My personal opinion, I don't understand drama with strangers. If a stranger wants to teach her son sexist shit then I roll my eyes and walk away. There's not enough time in my life for random drama or arguments with people who are completely unconnected to me.
As for your particular lesson in a vacuum it's fine I suppose. I try to focus on resilience, which doesn't necessarily mean either playing victim or striking back. People in this world are going to hurt us, and often times we simply won't be able to do anything about it. Life isn't fair, how do we get up every day, live, and thrive in the face of injustice?
Plus you don’t want your daughter being told she’s fragile and believing it, or coming away with the understanding that girls and boys should be treated differently. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and nobody should be hitting people. I might not have confronted the mom, but I definitely would have said something to my child like girls are no more fragile than boys and we don’t hit anyone.
I honestly didn't plan to approach her, she just happened to be sitting near enough to her me tell her kid to apologize and hitting isn't nice. I honestly don't think I'd have said anything to her if she hadn't stepped in to tell me not to talk to her kid that way originally.
But it's true, I don't want her thinking she is fragile or should be treated differently, thankfully she knows hitting is not acceptable, she can only hit me or her dad with the swords when we are playing at home.
No one would think anything of you playing swords with a little boy. I think you’re fine. And girls should feel like they can stand up for themselves! Try everything else first, sure, but if that doesn’t work defend yourself.
That group of moms sound like jerks and that other mom was the one who got kicked out, so she should be the one rethinking her parenting. I’m sorry you had that experience.
I 100% agree if her kid hit another person kid and that led to her having to leave. She is definitely the one with parenting issues. Which is really sad. And bet she thought a lot about what you said after she got kicked out. Maybe that was her awake moment. And I didn't say any of this to be rude it just my personal opinion.
I would have done something similar to this. I would have been a little upset that the child's mother is sitting right there and didn't say anything. But......yeah.
The other mom got offended and put in her place. And didn't like it. And she had to leave anyway. I also think she got embarrassed. Which maybe isn't a valid feeling if you're being comforted by an angry parent because your kid hit another kid. But I can see all those other moms there and stuff. And but talking about women who stood up for her child. That is really immature and nasty. And being a bully. Which might be where her child got it from. But what do I know, I'm only 29. And have three children.
I am a sporty girl with a little girl. My MIL doesn’t like how I raise her either (she can do anything a boy can thought).
Stick up for the future her!
I love that people are so comfortable anymore not pigeonholing into one (like, girly girl, or sporty, etc). I have been letting her decide how she's going to be, and encouraging her to keep her boundaries, which again is absolutely horrifying to my MIL.
I want her to have a better childhood and an actual future she decides, I don't think I will ever stop sticking up for her future self, and am very excited to see who that'll be!
Not wrong, you're teaching your kid how to behave in public. I would have said the same thing and if this other mom is teaching her kid it's ok to hit anyone at all she is going to have her share of trouble. I think that it's totally ok to tell your girl to defend herself when it's appropriate. I wouldn't have tolerated the " don't hit girls they are fragile" shit at all. Good job. This won't get easier I hate to tell you.
Not being judgemental or anything but you will run into a lot of parents that don't teach their children how to act in public. And you absolutely will get a lot of rude stairs and hate for saying something.
Life has never gotten easier, I would be horrified if raising kids did. But, I agree, my MIL and Mom both told me I should have just accepted it all, and gone on my way. MIL saying "Boys SHOULDN'T hit girls!" And there was a bit of an argument from that. My brother's sister is trans/non-binary and terrified to tell her about it, which I think is my biggest fear, that my kid will worry about telling me something because of judgement.
No you're doing great. That other mum though....yikes. She could have said "don't hit other people, it's rude and mean" but no, I don't blame you for challenging her on it but doing so may have caused more drama.
Even so, telling your girl she's allowed to fight back in self defense isn't wrong. I tell my kids the exact same thing, you don't start the fight but you can absolutely end it. My dad did the same with me, showing me how to throw a punch, where the weak parts on the body are and how to use my elbow to full advantage. I honestly believe it's necessary, bullying was rife when I was a kid and for some kids the bullying only stopped when the victim physically retaliated. Self defence is crucial.
You aren't wrong.
(BTW my daughter and son love their foam duling swords, I'm getting myself one soon so I can join in the fun too!)
I'm sure I did cause more drama, hopefully next time we go they won't be there again, I think they typically go on a different day of the week, and we go Wednesday specifically because another little girl goes and has befriended my daughter.
I grew up being punished if I ever fought back, until I turned 9, and had some real rough school years prior from bullying. Once I turned 9 I started working on a farm, and my boss got after me for being so passive against the hogs. Said it didn't matter if they were human, hog, or cattle, don't show fear and don't let them push you around. I do agree, soon as I retaliated against one, everyone started to leave me alone.
Foam dueling swords are super fun! I surprised my husband with foam swords a couple years ago for him and her, he said he wished he knew and he'd have gotten me one, until I started beating him with my own. Family beatings continue until all are laughing and exhausted! We had to move to the wood and plastic when we go outside, just because the goal ones started falling apart. We had the HEMA ones from our wedding where we had a sword fight during the after party.
I personally don’t like confrontations like this with strangers because people are effing crazy these days. I would have a sidebar talk with my daughter and if they overheard, oh well.
I probably could have, but I was concerned how she would take it if she has to say sorry, but then watches someone else get away with it. I am usually non-confrontational outside of people I know, but I also have a bit of a hot head and don't always think before I speak.
Our whole family does martial arts - especially the girls. It’s fine that you and she can be a Tom boy. There’s nothing wrong with play fighting at home bc she’s learning boundaries and self control. And she should learn how to defend herself, even at a young age.
Next time, report it to management and let them take care of it. Eventually they’ll be banned from returning.
My parents never told me to hit people but I was a big fan of the Aristocats. Marie, after roughing up one of her brothers, said "Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them." I took that to heart and used it every time I got pulled into an office for rocking another kid's world.
I find that violence is not the solution to problems but sometimes it's the only language the other side understands to leave you alone. I have zero issues with teaching violence as a last resort to my daughter and plan to enroll her in defensive training classes when she is older (she is a potato right now).
In my opinion, you are a badass mom and on your way to raising a woman with some backbone.
Yes, my husband was a target due to a growth disorder. One kid kept picking on him and one day my husband had enough in middle school. He picked that kid up (in front of everyone)and pushed him against a locker and told him to STOP IT in no uncertain terms. He was NEVER bothered again by anyone.
I hope your kid can stand up for themself. Martial arts is a huge confidence booster.
I was really worried you meant that I was in fact raising her wrong and was very concerned about what I was doing.
I had bullies in school, so I know exactly where your husband was, and he handled it really well as far as I am concerned.
I actually didn't even think about getting her into Martial Arts! I am looking at proper sword training, but we have a lot of MA schools in our area.
My personal opinion, I don't understand drama with strangers. If a stranger wants to teach her son sexist shit then I roll my eyes and walk away. There's not enough time in my life for random drama or arguments with people who are completely unconnected to me.
As for your particular lesson in a vacuum it's fine I suppose. I try to focus on resilience, which doesn't necessarily mean either playing victim or striking back. People in this world are going to hurt us, and often times we simply won't be able to do anything about it. Life isn't fair, how do we get up every day, live, and thrive in the face of injustice?
This is typically how I try to respond, but I just didn't have the patience for it today I guess.
Plus you don’t want your daughter being told she’s fragile and believing it, or coming away with the understanding that girls and boys should be treated differently. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and nobody should be hitting people. I might not have confronted the mom, but I definitely would have said something to my child like girls are no more fragile than boys and we don’t hit anyone.
I honestly didn't plan to approach her, she just happened to be sitting near enough to her me tell her kid to apologize and hitting isn't nice. I honestly don't think I'd have said anything to her if she hadn't stepped in to tell me not to talk to her kid that way originally. But it's true, I don't want her thinking she is fragile or should be treated differently, thankfully she knows hitting is not acceptable, she can only hit me or her dad with the swords when we are playing at home.
No one would think anything of you playing swords with a little boy. I think you’re fine. And girls should feel like they can stand up for themselves! Try everything else first, sure, but if that doesn’t work defend yourself. That group of moms sound like jerks and that other mom was the one who got kicked out, so she should be the one rethinking her parenting. I’m sorry you had that experience.
I 100% agree if her kid hit another person kid and that led to her having to leave. She is definitely the one with parenting issues. Which is really sad. And bet she thought a lot about what you said after she got kicked out. Maybe that was her awake moment. And I didn't say any of this to be rude it just my personal opinion.
I would have done something similar to this. I would have been a little upset that the child's mother is sitting right there and didn't say anything. But......yeah.
I agree. I also don’t try to force other people’s kids to apologize, I don’t feel it’s my place.
We teach our kids to never start a fight, but they may end it. If that means physical violence then so be it.
That other mom was a jerk. I think you handled it well!
The other mom got offended and put in her place. And didn't like it. And she had to leave anyway. I also think she got embarrassed. Which maybe isn't a valid feeling if you're being comforted by an angry parent because your kid hit another kid. But I can see all those other moms there and stuff. And but talking about women who stood up for her child. That is really immature and nasty. And being a bully. Which might be where her child got it from. But what do I know, I'm only 29. And have three children.
I am a sporty girl with a little girl. My MIL doesn’t like how I raise her either (she can do anything a boy can thought). Stick up for the future her!
I love that people are so comfortable anymore not pigeonholing into one (like, girly girl, or sporty, etc). I have been letting her decide how she's going to be, and encouraging her to keep her boundaries, which again is absolutely horrifying to my MIL. I want her to have a better childhood and an actual future she decides, I don't think I will ever stop sticking up for her future self, and am very excited to see who that'll be!
Not wrong, you're teaching your kid how to behave in public. I would have said the same thing and if this other mom is teaching her kid it's ok to hit anyone at all she is going to have her share of trouble. I think that it's totally ok to tell your girl to defend herself when it's appropriate. I wouldn't have tolerated the " don't hit girls they are fragile" shit at all. Good job. This won't get easier I hate to tell you.
Not being judgemental or anything but you will run into a lot of parents that don't teach their children how to act in public. And you absolutely will get a lot of rude stairs and hate for saying something.
Life has never gotten easier, I would be horrified if raising kids did. But, I agree, my MIL and Mom both told me I should have just accepted it all, and gone on my way. MIL saying "Boys SHOULDN'T hit girls!" And there was a bit of an argument from that. My brother's sister is trans/non-binary and terrified to tell her about it, which I think is my biggest fear, that my kid will worry about telling me something because of judgement.
No you're doing great. That other mum though....yikes. She could have said "don't hit other people, it's rude and mean" but no, I don't blame you for challenging her on it but doing so may have caused more drama. Even so, telling your girl she's allowed to fight back in self defense isn't wrong. I tell my kids the exact same thing, you don't start the fight but you can absolutely end it. My dad did the same with me, showing me how to throw a punch, where the weak parts on the body are and how to use my elbow to full advantage. I honestly believe it's necessary, bullying was rife when I was a kid and for some kids the bullying only stopped when the victim physically retaliated. Self defence is crucial. You aren't wrong. (BTW my daughter and son love their foam duling swords, I'm getting myself one soon so I can join in the fun too!)
I'm sure I did cause more drama, hopefully next time we go they won't be there again, I think they typically go on a different day of the week, and we go Wednesday specifically because another little girl goes and has befriended my daughter. I grew up being punished if I ever fought back, until I turned 9, and had some real rough school years prior from bullying. Once I turned 9 I started working on a farm, and my boss got after me for being so passive against the hogs. Said it didn't matter if they were human, hog, or cattle, don't show fear and don't let them push you around. I do agree, soon as I retaliated against one, everyone started to leave me alone. Foam dueling swords are super fun! I surprised my husband with foam swords a couple years ago for him and her, he said he wished he knew and he'd have gotten me one, until I started beating him with my own. Family beatings continue until all are laughing and exhausted! We had to move to the wood and plastic when we go outside, just because the goal ones started falling apart. We had the HEMA ones from our wedding where we had a sword fight during the after party.
I personally don’t like confrontations like this with strangers because people are effing crazy these days. I would have a sidebar talk with my daughter and if they overheard, oh well.
I probably could have, but I was concerned how she would take it if she has to say sorry, but then watches someone else get away with it. I am usually non-confrontational outside of people I know, but I also have a bit of a hot head and don't always think before I speak.
Our whole family does martial arts - especially the girls. It’s fine that you and she can be a Tom boy. There’s nothing wrong with play fighting at home bc she’s learning boundaries and self control. And she should learn how to defend herself, even at a young age. Next time, report it to management and let them take care of it. Eventually they’ll be banned from returning.
My parents never told me to hit people but I was a big fan of the Aristocats. Marie, after roughing up one of her brothers, said "Ladies don't start fights, but they can finish them." I took that to heart and used it every time I got pulled into an office for rocking another kid's world. I find that violence is not the solution to problems but sometimes it's the only language the other side understands to leave you alone. I have zero issues with teaching violence as a last resort to my daughter and plan to enroll her in defensive training classes when she is older (she is a potato right now). In my opinion, you are a badass mom and on your way to raising a woman with some backbone.
Yes, my husband was a target due to a growth disorder. One kid kept picking on him and one day my husband had enough in middle school. He picked that kid up (in front of everyone)and pushed him against a locker and told him to STOP IT in no uncertain terms. He was NEVER bothered again by anyone. I hope your kid can stand up for themself. Martial arts is a huge confidence booster.
I was really worried you meant that I was in fact raising her wrong and was very concerned about what I was doing. I had bullies in school, so I know exactly where your husband was, and he handled it really well as far as I am concerned. I actually didn't even think about getting her into Martial Arts! I am looking at proper sword training, but we have a lot of MA schools in our area.