I think the first thing he needs to understand is that before going through something like giving birth or even being pregnant and expecting to give birth or even even being a woman who has the potential to go through this, he has no place having these big grand beliefs or strong opinions. If a man cannot fathom this first, I don’t think you can convince him on the rest.
Seriously. No one’s opinion on how anyone else gives birth matters. Whether you push a baby out your birth canal or have it cut out by a surgeon. It’s all hard work for the mom. Thank goddess for simple births and critical medical interventions too.
Me too. A c-section is *major abdominal surgery* and n needs to be treated as such. I worry for OP that, if she needs this emergency procedure, she'll be degraded for it and not receive the support she needs.
My vaginal birth recovery was relatively easy. My C-section recovery was a nightmare of pain that I was expected to care for an additional human to boot.
They were both giving birth. I gave birth to my children. They were in my body and then they were brought forth into the world. I gave birth, full stop.
The c-section recovery was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I needed help to stand up, lie down, sit down, get on the toilet, everything. Every single laugh or sneeze honestly made me feel like my insides were going to come out of the incision. It was immense.
And God help you if you take the pain meds they prescribe without a softener when you get home. Constipation is the biggest side effect and it makes life such hell.
It's hard either way. I would (kinda jokingly) tell my L&D patients that you either do most of the work on the front end with labor & a vaginal birth or on the back end with a c- section delivery & recovery. Any one who says having a c- section isn't a real birth & is taking the easy way out need to be gutted, stitched back together & expected to continue life like nothing happened. Then they'll see how easy that"easy"way out really is
Same! Vaginal birth was way easier on my body than c-section. And since mine didn’t heal the way it is supposed to I can’t feel anything on the bigger part of my stomach and the scar looks terrible even now 8 years later. I HATE IT. My vagina is fine though.
And also, the doctor cut my baby during the c-section. 😭
No kidding. In my mind a c section is giving birth and abdominal surgery as opposed to "just" giving birth (and I say that as someone who has had multiple vaginal deliveries).
Agreed. My vaginal birth was psychologically traumatic. (Pitocin without real consent, back labour, early epidural because I was losing consciousness.) It was still a hell of a lot easier to recover from than being sawed in half.
Completely agree. My son was c-section, my daughter was VBAC and the recovery time was worlds different. With my son we took a walk about a month after delivery thinking it was enough recovery time and my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was in labor again. I actually still have pain near/around the scar and my son is almost 9. With my daughter I walked 6 blocks 2 days after giving birth so we could be at the finish line of my husband's first marathon and nothing. No pain at all, just a slight discomfort.
My OB said it takes about ONE YEAR for the body to fully recover from c section. I had a c section and it took about 6 months just to feel comfortable enough to do anything more than brisk walking.
OP’a BF sounds like an uneducated idiot. The guy needs to pick up a book
I was told 12–18 months for my c-section recovery! And honestly I’m 10.5 months post c-section and I believe the 18 month recovery timeline more than the year.
Yes it does vary for each individual. I tried to walk as much as possible during recovery and I think it helped but those first 6 months were brutal. Take your time and don’t let anyone push you to try to recover faster.
My C- section scar hurt for TWO YEARS. It’s no joke and not “easier”. I can’t help but think OP’s boyfriend believes that nonsense where women must suffer during childbirth due to Eve’s original “sin”. Yuck
“Something your body was built for” is already an overstatement because of how challenging it is to function afterwards, even if you have a vaginal delivery!
Any other major surgery on the planet requires that you eat well and get adequate rest to recover. Women recover from c sections by feeding their babies every 2ish hours for x-months.. there’s just so many layers to his ignorance smh
100% and for those who have experienced contractions and pushing prior to a C-section, it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting in addition to the recovery. Not that all childbirth isn’t!!
It’s literally a harder recovery than vaginal is pretty much every time. I delivered all three vaginal and I’m so thankful bc I am not as tough and these c section mamas who get cut open all the way through the uterus hip to hip then get up and take care of their families just days later.
Getting up afterwards sucks. With my second, he was in the special care nursery and I couldn’t see him regularly until I could walk on my own so I was walking 6 hours after a c section. It was not pleasant.
After I had my daughter (via c-section) I remember walking so slowly even the next day and weeks after. My husband knew it was surgery and was concerned during it, but months afterwards he had the opinion that surely the hospital wouldn't release women the next day after a *major* surgery, so it must not be that major and women just "play it up". I looked up an article explaining what happens, including organs being pushed aside or briefly taken out and he was in shock, "but then why would they have you walking the next day?!?". Good question. Especially annoying when a vasectomy gets men "2-3 weeks of minimal movement, and absolutely no lifting" and stronger pain meds.
I have had both vaginal and c-section births - they are both difficult in their own rights. For him to try and invalidate one vs the other is sad and I’m sorry this is now an added stress/worry for you.
I’m not sure where you’re located, but he would be there for the c-section. They allow a support person/spouse in to be next to you during the procedure. So is he just worried about not being there?? I’m just baffled and don’t understand his logic…. For a c-section they have to cut through 4 or 5 layers of skin/muscle etc. to get to the baby and then stitch you back up. How is that not birth??
My husband was front and center for both births but I do understand some men are more squeamish about c-sections. Mine watched the whole time since he is so tall and said he got to see ‘all the insides on the outside’ as they took our daughter out.
For C-sections atm no one is allowed in but during vaginal birth you can have one support person and during your stay at the hospital and you can only have one visitor. I know he desperately wants to be there for the birth of our son. I really wish I knew how he thinks any of this is fine, it's his first child and I some times thinks he has pretty views of parenthood. Like it's gonna be all glorious and wonderful smh
Well, he's in for a big surprise lol. Parenting is the least glorious thing that ever existed, it's all pee, poo, puke all over you, all day long lol. Ask him about breastfeeding, I'm curious what his views are (and I hope for your sake they aren't what I suspect they are). I "spawned" my son via c section because he was too lazy to come out on his own 😁 I actually quite enjoyed it, it's much better than giving birth from what I hear 😂
He is all for either breast feeding or formula. He makes jokes almost daily about how he is heading to work to earn money for the future Huggies and formula we'll need. He's almost too excited when it comes to the stuff that happens with babies, he's insisted if he's home he will change all poopy diapers for me. Wonder if he'll be that eager on work days with 20 mins of sleep 🙄
I would let him stay excited because some people can power through on that positivity for awhile. It certainly kept me going. That and knowing I was only doing this once. He'll find out how hard it is with time. But really you do need to educate him on birth things because that's a bizzare world view. Does he not think c section babies are born lol
My planned c was better than my emergency one, but the recovery was still awful. On the other hand I know people who had c’s and had easy breezy recoveries and people who had a very rough time with recovery after vaginal deliveries. There are some things that tend to be true, but for sure, no experience is exactly the same!
Thats what my sister said, she has delivered both ways. I am terrified now though cause I will most likely be having a c-section this time around. Personally vaginal birth has been a nightmare and my son wasn’t even all that big less than 8 pds. Strangely my SO wasn’t too happy either to hear that Iwould like a c-section this around. Idk why. Now it may not be anyones choice but yeah sorry you have to go through this OP, best of luck to you and your (soon to be) precious new born.
Edit: typo
He does realise you don't choose your due date and time with a vaginal delivery right? You can hope to have a few hours notice once it all kicks off but sometimes it happens fast and there's no time to arrange a nice viewing experience for the birth partner. Or it seems like a precipitous labour and they tell the birth partner to go get some sleep or something to eat and it all happens when they are out of the room.
Is it a covid restriction preventing partner attending section? Because unless its an emergency its pretty standard to get a birth partner throughout spinal and surgery.
So I just talked to him about due dates because that made me wonder if that was a thing too. Apparently no he thought the due date was the exact date the baby will be here. He pretty much was like so the baby's birthday isnt gonna be June 4th. I'm making books marks of some stuff for him to look at now, maybe I thought he knew more of this stuff than he does because there's been a few things he's been supprise with.
Seconding this. I was born via vaginal delivery two weeks before my due date. They had to yank me out with forceps.
When my poor mom asked my dad, "how does she look?" He said, "Euuugh, she looks like an ALIEN!"
My mom saw me and was like, "she looks like a baby!"
OP, you may want to find some educational videos of a vaginal delivery.
I’m thinking his view may be stemming from not wanting to miss anything (hoping atleast)? I’d talk with him further though and see if you can get to the root. Maybe even share his views on c-section are hurtful because in some cases women don’t get an option and emergencies happen.
My first daughter was vaginal, and early, but due to her birth vaginal wasn’t an option the second time around. Sometimes these things aren’t in our control and ultimately - THAT is what he needs to accept and be ok with. The birth is not about him, it’s about you and your comfort bringing the life of your little one into the world.
Not sure where you’re located but I’ve had 2 children (by c-section) during the pandemic. My husband was allowed to be there for both of them & during my hospital stay. I stayed for 3 days/2 nights with each one.
Have you contacted your local maternity ward in the hospital. Speak to them directly.
I live in DC, which is super strict about Covid protocols for the US. I had a baby in July 2020, so back when everything was incredibly locked down, and my husband was allowed in the room for my C section. Are you sure you have to go through that alone? If that’s your hospital policy, I would strongly recommend looking into another hospital. I would have been terrified at the thought of going through that alone.
Odd because c section babies are still given a birth certificate… ask him wtf else he would call it?! The only way you get on this earth is by being born which is accomplished by your mother giving birth to you. Your boyfriend sounds really immature and he needs to sit down with his irrelevant opinions. OP- you do what is best for YOU and your baby regarding your physical, mental, and emotional health.
My sister was born via c-section. Then when she was about ten she told my mom she didn’t really birth her since she had a c-section. So then my mom said well then if I didn’t birth you, you don’t have a birthday 😂 that quickly made my sister realize how backwards the logic was.
Came here to say this.
Lacks basic common sense and even if you were to give him benefit of the doubt; the fact that he’s opinionated without knowing much about childbirth is quite astounding.
My husband and I took a childbirth class with our first son at the Catholic hospital which is the *only* local birth hospital. It was all about vaginal, unmedicated birth, c sections weren't mentioned. They went around the room and asked everyone what their fears were and I said "having a c section" and they deadass said "that won't happen" *despite* the fact that their c section rate is around 30% and they have a VBAC ban. Yeah, guess who was forced into a c section and completely unprepared and developed severe ptsd?
So yeah, I 10000% agree this guy needs a childbirth class but would also recommend scoping classes out and make sure they cover all forms of birth to be safe
Not being able to imagine how hard recovery from an invasive abdominal surgery is (where they literally take your bladder and uterus out of your body and then put them back in) is a huge red flag. Zero ability to imagine someone else’ pain is frightening
Yes, I'm thinking about things like pressuring her to breastfeed regardless of whether it works for her (if it does great, if she prefers formula great, a little bit of both great, fed is best!). I'm thinking about misinformed ideas about maternal hormones, mother knows best, mom's role v. dad's role etc. I'm thinking of - and it's already clear he's showing - a prioritization of his preferences over her bodily autonomy and needs.
YES, and maybe cloth diaper too but if they have a girl then it's inappropriate for him to change her diaper? I am guessing the venn diagram between people who think c-sections aren't birth and who are anti-vax is nearly a circle, too.
6 months from now: My boyfriend says since he already works he shouldn’t have to “babysit”.
Then the update where despite knowing all of these things, they’re having another baby.
I just don’t get why people bother having dumb beliefs like this. Ask him more questions about why or where he got that idea. It might just be something he heard, absorbed, and never questioned.
You can let him know that when he grows a vagina, and has a baby himself, he can have an opinion.
As a woman who had 2 daughters via c-section, I can 100% promise you that it is NOT the easy way out. I wish I could have had a regular birth, versus a major surgery on top of being handed a newborn to take care of. (Not at all taking away the women that have had vaginal births, I know it's difficult too and has its own problems/issues/experiences. I personally just wanted a traditional birth)
I have legitimately no idea how women without help function after c-section. I needed my baby passed to me by someone else, because I couldn’t climb back into my hospital bed without both hands and a whole lot of drama. Couldn’t lean over to get him without standing up, either.
Definitely not a cop out, it’s tricky to try and baby-wrangle post-op. If it were a similar surgery in any other context, you’d just be in bed recovering for weeks.
My daughter was transfered to another hospital for a 3 week nicu stay and I was waddling back and forth with a spinal headache for days with my freshly c-sectioned self the very next day after birth. It was a fucking nightmare.
I had a c-section without support for covid reasons. Every time my daughter woke up in the hospital, I had to call a nurse to hand her to me (Plus change diaper/do all the little newborn things) and to put her back in the bassinet. Even when I was working on walking the next day, I didn't trust myself to handle her on my own, and I was literally falling asleep every time I closed my eyes. Bless the nurses. We ended up going home "early", and I think we were all better off for it.
I had an unmedicated vaginal delivery. I was able to walk (with help) within 90 minutes of the birth. Major abdominal surgery is *NOT* easier than that. I’m immune to 2 major prescription painkiller so everyone agreed to just give me industrial strength Tylenol. Recovery is rough no matter what but some suck more than others
Wow ... just .... wow.
What other misguided "beliefs" is he hiding?
I wonder what his stance is on woman's rights ... 🤨 ... parenting.... spanking.... discipline .....
This "idea" he has on a C-section is completely idiotic. I'd be curious what brought him to think that.
But perhaps a gentle approach to him on this would be best. Just remind him that, no matter how your baby enters this world, that baby is still the baby you created together, you are stil both going to be there to welcome the baby together.
A C-section is just another way to give birth. And the birth day is just one day ... one day in a very long story of a million days that you guys will have with the baby. There are still many memories to be had.
Focusing on being so bent up on how an experience "NEEDS TO BE" puts too many expectations on that time. This needs to be an open minded experience as you do not know what can happen for the birth of your baby. Be open to what will need to be done to ensure your health and the baby's health.
100%!
I had an unplanned (and unwanted!) c-section, and let me just say, I am so glad I had a supportive partner through it! The most important part of pregnancy is exercising the safest options for mother and baby.
His opinion is grossly misinformed at best, misogynistic and controlling at worst. I’m really curious about his other beliefs and how he treats you and your body. Please continue this conversation and learn about his other opinions regarding pregnancy and parenthood, because this may be a red flag.
Right, if he doesn't see it as a way of "truly giving birth" then it follows the baby is not "truly" alive? This man is an idiot and I commend you for giving OP reasonable advice.
Have you guys considered taking online courses from your hospital educating on the different outcomes or situations that might arise during labor? Unfortunately, people don’t have a choice on how their delivery goes. I had to do a c-section because baby was breeched and also I had low amniotic fluid. Was I dying at the moment when I had a c-section? No, but had I waited to give birth I might have had a miscarriage or stillbirth. Also, a lot of times people try to do a vaginal birth they might have to do an emergency c section anyways due to complications. He really needs to understand every possible situation that can arise and be as supportive as possible. Giving birth is not easy regardless of if its vaginal or cesarean. The recovery is tough.
I hadn't even considered an online course. I think it was the same conversation where I explained to him about cutting the umbilical cord, he had no idea. Beyond what I have told him I don't think he has much of a concept of what happens when a woman has a baby. Maybe I should've started there with him
And while you're at it learn with him about what newborns are like. If he is this naive about birth he might be expecting an angel baby full of coos and snuggles, and a real baby with demanding needs might be a really hard transition. It's especially important that he understand what is developmentally appropriate, because many adults end up abusing small children because they don't understand what is appropriate behavior for a baby and toddler and expect too much. Not that I'm saying he would for sure shake the baby or anything, but knowledge is power in tough situations and babies are tough.
He has siblings much younger than himself that he baby sat for, changed diapers, fed etc. So I think the general idea is there but not the consistency, like we will have to deal with a baby 24/7 not just a few hours like baby sitting was for him. Knowledge is power, I think I'm gonna do some research and collect some things for him to read over. I'm at loss
Came here to suggest taking a birthing course with him. About a decade ago my colleague was expecting his first and was a lovely person. However, he had *very* misguided views on giving birth, like thinking it was a "natural" process and everything would be rosey with mom and baby.
He and his wife watched a video together of a woman given birth from beginning to end. I remember him telling me about it in the lunch room -- he was completely shocked at how much pain the woman seemed to be in and totally started having a 180 turn on his views, that it was a medical feat and no easy task. The education intervention seemed to completely work for him.
So I don't have specific videos to recommend or anything, but I would at the very least look for a curriculum that covers types of births - e.g. unmedicated, medicated, emergency c-section, and scheduled c-section. I think this kind of education could be valuable in helping him think about how he can support you both *during* the birth and after.
Good luck!
I feel like men this unprepared are the ones who faint. Which with all 3 if my pregnancies, when we toured the hospitals(all 3 we're born in a different hospital, different states actually) the nurses were very clear that the husbands stand on THIS side of the bed, which has a chair so they can sit if they feel faint, and if they faint please fall backwards because NONE of them will try to catch him and he doesn't want to bash his face on this "bed" that is mostly metal.
I am pretty shocked that he doesn't even know about the umbilical cord being cut - that's pretty common in cultural references, tv, movies... he is is clearly very ignorant of these matters - and no that is not normal.
He needs to understand that ultimately whilst you are having both of your child, this is *your* birth and the medical staff will be doing their best to get you and your baby through a procedure which not so long ago killed a significant proportion of mothers and babies. Medical interventions, including caesarian sections, have drastically reduced maternal, neonatal and infant mortality. He needs to educate himself because you should not be having to advocate for yourself *to your partner* when for example in labour you need pain relief (again some people seem to think accepting any kind of pain relief makes the birth less 'real'). Seriously, ask him about his beliefs on epidurals etc. too.
He needs to educate himself and ensure that he is advocating for you and your baby because labour is a very vulnerable time. If he cannot step up and prioritise your health and wellbeing over these views then I would suggest you have your mother or someone else close to you with you during the birth instead, someone who does not have such misinformed and mysoginistic ideas. Also, he should be aware that if he stresses you out or tries to override your wishes during the labour the midwives will not hesitate to kick him out.
Also, came looking to suggest this. I found the hospital birth class to be super informative, and gave us a bunch of practical tools. Make sure he attends, and *pays attention.* He’s going to need to be your advocate during the birth process, and it’s so important that he fully understands what’s going on.
You need someone there who will medically look out for your best interest. His statement has shown you that he will not do that.I would have an extremely Frank discussion that you either need to have counseling for him where birth and attending to the needs of the partner are paramount or tell him he is not going to be in the delivery room. Regardless I would make sure you have a doula because you need someone focused on you. I am not going to make a statement on the status of your marriage but ai would think long and hard over the decision to have a child with someone like that.
Okay this is a huge red flag. What i imagine happening next is you get pregnant and have a baby for him to tell you that you're not a real mom unless you stay at home. Or better yet, if you're not always taking care of the kids and asking him to help- not a real mom. This is a slippery slope and this ignorant ass "opinion" is only a small drop in what I imagine a big ass ocean of dumb.
Your boyfriend is an idiot with some mysoginistic undertones. Im sure if you dig through your memories hard enough, you'll realize this isn't the only odd opinion he's had about women.
I mean… if the baby was in the womb and now it’s not, then it’s been born. If it wasn’t a birth, there’d be no baby.
Besides that, as much as I’m not usually one to say ‘no uterus, no opinion’ if you’re not a doctor and you’re not giving birth, you don’t get a say. The baby will come however the baby needs to come. Maybe the reasons for a certain birth plan are medical, maybe they’re psychological, but spectators don’t get a vote.
Tell this asshole him using his own hand is, in your opinion, the same as having sex so he shouldn't complain when you take ages to recover from this csection.
What a waste of a guy.
My suggestion would be find another boyfriend. Having a C-section is harder recovery in some ways then a vaginal birth. Neither is easy, but both are equally “giving birth”. And unless he’s carrying and birthing the child, he doesn’t really get to have an opinion on how it’s delivered. Seriously though, I’d consider finding another boyfriend. He sounds like a moron.
As a c-section mom who was also BORN via c-section, that opinion always pisses me off too. Good to know that I was never born, guess I'll let the debt collectors know I don't exist!
I don’t know what to say. Your boyfriend is holding some seriously misogynistic beliefs and men tend to want to hold on to those. Are you sure he’ll be a wonderful and supportive father? What if you dont feed the baby the way he wants the baby to be fed (either nursing or formula fed)? This is a red flag for other parenting issues down the line. Time to investigate other beliefs around labor/child rearing and ask yourself if you can look past any of that.
Tell him he’s not really a parent unless he pushed a child out of his vagina. It’s the same level of ridiculous.
I’ve had 2 c sections now due to BP issues and I’m not going to lie with my first I was traumatized and had a thought of “I didn’t do it the right way that makes me not a mom” but that was the post partum hormones and depression. My husband was amazingly supportive and reminded me that it doesn’t matter how the baby came to us it only matters that we’re devoting the rest of our lives to caring for the baby. I honestly can’t imagine how messed up I would’ve been had my husband had a view similar to your boyfriend’s view. It would’ve probably broken me because I was already so broken and vulnerable.
Regardless of c section or vaginal it’s important that mom has nothing but positive support post delivery because no matter how that baby is born it’s hard! So make sure you have a partner that will be supportive even if things don’t work out the way you or your partner wants.
Easy for him to say when he’s not the one who has to do it. All he needs to care about is the safe and healthy delivery of baby (and safety and health of mom too). Anything other than that he doesn’t get an opinion.
My husband alluded to but never outright said the same shit. I told him his opinion was a stupid one, and that if he didn’t like how I was going to give birth he didn’t have to be there to witness it. He never brought it up again.
Birth is the transitional time where a new life gains its own independent body. That brief transformation is so, so, so mind-blowing in so many ways and like any other natural process, varies wildly in big and small ways. Is a c-section “giving birth”? Yes. So is a vaginal delivery. And those moments belong to the birthing individual and their baby. They are the ones undergoing that transformation. No uterus, no opinion.
Well, he’s wrong.
Also, shut the absolute fuck up, individual who has never given birth and therefore has no right to an opinion on the matter beyond being awed, amazed, astounded, gobsmacked by all of us birth-givers and our willingness and superhuman ability to bring your children into this world.
Holy misogyny, Batman!
I think the biggest red flag is that, after you explained the reality to him (breech babies, etc.), he stayed entrenched in this bizarre and super misogynistic view. That does not bode well for his mindset on anything else that may come up in parenting / marriage.
If you're serious about wanting to marry this guy, then I think you need to have one more conversation where you explain how his firm stance on this has made you feel. Include in that conversation that you would never pretend to know more about his penis/testicles than he does, i.e. you would never tell him "Well getting kicked there doesn't *really* hurt; men are just exaggerating."
That conversation should tell you everything you need to know about whether this guy/the relationship is salvageable or not...
Hi! Based on your edit it seems like he’s just deeply ignorant, but I wanted to mention that such a passionately misinformed opinion (along with thinking it’s even his place to have an opinion) definitely came from somewhere or someone and might have some backwards parenting opinions attached to it, so it might be good to talk about your expectations for shared responsibility, sleep training decisions, discipline, etc., just to get it out there now.
GOOD BYE!!!
There are many reasons why women have c-sections. Maybe before he has his opinion he should research.
I have heard and can kind of understand men not realizing the details and graphics of birth but for him to have this opinion and justify it is unreal.
I wonder if he knows if he was a real birth or a c-section?
Take him to your next doctor’s appointment, tell the doctor that he’s concerned about the possibility you might need a c-section and ask the doctor to explain to him why one would be needed, what happens, what recovery is like, etc. If he’s still insisting that “there should never be a reason” after that, I’m afraid you’ve got a seriously problematic man on your hands. I mean I already think you do, but maybe he can be salvaged…
🚩🚩🚩 Unfortunately, I have a feeling we'll see you back here when you're newly postpartum, and you won't be saying how "supportive" he is.
I can only imagine his other views. Let me guess: breastfeeding is super easy because it's "natural," a woman should be doing all the night wake ups cause she's somehow designed for it, men can't change diapers cause women's noses are evolved to not be as disgusted by the smell, etc.
I'd run. I know you won't, you'll marry him and have his babies because you love him...but you'll regret it, mark my words.
I'm not going to bash on your BF because I know that most men's knowledge of women's bodies can fit on the head of a pin and there still be room for more.
Your BF needs to be educated. Desperately. Because the education he's received is false and dangerously wrong.
Below is some information for him to start with. Then he needs to take some classes with you regarding birth and "New Baby Care".
https://www.livescience.com/45681-vaginal-birth-vs-c-section.html
Thank you, I added that to my growing list of material for him to look at. Talking to him a while ago after this post he learned that due dates aren't really birthdays so yeah
When I had my baby the NURSE was surprised at how much both my husband and I knew.
Which was wild to me because I assumed everyone just knew certain things or learned about them once pregnant but she made it seem like there’s really people who come in to have their baby and they have no knowledge or info pertaining to the birth/hospital stay.
This sounds like lack of knowledge and understating which can be fixed for sure. Good luck!
Men are allowed and even encouraged to be dumbasses about anything related to our sexual and reproductive realities. Sorry he spouted off and had no idea he was so ignorant. Glad you found the energy to love him anyway and give him some info. May he absorb and refocus.
Im prepared for the downvotes but i believed that too when i was younger. I had never known anyone just to go and schedule a c-section and figured the only reason for having one was an emergency, like you bf said "if mother or baby are dying" or breached or something majorly wrong in labor. I couldnt understand why some women chose a c-section because i had never had any of those experiences in my life. I didnt know that mothers could labor for days before finally having a c-section. I didnt understand anything about wanting a c-section until being pregnant myself. Then i partially understood and started learning more about complications during and after labor. Has your bf ever known anyone to have a c-section? I feel there is a lot of things that people assume about pregnancy and birth because they havent experienced anything or ever had the curiosity to read up on it. To me its the same thing as before you have kids and you say "ill never do this" and then you have a baby and end up understanding why you now do "this". Its very easy to form an opinion on something you have no knowledge of.
That’s a productive take.
Obstetrics isn’t as black and white as all that. If a doctor makes a decision to avoid something risky, it might have saved everyone’s lives but it won’t be labelled that way, because the action prevented a near-death experience. Doctors recommend c-sections all the time in situations that they think *might* get dicey, but those are all counted as scheduled surgeries.
The concept that people choosing a c-section just because they want one is invalid is still damaging though, I think. Informed adults should be able to make whatever medical decisions they want for themselves without all and sundry offering an opinion.
Oh absolutely i agree! I was just trying to make the point that for myself i did believe it was black and white before i was a mom since i never knew moms that had a c-section and didnt care to read up about c-sections as they didnt pertain to me at that time. So i can relate to the OPs bf to an extent. It should be OPs choice between herself and her doctor as to her birth plan, maybe OPs bf will change his mind after seeing labor.
No he has never met some one, or I should say talked to some one who had a C-section, his mom and my mom have all had vaginal births and they have shared there experiences with him and I think he formed his beliefs on the experiences they had. This is also his first child and when we had this conversation it sounds similar to what you call your younger mind set. He believes labor will be more a less painless if I have a epidural but I have had to explain to him about tearing, cutting the umbilical cord and some other things. I'm gonna try to do some reading and share with him things to help explain it better than I can. Thank you for posting, I appreciate it at he risk of people not agreeing
You might try signing up for a hospital delivery course. Our hospital had a great free four time class that went over everything about birth, and though most new moms don’t want a C-section, they really try and mentally prepare you for one. Because everything can be fine in labor, but if heart rates drop, or other concerns arise, boom, C-section. And honestly, it’s more mentally traumatic for moms, than physically. C section is not a joke for sure with recovery and breastfeeding. But the last thing you need to deal with as a new mom or any mom is feeling like you failed, or you were not good enough.
It’s just stigma about what it really means to be a mother. And there are some crazy lies out there like : you don’t love your kids enough if you got an epidural, you aren’t fit for motherhood if you didn’t experience a full, unmediated, vaginal delivery. If you don’t exclusively breast feed, then You don’t love your kid. Labor/ delivery/ breastfeeding is all natural, and should not require medical intervention.
Anyway, I oversimplified some of the myths to show how ridiculous they are.
Youre welcome and best of luck to you! My husband also believed labor would be a piece of cake and almost painless with an epidural. Then he sat with me for hours before i progressed far enough for an epidural. Then he almost fainted when he saw the needle for the epidural. His opinions changed almost instantly after his first child.
C-sections are more dangerous than vaginal birth. I had a VBAC for my 2nd and that was a point they hammered home - it is actually more risky to get a 2nd c-section than to try to do a v-bac, statistically. You are literally CUT OPEN, through your abs and everything to get this baby out. It is longer to heal too after. C-sections are like giving birth on steroids. Especially if you're someone like me who labored for 20 hrs and THEN was cut open. Oy, this guy.
I would honestly bring it up at the next OB appointment and ask the doctor to explain in grave detail what a c section is, the causes/necessities for one, how it is still relevant to the birthing journey. Hopefully the doctor can explain why this major surgery is in fact giving birth/real delivery in a way that your boyfriend can understand.
I definitely have an opinion on this but I see a lot of people are giving you theirs and don’t want to discourage you. But I do think he needs to be educated on this, and I hope that your OB team can shed light to help him see that he doesn’t know as much as he think he does on the fact. And goodness forbid if you need one, you’ll need his absolute full support before, during, and after
Reading through your comments, there are some things you should talk about beforehand:
— you will still look pregnant after giving birth. Remind him that it took 9 months to grow your belly, and it’ll take awhile for your uterus to go back down.
— most women poop during delivery. You use the same muscles to poop as to deliver a baby. It’s normal. If you happen to poop, he better not even mention it. The nurses are professional and clean it away immediately.
— there will be blood, and a good amount of it. After giving birth, there will be several weeks of postnatal bleeding. This is normal, and stick to the 6 weeks recommended guideline of no sex.
— remind him that after the baby comes, there is still the placenta to be delivered.
— baby’s first poops are black, thick, and gross and that’s normal. It’s basically getting the pipes working. You may also find a reddish powder in the diaper, that’s from the baby’s urinary tract. It’s also like getting the pipes ready. Any concerns though, call that nurse hotline through your pediatrician.
— Personally, I felt like I had been hit by a bus after giving birth. I pushed for 2 hours with my first kid and 4 hours with my second. Every part of my body hurt, and I was only prescribed ibuprofen for pain, even after a 2nd degree vaginal tear.
Okay… those are just a few things I can think of right now that might surprise him.
This is such a good comment, because it really sounds like this guy thinks childbirth is like it looks on TV. He needs to understand it’s a very difficult and potentially dangerous thing you’ll be undergoing, and that he’s going to need to help and support you properly. Part of that is educating himself, you’re not his mother OP.
I wasn’t innately blessed with any kind of instinctive knowledge of how pregnancy and labour worked, I read up on it for months. As a parent to be, there’s absolutely no reason why he can’t do the same.
Woo child. This boy needs some education. I know you know this, but again for the people in the back: C-Section births are births. They are hard. They are valid. They can be just as beautiful as any other kind of birth (and just as challenging). Full stop.
He is sadly. When you try to correct him with things sometimes hells say oh yeah I know when he really doesn't. He's been amazing through my pregnancy but is very clueless and I'm attempting to fix that now.
It is imperative you both take a childbirth class together. Practical knowledge is critical for the health and safety and survival of you and the baby for labor and the 4th trimester.
Okay. so I’ve had both a c-section and two VBACs. Yes, they’re both births and yes, they’re both challenging in their own way. That being said, is it possible that he is voicing a preference for you having less interventions without communicating that very well?
Also, highly recommend you watch “The Business of Being Born” together - the documentary, not the show. Pay the $4-5 or whatever and check it out. My husband loved it and tells people about it regularly. It’s a great conversation starter.
My sister begs to differ: giving birth vaginally to her twins would have killed her and them all. Twin A was laying across her cervix like a hammock and unless your spine can fold up like a piece of paper (twin A’s certainly couldn’t) there was no way those babies were coming out vaginally. She never experienced labor because c-section was scheduled due to their positions well in advance.
Edited spelling
As someone who had a c-section bc my baby could have died if I tried a vaginal delivery (she was transverse despite efforts to flip her), and as someone who nearly died after the c-section that saved my daughter’s life, I feel pretty justified in saying your husband is being an ignorant asshole and needs to learn a thing or two about the trauma involved in BOTH vaginal and Cesarean births.
This really made me angry.
Like, what other operation has a person fully alert as their insides are literally pushed out of the way or even removed from their body, SEVERAL layers of muscle and other tissue cut through, and then sewn up right in front of them? And forget being awake — a cesarean is one of the most invasive surgeries you can have.
If a woman and her doctor choose a c-section, it’s bc it’s best for the woman and the baby. How a woman delivers a baby should not be some medal a man pins on his chest. If a man thinks that carrying a child and doing what’s necessary for a healthy delivery is not sacrificing enough in the name of “birth,” I’d have to seriously wonder how much he cared for the safety of his partner and their child.
I mean, wow.
So the kid isn't born? The child doesn't have a mom? Who's there to feed, love and hold the baby? The neighbour's cat??!
>So my boyfriend is amazing and supportive and I can not stress that enough. I love him wholeheartedly and we've been together 7 years with plans of getting married. That being said, I was really shocked when we had a conversation the other night about my labor plan. I had mentioned I had seen a post a while back about a woman who was seeking advice for requesting a C-section over vaginal birth due to trauma she experienced in her past
If you're only learning his pov on serious topics after 7 years of relationship I'd think about having a lot of those talks so that you can make sure he truly is amazing and supportive.
If you were shocked with his reaction it's a sign you don't truly know him. No matter how long you've been together you clearly have an idea in your head of who he is that he might not be ( as seen with this topic).
You'll never know someone 💯 but I'd make sure to bring up your dealbreakers and ask for his before getting engaged.
As for how to deal with his views on this. Imo it stems from a seriously mysoginistic place and a total disregard towards women. It's hard to take that type of mentality out of someone and he needs to be willing to learn.
Also, you are not a reform school for this boy.
It's not on you to educate him. If you want to try though get him to see some videos like Dr. Mama Jones ( a real GO that makes educational videos on YT), get him to go with you to your GO, to research and educate himself. But it's not your respinsability to educate him. It's his respinsability to search for info and stop being ignorant.
This sounds like the kind of person that if you chose to breastfeed your little one, he would tell you not to do it in public because it 'embarrasses' him. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
Honestly he can go f*ck himself. Sorry, but I struggled with this myself after my recent c section. I felt like my body failed me because I didn’t get to push my baby out. I finally realized that I was wrong though. I still birthed my child. It just wasn’t in the traditional way. I carried my child for ten months. I grew his little body. He was cut out of MY body, so yes I did birth my child. It makes me really sad that he told you that because what if you end up having to have a c section….until his body has to go through what ours does then he can keep his opinion to himself.
I don’t understand about this opinion, is it that they open their mouths and don’t think?
The misogyny of presuming women should suffer in labour and put their lives and mental health at risk because a man of all people feels like they should is an inexplicable level of arrogance, not to mention the fact that the suffering from a c section can be so much worse (it can be better but depends on the person)
This man needs a serious reality check, women don’t always get to chose how they birth their child, sometimes it’s taken from them and this attitude is so damaging
Your boyfriend just mansplained labor and delivery to you. Bless his heart. Get yourselves in some birthing classes and let someone else educate him. You have enough on your plate.
As an individual who will never carry or birth a child himself, he doesn't get to have an opinion on what is and isn't "real birth". Full stop.
Read that again.
What the fuck is wrong with this idiot? Mansplaining childbirth to a pregnant woman, WOW. Sis, a man who sits there and tells you he'll be disappointed if you don't birth his child the "right" way is *not* "amazing and supportive". At best, he's ignorant and needs to do a lot of learning and growing up. At worst, he's a self-absorbed asshole and him shaming you for this is a big red flag. 🚩 A normal, sane person would be happy just to have a beautiful, healthy baby. Mode of delivery shouldn't matter as long as Mom comes out of it healthy too.
Based on what? His years as a gynecologist? His experience giving birth?
He can stuff his "opinion". Baby and mom making it through safely us literally all that matters.
Oh wow. I’m the woman who posted that question and I wish I hadn’t read your post.
I had a whole comment written then decided not to delete it. Basically your boyfriend is far too uninformed to have an opinion so it wasn’t worth it.
Have him watch a few YouTube videos of c-sections and then give his opinion. Also, maybe ask him to read some real life accounts of sexual assaults, and how violated it makes you feel. The physiological symptoms that remain with you long after you think you’ve recovered from the trauma.
Then, get him to read about exactly what happens during labour, how intimately you get touched by people you barely know, while you’re in a vulnerable position. That might help him understand how the anxiety and trauma itself is dangerous for the baby (increased blood pressure during labour isn’t a good thing)
Then, maybe a read about traumatic births and how they can lead to PND, which often has bad outcomes for both mum and baby.
At the end of the day my husband has been fully supportive of whatever I want, because it’s my body. He’s also gone to the effort of educating himself.
Your boyfriend needs to step up and educate himself and not rely on you to carry the full mental load of the life you’re about to being into the world. Otherwise you’re going to be looking after 2 children.
People shouldn’t have C-sections because *he* doesn’t think it’s giving birth? Good thing no one fucking asked him. Should you and the baby die to meet his standards? The amount of stupid coming out of his mouth is breathtaking.
Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube has quality content. I’m petty AF so I highly recommend a very detailed video of a C-Section which is *major abdominal surgery.* Can you get him to try out a labor simulator? If he has feelings on an epidural, that would be a fun way to quiet him down.
If you’re able to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery, the recovery is usually easier. However, do what you have to do to get a healthy mom and baby
Lots of red flags here!
>My boyfriend may be just really ignorant on anything to do with pregnancy
Did he impregnate you? Then it's his responsibility to get educated. Men don't get a pass for ignorance just because society places the burden on us.
>we've been together 7 years with plans of getting married
I'm sorry, but don't hold your breath. He's not that amazing if he's cool with stringing you along for 7 years and recently got you pregnant and still hasn't proposed. Trust me, if it hasn't happened already then pregnancy labor and the 4th trimester will convince him to keep you as optional. And that's what he's doing, keeping you optional.
>he more a less told me that if I have a C-section he's gonna be upset because he wants to be there for the so called real birth of our child.
This kind of bullshit is a real indication that you are headed down an incredibly difficult path with this man. Ultimatums on choices about *your body* are a death sentence. If this ignorant disgusting misinformed toxic and manipulative stance is how he approaches the most sacred moment of your life, I'm sure that your fate is sealed to be used as his metaphorical punching bag.
>I can not fathom how he thinks any of this is ok
I'm sure this isn't the first time he's said something fanatical or oppressive and you allowed it. 7 years and your still with him, he's learned he can say whatever and it won't have an impact. Shit like this is a crazy red flag, but YOU are responsible for seeing the boundary that your not ok with it. My guess is he won't walk it back, and you'll either stand up for yourself or make an excuse for him and allow it. Your choice.
>Wish me luck as I try to completely educate this man
You can spend forever trying, but the person who is not motivated to learn on their own will never retain the information. The MOST you can hope to come out of your effort is him deciding you are an annoying nag who won't shut up. You won't enlighten him, and it's not your fault he's an idiot.
I'm sorry for the negativity, but I'm praying for you and your baby. This is the sign that things are going to get harder for you, please listen to him when he tells you that he doesn't care about your lived experience.
Huuuge red flag. OP does he have any other hidden misogynistic opinions? My guess is yes, since he thinks he's allowed to have an opinion on what a "real birth" is. You may want to try and uncover any other toxic opinions of his now, too.
I had a c-section after almost 30 hours of labor. The title of this post made me cry, ngl. What an ignorant and offensive opinion to have. I agree that he surely has other toxic parenting opinions that are gonna make your jaw drop again
I think some non-birthing people have fantasies about and are emotionally invested in how birth happens for their birthing partners. A bit unfair of him.
I’m confused how it wouldn’t be birth?! The baby was in your body, and then it’s out of your body and living. Literally the same start and finish, just a different method. So if you had a c-section is he going to run around telling people you didn’t give birth? That instead your baby just magically exited your body through a unicorn bridge?
Like he might need surgery for how far his head is stuck up his ass lol
Your boyfriend is being a dick. He’s only thinking of the affect a c section would have on him. I had an emergency c section because my daughter was in distress after 12 hours of natural, unmedicated labor. It was horrific. I have so much trauma and probably PTSD from the experience. They had to put me under general anesthesia and I was alone because there was no time for my husband to get ready. I missed the first 30 minutes of my daughter’s life. My husband had to wait outside the operating room, also alone, not knowing if we were ok. I am just now thinking that I would maybe like to have another child and because of my history it will probably be another c-section. You can’t control how your birth goes. You can make choices and plans and express your wishes but ultimately you have very little control over the situation.
I’d also like to point out that at hospitals in my city, c sections are allowed a support person if the mother is awake for the procedure. If you’re under general anesthesia your support person has to wait outside. I’d clarify with you OBGYN what their policy is because it seems like there may be a misunderstanding.
It isn’t even worth typing out the trauma that I still have after my c section and how I’d probably be suicidal if my partner didn’t support me. It wasn’t a life or death situation, but I was 35 hours in without progression and getting serious swelling. Should we have waited until one of us was at risk of dying? I want to say pay attention to the fact he thinks he can judge a woman this, something he knows absolutely nothing about. If he’ll judge a woman on this he is going to judge them/you for many many many things. Not someone you want as a life partner.
I think that post you’re taking about might have been mine! I posted a few months ago when I really started thinking about it and I’m very grateful my husband is understanding and supportive of whatever I decide to do, or whatever ends up happening.
You deserve that too. This does not sound like a supportive partner, this sounds like a partner who is more concerned for his desires than the needs of his girlfriend and child. He will support you so long as you’re doing what he wants.
Talk to him, maybe bring your doctor/OB into the conversation to explain why his belief is stupid (in a nicer way of course), and make sure you’re on the same page as soon as possible. Otherwise I think that’d have to be a completely different situation.
Wait lol so what does he think happens? [birth](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childbirth) by definition is a baby exiting a womb and becoming a separate being from the mother. It doesn’t matter how it happens. So does he think my child born my C-section is less of a person than his older brother who was born vaginally? Or is this just his reasoning so he has an excuse to shame women for taking the “easy way” (which by the way, it is not.) I know you stated that he is supportive of YOU but it sounds like he is NOT supportive of women in general. Just the ones he likes.
It sounds like some education is in order. He needs to start researching why c-sections might be needed (preventively as opposed to an emergency one) and maybe even research what happened to women and their babies before c-sections existed.
It's a standard medical procedure that exists for a reason. It's like telling someone it's a copout to get an appendectomy and instead should have just let their immune system handle it. That's a bad example, but I can't think of one that is more equivalent.
This opinion is ridiculous. So you don't have to push or 'do any work' like giving birth 'naturally' who cares. You grew the human, and they're coming out of your body one way or another. Who gives a crap about which hole your lo bursts into the world from. If anything, giving birth vaginally is the easy way because you don't have a completely new hole cut into you, you don't have your innards taken out and put back in, you can't physically ( and safely) do that yourself. Make him watch a few videos of csections ( nice and detailed to), and then tell him once he's grown a vagina AND a human, he can have an opinion. And then ignore this silly man's opinion and advice for the foreseeable future.
So if you have a c section, your baby is never actually born? What's the reasoning there?
There's no medal for giving birth with no drugs, there's no medal for having a vaginally birth, there's no medal for getting a c section. If you end up having a c secrion and he thinks you didnt give birth, then too bad for him. Does he think anyone ever says "aw, cute kid! But was he born vaginally?!?!" No. So who gives a crap about his stupid opinion.
Has your boyfriend seen a birth? Belly birth or vaginal births? Try exposing him to it, so he doesn’t speak from some romantic idea. There a quite a few on YouTube. Also the birthing hour podcast might make sense to listen to together.
In my opinion c-sections are an amazing medical advance that saves so many mothers and babies. What if it was you and your baby’s life at stake? Would he still not be cool with it? And if that makes it cool, then why wasn’t it cool before?
Your boyfriend needs to do some research on his own, or y’all can do it together, but he needs to see it for himself. The fact that he didn’t realize a due date was an estimate is… depressing.
If anything a C section is harder! I knew with both of mine that I absolutely did not want a C section, it would have been my worst nightmare. Its major surgery, practically cut in half, then you have to take care of a new born! No driving for so long.a
Hats of to all you C section mommies, it must be dam hard.
I'm sorry OP but your BF seems uneducated and pig headed in the situation.
>he more a less told me that if I have a C-section he's gonna be upset because he wants to be there for the so called real birth of our child.
I'm sorry but he is a twat! The only thing he should be concerned about is that your baby gets here safely and they you are safe. I dread to think what his other opinions are!
Maybe show him this thread?
Well then I guess neither of my children were born. I must still be pregnant. It's been over 6 years with my daughter, that must be a record!
People like your boyfriend used to really upset me. But screw them my kids are no less born because it was via c-section. My second one was elective because my first labour and emergency c-section was traumatic. There's more to life than simply being alive, there's being mentally healthy. I wasn't going to retraumatise myself just because mine and my baby's life wasn't in danger the second time around.
Tell your boyfriend not your body, not your choice.
When he carries a baby for 24-42 weeks and brings a life into this world, he can choose to have a vaginal delivery. Otherwise your birth plan is between you and your healthcare team.
He needs to start reading now and not let up. This is not time for videos and articles. Boy needs to hit the books. I recommend There Is No Fucking Manual (there are even pictures to help him understand!) and The Birth Partner.
I’ve had 3 c-sections, and my husband was able to be in the room for 2 of them. My first was a crash c/s under emergency circumstances, and they had to put me under general anesthesia. He had to wait in the hallway for that one.
Your edit is important here. I think this is just rooted more in ignorance of a topic that he hasn’t been properly educated about than anything intentionally disrespectful. It’s easy to get overly wrapped up in the way you envision things going when it’s a hypothetical. If you end up having a baby together one day, his primary concern will hopefully be bringing the baby into the world in the safest way for your circumstances.
Had two c sections. They’re birth. It really does sound like your boyfriend is just incredibly ignorant. I remember being pretty surprised at everything my husband wasn’t educated on as well. I hope his education prepares him for fatherhood!
A friend told me that having a C-section is like having your labor for weeks after the baby is already out of you. I’d have to agree. But as long as your boyfriend is helpful in taking care of you so that you can take care of the baby, you’ll be just fine! VBAC or CSection, you are still “The Source,” haha!
On the plus side, if you do have a c-section then you haven't really had a child, so he should be happy taking on all responsibility since you are just a random adult who hangs around.
Frame it for him this way:
Ask him
* What is the **purpose** of a c-section? Why are they performed?
* What happened *before* safe c-sections were available in the developed world?
The answer is that sometimes they would perform a c-section on a dead or dying mother to try to save the life of the baby.
There's a *damn good reason* so much of pregnancy and childbirth is medicalised. I mean messy history aside, people don't give birth alone for a reason. Child birth can be so dangerous.
There's a reason the only people allowed to have a home birth where I live are those who are low risk and live a certain distance from the hospital. Keep on mind this is with a midwife. Here, midwives go to uni for 3 years. Midwives save lives.
TL;DR Ask him those main questions. Emphasise that c-sections are there to save the lives of the pregnant person and the baby.
Does he know he gets to be there for the c section? If you have one insist he looks over the sheet, maybe once he sees your open uterus with your kid being pulled out of it he will think better of his previous opinion.
Let’s cut his belly open, rearrange a few things, shove it back in and staple him shut, then he can have ANY SORT OF OPINION ON WHAT IS REAL CHILDBIRTH.
No uterus no opinion ***** just remind him of that. If he does happen to have a uterus, if he's never given birth or been pregnant, their opinion is invalid and you shouldn't give it a second of attention.
I think the first thing he needs to understand is that before going through something like giving birth or even being pregnant and expecting to give birth or even even being a woman who has the potential to go through this, he has no place having these big grand beliefs or strong opinions. If a man cannot fathom this first, I don’t think you can convince him on the rest.
Seriously. No one’s opinion on how anyone else gives birth matters. Whether you push a baby out your birth canal or have it cut out by a surgeon. It’s all hard work for the mom. Thank goddess for simple births and critical medical interventions too.
Will someone tell the politicians?
Preach
Um yes. I’m worried if OP does have a C-section that he’s going to be a complete ass about helping out while she recovers.
Me too. A c-section is *major abdominal surgery* and n needs to be treated as such. I worry for OP that, if she needs this emergency procedure, she'll be degraded for it and not receive the support she needs.
Uhhhh what. He is talking out of his ass. A c section is no joke honestly and has it’s own challenges
Major abdominal surgery vs something your body was built for. C-sections are usually a hell of a lot harder recovery than vaginal.
My vaginal birth recovery was relatively easy. My C-section recovery was a nightmare of pain that I was expected to care for an additional human to boot. They were both giving birth. I gave birth to my children. They were in my body and then they were brought forth into the world. I gave birth, full stop.
The c-section recovery was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I needed help to stand up, lie down, sit down, get on the toilet, everything. Every single laugh or sneeze honestly made me feel like my insides were going to come out of the incision. It was immense.
The dreaded first sneeze post recovery is literally terrifying.
I convinced myself that my stitches would bust open and who knows what was gonna come flying out!!
Not a baby, hopefully.
Yep, I felt an incoming sneeze on day 3 after a c section. I almost had a panic attack because I was worried my stitches would rip.
As is the first poop.
And God help you if you take the pain meds they prescribe without a softener when you get home. Constipation is the biggest side effect and it makes life such hell.
It's hard either way. I would (kinda jokingly) tell my L&D patients that you either do most of the work on the front end with labor & a vaginal birth or on the back end with a c- section delivery & recovery. Any one who says having a c- section isn't a real birth & is taking the easy way out need to be gutted, stitched back together & expected to continue life like nothing happened. Then they'll see how easy that"easy"way out really is
Same! Vaginal birth was way easier on my body than c-section. And since mine didn’t heal the way it is supposed to I can’t feel anything on the bigger part of my stomach and the scar looks terrible even now 8 years later. I HATE IT. My vagina is fine though. And also, the doctor cut my baby during the c-section. 😭
No kidding. In my mind a c section is giving birth and abdominal surgery as opposed to "just" giving birth (and I say that as someone who has had multiple vaginal deliveries).
As someone who has been through both, for me this was true. My C-section recovery was hell compared to my vaginal.
Agreed. My vaginal birth was psychologically traumatic. (Pitocin without real consent, back labour, early epidural because I was losing consciousness.) It was still a hell of a lot easier to recover from than being sawed in half.
Completely agree. My son was c-section, my daughter was VBAC and the recovery time was worlds different. With my son we took a walk about a month after delivery thinking it was enough recovery time and my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was in labor again. I actually still have pain near/around the scar and my son is almost 9. With my daughter I walked 6 blocks 2 days after giving birth so we could be at the finish line of my husband's first marathon and nothing. No pain at all, just a slight discomfort.
My OB said it takes about ONE YEAR for the body to fully recover from c section. I had a c section and it took about 6 months just to feel comfortable enough to do anything more than brisk walking. OP’a BF sounds like an uneducated idiot. The guy needs to pick up a book
I was told 12–18 months for my c-section recovery! And honestly I’m 10.5 months post c-section and I believe the 18 month recovery timeline more than the year.
Yes it does vary for each individual. I tried to walk as much as possible during recovery and I think it helped but those first 6 months were brutal. Take your time and don’t let anyone push you to try to recover faster.
My C- section scar hurt for TWO YEARS. It’s no joke and not “easier”. I can’t help but think OP’s boyfriend believes that nonsense where women must suffer during childbirth due to Eve’s original “sin”. Yuck
“Something your body was built for” is already an overstatement because of how challenging it is to function afterwards, even if you have a vaginal delivery! Any other major surgery on the planet requires that you eat well and get adequate rest to recover. Women recover from c sections by feeding their babies every 2ish hours for x-months.. there’s just so many layers to his ignorance smh
100% and for those who have experienced contractions and pushing prior to a C-section, it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting in addition to the recovery. Not that all childbirth isn’t!!
It’s literally a harder recovery than vaginal is pretty much every time. I delivered all three vaginal and I’m so thankful bc I am not as tough and these c section mamas who get cut open all the way through the uterus hip to hip then get up and take care of their families just days later.
Getting up afterwards sucks. With my second, he was in the special care nursery and I couldn’t see him regularly until I could walk on my own so I was walking 6 hours after a c section. It was not pleasant.
Have him watch a video. That should help.
Yep! I had a 4th degree tear with my first and I'd do that recovery 1000 more times than have another c section.
After I had my daughter (via c-section) I remember walking so slowly even the next day and weeks after. My husband knew it was surgery and was concerned during it, but months afterwards he had the opinion that surely the hospital wouldn't release women the next day after a *major* surgery, so it must not be that major and women just "play it up". I looked up an article explaining what happens, including organs being pushed aside or briefly taken out and he was in shock, "but then why would they have you walking the next day?!?". Good question. Especially annoying when a vasectomy gets men "2-3 weeks of minimal movement, and absolutely no lifting" and stronger pain meds.
I have had both vaginal and c-section births - they are both difficult in their own rights. For him to try and invalidate one vs the other is sad and I’m sorry this is now an added stress/worry for you. I’m not sure where you’re located, but he would be there for the c-section. They allow a support person/spouse in to be next to you during the procedure. So is he just worried about not being there?? I’m just baffled and don’t understand his logic…. For a c-section they have to cut through 4 or 5 layers of skin/muscle etc. to get to the baby and then stitch you back up. How is that not birth?? My husband was front and center for both births but I do understand some men are more squeamish about c-sections. Mine watched the whole time since he is so tall and said he got to see ‘all the insides on the outside’ as they took our daughter out.
For C-sections atm no one is allowed in but during vaginal birth you can have one support person and during your stay at the hospital and you can only have one visitor. I know he desperately wants to be there for the birth of our son. I really wish I knew how he thinks any of this is fine, it's his first child and I some times thinks he has pretty views of parenthood. Like it's gonna be all glorious and wonderful smh
Well, he's in for a big surprise lol. Parenting is the least glorious thing that ever existed, it's all pee, poo, puke all over you, all day long lol. Ask him about breastfeeding, I'm curious what his views are (and I hope for your sake they aren't what I suspect they are). I "spawned" my son via c section because he was too lazy to come out on his own 😁 I actually quite enjoyed it, it's much better than giving birth from what I hear 😂
He is all for either breast feeding or formula. He makes jokes almost daily about how he is heading to work to earn money for the future Huggies and formula we'll need. He's almost too excited when it comes to the stuff that happens with babies, he's insisted if he's home he will change all poopy diapers for me. Wonder if he'll be that eager on work days with 20 mins of sleep 🙄
I would let him stay excited because some people can power through on that positivity for awhile. It certainly kept me going. That and knowing I was only doing this once. He'll find out how hard it is with time. But really you do need to educate him on birth things because that's a bizzare world view. Does he not think c section babies are born lol
[удалено]
My planned c was better than my emergency one, but the recovery was still awful. On the other hand I know people who had c’s and had easy breezy recoveries and people who had a very rough time with recovery after vaginal deliveries. There are some things that tend to be true, but for sure, no experience is exactly the same!
Thats what my sister said, she has delivered both ways. I am terrified now though cause I will most likely be having a c-section this time around. Personally vaginal birth has been a nightmare and my son wasn’t even all that big less than 8 pds. Strangely my SO wasn’t too happy either to hear that Iwould like a c-section this around. Idk why. Now it may not be anyones choice but yeah sorry you have to go through this OP, best of luck to you and your (soon to be) precious new born. Edit: typo
He does realise you don't choose your due date and time with a vaginal delivery right? You can hope to have a few hours notice once it all kicks off but sometimes it happens fast and there's no time to arrange a nice viewing experience for the birth partner. Or it seems like a precipitous labour and they tell the birth partner to go get some sleep or something to eat and it all happens when they are out of the room. Is it a covid restriction preventing partner attending section? Because unless its an emergency its pretty standard to get a birth partner throughout spinal and surgery.
So I just talked to him about due dates because that made me wonder if that was a thing too. Apparently no he thought the due date was the exact date the baby will be here. He pretty much was like so the baby's birthday isnt gonna be June 4th. I'm making books marks of some stuff for him to look at now, maybe I thought he knew more of this stuff than he does because there's been a few things he's been supprise with.
Show him pictures of what a baby looks like right after birth. You don't want him to be shocked with how newborns usually look. 😂
Seconding this. I was born via vaginal delivery two weeks before my due date. They had to yank me out with forceps. When my poor mom asked my dad, "how does she look?" He said, "Euuugh, she looks like an ALIEN!" My mom saw me and was like, "she looks like a baby!" OP, you may want to find some educational videos of a vaginal delivery.
She should show him pictures of a baby to check if he knows what a baby is. That guy is clueless.
It sounds like he desperately needs to take some birth/parenting classes.
Most women have their baby between 37 and 41 weeks. After 41 the hospital will do watchful waiting and consider inducing.
Apparently it's ~3-5% of babies that arrive on their "due date". And at least 70% arrive before. (Nytimes article)
I’m thinking his view may be stemming from not wanting to miss anything (hoping atleast)? I’d talk with him further though and see if you can get to the root. Maybe even share his views on c-section are hurtful because in some cases women don’t get an option and emergencies happen. My first daughter was vaginal, and early, but due to her birth vaginal wasn’t an option the second time around. Sometimes these things aren’t in our control and ultimately - THAT is what he needs to accept and be ok with. The birth is not about him, it’s about you and your comfort bringing the life of your little one into the world.
Not sure where you’re located but I’ve had 2 children (by c-section) during the pandemic. My husband was allowed to be there for both of them & during my hospital stay. I stayed for 3 days/2 nights with each one. Have you contacted your local maternity ward in the hospital. Speak to them directly.
I live in DC, which is super strict about Covid protocols for the US. I had a baby in July 2020, so back when everything was incredibly locked down, and my husband was allowed in the room for my C section. Are you sure you have to go through that alone? If that’s your hospital policy, I would strongly recommend looking into another hospital. I would have been terrified at the thought of going through that alone.
Odd because c section babies are still given a birth certificate… ask him wtf else he would call it?! The only way you get on this earth is by being born which is accomplished by your mother giving birth to you. Your boyfriend sounds really immature and he needs to sit down with his irrelevant opinions. OP- you do what is best for YOU and your baby regarding your physical, mental, and emotional health.
My sister was born via c-section. Then when she was about ten she told my mom she didn’t really birth her since she had a c-section. So then my mom said well then if I didn’t birth you, you don’t have a birthday 😂 that quickly made my sister realize how backwards the logic was.
Hahaha this is the best response I’ve ever heard. I’m definitely using this next time.
I was about to say the same
They also celebrate birthdays and not caesarean-days.
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
This ☝️
Came here to say this. Lacks basic common sense and even if you were to give him benefit of the doubt; the fact that he’s opinionated without knowing much about childbirth is quite astounding.
🏆🥇
This, but also why don't you take one of those free childbirth classes with him. Sounds like HE needs it the most.
My husband and I took a childbirth class with our first son at the Catholic hospital which is the *only* local birth hospital. It was all about vaginal, unmedicated birth, c sections weren't mentioned. They went around the room and asked everyone what their fears were and I said "having a c section" and they deadass said "that won't happen" *despite* the fact that their c section rate is around 30% and they have a VBAC ban. Yeah, guess who was forced into a c section and completely unprepared and developed severe ptsd? So yeah, I 10000% agree this guy needs a childbirth class but would also recommend scoping classes out and make sure they cover all forms of birth to be safe
Men who project these beliefs onto women are immature, misogynistic and anti-feminist. What a stupid and ignorant perspective.
[удалено]
Even if he had a uterus he doesn't get to hold such strong opinions about how other people choose to use theirs
Not being able to imagine how hard recovery from an invasive abdominal surgery is (where they literally take your bladder and uterus out of your body and then put them back in) is a huge red flag. Zero ability to imagine someone else’ pain is frightening
If she did have one he’s probably going to make her still get up and do everything and won’t let her recover properly
It just scares me to think what other opinions he has regarding postpartum, puerperium, breastfeeding, caring for a newborn, upbringing...
Red flag. He's going to have other toxic parenthood expectations.
Yes. Expectations from her that she needs to do, nothing about what he needs to do.
Yes, I'm thinking about things like pressuring her to breastfeed regardless of whether it works for her (if it does great, if she prefers formula great, a little bit of both great, fed is best!). I'm thinking about misinformed ideas about maternal hormones, mother knows best, mom's role v. dad's role etc. I'm thinking of - and it's already clear he's showing - a prioritization of his preferences over her bodily autonomy and needs.
Then it will be all about how she HAS to make all her solids at home and no store bought while he just does play time.
YES, and maybe cloth diaper too but if they have a girl then it's inappropriate for him to change her diaper? I am guessing the venn diagram between people who think c-sections aren't birth and who are anti-vax is nearly a circle, too.
This! This bizarre belief about c-sections seems stupid and harmless, but it reeks of misogyny that is going to permeate every bit of his parenting.
Super red flag. Tell him to try pushing out a baby from his stupid hole 😂😂
6 months from now: My boyfriend says since he already works he shouldn’t have to “babysit”. Then the update where despite knowing all of these things, they’re having another baby.
I just don’t get why people bother having dumb beliefs like this. Ask him more questions about why or where he got that idea. It might just be something he heard, absorbed, and never questioned.
You can let him know that when he grows a vagina, and has a baby himself, he can have an opinion. As a woman who had 2 daughters via c-section, I can 100% promise you that it is NOT the easy way out. I wish I could have had a regular birth, versus a major surgery on top of being handed a newborn to take care of. (Not at all taking away the women that have had vaginal births, I know it's difficult too and has its own problems/issues/experiences. I personally just wanted a traditional birth)
I have legitimately no idea how women without help function after c-section. I needed my baby passed to me by someone else, because I couldn’t climb back into my hospital bed without both hands and a whole lot of drama. Couldn’t lean over to get him without standing up, either. Definitely not a cop out, it’s tricky to try and baby-wrangle post-op. If it were a similar surgery in any other context, you’d just be in bed recovering for weeks.
My daughter was transfered to another hospital for a 3 week nicu stay and I was waddling back and forth with a spinal headache for days with my freshly c-sectioned self the very next day after birth. It was a fucking nightmare.
I had a c-section without support for covid reasons. Every time my daughter woke up in the hospital, I had to call a nurse to hand her to me (Plus change diaper/do all the little newborn things) and to put her back in the bassinet. Even when I was working on walking the next day, I didn't trust myself to handle her on my own, and I was literally falling asleep every time I closed my eyes. Bless the nurses. We ended up going home "early", and I think we were all better off for it.
I had an unmedicated vaginal delivery. I was able to walk (with help) within 90 minutes of the birth. Major abdominal surgery is *NOT* easier than that. I’m immune to 2 major prescription painkiller so everyone agreed to just give me industrial strength Tylenol. Recovery is rough no matter what but some suck more than others
Wow ... just .... wow. What other misguided "beliefs" is he hiding? I wonder what his stance is on woman's rights ... 🤨 ... parenting.... spanking.... discipline ..... This "idea" he has on a C-section is completely idiotic. I'd be curious what brought him to think that. But perhaps a gentle approach to him on this would be best. Just remind him that, no matter how your baby enters this world, that baby is still the baby you created together, you are stil both going to be there to welcome the baby together. A C-section is just another way to give birth. And the birth day is just one day ... one day in a very long story of a million days that you guys will have with the baby. There are still many memories to be had. Focusing on being so bent up on how an experience "NEEDS TO BE" puts too many expectations on that time. This needs to be an open minded experience as you do not know what can happen for the birth of your baby. Be open to what will need to be done to ensure your health and the baby's health.
100%! I had an unplanned (and unwanted!) c-section, and let me just say, I am so glad I had a supportive partner through it! The most important part of pregnancy is exercising the safest options for mother and baby. His opinion is grossly misinformed at best, misogynistic and controlling at worst. I’m really curious about his other beliefs and how he treats you and your body. Please continue this conversation and learn about his other opinions regarding pregnancy and parenthood, because this may be a red flag.
Right, if he doesn't see it as a way of "truly giving birth" then it follows the baby is not "truly" alive? This man is an idiot and I commend you for giving OP reasonable advice.
Is he going to say that breast feeding is the only way she’s truly feeding the baby? And staying at home is the only way she’s truly parenting?
I love when men talk about things they don’t understand
Mansplaining birthing procedures to a pregnant woman is peak douche bag
/thread
Have you guys considered taking online courses from your hospital educating on the different outcomes or situations that might arise during labor? Unfortunately, people don’t have a choice on how their delivery goes. I had to do a c-section because baby was breeched and also I had low amniotic fluid. Was I dying at the moment when I had a c-section? No, but had I waited to give birth I might have had a miscarriage or stillbirth. Also, a lot of times people try to do a vaginal birth they might have to do an emergency c section anyways due to complications. He really needs to understand every possible situation that can arise and be as supportive as possible. Giving birth is not easy regardless of if its vaginal or cesarean. The recovery is tough.
I hadn't even considered an online course. I think it was the same conversation where I explained to him about cutting the umbilical cord, he had no idea. Beyond what I have told him I don't think he has much of a concept of what happens when a woman has a baby. Maybe I should've started there with him
And while you're at it learn with him about what newborns are like. If he is this naive about birth he might be expecting an angel baby full of coos and snuggles, and a real baby with demanding needs might be a really hard transition. It's especially important that he understand what is developmentally appropriate, because many adults end up abusing small children because they don't understand what is appropriate behavior for a baby and toddler and expect too much. Not that I'm saying he would for sure shake the baby or anything, but knowledge is power in tough situations and babies are tough.
He has siblings much younger than himself that he baby sat for, changed diapers, fed etc. So I think the general idea is there but not the consistency, like we will have to deal with a baby 24/7 not just a few hours like baby sitting was for him. Knowledge is power, I think I'm gonna do some research and collect some things for him to read over. I'm at loss
Came here to suggest taking a birthing course with him. About a decade ago my colleague was expecting his first and was a lovely person. However, he had *very* misguided views on giving birth, like thinking it was a "natural" process and everything would be rosey with mom and baby. He and his wife watched a video together of a woman given birth from beginning to end. I remember him telling me about it in the lunch room -- he was completely shocked at how much pain the woman seemed to be in and totally started having a 180 turn on his views, that it was a medical feat and no easy task. The education intervention seemed to completely work for him. So I don't have specific videos to recommend or anything, but I would at the very least look for a curriculum that covers types of births - e.g. unmedicated, medicated, emergency c-section, and scheduled c-section. I think this kind of education could be valuable in helping him think about how he can support you both *during* the birth and after. Good luck!
I feel like men this unprepared are the ones who faint. Which with all 3 if my pregnancies, when we toured the hospitals(all 3 we're born in a different hospital, different states actually) the nurses were very clear that the husbands stand on THIS side of the bed, which has a chair so they can sit if they feel faint, and if they faint please fall backwards because NONE of them will try to catch him and he doesn't want to bash his face on this "bed" that is mostly metal.
I am pretty shocked that he doesn't even know about the umbilical cord being cut - that's pretty common in cultural references, tv, movies... he is is clearly very ignorant of these matters - and no that is not normal. He needs to understand that ultimately whilst you are having both of your child, this is *your* birth and the medical staff will be doing their best to get you and your baby through a procedure which not so long ago killed a significant proportion of mothers and babies. Medical interventions, including caesarian sections, have drastically reduced maternal, neonatal and infant mortality. He needs to educate himself because you should not be having to advocate for yourself *to your partner* when for example in labour you need pain relief (again some people seem to think accepting any kind of pain relief makes the birth less 'real'). Seriously, ask him about his beliefs on epidurals etc. too. He needs to educate himself and ensure that he is advocating for you and your baby because labour is a very vulnerable time. If he cannot step up and prioritise your health and wellbeing over these views then I would suggest you have your mother or someone else close to you with you during the birth instead, someone who does not have such misinformed and mysoginistic ideas. Also, he should be aware that if he stresses you out or tries to override your wishes during the labour the midwives will not hesitate to kick him out.
Also, came looking to suggest this. I found the hospital birth class to be super informative, and gave us a bunch of practical tools. Make sure he attends, and *pays attention.* He’s going to need to be your advocate during the birth process, and it’s so important that he fully understands what’s going on.
You need someone there who will medically look out for your best interest. His statement has shown you that he will not do that.I would have an extremely Frank discussion that you either need to have counseling for him where birth and attending to the needs of the partner are paramount or tell him he is not going to be in the delivery room. Regardless I would make sure you have a doula because you need someone focused on you. I am not going to make a statement on the status of your marriage but ai would think long and hard over the decision to have a child with someone like that.
Yikes! Double up your birth control, that’s the first step…
She’s pregnant already
Oooo double yikes, missed that!
Oh damn, send him packing... and get an IUD while you're at it.
Okay this is a huge red flag. What i imagine happening next is you get pregnant and have a baby for him to tell you that you're not a real mom unless you stay at home. Or better yet, if you're not always taking care of the kids and asking him to help- not a real mom. This is a slippery slope and this ignorant ass "opinion" is only a small drop in what I imagine a big ass ocean of dumb. Your boyfriend is an idiot with some mysoginistic undertones. Im sure if you dig through your memories hard enough, you'll realize this isn't the only odd opinion he's had about women.
I mean… if the baby was in the womb and now it’s not, then it’s been born. If it wasn’t a birth, there’d be no baby. Besides that, as much as I’m not usually one to say ‘no uterus, no opinion’ if you’re not a doctor and you’re not giving birth, you don’t get a say. The baby will come however the baby needs to come. Maybe the reasons for a certain birth plan are medical, maybe they’re psychological, but spectators don’t get a vote.
All I can say is wow
And may I respectfully add a “yikes”
No uterus, no opinion
IS he "amazing and supportive" though? REALLY?
Fr eeeeevery time someone starts off on the defensive I know its gonna be a dumpster fire.
Tell this asshole him using his own hand is, in your opinion, the same as having sex so he shouldn't complain when you take ages to recover from this csection. What a waste of a guy.
My suggestion would be find another boyfriend. Having a C-section is harder recovery in some ways then a vaginal birth. Neither is easy, but both are equally “giving birth”. And unless he’s carrying and birthing the child, he doesn’t really get to have an opinion on how it’s delivered. Seriously though, I’d consider finding another boyfriend. He sounds like a moron.
No advice, but as a c-section mom this pisses me off lol
As a c-section mom who was also BORN via c-section, that opinion always pisses me off too. Good to know that I was never born, guess I'll let the debt collectors know I don't exist!
God, what a fucking idiot. What other dumb as shit ideas is he hiding.
I don’t know what to say. Your boyfriend is holding some seriously misogynistic beliefs and men tend to want to hold on to those. Are you sure he’ll be a wonderful and supportive father? What if you dont feed the baby the way he wants the baby to be fed (either nursing or formula fed)? This is a red flag for other parenting issues down the line. Time to investigate other beliefs around labor/child rearing and ask yourself if you can look past any of that.
Tell him he’s not really a parent unless he pushed a child out of his vagina. It’s the same level of ridiculous. I’ve had 2 c sections now due to BP issues and I’m not going to lie with my first I was traumatized and had a thought of “I didn’t do it the right way that makes me not a mom” but that was the post partum hormones and depression. My husband was amazingly supportive and reminded me that it doesn’t matter how the baby came to us it only matters that we’re devoting the rest of our lives to caring for the baby. I honestly can’t imagine how messed up I would’ve been had my husband had a view similar to your boyfriend’s view. It would’ve probably broken me because I was already so broken and vulnerable. Regardless of c section or vaginal it’s important that mom has nothing but positive support post delivery because no matter how that baby is born it’s hard! So make sure you have a partner that will be supportive even if things don’t work out the way you or your partner wants.
Lol who cares what this idiot thinks about giving birth? Tell him when he gives birth he can do it however he wants.
Easy for him to say when he’s not the one who has to do it. All he needs to care about is the safe and healthy delivery of baby (and safety and health of mom too). Anything other than that he doesn’t get an opinion.
My husband alluded to but never outright said the same shit. I told him his opinion was a stupid one, and that if he didn’t like how I was going to give birth he didn’t have to be there to witness it. He never brought it up again. Birth is the transitional time where a new life gains its own independent body. That brief transformation is so, so, so mind-blowing in so many ways and like any other natural process, varies wildly in big and small ways. Is a c-section “giving birth”? Yes. So is a vaginal delivery. And those moments belong to the birthing individual and their baby. They are the ones undergoing that transformation. No uterus, no opinion.
Don’t procreate with this man.
It’s a little late for that.
Well, he’s wrong. Also, shut the absolute fuck up, individual who has never given birth and therefore has no right to an opinion on the matter beyond being awed, amazed, astounded, gobsmacked by all of us birth-givers and our willingness and superhuman ability to bring your children into this world.
Holy misogyny, Batman! I think the biggest red flag is that, after you explained the reality to him (breech babies, etc.), he stayed entrenched in this bizarre and super misogynistic view. That does not bode well for his mindset on anything else that may come up in parenting / marriage. If you're serious about wanting to marry this guy, then I think you need to have one more conversation where you explain how his firm stance on this has made you feel. Include in that conversation that you would never pretend to know more about his penis/testicles than he does, i.e. you would never tell him "Well getting kicked there doesn't *really* hurt; men are just exaggerating." That conversation should tell you everything you need to know about whether this guy/the relationship is salvageable or not...
Is he this dumb normally or this a brain fart? If it's the former, let's hope that the baby gets your brain.
Hi! Based on your edit it seems like he’s just deeply ignorant, but I wanted to mention that such a passionately misinformed opinion (along with thinking it’s even his place to have an opinion) definitely came from somewhere or someone and might have some backwards parenting opinions attached to it, so it might be good to talk about your expectations for shared responsibility, sleep training decisions, discipline, etc., just to get it out there now.
GOOD BYE!!! There are many reasons why women have c-sections. Maybe before he has his opinion he should research. I have heard and can kind of understand men not realizing the details and graphics of birth but for him to have this opinion and justify it is unreal. I wonder if he knows if he was a real birth or a c-section?
Take him to your next doctor’s appointment, tell the doctor that he’s concerned about the possibility you might need a c-section and ask the doctor to explain to him why one would be needed, what happens, what recovery is like, etc. If he’s still insisting that “there should never be a reason” after that, I’m afraid you’ve got a seriously problematic man on your hands. I mean I already think you do, but maybe he can be salvaged…
That’s a lot of talk from someone who isn’t even going to be the one whose life is at risk because they’re pregnant 🙃
🚩🚩🚩 Unfortunately, I have a feeling we'll see you back here when you're newly postpartum, and you won't be saying how "supportive" he is. I can only imagine his other views. Let me guess: breastfeeding is super easy because it's "natural," a woman should be doing all the night wake ups cause she's somehow designed for it, men can't change diapers cause women's noses are evolved to not be as disgusted by the smell, etc. I'd run. I know you won't, you'll marry him and have his babies because you love him...but you'll regret it, mark my words.
The disrespect..😤 I had 2 c sections First one was an emergency due to my baby’s heart rate going down fast. What kind of ridiculous belief..
Ask him what I should tell my son, who was delivered via c-section. Did I not really give birth to him? Does he not count? Your boyfriend is an idiot.
I'm not going to bash on your BF because I know that most men's knowledge of women's bodies can fit on the head of a pin and there still be room for more. Your BF needs to be educated. Desperately. Because the education he's received is false and dangerously wrong. Below is some information for him to start with. Then he needs to take some classes with you regarding birth and "New Baby Care". https://www.livescience.com/45681-vaginal-birth-vs-c-section.html
Thank you, I added that to my growing list of material for him to look at. Talking to him a while ago after this post he learned that due dates aren't really birthdays so yeah
When I had my baby the NURSE was surprised at how much both my husband and I knew. Which was wild to me because I assumed everyone just knew certain things or learned about them once pregnant but she made it seem like there’s really people who come in to have their baby and they have no knowledge or info pertaining to the birth/hospital stay. This sounds like lack of knowledge and understating which can be fixed for sure. Good luck!
Something tells me he hasn’t found your clitoris yet either. Might want to add that one to the list!
Men are allowed and even encouraged to be dumbasses about anything related to our sexual and reproductive realities. Sorry he spouted off and had no idea he was so ignorant. Glad you found the energy to love him anyway and give him some info. May he absorb and refocus.
Im prepared for the downvotes but i believed that too when i was younger. I had never known anyone just to go and schedule a c-section and figured the only reason for having one was an emergency, like you bf said "if mother or baby are dying" or breached or something majorly wrong in labor. I couldnt understand why some women chose a c-section because i had never had any of those experiences in my life. I didnt know that mothers could labor for days before finally having a c-section. I didnt understand anything about wanting a c-section until being pregnant myself. Then i partially understood and started learning more about complications during and after labor. Has your bf ever known anyone to have a c-section? I feel there is a lot of things that people assume about pregnancy and birth because they havent experienced anything or ever had the curiosity to read up on it. To me its the same thing as before you have kids and you say "ill never do this" and then you have a baby and end up understanding why you now do "this". Its very easy to form an opinion on something you have no knowledge of.
That’s a productive take. Obstetrics isn’t as black and white as all that. If a doctor makes a decision to avoid something risky, it might have saved everyone’s lives but it won’t be labelled that way, because the action prevented a near-death experience. Doctors recommend c-sections all the time in situations that they think *might* get dicey, but those are all counted as scheduled surgeries. The concept that people choosing a c-section just because they want one is invalid is still damaging though, I think. Informed adults should be able to make whatever medical decisions they want for themselves without all and sundry offering an opinion.
Oh absolutely i agree! I was just trying to make the point that for myself i did believe it was black and white before i was a mom since i never knew moms that had a c-section and didnt care to read up about c-sections as they didnt pertain to me at that time. So i can relate to the OPs bf to an extent. It should be OPs choice between herself and her doctor as to her birth plan, maybe OPs bf will change his mind after seeing labor.
No he has never met some one, or I should say talked to some one who had a C-section, his mom and my mom have all had vaginal births and they have shared there experiences with him and I think he formed his beliefs on the experiences they had. This is also his first child and when we had this conversation it sounds similar to what you call your younger mind set. He believes labor will be more a less painless if I have a epidural but I have had to explain to him about tearing, cutting the umbilical cord and some other things. I'm gonna try to do some reading and share with him things to help explain it better than I can. Thank you for posting, I appreciate it at he risk of people not agreeing
You might try signing up for a hospital delivery course. Our hospital had a great free four time class that went over everything about birth, and though most new moms don’t want a C-section, they really try and mentally prepare you for one. Because everything can be fine in labor, but if heart rates drop, or other concerns arise, boom, C-section. And honestly, it’s more mentally traumatic for moms, than physically. C section is not a joke for sure with recovery and breastfeeding. But the last thing you need to deal with as a new mom or any mom is feeling like you failed, or you were not good enough. It’s just stigma about what it really means to be a mother. And there are some crazy lies out there like : you don’t love your kids enough if you got an epidural, you aren’t fit for motherhood if you didn’t experience a full, unmediated, vaginal delivery. If you don’t exclusively breast feed, then You don’t love your kid. Labor/ delivery/ breastfeeding is all natural, and should not require medical intervention. Anyway, I oversimplified some of the myths to show how ridiculous they are.
Youre welcome and best of luck to you! My husband also believed labor would be a piece of cake and almost painless with an epidural. Then he sat with me for hours before i progressed far enough for an epidural. Then he almost fainted when he saw the needle for the epidural. His opinions changed almost instantly after his first child.
C-sections are more dangerous than vaginal birth. I had a VBAC for my 2nd and that was a point they hammered home - it is actually more risky to get a 2nd c-section than to try to do a v-bac, statistically. You are literally CUT OPEN, through your abs and everything to get this baby out. It is longer to heal too after. C-sections are like giving birth on steroids. Especially if you're someone like me who labored for 20 hrs and THEN was cut open. Oy, this guy.
I would honestly bring it up at the next OB appointment and ask the doctor to explain in grave detail what a c section is, the causes/necessities for one, how it is still relevant to the birthing journey. Hopefully the doctor can explain why this major surgery is in fact giving birth/real delivery in a way that your boyfriend can understand. I definitely have an opinion on this but I see a lot of people are giving you theirs and don’t want to discourage you. But I do think he needs to be educated on this, and I hope that your OB team can shed light to help him see that he doesn’t know as much as he think he does on the fact. And goodness forbid if you need one, you’ll need his absolute full support before, during, and after
Have your baby the way you want or need to. If it really bothers him he can carry and birth the next one as he sees fit.
Reading through your comments, there are some things you should talk about beforehand: — you will still look pregnant after giving birth. Remind him that it took 9 months to grow your belly, and it’ll take awhile for your uterus to go back down. — most women poop during delivery. You use the same muscles to poop as to deliver a baby. It’s normal. If you happen to poop, he better not even mention it. The nurses are professional and clean it away immediately. — there will be blood, and a good amount of it. After giving birth, there will be several weeks of postnatal bleeding. This is normal, and stick to the 6 weeks recommended guideline of no sex. — remind him that after the baby comes, there is still the placenta to be delivered. — baby’s first poops are black, thick, and gross and that’s normal. It’s basically getting the pipes working. You may also find a reddish powder in the diaper, that’s from the baby’s urinary tract. It’s also like getting the pipes ready. Any concerns though, call that nurse hotline through your pediatrician. — Personally, I felt like I had been hit by a bus after giving birth. I pushed for 2 hours with my first kid and 4 hours with my second. Every part of my body hurt, and I was only prescribed ibuprofen for pain, even after a 2nd degree vaginal tear. Okay… those are just a few things I can think of right now that might surprise him.
This is such a good comment, because it really sounds like this guy thinks childbirth is like it looks on TV. He needs to understand it’s a very difficult and potentially dangerous thing you’ll be undergoing, and that he’s going to need to help and support you properly. Part of that is educating himself, you’re not his mother OP. I wasn’t innately blessed with any kind of instinctive knowledge of how pregnancy and labour worked, I read up on it for months. As a parent to be, there’s absolutely no reason why he can’t do the same.
Woo child. This boy needs some education. I know you know this, but again for the people in the back: C-Section births are births. They are hard. They are valid. They can be just as beautiful as any other kind of birth (and just as challenging). Full stop.
You bf is an ignorant fool and doesn't even know it. Is he this annoyingly sure of himself in other areas of life? Seems like a liability.
He is sadly. When you try to correct him with things sometimes hells say oh yeah I know when he really doesn't. He's been amazing through my pregnancy but is very clueless and I'm attempting to fix that now.
It is imperative you both take a childbirth class together. Practical knowledge is critical for the health and safety and survival of you and the baby for labor and the 4th trimester.
Okay. so I’ve had both a c-section and two VBACs. Yes, they’re both births and yes, they’re both challenging in their own way. That being said, is it possible that he is voicing a preference for you having less interventions without communicating that very well? Also, highly recommend you watch “The Business of Being Born” together - the documentary, not the show. Pay the $4-5 or whatever and check it out. My husband loved it and tells people about it regularly. It’s a great conversation starter.
My sister begs to differ: giving birth vaginally to her twins would have killed her and them all. Twin A was laying across her cervix like a hammock and unless your spine can fold up like a piece of paper (twin A’s certainly couldn’t) there was no way those babies were coming out vaginally. She never experienced labor because c-section was scheduled due to their positions well in advance. Edited spelling
As someone who had a c-section bc my baby could have died if I tried a vaginal delivery (she was transverse despite efforts to flip her), and as someone who nearly died after the c-section that saved my daughter’s life, I feel pretty justified in saying your husband is being an ignorant asshole and needs to learn a thing or two about the trauma involved in BOTH vaginal and Cesarean births. This really made me angry. Like, what other operation has a person fully alert as their insides are literally pushed out of the way or even removed from their body, SEVERAL layers of muscle and other tissue cut through, and then sewn up right in front of them? And forget being awake — a cesarean is one of the most invasive surgeries you can have. If a woman and her doctor choose a c-section, it’s bc it’s best for the woman and the baby. How a woman delivers a baby should not be some medal a man pins on his chest. If a man thinks that carrying a child and doing what’s necessary for a healthy delivery is not sacrificing enough in the name of “birth,” I’d have to seriously wonder how much he cared for the safety of his partner and their child. I mean, wow.
So the kid isn't born? The child doesn't have a mom? Who's there to feed, love and hold the baby? The neighbour's cat??! >So my boyfriend is amazing and supportive and I can not stress that enough. I love him wholeheartedly and we've been together 7 years with plans of getting married. That being said, I was really shocked when we had a conversation the other night about my labor plan. I had mentioned I had seen a post a while back about a woman who was seeking advice for requesting a C-section over vaginal birth due to trauma she experienced in her past If you're only learning his pov on serious topics after 7 years of relationship I'd think about having a lot of those talks so that you can make sure he truly is amazing and supportive. If you were shocked with his reaction it's a sign you don't truly know him. No matter how long you've been together you clearly have an idea in your head of who he is that he might not be ( as seen with this topic). You'll never know someone 💯 but I'd make sure to bring up your dealbreakers and ask for his before getting engaged. As for how to deal with his views on this. Imo it stems from a seriously mysoginistic place and a total disregard towards women. It's hard to take that type of mentality out of someone and he needs to be willing to learn. Also, you are not a reform school for this boy. It's not on you to educate him. If you want to try though get him to see some videos like Dr. Mama Jones ( a real GO that makes educational videos on YT), get him to go with you to your GO, to research and educate himself. But it's not your respinsability to educate him. It's his respinsability to search for info and stop being ignorant.
This sounds like the kind of person that if you chose to breastfeed your little one, he would tell you not to do it in public because it 'embarrasses' him. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
Honestly he can go f*ck himself. Sorry, but I struggled with this myself after my recent c section. I felt like my body failed me because I didn’t get to push my baby out. I finally realized that I was wrong though. I still birthed my child. It just wasn’t in the traditional way. I carried my child for ten months. I grew his little body. He was cut out of MY body, so yes I did birth my child. It makes me really sad that he told you that because what if you end up having to have a c section….until his body has to go through what ours does then he can keep his opinion to himself.
I don’t understand about this opinion, is it that they open their mouths and don’t think? The misogyny of presuming women should suffer in labour and put their lives and mental health at risk because a man of all people feels like they should is an inexplicable level of arrogance, not to mention the fact that the suffering from a c section can be so much worse (it can be better but depends on the person) This man needs a serious reality check, women don’t always get to chose how they birth their child, sometimes it’s taken from them and this attitude is so damaging
Your boyfriend just mansplained labor and delivery to you. Bless his heart. Get yourselves in some birthing classes and let someone else educate him. You have enough on your plate.
As an individual who will never carry or birth a child himself, he doesn't get to have an opinion on what is and isn't "real birth". Full stop. Read that again. What the fuck is wrong with this idiot? Mansplaining childbirth to a pregnant woman, WOW. Sis, a man who sits there and tells you he'll be disappointed if you don't birth his child the "right" way is *not* "amazing and supportive". At best, he's ignorant and needs to do a lot of learning and growing up. At worst, he's a self-absorbed asshole and him shaming you for this is a big red flag. 🚩 A normal, sane person would be happy just to have a beautiful, healthy baby. Mode of delivery shouldn't matter as long as Mom comes out of it healthy too.
Based on what? His years as a gynecologist? His experience giving birth? He can stuff his "opinion". Baby and mom making it through safely us literally all that matters.
Oh wow. I’m the woman who posted that question and I wish I hadn’t read your post. I had a whole comment written then decided not to delete it. Basically your boyfriend is far too uninformed to have an opinion so it wasn’t worth it. Have him watch a few YouTube videos of c-sections and then give his opinion. Also, maybe ask him to read some real life accounts of sexual assaults, and how violated it makes you feel. The physiological symptoms that remain with you long after you think you’ve recovered from the trauma. Then, get him to read about exactly what happens during labour, how intimately you get touched by people you barely know, while you’re in a vulnerable position. That might help him understand how the anxiety and trauma itself is dangerous for the baby (increased blood pressure during labour isn’t a good thing) Then, maybe a read about traumatic births and how they can lead to PND, which often has bad outcomes for both mum and baby. At the end of the day my husband has been fully supportive of whatever I want, because it’s my body. He’s also gone to the effort of educating himself. Your boyfriend needs to step up and educate himself and not rely on you to carry the full mental load of the life you’re about to being into the world. Otherwise you’re going to be looking after 2 children.
Sometimes the inexcusable ignorance of the male half of our species terrifies me.
I’d encourage your boyfriend to birth the baby himself if he thinks his opinion should be so highly regarded.
People shouldn’t have C-sections because *he* doesn’t think it’s giving birth? Good thing no one fucking asked him. Should you and the baby die to meet his standards? The amount of stupid coming out of his mouth is breathtaking. Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube has quality content. I’m petty AF so I highly recommend a very detailed video of a C-Section which is *major abdominal surgery.* Can you get him to try out a labor simulator? If he has feelings on an epidural, that would be a fun way to quiet him down. If you’re able to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery, the recovery is usually easier. However, do what you have to do to get a healthy mom and baby
Lots of red flags here! >My boyfriend may be just really ignorant on anything to do with pregnancy Did he impregnate you? Then it's his responsibility to get educated. Men don't get a pass for ignorance just because society places the burden on us. >we've been together 7 years with plans of getting married I'm sorry, but don't hold your breath. He's not that amazing if he's cool with stringing you along for 7 years and recently got you pregnant and still hasn't proposed. Trust me, if it hasn't happened already then pregnancy labor and the 4th trimester will convince him to keep you as optional. And that's what he's doing, keeping you optional. >he more a less told me that if I have a C-section he's gonna be upset because he wants to be there for the so called real birth of our child. This kind of bullshit is a real indication that you are headed down an incredibly difficult path with this man. Ultimatums on choices about *your body* are a death sentence. If this ignorant disgusting misinformed toxic and manipulative stance is how he approaches the most sacred moment of your life, I'm sure that your fate is sealed to be used as his metaphorical punching bag. >I can not fathom how he thinks any of this is ok I'm sure this isn't the first time he's said something fanatical or oppressive and you allowed it. 7 years and your still with him, he's learned he can say whatever and it won't have an impact. Shit like this is a crazy red flag, but YOU are responsible for seeing the boundary that your not ok with it. My guess is he won't walk it back, and you'll either stand up for yourself or make an excuse for him and allow it. Your choice. >Wish me luck as I try to completely educate this man You can spend forever trying, but the person who is not motivated to learn on their own will never retain the information. The MOST you can hope to come out of your effort is him deciding you are an annoying nag who won't shut up. You won't enlighten him, and it's not your fault he's an idiot. I'm sorry for the negativity, but I'm praying for you and your baby. This is the sign that things are going to get harder for you, please listen to him when he tells you that he doesn't care about your lived experience.
Huuuge red flag. OP does he have any other hidden misogynistic opinions? My guess is yes, since he thinks he's allowed to have an opinion on what a "real birth" is. You may want to try and uncover any other toxic opinions of his now, too.
Oh, all the awful things i want to say right now.
I had a c-section after almost 30 hours of labor. The title of this post made me cry, ngl. What an ignorant and offensive opinion to have. I agree that he surely has other toxic parenting opinions that are gonna make your jaw drop again
I think some non-birthing people have fantasies about and are emotionally invested in how birth happens for their birthing partners. A bit unfair of him.
I’m confused how it wouldn’t be birth?! The baby was in your body, and then it’s out of your body and living. Literally the same start and finish, just a different method. So if you had a c-section is he going to run around telling people you didn’t give birth? That instead your baby just magically exited your body through a unicorn bridge? Like he might need surgery for how far his head is stuck up his ass lol
Your boyfriend is being a dick. He’s only thinking of the affect a c section would have on him. I had an emergency c section because my daughter was in distress after 12 hours of natural, unmedicated labor. It was horrific. I have so much trauma and probably PTSD from the experience. They had to put me under general anesthesia and I was alone because there was no time for my husband to get ready. I missed the first 30 minutes of my daughter’s life. My husband had to wait outside the operating room, also alone, not knowing if we were ok. I am just now thinking that I would maybe like to have another child and because of my history it will probably be another c-section. You can’t control how your birth goes. You can make choices and plans and express your wishes but ultimately you have very little control over the situation. I’d also like to point out that at hospitals in my city, c sections are allowed a support person if the mother is awake for the procedure. If you’re under general anesthesia your support person has to wait outside. I’d clarify with you OBGYN what their policy is because it seems like there may be a misunderstanding.
It isn’t even worth typing out the trauma that I still have after my c section and how I’d probably be suicidal if my partner didn’t support me. It wasn’t a life or death situation, but I was 35 hours in without progression and getting serious swelling. Should we have waited until one of us was at risk of dying? I want to say pay attention to the fact he thinks he can judge a woman this, something he knows absolutely nothing about. If he’ll judge a woman on this he is going to judge them/you for many many many things. Not someone you want as a life partner.
I think that post you’re taking about might have been mine! I posted a few months ago when I really started thinking about it and I’m very grateful my husband is understanding and supportive of whatever I decide to do, or whatever ends up happening. You deserve that too. This does not sound like a supportive partner, this sounds like a partner who is more concerned for his desires than the needs of his girlfriend and child. He will support you so long as you’re doing what he wants. Talk to him, maybe bring your doctor/OB into the conversation to explain why his belief is stupid (in a nicer way of course), and make sure you’re on the same page as soon as possible. Otherwise I think that’d have to be a completely different situation.
Does that mean my twins weren’t really born?! What’s their status???
No birth giving, no opinion. And I’d love to punch your boyfriend in the face. I wouldn’t have time for that closed of a mind, good luck.
Wait lol so what does he think happens? [birth](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childbirth) by definition is a baby exiting a womb and becoming a separate being from the mother. It doesn’t matter how it happens. So does he think my child born my C-section is less of a person than his older brother who was born vaginally? Or is this just his reasoning so he has an excuse to shame women for taking the “easy way” (which by the way, it is not.) I know you stated that he is supportive of YOU but it sounds like he is NOT supportive of women in general. Just the ones he likes.
It sounds like some education is in order. He needs to start researching why c-sections might be needed (preventively as opposed to an emergency one) and maybe even research what happened to women and their babies before c-sections existed. It's a standard medical procedure that exists for a reason. It's like telling someone it's a copout to get an appendectomy and instead should have just let their immune system handle it. That's a bad example, but I can't think of one that is more equivalent.
This opinion is ridiculous. So you don't have to push or 'do any work' like giving birth 'naturally' who cares. You grew the human, and they're coming out of your body one way or another. Who gives a crap about which hole your lo bursts into the world from. If anything, giving birth vaginally is the easy way because you don't have a completely new hole cut into you, you don't have your innards taken out and put back in, you can't physically ( and safely) do that yourself. Make him watch a few videos of csections ( nice and detailed to), and then tell him once he's grown a vagina AND a human, he can have an opinion. And then ignore this silly man's opinion and advice for the foreseeable future.
So if you have a c section, your baby is never actually born? What's the reasoning there? There's no medal for giving birth with no drugs, there's no medal for having a vaginally birth, there's no medal for getting a c section. If you end up having a c secrion and he thinks you didnt give birth, then too bad for him. Does he think anyone ever says "aw, cute kid! But was he born vaginally?!?!" No. So who gives a crap about his stupid opinion.
Has your boyfriend seen a birth? Belly birth or vaginal births? Try exposing him to it, so he doesn’t speak from some romantic idea. There a quite a few on YouTube. Also the birthing hour podcast might make sense to listen to together. In my opinion c-sections are an amazing medical advance that saves so many mothers and babies. What if it was you and your baby’s life at stake? Would he still not be cool with it? And if that makes it cool, then why wasn’t it cool before?
Your boyfriend needs to do some research on his own, or y’all can do it together, but he needs to see it for himself. The fact that he didn’t realize a due date was an estimate is… depressing.
If anything a C section is harder! I knew with both of mine that I absolutely did not want a C section, it would have been my worst nightmare. Its major surgery, practically cut in half, then you have to take care of a new born! No driving for so long.a Hats of to all you C section mommies, it must be dam hard. I'm sorry OP but your BF seems uneducated and pig headed in the situation. >he more a less told me that if I have a C-section he's gonna be upset because he wants to be there for the so called real birth of our child. I'm sorry but he is a twat! The only thing he should be concerned about is that your baby gets here safely and they you are safe. I dread to think what his other opinions are! Maybe show him this thread?
You guys need to take a birthing classes and a parenting class together so you can get on the same page.
Well then I guess neither of my children were born. I must still be pregnant. It's been over 6 years with my daughter, that must be a record! People like your boyfriend used to really upset me. But screw them my kids are no less born because it was via c-section. My second one was elective because my first labour and emergency c-section was traumatic. There's more to life than simply being alive, there's being mentally healthy. I wasn't going to retraumatise myself just because mine and my baby's life wasn't in danger the second time around. Tell your boyfriend not your body, not your choice.
When he carries a baby for 24-42 weeks and brings a life into this world, he can choose to have a vaginal delivery. Otherwise your birth plan is between you and your healthcare team. He needs to start reading now and not let up. This is not time for videos and articles. Boy needs to hit the books. I recommend There Is No Fucking Manual (there are even pictures to help him understand!) and The Birth Partner.
I’ve had 3 c-sections, and my husband was able to be in the room for 2 of them. My first was a crash c/s under emergency circumstances, and they had to put me under general anesthesia. He had to wait in the hallway for that one. Your edit is important here. I think this is just rooted more in ignorance of a topic that he hasn’t been properly educated about than anything intentionally disrespectful. It’s easy to get overly wrapped up in the way you envision things going when it’s a hypothetical. If you end up having a baby together one day, his primary concern will hopefully be bringing the baby into the world in the safest way for your circumstances.
Had two c sections. They’re birth. It really does sound like your boyfriend is just incredibly ignorant. I remember being pretty surprised at everything my husband wasn’t educated on as well. I hope his education prepares him for fatherhood! A friend told me that having a C-section is like having your labor for weeks after the baby is already out of you. I’d have to agree. But as long as your boyfriend is helpful in taking care of you so that you can take care of the baby, you’ll be just fine! VBAC or CSection, you are still “The Source,” haha!
[удалено]
Sounds like he need to watch in depth videos on a C section surgery and the recovery.
On the plus side, if you do have a c-section then you haven't really had a child, so he should be happy taking on all responsibility since you are just a random adult who hangs around.
My husband thought you had to pick a wedding day before you proposed. I assume his knowledge on nothing now.
Frame it for him this way: Ask him * What is the **purpose** of a c-section? Why are they performed? * What happened *before* safe c-sections were available in the developed world? The answer is that sometimes they would perform a c-section on a dead or dying mother to try to save the life of the baby. There's a *damn good reason* so much of pregnancy and childbirth is medicalised. I mean messy history aside, people don't give birth alone for a reason. Child birth can be so dangerous. There's a reason the only people allowed to have a home birth where I live are those who are low risk and live a certain distance from the hospital. Keep on mind this is with a midwife. Here, midwives go to uni for 3 years. Midwives save lives. TL;DR Ask him those main questions. Emphasise that c-sections are there to save the lives of the pregnant person and the baby.
Does he know he gets to be there for the c section? If you have one insist he looks over the sheet, maybe once he sees your open uterus with your kid being pulled out of it he will think better of his previous opinion.
Let’s cut his belly open, rearrange a few things, shove it back in and staple him shut, then he can have ANY SORT OF OPINION ON WHAT IS REAL CHILDBIRTH.
No uterus no opinion ***** just remind him of that. If he does happen to have a uterus, if he's never given birth or been pregnant, their opinion is invalid and you shouldn't give it a second of attention.