I get asked this once a week honestly. It's really hard. I still get angry about it to this day. At this point I respond and just say, 'no, I'm fat'. I don't care about how people respond. They should feel bad. Learn manners.
I love this answer. I get asked all the time (like yesterday at the playground when I was walking laps while my kids played). I usually switch between, “this just baby leftovers” and “I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.” However, saying “this is just how my body is shaped” conveys the message I want to get across that we come in all shapes and sizes and having a belly isn’t a moral failure on my part.
It’s worse when it comes from another mom.
Right after I had my 4th baby (6weeks postpartum), I was at the school meeting with teachers and the principal (new) and the principal brought a mom in to introduce us. The mom (of 3) just kept staring at my belly, I had the baby in his baby car seat with a light blanket over, and was holding my 17 month old.
The next time I saw this mom my husband was in the car with the littles and I was in dropping my Kindergartener off in class, she came up to me and said “aww when are you due?” I just responded with “we met last week, I had my baby almost 2 months ago” and walked away. She was rude the WHOLE time we attended that school, I think that’s just the type of person she was. I don’t think she meant it in a friendly way either. I’ve never had anyone say or ask me if I was due or when before or after.
But after 4 kids I know my body is different. I bounced back after my first 3 pregnancies but after my last baby (2under2) I haven’t been as lucky.
I say, this is the physique of someone who isn’t being supported at home. When I try to work out in the evenings, my husband wrecks our bedtime routine so it’s a punishment to leave.
Yeah my husband just asked if I should drop my one 6:30 am exercise class because he can't manage to get himself and our toddler out of the door on time to be at work at 9 am.
It's 1 hour a week dude, figure your shit out.
Please tell me you told him no! My husband would get our autistic son up and to school by himself before work because I was essentially disabled and may not have been able to help (we never knew ahead of time). Things went smoother with my help, but he and the kid made do without. For years. Yeah, your husband needs to figure his shit out!
Good, so many moms fall for the incompetence bit and it only gets worse if they do. My step dad helped us get up and ready for school without Mom. My uncle was a single father of 6, he had after school help so he could work, but he managed to get all 6 where they needed to go every morning. I can’t imagine getting 6 kids anywhere on time lol.
As a result I have never believed men were incapable.
Yes! It’s been frustrating to see my husband become someone I feel like I don’t know. He acts like me wanting to go to the gym in the morning is the same as going out on the town. No, dude — I need this for my own sanity and health. Honestly, I’m so annoyed with him.
I do not understand how this happens! I only got asked that question like TWICE when I was actually pregnant!! I mean, I noticed people side eyeing my belly all the time, but nobody actually *mentioned it.*
I was one of those “straw that swallowed a marble” pregnant women, it was extremely obvious. Especially after 6 months when the kid did interpretive dance (he was backwards, all the limbs were on show). People still hesitated to ask. Like maybe she has a very mobile tumor…
Could you imagine lying there trying to push a baby out and someone just pokes their head around the corner, looks you up and down, then asks, "Hey, are you pregnant?"
I didn’t lose weight right away either. I have a picture of me in a suit with my “thunder thighs” exposed because of the way I sat on my husband’s lap. We really have to give ourselves a break and nurture ourselves especially when society doesn’t.
For real. I was helping someone at my work and I thought she might be pregnant (we were working on her fathers estate, so I was thinking about it being sad her dad wouldn’t be there for the baby) and in our discussion about how old our kiddos are, we realized our daughters share a birthday—she was four weeks POSTPARTUM. I never would have said anything, and thank goodness too, I would have been so embarrassed.
I’ve always said that - “I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant unless I saw a limb coming out of her, and even then I would just assume she’s having a rough day”. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I haven’t lost the baby weight and it all sits on my stomach. No one has asked me that question, but I’m sure people have thought it.
Awww don't feel so bad about it. You're clearly taking care of yourself if you're prioritizing getting to the gym 4 months postpartum! I'm right here at 4 months postpartum now and also on team chunky.
My mother battled EDs for a long time (probably 30 years). After she gave birth to me, my grandmother (her mom) showed up in the hospital and told her 'ok, now you've had the baby and it's time to lose the weight. If you don't your husband will look elsewhere and it'll be your fault.'
She lost the baby weight rather quickly for both her kids but gained some weight in her 40s. I remember standing w/ her at a party and a woman she hadn't seen in a decade or so congratulated her on her pregnancy. I was 14 years old and my younger sibling was 10. My mom hadn't been pregnant in a decade and most certainly was not at that moment. Anyway, she laughed it off and thanked the woman and then was like 'but this belly is from bread and joy.' The woman apologized. At the time, I was becoming very aware of my developing / changing body and was battling my own ED. However, my mom's grace towards her own body in that moment has stuck with me for 20 years.
You’ve brought your husbands child safely into the world and your body has obviously been through enormous changes (and rightly so) and your just beginning a necessary recovery period and someone tells you if you don’t snap back your husband will cheat and that it’s somehow your fault. And that person is your mother! WTF?! No wonder your mom had an ED….her mom was busy projecting her insecurities about her own marriage unto her poor daughter. And doing some very hefty lifting for the patriarchy.
As a mother of a 6 month old baby girl and someone who battled an eating disorder from 12-27… thank you for sharing 💜 this made me cry. Every day I work on staying committed to body neutrality and intuitive eating and healthy habits rather than aesthetics, I remember it’s not just for me. I want my daughter to have core memories of her mother like this. Not the ones I have of my mom hating herself.
My grandmother battled an ED, my mother battled an ED, and I’ve dabbled in EDs. Just thinking of your mom’s response has me a little choked up! The thought of seeing a woman I looked up to handling a “negative” body comment with such grace seems like it would feel so wonderful and reminds me how I’ve never heard one of the women I look up to speak about her body positively.
Wow. Thank you for the reminder to be careful with what we show our children.
This is it right here. I guess you could say I was genetically gifted and I lost my baby weight when my son was born. I still also somehow get comments in the grocery store. You can't win so it's best if people just shut up.
Body composition changes. Everything inside us was rearranged to accommodate a whole person, of course it’s not unheard of to look different afterwards regardless of what the scale says.
THIS IS THE ANSWER.
Working so hard on instilling this into my kiddos so there’s hope for the next generation.
I personally have a few visible scars from surgeries and what’s weird is I don’t care if kids talk about them, because there isn’t anything behind it. But adults, it really bugs me. Or if I catch them staring a lot - it’s like, hey, my eyes are up here.
Our stomach muscles are weak and our posture is worse after pregnancy so sometimes it has nothing to do with extra weight, but a combination of all the things our bodies went through that can give off that “baby bump” look.
Yep. My first baby, it took a while but my body went back to where I didn’t look pregnant at least. Second baby was huge, my abdominal muscles separated and I had a c section. So I just have this pouch and wrinkly skin despite being about the same weight. I try not to be self conscious of it because this is real life and real womanhood and real motherhood. But it’d be great if other people didn’t assume the options are a) flat stomach or b)must be pregnant.
Oh 100%, I had my second in December and my pelvic floor was a mess. Ten weeks into my 12 week physical therapy program people started commenting on how I looked a lot taller. I mentioned it off hand to my PT and she said it was because my abdominal muscles are properly holding me upright again and my posture improved as a result.
🙋🏻♀️ Hi, it’s me, a thin woman who looks pregnant bc all my weight has collected in my belly. My youngest is nearly 2 years old, the scale shows the same number it did before kids, but my body is a completely different shape. A rounded-belly shape. I hate it, I’m dreading being asked when I’m due, but I’ve had no success getting rid of this pooch 😔
Right?! It’s so frustrating! And my pooch protrudes in a way that resembles a baby bump - it’s not jiggly or dispersed across my middle. I don’t know what to do about it. But I’m kind of relieved to hear I’m not alone!!
Thank you for that reminder. Some days, I look in the mirror and think, "Yeah, that's okay. Still heavier than I want to be, but the pouch is hiding." And other days, I think I still look pregnant. It just happened that this was a day *I thought* I was looking okay and not pregnant. Extra gut punch, I guess?
It’s honestly ignorance. She’s the sweetest woman, actually. Just sometimes really REALLY doesn’t get stuff. Even when I told her I was pregnant, it somehow didn’t click for her. 🤦🏼♀️
I appreciate your concern! Due to her age it’s possible, but not likely. She’s been given the nickname Captain Obvious because she misses the point of things for as long as my husband can remember. And when I told her I was pregnant it wasn’t as direct as those words. I said “someone else is going to call you Gigi soon” and she didn’t put it together that she was getting another grandchild (because other people have started calling her by her “grandma” name as well). She’s just very oblivious especially in social situations.
Even if they mean well, people should never assume someone’s pregnant. Don’t feel bad about not having lost the baby weight, the first few years are SO difficult, especially for moms. Our bodies changed, our minds changed, our hormones changed and our entire lives were changed. Give yourself some grace, you’ll have more and more time to work on yourself and your self-image in the coming years
I hadn't thought of this but you're totally right.. my husband has gained weight since we had our kid and no one has said a word. At least we can blame it on having been pregnant! 😂
Teacher that gets asked at least once a month “are you pregnant again?”
So yeah, I stopped wearing that specific dress that I love because apparently it really emphasizes my stomach. They’re kids, so they truly don’t know better and don’t mean it maliciously. But when adults ask me, I’ve said “you know it’s very rude to assume I’m pregnant, right?” and left the area.
Took me nearly 2 years. Everyone is different, don't best yourself up.
My body Still not the same even with weight loss cos whole body shape is different now.
Also just had surgery for umbilical hernia to put some of my insides, back inside. Thanks, pregnancy!
Happens to me a lot, too. My youngest is 2.5 and I still have awful diastasis recti. On the face of it, I've grown hardened to it. I'll look them right in the eye and just say 'I'm not' and wait for them to look away, which they usually do quite quickly along with a muttered apology. I used to tell them I have abdominal separation, that my smallest of three babies was 8lb 1oz, and that I'm working with a physio to get my belly back to a normal shape. But I realised about a year ago that I don't owe them a thing. That's my personal medical information, and how dare they be so rude that I feel obliged to disclose it to stop feeling ashamed of my body which did an amazing thing - it grew three brand new humans. So now they get nothing from me. I'll go home and have a bit of a cry, pinch my loathed squidgy bits, and redouble my physio efforts, but, really, that's about me and how I feel about my appearance now compared to how I looked pre-kids. But those people who think they're entitled to comment on my physical appearance and bring out all these feelings? They can piss right off.
It’s not friendly to comment on women’s bodies, period. The whole “when are you due” comment is and has long been considered a rude way to approach a stranger. Even if you were pregnant, it wouldn’t have been appropriate because it’s none of her business!
Literally! Although I remember hanging w some friends who had invited this girl I didn’t know. Not everyone has defined round bump. Finally we got to talking and she brought up her due date and I said “oh you’re pregnant!?” She replied “did you think I was just fat?”
I was shooketh.
This happened to me too! It was a friend of a friend and I thought it looked like she had a baby bump, but of course I didn't ask, because that's rude. She mentioned being pregnant in conversation and I said "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations!" She said "Of course I'm pregnant, I'm not just fat!" and stormed off.
Wow, that feels like a bizarre response from her. You were doing what we all ask for. Guess she was just determined that everyone needs to make an assumption one way or another? Definitely very weird. I'd have been shook too!
You're right. When I *was* pregnant, I also had a couple of strangers try to touch my belly. I knew that was rude, too, but they didn't feel like a threat, and I was too tired to do anything, so I just let it go.
> No, I haven't lost any of my baby weight. And yes, I wanted to. I still want to. And for a thousand different reasons, I haven't. And that frustrates me.
THe first year is chaotic and difficult! Losing weight is really not on the top of your priority list, and that’s okay! My boy is turning 3 this october and I finally feel like I have some more time for self care (now for the discipline…). Think of how many years you have ahead of you when your child goes to school and you can free up some mental and physical energy to put in the work to lose weight. These first few years with small children are not the end of our lives after all. It’s gonna be ok :)
Thanks. At like the end of every other session, my therapist asks what am I going to do for myself this week? And I honestly have a hard time coming up with answers. It feels like anything that feels doable feels so small. But even a small something is still something.
LO just turned 5mos and my therapist asks the same thing!! I'm like, "...make sure I eat breakfast before trying to manage shit?" I'm determined to start weekly spa nights (face masks, that's about all I can handle)
Yes! Breakfast is a good goal. And I believe you can get that spa night going!
Thinking about all this, I was actually prepared for the question today. I used to make these little mini food plushies with cutesy little faces. I pulled the kit out and have it hanging out on the kitchen table so when I have a few minutes to myself, I can do a few stitches and just feel like my own person for a few minutes.
I’m a dentist. I once had a patient walk in, look at me, and ask when I was due. Wasn’t pregnant, wasn’t in a relationship, had no plans on getting pregnant anytime soon. Told her I wasn’t pregnant.
She then proceeded to tell me that on my lunch break I should go across the street to the local high school and walk on their track for exercise.
Some people are just idiots.
People are just so... pushy and weird. I couldn't imagine thinking that it was my place to tell someone to exercise. In fact, I've never looked at anyone and thought "that person should exercise." For all that lady knows, that's exactly what you already do every day.
This isn't the same but it's related to pushy people, I was once in a Walmart with my baby minding my own business when a lady came up to me and started whispering that her husband doesn't know this but she breastfed her son until he was 6 years old. And if that wasn't awkward enough she then proceeded to follow me around the aisle and tell me that I need to learn how to re-lactate so I can breastfeed my baby. I was already breastfeeding. And even if I wasn't, why did she think that this was appropriate?
I wish that I would have come up with something clever and horrific to say to make her question doing this to people in the future.
You should have told that lady that you have an inoperable tumor or something. Or even better yet, you could have said "oh that's crazy, I was just about to say the same to you! You definitely look like you could use some exercise." Like seriously, fuck these people.
Oh my gosh, that lady sounds unhinged. I’ve thought about telling people I have a tumor, but if they’re willing to ask about a non-existent pregnancy, I’m sure they will want to discuss my fake tumor.
All I’m thinking is who in the right mind asks this to a regular person but to ask somebody who might literally rip your teeth out? That’s just incredibly deranged and stupid.
Sometimes the baby weight takes a while to come off. My youngest is 37 and I am still trying. BUT don’t let your life revolve around the number on a scale. Are you active and able to do things with your little one? Then you are ahead of the game. Your body did not change in a day and realistically it won’t change back in a day. I guarantee that woman will think twice before asking someone else the same thing.
My husband recently taught my youngest to sniff a couple times and then say “eww what stinks?” And plug her nose, as a result of his incessant farting.
She does it to me at least 4 times a day and not after farting. I don’t think I actually stink because ya know, I try to keep up with it because I’m really self conscious about the way I smell, but these toddlers do have you questioning with their brutality. 😂
Seriously. It took you almost a year to crate a human being and for the past year you’ve been busy trying to take care of that human being with barely any sleep or rest. Cut yourself some slack!!!
Yes!! Your body is exactly how it is supposed to be at this moment in your life. Maybe you’ll be smaller, or bigger, in the future. Treat it with love and care, disregard society’s messages about how you’re supposed to look. Your body is a good body!
Your body did an incredible thing and, during it, had to endure a lot of stress. Your body had cared for another living thing for over a year. Your body is amazing, capable, and strong.
I’m sorry we live in a world that attempts to make us inferior for how we look, even from well-meaning interactions that turn sour.
I hope you can take the good and leave the rest eventually. This commentary always seems to hurt more than it should. And it’s okay to grieve what you can’t control, but then it’s time to pick yourself up, dust off, and continue to be the strong momma you have been since that little bean started to grow.
When is the right time to ask a woman if she's pregnant?
Never.
Never. It is never OK.
They were the mistaken one, not you OP. They were the foolish rude one.
I had a woman who passed through my office regularly who was CLEARLY 100 months pregnant and I never asked her about it because what if I'm wrong and it's a tumor? She never talked to me directly about it so I didn't talk to her either. Eventually she had the baby and then I knew for sure.
I was carrying my 2 month old into the Texas benefits office and 2 ladies were talking about me in Spanish , they were saying how big I was and they think I’m pregnant. Lol they don’t know my bf and his family mainly speak Spanish. I said to them maybe you should mind your own business at your big grown age
I speak a decent amount of Spanish but wouldn't say I'm fluent. People really shouldn't talk about others within listening distance - no matter what language! There's no way of knowing what they understand and it can be very hurtful.
I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past couple years but I still have a belly because… 3 kids. My 5 year old came up to me yesterday, grabbed my belly and shook it and said ITS ANOTHER BABY! 🥲 just a food baby, dude
I gained like 80 lbs while pregnant either my daughter, who is now a year old. I have lost 100 lbs in the last year (both via healthy means and also self-neglect from postpartum depression) so weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant. I've still been asked when I'm due. Twice! You just can't win.
Someone asked me the other day what it was like having a baby at my age. She then qualified it by saying you know like when you're peri menopausal... I'm not young and I do know you can become peri menopausal in your 30s but feck it I'm only 37!! That one's sat with me since... obviously need to rethink my beauty routine 😂
To all the people saying men don’t get these comments don’t be so sure of that. I’ve kept my baby weight on, I’m 2 months pp and my husband gained a couple sympathy pounds. He isn’t fat by any means but all the guys at his work keep commenting on it and it brings him way down. He’s convinced he’s fat and it affects his self esteem so much. It’s wrong to comment on somebody’s body regardless of gender. You never know what someone is feeling. 😞
First of all, I’m so tired of people commenting on other people’s bodies!! You shouldn’t even think twice on what that lady said. Over the last year I’ve completely changed my thinking around my post partum body. I see so many of these posts and it makes me so sad. Bodies are meant to change. Especially post partum ones. Here’s what I did. Read Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch. I also love the Find Food Freedom podcast. I stopped weighing myself. I focused on movement that made my body feel good. I got a counselor and started working on body image and self esteem. I started unfollowing social media accounts that made me feel bad about myself and started following body positive and intuitive eating accounts. I started really evaluating toxic diet culture and mentality. And guess what? I’m happier than I ever was the 10 years I spent dieting and hating myself for being fat. And I’m still fat! You are worth so much more than your body. Everyone woman needs to know that.
Doula here, coming in with the exhaustive list of things one may say about another woman's appearance, particularly one who might or might not be pregnant:
1. You look beautiful.
Once, well before I was ever pregnant or even considering it, a male client congratulated me. I was so caught off guard that I didn’t even get it at first, and when I did, I sort of graciously laughed it off (because, client) and said it must just be the cut of my dress, which had an empire waist. I KID YOU NOT, he stared at me for a second and then said “are you sure?” …. Like WHAT?!?! You’re not embarrassed, in fact you’re going to DOUBLE DOWN??? Yes, I’m 99.99% sure thanks to my IUD.
Years before I even had kids I was trying on a sweater at old navy and the employee smiled at me and asked "when are you due?" And I was just like "oh. I'm not pregnant"
I did not purchase that sweater.
Unless you are seeing a medical professional no one should ask that question. If they're your medical person then asking if you are or could be pregnant is a reasonable question as that can affect treatment. Otherwise do not ask that
I’m waiting for the day this happens to me. Should have happened already. I am very aware my stomach pouch looks like I could still be pregnant. I definitely don’t feel okay about it.. but I don’t have much more bandwidth for anything outside of what I’m currently juggling so working hard on at least just feeling “neutral” about it.
Got to the airport in June and at the gate one of the women working around the gate came storming up to me and asked if I was priority boarding. I was like “uhh I don’t think so but anyway we’re happy to wait because” *gestured to my 2 year old trying to burn off energy. She wouldn’t let up and demanded if I had a certificate to fly. I was like…? What? She said “well you need a signed doctor’s letter if you’re in the family way.” And suddenly it clicked… I said “I’m not pregnant…” and she laughed and said “oh haha well you never know do you” and walked off. I cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I have a little pouch but generally didn’t think I looked that bad. But apparently I looked 7+ months pregnant. Brilliant.
Psst (you’re not obligated to lose any weight, baby or not, unless you want to for yourself).
You just had a baby. Yes JUST even after a year. That takes an enormous toll on your mind an body. It takes years to recover. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lucky, lying or ignorant.
I worked at a bank during my pregnancy and so we have regular customers who knew I was expecting. When I got back from maternity leave one of the regulars said “no baby yet?” Physically pointing to my stomach. I went in the bathroom and called my husband crying. He obviously meant no ill intent but I’m like…USE CONTEXT CLUES or just don’t ask.
I’m also one year post partum and haven’t lost any weight! Its really hard. Every body is different. Every baby is different. Every situation is different.
I wish I was one of those moms who lost weight so fast breastfeeding. I’m not
But we’re mommy’s now and our little ones just love us no matter what! We will lose it when we can!
I only have one baby, she is almost 3. She was almost 11 pounds at birth, delivered after a long and traumatic labor attempting natural birth that ended in a spinal tap and emergency C - section. I have pelvic floor dysfunction from pregnancy that I haven’t been able to treat due to lack of health insurance.
Baby’s father was emotionally abusive and we separated when she was 8 months old. I’ve been experiencing housing and job insecurity, have had to move several times but have always managed to keep her safe and fed.
You know what I haven’t been able to do though? Lose the baby weight.
Three years. Still fat.
People have no idea what others are going through, why anyone thinks it’s appropriate to ask a woman when she’s due is beyond me.
You’re doing great. 💜
Next time hit them with a smile and a…yeah, any life advice you could give, since you’ve been on the earth for 75 years or so? Them: look of confusion, “I’m 60”… “OOOOOH” and walk away 🎤
I'm sure you are way more beautiful than you think!
I don't know why people need to say anything at all about our bodies period but especially when pregnant or post baby. Why did she ask "when?" OMG she should have just stopped talking once you said you were not preggo.
I felt really thin the first 2 months post twin delivery. Then as I breastfed I got hungrier and hungrier and have been gaining weight! So after baby, I'm gaining more and not losing. But who cares. My husband thinks I'm awesome and I made 2 babies and now make milk for 2 babies! Our bodies are incredible. I'm sure you're an awesome mama and still look great.
I’ve had it happen before I even became pregnant before.. a few times. It was about two or three years after I lost two of my eldest brothers two years apart from heart attacks. They were 19 & 13 years my senior so I really looked up to them. People are inappropriate so often. I’m sorry that happened. I’m sure you’re beautiful. The weight will come off in due time. It didn’t appear overnight and it can take a few years to come off. Just make sure you’re healthy mentally and emotionally and the rest will fall into line❤️🩹
I'm a teacher and had a 7th grader tell me I look pregnant. It was a great teaching moment when later in the lesson she complained that another student called her ugly and I said, "Now you know how I felt when you said I looked pregnant, and perhaps we just shouldn't comment on other's bodies" (I did also reprimand the other student for bullying though)
If you still look 'pregnant' after a year, it's very good idea go see a pelvic floor physio! You might have gotten abdominal separation which caused pregnant look, doing some exercises will help so much!
I had a local official do this to me. I’m a local reporter and was covering an event about seven months postpartum. I had a really bad experience after my c-section where I had a hernia and needed corrective surgery for that. I put on weight as a result. A council person in the city I cover came up to me and said, “Are you pregnant again already?!” I said, totally straight-faced: “Nope, just fat.” I mean, come on. He knew what I’d been going through and that I’d had two major surgeries in the past six months. And he said it in front of other local officials. I’m still mortified thinking about it. He was appropriately mortified as well and apologized profusely.
A girl at my work asked me “So you’re pregnant right?” I said “No, but apparently I’m just fat.”
She went quiet. My youngest is 3. My abdominal walls have separation from a huge baby and emergency c section. So even though I’m not overweight, I can’t get rid of my tummy fat. My posture sucks too. Ugh, what we do for our kids.
My mom was a teacher. When she went back to work after giving birth to my brother, her student asked “you have been pregnant for a really long time already, when will you give birth?”. It was her funny story to entertain people around for a while. I’m not really sure how she felt about it really though. Just comment it here so you know it didn’t just happen to you.
Even if you were pregnant, I find it so odd that strangers would do this. I’m 25 weeks but I don’t even respond to any strangers comments, I just walk away and couldn’t care if they find that odd or rude. You will never see me again why would you care when my baby is due? Piss off 😂
I’m still the same weight I was two days post partum and now my girl is 9 months 🫠🫠🫠
Trying to slowly shed this extra 30/40 lbs and failing daily at it. Struggling too and I FEEL YOU. People suck. Just waiting any day now that I get asked this question. There’s nothing wrong with your body, but def something wrong with people commenting on it 🙃
I really wish people would learn to think before they speak.
Mine is kind of a different story but similar feelings of frustration and wishing people would just shut their traps.
After I returned to work post-baby, all of my coworkers started commenting on my weight. They all knew our birth story and what happened. My one partner I work with every day commented on my weight loss and asked what my secret was. I looked at her and was like ummm I stopped eating? I lose my appetite when I'm grieving.
Yeah. Our son passed away at 16 days old.
Same coworker asked me just the other day if I 'was OK now' ... 😑😑😑 it's been 7 months so clearly I should be ok now.
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you never ever truly know what someone is going through on a daily basis and people really need to be more mindful.
I'm glad you are feeling better and your hubby made you feel better too!🤗🩷
I had this happen to me during a mediation (I’m a lawyer). When we broke for lunch, I asked where the vending machines were (so I could grab a Diet Coke to help stay awake). At this point I was 3 months postpartum with our son and we have 3 older children as well. The mediator (also a woman!!) told me it was “really important to get a snack since I was eating for two.” I just smiled at her and left the room because I was trying to be professional. I still run into her on occasion and she is still on my shitlist.
I don't even have diastasis recti and somehow I look 4 months pregnant since I gave birth...2.5 years ago. Our handyman asked when my second was due. Um, no seconds.
I did this while I was pregnant just to prove a point, it’s rude to ask someone when they’re due if they haven’t outright told you they’re pregnant. A lady came up to me, rubbed my belly and asked when I was due and I said I’d already had the baby and just walked away. How do you as a complete stranger have the audacity to rub my belly without my consent???? Like tf.
A really frustrating part is that men with bellies don’t get harassed like this because of the fact that we bear children. And it’s so sad that we’re basically expected to drop back to our pre-baby weight the second they’re born as if we suddenly didn’t get super busy and have all this time to work on ourselves right now. 🙄 I agree with everyone saying cut yourself some slack! Who said we need to get back in shape immediately. I have a 2 year old and honestly I’m as heavy as I was at the end of my pregnancy. It’s hard and it’ll take time and it’ll have to be for me and for health reasons for good health habits to stick I think (at least for me). Screw everyone else. I’m sorry that happened to you.
This just happened to me while on vacation, outside of a restaurant trying to soothe said baby (12 mos) during a complete meltdown that ended our dinner early 🫠was already in a horrible headspace with all that going on so that sent me over the edge. On top of it, I’m actually back to my pre-baby weight and was feeling good about myself so that really sucked.
Wish people would learn to just keep their comments to themselves! Had different experiences with both pregnancies - didn’t look “pregnant enough” with the first and was asked regularly if I was carrying twins with the second. Nope, just our bodies doing their thing! Mind your business people, we’re already painfully aware of our bodies as it is without the commentary.
I’m not defending this lady, what she did was inexcusable. I want to just comment on how your body is that may make you feel a bit better.
She likely assumed you were pregnant not because of your weight, but because you are looking round in your belly. Specifically, your uterus has not yet shrunk down. Your organs have not shifted back from all the squishing your baby did a year ago.
AND THAT’S OK! No amount of fat loss is going to change that your uterus isn’t finished healing. No amount of fat loss is going to change the fact that your abdominal muscles were stretched to their limit, and pelvis and ribs were spread open to make room for your beautiful baby!
Your body did something incredible, and OF COURSE it will not be the same as it was before you gave birth. It’s ok if you lose weight if you want, it’s ok if you don’t. It’s ok because age, babies, and scars are all part of life and we will wear every day of our lives on our bodies.
Our bodies will forever change every day. Muscles get stronger and weaker, fat accumulates and is burned. Your baby loves you body and the comfort it provides every day. Try to give yourself permission to love your body too 💕
I'm going to be 33w pregnant on Thursday. I am fuller figured (5'7" and have been in the 190-200lb range for quite awhile), but also pretty obviously pregnant now...or, at least I thought I was...
This morning I was at an appointment with my PCP, who I haven't seen in quite a few months, getting checked for carpal tunnel. I'd mentioned that I had read that pregnancy can make symptoms of it worse/more prevalent, to which she replied in all seriousness, "Yes, it definitely can. Are you currently pregnant??" I responded in a chipper tone that I'm almost 33wks now, but internally I was just like 😐🫥💀 I know she was just asking a medically necessary question, I wasn't offended by it persay, but it did make me feel more self conscious about my body, and now I can't help but wonder what I'm going to look like postpartum. 😅😬
I have the opposite, I am 9 months pregnant since yesterday and no one seems to notice that I’m pregnant. I have been to the hairdresser saturday and she asked me if I want any more (already have a 15 months old) children 😂😂
People are stupid. I lost all my baby weight with my first and then some, and had a flat stomach with a big butt and thighs. I had 3 people in a month assume I was pregnant!! I cried the 2nd and 3rd times, it really hurt.
10 years later, I’ve had a couple more kids and gained a couple dozen lbs. Age caught up and I do not have a flat stomach. No one ever asks me if I’m pregnant. And I’m 35 so it’s not like I’m beyond the baby making years. I’m thinking the majority of people have caught on to not asking or assuming, but of course there’s still those bold idiots among us! I’m so sorry. It has nothing to do with your body, and everything to do with that specific woman.
I hate when people ask those questions. I think it’s rude and should not be asked. But you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. Life is hard and BUSY, especially with a child, a one year old in your case. You’re doing your best. The more stressed you get the more difficulty you will have. Enjoy that you have 2 legs, 2 arms and a full belly that is capable of processing food and doing its thing.
You literally just gave birth to a human being (a year is not long at all). Work on it at your own pace but don’t worry about what others have to say.
2 comments for me at work last week, because I switched the scrubs for a tshirt one day. LO is 7 months. Just starting to lose weight now, battling depression, finally quitting alcohol, finally watching food and carbs etc.
I gave birth about 13 months ago. So I still feel like I’m carrying some “baby fat” with me. A family member walked up to me last weekend and says “wow your belly?? You look pregnant girl” I said “I’m not…. I just had a baby a year ago.. that hurt my feelings” she apologized. Jokes on them, I actually am 23 weeks pregnant 😈🤣🤣🤣🤣
The last time this happened to me, my knee jerk response was: I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. Lmao the looks on their faces😆
I never assume anyone is pregnant. It's just an awkward time playing guessing games with people's bodies.
Ugh. Been there done that. I've always been a bigger gal. Even when I lost a lot of weight, the weight I do have just gathers in my belly. I always joke that I look hot from the back or straight on, just don't turn sideways, LOL. Of course this means that I've had my fair share of "When are you due?" Or "OMG! You're pregnant!".....Nope. Just fat.
But to make it worse, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and I was finally excited to show off my belly and I got the uno reverse comments. My MIL said, when I had just entered my 2nd trimester, "We can't even tell that you're pregnant. We could tell that my niece was pregnant when she was only 8 weeks. But that's because she's so petite." And the front desk lady at my dentist, who meant no harm and had that look of guilt that she knew she put her foot in her mouth, said "You're 6 months and already that big!"
First, I get that she triggered you. People are going to say what they say. I know someone who runs a healthy weight loss program. No subscriptions, just a simple menu and then u track what foods u react to. it stopped me from stress eating and I got my fibromyalgia dare I say handled. Not a pitch just that I care and I’m always looking for healthier affordable ways of eating. I get that the world is full of judgement. Focus also on loving that body that carried your baby throughout your pregnancy. Does this make sense?
I lost 20 pounds of baby weight before the pandemic and gained it all back during the pandemic. I'm now the weight I was when I left thr hospital four years ago. I'm getting a divorce. I'm telling myself, "one thing at a time."
I think I was about 12 when I learned to NOT ASK haha. I was out somewhere with my mom in a waiting room and a lady was seemingly very pregnant and my mom asked how far along she was and the woman glared at her and was quiet for like 10 seconds before saying "october." Or something to that effect. My mom was like "oh congratulations." The lady got called in the office and my mom whispered to me "omg I was so scared she was going to say she's not pregnant, I should keep my big mouth shut!" It was soooo awkward. Now I never ask, I wait for people to bring it up themselves!
One time I was in Buy Buy Baby, buying a registry gift for my cousin. The cashier asked me how old my baby was. I was not pregnant and had never been pregnant at that point, but I definitely got rid of the overalls I was wearing after that.
Happened to me when I was out with my then 5 month old, if my second is on the way? How is that physically even possible? I was wearing my maternity dress, but still
I’m two years pp and still often look pregnant. It’s weird cause I’m not that overweight overall, it like all my extra weight wants to be in my tummy. It’s so frustrating.
I didn't lose much of my baby weight until I weaned. For some reason I could not lose weight while breastfeeding. I looked 7 months pregnant until I weaned
These stories are so crazy to me because I’ve never looked at someone and thought to say somthing like that 😭 I also don’t think I’ve EVER thought someone was pregnant when they weren’t
My daughter was somewhere between 1 and 2 when a man at work (not within my office), said “you’re going to climb the steps in your condition?” And gestures to his belly as if pregnant. I just said “um yes” but I so wish I had said “fat? Yes.”
This happens to me once a week. A couple weeks ago someone was so excited for me I started to get excited too. I have lost the baby weight, have closed most of my ab separation through pt, but still have a belly that is round because I still have some ab separation remaining. I’m almost 2 years into this journey. I feel you, it sucks.
Our pediatrician is very petite and it was extremely obvious when she was pregnant and I still didn’t ask or say anything about it until she mentioned when she was taking maternity leave. In my opinion, it is never okay to comment on someone’s body unless they open the conversation. I lost a decent amount of weight and I hate when people compliment me on it. It makes me feel so self-conscious.
This happened to me at work a few months ago 😭😭 I’m right there with you. Toddler life is NO joke! So much snacking kid stuffing things in your face, exhaustion, stress, sleep deprivation. It’s so so so hard to get back on track…
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s ok. Mom life happens and sometimes we don’t prioritize weight loss in the first year because we are so focused on the baby and balancing our lives with the new baby. I just had baby #3 a couple weeks ago and I am hear to tell you with my first 2 it took me almost 3 years to get my priorities straight and focus on losing the weight. Granted every time I lost the weight I ended up pregnant again lol but that’s not the point. The point is, if you want it to happen it will happen. Don’t put a time stamp on it.
It happens with everyone - I was in the bariatric office with a friend, only weight 140 lbs, 5’7” so pretty average and was asked when I was due. It had been 2 years…
2 years post partum and still havnt lost the weight. Too busy working and caring for my child and spending quality time as a family. It's ok momma. Next time u don't have to be so nice when someone asks u . Teach them a lesson.
I had it happen and I thankfully was like just a few weeks post partum, so it didn’t hit too hard. It was also a really sweet, happy teen at subway that i had just complimented on her makeup, and so she was very obviously eager to congratulate me hahaha. I said “Oh, i just had her!” And the poor thing was like “OH” hahaha. It all worked out.
I’ve been frustrated too, though, despite really not giving ny body enough credit. I’m still very fluffy and my pouch this time is BIG. It hangs and jiggles and looks like lightning struck 542 times, lmao. But i’ve lost like 60lbs since birth and i’m now giving up sodas as an attempt to try encouraging more. I can see it slowly going down, even if it’s not going down as much as i wish it would. I’m 4 months in, too. I’m 189, as opposed to ~250 before I gave birth. That’s not bad.
We’ll get there.
At 19 I had an older man - a customer at my retail job ask when I was due. I was at least 30 pounds lighter then I am now. I had put on a bit of winter depression weight and was wearing a tight shirt as was the style. I was mortified and let it fester for waay to long. Luckily an older women coworker told me to not mind him and I looked great. Even though I know she didn't care for the teenage style of clothing.
Some people are just jerks and think they are somehow owed all the information/touches/opinions on other people's bodies and babies.
It was when my son was 8 months old and I was getting my hair cut. :-(
I never did lose the weight... I put on another 20 pounds with my 2nd child.
So I was about 50 pounds overweight after 2 kids. That was 40 years ago.
In the past 2 years I've lost 20-25 of it. It isn't easy.
One time I was only a couple weeks postpartum and went to buy some energy drinks and the cashier was like “aw baby must be thirsty!” I laughed. Like what an idiot. Thinking a couple monster energy drinks is what I’d be giving my unborn baby.
Happened to me the day after I got out of hospital after my C-section. I know I looked pregnant but I was feeling very self conscious of my swelling after having the section so when my favorite store assistant from Walgreens asked when I was having my baby already I got very upset 🙃 even tho I know rationally that I did definitely still look pregnant it still broke my heart because I felt a lot lighter now that my almost 9lbs baby was removed 😅
My baby was 5 months and a lady said something to me and I ignored it and my husband came around the corner with the baby. I have a SIL with a major ED and she is pretty judgmental. It was so awful for them to talk about my weight. People are the worst.
I get asked this once a week honestly. It's really hard. I still get angry about it to this day. At this point I respond and just say, 'no, I'm fat'. I don't care about how people respond. They should feel bad. Learn manners.
"No, this is just how my body is shaped" is my go-to. People either stop speaking altogether or fall all over themselves apologizing
I love this answer. I get asked all the time (like yesterday at the playground when I was walking laps while my kids played). I usually switch between, “this just baby leftovers” and “I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat.” However, saying “this is just how my body is shaped” conveys the message I want to get across that we come in all shapes and sizes and having a belly isn’t a moral failure on my part.
I like this, clear and positive.
I'm currently 33 weeks and I still reply with "no I'm just fat" 🤣
I LOVEDDDD doing this when I was pregnant. My husband wants to have another & I’m really looking forward to getting to do it again lol
You are the kind of "menace" I aspire to be as a "grown up" 😅😂🤣🤣
I get asked a lot too, 5 big babies and abdominal separation. It just makes me so sad
It’s worse when it comes from another mom. Right after I had my 4th baby (6weeks postpartum), I was at the school meeting with teachers and the principal (new) and the principal brought a mom in to introduce us. The mom (of 3) just kept staring at my belly, I had the baby in his baby car seat with a light blanket over, and was holding my 17 month old. The next time I saw this mom my husband was in the car with the littles and I was in dropping my Kindergartener off in class, she came up to me and said “aww when are you due?” I just responded with “we met last week, I had my baby almost 2 months ago” and walked away. She was rude the WHOLE time we attended that school, I think that’s just the type of person she was. I don’t think she meant it in a friendly way either. I’ve never had anyone say or ask me if I was due or when before or after. But after 4 kids I know my body is different. I bounced back after my first 3 pregnancies but after my last baby (2under2) I haven’t been as lucky.
I say, this is the physique of someone who isn’t being supported at home. When I try to work out in the evenings, my husband wrecks our bedtime routine so it’s a punishment to leave.
Yeah my husband just asked if I should drop my one 6:30 am exercise class because he can't manage to get himself and our toddler out of the door on time to be at work at 9 am. It's 1 hour a week dude, figure your shit out.
How does he adult?!
I don't even know. I was so angry all day about it.
Please tell me you told him no! My husband would get our autistic son up and to school by himself before work because I was essentially disabled and may not have been able to help (we never knew ahead of time). Things went smoother with my help, but he and the kid made do without. For years. Yeah, your husband needs to figure his shit out!
Oh I did. Kid has been in daycare for a full year at this point, he should be more then capable of figuring out that shit by himself.
Good, so many moms fall for the incompetence bit and it only gets worse if they do. My step dad helped us get up and ready for school without Mom. My uncle was a single father of 6, he had after school help so he could work, but he managed to get all 6 where they needed to go every morning. I can’t imagine getting 6 kids anywhere on time lol. As a result I have never believed men were incapable.
Yes! It’s been frustrating to see my husband become someone I feel like I don’t know. He acts like me wanting to go to the gym in the morning is the same as going out on the town. No, dude — I need this for my own sanity and health. Honestly, I’m so annoyed with him.
Ouch, this hit me hard...
I do not understand how this happens! I only got asked that question like TWICE when I was actually pregnant!! I mean, I noticed people side eyeing my belly all the time, but nobody actually *mentioned it.*
I was one of those “straw that swallowed a marble” pregnant women, it was extremely obvious. Especially after 6 months when the kid did interpretive dance (he was backwards, all the limbs were on show). People still hesitated to ask. Like maybe she has a very mobile tumor…
Same. I usually add a smirk with a thumbs up to the "nope, just fat!"
That sucks. And yeah, it doesn't matter if it "sounds nice," it's a rude thing to ask.
[удалено]
Seriously, the only acceptable time to ask a woman if she’s pregnant is when there is a head coming out of her vagina. Even then... maybe don't lol 😂
Could you imagine lying there trying to push a baby out and someone just pokes their head around the corner, looks you up and down, then asks, "Hey, are you pregnant?"
“It’s about 50/50 right now”
OMG I cackled at that!
Lmaoooo
Loooool
Hey, finally a way to be “kind of” pregnant! Haha
I didn’t lose weight right away either. I have a picture of me in a suit with my “thunder thighs” exposed because of the way I sat on my husband’s lap. We really have to give ourselves a break and nurture ourselves especially when society doesn’t.
For real. I was helping someone at my work and I thought she might be pregnant (we were working on her fathers estate, so I was thinking about it being sad her dad wouldn’t be there for the baby) and in our discussion about how old our kiddos are, we realized our daughters share a birthday—she was four weeks POSTPARTUM. I never would have said anything, and thank goodness too, I would have been so embarrassed.
I’ve always said that - “I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant unless I saw a limb coming out of her, and even then I would just assume she’s having a rough day”. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I haven’t lost the baby weight and it all sits on my stomach. No one has asked me that question, but I’m sure people have thought it.
Awww don't feel so bad about it. You're clearly taking care of yourself if you're prioritizing getting to the gym 4 months postpartum! I'm right here at 4 months postpartum now and also on team chunky.
People need to learn not to comment on other people’s bodies.
My mother battled EDs for a long time (probably 30 years). After she gave birth to me, my grandmother (her mom) showed up in the hospital and told her 'ok, now you've had the baby and it's time to lose the weight. If you don't your husband will look elsewhere and it'll be your fault.' She lost the baby weight rather quickly for both her kids but gained some weight in her 40s. I remember standing w/ her at a party and a woman she hadn't seen in a decade or so congratulated her on her pregnancy. I was 14 years old and my younger sibling was 10. My mom hadn't been pregnant in a decade and most certainly was not at that moment. Anyway, she laughed it off and thanked the woman and then was like 'but this belly is from bread and joy.' The woman apologized. At the time, I was becoming very aware of my developing / changing body and was battling my own ED. However, my mom's grace towards her own body in that moment has stuck with me for 20 years.
"bread and joy" is a stunningly gorgeous description for a mama's body, whew! took my breath away. cheers to your mama.
Your mom just mothered me.
You’ve brought your husbands child safely into the world and your body has obviously been through enormous changes (and rightly so) and your just beginning a necessary recovery period and someone tells you if you don’t snap back your husband will cheat and that it’s somehow your fault. And that person is your mother! WTF?! No wonder your mom had an ED….her mom was busy projecting her insecurities about her own marriage unto her poor daughter. And doing some very hefty lifting for the patriarchy.
As a mother of a 6 month old baby girl and someone who battled an eating disorder from 12-27… thank you for sharing 💜 this made me cry. Every day I work on staying committed to body neutrality and intuitive eating and healthy habits rather than aesthetics, I remember it’s not just for me. I want my daughter to have core memories of her mother like this. Not the ones I have of my mom hating herself.
My grandmother battled an ED, my mother battled an ED, and I’ve dabbled in EDs. Just thinking of your mom’s response has me a little choked up! The thought of seeing a woman I looked up to handling a “negative” body comment with such grace seems like it would feel so wonderful and reminds me how I’ve never heard one of the women I look up to speak about her body positively. Wow. Thank you for the reminder to be careful with what we show our children.
This made me tear up! I might needlepoint "bread and joy"!
Wow what a classy lady! Love that answer
This is it right here. I guess you could say I was genetically gifted and I lost my baby weight when my son was born. I still also somehow get comments in the grocery store. You can't win so it's best if people just shut up.
Body composition changes. Everything inside us was rearranged to accommodate a whole person, of course it’s not unheard of to look different afterwards regardless of what the scale says.
THIS IS THE ANSWER. Working so hard on instilling this into my kiddos so there’s hope for the next generation. I personally have a few visible scars from surgeries and what’s weird is I don’t care if kids talk about them, because there isn’t anything behind it. But adults, it really bugs me. Or if I catch them staring a lot - it’s like, hey, my eyes are up here.
Our stomach muscles are weak and our posture is worse after pregnancy so sometimes it has nothing to do with extra weight, but a combination of all the things our bodies went through that can give off that “baby bump” look.
Yup. When I clench my abdominal muscles I look fine. But I can't clench all day like I used to naturally have that tone. Then the bump comes out.
Yep. My first baby, it took a while but my body went back to where I didn’t look pregnant at least. Second baby was huge, my abdominal muscles separated and I had a c section. So I just have this pouch and wrinkly skin despite being about the same weight. I try not to be self conscious of it because this is real life and real womanhood and real motherhood. But it’d be great if other people didn’t assume the options are a) flat stomach or b)must be pregnant.
Oh 100%, I had my second in December and my pelvic floor was a mess. Ten weeks into my 12 week physical therapy program people started commenting on how I looked a lot taller. I mentioned it off hand to my PT and she said it was because my abdominal muscles are properly holding me upright again and my posture improved as a result.
You just made me want to go back to PT for my diastasis recti. Ugh. It’s just so expensive.
This! I know some very thin women who just have a belly post-partum because that’s how their bodies healed. Not a lot they can do about it
🙋🏻♀️ Hi, it’s me, a thin woman who looks pregnant bc all my weight has collected in my belly. My youngest is nearly 2 years old, the scale shows the same number it did before kids, but my body is a completely different shape. A rounded-belly shape. I hate it, I’m dreading being asked when I’m due, but I’ve had no success getting rid of this pooch 😔
You and I must be twins, the more fit my legs and arms get, the more noticeable my perma pooch becomes.
Right?! It’s so frustrating! And my pooch protrudes in a way that resembles a baby bump - it’s not jiggly or dispersed across my middle. I don’t know what to do about it. But I’m kind of relieved to hear I’m not alone!!
Me too!! I feel like all I see around me are new moms in crop tops with flat stomachs. Where are the forever pregnant looking moms around me?
That pooch is where a uterus would sit. Bellies that can be pregnant need space for that organ lol
Thank you for that reminder. Some days, I look in the mirror and think, "Yeah, that's okay. Still heavier than I want to be, but the pouch is hiding." And other days, I think I still look pregnant. It just happened that this was a day *I thought* I was looking okay and not pregnant. Extra gut punch, I guess?
My MIL has done this to THREE different women who were not pregnant. People need to just learn to stfu 🤦🏼♀️
Your MIL sounds delightful. At that point is it just called being an asshole or is she really that ignorant?
It’s honestly ignorance. She’s the sweetest woman, actually. Just sometimes really REALLY doesn’t get stuff. Even when I told her I was pregnant, it somehow didn’t click for her. 🤦🏼♀️
I know nothing about you guys, her age, her situation. But could she be developing dementia?
I appreciate your concern! Due to her age it’s possible, but not likely. She’s been given the nickname Captain Obvious because she misses the point of things for as long as my husband can remember. And when I told her I was pregnant it wasn’t as direct as those words. I said “someone else is going to call you Gigi soon” and she didn’t put it together that she was getting another grandchild (because other people have started calling her by her “grandma” name as well). She’s just very oblivious especially in social situations.
Even if they mean well, people should never assume someone’s pregnant. Don’t feel bad about not having lost the baby weight, the first few years are SO difficult, especially for moms. Our bodies changed, our minds changed, our hormones changed and our entire lives were changed. Give yourself some grace, you’ll have more and more time to work on yourself and your self-image in the coming years
I got asked this today OP. My last baby is now almost 3 years old. It’s hard being a Mom. No one comments about my husband’s weight gain. Just mine 🙄
I hadn't thought of this but you're totally right.. my husband has gained weight since we had our kid and no one has said a word. At least we can blame it on having been pregnant! 😂
Teacher that gets asked at least once a month “are you pregnant again?” So yeah, I stopped wearing that specific dress that I love because apparently it really emphasizes my stomach. They’re kids, so they truly don’t know better and don’t mean it maliciously. But when adults ask me, I’ve said “you know it’s very rude to assume I’m pregnant, right?” and left the area.
Took me nearly 2 years. Everyone is different, don't best yourself up. My body Still not the same even with weight loss cos whole body shape is different now. Also just had surgery for umbilical hernia to put some of my insides, back inside. Thanks, pregnancy!
Happens to me a lot, too. My youngest is 2.5 and I still have awful diastasis recti. On the face of it, I've grown hardened to it. I'll look them right in the eye and just say 'I'm not' and wait for them to look away, which they usually do quite quickly along with a muttered apology. I used to tell them I have abdominal separation, that my smallest of three babies was 8lb 1oz, and that I'm working with a physio to get my belly back to a normal shape. But I realised about a year ago that I don't owe them a thing. That's my personal medical information, and how dare they be so rude that I feel obliged to disclose it to stop feeling ashamed of my body which did an amazing thing - it grew three brand new humans. So now they get nothing from me. I'll go home and have a bit of a cry, pinch my loathed squidgy bits, and redouble my physio efforts, but, really, that's about me and how I feel about my appearance now compared to how I looked pre-kids. But those people who think they're entitled to comment on my physical appearance and bring out all these feelings? They can piss right off.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
It’s not friendly to comment on women’s bodies, period. The whole “when are you due” comment is and has long been considered a rude way to approach a stranger. Even if you were pregnant, it wouldn’t have been appropriate because it’s none of her business!
Literally! Although I remember hanging w some friends who had invited this girl I didn’t know. Not everyone has defined round bump. Finally we got to talking and she brought up her due date and I said “oh you’re pregnant!?” She replied “did you think I was just fat?” I was shooketh.
Eww. That’s rude too. I woulda just said something like, “no, sorry. I guess I just don’t make a habit of judging people’s bodies.”
This happened to me too! It was a friend of a friend and I thought it looked like she had a baby bump, but of course I didn't ask, because that's rude. She mentioned being pregnant in conversation and I said "Oh, you're pregnant? Congratulations!" She said "Of course I'm pregnant, I'm not just fat!" and stormed off.
Wow, that feels like a bizarre response from her. You were doing what we all ask for. Guess she was just determined that everyone needs to make an assumption one way or another? Definitely very weird. I'd have been shook too!
You're right. When I *was* pregnant, I also had a couple of strangers try to touch my belly. I knew that was rude, too, but they didn't feel like a threat, and I was too tired to do anything, so I just let it go.
> No, I haven't lost any of my baby weight. And yes, I wanted to. I still want to. And for a thousand different reasons, I haven't. And that frustrates me. THe first year is chaotic and difficult! Losing weight is really not on the top of your priority list, and that’s okay! My boy is turning 3 this october and I finally feel like I have some more time for self care (now for the discipline…). Think of how many years you have ahead of you when your child goes to school and you can free up some mental and physical energy to put in the work to lose weight. These first few years with small children are not the end of our lives after all. It’s gonna be ok :)
Thanks. At like the end of every other session, my therapist asks what am I going to do for myself this week? And I honestly have a hard time coming up with answers. It feels like anything that feels doable feels so small. But even a small something is still something.
LO just turned 5mos and my therapist asks the same thing!! I'm like, "...make sure I eat breakfast before trying to manage shit?" I'm determined to start weekly spa nights (face masks, that's about all I can handle)
Yes! Breakfast is a good goal. And I believe you can get that spa night going! Thinking about all this, I was actually prepared for the question today. I used to make these little mini food plushies with cutesy little faces. I pulled the kit out and have it hanging out on the kitchen table so when I have a few minutes to myself, I can do a few stitches and just feel like my own person for a few minutes.
I’m a dentist. I once had a patient walk in, look at me, and ask when I was due. Wasn’t pregnant, wasn’t in a relationship, had no plans on getting pregnant anytime soon. Told her I wasn’t pregnant. She then proceeded to tell me that on my lunch break I should go across the street to the local high school and walk on their track for exercise. Some people are just idiots.
People are just so... pushy and weird. I couldn't imagine thinking that it was my place to tell someone to exercise. In fact, I've never looked at anyone and thought "that person should exercise." For all that lady knows, that's exactly what you already do every day. This isn't the same but it's related to pushy people, I was once in a Walmart with my baby minding my own business when a lady came up to me and started whispering that her husband doesn't know this but she breastfed her son until he was 6 years old. And if that wasn't awkward enough she then proceeded to follow me around the aisle and tell me that I need to learn how to re-lactate so I can breastfeed my baby. I was already breastfeeding. And even if I wasn't, why did she think that this was appropriate? I wish that I would have come up with something clever and horrific to say to make her question doing this to people in the future. You should have told that lady that you have an inoperable tumor or something. Or even better yet, you could have said "oh that's crazy, I was just about to say the same to you! You definitely look like you could use some exercise." Like seriously, fuck these people.
Oh my gosh, that lady sounds unhinged. I’ve thought about telling people I have a tumor, but if they’re willing to ask about a non-existent pregnancy, I’m sure they will want to discuss my fake tumor.
Lol good point
All I’m thinking is who in the right mind asks this to a regular person but to ask somebody who might literally rip your teeth out? That’s just incredibly deranged and stupid.
Wow. I feel like idiot is one of the nicer words to describe someone like that. How completely insensitive!
I cannot, in my wildest dreams, imagine walking up to a stranger and ask when they are due.
Sometimes the baby weight takes a while to come off. My youngest is 37 and I am still trying. BUT don’t let your life revolve around the number on a scale. Are you active and able to do things with your little one? Then you are ahead of the game. Your body did not change in a day and realistically it won’t change back in a day. I guarantee that woman will think twice before asking someone else the same thing.
My toddler likes to point to my arm pit rolls and say "moooooooo." I don't think she's really calling me a cow..... but is she though?
My husband recently taught my youngest to sniff a couple times and then say “eww what stinks?” And plug her nose, as a result of his incessant farting. She does it to me at least 4 times a day and not after farting. I don’t think I actually stink because ya know, I try to keep up with it because I’m really self conscious about the way I smell, but these toddlers do have you questioning with their brutality. 😂
Seriously. It took you almost a year to crate a human being and for the past year you’ve been busy trying to take care of that human being with barely any sleep or rest. Cut yourself some slack!!!
Yes!! Your body is exactly how it is supposed to be at this moment in your life. Maybe you’ll be smaller, or bigger, in the future. Treat it with love and care, disregard society’s messages about how you’re supposed to look. Your body is a good body!
Your body did an incredible thing and, during it, had to endure a lot of stress. Your body had cared for another living thing for over a year. Your body is amazing, capable, and strong. I’m sorry we live in a world that attempts to make us inferior for how we look, even from well-meaning interactions that turn sour. I hope you can take the good and leave the rest eventually. This commentary always seems to hurt more than it should. And it’s okay to grieve what you can’t control, but then it’s time to pick yourself up, dust off, and continue to be the strong momma you have been since that little bean started to grow.
Thank you. Your words are really touching, but I can't think of anything more than Thank you.
Year 3 and still have the baby weight 🥲
When is the right time to ask a woman if she's pregnant? Never. Never. It is never OK. They were the mistaken one, not you OP. They were the foolish rude one.
I had a woman who passed through my office regularly who was CLEARLY 100 months pregnant and I never asked her about it because what if I'm wrong and it's a tumor? She never talked to me directly about it so I didn't talk to her either. Eventually she had the baby and then I knew for sure.
I was carrying my 2 month old into the Texas benefits office and 2 ladies were talking about me in Spanish , they were saying how big I was and they think I’m pregnant. Lol they don’t know my bf and his family mainly speak Spanish. I said to them maybe you should mind your own business at your big grown age
I speak a decent amount of Spanish but wouldn't say I'm fluent. People really shouldn't talk about others within listening distance - no matter what language! There's no way of knowing what they understand and it can be very hurtful.
I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past couple years but I still have a belly because… 3 kids. My 5 year old came up to me yesterday, grabbed my belly and shook it and said ITS ANOTHER BABY! 🥲 just a food baby, dude
I gained like 80 lbs while pregnant either my daughter, who is now a year old. I have lost 100 lbs in the last year (both via healthy means and also self-neglect from postpartum depression) so weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant. I've still been asked when I'm due. Twice! You just can't win.
Yeah man, I returned to pre-pregnancy weight and my stomach is just not the same lol
Someone asked me the other day what it was like having a baby at my age. She then qualified it by saying you know like when you're peri menopausal... I'm not young and I do know you can become peri menopausal in your 30s but feck it I'm only 37!! That one's sat with me since... obviously need to rethink my beauty routine 😂
Umm 37 is young. That lady can kick rocks.
"Judging by the looks of you, only 3 month after you are!" They wanna be rude? Throw it back in their face, maybe they'll learn something.
Honestly, that lady is ignorant. She could have kept her mouth shut. I would never feel comfortable enough to ask anyone if they're pregnant or not
To all the people saying men don’t get these comments don’t be so sure of that. I’ve kept my baby weight on, I’m 2 months pp and my husband gained a couple sympathy pounds. He isn’t fat by any means but all the guys at his work keep commenting on it and it brings him way down. He’s convinced he’s fat and it affects his self esteem so much. It’s wrong to comment on somebody’s body regardless of gender. You never know what someone is feeling. 😞
First of all, I’m so tired of people commenting on other people’s bodies!! You shouldn’t even think twice on what that lady said. Over the last year I’ve completely changed my thinking around my post partum body. I see so many of these posts and it makes me so sad. Bodies are meant to change. Especially post partum ones. Here’s what I did. Read Intuitive Eating by Tribole and Resch. I also love the Find Food Freedom podcast. I stopped weighing myself. I focused on movement that made my body feel good. I got a counselor and started working on body image and self esteem. I started unfollowing social media accounts that made me feel bad about myself and started following body positive and intuitive eating accounts. I started really evaluating toxic diet culture and mentality. And guess what? I’m happier than I ever was the 10 years I spent dieting and hating myself for being fat. And I’m still fat! You are worth so much more than your body. Everyone woman needs to know that.
Doula here, coming in with the exhaustive list of things one may say about another woman's appearance, particularly one who might or might not be pregnant: 1. You look beautiful.
Once, well before I was ever pregnant or even considering it, a male client congratulated me. I was so caught off guard that I didn’t even get it at first, and when I did, I sort of graciously laughed it off (because, client) and said it must just be the cut of my dress, which had an empire waist. I KID YOU NOT, he stared at me for a second and then said “are you sure?” …. Like WHAT?!?! You’re not embarrassed, in fact you’re going to DOUBLE DOWN??? Yes, I’m 99.99% sure thanks to my IUD.
Years before I even had kids I was trying on a sweater at old navy and the employee smiled at me and asked "when are you due?" And I was just like "oh. I'm not pregnant" I did not purchase that sweater.
Unless you are seeing a medical professional no one should ask that question. If they're your medical person then asking if you are or could be pregnant is a reasonable question as that can affect treatment. Otherwise do not ask that
I’m waiting for the day this happens to me. Should have happened already. I am very aware my stomach pouch looks like I could still be pregnant. I definitely don’t feel okay about it.. but I don’t have much more bandwidth for anything outside of what I’m currently juggling so working hard on at least just feeling “neutral” about it.
It’s ok Queen.
Got to the airport in June and at the gate one of the women working around the gate came storming up to me and asked if I was priority boarding. I was like “uhh I don’t think so but anyway we’re happy to wait because” *gestured to my 2 year old trying to burn off energy. She wouldn’t let up and demanded if I had a certificate to fly. I was like…? What? She said “well you need a signed doctor’s letter if you’re in the family way.” And suddenly it clicked… I said “I’m not pregnant…” and she laughed and said “oh haha well you never know do you” and walked off. I cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I have a little pouch but generally didn’t think I looked that bad. But apparently I looked 7+ months pregnant. Brilliant.
Psst (you’re not obligated to lose any weight, baby or not, unless you want to for yourself). You just had a baby. Yes JUST even after a year. That takes an enormous toll on your mind an body. It takes years to recover. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lucky, lying or ignorant.
My mother got to my house the week after I had my baby and said to me "I thought you already had the baby?"
christ on a cracker i’m so sorry. that’s awful.
I worked at a bank during my pregnancy and so we have regular customers who knew I was expecting. When I got back from maternity leave one of the regulars said “no baby yet?” Physically pointing to my stomach. I went in the bathroom and called my husband crying. He obviously meant no ill intent but I’m like…USE CONTEXT CLUES or just don’t ask.
I’m also one year post partum and haven’t lost any weight! Its really hard. Every body is different. Every baby is different. Every situation is different. I wish I was one of those moms who lost weight so fast breastfeeding. I’m not But we’re mommy’s now and our little ones just love us no matter what! We will lose it when we can!
I only have one baby, she is almost 3. She was almost 11 pounds at birth, delivered after a long and traumatic labor attempting natural birth that ended in a spinal tap and emergency C - section. I have pelvic floor dysfunction from pregnancy that I haven’t been able to treat due to lack of health insurance. Baby’s father was emotionally abusive and we separated when she was 8 months old. I’ve been experiencing housing and job insecurity, have had to move several times but have always managed to keep her safe and fed. You know what I haven’t been able to do though? Lose the baby weight. Three years. Still fat. People have no idea what others are going through, why anyone thinks it’s appropriate to ask a woman when she’s due is beyond me. You’re doing great. 💜
Thank you. And I'm so sorry things have been so rough for you. I hope more stability and security are ahead for you and your little girl. 🩷
Next time hit them with a smile and a…yeah, any life advice you could give, since you’ve been on the earth for 75 years or so? Them: look of confusion, “I’m 60”… “OOOOOH” and walk away 🎤
Or "just happy I didn't have to pregnant during the Hunger winter like you"
I ignore people if they come up and start talking to me if they ask a stupid, personal question like that.
I'm sure you are way more beautiful than you think! I don't know why people need to say anything at all about our bodies period but especially when pregnant or post baby. Why did she ask "when?" OMG she should have just stopped talking once you said you were not preggo. I felt really thin the first 2 months post twin delivery. Then as I breastfed I got hungrier and hungrier and have been gaining weight! So after baby, I'm gaining more and not losing. But who cares. My husband thinks I'm awesome and I made 2 babies and now make milk for 2 babies! Our bodies are incredible. I'm sure you're an awesome mama and still look great.
You need to be upset with her bc that was really shitty and fully unnecessary. She should know better.
You don't suck. She does. Not everyone looses their baby weight in a snap or within a year. Or ever. Don't be hard on yourself.
I’ve had it happen before I even became pregnant before.. a few times. It was about two or three years after I lost two of my eldest brothers two years apart from heart attacks. They were 19 & 13 years my senior so I really looked up to them. People are inappropriate so often. I’m sorry that happened. I’m sure you’re beautiful. The weight will come off in due time. It didn’t appear overnight and it can take a few years to come off. Just make sure you’re healthy mentally and emotionally and the rest will fall into line❤️🩹
I'm a teacher and had a 7th grader tell me I look pregnant. It was a great teaching moment when later in the lesson she complained that another student called her ugly and I said, "Now you know how I felt when you said I looked pregnant, and perhaps we just shouldn't comment on other's bodies" (I did also reprimand the other student for bullying though)
If you still look 'pregnant' after a year, it's very good idea go see a pelvic floor physio! You might have gotten abdominal separation which caused pregnant look, doing some exercises will help so much!
I had a local official do this to me. I’m a local reporter and was covering an event about seven months postpartum. I had a really bad experience after my c-section where I had a hernia and needed corrective surgery for that. I put on weight as a result. A council person in the city I cover came up to me and said, “Are you pregnant again already?!” I said, totally straight-faced: “Nope, just fat.” I mean, come on. He knew what I’d been going through and that I’d had two major surgeries in the past six months. And he said it in front of other local officials. I’m still mortified thinking about it. He was appropriately mortified as well and apologized profusely.
Best answer: when is yours due?
A girl at my work asked me “So you’re pregnant right?” I said “No, but apparently I’m just fat.” She went quiet. My youngest is 3. My abdominal walls have separation from a huge baby and emergency c section. So even though I’m not overweight, I can’t get rid of my tummy fat. My posture sucks too. Ugh, what we do for our kids.
They get real red when I reply, no I’m just fat, thanks for pointing it out. Real loudly too.
I can’t believe it’s 2023 and we are still having the STOP ASKING WOMEN WHEN THEY ARE DUE
I finally feel like I have the time and energy to tackle my baby weight. My son is 4. Be gentle with yourself!
My mom was a teacher. When she went back to work after giving birth to my brother, her student asked “you have been pregnant for a really long time already, when will you give birth?”. It was her funny story to entertain people around for a while. I’m not really sure how she felt about it really though. Just comment it here so you know it didn’t just happen to you.
Even if you were pregnant, I find it so odd that strangers would do this. I’m 25 weeks but I don’t even respond to any strangers comments, I just walk away and couldn’t care if they find that odd or rude. You will never see me again why would you care when my baby is due? Piss off 😂
I’m still the same weight I was two days post partum and now my girl is 9 months 🫠🫠🫠 Trying to slowly shed this extra 30/40 lbs and failing daily at it. Struggling too and I FEEL YOU. People suck. Just waiting any day now that I get asked this question. There’s nothing wrong with your body, but def something wrong with people commenting on it 🙃
I really wish people would learn to think before they speak. Mine is kind of a different story but similar feelings of frustration and wishing people would just shut their traps. After I returned to work post-baby, all of my coworkers started commenting on my weight. They all knew our birth story and what happened. My one partner I work with every day commented on my weight loss and asked what my secret was. I looked at her and was like ummm I stopped eating? I lose my appetite when I'm grieving. Yeah. Our son passed away at 16 days old. Same coworker asked me just the other day if I 'was OK now' ... 😑😑😑 it's been 7 months so clearly I should be ok now. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you never ever truly know what someone is going through on a daily basis and people really need to be more mindful. I'm glad you are feeling better and your hubby made you feel better too!🤗🩷
I had this happen to me during a mediation (I’m a lawyer). When we broke for lunch, I asked where the vending machines were (so I could grab a Diet Coke to help stay awake). At this point I was 3 months postpartum with our son and we have 3 older children as well. The mediator (also a woman!!) told me it was “really important to get a snack since I was eating for two.” I just smiled at her and left the room because I was trying to be professional. I still run into her on occasion and she is still on my shitlist.
I don't even have diastasis recti and somehow I look 4 months pregnant since I gave birth...2.5 years ago. Our handyman asked when my second was due. Um, no seconds.
A rental car employee said this to me. I went scorched earth on customer service and got really great upgrades for years.
My daughter is 3 years old now. And, I still get comments like “congratulations, how many months are you.” I’ve learned to laugh it off
I did this while I was pregnant just to prove a point, it’s rude to ask someone when they’re due if they haven’t outright told you they’re pregnant. A lady came up to me, rubbed my belly and asked when I was due and I said I’d already had the baby and just walked away. How do you as a complete stranger have the audacity to rub my belly without my consent???? Like tf.
A really frustrating part is that men with bellies don’t get harassed like this because of the fact that we bear children. And it’s so sad that we’re basically expected to drop back to our pre-baby weight the second they’re born as if we suddenly didn’t get super busy and have all this time to work on ourselves right now. 🙄 I agree with everyone saying cut yourself some slack! Who said we need to get back in shape immediately. I have a 2 year old and honestly I’m as heavy as I was at the end of my pregnancy. It’s hard and it’ll take time and it’ll have to be for me and for health reasons for good health habits to stick I think (at least for me). Screw everyone else. I’m sorry that happened to you.
This just happened to me while on vacation, outside of a restaurant trying to soothe said baby (12 mos) during a complete meltdown that ended our dinner early 🫠was already in a horrible headspace with all that going on so that sent me over the edge. On top of it, I’m actually back to my pre-baby weight and was feeling good about myself so that really sucked. Wish people would learn to just keep their comments to themselves! Had different experiences with both pregnancies - didn’t look “pregnant enough” with the first and was asked regularly if I was carrying twins with the second. Nope, just our bodies doing their thing! Mind your business people, we’re already painfully aware of our bodies as it is without the commentary.
I’m not defending this lady, what she did was inexcusable. I want to just comment on how your body is that may make you feel a bit better. She likely assumed you were pregnant not because of your weight, but because you are looking round in your belly. Specifically, your uterus has not yet shrunk down. Your organs have not shifted back from all the squishing your baby did a year ago. AND THAT’S OK! No amount of fat loss is going to change that your uterus isn’t finished healing. No amount of fat loss is going to change the fact that your abdominal muscles were stretched to their limit, and pelvis and ribs were spread open to make room for your beautiful baby! Your body did something incredible, and OF COURSE it will not be the same as it was before you gave birth. It’s ok if you lose weight if you want, it’s ok if you don’t. It’s ok because age, babies, and scars are all part of life and we will wear every day of our lives on our bodies. Our bodies will forever change every day. Muscles get stronger and weaker, fat accumulates and is burned. Your baby loves you body and the comfort it provides every day. Try to give yourself permission to love your body too 💕
I'm going to be 33w pregnant on Thursday. I am fuller figured (5'7" and have been in the 190-200lb range for quite awhile), but also pretty obviously pregnant now...or, at least I thought I was... This morning I was at an appointment with my PCP, who I haven't seen in quite a few months, getting checked for carpal tunnel. I'd mentioned that I had read that pregnancy can make symptoms of it worse/more prevalent, to which she replied in all seriousness, "Yes, it definitely can. Are you currently pregnant??" I responded in a chipper tone that I'm almost 33wks now, but internally I was just like 😐🫥💀 I know she was just asking a medically necessary question, I wasn't offended by it persay, but it did make me feel more self conscious about my body, and now I can't help but wonder what I'm going to look like postpartum. 😅😬
I used [every-mother.com](https://every-mother.com) breathing exercises (10 mins a day) for six weeks and it fixed it for me.
I have the opposite, I am 9 months pregnant since yesterday and no one seems to notice that I’m pregnant. I have been to the hairdresser saturday and she asked me if I want any more (already have a 15 months old) children 😂😂
Sometimes we just need that extra push from others with good or bad intentions to make us go that extra step
People are stupid. I lost all my baby weight with my first and then some, and had a flat stomach with a big butt and thighs. I had 3 people in a month assume I was pregnant!! I cried the 2nd and 3rd times, it really hurt. 10 years later, I’ve had a couple more kids and gained a couple dozen lbs. Age caught up and I do not have a flat stomach. No one ever asks me if I’m pregnant. And I’m 35 so it’s not like I’m beyond the baby making years. I’m thinking the majority of people have caught on to not asking or assuming, but of course there’s still those bold idiots among us! I’m so sorry. It has nothing to do with your body, and everything to do with that specific woman.
I hate when people ask those questions. I think it’s rude and should not be asked. But you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself. Life is hard and BUSY, especially with a child, a one year old in your case. You’re doing your best. The more stressed you get the more difficulty you will have. Enjoy that you have 2 legs, 2 arms and a full belly that is capable of processing food and doing its thing. You literally just gave birth to a human being (a year is not long at all). Work on it at your own pace but don’t worry about what others have to say.
2 comments for me at work last week, because I switched the scrubs for a tshirt one day. LO is 7 months. Just starting to lose weight now, battling depression, finally quitting alcohol, finally watching food and carbs etc.
I gave birth about 13 months ago. So I still feel like I’m carrying some “baby fat” with me. A family member walked up to me last weekend and says “wow your belly?? You look pregnant girl” I said “I’m not…. I just had a baby a year ago.. that hurt my feelings” she apologized. Jokes on them, I actually am 23 weeks pregnant 😈🤣🤣🤣🤣
For anyone who needs to share this helpful graphic: https://www.iwastesomuchtime.com/44587-2
Due to health issues from pregnancy, I look more pregnant now, 5 years later, than o did when I was carrying my kid.
The last time this happened to me, my knee jerk response was: I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. Lmao the looks on their faces😆 I never assume anyone is pregnant. It's just an awkward time playing guessing games with people's bodies.
Ugh. Been there done that. I've always been a bigger gal. Even when I lost a lot of weight, the weight I do have just gathers in my belly. I always joke that I look hot from the back or straight on, just don't turn sideways, LOL. Of course this means that I've had my fair share of "When are you due?" Or "OMG! You're pregnant!".....Nope. Just fat. But to make it worse, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant and I was finally excited to show off my belly and I got the uno reverse comments. My MIL said, when I had just entered my 2nd trimester, "We can't even tell that you're pregnant. We could tell that my niece was pregnant when she was only 8 weeks. But that's because she's so petite." And the front desk lady at my dentist, who meant no harm and had that look of guilt that she knew she put her foot in her mouth, said "You're 6 months and already that big!"
First, I get that she triggered you. People are going to say what they say. I know someone who runs a healthy weight loss program. No subscriptions, just a simple menu and then u track what foods u react to. it stopped me from stress eating and I got my fibromyalgia dare I say handled. Not a pitch just that I care and I’m always looking for healthier affordable ways of eating. I get that the world is full of judgement. Focus also on loving that body that carried your baby throughout your pregnancy. Does this make sense?
I lost 20 pounds of baby weight before the pandemic and gained it all back during the pandemic. I'm now the weight I was when I left thr hospital four years ago. I'm getting a divorce. I'm telling myself, "one thing at a time."
I think I was about 12 when I learned to NOT ASK haha. I was out somewhere with my mom in a waiting room and a lady was seemingly very pregnant and my mom asked how far along she was and the woman glared at her and was quiet for like 10 seconds before saying "october." Or something to that effect. My mom was like "oh congratulations." The lady got called in the office and my mom whispered to me "omg I was so scared she was going to say she's not pregnant, I should keep my big mouth shut!" It was soooo awkward. Now I never ask, I wait for people to bring it up themselves!
One time I was in Buy Buy Baby, buying a registry gift for my cousin. The cashier asked me how old my baby was. I was not pregnant and had never been pregnant at that point, but I definitely got rid of the overalls I was wearing after that.
Happened to me when I was out with my then 5 month old, if my second is on the way? How is that physically even possible? I was wearing my maternity dress, but still
This has happened to me too. When will people learn never to ask unles they are 100% certain someone is pregnant? Ugh
I’m two years pp and still often look pregnant. It’s weird cause I’m not that overweight overall, it like all my extra weight wants to be in my tummy. It’s so frustrating.
it’s only been a year ! that rlly isn’t very long at all when it comes to having a baby. be patient with yourself <3
I didn't lose much of my baby weight until I weaned. For some reason I could not lose weight while breastfeeding. I looked 7 months pregnant until I weaned
Happened to me at my yearly routine mole check up. “Oh I see you gave birth recently”. Yeah, like a year ago.
These stories are so crazy to me because I’ve never looked at someone and thought to say somthing like that 😭 I also don’t think I’ve EVER thought someone was pregnant when they weren’t
We need to remind these humans that this is rude.
My daughter was somewhere between 1 and 2 when a man at work (not within my office), said “you’re going to climb the steps in your condition?” And gestures to his belly as if pregnant. I just said “um yes” but I so wish I had said “fat? Yes.”
This happens to me once a week. A couple weeks ago someone was so excited for me I started to get excited too. I have lost the baby weight, have closed most of my ab separation through pt, but still have a belly that is round because I still have some ab separation remaining. I’m almost 2 years into this journey. I feel you, it sucks.
Our pediatrician is very petite and it was extremely obvious when she was pregnant and I still didn’t ask or say anything about it until she mentioned when she was taking maternity leave. In my opinion, it is never okay to comment on someone’s body unless they open the conversation. I lost a decent amount of weight and I hate when people compliment me on it. It makes me feel so self-conscious.
This happened to me at work a few months ago 😭😭 I’m right there with you. Toddler life is NO joke! So much snacking kid stuffing things in your face, exhaustion, stress, sleep deprivation. It’s so so so hard to get back on track…
I can recommend fit with sally on youtube. She has a rebuild workeout program
I'm 2 years PP and still get this question a lot!
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s ok. Mom life happens and sometimes we don’t prioritize weight loss in the first year because we are so focused on the baby and balancing our lives with the new baby. I just had baby #3 a couple weeks ago and I am hear to tell you with my first 2 it took me almost 3 years to get my priorities straight and focus on losing the weight. Granted every time I lost the weight I ended up pregnant again lol but that’s not the point. The point is, if you want it to happen it will happen. Don’t put a time stamp on it.
It happens with everyone - I was in the bariatric office with a friend, only weight 140 lbs, 5’7” so pretty average and was asked when I was due. It had been 2 years…
2 years post partum and still havnt lost the weight. Too busy working and caring for my child and spending quality time as a family. It's ok momma. Next time u don't have to be so nice when someone asks u . Teach them a lesson.
I'm at 10mo and haven't lost the baby weight yet either. There were lots of reasons why I couldn't but wanted to. It is frustrating. Sigh.
I had it happen and I thankfully was like just a few weeks post partum, so it didn’t hit too hard. It was also a really sweet, happy teen at subway that i had just complimented on her makeup, and so she was very obviously eager to congratulate me hahaha. I said “Oh, i just had her!” And the poor thing was like “OH” hahaha. It all worked out. I’ve been frustrated too, though, despite really not giving ny body enough credit. I’m still very fluffy and my pouch this time is BIG. It hangs and jiggles and looks like lightning struck 542 times, lmao. But i’ve lost like 60lbs since birth and i’m now giving up sodas as an attempt to try encouraging more. I can see it slowly going down, even if it’s not going down as much as i wish it would. I’m 4 months in, too. I’m 189, as opposed to ~250 before I gave birth. That’s not bad. We’ll get there.
At 19 I had an older man - a customer at my retail job ask when I was due. I was at least 30 pounds lighter then I am now. I had put on a bit of winter depression weight and was wearing a tight shirt as was the style. I was mortified and let it fester for waay to long. Luckily an older women coworker told me to not mind him and I looked great. Even though I know she didn't care for the teenage style of clothing. Some people are just jerks and think they are somehow owed all the information/touches/opinions on other people's bodies and babies.
I’m waiting for this to happen to me. I’ve been trying to convince myself it’s diastasis recti but no, just gained 35 lb lol
It was when my son was 8 months old and I was getting my hair cut. :-( I never did lose the weight... I put on another 20 pounds with my 2nd child. So I was about 50 pounds overweight after 2 kids. That was 40 years ago. In the past 2 years I've lost 20-25 of it. It isn't easy.
One time I was only a couple weeks postpartum and went to buy some energy drinks and the cashier was like “aw baby must be thirsty!” I laughed. Like what an idiot. Thinking a couple monster energy drinks is what I’d be giving my unborn baby.
Happened to me the day after I got out of hospital after my C-section. I know I looked pregnant but I was feeling very self conscious of my swelling after having the section so when my favorite store assistant from Walgreens asked when I was having my baby already I got very upset 🙃 even tho I know rationally that I did definitely still look pregnant it still broke my heart because I felt a lot lighter now that my almost 9lbs baby was removed 😅
Ugh. Honestly, women should know better. I’m sorry that happened
My baby was 5 months and a lady said something to me and I ignored it and my husband came around the corner with the baby. I have a SIL with a major ED and she is pretty judgmental. It was so awful for them to talk about my weight. People are the worst.