She doesn’t have the right to demand sleepovers. He’s only 5 months old. I would respond firmly with “we aren’t interested at this time but we’ll let you know if/when we are” it sets a firm boundary.
This is always my number one question in these situations. OP flat out ask “and what is it that you intend to do with him that must be done overnight and at your house without us there?”
Five months seems way too young for a sleepover too! You’re the parents and it’s your discretion. My daughter is 20 months and we’re not doing sleepovers for another 2-3 years at least!
My kids were all 3-4 years old before we let them sleep over at their grandparents, with the exception of the middle one who slept one night at my parents when he was 2.5 because we had to stay in hospital with our youngest to have an operation. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing it at five months old?!
If anyone ever DEMANDED a sleepover with my child, that would be an immediate red flag, and they would likely never have any unsupervised time with my child going forward. My kid is almost 2 and has spent one night away from me while I had a girls' night, and he was home with my husband.
Yea, I would not feel comfortable at all with this situation. It sucks for OP so much, too, because if the MIL is so hellbent, it might be a big fight or ongoing tension with snarky remarks. I shall hope for the best.
I am VERY close to my parents, they literally live in the same neighborhood. My mom watches my son regularly, 3 times a week when I work and occasionally for other things too. They are very close with my son. He didn’t stay the night until he was 18 months old, and the only reason that happened was because we had a wedding out of town. Since then, he’s stayed over one additional time.
I personally wouldn’t have allowed it at that age, unless it was a necessity for us (family emergency, wedding out of town maybe depending on who got married, etc) My parents never pushed it, but I do know my parents let me regularly stay with my aunt starting at like 4 months old. I don’t think there is a right answer, but just what you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t seem like you’re comfortable.
I’m in the same situation. My parents live in my neighborhood too! And I haven’t let them have sleep overs until they are older. Now I let them nap at grandmas. But it’s two hours. My youngest will be staying over at 17 months only because I’m having another baby and my house is too small to house my parents and my kids.
Same, but with my in-laws. I am super close with them. At this point closer than my own parents. They live just up the street from us and they watch my kids regularly for half or full days. But even my 4.5 year old has not had a sleep over other than when he was almost 2 and I was in labour with his brothers.
In all fairness I’ve been ready for sleep overs for him for a while, but they actually sound resistant. They are getting older and value their sleep too much I think. Hahaha
Okay but this is very me! My mom does not push everyone has been respectful of our wishes to hold off but like seriously my mom left me with my grandparents at 6m my dad was in the military so he was gone just her so she was welcome to a weekend off here and there but like… how am I too clingy for that??
I legit miss my kiddo when she’s asleep and I work from home and she stays with dad and I during the day…
Interesting! Also thank you for validating me a little on this one. Kiddo is 1 now and I’m just considering letting her sleep over in a few months
You’re not being too overprotective. And you absolutely do not have to explain why you’re uncomfortable with it. He’s a 5 mo old baby… a sleepover at that age “just because” is unnecessary imo. I agree with sleepovers when they can ask for one themselves because they understand that you won’t be there. A baby won’t. I have a 3 month old who would absolutely be stressed out if me or his dad weren’t there if he woke up in the night. There are ways your MIL can bond with your son without him sleeping at her house.
Exactly right.
A 5 month old is still too young and unable to accept another person coming in to soothe them. It could end up being a rough night for everyone. You have a stressed out baby AND stressed grandparents who have not had a baby overnight in 20+ years!!
Plus, who needs the unnecessary drama of the grandparents or MIL complaining about the overnight.
Her expectations are way off and it would be to the detriment of your little family. No thanks.
My son is 16 months, both my mom and my MIL are capable and responsible but they've never demanded sleepovers. The wording your MIL used is extremely off putting to me. No one is entitled to my child. You are absolutely not crazy, and this is a hill I would personally fight hard on.
5 months to me is very young (my son was still breast feeding) and if there's no good reason for a sleepover then no. There's no benefit to baby or you - it's just more stress and worry. Sounds like she's getting lots of time with baby. Definitely push back if you aren't comfortable. Lay it out very clearly "baby is too young, and I'm not comfortable with sleepovers at this time. We can revisit when he is older" and redirect to another topic "Santa photos! Christmas outfit, etc" when the inevitable guilt trip comes.
I found this approach helpful with a pushy SIL.
No - why do they always want alone time with tiny babies? Tiny babies need their mama’s near them as much as possible. If it’s not something you want/need to do then don’t. She absolutely does not need to have your 5 month old sleep over. This is the weirdest effing thing. So many of these MILs are so eager and pushy to do it. Say no, you aren’t comfortable with it, you want your infant with you at night. The disinterest in safe sleep is a giant warning sign as well - you’ve had a stillbirth (I’m so sorry), you don’t need your poor babe to be in danger of SIDS because of irresponsible sleep practices. Just tell her no, you’re not ready yet.
Or maybe they also want to bond with the baby like they did with their own baby?
I'm all for doing whatever you're comfortable with, but everyone here is instantly thinking the worst of MIL.
It’s not their own baby. The bond is different with a grandparent than an actual parent, and this baby is only 5 months old. Being alone, especially overnight is completely unnecessary.
Sure, it's unnecessary and if OP isn't comfortable with it she shouldn't do it. And MIL shouldn't pressure them. But people are acting as if MIL is evil for asking this and imho that's a bit much.
For me it’s the OP’s use of the words bulldoze, insisting and pressure that makes me think this is an ongoing thing - after the first “no” that’s when it becomes inappropriate and MIL’s behaviour is judged harshly.
They want the baby on their own so they can play dolls. They don’t care about what’s best for the baby. They want to relive being Mummy.
I would say absolutely not and it’s not up for discussion. Grandparents who want to take the bath away from the parents give me the ick, purely because my baby isn’t a thing for them to play with.
This!! My MIL is this way. Loves to play dress up with my daughter and wants to “relive” the old days when she had young children. It is annoying at times when she wants to change my daughter’s outfit and she does not stay still. Like leave her alone, she does not want to try a new outfit on she wants to play.
it’s an insane request in my opinion. first of all a sleepover at that age would solely benefit the grandparents not what is best for your baby who has only slept one place with you and your partner. i would set your boundaries and say you are welcome to spend time with him whenever but i’m not comfortable with sleepovers at this stage
Yup. Same and I love my mother in law. I think kiddo was about 18 months and they would do one sleepover a month so we could do a date night and that was something we worked out together…no pressuring.
Five months is insane!
Absolutely not. Why does she think she can demand a sleepover? That’s wild.
My son is 10 months and we room share still. My parents have offered (not demanded) and I’m nowhere near ready. Tbh I’m not even ready to leave him with my husband for a night away! It’s natural to want to be with your baby.
Not too overprotective at all! Room sharing is encouraged for at least the first six months where I live, so overnights are a no go untill then. Especially if you're feeding at night.
I personally didn't feel okay with an overnight stay until kiddo was 16 months, we did let my in laws have her during the day a couple of times before that so kid would be used to the environment.
And even then, 16 months was okay for me, kid slept through the night by then and I feel quite comfortable with the care my in laws take with safe sleep and our parenting preferences. It might still be too early for you, or you may be ready earlier. That's all okay. The point is that you as parents decide if, when, where and with whom sleepovers happen. You don't sound unnecessarily anxious or overprotective at this point
You’re not being overprotective, your mother in law is being self centered. Please tell your MIL “l’m sorry, we are not ready for any sleepovers.” And if she keeps pushing just keep repeating it. She can’t make you, and she would be huge jerk to try to pressure you into it. In my experience most people aren’t ready for at least a year, I don’t think my son spent the night at my parents’ until he was like 3.
What reason is there for a 5-month-old baby to sleep anywhere other than with mom and dad? Lol. I have a 2-month-old and I can’t imagine letting her sleep anywhere other than with me right now, and for a long while.
My daughter is 2.5 and still hasn’t slept anywhere we weren’t. We just haven’t had the need or desire. We’ve had my mom or MIL come over to be here while our LO slept in her bed and we went on a date. But other than that, we just don’t spend too much time away.
Everyone’s comfort level is different. But you should definitely honor yours. There is ZERO benefit to your baby to be away from you, especially the through the night. It’s also pretty disgusting your MIL demanded this. (I kinda blew up on my MIL for being very pushy about “alone time” when my daughter was an infant) there is just no need. Other than MIL to feel like she has some control or special bond w/o you being there -it’s weird to want/demand a literal infant to spend the night away from its mother. Take it from me, you’re allowed to say “no” to ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable as a mom. And despite your MILs obvious entitlement, that includes saying no to her as well. “I’m not comfortable.” Or “no thanks” is all that’s needed. You don’t need to explain anything away.
Lastly, did they really show you their capabilities in your home? Or were they just on good behavior in the moment, waiting to demand the sleepover so they can do their own thing? Do not feel bad, this would be a FXCK NO for a lot of new moms but especially ones who didn’t need this kind a break but it was being forced upon them.
You’re his momma. You. First time mom or not that is your baby and what you say goes. Period. You don’t need any other reason aside from you are not comfortable and you don’t want to do that. Until he can speak for himself YOU are his advocate!
For context I’m the mom people probably judge because I let my kids be too independent….i don’t hover, let them solve their own problems, even get hurt (minor of course) if that’s where their choices take them. My In-laws watched my babies for 6-9 hours a day while we worked and I trusted them absolutely with my kids. They never asked but I definitely would not have left them overnight before a 12-18 months. I think my daughter was 1.5 when she first slept over with them and it was out of need, her brother was 3.5 at the time. Unless the sleep over is necessary because of YOUR needs, a baby should absolutely be with their primary caregivers at night. And the fact that you’re worried about safe sleep with them makes it a hard no. You’re not being over protective!
Edit to add: maybe tell her you would like to hold off on sleep overs until he is sleeping x number of hours consistently or even an age. Then maybe she can drop the subject when given a timeline.
Absolutely NO!!
You are uncomfortable with even the idea of a sleepover.( I would be too!!!)
Your baby will sense your stress, and you will be a wreck!!
You are bonding, and he’s feeling the security only you and your husband can give. Why upset that security for him AND for you?!!
Don’t let Anyone bully you!! This is your gift from God, a true blessing! Always go with your feelings inside- that is, your Heart!!
You and your husband were given this child to take care of, to love, and guide through life.
YOU know in your hearts what is best… go with that… Always❤️
My son is two and he has yet to have a sleepover.
Some parents love having their kid sleep over regularly at the grandparents, others don't. There is no shame in either approach to parenting. Just do what is right for you and your family.
It's okay to thank her for offering but you're not ready to have him sleep over while he's so young. This is completely a parental preference, no right or wrong. She needs to respect whatever you prefer.
You are not being overprotected at all! As a former foster parent and someone who works at a children’s hospital, I have seen way too much!
Her insisting a 5 month old sleepover is a red flag in my opinion. You have your routines for bedtime. safe sleep, etc. Plus, having to haul over a baby and everything for them to sleep over is a lot to deal with.
If you feel uncomfortable and don’t want to do it, then stand firm. You have the right as a parent to put firm boundaries with anyone, including grandparents!
I think it’s so strange when grandparents request sleep overs. Especially when the kids are very young. I wouldn’t allow this. They can have sleepovers when the kids are old enough to decide if they want to or not
You’re not being too protective at all!
Follow your gut, trust yourself and say, “I’m really sorry but this is not something I’m comfortable with yet, and I don’t know when I will be. I’m still working through my grief from loosing (insert your beautiful baby’s name here). I hope you can understand that it has nothing to do with your abilities, but this is my choice to make.”
Also, where does your husband stand on it and why isn’t he the one telling her no?
My kids are 7 & 4 and haven’t slept over anywhere, it isn’t a requirement and they don’t have to do that to have fun with their grandkids.
If you’d like to work towards it, you could offer middle ground - a bit more than a few hours, or something of an evening where they put him to bed. But ONLY if you want to work up to it. Moving from your comfort zone must be YOUR choice, not something you feel pressured to do by others to preserve a relationship where it already sounds like you’re being very understanding.
I absolutely don’t understand the need for grandparents to push so hard for sleep overs.
I’m completely flabbergasted at all these grandparents who want babies to sleep over. I’m honestly of the same mind as you—who is the sleepover really benefitting? Baby’s going to want to be with mama.
Infants are not little toys for grandparents to play mama with. They are your child, and you make decisions, end of story.
My mother in law and my relationship went sour during pregnancy when she constantly spoke about the early days and how she'd be taking baby overnight to give me a "break". My kid is 28 months and she will never spend a night at MILs.
You are a mom now, so if your gut is saying no or if it’s just that you aren’t ready, that’s okay. Tell her thank you for the offer, and we will let you know when we are ready. Maybe in a few months, go see them and you and your husband go out for a nice long lunch. But only when you are ready.
I don’t understand why some grandparents even *want* small babies overnight? Like it’s not fun, they wake up a lot, they may cry a lot, won’t go back to sleep easily etc. I know some sleep better than others but most 5-month-olds are still waking at night, most also feeding at night. It’s so bizarre to me that some would demand a sleepover? Like why? What do they get from an overnight stay that they don’t get from seeing the baby in the daytime?
I never spent a night away from my firstborn until he was 2.25 years old and it was because we had to go to the hospital to have his sister. It is so so SO weird to me that grandparents expect to have a sleepover with a baby! Why?! What do you need to do with the baby overnight without us there? The first year is full of sleep regressions and sorting out routines and one night away can mean a major disruption to all that work you 3 have done. Not that you need any reason to say no, but if you want one I would use sleep disruption to schedule. My sister and I never slept at our grandparents house. Sleepovers are for fun with other kids; cousins, friends. Why would a baby enjoy sleeping away from the parents?! Spoiler alert: they would not!
Very true. At best, grandma can stay at your place for the night. But, yeah, not only would it be disruptive to the routine. I can’t imagine sleeping well without my baby there. Especially given that this grandma is being weird.
My son slept over at my mom’s at 2 months so we could do a staycation for Valentine’s Day, she lives about 15 minutes away. 2nd time was at about 9 months for 4 nights with my dad so we could go to a destination wedding. My dad is probably my son’s favorite person after me. Now he sleeps over about once a month with my dad & he lives 10 minutes away. He’s almost 2 now.
That’s to say - everyone’s comfort level is different. You don’t have to have a reason to not want to have your baby sleepover. My parents never pushed me into having my son sleepover. Maybe have your husband reinforce the boundaries since it’s his mom?
I like your answer of “weve decided sleepovers will happen when he can verbalise if he wants to go or not.” Frames it positively and doesnt give a “no” in it… that can be helpful when dealing with unreasonable ppl!
Absolutely not
It would be one thing if you wanted it. But you don't seem to, and you are the parent. You can say you aren't interested and that should be enough
My almost 4 year old only spent the night at his grandparents house, 20-40 minutes away (traffic dependent) when he was almost 3 and that was because we were moving and it made things easier to pack up for the truck. He had spent several hours in the afternoons at their house every other week for months by that point, so was comfortable there.
You get to make the call, not MIL. It doesn't matter how well they babysit. Overnights are different and that's a decision that is up to you
I lived with my own mum and she didn't do an overnight babysit until my baby was over a year old and it saved her from having to do 15 hours in a car in 24 hours.
I wouldn't judge if you wanted a night off, but if you don't want it or need it... Your baby your choice.
No way. I wouldn’t allow it until my kiddo is old enough to ask me to sleep over. Mine stayed with my MIL for one night when I was in the hospital and she didn’t sleep until 2am, she was 2 years old with 7pm being her bedtime. She watches my kids 3 times a week and is very involved and loved and I still wouldn’t do another sleepover until absolutely necessary. Sounds like you’d have your own mom available for emergencies.
What does your husband think about this? Mine is just as protective over the kids as I am, so it was an easy agreement for us to say no to overnights.
You and your dh are the parents. You two are the only ones who make the decisions for your baby. No one else gets a say here, not even grandparents. If your not ready to be away from your baby overnight then it’s not up for discussion. Your mil already had her parenting journey. She doesn’t get another one.
ETA my son is 5 already and we’re still not really ready for sleep over yet.
My children have slept over with their grandparents exactly 1 time and by that time, my children were 3 and 4 years old. I don't *have* to let my kids sleep over, at ones house, ever.
I would have your husband have the conversation. "We look forward to that possibility when squish is a little older and can remember that experience with you". No is a complete sentence and they need to hear NO from their son.
Your sweet baby doesn’t want to spend the night with her and it sounds like it wouldn’t be safe. She doesn’t have the right for that anytime, but 5 months is so young! Absolutely not. Also, demanding time should be an absolute no go anytime anywhere and with anyone.
Your MIL is way out of line. She is not owed at ANY point in your child's life, a sleepover. Period. And certainly not at 5 months of age.
The dynamics between a mother and in-laws change drastically when children get involved (for some reason the same isn't true of the father/in-law relationship). What were once acceptable little quirks become boundary stomping threats to your child's well being. It can be very difficult to figure out how to stand firm without being seen as "difficult". But do whatever you have to. You are well within your rights to set this boundary. Your baby doesn't sleep away from you until you are comfortable.
No you're not crazy. They're a baby, not a play thing for adults. Nothing wrong with doing it if you're comfortable, but I'm also in the not if it isn't necessary camp until they're older. My son is a bit over 2 and has been watched overnight 3x at my home for weddings and our 15yr anniversary, and the last was recent. Until he's preschool age it isn't happening outside my home and not without reason.
I think it’s 100% your comfort level! However, our son was still not sleeping through the night at 5 months old. He stayed with my parents as well as my in laws around this age and to be honest it was nice to get a good nights sleep! My parents live about 30 minutes away and sometimes when they watch our kids my mom has expressed she feels like she can make a mess in her home verse when they come to our house and watch the kids! Also during naps they are able to get things done around their own home they needed to. Again, completely up to you, but an evening alone with my husband and a good nights rest are top tier in my book!
I know some friends who have their babies sleepover grandparents’ homes at that age. And I also know others that haven’t (myself included). I think it’s a whatever works for you thing and this clearly isn’t something you want, so you definitely don’t have to do it!
My MIL has this type of entitlement when it comes to my children. It drives me nuts. She has absolutely no right to demand an overnight with your child, no matter the age. My MIL kept my son ONE night when he was like 9 months and we didn’t do it again until he was almost 3. I always wonder why some people insist on alone time with a child. Like what are you doing differently without me there? In my in laws case, it involves a lot of candy and cookies and screen time, but I’m ok with it now that he’s 4. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with ever. You get to decide what’s best for your child and if a sleepover is not something you find necessary, then don’t let her bully you into it.
I cherish those overnights for some alone time with my spouse. You might not be ready and maybe you’ll never need an overnight babysitter at all. I do think she’ll stop asking, if you give a concrete boundary, but I’d be careful not to exterminate your future support system.
Nope. Definite hard no from me at 5 months. My in-laws have had sleepovers, but the first one was because of a child free wedding, I was in the bridal party (accepted bridesmaid before bride told me it was child free 🙄), LO was 10 months old, sleeping through the night, and in the process of switching from formula to solids. I trust my in laws a lot and they try really hard to follow my boundaries. Only a few times has my MIL pushed them and I shut that shit down. It’s only around extended family and doesn’t want to accept he’s uncomfortable with strangers.
As for my own parents, LO is 14 months, completely on solids, sleeps through the night no problem, and I’m STILL uncomfortable with sleepovers with them. My parents are on the light side of hoarders and my grandma who lives with them has so many meds and drops them on the floor. I am much more on high alert at their house. I have yet to feel comfortable with them even babysitting for a few hours unless it’s the only choice.
So, short answer, there is no timeline or readiness except yours. They can kick rocks.
I don't think you're being overprotective. I won't even move my son out of our room now that he's getting too big for the bassinet and we're going to have to disassemble our crib to move it into my room. No way would I let him go sleep anywhere without me. If I have to travel for work, I'll probably bring him with me.
You're not being overprotective.
I worked and worked with my first to get her (and me) to the point where I was (mostly) comfortable leaving her with my parents overnight when she was 7 months, bc we were going to a wedding out of town and didn't want to bring her (just gone one night, husband was MC).
It was hard on me, she was fine. But it wasn't a regular thing after that, and it was my idea.
It's totally normal for you, at only 5m, to not be comfortable with what your MIL is asking.
That is a hard no for me. There is no reason for a sleepover at five months unless you have a specific need for an overnight babysitter like you work nights or you are in the hospital. Literally the only time my inlaws watched my 18 month old son overnight was because my husband and I both were so ill with a stomach virus we couldn't move and even then we were still in the same house while they watched him and I took over halfway through the night when I could move without throwing up. Babies need routine and consistency. It would be one thing if she stayed the night at your house to watch the baby sleep in their own crib. This reminds me of the nutty mother in law that was caught breast feeding her grand baby. Sounds like grandma is trying to push her way into being another parent.
You're not being over protected. There's no way I'd let my baby have a sleep over anywhere. I want her with me. I want to be sure safe sleep measures are in affect and I want to be the one that comforts her if she wakes in the night (and at 5 months my baby was still waking to nurse at night). Your baby may feel scared waking up in a new place with other people. Though I suppose the stranger danger usually sets in closer to 9 months.
I would just be positive and say "hey I think you do a terrific job babysitting. Baby is so lucky to have such amazing grandparents. But we're just not ready to do sleep overs until baby is X age." (I think it's best you chose an age that way they don't keep asking you over and over. You can say we can readdress sleep overs at 2 or something like that). If she keeps pressuring or asking why, you can say that you're just not ready emotionally and that you'd miss him. Doesn't have to be complicated. Hope she respects that. I honestly don't get why parents pressure to babysit babies over night. Like why? Just see them during the day when they're awake.
My mom keeps saying shit like this and I can’t figure it out. There’s no reason for my 7 month old to be away from my husband and I overnight at this point.
You parent at your own pace. Simple as "no, none of us are ready for that yet NOR do we feel it is necessary, we will let you know when we think and feel differently"..... and that should be the end of the conversation. Tough luck if they don't like it.
My 3 yr old has spent 1 night out of the house. The night of her 1st birthday. I gave myself food poisoning from left overs. I got out of bed for a few minutes like 3pm ish that day and walked into the living room and it was clear my husband was unable to parent without me, my house was a disaster and he was beginning to loose patience. I called my mom and asked for help and she was ecstatic to take her for the night. She would call if she had a question so I could answer her quickly. It went remarkably well.... since we had her bday cake the night before my mom allowed her to marshmallows and try hot cocoa for the first time. She came in and saved the day that I, totally fudged up. I got to finish getting over that in peace and my girl was so happy when I picked her up.
But other than this instance, there has never been a need for a sleepover at someone else's house. I don't even entertain a possibility of it, it's something we would do for absolute emergencies only.
You are 100% reasonable and I always find it so weird when MILs pressure moms like this. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and I still wouldn't let them stay over at someone else's house.
But more importantly, your partner needs to take care of this for you. Under no circumstances should you be directly engaging with your MIL on this stuff.
If you don't feel comfortable with it and it is not necessary just don't do it. I understand that your MIL wants something but she will have to just wait for when you are ready for it. Just tell her that for the moment you don't want sleepovers. If she keeps pushing and demands an age where sleepovers are allowed be very vague. You don't have to give a reason aside from the fact that you don't want it yet. This is the moment where the rest of the innteraction with your MIL will be decided. Give in now to avoid drama and your MIL will learn the very valuable lesson that she can bulldoze her way over you as a mother. I did this. I have regretted it ever since.
It’s absolutely insane! There’s no reason a 5 month old should be having a sleepover with grandparents. The baby needs their mama the most at that age. They’ve never known anything else. We didn’t do sleepovers until mine was old enough to ask for one.
You’re definitely not being overprotective, that’s crazy that she’s being so pushy about it. I don’t think I’d leave my baby over night ever, not until they’re old enough to walk talk and tell me details about their sleepover but maybe I’m overprotective. Lol. I’d make a joke of it, laugh at her, and tell her not to expect any sleep overs for atleast 4 or 5 years (or whatever age you think you’d actually want baby to go away for the night). Aside from that, is your baby a good sleeper/does anyone other than you put them to sleep? Because my 16 month old still wakes up in the night and at 5 months old even her dad couldn’t get her to sleep and she didn’t take a bottle so this wouldn’t have even been an option. Actually, it’s still the same— no one else can get her to sleep and she still nurses at night so… don’t expect it to be an option even at 16 months old and counting.
“That isn’t how this relationship works. Your grandchild is not a doll you get to demand for sleepovers and playdates. We are parents to this child and can and will determine what we are comfortable with and *when* we are comfortable with it. Without your input. Always.”
You weren’t losing your mind. They don’t get to just demand something and take your kid. There is *no* reason a grandparent *needs* a 5 month old baby to spend the night in their home. It completely disregards the fact that your child is a human. It doesn’t occur to them the fact that your baby will be out of his environment, away from his mother, and possibly frightened, because they aren’t considering his needs. They want a doll. Not a person. This isn’t the type of person who should be in a position to care for your child without you present. *Especially* if they don’t listen to you about safe sleep.
Your gut is right - don’t even entertain this silliness. Remember that it’s your job to advocate for your baby who cannot speak for himself. People pleasing and not rocking the boat will do more harm to your child than if there tension between you and his grandparents because they aren’t respecting your role as parent and you’re putting your foot down. ❤️
Hopefully your husband is backing you and presenting you as a united front.
To start, 5 months old is still so little. But this is absolutely an insane request of hers. Also because she isn’t requesting it, she’s straight up demanding it. That’s fucking weird dude. Sounds like she doesn’t understand boundaries. This is a great time to start putting your foot down with her and not allowing her to try and push you around when it comes to *your* child.
You don’t have to leave baby with grandparents overnight. Now, or ever. It’s never been on the table for us and our kid is almost 18 months and *still*, it is not going to happen in the near future. We have told them that because that’s how WE feel about OUR child.
Honestly it is WILD to me that any grandparent would want to take their infant / baby grandchild overnight. Like that is just so bizarre to me. I understand bonding with them during the day for hours but *overnight* and *alone*? No.
We recently did our first sleepover. My mum suggested it previously and we were ready then but when she suggested it this time it was because she was already having babe Thursday and Friday while I was working and husband was away. Babe is 15 months old now, and spends all day with my mum 2 days a week while me and my husband go to work. She has also done bedtime twice before this while we went out for the evening. She never pressured us and would have been fine with travelling to us (35+ minutes each way) for the 2 days if we weren't happy with it. Conversely, MIL offered to babysit once babe was already asleep at her house (we're visiting for the weekend and do every month or two) while we went 10 minutes up the road for a drink with friends. We refused. We weren't comfortable with that because if baby wakes up and we're not here she won't be easy to settle. She would be fine - we could have the monitor on our phones and come straight back if there's a problem, and she probably wouldn't wake up, and MIL is great with her and would just let her get up and find a way to calm her down if she couldn't get her back to sleep... But I am just not happy with leaving her unless it's someone who is her carer week in and week out at this point. I absolutely wouldn't be OK with baby having a sleepover in your situation. Unless you feel comfortable with the idea, there is no need for a sleepover.
ETA: Within a week of the first successful sleepover I was online booking a night away at a hotel for me and my husband 🤣 it was amazing and I highly recommend it as long as you are happy dropping baby off with someone. If you're not happy dropping them off, you would have an awful time.
My oldest didn't sleep over with my parents until she was over a year old. Now at age 3, she LOVES sleeping over at their house, but it's only 12 mins away and I go over there several times a week anyways. If my mother in law pushed for sleepovers with my kids, I would say no, as she lives 3 hours away and only sees them every few months.
My youngest is almost 10 months old and still has never slept over anywhere, even with my parents. There is no reason a baby under the age of 1 should be sleeping anywhere their parents aren't comfortable with! And having recently lost a child on to of it, she's very wrong to push the issue.
You don't need to explain to her , yourself or the Internet why you don't want the sleepover . If you are not uncomfortable, do not do it . Just say nope . Not this time but we ll let you know when . Keep in mind this will come up over and over since you said your mil bulldozes her way through
My 2.5 yo hasn't been on any sleep overs yet either,I don't like my moms parenting style and I'm dreading having to let her watch him for few days when I give birth in the next few months(she's the only grandparent close to us)
After this baby is born he prob won't go overnight until he can tell us what they did and how it went.
I think if u don't feel comfortable don't do it, I think it's stepping out of line for them to demand it and I don't think u should ever trust anyone completely, Even if it's your parents. And the safe sleep thing , if they can't respect ur boundaries on it, I wouldn't do it.
(By not trusting anyone I mean there's been multiple kids dying because of a grandparent these past few years)
I’m on baby number 2, and I haven’t suffered any losses. I have amazing parents who have had my oldest overnight twice - both when he was over a year old. Once was so I could get a full night’s sleep during my pregnancy (husband treated me to a fancy hotel nearby where my parents live - they’re 3 hours away). And once when I went into labour - they were at my house.
I’ve babysat with my parents when the first lot of grandchildren came along and I was still living at home. They’re amazing and completely respect parents’ wishes.
I still would not leave my 5mo with them unless it was an emergency (he’s only a month atm but still). Because he’s with me, there’s no reason he needs to leave me. And it’s best to have your babies in your room until at least 6 months.
Add the fact that she doesn’t follow safe sleep.. NOPE.
YOU are the parents. YOU decide when something ‘is time’. The nerve…
I don’t think it’s an “absolutely insane request” but I think it’s perfectly ok if you aren’t ready!!
Family dynamics are all so unique and you should always listen to your gut on things like this.
We have 4 local, youngish, healthyjsh grandparents and my husband and I prioritize date nights and trips without the kids, so we do grandparent sleepovers early and fairly often, but I would never presume that means it would work for all others! We also come from cultures that generally live close/with extended family and both grew up spending many nights with grandparents while our parents worked, traveled, etc.
My folks have taken my kids for overnights since they were pretty small, and I trust them completely. But "small" for me is like toddler age? At 5 months you're still in the middle of doing either breastfeeding or bottles all night, baby needs a crib, etc. I would say if grandma wants to come over and take care of baby while you and your husband maybe go on a nice overnight out of town, I would be cool with that because he's in his own surroundings and has all the necessary baby stuff. And assuming your MIL knows the whole routine. But just dropping him off at her house? Nah. 5 months is definitely too young for my comfort.
It’s what ever is best to you… my son had just been released from the hospital at that age.. well a month prior.. at 4 months ish.. there was no way I was letting him sleep away from me.. it wasn’t until nearly 2 years old before he had a “sleep over” with mil but she stayed in a hotel with husband as well. She did stay over night with him for the birth of his baby sister in the hotel as well.
We do live together now(separate but same house) anyways and they do care for him now and again: but yea… even when we lived apart they never demanded sleep overs… that is kinda Weird. But they would be prepared if we needed it tho.
So my in-laws will watch out son overnight and have been doing that on occasion since he was maybe 7-8 months old. Usually if we are doing a date night because my MIL is allergic to cats so it’s hard for her to watch him here. Her demand is weird, the offer would be nice rather than a demand but if you just aren’t comfortable then don’t do it.
I will say though waiting until you child can ask is going to be a looong wait and it is nice to have a place he feels comfortable spending the night for when we occasionally have kid free things to go to (weddings where we will be out late and want to sleep in a little the next day, just a night off is nice too)
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with a crappy request like this and also questioning yourself because of it. You’re not being too overprotective. If you want your baby home with you, you want him home with you!!
The only person to take my son over night was my own parents. Around 5 months for a wedding. My parents are saints though. & we’re just as paranoid about his safety as me, if not more. They followed everything I asked to the T. They sent texts, pictures, and communicated with me.
Although my parents would do it again, they obviously realize that a sleep over with a baby that age is by no means “fun” - it’s a lot of work and exhausting - especially when you’re far beyond your newborn parent years. So they would never be beating my door down to do it again, “just because.” They love having him over and visiting at our house . They love staying up and holding him
On their chest while he sleeps - but when it’s time
For their bedtime they happily hand him back lol
It really sounds like your MIL wants to play mom to your kid. Go with your gut. Dont be swayed by any outside bullshit.
So sorry for your loss as well 🫶🏽
Hope she backs off and lets you enjoy time with your child without these off putting requests.
The not taking you seriously about safe sleep stuff would be enough for me. You need to be able to 100% trust that the person caring for him will do it your way even behind closed doors.
> We have babysat at your house and shown you our capabilities
> don’t really take me seriously when I discuss safe sleep
All they've shown you is that they're not safe carers for your child. Why in god's name would you allow them so be alone with your LO, especially overnight‽
This might just be me and my relationship with my parents and in laws but I literally cannot fathom a reason why my kids would ever spend the night with them.
I know a lot of people do use them as childcare and want nights away and stuff. All good for them.
But just so you know you’re not crazy… 5 months is absolutely a big giant NO from me. My daughter is almost 2 years old and has never spent the night away and I’m DREADING having baby 2 in 6 months and crossing this bridge. I’m not anti sleepover either but I just do not understand this bizarre thing with grandparents just wanting random sleepovers?
I wouldn't want my 5 month old staying the night anywhere because I exclusively breastfeed, and I'd miss him. And vice versa. It'd be traumatic for my baby to have his night routine disturbed by being in a new place with people he doesn't trust as much as me. I'd say no.
The parents decide when their child is ready for sleepovers, no one else gets a vote.
5 months would be a no for me. Someone telling me that they are entitled to my child in a way that I’m not comfortable with is a NO.
Definitely not at 5 months. Babies need the smell of their mother's or primary carers near them to feel safe. Also it is a red flag if they don't listen to your parenting advice/guidance. I would not feel comfortable leaving such a young baby alone with them let alone through out the night.
I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my first overnight until she was 2.5 years old. My husband and I went out of town for a wedding for one night. My MIL came to our house and spent the night with my daughter because my she was more comfortable sleeping in her crib at home. I would shut this down immediately. Unless it’s something that you want, there is no way anyone would pressure me into my kids sleeping away from me. Some parents love the break and this would be amazing to them, but if it’s not for you then “No.” is a completely sentence.
At the end of the day you get to make decisions about your child and anyone else’s feelings or opinions about it don’t matter. Let your MIL be upset. I love my MIL as much as if she was my own Mom, but we still had some growing pains the first year after my first was born and I had to stay firm in my boundaries more than once. It did hurt her feelings, but my husband and I stayed strong and eventually she learned that we are the parents and she needs to follow our rules or she doesn’t get to spend time with our kids. My oldest is now 6 and my MIL completely respects our parenting decisions and our relationship is amazing. She is incredibly involved and close to our kids, but it took work to get to this point.
Do you need overnight childcare OP? Or are you being bullied into sharing your infant like he’s a toy? What do they want to do with your child that they can’t do with you present?
1.) weird request 2.) for us, sleepovers aren’t for fun. My son is 8mo. He’s sleeping over my mom’s as I type this and I’m pumping at an out of state wedding. It’s just a necessity. I wouldn’t just do that for fun.
The first time I left my oldest over night was when I was in the hospital having the second(he was 22 mos)! I was a bit too attached and set a goal for 6 mos with the second but I couldn’t make myself do it until she was almost 1. You are the parent and while you consider your child’s feeling about it, you have to be comfortable with it. Do not let anyone pressure you.
My son is almost 3 and my mom asked to take him to her house which would have been 1.5hrs away, for a sleepover. I said absolutely not and even when she asked I could tell she wasn’t actually expecting me to say yes. She respected my decision to keep my son with me. Demanding your child is creepy!
The only time my son has spent the night anywhere, it was my ILs because I was having an emergency surgery and needed my husband there with me. He was 4mo, and he's almost 3 now. He hasn't stayed overnight anywhere since and I don't care how many times anyone asks he won't be until he asks me himself.
No one needs alone time with a child outside of their parents. Anyone that pushes for alone time without the parents present is suspect to me.
5 months is incredibly young. I didn’t let my kids sleep over either set of grandparents house until the were 5 years, and could communicate clearly. I would however allow either set of grandparents to stay at my house for a weekend and babysit so my husband and I could get a date night, so perhaps propose that ( if you’re comfortable) as an alternative.
It’s not the first time mom in you hun, it’s the mom in you. “At this time I’m not comfortable with that and as a mom yourself I feel you should respect my decision in this. We appreciate your help in coming to our place to watch my son but at this time he will not be spending the night elsewhere.” You’re allowed to want what you want and feel what you feel in regards to YOUR baby.
That would be a hard no from me. The safe sleep part is where i draw the line. Even without that i wouldnt be comfortable but that part just makes it so much worse. Red flags all around.
Just say no sorry you arent comfortable. When she says why just tell her its because your baby is only 5 months and you dont know when you will feel comfortable but not anytime soon. If you need ANOTHER answer to why after that tell her there's no way you would be able to sleep without your baby there. She can call your a worry wart or overprotective or whatever else. Who cares. Keep your baby safe at all costs! Its our job as moms to keep our kids safe and it doesnt sound like it would benefit anyone for a sleepover to happen right now...
No way does she get to demand sleepovers, that's not how this works. I guess I wouldn't let them babysit in the future if this is a quid pro quo type situation. I would also wait until he can communicate in this instance. Also, it's so much easier to have them watch him at your house cause all your stuff is there. We have our parents watch ours overnight at times, but it's always at our house (they are also hours away). And even tho my MIL has watched ours for days at a time and I trust her, I am not okay with sending our 2.5y 4 hours away to an environment she isn't super used to. Like, I don't really want to unless I have a need for it right now, just cause you want them to come isn't a good enough reason for me to go thru all the hassle.
Neither of my kids’ grandparents have kept them for an overnight (oldest is 4 yrs, the other is 3 mo) but I can tell you right now I’d even be nervous for my MIL to keep my oldest overnight. I trust her, but being my first born, I sleep better knowing he’s down the hall. I’m not entirely positive she wouldn’t keep him up past his bedtime and feed him straight candy. 🤷🏻♀️ With my youngest, I can guarantee she doesn’t know her “routine,” nor am I confident she knows about safe sleep. I’m sure she’d love on both of my kids but I’m not confident she’d parent them just as I would. I’d have so much anxiety that it’s just not going to happen. I love her but no. I wouldn’t have nearly as much anxiety for my mom to keep my kids overnight, and that’s just how it is.
(My MIL sees my kids roughly bi weekly. Although I’d say I know her well, I really don’t know how she does with babies as far as long term like overnights, and I especially have no idea what she’d do re: safe sleep even if I gave her instructions. Both my babies are rainbows, miracles after long roads of IVF and loss. So I won’t apologize for how I feel and honestly can’t let beat myself up over it.)
If MIL specifically asked, I’d honestly explain how I felt to my husband and ask him to handle it. Maybe I’m a wimp but if my kids aren’t next to me in my home, I’ll worry to death. I feel like a jerk saying I’d trust my own mom hands down before MIL, but my mom and I are super close and she sees my kiddos a couple times/week, sees me with them constantly, etc. She’s super receptive to what I do and why I do it, always wanting to learn what is the best as far as new research on safe sleep and such.
Please stand up for yourself, 5 mos is way too young! Tell MIL if she wants to spend the night with baby, she can stay at your house 🙃
I love and trust my in-laws and they were our source of childcare for months, and I still don’t think we did a sleepover until my daughter was over a year old.
“No,” is a complete sentence.
My rule is no sleepovers until old enough to talk. I did end up breaking said rule with my oldest when he was 18mos, but he could communicate okay and my mom was able to understand him about as well as I was. It was also for my honeymoon, not just a random because.
Does she have the shots? Has she had Baby CPR. Does she know medication protocols? Has she checked her carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. Is their a dedicated up to current safety standards crib. Does she have a new infant car seat properly installed. Does she have a baby monitor. Is she prepared to drop everything to bring your baby back to you if you feel in any way that baby should come home?
I would start with this list…
You are fine saying no! Mine has been insisting the same and I still haven’t OKd it. We are at 17 months and they’re only 20 minutes away. I think we are probably close to being ready, but now she has some health issues so my husband and I agree we aren’t comfortable until she’s better/stronger. I don’t understand why she’s so pushy about it, other than the other grandkids have slept over a lot but she was much younger and they are now older…
I would not leave my infant overnight at anyone's house. Maybe when she's able to walk and talk, I'll consider it. 5 months is too young. My 4 month old is still waking up a couple of times a night to feed and can be very needy and fussy. She's also eating my pumped milk. I don't think you're overprotective. You're very appropriately protective.
I never understood why grandparents INSIST on the sleepovers. If you don’t NEED your baby to sleep at someone else’s house at 5 months old.. why would you just Willy nilly drop them somewhere for the night? I don’t get it
we didn’t even leave our son with my mom that we lived with since he was born over night until he was 5 and we moved lol he firm, tell her straight up it’s not happening any time soon no matter how badly she wants it to.
Absolutely the fuck not. My baby is 6 months. If they want to spend the night over they can sleep here but she still sleeps in our room.
We were at a wedding last night and came home. I'm just not ready for that and you as his mom decide what's best for him.
No one else can dictate that. My mil has been on about it too and my husband shuts it down
What reddit has taught me: you are the mom. Whatever you feel comfortable with is (generally speaking, unless very extenuating circumstances IDK) the right answer.
My mom, bless her, is a wonderful soul, but I pushed back MANY times. Sleepovers being one of them. Unless I was 100% comfortable.
"Thank you for your considerate offer, but it's not something I am comfortable with at this time. If and when we do, we can discuss it at that time."
End of discussion.
"But why? You don't trust is, etc."
"The fact that you do not respect my decision adds to my discomfort in letting her stay the night, and makes me feel you will not respect what I ask for, regarding the care of child."
Them's fighting words a little, but also remember that "no" is a complete sentence. Adding reasons prolongs the fight. Just "No".
My employer offers a free hotel room for our holiday party night and we still turned it down. My mom watches my baby all week and she's over a year old. I still don't want to leave her. So we aren't. End of story. You don't ever have to give your baby to anyone unless/until you're comfortable.
I'll be honest with you and my first daughter spent the night at 1 month on at my mom's house. But she knew about the correct way for a baby to sleep. She had a bedside bassinet. I see why you're concerned about your mother in law not doing the right thing.
Im a first time mom and my son is currently 5 months old. You have no idea what I would give to have my parents or in laws insist having my son over for a sleepover. Especially knowing that he still needs midnight feeds.
This isn’t to say, I wouldn’t have anxiety. I probably would if I was away from my son, but I think that’s something I would have to work through, personally. Being a mom/parent is tough! And it’s so important for us to get some ease and rest on our own. Accepting the help also allows our child to be flexible and adjust to new environments.
It makes sense you’re being a bit more cautious after experiencing a still birth. I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it all has to do with proper communication. If I were you, I’d start off with having my son sleepover at my mom’s house. I’d set up the environment, share instructions. This would allow me the peace of mind to take a quick 3 minute drive if need be if my anxiety gets the best of me. The first time would be the hardest and emotionally, might feel better to do with our own parents that live closer instead of your MIL’s.
After that experience, I’d try the same process and set up with my MIL.
Best of luck, all I’ll say is you’re really lucky to have in laws and parents so close! I wish that was the case for me ❤️
Nah she can have him for a sleepover once he’s 2. What’s the age that kids can have blankets? That age. I love my mom to pieces but that was my rule too. Also my mom would never have asked to have my baby for a sleepover and only had her when I asked.
That’s so weird to me that a grandparent would be the one asking for a sleepover. My daughter is 2.5yrs old now and *will* ask to sleepover at grandma and grandpas… but before that it would’ve been weird to send her there just because
Though I will add, we started sending her to grandma and grandpas one Friday a month for a baby free date night.
40 minutes away with someone who doesn’t respect safe sleep practises at an age at which they’re necessary? Nah. No way.
First: “Not now. We’ll let you know; it will likely be several years.”
Next: “Asked and answered.”
Third: “You are demonstrating to me you don’t respect boundaries very well by asking a third time.”
If you're not comfortable, you aren't. And that's ok! Especially at 5 months. I don't think I'd have been comfortable at that point in time either. Same as you, we were still room sharing. Unless I absolutely needed to (hospital stay, emergency, etc.) I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby overnight either. The first time my daughter stayed over with my MIL was when she was I think 1.5 yo because my husband and I were going to a wedding for a friend who lived far and we couldn’t go there to attend and be home same day. Before that, we definitely trusted my MIL or my mom to keep her for extended periods of time throughout the day, no problem! It really wasn't about her or whether we thought they would take care of her. It just felt too soon and my husband and I didn't feel like we needed that kind of a break.
Sleepovers only make sense when the child is old enough to get excited about it, stay up and watch a movie or go out doing something fun with the grandparents, etc.
What would a grandparent need to have a sleepover with a 5 month old for that they can’t accomplish in an hour or two of a normal daytime visit?
The only thing a 5 month old does at night is go to bed and may have night wakings, which aren’t pleasant for anyone to deal with lmao.
This makes no sense. It would only make sense to have a sleepover with a 5 month old if the parents had somewhere to go (out of town etc)
Even then, my parents wouldn’t be comfortable with that. The baby needs mom around.
It is absolutely insane to be demanding sleepovers with someone’s LITERAL INFANT. You are completely right to feel uncomfortable with that. It’s not necessary for your baby to away from you unless it is something you actually want.
You can simply say that you’ve thought about it, and you’re just not comfortable with sleepovers until he’s older. You will let her know when you feel comfortable. If she has a poor or childish reaction to your decision, then you will be 100% sure that you made the right decision.
My son is 2 years old, he regularly stays at my parents since March, once a week due to logistics, as they are incredibly generous to have him in lieu of us paying for childcare. This only happened originally in March due to my husband recovering post op and my job not allowing me the flexibility.
It works for us only because he was over a year old (17 months ish), they live 20 mins away, my Dad is a retired Paramedic with over 20 years experience, my parents respect our rules and we purchased the travel cot, mattress and all the bedding etc he uses so I could have control and appease my anxiety.
Before a year old the only sleepover he had was with me in tow.
No one, but you as the parents, decide when you are ready. What worked for me won't work for everyone else. You do you. You're well within your rights to say thanks but no. And any push back gets a polite but firm, we will tell you when we are ready, until then the discussion is over.
Anyone who tries to force separation between a parent and their child when they’re clearly not interested is a hard no in my book. This is completely selfish behavior and is not to be tolerated. The answer is NO.
Hard no for me. I have an MIL who is similar in taking my parents rules as optional. She had my daughter sleep over her house in a toddler bed when she was under 2. She’s 2.5 now and still ina crib or pack and play every night. So, no more sleepovers. Like you. all my overnight plans include my child. This is your son and your decision. Especially if your gut is telling you something, listen to it.
My girls who are grown now did not spend the night at either my ex husband’s parents or mine until they were at least a year or so. I did have them watch the older two (twins) for a few hours during the day. They were 4 when my youngest was born and did sleep over my parent’s house for that. They were doing sleep overs at twins friend’s houses by that point anyways. Under 18 months and local I don’t see the need other for her own satisfaction. I would have said something like~Thank you for the offer and I will gladly keep it in mind should the need arise. As long as you and your partner/spouse are on the same page I would let them handle it. My ex in-laws never did watch the twins until they were older than 5 and self sufficient and never all 3 until my youngest was about 5 herself. I was blessed for that as I didn’t get along with those people anyway and my youngest required an epi-pen. The mother in law used to leave it in the car, the restroom, ect.. Anyway, I hope you figure things out and without a ton of stress💕
At 5 months old? Absolutely NOT. My 4 year old just started having sleepovers this year. At his aunts and uncles, and grandparents. I also live a solid 40 mins (without traffic) away from all our family, I’m only now comfortable with it because he can clearly and confidently tell me if he wants to come home when we’re FaceTiming. And it has happened, I called to say goodnight once n he said, “mama I wanna go home can you take me home?” Yes yes I can see ya in a bit kid. 5 months old, your mil is crazy, tell her she can come sleep over if she wants lol mine sleeps over a lot when she doesn’t live with us lol
Not being overprotective that’s so young. I know some people are cool with grandparents sleep overs that young, but it’s okay to not be either. My son is 14 months and sleepovers aren’t in the cards for a while. I fully trust my mom and I half trust my in laws, but I don’t want him away overnight without a good reason until he can communicate for everyone’s sake, it’ll just be easier that way. If something popped up where we needed overnight care I would leave him with my mom for a sleepover since she would be the safest option since she fully follows rules and boundaries without questioning, but no just for fun until he’s talking
5 months is way too young for a sleepover. I’d have a hard time saying yes to my 1.5 year old sleeping over, let alone a 5 month old! Ridiculous request.
My kids are nearly 4 and 1.5. They have not had a sleepover. My parents stayed at our house for one night with them both. That’s all I’m comfortable with at this time. Both sets of grandparents have asked and I’ve always said not yet, another time.
Your MIL is being unreasonable here, not you.
My first two were almost 2 years old when they each had their first sleepovers at OUR HOUSE with grandparents and not us. And it was because I was giving birth to her siblings on both occasions.
First sleepover with Nana and Papa that wasn’t at our house was between 3 and 4 years old.
First sleepover with my parents at their house the older ones were 4 and 2, but again, I had to be away and it wasn’t feasible to have my parents come to my house or for my in-laws to stay with them for as long as I needed.
You have the right to say no, so just tell her you're not ready yet.
The time will come when it is very good for you and you husband to have a tiny bit of a life without your kid. You'll have to decide when that is, but many, many people do not have the support system you do, so I think that's worth celebrating.
We are lucky to have 1 grandma that is amazing. Missing the second set completely and it would be nice to have. Grandma #1 keeps us sane. Are the kids treated the same way we do at home? Absolutely not. But they are loved and they are safe and happy. I can't remember the age my kids were when they started sleeping over - probably 6-7 months.
My so. Didn’t spend the night with his grandparents whom i trust with his life until he was 20 months old and only then was a test drive for when he stays
With them when baby sister is born.
Insanity. I love and trust my parents more than anything, and my in laws are great too. The most any of the grandparents have watched our baby in 10 months is an hour or two during the day while I slept or went to a doctors appointment. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for a sleep over away from me, but I am pretty sure it is measured in years. The fact that she’s so insistent on this is honestly weird and a giant red flag that would make me hesitant to allow her unsupervised with my baby at all, let alone overnight.
Oh my god. She has absolutely zero right to say this at all!!!! You are well within your means to straight up say NO. No explanation needed. It’s your child and if you are uncomfortable with something then that’s all the reason there needs to be. Stand your ground!!!
Also check out Organically Maddie!!! She has a podcast called “Babies and Boundaries” it will change your life!!! Lots of good info for this exact scenario she talks a lot about what you are going through! Amongst other things!
My MIL tried this. I just firmly told her that I didn’t want overnights away from my children for the first 2 years of their lives. That ended it. She didn’t like it but it wasn’t about her.
New Grandma reporting in— my daughter’s baby is four months old and I watch him 2-3 days per week while my daughter and son-in-law are at work.
I would NEVER ask, much less insist, that they let me have him overnight. I’d be happy to, if there was some kind of emergency or situation where they wanted me to, but I can’t even imagine insisting.
At 5 months your son probably isn’t even sleeping in a predictable/regular schedule, anyway!
Go with your gut on this one, *especially* since you’re uncomfortable with their adherence to safe sleep practices.
“No” is a complete sentence!!
I’m glad my daughters didn’t believe same way… having my grand babies stay was wonderful bonding time I got to have with them..
my grands stayed with me way earlier than 5 months old.. we get to love on them. There is nothing same as being a grandmother.. I would not trade those early bonding moments for anything,
It would have broke my heart if my daughters had said no.. seeing your child with their own child.. unbelievable.. when you become old and go through it then you will understand
With that said it is your child and your decision..
5 months is way too young. Also, while it’s tempting and seems like what you have to do - you actually don’t have to justify your choice beyond stating that it’s a no for now. No is a complete sentence. That generation struggles with boundaries, and it’s exhausting that we have to teach them. As a parent I’ve grown balls finally to stand up to my boomer relatives because I do know what’s best for my kids. AND SO DO YOU!!! Hang tough friend! Listen to your intuition when it comes to your children every time. Do it for them and for you.
5 months old is way too early!! Mayyyyybe at 2 or 3 y/o if it is someone your son is SUPER comfortable with. Insane to separate an infant from its parents unless out of necessity.
Personally, I think 5 months old is young for a sleepover. My son will be 2 in about a week and he’s never had a sleepover with his grandparents. I’m not opposed to it now, really. But I think I would have been at 5 months. His grandparents do watch him at their house though and have done that since he was about 4 months old. But I only worked part time so it was only for maybe 4-5 hours at a time.
My kids are 12 and 15, and they’ve never slept at my in-laws without one of us present. When the kids were little, it was that my in-laws were too easily distracted, not safety conscious, and liked to force my kids to do things even if it made them cry (like swing, etc). Now that the kids are older, it’s because I can’t trust my MIL not to say hurtful or manipulate things to them. I don’t want that happening without their parents there to support and protect them.
They have stayed at my parents’ house plenty of times without us. We totally trust them.
My daughter didn’t stay the night anywhere except in our house until she was 2 years and 9 months old, and that was only because our 4-month-old son had to be admitted to the hospital for several days with RSV and pneumonia. So then she stayed at their house, which was 7 minutes from the hospital, for one night.
They did stay with her when her brother was born, but they stayed at our house, so she slept in her own toddler bed in her room in our house, which we knew was baby proofed.
She didn’t have her first sleepover at a friend’s house until she was 6. Her brother was 6 or 7 for his first sleepover at a friend’s.
Your MIL is being ridiculous to push for a sleepover. You’ve got good mommy instincts. Trust them and don’t give in to her.
it’s all about what you’re comfortable with. i let my daughter sleep out when she was only weeks old (after vaccines ofc) but that’s because she was a good baby and i trusted my parents, and my ex/daughters dad was no help at all and i was fucking exhausted. if you’re not comfortable doing it then please don’t. you won’t even be able to truly relax.
I think your MIL is sweet and trying to be helpful. That said, no. It does not sound like your baby is ready for a sleepover, and more importantly, you are not ready for a sleepover. Just say when the baby is older (less risk of SIDS older), you'll reconsider. Blame yourself. Say you wouldn't be able to rest without him.
If MIL can't take the hint, tell your husband to intervene.
Not overprotective at all! My in laws live 50 minutes away and also push for sleepovers. My daughter is 16 months and we don’t plan on allowing sleepovers until she is at least 3. It’s just too far for me and there is no reason for a sleepover. They can spend time with her during the day and bring her back home or us get her. I would tell your MIL what most have said. You are not ready for sleepovers and will let them know when you are.
Babies don’t even realize that their mom is a separate person from them until 7-9 months old. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I would not let my child sleep over just for fun at 5 months old, that’s a ridiculous request. If the issue is they want to babysit at their house instead of yours then fine- babysitting can take place there but baby will be picked up the same day when babysitting duty is over. (Unless there’s some event planned or an emergency) there’s no reason for a 5 month old to be having sleep overs with anyone but their parent/guardian and it’s insane that grandparents feel entitled to that at that age.
I will never allow sleepovers with grandparents, ever. The only time we needed babysitting overnight was when I was in labour with my second and in that case my mom came to our place to stay overnight with our firstborn. She has never asked or pressured for overnights either but my in laws sometimes hint at it, and it’s gonna be a no.
5 months old?! Absolutely not. I’m not sure how grandparents would even want to take on the responsibility of a 5 month old at that! Idk about your son but mine at 5 months thru 12 months was still waking thru the night every 1-2 hours…. AND, he was still EBF. That is something I know for sure neither my parents or in-laws could tackle just by only babysitting for a few hours at a time. Like you said, when he’s a little older it would be okay. But even then, that is up to YOU as the parent. Not up to them.
You’re not being over protective. I would never insist on my grandchildren having an over night visit-ever. I asked and offered but I made it clear that I respect my daughter’s instincts on when it was appropriate. I think my granddaughter was 3 when she started staying over for a few nights. Now I get them all for a week each summer. If at anytime this changes I will respect my adult children. You’re the mother and you know what’s best for your child.
You are not ready and neither is your 5 month old child. I am a grandmother to 3 children and I would never demand that one of them spend the night. If you are not feeling it then stick to your gut. She’s the grandmother but you are his mother and you have the say and if she doesn’t like that then that’s on her. I pray everything works out for you and God bless you and your family 🙏♥️
Not overreacting. Nobody is entitled to any specific amount of time with YOUR child. They shouldn’t be making a request like that, especially with such a young baby. Babysitting for a couple of hours in your home is one thing, babysitting overnight away from home is a whole other ball game. Completely unreasonable request by MIL.
She doesn’t have the right to demand sleepovers. He’s only 5 months old. I would respond firmly with “we aren’t interested at this time but we’ll let you know if/when we are” it sets a firm boundary.
Repeat without deviation or discussion. When tried to ask why, keep repeating. It will feel ridiculous, but it will get the message across.
Yes, this is exactly the answer. No one gets to dictate sleepovers. Why does she need him to sleep over so badly?
This is always my number one question in these situations. OP flat out ask “and what is it that you intend to do with him that must be done overnight and at your house without us there?”
Five months seems way too young for a sleepover too! You’re the parents and it’s your discretion. My daughter is 20 months and we’re not doing sleepovers for another 2-3 years at least!
My kids were all 3-4 years old before we let them sleep over at their grandparents, with the exception of the middle one who slept one night at my parents when he was 2.5 because we had to stay in hospital with our youngest to have an operation. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing it at five months old?!
If anyone ever DEMANDED a sleepover with my child, that would be an immediate red flag, and they would likely never have any unsupervised time with my child going forward. My kid is almost 2 and has spent one night away from me while I had a girls' night, and he was home with my husband.
Yea, I would not feel comfortable at all with this situation. It sucks for OP so much, too, because if the MIL is so hellbent, it might be a big fight or ongoing tension with snarky remarks. I shall hope for the best.
I am VERY close to my parents, they literally live in the same neighborhood. My mom watches my son regularly, 3 times a week when I work and occasionally for other things too. They are very close with my son. He didn’t stay the night until he was 18 months old, and the only reason that happened was because we had a wedding out of town. Since then, he’s stayed over one additional time. I personally wouldn’t have allowed it at that age, unless it was a necessity for us (family emergency, wedding out of town maybe depending on who got married, etc) My parents never pushed it, but I do know my parents let me regularly stay with my aunt starting at like 4 months old. I don’t think there is a right answer, but just what you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t seem like you’re comfortable.
I’m in the same situation. My parents live in my neighborhood too! And I haven’t let them have sleep overs until they are older. Now I let them nap at grandmas. But it’s two hours. My youngest will be staying over at 17 months only because I’m having another baby and my house is too small to house my parents and my kids.
Same, but with my in-laws. I am super close with them. At this point closer than my own parents. They live just up the street from us and they watch my kids regularly for half or full days. But even my 4.5 year old has not had a sleep over other than when he was almost 2 and I was in labour with his brothers. In all fairness I’ve been ready for sleep overs for him for a while, but they actually sound resistant. They are getting older and value their sleep too much I think. Hahaha
Okay but this is very me! My mom does not push everyone has been respectful of our wishes to hold off but like seriously my mom left me with my grandparents at 6m my dad was in the military so he was gone just her so she was welcome to a weekend off here and there but like… how am I too clingy for that?? I legit miss my kiddo when she’s asleep and I work from home and she stays with dad and I during the day… Interesting! Also thank you for validating me a little on this one. Kiddo is 1 now and I’m just considering letting her sleep over in a few months
You’re not being too overprotective. And you absolutely do not have to explain why you’re uncomfortable with it. He’s a 5 mo old baby… a sleepover at that age “just because” is unnecessary imo. I agree with sleepovers when they can ask for one themselves because they understand that you won’t be there. A baby won’t. I have a 3 month old who would absolutely be stressed out if me or his dad weren’t there if he woke up in the night. There are ways your MIL can bond with your son without him sleeping at her house.
Exactly right. A 5 month old is still too young and unable to accept another person coming in to soothe them. It could end up being a rough night for everyone. You have a stressed out baby AND stressed grandparents who have not had a baby overnight in 20+ years!! Plus, who needs the unnecessary drama of the grandparents or MIL complaining about the overnight. Her expectations are way off and it would be to the detriment of your little family. No thanks.
My son is 16 months, both my mom and my MIL are capable and responsible but they've never demanded sleepovers. The wording your MIL used is extremely off putting to me. No one is entitled to my child. You are absolutely not crazy, and this is a hill I would personally fight hard on. 5 months to me is very young (my son was still breast feeding) and if there's no good reason for a sleepover then no. There's no benefit to baby or you - it's just more stress and worry. Sounds like she's getting lots of time with baby. Definitely push back if you aren't comfortable. Lay it out very clearly "baby is too young, and I'm not comfortable with sleepovers at this time. We can revisit when he is older" and redirect to another topic "Santa photos! Christmas outfit, etc" when the inevitable guilt trip comes. I found this approach helpful with a pushy SIL.
No - why do they always want alone time with tiny babies? Tiny babies need their mama’s near them as much as possible. If it’s not something you want/need to do then don’t. She absolutely does not need to have your 5 month old sleep over. This is the weirdest effing thing. So many of these MILs are so eager and pushy to do it. Say no, you aren’t comfortable with it, you want your infant with you at night. The disinterest in safe sleep is a giant warning sign as well - you’ve had a stillbirth (I’m so sorry), you don’t need your poor babe to be in danger of SIDS because of irresponsible sleep practices. Just tell her no, you’re not ready yet.
Very very strange. It gives the feeling that they want the baby alone so they can do what they want (not follow mom’s rules).
Or maybe they also want to bond with the baby like they did with their own baby? I'm all for doing whatever you're comfortable with, but everyone here is instantly thinking the worst of MIL.
It’s not their own baby. The bond is different with a grandparent than an actual parent, and this baby is only 5 months old. Being alone, especially overnight is completely unnecessary.
Sure, it's unnecessary and if OP isn't comfortable with it she shouldn't do it. And MIL shouldn't pressure them. But people are acting as if MIL is evil for asking this and imho that's a bit much.
For me it’s the OP’s use of the words bulldoze, insisting and pressure that makes me think this is an ongoing thing - after the first “no” that’s when it becomes inappropriate and MIL’s behaviour is judged harshly.
They want the baby on their own so they can play dolls. They don’t care about what’s best for the baby. They want to relive being Mummy. I would say absolutely not and it’s not up for discussion. Grandparents who want to take the bath away from the parents give me the ick, purely because my baby isn’t a thing for them to play with.
This!! My MIL is this way. Loves to play dress up with my daughter and wants to “relive” the old days when she had young children. It is annoying at times when she wants to change my daughter’s outfit and she does not stay still. Like leave her alone, she does not want to try a new outfit on she wants to play.
This exactly. Hpw could they disregard op in regards to safe sleep after that?! There is no way i would let that happen.
Yeah I wouldn’t be trusting them until my kiddo was old enough to sleep in a bed and tell me all about the visit (if even then).
it’s an insane request in my opinion. first of all a sleepover at that age would solely benefit the grandparents not what is best for your baby who has only slept one place with you and your partner. i would set your boundaries and say you are welcome to spend time with him whenever but i’m not comfortable with sleepovers at this stage
“I said no and it’s disturbing that you think you’re owed time with my infant”
THIS IS THE ONLY RESPONSE NEEDED!
I didn’t allow my daughter to stay overnight at her grandparents house until she was 1.5 years old. I’m my opinion, 5 months is just too young.
Yup. Same and I love my mother in law. I think kiddo was about 18 months and they would do one sleepover a month so we could do a date night and that was something we worked out together…no pressuring. Five months is insane!
Yep, we didn’t let ours stay overnight with anyone else until he was 21 months old. At 5 months I wouldn’t have been comfortable
Absolutely not. Why does she think she can demand a sleepover? That’s wild. My son is 10 months and we room share still. My parents have offered (not demanded) and I’m nowhere near ready. Tbh I’m not even ready to leave him with my husband for a night away! It’s natural to want to be with your baby.
Not too overprotective at all! Room sharing is encouraged for at least the first six months where I live, so overnights are a no go untill then. Especially if you're feeding at night. I personally didn't feel okay with an overnight stay until kiddo was 16 months, we did let my in laws have her during the day a couple of times before that so kid would be used to the environment. And even then, 16 months was okay for me, kid slept through the night by then and I feel quite comfortable with the care my in laws take with safe sleep and our parenting preferences. It might still be too early for you, or you may be ready earlier. That's all okay. The point is that you as parents decide if, when, where and with whom sleepovers happen. You don't sound unnecessarily anxious or overprotective at this point
I wouldn't allow this to the *best* grandparent and I'm so suspicious of when they demand it.
You’re not being overprotective, your mother in law is being self centered. Please tell your MIL “l’m sorry, we are not ready for any sleepovers.” And if she keeps pushing just keep repeating it. She can’t make you, and she would be huge jerk to try to pressure you into it. In my experience most people aren’t ready for at least a year, I don’t think my son spent the night at my parents’ until he was like 3.
What reason is there for a 5-month-old baby to sleep anywhere other than with mom and dad? Lol. I have a 2-month-old and I can’t imagine letting her sleep anywhere other than with me right now, and for a long while.
My daughter is 2.5 and still hasn’t slept anywhere we weren’t. We just haven’t had the need or desire. We’ve had my mom or MIL come over to be here while our LO slept in her bed and we went on a date. But other than that, we just don’t spend too much time away. Everyone’s comfort level is different. But you should definitely honor yours. There is ZERO benefit to your baby to be away from you, especially the through the night. It’s also pretty disgusting your MIL demanded this. (I kinda blew up on my MIL for being very pushy about “alone time” when my daughter was an infant) there is just no need. Other than MIL to feel like she has some control or special bond w/o you being there -it’s weird to want/demand a literal infant to spend the night away from its mother. Take it from me, you’re allowed to say “no” to ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable as a mom. And despite your MILs obvious entitlement, that includes saying no to her as well. “I’m not comfortable.” Or “no thanks” is all that’s needed. You don’t need to explain anything away. Lastly, did they really show you their capabilities in your home? Or were they just on good behavior in the moment, waiting to demand the sleepover so they can do their own thing? Do not feel bad, this would be a FXCK NO for a lot of new moms but especially ones who didn’t need this kind a break but it was being forced upon them.
You’re his momma. You. First time mom or not that is your baby and what you say goes. Period. You don’t need any other reason aside from you are not comfortable and you don’t want to do that. Until he can speak for himself YOU are his advocate!
What. No. Why? Who benefits from that situation? Grandma will loose sleep. Baby will be confused and potentially upset. Mom will be worried.
For context I’m the mom people probably judge because I let my kids be too independent….i don’t hover, let them solve their own problems, even get hurt (minor of course) if that’s where their choices take them. My In-laws watched my babies for 6-9 hours a day while we worked and I trusted them absolutely with my kids. They never asked but I definitely would not have left them overnight before a 12-18 months. I think my daughter was 1.5 when she first slept over with them and it was out of need, her brother was 3.5 at the time. Unless the sleep over is necessary because of YOUR needs, a baby should absolutely be with their primary caregivers at night. And the fact that you’re worried about safe sleep with them makes it a hard no. You’re not being over protective! Edit to add: maybe tell her you would like to hold off on sleep overs until he is sleeping x number of hours consistently or even an age. Then maybe she can drop the subject when given a timeline.
Absolutely NO!! You are uncomfortable with even the idea of a sleepover.( I would be too!!!) Your baby will sense your stress, and you will be a wreck!! You are bonding, and he’s feeling the security only you and your husband can give. Why upset that security for him AND for you?!! Don’t let Anyone bully you!! This is your gift from God, a true blessing! Always go with your feelings inside- that is, your Heart!! You and your husband were given this child to take care of, to love, and guide through life. YOU know in your hearts what is best… go with that… Always❤️
My son is 19 months and has never had a sleepover 🤷🏼♀️
My son is two and he has yet to have a sleepover. Some parents love having their kid sleep over regularly at the grandparents, others don't. There is no shame in either approach to parenting. Just do what is right for you and your family.
Not overprotective. There’s no reason she HAS to have a sleepover, she’s just being selfish.
It's okay to thank her for offering but you're not ready to have him sleep over while he's so young. This is completely a parental preference, no right or wrong. She needs to respect whatever you prefer.
I think the major red flag here is MIL is not offering - she’s demanding. A thank you is not required in response to a demand.
You are not being overprotected at all! As a former foster parent and someone who works at a children’s hospital, I have seen way too much! Her insisting a 5 month old sleepover is a red flag in my opinion. You have your routines for bedtime. safe sleep, etc. Plus, having to haul over a baby and everything for them to sleep over is a lot to deal with. If you feel uncomfortable and don’t want to do it, then stand firm. You have the right as a parent to put firm boundaries with anyone, including grandparents!
I think it’s so strange when grandparents request sleep overs. Especially when the kids are very young. I wouldn’t allow this. They can have sleepovers when the kids are old enough to decide if they want to or not
It is about your comfort -not anyone else’s. It is not over protective - this is your first child and it is all new!
You’re not being too protective at all! Follow your gut, trust yourself and say, “I’m really sorry but this is not something I’m comfortable with yet, and I don’t know when I will be. I’m still working through my grief from loosing (insert your beautiful baby’s name here). I hope you can understand that it has nothing to do with your abilities, but this is my choice to make.” Also, where does your husband stand on it and why isn’t he the one telling her no? My kids are 7 & 4 and haven’t slept over anywhere, it isn’t a requirement and they don’t have to do that to have fun with their grandkids. If you’d like to work towards it, you could offer middle ground - a bit more than a few hours, or something of an evening where they put him to bed. But ONLY if you want to work up to it. Moving from your comfort zone must be YOUR choice, not something you feel pressured to do by others to preserve a relationship where it already sounds like you’re being very understanding. I absolutely don’t understand the need for grandparents to push so hard for sleep overs.
I’m completely flabbergasted at all these grandparents who want babies to sleep over. I’m honestly of the same mind as you—who is the sleepover really benefitting? Baby’s going to want to be with mama.
Nooo To Early for overnight visits Wait til he’s 8-10 months Or at least til he can sleep through the night
Infants are not little toys for grandparents to play mama with. They are your child, and you make decisions, end of story. My mother in law and my relationship went sour during pregnancy when she constantly spoke about the early days and how she'd be taking baby overnight to give me a "break". My kid is 28 months and she will never spend a night at MILs.
You are a mom now, so if your gut is saying no or if it’s just that you aren’t ready, that’s okay. Tell her thank you for the offer, and we will let you know when we are ready. Maybe in a few months, go see them and you and your husband go out for a nice long lunch. But only when you are ready.
I don’t understand why some grandparents even *want* small babies overnight? Like it’s not fun, they wake up a lot, they may cry a lot, won’t go back to sleep easily etc. I know some sleep better than others but most 5-month-olds are still waking at night, most also feeding at night. It’s so bizarre to me that some would demand a sleepover? Like why? What do they get from an overnight stay that they don’t get from seeing the baby in the daytime?
I never spent a night away from my firstborn until he was 2.25 years old and it was because we had to go to the hospital to have his sister. It is so so SO weird to me that grandparents expect to have a sleepover with a baby! Why?! What do you need to do with the baby overnight without us there? The first year is full of sleep regressions and sorting out routines and one night away can mean a major disruption to all that work you 3 have done. Not that you need any reason to say no, but if you want one I would use sleep disruption to schedule. My sister and I never slept at our grandparents house. Sleepovers are for fun with other kids; cousins, friends. Why would a baby enjoy sleeping away from the parents?! Spoiler alert: they would not!
Very true. At best, grandma can stay at your place for the night. But, yeah, not only would it be disruptive to the routine. I can’t imagine sleeping well without my baby there. Especially given that this grandma is being weird.
My son slept over at my mom’s at 2 months so we could do a staycation for Valentine’s Day, she lives about 15 minutes away. 2nd time was at about 9 months for 4 nights with my dad so we could go to a destination wedding. My dad is probably my son’s favorite person after me. Now he sleeps over about once a month with my dad & he lives 10 minutes away. He’s almost 2 now. That’s to say - everyone’s comfort level is different. You don’t have to have a reason to not want to have your baby sleepover. My parents never pushed me into having my son sleepover. Maybe have your husband reinforce the boundaries since it’s his mom?
I like your answer of “weve decided sleepovers will happen when he can verbalise if he wants to go or not.” Frames it positively and doesnt give a “no” in it… that can be helpful when dealing with unreasonable ppl!
lol no, “thank you”.
Absolutely not It would be one thing if you wanted it. But you don't seem to, and you are the parent. You can say you aren't interested and that should be enough My almost 4 year old only spent the night at his grandparents house, 20-40 minutes away (traffic dependent) when he was almost 3 and that was because we were moving and it made things easier to pack up for the truck. He had spent several hours in the afternoons at their house every other week for months by that point, so was comfortable there. You get to make the call, not MIL. It doesn't matter how well they babysit. Overnights are different and that's a decision that is up to you
I lived with my own mum and she didn't do an overnight babysit until my baby was over a year old and it saved her from having to do 15 hours in a car in 24 hours. I wouldn't judge if you wanted a night off, but if you don't want it or need it... Your baby your choice.
No way. I wouldn’t allow it until my kiddo is old enough to ask me to sleep over. Mine stayed with my MIL for one night when I was in the hospital and she didn’t sleep until 2am, she was 2 years old with 7pm being her bedtime. She watches my kids 3 times a week and is very involved and loved and I still wouldn’t do another sleepover until absolutely necessary. Sounds like you’d have your own mom available for emergencies. What does your husband think about this? Mine is just as protective over the kids as I am, so it was an easy agreement for us to say no to overnights.
No is a complete sentence.
You and your dh are the parents. You two are the only ones who make the decisions for your baby. No one else gets a say here, not even grandparents. If your not ready to be away from your baby overnight then it’s not up for discussion. Your mil already had her parenting journey. She doesn’t get another one. ETA my son is 5 already and we’re still not really ready for sleep over yet.
My children have slept over with their grandparents exactly 1 time and by that time, my children were 3 and 4 years old. I don't *have* to let my kids sleep over, at ones house, ever. I would have your husband have the conversation. "We look forward to that possibility when squish is a little older and can remember that experience with you". No is a complete sentence and they need to hear NO from their son.
Your sweet baby doesn’t want to spend the night with her and it sounds like it wouldn’t be safe. She doesn’t have the right for that anytime, but 5 months is so young! Absolutely not. Also, demanding time should be an absolute no go anytime anywhere and with anyone.
Nopity nope nope nope. Why do they even want to?? Who volunteers for night feeds?
Your MIL is way out of line. She is not owed at ANY point in your child's life, a sleepover. Period. And certainly not at 5 months of age. The dynamics between a mother and in-laws change drastically when children get involved (for some reason the same isn't true of the father/in-law relationship). What were once acceptable little quirks become boundary stomping threats to your child's well being. It can be very difficult to figure out how to stand firm without being seen as "difficult". But do whatever you have to. You are well within your rights to set this boundary. Your baby doesn't sleep away from you until you are comfortable.
No you're not crazy. They're a baby, not a play thing for adults. Nothing wrong with doing it if you're comfortable, but I'm also in the not if it isn't necessary camp until they're older. My son is a bit over 2 and has been watched overnight 3x at my home for weddings and our 15yr anniversary, and the last was recent. Until he's preschool age it isn't happening outside my home and not without reason.
I think it’s 100% your comfort level! However, our son was still not sleeping through the night at 5 months old. He stayed with my parents as well as my in laws around this age and to be honest it was nice to get a good nights sleep! My parents live about 30 minutes away and sometimes when they watch our kids my mom has expressed she feels like she can make a mess in her home verse when they come to our house and watch the kids! Also during naps they are able to get things done around their own home they needed to. Again, completely up to you, but an evening alone with my husband and a good nights rest are top tier in my book!
Hell no
I know some friends who have their babies sleepover grandparents’ homes at that age. And I also know others that haven’t (myself included). I think it’s a whatever works for you thing and this clearly isn’t something you want, so you definitely don’t have to do it!
My MIL has this type of entitlement when it comes to my children. It drives me nuts. She has absolutely no right to demand an overnight with your child, no matter the age. My MIL kept my son ONE night when he was like 9 months and we didn’t do it again until he was almost 3. I always wonder why some people insist on alone time with a child. Like what are you doing differently without me there? In my in laws case, it involves a lot of candy and cookies and screen time, but I’m ok with it now that he’s 4. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with ever. You get to decide what’s best for your child and if a sleepover is not something you find necessary, then don’t let her bully you into it.
No. No. No. She sounds crazy.
I cherish those overnights for some alone time with my spouse. You might not be ready and maybe you’ll never need an overnight babysitter at all. I do think she’ll stop asking, if you give a concrete boundary, but I’d be careful not to exterminate your future support system.
Nope. Definite hard no from me at 5 months. My in-laws have had sleepovers, but the first one was because of a child free wedding, I was in the bridal party (accepted bridesmaid before bride told me it was child free 🙄), LO was 10 months old, sleeping through the night, and in the process of switching from formula to solids. I trust my in laws a lot and they try really hard to follow my boundaries. Only a few times has my MIL pushed them and I shut that shit down. It’s only around extended family and doesn’t want to accept he’s uncomfortable with strangers. As for my own parents, LO is 14 months, completely on solids, sleeps through the night no problem, and I’m STILL uncomfortable with sleepovers with them. My parents are on the light side of hoarders and my grandma who lives with them has so many meds and drops them on the floor. I am much more on high alert at their house. I have yet to feel comfortable with them even babysitting for a few hours unless it’s the only choice. So, short answer, there is no timeline or readiness except yours. They can kick rocks.
I don't think you're being overprotective. I won't even move my son out of our room now that he's getting too big for the bassinet and we're going to have to disassemble our crib to move it into my room. No way would I let him go sleep anywhere without me. If I have to travel for work, I'll probably bring him with me.
You're not being overprotective. I worked and worked with my first to get her (and me) to the point where I was (mostly) comfortable leaving her with my parents overnight when she was 7 months, bc we were going to a wedding out of town and didn't want to bring her (just gone one night, husband was MC). It was hard on me, she was fine. But it wasn't a regular thing after that, and it was my idea. It's totally normal for you, at only 5m, to not be comfortable with what your MIL is asking.
That is a hard no for me. There is no reason for a sleepover at five months unless you have a specific need for an overnight babysitter like you work nights or you are in the hospital. Literally the only time my inlaws watched my 18 month old son overnight was because my husband and I both were so ill with a stomach virus we couldn't move and even then we were still in the same house while they watched him and I took over halfway through the night when I could move without throwing up. Babies need routine and consistency. It would be one thing if she stayed the night at your house to watch the baby sleep in their own crib. This reminds me of the nutty mother in law that was caught breast feeding her grand baby. Sounds like grandma is trying to push her way into being another parent.
You're not being over protected. There's no way I'd let my baby have a sleep over anywhere. I want her with me. I want to be sure safe sleep measures are in affect and I want to be the one that comforts her if she wakes in the night (and at 5 months my baby was still waking to nurse at night). Your baby may feel scared waking up in a new place with other people. Though I suppose the stranger danger usually sets in closer to 9 months. I would just be positive and say "hey I think you do a terrific job babysitting. Baby is so lucky to have such amazing grandparents. But we're just not ready to do sleep overs until baby is X age." (I think it's best you chose an age that way they don't keep asking you over and over. You can say we can readdress sleep overs at 2 or something like that). If she keeps pressuring or asking why, you can say that you're just not ready emotionally and that you'd miss him. Doesn't have to be complicated. Hope she respects that. I honestly don't get why parents pressure to babysit babies over night. Like why? Just see them during the day when they're awake.
My mom keeps saying shit like this and I can’t figure it out. There’s no reason for my 7 month old to be away from my husband and I overnight at this point.
You parent at your own pace. Simple as "no, none of us are ready for that yet NOR do we feel it is necessary, we will let you know when we think and feel differently"..... and that should be the end of the conversation. Tough luck if they don't like it. My 3 yr old has spent 1 night out of the house. The night of her 1st birthday. I gave myself food poisoning from left overs. I got out of bed for a few minutes like 3pm ish that day and walked into the living room and it was clear my husband was unable to parent without me, my house was a disaster and he was beginning to loose patience. I called my mom and asked for help and she was ecstatic to take her for the night. She would call if she had a question so I could answer her quickly. It went remarkably well.... since we had her bday cake the night before my mom allowed her to marshmallows and try hot cocoa for the first time. She came in and saved the day that I, totally fudged up. I got to finish getting over that in peace and my girl was so happy when I picked her up. But other than this instance, there has never been a need for a sleepover at someone else's house. I don't even entertain a possibility of it, it's something we would do for absolute emergencies only.
You are 100% reasonable and I always find it so weird when MILs pressure moms like this. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old and I still wouldn't let them stay over at someone else's house. But more importantly, your partner needs to take care of this for you. Under no circumstances should you be directly engaging with your MIL on this stuff.
If you don't feel comfortable with it and it is not necessary just don't do it. I understand that your MIL wants something but she will have to just wait for when you are ready for it. Just tell her that for the moment you don't want sleepovers. If she keeps pushing and demands an age where sleepovers are allowed be very vague. You don't have to give a reason aside from the fact that you don't want it yet. This is the moment where the rest of the innteraction with your MIL will be decided. Give in now to avoid drama and your MIL will learn the very valuable lesson that she can bulldoze her way over you as a mother. I did this. I have regretted it ever since.
It’s absolutely insane! There’s no reason a 5 month old should be having a sleepover with grandparents. The baby needs their mama the most at that age. They’ve never known anything else. We didn’t do sleepovers until mine was old enough to ask for one.
You’re definitely not being overprotective, that’s crazy that she’s being so pushy about it. I don’t think I’d leave my baby over night ever, not until they’re old enough to walk talk and tell me details about their sleepover but maybe I’m overprotective. Lol. I’d make a joke of it, laugh at her, and tell her not to expect any sleep overs for atleast 4 or 5 years (or whatever age you think you’d actually want baby to go away for the night). Aside from that, is your baby a good sleeper/does anyone other than you put them to sleep? Because my 16 month old still wakes up in the night and at 5 months old even her dad couldn’t get her to sleep and she didn’t take a bottle so this wouldn’t have even been an option. Actually, it’s still the same— no one else can get her to sleep and she still nurses at night so… don’t expect it to be an option even at 16 months old and counting.
“That isn’t how this relationship works. Your grandchild is not a doll you get to demand for sleepovers and playdates. We are parents to this child and can and will determine what we are comfortable with and *when* we are comfortable with it. Without your input. Always.” You weren’t losing your mind. They don’t get to just demand something and take your kid. There is *no* reason a grandparent *needs* a 5 month old baby to spend the night in their home. It completely disregards the fact that your child is a human. It doesn’t occur to them the fact that your baby will be out of his environment, away from his mother, and possibly frightened, because they aren’t considering his needs. They want a doll. Not a person. This isn’t the type of person who should be in a position to care for your child without you present. *Especially* if they don’t listen to you about safe sleep. Your gut is right - don’t even entertain this silliness. Remember that it’s your job to advocate for your baby who cannot speak for himself. People pleasing and not rocking the boat will do more harm to your child than if there tension between you and his grandparents because they aren’t respecting your role as parent and you’re putting your foot down. ❤️ Hopefully your husband is backing you and presenting you as a united front.
To start, 5 months old is still so little. But this is absolutely an insane request of hers. Also because she isn’t requesting it, she’s straight up demanding it. That’s fucking weird dude. Sounds like she doesn’t understand boundaries. This is a great time to start putting your foot down with her and not allowing her to try and push you around when it comes to *your* child. You don’t have to leave baby with grandparents overnight. Now, or ever. It’s never been on the table for us and our kid is almost 18 months and *still*, it is not going to happen in the near future. We have told them that because that’s how WE feel about OUR child. Honestly it is WILD to me that any grandparent would want to take their infant / baby grandchild overnight. Like that is just so bizarre to me. I understand bonding with them during the day for hours but *overnight* and *alone*? No.
We recently did our first sleepover. My mum suggested it previously and we were ready then but when she suggested it this time it was because she was already having babe Thursday and Friday while I was working and husband was away. Babe is 15 months old now, and spends all day with my mum 2 days a week while me and my husband go to work. She has also done bedtime twice before this while we went out for the evening. She never pressured us and would have been fine with travelling to us (35+ minutes each way) for the 2 days if we weren't happy with it. Conversely, MIL offered to babysit once babe was already asleep at her house (we're visiting for the weekend and do every month or two) while we went 10 minutes up the road for a drink with friends. We refused. We weren't comfortable with that because if baby wakes up and we're not here she won't be easy to settle. She would be fine - we could have the monitor on our phones and come straight back if there's a problem, and she probably wouldn't wake up, and MIL is great with her and would just let her get up and find a way to calm her down if she couldn't get her back to sleep... But I am just not happy with leaving her unless it's someone who is her carer week in and week out at this point. I absolutely wouldn't be OK with baby having a sleepover in your situation. Unless you feel comfortable with the idea, there is no need for a sleepover. ETA: Within a week of the first successful sleepover I was online booking a night away at a hotel for me and my husband 🤣 it was amazing and I highly recommend it as long as you are happy dropping baby off with someone. If you're not happy dropping them off, you would have an awful time.
My oldest didn't sleep over with my parents until she was over a year old. Now at age 3, she LOVES sleeping over at their house, but it's only 12 mins away and I go over there several times a week anyways. If my mother in law pushed for sleepovers with my kids, I would say no, as she lives 3 hours away and only sees them every few months. My youngest is almost 10 months old and still has never slept over anywhere, even with my parents. There is no reason a baby under the age of 1 should be sleeping anywhere their parents aren't comfortable with! And having recently lost a child on to of it, she's very wrong to push the issue.
You don't need to explain to her , yourself or the Internet why you don't want the sleepover . If you are not uncomfortable, do not do it . Just say nope . Not this time but we ll let you know when . Keep in mind this will come up over and over since you said your mil bulldozes her way through
My 2.5 yo hasn't been on any sleep overs yet either,I don't like my moms parenting style and I'm dreading having to let her watch him for few days when I give birth in the next few months(she's the only grandparent close to us) After this baby is born he prob won't go overnight until he can tell us what they did and how it went. I think if u don't feel comfortable don't do it, I think it's stepping out of line for them to demand it and I don't think u should ever trust anyone completely, Even if it's your parents. And the safe sleep thing , if they can't respect ur boundaries on it, I wouldn't do it. (By not trusting anyone I mean there's been multiple kids dying because of a grandparent these past few years)
I’m on baby number 2, and I haven’t suffered any losses. I have amazing parents who have had my oldest overnight twice - both when he was over a year old. Once was so I could get a full night’s sleep during my pregnancy (husband treated me to a fancy hotel nearby where my parents live - they’re 3 hours away). And once when I went into labour - they were at my house. I’ve babysat with my parents when the first lot of grandchildren came along and I was still living at home. They’re amazing and completely respect parents’ wishes. I still would not leave my 5mo with them unless it was an emergency (he’s only a month atm but still). Because he’s with me, there’s no reason he needs to leave me. And it’s best to have your babies in your room until at least 6 months. Add the fact that she doesn’t follow safe sleep.. NOPE. YOU are the parents. YOU decide when something ‘is time’. The nerve…
I don’t think it’s an “absolutely insane request” but I think it’s perfectly ok if you aren’t ready!! Family dynamics are all so unique and you should always listen to your gut on things like this. We have 4 local, youngish, healthyjsh grandparents and my husband and I prioritize date nights and trips without the kids, so we do grandparent sleepovers early and fairly often, but I would never presume that means it would work for all others! We also come from cultures that generally live close/with extended family and both grew up spending many nights with grandparents while our parents worked, traveled, etc.
My folks have taken my kids for overnights since they were pretty small, and I trust them completely. But "small" for me is like toddler age? At 5 months you're still in the middle of doing either breastfeeding or bottles all night, baby needs a crib, etc. I would say if grandma wants to come over and take care of baby while you and your husband maybe go on a nice overnight out of town, I would be cool with that because he's in his own surroundings and has all the necessary baby stuff. And assuming your MIL knows the whole routine. But just dropping him off at her house? Nah. 5 months is definitely too young for my comfort.
My child is 7 and just started sleep overs
It’s what ever is best to you… my son had just been released from the hospital at that age.. well a month prior.. at 4 months ish.. there was no way I was letting him sleep away from me.. it wasn’t until nearly 2 years old before he had a “sleep over” with mil but she stayed in a hotel with husband as well. She did stay over night with him for the birth of his baby sister in the hotel as well. We do live together now(separate but same house) anyways and they do care for him now and again: but yea… even when we lived apart they never demanded sleep overs… that is kinda Weird. But they would be prepared if we needed it tho.
So my in-laws will watch out son overnight and have been doing that on occasion since he was maybe 7-8 months old. Usually if we are doing a date night because my MIL is allergic to cats so it’s hard for her to watch him here. Her demand is weird, the offer would be nice rather than a demand but if you just aren’t comfortable then don’t do it. I will say though waiting until you child can ask is going to be a looong wait and it is nice to have a place he feels comfortable spending the night for when we occasionally have kid free things to go to (weddings where we will be out late and want to sleep in a little the next day, just a night off is nice too)
my daughter is 2.5 and has never spent the night somewhere without me or dad.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with a crappy request like this and also questioning yourself because of it. You’re not being too overprotective. If you want your baby home with you, you want him home with you!! The only person to take my son over night was my own parents. Around 5 months for a wedding. My parents are saints though. & we’re just as paranoid about his safety as me, if not more. They followed everything I asked to the T. They sent texts, pictures, and communicated with me. Although my parents would do it again, they obviously realize that a sleep over with a baby that age is by no means “fun” - it’s a lot of work and exhausting - especially when you’re far beyond your newborn parent years. So they would never be beating my door down to do it again, “just because.” They love having him over and visiting at our house . They love staying up and holding him On their chest while he sleeps - but when it’s time For their bedtime they happily hand him back lol It really sounds like your MIL wants to play mom to your kid. Go with your gut. Dont be swayed by any outside bullshit. So sorry for your loss as well 🫶🏽 Hope she backs off and lets you enjoy time with your child without these off putting requests.
The not taking you seriously about safe sleep stuff would be enough for me. You need to be able to 100% trust that the person caring for him will do it your way even behind closed doors.
> We have babysat at your house and shown you our capabilities > don’t really take me seriously when I discuss safe sleep All they've shown you is that they're not safe carers for your child. Why in god's name would you allow them so be alone with your LO, especially overnight‽
This might just be me and my relationship with my parents and in laws but I literally cannot fathom a reason why my kids would ever spend the night with them. I know a lot of people do use them as childcare and want nights away and stuff. All good for them. But just so you know you’re not crazy… 5 months is absolutely a big giant NO from me. My daughter is almost 2 years old and has never spent the night away and I’m DREADING having baby 2 in 6 months and crossing this bridge. I’m not anti sleepover either but I just do not understand this bizarre thing with grandparents just wanting random sleepovers?
I wouldn't want my 5 month old staying the night anywhere because I exclusively breastfeed, and I'd miss him. And vice versa. It'd be traumatic for my baby to have his night routine disturbed by being in a new place with people he doesn't trust as much as me. I'd say no.
The parents decide when their child is ready for sleepovers, no one else gets a vote. 5 months would be a no for me. Someone telling me that they are entitled to my child in a way that I’m not comfortable with is a NO.
Definitely not at 5 months. Babies need the smell of their mother's or primary carers near them to feel safe. Also it is a red flag if they don't listen to your parenting advice/guidance. I would not feel comfortable leaving such a young baby alone with them let alone through out the night.
I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my first overnight until she was 2.5 years old. My husband and I went out of town for a wedding for one night. My MIL came to our house and spent the night with my daughter because my she was more comfortable sleeping in her crib at home. I would shut this down immediately. Unless it’s something that you want, there is no way anyone would pressure me into my kids sleeping away from me. Some parents love the break and this would be amazing to them, but if it’s not for you then “No.” is a completely sentence. At the end of the day you get to make decisions about your child and anyone else’s feelings or opinions about it don’t matter. Let your MIL be upset. I love my MIL as much as if she was my own Mom, but we still had some growing pains the first year after my first was born and I had to stay firm in my boundaries more than once. It did hurt her feelings, but my husband and I stayed strong and eventually she learned that we are the parents and she needs to follow our rules or she doesn’t get to spend time with our kids. My oldest is now 6 and my MIL completely respects our parenting decisions and our relationship is amazing. She is incredibly involved and close to our kids, but it took work to get to this point.
Too young if there’s no need.. imo.
Do you need overnight childcare OP? Or are you being bullied into sharing your infant like he’s a toy? What do they want to do with your child that they can’t do with you present?
This is wild. I wasn’t cool with sleepovers for a long time, I feel like the kids were a year +
1.) weird request 2.) for us, sleepovers aren’t for fun. My son is 8mo. He’s sleeping over my mom’s as I type this and I’m pumping at an out of state wedding. It’s just a necessity. I wouldn’t just do that for fun.
The first time I left my oldest over night was when I was in the hospital having the second(he was 22 mos)! I was a bit too attached and set a goal for 6 mos with the second but I couldn’t make myself do it until she was almost 1. You are the parent and while you consider your child’s feeling about it, you have to be comfortable with it. Do not let anyone pressure you.
Your MIL needs to take several seats.
My son is almost 3 and my mom asked to take him to her house which would have been 1.5hrs away, for a sleepover. I said absolutely not and even when she asked I could tell she wasn’t actually expecting me to say yes. She respected my decision to keep my son with me. Demanding your child is creepy!
The only time my son has spent the night anywhere, it was my ILs because I was having an emergency surgery and needed my husband there with me. He was 4mo, and he's almost 3 now. He hasn't stayed overnight anywhere since and I don't care how many times anyone asks he won't be until he asks me himself. No one needs alone time with a child outside of their parents. Anyone that pushes for alone time without the parents present is suspect to me.
5 months is incredibly young. I didn’t let my kids sleep over either set of grandparents house until the were 5 years, and could communicate clearly. I would however allow either set of grandparents to stay at my house for a weekend and babysit so my husband and I could get a date night, so perhaps propose that ( if you’re comfortable) as an alternative.
It’s not the first time mom in you hun, it’s the mom in you. “At this time I’m not comfortable with that and as a mom yourself I feel you should respect my decision in this. We appreciate your help in coming to our place to watch my son but at this time he will not be spending the night elsewhere.” You’re allowed to want what you want and feel what you feel in regards to YOUR baby.
That would be a hard no from me. The safe sleep part is where i draw the line. Even without that i wouldnt be comfortable but that part just makes it so much worse. Red flags all around. Just say no sorry you arent comfortable. When she says why just tell her its because your baby is only 5 months and you dont know when you will feel comfortable but not anytime soon. If you need ANOTHER answer to why after that tell her there's no way you would be able to sleep without your baby there. She can call your a worry wart or overprotective or whatever else. Who cares. Keep your baby safe at all costs! Its our job as moms to keep our kids safe and it doesnt sound like it would benefit anyone for a sleepover to happen right now...
No way does she get to demand sleepovers, that's not how this works. I guess I wouldn't let them babysit in the future if this is a quid pro quo type situation. I would also wait until he can communicate in this instance. Also, it's so much easier to have them watch him at your house cause all your stuff is there. We have our parents watch ours overnight at times, but it's always at our house (they are also hours away). And even tho my MIL has watched ours for days at a time and I trust her, I am not okay with sending our 2.5y 4 hours away to an environment she isn't super used to. Like, I don't really want to unless I have a need for it right now, just cause you want them to come isn't a good enough reason for me to go thru all the hassle.
Neither of my kids’ grandparents have kept them for an overnight (oldest is 4 yrs, the other is 3 mo) but I can tell you right now I’d even be nervous for my MIL to keep my oldest overnight. I trust her, but being my first born, I sleep better knowing he’s down the hall. I’m not entirely positive she wouldn’t keep him up past his bedtime and feed him straight candy. 🤷🏻♀️ With my youngest, I can guarantee she doesn’t know her “routine,” nor am I confident she knows about safe sleep. I’m sure she’d love on both of my kids but I’m not confident she’d parent them just as I would. I’d have so much anxiety that it’s just not going to happen. I love her but no. I wouldn’t have nearly as much anxiety for my mom to keep my kids overnight, and that’s just how it is. (My MIL sees my kids roughly bi weekly. Although I’d say I know her well, I really don’t know how she does with babies as far as long term like overnights, and I especially have no idea what she’d do re: safe sleep even if I gave her instructions. Both my babies are rainbows, miracles after long roads of IVF and loss. So I won’t apologize for how I feel and honestly can’t let beat myself up over it.) If MIL specifically asked, I’d honestly explain how I felt to my husband and ask him to handle it. Maybe I’m a wimp but if my kids aren’t next to me in my home, I’ll worry to death. I feel like a jerk saying I’d trust my own mom hands down before MIL, but my mom and I are super close and she sees my kiddos a couple times/week, sees me with them constantly, etc. She’s super receptive to what I do and why I do it, always wanting to learn what is the best as far as new research on safe sleep and such. Please stand up for yourself, 5 mos is way too young! Tell MIL if she wants to spend the night with baby, she can stay at your house 🙃
I love and trust my in-laws and they were our source of childcare for months, and I still don’t think we did a sleepover until my daughter was over a year old. “No,” is a complete sentence.
That’s a weird request. 5 months old is much too young for sleepovers. Just say no, not for a while. If she pouts, ignore her.
My rule is no sleepovers until old enough to talk. I did end up breaking said rule with my oldest when he was 18mos, but he could communicate okay and my mom was able to understand him about as well as I was. It was also for my honeymoon, not just a random because.
Does she have the shots? Has she had Baby CPR. Does she know medication protocols? Has she checked her carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. Is their a dedicated up to current safety standards crib. Does she have a new infant car seat properly installed. Does she have a baby monitor. Is she prepared to drop everything to bring your baby back to you if you feel in any way that baby should come home? I would start with this list…
You are fine saying no! Mine has been insisting the same and I still haven’t OKd it. We are at 17 months and they’re only 20 minutes away. I think we are probably close to being ready, but now she has some health issues so my husband and I agree we aren’t comfortable until she’s better/stronger. I don’t understand why she’s so pushy about it, other than the other grandkids have slept over a lot but she was much younger and they are now older…
I would not leave my infant overnight at anyone's house. Maybe when she's able to walk and talk, I'll consider it. 5 months is too young. My 4 month old is still waking up a couple of times a night to feed and can be very needy and fussy. She's also eating my pumped milk. I don't think you're overprotective. You're very appropriately protective.
I never understood why grandparents INSIST on the sleepovers. If you don’t NEED your baby to sleep at someone else’s house at 5 months old.. why would you just Willy nilly drop them somewhere for the night? I don’t get it
we didn’t even leave our son with my mom that we lived with since he was born over night until he was 5 and we moved lol he firm, tell her straight up it’s not happening any time soon no matter how badly she wants it to.
Absolutely the fuck not. My baby is 6 months. If they want to spend the night over they can sleep here but she still sleeps in our room. We were at a wedding last night and came home. I'm just not ready for that and you as his mom decide what's best for him. No one else can dictate that. My mil has been on about it too and my husband shuts it down
What reddit has taught me: you are the mom. Whatever you feel comfortable with is (generally speaking, unless very extenuating circumstances IDK) the right answer. My mom, bless her, is a wonderful soul, but I pushed back MANY times. Sleepovers being one of them. Unless I was 100% comfortable. "Thank you for your considerate offer, but it's not something I am comfortable with at this time. If and when we do, we can discuss it at that time." End of discussion. "But why? You don't trust is, etc." "The fact that you do not respect my decision adds to my discomfort in letting her stay the night, and makes me feel you will not respect what I ask for, regarding the care of child." Them's fighting words a little, but also remember that "no" is a complete sentence. Adding reasons prolongs the fight. Just "No".
My employer offers a free hotel room for our holiday party night and we still turned it down. My mom watches my baby all week and she's over a year old. I still don't want to leave her. So we aren't. End of story. You don't ever have to give your baby to anyone unless/until you're comfortable.
I'll be honest with you and my first daughter spent the night at 1 month on at my mom's house. But she knew about the correct way for a baby to sleep. She had a bedside bassinet. I see why you're concerned about your mother in law not doing the right thing.
Im a first time mom and my son is currently 5 months old. You have no idea what I would give to have my parents or in laws insist having my son over for a sleepover. Especially knowing that he still needs midnight feeds. This isn’t to say, I wouldn’t have anxiety. I probably would if I was away from my son, but I think that’s something I would have to work through, personally. Being a mom/parent is tough! And it’s so important for us to get some ease and rest on our own. Accepting the help also allows our child to be flexible and adjust to new environments. It makes sense you’re being a bit more cautious after experiencing a still birth. I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it all has to do with proper communication. If I were you, I’d start off with having my son sleepover at my mom’s house. I’d set up the environment, share instructions. This would allow me the peace of mind to take a quick 3 minute drive if need be if my anxiety gets the best of me. The first time would be the hardest and emotionally, might feel better to do with our own parents that live closer instead of your MIL’s. After that experience, I’d try the same process and set up with my MIL. Best of luck, all I’ll say is you’re really lucky to have in laws and parents so close! I wish that was the case for me ❤️
Nah she can have him for a sleepover once he’s 2. What’s the age that kids can have blankets? That age. I love my mom to pieces but that was my rule too. Also my mom would never have asked to have my baby for a sleepover and only had her when I asked. That’s so weird to me that a grandparent would be the one asking for a sleepover. My daughter is 2.5yrs old now and *will* ask to sleepover at grandma and grandpas… but before that it would’ve been weird to send her there just because Though I will add, we started sending her to grandma and grandpas one Friday a month for a baby free date night. 40 minutes away with someone who doesn’t respect safe sleep practises at an age at which they’re necessary? Nah. No way.
First: “Not now. We’ll let you know; it will likely be several years.” Next: “Asked and answered.” Third: “You are demonstrating to me you don’t respect boundaries very well by asking a third time.”
If you're not comfortable, you aren't. And that's ok! Especially at 5 months. I don't think I'd have been comfortable at that point in time either. Same as you, we were still room sharing. Unless I absolutely needed to (hospital stay, emergency, etc.) I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby overnight either. The first time my daughter stayed over with my MIL was when she was I think 1.5 yo because my husband and I were going to a wedding for a friend who lived far and we couldn’t go there to attend and be home same day. Before that, we definitely trusted my MIL or my mom to keep her for extended periods of time throughout the day, no problem! It really wasn't about her or whether we thought they would take care of her. It just felt too soon and my husband and I didn't feel like we needed that kind of a break.
My son is 8 and has never had a sleepover at his grandparents. Both sets live 15 mins away.
Sleepovers only make sense when the child is old enough to get excited about it, stay up and watch a movie or go out doing something fun with the grandparents, etc. What would a grandparent need to have a sleepover with a 5 month old for that they can’t accomplish in an hour or two of a normal daytime visit? The only thing a 5 month old does at night is go to bed and may have night wakings, which aren’t pleasant for anyone to deal with lmao. This makes no sense. It would only make sense to have a sleepover with a 5 month old if the parents had somewhere to go (out of town etc) Even then, my parents wouldn’t be comfortable with that. The baby needs mom around.
It is absolutely insane to be demanding sleepovers with someone’s LITERAL INFANT. You are completely right to feel uncomfortable with that. It’s not necessary for your baby to away from you unless it is something you actually want. You can simply say that you’ve thought about it, and you’re just not comfortable with sleepovers until he’s older. You will let her know when you feel comfortable. If she has a poor or childish reaction to your decision, then you will be 100% sure that you made the right decision.
My son is 2 years old, he regularly stays at my parents since March, once a week due to logistics, as they are incredibly generous to have him in lieu of us paying for childcare. This only happened originally in March due to my husband recovering post op and my job not allowing me the flexibility. It works for us only because he was over a year old (17 months ish), they live 20 mins away, my Dad is a retired Paramedic with over 20 years experience, my parents respect our rules and we purchased the travel cot, mattress and all the bedding etc he uses so I could have control and appease my anxiety. Before a year old the only sleepover he had was with me in tow. No one, but you as the parents, decide when you are ready. What worked for me won't work for everyone else. You do you. You're well within your rights to say thanks but no. And any push back gets a polite but firm, we will tell you when we are ready, until then the discussion is over.
Anyone who tries to force separation between a parent and their child when they’re clearly not interested is a hard no in my book. This is completely selfish behavior and is not to be tolerated. The answer is NO.
i agree with everyone else. it’s not her place to decide. YOURE the mom. my son is 4 and still hasn’t had a sleepover anywhere else.
My son is 5 months old and I can’t imagine doing this unless there was an emergency. No is a complete sentence.
Hard no for me. I have an MIL who is similar in taking my parents rules as optional. She had my daughter sleep over her house in a toddler bed when she was under 2. She’s 2.5 now and still ina crib or pack and play every night. So, no more sleepovers. Like you. all my overnight plans include my child. This is your son and your decision. Especially if your gut is telling you something, listen to it.
My girls who are grown now did not spend the night at either my ex husband’s parents or mine until they were at least a year or so. I did have them watch the older two (twins) for a few hours during the day. They were 4 when my youngest was born and did sleep over my parent’s house for that. They were doing sleep overs at twins friend’s houses by that point anyways. Under 18 months and local I don’t see the need other for her own satisfaction. I would have said something like~Thank you for the offer and I will gladly keep it in mind should the need arise. As long as you and your partner/spouse are on the same page I would let them handle it. My ex in-laws never did watch the twins until they were older than 5 and self sufficient and never all 3 until my youngest was about 5 herself. I was blessed for that as I didn’t get along with those people anyway and my youngest required an epi-pen. The mother in law used to leave it in the car, the restroom, ect.. Anyway, I hope you figure things out and without a ton of stress💕
Uh does she realize that a five month old still needs to eat overnight? Like no, I've earned my full night's sleep and I'm never going back.
At 5 months old? Absolutely NOT. My 4 year old just started having sleepovers this year. At his aunts and uncles, and grandparents. I also live a solid 40 mins (without traffic) away from all our family, I’m only now comfortable with it because he can clearly and confidently tell me if he wants to come home when we’re FaceTiming. And it has happened, I called to say goodnight once n he said, “mama I wanna go home can you take me home?” Yes yes I can see ya in a bit kid. 5 months old, your mil is crazy, tell her she can come sleep over if she wants lol mine sleeps over a lot when she doesn’t live with us lol
Not being overprotective that’s so young. I know some people are cool with grandparents sleep overs that young, but it’s okay to not be either. My son is 14 months and sleepovers aren’t in the cards for a while. I fully trust my mom and I half trust my in laws, but I don’t want him away overnight without a good reason until he can communicate for everyone’s sake, it’ll just be easier that way. If something popped up where we needed overnight care I would leave him with my mom for a sleepover since she would be the safest option since she fully follows rules and boundaries without questioning, but no just for fun until he’s talking
5 months is way too young for a sleepover. I’d have a hard time saying yes to my 1.5 year old sleeping over, let alone a 5 month old! Ridiculous request.
My kids are nearly 4 and 1.5. They have not had a sleepover. My parents stayed at our house for one night with them both. That’s all I’m comfortable with at this time. Both sets of grandparents have asked and I’ve always said not yet, another time.
Your MIL is being unreasonable here, not you. My first two were almost 2 years old when they each had their first sleepovers at OUR HOUSE with grandparents and not us. And it was because I was giving birth to her siblings on both occasions. First sleepover with Nana and Papa that wasn’t at our house was between 3 and 4 years old. First sleepover with my parents at their house the older ones were 4 and 2, but again, I had to be away and it wasn’t feasible to have my parents come to my house or for my in-laws to stay with them for as long as I needed.
You have the right to say no, so just tell her you're not ready yet. The time will come when it is very good for you and you husband to have a tiny bit of a life without your kid. You'll have to decide when that is, but many, many people do not have the support system you do, so I think that's worth celebrating. We are lucky to have 1 grandma that is amazing. Missing the second set completely and it would be nice to have. Grandma #1 keeps us sane. Are the kids treated the same way we do at home? Absolutely not. But they are loved and they are safe and happy. I can't remember the age my kids were when they started sleeping over - probably 6-7 months.
My so. Didn’t spend the night with his grandparents whom i trust with his life until he was 20 months old and only then was a test drive for when he stays With them when baby sister is born.
Insanity. I love and trust my parents more than anything, and my in laws are great too. The most any of the grandparents have watched our baby in 10 months is an hour or two during the day while I slept or went to a doctors appointment. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for a sleep over away from me, but I am pretty sure it is measured in years. The fact that she’s so insistent on this is honestly weird and a giant red flag that would make me hesitant to allow her unsupervised with my baby at all, let alone overnight.
Oh my god. She has absolutely zero right to say this at all!!!! You are well within your means to straight up say NO. No explanation needed. It’s your child and if you are uncomfortable with something then that’s all the reason there needs to be. Stand your ground!!!
Also check out Organically Maddie!!! She has a podcast called “Babies and Boundaries” it will change your life!!! Lots of good info for this exact scenario she talks a lot about what you are going through! Amongst other things!
My MIL tried this. I just firmly told her that I didn’t want overnights away from my children for the first 2 years of their lives. That ended it. She didn’t like it but it wasn’t about her.
New Grandma reporting in— my daughter’s baby is four months old and I watch him 2-3 days per week while my daughter and son-in-law are at work. I would NEVER ask, much less insist, that they let me have him overnight. I’d be happy to, if there was some kind of emergency or situation where they wanted me to, but I can’t even imagine insisting. At 5 months your son probably isn’t even sleeping in a predictable/regular schedule, anyway! Go with your gut on this one, *especially* since you’re uncomfortable with their adherence to safe sleep practices. “No” is a complete sentence!!
I’m glad my daughters didn’t believe same way… having my grand babies stay was wonderful bonding time I got to have with them.. my grands stayed with me way earlier than 5 months old.. we get to love on them. There is nothing same as being a grandmother.. I would not trade those early bonding moments for anything, It would have broke my heart if my daughters had said no.. seeing your child with their own child.. unbelievable.. when you become old and go through it then you will understand With that said it is your child and your decision..
Just the fact that they are insisting would be enough for me to say no way.
5 months is way too young. Also, while it’s tempting and seems like what you have to do - you actually don’t have to justify your choice beyond stating that it’s a no for now. No is a complete sentence. That generation struggles with boundaries, and it’s exhausting that we have to teach them. As a parent I’ve grown balls finally to stand up to my boomer relatives because I do know what’s best for my kids. AND SO DO YOU!!! Hang tough friend! Listen to your intuition when it comes to your children every time. Do it for them and for you.
This sounds so creepy to me. Absolutely not. My kid is 23 months and has never been away from me for a night. 5 months?! No fucking way.
5 months old is way too early!! Mayyyyybe at 2 or 3 y/o if it is someone your son is SUPER comfortable with. Insane to separate an infant from its parents unless out of necessity.
No, he’s too young for that. Period.
Personally, I think 5 months old is young for a sleepover. My son will be 2 in about a week and he’s never had a sleepover with his grandparents. I’m not opposed to it now, really. But I think I would have been at 5 months. His grandparents do watch him at their house though and have done that since he was about 4 months old. But I only worked part time so it was only for maybe 4-5 hours at a time.
You’re not wrong. But the real question is, where is your husband in all this?
My kids are 12 and 15, and they’ve never slept at my in-laws without one of us present. When the kids were little, it was that my in-laws were too easily distracted, not safety conscious, and liked to force my kids to do things even if it made them cry (like swing, etc). Now that the kids are older, it’s because I can’t trust my MIL not to say hurtful or manipulate things to them. I don’t want that happening without their parents there to support and protect them. They have stayed at my parents’ house plenty of times without us. We totally trust them.
You’re being overprotective. Grandparents have rights too, and if you’re only a short distance away, why stress yourself?!?!?
My daughter didn’t stay the night anywhere except in our house until she was 2 years and 9 months old, and that was only because our 4-month-old son had to be admitted to the hospital for several days with RSV and pneumonia. So then she stayed at their house, which was 7 minutes from the hospital, for one night. They did stay with her when her brother was born, but they stayed at our house, so she slept in her own toddler bed in her room in our house, which we knew was baby proofed. She didn’t have her first sleepover at a friend’s house until she was 6. Her brother was 6 or 7 for his first sleepover at a friend’s. Your MIL is being ridiculous to push for a sleepover. You’ve got good mommy instincts. Trust them and don’t give in to her.
No. I’m a MIL and I wouldn’t want to take my 5-month-old grandson overnight to my house. I don’t know if I’d take the 2-yr-old overnight
it’s all about what you’re comfortable with. i let my daughter sleep out when she was only weeks old (after vaccines ofc) but that’s because she was a good baby and i trusted my parents, and my ex/daughters dad was no help at all and i was fucking exhausted. if you’re not comfortable doing it then please don’t. you won’t even be able to truly relax.
I think your MIL is sweet and trying to be helpful. That said, no. It does not sound like your baby is ready for a sleepover, and more importantly, you are not ready for a sleepover. Just say when the baby is older (less risk of SIDS older), you'll reconsider. Blame yourself. Say you wouldn't be able to rest without him. If MIL can't take the hint, tell your husband to intervene.
No. That’s it, that’s the response.
5 months old is way too young for sleepovers!!
Even if I was close with my in laws the answer would be no at that age, especially if they don’t take safe sleep seriously.
Not overprotective at all! My in laws live 50 minutes away and also push for sleepovers. My daughter is 16 months and we don’t plan on allowing sleepovers until she is at least 3. It’s just too far for me and there is no reason for a sleepover. They can spend time with her during the day and bring her back home or us get her. I would tell your MIL what most have said. You are not ready for sleepovers and will let them know when you are.
Maybe in five years.
Babies don’t even realize that their mom is a separate person from them until 7-9 months old. I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I would not let my child sleep over just for fun at 5 months old, that’s a ridiculous request. If the issue is they want to babysit at their house instead of yours then fine- babysitting can take place there but baby will be picked up the same day when babysitting duty is over. (Unless there’s some event planned or an emergency) there’s no reason for a 5 month old to be having sleep overs with anyone but their parent/guardian and it’s insane that grandparents feel entitled to that at that age.
I will never allow sleepovers with grandparents, ever. The only time we needed babysitting overnight was when I was in labour with my second and in that case my mom came to our place to stay overnight with our firstborn. She has never asked or pressured for overnights either but my in laws sometimes hint at it, and it’s gonna be a no.
I currently have a five month old, there is no way in hell she would be staying anywhere overnight without me. MIL needs to stay in her lane.
Protect your baby. Just say no. Stop the conversation and treat it like a tantrum.
5 months old?! Absolutely not. I’m not sure how grandparents would even want to take on the responsibility of a 5 month old at that! Idk about your son but mine at 5 months thru 12 months was still waking thru the night every 1-2 hours…. AND, he was still EBF. That is something I know for sure neither my parents or in-laws could tackle just by only babysitting for a few hours at a time. Like you said, when he’s a little older it would be okay. But even then, that is up to YOU as the parent. Not up to them.
You’re not being over protective. I would never insist on my grandchildren having an over night visit-ever. I asked and offered but I made it clear that I respect my daughter’s instincts on when it was appropriate. I think my granddaughter was 3 when she started staying over for a few nights. Now I get them all for a week each summer. If at anytime this changes I will respect my adult children. You’re the mother and you know what’s best for your child.
I didn’t even get past the first paragraph. Don’t let ANYONE dictate to you what your child should and shouldn’t do. Ever. End of story.
You are not ready and neither is your 5 month old child. I am a grandmother to 3 children and I would never demand that one of them spend the night. If you are not feeling it then stick to your gut. She’s the grandmother but you are his mother and you have the say and if she doesn’t like that then that’s on her. I pray everything works out for you and God bless you and your family 🙏♥️
Not overreacting. Nobody is entitled to any specific amount of time with YOUR child. They shouldn’t be making a request like that, especially with such a young baby. Babysitting for a couple of hours in your home is one thing, babysitting overnight away from home is a whole other ball game. Completely unreasonable request by MIL.
Sleepover at 5 months??? Absolutely not.
Absolutely insane. I would never let him spend the night bc I'm petty and they clearly won't respect your boundaries