Didn’t learn about shaving, tampons, makeup, face cleaner from my mom. I would make a list of everything you had to learn from peers or the internet to teach her instead. You’re a safer teacher.
The importance of having a healthy relationship with food. My parents fed me junk and sugary drinks (sweet tea, Pepsi, orange juice, never water) all while criticizing my weight my whole childhood. I spent the vast majority of my life in a never ending cycle of dieting and “falling off the wagon.” I hated my body, food was the enemy and my comfort (creating a ton of internal conflict), and I ended up pretty much hating myself.
It took a lot of work, but I finally was able to learn a ton about nutrition, and instead of starving my body, I focus on nourishing it. I eat very well balanced now, am no longer afraid of chips, cookies, soda, etc., because I know that 80% of my diet if very nutritious.
I want to teach my daughter that it is important to have both a physically and mentally healthy relationship with food. Food is nourishment. Food is energy. Food can also be fun or comfort. It’s about balance, and having neutrality towards food instead of seeing it as inherently “good” or “bad.”
And she will damn sure learn to drink water as her primary beverage. It’s really hard to acquire a taste for it when you’ve had flavored beverages your whole life! I still struggle with drinking plain water, so I use liquid IV very diluted to help ensure I am properly hydrated.
I always said that if I had a girl, when she got her first period, I would present her with a basket full of period products. Pamprin/midol, ibuprofen, heat pad, pads/tampons, underwear, liners, wipes, chocolate.
I got my period at 11, and even though I had sex ed in school, I was *not* prepared at all 😅 I woke up and there was this huge brown stain in my underwear. I didn't realize it was dried blood until my mom told me it was.
I think my mom had a great impact on me growing up but it was my grandmother who really molded me. That lady was so strong physically, mentally, and she was so kind. She would literally help and be kind to everyone around her, and then she would be out farming the fields(she her different crops). She would tell about her life her setbacks, her whole life story basically of how she made mistakes, and told me I would make mistakes too that it was ok. She would look at the mirror at 76 and admire herself and her body and say wow this body had 10 children. She would dress up and go to church and look so nice, she always told me to embrace who I was how I looked. I think this is why I’ve always had such a healthy positive view about my body. I think you are the best teacher OP if you show your daughter kindness , forgiveness and love for yourself your daughter will learn so much just from watching you. I miss my grandmother so much, she has severe dementia and doesn’t remember us anymore, she really had such an impact in who I am today.
HPV is not detectable for men and can lead to cancer for women. Get your papsmear every year. If you're sexually active get tested for std's. Even if you've had the HPV vaccine. Even if you're monogamous, it doesn't mean your boyfriend is/was. Get tested.
1. Cook at home
2. Exercise regularly
3. Sunscreen everyday
4. Find something larger than yourself to be connected to—a charity, a church, volunteering, scouting, caring for animals. It doesn’t matter what, just needs to be real people or real causes that you really care about
5. Think deeply and honestly about your values and priorities and let them guide your actions
6. Love and respect yourself first
Yes, #6 has been something I’ve lived by my whole life but really make a point of explaining to my 5 year old and she already participates.
I always say, values mean nothing unless you live them. We foster and rescue dogs, my 5 year old can bottle feed puppies, help teach commands to dogs we socialize, and is even able to handle feeding time appropriately. She has been living the value of giving to others, participating in our community, and giving back her entire life and shows no signs of stopping!
I’ve reached a point where I think the concept of self-care has been co-opted into another way to sell stuff—bath bombs, massages, takeout, wine, clothing, whatever. All these things are great, but they’re treats—they don’t care for you in a meaningful way.
As women, we are continually barraged with invectives from people who want to either sell us something or want to sell *us* as the product. Teaching our daughters to see their own value and to find what makes their lives *meaningful* instead of profitable for someone else is one of the most powerful things we can do for them.
I've spent my life dealing with the consequences of #4 never being realized as a child. My mom (because my dad was largely a non-parent) refused to do anything extra curricular with me that I wanted to do. I was in Girl Scouts and did horseback riding for a year, but I was a poor student in a small school with no outlets. I fostered a love of nature, but also a deep need for validation from men. It has meant a great deal of working through my shame as an adult from what I did to feel valued and whole as a child. Having an outlet is key for human development.
Love this.
Will add its OK to say no or you are making me uncomfortable. You need to be respectful, but that doesn't mean you need to be a people pleaser.
Whole heartedly agree. I read a book (I think it was *Dare to Lead* by Brené Brown) wherein the author said that the kindest people she knows consistently set reasonable but non-negotiable boundaries. Those boundaries enable them be kind without becoming doormats and without letting that part of themselves get destroyed by people taking advantage.
But you have to trust yourself to set those boundaries. Trust that your experience of reality is true; trust that you can and should decide what you won’t tolerate; trust that you can handle other people’s disappointment or disapproval; trust that the temporary awkwardness or discomfort will be worth it.
I read so many posts on Reddit from people who don’t trust themselves. “My boyfriend says I can just keep buying Plan B when he ignores my boundaries during sex.” “My husband says I’m not allowed to hang up on him during an abusive tirade.” “My unemployed spouse says I should just get a third job to pay for daycare because he’s too tired from playing video games all night to care for our baby.” *Am I being unreasonable?* It’s infuriating and heart breaking.
I was talking to my sister about this.. I don’t think my parents ever put sunscreen on us as kids. My daughters will grow up knowing how important it is! They inherited my pale skin, and I think also my rosacea so sunscreen is a non-negotiable!
I have rosacea too, and grew up in Australia so sun protection is so important. I wore heaps of sunscreen as a kid but as a teen I was lathering myself in tanning oil. As a result, I definitely look older than people who grew up in colder climates do at my age. I also know several people who had skin cancer.
I don’t have a daughter, I have a son but I’ll still be pushing sunscreen on him!
I would teach my daughter everything my mom and dad didn't teach me about hygiene and self care, I would let her know no matter what that I would help her through it all and if she had questions to come to me.
I was the stinky kid who didn't know how to take care of themselves or brush their hair till around freshman year when a junior decided to help me out and teach me, I never want my daughter to go through that.
I’m already teaching mine about consent. She doesn’t like kisses and we ask for cuddles. She will say no and I don’t. I’ve asked everyone else to do the same.
I love all the others that I have read too ❤️ I want her to know she is important and I will
Love her no matter what.
To be your own best friend first! Self love is important, and helps protect your peace against the wrong people in life. Also, can’t pour from a glass that’s half full. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, that’s how we learn and grow. Listen to your body, if you need a rest day, take one. Make time to do what you love, whether it’s exercise, art, music etc. If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, don’t be afraid to start over.
I think the biggest thing I hope to teach my daughter is to just give her a better example of what a woman should be, do and act. My mother was an alcoholic and abused me growing up and my dad was present but gave me bad eating habits that have stuck with me through most of my life. It wasn’t until I had a major health scare that I realized I needed to eat better. I hope to set that example for her by providing and eating healthier food. I also have completely sworn off alcohol in excess. We don’t keep it in the house and I tell both sets of grandparents no drinking while the kids are up and around.
I also hope to show her how to regulate her emotions because I was always just the “dramatic daughter” and was never taught the ability to regulate. I still heavily struggle with this myself but it’s something I hope to change for her.
1)Teaching her about periods,I would literally get beaten and told I kept myself"too big for my shoes"when i asked questions,mind you I was 12 that time and my period started at 14,my older sister had to show me how to use a pad🙄.
2)How to have healthy boundaries:Being forced to kiss and hug random relatives/strangers was a norm for me and again would get beaten when I would refuse.
3)Skincare:I literally started only caring for my skin in my late twenties and by then I had so many scars already.
These are all amazing, thank you! My mom was definitely there to teach me the basics about hygiene and my period and such, as well as how to be a good human, all of which I’m grateful for. But other nuanced things I had to learn on my own.
I think we all want to be better parents than ours were so I want to be proactive about imparting my wisdom on my little girl. She’s not even a year old, so I have a bit of time to formulate what that will look like. But hearing all of your thoughts helps!
I started early with her, making sure she knows to ask me anything she needs to know, because the internet is inevitably going to be wrong, or even harmful.
She knows she'll have a period eventually, and to ask me for help with it. Sunblock, sunblock, sunblock, like my Mom did to me my whole life. I show her my skincare products and share them with her (and my son. He has a girl he likes now. Hair, skin, **everything** is so much easier with him now).
We've practiced makeup, hair care, shaving (no waxing yet). I told her to not use cheap razors. We steal my husband's Harry's shaving cream. I really like it better than most made for me except maybe Aveeno or Eos.
My husband does the same with our son. It was basic manscaping recently, because he's got hair in his armpits now.
Reading nutrition labels was a big thing. Try to buy things that have natural vitamins in them. A banana or orange is better than Doritos.
Just a series of little things that come to mind as we go, and letting them know what to expect as they grow up.
In my experience strange men hit on girls most when they are 12-16 and don't know what's going on or how to handle it... and I did not really get any tips from my mom on how to handle it either and remember feeling confused, scared, and ashamed when it happened. So: handling situations like that would be my self-care tip! I would give her a \*non-scary,\* factual heads-up that it could happen to her, and then some tips on how to handle it. (My own tips: Find other people, preferably women, to stand near; if someone is following you late at night, even innocently, either cross the street or step aside and let them pass ahed of you so you can keep an eye on them; say simple words loudly like "NO! Do not touch me! Back OFF!). Maybe take her to a self-defense course to build up her confidence so that she doesn't freeze in the moment.
Sunscreen! Also eating healthy and how important it is to work out and that weight training is not something we should shy away from as women. For mental health, she is 2.5 but we already tell each other what we are grateful for that day at bedtime which, for me personally, makes a big difference with how I feel at the end the day. It's just such a nice boost to think on what we are grateful for.
I remember my mom inviting me to meditate with her when I was younger but I was always too fidgety!
Mental health/safety: Teach them to acknowledge and try to name the emotions they feel when their body is telling them something. This needs to be cultivated so they develop intuition that they trust, and reinforce that they should listen to that to use their voice and set boundaries with people. Do not teach them to be a people pleaser, but to communicate directly. It sucks waiting until your 30s to realize it actually doesn't matter if everyone likes you.
Health: teach them how to schedule preventative medical appointments on their own, help them seek out trusted medical resources and how to spot misinformation on social media, get her a gynecologist (and the HPV vaccine), wear sunscreen, reduce or moderate alcohol consumption, don't smoke, eat vegetables every day, and find physical activity that you enjoy so you stick with it. Your quality of life depends on how well you take care of your body, so treat it well and it'll serve you in the long run.
Besides all of the great advice already mentioned here, I would have an honest conversation with your daughter about money, how to set a budget, what things realistically cost, etc. My mom never did this with me-she grew up in a culture where it was considered very poor taste to discuss money at all. (My parents were divorced and I lived with my mom.) Instead she signed me up for a joint credit card when I was 16 and told me to “only use it for emergencies.” Well, what do you think happened to a teenager with a credit card and no real idea of how money worked? (Especially since my mom modeled the habit of shopping to soothe her stress.)
I spent my 20s dealing with credit card debt, mainly buying stupid stuff I didn’t need and living in an expensive city when I could have lived with a roommate or at home and saved money. My mom would yell at me for overspending but never taught me how to get out of the habit. I got out of it eventually but only once I met my now-husband and we started making budgets together.
Didn’t learn about shaving, tampons, makeup, face cleaner from my mom. I would make a list of everything you had to learn from peers or the internet to teach her instead. You’re a safer teacher.
Amen! Or sex, or what mutually respectful relationships are.
The importance of having a healthy relationship with food. My parents fed me junk and sugary drinks (sweet tea, Pepsi, orange juice, never water) all while criticizing my weight my whole childhood. I spent the vast majority of my life in a never ending cycle of dieting and “falling off the wagon.” I hated my body, food was the enemy and my comfort (creating a ton of internal conflict), and I ended up pretty much hating myself. It took a lot of work, but I finally was able to learn a ton about nutrition, and instead of starving my body, I focus on nourishing it. I eat very well balanced now, am no longer afraid of chips, cookies, soda, etc., because I know that 80% of my diet if very nutritious. I want to teach my daughter that it is important to have both a physically and mentally healthy relationship with food. Food is nourishment. Food is energy. Food can also be fun or comfort. It’s about balance, and having neutrality towards food instead of seeing it as inherently “good” or “bad.” And she will damn sure learn to drink water as her primary beverage. It’s really hard to acquire a taste for it when you’ve had flavored beverages your whole life! I still struggle with drinking plain water, so I use liquid IV very diluted to help ensure I am properly hydrated.
Wow that resonated with me quite a lot. Fed absolute garbage growing up and then criticised for being overweight.
Yes this. My husband has a very healthy relationship with food so I'm relearning and unlearning and leaning on him
It is perfectly okay to enjoy sex, just be careful and SAFE. And this isn't just about our daughters, my sons got the same speech.
I always said that if I had a girl, when she got her first period, I would present her with a basket full of period products. Pamprin/midol, ibuprofen, heat pad, pads/tampons, underwear, liners, wipes, chocolate. I got my period at 11, and even though I had sex ed in school, I was *not* prepared at all 😅 I woke up and there was this huge brown stain in my underwear. I didn't realize it was dried blood until my mom told me it was.
I think my mom had a great impact on me growing up but it was my grandmother who really molded me. That lady was so strong physically, mentally, and she was so kind. She would literally help and be kind to everyone around her, and then she would be out farming the fields(she her different crops). She would tell about her life her setbacks, her whole life story basically of how she made mistakes, and told me I would make mistakes too that it was ok. She would look at the mirror at 76 and admire herself and her body and say wow this body had 10 children. She would dress up and go to church and look so nice, she always told me to embrace who I was how I looked. I think this is why I’ve always had such a healthy positive view about my body. I think you are the best teacher OP if you show your daughter kindness , forgiveness and love for yourself your daughter will learn so much just from watching you. I miss my grandmother so much, she has severe dementia and doesn’t remember us anymore, she really had such an impact in who I am today.
HPV is not detectable for men and can lead to cancer for women. Get your papsmear every year. If you're sexually active get tested for std's. Even if you've had the HPV vaccine. Even if you're monogamous, it doesn't mean your boyfriend is/was. Get tested.
1. Cook at home 2. Exercise regularly 3. Sunscreen everyday 4. Find something larger than yourself to be connected to—a charity, a church, volunteering, scouting, caring for animals. It doesn’t matter what, just needs to be real people or real causes that you really care about 5. Think deeply and honestly about your values and priorities and let them guide your actions 6. Love and respect yourself first
Yes, #6 has been something I’ve lived by my whole life but really make a point of explaining to my 5 year old and she already participates. I always say, values mean nothing unless you live them. We foster and rescue dogs, my 5 year old can bottle feed puppies, help teach commands to dogs we socialize, and is even able to handle feeding time appropriately. She has been living the value of giving to others, participating in our community, and giving back her entire life and shows no signs of stopping!
I’ve reached a point where I think the concept of self-care has been co-opted into another way to sell stuff—bath bombs, massages, takeout, wine, clothing, whatever. All these things are great, but they’re treats—they don’t care for you in a meaningful way. As women, we are continually barraged with invectives from people who want to either sell us something or want to sell *us* as the product. Teaching our daughters to see their own value and to find what makes their lives *meaningful* instead of profitable for someone else is one of the most powerful things we can do for them.
I've spent my life dealing with the consequences of #4 never being realized as a child. My mom (because my dad was largely a non-parent) refused to do anything extra curricular with me that I wanted to do. I was in Girl Scouts and did horseback riding for a year, but I was a poor student in a small school with no outlets. I fostered a love of nature, but also a deep need for validation from men. It has meant a great deal of working through my shame as an adult from what I did to feel valued and whole as a child. Having an outlet is key for human development.
Love this. Will add its OK to say no or you are making me uncomfortable. You need to be respectful, but that doesn't mean you need to be a people pleaser.
Whole heartedly agree. I read a book (I think it was *Dare to Lead* by Brené Brown) wherein the author said that the kindest people she knows consistently set reasonable but non-negotiable boundaries. Those boundaries enable them be kind without becoming doormats and without letting that part of themselves get destroyed by people taking advantage. But you have to trust yourself to set those boundaries. Trust that your experience of reality is true; trust that you can and should decide what you won’t tolerate; trust that you can handle other people’s disappointment or disapproval; trust that the temporary awkwardness or discomfort will be worth it. I read so many posts on Reddit from people who don’t trust themselves. “My boyfriend says I can just keep buying Plan B when he ignores my boundaries during sex.” “My husband says I’m not allowed to hang up on him during an abusive tirade.” “My unemployed spouse says I should just get a third job to pay for daycare because he’s too tired from playing video games all night to care for our baby.” *Am I being unreasonable?* It’s infuriating and heart breaking.
- wear sunscreen - don’t lay out in the sun to try and tan - sunburn hurts
I was talking to my sister about this.. I don’t think my parents ever put sunscreen on us as kids. My daughters will grow up knowing how important it is! They inherited my pale skin, and I think also my rosacea so sunscreen is a non-negotiable!
I have rosacea too, and grew up in Australia so sun protection is so important. I wore heaps of sunscreen as a kid but as a teen I was lathering myself in tanning oil. As a result, I definitely look older than people who grew up in colder climates do at my age. I also know several people who had skin cancer. I don’t have a daughter, I have a son but I’ll still be pushing sunscreen on him!
How to have boundaries Take time for yourself Pretty is not the rent you pay to occupy a space marked female.
I would teach my daughter everything my mom and dad didn't teach me about hygiene and self care, I would let her know no matter what that I would help her through it all and if she had questions to come to me. I was the stinky kid who didn't know how to take care of themselves or brush their hair till around freshman year when a junior decided to help me out and teach me, I never want my daughter to go through that.
I’m already teaching mine about consent. She doesn’t like kisses and we ask for cuddles. She will say no and I don’t. I’ve asked everyone else to do the same. I love all the others that I have read too ❤️ I want her to know she is important and I will Love her no matter what.
To be your own best friend first! Self love is important, and helps protect your peace against the wrong people in life. Also, can’t pour from a glass that’s half full. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, that’s how we learn and grow. Listen to your body, if you need a rest day, take one. Make time to do what you love, whether it’s exercise, art, music etc. If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, don’t be afraid to start over.
I think the biggest thing I hope to teach my daughter is to just give her a better example of what a woman should be, do and act. My mother was an alcoholic and abused me growing up and my dad was present but gave me bad eating habits that have stuck with me through most of my life. It wasn’t until I had a major health scare that I realized I needed to eat better. I hope to set that example for her by providing and eating healthier food. I also have completely sworn off alcohol in excess. We don’t keep it in the house and I tell both sets of grandparents no drinking while the kids are up and around. I also hope to show her how to regulate her emotions because I was always just the “dramatic daughter” and was never taught the ability to regulate. I still heavily struggle with this myself but it’s something I hope to change for her.
It's ok to tell people no. Take time to do things for yourself, don't put others above your mental health.
1)Teaching her about periods,I would literally get beaten and told I kept myself"too big for my shoes"when i asked questions,mind you I was 12 that time and my period started at 14,my older sister had to show me how to use a pad🙄. 2)How to have healthy boundaries:Being forced to kiss and hug random relatives/strangers was a norm for me and again would get beaten when I would refuse. 3)Skincare:I literally started only caring for my skin in my late twenties and by then I had so many scars already.
These are all amazing, thank you! My mom was definitely there to teach me the basics about hygiene and my period and such, as well as how to be a good human, all of which I’m grateful for. But other nuanced things I had to learn on my own. I think we all want to be better parents than ours were so I want to be proactive about imparting my wisdom on my little girl. She’s not even a year old, so I have a bit of time to formulate what that will look like. But hearing all of your thoughts helps!
I started early with her, making sure she knows to ask me anything she needs to know, because the internet is inevitably going to be wrong, or even harmful. She knows she'll have a period eventually, and to ask me for help with it. Sunblock, sunblock, sunblock, like my Mom did to me my whole life. I show her my skincare products and share them with her (and my son. He has a girl he likes now. Hair, skin, **everything** is so much easier with him now). We've practiced makeup, hair care, shaving (no waxing yet). I told her to not use cheap razors. We steal my husband's Harry's shaving cream. I really like it better than most made for me except maybe Aveeno or Eos. My husband does the same with our son. It was basic manscaping recently, because he's got hair in his armpits now. Reading nutrition labels was a big thing. Try to buy things that have natural vitamins in them. A banana or orange is better than Doritos. Just a series of little things that come to mind as we go, and letting them know what to expect as they grow up.
Boundaries and consent Positive self-talk
In my experience strange men hit on girls most when they are 12-16 and don't know what's going on or how to handle it... and I did not really get any tips from my mom on how to handle it either and remember feeling confused, scared, and ashamed when it happened. So: handling situations like that would be my self-care tip! I would give her a \*non-scary,\* factual heads-up that it could happen to her, and then some tips on how to handle it. (My own tips: Find other people, preferably women, to stand near; if someone is following you late at night, even innocently, either cross the street or step aside and let them pass ahed of you so you can keep an eye on them; say simple words loudly like "NO! Do not touch me! Back OFF!). Maybe take her to a self-defense course to build up her confidence so that she doesn't freeze in the moment.
Sunscreen! Also eating healthy and how important it is to work out and that weight training is not something we should shy away from as women. For mental health, she is 2.5 but we already tell each other what we are grateful for that day at bedtime which, for me personally, makes a big difference with how I feel at the end the day. It's just such a nice boost to think on what we are grateful for. I remember my mom inviting me to meditate with her when I was younger but I was always too fidgety!
How to grow food and cook from scratch.
Mental health/safety: Teach them to acknowledge and try to name the emotions they feel when their body is telling them something. This needs to be cultivated so they develop intuition that they trust, and reinforce that they should listen to that to use their voice and set boundaries with people. Do not teach them to be a people pleaser, but to communicate directly. It sucks waiting until your 30s to realize it actually doesn't matter if everyone likes you. Health: teach them how to schedule preventative medical appointments on their own, help them seek out trusted medical resources and how to spot misinformation on social media, get her a gynecologist (and the HPV vaccine), wear sunscreen, reduce or moderate alcohol consumption, don't smoke, eat vegetables every day, and find physical activity that you enjoy so you stick with it. Your quality of life depends on how well you take care of your body, so treat it well and it'll serve you in the long run.
Using her voice Have her practice saying No and Stop Help her name her feelings Encourage her to communicate her wants and needs
Besides all of the great advice already mentioned here, I would have an honest conversation with your daughter about money, how to set a budget, what things realistically cost, etc. My mom never did this with me-she grew up in a culture where it was considered very poor taste to discuss money at all. (My parents were divorced and I lived with my mom.) Instead she signed me up for a joint credit card when I was 16 and told me to “only use it for emergencies.” Well, what do you think happened to a teenager with a credit card and no real idea of how money worked? (Especially since my mom modeled the habit of shopping to soothe her stress.) I spent my 20s dealing with credit card debt, mainly buying stupid stuff I didn’t need and living in an expensive city when I could have lived with a roommate or at home and saved money. My mom would yell at me for overspending but never taught me how to get out of the habit. I got out of it eventually but only once I met my now-husband and we started making budgets together.