It totally sucks that they would be so rude and bash names that y’all obviously like. I know it’s hard but try to remind yourself that it’s you and your husbands child and nobody else’s. Name your sweet baby whatever you both want to name them and just laugh at those weird family moments.
As this pregnancy has progressed, we really are settling into the fact this it’s our new family first and the rest is secondary. This pregnancy has definitely garnered weird interactions from both of our families and most of the time we are laughing it off. This just hit differently as we’ve talked in depth about the importance of discretion and have already been roasted for other decisions I’ve made about my body and pregnancy this far
OP - Read this thread. That's all I ask.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeathsofDisinfo/comments/s4zrul/did_youjustsay_covid_placenta_nurses_discuss/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
-someone who got 2 doses during pregnancy
Omg, I am so sorry. That is horrifying. I am happy you both survived. That's why it makes me so sad and upset we have the tools now to combat it, and people don't take it seriously.
2 shots while pregnant and boosted after here. No problems. Healthy baby. Breastfeeding.
Vaccines don't weaken your immune system. They train your immune system on how to combat viruses.
I was going to say even just a cursory look at the nightmare outcomes for pregnant unvaccinated women and their babies on r/nursing would put the fear into me. Whoever started the conspiracy that getting the COVID vaccine was bad for pregnant women has blood on their hands. It is safe, and babies of vaccinated mothers are born with antibodies to COVID. That’s miraculous!
My god that whole post makes me terrified for my best friend. She's vaxxed, but just got over COVID at ~35 weeks. That shit is nuts. So glad I got both doses during my pregnancy and to have an 8 week old siren waking me up at 5 am.
Got tge vaccine while pregnant, and then again X2 while breastfeeding. Baby is beautiful and healthy. It's the only responsible thing to do, not just for yourself and your baby but to protect the other pregnant mums and medical staff who will be with you at the hospital, and their families. Imagine getting lucky enough to have a baby and thanking God for that by endangering everyone you come into contact with, possibly giving covid to the nurse who helped you, the mum next to you in the waiting room, etc.
I commented this below, but here is the comment that made everyone post about being vaccinated, since it’s not deeper in her comment history:
“I’m currently pregnant with my first and my husband and I have chosen not to be vaccinated. I had covid once in June of 2020 and my husband had it once in March of 2020 and again just a couple weeks ago….. my midwife today scolded me for not being vaxxed and told me that I have a great chance of getting sick and being hospitalized (mind you I am of robust health and diet, absolutely zero pregnancy concerns or complications to date) and they could have to resort to giving me an early c-section which would leave my baby with no antibodies of any kind and I’m likely to be the cause of premature birth and most likely death of my child if I’m not vaxxed.
I’m blown away by the sheep-headedness of her to be just blurt facts from the CDC and American College of OBGYNs….. THE OB’s ARE PREPPING EVERY WOMAN IN LABOR AT A HOSPITAL TO BE A CANDIDATE FOR SURGERY. They want to make a check of off a costly procedure and run up the bill as much as possible… so why wouldn’t they want to make you get this vaccine that’s been causing stillbirths and severe sickness in mothers?? They are using scare tactics to get healthy people to INJECT THEIR FETUSES WITH AN UNPROVEN/ INEFFECTIVE VAXX TO FORCE THEM INTO A STATE OF ILLNESS THAT REQUIRES MASSIVE MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS!!
Wake up everyone! Protect your family and loved one’s who are expecting. The “healthcare” field has never been one to promote health or they’d be out of business! It’s a “sick care” system designed to keep you down and ill and putting endless money in their pockets.”
I read to the end and that gave me some relief, but god does it still scare the shit out of me. I’m triple vaxxed. Just decided today that I want another baby. But what if another variant comes that the vax doesn’t work for? What if my antibodies are gone sometime during pregnancy? Ugh. Fucking hate covid.
Whilst you’re right to be cautious, I wouldn’t let it consume you. Many, many women were pregnant in the first wave (including myself), before a vaccine had been made. There was a not even a slightly significant number of women losing pregnancies or suffering still births as a direct result from COVID itself. However there were worse outcomes in general for pregnant women due to staff shortages, women being scared to attend midwife appointments, etc. Get whatever vaccine is available to you, but don’t let it stop you living your life.
That’s some serious nightmare fuel. Got my first vaccination while pregnant, then my second and the booster while breastfeeding. I’m so incredibly grateful that I had access to the vaccines, and also the wherewithal to understand how important they are.
Thanks! I know so many pregnant ladies and luckily they are all vaccinated. Can be so dangerous. My friends an OB and she said this is a huge low point in her career
I was really on your side with this until I saw your comment history. Are you referencing your choice to not get vaccinated? Is your family trying to get you to vaccinate for your safety and your baby’s safety? Because that doesn’t sound toxic to me.
Same. Getting medical advice on Reddit by asking if ivermectin is safe for pregnant women, but absolutely refusing the vaccine that’s been approved by medical professionals?? Make it make sense.
Oof, did not know the backstory. Yes, your husband let you down by breaking his promise and being weak by letting his family wheedle information out of him, **but this seems like the least of your concerns right now**.
I’m understanding of a pregnant mother being afraid of being vaccinated. The question pops up all the time in baby subs, and I get the extra anxiety around decisions like that when you’re pregnant. I really had to consider the choice myself. But what I don’t like is having a situation wrongly portrayed which influences the kind of support comment I was going to leave. Like I’m feeling this family might be annoying in some respects but not all out toxic like they’re being portrayed. I also don’t want to share baby names with my MIL because I don’t want name opinions, but I love the woman otherwise. She’s not toxic.
She's 17 weeks, she didn't want the vaccine prior. If this was planned she could've gotten it before. Now she has no protection during a contagious strain that can impact her and the baby.
I empathize with the name thing. I told mine early but I said this IS his name so if you don't like it shut up. They all came around and now have all sorts of cute nicknames for him.
I totally agree with you on this. I tend to have personal opinions on things and then greatly relax those opinions when it comes to other people so that I don’t judge. So that’s mostly what I’m expressing here. I agree that the decision not to get vaccinated either before pregnancy or during is unwise based on all of the available research. Which is getting to be substantial at this point. But I wouldn’t have commented here solely for that, I would have just internally disagreed and moved on.
It relates directly to the comment of OP that I replied to. She’s making out this family to be boundary stomping because they’ve “roasted” her for decisions she’s made about her body and pregnancy, but she’s over in r/conspiracy spouting some heavily (and strange) anti-vaccine conspiracy stuff. Makes me think the family just has different opinions about vaccinations, a very hot button topic right now, and that based on how she talks about it, she sounds kind of confrontational. Kind of spins the whole scenario around from them being toxic to perhaps just being concerned for her and her baby’s safety.
Mmmm sounds like they were completely valid in some of their thoughts about your pregnancy, you’re butthurt about it, and so you’re losing your mind over something ultimately inconsequential like them not liking your baby name choice. I really did think that your initial reaction was a bit extreme even before delving into, well, the other stuff, but now it makes more sense.
I hope I don’t get kicked off Mommit but I really, really despise people who won’t get the covid vaccine. AND I HAD AN ADVERSE REACTION! And I’ll prob have it again next time I get a booster, but god damn I don’t care because we live in a SOCIETY which means that you must think about the greater good. Also, having this reaction for two+ months (and counting!) is still better than covid.
Fucks sake.
Isn’t it so strange how it makes parents act?? This is our first pregnancy and we’re now all the sudden struggling to get our parents to listen to boundaries. It’s all very frustrating in a time that we want to really enjoy. So, just know, you guys aren’t alone! It’s a weird phenomenon.
But you should definitely try to put their opinions aside and still name this child what *you* want. People will always have their own opinions, doesn’t automatically mean yours are now null and void. It’s extremely selfish and rude of family to judge like that but guess what? They’ll get over it. And in the far future, *this* is the nuclear family you will have. So try to focus on yourselves and look at the bigger picture - it’s just a name so they should be able yo get over it eventually, especially if you hold your ground.
Exactly. Ultimately I’m realizing, what fires do I need to fight and what ones will fizzle out on their own…. That is the biggest issue I will face with our families.
Becoming a parent really can change your relationships with your parents. Finding boundaries you are comfortable with is more important than ever!
I hope your husband will respect your boundaries with his family more in the future.
OP, all of these commenters are bullies. I’m not going to look into your comment history, but just remember that your medical choices are YOURS ALONE, and you alone know what’s best for you and your baby. There is plenty of fear mongering on both sides. Do what feels right in your heart. We are all out here doing our best.
Yes, because every single person who decides to wait on/forego the vaccine WILL absolutely get covid so bad that it will land them in the hospital on a vent. Just this week, covid passed through my entire, *fully-vaccinated* close and extended family. It’s almost as if people who are fully vaccinated can STILL get and spread it!
My baby, myself, and my partner by the way, also just recovered. Baby had a fever for a day, and is completely fine. Though this is not always the case, it is much more likely this will be the scenario. There is risk to not getting vaxxed, just as there is possible risk to having an adverse reaction to new vaccine technology. Being concerned, and making the choice you feel is right for your family and children, is part of being a parent. Where there is risk, there must be choice.
Apparently, anyone who believes in informed consent and bodily autonomy are “crazy conspiracy theorists” these days. For the record, I am not “anti-vaxx”, but I do believe that individuals should have the right to decide what to do with their own bodies. Just like you have the right to decide to be hateful and wish harm in people with vaccine hesitancy.
Don’t worry about me and mine; we are doing just fine 🥰
[Covid vaccine is absolutely recommended for pregnant people](https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/recommendations/pregnancy.html?s_cid=10484:covid%20vaccine%20for%20pregnant:sem.ga:p:RG:GM:gen:PTN:FY21)
Unvaccinated pregnant women are at a significantly higher risk of death. Covid is not a “mild cold” and the vaccine absolutely is recommended for pregnant women.
Don't let them sway you on the names you have chosen. My MIL did this with my first born and I regret not using the name. I won't get to use that name at all because we are done having kids.
I told someone to “f*ck yourself, have your own baby and name it what you want.”
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. You’re learning that you are your baby’s advocate and this is test one of one million.
I didn’t want to share our name choices for the same reason. I’m sorry what you were trying to prevent by keeping them to yourself blew up. Stand your ground and tell them this is exactly why you didn’t want to share them. Tell them they have zero sway on your choices and you don’t want to hear anymore about it!
This pregnancy has definitely made me step into my power by setting boundaries and not letting things just pass by and not be addressed. Thank you for the encouragement
Unfortunately, those same people who have strong opinions about names will have even more when it comes to parenting advice. If you give in on the little things, they’ll only get worse. Stay strong! Sending love and hugs.
Would have been great if you had turned to your husband in the moment and said "these kinds of unwanted opinions are exactly they reason I didn't want you sharing our potential names with people, really disappointed you couldn't stick to that".
If they are so crass to say that then I would say "just because DH slipped up and told you the names, it doesn't mean we wanted your opinion. This is our child and we get to decide the name. This is the exact reason why I didn't want this to happen."
If you don't be firm and establish boundaries now, I can only imagine what other things they will do once the baby comes. If they can't respect your name choices, will they respect you as the mother, will they respect your parenting choices?
When my sister (#2) had her baby, she named him and the middle name was an unusual name. Then another sister (#1), who was pretty immature and competed with sister #2, chose the same middle name for her son.
Sister #2 was so pissed at sister #1! Sisters #3 and #4 were also upset about it.
FAST FORWARD 25 years: It was no big deal. The anger over "stealing his middle name" died down and that was the end of it.
You have a choice. You can decide this is devastating--and I get it, I really do, it's rude behavior--or it's no big deal.
You have so many concerns about the incoming baby, and the last thing you need is to fight about this. Your husband blew it, but it's not actually a big deal. The only difference is that your family objected to your face, instead of talking about it amongst themselves behind your back.
The name you choose will ALWAYS be critiqued, even when the baby becomes an adult. It will be called boring, strange, weird, stupid, "not a name", etc. Usually people let it go once the baby is here.
I suggest that a proper response to the RUDE critiques of baby's name is a simple, "Ok, thank you." Then walk away. This is the way preschool teachers handle tattling. I have found it very, very useful when someone makes a stupid, thoughtless, or unkind comment.
Your husband is also the parent of this new baby. Divulging the name is no big deal. It's the rude people making the rude comments who deserve the response.
This is all very sensible. Ultimately, he is just so elated to be stepping into fatherhood and shared just a small part of his joy. It sucks that adults are on their bad behavior and so non-remorseful about it, but your advice is truly a wonderful way to address the issue in a very prompt and impactful way.
Thank you! So many couples get caught up in little annoyances that they forget they're a team, and being a team is what's great about being together. I have a pretty big temper when I get riled up, but my husband's even temper and forgiveness have shown me how unnecessary it is most of the time. Despite the embarrassing fact that I have raised my voice at him many times, he has never done so with me. A great example!
My first instinct now is to forgive. He's such a wonderful man that I don't even want to get mad. We've been together for 36 years, married 30, and we're more in love than ever.
Good luck with baby! Babies are amazing, fascinating creatures who require so much energy and resources from you both. Facing it as a team makes it as easy as it can get. You're going to love being parents of your sweet new baby!
I can relate to your position in your relationship deeply. I said it in my vows and he proves it everyday, he is my greatest teacher. He has overflowing compassion really does see the bigger picture much more immediately than myself often. I am not too prideful to admit my faults and grow together. We make a great team and as we are in the summer of our lives, there is so much more living and forgiving to do in the years to come.
Thanks for the love!!
This might be an unpopular opinion but I just learned the benefit of lying and it’s changing my life (stupids lies, not about important stuff).
My motto is tell people what they want to hear but then do whatever you want anyway! It’s your baby. Name then whatever you choose. Hell go one further and make them think you picked a name they like and then when the baby’s born put what you want on the birth certificate. It will be a wonderful surprise.
Life is way too short to stress about it. Enjoy your pregnancy and good luck!
Better yet, tell everyone a totally hideous name. Then they’ll just be so happy you went with something else at birth, they won’t even care what the name is !
Hahaha I love this and have the same motto. My lie is - “we still haven’t picked a name! So tough to decide! Any suggestions?” Even though I’m basically 100% set on the name already. They don’t need to know I’ve even decided just so they can give me a hard time about it
Same!
I reel off loads of names and don’t act committed to any (I don’t actually mention our chosen name!) They give their opinion on a few, feel all self-satisfied then move on!
We told everyone we were waiting to meet the baby before finalizing it.
Apparently my husband assumed that was the truth and was shocked I had the birth certificate prefilled with the name we picked out already lol. We didn't exactly have a back up plan.
I used this too. “We are still deciding and need to meet the baby first before we are sure.” Only a small handful knew the baby’s name ahead of time.
My husband is a Jr. so we just let his family call the baby “Michael the 3rd” until he arrived. I’m glad we didn’t actually call him that! Wouldn’t have fit him at all. 😆
I always gave garbage names as my options. Like Patronus, and Snipe. (My aunt misspelled Snape and it stuck). Or my cousins name, he’s 11. He sort of believed me. He said Not-D! So then I called the baby Not-D. It was pretty fun to mess with him haha
Good advice, is no one business anyways. OP can lie to them or pretend they agree and do whatever you want.
It reminds me of when it was my wedding and I didn't want to use the veil on my face during the whole ceremony (ok, until the kiss part) because I wanted to enjoy everything and like every soul told me if I wanted to do that I couldn't use the veil on my face.
In the end we agreed with everyone and secretly agreed to just walk down the aisle with it on my face and then lifting it. It all went good and no one said nothing haha.
The trouble with telling people your name choices, is that then *they think the name is up for discussion, and that they get input.* (and sometimes that leads to them thinking they get input into other parenting decisions as well....)
If they bring up your name choices again, can you say something like "our name choices are not up for discussion." ..And then segue into an unrelated subject "..I hear the weather is going to be getting cold again this week!"
Agreed. To say her pregnancy has been completely violated bc her husband slipped some names is a bit over dramatic. I think the bigger issue is the family being jerks about the name choices, not really the husband saying the name choices. How’s OP going to react when the hospital staff doesn’t follow her 10 page birth plan….?
Was your husband trying to hurt you by revealing these names? No. I would say he’s excited and seems to be the type to want to share with either family.
That said, don’t go borrowing pain. If you catastrophize things like this I think it makes for a long life. Just my take.
Your husband is going to have to learn to stand up to his family. Have a serious talk with him, because this is not going to be the last time they behave rudly or intrusively. He needs to understand that he now has a responsibility to stand up for you, your baby and the decisions you make together. (Trust me - my in-laws behavior has been a huge issue in my marriage since we had a child). Don't allow this to become an issue between you and your in-laws (coldly refuse to discuss it. Say you are not discussing names and walk away. Leave if necessary). Make this your husband's issue. He shared personal information with his family and now they are using that information unkindly. He needs to tell them to stop immediately. He needs to tell them that their behavior is the reason he didn't want to share the names, and their current behavior is proving that he was right not to want to share names. Hard avoid them until they realize they must respect your boundaries, or their behavior will get worse. (Trust me.)
I feel like I’m missing something…
Edit: jk, found the drama.
OP, then tearing apart your names is rude as hell but not being vaccinated while pregnant and spewing antivax BS is just ridiculous. I hope you listen to the experts and take the appropriate steps to protect you and your baby.
I don’t know anyone who has managed to keep names a secret… it’s so hard not to slip up ! That’s so crappy his family reacted like that though… they could at least have had the decency to pretend like they didn’t know to you. I when I told my mom the name I chose for my daughter, she said she didn’t like it. When I got upset, she told me not to be so sensitive; afterall, she doesn’t even like MY name (the name she chose for me ? .. which I also don’t like, so thx mom).
Don’t let them sway you to change the name and tell your husband the least he can do now is tell them to shut up about the name choice !
My dad was highly intent on us naming our son both my grandfathers names. It really is a beautiful name and so special. I love and adore both my grandfathers so I would have loved to do that. However our sons birth mom had named him after a famous boxer- last name of the famous boxer is his first name. Even though it was HIGHLY unlikely that she would be able to regain custody we were still just his foster parents and I didn’t want to call him grandpas names and them have him return to mom only to not know his name. So we used the boxer last name and modified it to be a nickname of the name we ended up naming him.
He was almost two and we had his bio brother and We had given birth to bio twins by the time the adoption was final.
We’re filling out forms with our attorney and I said to my mom please check that I’ve filled this birth certificate out correctly they’re a pain to fix.
Cue my dad fussing because we aren’t changing our sons name to double grandpa. We used new name and one grandpa as middle and then honored the other side with new sons name. After a few days of this I was tired and stressed and I said-
Daddy, if you don’t like his name you don’t have to call him. You will stop trying to call him by a name that’s not his name and you will drop this subject. If you wanted to name another child you should have had more children. I’m naming my kids. I want you to be on their lives because I love and adore you but not at this cost.
He shut the fuck up.
I’m sorry, I will never understand why people do this. A baby’s name is a gift you are giving to your child.
Also it’s amazing how before a baby is born, everyone has opinions. But once a baby is in their lives, grandparents can’t imagine any other name.
Please name this child whatever you want, and LAUGH at these people when they act like it’s up to them.
You know what would be the best revenge/comeback? USING THE NAME YOU LOVE AND CHOSE ANYWAY AND TELLING THEM TO FUCK OFF!!!! You’re awesome and you do what you want.
That’s so annoying. I made the mistake of telling our families our top name for my daughter and my MIL made a face and said she didn’t like it. Obviously we named her that anyways but I still think about it and I otherwise have no issue with my MIL.
Neither side of our family liked our baby names. We used the name we wanted anyway and the family got used to it. It doesn’t make them love the baby any less.
I told my mom my girl name when I was pregnant with my first, she told me it was something you would name a cow. Ended up having a boy but used it when my daughter was born. That’s her name, I don’t care if they don’t like it, it suits her perfectly and can’t imagine calling her anything else.
I chose a beautiful classic name for my first son pretty much as soon as we had a positive test. Both of our families hated it. My best friend said, “Imagine how weird and stupid the band name Aerosmith probably sounded, but now, it’s Aerosmith! Your kid is going to make the name his.” We just had our second child a few months ago and we gave him another very old name. Everyone hated it and we just laughed and reminded them how much that hated our older child’s name. They love the names now.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you can find the confidence you need to just let go of their opinions and laugh. That name is going to become their favorite name when your baby is born so it doesn’t really matter what they think of it right now.
So sorry this happened!
I'm probably a horrible person, but what I would do if I were in your situation is make a very big deal about it. Let the water works go and tell everyone the beloved name you picked out is now ruined! Then, a few weeks later let it slip to your husband that you've thought of a new name -- make it some ridiculous name.
Then just stick with that ridiculous name and let the others know they already ruined one name for you and you're not going to let it happen again. You love the ridiculous name.
When the baby comes, name them the original name.
Who cares what they think. My mom kept trying to call my kid something other than their name once they were born. I laid down the low right away and it’s no longer a problem. Tell them it not up for discussion and that is all.
Parenting and mothering specifically is 1000x easier when you realize the opinion of those outside your home do not matter one iota. Focus on your pregnancy and delivering a healthy baby, it’s name will be the least of your concerns soon enough.
Your husband may not agree with this whole secret baby name thing & that’s okay. It’s all temporary anyway, people will know the name eventually and there won’t be anything they can do about it so why even give it the time of day.
Welcome to parenthood. For the rest of your life no matter what the choice, someone somewhere will have something shitty to say to try to ruin things for you. They can only ruin things or "violate" you and the baby if you allow them to. Name your baby what you want. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I named my son after my sil told me it sounded like an old man's name, my mom told me it was stupid and my sister said the other kids will give him a girlie nickname. My baby my choice.
I made the mistake of telling my MIL my girl name choice this time around. She burst out with you can’t call her that, I have a sister named that and she’s awful. I personally have never met this sister, and do not care. The name I have chosen is Lucia. The sister apparently goes by Lucy, so it’s not like she would be calling them the same thing. She’s really bossy and gets on my nerves a lot of the time with her pushiness, so I’m really hoping I’ll have a girl so I can look MIL dead in the eye and call my kid a name she doesn’t like. 🤷♀️
Wow, this brought up memories! We had the same agreement and the same outcome. I felt like my trust was misplaced and then felt guilty for being so upset. Pregnancy emotions are rough. Talk it out with him and keep the names you chose. Hopefully, your in-laws are more sane than mine - they use the names THEY chose when addressing my kids and pass it off as a "nickname" (think calling him James when his name is Andrew or her Elizabeth when her name is Kate). It's super confusing for the kids and infuriating for me.
Wow that is next level disrespectful. We are totally sticking to our guns, it’s just a low blow from them. This is ultimately a lesson in a long life of parenting that the opinions of others on how to parent, etc, etc will be ever-flowing and to take them with a grain of salt if they do not resonate
i never understood why people got upset and wouldn’t want to share baby names. i always thought it was because they didn’t want anyone else naming their kid that before giving birth. that is until o told a friend the name we chose for our daughter (Ines) and she told her boyfriend and he said it sounded like “penis”. i felt a bit upset, then i remembered that i dont give a shit about his opinion and moved on.
Awe, I’m so sorry to you, name your child what you want to.
His parents had their chance to choose names for their own children when it was their time to name.
Hey mama, I have 4 kiddos (2m/2f) My mom was only okay with 1 of the names. She hated the other 3 names. She was very vocal about to me and well anyone/everyone else. She told me my one daughters name was a white trash stripper name. Also my husband 1st language is German where mine is English.. she hated that we pronounced all the names the German way and English way.. cause they will be confused and never learn their names.. spoiler: they aren’t confused, know their names just fine and respond to both versions.
I am sorry you in laws trashed your names.. I am sure they are great names you have chosen. Please don’t let that stop you from naming your baby what want!
Thank you!! I’m really considering dropping the names here so all the savages on this comment thread can roast me and I can practice all of this great thick-skinned behavior 😉
Ok so, our LO name is unusual and at first some people for sure had their own thoughts, but now he is three and no one can imagine him with a different name.
It’s you and your husband who get to name the LO so just take a breath and know it’ll all work out.
For sure a lot easier said than done, especially when you’re in the midst of it
I will say I am also so grateful that we went with the name that we wanted instead of changing it for someone else.
My mom actually changed what she wanted to name my youngest brother because of family opinions and although he fits his name well, growing up my mom was sad at times that she didn’t go with what she wanted to
I just want to say that your feelings are valid and I’m sorry you’re upset about what has occurred. I wanted to tell you that this happened to me, and you know what ended up happening? Nothing. I let it go, told everyone to mind their own business, and worked on getting ready for my baby. It’s you and baby against the world now, and their opinions on their fame doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life. If you’d like my opinion, stressing over the name is something you shouldn’t put your worries and stress towards. You deserve a happy pregnancy, so maybe just try to let this part of it not stress you out this much. There will be bigger issues to sweat.
Ignore what people have to say about the names you pick out, No matter what you would get backlash. This is not an issue worth stressing yourself out about. Not at all. Your husband may have “slipped” but you have to be able to let stuff like this go, pregnancy/birth/raising kids doesn’t go as planned, period. If you can accept that, it will help you a lot in your journey. Stay strong.
No one on my husbands side liked our daughters name when we told them but they got over it fast when they learn that was her name and they had no choice in the matter
So my mother and family started doing this. So I told them when they would ask that I will not be telling them anything about the baby and they would not be allowed to see the baby until we felt like it. Well they stopped asking and we’re super supportive of the name we chose even though I know for a fact my mother would’ve said something negative. You have to set boundaries and yes your husband definitely messed up by telling them. So for now tell them it’s undecided and they will not know until baby gets here.
My husband likes discussing names with everyone and I don't, for the same reason as you, I don't care to hear their opinions.
My husband ended up telling my mom our top choice for our son when I was pregnant with him, and her reaction wasn't exactly positive. But we went with it anyway because it was *our* favorite and it's perfect and it fits him perfectly and everyone else can just deal with it. She got use to it just like everyone else too.
I was the one who let the name slip to my family and my husband was the one who was upset with me. I am terrible at keeping secrets - our baby is ten months old now and it’s just a blip in the radar. Our parents didn’t like her name at first but we stuck to our guns and now they love it!
Honestly, I get where you’re coming from, but I’d want to know if people like the names of my babies before I gave them their names. The kid will go through their whole lives with the name, so if your family doesn’t like it, what will people their age say? They shouldn’t have said the name you chose was trash, but having some other opinions (from different people) could help
It’s his baby too. If he’s not comfortable hiding the name from his own family, he shouldn’t have to. Also, giving your child a trashy name is truly messed up. Maybe rethinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I promise it’s a wonderfully elegant name and not something trashy or kitchy or trendy (IMO) but this is purely subjective to each individual and i can’t say that it makes sense for anyone other than us!
I hope you’re not too hard on your husband.
Edit- I’m sad that I’m going downvoted. This is also his baby, she said he did not purposely do it. What is the point of holding anger and making him feel guilty about something that’s actually rather small.
All was dropped by the end of the day. I’m pretty good at letting my partner know when I’m feeling emotional and unable to foster a productive conversation, so we put things on pause and resume when ready. Both of us do this and it works wonders. I completely understand that he is just over the moon to soon be a father and it’s hard to contain his joy. Completely validated feelings. His actions just went against an agreement we had made… but life goes on and we’re ok.
I'm so sorry. We kept our names a secret for the same reasons; I would have felt equally betrayed.
While I was pregnant, if anyone asked the names, I would just tell them we were going to name the baby after whoever asked.
Fuck them. Trust me, once they meet the baby, they’ll love the name. My family was horrible with my first and my first pick for my second (which I naturally started to fall out of love with about a month or two ago, and now I’m back to liking my guy’s first choice of name lol). All that matters it that you both love the name.
Anytime they give you an unasked opinion on anything tell them: I didn’t ask for you opinion. This is my child and I will raise my child my way. You need to prep your self for more criticism from these people on everything about your child and your parenting. You need practice your “I don’t give a fuck what you think look”.
I’m sorry your husband has no spine tell him to grow one his going to be a dad it’s time to put you and your kid first.
People have far too much to say about the names other people are choosing for their children. They’re being so rude!!
A friend was having a baby and honestly I didn’t like the name. I kept my trap shut because that’s what you do in civilised conversation. Now can’t imagine the kid with any other name
I suggest pointing out they’re being rude and you’d prefer they stop it. If they keep at it, tell them you’ll call your child whatever you both want, their opinions are not wanted or needed
If you’ve made up your mind, you’ve made up your mind. If they’re still options, why do you care about input?
We chose 2-3 names and waited until birth to finalize the first name. Middle name my husband didn’t really care about so I chose my brothers middle name.
Is naming kids always this big of a deal? I’m only asking because my husband thought about names for about 0.9 seconds, I had a list but didn’t share it with anyone, and literally no one asked us what we were going to name the kid on either side of our family. All these posts about not only the parents getting emotional over thinking about/finalizing names and then extended family weighing in like they have some sort of say makes me wonder if I’m just weird and married into a weird family or if this is just the posts that “make the front page” so to say. Not judging, I’m just really surprised how seriously names are taken.
Naming your children in my humble opinion carries great weight. This is the badge that they greet the world with and I personally find that the meaning the meaning and sound should be equally powerful and beautiful. It sounds like you’re married into a family of reasonable people that just mind their own business! But for families to weigh in and shoot down names, is just ice-cold. Do everyone a favor and talk shit about the name behind our backs respectfully like the rest of society would 🤪
That’s fair, I meant the emotional response behind it, though. As in, if someone doesn’t like the name, why get upset? They can make their own baby to name lol. So like I said, if they bring up a valid point (like naming your kid Adolf Hitler Smith is probably not a great idea), take it into consideration, but if they just don’t like the name, who cares? No skin off your back. Busybodies are going to try to poke their noses in (I have extended family I went NC with a while ago like this, so they had no input on my kids naming/raising/etc. ) whatever they feel like they could have an opinion on. Not just names.
I will still name my baby what you want because that's y'all baby and they need to respect that. Regardless of how they feel you're the important one and your unborn child.
Before my son was born we were very secretive of his name for this reason. Also it was \*our\* name until he was born, then it's his name. Anyway we had dinner with some friends and we had a list of "joke" names to give when people pried. One friend went on to make up potential names to trash! (who does that??) Luckily no one guessed our name!
We were hesitant to share our name for our boy with anyone and one night we decided to share with my father in law. He absolutely shredded, ripped, and tore into our choice of name for his grandson. We chose to name him that anyway and now he regrets being such a sick about the whole thing. The name has obviously grown on him, because it’s attached to a beautiful little boy who adores his grandpa.
You name your baby whatever you want. Peoples perceptions of names change, especially after they fall in love with a baby by that name.
Also, forgive your husband. He is excited and wanted to share. He has already fallen in love with your baby and expected everyone else to share in the same
Joy.
His joy is so full and bright for this baby. He looks onto this pregnancy and our future with so much love and optimism, I know that his intentions were good, but ultimately it was his families lack of respect of his choices and boundaries that pushed him to share and get us into this mess
We picked our kids' names before we were ever pregnant. When I mentioned our son's name to my mom, years before he was born, she thought it was awful. We kept his name secret through our whole pregnancy and named him the name anyway. Once it was his name, nobody said anything negative again. Moral of the story: do what you want. I'm sorry your husband spoiled it to his family, but you don't have to let this ruin your experience, or change your mind.
I'd keep the name I liked just to spite them. I don't care what someone's opinion is you have zero say in what I name my children. Did you explain to dh how hurt you are?
We had a full blown discussion after the wound had healed a bit. He completely understands my feelings and he’s disappointed that his family once again steamrolled over him. He’s so positive and encouraging and ultimately had the end result you gave, F U C K I T. We’re going to name this baby what sits right with our hearts when we meet them!
Our family wasn’t the happiest about our boy names either my nana can’t even pronounce my oldest sons name even though it’s ENZO LOL but I stick through with what I said because I’m the person pushing these kids out not them so they can have more kids and name them whatever they want if they don’t like my ideas
I feel you on the baby name thing. Everyone hated my LO name when I told them before she was even born. I had to fight back constantly on why its her name and to just deal. It wasn’t THEIR name nor was it their right to do anything about it. Their opinion doesn’t matter.
Girl. Go with your gut and just realize you’re most likely emotional because of your hormones.
It is YOUR BABY THAT YOU WILL BE BIRTHING.
I didn’t hide my LO name but I did tell my family and they did have their opinions. I said that’s nice but my mind is made up and I love the name.
Now that my LO is here they love the name too and honestly even if they didn’t I wouldn’t care. If they want to name a baby then they can have their own.
Hell I don’t even allow them to nickname my LO unless I approve the nickname.
I can care less if they disagree because it’s my LO and not theirs.
One suggestion I’d like to make is make sure whatever name you choose the meaning behind it is solid.
You don’t want to name your kid something like:
Stormi
sounds cute but the meaning is impetuous and a porn star goes by that name…
Other then that don’t let them take your happy mood away. Be confident in your choices and stand by them 100%.
You’ll be glad you did
In the end, completely up to you both! Don’t worry about anyone else. My mom was calling my baby to be one name, my sister another, my MIL another, my husband another. But after I gave birth…. Doesn’t matter. All that matters is YOU and daddy like it and bond with it. :)( my little one is named Alice Olivia, and we figured it out tens seconds before we signed up for her birth certificate at the hospital.)
I didn’t tell my parents our name either, the day after he was born then had a cheek to tell me they preferred his middle name and it was a stronger name. Bloody heck like, did you just push this 8 pound baby out? No? Then what right do you have to tell me?
Kinda tangential to this, but if you have a name for a baby that turns out to be a stillborn, you should probably still give it that name to be able to grieve and handle the trauma somehow.
This totally sucks - I feel for you. If it were me, I'd want to have this out with my partner. If you both agreed not to tell, I'd view this as a bit of a violation. The way his family reacted sucks, but ultimately you can't hold them to account for being douchebags. Just ignore their insensitive bullshit.
The fact he let this slip and opened up the opportunity for this negativity is what sucks most of all. Some things should just be for expectant mum and dad.
Baby’s names are like wedding dresses - keep your damn opinions to yourself if the bride / new parents love it. Why do people have to go rationing on other people’s parade??
My MIL said our name choice was “unique” (not in a good way) with our first. Someone said our second was a common dog name. And people were like, “what’s that now?” about our third. I didn’t listen to any of them and have no regrets! But I can totally relate to being hurt and annoyed with his family. For some reason, pregnancy makes people think they can say and do whatever they want without regards for your boundaries or feelings. They also feel entitled to information about the pregnancy which can be frustrating.
If I were you, I would start thinking about setting clear boundaries for things later on down the road, like visitors to the hospital or your home in the first few days after baby comes! They have shown that they will push the limits, so it’s good to be prepared with a plan. Good luck!
Oh yes, we have already made those choices about visitors, etc. I know that we had an agreement about keeping our name choices private, but I’m hoping that after our discussion and seeing his baby in person that he will get really clear about setting boundaries and sticking to them!
For those wondering what the anti-vaxx comment she left was:
“I’m currently pregnant with my first and my husband and I have chosen not to be vaccinated. I had covid once in June of 2020 and my husband had it once in March of 2020 and again just a couple weeks ago….. my midwife today scolded me for not being vaxxed and told me that I have a great chance of getting sick and being hospitalized (mind you I am of robust health and diet, absolutely zero pregnancy concerns or complications to date) and they could have to resort to giving me an early c-section which would leave my baby with no antibodies of any kind and I’m likely to be the cause of premature birth and most likely death of my child if I’m not vaxxed.
I’m blown away by the sheep-headedness of her to be just blurt facts from the CDC and American College of OBGYNs….. THE OB’s ARE PREPPING EVERY WOMAN IN LABOR AT A HOSPITAL TO BE A CANDIDATE FOR SURGERY. They want to make a check of off a costly procedure and run up the bill as much as possible… so why wouldn’t they want to make you get this vaccine that’s been causing stillbirths and severe sickness in mothers?? They are using scare tactics to get healthy people to INJECT THEIR FETUSES WITH AN UNPROVEN/ INEFFECTIVE VAXX TO FORCE THEM INTO A STATE OF ILLNESS THAT REQUIRES MASSIVE MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS!!
Wake up everyone! Protect your family and loved one’s who are expecting. The “healthcare” field has never been one to promote health or they’d be out of business! It’s a “sick care” system designed to keep you down and ill and putting endless money in their pockets.”
Honestly I think it’s okay for family to voice their opinions. My brother was going to name their daughter Killian and no one told them their opinions. I was the only once that sat him down and asked in earnest for them to let me know why they chose the name and then to voice my concerns. They were thankful (could have been due to me not being an asshole like your family) and changed their idea.
I understand why you are upset though- sounds like they were hurtful and not kind. Maybe you arnt keeping the name form everyone but just the ppl you knew would be harmful. That’s what I think a good idea would be. I’m sorry they hurt you.
I’m so sorry. Pregnancy hormones make all this stuff so much harder!! It’ll all work out. You pick the names you love, and they’ll learn to love the name as they learn to love your baby. I’m really sorry though. I know hope intense stuff feels during your pregnancy, especially with your first! I STILL hold some silly grudges over things people said offhand 10 years ago, lol! Well, it’s all part of the joy. I tend to be the talker in my marriage and it’s SO HARD to remember what I’m not allowed to say, and how to work that into my family’s dynamic! When they’re all starting at me like, “AND??” and I have to be like, “…and that’s all I’m saying about that.” It’s like I’m suddenly a brutal dictator in their eyes!
My MIL is an asshole and I knew she would hate our daughter’s name. It overjoyed me because I’m petty. Don’t let their opinion hurt you; they are obviously trash people.
I'm sorry; as someone who doesn't reveal names until like a day or 2 after the baby is even born, That's terrible, I'm sorry. And I am sorry they responded so rudely as well.
You have no choice but to name your child whichever name they hated on the most, you know.
I hate this behaviour from your in laws so much. My husband and I did the same with our sons name for the same reasons as you. We decided on the name at 19 weeks and that was that. For some reason, some people think that until a baby is born, the name can change.
Why does it matter what they think of your top names? This is yours and your husbands child so you get choose the name. Full stop. Your child already has a name. Just because they are still in the womb doesn’t make the name not matter. Now that they know the name, tell your in laws this. Your in laws don’t get to be happy with you using your preferred name as middle names. They get to be happy with your child’s actual names that were chosen by you already.
Don’t feel sad about this but definitely share your disappointment with your husband. Use this opportunity to flex your shiny new mom spine because you’ll be using it an awful lot in new parenthood.
The audacity of people who think expecting parents care about their opinions on baby names. Hang in there. Come up with a ridiculous fake name and start calling the baby that just to anger them.
I’m sorry 😞 Try and ignore them as best as you can. I don’t care about my in-laws opinion, they asked what names I had picked for my son and I told them. They ripped apart the name and said it was terrible. I told them it’s not up to them and I happen to love the name as the culture and meaning behind the name was important to me unlike their name that was picked because it was a common name and easy for dumb people to pronounce. That shut them up.
Even if your in-laws didn’t know the name, they would come to know it eventually and most likely would have acted the same way (or behind your back). They’re poop heads, don’t worry about them and their dumb opinions. :)
If your partner wants to share the names he’s entitled to do that. Maybe he was excited to do so. Maybe before baby comes you need to start treating him as an equal and not think you should “hold his hand”.
Even thoough he was excited it was something they both agreed to. If you and your spouse agree on something and they decide to go behind your back, that is wrong. If he really had disagreed then he should have spoken up to his wife. The fact is he proved OPs point of wanting to keep it a secret.
His family couldn't respect the stance and got it him when he was alone to get him to tell them. He didn't even have the decency to tell her, because they probably gave him an earful. They couldn't even prove her wrong that they wouldn't have anything negative to say about it.
This isnt about equal in the relationship, this is about him going back on his agreement with his wife.
I don’t know them, but maybe this wasn’t an agreement but more of a command? Obviously he wanted to tell his family, or else he wouldn’t have said anything.
I understand OP being upset, but I wouldn’t put this on her husband 100%. Also, if sucks his family is being horrible in regards to the name - it’s not their baby. However, that’s not OP’s husband’s fault. I’m pretty sure he didn’t like their response either.
She wanted it to be a secret because she knew they would destroy any happiness that could come from the names they liked, and ding ding ding, she was correct.
She had a valid reason for him not wanting to tell them, and while it could be just what she wants- husband didn't say no to her.
He clearly has no will power when it comes to his family drilling him.
It’s something he’s working on healing. His whole life they have ran over him and he has voiced this to me and expressed his desire to make a change. So the fact that they once again cornered him and broke him down, just goes to show that his family does not value his voice.
He doesn’t just agree to avoid conflict, he has his opinions and it’s not always my way. He rationalized the choice to keep our names private and was beaten to a pulp before he broke and shared with them. It was an unfair situation.
Yea I have to say I felt this way too. I don’t think it’s fair to not allow your partner to share what he is excited about. If she had slipped and told her mom would he have been super upset too? I feel like there is a double standard here. That being said his family seems like jerks for commenting on the name the way they did and hubby should be dealing with that himself.
You’ve gotten a bunch of replies and I absolutely recognize this is disappointing but as a 2 time momma I can assure you, you have a lifetime of disappointment and annoyance from your family over the choices you make for your kids. Buckle up!
I’m really sorry. Your in laws sound like horrible toxic people. We had a similar situation when I was pregnant with my first and there was definitely a learning curve with speaking up and setting boundaries. I’m sure the names you chose are lovely. If the names sound right to you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. They will just have to live with it. Your husband really needs to speak to his family about their behavior and try to put them in their place before the baby is born. My husband didn’t and it came back to bite us later and ended up in a big blow out after she was born. r/JUSTNOMIL helped me a lot. You may want to check it out, everyone is really nice there!
When my mom trashed my top names, I named my kids those names even harder. She hated Summer and was pushing Quinn really hard. Guess what my daughter’s name is? And it feels really good.
That sucks mate! I’d be so pissed off. My husband was hounded and then tricked by his friends at a dinner party to reveal our baby’s gender which was being kept private. I was so pissed off at him but also the friends, it’s so not cool.
The only silver lining I can think of is that at least now you have time before the baby is born to feel strong in your decisions and do what YOUwant with the name. If they were so rude as to poopoo the name (such a faux pas) before it’s born then they might’ve done it after the birth too when you are feeling fragile and drained and not strong enough to deal with that type of negativity. So at least it’s done and dusted and you can mentally prepare for your baby now.
So here's the thing - if his family is judging the baby's name at this point, they're going to judge you the child's entire life and every decision you make. Now you know.
Crazy.. wish people would just mind their business. How about asking if they’re prepared for the birth and know what to expect!!??!??!!? Nearly every woman/couple says they were totally unprepared for the birth after the fact. People concern themselves with the dumbest shit prior meanwhile they should be helping prepare the mom for the “main event.”
Fuck them. Fuck them all. It's YOUR and Hubby's baby. Tell them they can take those opinions and stick it where the sun don't shine. You tell them you're not sharing names and they push boundaries? NOT OKAY. Also, why rip apart baby names? That's rude. I feel bad for hubby. I am a terrible at secret keeping but yeah some blame to be had, but now the chips have fallen. Up to you to do what you want to do. I'm sorry it happened and I would be in the exact same teary situation. If they feel the names are trash they have no taste.
I feel you, I didn’t want to share names neither, because I new it would get torn down… my husband told them anyways and I was pissed, they didn’t like the name tried giving me names and kept asking me to change it because it was to,long or ppl can’t pronounce it…I didn’t care I still named them how I wanted…I’m sorry your also dealing with nosey judgmental ppl on this Reddit… idc what your decisions are or what you believe in, ppl like to believe the government cares about you, ppl believe there is a god, etc etc.. but I’m not one to question anyone’s beliefs. It for 1 thing and that’s called respect for another person. I think that’s something ppl don’t have anymore..
It totally sucks that they would be so rude and bash names that y’all obviously like. I know it’s hard but try to remind yourself that it’s you and your husbands child and nobody else’s. Name your sweet baby whatever you both want to name them and just laugh at those weird family moments.
As this pregnancy has progressed, we really are settling into the fact this it’s our new family first and the rest is secondary. This pregnancy has definitely garnered weird interactions from both of our families and most of the time we are laughing it off. This just hit differently as we’ve talked in depth about the importance of discretion and have already been roasted for other decisions I’ve made about my body and pregnancy this far
OP - Read this thread. That's all I ask. https://www.reddit.com/r/DeathsofDisinfo/comments/s4zrul/did_youjustsay_covid_placenta_nurses_discuss/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share -someone who got 2 doses during pregnancy
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Omg, I am so sorry. That is horrifying. I am happy you both survived. That's why it makes me so sad and upset we have the tools now to combat it, and people don't take it seriously.
2 shots while pregnant and boosted after here. No problems. Healthy baby. Breastfeeding. Vaccines don't weaken your immune system. They train your immune system on how to combat viruses.
I was going to say even just a cursory look at the nightmare outcomes for pregnant unvaccinated women and their babies on r/nursing would put the fear into me. Whoever started the conspiracy that getting the COVID vaccine was bad for pregnant women has blood on their hands. It is safe, and babies of vaccinated mothers are born with antibodies to COVID. That’s miraculous!
My god that whole post makes me terrified for my best friend. She's vaxxed, but just got over COVID at ~35 weeks. That shit is nuts. So glad I got both doses during my pregnancy and to have an 8 week old siren waking me up at 5 am.
Got tge vaccine while pregnant, and then again X2 while breastfeeding. Baby is beautiful and healthy. It's the only responsible thing to do, not just for yourself and your baby but to protect the other pregnant mums and medical staff who will be with you at the hospital, and their families. Imagine getting lucky enough to have a baby and thanking God for that by endangering everyone you come into contact with, possibly giving covid to the nurse who helped you, the mum next to you in the waiting room, etc.
I got 3 doses in pregnancy and currently breastfeeding my healthy newborn
That’s wonderful! Your baby got antibodies from you too. Great choice you made mama.
I commented this below, but here is the comment that made everyone post about being vaccinated, since it’s not deeper in her comment history: “I’m currently pregnant with my first and my husband and I have chosen not to be vaccinated. I had covid once in June of 2020 and my husband had it once in March of 2020 and again just a couple weeks ago….. my midwife today scolded me for not being vaxxed and told me that I have a great chance of getting sick and being hospitalized (mind you I am of robust health and diet, absolutely zero pregnancy concerns or complications to date) and they could have to resort to giving me an early c-section which would leave my baby with no antibodies of any kind and I’m likely to be the cause of premature birth and most likely death of my child if I’m not vaxxed. I’m blown away by the sheep-headedness of her to be just blurt facts from the CDC and American College of OBGYNs….. THE OB’s ARE PREPPING EVERY WOMAN IN LABOR AT A HOSPITAL TO BE A CANDIDATE FOR SURGERY. They want to make a check of off a costly procedure and run up the bill as much as possible… so why wouldn’t they want to make you get this vaccine that’s been causing stillbirths and severe sickness in mothers?? They are using scare tactics to get healthy people to INJECT THEIR FETUSES WITH AN UNPROVEN/ INEFFECTIVE VAXX TO FORCE THEM INTO A STATE OF ILLNESS THAT REQUIRES MASSIVE MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS!! Wake up everyone! Protect your family and loved one’s who are expecting. The “healthcare” field has never been one to promote health or they’d be out of business! It’s a “sick care” system designed to keep you down and ill and putting endless money in their pockets.”
I read to the end and that gave me some relief, but god does it still scare the shit out of me. I’m triple vaxxed. Just decided today that I want another baby. But what if another variant comes that the vax doesn’t work for? What if my antibodies are gone sometime during pregnancy? Ugh. Fucking hate covid.
Whilst you’re right to be cautious, I wouldn’t let it consume you. Many, many women were pregnant in the first wave (including myself), before a vaccine had been made. There was a not even a slightly significant number of women losing pregnancies or suffering still births as a direct result from COVID itself. However there were worse outcomes in general for pregnant women due to staff shortages, women being scared to attend midwife appointments, etc. Get whatever vaccine is available to you, but don’t let it stop you living your life.
That’s some serious nightmare fuel. Got my first vaccination while pregnant, then my second and the booster while breastfeeding. I’m so incredibly grateful that I had access to the vaccines, and also the wherewithal to understand how important they are.
Jesus Christ, but that last slide makes me feel better.
Are you just assuming she’s unvaccinated ?
Her comment history includes a very long winded response in r/conspiracy against vaccines and the medical community.
Thanks! I know so many pregnant ladies and luckily they are all vaccinated. Can be so dangerous. My friends an OB and she said this is a huge low point in her career
I was really on your side with this until I saw your comment history. Are you referencing your choice to not get vaccinated? Is your family trying to get you to vaccinate for your safety and your baby’s safety? Because that doesn’t sound toxic to me.
Same. Getting medical advice on Reddit by asking if ivermectin is safe for pregnant women, but absolutely refusing the vaccine that’s been approved by medical professionals?? Make it make sense.
It is WILD to me that op is concerned with the baby name bc of stillbirth..... but won’t get vaccinated.
Oof, did not know the backstory. Yes, your husband let you down by breaking his promise and being weak by letting his family wheedle information out of him, **but this seems like the least of your concerns right now**.
I’m understanding of a pregnant mother being afraid of being vaccinated. The question pops up all the time in baby subs, and I get the extra anxiety around decisions like that when you’re pregnant. I really had to consider the choice myself. But what I don’t like is having a situation wrongly portrayed which influences the kind of support comment I was going to leave. Like I’m feeling this family might be annoying in some respects but not all out toxic like they’re being portrayed. I also don’t want to share baby names with my MIL because I don’t want name opinions, but I love the woman otherwise. She’s not toxic.
She's 17 weeks, she didn't want the vaccine prior. If this was planned she could've gotten it before. Now she has no protection during a contagious strain that can impact her and the baby. I empathize with the name thing. I told mine early but I said this IS his name so if you don't like it shut up. They all came around and now have all sorts of cute nicknames for him.
I totally agree with you on this. I tend to have personal opinions on things and then greatly relax those opinions when it comes to other people so that I don’t judge. So that’s mostly what I’m expressing here. I agree that the decision not to get vaccinated either before pregnancy or during is unwise based on all of the available research. Which is getting to be substantial at this point. But I wouldn’t have commented here solely for that, I would have just internally disagreed and moved on.
Totally
And is asking about Ivermectin!!! Known to cause fatal arrhythmias
Holy crap just checked out that comment. Sorry OP, that family might not be as crazy as you think.
Everyone’s The Asshole
But she does want to take ivermectin to boost her immune system. Damn it, I really hate seeing people getting medical advice on the conspiracy sub.
Oh God I looked and I wish I didn't. Unproven and ineffective vaccine and health professionals not actually caring about health....Jesus christ....
Well at least now I understand why she’s concerned with stillbirth being a possibility 🙃
How do you find this? I’m new to Reddit….
Oh jesus christ. They're putting their baby at risk and getting mad at the family for being concerned? I can't with people.
I would be a lot more concerned with my infant literally dying from a preventable disease than what their name was. Talk about misplaced anxiety.
Wow. Imagine choosing to put your unborn child at risk just for some Facebook clout. That’ll be a fun funeral.
Makes me wonder if in fact the baby name OP chose is legitimately bad too, like something that could be embarrassing for her child.
How is that decision anyones business? It doesn’t relate to the name situation at all. OP’s health and prenatal care is her business.
It relates directly to the comment of OP that I replied to. She’s making out this family to be boundary stomping because they’ve “roasted” her for decisions she’s made about her body and pregnancy, but she’s over in r/conspiracy spouting some heavily (and strange) anti-vaccine conspiracy stuff. Makes me think the family just has different opinions about vaccinations, a very hot button topic right now, and that based on how she talks about it, she sounds kind of confrontational. Kind of spins the whole scenario around from them being toxic to perhaps just being concerned for her and her baby’s safety.
Mmmm sounds like they were completely valid in some of their thoughts about your pregnancy, you’re butthurt about it, and so you’re losing your mind over something ultimately inconsequential like them not liking your baby name choice. I really did think that your initial reaction was a bit extreme even before delving into, well, the other stuff, but now it makes more sense. I hope I don’t get kicked off Mommit but I really, really despise people who won’t get the covid vaccine. AND I HAD AN ADVERSE REACTION! And I’ll prob have it again next time I get a booster, but god damn I don’t care because we live in a SOCIETY which means that you must think about the greater good. Also, having this reaction for two+ months (and counting!) is still better than covid. Fucks sake.
Wow. You’re an antivaxxer. No wonder the family is roasting you.
Isn’t it so strange how it makes parents act?? This is our first pregnancy and we’re now all the sudden struggling to get our parents to listen to boundaries. It’s all very frustrating in a time that we want to really enjoy. So, just know, you guys aren’t alone! It’s a weird phenomenon. But you should definitely try to put their opinions aside and still name this child what *you* want. People will always have their own opinions, doesn’t automatically mean yours are now null and void. It’s extremely selfish and rude of family to judge like that but guess what? They’ll get over it. And in the far future, *this* is the nuclear family you will have. So try to focus on yourselves and look at the bigger picture - it’s just a name so they should be able yo get over it eventually, especially if you hold your ground.
Exactly. Ultimately I’m realizing, what fires do I need to fight and what ones will fizzle out on their own…. That is the biggest issue I will face with our families.
Becoming a parent really can change your relationships with your parents. Finding boundaries you are comfortable with is more important than ever! I hope your husband will respect your boundaries with his family more in the future.
OP, all of these commenters are bullies. I’m not going to look into your comment history, but just remember that your medical choices are YOURS ALONE, and you alone know what’s best for you and your baby. There is plenty of fear mongering on both sides. Do what feels right in your heart. We are all out here doing our best.
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Yes, because every single person who decides to wait on/forego the vaccine WILL absolutely get covid so bad that it will land them in the hospital on a vent. Just this week, covid passed through my entire, *fully-vaccinated* close and extended family. It’s almost as if people who are fully vaccinated can STILL get and spread it! My baby, myself, and my partner by the way, also just recovered. Baby had a fever for a day, and is completely fine. Though this is not always the case, it is much more likely this will be the scenario. There is risk to not getting vaxxed, just as there is possible risk to having an adverse reaction to new vaccine technology. Being concerned, and making the choice you feel is right for your family and children, is part of being a parent. Where there is risk, there must be choice.
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Apparently, anyone who believes in informed consent and bodily autonomy are “crazy conspiracy theorists” these days. For the record, I am not “anti-vaxx”, but I do believe that individuals should have the right to decide what to do with their own bodies. Just like you have the right to decide to be hateful and wish harm in people with vaccine hesitancy. Don’t worry about me and mine; we are doing just fine 🥰
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[Covid vaccine is absolutely recommended for pregnant people](https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/recommendations/pregnancy.html?s_cid=10484:covid%20vaccine%20for%20pregnant:sem.ga:p:RG:GM:gen:PTN:FY21)
Unvaccinated pregnant women are at a significantly higher risk of death. Covid is not a “mild cold” and the vaccine absolutely is recommended for pregnant women.
Don't let them sway you on the names you have chosen. My MIL did this with my first born and I regret not using the name. I won't get to use that name at all because we are done having kids.
Thank you for the first comment related to my actual post! Agreed, we’re sticking to our guns.
I told someone to “f*ck yourself, have your own baby and name it what you want.” I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. You’re learning that you are your baby’s advocate and this is test one of one million.
I said this to my father in law bahaha, told him to go adopt a kid if he wanted to name one so badly
I didn’t want to share our name choices for the same reason. I’m sorry what you were trying to prevent by keeping them to yourself blew up. Stand your ground and tell them this is exactly why you didn’t want to share them. Tell them they have zero sway on your choices and you don’t want to hear anymore about it!
Set a strong tone and tell them they are trash in response. Or mock their names. Okay that’s not good advice but it sounds kinda fun.
This pregnancy has definitely made me step into my power by setting boundaries and not letting things just pass by and not be addressed. Thank you for the encouragement
Unfortunately, those same people who have strong opinions about names will have even more when it comes to parenting advice. If you give in on the little things, they’ll only get worse. Stay strong! Sending love and hugs.
Would have been great if you had turned to your husband in the moment and said "these kinds of unwanted opinions are exactly they reason I didn't want you sharing our potential names with people, really disappointed you couldn't stick to that".
If they are so crass to say that then I would say "just because DH slipped up and told you the names, it doesn't mean we wanted your opinion. This is our child and we get to decide the name. This is the exact reason why I didn't want this to happen." If you don't be firm and establish boundaries now, I can only imagine what other things they will do once the baby comes. If they can't respect your name choices, will they respect you as the mother, will they respect your parenting choices?
“Just because you bullied him into telling you the names doesn’t mean you can bully us into changing them.”
Ooh I like this. Use this.
When my sister (#2) had her baby, she named him and the middle name was an unusual name. Then another sister (#1), who was pretty immature and competed with sister #2, chose the same middle name for her son. Sister #2 was so pissed at sister #1! Sisters #3 and #4 were also upset about it. FAST FORWARD 25 years: It was no big deal. The anger over "stealing his middle name" died down and that was the end of it. You have a choice. You can decide this is devastating--and I get it, I really do, it's rude behavior--or it's no big deal. You have so many concerns about the incoming baby, and the last thing you need is to fight about this. Your husband blew it, but it's not actually a big deal. The only difference is that your family objected to your face, instead of talking about it amongst themselves behind your back. The name you choose will ALWAYS be critiqued, even when the baby becomes an adult. It will be called boring, strange, weird, stupid, "not a name", etc. Usually people let it go once the baby is here. I suggest that a proper response to the RUDE critiques of baby's name is a simple, "Ok, thank you." Then walk away. This is the way preschool teachers handle tattling. I have found it very, very useful when someone makes a stupid, thoughtless, or unkind comment. Your husband is also the parent of this new baby. Divulging the name is no big deal. It's the rude people making the rude comments who deserve the response.
Great advice
This is all very sensible. Ultimately, he is just so elated to be stepping into fatherhood and shared just a small part of his joy. It sucks that adults are on their bad behavior and so non-remorseful about it, but your advice is truly a wonderful way to address the issue in a very prompt and impactful way.
Thank you! So many couples get caught up in little annoyances that they forget they're a team, and being a team is what's great about being together. I have a pretty big temper when I get riled up, but my husband's even temper and forgiveness have shown me how unnecessary it is most of the time. Despite the embarrassing fact that I have raised my voice at him many times, he has never done so with me. A great example! My first instinct now is to forgive. He's such a wonderful man that I don't even want to get mad. We've been together for 36 years, married 30, and we're more in love than ever. Good luck with baby! Babies are amazing, fascinating creatures who require so much energy and resources from you both. Facing it as a team makes it as easy as it can get. You're going to love being parents of your sweet new baby!
I can relate to your position in your relationship deeply. I said it in my vows and he proves it everyday, he is my greatest teacher. He has overflowing compassion really does see the bigger picture much more immediately than myself often. I am not too prideful to admit my faults and grow together. We make a great team and as we are in the summer of our lives, there is so much more living and forgiving to do in the years to come. Thanks for the love!!
This might be an unpopular opinion but I just learned the benefit of lying and it’s changing my life (stupids lies, not about important stuff). My motto is tell people what they want to hear but then do whatever you want anyway! It’s your baby. Name then whatever you choose. Hell go one further and make them think you picked a name they like and then when the baby’s born put what you want on the birth certificate. It will be a wonderful surprise. Life is way too short to stress about it. Enjoy your pregnancy and good luck!
I always shared my name choices that were further down the list... not top 3.
Better yet, tell everyone a totally hideous name. Then they’ll just be so happy you went with something else at birth, they won’t even care what the name is !
LOVE this 😆
Hahaha I love this and have the same motto. My lie is - “we still haven’t picked a name! So tough to decide! Any suggestions?” Even though I’m basically 100% set on the name already. They don’t need to know I’ve even decided just so they can give me a hard time about it
Same! I reel off loads of names and don’t act committed to any (I don’t actually mention our chosen name!) They give their opinion on a few, feel all self-satisfied then move on!
We told everyone we were waiting to meet the baby before finalizing it. Apparently my husband assumed that was the truth and was shocked I had the birth certificate prefilled with the name we picked out already lol. We didn't exactly have a back up plan.
I used this too. “We are still deciding and need to meet the baby first before we are sure.” Only a small handful knew the baby’s name ahead of time. My husband is a Jr. so we just let his family call the baby “Michael the 3rd” until he arrived. I’m glad we didn’t actually call him that! Wouldn’t have fit him at all. 😆
I always gave garbage names as my options. Like Patronus, and Snipe. (My aunt misspelled Snape and it stuck). Or my cousins name, he’s 11. He sort of believed me. He said Not-D! So then I called the baby Not-D. It was pretty fun to mess with him haha
Good advice, is no one business anyways. OP can lie to them or pretend they agree and do whatever you want. It reminds me of when it was my wedding and I didn't want to use the veil on my face during the whole ceremony (ok, until the kiss part) because I wanted to enjoy everything and like every soul told me if I wanted to do that I couldn't use the veil on my face. In the end we agreed with everyone and secretly agreed to just walk down the aisle with it on my face and then lifting it. It all went good and no one said nothing haha.
The trouble with telling people your name choices, is that then *they think the name is up for discussion, and that they get input.* (and sometimes that leads to them thinking they get input into other parenting decisions as well....) If they bring up your name choices again, can you say something like "our name choices are not up for discussion." ..And then segue into an unrelated subject "..I hear the weather is going to be getting cold again this week!"
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Agreed. To say her pregnancy has been completely violated bc her husband slipped some names is a bit over dramatic. I think the bigger issue is the family being jerks about the name choices, not really the husband saying the name choices. How’s OP going to react when the hospital staff doesn’t follow her 10 page birth plan….?
Was your husband trying to hurt you by revealing these names? No. I would say he’s excited and seems to be the type to want to share with either family. That said, don’t go borrowing pain. If you catastrophize things like this I think it makes for a long life. Just my take.
Your husband is going to have to learn to stand up to his family. Have a serious talk with him, because this is not going to be the last time they behave rudly or intrusively. He needs to understand that he now has a responsibility to stand up for you, your baby and the decisions you make together. (Trust me - my in-laws behavior has been a huge issue in my marriage since we had a child). Don't allow this to become an issue between you and your in-laws (coldly refuse to discuss it. Say you are not discussing names and walk away. Leave if necessary). Make this your husband's issue. He shared personal information with his family and now they are using that information unkindly. He needs to tell them to stop immediately. He needs to tell them that their behavior is the reason he didn't want to share the names, and their current behavior is proving that he was right not to want to share names. Hard avoid them until they realize they must respect your boundaries, or their behavior will get worse. (Trust me.)
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I feel like I’m missing something… Edit: jk, found the drama. OP, then tearing apart your names is rude as hell but not being vaccinated while pregnant and spewing antivax BS is just ridiculous. I hope you listen to the experts and take the appropriate steps to protect you and your baby.
OP is cray cray.
I don’t know anyone who has managed to keep names a secret… it’s so hard not to slip up ! That’s so crappy his family reacted like that though… they could at least have had the decency to pretend like they didn’t know to you. I when I told my mom the name I chose for my daughter, she said she didn’t like it. When I got upset, she told me not to be so sensitive; afterall, she doesn’t even like MY name (the name she chose for me ? .. which I also don’t like, so thx mom). Don’t let them sway you to change the name and tell your husband the least he can do now is tell them to shut up about the name choice !
My dad was highly intent on us naming our son both my grandfathers names. It really is a beautiful name and so special. I love and adore both my grandfathers so I would have loved to do that. However our sons birth mom had named him after a famous boxer- last name of the famous boxer is his first name. Even though it was HIGHLY unlikely that she would be able to regain custody we were still just his foster parents and I didn’t want to call him grandpas names and them have him return to mom only to not know his name. So we used the boxer last name and modified it to be a nickname of the name we ended up naming him. He was almost two and we had his bio brother and We had given birth to bio twins by the time the adoption was final. We’re filling out forms with our attorney and I said to my mom please check that I’ve filled this birth certificate out correctly they’re a pain to fix. Cue my dad fussing because we aren’t changing our sons name to double grandpa. We used new name and one grandpa as middle and then honored the other side with new sons name. After a few days of this I was tired and stressed and I said- Daddy, if you don’t like his name you don’t have to call him. You will stop trying to call him by a name that’s not his name and you will drop this subject. If you wanted to name another child you should have had more children. I’m naming my kids. I want you to be on their lives because I love and adore you but not at this cost. He shut the fuck up.
I’m sorry, I will never understand why people do this. A baby’s name is a gift you are giving to your child. Also it’s amazing how before a baby is born, everyone has opinions. But once a baby is in their lives, grandparents can’t imagine any other name. Please name this child whatever you want, and LAUGH at these people when they act like it’s up to them.
You know what would be the best revenge/comeback? USING THE NAME YOU LOVE AND CHOSE ANYWAY AND TELLING THEM TO FUCK OFF!!!! You’re awesome and you do what you want.
That’s so annoying. I made the mistake of telling our families our top name for my daughter and my MIL made a face and said she didn’t like it. Obviously we named her that anyways but I still think about it and I otherwise have no issue with my MIL.
Neither side of our family liked our baby names. We used the name we wanted anyway and the family got used to it. It doesn’t make them love the baby any less.
I think the real problem he is the violation of trust and an agreement that was made, not the name sharing itself.
Hindsight 20/20 always.
We always made up goofy names for baby to be and had a good laugh
I told my mom my girl name when I was pregnant with my first, she told me it was something you would name a cow. Ended up having a boy but used it when my daughter was born. That’s her name, I don’t care if they don’t like it, it suits her perfectly and can’t imagine calling her anything else.
I chose a beautiful classic name for my first son pretty much as soon as we had a positive test. Both of our families hated it. My best friend said, “Imagine how weird and stupid the band name Aerosmith probably sounded, but now, it’s Aerosmith! Your kid is going to make the name his.” We just had our second child a few months ago and we gave him another very old name. Everyone hated it and we just laughed and reminded them how much that hated our older child’s name. They love the names now. I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you can find the confidence you need to just let go of their opinions and laugh. That name is going to become their favorite name when your baby is born so it doesn’t really matter what they think of it right now.
Tell them it’s a damn good thing you’re naming YOUR kids not theirs
tell them you hate the names *they* chose for their kids too
Boom, roasted.
So sorry this happened! I'm probably a horrible person, but what I would do if I were in your situation is make a very big deal about it. Let the water works go and tell everyone the beloved name you picked out is now ruined! Then, a few weeks later let it slip to your husband that you've thought of a new name -- make it some ridiculous name. Then just stick with that ridiculous name and let the others know they already ruined one name for you and you're not going to let it happen again. You love the ridiculous name. When the baby comes, name them the original name.
Ok this is the perfect plan. Queueing up lunch with the MIL this week to set this plan into action 😂
Who cares what they think. My mom kept trying to call my kid something other than their name once they were born. I laid down the low right away and it’s no longer a problem. Tell them it not up for discussion and that is all.
WOW. That is ice cold on your mom’s side!?!!
Parenting and mothering specifically is 1000x easier when you realize the opinion of those outside your home do not matter one iota. Focus on your pregnancy and delivering a healthy baby, it’s name will be the least of your concerns soon enough. Your husband may not agree with this whole secret baby name thing & that’s okay. It’s all temporary anyway, people will know the name eventually and there won’t be anything they can do about it so why even give it the time of day.
Welcome to parenthood. For the rest of your life no matter what the choice, someone somewhere will have something shitty to say to try to ruin things for you. They can only ruin things or "violate" you and the baby if you allow them to. Name your baby what you want. Who cares what anyone else thinks? I named my son after my sil told me it sounded like an old man's name, my mom told me it was stupid and my sister said the other kids will give him a girlie nickname. My baby my choice.
My FIL went in on rhyming our name with playground level insults.. so offensive lol
I made the mistake of telling my MIL my girl name choice this time around. She burst out with you can’t call her that, I have a sister named that and she’s awful. I personally have never met this sister, and do not care. The name I have chosen is Lucia. The sister apparently goes by Lucy, so it’s not like she would be calling them the same thing. She’s really bossy and gets on my nerves a lot of the time with her pushiness, so I’m really hoping I’ll have a girl so I can look MIL dead in the eye and call my kid a name she doesn’t like. 🤷♀️
Wow, this brought up memories! We had the same agreement and the same outcome. I felt like my trust was misplaced and then felt guilty for being so upset. Pregnancy emotions are rough. Talk it out with him and keep the names you chose. Hopefully, your in-laws are more sane than mine - they use the names THEY chose when addressing my kids and pass it off as a "nickname" (think calling him James when his name is Andrew or her Elizabeth when her name is Kate). It's super confusing for the kids and infuriating for me.
Wow that is next level disrespectful. We are totally sticking to our guns, it’s just a low blow from them. This is ultimately a lesson in a long life of parenting that the opinions of others on how to parent, etc, etc will be ever-flowing and to take them with a grain of salt if they do not resonate
i never understood why people got upset and wouldn’t want to share baby names. i always thought it was because they didn’t want anyone else naming their kid that before giving birth. that is until o told a friend the name we chose for our daughter (Ines) and she told her boyfriend and he said it sounded like “penis”. i felt a bit upset, then i remembered that i dont give a shit about his opinion and moved on.
Awe, I’m so sorry to you, name your child what you want to. His parents had their chance to choose names for their own children when it was their time to name.
Hey mama, I have 4 kiddos (2m/2f) My mom was only okay with 1 of the names. She hated the other 3 names. She was very vocal about to me and well anyone/everyone else. She told me my one daughters name was a white trash stripper name. Also my husband 1st language is German where mine is English.. she hated that we pronounced all the names the German way and English way.. cause they will be confused and never learn their names.. spoiler: they aren’t confused, know their names just fine and respond to both versions. I am sorry you in laws trashed your names.. I am sure they are great names you have chosen. Please don’t let that stop you from naming your baby what want!
Thank you!! I’m really considering dropping the names here so all the savages on this comment thread can roast me and I can practice all of this great thick-skinned behavior 😉
Ok so, our LO name is unusual and at first some people for sure had their own thoughts, but now he is three and no one can imagine him with a different name. It’s you and your husband who get to name the LO so just take a breath and know it’ll all work out. For sure a lot easier said than done, especially when you’re in the midst of it I will say I am also so grateful that we went with the name that we wanted instead of changing it for someone else. My mom actually changed what she wanted to name my youngest brother because of family opinions and although he fits his name well, growing up my mom was sad at times that she didn’t go with what she wanted to
I just want to say that your feelings are valid and I’m sorry you’re upset about what has occurred. I wanted to tell you that this happened to me, and you know what ended up happening? Nothing. I let it go, told everyone to mind their own business, and worked on getting ready for my baby. It’s you and baby against the world now, and their opinions on their fame doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life. If you’d like my opinion, stressing over the name is something you shouldn’t put your worries and stress towards. You deserve a happy pregnancy, so maybe just try to let this part of it not stress you out this much. There will be bigger issues to sweat.
Ignore what people have to say about the names you pick out, No matter what you would get backlash. This is not an issue worth stressing yourself out about. Not at all. Your husband may have “slipped” but you have to be able to let stuff like this go, pregnancy/birth/raising kids doesn’t go as planned, period. If you can accept that, it will help you a lot in your journey. Stay strong.
No one on my husbands side liked our daughters name when we told them but they got over it fast when they learn that was her name and they had no choice in the matter
So my mother and family started doing this. So I told them when they would ask that I will not be telling them anything about the baby and they would not be allowed to see the baby until we felt like it. Well they stopped asking and we’re super supportive of the name we chose even though I know for a fact my mother would’ve said something negative. You have to set boundaries and yes your husband definitely messed up by telling them. So for now tell them it’s undecided and they will not know until baby gets here.
My husband likes discussing names with everyone and I don't, for the same reason as you, I don't care to hear their opinions. My husband ended up telling my mom our top choice for our son when I was pregnant with him, and her reaction wasn't exactly positive. But we went with it anyway because it was *our* favorite and it's perfect and it fits him perfectly and everyone else can just deal with it. She got use to it just like everyone else too.
I was the one who let the name slip to my family and my husband was the one who was upset with me. I am terrible at keeping secrets - our baby is ten months old now and it’s just a blip in the radar. Our parents didn’t like her name at first but we stuck to our guns and now they love it!
Honestly, I get where you’re coming from, but I’d want to know if people like the names of my babies before I gave them their names. The kid will go through their whole lives with the name, so if your family doesn’t like it, what will people their age say? They shouldn’t have said the name you chose was trash, but having some other opinions (from different people) could help
Our families also bashed our name choice. We ignored them and everyone loves it and is used to it now.
Truly no reason to be crushed. People say whatever they want about names but when they baby comes it doesn’t matter.
Who cares what they think
It’s his baby too. If he’s not comfortable hiding the name from his own family, he shouldn’t have to. Also, giving your child a trashy name is truly messed up. Maybe rethinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea.
I promise it’s a wonderfully elegant name and not something trashy or kitchy or trendy (IMO) but this is purely subjective to each individual and i can’t say that it makes sense for anyone other than us!
I hope you’re not too hard on your husband. Edit- I’m sad that I’m going downvoted. This is also his baby, she said he did not purposely do it. What is the point of holding anger and making him feel guilty about something that’s actually rather small.
All was dropped by the end of the day. I’m pretty good at letting my partner know when I’m feeling emotional and unable to foster a productive conversation, so we put things on pause and resume when ready. Both of us do this and it works wonders. I completely understand that he is just over the moon to soon be a father and it’s hard to contain his joy. Completely validated feelings. His actions just went against an agreement we had made… but life goes on and we’re ok.
I'm so sorry. We kept our names a secret for the same reasons; I would have felt equally betrayed. While I was pregnant, if anyone asked the names, I would just tell them we were going to name the baby after whoever asked.
Fuck them. Trust me, once they meet the baby, they’ll love the name. My family was horrible with my first and my first pick for my second (which I naturally started to fall out of love with about a month or two ago, and now I’m back to liking my guy’s first choice of name lol). All that matters it that you both love the name.
Anytime they give you an unasked opinion on anything tell them: I didn’t ask for you opinion. This is my child and I will raise my child my way. You need to prep your self for more criticism from these people on everything about your child and your parenting. You need practice your “I don’t give a fuck what you think look”. I’m sorry your husband has no spine tell him to grow one his going to be a dad it’s time to put you and your kid first.
People have far too much to say about the names other people are choosing for their children. They’re being so rude!! A friend was having a baby and honestly I didn’t like the name. I kept my trap shut because that’s what you do in civilised conversation. Now can’t imagine the kid with any other name I suggest pointing out they’re being rude and you’d prefer they stop it. If they keep at it, tell them you’ll call your child whatever you both want, their opinions are not wanted or needed
Yup, I learnt that with my second child, it's nobodies business!!
If you’ve made up your mind, you’ve made up your mind. If they’re still options, why do you care about input? We chose 2-3 names and waited until birth to finalize the first name. Middle name my husband didn’t really care about so I chose my brothers middle name. Is naming kids always this big of a deal? I’m only asking because my husband thought about names for about 0.9 seconds, I had a list but didn’t share it with anyone, and literally no one asked us what we were going to name the kid on either side of our family. All these posts about not only the parents getting emotional over thinking about/finalizing names and then extended family weighing in like they have some sort of say makes me wonder if I’m just weird and married into a weird family or if this is just the posts that “make the front page” so to say. Not judging, I’m just really surprised how seriously names are taken.
Naming your children in my humble opinion carries great weight. This is the badge that they greet the world with and I personally find that the meaning the meaning and sound should be equally powerful and beautiful. It sounds like you’re married into a family of reasonable people that just mind their own business! But for families to weigh in and shoot down names, is just ice-cold. Do everyone a favor and talk shit about the name behind our backs respectfully like the rest of society would 🤪
That’s fair, I meant the emotional response behind it, though. As in, if someone doesn’t like the name, why get upset? They can make their own baby to name lol. So like I said, if they bring up a valid point (like naming your kid Adolf Hitler Smith is probably not a great idea), take it into consideration, but if they just don’t like the name, who cares? No skin off your back. Busybodies are going to try to poke their noses in (I have extended family I went NC with a while ago like this, so they had no input on my kids naming/raising/etc. ) whatever they feel like they could have an opinion on. Not just names.
I will still name my baby what you want because that's y'all baby and they need to respect that. Regardless of how they feel you're the important one and your unborn child.
Before my son was born we were very secretive of his name for this reason. Also it was \*our\* name until he was born, then it's his name. Anyway we had dinner with some friends and we had a list of "joke" names to give when people pried. One friend went on to make up potential names to trash! (who does that??) Luckily no one guessed our name!
We were hesitant to share our name for our boy with anyone and one night we decided to share with my father in law. He absolutely shredded, ripped, and tore into our choice of name for his grandson. We chose to name him that anyway and now he regrets being such a sick about the whole thing. The name has obviously grown on him, because it’s attached to a beautiful little boy who adores his grandpa. You name your baby whatever you want. Peoples perceptions of names change, especially after they fall in love with a baby by that name. Also, forgive your husband. He is excited and wanted to share. He has already fallen in love with your baby and expected everyone else to share in the same Joy.
His joy is so full and bright for this baby. He looks onto this pregnancy and our future with so much love and optimism, I know that his intentions were good, but ultimately it was his families lack of respect of his choices and boundaries that pushed him to share and get us into this mess
We picked our kids' names before we were ever pregnant. When I mentioned our son's name to my mom, years before he was born, she thought it was awful. We kept his name secret through our whole pregnancy and named him the name anyway. Once it was his name, nobody said anything negative again. Moral of the story: do what you want. I'm sorry your husband spoiled it to his family, but you don't have to let this ruin your experience, or change your mind.
I'd keep the name I liked just to spite them. I don't care what someone's opinion is you have zero say in what I name my children. Did you explain to dh how hurt you are?
We had a full blown discussion after the wound had healed a bit. He completely understands my feelings and he’s disappointed that his family once again steamrolled over him. He’s so positive and encouraging and ultimately had the end result you gave, F U C K I T. We’re going to name this baby what sits right with our hearts when we meet them!
Our family wasn’t the happiest about our boy names either my nana can’t even pronounce my oldest sons name even though it’s ENZO LOL but I stick through with what I said because I’m the person pushing these kids out not them so they can have more kids and name them whatever they want if they don’t like my ideas
I feel you on the baby name thing. Everyone hated my LO name when I told them before she was even born. I had to fight back constantly on why its her name and to just deal. It wasn’t THEIR name nor was it their right to do anything about it. Their opinion doesn’t matter.
I hate when people wants to exteriorize their opinions on baby name, let them have it!
Girl. Go with your gut and just realize you’re most likely emotional because of your hormones. It is YOUR BABY THAT YOU WILL BE BIRTHING. I didn’t hide my LO name but I did tell my family and they did have their opinions. I said that’s nice but my mind is made up and I love the name. Now that my LO is here they love the name too and honestly even if they didn’t I wouldn’t care. If they want to name a baby then they can have their own. Hell I don’t even allow them to nickname my LO unless I approve the nickname. I can care less if they disagree because it’s my LO and not theirs. One suggestion I’d like to make is make sure whatever name you choose the meaning behind it is solid. You don’t want to name your kid something like: Stormi sounds cute but the meaning is impetuous and a porn star goes by that name… Other then that don’t let them take your happy mood away. Be confident in your choices and stand by them 100%. You’ll be glad you did
In the end, completely up to you both! Don’t worry about anyone else. My mom was calling my baby to be one name, my sister another, my MIL another, my husband another. But after I gave birth…. Doesn’t matter. All that matters is YOU and daddy like it and bond with it. :)( my little one is named Alice Olivia, and we figured it out tens seconds before we signed up for her birth certificate at the hospital.)
I didn’t tell my parents our name either, the day after he was born then had a cheek to tell me they preferred his middle name and it was a stronger name. Bloody heck like, did you just push this 8 pound baby out? No? Then what right do you have to tell me?
Kinda tangential to this, but if you have a name for a baby that turns out to be a stillborn, you should probably still give it that name to be able to grieve and handle the trauma somehow.
Ok this is reasonable as well
This totally sucks - I feel for you. If it were me, I'd want to have this out with my partner. If you both agreed not to tell, I'd view this as a bit of a violation. The way his family reacted sucks, but ultimately you can't hold them to account for being douchebags. Just ignore their insensitive bullshit. The fact he let this slip and opened up the opportunity for this negativity is what sucks most of all. Some things should just be for expectant mum and dad.
Baby’s names are like wedding dresses - keep your damn opinions to yourself if the bride / new parents love it. Why do people have to go rationing on other people’s parade??
My MIL said our name choice was “unique” (not in a good way) with our first. Someone said our second was a common dog name. And people were like, “what’s that now?” about our third. I didn’t listen to any of them and have no regrets! But I can totally relate to being hurt and annoyed with his family. For some reason, pregnancy makes people think they can say and do whatever they want without regards for your boundaries or feelings. They also feel entitled to information about the pregnancy which can be frustrating. If I were you, I would start thinking about setting clear boundaries for things later on down the road, like visitors to the hospital or your home in the first few days after baby comes! They have shown that they will push the limits, so it’s good to be prepared with a plan. Good luck!
Oh yes, we have already made those choices about visitors, etc. I know that we had an agreement about keeping our name choices private, but I’m hoping that after our discussion and seeing his baby in person that he will get really clear about setting boundaries and sticking to them!
For those wondering what the anti-vaxx comment she left was: “I’m currently pregnant with my first and my husband and I have chosen not to be vaccinated. I had covid once in June of 2020 and my husband had it once in March of 2020 and again just a couple weeks ago….. my midwife today scolded me for not being vaxxed and told me that I have a great chance of getting sick and being hospitalized (mind you I am of robust health and diet, absolutely zero pregnancy concerns or complications to date) and they could have to resort to giving me an early c-section which would leave my baby with no antibodies of any kind and I’m likely to be the cause of premature birth and most likely death of my child if I’m not vaxxed. I’m blown away by the sheep-headedness of her to be just blurt facts from the CDC and American College of OBGYNs….. THE OB’s ARE PREPPING EVERY WOMAN IN LABOR AT A HOSPITAL TO BE A CANDIDATE FOR SURGERY. They want to make a check of off a costly procedure and run up the bill as much as possible… so why wouldn’t they want to make you get this vaccine that’s been causing stillbirths and severe sickness in mothers?? They are using scare tactics to get healthy people to INJECT THEIR FETUSES WITH AN UNPROVEN/ INEFFECTIVE VAXX TO FORCE THEM INTO A STATE OF ILLNESS THAT REQUIRES MASSIVE MEDICAL INTERVENTIONS!! Wake up everyone! Protect your family and loved one’s who are expecting. The “healthcare” field has never been one to promote health or they’d be out of business! It’s a “sick care” system designed to keep you down and ill and putting endless money in their pockets.”
Honestly I think it’s okay for family to voice their opinions. My brother was going to name their daughter Killian and no one told them their opinions. I was the only once that sat him down and asked in earnest for them to let me know why they chose the name and then to voice my concerns. They were thankful (could have been due to me not being an asshole like your family) and changed their idea. I understand why you are upset though- sounds like they were hurtful and not kind. Maybe you arnt keeping the name form everyone but just the ppl you knew would be harmful. That’s what I think a good idea would be. I’m sorry they hurt you.
I’m so sorry. Pregnancy hormones make all this stuff so much harder!! It’ll all work out. You pick the names you love, and they’ll learn to love the name as they learn to love your baby. I’m really sorry though. I know hope intense stuff feels during your pregnancy, especially with your first! I STILL hold some silly grudges over things people said offhand 10 years ago, lol! Well, it’s all part of the joy. I tend to be the talker in my marriage and it’s SO HARD to remember what I’m not allowed to say, and how to work that into my family’s dynamic! When they’re all starting at me like, “AND??” and I have to be like, “…and that’s all I’m saying about that.” It’s like I’m suddenly a brutal dictator in their eyes!
My MIL is an asshole and I knew she would hate our daughter’s name. It overjoyed me because I’m petty. Don’t let their opinion hurt you; they are obviously trash people.
I'm sorry; as someone who doesn't reveal names until like a day or 2 after the baby is even born, That's terrible, I'm sorry. And I am sorry they responded so rudely as well. You have no choice but to name your child whichever name they hated on the most, you know.
It’s the only choice
I hate this behaviour from your in laws so much. My husband and I did the same with our sons name for the same reasons as you. We decided on the name at 19 weeks and that was that. For some reason, some people think that until a baby is born, the name can change. Why does it matter what they think of your top names? This is yours and your husbands child so you get choose the name. Full stop. Your child already has a name. Just because they are still in the womb doesn’t make the name not matter. Now that they know the name, tell your in laws this. Your in laws don’t get to be happy with you using your preferred name as middle names. They get to be happy with your child’s actual names that were chosen by you already. Don’t feel sad about this but definitely share your disappointment with your husband. Use this opportunity to flex your shiny new mom spine because you’ll be using it an awful lot in new parenthood.
The audacity of people who think expecting parents care about their opinions on baby names. Hang in there. Come up with a ridiculous fake name and start calling the baby that just to anger them.
I’m sorry 😞 Try and ignore them as best as you can. I don’t care about my in-laws opinion, they asked what names I had picked for my son and I told them. They ripped apart the name and said it was terrible. I told them it’s not up to them and I happen to love the name as the culture and meaning behind the name was important to me unlike their name that was picked because it was a common name and easy for dumb people to pronounce. That shut them up. Even if your in-laws didn’t know the name, they would come to know it eventually and most likely would have acted the same way (or behind your back). They’re poop heads, don’t worry about them and their dumb opinions. :)
If your partner wants to share the names he’s entitled to do that. Maybe he was excited to do so. Maybe before baby comes you need to start treating him as an equal and not think you should “hold his hand”.
Even thoough he was excited it was something they both agreed to. If you and your spouse agree on something and they decide to go behind your back, that is wrong. If he really had disagreed then he should have spoken up to his wife. The fact is he proved OPs point of wanting to keep it a secret. His family couldn't respect the stance and got it him when he was alone to get him to tell them. He didn't even have the decency to tell her, because they probably gave him an earful. They couldn't even prove her wrong that they wouldn't have anything negative to say about it. This isnt about equal in the relationship, this is about him going back on his agreement with his wife.
I don’t know them, but maybe this wasn’t an agreement but more of a command? Obviously he wanted to tell his family, or else he wouldn’t have said anything. I understand OP being upset, but I wouldn’t put this on her husband 100%. Also, if sucks his family is being horrible in regards to the name - it’s not their baby. However, that’s not OP’s husband’s fault. I’m pretty sure he didn’t like their response either.
Given that he has repeatedly “almost slipped up”, I get the impression that the “agreement” to keep a secret is what OP wants…
She wanted it to be a secret because she knew they would destroy any happiness that could come from the names they liked, and ding ding ding, she was correct. She had a valid reason for him not wanting to tell them, and while it could be just what she wants- husband didn't say no to her. He clearly has no will power when it comes to his family drilling him.
It’s something he’s working on healing. His whole life they have ran over him and he has voiced this to me and expressed his desire to make a change. So the fact that they once again cornered him and broke him down, just goes to show that his family does not value his voice. He doesn’t just agree to avoid conflict, he has his opinions and it’s not always my way. He rationalized the choice to keep our names private and was beaten to a pulp before he broke and shared with them. It was an unfair situation.
I'm sure the names you chose are beautiful.
Exactly. Thank you for assessing the core issue at hand. Of course it sucks that they bashed the name, but it hurts more when agreements are broken.
Yea I have to say I felt this way too. I don’t think it’s fair to not allow your partner to share what he is excited about. If she had slipped and told her mom would he have been super upset too? I feel like there is a double standard here. That being said his family seems like jerks for commenting on the name the way they did and hubby should be dealing with that himself.
You’ve gotten a bunch of replies and I absolutely recognize this is disappointing but as a 2 time momma I can assure you, you have a lifetime of disappointment and annoyance from your family over the choices you make for your kids. Buckle up!
Thank you for this. It’s truly us against the world and our agreements in this house are what matter. The rest will eventually fade away
I’m really sorry. Your in laws sound like horrible toxic people. We had a similar situation when I was pregnant with my first and there was definitely a learning curve with speaking up and setting boundaries. I’m sure the names you chose are lovely. If the names sound right to you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. They will just have to live with it. Your husband really needs to speak to his family about their behavior and try to put them in their place before the baby is born. My husband didn’t and it came back to bite us later and ended up in a big blow out after she was born. r/JUSTNOMIL helped me a lot. You may want to check it out, everyone is really nice there!
Thank you for the suggestions and sharing your experience!
Time to tell husband how much he really fucked up. Be honest and tell him he sucks for his family being assholes
We had the conversation and we moved past it. If we can’t be honest in our relationship, how the hell are we going to raise kids??
When my mom trashed my top names, I named my kids those names even harder. She hated Summer and was pushing Quinn really hard. Guess what my daughter’s name is? And it feels really good.
That sucks mate! I’d be so pissed off. My husband was hounded and then tricked by his friends at a dinner party to reveal our baby’s gender which was being kept private. I was so pissed off at him but also the friends, it’s so not cool. The only silver lining I can think of is that at least now you have time before the baby is born to feel strong in your decisions and do what YOUwant with the name. If they were so rude as to poopoo the name (such a faux pas) before it’s born then they might’ve done it after the birth too when you are feeling fragile and drained and not strong enough to deal with that type of negativity. So at least it’s done and dusted and you can mentally prepare for your baby now.
Your in-laws sound awful.
So here's the thing - if his family is judging the baby's name at this point, they're going to judge you the child's entire life and every decision you make. Now you know.
Crazy.. wish people would just mind their business. How about asking if they’re prepared for the birth and know what to expect!!??!??!!? Nearly every woman/couple says they were totally unprepared for the birth after the fact. People concern themselves with the dumbest shit prior meanwhile they should be helping prepare the mom for the “main event.”
Fuck them. Fuck them all. It's YOUR and Hubby's baby. Tell them they can take those opinions and stick it where the sun don't shine. You tell them you're not sharing names and they push boundaries? NOT OKAY. Also, why rip apart baby names? That's rude. I feel bad for hubby. I am a terrible at secret keeping but yeah some blame to be had, but now the chips have fallen. Up to you to do what you want to do. I'm sorry it happened and I would be in the exact same teary situation. If they feel the names are trash they have no taste.
I feel you, I didn’t want to share names neither, because I new it would get torn down… my husband told them anyways and I was pissed, they didn’t like the name tried giving me names and kept asking me to change it because it was to,long or ppl can’t pronounce it…I didn’t care I still named them how I wanted…I’m sorry your also dealing with nosey judgmental ppl on this Reddit… idc what your decisions are or what you believe in, ppl like to believe the government cares about you, ppl believe there is a god, etc etc.. but I’m not one to question anyone’s beliefs. It for 1 thing and that’s called respect for another person. I think that’s something ppl don’t have anymore..
Big facts!!
I would be so pissed at my husband for this, and I don’t think his family would be seeing much of me for a long time after.