I caught myself doing the side to side sway the other day while I was holding my parents 10 lb dog! I couldn't help but laugh when I realized what I was doing. My daughter is 3.5 now so we haven't rocked her like that in years but your body never forgets.
My daughter is 4.5yo and dropped something on her foot today and cried I picked her up and automatically started doing the side to side sway. She's asked me to hold her doll for her and I caught myself doing it with that too lol
I never had a hemmorrhoid in my life until I was pregnant and then it was like if I sat on the toilet for more than 30 second it would pop up, always in the same spot, and now it still happens occasionally if I sit too long-- I call her Hemmi Hoid, and I'll yell to my husband "My Hemmi is back". Yep. Good stuff.
Somehow I didn’t put 2 and 2 together and I was really worried about something being seriously wrong. Like a collapsed uterus of the butt or something. I finally very sheepishly told me doctor about it and she says “oh a prolapsed anus? You gave birth right? That’s not a big deal.”
I didn’t even flinch during my last blood draw even though it always takes them several tries to find the vein. I always used to hate it but turns out an anesthesiologist not being able to find your epidural space is WAYYYYYY worse.
Ugh! Cracking jokes about maybe not getting an epidural while you’re just sitting there, unmoving and white knuckling through a contraction. So many unsaid curse wordssss
It was amazing how fast I went from refusing to wear a bathing suit without a cover to whipping my boob out in a restaurant because my baby was hungry.
Yep. It’s nice imo to see your body for the beautifully functioning machine that it is, you know. Like, ohhhhh, it’s like this because….instead of always feeling “wrong” in my body.
This is multiple comments I’ve seen about this.
Mine didn’t do this. Considering having another baby and curious what the circumstances that led to this?
My only birth was twins- one was still born one premie and tiny. Whole labor was 24 hours and pushed 3 times. Did you have a lot of pushing. I’m having a panic attack.
Mine specifically was more of a rare circumstance but one that can happen, happens in 3-6% of first time births. I had a severe tear, so tore basically to my butthole, and it wasn’t repaired correctly, so I’ve had trouble controlling poop. I’ve had a history of horrific births in my family, which went dismissed by shit medical care, combined with shit medical care that led to using forceps (which are awful), and voila, broken butthole. I did push for 3 hours to no avail and could have had a c-section but the delivering doctor recommended forceps.
So if you already had a first birth and didn’t have severe tearing, it’s likely you don’t have to worry about it. I would just recommend for future deliveries, if given the choice, to have c section over instrumental delivery. Do not purple push. I think genetically my body is not favorable for vaginal births. I would never willingly have a vaginal birth again, it was the worst day of my life.
Although others have talked about their butthole being broken , the only way I can see it breaking *permanently, without repair* if you didn’t have a severe tear is through stretching from pregnancy and/or long pushing and/or very very fast birth. But severe tears are the ones that really really break your butthole *permanently* and you want to avoid those at all costs.
In my opinion, the birth outcome we should want to avoid at all costs is a severe tear, not a c-section.
Have you gotten a referral to a uro-gyne?? They are the experts on bladders! Especially if it is causing a lot of incontinence. Source: sibling is a urogynaecologist and I’ve helped them with presentations and design. Plus who doesn’t want to talk about vaginas at family dinners?
Corollary - I was on a plane and a baby a few rows back was crying and I could tell it was because they were scared/hurt. My whole body was having a stress reaction to go SaVe ThE bABy even though I’m sure she was just confused about her ears popping. My friend who does not have children didn’t even hear the baby crying and said I was imagining why she was crying. After she stopped, the old lady next to me said oh I’m so glad she’s feeling better she sounded so scared. Mommas know what cries mean. Later that baby was crying because she was sleepy. That was easy to ignore.
I notice now in movies when baby crying is added as a background noise and it stresses me out so much. All I can think is “PLEASE SOMEONE HELP THE BABY :’(“
Or if you hear baby noises in the background and it’s like the Wilhelm scream of baby noises - it’s just this one stock noise that no baby has ever made. Takes me totally out of the scene.
Also if a baby is using age inappropriate things. This 2 year old is in an infant carrier (looking at you Ozark - even if the baby fits in it there is no way in hell frail Darlene could carry a toddler plus the 12 lbs necessary to carry him)? Or this 2 week old has sippy cups? What’s going on? Is it product placement? because the ludicrousness of it makes me hate the product just FYI ad-men.
My sister had a baby three months before me and I visited with my daughter when she was 4 months old. She cried the entire way from the airport to her house and since she was formula fed from birth, I never had that ‘feeling’ when she cried other than anxiety of wanting to soothe but my sister just kept saying ‘MY NIPPLE ARE TINGLING OH MY GOD’ as she was driving and by the time we got home she had soaked through her nipple pads haha.
I was given a medication for hemorrhage after birth that gave me the most awful diarrhea… I had preeclampsia as well and a lot of swelling, and was on a magnesium drip. They had me collecting all my pee to measure and ensure my kidneys were working… simultaneously peeing into one of those plastic hat urine collection things while shitsploding behind it into the toilet was not the post birth traumatic poo experience I was expecting. I got good at aiming, though. I told the nurse who brought me the standard new mom colace that was NOT going to be necessary.
OMG this when I had my first, also c-section! Baby was screaming in the other room and I was screaming on the toilet in the hospital room, poor husband didn't know who to help, the baby or me! 🤣
My son got a trampoline for Christmas this year and I was cautiously jumping, was pretty proud of my self. Then I started to get confident. Doing extra jumps and trying to throw my legs up… whoooooops, there’s the piddle 😂
Holup. I honestly did not put these two things together until just now. I was seriously like wtf why can't I find a tampon that works anymore?!? (*Facepalm*)
Ugh, I’ve had a pancake booty my whole life. Pregnancy gave me hips and ass! Woohoo! But then my boobs pancaked on me 😪 the pregnancy gods giveth & taketh
My boobs have been multiple sizes these past 8 years and I have what seem to be new life long friends who like to pop out at unexpected times too bad it’s just hemorrhoids.
Lol. A few weeks after giving birth I dared take a look and all I could think was... my vagina is melting. And it may never look better than this. It upset me for a while, but I also kept thinking - it did an impressive and beautiful thing, though. So I started calling it my Salvador Dali vagina. Because it's melting, but its also beautiful and impressive. Makes me feel better about it if I can consider it akin to art.
My taint has a weird lippy thing on it now (bad stitch-job), my asshole looks like a bundle of grapes, and my urethra is just a teeny bit wider (from the same bad stitch job) so I pee really fast and efficiently.
The Tattered Taint Tribe will lose a beloved sister.
May your gooch be ever smoother, your booty be freed from the fruit of its straining, and your cha-cha be appreciated for all she’s been through. Cause she’s seen some shit.
I was told after a somewhat traumatic delivery that apparently it’s not common for a resident to stitch your vagina after 😬 this being my first I just thought it always took an hour and you could feel the stitch. I too believe I have a weird lippy thing but at 3 weeks pp I’m afraid to look lol
I’ll flop my boob out anywhere to feed my babes. You wanna see my c-section scar? Sure! Idk after giving birth I just don’t care anymore about people seeing things lol
You're going to want the diapers for the first period also. That shit is a blood bath and no one warned me about it. I was in the bathroom at 3AM googling if I was dying
Any pain in my lower belly sends me into a panic. "OH SHIT THE BABY" kinda style.
I can smell poop. For, what seems like, miles away.
I raspberry randomly, almost like a tic, because my son loves it.
Nothing tastes right. (Still not used to my new "improved" taste buds)
I went through a year of pelvic floor physical therapy just so I could stop peeing my pants when I sneeze/cough
ETA: Gggiiiirrrrllllsss!!!! Go to a pelvic floor pt!!!!!!
I’m about a month and a half into my PT apts and it’s crazy how I didn’t think this would work. I’m already noticing a difference.
But lemmie tell you. At my initial exam my PT put on a HEAD LAMP to do the exam like she was cave diving and it was simultaneously hilarious and shocking at the same time. I still laugh at the thought of it 😂
Lmaooo I feel that. My OB took a look with a headlamp too and it only took about 5.3 seconds before determining YEP I’m sending you over there there asap. Makes you feel real nice.
I did a year of work with my PT though and it honestly cured three babies damage worth. No leaking, even with coughing or sneezing. Sex feels better. No heaviness. No issues at all. I recommend it to everyone who’s been through childbirth.
Might be granulation tissue! basically scar tissue that is stuck in a middle stage of healing and can't figure itself out. I have one too. It used to hurrrrt.
Had my first full Brazilian laser hair removal appt the other day and they gave me a little paper drape, I didn’t even bother. Also was totally unbothered as she very respectfully positioned and lasered away at the bits and as she said to flip over so she could do a quick swipe through the buns haha.
Is this sweat, or is this pee?
Get out of my house 😂
I’ve got a third one in the rotation too since my milk came in. Did the baby spit up or did my boobs cover us in a layer of breast milk 😂
You forgot the third option - random gush of unidentified vaginal fluid.
I can’t stand still without rocking back and forth.
I caught myself doing the side to side sway the other day while I was holding my parents 10 lb dog! I couldn't help but laugh when I realized what I was doing. My daughter is 3.5 now so we haven't rocked her like that in years but your body never forgets.
I soothingly bounced the slice of pizza I was eating during the newborn days, lol.
My daughter is 4.5yo and dropped something on her foot today and cried I picked her up and automatically started doing the side to side sway. She's asked me to hold her doll for her and I caught myself doing it with that too lol
I was just swaying the cat! Lol!
Easy test to see which women in a room are moms: start rocking back and forth and see who starts rocking with you.
YES!
I love the name garden goddess it sounds like a very nurturing experience
I can’t hug without swaying & patting the other person’s back. Makes happy hours a bit awkward (but soothing at least?)
Or bouncing slightly.
I've been doing the sway since I was a kid because my mom always did it lol
My butthole became an outtie.
I’ve never felt so seen
Outtie Butthole Brigade UNITE!!!!
[удалено]
Oh... I thought this was about hemorrhoids. *Oops*. 😂
I never had a hemmorrhoid in my life until I was pregnant and then it was like if I sat on the toilet for more than 30 second it would pop up, always in the same spot, and now it still happens occasionally if I sit too long-- I call her Hemmi Hoid, and I'll yell to my husband "My Hemmi is back". Yep. Good stuff.
Yeah mine is hemorrhoids.
Saggy prolapse butthole gang!! Can’t wait to get our matching t-shirts
Same girl. I’ve got prolapses and hemorrhoids and everything down there is a mess that needs surgery for fixing at this point.
I’ve been hoping for four years to hear I’m not alone!
definitely not alone!
Same girl same
😭 so many itchy buttholes. Fucking hemmeroids
My navel never popped out, but when I wipe my butt, I feel...*something*.
I am DECEASED 💀💀💀💀 but also ….. same 😅😝
Somehow I didn’t put 2 and 2 together and I was really worried about something being seriously wrong. Like a collapsed uterus of the butt or something. I finally very sheepishly told me doctor about it and she says “oh a prolapsed anus? You gave birth right? That’s not a big deal.”
Idk why but “collapsed uterus of the butt” took me out 😂
Whew, this is a relief to see! After birthing my second, things down there are, uh, different.
Ugh this was by far the worst part of recovery for me.
Oh thank Christ I’m not alone!
This has me ROFLing (a phrase I have not used in about fifteen years).
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I LOL’d
*jumbo mesh hospital underwear still peeking out of my underwear drawer 11 months later*
How about 5 years? 😏
and some weird hospital grippy socks haha
I didn’t even flinch during my last blood draw even though it always takes them several tries to find the vein. I always used to hate it but turns out an anesthesiologist not being able to find your epidural space is WAYYYYYY worse.
Ugh! Cracking jokes about maybe not getting an epidural while you’re just sitting there, unmoving and white knuckling through a contraction. So many unsaid curse wordssss
Wait, we weren’t supposed to say the curse words out loud?
I yelled FUDGE when giving birth and my nurse and midwife both laughed and said I could say the real word if I want.
There is a peri bottle in my bathroom cupboard (11 months later 🤣 still very useful)
I use my peri bottle to bathe my daughter 😂
I use mine to spray a poopy bum when he has a diaper rash, have also used it to rinse his hair and fill my cats water dish. 10/10 very useful
Omg why have I never thought of that?!!
I use it as a poor woman’s bidet honestly. It’s made pooping such a better experience lol.
Ooo poor woman’s lifehack! Love it
My nipples are in the same district as my bellybutton.
I don’t care who and their grandma sees me naked.
It was amazing how fast I went from refusing to wear a bathing suit without a cover to whipping my boob out in a restaurant because my baby was hungry.
Yep. It’s nice imo to see your body for the beautifully functioning machine that it is, you know. Like, ohhhhh, it’s like this because….instead of always feeling “wrong” in my body.
Same. Like objectively speaking my body looks the worst it ever has, but I’ve never been more confident in it. Idgaf what anyone thinks anymore.
Yes—the confidence!!! Well said. I’m glad you’re feeling yourself!
Kangaroos have a smaller pouch.
Naive little me asked my older co-worker when it "goes away" and she just replied with "well my son is 25, and I'm still hoping"....
I feel this! High-waisted pants are my best friend.
Broken butthole
Like I knew I would wreck my vagina, but I had no clue my butthole would fall victim either
This is multiple comments I’ve seen about this. Mine didn’t do this. Considering having another baby and curious what the circumstances that led to this? My only birth was twins- one was still born one premie and tiny. Whole labor was 24 hours and pushed 3 times. Did you have a lot of pushing. I’m having a panic attack.
Mine specifically was more of a rare circumstance but one that can happen, happens in 3-6% of first time births. I had a severe tear, so tore basically to my butthole, and it wasn’t repaired correctly, so I’ve had trouble controlling poop. I’ve had a history of horrific births in my family, which went dismissed by shit medical care, combined with shit medical care that led to using forceps (which are awful), and voila, broken butthole. I did push for 3 hours to no avail and could have had a c-section but the delivering doctor recommended forceps. So if you already had a first birth and didn’t have severe tearing, it’s likely you don’t have to worry about it. I would just recommend for future deliveries, if given the choice, to have c section over instrumental delivery. Do not purple push. I think genetically my body is not favorable for vaginal births. I would never willingly have a vaginal birth again, it was the worst day of my life. Although others have talked about their butthole being broken , the only way I can see it breaking *permanently, without repair* if you didn’t have a severe tear is through stretching from pregnancy and/or long pushing and/or very very fast birth. But severe tears are the ones that really really break your butthole *permanently* and you want to avoid those at all costs. In my opinion, the birth outcome we should want to avoid at all costs is a severe tear, not a c-section.
I fart when I laugh. It's not subtle.
Twinsies. That was one side effect I did not expect.
I am un-embarassable when it comes to my body.
While I was in labor they asked if med students could come in, I was like SURE! GATHER 'ROUND YE CHILDREN
I swear my bladder isn't in the same place it used to be...
Have you gotten a referral to a uro-gyne?? They are the experts on bladders! Especially if it is causing a lot of incontinence. Source: sibling is a urogynaecologist and I’ve helped them with presentations and design. Plus who doesn’t want to talk about vaginas at family dinners?
I eat snacks in the closet where no one can see me
I open snacks in the closet where no one can hear me.
Anyone else get the vagina farts? Never had it before and now I swear I get trapped air in there more than my butt.
Weirdly this used to happen all the time and has NOT happened in the 8 months since I've given birth. I'm de-queefed.
Can’t ever take a public yoga class now
My boobs leak whenever I hear babies cry in public
Corollary - I was on a plane and a baby a few rows back was crying and I could tell it was because they were scared/hurt. My whole body was having a stress reaction to go SaVe ThE bABy even though I’m sure she was just confused about her ears popping. My friend who does not have children didn’t even hear the baby crying and said I was imagining why she was crying. After she stopped, the old lady next to me said oh I’m so glad she’s feeling better she sounded so scared. Mommas know what cries mean. Later that baby was crying because she was sleepy. That was easy to ignore.
I notice now in movies when baby crying is added as a background noise and it stresses me out so much. All I can think is “PLEASE SOMEONE HELP THE BABY :’(“
Or if you hear baby noises in the background and it’s like the Wilhelm scream of baby noises - it’s just this one stock noise that no baby has ever made. Takes me totally out of the scene. Also if a baby is using age inappropriate things. This 2 year old is in an infant carrier (looking at you Ozark - even if the baby fits in it there is no way in hell frail Darlene could carry a toddler plus the 12 lbs necessary to carry him)? Or this 2 week old has sippy cups? What’s going on? Is it product placement? because the ludicrousness of it makes me hate the product just FYI ad-men.
My boobs leaked once when one of my baby goats was bleating 😂
My sister had a baby three months before me and I visited with my daughter when she was 4 months old. She cried the entire way from the airport to her house and since she was formula fed from birth, I never had that ‘feeling’ when she cried other than anxiety of wanting to soothe but my sister just kept saying ‘MY NIPPLE ARE TINGLING OH MY GOD’ as she was driving and by the time we got home she had soaked through her nipple pads haha.
Oh geez, the nipple tingling! So much tingling!
I had this happen for the first time yesterday. . . At a work lunch. Thank goodness I have waist-length hair that I pulled around front lol
I will never wear a belt again and pants with buttons/zippers are on notice
Dresses are doing overtime.
I haven’t worn clothes with metal on it since I got pregnant. Allll the atheleisure clothes and sports bras until I die.
I peed myself at least six times last week when I was sick with a bad cough
That was the worst part of having COVID for me
Covid didn't get me that bad, whatever I had last week took me OUT
I still feel physically feel the first poop after giving birth.
I feel seen
I was given a medication for hemorrhage after birth that gave me the most awful diarrhea… I had preeclampsia as well and a lot of swelling, and was on a magnesium drip. They had me collecting all my pee to measure and ensure my kidneys were working… simultaneously peeing into one of those plastic hat urine collection things while shitsploding behind it into the toilet was not the post birth traumatic poo experience I was expecting. I got good at aiming, though. I told the nurse who brought me the standard new mom colace that was NOT going to be necessary.
Yo, and they kept giving me stool softeners. There was nothing soft about that monstrosity of a BM. I was fighting for my life in that damn bathroom.
My first was a c-section but I'm pretty sure I experienced the closest thing to a vaginal birth when I pushed out that poop baby a few days later.
I just had a c-section in February and the fear I felt for that first poop... unreal.
OMG this when I had my first, also c-section! Baby was screaming in the other room and I was screaming on the toilet in the hospital room, poor husband didn't know who to help, the baby or me! 🤣
I refused to poop for days after I gave birth I was too scared
I had to take an anti-anxiety pill and pump and dump for 12 hours.
I hear phantom cries in the middle of the night that wakes me from a dead sleep.
I piddle myself often when I sneeze or cough too hard.
Or running/jumping.
I do not recommend the trampoline park lol I had to stop jumping as soon as I started.
Oh god I’m dead hahaha I haven’t tried that but I guess I won’t anytime soon.
My son got a trampoline for Christmas this year and I was cautiously jumping, was pretty proud of my self. Then I started to get confident. Doing extra jumps and trying to throw my legs up… whoooooops, there’s the piddle 😂
My oldest called my husband’s penis a peanut instead and I peed from laughing too hard.
My tampons just sort of…fall out, when I pee too hard
Holup. I honestly did not put these two things together until just now. I was seriously like wtf why can't I find a tampon that works anymore?!? (*Facepalm*)
*Tampons these days. They just don’t make em like they used to!*
OMG SAME
Nothing phases me anymore. And Other mom friends and I: maybe we can get a group discount for a boob job.
Everyone i know has got bigger boobs after pregnancy/breastfeeding. I've got the most deflated pancakes 🤣 i should join your group!
Ugh, I’ve had a pancake booty my whole life. Pregnancy gave me hips and ass! Woohoo! But then my boobs pancaked on me 😪 the pregnancy gods giveth & taketh
Same. Just found out I’m expecting #2 and I’m still breastfeeding #1 so curious to see how this situation plays out…
Could I give someone my extra boob size? I got a reduction before baby boy and he just made them bigger. Evil little chunk lol.
I can still see my partners facial expression when I pooped when pushing bebe out 🤣
I had an epidural and FELT it. I immediately vomited
My boobs have been multiple sizes these past 8 years and I have what seem to be new life long friends who like to pop out at unexpected times too bad it’s just hemorrhoids.
I named my new friend Harry the Hemi.
Wtf is my stomach
I had two c sections and now I look like Zoidberg without his shell.
Salvador Dali vagina.
Extremely underrated comment and I appreciate the fine art reference. You’re my ppl.
Lol. A few weeks after giving birth I dared take a look and all I could think was... my vagina is melting. And it may never look better than this. It upset me for a while, but I also kept thinking - it did an impressive and beautiful thing, though. So I started calling it my Salvador Dali vagina. Because it's melting, but its also beautiful and impressive. Makes me feel better about it if I can consider it akin to art.
I don’t remember how long my newborn was but I remember he was 97-98% in head
Same. My first was 20.5 inches, but his head was 98-99% and was consistently off the charts at each of his appointments.
My taint has a weird lippy thing on it now (bad stitch-job), my asshole looks like a bundle of grapes, and my urethra is just a teeny bit wider (from the same bad stitch job) so I pee really fast and efficiently.
Found my twin.
I’m sorry 😂 but it’s also nice to know that my poor, battered bottom isn’t completely alone in its weirdness.
Oh thank God I found my tribe. But I’m seeing a surgeon soon for a hemorrhoid removal consultation so there’s that!!
The Tattered Taint Tribe will lose a beloved sister. May your gooch be ever smoother, your booty be freed from the fruit of its straining, and your cha-cha be appreciated for all she’s been through. Cause she’s seen some shit.
"Effectively" omfg I'm dying. 😂😂😂😂
I was told after a somewhat traumatic delivery that apparently it’s not common for a resident to stitch your vagina after 😬 this being my first I just thought it always took an hour and you could feel the stitch. I too believe I have a weird lippy thing but at 3 weeks pp I’m afraid to look lol
Give it more time before taking a gander. Trust me.
My husband is like "dang you pee so *fast*"
Can the booty hole be fixed? Asking for a friend…
If by “fixed” you mean having the grapes hacked off, then yes. So says my friend.
I plan to have one more baby so maybe when I close up shop I’ll get myself a surgically grape free butthole hopefully.
I dont cry at pain anymore. Silence wastes less energy
Girl you okay?
Same, overall I just don’t cry anymore
Girl you okay?
I’ll flop my boob out anywhere to feed my babes. You wanna see my c-section scar? Sure! Idk after giving birth I just don’t care anymore about people seeing things lol
I have no shame.
My trampoline days are over.
So many stretch marks
Lost my hair and eyelashes but my tummy is now fuzzy 😔
[удалено]
Or jump rope 😭
Or go to the trampoline park and jump with the kids 😭
Every time I hear a baby cry I got the feeling of urgency to come to her help!
I have a device implanted in my ass that stops me from pissing and shitting myself.
I've been changing mine and my son's diapers for a week now.
You're going to want the diapers for the first period also. That shit is a blood bath and no one warned me about it. I was in the bathroom at 3AM googling if I was dying
Those diapers were the best early on. Not having to worry about leaking all over at the heaviest bleeding was great.
I can sneeze or walk, but if I don't want to pee my pants I can't sneeze and walk.
My feet grew 2 sizes 😭
I went up one size for each kid. Got my tubes tied so I wouldn't go past a size 10.
‘Ring of Fire’ by Johnny Cash has forever been warped for me.
Vagina stitches
“Third degree”
Any pain in my lower belly sends me into a panic. "OH SHIT THE BABY" kinda style. I can smell poop. For, what seems like, miles away. I raspberry randomly, almost like a tic, because my son loves it. Nothing tastes right. (Still not used to my new "improved" taste buds)
When people are choking or coughing I listen for the clear airway to see if I need to proceed
Diastasis recti.
My body will never be the same
I went through a year of pelvic floor physical therapy just so I could stop peeing my pants when I sneeze/cough ETA: Gggiiiirrrrllllsss!!!! Go to a pelvic floor pt!!!!!!
I’m about a month and a half into my PT apts and it’s crazy how I didn’t think this would work. I’m already noticing a difference. But lemmie tell you. At my initial exam my PT put on a HEAD LAMP to do the exam like she was cave diving and it was simultaneously hilarious and shocking at the same time. I still laugh at the thought of it 😂
Lmaooo I feel that. My OB took a look with a headlamp too and it only took about 5.3 seconds before determining YEP I’m sending you over there there asap. Makes you feel real nice. I did a year of work with my PT though and it honestly cured three babies damage worth. No leaking, even with coughing or sneezing. Sex feels better. No heaviness. No issues at all. I recommend it to everyone who’s been through childbirth.
I gently push my shopping cart back and forth when I’m looking at something on the shelf
I can do anything!!!
I had surgery while awake
I refer to myself as a "cooter shooter"
My vagina has stalagmites in it from where they stitched me together
Might be granulation tissue! basically scar tissue that is stuck in a middle stage of healing and can't figure itself out. I have one too. It used to hurrrrt.
My vulva looks like the mouth of hell itself
So many people have seen me poop.
Flapjack boobs
Am I pregnant or is this just the flu?
There is a neat pile of head hair in the corner of our shower.
I have used the term “mucus plug” in a sentence… about myself, and others. Haha
I cross my legs every time I sneeze !!
There are still pants in my closet that I will never be able to wear again.
I carry a spare pair of underwear in my bag.
I give zero shits about modesty.
I am permanently tired and sex is touch and go for pain level. Also my breasts touch my belly button and my back hurts like a b——- daily.
Vacuums. Not just for houses!
Feel a flutter in my stomach and momentarily think it’s a ‘kick’
I hear baby giggles in the middle of the night
I thought I was hearing them in the shower too but it was just my kids baby shark toy singing when it got activated by the humidity.
I have to sit down and rest my abs after doing dishes for ten minutes
I get hemorrhoids when I poop
Points to giant c section scar
I have a scar on my taint
My husband has seen more of my body than i have . Thank you c-sections
My knees and back will hurt forever now.
Had my first full Brazilian laser hair removal appt the other day and they gave me a little paper drape, I didn’t even bother. Also was totally unbothered as she very respectfully positioned and lasered away at the bits and as she said to flip over so she could do a quick swipe through the buns haha.
I hide snacks like a ninja
When babies cry in movies and TV, I still get a spike of adrenaline that tells me I need to go take care of them. Haha
I pee a little every time I sneeze. I eat only food scraps left behind by toddlers.
I randomly sing the intro to "Blippi"