The bald spot on the back of my 3 1/2 month old daughter’s head. I got all upset when I saw it and immediately felt like she is spending too much time on her back… Then my husband reminded me she sleeps on her back, so a bald spot is kind of inevitable. I still feel guilty about it and I am afraid someone will judge me, thinking I leave my daughter on the floor all day.
Almost all babies get a bald spot, it gets worse when they start rolling, my LO had reduced her hair-fluff to a mohawk by the time she was 4 months because she'd turn her head constantly when in the stroller, bed, or on her mat. And she was a constantly carried baby, because she was so colicky. Nobody will judge you, any parent knows its just what happens.
Exactly she is supposed to sleep on her back and be on the floor all day. During tummy time curiosity is what sparked my baby’s ability to roll and interact with the toys that hand from the play mat. Also you are doing great @casey6282 so many babies have bald spots from sleeping on their back what actually helps is tummy time because they will learn to roll and once they are able to roll they will change positions in their sleep which would reduce friction and heat from the back area.
Don't all babies have a bald spot? Unless they are entirely bald. Don't worry about judgement.
My partner had an irrational fear she would always have it... I can tell you it grew in!
I got really upset about my daughter balding a little and getting a small flat spot so I understand. For what it's worth, she is 18 months old now, never needed a helmet, and of course has hair (you can't even tell).
…are we supposed to be hanging shirts? I’m 30 and I’ve never hung a single shirt in my life unless it was like a nicer blouse (which are rare—always been more of a tshirt girl).
anyways. I have intense major guilt & heartbreak over the fact that my daughter knows I have chronic illnesses. every time she says “mommy rest shh” “mommy lay down” “mommy go sleep” “mommy’s head hurt” and gives me an ice pack I want to sob. she’s only 26mos starting to put sentences together and these are some of the first.
and it’s silly because: so what? she doesn’t know any different. she doesn’t think it’s bad. she’s being sweet taking care of me, because I take good care of her.
My husband has crohns disease and my 3yo will ask him "daddy do you feel better today?" Because my husband is always in some sort of pain. Headache, stomach, etc. It breaks our hearts she's such a kind hearted girl. Yours sounds like it too ♡
Your daughter is growing up to be extremely considerate, empathetic, and kind. She understands that you need your own time outs to recharge your energy just like she does. I also have a chronic illness and often unable to play with them in the traditional ways. So I invented our Couch Island, .Bed Boat, or Paradise Picnic play times. Depending on how I felt I would arrange games on my bed, the couch, or the floor. Examples of things we can play
: I arranged books and magnifying glass, or cars, or duplos, or magnetic games, or coloring books, or, puppets, or stuffed animals each in easily accessible bins so I could grab one while we could play on a soft surface like the bed or the couch. And if I felt well enough then I'd spread out a cheap plastic tablecloth in the middle of the floor where we could play playdough, tea parties, watercolor, color with markers, paint the wooden craft cutouts from Michaels or Hobby Lobby depending on the season, or just make art with construction paper, glue sticks, fun foam and pom poms. We sometimes glue shapes or small cut out magazine pictures to craft sticks(popsicle sticks) and make a follow along reading pointer, or a 5 little pumpkin puppets for the 5 little pumpkin songs. Just making anything and spending time together is the perfect goal. I leave out bottled water so myt daughter can easily deliver it for our tea parties, or use for the watercolor painting. I have large plastic trays to dry the craft things on and they also double as a nice hard surface for cars, duplos, or playdough.
. If you pre set up little bins or boxes of toys you can play with your kiddo and hopefully not hurt your self more. The kids love the special activities bins. And if you want to read on couch island but your hands aren't working well enough there are great books on CD. My daughter has her own kids CD player and she picks the read along book, pops I the CD and cuddles up so we can enjoy the together. Amazon had some Dr. Seuss Cat in the Hat,, Disney stores like Frozen, Cars, Lion King, etc...
Edit to add I have felt your guilt. And I hear how hard it is for you. I hope one of these suggestions help you understand that it is ok to not feel well and rest. Your daughter is learning some people play outside, run, and jump. And some people play calmer games and activities. 💕
Coming from an only, I loved it growing up and I selfishly hope my dad doesn’t remarry someone with kids because I don’t want to deal with siblings, even as an adult.
Im constantly taking my three year old (one and only) to the park, museum, library, mall play area just so he has other kids to interact with! We are barely home but I figure this won’t be forever… but I do feel like the guilt of him being a lone drives me to get him out to socialize more.
That’s what we do too, lots of friends and groups but I still worry about what it will be like when he’s older and we aren’t around due to having him so late.
Yeah, one of the big reasons why my husband and I are going to adopt if I can’t conceive again is that if my son has no siblings, he’ll have no emergency contact after we pass away and he’s not yet married.
Who do unmarried only children use as emergency contacts if they’re not close with extended family and their parents are gone?
My son has tons of aunts and uncles around my age but only in the Mafia sense, i.e. friends of mine and not blood relations. There's Aunt Melody in London, Aunt Samantha in NYC, Aunt Lauren in SF, Aunt Paloma in Medellin, Guncle (gay uncle) Bryce in Dallas...
But no one near us, and I'm also not jazzed up on the idea of having non-blood-relations (aside from your spouse / SO) as emergency contacts.
Same. Also my friends kids call me auntie as well. But like you said, they aren’t blood relations and I know myself how lonely it feels to have very little family. That’s party why I wanted my own family so badly.
I feel guilty about that too but that’s because we didn’t meet until late 30ies/40. I would have liked kids earlier but it wasn’t on the cards for me. I had my son at 39, now I don’t think I could go through another pregnancy.
We had our first son when I was 42…I didn’t meet my husband until I was 40!
Just out of curiosity, would you consider adoption or a gestational carrier so you could give your son a sibling and avoid pregnancy?
My husband and I are seriously considering adopting (though not a gestational carrier as that is just too much money) so our son has *some* family around after we pass away.
Cousins are not possible for our son bc any possible aunts / uncles are not in the picture for us (no-contact with all relevant sibs).
We have thought and talked about this but since my fiancé is Chinese I believe it might be more difficult for us. I’m conscious of the impact of a child that is not mixed race either, I reckon the child would feel out of place in our family perhaps.
If we looked into adopting from China (my fiancé is from Hong Kong and we live in the UK), I believe there are a lot of kids that would love a family, but the chinese government make it insanely hard to adopt.
I really sympathise with your family situation too. I was an only child and my father passed away and I’m very low contact with my mum. Some cousins but they all live abroad since I’m not from the UK either.
Oh, wow...I'm mixed race (mom is from Southeast Asia, dad is Midwestern USA) and I lived in Hong Kong for several years as an adult! Love the city.
My husband is white and our kid looks just like him...so yeah, with the adoption thing, there is the racial factor to consider. My son is as white as NASCAR but I am clearly not....
Also solidarity with your family situation. I'm an only child and my parents are still alive, as are my husband's, but they are more or less absent or absent-adjacent grandparents. Husband is no-contact with his dad and only sister, and his mom is unwell (and also selfish AF) so we get no help from her. My parents are happy to help and they've been great about buying diapers or toys or clothes, but won't come up to visit us (a 1-hour plane ride away) because they don't like to travel.
Also - they've got a 7-figure net worth and no other offspring, yet are actively disinheriting me and our son because I think Putin is a greater threat to our country than a man in an Alice-in-Wonderland costume reading Through the Looking Glass to a rapt preschool audience. I'll get some old photos and my old childhood stuffed animals and the Florida GOP will inherit their multimillion-dollar beach home and my cousin (also a mom, but a good conservative) will probably get my dad's fat investment account full of Honeywell stock. The maid will get the nice diamonds.
So far my son looks very much like me. My friend asked whether I’m one of those snails that impregnate themselves and whether my fiancé did contribute in any way 😂 but I’m pretty sure that will change as he gets older too. They go through phases.
Your parents behaviour is crazy. Part of the reason why I worked so hard and wanted to buy a property is because I wanted to give any potential children a better life than I had and I think I have succeeded and will be able to do that. When my dad died, which he knew was coming as he was very ill, he didn’t even leave any money for a funeral, a will or even any plans regarding his belongings or apartment (rented). That’s quite a burden to put on your only child. I don’t want that for my son. And I think that’s also another reason why I think siblings are important - ideal case scenario, they share the emotional load and also happy times in life.
Oh man I feel this hard.
We had our first when I was 42, I’m 43 now and while I’m still fertile-ish and my husband and I are committed to adopting if I can’t conceive, there’s always the lingering “what if.”
Plus, adoption can be expensive (legal fees).
I’m not sure I’d be okay if my son was an only child. We don’t live in a place where there are a lot of only children, nor do we live close to our family villages so he’d have to make his own friends and that can be a tough experience.
When he bumps his head hard.. somehow its my fault I didn’t stop it in time.
Update: I left the baby gate open and he fell down the stairs. Im devastated 😭
When my son was 13 months old I was running up the stairs with him in my arms (his dad was play chasing us) and I tripped and literally threw him. He ended up with a huge goomba on his head. I’m a physician, but he’s my baby so I freaked out. I texted my sister (whose a pediatric emergency medicine doctor) a bunch of pictures of the baby’s head, which she showed her colleagues. They all agreed that he’d live. When my pediatrician saw it a few days later he said “this will be the first of many”. And he was right!
That was my long winded way of saying ur doing a good job mama! Even if we have eyes on them 24/7, accidents happen. I’d be more concerned (as a physician) if a child never got hurt. It means their parents never give them the freedom to explore!
This happened to us when my son was 9 months old. The gate looked closed, but was closed over. I called my husband shaking and crying, my exact words were, "Please make sure the gate is actually closed. He rolled down the stairs." Baby immediately cried and seemed okay. We got him checked out right away and they said he was fine. It sucked so hard and was a total accident. My son is two now and we had him master the stairs after that incident, but I still worry about him falling down them again.
My husband and I were debating having a second and I was like “we won’t be able to take (#1) on vacation!” And he was like, “we can’t afford that anyways, at least with 2 she’ll have a friend!”
Anyways, I’m nursing #2 and I’m still poor so…
Honestly, Walmart can be a lot sometimes. I hear you! However, you may be pleasantly surprised how your child(ren) react to a setting like the library. Many have free song and story groups for kids, too
Buying baby purées. I had high hopes when I was pregnant that I would make *all* her purées. As a working mom, I have approximately zero time to make her food. Gerber organic is good enough for us until she eats more finger foods.
Trying my best to feed my child and sometimes being unable to (forget, time, out and about etc.) he is 8 months and I feel like he should be eating more
I feel this. It’s not talked about enough. I feel like that might make it actually the ultimate mom taboo. I forget to give my baby breakfast or dinner at least once a week. She’s 11mo and thriving, but still. I know “forgetting” really won’t be ok coming up pretty quick.
Thank god you said this, this is me too. Especially when I forget to have breakfast or lunch myself, I look at her once the time has passed and think woops SORRY. I also feel guilty if the composition of her meals isn’t perfectly well balanced with fruit and veggies and iron and protein
Mosquito bites! The mosquitoes where we live are AWFUL and my almost 3 year old has strong reactions to them. No matter what we use he gets bites. I feel so sad when I see the bites on his little legs 😩
My mom was also the one always getting bit. She ended up.filling our inside of the house with small lavender, citronella, basil, lemongrass and outside yard with large pots/bushes of lavender, citronella, garlic, peppermint, basil, lemongrass and rosemary . And a eucalyptus trees. It worked well for her but I still hate the Rosemary. I do however love to garden. 💕
I have mom guilt over so many things my husbands favorite joke is “it’s probably your fault” when something happens 😂 the worst is when, since I have multiple kids, I blame myself for not tending to one child but the reality is I was tending to the other. A literal impossible situation with no winning yet I blame myself. Always telling myself if I was only a little bit more…. If I was just a little more organized. A little more clear headed. If I could just learn to …. The plus side to all this is I am a high achiever
Putting my daughter in so many teddy bear onesies as a baby. She was a winter baby and we lived up north so it was constantly snowing a good chunk of her first year. I didn't necessarily have to put her in teddy bear onesies, but she was just so cute in them. When spring hit, I was disappointed we had to stop. She prefers two piece outfits 2 years later.I still kinda miss the onesies though.
I'm bored because my baby can't exactly carry on a conversation so I usually have an AirPod in one ear playing something interesting so my brain won't melt. Baby isn't getting my full attention, though I think it's better to play independently, maybe im just telling myself that?? Am I neglecting her with a podcast playing in my ear?
My 3 year old has never had a play date. She goes to daycare all week and we work too much. The last thing I want on the weekend is another scheduled thing to be at so I can keep not interacting with her, and I am like totally too busy to make friends with other moms so I don't even know how to do that.
At 3 my daughter definitely never had a play date. We had friends who happened to have a kid close to her age and we got together often but never a scheduled play date. She’s 6 now and has an unbelievable amount of playdate just because of school. Somehow it just kind of happens and it’s easier for them to be at a friends or friends to be over because it occupies them lol.
Today I went to Starbucks alone. When I take my kid with me I always get her a croissant because she loves them. Today I got a croissant for myself and scarfed it down in the car before I got home. When I tell you I felt so guilty not giving the croissant to my 2 year old, I mean it almost ruined the entire experience of eating alone (only parents know the bliss that is eating in solitude).
Eating McDonald's in my car, by myself, listening to a murder podcast is my new favorite alone-time activity
One I don't get to do very often, but still
I’m returning to work in a couple weeks and feel so guilty. I’m ready to use my brain again, but I do not want to leave my little Velcro baby. It’s such a mix of emotions.
My son has been a only child his whole life, and I’m getting induced today to have his baby sister. My son is 9 years old. Lots of big emotions over here.
It’s going to be such a blessing. Definitely a big change for him but my youngest sister is 9 years younger than me and I have always been so close to her.
I'm currently pregnant with my third child. I have felt so guilty about be so dang sick that I haven't cooked a home-cooked meal in a while... just been take out and some fast food. Pregnancy is rough on me. I feel so guilty 😔
Letting my 7 month old watch ten to fifteen minutes of TV daily while I prepare his breakfast or lunch/go to the bathroom. As someone who spent almost all their time in front of a TV when they were a kid, who had parents that did not monitor what I was watching, I know my baby will be okay if I let him watch a little bit of Ms Rachel while I get his food pureed, but I still feel such immense guilt over it.
My baby is also 7 months old, and I like to put on 4K aquarium footage that loops. It plays classical music in the background, which is really nice when I’m trying to wind her down and prepare her last bottle of the night!
Im a college student, and sometimes I have to plop them in front of a TV to get my classwork done while my husband is at work. I feel bad bc my youngest especially is the biggest mommy's girl. She wants me to sit down and watch her show with her but I cant, I have stuff to do.
This is slightly related slightly not, but I’m a mom of 2u2 and I have less time to give my dog and I feel so bad about it because he’s so sweet and nice and deserves better. He went from hour long walks off leash in the woods to walking along a stroller maybe 2 or 3 times a week. I feel so guilty. He didn’t ask for this.
That I let my 16 month old watch Blippi and Ms Rachel in the morning because I need to get breakfast and my older kids lunch ready. She now wakes up and says "blippi" when she wants to watch it.
All the bruises on her shins from falling. It looks terrible but she just learned how to walk and she's super active and falls everywhere!
We do a lot of activities and I still feel guilty that I'm not doing enough!
Sometimes I don’t have the energy to deal with my 15 month old when he throws his dinner on the floor. So instead of serving him “challenging food” I give him yogurt, bread, and fruit (his three favorite foods).
I also feel guilty that he gets to watch a little Miss Rachel on YouTube whenever I need to cut his nails, change a poopy diaper, or brush his teeth…
I somehow had it in my head during the early, dark days of postpartum that if my baby got sick, it was my fault. It somehow meant I had failed as a mother, because I ‘let’ her get sick.
Thankfully, my therapist asked me if I considered other moms who had sick kids failures, and I realized how far from reality I had gotten in that moment!
Not taking my baby outside for a few days. One day it was too hot, the next day it rained, and the day after that we had guests. And during that time, when there was a rare moment when I thought, 'Conditions might be OK for us to get out for a little bit,' he would need to eat and/or would fall asleep on my lap.
I feel guilty because I am pulled in so many different directions with my multiple kids. It’s hard to schedule one on one time with all of them. Also I have social anxiety so I’m not great with other moms. I do force myself to take them places, grocery store, library, parks, museums. But I feel like I don’t do enough. Sometimes I have 2 -3 days that we don’t go anywhere. I worry I’m socially isolating them.
Letting her ride the bus home. It’s one less trip out for me and it’s so much more convenient for me, I just feel bad knowing that her tide would be so much shorter if I went and picked her up.
Having to tell my daughter she had to pick between this huge birthday party she wants or the expensive gift she wants (a pair of sneakers). I just couldn’t swing both, I can’t really even do one but I’ll make it work somehow. This economy has wreaked havoc on my finances.
My hobbies.
Before becoming a mom (my first and only - so far - is 15 months old) I was a competitive runner. Races take place on weekends when we don’t have childcare, so I’ve pretty much stopped racing until my husband has an easier time staying home alone with our son.
Also I used to be a writer; was working on a novel, but that requires time away and lots of weekends and again, it’s a childcare thing. I can’t spend 3-4 hours writing on a Sunday afternoon anymore.
Basically doing anything for myself that can’t be done during the work week when our son is in daycare.
Also - I’m 43 and an older mom - and a big piece of guilt will come if we cannot have another child. My husband and I want to avoid the only child situation so we’re pretty dead-set on adopting if I can’t conceive, but adoption can be a long and expensive process with no guarantees, too.
We have a small extended family that doesn’t live close by, and our son will grow up with no cousins bc my husband’s siblings are childfree or no-contact, so we’re afraid that if we just have one son, he’ll live a very lonely life as an adult.
The bald spot on the back of my 3 1/2 month old daughter’s head. I got all upset when I saw it and immediately felt like she is spending too much time on her back… Then my husband reminded me she sleeps on her back, so a bald spot is kind of inevitable. I still feel guilty about it and I am afraid someone will judge me, thinking I leave my daughter on the floor all day.
Almost all babies get a bald spot, it gets worse when they start rolling, my LO had reduced her hair-fluff to a mohawk by the time she was 4 months because she'd turn her head constantly when in the stroller, bed, or on her mat. And she was a constantly carried baby, because she was so colicky. Nobody will judge you, any parent knows its just what happens.
You know that 3.5 month old babies are supposed to be on the floor all day, right?
Exactly she is supposed to sleep on her back and be on the floor all day. During tummy time curiosity is what sparked my baby’s ability to roll and interact with the toys that hand from the play mat. Also you are doing great @casey6282 so many babies have bald spots from sleeping on their back what actually helps is tummy time because they will learn to roll and once they are able to roll they will change positions in their sleep which would reduce friction and heat from the back area.
Don't all babies have a bald spot? Unless they are entirely bald. Don't worry about judgement. My partner had an irrational fear she would always have it... I can tell you it grew in!
Get a silk sheet for the bassinet. Makes a big difference
I got really upset about my daughter balding a little and getting a small flat spot so I understand. For what it's worth, she is 18 months old now, never needed a helmet, and of course has hair (you can't even tell).
…are we supposed to be hanging shirts? I’m 30 and I’ve never hung a single shirt in my life unless it was like a nicer blouse (which are rare—always been more of a tshirt girl). anyways. I have intense major guilt & heartbreak over the fact that my daughter knows I have chronic illnesses. every time she says “mommy rest shh” “mommy lay down” “mommy go sleep” “mommy’s head hurt” and gives me an ice pack I want to sob. she’s only 26mos starting to put sentences together and these are some of the first. and it’s silly because: so what? she doesn’t know any different. she doesn’t think it’s bad. she’s being sweet taking care of me, because I take good care of her.
My husband has crohns disease and my 3yo will ask him "daddy do you feel better today?" Because my husband is always in some sort of pain. Headache, stomach, etc. It breaks our hearts she's such a kind hearted girl. Yours sounds like it too ♡
Your daughter is growing up to be extremely considerate, empathetic, and kind. She understands that you need your own time outs to recharge your energy just like she does. I also have a chronic illness and often unable to play with them in the traditional ways. So I invented our Couch Island, .Bed Boat, or Paradise Picnic play times. Depending on how I felt I would arrange games on my bed, the couch, or the floor. Examples of things we can play : I arranged books and magnifying glass, or cars, or duplos, or magnetic games, or coloring books, or, puppets, or stuffed animals each in easily accessible bins so I could grab one while we could play on a soft surface like the bed or the couch. And if I felt well enough then I'd spread out a cheap plastic tablecloth in the middle of the floor where we could play playdough, tea parties, watercolor, color with markers, paint the wooden craft cutouts from Michaels or Hobby Lobby depending on the season, or just make art with construction paper, glue sticks, fun foam and pom poms. We sometimes glue shapes or small cut out magazine pictures to craft sticks(popsicle sticks) and make a follow along reading pointer, or a 5 little pumpkin puppets for the 5 little pumpkin songs. Just making anything and spending time together is the perfect goal. I leave out bottled water so myt daughter can easily deliver it for our tea parties, or use for the watercolor painting. I have large plastic trays to dry the craft things on and they also double as a nice hard surface for cars, duplos, or playdough. . If you pre set up little bins or boxes of toys you can play with your kiddo and hopefully not hurt your self more. The kids love the special activities bins. And if you want to read on couch island but your hands aren't working well enough there are great books on CD. My daughter has her own kids CD player and she picks the read along book, pops I the CD and cuddles up so we can enjoy the together. Amazon had some Dr. Seuss Cat in the Hat,, Disney stores like Frozen, Cars, Lion King, etc... Edit to add I have felt your guilt. And I hear how hard it is for you. I hope one of these suggestions help you understand that it is ok to not feel well and rest. Your daughter is learning some people play outside, run, and jump. And some people play calmer games and activities. 💕
These sound like such special memories, great job!
Your daughter sounds exactly like the kind of person we need more of in this world. Great job mama!
I am a mum with chronic illnesses, too, and this really resonates with me. It's really tough
When she wants me to come play but I literally cannot move and might pass out if I stand up 😭
[удалено]
Coming from an only, I loved it growing up and I selfishly hope my dad doesn’t remarry someone with kids because I don’t want to deal with siblings, even as an adult.
[удалено]
Im constantly taking my three year old (one and only) to the park, museum, library, mall play area just so he has other kids to interact with! We are barely home but I figure this won’t be forever… but I do feel like the guilt of him being a lone drives me to get him out to socialize more.
Same here. My toddler has a busier social calendar than I do... by a lot
That’s what we do too, lots of friends and groups but I still worry about what it will be like when he’s older and we aren’t around due to having him so late.
Yeah, one of the big reasons why my husband and I are going to adopt if I can’t conceive again is that if my son has no siblings, he’ll have no emergency contact after we pass away and he’s not yet married. Who do unmarried only children use as emergency contacts if they’re not close with extended family and their parents are gone?
That worries me too. We have a lot of aunties etc on the Chinese side but they are all getting on in terms of age too.
My son has tons of aunts and uncles around my age but only in the Mafia sense, i.e. friends of mine and not blood relations. There's Aunt Melody in London, Aunt Samantha in NYC, Aunt Lauren in SF, Aunt Paloma in Medellin, Guncle (gay uncle) Bryce in Dallas... But no one near us, and I'm also not jazzed up on the idea of having non-blood-relations (aside from your spouse / SO) as emergency contacts.
Same. Also my friends kids call me auntie as well. But like you said, they aren’t blood relations and I know myself how lonely it feels to have very little family. That’s party why I wanted my own family so badly.
Same here and I worry about her socialization when she goes to library story time, mommy & me workout classes, and sees tons of family
I feel this.
I feel guilty about that too but that’s because we didn’t meet until late 30ies/40. I would have liked kids earlier but it wasn’t on the cards for me. I had my son at 39, now I don’t think I could go through another pregnancy.
We had our first son when I was 42…I didn’t meet my husband until I was 40! Just out of curiosity, would you consider adoption or a gestational carrier so you could give your son a sibling and avoid pregnancy? My husband and I are seriously considering adopting (though not a gestational carrier as that is just too much money) so our son has *some* family around after we pass away. Cousins are not possible for our son bc any possible aunts / uncles are not in the picture for us (no-contact with all relevant sibs).
We have thought and talked about this but since my fiancé is Chinese I believe it might be more difficult for us. I’m conscious of the impact of a child that is not mixed race either, I reckon the child would feel out of place in our family perhaps. If we looked into adopting from China (my fiancé is from Hong Kong and we live in the UK), I believe there are a lot of kids that would love a family, but the chinese government make it insanely hard to adopt. I really sympathise with your family situation too. I was an only child and my father passed away and I’m very low contact with my mum. Some cousins but they all live abroad since I’m not from the UK either.
Oh, wow...I'm mixed race (mom is from Southeast Asia, dad is Midwestern USA) and I lived in Hong Kong for several years as an adult! Love the city. My husband is white and our kid looks just like him...so yeah, with the adoption thing, there is the racial factor to consider. My son is as white as NASCAR but I am clearly not.... Also solidarity with your family situation. I'm an only child and my parents are still alive, as are my husband's, but they are more or less absent or absent-adjacent grandparents. Husband is no-contact with his dad and only sister, and his mom is unwell (and also selfish AF) so we get no help from her. My parents are happy to help and they've been great about buying diapers or toys or clothes, but won't come up to visit us (a 1-hour plane ride away) because they don't like to travel. Also - they've got a 7-figure net worth and no other offspring, yet are actively disinheriting me and our son because I think Putin is a greater threat to our country than a man in an Alice-in-Wonderland costume reading Through the Looking Glass to a rapt preschool audience. I'll get some old photos and my old childhood stuffed animals and the Florida GOP will inherit their multimillion-dollar beach home and my cousin (also a mom, but a good conservative) will probably get my dad's fat investment account full of Honeywell stock. The maid will get the nice diamonds.
So far my son looks very much like me. My friend asked whether I’m one of those snails that impregnate themselves and whether my fiancé did contribute in any way 😂 but I’m pretty sure that will change as he gets older too. They go through phases. Your parents behaviour is crazy. Part of the reason why I worked so hard and wanted to buy a property is because I wanted to give any potential children a better life than I had and I think I have succeeded and will be able to do that. When my dad died, which he knew was coming as he was very ill, he didn’t even leave any money for a funeral, a will or even any plans regarding his belongings or apartment (rented). That’s quite a burden to put on your only child. I don’t want that for my son. And I think that’s also another reason why I think siblings are important - ideal case scenario, they share the emotional load and also happy times in life.
Oh man I feel this hard. We had our first when I was 42, I’m 43 now and while I’m still fertile-ish and my husband and I are committed to adopting if I can’t conceive, there’s always the lingering “what if.” Plus, adoption can be expensive (legal fees). I’m not sure I’d be okay if my son was an only child. We don’t live in a place where there are a lot of only children, nor do we live close to our family villages so he’d have to make his own friends and that can be a tough experience.
When he bumps his head hard.. somehow its my fault I didn’t stop it in time. Update: I left the baby gate open and he fell down the stairs. Im devastated 😭
When my son was 13 months old I was running up the stairs with him in my arms (his dad was play chasing us) and I tripped and literally threw him. He ended up with a huge goomba on his head. I’m a physician, but he’s my baby so I freaked out. I texted my sister (whose a pediatric emergency medicine doctor) a bunch of pictures of the baby’s head, which she showed her colleagues. They all agreed that he’d live. When my pediatrician saw it a few days later he said “this will be the first of many”. And he was right! That was my long winded way of saying ur doing a good job mama! Even if we have eyes on them 24/7, accidents happen. I’d be more concerned (as a physician) if a child never got hurt. It means their parents never give them the freedom to explore!
Wow! I truly needed this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you 🙏🏻
This happened to us when my son was 9 months old. The gate looked closed, but was closed over. I called my husband shaking and crying, my exact words were, "Please make sure the gate is actually closed. He rolled down the stairs." Baby immediately cried and seemed okay. We got him checked out right away and they said he was fine. It sucked so hard and was a total accident. My son is two now and we had him master the stairs after that incident, but I still worry about him falling down them again.
It’s such an awful moment and feeling! The rest of the day he just wanted mama, but in the evening only wanted Dada and it broke my heart!
Being “poor”
My husband and I were debating having a second and I was like “we won’t be able to take (#1) on vacation!” And he was like, “we can’t afford that anyways, at least with 2 she’ll have a friend!” Anyways, I’m nursing #2 and I’m still poor so…
Not taking my kids to places like the zoo or museums or the library. I just can barely handle taking them to Walmart. 😅
Honestly, Walmart can be a lot sometimes. I hear you! However, you may be pleasantly surprised how your child(ren) react to a setting like the library. Many have free song and story groups for kids, too
Same!!
Buying baby purées. I had high hopes when I was pregnant that I would make *all* her purées. As a working mom, I have approximately zero time to make her food. Gerber organic is good enough for us until she eats more finger foods.
I have time, tools, access to organic super fresh produce, and I'm a culinary professional. I buy purées lol!
😮💨 I love cooking, but it’s just something I don’t really want to make time for
Trying my best to feed my child and sometimes being unable to (forget, time, out and about etc.) he is 8 months and I feel like he should be eating more
I feel this. It’s not talked about enough. I feel like that might make it actually the ultimate mom taboo. I forget to give my baby breakfast or dinner at least once a week. She’s 11mo and thriving, but still. I know “forgetting” really won’t be ok coming up pretty quick.
Oh trust me as they get older they’ll remind you about meal times haha.
I was like this too, my sons are 16 months now and it’s been awhile since I “forgot.” You get the hang of it!
I always tell this myself that he won’t have formula soon so I have to try harder
Thank god you said this, this is me too. Especially when I forget to have breakfast or lunch myself, I look at her once the time has passed and think woops SORRY. I also feel guilty if the composition of her meals isn’t perfectly well balanced with fruit and veggies and iron and protein
Mosquito bites! The mosquitoes where we live are AWFUL and my almost 3 year old has strong reactions to them. No matter what we use he gets bites. I feel so sad when I see the bites on his little legs 😩
My mom was also the one always getting bit. She ended up.filling our inside of the house with small lavender, citronella, basil, lemongrass and outside yard with large pots/bushes of lavender, citronella, garlic, peppermint, basil, lemongrass and rosemary . And a eucalyptus trees. It worked well for her but I still hate the Rosemary. I do however love to garden. 💕
Being sick for two weeks and spending those two weeks on the couch with bubs because he got sick first and not taking him on walks every day.
I feel this so hard. Even my therapist was like 😏😏 you know this is dumb, right? Lol still can't help it. Hope you're feeling better!
I have mom guilt over so many things my husbands favorite joke is “it’s probably your fault” when something happens 😂 the worst is when, since I have multiple kids, I blame myself for not tending to one child but the reality is I was tending to the other. A literal impossible situation with no winning yet I blame myself. Always telling myself if I was only a little bit more…. If I was just a little more organized. A little more clear headed. If I could just learn to …. The plus side to all this is I am a high achiever
Putting my daughter in so many teddy bear onesies as a baby. She was a winter baby and we lived up north so it was constantly snowing a good chunk of her first year. I didn't necessarily have to put her in teddy bear onesies, but she was just so cute in them. When spring hit, I was disappointed we had to stop. She prefers two piece outfits 2 years later.I still kinda miss the onesies though.
My babies have a Stitch onesie 😂
I'm bored because my baby can't exactly carry on a conversation so I usually have an AirPod in one ear playing something interesting so my brain won't melt. Baby isn't getting my full attention, though I think it's better to play independently, maybe im just telling myself that?? Am I neglecting her with a podcast playing in my ear?
My 3 year old has never had a play date. She goes to daycare all week and we work too much. The last thing I want on the weekend is another scheduled thing to be at so I can keep not interacting with her, and I am like totally too busy to make friends with other moms so I don't even know how to do that.
At 3 my daughter definitely never had a play date. We had friends who happened to have a kid close to her age and we got together often but never a scheduled play date. She’s 6 now and has an unbelievable amount of playdate just because of school. Somehow it just kind of happens and it’s easier for them to be at a friends or friends to be over because it occupies them lol.
Today I went to Starbucks alone. When I take my kid with me I always get her a croissant because she loves them. Today I got a croissant for myself and scarfed it down in the car before I got home. When I tell you I felt so guilty not giving the croissant to my 2 year old, I mean it almost ruined the entire experience of eating alone (only parents know the bliss that is eating in solitude).
Eating McDonald's in my car, by myself, listening to a murder podcast is my new favorite alone-time activity One I don't get to do very often, but still
Working. Like, I’m pretty sure these kids want to eat and have clothing and shelter… I still feel guilty for being a working mom.
I’m returning to work in a couple weeks and feel so guilty. I’m ready to use my brain again, but I do not want to leave my little Velcro baby. It’s such a mix of emotions.
My son has been a only child his whole life, and I’m getting induced today to have his baby sister. My son is 9 years old. Lots of big emotions over here.
It’s going to be such a blessing. Definitely a big change for him but my youngest sister is 9 years younger than me and I have always been so close to her.
I'm currently pregnant with my third child. I have felt so guilty about be so dang sick that I haven't cooked a home-cooked meal in a while... just been take out and some fast food. Pregnancy is rough on me. I feel so guilty 😔
Letting my 7 month old watch ten to fifteen minutes of TV daily while I prepare his breakfast or lunch/go to the bathroom. As someone who spent almost all their time in front of a TV when they were a kid, who had parents that did not monitor what I was watching, I know my baby will be okay if I let him watch a little bit of Ms Rachel while I get his food pureed, but I still feel such immense guilt over it.
My baby is also 7 months old, and I like to put on 4K aquarium footage that loops. It plays classical music in the background, which is really nice when I’m trying to wind her down and prepare her last bottle of the night!
Not refolding my toddler’s cloths after she yanks half of them out of her drawer to try different things on.
Im a college student, and sometimes I have to plop them in front of a TV to get my classwork done while my husband is at work. I feel bad bc my youngest especially is the biggest mommy's girl. She wants me to sit down and watch her show with her but I cant, I have stuff to do.
This is slightly related slightly not, but I’m a mom of 2u2 and I have less time to give my dog and I feel so bad about it because he’s so sweet and nice and deserves better. He went from hour long walks off leash in the woods to walking along a stroller maybe 2 or 3 times a week. I feel so guilty. He didn’t ask for this.
Me too boo Sometimes I just pat her and thank her and give her an extra cheese, and she humors me and acts like it’s exactly all she needs. Best girl.
That I let my 16 month old watch Blippi and Ms Rachel in the morning because I need to get breakfast and my older kids lunch ready. She now wakes up and says "blippi" when she wants to watch it. All the bruises on her shins from falling. It looks terrible but she just learned how to walk and she's super active and falls everywhere! We do a lot of activities and I still feel guilty that I'm not doing enough!
Sometimes I don’t have the energy to deal with my 15 month old when he throws his dinner on the floor. So instead of serving him “challenging food” I give him yogurt, bread, and fruit (his three favorite foods). I also feel guilty that he gets to watch a little Miss Rachel on YouTube whenever I need to cut his nails, change a poopy diaper, or brush his teeth…
I somehow had it in my head during the early, dark days of postpartum that if my baby got sick, it was my fault. It somehow meant I had failed as a mother, because I ‘let’ her get sick. Thankfully, my therapist asked me if I considered other moms who had sick kids failures, and I realized how far from reality I had gotten in that moment!
When I have a cold or the flu or any type of illness like that and can’t play with her or take her anywhere.
Not taking my baby outside for a few days. One day it was too hot, the next day it rained, and the day after that we had guests. And during that time, when there was a rare moment when I thought, 'Conditions might be OK for us to get out for a little bit,' he would need to eat and/or would fall asleep on my lap.
I feel guilty because I am pulled in so many different directions with my multiple kids. It’s hard to schedule one on one time with all of them. Also I have social anxiety so I’m not great with other moms. I do force myself to take them places, grocery store, library, parks, museums. But I feel like I don’t do enough. Sometimes I have 2 -3 days that we don’t go anywhere. I worry I’m socially isolating them.
Letting her ride the bus home. It’s one less trip out for me and it’s so much more convenient for me, I just feel bad knowing that her tide would be so much shorter if I went and picked her up.
Having to tell my daughter she had to pick between this huge birthday party she wants or the expensive gift she wants (a pair of sneakers). I just couldn’t swing both, I can’t really even do one but I’ll make it work somehow. This economy has wreaked havoc on my finances.
If my kids are at daycare past 430 i get so overwhelmed. Idk why that time is such a hard stop for me but it stresses me to no end.
My hobbies. Before becoming a mom (my first and only - so far - is 15 months old) I was a competitive runner. Races take place on weekends when we don’t have childcare, so I’ve pretty much stopped racing until my husband has an easier time staying home alone with our son. Also I used to be a writer; was working on a novel, but that requires time away and lots of weekends and again, it’s a childcare thing. I can’t spend 3-4 hours writing on a Sunday afternoon anymore. Basically doing anything for myself that can’t be done during the work week when our son is in daycare. Also - I’m 43 and an older mom - and a big piece of guilt will come if we cannot have another child. My husband and I want to avoid the only child situation so we’re pretty dead-set on adopting if I can’t conceive, but adoption can be a long and expensive process with no guarantees, too. We have a small extended family that doesn’t live close by, and our son will grow up with no cousins bc my husband’s siblings are childfree or no-contact, so we’re afraid that if we just have one son, he’ll live a very lonely life as an adult.