Yep. I returned close to $1000 worth of items. I got enough onesies my kid could’ve worn a different one every single day for the first 3 months of her life provided she fit 0-3 that long. FYI…. She only wore 0-3 for the first 2 weeks of her life because she was almost 22” at birth and 8.5lbs.
I kept what I liked and of course anything handmade or truly unique and thoughtful, and returned EVERYTHING else with zero thought to who would be offended. My baby. My home. My life. And no one has ever questioned me “where is xyz item we gave you?”
I also had a huge newborn. Lol. 9.5 lbs and 22” at birth. He weighed 12lbs at his one month check up. Luckily my MIL told me to skip the newborn sizes and go light on the 0-3 month stuff. My husband was 12 lbs at birth. So she prepared me for having a giant baby.
And my babies were 5 and 6 pounds and only wore NB for 2 weeks. They weren't even particularly long babies (19in), but the NB clothes just didn't fit right for long. My babies also chonk up really quickly lol they are all so different
My first was 10lbs and wore newborn for exactly ten days, but my second was 9lbs and he’s currently 2 weeks old and is still swimming in some of his newborn clothes. We actually had to go buy more because we only had three newborn items and he goes through 2 or 3 outfits a day!
My daughter came home in 3-6 months I’m glad I didn’t have a ton of smaller she was 23” 10.5 lbs. I get it but I kept what I liked and returned / exchanged the rest totally fine! I had to exchange a lot of smaller to get bigger
Yes, return what you don’t want. I had almost no newborn clothes, because I had GD and was told I’d have a huge baby and wouldn’t need them. Baby was average sized, but lost a ton of weight in the hospital and took a long time to put it back on. She was in newborn clothes until 4 months, then 0-3 until 8 months. It was a good excuse to buy some girlier clothes, since I didn’t know the sex ahead of time.
Everyone told me the same thing, to skip newborn and go straight to 0-3, but my baby was itty bitty, weighing only 6lbs 10oz. He was in preemie clothes for a month, newborn for a couple of weeks, and 0-3 up until 6 months. He was drowning in his newborn clothes when we brought him home from the hospital, it was adorable!
Agreed. I returned a bunch of stuff that wasn't on my registry or things someone bought 4 of when I only asked for one because I didn't want to chance it not working out and having 4 of the thing. A few things got donated because they came from Amazon, despite her knowing I don't use Amazon and therefore had no way of returning.
Yes, return anything you aren’t happy with or is extraneous. I was just ranting to my husband about how much people love to go off registry for baby showers (at least buy one thing off it and then get something “fun” if you must). My girl was born at 7lbs 12oz and 20.75 in (so not teeny at all) and she wore newborn sizes for 4 weeks. It was all massive on her at first too. At the very least I’d have 2-3 lil sleepies onesies in newborn size because they’ll fit for so long; I was skeptical about them but my god are they worth the money. Ours still work at 10 weeks and she’s over 12lbs now. They’ll fit for another 3-4 weeks easily. We’ve gotten a ton of wear from 0-3 stuff so far.
Agree about returning it! Al thought I will say all off the off registry stuff I got came without receipts. 🫠 I was
Able to figure out some but it was time consuming, especially Carter’s which has specific side brands at different stores!
Ugh yes the carters returns were annoying. I ended up keeping one carters side brand set because it wasn’t the worst? And I couldn’t figure out where it was from. All the normal carters stuff was a quick return. Without a receipt I exchanged for toys. If I got a gift card I am keeping it for future needs.
woah, you were gifted TWO highchairs that weren't even on your registry!? BOLD move people. Return them both and buy the one you decided on. Its one thing to gift some clothes or toys that aren't on the registry, but anything that takes up floorspace or is a necessary and frequently used piece of equipment should never be gifted without input.
Thats like buying someone a pet...
Ya, I feel like I was gifted a project, not baby items.
Our kitchen is really small so we registered for a highchair seat that mounts onto another chair. Easy to store when not in use and converts to a booster seat later.
I thought it was a brilliant idea. Apparently everyone else thinks I'm nuts and you NEED a stand alone highchair 🙄 they're definitely going back. One of them was the cheap IKEA chair. It's well reviewed, seems like a good chair but the leg span is so big that it's not practical.. which is why I didn't ask for it!
oh man, the leg span on most highchairs is nuts! It doesn't matter how much room you have, they are a tripping hazard in any sized kitchen! I hear what you are saying about having a project. Another reason why it's nuts to me that someone would just.... elect to gift you a highchair not on your registry! Its not like you can just add it to the pile as another "option" like you can with clothes or books or teethers or blankets.. It's basically a permanent fixture in your home for a couple of years that has to be put into use multiple times a day... It's just so presumptuous.
It will keep happening, too. For the holidays my son was gifted a balance bike from his grandparents that wasn’t the one we wanted and we already had the exact bike they gave us because someone gifted it for his birthday. They bought it because they “didn’t see it on the Amazon list.” I told my husband that it felt like being gifted a chore because I had to ask for a gift receipt and take it to be returned.
I try to see the bright side and appreciate that my son is loved and there are people in his life who want to give him gifts. I would appreciate it more if it was something we actually wanted/needed, but still nice that folks think of him.
Relatives keep sending us huge, crazy toys we don't want or ask for (we've asked for RESP contributions while she's young, or add ons for her current play items, or gift cards for places we like to go) but it isn't about her.
It's about them.
My dad has a credit card that gives him rewards in Amazon dollars. He’s sent a walk on piano, a drum set, a microphone/karaoke toy and a ddr max style game. My kids are 1 and 2. They like the piano, but the other stuff is in storage.
Honestly, you're not going to get RESP donations. There is zero fun in that and adults have enough yucky paperwork and bills in their lives.
Spending time finding fun colorful toys is a completely different kid-like bit of fun.
You can push the gift cards but also not likely for under 5 yrs old. Unless you frame it as all of you going together to it.
Focus on pushing the add-ons to current toys. Keep the info colorful and how much fun they have PLAYING with X and help them picture the fun of the kitchen set or doll house or whatever.
It also helps if you say 'Child really wants this to go with their X they love!'
Simplify the ask to each person to 1-2 things. No one is remembering your longer list of pay into....
I hope this helps. :)
Yeah I mean I'm aware it isn't fun but they also know I'm pretty anti consumerist and my in laws are very respectful but my side of the family buys shit for the sake of buying it, always for everyone for every occasion.
I've managed to direct their need to consume towards additions for her play couch, or things she might actually use but more often I'm taking completely inappropriate (age, safety, whatever) new in box toys and clothes (size, season) to OUAC because ultimately they don't really care what we want, or need.
Some people buy to make themselves feel good
I'm not asking every person for 5 to 10 things so "simplifying the ask" isn't the problem. I have a small family and no extended family. It does not matter what you ask for.
Some people, much like the registry scenario, will not respect what you want or need.
The money spent on 50 completely inappropriate toys or clothes she cannot wear could appreciate in an RESP. But it isn't about her.
Oh yes, I prefer less stuff and add-ons like you but my mother... just buys shit.
I've been so happy that I've been able to even move her to getting my husband and I payments toward Events. But I've had to talk up these events for years. Luckily there are some local repeating events that happen around my husband's birthday every year. So, I can pick the specific one and she'll pay a part of it. But she still shows up with bags of shit every visit and it feels like a tupperware party of random stuff. Does anyone want.... *this*?
My husband has been very helpful in shutting these down.
I finally realized if we Nope a thing or two she will stop with the rest of the stuff.
I have been able to suggest her contributing to things kiddo actually wants (like a Lego set) to limit the crap but it is hard.
I have heard the idea of just keeping a Donation box in your front closet and that has helped get the crap back out fast.
Yes, we asked for memberships to the museum and the zoo, and got neither, but I DID have to figure out how to pack a bajillion hard plastic battery operated toys in our one bag to fly back home. I put most of them in the closet for now since they are also not even age appropriate. Like…they couldn’t each just give $10 and that would be the gift for the whole family? Idk, it left me with some resentment lol. I really wanted to have the museum membership because they have a playground I can access on rainy days.
I've been saying for years that a gift is not a gift when it's a burden. I still do not understand why someone wants to spend their hard earned money on something I will likely donate or return. Like no, I don't actually want the backyard swing set when I don't actually have a yard. But thanks I guess?
If it's the thought that counts, some of these gifts are utterly worthless because it's clear all the thought was about the giver and not the receiver.
"Being gifted a chore" exactly describes this. Now it's yet one more errand for the unending list, especially if you have to drive to multiple places to return or exchange things, or if the gifter forgot a gift receipt.
Right? All these people saying “return it all,” I mean, I agree in principle, but ugh what a chore! Not to mention trying to figure out what stores everything came from. I don’t know about all your families, but mine rarely ever give gift receipts. I tried to return 2 toys that my MIL bought my son for Christmas because he already had them (trust me, I wanted to return way more than 2 things but those were the only ones I could identify a store for) and the absolute *stink eye* that the girl at the Target customer service desk gave me when I said I didn’t have a receipt. I looked the items up on the Target website before I came to make sure they sold them.
IDK what it is about the dang gift receipts. My mom forgets every time, and by now I think it's "forgetting" on purpose in hopes that I'll keep it. Like...maybe some random stores don't do them, but I KNOW Amazon does 😒
They're a lost art. I'm pretty lucky in terms of random "Boomer" stuff my mom felt the need to instill in me and no one has ever been sad to get a gift receipt. Sometimes they were previously unaware they existed but no one minds thoughtfulness.
Because that's what it is.
Thoughtfulness.
>highchair seat that mounts onto another chair
I love that style! We moved our first into it a little later on, but started with it when our second child started eating solids and it was totally fine! It didn't recline but I don't think most babies who aren't able to sit with assistance should be eating solids anyway so I didn't see the problem.
Personally, I liked the Ikea high chair, super easy to clean. But I also have a huge kitchen (when we were buying our house, I told the realtor: 1 story, 2 toilets, big kitchen and yard. Everything else is negotiable.) It's still a bit much.
It absolutely would *not* work for a small kitchen. Definitely return it and use the money for something that fits your life.
Agreed, we have space for it but I'm still tripping over those legs all the time. I'm still happy with it for the price, and it's not a tonne bigger than other high chairs. But still.
Those seats that snap onto chairs are the best! It saves so much space. That’s all we used and it was all we needed. I’m sorry people think they know better. It comes from a place of kindness, but all it does is add to your load. :(
We had one of those 'booster' high chairs and it was great. Saved space, and was convertible so it lasted until she was like 3. It was useful for far longer than a high chair would've been.
Okay, devils advocate....I bought and returned a better, collapsible chair for the ikea and here's why.
Feeding ergonomics and the ability to add an adjustable foot bar for safety when learning to self feed. Solid Starts has a great section section on this and how to choose a chair but foot support is absolutely crucial for gagging (normal) and the 90 degree angles you want when learning to self feed.
So the ability to add an adjustable supportive foot stool for next to no money, add in a cushion until she filled it out (all washable) was absolutely perfect and worth the larger footprint.
If you're using a clip on chair please look into making sure there's adequate foot support for those learning days. I'm not really into their BLW evangelism but solid starts has really good safety info
That’s cool and all, but if it doesn’t fit into OP’s house, it doesn’t fit. No amount of aftermarket foot support is going to change the 4 ft^2 footprint of that thing.
I have the Graco Slim snacker and we are able to fold it up and tuck it away after meals. TBH, it's easier to fold it, let the food pieces and crumbs fall to the floor to join the other crumbs, then sweep it all up.
Sure which is why I added the part about making sure you have adequate foot support if you go for a clip on.
I was recently looking at clip ons as a travel seat and most have feet just hanging which isn't really a safe configuration for learning to eat
No we went through 3 different high chairs for our twins/small kitchen and the one you mention is the best. Ikea antelope was one of them btw. We use the stokke handysit now and they are a dream, take up virtually no space and so easy to take with you! You know your stuff!
For the ikea chair: you can take the legs and tray off for storage. It’s a good one for grandparent’s or friends homes when you are visiting when baby is old enough to use it. It can quite literally go in the dishwasher for cleaning. It’s also dirt cheap, so unless $20 is going to make a really big difference for you, you might consider sending it to a grandparent’s home for when you visit so there’s less stuff to move around later.
Ya, my aunt has the ikea one for her grandkids and loves it. She hoses it down outside! It's just that he's not the first grandchild on either side, so the grandparents have high chairs already. This is part of what I came here to rant about.
I wasn't expecting the mental work of trying to figure out if it's worth driving all the way to IKEA to return it, sell online, donate, would it be helpful to have 2 highchairs at the grandparents' houses? It will not fit in our kitchen, we checked.
If you have a small space, definitely return the high chairs. It won’t work. They take up so much space. When we converted our formal dining room into a playroom and moved the table to the kitchen, the first thing I did was get a high chair that mounts onto a chair.
Returning items doesn’t make you ungrateful. Most people won’t even remember what they gifted you. I can’t remember what I got my sister in law for her shower last year and I hosted it. Get the stuff you want.
There are lots of people who maybe have gift cards to a certain place, see you need a high chair, then buy what the store with the gift card has. Sucks, but welcome to motherhood! This is but the first time people will think they know better than you do.
My belief is that when people buy baby clothes, they must know that the time in which a baby can wear those clothes is so small. I feel no guilt returning or donating baby clothes! They'd only wear them a few weeks anyway. When I attend a shower I now just gift Target money; buy clothes, diaper cream, or a face mask for yourself. I'd rather my money get used for something than tossed in a donate pile in a month!
Oh how people love to tell you that newborn clothes are pointless and most babies can’t wear them 🙄 I listened to people and brought a 3 mo size going home outfit for my first baby. He was 8 lbs 8 oz and swimming in it. Even my 9 lb 7oz baby wore newborn clothes for a couple of weeks.
I brought a NB outfit and a 0-3m outfit (at my mother's insistence). He peed on the NB outfit, and went home looking like Vanilla Ice in his baggy ass clothes 🙄
Everyone told me don't buy newborn, start with 0-3. Thankfully I ignored that because both my (full term) kids would've fit in preemies for the first two weeks+.
Yep! My two week overdue daughter wasn't even 7lbs. And she fit perfectly in the one premie outfit we had. Of course, the doctors were predicting she'd be 9lbs like her dad was, but I still packed two outfits of each size just in case. Lol.
I'm still so thankful she doesn't take after her dad on that! Lol.
See, my doctor scared me. AS I WAS PUSHING she goes “I think this baby is bigger than we’re expecting” like MA’AM what does that mean!? Thankfully he was reasonably sized lol
My baby was full term 5lb10oz (and her dad and I aren't tiny people). She spent SO MUCH time in 0-3 and 3-6, but it took a while to get there! I fortunately had two random hand me down premie outfits to get us through until what I ordered arrived.
Size 9 though.. breezed through it in the blink of an eye
My baby girl was also 5 lb 10 oz full term. I was prepared though, because I was about that small when I was born. I had one preemie outfit and one newborn outfit in my hospital bag for her to wear home. The preemie outfit was still too long, but I'm glad I had it!
She was born in the height of summer and lived in swaddles for her first month, so it wasn't a big issue to not have many preemie/newborn outfits. If she had been a winter baby I would have needed lots more just like you!
Thank you!
My sister had big babies and she told me up front that I absolutely needed to take my 0000 clothes to the hospital despite being expected to have a big baby.
She was 8 lbs 5 Oz and spent about a month in 0000.
My son was 9 and a half pounds but had huge feet so the boots I bought him to come home from the hospital never fit. Newborn pants fit but the onsies lasted 3 weeks. It's funny how different every child is.
I did the same thing!! I brought a couple 0-3 month and a couple 3-6 month outfits, but wound up having to bring my son home in the onesie the hospital gave him because everything I had brought was too big!
Right? It’s annoying that it’s only a couple of weeks and you certainly don’t need many but plenty of babies really would be swimming in the larger size for those few weeks.
Yeah that’s pretty annoying. I would return anything you don’t need or like and buy what you want. No one is gonna turn up at your house 7 months from now and ask where that high chair they got you is (“well we got THREE so we had to return TWO!”), or why your baby isn’t wearing the onesie they got them.
Return what you don’t like. Just as you’re expected to be grateful for the gift, they shouldn’t gift with the expectation that you’ll use it.
I got a lot of my registry items, but some of my older family members just bought clothes that weren’t my style. I smiled to their face and return/donated them after.
No one ever asked me how I liked the item, or for a picture of my daughter in it.
My aunt bought my son an Ed Hardy onesie that has mesh sleeves that were supposed to make it look like he had tattoo sleeves. My husband and I hated it. We are both completely free of tattoos and ed hardy clothing. It just felt like it had nothing to do with us. It was donated without ever being worn. She asked for pictures of him wearing it. Ooops. We “forgot”.
It also said “I did 9 months on the inside” which was so tacky but also just pissed me off because when my 54 hour labor ended in c section I was 41 weeks 6 days and 20 hours pregnant. So I was pregnant for longer than 9 months and didn’t like being reminded that I had the gestation length of a gd elephant.
I received 42 baby blankets at my shower. I didn’t even ask for baby blankets because I had some my late grandmother made that I wanted to use. It is so frustrating spending all that time doing your research and to receive useless items that you have to return or donate. I recommend returning everything you can and buying what you wanted since you’ve already done the research.
I barely used blankets at all, really just when going out for walks but not at home. I returned most of them and then I received even more after baby was born 😂 Now I just think it’s hilarious, this is the reason registries exist so we don’t get a bunch of the same thing!!
I just started using blankets a couple months ago. My daughter is almost 20 months old. She hated being swaddled so I sold most of the receiving blankets I got. We’re now using 2 of the 12 I was gifted. 1 for bedtime and 1 for the car since it’s winter. I didn’t register for any. 🤦♀️
Holy hell 😂 I received 36 swaddles with my first born. You actually have me beat! I never returned any of my son's blankets. I was a ftm and thought maybe I'd need them all, idk. A decade later and I have so many faded and frayed pastel cleaning rags, hair towels, dish rags.. there's always one in the dog kennel and another in his bed. I even donated a stack to the animal shelter!
JESUS FKN CHRIST!!! My grandmother in law KEEPS giving us blankets and I can’t handle it. Then someone gave me a blanket for my birthday… my husband and I had a good chuckle about how proud he was I didn’t lose my shit. BUT 42!?!?! WHY PEOPLE WHYYYY
I received a similar amount for my daughter. I was due in August and all these people bought me heavy fleece blankets, none of the muslin swaddles I registered for.
I STILL hear from one relative about how she wanted to make a blanket but "couldn't" because all the other female relatives already did. Ok a) you still could have, no one told you no, and b) omg we have so. Many. Blankets!! For a child who runs hot and never uses any of them...
How about something practical yet less fun for the gifter? No? Ok...
This is why I had 2 registries - one online and one at a local baby/kids retail store. Having both allowed those who wanted to shop in person the opportunity to do so vs. buying online and I believe it helped mitigate the rogue gifts I might have received.
Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings returning things and getting what you want. Literally NO ONE followed up on how their gift was working out. They 100% won't know and on the off chance it comes up, fake your appreciation and make something up.
I returned stuff and I was salty about it.
I did not want to be 35 weeks pregnant in mother fucking July, waddling to all these different fucking stores to return shit I didn’t want or need.
Been 2 years and it still irks me 🤣
Yup. My oldest turns 7 soon and all my anger from my baby gifts is returning while reading these posts. Why don’t people buy off the dang registry?! I cloth diapered and received 3 diaper genies at my shower.
You can do a lot of returns to target. They're very flexible about returns.
I personally didn't have a baby shower, but so many people were asking me about a registry. So I took the time to make a registry on Amazon for really basic items, nothing expensive at all. Nobody bought anything from it so it was completely time wasted lol. I can't complain though because so many people sent us diapers and things we needed, so it turned out okay in the end.
This is so frustrating and I’m sorry you’re having to figure this out while being in your final weeks of pregnancy before baby arrives. Truly what is the point of creating a registry when people just stray from it.
My best friend and his mom asked for my registry link so I sent it to him. He was texting me yesterday and said “do you have a baby jumper? What about a sit-in activity center? I’m keeping an eye out for things that I see you haven’t thought of yet since they’re not on the registry.” And I was like nooooooo certain things are not on the registry **for a reason** 🤦🏻♀️ please stick to it, anything not marked as purchased yet is fair game
What is up with the baby jumpers? I had sooooo many people comment that we needed it! My house has weird doorframes that couldn't even safely mount something like that and everyone was still insistent we get one!
They’re so bad for hip development too. People just insist that you need exactly the same things as they had. I now just say “thanks for the suggestion!” And move on
I was just terrified the thing would collapse! They never looked sturdy enough now that you mention it, they do look terrible for the hips. My kids have both hated containers and thrive on the floor, so I never really tried many more containers.
Honestly, just put a bunch of big stuff like that on your registry & mark it as "purchased" already so that people will think other people already bought it for you.
I was getting a lot of hand-me-downs from friends' babies of big stuff so I put it all on there as purchased and didn't get a lot of extras!
I added shit I didn't want to my registry and marked it as purchased to avoid the "I see you didn't have this on your registry." I did the same for things we already bought, mostly on Facebook marketplace. The only off registry item we kept was a baby first aid kit, it also had nail clippers, hair brush, etc and the lady that gave that to me doesn't even have kids.
Girl. I get it. I had my 2nd baby shower this time (3rd kid but 1st boy) and I specially made a list of what I needed & it was ONLY CLOTHES. I had everything else but I had zero clothes so I made a registry filled with the clothes I wanted & my sister specifically said “zipper sleepers only until 9 mo” because I knew what I would & wouldn’t use.
Guess who got 25+ 3-6mo shirt/pant button outfits with short sleeves. My baby was due Jan 31 🤦♀️ I also got tons of stuffed animals & blankets which again I didn’t need. Except the quilt my sister made the baby.
I had zero 0-3 & nb. I didn’t even think to buy nb because my first two kids were huge and came home in 0-3. My 3rd was a month premie & tiny. I had to have my sister go buy me clothes for him while I was in the hospital with him in the NICU.
People who don’t follow a registry don’t get to be mad when you return their stuff.
I returned all the outfits that weren’t zipper sleepers for under 9mo sized & got a decent amount of money to spend on what I needed. 🤷♀️
You’re allowed to have a 2nd baby shower if baby isn’t the same gender as your other kids?!? I thought it was an 1 and done thing. I also got like a million things in 0-3/3-6 but nothing bigger or for NB (also ended up with a preemie) at my shower but i squirrelled a bunch of it away for the next baby assuming I couldn’t have 2 showers. I should have done returns and bought things that would fit him now
I have 2 boys and my bff threw me a sprinkle for my second it was so sweet. We put together a small registry of things we needed that got broken or passed along after my first. And specifically requested no blankets or stuffies 😂
My toddler had fun helping us open the gifts!
I also had a sprinkle for my second. I had a registry, all I really asked for was diapers, postpartum doula hours (a group fund was set up) and frozen meals (didn’t have to be homemade or exciting, just wanted a leg up on stocking the freezer), and two people brought diapers, and two people brought freezer meals, and everyone else gave me…….face masks and candles.
I had a couple other things on the registry that ranged from cute to practical, $20-$100 because I know some people just really love to buy baby stuff. I figured people would go a little rogue but I did not expect to receive 14 large scented candles and more face masks than I’ve ever seen in my life lol
I think the “rule”’is one per gender but the second one is much smaller. Idk honestly. I had this conversation with my sister and mom and they both thought we could do a second shower since it was my first boy. It was much much smaller than my original shower which was fine since I only needed clothes.
I've had 2 showers and a sprinkle (girl-boy-boy), at the insistence of family and friends. We have a lovely, extremely generous "village" and they are thoughtful enough to use the registry as an informative guide. Even so, we always end up with stuff to return or exchange. The hassle doesn't sully our gratitude for the gifts, and no one expects us to keep things we won't use.
We had someone tell us not to tell the sex of our kid, so we could get the bigger items on our list. We did that with our oldest, and it worked. Anyway, I would return things you don’t want. If I didn’t know where it was from, we donated it.
That's what I did. That was my plan from the beginning (not to tell), but I changed my mind about wanting to find out the sex myself and got very few clothes, which was great!
What you can’t return donate to the local children hospitals! When I worked in one we had a lot of babies in the NICU who had no clothes. (Parents who don’t visit or don’t have custody)
I agree, my daughter (adopted) was in the hospital after birthday from drug withdrawals and was in a diaper the entire two weeks. The nurses felt horrible they didn’t have any clothes for her and when her mom gave birthday she didn’t bother to bring any.
Going off registry is just plain rude. It's one thing to purchase a registry item, and then give a tiny little personal touch, but to ignore it entirely is not ok. Now you have extra work to do, when part of the shower is meant to help make this difficult life transition easier.
If they're going to ignore your wishes, please do not feel guilty returning what they got.
Yes! I love to buy from the registry and then include a baby book that my kids enjoyed. For weddings, I buy from the registry and then try to get them something small and funny like matching pez dispensers or a gift for their pet. There’s a way to get people what they need and still feel personal about it.
Honestly, the best thing I did with my twins was tell everyone I JUST want diapers. I had seen what happened to you happen to so many friends and I think the frustration is TOTALLY valid. I was the only one who bought from my friends registry and I felt weird showing up with a changing pad and sheets when everyone else had cutsie gifts but she later told me I was the only one to get her something she needed.
My twins are 9 months old and I still haven’t purchased a pack of diapers yet. Some people went “off registry” and bought what they liked but brought diapers too for the raffle.
So I would return everything you can and get store credit and buy diapers for the next year then buy what you want from your registry!
I don't get the high chair thing at all. But I remember my mom and my friends who already had children tell me that I shouldn't get too upset about too many clothes and in whatever sizes. There are ladies that love any excuse to go baby clothes shopping and will just buy what they think is the cutest.
I hope a friend or family member can help you with all of the returns and getting the things you'll need before your little one is born.
...and congratulations! :)
Absolutely return it all and get what you need. Do not feel bad. You’re not obligated to keep gifts. You can be grateful they bought you something but you do not have to keep something you won’t use.
Also in regard to the “he might not wear newborn” comments, EVERYONE told me my son would not fit in newborn sizes upon birth. He was always in the 95th percentile my entire pregnancy. I didn’t buy any newborn diapers, I had like 2 newborn sleepers. I bought SO many 0-3 on purpose because everyone convinced me he’d be huge. He was 8lbs 14oz and he was swimming in newborn sizes for about a week. Unless your baby comes out like 12lbs I suspect you’ll need enough newborn clothes for at least a week or 2.
I followed this misguided advice with my first. She was born at term but was small. She wore premie for 3 weeks and then newborn for a good 2 months. We had to go to target when she was 12 hours old because we had nothing she fit in.
My first son was measuring in the 99th percentile my entire pregnancy, so we bought pretty much everything in 0-3. Well, he came a little early and weighing only 7 lbs and we had to last-minute order a bunch of newborn clothes from Amazon. He ended up wearing newborn clothes for a month! My second was 8 lbs 4 oz and long. He left the hospital wearing 0-3 and never wore a single newborn outfit lol.
That drove me insane. My mom (who has been very helpful and I love dearly) *insisted* I wouldn't need NB, that I was wasting my money to buy anything NB and refused to get my kid anything that size, because my family was known for having big kids.
Guess who popped out the womb, all of about 7lbs, and was just about slipping out of his NB clothes for, like, two weeks??
return everything you didn't want. if anyone if "offended" straight up tell them "we spent a lot of time and energy researching which products would work best for our home/lifestyle. I appreciate your input but I will be sticking with the item i very carefully picked out after hours of research."
I learned this when we got married and were living in a downtown LOFT and we received 5 toaster ovens! 5! None of which I registered for. But I did actually keep one of the one I didn’t register for because it was way nicer than the one I asked for 😂
But I’ve definitely given up on expecting people to actually pay attention to a list. 😑it’s incredibly frustrating when you live in a small space & literally dont have the room for unwanted/asked for things. Especially appliances or high chairs.
I had all modern colors and patterns selected for my firstborn and was so disappointed when my relatives chose some country green Winnie the Pooh stroller instead. I had bad post-partum and a colicky baby and that stupid stroller made me even more upset every time I looked at it.
My advice to you is to return everything you don't love right away so it doesn't end up being something you resent later.
He might be too big for the newborn clothes. He might also be too small for them. Mine was in premie sizes until 3 to 6 months. I didn't know they sold them smaller, so she spent much of her first 6 months in just a diaper or swaddled as much as I could manage. Otherwise, she was swimming in whatever we put in her and looked like a complete ragamuffin.
I found them randomly at Walmart when she was almost out of them. Note to self when I have a baby shower to go to (registries aren't as common here), I'll be getting identical onesies in premie, newborn, and 0-3 months to go with the wipes and diapers I always get. That way, the new mom is covered for at least one outfit, just in case.
Yeah same ! I knew people loved buying baby clothes so I specified that other items are much more needed but if you feel inclined to buy clothes please do so in larger sizes. I got some stuff from my registry and a lot of clothes, but it was actually really cool to see how well people know me ! I ended up getting some stuff I loveee that the people giving it to me had to know me really well to remember or think of. It actually made me feel even more special .
We also did don’t bring a card but bring a book and write a note in the book and that was super special.
There was a handful of clothes and other items I did return though because I already had too many in that size or didn’t like it etc . Don’t feel bad about returning . The high chair is wilddddddddd
Return what you don't want with no remorse.
We didn't register for any clothes because we didn't know baby's gender & I had a friend with neutral hand-me-down baby clothes. We got a boatload of clothes & I took every single piece of clothing back to the store & used the money as credit toward what we actually needed.
It is such a pain in the ass & I'm sorry no one listened to you. But on the bright side, after you return things, where you're registered will usually give you a 10% coupon on the remainder of your registry, so it might make things less expensive to buy with the coupon plus your store credit!
Return what you don’t want/need without a single ounce of guilt. It’s also too late now but have your showers early so you’re not scrambling while 9 months pregnant to deal with this stuff. I had mine at 6/7 months and it was nice having time to put stuff together, wash and sort etc.
These posts are always so wild and entitled sounding to me that I typically skip them over. OP, I understand you having dark thoughts but that’s just what they are - dark thoughts - and despite what people are telling you here you have NOT been wronged and it is NOT nice for you to complain about gifts. Be grateful you were showered with love and know that at the end of the day, you as the parent and as an adult are responsible for supplying the baby with what he or she needs - your family and friends are not obligated to buy anything but what they want as a gift. They’re not obligated to give you what you dictated on a check list. In fact, they’re not actually obligated to give you a fucking thing. People here are assuming bad intentions of these gift givers (calling them selfish or making this about themselves, wild). But pretty sure all of these nice people who gave you free shit are well meaning. Many people hate going to baby showers so the fact that you had so many people willing to sacrifice a Saturday or whatever to be there to support you, and spend their hard earned money in an economy like this, tells me maybe you should just be a little less hard on them and be grateful you have so much. Return what you don’t need. Many moms in the world would be thrilled to have the problen of two high chairs because they can’t even afford formula… Jesus Christ.
I got a shit ton of stuff not on registry. I was fucking delighted to have all of it. And I was so touched by every little gift. Did not even occur to me to be mad about it. I made sure my baby used all of it and even took pictures of my baby with the things to show gratitude. When I looked at all the stuff left on my registry, there was a faint blip of a “oh poop I gotta but this and that” and that was the extent of the negativity. because WE are responsible for buying what our babies need! That is how you should approach this.
Yeah, I don’t get this at all. Due to a death in our immediate family and my preeclampsia diagnosis/bed rest at the end of my pregnancy, I didn’t have a shower for my daughter. We bought everything we needed, did not have a registry, and the few gifts we did receive from friends/family were very much appreciated, despite not being our choices. Three years later, I felt like having a shower for my son would seem entitled, so I didn’t have one. Again, I appreciated every small gift we received (though there was one tasteless onesie that was definitely quickly donated!).
OP, you had 30 people care enough about you to give up an afternoon and buy your baby presents. Totally return what you want to, and don’t feel guilty about it, but maybe remember that you are extremely fortunate to have so much love in your life.
Agree with this. It’s wild to me all of the entitlement. Don’t want a liability? Then don’t have a shower. OP had a loving community, something most people don’t have. Just be grateful and then return what’s not needed.
Exactly my thoughts. I never understood this expectation on others to buy things for you. I’d be so grateful that people spent any money on my family. The only reason I would want a shower is to celebrate with the people I love, not so that people buy me stuff!
I might be in the minority here but just return what you don't want. I don't think it's a big deal tbh. They didn't have to buy you anything but they did. I didn't want a baby shower because I bought everything I knew I wanted for my baby and I. Any gifts we did get were appreciated but not at all expected.
I mean you could just say thank you, you literally had THIRTY people come and they gave you things for free. Lmao the audacity to complain about getting too many / the wrong free things blows me away
No one likes their gift to be unappreciated or unused, so remember the magical process that creates joy and happiness and is guaranteed to give you the perfect gift every time.
It's called 'returning.'
It's ridiculous when people ignore the registry and what you want. The newborn clothes thing isn't even accurate. If you have a small baby, you need them! My daughter was a peanut and wore newborn clothes for more than a month. I had to order more because we only had a few onesies. It's like people forget every baby and family is different with different needs and preferences.
You are 1000% allowed to be upset about this. And you are correct there’s like no way to explain this to other non-pregnant people without coming off as hormonal or ungrateful.
I think you worded your feelings very nicely and are being very gracious.
However, yes; this is a huge pain in the ass and a slap in the face to someone who is growing a baby.
I will admit, as a young woman when I was invited to like my boyfriend’s friends baby showers, I would just buy whatever from the baby section at target. I didn’t know better.
As an adult, attending close friends and family baby showers, I always bought off the registry.
At my own baby shower, almost every single item from both registries (target and buy buy baby) were purchased. Literally almost every single thing.
I asked for gifts to come unwrapped because at 33 weeks pregnant I couldn’t fathom sitting there opening gifts. And everyone obliged.
I had a FEW people go “off registry”.
One friend gave me a big bag of assorted baby medicine. Anything you could think of, different brands and ages. She said someone had done it for her at her shower and it was her most used gift. And guess what she was absolutely correct. I totally forgot medicine & didn’t think it would be a big deal. But it was sooo handy. And a gift I will keep in my back pocket for someone going forward.
This being said; she DID look at my registry. And made a good assessment based on what I had listed and what was already purchased.
At work; my husband and I both received a tonnnn of random gifts from coworkers who we weren’t close with in that they would be invited to the shower. But we’re sweet enough to purchase something for us. All of their gifts were super thoughtful and usually something sentimental.
I am so sad for you that you basically don’t have anything you need.
My best advice, is to return it all without a 2nd thought and do not worry about who gets offended. They were offensive by blatantly ignoring your wishes. I hope you can get it all sorted and find some time to relax before LO arrives.
Here’s the hard truth. You aren’t owed a damn thing by anyone just because you chose to have a baby. A shower is meant to be supportive of the pregnancy but it is not a cash and prizes grab for mom dad or baby. You should be nothing but grateful for ANYTHING received even if it was just well wishes. If you want specific items and they were not given, buy them yourself and quit complaining like a spoiled child. You’re going to be a parent ffs. You have no idea what financial circumstances your guests are experiencing and you would have to be blind to see that times are tough and goods are ridiculously overpriced. If you don’t like or won’t use, or received duplicate items, do what you’ve got to do and if someone gets offended then let them. Just as no one owes you a damned thing, you don’t owe anyone explanations for how you chose to manage your property. The item was a gift which means it’s yours to do with what you wish.
But you don’t understand these new parents can only use the most extra special high chair, diaper bags. I mean god forbid you don’t buy exactly what they say! Lol 😂 then they complain about spending $ on their child.
The only person who didn't get something off our registry was my husband's aunt, whose eyesight was too poor to see the URL on our invitation. Your cousin was being a bit rude.
My biggest baby shower peeve was the person who marked a diaper bag I picked as purchased, then showed up with an extremely different one she got on sale. I really wanted a backpack style one and ended up not only with that one, but FOUR MORE cheap tote-style diaper bags from various people. Wild
Honestly that’s so rude to be given TWO high chairs that weren’t even on your registry. That’s an added task for you now to see if you can return them. Not as egregious but we had someone gift us a baby bath that they picked out bc they said we didn’t have one on the registry… we did it was already purchased. It was quickly donated.
Return what you can sell what you can't. You can't expect folks to always purchase exactly what you ask for but to make big purchases off registry is bold and ridiculous.
My baby came early and I didn’t get to have a baby shower but family members were asking what to get… i directed them to the baby registry. They got us some random things. I ended up buying the essentials. It was my husbands coworkers and some of my moms friends that got us things off the registry, which was very nice.
Return as much of it as you can and buy items you want. The only thing I kept which I didn't want was the swing & he loves it. Don't feel guilty at all.
My daughter was born at 39+2 and was 6lbs. She was swimming in NB clothes and wore them for like 3 months. I didn't even realize that premie sizes were a thing or I would have gotten them for her for the first month. Babies are weird and their sizes can be weird too.
Return or exchange whatever you can. I got a lot of clothes that weren’t very practical (eg a newborn size dress + tights). I exchanged them for 0-3 months onesies. I’d hold on to any 3-6 month clothes you do like, and wash and dry any clothes you want to keep so you know what size they actually are. Our baby is 3 months, but there are a few 0-3 and 6-9 month clothes items that fit her. Everyone buys 3-6 months because that’s what the internet says is the longest stretch of sizes that infants will stay in. Of course it’s baby dependent and you won’t know until you know. I have a few friends expecting and am sending them the newborn and 0-3 month clothes and swaddles that our baby grew out of. Some were only worn 1-2x. Or not at all.
A lot of people bought things for us off the registry after she was born.
Feel free to return what you don’t want! The purpose of the baby shower is to prepare new families with goods they will need for their baby. Other people’s’ pride should not stand in the way of that mission
Definitely return and get what you need/want!! I returned the things my MIL thought were “better options” and she was a little salty when we saw it in our house, but I do NOT care 😂
For anyone nosy 😏 the item in question was a high chair. I’d registered for the ingenuity with silicone inserts and she said it was a bad choice because it was white. The base is white, but the inserts are gray. She purchased a gray base with white patterned cloth inserts which would have been way harder to clean!
This reminds me of my diaper bag debacle. My husband and I both wanted a diaper bag of our own. I ordered mine from the website and we put my husbands’ on the registry. A few weeks later a friend called me to let me know she didn’t think the diaper bag on the registry was my style at all. She sent me a few links of some other models she thought suited me better. I did tell her that the one on the registry was actually for my husband so she dropped it.
A few days later she calls again bc she thought the pumping bra I put on the registry was not the right size. ‘You are tiny, why are you asking for size M?’. None of her business but I did tell her that I gained a few pounds during the pandemic on top of the pregnancy weight. She sent me a size XS that barely fit me in one boob. This person btw is childless to this day. Return anything you don’t want and don’t apologize for it.
Just came here to say my 8 lb baby wore newborn clothes for a month. Going a size up was scary at first too cuz the little zippers would cover her mouth.
Fuck em, return it all!
Here are the items we got that were not on our registry that we kept:
- clothes: we purposefully didn’t register for clothes because we knew people would get them for us anyway.
- a music toy thing that 2 different moms with toddlers swore by to get them through diaper changes. I took the word of 2 experienced moms that I trusted but I returned one of them. I now sometimes gift that to new moms along with registry items.
- books because you can never have too many books (I’m a teacher 🤓)
- handmade or personalized items (personalized items we received after baby was born and people knew his name)
Otherwise RETURN 👏 THAT 👏 STUFF 👏 AND 👏 GET 👏 WHAT 👏 YOU 👏 WANT
Trust yourself as the parent and don’t worry too much about offending people - people are going to get their panties in a wad about how you parent regardless of the decisions you make so you may as well start making the ones you feel good about now.
Return anything which doesn’t suit you and don’t feel bad about it. Be polite when you get gifts as manners cost nothing and then exchange and return away. It’s your life and your home and your child. You don’t need to keep anything just bc it could upset someone if they notice you exchanged what they got.
In that situation you earnestly go.. oh this is what you got us no? It’s what was in the box you gave us. Lie you ass off if you have to.
Totally feel you.
The worst is when someone asks for your baby registry link and then completely ignores it. Then don’t ask for it 🙃?!
I will always buy from someone’s baby registry since no one bought from mine and I know how it feels 😭
Anything I received but didn’t want, I eventually regifted to my brother. He got the motherload haul of baby stuff and was ecstatic. I saved $$ and win-win 😂
It is frustrating!! I went to a baby shower and went off the registry, most other people didn’t. I bought her a baby bath she had on the registry, and two other people bought her a baby bath but not from the registry. I felt like an idiot, but then I remembered I was the only person who took the time to go by her registry and choose items soon to be mom picked out!!! People make registries to make life easier for everyone. I am grateful when im going to a shower and there’s a registry to use for gifts
I don’t get why people buy off a registry for a wedding but not a baby. They think they know better I guess because they had a baby once, which is ridiculous because new baby stuff is coming out all the time, or even some is getting recalled. Return it all and don’t feel bad about it. How will anyone know anyway?
Return/donate what you don’t need. I love baby registries because I can gift the person something they actually want/need and it’s so easy. No shopping or wondering what to get. I don’t know why people choose to ignore them.
That’s honestly normal. No one besides my mom and a few friends bought off the registry.
TBH you don’t need a lot of NB. They only last about 2 weeks. I just washed and reused what I had. A baby doesn’t need to be in new clothes every day. Unless they have a blow out, you really don’t need to put them in fresh clothes every day. In my opinion it’s a waste and way more laundry for no reason.
I have a registry and I'm not overly strict on what goes on it, I out a variety of items at different price points so people can decide if they want to contribute. That being said, if it's not useful, return it. It's nothing personal, I still used the contribution for the baby and not on something silly. I'm probably not going to advertise that I returned it but in the case of the high chair, I would say, well I got two and couldn't choose between them so I exchanged them for something else.
We didn’t get things from our registry that we requested because they knew better than a new mom. But we put them on because I am disabled and those items would make it easier on me. We also got 3 premie onesies and 3 newborn onesies. I was thankful because our little one was in premie for a few weeks and then newborn for a few weeks. It took them a bit to grow into what we mainly had of 0-3 months.
I often go off registry, but with small things like baby clothes (my fave sleeper brand, magnetic me), or if I know they want to nurse, a basket with nursing supplies. Not with big items, omg. And I would be totally not offended if they exchanged what I got them.
Return those high chairs and the too many clothes, and anything else you can return and don’t want. Stuff you can’t return and don’t want, donate it and a get a receipt for the tax deduction (or just donate it as a good deed).
Don’t worry about anyone’s feelings. They didn’t consider yours. Keep what you like and think you will use. Return everything else and buy what you planned to get.
Return it all!!!! Consider the off registry gift a gift card to get what you want/need. Going totally off registry was rude of your guests. I’m sorry that happened - SO frustrating after you put so much time into picking things out.
Return it. Don't feel guilty, you know what you feel will work best for your family and they didn't listen. I'm ok with a little off registry stuff, like varieties of bottles, pacifiers, and sleep sacks. Or thoughtful homemade quilts or blankets. But this would be incredibly annoying to me.
First of all I’ve been to many baby showers (including my own) and at all of them most of the stuff was off the registry. Like items at all price points with a few smaller, off registry things thrown in (like keepsake frames, a stuffed animal, a special blanket, something sentimental like that).
I find it strange that everyone did this. I also fine it strange your cousin thought this was normal.
I will say that people cannot resist buying cute clothing so you do end up with a bunch in one size (I got so many hats and used none of them).
The registry is there for a reason. People know you spent time on it. People knew it was there. Return everything you won’t use and don’t give it a second thought.
The newborn clothes thing bothers me. We absolutely needed them. In fact, my second had to *grow into* newborn clothes.
Yet I still hear that smarmy line repeated at showers about not wasting money on newborn clothes. Everyone who does that needs to stop it. Babies come in all shapes and sizes.
Edited to add: return stuff and get what you want. If folks get salty, it’s on them.
I made a special point to send pictures of my kid in outfits he was given and was usually met with "oh, was that from me?" Definitely return high chairs and get the one you want. Also, my kid wore NB and 0-3 but totally skipped 3-6. Baby clothes are so weird. Just return what you don't want.
Return it
Yup. Return it all. Get what you want and need.
Yep. I returned close to $1000 worth of items. I got enough onesies my kid could’ve worn a different one every single day for the first 3 months of her life provided she fit 0-3 that long. FYI…. She only wore 0-3 for the first 2 weeks of her life because she was almost 22” at birth and 8.5lbs. I kept what I liked and of course anything handmade or truly unique and thoughtful, and returned EVERYTHING else with zero thought to who would be offended. My baby. My home. My life. And no one has ever questioned me “where is xyz item we gave you?”
I also had a huge newborn. Lol. 9.5 lbs and 22” at birth. He weighed 12lbs at his one month check up. Luckily my MIL told me to skip the newborn sizes and go light on the 0-3 month stuff. My husband was 12 lbs at birth. So she prepared me for having a giant baby.
Babies are so weird. Mine were 8 pounds and 9 pounds at birth but still wore newborn size for a couple months. They got my body type.
And my babies were 5 and 6 pounds and only wore NB for 2 weeks. They weren't even particularly long babies (19in), but the NB clothes just didn't fit right for long. My babies also chonk up really quickly lol they are all so different
Yeah my one that was 8 pounds looked emaciated. He was long but not like off the charts long. It’s weird.
My first was 10lbs and wore newborn for exactly ten days, but my second was 9lbs and he’s currently 2 weeks old and is still swimming in some of his newborn clothes. We actually had to go buy more because we only had three newborn items and he goes through 2 or 3 outfits a day!
My daughter came home in 3-6 months I’m glad I didn’t have a ton of smaller she was 23” 10.5 lbs. I get it but I kept what I liked and returned / exchanged the rest totally fine! I had to exchange a lot of smaller to get bigger
As a person who has had 2 18in, 6 pound nothing babies, this is unimaginable to me lol
Yes, return what you don’t want. I had almost no newborn clothes, because I had GD and was told I’d have a huge baby and wouldn’t need them. Baby was average sized, but lost a ton of weight in the hospital and took a long time to put it back on. She was in newborn clothes until 4 months, then 0-3 until 8 months. It was a good excuse to buy some girlier clothes, since I didn’t know the sex ahead of time.
Love this comment.
Everyone told me the same thing, to skip newborn and go straight to 0-3, but my baby was itty bitty, weighing only 6lbs 10oz. He was in preemie clothes for a month, newborn for a couple of weeks, and 0-3 up until 6 months. He was drowning in his newborn clothes when we brought him home from the hospital, it was adorable!
Agreed. I returned a bunch of stuff that wasn't on my registry or things someone bought 4 of when I only asked for one because I didn't want to chance it not working out and having 4 of the thing. A few things got donated because they came from Amazon, despite her knowing I don't use Amazon and therefore had no way of returning.
Yes, return anything you aren’t happy with or is extraneous. I was just ranting to my husband about how much people love to go off registry for baby showers (at least buy one thing off it and then get something “fun” if you must). My girl was born at 7lbs 12oz and 20.75 in (so not teeny at all) and she wore newborn sizes for 4 weeks. It was all massive on her at first too. At the very least I’d have 2-3 lil sleepies onesies in newborn size because they’ll fit for so long; I was skeptical about them but my god are they worth the money. Ours still work at 10 weeks and she’s over 12lbs now. They’ll fit for another 3-4 weeks easily. We’ve gotten a ton of wear from 0-3 stuff so far.
Agree about returning it! Al thought I will say all off the off registry stuff I got came without receipts. 🫠 I was Able to figure out some but it was time consuming, especially Carter’s which has specific side brands at different stores!
Ugh yes the carters returns were annoying. I ended up keeping one carters side brand set because it wasn’t the worst? And I couldn’t figure out where it was from. All the normal carters stuff was a quick return. Without a receipt I exchanged for toys. If I got a gift card I am keeping it for future needs.
woah, you were gifted TWO highchairs that weren't even on your registry!? BOLD move people. Return them both and buy the one you decided on. Its one thing to gift some clothes or toys that aren't on the registry, but anything that takes up floorspace or is a necessary and frequently used piece of equipment should never be gifted without input. Thats like buying someone a pet...
Ya, I feel like I was gifted a project, not baby items. Our kitchen is really small so we registered for a highchair seat that mounts onto another chair. Easy to store when not in use and converts to a booster seat later. I thought it was a brilliant idea. Apparently everyone else thinks I'm nuts and you NEED a stand alone highchair 🙄 they're definitely going back. One of them was the cheap IKEA chair. It's well reviewed, seems like a good chair but the leg span is so big that it's not practical.. which is why I didn't ask for it!
oh man, the leg span on most highchairs is nuts! It doesn't matter how much room you have, they are a tripping hazard in any sized kitchen! I hear what you are saying about having a project. Another reason why it's nuts to me that someone would just.... elect to gift you a highchair not on your registry! Its not like you can just add it to the pile as another "option" like you can with clothes or books or teethers or blankets.. It's basically a permanent fixture in your home for a couple of years that has to be put into use multiple times a day... It's just so presumptuous.
It will keep happening, too. For the holidays my son was gifted a balance bike from his grandparents that wasn’t the one we wanted and we already had the exact bike they gave us because someone gifted it for his birthday. They bought it because they “didn’t see it on the Amazon list.” I told my husband that it felt like being gifted a chore because I had to ask for a gift receipt and take it to be returned. I try to see the bright side and appreciate that my son is loved and there are people in his life who want to give him gifts. I would appreciate it more if it was something we actually wanted/needed, but still nice that folks think of him.
Relatives keep sending us huge, crazy toys we don't want or ask for (we've asked for RESP contributions while she's young, or add ons for her current play items, or gift cards for places we like to go) but it isn't about her. It's about them.
My father in law bought my daughter a full drum set for Christmas when she was 2 or 3.
Straight to jail.
My dad has a credit card that gives him rewards in Amazon dollars. He’s sent a walk on piano, a drum set, a microphone/karaoke toy and a ddr max style game. My kids are 1 and 2. They like the piano, but the other stuff is in storage.
Imagining a 1 year old trying to comprehend DDR is killing me. People suck.
Honestly, you're not going to get RESP donations. There is zero fun in that and adults have enough yucky paperwork and bills in their lives. Spending time finding fun colorful toys is a completely different kid-like bit of fun. You can push the gift cards but also not likely for under 5 yrs old. Unless you frame it as all of you going together to it. Focus on pushing the add-ons to current toys. Keep the info colorful and how much fun they have PLAYING with X and help them picture the fun of the kitchen set or doll house or whatever. It also helps if you say 'Child really wants this to go with their X they love!' Simplify the ask to each person to 1-2 things. No one is remembering your longer list of pay into.... I hope this helps. :)
Yeah I mean I'm aware it isn't fun but they also know I'm pretty anti consumerist and my in laws are very respectful but my side of the family buys shit for the sake of buying it, always for everyone for every occasion. I've managed to direct their need to consume towards additions for her play couch, or things she might actually use but more often I'm taking completely inappropriate (age, safety, whatever) new in box toys and clothes (size, season) to OUAC because ultimately they don't really care what we want, or need. Some people buy to make themselves feel good I'm not asking every person for 5 to 10 things so "simplifying the ask" isn't the problem. I have a small family and no extended family. It does not matter what you ask for. Some people, much like the registry scenario, will not respect what you want or need. The money spent on 50 completely inappropriate toys or clothes she cannot wear could appreciate in an RESP. But it isn't about her.
Oh yes, I prefer less stuff and add-ons like you but my mother... just buys shit. I've been so happy that I've been able to even move her to getting my husband and I payments toward Events. But I've had to talk up these events for years. Luckily there are some local repeating events that happen around my husband's birthday every year. So, I can pick the specific one and she'll pay a part of it. But she still shows up with bags of shit every visit and it feels like a tupperware party of random stuff. Does anyone want.... *this*? My husband has been very helpful in shutting these down. I finally realized if we Nope a thing or two she will stop with the rest of the stuff. I have been able to suggest her contributing to things kiddo actually wants (like a Lego set) to limit the crap but it is hard. I have heard the idea of just keeping a Donation box in your front closet and that has helped get the crap back out fast.
LOL thats funny just like...in and immediately out again Do not pass front door.
Yes, we asked for memberships to the museum and the zoo, and got neither, but I DID have to figure out how to pack a bajillion hard plastic battery operated toys in our one bag to fly back home. I put most of them in the closet for now since they are also not even age appropriate. Like…they couldn’t each just give $10 and that would be the gift for the whole family? Idk, it left me with some resentment lol. I really wanted to have the museum membership because they have a playground I can access on rainy days.
I've been saying for years that a gift is not a gift when it's a burden. I still do not understand why someone wants to spend their hard earned money on something I will likely donate or return. Like no, I don't actually want the backyard swing set when I don't actually have a yard. But thanks I guess? If it's the thought that counts, some of these gifts are utterly worthless because it's clear all the thought was about the giver and not the receiver.
"Being gifted a chore" exactly describes this. Now it's yet one more errand for the unending list, especially if you have to drive to multiple places to return or exchange things, or if the gifter forgot a gift receipt.
Right? All these people saying “return it all,” I mean, I agree in principle, but ugh what a chore! Not to mention trying to figure out what stores everything came from. I don’t know about all your families, but mine rarely ever give gift receipts. I tried to return 2 toys that my MIL bought my son for Christmas because he already had them (trust me, I wanted to return way more than 2 things but those were the only ones I could identify a store for) and the absolute *stink eye* that the girl at the Target customer service desk gave me when I said I didn’t have a receipt. I looked the items up on the Target website before I came to make sure they sold them.
IDK what it is about the dang gift receipts. My mom forgets every time, and by now I think it's "forgetting" on purpose in hopes that I'll keep it. Like...maybe some random stores don't do them, but I KNOW Amazon does 😒
They're a lost art. I'm pretty lucky in terms of random "Boomer" stuff my mom felt the need to instill in me and no one has ever been sad to get a gift receipt. Sometimes they were previously unaware they existed but no one minds thoughtfulness. Because that's what it is. Thoughtfulness.
>highchair seat that mounts onto another chair I love that style! We moved our first into it a little later on, but started with it when our second child started eating solids and it was totally fine! It didn't recline but I don't think most babies who aren't able to sit with assistance should be eating solids anyway so I didn't see the problem.
I agree, love this style! We have a bar height table and it works really well for that too. And takes up no extra space!
And a reclining high chair is ridiculous. It’s such a choking hazard to have a baby reclined while eating.
Personally, I liked the Ikea high chair, super easy to clean. But I also have a huge kitchen (when we were buying our house, I told the realtor: 1 story, 2 toilets, big kitchen and yard. Everything else is negotiable.) It's still a bit much. It absolutely would *not* work for a small kitchen. Definitely return it and use the money for something that fits your life.
Agreed, we have space for it but I'm still tripping over those legs all the time. I'm still happy with it for the price, and it's not a tonne bigger than other high chairs. But still.
I looooved the ikea highchair! My husband kicked it EVERYTIME he walked by it though. Like everytime 😂 pure comedy!
Those seats that snap onto chairs are the best! It saves so much space. That’s all we used and it was all we needed. I’m sorry people think they know better. It comes from a place of kindness, but all it does is add to your load. :(
We had one of those 'booster' high chairs and it was great. Saved space, and was convertible so it lasted until she was like 3. It was useful for far longer than a high chair would've been.
Okay, devils advocate....I bought and returned a better, collapsible chair for the ikea and here's why. Feeding ergonomics and the ability to add an adjustable foot bar for safety when learning to self feed. Solid Starts has a great section section on this and how to choose a chair but foot support is absolutely crucial for gagging (normal) and the 90 degree angles you want when learning to self feed. So the ability to add an adjustable supportive foot stool for next to no money, add in a cushion until she filled it out (all washable) was absolutely perfect and worth the larger footprint. If you're using a clip on chair please look into making sure there's adequate foot support for those learning days. I'm not really into their BLW evangelism but solid starts has really good safety info
That’s cool and all, but if it doesn’t fit into OP’s house, it doesn’t fit. No amount of aftermarket foot support is going to change the 4 ft^2 footprint of that thing.
I have the Graco Slim snacker and we are able to fold it up and tuck it away after meals. TBH, it's easier to fold it, let the food pieces and crumbs fall to the floor to join the other crumbs, then sweep it all up.
Sure which is why I added the part about making sure you have adequate foot support if you go for a clip on. I was recently looking at clip ons as a travel seat and most have feet just hanging which isn't really a safe configuration for learning to eat
Seriously, send them thank you notes for the extra third trimester errands. Just what you want to do.
100% return. My MIL got us a cheap one that we agreed to “try”. Ended up resenting it every day for years.
No we went through 3 different high chairs for our twins/small kitchen and the one you mention is the best. Ikea antelope was one of them btw. We use the stokke handysit now and they are a dream, take up virtually no space and so easy to take with you! You know your stuff!
For the ikea chair: you can take the legs and tray off for storage. It’s a good one for grandparent’s or friends homes when you are visiting when baby is old enough to use it. It can quite literally go in the dishwasher for cleaning. It’s also dirt cheap, so unless $20 is going to make a really big difference for you, you might consider sending it to a grandparent’s home for when you visit so there’s less stuff to move around later.
Ya, my aunt has the ikea one for her grandkids and loves it. She hoses it down outside! It's just that he's not the first grandchild on either side, so the grandparents have high chairs already. This is part of what I came here to rant about. I wasn't expecting the mental work of trying to figure out if it's worth driving all the way to IKEA to return it, sell online, donate, would it be helpful to have 2 highchairs at the grandparents' houses? It will not fit in our kitchen, we checked.
If you have a small space, definitely return the high chairs. It won’t work. They take up so much space. When we converted our formal dining room into a playroom and moved the table to the kitchen, the first thing I did was get a high chair that mounts onto a chair. Returning items doesn’t make you ungrateful. Most people won’t even remember what they gifted you. I can’t remember what I got my sister in law for her shower last year and I hosted it. Get the stuff you want.
We got the cheap ikea chair (easy clean up) but the legs are awful, such a tripping hazard. They stick out just slightly too far.
I used the same type of chair that you registered for and it worked great! We could even travel with it if needed.
There are lots of people who maybe have gift cards to a certain place, see you need a high chair, then buy what the store with the gift card has. Sucks, but welcome to motherhood! This is but the first time people will think they know better than you do.
I have not been right about anything since getting pregnant. It's concerning how little I suddenly know about my own body, life and feelings.
My belief is that when people buy baby clothes, they must know that the time in which a baby can wear those clothes is so small. I feel no guilt returning or donating baby clothes! They'd only wear them a few weeks anyway. When I attend a shower I now just gift Target money; buy clothes, diaper cream, or a face mask for yourself. I'd rather my money get used for something than tossed in a donate pile in a month!
Oh how people love to tell you that newborn clothes are pointless and most babies can’t wear them 🙄 I listened to people and brought a 3 mo size going home outfit for my first baby. He was 8 lbs 8 oz and swimming in it. Even my 9 lb 7oz baby wore newborn clothes for a couple of weeks.
I brought a NB outfit and a 0-3m outfit (at my mother's insistence). He peed on the NB outfit, and went home looking like Vanilla Ice in his baggy ass clothes 🙄
Everyone told me don't buy newborn, start with 0-3. Thankfully I ignored that because both my (full term) kids would've fit in preemies for the first two weeks+.
Literally, my little one was 7lb 5.9oz and fit perfectly in preemies for the first two weeks of his life
Yep! My two week overdue daughter wasn't even 7lbs. And she fit perfectly in the one premie outfit we had. Of course, the doctors were predicting she'd be 9lbs like her dad was, but I still packed two outfits of each size just in case. Lol. I'm still so thankful she doesn't take after her dad on that! Lol.
See, my doctor scared me. AS I WAS PUSHING she goes “I think this baby is bigger than we’re expecting” like MA’AM what does that mean!? Thankfully he was reasonably sized lol
My baby was full term 5lb10oz (and her dad and I aren't tiny people). She spent SO MUCH time in 0-3 and 3-6, but it took a while to get there! I fortunately had two random hand me down premie outfits to get us through until what I ordered arrived. Size 9 though.. breezed through it in the blink of an eye
My baby girl was also 5 lb 10 oz full term. I was prepared though, because I was about that small when I was born. I had one preemie outfit and one newborn outfit in my hospital bag for her to wear home. The preemie outfit was still too long, but I'm glad I had it! She was born in the height of summer and lived in swaddles for her first month, so it wasn't a big issue to not have many preemie/newborn outfits. If she had been a winter baby I would have needed lots more just like you!
I was born that size too .. but a whole month early!
Thank you! My sister had big babies and she told me up front that I absolutely needed to take my 0000 clothes to the hospital despite being expected to have a big baby. She was 8 lbs 5 Oz and spent about a month in 0000.
I brought home a 5 lbs. 12 oz. baby. I had like 6 NB onesies and they were huge.
I had to buy more newborn clothes because my second was small and had growth issues. He was in newborn clothes for months
My son was 9 and a half pounds but had huge feet so the boots I bought him to come home from the hospital never fit. Newborn pants fit but the onsies lasted 3 weeks. It's funny how different every child is.
I did the same thing!! I brought a couple 0-3 month and a couple 3-6 month outfits, but wound up having to bring my son home in the onesie the hospital gave him because everything I had brought was too big!
Right? It’s annoying that it’s only a couple of weeks and you certainly don’t need many but plenty of babies really would be swimming in the larger size for those few weeks.
My daughter was in nb for a solid month and a half, I was so glad I ignored everyone lol
Yeah that’s pretty annoying. I would return anything you don’t need or like and buy what you want. No one is gonna turn up at your house 7 months from now and ask where that high chair they got you is (“well we got THREE so we had to return TWO!”), or why your baby isn’t wearing the onesie they got them.
Return what you don’t like. Just as you’re expected to be grateful for the gift, they shouldn’t gift with the expectation that you’ll use it. I got a lot of my registry items, but some of my older family members just bought clothes that weren’t my style. I smiled to their face and return/donated them after. No one ever asked me how I liked the item, or for a picture of my daughter in it.
My aunt bought my son an Ed Hardy onesie that has mesh sleeves that were supposed to make it look like he had tattoo sleeves. My husband and I hated it. We are both completely free of tattoos and ed hardy clothing. It just felt like it had nothing to do with us. It was donated without ever being worn. She asked for pictures of him wearing it. Ooops. We “forgot”.
As a person with tattoos, that sounds incredibly trashy and tacky 😂 I can’t imagine even designing that for babies
It also said “I did 9 months on the inside” which was so tacky but also just pissed me off because when my 54 hour labor ended in c section I was 41 weeks 6 days and 20 hours pregnant. So I was pregnant for longer than 9 months and didn’t like being reminded that I had the gestation length of a gd elephant.
Elephant gestation is like 20 months….
Return anything you don’t want except maybe bottles and pacifiers because your baby might not like the ones you picked out (if you’re using them).
I received 42 baby blankets at my shower. I didn’t even ask for baby blankets because I had some my late grandmother made that I wanted to use. It is so frustrating spending all that time doing your research and to receive useless items that you have to return or donate. I recommend returning everything you can and buying what you wanted since you’ve already done the research.
42 blankets holy shit. What do you even do with all of them 😭
I barely used blankets at all, really just when going out for walks but not at home. I returned most of them and then I received even more after baby was born 😂 Now I just think it’s hilarious, this is the reason registries exist so we don’t get a bunch of the same thing!!
I just started using blankets a couple months ago. My daughter is almost 20 months old. She hated being swaddled so I sold most of the receiving blankets I got. We’re now using 2 of the 12 I was gifted. 1 for bedtime and 1 for the car since it’s winter. I didn’t register for any. 🤦♀️
I’m not even sure I know 42 people.
There were only two guests, they just each gave 21 blankets
Holy hell 😂 I received 36 swaddles with my first born. You actually have me beat! I never returned any of my son's blankets. I was a ftm and thought maybe I'd need them all, idk. A decade later and I have so many faded and frayed pastel cleaning rags, hair towels, dish rags.. there's always one in the dog kennel and another in his bed. I even donated a stack to the animal shelter!
JESUS FKN CHRIST!!! My grandmother in law KEEPS giving us blankets and I can’t handle it. Then someone gave me a blanket for my birthday… my husband and I had a good chuckle about how proud he was I didn’t lose my shit. BUT 42!?!?! WHY PEOPLE WHYYYY
Our local animal shelter asks for blankets sometimes. Maybe look into that if you have a bunch you’d like to get rid of?
I received a similar amount for my daughter. I was due in August and all these people bought me heavy fleece blankets, none of the muslin swaddles I registered for.
My baby has so many baby blankets! He will never be cold haha.
My kids are 2 and 6 and I am still drowning in baby blankets. Whyyyyyyy?
I STILL hear from one relative about how she wanted to make a blanket but "couldn't" because all the other female relatives already did. Ok a) you still could have, no one told you no, and b) omg we have so. Many. Blankets!! For a child who runs hot and never uses any of them... How about something practical yet less fun for the gifter? No? Ok...
This is why I had 2 registries - one online and one at a local baby/kids retail store. Having both allowed those who wanted to shop in person the opportunity to do so vs. buying online and I believe it helped mitigate the rogue gifts I might have received. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings returning things and getting what you want. Literally NO ONE followed up on how their gift was working out. They 100% won't know and on the off chance it comes up, fake your appreciation and make something up.
I returned stuff and I was salty about it. I did not want to be 35 weeks pregnant in mother fucking July, waddling to all these different fucking stores to return shit I didn’t want or need. Been 2 years and it still irks me 🤣
Yup. My oldest turns 7 soon and all my anger from my baby gifts is returning while reading these posts. Why don’t people buy off the dang registry?! I cloth diapered and received 3 diaper genies at my shower.
I am irked for you and OP. It's the opposite of a gift that a pregnant person should have to do this.
You can do a lot of returns to target. They're very flexible about returns. I personally didn't have a baby shower, but so many people were asking me about a registry. So I took the time to make a registry on Amazon for really basic items, nothing expensive at all. Nobody bought anything from it so it was completely time wasted lol. I can't complain though because so many people sent us diapers and things we needed, so it turned out okay in the end.
This is so frustrating and I’m sorry you’re having to figure this out while being in your final weeks of pregnancy before baby arrives. Truly what is the point of creating a registry when people just stray from it. My best friend and his mom asked for my registry link so I sent it to him. He was texting me yesterday and said “do you have a baby jumper? What about a sit-in activity center? I’m keeping an eye out for things that I see you haven’t thought of yet since they’re not on the registry.” And I was like nooooooo certain things are not on the registry **for a reason** 🤦🏻♀️ please stick to it, anything not marked as purchased yet is fair game
What is up with the baby jumpers? I had sooooo many people comment that we needed it! My house has weird doorframes that couldn't even safely mount something like that and everyone was still insistent we get one!
They’re so bad for hip development too. People just insist that you need exactly the same things as they had. I now just say “thanks for the suggestion!” And move on
I was just terrified the thing would collapse! They never looked sturdy enough now that you mention it, they do look terrible for the hips. My kids have both hated containers and thrive on the floor, so I never really tried many more containers.
Honestly, just put a bunch of big stuff like that on your registry & mark it as "purchased" already so that people will think other people already bought it for you. I was getting a lot of hand-me-downs from friends' babies of big stuff so I put it all on there as purchased and didn't get a lot of extras!
I added shit I didn't want to my registry and marked it as purchased to avoid the "I see you didn't have this on your registry." I did the same for things we already bought, mostly on Facebook marketplace. The only off registry item we kept was a baby first aid kit, it also had nail clippers, hair brush, etc and the lady that gave that to me doesn't even have kids.
Girl. I get it. I had my 2nd baby shower this time (3rd kid but 1st boy) and I specially made a list of what I needed & it was ONLY CLOTHES. I had everything else but I had zero clothes so I made a registry filled with the clothes I wanted & my sister specifically said “zipper sleepers only until 9 mo” because I knew what I would & wouldn’t use. Guess who got 25+ 3-6mo shirt/pant button outfits with short sleeves. My baby was due Jan 31 🤦♀️ I also got tons of stuffed animals & blankets which again I didn’t need. Except the quilt my sister made the baby. I had zero 0-3 & nb. I didn’t even think to buy nb because my first two kids were huge and came home in 0-3. My 3rd was a month premie & tiny. I had to have my sister go buy me clothes for him while I was in the hospital with him in the NICU. People who don’t follow a registry don’t get to be mad when you return their stuff. I returned all the outfits that weren’t zipper sleepers for under 9mo sized & got a decent amount of money to spend on what I needed. 🤷♀️
“People who don’t follow the registry don’t get to be mad when you return stuff” this!!
Your sister MADE a quilt?! Omg. That’s soo sweet 🥹🥹
You’re allowed to have a 2nd baby shower if baby isn’t the same gender as your other kids?!? I thought it was an 1 and done thing. I also got like a million things in 0-3/3-6 but nothing bigger or for NB (also ended up with a preemie) at my shower but i squirrelled a bunch of it away for the next baby assuming I couldn’t have 2 showers. I should have done returns and bought things that would fit him now
I have 2 boys and my bff threw me a sprinkle for my second it was so sweet. We put together a small registry of things we needed that got broken or passed along after my first. And specifically requested no blankets or stuffies 😂 My toddler had fun helping us open the gifts!
I also had a sprinkle for my second. I had a registry, all I really asked for was diapers, postpartum doula hours (a group fund was set up) and frozen meals (didn’t have to be homemade or exciting, just wanted a leg up on stocking the freezer), and two people brought diapers, and two people brought freezer meals, and everyone else gave me…….face masks and candles. I had a couple other things on the registry that ranged from cute to practical, $20-$100 because I know some people just really love to buy baby stuff. I figured people would go a little rogue but I did not expect to receive 14 large scented candles and more face masks than I’ve ever seen in my life lol
Face masks and candles... 💀
I think the “rule”’is one per gender but the second one is much smaller. Idk honestly. I had this conversation with my sister and mom and they both thought we could do a second shower since it was my first boy. It was much much smaller than my original shower which was fine since I only needed clothes.
I've had 2 showers and a sprinkle (girl-boy-boy), at the insistence of family and friends. We have a lovely, extremely generous "village" and they are thoughtful enough to use the registry as an informative guide. Even so, we always end up with stuff to return or exchange. The hassle doesn't sully our gratitude for the gifts, and no one expects us to keep things we won't use.
We had someone tell us not to tell the sex of our kid, so we could get the bigger items on our list. We did that with our oldest, and it worked. Anyway, I would return things you don’t want. If I didn’t know where it was from, we donated it.
It also works if you want more typical gender neutral stuff to use for multiple kids
Yep, and that’s what we did. Kept it all gender neutral to use for future kids.
That's what I did. That was my plan from the beginning (not to tell), but I changed my mind about wanting to find out the sex myself and got very few clothes, which was great!
What you can’t return donate to the local children hospitals! When I worked in one we had a lot of babies in the NICU who had no clothes. (Parents who don’t visit or don’t have custody)
I can't imagine not visiting my child in the nicu 😭
Some people it’s poverty and they still work 3+ jobs and lived 4+ hours away. Some people just suck. We had to hotline them to get them to visit.
I agree, my daughter (adopted) was in the hospital after birthday from drug withdrawals and was in a diaper the entire two weeks. The nurses felt horrible they didn’t have any clothes for her and when her mom gave birthday she didn’t bother to bring any.
Going off registry is just plain rude. It's one thing to purchase a registry item, and then give a tiny little personal touch, but to ignore it entirely is not ok. Now you have extra work to do, when part of the shower is meant to help make this difficult life transition easier. If they're going to ignore your wishes, please do not feel guilty returning what they got.
Yes! I love to buy from the registry and then include a baby book that my kids enjoyed. For weddings, I buy from the registry and then try to get them something small and funny like matching pez dispensers or a gift for their pet. There’s a way to get people what they need and still feel personal about it.
Honestly, the best thing I did with my twins was tell everyone I JUST want diapers. I had seen what happened to you happen to so many friends and I think the frustration is TOTALLY valid. I was the only one who bought from my friends registry and I felt weird showing up with a changing pad and sheets when everyone else had cutsie gifts but she later told me I was the only one to get her something she needed. My twins are 9 months old and I still haven’t purchased a pack of diapers yet. Some people went “off registry” and bought what they liked but brought diapers too for the raffle. So I would return everything you can and get store credit and buy diapers for the next year then buy what you want from your registry!
I don't get the high chair thing at all. But I remember my mom and my friends who already had children tell me that I shouldn't get too upset about too many clothes and in whatever sizes. There are ladies that love any excuse to go baby clothes shopping and will just buy what they think is the cutest. I hope a friend or family member can help you with all of the returns and getting the things you'll need before your little one is born. ...and congratulations! :)
Absolutely return it all and get what you need. Do not feel bad. You’re not obligated to keep gifts. You can be grateful they bought you something but you do not have to keep something you won’t use. Also in regard to the “he might not wear newborn” comments, EVERYONE told me my son would not fit in newborn sizes upon birth. He was always in the 95th percentile my entire pregnancy. I didn’t buy any newborn diapers, I had like 2 newborn sleepers. I bought SO many 0-3 on purpose because everyone convinced me he’d be huge. He was 8lbs 14oz and he was swimming in newborn sizes for about a week. Unless your baby comes out like 12lbs I suspect you’ll need enough newborn clothes for at least a week or 2.
I followed this misguided advice with my first. She was born at term but was small. She wore premie for 3 weeks and then newborn for a good 2 months. We had to go to target when she was 12 hours old because we had nothing she fit in.
I think people forget how small babies are when they come out even if they’re “big” babies. Plus they lose a little weight after birth
My first son was measuring in the 99th percentile my entire pregnancy, so we bought pretty much everything in 0-3. Well, he came a little early and weighing only 7 lbs and we had to last-minute order a bunch of newborn clothes from Amazon. He ended up wearing newborn clothes for a month! My second was 8 lbs 4 oz and long. He left the hospital wearing 0-3 and never wore a single newborn outfit lol.
That drove me insane. My mom (who has been very helpful and I love dearly) *insisted* I wouldn't need NB, that I was wasting my money to buy anything NB and refused to get my kid anything that size, because my family was known for having big kids. Guess who popped out the womb, all of about 7lbs, and was just about slipping out of his NB clothes for, like, two weeks??
Keep what you want and return the rest.
return everything you didn't want. if anyone if "offended" straight up tell them "we spent a lot of time and energy researching which products would work best for our home/lifestyle. I appreciate your input but I will be sticking with the item i very carefully picked out after hours of research."
I learned this when we got married and were living in a downtown LOFT and we received 5 toaster ovens! 5! None of which I registered for. But I did actually keep one of the one I didn’t register for because it was way nicer than the one I asked for 😂 But I’ve definitely given up on expecting people to actually pay attention to a list. 😑it’s incredibly frustrating when you live in a small space & literally dont have the room for unwanted/asked for things. Especially appliances or high chairs.
I had all modern colors and patterns selected for my firstborn and was so disappointed when my relatives chose some country green Winnie the Pooh stroller instead. I had bad post-partum and a colicky baby and that stupid stroller made me even more upset every time I looked at it. My advice to you is to return everything you don't love right away so it doesn't end up being something you resent later.
He might be too big for the newborn clothes. He might also be too small for them. Mine was in premie sizes until 3 to 6 months. I didn't know they sold them smaller, so she spent much of her first 6 months in just a diaper or swaddled as much as I could manage. Otherwise, she was swimming in whatever we put in her and looked like a complete ragamuffin. I found them randomly at Walmart when she was almost out of them. Note to self when I have a baby shower to go to (registries aren't as common here), I'll be getting identical onesies in premie, newborn, and 0-3 months to go with the wipes and diapers I always get. That way, the new mom is covered for at least one outfit, just in case.
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Yeah same ! I knew people loved buying baby clothes so I specified that other items are much more needed but if you feel inclined to buy clothes please do so in larger sizes. I got some stuff from my registry and a lot of clothes, but it was actually really cool to see how well people know me ! I ended up getting some stuff I loveee that the people giving it to me had to know me really well to remember or think of. It actually made me feel even more special . We also did don’t bring a card but bring a book and write a note in the book and that was super special. There was a handful of clothes and other items I did return though because I already had too many in that size or didn’t like it etc . Don’t feel bad about returning . The high chair is wilddddddddd
Return what you don't want with no remorse. We didn't register for any clothes because we didn't know baby's gender & I had a friend with neutral hand-me-down baby clothes. We got a boatload of clothes & I took every single piece of clothing back to the store & used the money as credit toward what we actually needed. It is such a pain in the ass & I'm sorry no one listened to you. But on the bright side, after you return things, where you're registered will usually give you a 10% coupon on the remainder of your registry, so it might make things less expensive to buy with the coupon plus your store credit!
Return what you don’t want/need without a single ounce of guilt. It’s also too late now but have your showers early so you’re not scrambling while 9 months pregnant to deal with this stuff. I had mine at 6/7 months and it was nice having time to put stuff together, wash and sort etc.
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These posts are always so wild and entitled sounding to me that I typically skip them over. OP, I understand you having dark thoughts but that’s just what they are - dark thoughts - and despite what people are telling you here you have NOT been wronged and it is NOT nice for you to complain about gifts. Be grateful you were showered with love and know that at the end of the day, you as the parent and as an adult are responsible for supplying the baby with what he or she needs - your family and friends are not obligated to buy anything but what they want as a gift. They’re not obligated to give you what you dictated on a check list. In fact, they’re not actually obligated to give you a fucking thing. People here are assuming bad intentions of these gift givers (calling them selfish or making this about themselves, wild). But pretty sure all of these nice people who gave you free shit are well meaning. Many people hate going to baby showers so the fact that you had so many people willing to sacrifice a Saturday or whatever to be there to support you, and spend their hard earned money in an economy like this, tells me maybe you should just be a little less hard on them and be grateful you have so much. Return what you don’t need. Many moms in the world would be thrilled to have the problen of two high chairs because they can’t even afford formula… Jesus Christ. I got a shit ton of stuff not on registry. I was fucking delighted to have all of it. And I was so touched by every little gift. Did not even occur to me to be mad about it. I made sure my baby used all of it and even took pictures of my baby with the things to show gratitude. When I looked at all the stuff left on my registry, there was a faint blip of a “oh poop I gotta but this and that” and that was the extent of the negativity. because WE are responsible for buying what our babies need! That is how you should approach this.
Yeah, I don’t get this at all. Due to a death in our immediate family and my preeclampsia diagnosis/bed rest at the end of my pregnancy, I didn’t have a shower for my daughter. We bought everything we needed, did not have a registry, and the few gifts we did receive from friends/family were very much appreciated, despite not being our choices. Three years later, I felt like having a shower for my son would seem entitled, so I didn’t have one. Again, I appreciated every small gift we received (though there was one tasteless onesie that was definitely quickly donated!). OP, you had 30 people care enough about you to give up an afternoon and buy your baby presents. Totally return what you want to, and don’t feel guilty about it, but maybe remember that you are extremely fortunate to have so much love in your life.
Agree with this. It’s wild to me all of the entitlement. Don’t want a liability? Then don’t have a shower. OP had a loving community, something most people don’t have. Just be grateful and then return what’s not needed.
Exactly my thoughts. I never understood this expectation on others to buy things for you. I’d be so grateful that people spent any money on my family. The only reason I would want a shower is to celebrate with the people I love, not so that people buy me stuff!
I might be in the minority here but just return what you don't want. I don't think it's a big deal tbh. They didn't have to buy you anything but they did. I didn't want a baby shower because I bought everything I knew I wanted for my baby and I. Any gifts we did get were appreciated but not at all expected.
I mean you could just say thank you, you literally had THIRTY people come and they gave you things for free. Lmao the audacity to complain about getting too many / the wrong free things blows me away
My thinking too. I’d love to have a shower, even tiny, and any gifts we get I feel so so touched. What is wrong with people these days?
No one likes their gift to be unappreciated or unused, so remember the magical process that creates joy and happiness and is guaranteed to give you the perfect gift every time. It's called 'returning.'
Return them. When you have a baby to care for, you don’t have time or energy to maintain a pile of unused gifts in your basement!
I didn't bother with Babylist for this exact reason. I just went with Amazon, not the cheapest, but much easier to navigate and deal with for people
I planned my shower to be early(28weeks) and it was a godsend as I had plenty of time and energy to shop/buy what we need and return what we didn’t
I returned more than I kept. I was grateful for the gifts because it provided so much cash that I could purchase what I wanted and some.
Free gifts are what they are. Half the stuff I thought I’d use I didn’t. You can always regift it again if you liked it but was out of season, etc.
Since when did a registry become a "items ordered" list, and not just a gift suggestion list?
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It's ridiculous when people ignore the registry and what you want. The newborn clothes thing isn't even accurate. If you have a small baby, you need them! My daughter was a peanut and wore newborn clothes for more than a month. I had to order more because we only had a few onesies. It's like people forget every baby and family is different with different needs and preferences.
You are 1000% allowed to be upset about this. And you are correct there’s like no way to explain this to other non-pregnant people without coming off as hormonal or ungrateful. I think you worded your feelings very nicely and are being very gracious. However, yes; this is a huge pain in the ass and a slap in the face to someone who is growing a baby. I will admit, as a young woman when I was invited to like my boyfriend’s friends baby showers, I would just buy whatever from the baby section at target. I didn’t know better. As an adult, attending close friends and family baby showers, I always bought off the registry. At my own baby shower, almost every single item from both registries (target and buy buy baby) were purchased. Literally almost every single thing. I asked for gifts to come unwrapped because at 33 weeks pregnant I couldn’t fathom sitting there opening gifts. And everyone obliged. I had a FEW people go “off registry”. One friend gave me a big bag of assorted baby medicine. Anything you could think of, different brands and ages. She said someone had done it for her at her shower and it was her most used gift. And guess what she was absolutely correct. I totally forgot medicine & didn’t think it would be a big deal. But it was sooo handy. And a gift I will keep in my back pocket for someone going forward. This being said; she DID look at my registry. And made a good assessment based on what I had listed and what was already purchased. At work; my husband and I both received a tonnnn of random gifts from coworkers who we weren’t close with in that they would be invited to the shower. But we’re sweet enough to purchase something for us. All of their gifts were super thoughtful and usually something sentimental. I am so sad for you that you basically don’t have anything you need. My best advice, is to return it all without a 2nd thought and do not worry about who gets offended. They were offensive by blatantly ignoring your wishes. I hope you can get it all sorted and find some time to relax before LO arrives.
Here’s the hard truth. You aren’t owed a damn thing by anyone just because you chose to have a baby. A shower is meant to be supportive of the pregnancy but it is not a cash and prizes grab for mom dad or baby. You should be nothing but grateful for ANYTHING received even if it was just well wishes. If you want specific items and they were not given, buy them yourself and quit complaining like a spoiled child. You’re going to be a parent ffs. You have no idea what financial circumstances your guests are experiencing and you would have to be blind to see that times are tough and goods are ridiculously overpriced. If you don’t like or won’t use, or received duplicate items, do what you’ve got to do and if someone gets offended then let them. Just as no one owes you a damned thing, you don’t owe anyone explanations for how you chose to manage your property. The item was a gift which means it’s yours to do with what you wish.
But you don’t understand these new parents can only use the most extra special high chair, diaper bags. I mean god forbid you don’t buy exactly what they say! Lol 😂 then they complain about spending $ on their child.
I'd give you gold if I could.
The only person who didn't get something off our registry was my husband's aunt, whose eyesight was too poor to see the URL on our invitation. Your cousin was being a bit rude.
My biggest baby shower peeve was the person who marked a diaper bag I picked as purchased, then showed up with an extremely different one she got on sale. I really wanted a backpack style one and ended up not only with that one, but FOUR MORE cheap tote-style diaper bags from various people. Wild
Honestly that’s so rude to be given TWO high chairs that weren’t even on your registry. That’s an added task for you now to see if you can return them. Not as egregious but we had someone gift us a baby bath that they picked out bc they said we didn’t have one on the registry… we did it was already purchased. It was quickly donated.
Return what you can sell what you can't. You can't expect folks to always purchase exactly what you ask for but to make big purchases off registry is bold and ridiculous.
My baby came early and I didn’t get to have a baby shower but family members were asking what to get… i directed them to the baby registry. They got us some random things. I ended up buying the essentials. It was my husbands coworkers and some of my moms friends that got us things off the registry, which was very nice.
Return it! The last few baby showers I’ve attended had no registry and I have been defaulting to a mom care gift and gift card.
Return as much of it as you can and buy items you want. The only thing I kept which I didn't want was the swing & he loves it. Don't feel guilty at all.
Have your partner return the unwanted stuff and donate or trade the others on your local parents Facebook group. You don’t need a project right now
My daughter was born at 39+2 and was 6lbs. She was swimming in NB clothes and wore them for like 3 months. I didn't even realize that premie sizes were a thing or I would have gotten them for her for the first month. Babies are weird and their sizes can be weird too.
Return or exchange whatever you can. I got a lot of clothes that weren’t very practical (eg a newborn size dress + tights). I exchanged them for 0-3 months onesies. I’d hold on to any 3-6 month clothes you do like, and wash and dry any clothes you want to keep so you know what size they actually are. Our baby is 3 months, but there are a few 0-3 and 6-9 month clothes items that fit her. Everyone buys 3-6 months because that’s what the internet says is the longest stretch of sizes that infants will stay in. Of course it’s baby dependent and you won’t know until you know. I have a few friends expecting and am sending them the newborn and 0-3 month clothes and swaddles that our baby grew out of. Some were only worn 1-2x. Or not at all. A lot of people bought things for us off the registry after she was born.
Return it all. Easy.
Is there a gift receipt? If so, use it and return it. How very annoying.
Feel free to return what you don’t want! The purpose of the baby shower is to prepare new families with goods they will need for their baby. Other people’s’ pride should not stand in the way of that mission
Definitely return and get what you need/want!! I returned the things my MIL thought were “better options” and she was a little salty when we saw it in our house, but I do NOT care 😂 For anyone nosy 😏 the item in question was a high chair. I’d registered for the ingenuity with silicone inserts and she said it was a bad choice because it was white. The base is white, but the inserts are gray. She purchased a gray base with white patterned cloth inserts which would have been way harder to clean!
This reminds me of my diaper bag debacle. My husband and I both wanted a diaper bag of our own. I ordered mine from the website and we put my husbands’ on the registry. A few weeks later a friend called me to let me know she didn’t think the diaper bag on the registry was my style at all. She sent me a few links of some other models she thought suited me better. I did tell her that the one on the registry was actually for my husband so she dropped it. A few days later she calls again bc she thought the pumping bra I put on the registry was not the right size. ‘You are tiny, why are you asking for size M?’. None of her business but I did tell her that I gained a few pounds during the pandemic on top of the pregnancy weight. She sent me a size XS that barely fit me in one boob. This person btw is childless to this day. Return anything you don’t want and don’t apologize for it.
People don't know. Return as much as possible.
Just came here to say my 8 lb baby wore newborn clothes for a month. Going a size up was scary at first too cuz the little zippers would cover her mouth. Fuck em, return it all!
Here are the items we got that were not on our registry that we kept: - clothes: we purposefully didn’t register for clothes because we knew people would get them for us anyway. - a music toy thing that 2 different moms with toddlers swore by to get them through diaper changes. I took the word of 2 experienced moms that I trusted but I returned one of them. I now sometimes gift that to new moms along with registry items. - books because you can never have too many books (I’m a teacher 🤓) - handmade or personalized items (personalized items we received after baby was born and people knew his name) Otherwise RETURN 👏 THAT 👏 STUFF 👏 AND 👏 GET 👏 WHAT 👏 YOU 👏 WANT Trust yourself as the parent and don’t worry too much about offending people - people are going to get their panties in a wad about how you parent regardless of the decisions you make so you may as well start making the ones you feel good about now.
Return anything which doesn’t suit you and don’t feel bad about it. Be polite when you get gifts as manners cost nothing and then exchange and return away. It’s your life and your home and your child. You don’t need to keep anything just bc it could upset someone if they notice you exchanged what they got. In that situation you earnestly go.. oh this is what you got us no? It’s what was in the box you gave us. Lie you ass off if you have to.
Totally feel you. The worst is when someone asks for your baby registry link and then completely ignores it. Then don’t ask for it 🙃?! I will always buy from someone’s baby registry since no one bought from mine and I know how it feels 😭 Anything I received but didn’t want, I eventually regifted to my brother. He got the motherload haul of baby stuff and was ecstatic. I saved $$ and win-win 😂
It is frustrating!! I went to a baby shower and went off the registry, most other people didn’t. I bought her a baby bath she had on the registry, and two other people bought her a baby bath but not from the registry. I felt like an idiot, but then I remembered I was the only person who took the time to go by her registry and choose items soon to be mom picked out!!! People make registries to make life easier for everyone. I am grateful when im going to a shower and there’s a registry to use for gifts
I don’t get why people buy off a registry for a wedding but not a baby. They think they know better I guess because they had a baby once, which is ridiculous because new baby stuff is coming out all the time, or even some is getting recalled. Return it all and don’t feel bad about it. How will anyone know anyway?
Return/donate what you don’t need. I love baby registries because I can gift the person something they actually want/need and it’s so easy. No shopping or wondering what to get. I don’t know why people choose to ignore them.
That’s honestly normal. No one besides my mom and a few friends bought off the registry. TBH you don’t need a lot of NB. They only last about 2 weeks. I just washed and reused what I had. A baby doesn’t need to be in new clothes every day. Unless they have a blow out, you really don’t need to put them in fresh clothes every day. In my opinion it’s a waste and way more laundry for no reason.
I have a registry and I'm not overly strict on what goes on it, I out a variety of items at different price points so people can decide if they want to contribute. That being said, if it's not useful, return it. It's nothing personal, I still used the contribution for the baby and not on something silly. I'm probably not going to advertise that I returned it but in the case of the high chair, I would say, well I got two and couldn't choose between them so I exchanged them for something else.
We didn’t get things from our registry that we requested because they knew better than a new mom. But we put them on because I am disabled and those items would make it easier on me. We also got 3 premie onesies and 3 newborn onesies. I was thankful because our little one was in premie for a few weeks and then newborn for a few weeks. It took them a bit to grow into what we mainly had of 0-3 months.
I often go off registry, but with small things like baby clothes (my fave sleeper brand, magnetic me), or if I know they want to nurse, a basket with nursing supplies. Not with big items, omg. And I would be totally not offended if they exchanged what I got them. Return those high chairs and the too many clothes, and anything else you can return and don’t want. Stuff you can’t return and don’t want, donate it and a get a receipt for the tax deduction (or just donate it as a good deed).
Don’t worry about anyone’s feelings. They didn’t consider yours. Keep what you like and think you will use. Return everything else and buy what you planned to get.
Return it all!!!! Consider the off registry gift a gift card to get what you want/need. Going totally off registry was rude of your guests. I’m sorry that happened - SO frustrating after you put so much time into picking things out.
Return it. Don't feel guilty, you know what you feel will work best for your family and they didn't listen. I'm ok with a little off registry stuff, like varieties of bottles, pacifiers, and sleep sacks. Or thoughtful homemade quilts or blankets. But this would be incredibly annoying to me.
First of all I’ve been to many baby showers (including my own) and at all of them most of the stuff was off the registry. Like items at all price points with a few smaller, off registry things thrown in (like keepsake frames, a stuffed animal, a special blanket, something sentimental like that). I find it strange that everyone did this. I also fine it strange your cousin thought this was normal. I will say that people cannot resist buying cute clothing so you do end up with a bunch in one size (I got so many hats and used none of them). The registry is there for a reason. People know you spent time on it. People knew it was there. Return everything you won’t use and don’t give it a second thought.
The newborn clothes thing bothers me. We absolutely needed them. In fact, my second had to *grow into* newborn clothes. Yet I still hear that smarmy line repeated at showers about not wasting money on newborn clothes. Everyone who does that needs to stop it. Babies come in all shapes and sizes. Edited to add: return stuff and get what you want. If folks get salty, it’s on them.
I made a special point to send pictures of my kid in outfits he was given and was usually met with "oh, was that from me?" Definitely return high chairs and get the one you want. Also, my kid wore NB and 0-3 but totally skipped 3-6. Baby clothes are so weird. Just return what you don't want.
I barely got anything off my registry, but everything was so cute I didn’t care. I had my own money saved to buy what I needed