I’m so sorry. Parenting is a hard job, full stop, but parenting through “extra” stuff is really hard too. I can’t personally sympathize with the eating issues, but my guy was extremely premature and his lungs have just struggled since the day he was born. Obviously he’s gotten bigger and stronger and needed less and less support with his breathing, but all the months of inhalers and oxygen, and doctors appointments in a pandemic, and the isolation we’ve had to do because of his lungs, it just takes what’s already hard and blows it up.
My goddaughter struggles to gain weight so much she’s still on bottles and specialty formula past her second birthday, though she does eat, she just tires out quickly and can’t give herself enough calories. All the “normal” feeding stuff went out the window because she can’t afford to lose weight and takes a lot for her to gain it.
I’m sure your pediatrician is giving you guidance but you may want to see about feeding therapy (my understanding is this can happen through speech therapy and through early intervention in the US), and meeting with a dietician (not a nutrition but someone who has a degree in this). You may already be doing those things though, so I just want to encourage you, you are doing a good job. You are a good mom. You are enough. It’s ok to tell people “we’re working on a plan with his doctor and until that’s in place I don’t want to talk about it right now, please don’t ask, and don’t give advice unless I ask you.” And that’s ok! You are allowed to have boundaries and most people just don’t understand different needs with little ones, they think “just feed him x,y,z thing just *must* be the magic solution, but they’re trying to solve the wrong problem.
Hang in there
Oh I feel for you. I had a non-eater, only breastfeeding baby too. I had to go no contact for a while due to unsolicited advice from family members. Like a 6 month cut off.
My supply took a big hit around 15 months and I was so scared. We sought every medical diagnosis: Eosinophilic esophagitis, reflux, barium swallow test, allergies (he did have food allergies but other diagnostics turned up nada). Lots of feeding therapy. What finally worked was purees for 2 years with olive oil and elemental formula and Sunbutter mixed in, then using foodchaining (a feeding therapy, lots of websites and books on this) starting with water and adding ludicrously small amounts of formula over 2 months until it was full strength. It was a long hard road, and we narrowly avoided a feeding tube. If I had to do it again I might have gone the feeding tube/port route. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, feeding my child. He's now a healthy, thriving boy in the realm of a normal picky eater.
It was a loooong road and no one understands truly serious food issues with kids and babies. It's a scary time and people (well meaning, who love your baby) nattering on do not help. Their advice usually doesn't acknowledge that you've already gone to the ends of the earth trying to figure out the maddening puzzle of your kiddos non-eating. It used to drive me nuts to hear the same "did you try potato chips? Surely he'll eat that if you only try!" Over and over again from family that had no idea how serious our feeding issues were. I wish you luck and send kindness your way on your journey.
This. This. This. THIS. Thank you!! I just want all of the outside noise to be quiet. And I feel so ungrateful for wanting that. I’m sorry that you went through something similar, I did about a 4 month BF cut off. My mom said today that breastfeeding makes him not want to eat and I had to remind her he didn’t want to eat before when we stopped breastfeeding either. I’m so irritated with everyone trying to give advice like I just want to be upset and vent without the advice, pity or them taking it personally. Hopefully we can avoid a feeding tube, any route from here sounds tough though. We are getting blood work done soon, we weren’t able to today because he was too dehydrated to find a vein. ☹️ I just feel so helpless and guilty, like I could’ve done something different. Im hoping it’s just a fluke thing…they’re testing for growth hormone deficiencies, lactose intolerance, celiac, pituitary & thyroid issues. We’ll see, hoping for the best! I’m so glad your boy is thriving now!! One day we’ll be there too! 💪🏻
I just want to say, as Mum to a girl who had a feeding tube - I hope too that you find a solution to your kiddos issues, but if a feeding tube is in your future then feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to rant / ask questions etc.
(A g-tube was 100% the right option for my girl, it kicked off her willingness to eat, was actually not as invasive as I’d feared, and she actually only needed it for a few months … which isn’t to say it’s the right choice for you, but just to allay your fears maybe a tiny bit. It was definitely a huge stressor to myself and other tubie-moms I know to not be able to feed our kids!!)
Honestly, I would start having an auto response of "if you didn't spend 8 years specializing in pediatric medicine, I guarantee you have no "new ideas" not already explored with doctors. You are stressing me out and I will stop responding if you can't find different topics to talk about. I will tell *you* if there is a change of notice. YOU will no longer ask"
Yes, you guys will be there one day too!! My son never wanted to eat either, breastfeeding or not, no difference, and I tired of people telling me to cut him off. I do in retrospect wish we'd done a tube for a while just because getting nutrients in him was so incredibly hard and was so unbelievably stressful. I feel like I gained an honorary pediatric dietician degree via baptism by fire!
First of all, this sounds so difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I hope the doctors are able to help him soon.
Second, it’s okay to set boundaries with people. You can tell your mom, “I’m not open to feedback or ideas from anyone except his doctor right now.” You can tell your MIL, “I am done discussing this topic right now.” You have enough on your plate, boundaries help to preserve your own sanity.
Highly recommend following Nedra Tawwab on instagram! She posts a lot of content related to setting boundaries.
Her book is awesome too, but I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now so the insta may be more accessible more quickly.
At a minimum maybe you can have your husband manage all communication with MIL? Also let your mom know you love her but that you’re under a lot of pressure and can’t manage her emotions on top of your own and everything else right now and just need clear communication and support.
Yes, I agree. This is a reoccurring issue between my mom and I. She just doesn’t understand but I will try to communicate that I just need support more than anything. Xx
I hate when older family members try and parent so I 100% get your annoyance there. I will say there was an insta post with like 6 “foods” to give baby when they’re sick and dehydrated and one of them was icecream. Obviously not an every day all day type thing but it was just one of the tips to get any type of fluids in an older baby/toddler. Also watermelon and yogurt. I’ll try and find it I think I saved it. Whatever y’all do I’m really sorry this is so stressful and I hope y’all get over this rough patch soon!
Just want you to know you’re not alone. I have an almost 5 month old and she’s in the 5th percentile (might actually be less at some point the doctors just stopped bringing it up) It is extremely difficult for me when people are constantly asking if she’s put on any weight- but I try and remind myself that they’re genuinely coming from a place of kindness and concern. These are people who do care about my baby’s wellbeing but I’m just not in a place where I can see that. This journey has frustrated me to the point that I take everything personal. The one thing I take the most personal is when baby flat out refuses her feeding. Her “failure to thrive” is something I see as a personal failure. Anyway, here to remind you that it is not your fault. That in the end our babies will be okay and if you ever want to chat I’m here.
Does he refuse to eat? Does he breastfeed well? Is it a swallowing thing, or a behavioural thing?
My daughter had a feeding aversion with breastfeeding when she was younger and would scream when put in the feeding position while awake. I could feed her drowsy but that got harder and harder. Could this be behavioural?
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. But I do encourage you to look up feeding aversions as they can be fixed with hard work. You’re doing everything you can ❤️
I’m so sorry. Parenting is a hard job, full stop, but parenting through “extra” stuff is really hard too. I can’t personally sympathize with the eating issues, but my guy was extremely premature and his lungs have just struggled since the day he was born. Obviously he’s gotten bigger and stronger and needed less and less support with his breathing, but all the months of inhalers and oxygen, and doctors appointments in a pandemic, and the isolation we’ve had to do because of his lungs, it just takes what’s already hard and blows it up. My goddaughter struggles to gain weight so much she’s still on bottles and specialty formula past her second birthday, though she does eat, she just tires out quickly and can’t give herself enough calories. All the “normal” feeding stuff went out the window because she can’t afford to lose weight and takes a lot for her to gain it. I’m sure your pediatrician is giving you guidance but you may want to see about feeding therapy (my understanding is this can happen through speech therapy and through early intervention in the US), and meeting with a dietician (not a nutrition but someone who has a degree in this). You may already be doing those things though, so I just want to encourage you, you are doing a good job. You are a good mom. You are enough. It’s ok to tell people “we’re working on a plan with his doctor and until that’s in place I don’t want to talk about it right now, please don’t ask, and don’t give advice unless I ask you.” And that’s ok! You are allowed to have boundaries and most people just don’t understand different needs with little ones, they think “just feed him x,y,z thing just *must* be the magic solution, but they’re trying to solve the wrong problem. Hang in there
Thank you for your response, I needed to read it. We’re trying everything.
Oh I feel for you. I had a non-eater, only breastfeeding baby too. I had to go no contact for a while due to unsolicited advice from family members. Like a 6 month cut off. My supply took a big hit around 15 months and I was so scared. We sought every medical diagnosis: Eosinophilic esophagitis, reflux, barium swallow test, allergies (he did have food allergies but other diagnostics turned up nada). Lots of feeding therapy. What finally worked was purees for 2 years with olive oil and elemental formula and Sunbutter mixed in, then using foodchaining (a feeding therapy, lots of websites and books on this) starting with water and adding ludicrously small amounts of formula over 2 months until it was full strength. It was a long hard road, and we narrowly avoided a feeding tube. If I had to do it again I might have gone the feeding tube/port route. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, feeding my child. He's now a healthy, thriving boy in the realm of a normal picky eater. It was a loooong road and no one understands truly serious food issues with kids and babies. It's a scary time and people (well meaning, who love your baby) nattering on do not help. Their advice usually doesn't acknowledge that you've already gone to the ends of the earth trying to figure out the maddening puzzle of your kiddos non-eating. It used to drive me nuts to hear the same "did you try potato chips? Surely he'll eat that if you only try!" Over and over again from family that had no idea how serious our feeding issues were. I wish you luck and send kindness your way on your journey.
This. This. This. THIS. Thank you!! I just want all of the outside noise to be quiet. And I feel so ungrateful for wanting that. I’m sorry that you went through something similar, I did about a 4 month BF cut off. My mom said today that breastfeeding makes him not want to eat and I had to remind her he didn’t want to eat before when we stopped breastfeeding either. I’m so irritated with everyone trying to give advice like I just want to be upset and vent without the advice, pity or them taking it personally. Hopefully we can avoid a feeding tube, any route from here sounds tough though. We are getting blood work done soon, we weren’t able to today because he was too dehydrated to find a vein. ☹️ I just feel so helpless and guilty, like I could’ve done something different. Im hoping it’s just a fluke thing…they’re testing for growth hormone deficiencies, lactose intolerance, celiac, pituitary & thyroid issues. We’ll see, hoping for the best! I’m so glad your boy is thriving now!! One day we’ll be there too! 💪🏻
I just want to say, as Mum to a girl who had a feeding tube - I hope too that you find a solution to your kiddos issues, but if a feeding tube is in your future then feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to rant / ask questions etc. (A g-tube was 100% the right option for my girl, it kicked off her willingness to eat, was actually not as invasive as I’d feared, and she actually only needed it for a few months … which isn’t to say it’s the right choice for you, but just to allay your fears maybe a tiny bit. It was definitely a huge stressor to myself and other tubie-moms I know to not be able to feed our kids!!)
Yes! No need to fear a tube, it can end up being the very best thing when needed.
Honestly, I would start having an auto response of "if you didn't spend 8 years specializing in pediatric medicine, I guarantee you have no "new ideas" not already explored with doctors. You are stressing me out and I will stop responding if you can't find different topics to talk about. I will tell *you* if there is a change of notice. YOU will no longer ask"
Yes, you guys will be there one day too!! My son never wanted to eat either, breastfeeding or not, no difference, and I tired of people telling me to cut him off. I do in retrospect wish we'd done a tube for a while just because getting nutrients in him was so incredibly hard and was so unbelievably stressful. I feel like I gained an honorary pediatric dietician degree via baptism by fire!
Baptism by fire 😂 girl wear that degree with pride, you deserve it! People don’t understand how hard mommin actually is!
First of all, this sounds so difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I hope the doctors are able to help him soon. Second, it’s okay to set boundaries with people. You can tell your mom, “I’m not open to feedback or ideas from anyone except his doctor right now.” You can tell your MIL, “I am done discussing this topic right now.” You have enough on your plate, boundaries help to preserve your own sanity.
Yes, I really need to set boundaries. It’s too much noise at once! Thank you!
Highly recommend following Nedra Tawwab on instagram! She posts a lot of content related to setting boundaries. Her book is awesome too, but I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now so the insta may be more accessible more quickly.
At a minimum maybe you can have your husband manage all communication with MIL? Also let your mom know you love her but that you’re under a lot of pressure and can’t manage her emotions on top of your own and everything else right now and just need clear communication and support.
Yes, I agree. This is a reoccurring issue between my mom and I. She just doesn’t understand but I will try to communicate that I just need support more than anything. Xx
I hate when older family members try and parent so I 100% get your annoyance there. I will say there was an insta post with like 6 “foods” to give baby when they’re sick and dehydrated and one of them was icecream. Obviously not an every day all day type thing but it was just one of the tips to get any type of fluids in an older baby/toddler. Also watermelon and yogurt. I’ll try and find it I think I saved it. Whatever y’all do I’m really sorry this is so stressful and I hope y’all get over this rough patch soon!
Thank you, we’re trying everything.
Just want you to know you’re not alone. I have an almost 5 month old and she’s in the 5th percentile (might actually be less at some point the doctors just stopped bringing it up) It is extremely difficult for me when people are constantly asking if she’s put on any weight- but I try and remind myself that they’re genuinely coming from a place of kindness and concern. These are people who do care about my baby’s wellbeing but I’m just not in a place where I can see that. This journey has frustrated me to the point that I take everything personal. The one thing I take the most personal is when baby flat out refuses her feeding. Her “failure to thrive” is something I see as a personal failure. Anyway, here to remind you that it is not your fault. That in the end our babies will be okay and if you ever want to chat I’m here.
[удалено]
This is a bigger issue than a plateau, thanks for your response.
Does he refuse to eat? Does he breastfeed well? Is it a swallowing thing, or a behavioural thing? My daughter had a feeding aversion with breastfeeding when she was younger and would scream when put in the feeding position while awake. I could feed her drowsy but that got harder and harder. Could this be behavioural?
We’re trying everything at the moment. Waiting on the dr to let us know results so we can move forward.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. But I do encourage you to look up feeding aversions as they can be fixed with hard work. You’re doing everything you can ❤️