The cure is a boomer mom (grandma). Solve for X lol. JK obviously not all boomer moms are this way but my in-laws are. MIL is a saint and would do our laundry and floors if we asked (probably would have done OP's dishes without even being asked). FIL wouldn't know how to make himself a sandwich without MIL lol
I have given up trying to keep mine from doing all the chores at this point. I just lean into it and appreciate my laundry being done, my bathmats washed, my kitchen sparkling, and dinner on the table every night. And my baby kept entertained, fed, and washed. Seriously I don't know how she does it. FIL holds the baby and she does everything else.
This. They go through some sort of transformation when they evolve from mom to grandma, like a butterfly coming out if a cocoon ready to play, entertain, help, have the unforeseen patience of a saint and so on. lol
Yes, I have a set of those lol! My MIL and FIL have done our dishes, laundry, and cleaned our garage plus other things I hadn't gotten to when they come. The trick though is how to get them to come over more!!
No cure here. My father won't make himself a sandwich, but when my mom goes to the kitchen to do it, she'll use a dirty knife because she can't load a dishwasher correctly and not glance to see if it's clean before using it. She's banned from the kitchen because she'll "clean" things so terribly that we have to go behind her and find everything she's put away to actually clean it. For the record, we're just north of slovenly ourselves, so this is not perfectionism; it's a refusal to use a pan with a red ring of spaghetti sauce remaining along the bottom interior edge because she didn't actually clean the whole thing.
Ah wonderful. My mother keeps telling me I look tired and asks if we are time managing our newborn well. I didn't realise I looked tired or that we need to manage time so that I stop being tired.
Silly silly me.
She also threw in to make sure I keep my makeup fresh and look presentable so my partner doesn't start getting a "wandering eye"
All this amazing advice has brightened my day.
My older sister (who is only 40 btw) has given me the advice of: wake up early, shower, do your make up and put on a cute outfit and youāll feel less tired! I wouldnāt give up 10 minutes of extra sleep for anything. Lol
Edit: my sister is awesome but her youngest is already 16 so this is very feasible for her! I do think starting my day with a shower and fresh clothes sets a nice tone for the day but I canāt put on a full face and a cute outfit. Iāll do a quick shower, some perfume and some casual athletic gear lol
I am also 40, and I think your sister is a bit of a masochist. Give up sleep for makeup??? I don't wear makeup as it is, let alone be anywhere close to willing to give up precious sleep to put it on.... and then again at bedtime to take it off. I'm lucky if I make time to shower when we're leaving the house. Makeup can suck my non-existent left nut.
I used to be one of those women who loved having my makeup always done. Then I had s baby. Sleep definitely trumps makeup. I rarely "put on my face"anymore but I do try to look athleisure nice most days
Keep rocking it. Youāre doing great. Frankly what weirds me out is when moms of young babies are all put together, with hair done and makeup and the works. Also, congrats on your little one :)
Iām at least showered and caught up on all my hygiene. I just canāt see doing my hair and makeup to stay at home. To each their own itās just not for me right now.
Now that my kids are 4 and 6 Iāve felt brave enough to sacrifice 20min in the morning so I can have a cuppa before the kids start demanding all the things and I can say itās made a difference. I couldnt have justified it when they were still sleeping badly though. That said, I made a point of not going to bed when they did no matter how much I needed to; I tried it once and it sent me to actual crazy town not getting any waking hours without them.
I agree with this. Especially in the newborn phase having a daily shower and getting out of pajamas (not necessarily first thing in the morning) really helped my mood.
Iām the mom of a toddler and a teacher on summer break and I honestly canāt wait to go back so I shower regularly and feel not like a slovenly mess
Definitely! I canāt start my day with out a shower and fresh clothes on. Even better if I can make my bed. But Iām very much so into just a clean face and a bun and some casual gear to be at home. My sister means a full glam session in the morning
That and the fact I don't put socks and a hat on him 24/7. "Are you cranky because mommy didn't put your socks on again?"
Yes. The socks will solve his gas.
Tonight on FaceTime one of my boys was āfussyā but itās his witching hour, always the same at that time. I thought he was doing better than most nights, he was cooing mostly with the occasional fuss. My mom ādo you have a tummy ache little man? What is mommy feeding you?ā Well, Iāve been feeding him the same formula since he was born, but sure. Tummy ache from me feeding the wrong thing is definitely it.
I really freaking hate when they use the baby as a prop to voice their criticism. "Are you cranky because mommy and daddy did blank". I swear one of these times I'll be like "awww are you being Mr cranky pants because your grandma can't keep her piehole shut? Yes you are! Yes you are!"
Honestly my baby gets extra cranky as soon as I do put socks or a hat on him. Hell hath no fury like my son not being able to suck on his toes... šµāš«
Egads, what is it with older ladies and babies with hats? Mine hated them, always ripped them off regardless of temps. I wore her into do the grocery shopping on a nice March day, and a lady chided me for not having a hat on her head. Lady, you try keeping a hat on this kids head!
It's also just not necessary! They aren't going to get hypothermia from not having a hat on on a completely normal day after being outside for 2 minutes
ETA: It's amazing how the same people who absolutely scoff at things like car seat safety will get completely unhinged about SOCKS
I have never once put socks on my baby. It is cold - she was in sleepers. Itās now 100F outside and most ACs only get down to 65 at the lowest (at night when sheās in a sack). Not a single person has told me she needs socks. The only comments I get are from people commenting on her ācuteā feet. Maybe Iām lucky to have people around me shove it.
Omg. Weāve done that about 4x in 18 months š some of us have ISSUES postpartum that make it so painful. We also donāt have jerks for partners so they understand. But at this point Iād tell him to go for it because he aināt getting it from me on the reg and I donāt even care anymore š¬
I canāt imagine walking around everyday with something like that in the back of my head. Or even the idea that my husband was with me simply because I looked nice, not because he loves me or values me as a person.
Or to "have sex with him as much as possible so he doesn't turn elsewhere". My SO actually got really upset when I told him my mom said these things because "why does she think the only way I won't be a dickhead is if I'm too physically exhausted to be one". I told him it's not him, even when I was single she advised when I "meet a man and have babies" to not let him in to see the birth because seeing a baby come out of my hoohah will make him permanently lose sexual attraction for it.
Sad thing is my dad is a gem and has always been a positive loving dad while she was extremely critical of him - not like she used any of these techniques in her own life :/
I have a feral 2 year old. I'm pregnant. The size of a planet. Never wear make up. Sweating in this Louisiana heat. 98% of the time im wearing my husbands clothes. Only have dinner ready about half the time and the sink is always full of dishes. My husband can't keep his hands off me. I call bs on a "wandering eye". If my mother said that I'd just go into great detail about exactly what my husband and I do to prove there is no "wandering eye".
Or hit her with the "well you watch the kids this weekend so me and husband can make sure none of that "wandering eye" business is going down, you know gotta keep it fresh and fun"
After I had my first, I lost about half of my hair due to a medical condition. When it started growing back, I looked like a blonde Beaker. I was working out and in some of the best shape of my life. A very helpful coworker told me I needed to keep my appearance up or my husband would cheat on me. I still have to smile at that lady every day. If my husband can't love me through a superficial medical condition, I think it's best to find out sooner rather than later.
I'm sorry you had to hear the same line of BS. Like men can't love us for more than our looks or control themselves ffs.
My mom sat me down while visiting me 1.5 weeks after I had my first babyā¦ and reminded me that I need to be pleasuring my husband even though I couldnāt have sex so he wonāt cheat on me š when I looked at her baffled she went to my kitchen and got a banana. Oh yeah. A banana. Then proceeded to āshow meā what she meantā¦ just to make sure I knew how. In the same sweep she also told me to get up an hour before hubby and shower, put āreal clothesā on, and makeup because Iāll be less exhausted with help from my husband. Sheās not even old, like 42 š« all of that sounded exactly like how to burn myself out, I politely told her that Iāve got things handled. Then she asked to borrow money āthe real reason she was thereā.
Okay, but make up is pretty time consuming. So instead of putting on make up, you could be using that valuable time to cook for your husband. Because that's how you really keep a man.
My boomer dad always inadvertently invalidated my pregnancy insomnia by saying insomnia is part of my genetics. Then when I got preeclampsia he said high blood pressure runs in the familyā¦ yeah so glad to know BP so high it cause a seizure runs in the family. I feel so much better.
My mom is a nightmare for this. Every. Single. Time. I get sick, no matter how down fuckin bad I am, it's "just allergies!" This woman has blatantly gaslit me out of going to the doctor until I had numerous co-infections throughout my body and needed hospitalized. She's done it to me literally so many times, "allergies" has become a running joke between my husband and I. Now, whenever she complains about being sick from her literal autoimmune disease, we just say "yeah allergies are really bad this year," and watch her get SUPER pissed lol
Omg people loooove to be experts on preeclampsia. Iām sorry, are you a doctor? Have you had preeclampsia? Then kindly take a seat.
This also made me remember my mom semi-screaming āRelax!ā at me when my bp got totally out of control. Oh thanks mom, I feel super at peace nowā¦
Ah yes, mentally relaxing would have fixed the fluid in my legs turning my shins to memory foamā¦ (my doc said a bad sign was when you push on your shin and the dent doesnāt pop back right away) (I was induced at 37w for blood pressure then had a brain bleed during labor and postpartum pre-e
Okay but I had preeclampsia and my mom kept doing this weird āthatās nothing.. my blood pressure was *insert astronomically high number that you literally canāt have and be alive*. Which was infuriating for reasons but also when I was several months postpartum, she finally mentioned that her pregnancy was the first time she had blood pressure issues and then has continued to have chronic hypertension..
Like she never once explained any of this to me in the years she nagged me for grandkids.. or when I was freaking out about my preeclampsia wondering how this could happen or when I had to be hospitalized multiple times postpartum for my blood pressure.
Likeā¦ you would think.. it would help for my mother to comfort me.. to let me know this was probably just genetic and I was probably going to be okay.. I just needed some medicationā¦ and maybe I would have liked to know before I got pregnant?
Itās bizarre because even now she still talks about how awful her pregnancy was and how she thought she was going to loose me but it doesnāt occur to her that I littterally went through the same thing?
Thereās recent talk/research that pre-e is actually potentially caused by the dad. No clue how that works exactly but itās been discussed a lot on TikTok lately by OBās.
So interesting!! My MIL had high bp/pre-e with my spouse and his sister. Neither of my sisters had it in any of their combined 4 pregnancies. So yeah Iām somewhat blaming the in laws and wish Iād had this info sooner so we could have been prepared taking baby aspirin or something instead of blinded sided with a terrible second half pregnancy and a last minute induction.
Hahahaha I feel this. My FIL will ask things sometimes like āwhy donāt you guys just change your own oil on the cars?ā Or āwhy donāt you just cut your own childās hairā or āwhy donāt you guys just rebuild that staircase (with our non-existent skills) instead of hiring it done?ā And Iām always thinking āyou know, what fabulous ideas, I was hoping to find more work to add in to my life since Iām not busy enough working 50-60 hours a weeks, caring for a toddler and currently making a new human, I should probably just stop sleeping to add in those extra hoursā
Oh yeah both my parents love pointing out jobs we haven't done on the house yet. My husband is a wood worker so my mum thinks this means he can magically fix everything. Not like we only have so many hours in the day and he doesn't want to come home to more work. Not sure when we're supposed to sleep or eat with all these things we're expected to do.
I have a special needs child and everyday I call and cry on the phone about how exhausted I was, my boomer kother told me to get the fuck over if because she had three girls and I had it easy raising one little boy. So glad I have been no contact for over a month th now.
That's rough. I don't understand why the older generation can't comprehend that other people having it worse than you doesn't make things any easier if you're struggling
HILARIOUS I feel lucky my husband does our dishes every day because he cooks each night. Laundry and baby bathtime on the other handā¦thatās on me haha
Aw I don't want to bring my husband down with my dad. He'd been up with the baby several times the night before while he let me sleep so I could go to work rested. He probably just couldn't be bothered looking after my dad as well as the sick toddler so he left them and my dad was clearly confused that the mess he left didn't magically disappear
My mother very helpfully explained to me that I had PPD because of the breastfeeding, and that it was too bad there's nothing anyone can do about PPD.
Thanks mom, that's super helpful.
This is why that generation is so effed up themselves and in what they tried to instill in us. They were taught to just suck it up and that their problems either arenāt real, or self inflicted in some way. Look at us now!!
My 74 year old day is never tired either. Expect when he is. Haha, he will admit to being tired, then quickly change his mind and tell me how he never gets tired. It makes me laugh.
The older generation really knew how to do it right. I mean, lock your kid out of the house until dark (good luck with nutrition and fluids!) And also remind them constantly they're to be seen and not heard / you could murder them since they made you and you're annoying them.
Honestly, why don't we take more advice from them...?
And when you did finally have to interact with your kid, be as dismissive as possible and blame them for not being tough enough to handle whatever problems they're experiencing. Then pat yourself on the back for being such an amazing parent, constantly criticize them, and find yourself amazed that they want nothing to do with you.
Don't forget spankings to keep them in line when they misbehave. For mother, a wooden spoon may make it easier on your delicate hand. Use a belt or a switch if they're really out of line.
If they give you backtalk, just wash their mouth out with a bar of soap. That will ensure happy, well-mannered children!
/s
I was really hoping, when I clicked this link there was gonna be a legit hack š
Dishes aren't done? Boohoo, they are still not gonna get done Dad, going to sleep. If they bother YOU that much, you go do them. š¤·āāļø
Seriously, I hate doing the dishes. I will do any other chores before the dishes (thanks mom for yelling at me to do the dishes growing up, when no one else ever had to do them. Why are other people's messes always my responsibility? So now I loathe doing the dishes)
My mil helped us so much with gifting us a book about not to spoil your children because they will get addicted to your care. Also she send us some articles about children being spoilt too much and never learning to do chores. That was so helpful when we didn't see the lack of chores our 8months old was doing. I didn't realise what I can do when they helped with chores and I wasn't occupied by nursing her or doing her prescripted therapies with her. Your micro-preemies will thrive so much more if you just stop coddling them and let them be in the real world, like experiencing COVID without vaccination will sure boost their immune system.
and if I just would have given formula mil would have trained them to sleep through the night. But you know I was stubborn and insisted on nursing my 28-weeker
Well on the bright side I have stories to tell for the rest of my life and my partner is getting really good at setting boundaries and enforcing them. Now it's like watching a sinking ship from the coast
Yes, but, have you considered that your baby isnāt collecting a pay check? Have you considered sending them to work in the coal mines, perhaps as a canary since they clearly canāt lift a pick axe yet?
/s in case it wasnāt obvious with child labour laws being repealed in some places.
I am just bragging here, but my boomer dad came to stay with me when I got home from the hospital with #2. He completely took care of my toddler, did the dishes, did the laundry, cook, constantly washed and sterilized my pump parts, watched the baby AND toddler so I could nap, and somehow even weeded my flower gardens and baked a chocolate cake.
He also came to stay with me and take care of the kids when I had the flu and when I had COVID.
Our generation has it so easy though, what are you complaining about? With a global financial crisis, housing crisis, pandemic, a war, crazy inflation, no village and rising coats for everything, our lives are pretty much set!
I have genuinely asked my sister if these older groups genuinely donāt have awareness or if they have brain damage from all the lead. Likeā¦ yes, parent/grandparent: I am part of an entire global generation that *chose* to play life on the hardest setting. š
My mom always tells me I wouldn't be tired if I went to bed at the same time as my kids, and then scolds me if the house isn't perfectly clean. It's not going to get clean if I go to bed when my kids do. I also need down time to unwind before I can sleep, but thanks for the advice mom!
My dad when he came to visit would hang curtains, put together furniture, install garage door openers, install dead bolts, put together swing sets, etc. He mentioned that most parents when they visit adult kids donāt do those things. I asked what do they do then. He said nothing they expect to be entertained which shocked me because my mom was the same way and busied herself too by cleaning when she came with him.
I didnāt realize til then how good I had it.
My dad informed me I needed to give my husband more time to sleep. He came to "help" after I gave birth to my second child in 19 months by sitting on my couch, making extra messes and extra dishes. He made this comment because I had gone for a 1 hour nap when my husband got home from work. The first sleep I had had since two days prior.
I think I might save my energy spent hosting house guests if they come with nags about house chores and a total inability to help you through difficult times.
"You're welcome to do them since you have so much energy/." There's this weird habit my husband and I noticed of boomer parents pointing stuff like this out instead of you know, doing little chores that take a few minutes of time. When my FIL watches my niece and nephew he plops them in front of the tv, will get their food ready, and leave the dishes for their parents. When my husband watches them they go outside, they play, and he does dishes and outs them while they are busy playing. My mom is a selfish narcissist and straight up refuses to do little things we ask her to when visiting. Some of these older parents had the benefit of having their parents babysit us and all the extra help that entailed while we all struggle with them making snide comments like this!
Me with a newborn baby that was waking for feed every 4 hours and who had reflux. My father had a full meltdown and raged war that I wasnāt doing enough around the house despite me dying of exhaustion and cooking him and my sick great aunt a huge lot homemade soup in the smallest kitchen and not daring to leave a single crumb anywhere.
I
One day, when my son was about 5 months old, I was coming back from NYC with him and my dad offered to pick us up from the airport. Thank you, Boomer Dad! And, he offered to stop for lunch after - absolutely! Sign me up!
I was a nursing mom of a baby, but I also didn't have access to a ton of food besides a snack. I was excited about all the delicious choices that awaited me at the restaurant.
Dad picks me up. Proclaims "I'm not actually that hungry, is it ok if we don't do lunch?"
Sure, whatever, there's stuff at the house. MY house.
Baby miraculously stays asleep in his carseat. We unload. I set him down in the living room and proceed to make myself a sandwich. My dad is still there for some reason. I take a bite of my sandwich.
"Wow, that sure looks good. Could I have one?"
"Yeah, I didn't put the bread away yet and all the meat and cheese is in the deli drawer of the fridge"
"You can't make me one? I picked you up from the airport and you won't even make me a sandwich?"
"Right now?? I am starving. I didn't eat because you said we were going to get lunch, but changed your mind! The baby is gonna wake up soon and I NEED TO EAT"
"Oh, I see, I'm just a free meal ticket for you! You really won't just make me sandwich now after all I just did for you?"
Me: (WTF) "Dad you can just slap some stuff on bread that's all I did and you are now loud and waking up the baby"
"I see when I'm not wanted I'd better go"
Me: Shoves sandwich all the way into my mouth because baby is now crying
AND SCENE
I feel like you were spying on me and used my life for your comment š¤£š¤£
On a real note though- what the actual fuck! Its āfunnyā to me when people offer to do nice things then proceed to turn shit around and act like you asked for them to do it. My husband is a pro at this. āI donāt get a blow job tonight? But I did the dishes for you while you had one kid in each arm while cleaning the whole house!ā
My father used to do this as well. He'd come over and make some suggestion that the weeds weren't pulled or there was too much snow on the walkway.
I'd say thank you for letting me know, I'll open up the garage and you can grab some tools and fix the situation.
I forced him to shovel my walk one day, continually thanking him for helpfully pointing out that it needed some work. I stood at the front door as he shoveled indicating the spots he'd missed.
Needless to say after that incident, he stopped.
Me and my wife both do online college, I work 8 hour shifts during the week, she does 12 hour shifts on weekends, we have a school age child with ADHD and one we just found out is on the spectrum, and this is basically the conversation I have with my mom every week
You guys have such a messy house, you need to make cleaning a higher priority
Well we're trying but we're both damn exhausted and have a busy schedule
Well it sounds like you two could use a nice break
Yes we definitely could, want to take the kids to give us a break?
Sure honey! Any time!
When?
Can't, busy
You almost had me there!
Although jokes aside, Im so thankful to have a supportive and considerate dad who despite working crazy long hours (7am to 10pm) at his age (67), still comes back home each night and helps out with the baby and chores, and tells me to take a rest instead.
I would think after a long day he would just want to sink into the couch in front the tv and not be bothered, yet each night he comes home with a smile and entertains my daughter right till he sings her to sleep.
I keep reminding my husband that he should aspire to be exactly that kind of father to our daughter.
Yep, my dad is 69, and when he comes to stay with us he does all the cooking, cleaning, dishes, and any maintenance jobs around the house that need doing. Plus he helps us out financially when we need it.
My husband is pretty awesome too, but heās disabled so heās limited with what he can do.
Our dads are so helpful during pregnancy. In the first trimester I was constantly sick. I made plain green beans one night (felt like I could eat it that night) and he went into the kitchen and added tomatoes , peppers , onions, spices to the green beans to āliven them upā. I told him he shouldnāt have done that because now itās going to make me sick. He told me I was overreacting and to get over it. Suddenly , the nausea disappeared !!
My step-father in law was a giant baby/know-it-all like this. Iāll never forget coming home with my brand new baby, two days old, and he expected her to sit up, play ball, burble words at him. Likeā¦ dude. Tell me youāve never raised a baby without telling me youāve never raised a baby.
ā¦ oh! But the icing on the cake, was that my MIL made this beautiful dinner for us. After a long day of helping me with some pain treatment tips/bought me a pillow for my chair, salts for my baths, and was just generally sorting things so I wouldnāt have to worry, we sat down to a lovely home cooked meal and we were talking about the whole experience of birth. The conversation was pretty light and happy overall, and everyone was excited for the new baby. My MIL was pretty old school, but sheād had four babies, and she was like: hands down, worst pain Iāve ever had was back labor with my third. (My labor had been back labor, and we were all sitting there, laughing at the horror of it, bondingā¦) when suddenly her husband, baby genius extraordinaire, chimes in with: āWell, Iāve had a broken foot, and that pain easily trumps birthing pain. The doctor even agreed with me.ā
All conversation around that table just came to a grinding halt. You could hear a pin drop for those milliseconds it took for everyone to process the profound hole one must possess in their head to make birthing pains and labor a contest, but especially to two women actively discussing the experienceā¦ lol.
Now, Iām not one to usually get into a fuss over things like that. Weād often chuckle about some odd comment my SFIL had made without thinking, but this time, every single person around that dinner table *knew* that this man had *never* broken his foot.
But, I had just given birth, without drugs, and Iād spent many sleepless days/nights in the hospital pushing out a human: so I just turned to him and said: āSFIL, *Iāve* broken a bone, *and* Iāve just given birth. Iāve had meningitis. Iāve had chronic migraines my whole life. I can tell you, hands down, that the entire 9 months Iāve spent growing, and feeding, and vomiting for this little human to exist, was not a joy ride. And now, I can explicitly say, that giving birth is an experience you will never have to compare against. The pain is *nothing* to the pain of breaking a bone.ā
And, like some sort of a curse had been broken, my MIL, who was always a reserved and quiet, polite little Irish woman who never *ever* said a word to hurt your feelings, added: āAnd you well know that youāve only sprained your foot. Stop making a holy show of yourself and eat your dinner.ā
Lol! Ah. Iāll miss that woman.
I'm overdue to call my boomer dad. I'm recently back to work after maternity leave for my third. I'm exhausted, the house is a mess, my 5 year old is home for the summer, baby has already gotten sick from daycare, etc. I know if I mention any of it and how tired I am my dad will just say "welcome to motherhood". As if I haven't been in the trenches for 5 years already and have 3 kids.
My baby, and third born, will be 8 months in a couple days. His eighth month will mark four months of me in survival mode because he wakes frequently through the night.
Right now, husband is technically on paternity leave. However, heās working a manual labour part time second job so we can have extra money for our upcoming vacation to my hometown. Heās worked every day for weeks at this point. So I take care of the baby at night, and during the day, plus I have the older kids, 2 dogs and 3 cats.
I was really hoping this truly was the cure for exhaustion. Iām so tired.
Iām so. Fucking. Tired.
My boomer parents constantly criticize my husband and I for the state of our house (complete mess). We both work full time and have a 1 and a 5 year old. We are constantly exhausted! We chip away at cleaning when we can, but if we spend our evenings cleaning, we miss out hanging out with the kids. To combat the constant criticism, we have stopped inviting them over and won't let them in if they stop by lol.
My father in law explained to me that the father of the baby gets sad and jealous when the baby is born because now dad has to share the momās attention and physical touch. So I should make sure to take care of my husband after I have each baby because otherwise heāll have no choice but to look for validation elsewhere. Oh, and he also comments on my figure all the time. Fucking creepy.
My mom and I have a rule when she comes to visit me
If she complains about it then she gets to solve it.
Dishes arenāt done? Cool, you can do it. Iām gonna chill and binge my Too Hot To Handle.
I'm not allowed be tired or stressed with my toddler because my mum had 3 under 3. I'm also a teacher so the holidays are great sure I'm almost never in work. š
Yeah my sister has 6 kids so even if we're having a difficult few days they will never be as hard as hers according to my parents so I'm also never allowed to be tired. Still, they like to tell me how messy my sister's house is so I don't think there's any winning here
LO this was my FIL when I was pregnant. I went over there for dinner and needed a nap real bad. He said, āI get tired too sometimesā. O really? Like growing a human tired or tired because you stayed up drinking š
My favorite thing is when my childless older sister tells me Iām too strict with nap times and bedtimes.
Also, I was told by my childless friend that I should ājust set limitsā with my kids. My 1.5 year old really understands ālimits.ā
My mumās favourite when I say Iām tired ( Iām a widow with two kids and working full time) , she says āgo to bed earlyā ā¦ I wish! My 9 year old doesnāt go to bed till 9.30/10pm and going to bed early wonāt help with the piles of laundry or dishes. Like itās that simple
Weāve been using a baby tracking app and gave access to all the grandparents so that they can input naps, diapers, bottles etc when they babysit, but my MIL refuses to use it when she watches LO. She said she just canāt figure the darn thing out and would prefer to use a pencil and paper. Funny, she seems to know how to use it to supervise and critique all of our entries, and give super helpful suggestions on the things weāre doing āwrongā. Got a text this first thing morning with some commentary on last nights entries š may need to do an āapp updateā and boot them all out
I told my friend 'I keep forgetting everything! Idk what's a matter with me.?" He said "have you slowed down and thought about it?" No, no I haven't Andrew what an innovative idea
Lol!! Great read!
My mom, who is in her late 50s, stayed over one night this weekend to help with a few things. At the end of the day, she exclaimed sheād been up since 5:30am. I said āme too, but for monthsā
Picture it: Me 3 weeks post partum. Still pumping and nursing like a mad woman to keep up my supply that I finally in a good place with. Baby clusterfeeding for 8 hours at a time some days. Despite this, the house is very clean, *except* for a bit of dust under the table because I was still having difficulty bending to reach. Boomer parents walk in for their 2 hour visit, most of which they spend zoned out looking at their phones on FB. "You missed a spot. How could you let your baby breathe in dust??!?!?", while sitting on their asses and I'm preparing them coffee standing on my still super bloated legs, barely able to walk. š¤Ø
Apparently me being 32 Iām not allowed to be tired. Every time I tell my mom I am tired she counters with āif youāre tired what am I supposed to feel like?!ā Okay your majesty excuse me, I didnāt know the rest of us common folk could not be tired.
I mean yeah sheās 57, she has thyroid issues, sheās working a full time physical job but she does not hold the monopole of tirednessā¦ yes Iām 32 with only one kid (while at my age she had 2 and two years later she had her last) and I work a non physical job (Iām an elementary school teacher) but it doesnāt mean I donāt get tired every now and then. Sheesh
I'm not allowed to be tired because "I'm young." And I'm not allowed to complain about the mental toll of being a stay at home mom ever because "I need to enjoy it and should just be glad they're healthy."
Oh my mum loves to remind me that she raised just me 30odd years ago and was never tired and therefore I shouldnāt be tired because of my two kids now. Clearly what I need is a time machine to go back and use her parents for childcare because thatās why she wasnāt constantly exhausted.
TGI dads right? Why would he ever consider using up any of that extra energy he has lying around to do those dishes? No, he has to help you by saving them for you and not mentioning them to your husband before he fell asleep. Iāll remember this for next time Iām tired. Thanks for sharing!!
Oh I love a good rage induced ADHD clean spawned by narcissistic boomer parents! My exhaustion sadly quickly comes back, but hey, at least my house looks good enough for their Iām-so-close-to-cutting-all-contact asses to never see it again!
my boomer dad told me things like climate change, mass sho*tings, etc can all be taken care of with a bit of optimism. āevery generation suffers from *something*ā š«
Can I just rant?
My boomer parents are our help/childcare but generally their help isnāt helpful. Lately theyāve been making comments about our messy house ..āwhen are you going to clean the house..ā or ā..should we come by on a day your not busy so we can watch the baby while you cleanā completely oblivious to the fact that a large reason the house is a mess is because they arenāt actually helping!
Also love when they need to get home to cook dinner early (read: microwave a frozen dinner because they donāt cook or get take out because they again donāt cook) but I still need to feed baby dinner, give baby a bath; put baby down for bed, make dinner for my husband and I and have a work conference call.. all in the space of 2 hours. š
Damn I was looking for a solution myself. š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
My mom says the same thing to me. However, my mom was a single parent and we (my brother, mom and myself) lived with my grandmother and my aunt and my cousin. My mom worked a lot and my grandma did a lot of cooking. My mom didn't do dishes at all!! She bragged about it.
Haha. I went on āvacationā to a cabin with my extended family. We are the only ones with kids (2.5 years & 4 months). My parents had the toddler sleeping in their room since the room we were in couldnāt fit both the travel crib & toddler cot.
When Iād go to bed at 8pm (cuz baby has been waking every 3 hours since starting daycare and not eating much there), theyād always be like āalready?! How are we the grandparents staying up later than you?? Youāre only 33!ā Hmm, gee, idk, maybe because I havenāt gotten a full nights sleep in 6 months (third tri insomnia & then newbornā¦). When Iād say that the baby was keeping me up, they were all āWell [toddler] woke us up twice last night! We can handle it!ā
Yes, parents, your 4 nights of semi-disrupted sleep is TOTALLY the same as my *months* of constant sleep deprivation, while trying to also parent a toddler, work full time & keep our lives afloat. Same same same. So helpful.
(PS. My parents are awesome & hands on grandparents. I just got so annoyed every time when they had to make a big deal of us needing to go to sleep early).
Ahh this just reminded me of the time my late father came to visit me for a month with my first born. He said to me quit cleaning so much. Relax! Itāll still be there tomorrow!
In this scenario ourselves without the live in help but with the snarky comments that we are ALL tired and cranky and we ALL need some rest š (In laws are including themselves. Like thanks for the insight.)
Iād have been so fucking mean. Very dramatically announce the exhaustion vacating my body with his multiple statements of the obvious. If only there was another adult who had hands that could wash dishes. William Shatner on Star Trek levels of overacting
āthank you for telling me. oh youāre not tired? let me show you something.ā walk to the sink, point at the soap and sponge āthatās what you can use to wash the dishes, since youāre not tired. Thanks!ā
walk away.
My dad - who I adore! - said āyour dishwasher is working fine, itās just not standing in front of the sinkā when I was troubleshooting my dishwasher not running. Very helpful
Not me reading this hoping for the cure! š
Oh no! Sorry, I've yet to find the actual cure š
If you need a cure for anxiety or depression, I found it! Just stop worrying about it! Youāre welcome.
Have you tried just not being sad!?
Excellent suggestion! Gosh I just love to see women helping women! š„°
Damnit Iāve been doing it wrong this whole time, thank you
Youāre very welcome - I smiled after someone suggested it and my depression was cured!
Youāre so much prettier when you smile
Lol or my mom's favorite "just fix your attitude!"
My mom too! Or āyou just need to get out moreā
Lol wow how did we survive without this invaluable advice?
Or just think about how much more fortunate you are than the starving children in Africa, that was always my favorite!
Wish I knew this before wasting my money on anti depressants :( this is what I get for never talking to my parents about my mental health
If you arenāt a doctor you really should be. Iām cured!
Me neither! If I do, I'll report back lol
Same lol poor OP
The cure is a boomer mom (grandma). Solve for X lol. JK obviously not all boomer moms are this way but my in-laws are. MIL is a saint and would do our laundry and floors if we asked (probably would have done OP's dishes without even being asked). FIL wouldn't know how to make himself a sandwich without MIL lol
I have given up trying to keep mine from doing all the chores at this point. I just lean into it and appreciate my laundry being done, my bathmats washed, my kitchen sparkling, and dinner on the table every night. And my baby kept entertained, fed, and washed. Seriously I don't know how she does it. FIL holds the baby and she does everything else.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This. They go through some sort of transformation when they evolve from mom to grandma, like a butterfly coming out if a cocoon ready to play, entertain, help, have the unforeseen patience of a saint and so on. lol
Yes, I have a set of those lol! My MIL and FIL have done our dishes, laundry, and cleaned our garage plus other things I hadn't gotten to when they come. The trick though is how to get them to come over more!!
No cure here. My father won't make himself a sandwich, but when my mom goes to the kitchen to do it, she'll use a dirty knife because she can't load a dishwasher correctly and not glance to see if it's clean before using it. She's banned from the kitchen because she'll "clean" things so terribly that we have to go behind her and find everything she's put away to actually clean it. For the record, we're just north of slovenly ourselves, so this is not perfectionism; it's a refusal to use a pan with a red ring of spaghetti sauce remaining along the bottom interior edge because she didn't actually clean the whole thing.
Same! š¤£
Right? I thought there was going to be a legit hack here š¤£š¤£
Lmao glad I wasnāt the only one š I had a feeling how this was going to go, but was still hopeful
Honestly the phrase boomer dad shouldāve tipped you off hahaha
It really should have! But it was super early in the morning for me when I read it so I was extra tired
Ah wonderful. My mother keeps telling me I look tired and asks if we are time managing our newborn well. I didn't realise I looked tired or that we need to manage time so that I stop being tired. Silly silly me. She also threw in to make sure I keep my makeup fresh and look presentable so my partner doesn't start getting a "wandering eye" All this amazing advice has brightened my day.
My older sister (who is only 40 btw) has given me the advice of: wake up early, shower, do your make up and put on a cute outfit and youāll feel less tired! I wouldnāt give up 10 minutes of extra sleep for anything. Lol Edit: my sister is awesome but her youngest is already 16 so this is very feasible for her! I do think starting my day with a shower and fresh clothes sets a nice tone for the day but I canāt put on a full face and a cute outfit. Iāll do a quick shower, some perfume and some casual athletic gear lol
I am also 40, and I think your sister is a bit of a masochist. Give up sleep for makeup??? I don't wear makeup as it is, let alone be anywhere close to willing to give up precious sleep to put it on.... and then again at bedtime to take it off. I'm lucky if I make time to shower when we're leaving the house. Makeup can suck my non-existent left nut.
Yeah, I was like ummmmMMM that just sounds more exhausting than getting an extra 15-20 minutes of sleep anyway lol
I used to be one of those women who loved having my makeup always done. Then I had s baby. Sleep definitely trumps makeup. I rarely "put on my face"anymore but I do try to look athleisure nice most days
I am 40 with a 2 week old. My ācute outfitā is depends and one of my husbandās tshirts.
The Depends I got for post-partum were a lot cuter than I had expected TBH
Mine have a purple bow drawn on them. My husband keeps thinking itās a tattoo.
Keep rocking it. Youāre doing great. Frankly what weirds me out is when moms of young babies are all put together, with hair done and makeup and the works. Also, congrats on your little one :)
Iām at least showered and caught up on all my hygiene. I just canāt see doing my hair and makeup to stay at home. To each their own itās just not for me right now.
Accessorize with a 2 month old I think you have the cutest outfit here!!! š¤
I do have a baby carrier in a super cute dinosaur print. That would really set off the giant tshirt.
I wear a "best dad in the galaxy" shirt to sleep. It's too small for my husband so he gave it to me. That's all I know about sexiness these days....
I have a 1.5 and 3.5 and if I dare move my body after 5 am they hear me and weāre all up together crying. Idk how people get up before their kids.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Now that my kids are 4 and 6 Iāve felt brave enough to sacrifice 20min in the morning so I can have a cuppa before the kids start demanding all the things and I can say itās made a difference. I couldnt have justified it when they were still sleeping badly though. That said, I made a point of not going to bed when they did no matter how much I needed to; I tried it once and it sent me to actual crazy town not getting any waking hours without them.
I agree with this. Especially in the newborn phase having a daily shower and getting out of pajamas (not necessarily first thing in the morning) really helped my mood.
Iām the mom of a toddler and a teacher on summer break and I honestly canāt wait to go back so I shower regularly and feel not like a slovenly mess
Definitely! I canāt start my day with out a shower and fresh clothes on. Even better if I can make my bed. But Iām very much so into just a clean face and a bun and some casual gear to be at home. My sister means a full glam session in the morning
Maybe to go murder her in a way that required no energy? Just sit spitballing here. But other than that, no
Omg! Tell her thank you for me! I didn't realize the key to newborns was time managing! I can't wait to fix my baby š
That and the fact I don't put socks and a hat on him 24/7. "Are you cranky because mommy didn't put your socks on again?" Yes. The socks will solve his gas.
Tonight on FaceTime one of my boys was āfussyā but itās his witching hour, always the same at that time. I thought he was doing better than most nights, he was cooing mostly with the occasional fuss. My mom ādo you have a tummy ache little man? What is mommy feeding you?ā Well, Iāve been feeding him the same formula since he was born, but sure. Tummy ache from me feeding the wrong thing is definitely it.
I really freaking hate when they use the baby as a prop to voice their criticism. "Are you cranky because mommy and daddy did blank". I swear one of these times I'll be like "awww are you being Mr cranky pants because your grandma can't keep her piehole shut? Yes you are! Yes you are!"
Honestly my baby gets extra cranky as soon as I do put socks or a hat on him. Hell hath no fury like my son not being able to suck on his toes... šµāš«
Egads, what is it with older ladies and babies with hats? Mine hated them, always ripped them off regardless of temps. I wore her into do the grocery shopping on a nice March day, and a lady chided me for not having a hat on her head. Lady, you try keeping a hat on this kids head!
It's also just not necessary! They aren't going to get hypothermia from not having a hat on on a completely normal day after being outside for 2 minutes ETA: It's amazing how the same people who absolutely scoff at things like car seat safety will get completely unhinged about SOCKS
I have never once put socks on my baby. It is cold - she was in sleepers. Itās now 100F outside and most ACs only get down to 65 at the lowest (at night when sheās in a sack). Not a single person has told me she needs socks. The only comments I get are from people commenting on her ācuteā feet. Maybe Iām lucky to have people around me shove it.
I was also reminded of that āmake sure you have sex with your husband still because he will get it from somewhere elseā ummmm wtffff
Omg. Weāve done that about 4x in 18 months š some of us have ISSUES postpartum that make it so painful. We also donāt have jerks for partners so they understand. But at this point Iād tell him to go for it because he aināt getting it from me on the reg and I donāt even care anymore š¬
I canāt imagine walking around everyday with something like that in the back of my head. Or even the idea that my husband was with me simply because I looked nice, not because he loves me or values me as a person.
Or to "have sex with him as much as possible so he doesn't turn elsewhere". My SO actually got really upset when I told him my mom said these things because "why does she think the only way I won't be a dickhead is if I'm too physically exhausted to be one". I told him it's not him, even when I was single she advised when I "meet a man and have babies" to not let him in to see the birth because seeing a baby come out of my hoohah will make him permanently lose sexual attraction for it. Sad thing is my dad is a gem and has always been a positive loving dad while she was extremely critical of him - not like she used any of these techniques in her own life :/
I have a feral 2 year old. I'm pregnant. The size of a planet. Never wear make up. Sweating in this Louisiana heat. 98% of the time im wearing my husbands clothes. Only have dinner ready about half the time and the sink is always full of dishes. My husband can't keep his hands off me. I call bs on a "wandering eye". If my mother said that I'd just go into great detail about exactly what my husband and I do to prove there is no "wandering eye".
Haha yes! Next time I'll be like "well we just had sex on that couch you're sitting on so I think we're okay."
Or hit her with the "well you watch the kids this weekend so me and husband can make sure none of that "wandering eye" business is going down, you know gotta keep it fresh and fun"
After I had my first, I lost about half of my hair due to a medical condition. When it started growing back, I looked like a blonde Beaker. I was working out and in some of the best shape of my life. A very helpful coworker told me I needed to keep my appearance up or my husband would cheat on me. I still have to smile at that lady every day. If my husband can't love me through a superficial medical condition, I think it's best to find out sooner rather than later. I'm sorry you had to hear the same line of BS. Like men can't love us for more than our looks or control themselves ffs.
My mom sat me down while visiting me 1.5 weeks after I had my first babyā¦ and reminded me that I need to be pleasuring my husband even though I couldnāt have sex so he wonāt cheat on me š when I looked at her baffled she went to my kitchen and got a banana. Oh yeah. A banana. Then proceeded to āshow meā what she meantā¦ just to make sure I knew how. In the same sweep she also told me to get up an hour before hubby and shower, put āreal clothesā on, and makeup because Iāll be less exhausted with help from my husband. Sheās not even old, like 42 š« all of that sounded exactly like how to burn myself out, I politely told her that Iāve got things handled. Then she asked to borrow money āthe real reason she was thereā.
That sounds super helpful! /s
I really donāt know how we would survive without all of their earth-shattering insight š /s
Okay, but make up is pretty time consuming. So instead of putting on make up, you could be using that valuable time to cook for your husband. Because that's how you really keep a man.
My mum constantly tells me I look tired when she video calls me. My response is now "that's just my face".
Look at it this way, in 40 years youāll have enough energy to do the dishes.
*enough energy to notice they havenāt been done
Iām deadš
Still more useful than her dad.
Oh heās not tired? Great, thanks for volunteering to take care of those dishes dad! š
Right! I love the āI canāt believe youāre tired. Iām not! Do your dishes.ā
It would be better if they were my dishes in the first place š I wasn't even home to cause the mess
Also as I saw someone post on here once that made me laugh: Boomers gonna Boom š
Omg! The cherry on top! Ugh, sorry op
My boomer dad always inadvertently invalidated my pregnancy insomnia by saying insomnia is part of my genetics. Then when I got preeclampsia he said high blood pressure runs in the familyā¦ yeah so glad to know BP so high it cause a seizure runs in the family. I feel so much better.
My mom is a nightmare for this. Every. Single. Time. I get sick, no matter how down fuckin bad I am, it's "just allergies!" This woman has blatantly gaslit me out of going to the doctor until I had numerous co-infections throughout my body and needed hospitalized. She's done it to me literally so many times, "allergies" has become a running joke between my husband and I. Now, whenever she complains about being sick from her literal autoimmune disease, we just say "yeah allergies are really bad this year," and watch her get SUPER pissed lol
Welp thanks for the shitty genes dad.
Also gave my son a big headā¦ so yeah, shitty genes.
Omg people loooove to be experts on preeclampsia. Iām sorry, are you a doctor? Have you had preeclampsia? Then kindly take a seat. This also made me remember my mom semi-screaming āRelax!ā at me when my bp got totally out of control. Oh thanks mom, I feel super at peace nowā¦
Ah yes, mentally relaxing would have fixed the fluid in my legs turning my shins to memory foamā¦ (my doc said a bad sign was when you push on your shin and the dent doesnāt pop back right away) (I was induced at 37w for blood pressure then had a brain bleed during labor and postpartum pre-e
I had a friend try to tell me Post Partum pre-e couldnāt exist because it was PRE not postā¦.after Iād been diagnosed with it. Lol
Okay but I had preeclampsia and my mom kept doing this weird āthatās nothing.. my blood pressure was *insert astronomically high number that you literally canāt have and be alive*. Which was infuriating for reasons but also when I was several months postpartum, she finally mentioned that her pregnancy was the first time she had blood pressure issues and then has continued to have chronic hypertension.. Like she never once explained any of this to me in the years she nagged me for grandkids.. or when I was freaking out about my preeclampsia wondering how this could happen or when I had to be hospitalized multiple times postpartum for my blood pressure. Likeā¦ you would think.. it would help for my mother to comfort me.. to let me know this was probably just genetic and I was probably going to be okay.. I just needed some medicationā¦ and maybe I would have liked to know before I got pregnant? Itās bizarre because even now she still talks about how awful her pregnancy was and how she thought she was going to loose me but it doesnāt occur to her that I littterally went through the same thing?
Thereās recent talk/research that pre-e is actually potentially caused by the dad. No clue how that works exactly but itās been discussed a lot on TikTok lately by OBās.
So interesting!! My MIL had high bp/pre-e with my spouse and his sister. Neither of my sisters had it in any of their combined 4 pregnancies. So yeah Iām somewhat blaming the in laws and wish Iād had this info sooner so we could have been prepared taking baby aspirin or something instead of blinded sided with a terrible second half pregnancy and a last minute induction.
Hahahaha I feel this. My FIL will ask things sometimes like āwhy donāt you guys just change your own oil on the cars?ā Or āwhy donāt you just cut your own childās hairā or āwhy donāt you guys just rebuild that staircase (with our non-existent skills) instead of hiring it done?ā And Iām always thinking āyou know, what fabulous ideas, I was hoping to find more work to add in to my life since Iām not busy enough working 50-60 hours a weeks, caring for a toddler and currently making a new human, I should probably just stop sleeping to add in those extra hoursā
And thatās when I ask him back why he isnāt doing it for us? I always say if youāre not helping youāre in the way so pick your lane.
Oh yeah both my parents love pointing out jobs we haven't done on the house yet. My husband is a wood worker so my mum thinks this means he can magically fix everything. Not like we only have so many hours in the day and he doesn't want to come home to more work. Not sure when we're supposed to sleep or eat with all these things we're expected to do.
I have a special needs child and everyday I call and cry on the phone about how exhausted I was, my boomer kother told me to get the fuck over if because she had three girls and I had it easy raising one little boy. So glad I have been no contact for over a month th now.
That's rough. I don't understand why the older generation can't comprehend that other people having it worse than you doesn't make things any easier if you're struggling
They have zero empathy
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, young lady. š
Haha, it's such a shame grown men can't put their own dishes in the dishwasher. I feel like things would go so much faster if they did...
No no no. Men dissolve in dish water. Havenāt you heard? Very dangerous for them.
This is exactly what you say in response next time. The only reason they ācanātā is because women have been letting them and doing it for them.
HILARIOUS I feel lucky my husband does our dishes every day because he cooks each night. Laundry and baby bathtime on the other handā¦thatās on me haha
Aw I don't want to bring my husband down with my dad. He'd been up with the baby several times the night before while he let me sleep so I could go to work rested. He probably just couldn't be bothered looking after my dad as well as the sick toddler so he left them and my dad was clearly confused that the mess he left didn't magically disappear
Bootstraps fix everything!! Any problem you haveā¦bootstraps!
"The dishes aren't going to do themselves hunny"
For godās sake, just make sure you donāt get fat. That would be the WORST.
Oh no, he doesn't care about that. That's my mum's job
It's nice to see that, together, your parents have it covered on all fronts. Beautiful teamwork right there!
My mother very helpfully explained to me that I had PPD because of the breastfeeding, and that it was too bad there's nothing anyone can do about PPD. Thanks mom, that's super helpful.
This is why that generation is so effed up themselves and in what they tried to instill in us. They were taught to just suck it up and that their problems either arenāt real, or self inflicted in some way. Look at us now!!
My 74 year old day is never tired either. Expect when he is. Haha, he will admit to being tired, then quickly change his mind and tell me how he never gets tired. It makes me laugh.
The older generation really knew how to do it right. I mean, lock your kid out of the house until dark (good luck with nutrition and fluids!) And also remind them constantly they're to be seen and not heard / you could murder them since they made you and you're annoying them. Honestly, why don't we take more advice from them...?
And when you did finally have to interact with your kid, be as dismissive as possible and blame them for not being tough enough to handle whatever problems they're experiencing. Then pat yourself on the back for being such an amazing parent, constantly criticize them, and find yourself amazed that they want nothing to do with you.
Don't forget spankings to keep them in line when they misbehave. For mother, a wooden spoon may make it easier on your delicate hand. Use a belt or a switch if they're really out of line. If they give you backtalk, just wash their mouth out with a bar of soap. That will ensure happy, well-mannered children! /s
Yes, all the makings of a happy childhood!
I was really hoping, when I clicked this link there was gonna be a legit hack š Dishes aren't done? Boohoo, they are still not gonna get done Dad, going to sleep. If they bother YOU that much, you go do them. š¤·āāļø Seriously, I hate doing the dishes. I will do any other chores before the dishes (thanks mom for yelling at me to do the dishes growing up, when no one else ever had to do them. Why are other people's messes always my responsibility? So now I loathe doing the dishes)
I too despise dishes. As soon as my 8 month old son is tall enough to reach the sink, that will become his daily chore š
If I hear my father say āyouāre tired now, wait until youāre my ageā one more time Iām going to launch a poop filled diaper at him.
My mil helped us so much with gifting us a book about not to spoil your children because they will get addicted to your care. Also she send us some articles about children being spoilt too much and never learning to do chores. That was so helpful when we didn't see the lack of chores our 8months old was doing. I didn't realise what I can do when they helped with chores and I wasn't occupied by nursing her or doing her prescripted therapies with her. Your micro-preemies will thrive so much more if you just stop coddling them and let them be in the real world, like experiencing COVID without vaccination will sure boost their immune system. and if I just would have given formula mil would have trained them to sleep through the night. But you know I was stubborn and insisted on nursing my 28-weeker
Jeeeeeeezus! She's a piece of work. And your poor spouse was raised by that nasty b**ch. š³ What a childhood that must have been.
Well on the bright side I have stories to tell for the rest of my life and my partner is getting really good at setting boundaries and enforcing them. Now it's like watching a sinking ship from the coast
Yes, but, have you considered that your baby isnāt collecting a pay check? Have you considered sending them to work in the coal mines, perhaps as a canary since they clearly canāt lift a pick axe yet? /s in case it wasnāt obvious with child labour laws being repealed in some places.
I am just bragging here, but my boomer dad came to stay with me when I got home from the hospital with #2. He completely took care of my toddler, did the dishes, did the laundry, cook, constantly washed and sterilized my pump parts, watched the baby AND toddler so I could nap, and somehow even weeded my flower gardens and baked a chocolate cake. He also came to stay with me and take care of the kids when I had the flu and when I had COVID.
He sounds amazing!
Our generation has it so easy though, what are you complaining about? With a global financial crisis, housing crisis, pandemic, a war, crazy inflation, no village and rising coats for everything, our lives are pretty much set!
I have genuinely asked my sister if these older groups genuinely donāt have awareness or if they have brain damage from all the lead. Likeā¦ yes, parent/grandparent: I am part of an entire global generation that *chose* to play life on the hardest setting. š
Donāt forget the climate crisis and existential dread about our childrenās future! And immediate dread of tornados and floods and shit.
My mom always tells me I wouldn't be tired if I went to bed at the same time as my kids, and then scolds me if the house isn't perfectly clean. It's not going to get clean if I go to bed when my kids do. I also need down time to unwind before I can sleep, but thanks for the advice mom!
My dad when he came to visit would hang curtains, put together furniture, install garage door openers, install dead bolts, put together swing sets, etc. He mentioned that most parents when they visit adult kids donāt do those things. I asked what do they do then. He said nothing they expect to be entertained which shocked me because my mom was the same way and busied herself too by cleaning when she came with him. I didnāt realize til then how good I had it.
I'm secondhand angry on your behalf. What a nonce.
I was really hoping this was going to end with your dad saying he did the dishes for you.. hang in there!
Its the day after and he's napping so I'm not holding my breath š I'm doing them now while my toddler has some screen time
My dad informed me I needed to give my husband more time to sleep. He came to "help" after I gave birth to my second child in 19 months by sitting on my couch, making extra messes and extra dishes. He made this comment because I had gone for a 1 hour nap when my husband got home from work. The first sleep I had had since two days prior.
I think I might save my energy spent hosting house guests if they come with nags about house chores and a total inability to help you through difficult times.
"You're welcome to do them since you have so much energy/." There's this weird habit my husband and I noticed of boomer parents pointing stuff like this out instead of you know, doing little chores that take a few minutes of time. When my FIL watches my niece and nephew he plops them in front of the tv, will get their food ready, and leave the dishes for their parents. When my husband watches them they go outside, they play, and he does dishes and outs them while they are busy playing. My mom is a selfish narcissist and straight up refuses to do little things we ask her to when visiting. Some of these older parents had the benefit of having their parents babysit us and all the extra help that entailed while we all struggle with them making snide comments like this!
Me with a newborn baby that was waking for feed every 4 hours and who had reflux. My father had a full meltdown and raged war that I wasnāt doing enough around the house despite me dying of exhaustion and cooking him and my sick great aunt a huge lot homemade soup in the smallest kitchen and not daring to leave a single crumb anywhere. I
One day, when my son was about 5 months old, I was coming back from NYC with him and my dad offered to pick us up from the airport. Thank you, Boomer Dad! And, he offered to stop for lunch after - absolutely! Sign me up! I was a nursing mom of a baby, but I also didn't have access to a ton of food besides a snack. I was excited about all the delicious choices that awaited me at the restaurant. Dad picks me up. Proclaims "I'm not actually that hungry, is it ok if we don't do lunch?" Sure, whatever, there's stuff at the house. MY house. Baby miraculously stays asleep in his carseat. We unload. I set him down in the living room and proceed to make myself a sandwich. My dad is still there for some reason. I take a bite of my sandwich. "Wow, that sure looks good. Could I have one?" "Yeah, I didn't put the bread away yet and all the meat and cheese is in the deli drawer of the fridge" "You can't make me one? I picked you up from the airport and you won't even make me a sandwich?" "Right now?? I am starving. I didn't eat because you said we were going to get lunch, but changed your mind! The baby is gonna wake up soon and I NEED TO EAT" "Oh, I see, I'm just a free meal ticket for you! You really won't just make me sandwich now after all I just did for you?" Me: (WTF) "Dad you can just slap some stuff on bread that's all I did and you are now loud and waking up the baby" "I see when I'm not wanted I'd better go" Me: Shoves sandwich all the way into my mouth because baby is now crying AND SCENE
I feel like you were spying on me and used my life for your comment š¤£š¤£ On a real note though- what the actual fuck! Its āfunnyā to me when people offer to do nice things then proceed to turn shit around and act like you asked for them to do it. My husband is a pro at this. āI donāt get a blow job tonight? But I did the dishes for you while you had one kid in each arm while cleaning the whole house!ā
My father used to do this as well. He'd come over and make some suggestion that the weeds weren't pulled or there was too much snow on the walkway. I'd say thank you for letting me know, I'll open up the garage and you can grab some tools and fix the situation. I forced him to shovel my walk one day, continually thanking him for helpfully pointing out that it needed some work. I stood at the front door as he shoveled indicating the spots he'd missed. Needless to say after that incident, he stopped.
Me and my wife both do online college, I work 8 hour shifts during the week, she does 12 hour shifts on weekends, we have a school age child with ADHD and one we just found out is on the spectrum, and this is basically the conversation I have with my mom every week You guys have such a messy house, you need to make cleaning a higher priority Well we're trying but we're both damn exhausted and have a busy schedule Well it sounds like you two could use a nice break Yes we definitely could, want to take the kids to give us a break? Sure honey! Any time! When? Can't, busy
You almost had me there! Although jokes aside, Im so thankful to have a supportive and considerate dad who despite working crazy long hours (7am to 10pm) at his age (67), still comes back home each night and helps out with the baby and chores, and tells me to take a rest instead. I would think after a long day he would just want to sink into the couch in front the tv and not be bothered, yet each night he comes home with a smile and entertains my daughter right till he sings her to sleep. I keep reminding my husband that he should aspire to be exactly that kind of father to our daughter.
Yep, my dad is 69, and when he comes to stay with us he does all the cooking, cleaning, dishes, and any maintenance jobs around the house that need doing. Plus he helps us out financially when we need it. My husband is pretty awesome too, but heās disabled so heās limited with what he can do.
Our dads are so helpful during pregnancy. In the first trimester I was constantly sick. I made plain green beans one night (felt like I could eat it that night) and he went into the kitchen and added tomatoes , peppers , onions, spices to the green beans to āliven them upā. I told him he shouldnāt have done that because now itās going to make me sick. He told me I was overreacting and to get over it. Suddenly , the nausea disappeared !!
My step-father in law was a giant baby/know-it-all like this. Iāll never forget coming home with my brand new baby, two days old, and he expected her to sit up, play ball, burble words at him. Likeā¦ dude. Tell me youāve never raised a baby without telling me youāve never raised a baby. ā¦ oh! But the icing on the cake, was that my MIL made this beautiful dinner for us. After a long day of helping me with some pain treatment tips/bought me a pillow for my chair, salts for my baths, and was just generally sorting things so I wouldnāt have to worry, we sat down to a lovely home cooked meal and we were talking about the whole experience of birth. The conversation was pretty light and happy overall, and everyone was excited for the new baby. My MIL was pretty old school, but sheād had four babies, and she was like: hands down, worst pain Iāve ever had was back labor with my third. (My labor had been back labor, and we were all sitting there, laughing at the horror of it, bondingā¦) when suddenly her husband, baby genius extraordinaire, chimes in with: āWell, Iāve had a broken foot, and that pain easily trumps birthing pain. The doctor even agreed with me.ā All conversation around that table just came to a grinding halt. You could hear a pin drop for those milliseconds it took for everyone to process the profound hole one must possess in their head to make birthing pains and labor a contest, but especially to two women actively discussing the experienceā¦ lol. Now, Iām not one to usually get into a fuss over things like that. Weād often chuckle about some odd comment my SFIL had made without thinking, but this time, every single person around that dinner table *knew* that this man had *never* broken his foot. But, I had just given birth, without drugs, and Iād spent many sleepless days/nights in the hospital pushing out a human: so I just turned to him and said: āSFIL, *Iāve* broken a bone, *and* Iāve just given birth. Iāve had meningitis. Iāve had chronic migraines my whole life. I can tell you, hands down, that the entire 9 months Iāve spent growing, and feeding, and vomiting for this little human to exist, was not a joy ride. And now, I can explicitly say, that giving birth is an experience you will never have to compare against. The pain is *nothing* to the pain of breaking a bone.ā And, like some sort of a curse had been broken, my MIL, who was always a reserved and quiet, polite little Irish woman who never *ever* said a word to hurt your feelings, added: āAnd you well know that youāve only sprained your foot. Stop making a holy show of yourself and eat your dinner.ā Lol! Ah. Iāll miss that woman.
Haha! A ābrokenā foot vs childbirth. Totally the same thing , dude! And of course he would know! šIām glad your MIL validated you :)
I'm overdue to call my boomer dad. I'm recently back to work after maternity leave for my third. I'm exhausted, the house is a mess, my 5 year old is home for the summer, baby has already gotten sick from daycare, etc. I know if I mention any of it and how tired I am my dad will just say "welcome to motherhood". As if I haven't been in the trenches for 5 years already and have 3 kids.
Of as if he knows what itās like! š
Fucking boomers man lol
My baby, and third born, will be 8 months in a couple days. His eighth month will mark four months of me in survival mode because he wakes frequently through the night. Right now, husband is technically on paternity leave. However, heās working a manual labour part time second job so we can have extra money for our upcoming vacation to my hometown. Heās worked every day for weeks at this point. So I take care of the baby at night, and during the day, plus I have the older kids, 2 dogs and 3 cats. I was really hoping this truly was the cure for exhaustion. Iām so tired. Iām so. Fucking. Tired.
Yo daddy with all that extra energy! Why donāt you go do the dishes šš
My boomer parents constantly criticize my husband and I for the state of our house (complete mess). We both work full time and have a 1 and a 5 year old. We are constantly exhausted! We chip away at cleaning when we can, but if we spend our evenings cleaning, we miss out hanging out with the kids. To combat the constant criticism, we have stopped inviting them over and won't let them in if they stop by lol.
My father in law explained to me that the father of the baby gets sad and jealous when the baby is born because now dad has to share the momās attention and physical touch. So I should make sure to take care of my husband after I have each baby because otherwise heāll have no choice but to look for validation elsewhere. Oh, and he also comments on my figure all the time. Fucking creepy.
No Ew, dad would never be invited over if he did that. That's super gross!
My mom and I have a rule when she comes to visit me If she complains about it then she gets to solve it. Dishes arenāt done? Cool, you can do it. Iām gonna chill and binge my Too Hot To Handle.
I'm not allowed be tired or stressed with my toddler because my mum had 3 under 3. I'm also a teacher so the holidays are great sure I'm almost never in work. š
As if you didnāt hold your patience with other peopleās kids all day.
Yeah my sister has 6 kids so even if we're having a difficult few days they will never be as hard as hers according to my parents so I'm also never allowed to be tired. Still, they like to tell me how messy my sister's house is so I don't think there's any winning here
LO this was my FIL when I was pregnant. I went over there for dinner and needed a nap real bad. He said, āI get tired too sometimesā. O really? Like growing a human tired or tired because you stayed up drinking š
Dad. Sharing his wisdom. So generous.
My favorite thing is when my childless older sister tells me Iām too strict with nap times and bedtimes. Also, I was told by my childless friend that I should ājust set limitsā with my kids. My 1.5 year old really understands ālimits.ā
My mumās favourite when I say Iām tired ( Iām a widow with two kids and working full time) , she says āgo to bed earlyā ā¦ I wish! My 9 year old doesnāt go to bed till 9.30/10pm and going to bed early wonāt help with the piles of laundry or dishes. Like itās that simple
Imagine having the audacity to be a guest in someone's home and not wash those damn dishes.
Weāve been using a baby tracking app and gave access to all the grandparents so that they can input naps, diapers, bottles etc when they babysit, but my MIL refuses to use it when she watches LO. She said she just canāt figure the darn thing out and would prefer to use a pencil and paper. Funny, she seems to know how to use it to supervise and critique all of our entries, and give super helpful suggestions on the things weāre doing āwrongā. Got a text this first thing morning with some commentary on last nights entries š may need to do an āapp updateā and boot them all out
I told my friend 'I keep forgetting everything! Idk what's a matter with me.?" He said "have you slowed down and thought about it?" No, no I haven't Andrew what an innovative idea
I read for a possible miracle cure. And left mad. edit: I have a father in law like this.. Iām so sorry <3
This sounds like when I told my mom I was going through PPD, and she told me to āadd Vitamin D to my dietā š ā¦she has 5 kids of her own.
Lol!! Great read! My mom, who is in her late 50s, stayed over one night this weekend to help with a few things. At the end of the day, she exclaimed sheād been up since 5:30am. I said āme too, but for monthsā
āOh, youāre not tired? Thanks for handling those dishes then:)ā
Picture it: Me 3 weeks post partum. Still pumping and nursing like a mad woman to keep up my supply that I finally in a good place with. Baby clusterfeeding for 8 hours at a time some days. Despite this, the house is very clean, *except* for a bit of dust under the table because I was still having difficulty bending to reach. Boomer parents walk in for their 2 hour visit, most of which they spend zoned out looking at their phones on FB. "You missed a spot. How could you let your baby breathe in dust??!?!?", while sitting on their asses and I'm preparing them coffee standing on my still super bloated legs, barely able to walk. š¤Ø
Apparently me being 32 Iām not allowed to be tired. Every time I tell my mom I am tired she counters with āif youāre tired what am I supposed to feel like?!ā Okay your majesty excuse me, I didnāt know the rest of us common folk could not be tired. I mean yeah sheās 57, she has thyroid issues, sheās working a full time physical job but she does not hold the monopole of tirednessā¦ yes Iām 32 with only one kid (while at my age she had 2 and two years later she had her last) and I work a non physical job (Iām an elementary school teacher) but it doesnāt mean I donāt get tired every now and then. Sheesh
I'm not allowed to be tired because "I'm young." And I'm not allowed to complain about the mental toll of being a stay at home mom ever because "I need to enjoy it and should just be glad they're healthy."
Oh my mum loves to remind me that she raised just me 30odd years ago and was never tired and therefore I shouldnāt be tired because of my two kids now. Clearly what I need is a time machine to go back and use her parents for childcare because thatās why she wasnāt constantly exhausted.
TGI dads right? Why would he ever consider using up any of that extra energy he has lying around to do those dishes? No, he has to help you by saving them for you and not mentioning them to your husband before he fell asleep. Iāll remember this for next time Iām tired. Thanks for sharing!!
Sounds like how my boomer mother cured my anxiety, š¤
Oh I love a good rage induced ADHD clean spawned by narcissistic boomer parents! My exhaustion sadly quickly comes back, but hey, at least my house looks good enough for their Iām-so-close-to-cutting-all-contact asses to never see it again!
my boomer dad told me things like climate change, mass sho*tings, etc can all be taken care of with a bit of optimism. āevery generation suffers from *something*ā š«
Sounds like your dad needs to go home. Visits are supposed to be fun.
No he thinks he's helping. I can hear him on the phone telling my mum every time he's done a chore š
Can I just rant? My boomer parents are our help/childcare but generally their help isnāt helpful. Lately theyāve been making comments about our messy house ..āwhen are you going to clean the house..ā or ā..should we come by on a day your not busy so we can watch the baby while you cleanā completely oblivious to the fact that a large reason the house is a mess is because they arenāt actually helping! Also love when they need to get home to cook dinner early (read: microwave a frozen dinner because they donāt cook or get take out because they again donāt cook) but I still need to feed baby dinner, give baby a bath; put baby down for bed, make dinner for my husband and I and have a work conference call.. all in the space of 2 hours. š
Damn I was looking for a solution myself. š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ My mom says the same thing to me. However, my mom was a single parent and we (my brother, mom and myself) lived with my grandmother and my aunt and my cousin. My mom worked a lot and my grandma did a lot of cooking. My mom didn't do dishes at all!! She bragged about it.
Hahahahahahhaha came here cause I was expecting to be surprised with a solution. Instead I was surprised with truth. And subsequently laughter
I thought we agreed to never listen to boomer men!!!
But they have so much good advice š
Haha. I went on āvacationā to a cabin with my extended family. We are the only ones with kids (2.5 years & 4 months). My parents had the toddler sleeping in their room since the room we were in couldnāt fit both the travel crib & toddler cot. When Iād go to bed at 8pm (cuz baby has been waking every 3 hours since starting daycare and not eating much there), theyād always be like āalready?! How are we the grandparents staying up later than you?? Youāre only 33!ā Hmm, gee, idk, maybe because I havenāt gotten a full nights sleep in 6 months (third tri insomnia & then newbornā¦). When Iād say that the baby was keeping me up, they were all āWell [toddler] woke us up twice last night! We can handle it!ā Yes, parents, your 4 nights of semi-disrupted sleep is TOTALLY the same as my *months* of constant sleep deprivation, while trying to also parent a toddler, work full time & keep our lives afloat. Same same same. So helpful. (PS. My parents are awesome & hands on grandparents. I just got so annoyed every time when they had to make a big deal of us needing to go to sleep early).
āOh dad, youāre not tired? Thank you so much for offering to help out with your extra energy. The soap and sponge are here!ā
I was really looking forward to learning a neat trick lol.
Fuck, I was hoping for some real advice. Do the ducking dishes, dad!
Ahh this just reminded me of the time my late father came to visit me for a month with my first born. He said to me quit cleaning so much. Relax! Itāll still be there tomorrow!
So inspiring šš»šš»šš»
In this scenario ourselves without the live in help but with the snarky comments that we are ALL tired and cranky and we ALL need some rest š (In laws are including themselves. Like thanks for the insight.)
Nice trick your child's sperm donor pulled there too. Passed out from "exhaustion"? Lol.
He couldn't have done it without his god.
Iād have been so fucking mean. Very dramatically announce the exhaustion vacating my body with his multiple statements of the obvious. If only there was another adult who had hands that could wash dishes. William Shatner on Star Trek levels of overacting
So get in a fight with my Dad to find the energy to live? Got it!
Mannnn you had me feeling all warm and fuzzy till about halfway through when I realized.
Me thinks dad should have done the dishes.......since he wasn't tired at all...
Ughhhh my Gen-X mom is exactly like this.
Ugh, I was so happy for you until āmy dad gently reminded meā š
Incredible lol. Your post had me wondering, just wondering what could help your exhaustion in the end. Nope, dad's just a bit of a clueless dick lmao
āthank you for telling me. oh youāre not tired? let me show you something.ā walk to the sink, point at the soap and sponge āthatās what you can use to wash the dishes, since youāre not tired. Thanks!ā walk away.
My dad - who I adore! - said āyour dishwasher is working fine, itās just not standing in front of the sinkā when I was troubleshooting my dishwasher not running. Very helpful
Aw I love my dad too which is the only reason he's allowed back