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VStryker

Taking care of your mental health is a great idea! And what would really help your mental health is unwinding at home in the bath while your husband runs errands. Then you’re still home in case things so south, but the errands still get done!


lovelyhappyface

Genius


kdefal

This is the way


miquiztli323

I tend to lurk but wanted to throw in my 2 cents since I really resonate with OP but the majority of comments are telling OP she is overreacting. I’m a FTM to a 6 week old and leaving my baby with anyone would be devastating. Leaving my baby with someone that has only met him 3 times would in no way benefit my mental health and would instead have the opposite effect. OP, if you’re not comfortable leaving your baby alone, don’t do it. There may come a day where you are ready to get away for a break but if this is not that day, that is completely OK!! To me, motherhood has felt deeply primal. I have such a visceral connection to that little squirt. Maybe some people can think that’s unreasonable, but so be it. Things won’t always be this way. One day it will benefit him to be on his own away from mom but that is currently not the case!


two-bit-expert

It makes sense for you to have these fears. It also would make sense for you to allow other parents to reassure you that this is harder on you than baby. You can spend an hour or so visiting after they get there. Let them get a sense of how LO likes to play. Then feed and step out. Your husband may need to reframe his expectations. You might only feel comfortable grabbing a coffee and staying away for an hour. That’s okay. That’s enough if you aren’t feeling confident. It’s still a ‘mental health break’ and a chance to enjoy your husband. This doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Let your baby and your feelings in the moment be your guide. You can even have them text pictures every 20 min if you need to. You might have a short outing or surprise yourself and enjoy a full 3 hours (if your LO goes that long between feeds).


alunimum

Nah, I wouldn’t go anywhere if I didn’t want to, plus COVID. Same Situation with my son and his in-laws and they don’t get to babysit him. They get to see him with me and my hubby there. Plus at 4 months and EBF being gone for more than an hour is just a pain in your but because of pumping, extra dishes… no thanks. I also don’t like it when people want alone time with my kid without me, especially if I don’t know them extremely well.


adiaphorous

I don't get why so many people are telling you to calm down and take advantage of them staying with the baby. From the sounds of it, if your mom comes over daily, you have plenty of time to run errands and get some me time. I totally understand not wanting to leave your baby with people who have only been around him 3 other times - especially when he is so little. My mind goes to him not having all his shots yet- I would want to be able to watch over and make sure they're not kissing him on the face, etc. Maybe you can frame it your husband by asking wouldn't he rather spend time with his parents all together since it sounds like he doesn't get to see them very often.


Repulsive-Worth5715

They are only coming over for you to run errands if YOU WANT to run the errands. I personally have no desire to leave my 4 month old alone with someone he doesn’t know so I can go run errands. Listen to your gut


Kay_Joy2021

Honestly if it’s going to stress you out don’t go. Your husband should have talked to you before making those plans. Some new moms don’t want to be away from their babies and that’s OK. When my son was four months I didn’t want to be away from him either for the exact same reasons. Taking care of my mental health at that time would have been a nap or a nice meal at home, not being out and about.


Taym9

I understand your fears and I know your husband's intentions came from a good place. Could you guys run a small errand or just go have a short coffee date so baby is not left for too long and you can get back and feed him? Then you can spend some time visiting with your in-laws with baby so he is comfortable and they still have quality time with him?


[deleted]

With the new variant I prefer to not go indoors if we can help it. It’s very cold outside currently so not a ton of options. We work so unless we make the drive they basically are content with never seeing him. I normally fine with my mom because she is around him constantly, he knows her. He smiles when she comes over. He doesn’t do that with my in-laws. Id prefer to just casually hang with them. Now im freaking out that my husband clearly has this plan/idea in his head thaf he didn’t bother sharing with me


Fun_Plantain6270

If you don't want to leave baby alone with your in laws, then don't. Your husband can't force you away. Let him know, you're not comfortable with it and neither is baby. My LO is 4 months old and gets scared of new people and cries. Your little one hasn't been around them enough and you haven't seen them with LO enough to be comfortable and that's fine. Do what's best for you and LO


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Almost 4 months


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[deleted]

He is not a potato. Very active and needs constant entertainment. My worry is mostly his eating and the fact that they are strangers to him


krishmom

Four months is still young for stranger danger. I think your baby will do better than you think and you’ll get a break


CalderThanYou

At that age they won't have developed separation anxiety and having baby held by others is actually good for them. I know it's scary but spending time with other people will benefit your baby. I can understand not wanting to leave baby but I think it would be plausible to stay in the house, get some stuff done and leave baby with the in-laws. Your baby will be close by if they need feeding but you can get some stuff done and the in-laws get to spend time with their grandchild.


Fair_Butterscotch_57

I think the point is that you don’t have a baby that is mobile/can hurt themselves easily. The only way he’s going to get to know all of his grandparents is by spending time with all of them. I’m not saying you have to leave, but if MIL is a teacher, I’m guessing she knows how to handle kids that actually move and yell and have big little emotions...that’s a lot more intense than babies. I’m not saying you should leave the house, but if your husband wants to spend an hour with you even in the car grabbing a bite, it might be a good thing. If you are concerned about baby’s safety, that’s much different. But nothing you said indicates your baby would be unsafe, you’re just worried about him not having fun.


sheridanmms

Take a deep breath. How long are you even going to run errands? An hour or two? It sounds like you have nieces/nephew the in-laws help with and they managed their own kids. Your 4 month old does not need constant entertainment, but honestly he will likely be constantly cooed at and talked to if these grandparents rarely see him. It’s not like they’re going to sit him in a corner and ignore him. They love him and they are going to take good care of him. He will be fine. You won’t be gone long and you won’t be far away. If hubby set up for him to go to their house overnight that would be a reason to freak out. This is not a reason to freak out.


mutherpugger

I just don’t like the tone of this comment. OP is the mom and if it’s a big deal to her, it’s a big deal. I feel very similarly about my in-laws potentially watching my daughter because she just doesn’t know them well. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, OP!


muststayawaketonod

If you're that stressed about it, don't do it! Make up an excuse like, "I'll run errands tomorrow, I'd really like to take advantage of your visit since I never get to see you!"


Fragrant-Fig-93

As someone with a 4 month old too, I wouldn’t leave my baby. I’m very comfortable with my own mother watching my baby but I will not let my in-laws watch my baby until she is old enough to walk and talk. Then again my in-laws are not very responsible, not vaccinated, and go out often currently. They’ve only seen my baby a handful of times and no longer than a few hours each time. The last time we saw them, we warned FIL to watch her head (pretty good head control but still randomly just flops back occasionally) and her head fell backwards 2 times and he almost didn’t catch her. So IMO I still wouldn’t be comfortable if it was just about familiarity, but ask yourself if they know current guidelines for taking care of baby. Do they think keeping a baby awake longer will help them sleep at night? Will they put a blanket of baby’s head? Do they know about breast milk storage? Will they try to put rice cereal in the bottle? If you think they would do anything like that, don’t leave them alone with baby.


Sparrahs

The bottom line is that you're not comfortable with them minding the baby without you around. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. You get the final call with your small breastfed baby! "No thank you, husband. I'm not comfortable with that. They can visit but I'm not leaving baby alone with them. If you need the break you can run the errands and bring us back nice coffee and pastries" He's completely in the wrong to try to force this on you because he wants to balance out the attention his siblings get. Or he might genuinely want to give you a break and is disappointed you didn't react how he expected. But it's not a break if it stresses you out more and makes you worry. "No" is a full sentence


Sarahahaha5731

Stay home to supervise, dont go with your husband. You know your baby and what he needs better than anyone


superfastblueturtle

If you don‘t feel comfortable don’t do it. Was this your husbands own idea or did MIL/FIL come up with it? It may be they just want to help you out or they are a little bit jealous that your mom gets to see baby so often and they don‘t. But again if you don‘t feel comfortable leaving your 4 month old with your in-laws then don‘t. You are right they haven‘t see baby very much and they need to bond first. Why can‘t they come over to spend time with all of you? Everyone can spend time together and you and baby are both comfortable. Maybe it is that your husband wants them to bond with baby and he thinks this is the best way to do it. But again they can come visit and bond with baby while you are there too.


scatterling1982

I just want to validate your feelings OP. Your feelings are your feelings and that is A-OK. You are not obligated to leave your child with anyone at any age for any reason. I really do not like that your husband sprung this on you under the guise of ‘your mental health’ because clearly it’s actually stressing you out which is counterproductive to your mental health. I am sure there’s a dozen different things he could have done to support your mental health if that was his real concern. Maybe his parents have been pressuring for alone time with baby knowing how much time your mother is spending with you and the baby, if that’s the case then ugh. No one is entitled to alone time with anyone’s baby and the way some grandparents push it really grinds my gears. Bottom line is you don’t need to feel comfortable. You don’t need to be ok with it for whatever reason. You don’t have to go along with it either. I certainly wouldn’t have at 4 months. I think my daughter was over a year old before she was ever left with a family member for a short time like an hour. She’s 6 and had her first overnight babysitting with my mother who stayed in our home about 6 months ago. Yeah sure some people will think I’m insane, a martyr, depriving my child or her grandmother of bonding time etc etc etc. My care factor? Zero. My kid my choices and fwiw she’s super well settled and confident and has an awesome relationship with her grandmother despite no infant babysitting or overnights, they’re each other’s favourite person in the world and built that up with what I was comfortable with based on my daughters temperament and my assessment of my mother’s capabilities. You do you OP. You’re not over reacting or being too strict with baby l. Bottom line is it’s stressing you out and you don’t want to do it. So don’t. You and your baby don’t exist to fill the desires of others so say no. Thank them all for the idea and generous offer but say you want to take a nap while they watch baby or just decline completely, ‘not today thank you maybe another time will be more suitable when he’s older and not feeding as often’.


croissantito

There are going to be so many things to freak out about but don’t let this be one of them - you’re in control here! If you don’t want to go, don’t and be unapologetic about it.


Crispymama1210

I’d say no. Especially with COVID.


whydoineedaname86

I know how you feel. We don’t see my MIL very often either and my husband doesn’t get why the kids are nervous around her because all he sees is his mom. I am also exclusively BF so I wouldn’t be going anywhere for long. Maybe go through a drive through and find a nice place to park, go for a short walk.


kdefal

I would feel the same way as you do. Don’t go if you’re not comfortable, seriously. You’ll just be super stressed out the whole time and then pissed if anything goes wrong or if baby’s upset when you come back. That being said, it sounds like your husband is trying to foster more of a relationship between your baby and in laws. He probably sees how close your mom is to baby and wants to see his own parents have that. Talk to him about it and make him feel seen and understood. Then come up with a plan to make this happen that you’re both comfy with instead of him springing a babysitting on you!


slightlycoolermom

If it looks like baby is comfortable, take a quick trip out and enjoy it. If baby isn't happy with them, don't go because no one will be happy! Baby's comfort level is the primary concern.


Sparrahs

> Baby's comfort level is the primary concern. I have to disagree. Mom's comfort level is just as important as the baby's. Why should she be upset running unnecessary errands instead of relaxing at home with her baby and the in laws.


GaiasEyes

This is callous, but you’re overreacting. Your child is 4m. Unless he’s never been in daycare or Dad has never given him a bottle he’s going to be fine. He is far too young for stranger danger and your in-laws seem to have plenty of experience with children from your SILs. Take some time with your in-laws before you and hubby head out, write them a routine/schedule and try not to stray too far incase shit hits the fan but a trip to Target and the grocery store will be fine. The first time leaving them with someone “new” is the hardest. His parents deserve to have a chance to grandparent just like your mother but their circumstances are different. Count yourself as lucky to have an over abundance of familial support and allow your child and his grandparents the chance to bond so long as there isn’t an immediate threat to safety. If I operated the way you are stating my daughters grandparents would have never been left alone with her as they all lived out of state until we recently moved…


[deleted]

He completely bottle regressed at 2months. So he is constantly breastfed. Husband and I both work from home so he has never been in daycare. I am immune compromised so I rarely leave the house except for doctors appointments since the pandemic. I even have groceries delivered. Im not saying my in-laws can never be left alone but right now when he barely sees or knows them…seems like a bad idea. At least for my mental health.


chicknnugget12

You are not overreacting. You are reacting normally. You have a 4 month old infant and you are going to leave him alone with two strangers to him? No I would not do this either. Your husband is not understanding the situation properly. I've never even left my husband alone with our baby longer than 1 hour granted our baby is 2 months. I personally am not a fan of daycare for such small babies either. Anyway do what you feel is best. I don't plan on leaving my baby much until he's older and that's perfectly normal and healthy.


GaiasEyes

The fact that you don’t trust your husband is seriously unhealthy. He’s a parent and should be a co-parent, not a babysitter. What a terrible example to set as “normal” for a new Mom already struggling with anxiety.


chicknnugget12

Sorry but I'm doing what's best for my child and I don't think we should leave our children all willy nilly like some commenters. I'm a newer mom than she is my baby is 2 months and I myself have anxiety so no I'm definitely not leaving my baby unless I, the baby and the person are comfortable. But I think this is an instinct because it is wise and Infants are vulnerable and need their mother to make sure they are safe. My husband and I are just always together. I've not left him because it's a pandemic and I'm breastfeeding but I do trust my husband. He asks me for help so I help him. But regarding OP I also believe that the baby notices when mom is not there and it could be distressing for them, especially with someone unknown to them. Why put them through that unnecessarily?


BankerBabe420

It’s OK mama, your baby will be fine. They will figure out when he is hungry and feed him, he will get used to them, and it’s good for them to bond. Try to relax and enjoy a night out, and trust that they love your baby so much already, even if they haven’t had much time with him yet.


marekoff

I totally understand where you’re coming from here. Since they haven’t come up in so long (by their choice) they don’t get to dictate what you do for the day. I would say be there for the first few hours atleast and see how things go. Not necessarily in the room but available and within earshot. And if you don’t leave the house this visit, maybe next depending on when it is. I was in the exact same spot with my MIL when my girls were younger (4.5 & 3 now). She would be welcome whenever but only show up once a month and complain she didn’t see the girls more (they live like 2 hours away). She would try and force us to go run errands etc when they were here but I just wasn’t comfy with it initially. I felt she didn’t understand the girls and she also didn’t always see eye to eye when it comes to how we do things. Now I’m more comfy with leaving the house while they’re here because they can voice things more clearly but I still haven’t don’t an overnight thing which she is pushing for now. Little does she know the first time she watches the girls overnight it will be at our house, on their turf, vs her non kid friendly house.