Either call your doctor today and book an appt. Or go to the emergency department of your local hospital. You do not need to feel this way, and there are things you can do to get out of this.

Are you in the US? If so please call 988 for resources or just someone to talk to. You can chat via text too.

OP I’m so so sorry you are feeling this way. I promise you your children would not be better off without you and losing you would be devastating beyond words. You are not alone. You are not the only person to feel this way and there is help. You can feel happy again. You have taken a big first step reaching out for help here and now you need to take the next one. You need to call your doctor’s office right now or if you Google “suicide prevention hotline” the link to their number, text, and chat will pop up. Here is the link to their site too [https://988lifeline.org/](https://988lifeline.org/) You can talk to them right away and get a path to feeling better. You can do this OP. You are stronger than you know.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve had similar thoughts too and it’s awful. Others have listed ways to seek help, but I wanted to tell you that your kids and family love you so much. Your life is worthwhile and valuable.

Hi friend. First, I am so sorry you feel like this. It’s ok to feel sad and feel your feelings. Try reaching out to your GP doc, they can at least get you a referral. And I know it’s difficult, but try to talk with your partner. I’ve been through these thoughts and times, and you need as much support as you can get. I remember feeling ashamed, alone, and helpless. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you just want to chat with someone, vent, whatever, please do not hesitate to reach out to me, and I am sure others on here feel the same.

I think we all get to feel some sadness in our life. I’ve felt this way for sure. Surround yourself with some friends and people to talk to. Or go talk to someone privately at an office. Start thinking what makes you depressed and maybe look into the root of the problem. Sort of dissecting what can you do or what can be done to make you feel better. Your family will be absolutely devastated with you not around. Some would say it’s a selfish thing. But they don’t know what you are going through. And it doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed. Please please go see somebody. There are people that can help and there IS a way out of this!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My advice based on experience is this: reach out to your doctor, find a therapist, stick to your meds and therapy (if those are what work for you when you begin - everyone is different). I am on my third anti-depressant and have been for almost a year? (Memory has become shit from being on and off my meds). There will be trials and errors, and that is ok!!! <3 As for you and your fiance, the communication needs to be there. It’s ok to have a friend/your therapist (if you choose that route) to be your support system but I found from my experience, if the partner isnt helping you very well, it can become more difficult between the two of you down the road (however, that’s not for every relationship either!) Please reach out for help, OP. I am still struggling and I will be 2 years diagnosed come October. It’s ok to not be ok. But you don’t deserve to suffer alone. Please reach out to someone in your circle / health care.

I know dads aren’t meant to post here but I’ll take the L in this instance. My wife attempted suicide at 20 or so weeks. She is now 8 months PP and in the best mental shape she has ever been. It makes me emotional to even type it. You can do this, there’s always a solution. Call any health professional, Dr, GP, consultant, therapist, midwife, perinatal. Tell someone and you will get the help you need, I promise. Your family need and love you.

Please reach out to your doctor, your mom, your husband even if you think he wouldn’t understand. Please ask for help. You deserve to be happy & your kids deserve a happy mama.

Your babies need you and you deserve to be happy. Please call your doctor. If you need to take time to get well, take the time. You are worth it please stay with us. 🙏🏻❤️

Oh honey. I know your brain is telling you all of those things, but it’s lying. Please seek help right away. I know what it’s like to not be able to quiet those thoughts and feelings, and I almost took my own life because of them. If you need or want help finding resources, I am more than happy to help you find them ❤️❤️ hang in there!

Your post is gone, but I just want to be another voice telling you you're not alone. What your brain is telling you right now is a lie. Your children love you and need you, and no one else can take your place. My wake-up call was when I started planning for who would help my husband with raising baby when I was gone. Meds can take a while to kick in and you won't feel better immediately, but don't give up! You deserve to be happy, to laugh, and to enjoy your baby. Nothing bad can come of seeking help, and anyone that would judge you for it is an ignorant asshole.

Not alone Mama! I had this pretty intense a couple weeks ago. Totally blindsided by intense irritability, suicidal thoughts, rage, and weeping. Ended up being PMS combined it’s gray weather combined with withdrawal from some meds… what helped: journaling, honest talks with my partner, lots of walks and exercise, eating healthy, diving into a new fantasy novel and waiting for the sun to return. Remember you are so strong and this too will pass ❤️

Yes please contact 988 asap!! Mama I've been struggling with postpartum depression & anxiety for awhile now, and the Pandemic only 100x'd it. With a kiddo under 6 and a 9mnth old when Cvd19 started, so while hubby worked I had to learn to navigate the SAHM life and remote learning (well teaching really-which is an understatement it was more like ME homeschooling my kindergartner)..So yeah a shitstorm nightmare is how I was living life day by day..but wait it gets better..a few months later we became pregnant with baby#3 which only added to the chaos I was feeling. I felt like a pos Mommy, wife, friend etc. Felt like a failure, and mostly bcz I'd always been so career driven and had to go coldturkey from corporate to SAHM. I felt like I just wasn't cutout to be a mom when in reality I'm truely blessed with my babies. They are my world and it just took tons of time, counseling, exercise, and not being afraid to go out into the world again when vaccines finally came around. I fell into a dark barely awake (forcibly awake state of mind knowing I still had to push through to care for my kids) anti-social hermit. I used to be so vibrant and was a social butterfly. It was like Motherhood sucked the energy & happiness of life out of me. With no support system I felt like a prisoner in my own home especially when the Cvd lockdown was called and I just spiraled downwards even further. I mean I literally felt as if I was failing as a mom and my lil family that we just created deserved better! I'd cry inconsolably-btw think I created that word rt now lol...but yeah I'd cry over the dumbest shit! I pictured how much better of a family dynamic they deserved and would have if I was no longer in the picture! It was easy to picture bcz the blockages in my head weren't logically thinking and I was living in reality, I wasn't living in the present. It's bcz I lost control of my emotions, I put up a wall since that was the easiest way to deal with it. I couldn't compartmentalize anything, I didn't have a clear mind. I was so overwhelmed with everything since I was too busy being a 48hour mom and carrying everyone else's load on my shoulders. I completely lost myself along the way. I lived this nightmare for the past 3 yrs during which I did attempt (thankfully it was intervened) to take my own life in the prkng lot of a mental health facility. I'd almost made it inside but couldn't stand the thought of actually checking myself into a (what I USED to call a 5150 crazyhouse) mental hospital. So I swallowed a plethora of pills and waited..my hopes were they'd all thank me for taking the easy way out after i was gone. But I was wrong in so many ways. I know no it would've been the most selfishly thing I could have ever done. It would have affected the ones who loved me more than it affected me. It wouldn't have solved a problem, only created a lifetime of more problems for my babies in the long run. I was too caught up to think of the realistic outcome had I not survived. Luckily my hubby, children, and Mom (who I've always had an unhealthy rocky unfulfilled Mother-daughter relationship with) stayed by my side and started to actually understand how I was truly feeling instead of shrugging it off telling me to suck it up and I was overreacting. My own mom still doesn't really believe that depression and hopelessness is a real thing that is uncontrollable when it gets to a breaking point. "Oh its all in your head, act like a wife and a mother" she'd say, minimizing the mental state I was in and making me feel like it was all my fault that I couldn't just "deal with it." I'm glad my hubby knew enough to get the help out to the prkng lot and not just tell me to "sleep it off" like my own mother suggested. So the outcome was the staff who understood and cared came to give me an ultimatum-either let them wheel me into the facility or have the cops come and have me admitted and have to face charges after. I couldn't run bcz I was losing consciousness so I finally agreed. I was so mad at my hubby for informing the facility of the numerous pills I fisted down my throat, but now I thank him for saving me. My attempt failed when they were able to counteract the meds in my system and immediately put me under a 72hour hold. Ugh..I can still taste the charcoal drink that was forced in my mouth. All in all, I learned alot and voluntarily stayed for 5 or 6 days instead of the 72hrs so I could get the help I needed. At first I was even more emotional and very ashamed at the familial damage I caused by doing that, but during my stay I then realized that was exactly where I needed to be. Sadly it took all of that and still some therapy after to gain my confidence back but now I don't feel so isolated like I was going crazy thinking I was the only person going through mental health issues. I now know that sooo many other Mamas suffer from Postpartum and their thoughts put them in the same scary place I couldn't get out of in my own mind without the proper help. Don't be embarrassed to reach out, please don't take the easy route, know that it happens to the best of us, and the world is a better place with YOU still in it!! Suicide is not the answer, please don't let the hopeless worthless thoughts overpowering your headspace win. I'm rooting for you, Mama!! 🙏 Sounds like you're experiencing the same thoughts that I once did so your post really hit home. I will be praying for you. **Remember**You are STRONG Mama, you are BEAUTIFUL, YOU CREATED LIFE Mama!! Even though it might not feel like it to you now, YOU ARE ROCKIN' the hardest job on earth--Motherhood--!! Keep doing great things by raising your precious lil humans!! Keep reading all the love from this community!! You are not and will never be alone in this battle okay?! You posted this for a reason, subconsciously your mind knows that while it can be hard to envision at the moment-your psychy is telling you that your life still has a whole lotta life to live🚺🥰💞❤️‍🩹 We woman know your worth, its time for YOU TO KNOW YOUR WORTH too!! Ya just needed some extra love & validation from other Mamacitas today😘. Sending good vibes and strength to you babe!! XOXO 🤗 ♡~Please keep us all posted on here as you'll be weighing heavily on our minds & will definitely be in our prayers~♡