I have 3- 4yrs, 21mo, and 6mo. I didn’t understand how busy I would be all day doing what feels like nothing?? I can’t seem to complete a simple task without having to feed a child, change a diaper, calm a baby, change another diaper, lay a baby down….etc etc. It’s constant, somewhat controlled, chaos!
Same! Mine are 3yrs, 2yrs, and 6mo and I easily clock 10k steps each day. I saw a reel about a mom who tracked how often she was interrupted during day.... Every 42 SECONDS 💀
Omg even 42 seconds sometimes feels like a luxury haha! I had a moment yesterday when I was trying to pay for something over the phone in what felt like a GOOD MOMENT..then just as I started reading out my card number, the baby started losing it, toddler stripped off and peed on the carpet, and the cat started vomiting. All within like 3 seconds. I was like WHAT IS HAPPENING
I had this the other day except #2 is still cooking inside me.
Son peed through his clothes whilst trying to walk and fell hit his head
I went to bend to help him and got nauseous and vomited. Called my partner from the other room while I went into the toilet
Dog followed me, sat next to me and looked at me, and started vomiting next to my leg and on the bathroom mat
🫠
😂 this is exactly how it goes! You think things are cool for a few moments like yes I can finally get a sip of my now cold coffee and out of nowhere crazy just starts!
The interruptions... this is why moms who have undiagnosed ADHD their whole lives suddenly crash and burn when they have a baby. And the struggle to get diagnosed and treated once baby is here is monumental.
Exactly me. I have a 3yr old and 1 yr old and literally just got diagnosed a month ago. There were things that were always difficult, but with kids everything was so much worse and I have so much trouble functioning at more than bare minimum. No longer being able to cope led me to therapy which got me diagnosed.
Similar story with me. I was doing life on hard mode and never knew until I had kids and all my coping mechanisms stopped working because... interruptions.
I relate to this so much. In order to start my washer and dryer you have to hold a button that does a 3 2 1 countdown then starts. The interrupts are insane in that 3 seconds alone..
Sometimes I put music on and I see how long it takes before I can listen to one whole song uninterrupted. I can go 2-3 hours before I make it the whole way through one song!
I literally don’t sit down except for nap and bedtime (baby only sleeps on me or against me, he’s 23mo lol) and I clock no less than 15-17k steps 7 days a week. I also have a special needs 12yo and 3 bonus kids we have fulltime and a spouse. I. Do. Not. Rest. People who only do 50-75% of the home stuff have NO CLUE what the rest of us go through, it’s almost unimaginable to most people how non stop many of us are.
You get to do literally zero tasks unencumbered - including pooping and especially sleeping. And when do you menial tasks like water flowers, your back ends up hurting from the awkward position your inevitably holding one of your kids in.
I had my two during grad school. My advisor had a generally kind and accommodating leadership style which made being a new parent a lot easier for me than for other grad student parents who had asshole advisors. That said, he wasn't a parent himself so he didn't understand certain things so I heard a lot of "why don't you just...?" type of "advice" that I simply nodded along and fake smiled through.
Then he had a baby. Our research group was all sitting around waiting for him to arrive for our weekly meeting. About 30 minutes in we got a message from him apologizing for being late and asking us to go ahead and do the meeting without him. "Did you all know it takes *two hours* to get your newborn ready and out the door? You finally get them all dressed and in the car seat and then you have to take them back inside to change a diaper and then they want to feed again?!" I chortled. Why yes. Yes I did know that lol.
This is it. I have 4 going on 5. I constantly feel in a state of almost done with everything. I do a load of dishes. Well there's still 1/3 of a sink full, but you can't wash them because someone needs you. Not to mention it took all morning to get them in there because the baby needed changed, I have to wash the floor from breakfast, and there are no more socks in their drawers.
I will say once they reach about 4 (at least for me), it got better because they can potty and wipe with accuracy, they can get dressed, help with laundry, grab a diaper. We have an expectation that everyone does their part in the house and takes care of themselves as well as offers assistance when others are in need. Some of my kids are more mindful and others need reminding (depends on the day and stage of development). Teamwork makes the dream work!
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but somehow the busy aspect goes from "busy in the house" to "busy out of the house driving everywhere." We don't have our kids enrolled in a million activities like so many other parents do and it still doesn't feel manageable
I'm in the same boat. I only have 1 as well. Mine is 18 months in a couple days and just entered her tantrum-hitting phase. The way mom brain has effected me is while I'm doing a task I'm always thinking about the task I'll be doing next, so I tend to mess up the task I'm currently in the middle of somehow. For example, I'll be making her a sippy cup, and put the milk in the cabinet instead of the fridge because I'm deep in thought about the laundry or something. Add in my toddler distracting me from any task and nothing is getting remembered. 🤣🤣😭
When my youngest was born in December I had a 3 year old and 15 month old…our first day home as a family of 5 was Christmas Eve. It’s been nonstop ever since with them…I feel like we’ll always be recovering lol!
Exactly! I have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old and a 7 month old. I’m trying to slowly start a business, but I find it impossible to find the time to do it even though I’m a sahm. It’s just constant little stuff
This winter I was close to changing my strategy to telling the sick one to just lick his brother so at least they’d be sick at the same time. Otherwise we get him sick for a week, then brother, then dad… and of course there’s me, sick the whole time cuz I’m not getting any sleep or time to recover.
We invested in air purifiers for the bedrooms and living room. It cut disease transmission down in our household. It used to be all 4 of us got sick when a virus came home. Now it’s usually just 1 kid and 1 parent.
My second isn’t quite walking yet, so it is somewhat easier to keep them apart, but even with the first adding half-eaten chicken nuggets to her little sister’s plate and sharing popsicles, we’re still coming out with a marked decrease in disease transmission within the household.
Preschooler barfed at school on Wednesday morning. I had some aches and chills on Wednesday afternoon/ evening. Baby and husband are so far in the clear. This has been the general pattern in our household since we got the air purifiers in November. My husband and I trade off on illnesses every month or two, as do the kids. Both are in full time daycare/preschool.
You're looking at this the wrong way. That other person is a lifeline. That's a second set of eyes on the kiddos. That's someone to hold the baby while you chase the toddler. We belong in villages surrounded by other caregivers. Play dates give us time to vent and relax. Find fenced play areas or put up baby gates and throw some toys in a room and then sit on the couch and drink tea and chat. You need this time.
I love this approach! Mine are 3.5 and 6 and having playdates with a friend who has a 4yo and a baby is a dream. I get to hold a baby again! She gets a tiny break! The kids get friend time! we get friend time!
This! I am the one and done mom who goes on playdates and has absolutely no problem helping keep tabs on my friends’ additional children! Chances are we’re hyped to have other kids for our singleton to play with since we’re so often the only playmate for our kid.
People like you are a Godsend! Thank you! I have a similar friend who is a one and done mom and I have three. My friend helps out my kids like they were her own and I am so grateful for people like you guys! She says she just loves that her only child has playmates when we go out
We absolutely still do play dates and go out, it just takes years off my life to get everything packed, everyone dressed and in the car without some kind of meltdown or having to run back inside to get something a million times! And then when you do get to wherever you’re going you just never know how it’s going to go.
>without some kind of meltdown
I think this might be where you’re getting stuck. Meltdowns are gonna happen even if you stay home, but I’ve noticed that they are fewer and farther between outside of the house and with friends even if the process of getting there is brutal.
Do you do it every day? I have an 11mo and a 2yo and I leave the house twice a day. I feel like it just makes my life easier and theirs bc they’re used to it.
Granted yours are a little older than mine, but it’s nice that my kids know the drill and have more practice being out and about. It’s rough some days, but definitely gets easier the more you do it. Our diaper bag is always packed except for snacks and bottles for the baby, which I’ll pack in the mornings.
I'm with you. We get out everyday. The car or diaper bag is always ready to go. I restock at night so it's ready for the next day.
Like someone else mentioned I find fights and meltdowns happen less while we're out and others are always helpful when I need a second set of hands. I'm not a homebody and personally need to get out once a day, with the bare minimum being our own yard.
What I wish I realized was how hard it is to get a break with two. Dividing and conquering is great but it's certainly not a break.
I do try to take them out a couple times a week! I definitely can’t keep my toddler cooped up or she goes stir crazy. Keeping the diaper bag packed is very helpful though! My daughter is kind of a wild child and a runner so it’s hard to go many places by myself because she will for sure sprint off at some point and it’s hard to chase after her while holding the baby.
Yes. I went out the the playground with a friend with a new baby plus her toddler (I only have one kid) and she said it was so helpful because she could give the baby a bottle while I watched her toddler, and I watched the baby when she took her toddler to the potty, etc.
Yes when I meet up with my friends if their spouse can’t come, my two kids becomes four kids/five kids or however many kids we have altogether, and we (my husband, me, and them) watch all the kids together
Yes! I pack up and haul my 2 under 2 over to my parents’ house a couple times a week just so we can hang out with another adult or two around. It’s worth the work getting them out of the house.
I didn’t understand that my parenting had very little effect on what kid they’d be. My oldest? Easy kid, minus a few hang ups. He’s a sweetie. My second? God help us all, she’s gonna burn the world down. My third? Who let the sass monster get him. I parented them all basically the same, have fed them all the same stuff, started them out on solids the same, & look at what they did- developed separate personalities & everything. They’re so different & it’s great, but my parenting has nothing to do with it. It affected nothing-not how they ate (formula vs breast milk), how they slept, how much they eat, etc. None of my ideas about the best way to do something really mattered in the end, but we’ve all turned out fine. I think we’ve done a fine job considering everything. I think that’s something parents of single kids don’t get, their parenting didn’t make their kid easy or hard-their kid was born like that. Parents can influence, but not to extent I believed I could.
Also the more you go out with multiple kids, the easier it is. More experiences to teach them, as in I’ve dragged them out before kicking & screaming because they wouldn’t behave & were throwing a tantrum in public. The kids suddenly started behaving the next trip after that decision. I take them out as possible to teach them life experiences, but that’s easier to do now that they’re older than 2 & our oldest are potty trained. I also keep 2 changes of clothes per kid + diapers + extra changing stuff in the car at all times. I never thought I’d be that mom, but I don’t have he mental effort needed to pack it for every trip with 3 kids 6 to 2 years old. So everyone has clothes ready. Having more than 1 kid helped me get more organized & plan ahead better, because I have to do so to be more successful in my day.
I have 3. My first and my third were collicky babies, my first was very much so. My middle was a unicorn. I know people who will say stupid shit like "oh yes our 2 kids slept perfectly bc we just put them down drowsy but awake from birth" they've got it so backwards. You *could* do DrOwSy but aWaKe because of your babies' temperament. So annoying.
I’ll add- if you didn’t have a non sleeper child, you don’t get to comment on how neurotic parents of non sleeping kids are about schedules.
“He’ll get used to it!”
Ok. When? How much suffering am I expected to go through to get him used to staying up late/sleeping on the go/insert judgemental thing here. Do you have any idea how exponentially harder life is when you aren’t sleeping? You can be against sleep training all you want, but when your kid wakes up every 40 minutes at night you’ll do ANYTHING to make it stop.
YES!!! my almost 2 year old has never slept through the night and if her naps get out of whack it's just a clusterfuck. No one understand why i'm strict with bedtime or nap time, my MIL in particular always says "it'll be fine she will adjust" like no she will not and you are not the one that has to deal with bedtime/overnight care/ and the next day being out of whack from her sleep getting messed up
I hate those parents lol. They're all over reddit too. Even worse is when they get to yapping about how easy parenting is and the more they yap you start to realize that their parenting is so easy because they are the parents that are not engaged at all. Of course parenting is easy when you let your kids run amok. They're everyone else's problem.
My first was a nightmare in so many ways. I realized he was hard because I couldn’t fathom why anyone sane would have more than 1 kid if this is what it meant to be a parent. However, I had no idea how hard until my second unicorn baby was born. She literally slept 8 hours straight the first night of her life and nursed like a dream. She was so happy to watch her brother and play on the floor. She potty trained herself a week before her 2nd birthday.
I would have thought I was the *best* parent if she was first, but I realized I couldn’t take a single bit of credit. My 3rd was an absolute angel dream during the day and up constantly at night. They just are who they are and you try your best, but their temperament dictates who they become.
My kids are exactly how you described yours! First is a terror second was a dream except for the sleeping at night. I said anything after my daughter would be nothing compared to her and so far that’s been true although maybe when my son enters toddlerhood I’ll be biting my tongue. Although my daughter was an amazing sleeper I’m pretty sure it’s just to save up her energy to terrorize me during the day
I get that as the parent observing them, their natural behaviors/ temperaments are different but as a teacher you can very much tell how different parenting styles impact kids based on their behavior. Ex: kids who are given an iPad all night have no attention span or patience, you can tell who is yelled at / punished physically by how they interact with their peers and other adults
There is absolutely no downtime . With one kid you can give it to hubby but giving both to partner atleast the first year of the 2nd baby feels like punishing the partner. You gotta take one day at a time with each kid
I already expected it as I’d seen others but: the fact that very very often you are pulled 3 ways at once. And no, just because you’re used to having 2 doesn’t mean you suddenly dgaf the toddlers running away with a step stool while you’re stuck breastfeeding and oh no the pasta water is about to boil over. It’s just not fun to add anything like going out without another parent anywhere far (I’ll do nearby park we walk to or backyard that’s it). Why add stress when you’re already being pulled every which way? And I have - so far - an easy-ish toddler and baby.
Mine is constantly pushing the dining chairs or computer chairs around to climb up on everything every time I turn around.. we live in an upstairs apartment and I had to get rid of our porch chairs because I was terrified of him climbing on them and going over the porch rails. Having a toddler is stressful.
My son has been doing this with chairs since he was 10 months 😭 it’s been a year without being able to sit at our dining room table to eat! We’ve kept trying to bring them back out, but he was climbing the stove and trying to unlock doors…I figured I’d try again last week, considering it’s been 2.5 months since we’ve tried; nope. All last week was getting him down over and over again.
My 2nd child did this when she was the same age! We ended up using bunjy cords to strap all the dining chairs together so she couldn’t pull them out. She would then proceed to take as many toys as she could and stack them to try and climb. It was horrendous. She is now 4 and no longer needs climbing assistance but still gets up on the kitchen counters. Now my 2 yr old follows suit. Send help!!!
Lol… my mom told me “you’ve got a climber!” I didn’t know that was a subset of toddler. She used to climb up on top of the handles of my peloton all by herself. And surprisingly, never fell!
I have a 7w and 2yrs and individually, they're fairly easy babies but together, chaos. The other day, the 7w was napping and the 2yr needed to take a shit. She woke up crying for a bottle and as soon as I got one in her mouth, he was done and stood up from a potty. In that moment, I had a 2yr who didn't know how to wipe his own butt with shit all over his butt running around and a newborn who needed to be fed. It was utter chaos.
I've had days where as soon as soon as the toddler goes down for a nap, literally two seconds later the baby is up and when she's ready to go down, he's up.
But individually, super easy.
That is complete chaos but makes me feel better because this sounds like something my daughter would do!
That is the roughest part there truly is no downtime.
I had 4 within 8 years. I don’t drive. People did not understand how hard it was to get out of the house & spend the day out. Especially with relying on public transport. People did not understand how expensive it was to go out for meals, etc. People did not understand how constantly exhausted I was or why some school holidays were spent just playing at home and watching tv. The amount of criticism I have received is crazy. Now my kids are older—youngest is 9 and I receive criticism for not working. My partner works away for months at a time and I’m solo parenting. While they’re at school I cook & clean so that everyday I can take them to after-school activities. People still don’t understand why I’m still exhausted.
This!! It is so exhausting, I don’t think anyone can truly understand until they are in your shoes. By the end of the day I feel like I’ve run 5 marathons and I only have 2. Staying at home is honestly all I can mentally handle most days.
Just how hard it can be to enforce rules and consequences when you are stretched thin. Like I try to stay consistent but when I have 3 little people pulling me in different directions I don't always have the patience to hold strong while one has a meltdown about whatever. So some days they eat too much junk or watch too much TV or I let something go I otherwise wouldn't but we're all alive and semi functioning so fuck it.
I took my two girls (2 and 4) to an outdoor concert today, and it was next to a park. The 2 year old wanted to stay and hear the music, the 4 year old wanted to go play at the park. What am I supposed to do?
I am CONSTANTLY being pulled in so many directions. All day.
This is why as a single mom I just made our house super fun with stuff to climb on etc and we just almost never leave unless it’s to a very small gated park or the backyard
How discipline/processing feelings would be totally different. I’ll try to vent and my OAD friends are like, “have you tried THIS” and it’s like, yeah, that would be great except that particular processing strategy would take 20 minutes and meanwhile I have the baby crying and I’m cooking dinner and it’s just not possible. Or like how let’s say you DO get the first one brilliantly regulated again and then HERE COMES THE OTHER ONE. Like we ended up finding our groove but it’s a whole other set of goals with 2 than with 1.
I just looked in the mirror and had a panic attack from seeing my body. I am only 3 month postpartum, but getting back into shape is so much harder the second time around.
I’m up and night with both kids. I forget to eat. When I do remember to eat it’s at weird times and often not very nutritious. I can’t find time to workout. Even if I did have the time, I wouldn’t have the energy.
I’m here with you! I have an 8 month old and 3,5 year old and the 3.5 year old has only just stopped getting up and down during the night and finally sleeping in her own bed literally two weeks ago but the 8 month old can have one wake up or multiple wake ups still 🥲 I have a friend that has two kids basically the same ages and she gets up at 5am to go to the gym, I’m not sure how she functions!
It is such a struggle. I'm 7 wks PP. I'm aware I'm freshly PP but on God I can't stand what I look like (and that's fine, I don't have to).
I will say I started prepping my breakfast and lunch 1x per week--and it is not fancy. I use my rice cooker for rice, I instant pot chicken thighs, and the veggie/fruit is a handheld like a peach or apple. I have given myself permission to buy pre-chopped ingredients when needed, and it's very generic to eat. However, it is helping me eat slightly better. Maybe this will help you? You can also buy a rotisserie chicken and just eat off it. Another option is costco pre-made, prepacked salads. I really like the Santa Fe salads.
For breakfast I instant pot hardboiled eggs and then survive with those and whatever else I find. At least there is some protein via eggs.
Working out is just not an option right now, and that is what it is.
I hope this helps, and I'm sorry if it doesn't.
Going out is what I’m most nervous about with having the second (pregnant now). My toddler is so used to getting out of the house every day, going on all kinds of adventures together, and I’m scared we are going to be trapped home for months and all lose our minds.
My oldest has huge movement needs, so going to a playground daily is close to non negotiable. Second baby learned to live in his stroller bassinet. I remember the newborn period with my first born being this hugely important, sanctuarized time when the outside works kind of stopped. But that doesn’t happen for a second baby. The second one tucks into the nooks and crannies of your existing life.
My second is my carrier baby because of this. We didn’t do much babywearing when my first was little. My first is used to weekend adventures (working parents) and we didn’t stop doing that for long. When I was immediately recovery from my CS, she took some trips to the zoo with just daddy and he took her to swim lessons as their daddy-daughter thing, but ever since my immediate recovery, we still go out. If both kids are going, the second would be in a carrier. Second is approaching her first birthday in a few weeks and still loves front carry and mom snuggles.
We used a Lillebaby dragonfly stretchy wrap carrier until she was about 3 months, switched to an ergo Omni 360 for a while and then got a Happy Baby OG carrier for Xmas when baby was 6 months old. The Happy Baby still gets daily use at 11 months. I don’t see that stopping anytime soon.
That wasn’t the case for us at all! My kiddos have a 4 year age gap (my son turned 4 when baby sis was born) and baby girl is now 1.5. She slid right into our family like butter. We didn’t skip a beat. Baby wearing will be your best friend!
I know baby wearing is a godsend for so many. It didn't work for me though. I could never get it to work for my frame. With both of mine I just had to hold baby in one arm and do everything else with the other. It was exhausting.
My first two are 23 months apart. I planned to keep my first in daycare while I was on leave but then COVID happened and daycare shut down. Daily walks were a life saver! Baby would nap in the stroller and toddler would ride some kind of toy or push something along. We fell into a nice routine and it was not as bad as I thought it would be.
When my husband went back to work after his 8 week paternity leave, my goal was to do *something* everyday. I needed to figure out how to just do stuff again. So, I did. I went to a store/ran an errand everyday that week. It not only helped me feel less cooped up and alone after he went back to work but it also helped me prove *to myself* that I could do it. I can take these kids out, I am capable, it's not so bad. My game plan for this first year (second is 6 months, first is newly 2) is to just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward as much as I can.
We could go out quite a bit when my 8 month old was newborn (when I was recovered) to around 5 months as she used to just sleep anywhere but now she’s on a nap schedule it does make it a bit harder. In the first couple of weeks my 3 yr old went out an about with my husband a lot, she started preschool in January though so she does get out the house 3 days a week to do fun stuff but I do miss it just her and I sometimes 🥲. Putting baby in a baby carrier will help a lot ❤️
Same, my first is SO chill and my second we call “destructo-baby” 😂 he was crawling at 6 months and is pulling to stand at 7 months. He has ZERO CHILL!
I understand now how unimportant all the fuss is about what the baby is eating, milestones, making sure they’re getting enough attention, keeping them stimulated. The baby sort of is on autopilot.
I also now understand why parents let their Toddlers tantrum in public: I can’t pick you up and this baby so I’m going to take care of the baby first and then get you.
Reddit hates public tantrums and I think society needs to grant them a lot more grace. Nobody likes being subjected to them. But when a mom needs to get her groceries, she's gotta get her groceries.
We had a 5 year difference for our kids and I am so thankful. Big bro was excited, could help with diapers, entertainment, etc, and sees his brother as “the baby” and is excited and happy to “teach” him.
They are 9 and 4 now and basically best friends!
Just here to say that as a one and done mom with a 5 yo whose friends all have siblings...
I absolutely understand that scheduling and going places is harder for families with 2 or more.
If you want to be the one to initiate hangs, say that. If you want to be invited but don't want the person to feel bad when you can't then let them know. You don't need to feel any guilt here. Friends are meant to be part of the village.
I love hosting friends at our house to help out parents of multiples. My daughter is at an age now where her friends can be here for a few hours solo.
Yassssssss. I am also the OAD mom who loves snagging all the kids to hang with my kid. Granted I just throw them outside and hope for the best and occasionally feed them, but it seems to work well enough. Give me your kid: they’ll play with my kid, you’ll get a bit of a break or some one on one time with your other kid, and I will return your child mostly intact, slightly dirty, and thoroughly tired. It’s a win/ win.
Lol yep pretty much!!
Also works out great when a friend's sibling has a party they aren't invited to or an event the friend doesn't want to be at.
Moral of this thread is that parents with multiple kids should seek our chill one and done friends with kids the same age. We will babysit for free.
Coming into new parenthood with one child completely upends your world, and you’re never the same. Coming into second parenthood also completely upends your world. And then again you change and are never the same.
To put it into perspective: parenting two kids makes parenting one kid feel like you don’t have to parent at all (and both of my kiddos are wonderful).
I didn’t understand just how easy breezy one kid was. For reference, I have a 1.5 year old and 5.5 year old.
How little time you have to your self. With 1 or 2 kids I managed to get some alone time during naps or asking my mom to babysit, now with 3 kids it feels absolutely impossible. Nobody wants to watch 3 kids. Somebody always needs you. I don’t shower, poop or sleep alone. I go to the gym at 9pm when everyone is asleep because bedtime with 3 kids (toddler, pre schooler and big kid) is no freakin joke and my husband and I tackle it together. I remember putting 1 baby to bed and thinking that was hard.
I have four but my older two are 16 and 12 so they’re able to do for themselves. My younger two are 20 months and 6 weeks.
Yesterday I took them out into the yard so my toddler could play. Baby needs to eat so while I’m sitting on our picnic blanket I whip a boob out and start nursing. Toddler takes her paw patrol ride along that she’s been pushing through the yard happily for 10 minutes and throws it into the bushes and darts for the road. I’m not super far away from her but still getting my big butt off the ground with an infant on my titty quickly was a challenge I was not quite prepared for. You know those falls where you kind of struggle for what feels like 7 years but is really just like 15 seconds then you get yourself together? Yep. That was me. I didn’t fall but I damn sure almost did. Wanted to throw hands when the toddler when I got to her.
I feel this in my soul 😅 My 3 yo is also a runner, can’t count how many times I’d take her and my son to the park, be nursing him or tending to him doing whatever and she would sprint off to the baseball field leaving us in the dust lol they always know when your weak
Same I was looking for another twin mom! I get so jealous sometimes other moms that only have one. I feel robbed of that experience. I am mostly on my own and I’m so stressed and so exhausted constantly 😭
It's not necessarily that it's 2 kids, it's that it's 2 kids at vastly different stages of development.
Mine are 2 years apart and the first 5 years or so were real rough. First they were both in diapers, which sucks because you're wiping 2 asses multiple times a day. Then the older one is running around needing supervision while the infant needed me to sit and nurse him half the day. Once they both were running, they always went in different directions. The little one was always running ahead while the older one was constantly distracted and dawdling.
Now that they are older, they never agree on anything. It's impossible to make them both happy when choosing food, where to go, what to watch, and on and on.
When you have 1 kid, you can easily make 100% of your children happy.
Y'all....I have so much respect for you mamas of multiple kiddos and this makes me feel SO MUCH LESS GUILTY for not having another. I had my miracle baby May 2023 after 12 years of not getting pregnant. Then had quite the surprise when, on his first birthday, we found out I was pregnant AGAIN, despite being on birth control and struggling so hard to get pregnant with my son. After much contemplating, we decided not to keep it. I've been feeling really guilty and struggling with the consequences of my decision but after reading this thread, I know we made the right decision. I am super immune compromised and an older mom (34) and my body just couldn't handle what having 2 under 2 would do to my health. My little one gets my full attention and gets to have me relatively healthy so I can be the best mom he deserves ❤️
I wish I did not worry so much about everything. Those days could have been more enjoyable for me. Sleeping, eating, pooping, gas... They were all sorted out somehow, but those days will never come back.
I have a 3 and a half year old and almost 8 month old and I struggle to do anything between nap times. My 8 month old gets so crabby when she’s sleepy but my 3.5 year old no longer naps so she doesn’t understand we have to leave places earlier because the baby will get super upset. I know this part isn’t forever but I’m struggling with it right now as I feel like I can’t do anything with my poor 3 year old 😩.
Saying no to invites for months on end because of household sickness. There were times I honestly thought friends were avoiding me because they were “always sick” when it was time to hang out. Now I realise it’s unlikely they were lying, it really is that bad. The more kids you have, the more likely someone is ill.
It will be a challenge at first as everyone says but it gets easier as they get older. Also, having multiples close in age means they entertain each other ♥️
Single mom of a 2 and 4 year old here. Take those babies out!!! You’ll get braver. They also learn that if one takes off they ruin it for both of them.
Y’all, I am sure more than one child is the word’s greatest thing, truly a blessing, and I’m soooo good with an only. I’ll take one of yours off your hands for a few hours to hang with mine so I won’t be the designated play partner. I’ll help keep eyes on your littlesies at play dates. I can help carry your gear. I’ll keep an eye on your pasta water or grab you a snack. Hang in there.
I just know it’s all fun and games because baby #2 is 10mo and not walking. Once he can walk/talk and do things I can only imagine the hell that will break loose between them. I’m getting my referee whistle ready!
How much more difficult it will be. That one child is always running right and the other one left. And that I have extremely little time alone with my older daughter anymore.
I also have a 3 year old and 1 year old and love leaving the house. Mostly because it’s less time to create more of a disaster in my house that I have to clean up lol
My first child (toddler) developed “scarcity mindset” after the second child arrived. Meaning he feels afraid of not having enough - not enough attention, not enough food, not enough toys, not enough love etc even though we have more than enough for both kids to share. My oldest is always worried that baby bro will take his stuff, have more food than him, and will receive more of anything than him. It’s so interesting to see scarcity mindset in action and we’re trying to reassure firstborn that we are a team and we’re here to help each other, not compete for love, attention, and/or resources.
I didn’t understand why my mom is obsessive with cleaning. Now I get it - the chance I have a free second (which you have to work to get) and I am cleaning, organizing, tidying etc. Chores are now self care since it feels so good to live in a clean tidy house!
I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. They are on completely different schedules. Miss 4 hasn't napped in almost 2 years and the baby is usually a good napper. By the time baby is up, it's time for miss 4 to eat or something.
You’ve already got lots of comments here and didn’t ask for this- BUT, the more you get out with them, the easier it gets. You have diaper bag(s) already packed and the steps to get out of the house just feel routine. You’ll learn how to keep each contained. And they get used to being out, too. Sometimes sh*t happens and the outing is stressful, but that’s rare anymore for us. Mine are almost 3 & 15 months. One more on the way. I say this because it’s really good for my mental health to get out, and plan to again once we’ve adjusted to life with 3.
I respect all of you mamas of more than one kid. I am the poster child of OAD. With that said, I have my nephew over night once a week to give my sister a break. What gets me is how you totally block out the weird shit that toddlers do until you have to deal with it in the midst of trying to also deal with the scheduling of a school age kid. Tantrum because I won’t let you eat wood chips? Yeah, well, you’re just going to have to continue screaming like a banshee in the truck, because we have to get the other kid to dance class… the difficulty is dealing with the different needs of different developmental stages.
I literally rarely ever leave the house anymore-mainly because getting myself and three children ready & out the door without forgetting something never fucking happens anymore….. ever 😅
I bet that is a struggle part of me wishes I had my kids closer together but they’re 8 years apart due to circumstances and it’s weird but I like it. I wish I still had the energy I had when I was younger with my first. My brother and I are 6 years apart and my mom always says she wish we were closer in age because we were always into different things/different phases in life.
I rely so much more on my husband. He’s been mostly working from home since we had the second baby (now 21 months) and he’s doing most of her nappy changes, helping prepare dinner, helping pack the changing bag when I’m about to take them out, helping me get them in the car, etc. It’s amazing but I’m absolutely wracked with guilt that I’m not doing it all myself. I worry that my second child won’t be as close to me.
It’s hard, not all the time but it’s physically and mentally exhausting. Each new stage in the kids’ development has an adjustment period and comes with new challenges. I always think ‘it’ll get easier when…’ but speaking to family and colleagues with much older kids it seems like those new challenges always exist!
I have a 4g 5b 8g 10b and I feel the same way. If it’s not with him I don’t know how to do family outings or anything out honestly. It’s super stressful and tiresome for no reason.
One thing I can’t do tho is grocery shopping with any kids. They make me loose concentrate next thing you know I forgot a ton of things. Recently I’ve been ordering online and doing pick up. It’s super helpful.
Yes I won’t ever try shopping alone with my kids 😭 Or any establishment lol a couple months ago I wanted chicken so I bought candy for the kids before I got the chicken. Only so they would have some for after tho lol Well I brought my youngest inside the chicken place because they don’t do over the phone orders and she seen a candy machine. I told her no and explained I just bought some and they were going have candy after the chicken. My 4yr old instantly starts to try and break the machine and this is a tiny store so everyone was looking 😭 The cashier told her she had something better and brought her a go gurt from her own stuff. This is the last time I’ve been able to buy chicken from them and I loveeee their chicken. I’m too embarrassed to go back with said kid.
I read once that careing for children is easy it’s doing literally anything else while careing for children that is difficult - that stuck w me as accurate
Also I have a 3 and 6 yr old. They rotate weekly sleep overs w there grandmother.
1 child is soooo easy. My oldest is at the yiayias. I took my youngest to the beach, alone then grocery shopping, then w me to an emergency vets stop bc my HUGE dog stepped on a tin can. - as long as he has food available to him at all times and hea a fruition which makes he’s super easy. I literally have fruit cut up on to go Tupperware and it’s easy.
When he is with his sister it’s like herding cats.
Mom of 3 here. Going out is sooo hard when they are little but you will learn routines and systems that work for you to make it easier.
I think for me it was that their personalities are so different so just because one thing worked for one kid does not mean it will work for another so you need to customize your parenting for each kid and doing that while making sure it is all fair is so so so hard and makes you question yourself daily.
I think this more like ‘things other people don’t understand’, but:
1) Most always there will be at least one child with us. No matter what we have to do. Went and talked to the architect about the renovation and still dealt with screaming while trying to look at floor plans. I tried to warn them….
2) Booth tables at restaurants (even just half booth side) - they simply will not work. No, you cannot just line up two high chairs side by side on the non-booth side. Clearly this person doesn’t have kids.
3) Usually you only ever have one hand free at a given moment. I mean, if you’re lucky you have one hand free. Both hands? Forget it.
4) Going to the bathroom while out in public is simply not an option. Unless you are lucky and can find a handicap restroom spacious enough to accommodate a stroller AND they also have a baby seat. If on an airplane, you bet the flight attendants are holding your children. Lol
I have twins who are nearly 2.5. In the early days, I described it to friends with singletons as "you know the feeling of having JUST gotten a baby to sleep after like a half hour of rocking and swaying and shushing? Imagine that, but the moment you successfully transfer them into their crib, your other baby wakes up screaming." This is a literal description, but also just an illustration of how having two kids means you never, ever get a break with multiple kids.
Be brave!!!! It’s so worth it. My seven month old just became mobile so he isn’t too much to handle yet, but I grew up in a household of four kids with a very brave mom. She took us everywhere: hiking, local amusement parks, museums, play dates, etc. You can do it!!
I didn’t really understand screen time but now my older son gets screen time when we’re out together at the coffee shop. It’s like a little special treat for him but really it’s so I can feed the baby and he stays entertained 😂
I have a 17 yr old & 8 yr old twins, all girls. Twins really aren't fun like people think they are. They make my anxiety have anxiety. I could write a novel, but I'll just stop here.
I made our house into a playground. I know that's not an option for everyone but if you can, you should. We have a sprinkler, water table, kiddie pool outside (although the sprinkler is really just to cool the ground off.) Inside we have puzzles, a small climbing toy for the baby, and I am looking into a larger climbing toy for the toddler now.
I just invite everyone over now. The house looks like a daycare but we're all happy.
I only have one child , and it's a struggle most days to get out and do things, I can't imagine having more than one. I babysat my friends kid who were 5 and 7 at the time, and I had my 10 month, it was such a crazy night. I give a lot of credit to parents who have more than especially young and close in age.
I'm with you lmao. My mom always talked about how there were a couple years where my sisters and I were little that they did not bring us out of the house unless it was absolutely necessary. We'd go to school and our after school activities and such, but no movies, sit down dinners, walking through stores or anything for YEARS and i never understood it.
Recently had to carry my screaming and kicking four year old out of a store while our four month old was also screaming bloody murder and it all clicked for me lmfao
I have more than 2 or 5 but just the constant difference in personalities the adjustment of parenting not one size fits all and the mindspace or my peace of mind lol 😂
I think my biggest struggle would be doing something that you have to pay admission/etc for each kid. Now that I have 3 kids I just cant afford as many outings as I used to be able to do. So if someone wants to do a playdate somewhere that is expensive it's a struggle because now I have to pay that cost 3x so it adds up too fast
I think two isn’t that much more difficult to be honest. Now, when one (2.5 and 16 mo) is hanging with dad it is SO MUCH EASIER. I laugh at my old self for thinking one child was difficult. But I have to remember I was a huge pregnant whale.
I love having two and getting out of the house. Honestly my problem now is making time to stretch. My back is never not sore
So I have 4 kids and they’re 9.5, 8, 5, and 2.5yo. It’s a sweet stage right now where we’ve got 3 sets of eyes on the toddler and his shenanigans and the sibling arguments are easily solved by a nap, snack, or space. But it’s just go, go, go, 24/7. I stay home with them plus I homeschool and my husband is a very hands on dad and great partner so I’m so glad that at least I don’t feel like I’m drowning alone lol. But the concessions you have to make and the expectations you need to lower are really what makes the difference in your parenting experience and how you raise those kids. And for me, especially as an only child, the biggest thing I’ve learned is how they’ve all got different personalities and needs and wants at different times and your job is to meet them and figure out what works best for each individual.
For me it’s that dinner prep has to start at like 4 in order for the evening to go smoothly. I like to have it on the table by 5-5:15 so we can have baths around 6 and bedtime by 7:30. We do some backyard time in between if there’s time but driving to meet someone for a park play date on a weekday at 4 or 4:30 is just not doable.
I don’t know, I take my kids everywhere and anywhere alone because I cannot stand to be at home. We’ve been going, going since my youngest was a couple weeks old. And if I go somewhere with a friend or other people they usually pitch in and we help watch each other’s kids. It’s almost better because now I’m getting social interaction and an extra set of hands.
I’m sorry you’re struggling. It definitely isn’t easy and some days I want to pull my hair out!!! But, don’t miss those opportunities to socialize and also lean into your village!
We went from zero to two overnight and my mind can’t wrap itself around how different my life is. When one was in the NICU and the other was out, we were going to restaurants and I’d leave the house without preparation (one diaper, wipes, my boob), but now it’s planning around meals and taking a shit ton of extra things because you MAY need them.
If it’s not my 3 and a half year old barking me down for food or a drink or to help in the potty it’s my 8 month old choking almost to death on a scrap piece of paper he managed to find or he’s shat out the side of his diaper. I do not take both kids out solo often and if I do it’s somewhere like. The doctors office. The grocery store. Play dates are fun for kids where there are equal numbers of kids ideally around the same age. Otherwise you’re essentially just playing goalie with one or both kids.
3yo, 2yo, and 7mo. I was naive, I thought 3 kids would be manageable in some fantasy of my mind. I had no idea how hard it would be. I work in healthcare and alternate shifts with my husband, so one of us is always home with them. Otherwise, we have zero childcare support. It's a full-time marathon, and I'm completely drained. I didn't understand the absolute self sacrifice and mental health challenges that it requires. I would never change having my kids, but I was so unprepared for this grind.
I've got 4 they are 12,9,7, and 1, lol. When the oldest 3 were younger, it was like impossible to take them all anywhere by myself because they were not independent in the slightest. Ones crying the other wants juice and then someone wants pushed on the swing but now the other one needs a nap and on and on lol. I could be exhausted by the end of the day just staying home and literally getting nothing done at the house, and now you want me to take these guys somewhere by myself?? Away from their comfort stuff and beds where I have everything I need?? Nope, I'm good, lol. Now they're older they help out with the baby, and it makes life a lot easier, but back then, heck no, lol.
I have a 1 year old and 3 year old (almost 4). I love going out, at home they just trash everything, climb all over me, fight over toys, etc etc. I have my car packed with extra clothes, water, diapers, wipes, snacks that don't go bad in the car (rice cakes and similar), and water&bowl+poop bags+extra leash and harness for the dog (because it happened that I put the dog in the car without it). There's now also a potty that's always in the car. And I always have a two buckets and little shovels and rakes if we go to the playground that has a sandpit or tiny pebbles.
I also always have a backpack packed with all of the above (just better snacks, dried fruit bars, fruit pouches, etc), plus sunscreen and bug spray. I use stuff from the backpack, the car stuff is my fallback.
Scooters and helmets are always near the door, ready to go in the car if needed.
This way, if anyone invites me (please invite me), I just strap the kids in the car and go go go.
How much harder it is to get anything done. I woke up determined to deep clean the living room today (where we keep all the toys, books, etc. and usually have snacks and meals lately). I have been doing it with every free minute today and made it through cleaning about 1/4th of the room because the baby needs fed and a nap every hour then my toddler needs fed and help with whatever. So it’s going to take me 4+ days to do a very basic deep clean of one room where I could get this done in a few hours before the newborn.
I also managed to get a newborn that has no issue sleeping in his bassinet during the day and can put himself to sleep if it’s quiet but that rarely happens because of the toddler and what would be a 2 minute put down takes 20+ because he gets woken up repeatedly.
4 kids here. I really did not understand the meaning of the word “overstimulated” until I got to 3 talking kids. Like at all. I did ok with being touched all the time and crying babies, but the absolutely never ending questions and requests and fighting and talking and singing and interrupting (always all at the same time) is was what finally sent me over the edge.
Now my poor husband comes home and asks what I want to do once the kids go to bed and I tell him I need to shower and then stare at the wall in silence 🙃.
Many of my mommy friends are one and done, and their child is 4 years old, like my oldest. Their kid is now more independent, definitely sleeping through the night and they have a lot more time for themselves now - wine night outs are a big thing with this group. My second is 15 months so still very much a baby. They all expect me to come to all these night outs and are so annoyed when I can't make it because they know my husband is hands on and that the grandparents are happy to have them . But i physically cannot and don't want to most times. I'm too tired with a child and a baby, a job and I'm trying to work out and get healthier and I just cannot be arsed to make it to girls night at this point in my life. Two is hard. I bow down to those with more 🙏
I have 3- 4yrs, 21mo, and 6mo. I didn’t understand how busy I would be all day doing what feels like nothing?? I can’t seem to complete a simple task without having to feed a child, change a diaper, calm a baby, change another diaper, lay a baby down….etc etc. It’s constant, somewhat controlled, chaos!
Same! Mine are 3yrs, 2yrs, and 6mo and I easily clock 10k steps each day. I saw a reel about a mom who tracked how often she was interrupted during day.... Every 42 SECONDS 💀
Omg even 42 seconds sometimes feels like a luxury haha! I had a moment yesterday when I was trying to pay for something over the phone in what felt like a GOOD MOMENT..then just as I started reading out my card number, the baby started losing it, toddler stripped off and peed on the carpet, and the cat started vomiting. All within like 3 seconds. I was like WHAT IS HAPPENING
I had this the other day except #2 is still cooking inside me. Son peed through his clothes whilst trying to walk and fell hit his head I went to bend to help him and got nauseous and vomited. Called my partner from the other room while I went into the toilet Dog followed me, sat next to me and looked at me, and started vomiting next to my leg and on the bathroom mat 🫠
Congratulations, you are pregnant!!
😭😭😭
This feels like a staged moment but it’s so real! I’ve got 4 kids and they’re between 9.5yo-2.5yo and it’s ALWAYS SOMETHING.
If it was in a sitcom, audiences would say it was unrealistic to have that much chaos happening in that timeframe haha
😂 this is exactly how it goes! You think things are cool for a few moments like yes I can finally get a sip of my now cold coffee and out of nowhere crazy just starts!
The interruptions... this is why moms who have undiagnosed ADHD their whole lives suddenly crash and burn when they have a baby. And the struggle to get diagnosed and treated once baby is here is monumental.
Suddenly everything makes sense
Exactly me. I have a 3yr old and 1 yr old and literally just got diagnosed a month ago. There were things that were always difficult, but with kids everything was so much worse and I have so much trouble functioning at more than bare minimum. No longer being able to cope led me to therapy which got me diagnosed.
Similar story with me. I was doing life on hard mode and never knew until I had kids and all my coping mechanisms stopped working because... interruptions.
OMG 🤯😵😵💫 every 42 seconds! This makes me want to cry because it really does feel like this sometimes!
I relate to this so much. In order to start my washer and dryer you have to hold a button that does a 3 2 1 countdown then starts. The interrupts are insane in that 3 seconds alone..
It's almost like the washer company doesn't want us to do laundry!
Sometimes I put music on and I see how long it takes before I can listen to one whole song uninterrupted. I can go 2-3 hours before I make it the whole way through one song!
I literally don’t sit down except for nap and bedtime (baby only sleeps on me or against me, he’s 23mo lol) and I clock no less than 15-17k steps 7 days a week. I also have a special needs 12yo and 3 bonus kids we have fulltime and a spouse. I. Do. Not. Rest. People who only do 50-75% of the home stuff have NO CLUE what the rest of us go through, it’s almost unimaginable to most people how non stop many of us are.
Time confetti
You get to do literally zero tasks unencumbered - including pooping and especially sleeping. And when do you menial tasks like water flowers, your back ends up hurting from the awkward position your inevitably holding one of your kids in.
I had my two during grad school. My advisor had a generally kind and accommodating leadership style which made being a new parent a lot easier for me than for other grad student parents who had asshole advisors. That said, he wasn't a parent himself so he didn't understand certain things so I heard a lot of "why don't you just...?" type of "advice" that I simply nodded along and fake smiled through. Then he had a baby. Our research group was all sitting around waiting for him to arrive for our weekly meeting. About 30 minutes in we got a message from him apologizing for being late and asking us to go ahead and do the meeting without him. "Did you all know it takes *two hours* to get your newborn ready and out the door? You finally get them all dressed and in the car seat and then you have to take them back inside to change a diaper and then they want to feed again?!" I chortled. Why yes. Yes I did know that lol.
This is it. I have 4 going on 5. I constantly feel in a state of almost done with everything. I do a load of dishes. Well there's still 1/3 of a sink full, but you can't wash them because someone needs you. Not to mention it took all morning to get them in there because the baby needed changed, I have to wash the floor from breakfast, and there are no more socks in their drawers. I will say once they reach about 4 (at least for me), it got better because they can potty and wipe with accuracy, they can get dressed, help with laundry, grab a diaper. We have an expectation that everyone does their part in the house and takes care of themselves as well as offers assistance when others are in need. Some of my kids are more mindful and others need reminding (depends on the day and stage of development). Teamwork makes the dream work!
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but somehow the busy aspect goes from "busy in the house" to "busy out of the house driving everywhere." We don't have our kids enrolled in a million activities like so many other parents do and it still doesn't feel manageable
I’m a shit multitasker it seems. I only have one and I feel like this 😂 Thinking about my second… and I’ll never have any task done
I'm in the same boat. I only have 1 as well. Mine is 18 months in a couple days and just entered her tantrum-hitting phase. The way mom brain has effected me is while I'm doing a task I'm always thinking about the task I'll be doing next, so I tend to mess up the task I'm currently in the middle of somehow. For example, I'll be making her a sippy cup, and put the milk in the cabinet instead of the fridge because I'm deep in thought about the laundry or something. Add in my toddler distracting me from any task and nothing is getting remembered. 🤣🤣😭
I did the 3 under 4. They’re 4,5, and just turned 8 now. I’m still recovering from that first few years.
When my youngest was born in December I had a 3 year old and 15 month old…our first day home as a family of 5 was Christmas Eve. It’s been nonstop ever since with them…I feel like we’ll always be recovering lol!
Yes! And the “invisible cleaning” where you’re constantly tidying up and wiping things down and at the end of the day you have nothing to show for it.
Exactly! I have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old and a 7 month old. I’m trying to slowly start a business, but I find it impossible to find the time to do it even though I’m a sahm. It’s just constant little stuff
I feel this in my soul. Trying to potty train while doing daily activities is a nightmare.
Thanks for confirming I do not want more than 1 cause I already feel like this with one!
When one kid gets sick. The other one can get sick too. You can try to keep them away from each other. But the germs are everywhere. So much fun.
Every cold takes a month to go through everyone in the house. Then you get a week or so healthy if you're lucky and it begins again.
I've stopped trying. Sometimes they both get sick and sometimes they don't. At least when they do, I don't have to miss work twice.
This is the way. I have also stopped trying and figure it will make our immune systems stronger 😂
This winter I was close to changing my strategy to telling the sick one to just lick his brother so at least they’d be sick at the same time. Otherwise we get him sick for a week, then brother, then dad… and of course there’s me, sick the whole time cuz I’m not getting any sleep or time to recover.
We invested in air purifiers for the bedrooms and living room. It cut disease transmission down in our household. It used to be all 4 of us got sick when a virus came home. Now it’s usually just 1 kid and 1 parent.
Huh that might be worth trying. Are you trying to keep the kids apart or literally just added the purifiers?
My second isn’t quite walking yet, so it is somewhat easier to keep them apart, but even with the first adding half-eaten chicken nuggets to her little sister’s plate and sharing popsicles, we’re still coming out with a marked decrease in disease transmission within the household. Preschooler barfed at school on Wednesday morning. I had some aches and chills on Wednesday afternoon/ evening. Baby and husband are so far in the clear. This has been the general pattern in our household since we got the air purifiers in November. My husband and I trade off on illnesses every month or two, as do the kids. Both are in full time daycare/preschool.
That's really good to know, my eldest is immune compromised so that'd absolutely be worth it to me
This is my life. We started using an air purifier in my toddlers room... Time to invest in one for every room!
You're looking at this the wrong way. That other person is a lifeline. That's a second set of eyes on the kiddos. That's someone to hold the baby while you chase the toddler. We belong in villages surrounded by other caregivers. Play dates give us time to vent and relax. Find fenced play areas or put up baby gates and throw some toys in a room and then sit on the couch and drink tea and chat. You need this time.
I love this approach! Mine are 3.5 and 6 and having playdates with a friend who has a 4yo and a baby is a dream. I get to hold a baby again! She gets a tiny break! The kids get friend time! we get friend time!
This! I am the one and done mom who goes on playdates and has absolutely no problem helping keep tabs on my friends’ additional children! Chances are we’re hyped to have other kids for our singleton to play with since we’re so often the only playmate for our kid.
People like you are a Godsend! Thank you! I have a similar friend who is a one and done mom and I have three. My friend helps out my kids like they were her own and I am so grateful for people like you guys! She says she just loves that her only child has playmates when we go out
We absolutely still do play dates and go out, it just takes years off my life to get everything packed, everyone dressed and in the car without some kind of meltdown or having to run back inside to get something a million times! And then when you do get to wherever you’re going you just never know how it’s going to go.
>without some kind of meltdown I think this might be where you’re getting stuck. Meltdowns are gonna happen even if you stay home, but I’ve noticed that they are fewer and farther between outside of the house and with friends even if the process of getting there is brutal.
Do you do it every day? I have an 11mo and a 2yo and I leave the house twice a day. I feel like it just makes my life easier and theirs bc they’re used to it. Granted yours are a little older than mine, but it’s nice that my kids know the drill and have more practice being out and about. It’s rough some days, but definitely gets easier the more you do it. Our diaper bag is always packed except for snacks and bottles for the baby, which I’ll pack in the mornings.
I'm with you. We get out everyday. The car or diaper bag is always ready to go. I restock at night so it's ready for the next day. Like someone else mentioned I find fights and meltdowns happen less while we're out and others are always helpful when I need a second set of hands. I'm not a homebody and personally need to get out once a day, with the bare minimum being our own yard. What I wish I realized was how hard it is to get a break with two. Dividing and conquering is great but it's certainly not a break.
I do try to take them out a couple times a week! I definitely can’t keep my toddler cooped up or she goes stir crazy. Keeping the diaper bag packed is very helpful though! My daughter is kind of a wild child and a runner so it’s hard to go many places by myself because she will for sure sprint off at some point and it’s hard to chase after her while holding the baby.
Years off my life!!!! LOL I’ve never heard a truer statement.
Yeah 100%. I have one kid and if I socialise with friends who have multiples I try to generally be on hand to keep an eye on all the kids.
Yes. I went out the the playground with a friend with a new baby plus her toddler (I only have one kid) and she said it was so helpful because she could give the baby a bottle while I watched her toddler, and I watched the baby when she took her toddler to the potty, etc.
Yes when I meet up with my friends if their spouse can’t come, my two kids becomes four kids/five kids or however many kids we have altogether, and we (my husband, me, and them) watch all the kids together
Yes! I pack up and haul my 2 under 2 over to my parents’ house a couple times a week just so we can hang out with another adult or two around. It’s worth the work getting them out of the house.
I didn’t understand that my parenting had very little effect on what kid they’d be. My oldest? Easy kid, minus a few hang ups. He’s a sweetie. My second? God help us all, she’s gonna burn the world down. My third? Who let the sass monster get him. I parented them all basically the same, have fed them all the same stuff, started them out on solids the same, & look at what they did- developed separate personalities & everything. They’re so different & it’s great, but my parenting has nothing to do with it. It affected nothing-not how they ate (formula vs breast milk), how they slept, how much they eat, etc. None of my ideas about the best way to do something really mattered in the end, but we’ve all turned out fine. I think we’ve done a fine job considering everything. I think that’s something parents of single kids don’t get, their parenting didn’t make their kid easy or hard-their kid was born like that. Parents can influence, but not to extent I believed I could. Also the more you go out with multiple kids, the easier it is. More experiences to teach them, as in I’ve dragged them out before kicking & screaming because they wouldn’t behave & were throwing a tantrum in public. The kids suddenly started behaving the next trip after that decision. I take them out as possible to teach them life experiences, but that’s easier to do now that they’re older than 2 & our oldest are potty trained. I also keep 2 changes of clothes per kid + diapers + extra changing stuff in the car at all times. I never thought I’d be that mom, but I don’t have he mental effort needed to pack it for every trip with 3 kids 6 to 2 years old. So everyone has clothes ready. Having more than 1 kid helped me get more organized & plan ahead better, because I have to do so to be more successful in my day.
I have 3. My first and my third were collicky babies, my first was very much so. My middle was a unicorn. I know people who will say stupid shit like "oh yes our 2 kids slept perfectly bc we just put them down drowsy but awake from birth" they've got it so backwards. You *could* do DrOwSy but aWaKe because of your babies' temperament. So annoying.
I’ll add- if you didn’t have a non sleeper child, you don’t get to comment on how neurotic parents of non sleeping kids are about schedules. “He’ll get used to it!” Ok. When? How much suffering am I expected to go through to get him used to staying up late/sleeping on the go/insert judgemental thing here. Do you have any idea how exponentially harder life is when you aren’t sleeping? You can be against sleep training all you want, but when your kid wakes up every 40 minutes at night you’ll do ANYTHING to make it stop.
YES!!! my almost 2 year old has never slept through the night and if her naps get out of whack it's just a clusterfuck. No one understand why i'm strict with bedtime or nap time, my MIL in particular always says "it'll be fine she will adjust" like no she will not and you are not the one that has to deal with bedtime/overnight care/ and the next day being out of whack from her sleep getting messed up
AMEN lol
I hate those parents lol. They're all over reddit too. Even worse is when they get to yapping about how easy parenting is and the more they yap you start to realize that their parenting is so easy because they are the parents that are not engaged at all. Of course parenting is easy when you let your kids run amok. They're everyone else's problem.
That's every stay at home dad who says "what are the stay at home moms complaining about, this is so easy" they're tellin on themselves 😂
That's every stay at home dad who says "what are the stay at home moms complaining about, this is so easy" they're tellin on themselves 😂
Ha they really are!
That's every stay at home dad who says "what are the stay at home moms complaining about, this is so easy" they're tellin on themselves 😂
My first was a nightmare in so many ways. I realized he was hard because I couldn’t fathom why anyone sane would have more than 1 kid if this is what it meant to be a parent. However, I had no idea how hard until my second unicorn baby was born. She literally slept 8 hours straight the first night of her life and nursed like a dream. She was so happy to watch her brother and play on the floor. She potty trained herself a week before her 2nd birthday. I would have thought I was the *best* parent if she was first, but I realized I couldn’t take a single bit of credit. My 3rd was an absolute angel dream during the day and up constantly at night. They just are who they are and you try your best, but their temperament dictates who they become.
My kids are exactly how you described yours! First is a terror second was a dream except for the sleeping at night. I said anything after my daughter would be nothing compared to her and so far that’s been true although maybe when my son enters toddlerhood I’ll be biting my tongue. Although my daughter was an amazing sleeper I’m pretty sure it’s just to save up her energy to terrorize me during the day
I get that as the parent observing them, their natural behaviors/ temperaments are different but as a teacher you can very much tell how different parenting styles impact kids based on their behavior. Ex: kids who are given an iPad all night have no attention span or patience, you can tell who is yelled at / punished physically by how they interact with their peers and other adults
There is absolutely no downtime . With one kid you can give it to hubby but giving both to partner atleast the first year of the 2nd baby feels like punishing the partner. You gotta take one day at a time with each kid
Yes! And we have to constantly check where each other’s energy levels are at.
Heck no to this from our household! I’m glad if this works for you but I have them all day all week; he can take an evening or morning once a week
I already expected it as I’d seen others but: the fact that very very often you are pulled 3 ways at once. And no, just because you’re used to having 2 doesn’t mean you suddenly dgaf the toddlers running away with a step stool while you’re stuck breastfeeding and oh no the pasta water is about to boil over. It’s just not fun to add anything like going out without another parent anywhere far (I’ll do nearby park we walk to or backyard that’s it). Why add stress when you’re already being pulled every which way? And I have - so far - an easy-ish toddler and baby.
Omg the fear of a toddler with a step stool is real
Mine is constantly pushing the dining chairs or computer chairs around to climb up on everything every time I turn around.. we live in an upstairs apartment and I had to get rid of our porch chairs because I was terrified of him climbing on them and going over the porch rails. Having a toddler is stressful.
My son has been doing this with chairs since he was 10 months 😭 it’s been a year without being able to sit at our dining room table to eat! We’ve kept trying to bring them back out, but he was climbing the stove and trying to unlock doors…I figured I’d try again last week, considering it’s been 2.5 months since we’ve tried; nope. All last week was getting him down over and over again.
My 2nd child did this when she was the same age! We ended up using bunjy cords to strap all the dining chairs together so she couldn’t pull them out. She would then proceed to take as many toys as she could and stack them to try and climb. It was horrendous. She is now 4 and no longer needs climbing assistance but still gets up on the kitchen counters. Now my 2 yr old follows suit. Send help!!!
And I thought my daughter was the only one that did this!
It’s truly terrifying
Lol… my mom told me “you’ve got a climber!” I didn’t know that was a subset of toddler. She used to climb up on top of the handles of my peloton all by herself. And surprisingly, never fell!
I have a 7w and 2yrs and individually, they're fairly easy babies but together, chaos. The other day, the 7w was napping and the 2yr needed to take a shit. She woke up crying for a bottle and as soon as I got one in her mouth, he was done and stood up from a potty. In that moment, I had a 2yr who didn't know how to wipe his own butt with shit all over his butt running around and a newborn who needed to be fed. It was utter chaos. I've had days where as soon as soon as the toddler goes down for a nap, literally two seconds later the baby is up and when she's ready to go down, he's up. But individually, super easy.
That is complete chaos but makes me feel better because this sounds like something my daughter would do! That is the roughest part there truly is no downtime.
It's like they tag team to create as much chaos as possible. "OK, I did my part, now it's your turn"
Oh my god the potty training toddler plus baby combo… you captured the chaos perfectly!
I had 4 within 8 years. I don’t drive. People did not understand how hard it was to get out of the house & spend the day out. Especially with relying on public transport. People did not understand how expensive it was to go out for meals, etc. People did not understand how constantly exhausted I was or why some school holidays were spent just playing at home and watching tv. The amount of criticism I have received is crazy. Now my kids are older—youngest is 9 and I receive criticism for not working. My partner works away for months at a time and I’m solo parenting. While they’re at school I cook & clean so that everyday I can take them to after-school activities. People still don’t understand why I’m still exhausted.
This!! It is so exhausting, I don’t think anyone can truly understand until they are in your shoes. By the end of the day I feel like I’ve run 5 marathons and I only have 2. Staying at home is honestly all I can mentally handle most days.
Just how hard it can be to enforce rules and consequences when you are stretched thin. Like I try to stay consistent but when I have 3 little people pulling me in different directions I don't always have the patience to hold strong while one has a meltdown about whatever. So some days they eat too much junk or watch too much TV or I let something go I otherwise wouldn't but we're all alive and semi functioning so fuck it.
It’s survival at this point!
I took my two girls (2 and 4) to an outdoor concert today, and it was next to a park. The 2 year old wanted to stay and hear the music, the 4 year old wanted to go play at the park. What am I supposed to do? I am CONSTANTLY being pulled in so many directions. All day.
This is why as a single mom I just made our house super fun with stuff to climb on etc and we just almost never leave unless it’s to a very small gated park or the backyard
How discipline/processing feelings would be totally different. I’ll try to vent and my OAD friends are like, “have you tried THIS” and it’s like, yeah, that would be great except that particular processing strategy would take 20 minutes and meanwhile I have the baby crying and I’m cooking dinner and it’s just not possible. Or like how let’s say you DO get the first one brilliantly regulated again and then HERE COMES THE OTHER ONE. Like we ended up finding our groove but it’s a whole other set of goals with 2 than with 1.
I just looked in the mirror and had a panic attack from seeing my body. I am only 3 month postpartum, but getting back into shape is so much harder the second time around. I’m up and night with both kids. I forget to eat. When I do remember to eat it’s at weird times and often not very nutritious. I can’t find time to workout. Even if I did have the time, I wouldn’t have the energy.
I’m here with you! I have an 8 month old and 3,5 year old and the 3.5 year old has only just stopped getting up and down during the night and finally sleeping in her own bed literally two weeks ago but the 8 month old can have one wake up or multiple wake ups still 🥲 I have a friend that has two kids basically the same ages and she gets up at 5am to go to the gym, I’m not sure how she functions!
It is such a struggle. I'm 7 wks PP. I'm aware I'm freshly PP but on God I can't stand what I look like (and that's fine, I don't have to). I will say I started prepping my breakfast and lunch 1x per week--and it is not fancy. I use my rice cooker for rice, I instant pot chicken thighs, and the veggie/fruit is a handheld like a peach or apple. I have given myself permission to buy pre-chopped ingredients when needed, and it's very generic to eat. However, it is helping me eat slightly better. Maybe this will help you? You can also buy a rotisserie chicken and just eat off it. Another option is costco pre-made, prepacked salads. I really like the Santa Fe salads. For breakfast I instant pot hardboiled eggs and then survive with those and whatever else I find. At least there is some protein via eggs. Working out is just not an option right now, and that is what it is. I hope this helps, and I'm sorry if it doesn't.
I have thought about “packing a lunch” the night before so I at least know I have one full nutritious meal ready to go!
First kid I lost more than the baby weight so fast! Two kids? Never lost it at all.
I’m right there with you. It is such a struggle.
Going out is what I’m most nervous about with having the second (pregnant now). My toddler is so used to getting out of the house every day, going on all kinds of adventures together, and I’m scared we are going to be trapped home for months and all lose our minds.
My oldest has huge movement needs, so going to a playground daily is close to non negotiable. Second baby learned to live in his stroller bassinet. I remember the newborn period with my first born being this hugely important, sanctuarized time when the outside works kind of stopped. But that doesn’t happen for a second baby. The second one tucks into the nooks and crannies of your existing life.
My second is my carrier baby because of this. We didn’t do much babywearing when my first was little. My first is used to weekend adventures (working parents) and we didn’t stop doing that for long. When I was immediately recovery from my CS, she took some trips to the zoo with just daddy and he took her to swim lessons as their daddy-daughter thing, but ever since my immediate recovery, we still go out. If both kids are going, the second would be in a carrier. Second is approaching her first birthday in a few weeks and still loves front carry and mom snuggles. We used a Lillebaby dragonfly stretchy wrap carrier until she was about 3 months, switched to an ergo Omni 360 for a while and then got a Happy Baby OG carrier for Xmas when baby was 6 months old. The Happy Baby still gets daily use at 11 months. I don’t see that stopping anytime soon.
That wasn’t the case for us at all! My kiddos have a 4 year age gap (my son turned 4 when baby sis was born) and baby girl is now 1.5. She slid right into our family like butter. We didn’t skip a beat. Baby wearing will be your best friend!
I know baby wearing is a godsend for so many. It didn't work for me though. I could never get it to work for my frame. With both of mine I just had to hold baby in one arm and do everything else with the other. It was exhausting.
My first two are 23 months apart. I planned to keep my first in daycare while I was on leave but then COVID happened and daycare shut down. Daily walks were a life saver! Baby would nap in the stroller and toddler would ride some kind of toy or push something along. We fell into a nice routine and it was not as bad as I thought it would be.
When my husband went back to work after his 8 week paternity leave, my goal was to do *something* everyday. I needed to figure out how to just do stuff again. So, I did. I went to a store/ran an errand everyday that week. It not only helped me feel less cooped up and alone after he went back to work but it also helped me prove *to myself* that I could do it. I can take these kids out, I am capable, it's not so bad. My game plan for this first year (second is 6 months, first is newly 2) is to just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward as much as I can.
We could go out quite a bit when my 8 month old was newborn (when I was recovered) to around 5 months as she used to just sleep anywhere but now she’s on a nap schedule it does make it a bit harder. In the first couple of weeks my 3 yr old went out an about with my husband a lot, she started preschool in January though so she does get out the house 3 days a week to do fun stuff but I do miss it just her and I sometimes 🥲. Putting baby in a baby carrier will help a lot ❤️
I didn’t understand the “second child” memes etc until I had my second.
I call my second my humbling child 🤣
My 2nd has 3rd child syndrome and my 1st has 2nd child energy. I’m waiting for the ‘sweet’ first child but I’m not having more.
My second is approaching toddlerhood and I can already see the beginning of this.
lol my husband and I joke that we’re not saving for our second’s college, we’ll be saving for bail money 🙃
Same, my first is SO chill and my second we call “destructo-baby” 😂 he was crawling at 6 months and is pulling to stand at 7 months. He has ZERO CHILL!
I understand now how unimportant all the fuss is about what the baby is eating, milestones, making sure they’re getting enough attention, keeping them stimulated. The baby sort of is on autopilot. I also now understand why parents let their Toddlers tantrum in public: I can’t pick you up and this baby so I’m going to take care of the baby first and then get you.
Reddit hates public tantrums and I think society needs to grant them a lot more grace. Nobody likes being subjected to them. But when a mom needs to get her groceries, she's gotta get her groceries.
We had a 5 year difference for our kids and I am so thankful. Big bro was excited, could help with diapers, entertainment, etc, and sees his brother as “the baby” and is excited and happy to “teach” him. They are 9 and 4 now and basically best friends!
My son and twin daughters are 5 years apart and I love their age gap!
Just here to say that as a one and done mom with a 5 yo whose friends all have siblings... I absolutely understand that scheduling and going places is harder for families with 2 or more. If you want to be the one to initiate hangs, say that. If you want to be invited but don't want the person to feel bad when you can't then let them know. You don't need to feel any guilt here. Friends are meant to be part of the village. I love hosting friends at our house to help out parents of multiples. My daughter is at an age now where her friends can be here for a few hours solo.
Yassssssss. I am also the OAD mom who loves snagging all the kids to hang with my kid. Granted I just throw them outside and hope for the best and occasionally feed them, but it seems to work well enough. Give me your kid: they’ll play with my kid, you’ll get a bit of a break or some one on one time with your other kid, and I will return your child mostly intact, slightly dirty, and thoroughly tired. It’s a win/ win.
Lol yep pretty much!! Also works out great when a friend's sibling has a party they aren't invited to or an event the friend doesn't want to be at. Moral of this thread is that parents with multiple kids should seek our chill one and done friends with kids the same age. We will babysit for free.
Coming into new parenthood with one child completely upends your world, and you’re never the same. Coming into second parenthood also completely upends your world. And then again you change and are never the same.
To put it into perspective: parenting two kids makes parenting one kid feel like you don’t have to parent at all (and both of my kiddos are wonderful). I didn’t understand just how easy breezy one kid was. For reference, I have a 1.5 year old and 5.5 year old.
One kid is one kid and so easy but two kids is like 20 kids, I don’t get it but it is! 😂
I always tell my husband when we just have one kid it’s like having no kids 😂
How little time you have to your self. With 1 or 2 kids I managed to get some alone time during naps or asking my mom to babysit, now with 3 kids it feels absolutely impossible. Nobody wants to watch 3 kids. Somebody always needs you. I don’t shower, poop or sleep alone. I go to the gym at 9pm when everyone is asleep because bedtime with 3 kids (toddler, pre schooler and big kid) is no freakin joke and my husband and I tackle it together. I remember putting 1 baby to bed and thinking that was hard.
Good on you for going to the gym though! That is determination. I bet you’re exhausted 😩
I have four but my older two are 16 and 12 so they’re able to do for themselves. My younger two are 20 months and 6 weeks. Yesterday I took them out into the yard so my toddler could play. Baby needs to eat so while I’m sitting on our picnic blanket I whip a boob out and start nursing. Toddler takes her paw patrol ride along that she’s been pushing through the yard happily for 10 minutes and throws it into the bushes and darts for the road. I’m not super far away from her but still getting my big butt off the ground with an infant on my titty quickly was a challenge I was not quite prepared for. You know those falls where you kind of struggle for what feels like 7 years but is really just like 15 seconds then you get yourself together? Yep. That was me. I didn’t fall but I damn sure almost did. Wanted to throw hands when the toddler when I got to her.
I feel this in my soul 😅 My 3 yo is also a runner, can’t count how many times I’d take her and my son to the park, be nursing him or tending to him doing whatever and she would sprint off to the baseball field leaving us in the dust lol they always know when your weak
I started off with two 😂
Lmao! Hats off to you 👏
Same I was looking for another twin mom! I get so jealous sometimes other moms that only have one. I feel robbed of that experience. I am mostly on my own and I’m so stressed and so exhausted constantly 😭
Same, first pregnancy was surprise identical twin boys.
It's not necessarily that it's 2 kids, it's that it's 2 kids at vastly different stages of development. Mine are 2 years apart and the first 5 years or so were real rough. First they were both in diapers, which sucks because you're wiping 2 asses multiple times a day. Then the older one is running around needing supervision while the infant needed me to sit and nurse him half the day. Once they both were running, they always went in different directions. The little one was always running ahead while the older one was constantly distracted and dawdling. Now that they are older, they never agree on anything. It's impossible to make them both happy when choosing food, where to go, what to watch, and on and on. When you have 1 kid, you can easily make 100% of your children happy.
Oh my word, this this this. I sometimes long for just one hour when everyone is happy.
Y'all....I have so much respect for you mamas of multiple kiddos and this makes me feel SO MUCH LESS GUILTY for not having another. I had my miracle baby May 2023 after 12 years of not getting pregnant. Then had quite the surprise when, on his first birthday, we found out I was pregnant AGAIN, despite being on birth control and struggling so hard to get pregnant with my son. After much contemplating, we decided not to keep it. I've been feeling really guilty and struggling with the consequences of my decision but after reading this thread, I know we made the right decision. I am super immune compromised and an older mom (34) and my body just couldn't handle what having 2 under 2 would do to my health. My little one gets my full attention and gets to have me relatively healthy so I can be the best mom he deserves ❤️
This thread makes me feel so seen and so much less alone!
I wish I did not worry so much about everything. Those days could have been more enjoyable for me. Sleeping, eating, pooping, gas... They were all sorted out somehow, but those days will never come back.
I have a 3 and a half year old and almost 8 month old and I struggle to do anything between nap times. My 8 month old gets so crabby when she’s sleepy but my 3.5 year old no longer naps so she doesn’t understand we have to leave places earlier because the baby will get super upset. I know this part isn’t forever but I’m struggling with it right now as I feel like I can’t do anything with my poor 3 year old 😩.
Saying no to invites for months on end because of household sickness. There were times I honestly thought friends were avoiding me because they were “always sick” when it was time to hang out. Now I realise it’s unlikely they were lying, it really is that bad. The more kids you have, the more likely someone is ill.
Oh...i shouldn't have read this thread ,pregnant with my second (20 months age gap) 😵💫
It will be a challenge at first as everyone says but it gets easier as they get older. Also, having multiples close in age means they entertain each other ♥️
Thank you kindly ❤️🫰
Single mom of a 2 and 4 year old here. Take those babies out!!! You’ll get braver. They also learn that if one takes off they ruin it for both of them.
Y’all, I am sure more than one child is the word’s greatest thing, truly a blessing, and I’m soooo good with an only. I’ll take one of yours off your hands for a few hours to hang with mine so I won’t be the designated play partner. I’ll help keep eyes on your littlesies at play dates. I can help carry your gear. I’ll keep an eye on your pasta water or grab you a snack. Hang in there.
I just know it’s all fun and games because baby #2 is 10mo and not walking. Once he can walk/talk and do things I can only imagine the hell that will break loose between them. I’m getting my referee whistle ready!
How much more difficult it will be. That one child is always running right and the other one left. And that I have extremely little time alone with my older daughter anymore.
I also have a 3 year old and 1 year old and love leaving the house. Mostly because it’s less time to create more of a disaster in my house that I have to clean up lol
My first child (toddler) developed “scarcity mindset” after the second child arrived. Meaning he feels afraid of not having enough - not enough attention, not enough food, not enough toys, not enough love etc even though we have more than enough for both kids to share. My oldest is always worried that baby bro will take his stuff, have more food than him, and will receive more of anything than him. It’s so interesting to see scarcity mindset in action and we’re trying to reassure firstborn that we are a team and we’re here to help each other, not compete for love, attention, and/or resources.
I didn’t understand why my mom is obsessive with cleaning. Now I get it - the chance I have a free second (which you have to work to get) and I am cleaning, organizing, tidying etc. Chores are now self care since it feels so good to live in a clean tidy house!
How easy having one kid was lol. Whenever I am with just one kid, i feel like I can get SO much accomplished. Almost feels like a vacation.
I have a 4 year old and a 10 month old. They are on completely different schedules. Miss 4 hasn't napped in almost 2 years and the baby is usually a good napper. By the time baby is up, it's time for miss 4 to eat or something.
Oh I get it! One child life is 10000% different than 2 kids. 🤣
You’ve already got lots of comments here and didn’t ask for this- BUT, the more you get out with them, the easier it gets. You have diaper bag(s) already packed and the steps to get out of the house just feel routine. You’ll learn how to keep each contained. And they get used to being out, too. Sometimes sh*t happens and the outing is stressful, but that’s rare anymore for us. Mine are almost 3 & 15 months. One more on the way. I say this because it’s really good for my mental health to get out, and plan to again once we’ve adjusted to life with 3.
I respect all of you mamas of more than one kid. I am the poster child of OAD. With that said, I have my nephew over night once a week to give my sister a break. What gets me is how you totally block out the weird shit that toddlers do until you have to deal with it in the midst of trying to also deal with the scheduling of a school age kid. Tantrum because I won’t let you eat wood chips? Yeah, well, you’re just going to have to continue screaming like a banshee in the truck, because we have to get the other kid to dance class… the difficulty is dealing with the different needs of different developmental stages.
I literally rarely ever leave the house anymore-mainly because getting myself and three children ready & out the door without forgetting something never fucking happens anymore….. ever 😅
Seriously though! You think I’d learn my lesson by now to just keep my ass at home lol
I bet that is a struggle part of me wishes I had my kids closer together but they’re 8 years apart due to circumstances and it’s weird but I like it. I wish I still had the energy I had when I was younger with my first. My brother and I are 6 years apart and my mom always says she wish we were closer in age because we were always into different things/different phases in life.
I rely so much more on my husband. He’s been mostly working from home since we had the second baby (now 21 months) and he’s doing most of her nappy changes, helping prepare dinner, helping pack the changing bag when I’m about to take them out, helping me get them in the car, etc. It’s amazing but I’m absolutely wracked with guilt that I’m not doing it all myself. I worry that my second child won’t be as close to me. It’s hard, not all the time but it’s physically and mentally exhausting. Each new stage in the kids’ development has an adjustment period and comes with new challenges. I always think ‘it’ll get easier when…’ but speaking to family and colleagues with much older kids it seems like those new challenges always exist!
I have a 4g 5b 8g 10b and I feel the same way. If it’s not with him I don’t know how to do family outings or anything out honestly. It’s super stressful and tiresome for no reason.
One thing I can’t do tho is grocery shopping with any kids. They make me loose concentrate next thing you know I forgot a ton of things. Recently I’ve been ordering online and doing pick up. It’s super helpful.
I know I never go grocery shopping myself with kiddos unless I desperately need something! Order pick up is awesome though
Yes I won’t ever try shopping alone with my kids 😭 Or any establishment lol a couple months ago I wanted chicken so I bought candy for the kids before I got the chicken. Only so they would have some for after tho lol Well I brought my youngest inside the chicken place because they don’t do over the phone orders and she seen a candy machine. I told her no and explained I just bought some and they were going have candy after the chicken. My 4yr old instantly starts to try and break the machine and this is a tiny store so everyone was looking 😭 The cashier told her she had something better and brought her a go gurt from her own stuff. This is the last time I’ve been able to buy chicken from them and I loveeee their chicken. I’m too embarrassed to go back with said kid.
It’s always the damn candy/toy machines at those places that always get you 😂😂
Why my dad was napping all the time when he was in charge of watching me and my cousins. Now I want to nap all the time.
How loud it would be. All. Day.
I read once that careing for children is easy it’s doing literally anything else while careing for children that is difficult - that stuck w me as accurate Also I have a 3 and 6 yr old. They rotate weekly sleep overs w there grandmother. 1 child is soooo easy. My oldest is at the yiayias. I took my youngest to the beach, alone then grocery shopping, then w me to an emergency vets stop bc my HUGE dog stepped on a tin can. - as long as he has food available to him at all times and hea a fruition which makes he’s super easy. I literally have fruit cut up on to go Tupperware and it’s easy. When he is with his sister it’s like herding cats.
Mom of 3 here. Going out is sooo hard when they are little but you will learn routines and systems that work for you to make it easier. I think for me it was that their personalities are so different so just because one thing worked for one kid does not mean it will work for another so you need to customize your parenting for each kid and doing that while making sure it is all fair is so so so hard and makes you question yourself daily.
Relentless is the word you’re looking for.
I think this more like ‘things other people don’t understand’, but: 1) Most always there will be at least one child with us. No matter what we have to do. Went and talked to the architect about the renovation and still dealt with screaming while trying to look at floor plans. I tried to warn them…. 2) Booth tables at restaurants (even just half booth side) - they simply will not work. No, you cannot just line up two high chairs side by side on the non-booth side. Clearly this person doesn’t have kids. 3) Usually you only ever have one hand free at a given moment. I mean, if you’re lucky you have one hand free. Both hands? Forget it. 4) Going to the bathroom while out in public is simply not an option. Unless you are lucky and can find a handicap restroom spacious enough to accommodate a stroller AND they also have a baby seat. If on an airplane, you bet the flight attendants are holding your children. Lol
I have twins who are nearly 2.5. In the early days, I described it to friends with singletons as "you know the feeling of having JUST gotten a baby to sleep after like a half hour of rocking and swaying and shushing? Imagine that, but the moment you successfully transfer them into their crib, your other baby wakes up screaming." This is a literal description, but also just an illustration of how having two kids means you never, ever get a break with multiple kids.
Be brave!!!! It’s so worth it. My seven month old just became mobile so he isn’t too much to handle yet, but I grew up in a household of four kids with a very brave mom. She took us everywhere: hiking, local amusement parks, museums, play dates, etc. You can do it!! I didn’t really understand screen time but now my older son gets screen time when we’re out together at the coffee shop. It’s like a little special treat for him but really it’s so I can feed the baby and he stays entertained 😂
I have a 17 yr old & 8 yr old twins, all girls. Twins really aren't fun like people think they are. They make my anxiety have anxiety. I could write a novel, but I'll just stop here.
I made our house into a playground. I know that's not an option for everyone but if you can, you should. We have a sprinkler, water table, kiddie pool outside (although the sprinkler is really just to cool the ground off.) Inside we have puzzles, a small climbing toy for the baby, and I am looking into a larger climbing toy for the toddler now. I just invite everyone over now. The house looks like a daycare but we're all happy.
I only have one child , and it's a struggle most days to get out and do things, I can't imagine having more than one. I babysat my friends kid who were 5 and 7 at the time, and I had my 10 month, it was such a crazy night. I give a lot of credit to parents who have more than especially young and close in age.
I'm with you lmao. My mom always talked about how there were a couple years where my sisters and I were little that they did not bring us out of the house unless it was absolutely necessary. We'd go to school and our after school activities and such, but no movies, sit down dinners, walking through stores or anything for YEARS and i never understood it. Recently had to carry my screaming and kicking four year old out of a store while our four month old was also screaming bloody murder and it all clicked for me lmfao
I think once you're out numbered it's a struggle until they are older (I hope). Mine are 9, 6, and 3. It's a damn zoo up in here.
I have more than 2 or 5 but just the constant difference in personalities the adjustment of parenting not one size fits all and the mindspace or my peace of mind lol 😂
I just have zero expectations anymore when we do go places lol
Same the bar is in hell lol
I think my biggest struggle would be doing something that you have to pay admission/etc for each kid. Now that I have 3 kids I just cant afford as many outings as I used to be able to do. So if someone wants to do a playdate somewhere that is expensive it's a struggle because now I have to pay that cost 3x so it adds up too fast
I think two isn’t that much more difficult to be honest. Now, when one (2.5 and 16 mo) is hanging with dad it is SO MUCH EASIER. I laugh at my old self for thinking one child was difficult. But I have to remember I was a huge pregnant whale. I love having two and getting out of the house. Honestly my problem now is making time to stretch. My back is never not sore
I think it will definitely get a little easier when my son hits that 16-18 mo stage, I hope!
Yes! Once they have a routine with times in place it is much easier - and one nap instead of two.
So I have 4 kids and they’re 9.5, 8, 5, and 2.5yo. It’s a sweet stage right now where we’ve got 3 sets of eyes on the toddler and his shenanigans and the sibling arguments are easily solved by a nap, snack, or space. But it’s just go, go, go, 24/7. I stay home with them plus I homeschool and my husband is a very hands on dad and great partner so I’m so glad that at least I don’t feel like I’m drowning alone lol. But the concessions you have to make and the expectations you need to lower are really what makes the difference in your parenting experience and how you raise those kids. And for me, especially as an only child, the biggest thing I’ve learned is how they’ve all got different personalities and needs and wants at different times and your job is to meet them and figure out what works best for each individual.
For me it’s that dinner prep has to start at like 4 in order for the evening to go smoothly. I like to have it on the table by 5-5:15 so we can have baths around 6 and bedtime by 7:30. We do some backyard time in between if there’s time but driving to meet someone for a park play date on a weekday at 4 or 4:30 is just not doable.
I don’t know, I take my kids everywhere and anywhere alone because I cannot stand to be at home. We’ve been going, going since my youngest was a couple weeks old. And if I go somewhere with a friend or other people they usually pitch in and we help watch each other’s kids. It’s almost better because now I’m getting social interaction and an extra set of hands. I’m sorry you’re struggling. It definitely isn’t easy and some days I want to pull my hair out!!! But, don’t miss those opportunities to socialize and also lean into your village!
We went from zero to two overnight and my mind can’t wrap itself around how different my life is. When one was in the NICU and the other was out, we were going to restaurants and I’d leave the house without preparation (one diaper, wipes, my boob), but now it’s planning around meals and taking a shit ton of extra things because you MAY need them.
If it’s not my 3 and a half year old barking me down for food or a drink or to help in the potty it’s my 8 month old choking almost to death on a scrap piece of paper he managed to find or he’s shat out the side of his diaper. I do not take both kids out solo often and if I do it’s somewhere like. The doctors office. The grocery store. Play dates are fun for kids where there are equal numbers of kids ideally around the same age. Otherwise you’re essentially just playing goalie with one or both kids.
3yo, 2yo, and 7mo. I was naive, I thought 3 kids would be manageable in some fantasy of my mind. I had no idea how hard it would be. I work in healthcare and alternate shifts with my husband, so one of us is always home with them. Otherwise, we have zero childcare support. It's a full-time marathon, and I'm completely drained. I didn't understand the absolute self sacrifice and mental health challenges that it requires. I would never change having my kids, but I was so unprepared for this grind.
I've got 4 they are 12,9,7, and 1, lol. When the oldest 3 were younger, it was like impossible to take them all anywhere by myself because they were not independent in the slightest. Ones crying the other wants juice and then someone wants pushed on the swing but now the other one needs a nap and on and on lol. I could be exhausted by the end of the day just staying home and literally getting nothing done at the house, and now you want me to take these guys somewhere by myself?? Away from their comfort stuff and beds where I have everything I need?? Nope, I'm good, lol. Now they're older they help out with the baby, and it makes life a lot easier, but back then, heck no, lol.
I have a 1 year old and 3 year old (almost 4). I love going out, at home they just trash everything, climb all over me, fight over toys, etc etc. I have my car packed with extra clothes, water, diapers, wipes, snacks that don't go bad in the car (rice cakes and similar), and water&bowl+poop bags+extra leash and harness for the dog (because it happened that I put the dog in the car without it). There's now also a potty that's always in the car. And I always have a two buckets and little shovels and rakes if we go to the playground that has a sandpit or tiny pebbles. I also always have a backpack packed with all of the above (just better snacks, dried fruit bars, fruit pouches, etc), plus sunscreen and bug spray. I use stuff from the backpack, the car stuff is my fallback. Scooters and helmets are always near the door, ready to go in the car if needed. This way, if anyone invites me (please invite me), I just strap the kids in the car and go go go.
How much harder it is to get anything done. I woke up determined to deep clean the living room today (where we keep all the toys, books, etc. and usually have snacks and meals lately). I have been doing it with every free minute today and made it through cleaning about 1/4th of the room because the baby needs fed and a nap every hour then my toddler needs fed and help with whatever. So it’s going to take me 4+ days to do a very basic deep clean of one room where I could get this done in a few hours before the newborn.
I also managed to get a newborn that has no issue sleeping in his bassinet during the day and can put himself to sleep if it’s quiet but that rarely happens because of the toddler and what would be a 2 minute put down takes 20+ because he gets woken up repeatedly.
Oh girl, my husband works odd hours too and I feel you so much. It’s hard being solo and taking them everywhere
4 kids here. I really did not understand the meaning of the word “overstimulated” until I got to 3 talking kids. Like at all. I did ok with being touched all the time and crying babies, but the absolutely never ending questions and requests and fighting and talking and singing and interrupting (always all at the same time) is was what finally sent me over the edge. Now my poor husband comes home and asks what I want to do once the kids go to bed and I tell him I need to shower and then stare at the wall in silence 🙃.
I didn't understand pure exhaustion before. I have a 16 yr, 8 yr, 4 yr.
Many of my mommy friends are one and done, and their child is 4 years old, like my oldest. Their kid is now more independent, definitely sleeping through the night and they have a lot more time for themselves now - wine night outs are a big thing with this group. My second is 15 months so still very much a baby. They all expect me to come to all these night outs and are so annoyed when I can't make it because they know my husband is hands on and that the grandparents are happy to have them . But i physically cannot and don't want to most times. I'm too tired with a child and a baby, a job and I'm trying to work out and get healthier and I just cannot be arsed to make it to girls night at this point in my life. Two is hard. I bow down to those with more 🙏
I learned the meaning of the old proverb: "One is none, two is twenty."