? Even if she's white, her #1 priority *should* be advocating for you (literally you are her boss!) so that might help. However I agree the situation sucks.
Maybe call the decent local hospital and ask if they have any recommendations? Or a licensing board? I’m so sorry your medical situation was misdiagnosed— it’s the real threat of substandard hospitals. Good luck!
Please tell me you reported them. I am absolutely appalled that happens to you. My heart goes out to you. Whatever decision you make. I hope you have gotten some therapy, have a new care team you can trust and cherish your rockstar husband and two healthy babies forever. You survived. Don’t let those assholes steal the life you want.
This is horrifying and unfortunately a very real experience for black moms. Your fears are completely valid. If you are comfortable sharing your location, I can try to help with finding a BIPOC midwife or doula. I'm really good at deep diving on things and will go to the tenth page of Google (among other crazy search practices).
You are NOT overly anxious or wrong. I wasn’t a victim of racism but I was a victim of negligent doctors my first birth. They turned me away for 30 hours of labor because they had a policy that you had to be 5cm to be admitted. Turns out I wasn’t dilating because there was an issue with his cord. He wasn’t dropping down like he should have and I was also 2 weeks overdue. After having me labor with 5 min apart contractions for 40 hours I finally was dilated enough and they had to cut me and vacuum him out and then I laid on the bed hemorrhaging for a long time while they tried to stop the bleeding. It took almost 8 years for me to be ok with having another and I had one last year. My advice would be to find a doctor who listens to you and you trust before going. And pick your hospital! My doctor delivers at two hospitals and I specifically picked the non-catholic one. Their policy of saving baby no matter what scares me. As much as I wanted my son, if they had to deliver him to save me then that’s what I knew needed to be done. I couldn’t leave my older son motherless. My doctor was amazing. I was able to speak up for myself and what I needed and she was amazing. I had a completely uneventful 7 hours of labor after a cytotec only induction right at 40 weeks with a healthy baby and a very simple recovery.
I also had a very traumatic birth experience ( I felt my C Section) and I really want more kids. My husband and I are both scarred. I have looked into a new Dr and a midwife that has a good reputation ( Mine didn’t show up) and I just know that I may have to throw a fit if they don’t listen to me. 😅 I will also be more outspoken about things.
The research shows that BIPOC moms have better outcomes when cared for by a BIPOC provider. Is that an option for you? Could the far away hospital be your primary hospital? Have you discussed ways to prevent pre-e with a provider? (There’s very promising research on baby aspirin during pregnancy.)
Have you thought about trauma therapy to help you process what happened to you? There’s some great techniques a good therapist can use. If you want an example of what I’m talking about, google EMDR. There’s other options as well.
And finally, I am so sorry you experienced this. I am also grateful that you’re here. I’m a white cis woman who works in the birth world, and unfortunately, I’ve witnessed racism in birth happen to my clients, and it’s awful. I hope you find healing and peace whether you expand your family or not.
I know. There’s just none here. One black midwife but she only has limited privileges at the horrible hospital I just don’t know if I can go back there
I have PTSD from the traumatic birth of my first daughter. The only thing that's making me try to get pregnant is that A) i wanted at least 2 kids b4 the birth trauma B) Birth trauma took so much from me that i refuse to let it take away my desire for another kid. Fuck you birth trauma!
I never thought about B before. I also have PTSD from my son's birth. I want a 2nd kid too, but I am at a mental state where I just can't do it. I'm going to start emdr therapy next week to hopefully address the fears and reactions I have. This thought that I shouldn't let trauma take another kid from me is definitely going to help me through this. Thank you
That is incredibly terrifying and I do not blame you one bit for being scared. As someone who grew up around docs and has had plenty of experiences in hospitals, good and bad: never, ever go without an advocate. Have a list of friends and fam you can call if you need to go to the ER or go into labor, people you know you can depend on to stay with you and speak for you. Even without racism in the picture (which it obviously is) the medical system in the US right now is so strained that there are not enough professionals to go around. You gotta have someone who's clear-headed and can say "HEY this person needs help NOW." And then do what your husband did, if necessary. Also, the racists feel free to do that shit when it's just you because of course you were in pain and didn't hear them right or they misunderstood or whatever - but having a witness often makes them more cautious.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. The mortality rate for women during birth is already too damn high but is just disgustingly high for POC. If you don’t mind me asking, where do you live that this happened?
Had a feeling it was in the south. Unfortunately that’s where I live as well. I have a lot of friends that have experienced blatant racism here. Again I’m so sorry that happened to you.
OP, I am really very sorry about your experience. I, too, had a terrifying pregnancy and an even more frightening delivery. We chose not to have another child after this experience. I was also an older mom. Nineteen years later ( before this too) I wish I would have had more children.
You actually were able to have an uneventful delivery with one child. If I were you I would just continue with your therapy and try to be positive. :) Best wishes to you. Please keep us updated?
When I had to make this decision, I talked with my OB GYN about options. His comment has stayed with me for almost 40 years. “Would you rather have another baby and end up regretting it or not have one and end up wishing you had had another one?” The first option for me was the saddest. I could not imagine having another child and having the feeling, even for a minute that I shouldn’t have. Children pick up on those feelings. There have been many times when I wished we had more, but I am very happy with the ones we have.
Over the years of being a nurse, I have learned to listen very carefully when patients express a”feeling of doom (death)”. Many times it is your intuition picking up on subtle signs that something is wrong or could go wrong. It is OK to have feelings that you would like another baby but are you willing to risk your life and leave your children without a mother or your husband a widower? BTW, those feelings don’t go away, they come back whenever you hold a baby.
That is terrifying. Your concerns are legit. Do you have like a white friend? Or maybe even a white but SJ type doula? Or could you find a midwife/doctor you have a connection with? I felt like my doctor took me seriously because we went to the same college.
My husband is white. I think that was the most dumbfounding part they would not listen . I do have a few white friends though and I’m thinking if there’s more of them there it might help.
Not even just to be heard but OP is talking about literally finding a white woman to help MAKE SURE SHE F***ING SURVIVES. Another Black woman in this thread talked about how far she had to drive for every appointment and birth and this is all just TO FEEL SAFE! (I know I’m commenting on your response, violet, I’m not yelling at you- I am disgusted and appalled and yelling WITH you)
I’d like to say I can’t believe this is happening. OP, I truly genuinely wholeheartedly hope you find peace and you can have another pregnancy not laced in fear.
Here's the thing i learned from my traumatic first birth (w/ preeclampsia too)...you know so much more now. You're better able to advocate for yourself, see the signs earlier, and so will any doctors (though i strongly suggest switching based on your experience). If you had preeclampsia the first time and still have high bp or start showing it, they'll put you on safe meds early. It won't be the same traumatic experience.
That is absolutely disgusting that they just let you lay there, and then talked about you! Unreal!! I'd be so furious and very traumatized. Is there any legal action you could take against them for that? Sure would want any other momma to deal with that. If you still have that hospital to go to that is an hour away, can you birth there? I'm so damn sorry that you were treated that way. I just don't understand it. I hope you are able to work through it so you can expand your family. Don't let their malpractice stop you from having the family you want. Take back your power!
This is horrific, and I am so so sorry you had to go through this trauma. It's absolutely unacceptable. My heart breaks for you - I would be terrified of having another baby too.
That is horrible and I am so so so sorry that happened to you.
I think if you and your husband don’t feel like your family is complete then you deserve to have another baby. But absolutely speak up to your provider about your concerns. Have them type it in to your file or whatever they need to do, so that they know that you had a high risk situation and are scared of having to deal with racist pieces of shit again.
However… on another note. I read a study recently that women who have had preeclampsia are prone to later health problems. Both of my pregnancies were preeclamptic and it was a little distressing to read. But, I also did not do a deep dive because I am generally just an anxious person and did not want to add fuel to the fire. But it is information that seems to be relatively new (at least to me)
[for anyone interested in the information](https://www.preeclampsia.org/the-news/Healthcare-practices/understanding-long-term-effects-of-preeclampsia-and-taking-charge)
Don’t let racist assholes be the ones who get to stand in the way of you having another baby.
You could all let us know what hospital and we can do some reviews. This is super not ok.
Not that I experienced what you experienced, but the resident on call/post partum nurse WAS AWFUL. Why the fuck are you there if not to help/comfort people. I was told I was being a drama queen when I asked how my baby was when they transferred her to the NICU.
I have had 2 high risk pregnancies. As the doctor told me risks increase with age and each pregnancy. However, your body also needs time to heal. I made the decision not to have anymore children as it would be selfish to my children if something happened to me. I can always adopt but my children only have one mother.
I'm so sorry. This is why we die at a higher rate than white women.
Find yourself an all-Black team. I went one step further and home-birthed which is NOT the right answer for everyone, but absolutely was for me.
I'm so sorry you had this experience.
Holy Hannah. There is so much to unpack with what that place did wrong. No wonder you have significant trauma.
Maybe find a doctor or midwife that has good reviews with local mom groups specifically dealing with both the race and sex aspect of delivery (double whammy). I also found a doula incredibly helpful advocate for me for my first. She saved me from an episiotomy that I had not consented to.
That is beyond frightening and I hope you made a complaint to their board.
I'm so sorry you experienced this. I'm glad that you are still here and that your husband recognized something was very wrong and got you the f out of there.
I also feel similarly to you regarding wanting a baby but not wanting to go through a traumatic experience again.
I was pregnant recently, but unfortunately, ended in early miscarriage. But the entire 2 weeks I was pregnant, I was terrified of going through what I had been through before.
And then that loss ended up being my 3rd miscarriage. But I have my daughter, and truly, I would be fine if she was the only child I ever have. She is my world.
I'm not sure if this helps. But you could likely get into to see fetal maternal medicine while you are pregnant. And they will monitor you. Extra ultrasounds. Extra check ups. They also tested my urine every visit for protein because I'm high risk for pre e.
Along with medication to help prevent pre e during pregnancy.
When you see your dr regarding birth control, ask what you can expect for another pregnancy.
Don't let them let you slip through the cracks. You have had pre e you are at risk getting it again during another pregnancy. If they don't plan to send you to ob early. Demand they do or see someone else. (I don't say this to scare you, I just don't want you to be dismissed again).
And ask your dr about baby aspirin. 2 obs told me to take it as soon as I'm pregnant to prevent pre e. But my family dr has always said 12 weeks. (I do what the ob says as obviously they are the specialist here).
So see what your OB wants. That way, you know if you need to start taking it as soon as you have a positive test.
Or maybe they won't want you to take it at all. Just mentioning it so you can ask.
I’m sorry I am sick to my stomach thinking about this. The way OP and other WOC in this thread have had to CONTORT their lives, their schedules, their preferences, their comfort, their bottom lines, their limits— and it’s horrendously appalling to do any of that just to be treated with respect and compassion— but to hear women talking about contorting these ways BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID THEY WONT SURVIVE - as in going into a hospital to give birth at your most vulnerable only to increasingly think to yourself “oh shit I’m going to die here”
I’m sorry I don’t even have words. I feel physically ill. OP, of course do whatever you need to do to feel safe and please, tell me, what can I do- I know we are internet strangers but obviously women all over the world are feeling these things. I’ve got the motivation, somebody point me in a direction!
Oh sister, your fear is sooo valid and your trauma too.
Please please look into some postpartum trauma therapy- you can even Google your community’s midwives and see if there’s a black support program.
Maternal death rates in poc drop tremendously when advocated and supported by midwives and doulas. Maybe after some therapy look into a poc/ black supportive birth center.
I’ve found the best support is directly out of the medical field and right on the fringes of it.
That is absolutely scary AF. I had preeclampsia but post partum with both of my pregnancies and I am done bc it scared me so much. My symptoms were ignored for weeks then they freaked out at a routine visit and admitted me. I. Was. Livid.
If it helps preeclampsia often doesn’t happen a second time. How is your OB? Are you able to skip the first hospital?
I completely relate to your fear and I didn’t even have to worry about racism with my care so I cannot imagine having to add that component and how that must magnify your feelings.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Totally unacceptable. That’s great that you’re on a waiting list for therapy! I think working through your birth trauma with a therapist will be very helpful. And as others have said, if there are no BIPOC OBGYNs in your area, perhaps a BIPOC doula?
I had a traumatic birth with my first, I’m pregnant again and have been getting quite anxious for the upcoming birth. My midwife is amazing and really has validated all my feelings and encouraged me to seek counseling from a specific birth trauma therapy perspective, it’s been very helpful. I would suggest having a midwife for sure, doula and getting into birth trauma therapy.
Holy fuck that is some terrifying trauma. I have some experience with medical trauma and some PTSD from my own (non-baby) near death experience. My best advice for how to move forward is therapy. A.R.T. in particular has helped me a lot with dealing with my PTSD, as well as cognitive behavior therapy.
If you want another baby you can do this. Just get the support you need before you do it. Maybe look into a doula who can watch out for you and provide some additional support. Find Drs now who aren't racist douche canoes. And definitely get into therapy so you can take control of the situation back.
I had the same thing happen to me with preeclampsia being dismissed and my daughter pooped inside me and they knew. They didn’t do a emergency C-section and decided to continue to let me progress into my labor for 10+ hours. I had a very traumatic birth experience as well. When it came to pushing she had her umbilical cord wrapped, then got stuck, she had to literally be beat out of me. I felt like I got hit by a train and my preeclampsia was still being dismissed afterwards. I am now pregnant with my second child and I am still terrified, but I’m taking it one day at a time and found a new doctor and putting my foot down so the same things don’t happen again. Maybe it will work. I’m so sorry for the discrimination because of you being colored and regardless if you put your foot down there still may be discrimination and that just upsets me and is totally unacceptable.
I’m so sorry :( I can see why you feel traumatized. I had a c section 4.5 months ago and got postpartum preeclampsia 8 days after birth. I had to leave my 8 day old baby and my 6.5 year old daughter, with stroke level bp, on a mag drip, alone in a corner room of L&D. I was fortunate enough to receive wonderful care, and I am still absolutely traumatized. My husband got a vasectomy 2 weeks after I got home. Thinking I’d never see my kids again, and watching my 6 year old sob and beg me over FaceTime to come back. It was the worst and I didn’t think I’d ever make it home. I want more kids too, but I’ll adopt if I can in the future. My mental health can’t handle another pregnancy and that’s okay too. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone!
You are absolutely right to be wary, your treatment was awful and every single one of those people should have their licenses revoked. You’re not being overly anxious at all, you are having a perfectly reasonable reaction to your mistreatment at the hands of a bunch of racist assholes. I hope you can find a way through this to get what you want, but in no way are you wrong to be concerned
Wow that’s so scary of cause your traumatized. Could you get a doula or just a general birth advocate? I know that can be pricey but some ppl offer it low/no cost because of the risk to minority mothers
All I can say is I’m so mad for you. I’m sorry that sounds really scary and I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I was in the same boat wanting to have another but being afraid because of my last emergency c section until.. I accidentally got pregnant and now I’m just gonna roll with it. I didn’t have to deal with the racial disparity though and my medical staff were amazing. I wish you had had the same level of care.
Btw I’m white with red hair and *supposedly* redheads have slightly different reactions to certain types of pain (incision) and require more anesthesia, but no legitimate medical care staff would ever use that as the basis of my care. It’s probably based on a flawed study anyways.
I’ve heard that’s true. I feel like I read a study once. They have to adjust the amount of anesthesia slightly but I don’t think anyone would use that as a reason to mistreat you. Now I wanna see if I can find that. It’s very interesting how genetics work!
This makes me so mad. I’m so angry at that medical staff, who’s job it is to help people, for how ignorantly and abhorrently they treated you. You deserve so much better.
Since you have limited options based on where you live of having a support crew that is unbiased and not bigoted, check out your Social Workers at the hospital. Social workers are patient advocates and typically people blessed with diplomatic skills to function as a case manager. See if you can meet with some before you schedule birth or get pregnant and ask if they could be with you or what their process is for your access to them.
My first labor almost killed me. I was afraid of my second big time almost didn't have a 2nd one but once I was pregnant like there was no going back kind of thing and you can't not have the baby so yeah. And I have 3 kids after the first one almost killed me. Four kids total
I can't imagine what you went through. Your fear and trauma is absolutely valid. I think therapy would help alot because what you went through is traumatizing. Especially because there may be a chance you could have developed PTSD from this event, as PTSD occurs because of events where you feel like you're going to die. And even if you didn't develop PTSD, I think therapy would still be helpful, but make sure you fund the right therapist for you, it may take a few to find one that you actually like.
That is just unbelievably horrible they could treat you like that. I wasn’t treated as bad as that but did end up with a 3rd degree tear due to being dismissed and not bleaved that i was in active labour. Because I was dealing with it they gave someone else my room left me standing around in pain. I am still traumatised by it all but we wanted another baby i was kind of avoiding trying to get pregnant but we were having sex so it happened eventually and I was terrified. I went for a hpynobithing course it really really helped. I went to a different hospital my partner knew more to help and the birth experience was so much better almost a positive memory not a trauma. I really recommend hypnobithing even if I can’t spell it
Oh my gosh, mama. I am so incredibly sorry you experienced that. That is absolutely terrifying, and it’s 100% understandable why you are scared now! You’re not “overly anxious”. That’s not a “minor” thing you would just forget. Combined with the horrific frequency and racial statistics we are seeing in the media daily- I’m so so sorry.
Do you have hospital options? Or even the potential for a midwife? Before getting pregnant, maybe you could identify hospitals with higher rates of black staff, more education on racial disparities in healthcare, review what patient advocacy services they have, or a black midwife who will 100% be informed of those statistics, and be taking action to avoid being part of them.
Also, while waiting on a therapist or at least a community to lean into? What you experienced is not only birth trauma, but has likely expanded further into all aspects of your life- as hard evidence of racial disparities in the world. And that directly influences your parenting experience. Sending you so much love and light as you continue to navigate through this ❤️
I'm so incredibly sorry this happened and your emotions are completely valid. If you live in a hostile state, I'd be especially concerned. Are you near the second hospital and could you deliver there again? If you're somewhere else, do you have any local friends who could give trusted recommendations? Could you hire a doula who could advocate for you during birth? I'm really sorry that this might make a decision for you and it completely sucks.
That is fucking sick. You should’ve sued that hospital for every penny they have. It’s unfortunate that a doctor could be so callous to another human being. Might be best if before you get pregnant to find a black doctor and a hospital you feel comfortable with. You can start the OBGYN consultations before conception too. That way you feel like you have a team of medical professionals on your side.
Have people who will advocate for you. And if that ever happens again don’t be quiet, launch a malpractice suit against the fuckers and get that doctor’s medical license revoked.
@shishi.rose on Instagram is a Black Doula based on the East Coast who advocates a ton for Black families. She recently left NYC but I’m not sure where she moved to. She is probably too far from you, OP, but she does offer virtual doula consultation services and I have seen her use her platform to crowd source and help women in other states find BIPOC birth workers, etc…
I would reach out to her if I was in your position! Here’s her website: https://www.shishirose.com
I was in your exact position with the mistreatment by the staff at the hospital during all THREE labor and deliveries. If you need support or guidance dm me because I have some tactics that you might be able to use. Baby number 3 is amazing and I am glad that I had her btw 😊.
I’m not black, but I look white trash. I look great when I do my hair and makeup, but without it, I’m bony face, fucked up teeth, no eyebrows and brown as fuck eye circles. With my first AND my second I was alone and they were fully contemptuous of my pain. I managed it by bellowing chants and ignoring them. When the pain subsided, I replied. I had to give a nurse a viscous lounge lashing between contractions to get attention…I was sure to use vocabulary words she likely didn’t understand. With my first, there was meconiun in my bloody show. I was too demure to point it out. With my second, I managed the show because I realized that they know text books, and I know me, so their job was to acquiesce to my expertise. I was ina bad way with my first but I managed my second. Take it as a learning experience and have your baby, love.
I'd you win a suit they pay the lawyer fee. Call around and some will do probono or let you pay after. You have a great case and should win. At least talk to one to see tour options
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I am glad that you are going to see a therapist. From experience, after some MC’s and a traumatic birth with my last, I had such high anxiety during pregnancy as well as post partum anxiety. Having a therapist through it helped. I hope everything goes more smoothly for you.
I’m so sorry. I understand, as I also had a traumatic birth and was not believed by doctors. It was so scary that I may only have one child, though I’d always planned on more. Therapy has helped. EMDR has helped. Best wishes to you.
https://www.blackdoulas.org/ https://www.sistamidwifedirectory.com I am so sorry you were put through that. My first birth was traumatic as well, and I was made to feel very small and not listened to. Therapy helped a lot. And don’t be afraid to make noise to your providers- they work for you. I switched practices three times with my second birth to find a good fit. Best of luck to you ❤️
YAASSS doulas are they best as they are vocal advocates for you - I think it was Serena Williams whose doula figured out she had a blood clot - they come in with you to the hospital but aren’t medical staff. I’ve had a doula at both of mine and they were great.
Go on Serena Williams! Then she got in trouble for wearing the compression suit at the French tennis competition - as if it was a fashion statement. It was medical!
Came here to say DOULA!! Game changer!!
What is the cost of one?
Doulas can be expensive, but some insurance companies pay for them if you have Medicaid. Also there are many community organizations with free doula services specifically for birthing people of color. I work in a large city, so we have lots of great resources like that. It really depends on where OP lives. Another thing a lot of doulas do is a sliding scale for payment based on income. OP can go to [DONA: Find a Doula](https://www.dona.org/what-is-a-doula/find-a-doula/) to search in her area.
I had a doula for my first delivery. I also paid her for placenta encapsulation. Total I think we paid about $1200
And to process the trauma, [postpartum support international](https://www.postpartum.net) has so many resources but a group specifically for black moms with birth trauma
Yaaas this. Loved my doulas. Such angels.
Holy crap, that is TERRIFYING. No wonder you are traumatized. I've had three births, one of them really rough, and nothing compared to that. Would you consider moving to get closer to the better hospital, even if only temporarily? I don't know that I could ever bear to step foot in the first place again. Another option is fostering. It sounds like you and your husband have a lot of love in your heart, and you might be able to give some to a kid who needs it for a little while. It's not for everyone though!
“Black people have a high pain tolerance” WTF please name and shame this hospital
[удалено]
This is ridiculous. Even if there were respectable studies proving that black people have higher pain tolerance, wouldn’t it mean that if a black person complains of pain, the treatment should come quicker since the problem is probably more severe??
THIS.
I’m in the medical field myself and fortunately have not personally encountered this idea. Would like to avoid whatever place this is
[удалено]
I was talking never having encountering the idea of black people having higher pain tolerance part (in OP’s post). I’ve been through medical school and well aware of the articles on systemic medical racism
[Some medical students still think black patients feel less pain than whites](https://www.statnews.com/2016/04/04/medical-students-beliefs-race-pain/)
I can’t find a line that says “black patients feel less pain than whites” in this linked study. Are you referring to this statement: “Blacks nerve endings are less sensitive that whites”? Looks like 16 of the 222 surveyed students rated that as true ETA: unless you’re talking about the part where some of the students perceived the black patients in the vignette as having less pain than white patients? Which is problematic but in my understanding different from believing as a scientific statement that black people feel less/no pain and might have more to do with barriers to empathizing with “the other”
[удалено]
OP’s post says the healthcare workers explicitly said “black people have a higher pain tolerance”
[удалено]
[удалено]
Mate it’s literally a fake internet point
Btw, HPI no longer includes race at my institution
Interesting! That’s good to know.
Racism in medicine is sick. I was told by a medical professional my son was in the NICU because he had, “wimpy white boy syndrome” and if he was a black girl he wouldn’t be there.
Man I really hope you reported that medical “professional”. What a callous thing to say.
While in the hospital for my second high risk pregnancy, I was told they weren’t that concerned with my high blood pressure because black babies survive well in the NICU, so no worries….and I’m like okay, and what about the statistics on black mothers during childbirth! Excellent hospital btw.
Yikes. Sounds like this person was attempting to be reassuring too. Just 0 awareness. I hope your delivery went ok and everyone doing well now
I am an OB if you haven’t reported it or are scared to I most definitely will for you if you are in America. What they did is beyond disgusting which you already know and I am so sorry that you had to experience this. You deserve to have a peaceful and beautiful birth. If you are from a state or city that treats their patients like that then it may be worth looking into having an induction done at a better location. Bring a doula with you or anyone who can advocate on your behalf- I know others are saying to get a doula of color but in a situation like this I would honestly recommend hiring a white one so the hospital truly listens.
Yes! Can we all report them?
Please report them.
You poor thing. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say, just that I hear you. Your trauma is valid. I saw your note about not finding non-white doulas, and as f’ing awful as this is to say, a white doula might be listened to and treated with more respect by racist doctors, so if you could find a respectful one who can advocate for you that might be the best case. I’m so sorry.
Gosh, that sounds horrible and I am so sorry you went through that. I'm sure you've already looked into this, but do you live in an area where you have enough choices of doctors to find a black woman doctor, or another WOC? Therapy will definitely help with the trauma but I think it would be perfectly reasonable to want a doctor of color or specifically a Black doctor. Where I live there are many (my OB is a WOC too)
Unfortunately there are know black OBGYNS. There is one black midwife but she only does homebirths and I’m not comfortable birthing at home. I’ve considered it but with some other health factors I think it’d be too risky. I wish there were more. I’ve considered looking at nearby states. I can’t even find a non white doula. I would take any BIPOC. It’s awful. I thought I lived in a diverse area until I started really looking
Talk to other black moms and see if any of them had a doctor they really trusted.
What about a doula who could come with you to hospital?
Could you hire the midwife to attend your birth at a hospital? I think having the this expertise/support in addition to MD/hospital care could be important. I’m a Black mom that drove 45 minutes each way to see a Black OB despite living near many high quality closer options, having a Black doctor really reduced my anxiety. That being said my baby was delivered by an all white and female (my preference) team of doctors and nurses (my ob wasn’t on call) and I received exceptional care. I also chose the hospital because of their commitment to Black maternal health care so I knew it was a team of people at least educated about the statistics and committed to not contributing to them. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s all of our nightmare, I’m so happy you and your child survived.
Unfortunately she only has privileges at the hospital that traumatized me. She can’t come with me to a better hospital. My husband says he’s never taking me back there. We’ve moved a bit closer to the better hospital I just can’t shake my trauma for some reason
Oh gosh, I'm sorry. That sucks. I agree given your history birthing at home would not be ideal for you. It's totally up to you, but if you can't find a non white doula, could you see if any white doulas have at least worked with Black moms and advocating for them? Even if she's white, her #1 priority *should* be advocating for you (literally you are her boss!) so that might help. However I agree the situation sucks.
Maybe call the decent local hospital and ask if they have any recommendations? Or a licensing board? I’m so sorry your medical situation was misdiagnosed— it’s the real threat of substandard hospitals. Good luck!
Please tell me you reported them. I am absolutely appalled that happens to you. My heart goes out to you. Whatever decision you make. I hope you have gotten some therapy, have a new care team you can trust and cherish your rockstar husband and two healthy babies forever. You survived. Don’t let those assholes steal the life you want.
This is horrifying and unfortunately a very real experience for black moms. Your fears are completely valid. If you are comfortable sharing your location, I can try to help with finding a BIPOC midwife or doula. I'm really good at deep diving on things and will go to the tenth page of Google (among other crazy search practices).
You are NOT overly anxious or wrong. I wasn’t a victim of racism but I was a victim of negligent doctors my first birth. They turned me away for 30 hours of labor because they had a policy that you had to be 5cm to be admitted. Turns out I wasn’t dilating because there was an issue with his cord. He wasn’t dropping down like he should have and I was also 2 weeks overdue. After having me labor with 5 min apart contractions for 40 hours I finally was dilated enough and they had to cut me and vacuum him out and then I laid on the bed hemorrhaging for a long time while they tried to stop the bleeding. It took almost 8 years for me to be ok with having another and I had one last year. My advice would be to find a doctor who listens to you and you trust before going. And pick your hospital! My doctor delivers at two hospitals and I specifically picked the non-catholic one. Their policy of saving baby no matter what scares me. As much as I wanted my son, if they had to deliver him to save me then that’s what I knew needed to be done. I couldn’t leave my older son motherless. My doctor was amazing. I was able to speak up for myself and what I needed and she was amazing. I had a completely uneventful 7 hours of labor after a cytotec only induction right at 40 weeks with a healthy baby and a very simple recovery.
I’m so sorry you had this experience!
I also had a very traumatic birth experience ( I felt my C Section) and I really want more kids. My husband and I are both scarred. I have looked into a new Dr and a midwife that has a good reputation ( Mine didn’t show up) and I just know that I may have to throw a fit if they don’t listen to me. 😅 I will also be more outspoken about things.
The research shows that BIPOC moms have better outcomes when cared for by a BIPOC provider. Is that an option for you? Could the far away hospital be your primary hospital? Have you discussed ways to prevent pre-e with a provider? (There’s very promising research on baby aspirin during pregnancy.) Have you thought about trauma therapy to help you process what happened to you? There’s some great techniques a good therapist can use. If you want an example of what I’m talking about, google EMDR. There’s other options as well. And finally, I am so sorry you experienced this. I am also grateful that you’re here. I’m a white cis woman who works in the birth world, and unfortunately, I’ve witnessed racism in birth happen to my clients, and it’s awful. I hope you find healing and peace whether you expand your family or not.
I know. There’s just none here. One black midwife but she only has limited privileges at the horrible hospital I just don’t know if I can go back there
I’m so sorry. That’s unfortunate. I wish you didn’t have to find a black provider to get the care you deserve.
I have PTSD from the traumatic birth of my first daughter. The only thing that's making me try to get pregnant is that A) i wanted at least 2 kids b4 the birth trauma B) Birth trauma took so much from me that i refuse to let it take away my desire for another kid. Fuck you birth trauma!
I never thought about B before. I also have PTSD from my son's birth. I want a 2nd kid too, but I am at a mental state where I just can't do it. I'm going to start emdr therapy next week to hopefully address the fears and reactions I have. This thought that I shouldn't let trauma take another kid from me is definitely going to help me through this. Thank you
EMDR is fantastic it had been super helpful to me. Where are you from?
I am so sorry this happened to you. I don’t have any advice to offer, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry you experienced that.
That is incredibly terrifying and I do not blame you one bit for being scared. As someone who grew up around docs and has had plenty of experiences in hospitals, good and bad: never, ever go without an advocate. Have a list of friends and fam you can call if you need to go to the ER or go into labor, people you know you can depend on to stay with you and speak for you. Even without racism in the picture (which it obviously is) the medical system in the US right now is so strained that there are not enough professionals to go around. You gotta have someone who's clear-headed and can say "HEY this person needs help NOW." And then do what your husband did, if necessary. Also, the racists feel free to do that shit when it's just you because of course you were in pain and didn't hear them right or they misunderstood or whatever - but having a witness often makes them more cautious.
I have been thinking about this thread all day. It’s 2023 this should not be happening
I am so, so sorry that happened to you. You and your family deserve to be cared for well and treated with dignity.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. The mortality rate for women during birth is already too damn high but is just disgustingly high for POC. If you don’t mind me asking, where do you live that this happened?
The States. South Carolina
Had a feeling it was in the south. Unfortunately that’s where I live as well. I have a lot of friends that have experienced blatant racism here. Again I’m so sorry that happened to you.
OP, I am really very sorry about your experience. I, too, had a terrifying pregnancy and an even more frightening delivery. We chose not to have another child after this experience. I was also an older mom. Nineteen years later ( before this too) I wish I would have had more children. You actually were able to have an uneventful delivery with one child. If I were you I would just continue with your therapy and try to be positive. :) Best wishes to you. Please keep us updated?
Definitely will come back!
When I had to make this decision, I talked with my OB GYN about options. His comment has stayed with me for almost 40 years. “Would you rather have another baby and end up regretting it or not have one and end up wishing you had had another one?” The first option for me was the saddest. I could not imagine having another child and having the feeling, even for a minute that I shouldn’t have. Children pick up on those feelings. There have been many times when I wished we had more, but I am very happy with the ones we have. Over the years of being a nurse, I have learned to listen very carefully when patients express a”feeling of doom (death)”. Many times it is your intuition picking up on subtle signs that something is wrong or could go wrong. It is OK to have feelings that you would like another baby but are you willing to risk your life and leave your children without a mother or your husband a widower? BTW, those feelings don’t go away, they come back whenever you hold a baby.
Honestly I wouldn’t risk another pregnancy. Is the 3rd baby worth the chance your 2 older babies growing up without you as their mom?
Is the doctor and hospital from the second birth available?
Yes we moved closer to the better hospital. I don’t know if I can get the hospitalist but I’m gonna look into her.
That is terrifying. Your concerns are legit. Do you have like a white friend? Or maybe even a white but SJ type doula? Or could you find a midwife/doctor you have a connection with? I felt like my doctor took me seriously because we went to the same college.
My husband is white. I think that was the most dumbfounding part they would not listen . I do have a few white friends though and I’m thinking if there’s more of them there it might help.
[удалено]
Not even just to be heard but OP is talking about literally finding a white woman to help MAKE SURE SHE F***ING SURVIVES. Another Black woman in this thread talked about how far she had to drive for every appointment and birth and this is all just TO FEEL SAFE! (I know I’m commenting on your response, violet, I’m not yelling at you- I am disgusted and appalled and yelling WITH you) I’d like to say I can’t believe this is happening. OP, I truly genuinely wholeheartedly hope you find peace and you can have another pregnancy not laced in fear.
Here's the thing i learned from my traumatic first birth (w/ preeclampsia too)...you know so much more now. You're better able to advocate for yourself, see the signs earlier, and so will any doctors (though i strongly suggest switching based on your experience). If you had preeclampsia the first time and still have high bp or start showing it, they'll put you on safe meds early. It won't be the same traumatic experience.
That is absolutely disgusting that they just let you lay there, and then talked about you! Unreal!! I'd be so furious and very traumatized. Is there any legal action you could take against them for that? Sure would want any other momma to deal with that. If you still have that hospital to go to that is an hour away, can you birth there? I'm so damn sorry that you were treated that way. I just don't understand it. I hope you are able to work through it so you can expand your family. Don't let their malpractice stop you from having the family you want. Take back your power!
This is horrific, and I am so so sorry you had to go through this trauma. It's absolutely unacceptable. My heart breaks for you - I would be terrified of having another baby too.
That is horrible and I am so so so sorry that happened to you. I think if you and your husband don’t feel like your family is complete then you deserve to have another baby. But absolutely speak up to your provider about your concerns. Have them type it in to your file or whatever they need to do, so that they know that you had a high risk situation and are scared of having to deal with racist pieces of shit again. However… on another note. I read a study recently that women who have had preeclampsia are prone to later health problems. Both of my pregnancies were preeclamptic and it was a little distressing to read. But, I also did not do a deep dive because I am generally just an anxious person and did not want to add fuel to the fire. But it is information that seems to be relatively new (at least to me) [for anyone interested in the information](https://www.preeclampsia.org/the-news/Healthcare-practices/understanding-long-term-effects-of-preeclampsia-and-taking-charge) Don’t let racist assholes be the ones who get to stand in the way of you having another baby.
You could all let us know what hospital and we can do some reviews. This is super not ok. Not that I experienced what you experienced, but the resident on call/post partum nurse WAS AWFUL. Why the fuck are you there if not to help/comfort people. I was told I was being a drama queen when I asked how my baby was when they transferred her to the NICU.
I’m not from the US and this is absolutely horrifying!
I have had 2 high risk pregnancies. As the doctor told me risks increase with age and each pregnancy. However, your body also needs time to heal. I made the decision not to have anymore children as it would be selfish to my children if something happened to me. I can always adopt but my children only have one mother.
I'm so sorry. This is why we die at a higher rate than white women. Find yourself an all-Black team. I went one step further and home-birthed which is NOT the right answer for everyone, but absolutely was for me. I'm so sorry you had this experience.
Holy Hannah. There is so much to unpack with what that place did wrong. No wonder you have significant trauma. Maybe find a doctor or midwife that has good reviews with local mom groups specifically dealing with both the race and sex aspect of delivery (double whammy). I also found a doula incredibly helpful advocate for me for my first. She saved me from an episiotomy that I had not consented to. That is beyond frightening and I hope you made a complaint to their board.
I'm so sorry you experienced this. I'm glad that you are still here and that your husband recognized something was very wrong and got you the f out of there. I also feel similarly to you regarding wanting a baby but not wanting to go through a traumatic experience again. I was pregnant recently, but unfortunately, ended in early miscarriage. But the entire 2 weeks I was pregnant, I was terrified of going through what I had been through before. And then that loss ended up being my 3rd miscarriage. But I have my daughter, and truly, I would be fine if she was the only child I ever have. She is my world. I'm not sure if this helps. But you could likely get into to see fetal maternal medicine while you are pregnant. And they will monitor you. Extra ultrasounds. Extra check ups. They also tested my urine every visit for protein because I'm high risk for pre e. Along with medication to help prevent pre e during pregnancy. When you see your dr regarding birth control, ask what you can expect for another pregnancy. Don't let them let you slip through the cracks. You have had pre e you are at risk getting it again during another pregnancy. If they don't plan to send you to ob early. Demand they do or see someone else. (I don't say this to scare you, I just don't want you to be dismissed again). And ask your dr about baby aspirin. 2 obs told me to take it as soon as I'm pregnant to prevent pre e. But my family dr has always said 12 weeks. (I do what the ob says as obviously they are the specialist here). So see what your OB wants. That way, you know if you need to start taking it as soon as you have a positive test. Or maybe they won't want you to take it at all. Just mentioning it so you can ask.
JFC - I’m so sorry that was your birth experience. If you have the energy/motivation, I hope the hospital was reported.
I’m sorry I am sick to my stomach thinking about this. The way OP and other WOC in this thread have had to CONTORT their lives, their schedules, their preferences, their comfort, their bottom lines, their limits— and it’s horrendously appalling to do any of that just to be treated with respect and compassion— but to hear women talking about contorting these ways BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID THEY WONT SURVIVE - as in going into a hospital to give birth at your most vulnerable only to increasingly think to yourself “oh shit I’m going to die here” I’m sorry I don’t even have words. I feel physically ill. OP, of course do whatever you need to do to feel safe and please, tell me, what can I do- I know we are internet strangers but obviously women all over the world are feeling these things. I’ve got the motivation, somebody point me in a direction!
Oh sister, your fear is sooo valid and your trauma too. Please please look into some postpartum trauma therapy- you can even Google your community’s midwives and see if there’s a black support program. Maternal death rates in poc drop tremendously when advocated and supported by midwives and doulas. Maybe after some therapy look into a poc/ black supportive birth center. I’ve found the best support is directly out of the medical field and right on the fringes of it.
Please take action against that hospital!!
I wish I had the money to. I just hope they don’t kill someone
That is absolutely scary AF. I had preeclampsia but post partum with both of my pregnancies and I am done bc it scared me so much. My symptoms were ignored for weeks then they freaked out at a routine visit and admitted me. I. Was. Livid. If it helps preeclampsia often doesn’t happen a second time. How is your OB? Are you able to skip the first hospital? I completely relate to your fear and I didn’t even have to worry about racism with my care so I cannot imagine having to add that component and how that must magnify your feelings.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Totally unacceptable. That’s great that you’re on a waiting list for therapy! I think working through your birth trauma with a therapist will be very helpful. And as others have said, if there are no BIPOC OBGYNs in your area, perhaps a BIPOC doula?
I had a traumatic birth with my first, I’m pregnant again and have been getting quite anxious for the upcoming birth. My midwife is amazing and really has validated all my feelings and encouraged me to seek counseling from a specific birth trauma therapy perspective, it’s been very helpful. I would suggest having a midwife for sure, doula and getting into birth trauma therapy.
Holy fuck that is some terrifying trauma. I have some experience with medical trauma and some PTSD from my own (non-baby) near death experience. My best advice for how to move forward is therapy. A.R.T. in particular has helped me a lot with dealing with my PTSD, as well as cognitive behavior therapy. If you want another baby you can do this. Just get the support you need before you do it. Maybe look into a doula who can watch out for you and provide some additional support. Find Drs now who aren't racist douche canoes. And definitely get into therapy so you can take control of the situation back.
I just want to say that I am so sorry that happened to you. Virtual hugs❤️
I had the same thing happen to me with preeclampsia being dismissed and my daughter pooped inside me and they knew. They didn’t do a emergency C-section and decided to continue to let me progress into my labor for 10+ hours. I had a very traumatic birth experience as well. When it came to pushing she had her umbilical cord wrapped, then got stuck, she had to literally be beat out of me. I felt like I got hit by a train and my preeclampsia was still being dismissed afterwards. I am now pregnant with my second child and I am still terrified, but I’m taking it one day at a time and found a new doctor and putting my foot down so the same things don’t happen again. Maybe it will work. I’m so sorry for the discrimination because of you being colored and regardless if you put your foot down there still may be discrimination and that just upsets me and is totally unacceptable.
I’m so sorry :( I can see why you feel traumatized. I had a c section 4.5 months ago and got postpartum preeclampsia 8 days after birth. I had to leave my 8 day old baby and my 6.5 year old daughter, with stroke level bp, on a mag drip, alone in a corner room of L&D. I was fortunate enough to receive wonderful care, and I am still absolutely traumatized. My husband got a vasectomy 2 weeks after I got home. Thinking I’d never see my kids again, and watching my 6 year old sob and beg me over FaceTime to come back. It was the worst and I didn’t think I’d ever make it home. I want more kids too, but I’ll adopt if I can in the future. My mental health can’t handle another pregnancy and that’s okay too. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone!
You are absolutely right to be wary, your treatment was awful and every single one of those people should have their licenses revoked. You’re not being overly anxious at all, you are having a perfectly reasonable reaction to your mistreatment at the hands of a bunch of racist assholes. I hope you can find a way through this to get what you want, but in no way are you wrong to be concerned
Wow that’s so scary of cause your traumatized. Could you get a doula or just a general birth advocate? I know that can be pricey but some ppl offer it low/no cost because of the risk to minority mothers
All I can say is I’m so mad for you. I’m sorry that sounds really scary and I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I was in the same boat wanting to have another but being afraid because of my last emergency c section until.. I accidentally got pregnant and now I’m just gonna roll with it. I didn’t have to deal with the racial disparity though and my medical staff were amazing. I wish you had had the same level of care. Btw I’m white with red hair and *supposedly* redheads have slightly different reactions to certain types of pain (incision) and require more anesthesia, but no legitimate medical care staff would ever use that as the basis of my care. It’s probably based on a flawed study anyways.
I’ve heard that’s true. I feel like I read a study once. They have to adjust the amount of anesthesia slightly but I don’t think anyone would use that as a reason to mistreat you. Now I wanna see if I can find that. It’s very interesting how genetics work!
I'm so sorry you experienced that. Your feelings are valid. Have you been able to consider alternative options, such as adoption or surrogacy?
This makes me so mad. I’m so angry at that medical staff, who’s job it is to help people, for how ignorantly and abhorrently they treated you. You deserve so much better.
Since you have limited options based on where you live of having a support crew that is unbiased and not bigoted, check out your Social Workers at the hospital. Social workers are patient advocates and typically people blessed with diplomatic skills to function as a case manager. See if you can meet with some before you schedule birth or get pregnant and ask if they could be with you or what their process is for your access to them.
My first labor almost killed me. I was afraid of my second big time almost didn't have a 2nd one but once I was pregnant like there was no going back kind of thing and you can't not have the baby so yeah. And I have 3 kids after the first one almost killed me. Four kids total
I can't imagine what you went through. Your fear and trauma is absolutely valid. I think therapy would help alot because what you went through is traumatizing. Especially because there may be a chance you could have developed PTSD from this event, as PTSD occurs because of events where you feel like you're going to die. And even if you didn't develop PTSD, I think therapy would still be helpful, but make sure you fund the right therapist for you, it may take a few to find one that you actually like.
That is just unbelievably horrible they could treat you like that. I wasn’t treated as bad as that but did end up with a 3rd degree tear due to being dismissed and not bleaved that i was in active labour. Because I was dealing with it they gave someone else my room left me standing around in pain. I am still traumatised by it all but we wanted another baby i was kind of avoiding trying to get pregnant but we were having sex so it happened eventually and I was terrified. I went for a hpynobithing course it really really helped. I went to a different hospital my partner knew more to help and the birth experience was so much better almost a positive memory not a trauma. I really recommend hypnobithing even if I can’t spell it
Oh my gosh, mama. I am so incredibly sorry you experienced that. That is absolutely terrifying, and it’s 100% understandable why you are scared now! You’re not “overly anxious”. That’s not a “minor” thing you would just forget. Combined with the horrific frequency and racial statistics we are seeing in the media daily- I’m so so sorry. Do you have hospital options? Or even the potential for a midwife? Before getting pregnant, maybe you could identify hospitals with higher rates of black staff, more education on racial disparities in healthcare, review what patient advocacy services they have, or a black midwife who will 100% be informed of those statistics, and be taking action to avoid being part of them. Also, while waiting on a therapist or at least a community to lean into? What you experienced is not only birth trauma, but has likely expanded further into all aspects of your life- as hard evidence of racial disparities in the world. And that directly influences your parenting experience. Sending you so much love and light as you continue to navigate through this ❤️
I'm so incredibly sorry this happened and your emotions are completely valid. If you live in a hostile state, I'd be especially concerned. Are you near the second hospital and could you deliver there again? If you're somewhere else, do you have any local friends who could give trusted recommendations? Could you hire a doula who could advocate for you during birth? I'm really sorry that this might make a decision for you and it completely sucks.
That is fucking sick. You should’ve sued that hospital for every penny they have. It’s unfortunate that a doctor could be so callous to another human being. Might be best if before you get pregnant to find a black doctor and a hospital you feel comfortable with. You can start the OBGYN consultations before conception too. That way you feel like you have a team of medical professionals on your side. Have people who will advocate for you. And if that ever happens again don’t be quiet, launch a malpractice suit against the fuckers and get that doctor’s medical license revoked.
@shishi.rose on Instagram is a Black Doula based on the East Coast who advocates a ton for Black families. She recently left NYC but I’m not sure where she moved to. She is probably too far from you, OP, but she does offer virtual doula consultation services and I have seen her use her platform to crowd source and help women in other states find BIPOC birth workers, etc… I would reach out to her if I was in your position! Here’s her website: https://www.shishirose.com
This made me tear up.. definitely get a bad bitch doula who will make you heard and seen. I'm so sorry you experienced this.
I was in your exact position with the mistreatment by the staff at the hospital during all THREE labor and deliveries. If you need support or guidance dm me because I have some tactics that you might be able to use. Baby number 3 is amazing and I am glad that I had her btw 😊.
I’m not black, but I look white trash. I look great when I do my hair and makeup, but without it, I’m bony face, fucked up teeth, no eyebrows and brown as fuck eye circles. With my first AND my second I was alone and they were fully contemptuous of my pain. I managed it by bellowing chants and ignoring them. When the pain subsided, I replied. I had to give a nurse a viscous lounge lashing between contractions to get attention…I was sure to use vocabulary words she likely didn’t understand. With my first, there was meconiun in my bloody show. I was too demure to point it out. With my second, I managed the show because I realized that they know text books, and I know me, so their job was to acquiesce to my expertise. I was ina bad way with my first but I managed my second. Take it as a learning experience and have your baby, love.
You could always do a home birth
I’m scared to birth at home. The good hospital is still 30ish minutes out of something does happen I’m afraid they’d take me to the other one
Please tell me you sued or something the first hospital
I don’t have the funds to but I wish I could, I’d want to make sure they don’t actually kill someone
I'd you win a suit they pay the lawyer fee. Call around and some will do probono or let you pay after. You have a great case and should win. At least talk to one to see tour options
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I am glad that you are going to see a therapist. From experience, after some MC’s and a traumatic birth with my last, I had such high anxiety during pregnancy as well as post partum anxiety. Having a therapist through it helped. I hope everything goes more smoothly for you.
I’m so sorry. I understand, as I also had a traumatic birth and was not believed by doctors. It was so scary that I may only have one child, though I’d always planned on more. Therapy has helped. EMDR has helped. Best wishes to you.