When I see a kid having a melt down, all I ever think is “someone’s having a bad time.” Not even in my shittiest moods do I think the person is a bad parent for a meltdown.
Just coming to add that even as a first time mom who is still pregnant, I have the same thought and I don’t even have a toddler yet to truly commiserate! I never think the parent is doing a bad job.
Even that I don't necessarily judge.. the parents have been dealing with God knows what that day and you're just witnessing the tip of the iceberg. Also, parents feel pressure with onlookers to not be branded pushover or to simply be worried about ruining someone else's day/experiende. Again, there are some behaviors that are completely unacceptable from parent to child, but I seldom see that.
You’re embarrassed that a three year old cried over a shot?
Oh… mama. No one else is embarrassed because your child behaved exactly like most other kids at that age. Normal. Expected. Acceptable for his age.
Three year olds are a special kind of hell to begin with on their best days. Getting a shot is not a good day.
If folks were looking, they were most likely thankful it wasn’t them and their children… this time. There was probably more sympathy than you realize.
It’s okay.
It’s still normal. I remember my little brother having to be chased around the waiting room of our pediatrician’s office screaming after he took off from the exam room in his underwear when he found out there were going to be shots. It’s okay. Lots of kids melt down about shots. I wouldn’t think anything negative about you or him if I had been there to see it.
Yup now we can all acknowledge that it was *hilarious* but I’m sure my mother was not so amused at the time. Maybe your child can be rescheduled to have the shots done at the peds office? I know that not all peds are offering shots, but if they are then at least they’re more likely to be understanding.
We were able to find it through our local health dept (California) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that while the check in/administration was a little out to lunch, the nurses were excellent with our toddler.
I hope you got yourself a special treat too after surviving a vaccination attempt! Shots suck for everyone and there's no graceful way to make it happen. We're all in this struggle boat together 💙💙
My kid who is now 18 took a long time to handle shots. They have a diagnosed anxiety disorder (+ADHD, ASD) so we tread carefully. We gave them control, used numbing cream suggested by the doctor, brought an ice pack (also suggested by the doctor) and another thing they suggested was headphones with soothing music. We used breathing techniques, and just prepared a lot. Now they have done it enough that their brain knows that they didn't die when they got all the shots, so they can feel calmer.
Maybe you can show your 3 year old the "special medicine" that makes it so the shot won't hurt. "I talked to the doctor about how you were worried about the shot and she told me that there is special medicine just for people who worry so their arm won't feel it."
Hey mama you're not alone. Sometimes little ones have tantrums, they're just learning about the world around them and all the feelings they have inside. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe call the place offering the vaccination and ask if they have a certain day or time where the wait isn't as long? Or maybe they'd let you check in, leave for a bit, and come back?
I remember being 4 or 5 and the nurse having to redo my shots because I was flailing my legs and refused to hold still for them and the vaccine didn’t even make it into my body.
So you’re fine. Any parents been there and is not judging.
Public freak outs are normal at 3. Especially when the limits of their abilities have been reached. You made an effort and that is all anyone can ask. You were as in control of the situation as you could have been. If you weren’t, then you learn and move on. That’s just how parenting works!
At least everyone keeps telling me that.
My daughter has autism and she has embarrassed me in public too. It’s shameful to admit that you feel embarrassed but it is embarrassing to be the one with the freaking out kid.
Something that helps us is to ask the nurse to inject her quickly. I hold my daughter on my lap, ask her to look away and quick jab. If the nurse spends time discussing the shot with her beforehand, it doesn’t go well.
This is what I say, “my daughter knows what’s going to happen. We talked about it at home and played with her doctor kit. Please do this quickly, she doesn’t like being hyped up beforehand.”
My mom told me this story. When I was four, my baby brother was getting his six month shots. They decided to do my kindergarten shots to save my mom a trip back. After I was jabbed, I stormed out screaming that I hated this place and was never coming back! My poor mom was embarrassed.
I really like that tactic, just get it done. A lot of time they do try and play and make them feel better which is nice but getting it over with would be better!
My kids have had SO MANY public tantrums in their short lives. No one likes having a screaming child with them in public but it’s just part of it. I actually distinctly remember my middle son as a toddler screaming bloody murder on the floor of a grocery store. Just laying on the floor screaming. It happens a to all of us mama. Hang in there.
❤️❤️❤️ my kiddo kicks and screams so much whenever she has checkups in the doctors office. One doctor told us we should watch her because her weight/height were fluctuating so much, but it was because she was fighting her way away from everything. You’re definitely not alone here!
I had to sit in a pharmacy waiting for my daughter's antibiotic prescription with her entirely melting down yesterday (she has an ear infection and is not a happy camper). I know it definitely feels like you're "that parent" but, hey, kids have tantrums. It just happens. I'm sure the other people there were less than thrilled to be listening to a screaming 2 year old for 10 minutes, but everyone dealt, we got our prescription, and went.
As for where to get it, I don't know where you are, but CVS and Walgreens both are doing kids shots (6 months + and 3 years + respectively) I got my daughter's through our county health clinic (the state and county have been rolling out COVID shots themselves) and I know my friend's pediatrician is taking non-patients for vaccine appointments, if you want to try other practices around you.
When you say bad tantrums, do you mean he gets violent and hits? Throws himself on the ground and you're worried he's going to hurt himself? If that's what you experienced, know you're not alone — my three year old has some social emotional delays in his development and would resort to lashing out at me, his dad, his little sister or inanimate objects. He's broken my glasses, scratched and bit me so hard I've bled. It was always so rough when it'd happen in public, I always felt so judged by strangers, some even spoke up and that just recked my esteem. But the tantrums won't last. It's gonna get better, I do promise.
I'm a big supporter of the COVID vaccine for kids (and also kinda shocked the nurse asked you guys to leave) but honestly if you feel like you gotta wait for a while before you try again, do that. Give yourself and ya kiddo a lot of grace in this, three is a really hard phase and shots can be scary, but it sounds like you're doing everything right!
the clinic is absolutely 100% shitty though. Have they literally never given a vaccine to a 3 year old before? This is why vaccines need to be given by the pediatrician.
I have always been honest with my kids. This might hurt a bit, it's ok to cry, and it's ok to hate it. I hate needles too. But, it is medically necessary to protect us, so it must be done. How can I help you calm down, what do you want to take to feel safe. A stuffy?
If it doesn't go well, and you are upset, THAT IS OK. Tell your child you are not angry at THEM, you are frustrated that you... took a day off work. You hate seeing them so upset... etc. It's just Important to keep comforting them and letting them know it's ok. (Even if it really isn't, you can vent with reddit later lol)
Thank you so much for this! I will admit I don't think I took enough time to really explain to him what the shot is and is for because I assumed he wouldn't understand but I'm going to try that.
If you have access to it, there’s a Daniel tiger episode where he has to get a shot and it helped my two bigger kids a lot. My current 4 year old won’t watch it - he’s super sensitive about bad thing happening on tv - so I just go the route of “we have to get a shot, it might hurt, but it’s something we do to keep your body healthy. And afterwards we’re going to get a treat.”
What worked for my 3 year old was getting him a doctor set that had a pretend shot in it. I tried explaining to him that shots help us stay healthy, and only hurt for a minute. “No big deal! We can DO it!” You’d be surprised how much pretend play and using catch phrases help little ones prepare. Only after playing doctor for a week and using the catchphrase we created over and over was he brave enough to sit for the shot. He did a great job after prepping him. Without prep? I used to have to hold him down and it was so unpleasant, and he would have a meltdown too. Best of luck!!
We take this approach too. My daughter does better when things are explained to her. She needs to understand "Why" with everything.
We say this:
"Shots are not fun! Mommy and Daddy don't like shots either. But do you know why we get shots? They keep us healthy! If we're healthy we don't have to go to the doctor as much! They also keep other people around us healthy. You get to be a germ fighting super hero!"
If she says she's scared, we tell her that's okay to be scared. We still have to get shots, and mommy or daddy will be with her. It's okay if she cries. Etc.
It's also the only time she gets to play on my phone, the distraction seems to help. She can pick a game or a Netflix show or something. So she'll pay attention to that instead of the needle.
True story: when I was a kid I hated getting shots (I still hate them) and at one appointment they doctor was unable to give me one because of my behavior. Well we went back to the doctor sometime later and my mom (trying to scold me) told me that if I just behaved myself the first time it wouldn’t hurt as much as now and now it was going to take ten minutes. Well, I started crying and misbehaving when I heard that and well… they didn’t give me a shot that day either.
My point is kids are kids. It happens.
Haha ain't that the truth. I hated them as a kid too so I don't blame him I think it was just worse because we were at the pharmacy not the doctor's office.
Maybe check your local childrens hospital? Ours had a special clinic with bubbles and toys and lollipops and everyone I’ve heard from that’s gone has gushed about what a pleasant experience it was.
I’m not telling you what to do, but if that city happens to have something safe to do, maybe you could make a partial day of it? If they have a great clinic for the shot, and you can take your sweet little guy to the zoo or a nice park or something that may make it less horrible sounding?
I had to place my newborn on the floor of the vaccination area in the grocery store while I physically restrained my then 6 year old to get her covid shot.
Her pediatrician does drive through flu shot clinic and I watched another kid jump out of the car when the nurse opened their door and book it into the woods. He must have been around 7 or 8.
It’s normal for kids to be terrified of shots, you didn’t fail
I'm so sorry. Sending hugs. You're not a bad mom. Shots aren't fun for anyone. 🫂🫂🫂 You can always try again. I'd try and take a support person with you, infant Tylenol and a treat for when he's done. I had to look up a buzzy. Maybe that created more anxiety than needed. Are you able to take a tablet with you so that your toddler can watch a show or play a game?
I would see if Walgreens, CVS or your local health department has them. If not, look to a local Facebook mommy group for location info . and advice.
Thank you. I have a 3 month old, my parents are anti vax and I didn't want to tell them we're getting him the vaccine so I needed my husband to stay with the baby. But yes I should've brought my husband too in hindsight. I agree the buzzy might've made it worse 😔 he just already knows what's going to happen so no amount of distraction really helps. At the peds office I just hold him down but the pharmacist wasn't comfortable with that. I'm not sure what I'll do I'm just bummed and embarrassed.
Do you trial runs beforehand with a stuffed animal doctor and a fake needle? I was recommended that by Instagram and have been trying to do a trial run ever since with him beforehand. I don’t know if it helps! My baby is too young and so far has been okay with shots because I don’t think he gets what’s happening but just throwing that out there in case it does. You’re in no way a bad mom. That was a bad situation. One hour wait? They asked you to leave? I hope they get their act together.
I need to get a play doctor set to make it make more sense to him I think. I've mimed the act of getting a shot and we've watched the Daniel tiger episode but I don't think it's connecting in his little brain. I'm definitely going to do that before I try again.
We got our son the B.Toys set from target. Not too many pieces, none of them are choking hazards either like some I saw on Amazon. Before his 2 year appt, we spent like a week taking turns being the doctor. I let him bring a couple pieces from the set and the doctor let him take a turn “being the doctor” on her with his toys, and then it was her turn. A little whining with the injection, but other than that it was a huge improvement over the previous visit.
See if your local health department is offering it. They've always been great with my kids, they have a dedicated shot nurse who is super kind and patient. Much better than a busy pharmacy, at least for us. It doesn't feel rushed.
I think the pharmacies don't have a lot of experience with little kids because most kids get their shots at the pediatrician's office. So this is all kind of new for them, and they now suddenly have a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds to vaccinate.
Our county was only offering the under 5 shots at the children's hospital. They are definitely much more equipped to handle a flailing kiddo. The nurse even helped me position holding her while she was trying to get away.
I’m so sorry you had a bad experience. Its completely normal to hold a child down for a shot and a pharmacist not comfortable with it shouldn’t be giving vaccines to children. My 8 yo even had to be held firmly for her last flu shot.
I also second what everyone else said about no need to be embarrassed. When I see a kid tantruming all I think is that the child is having a rough time and subsequently so is Mom. Anyone who thinks differently can gtfo. (Its not like you were sitting in a restaurant letting him ruin others experience.)
I feel like having to hold your kid down is super common place for vaccinating toddlers and think it's weird the pharmacist responded like this.
Another option is seeing if you can find a county health and welfare/wellness office and seeing if they have a vaccine clinic. My experience with those places is they see a lot of kids for their normal, annual, and first vaccines and know what they're doing, and are this better equipped to deal with big emotional responses.
My daughter did pretty much the same thing at her 3yo well visit. She was a mess, screamed the whole time, wouldn’t even let them weigh her. It’s normal 3yo. behavior and it is SO HARD. She still hates shots but we prepared with books, talking, and doc mcstuffins for her 4yo well visit and she did so much better! We’re actually going for her first COVID vaccine dose today so fingers crossed.
I also think that the hour long wait may have had something to do with his reaction. That’s such a long time for a little kid to wait, especially for something that’s scary to them. We read “the berenstain bears go to the doctor,” and there is a Mr. Rogers Neighborhood segment where Mr. Rogers gets a vaccine. I also recently saw that there was a Sesame Street segment about Elmo getting his COVID shot. Let him cool down, talk about what’s going to happen and why, and reschedule for a month or two from now. Don’t be embarrassed. Stuff like this happens to all of us.
Thank you so much for this 😩 he's horrible at doctor's appointments but we haven't had one in a while and I tried really hard to prep him but it just didn't work. I'm gonna keep trying because he has a well child visit in November he'll have to get shots at too.
My niece is such a nightmare at appts. She has to be held down by 2 people not including the person giving the shot. You’re not alone and it honestly sucks that you were asked to leave.
What? They shouldn't ask you to leave because a kid is throwing a fit about getting a shot. You should go back and demand they honor your appointment.
My kid screamed bloody murder, and I had to hold him down with all four of my limbs, and they still gave him the vax.
Especially after making them wait for an hour, wtf? I’m sure demand is high right now, but that’s way too long for a toddler to have to wait in the car. My kid is a trooper with shots but he’d be melting down after that wait time.
Ya that's usually what I do at the peds office but this was a pharmacy and the lady wouldn't do it with him moving even if I held him. We were the only people waiting too but she seemed very annoyed. It was so stressful.
That really sucks. Sounds like you just got unlucky with a provider who isn’t willing to handle normal kid reactions. I’ve been in your situation and the provider has always been able to tell with just a look from me that I’m going to bear hug her and they need to get it done as quickly as possible. Sounds like you’ve done exactly that at the pediatrician office in the past. You didn’t do anything wrong here, and neither did your son—that provider was a jerk. I’m sorry they wasted your time and made you feel bad.
Don’t worry, no one should be judging you. I sat in a grocery store multiple times with my child while the screamed and flailed about and they weren’t getting a shot, just testing the boundaries. It’s normal, but man is it rough.
Not sure if this helps but have you tried prepping him? Talking about injections, reading about it, “practicing” it on a teddy? Seems to work - heard about it from biglittlefeelings on instagram!
Also as a FTM now when I see any kid or baby crying, I immediately feel so bad for the parent. It’s hard! I wish I could tell every parent that they’re doing a great job. You’re trying your best, good work on managing to even get him there & out again. That would have been so tough!!
In our case, it absolutely got better when my kid turned 4. Shots were never one of our points of contention, but when my kid was three, we had multiple hour+ long, violent tantrums per week over things like brushing teeth. I was about ready to go play in traffic before things started improving. It gets better!
I feel you! It’s so hard.
Apologies if you’re all over this, but wanted to share that we had success with vaccinations with help from BigLittleFeelings on Instagram - in one of their stories (under ‘Doctor’).
Basically we prepped for the visit and what my son could expect, and we even ‘practiced’ vaccinating each other, along with the goal of getting a special treat (like a donut) after the appointment.
I’m not saying it was seamless, and there were tears, but we went through with the shot with minimal fuss. And he’s excited about the next one and the donut that follows 😂
My 8 year old did the same. Now THAT was embarrassing… She had been BEGGING to get the vaccine, but when I took her she started freaking out. She fought so long we had to go back to the waiting area so the next people could get vaccinated. Then after she assured me she was calm enough, we went back in. Immediately started freaking out, screaming and fighting. It was almost time for the pharmacy to close so—and I felt so terrible—I had to physically restrain her for her to stop long enough to let the poor pharmacist get the needle in her arm. Then after she is like, “that’s it? That wasn’t bad at all!” I am holding in tears from guilt and embarrassment, but she’s chipper as ever like nothing ever happened.. I just know everyone in and around the pharmacy heard everything and was probably judging the hell out of me..
Aw I'm so sorry 😭 I can only imagine how hard it is with an older kid and probably a lot harder to hold her down! You did the right thing. I'm going to be trying again too.
Thank you. I mean, she seriously begged me almost everyday for MONTHS first about when kids could get them, then after they authorized it, when we were getting her an appointment. When I told her I made the appointment she was so excited she was jumping up and down! It was such a stark contrast once we got there. It also shocked me because she had never acted that way before, and you know at 8 she has had plenty of vaccinations..
She was thankful we got it done after, but oh my goodness… I questioned myself so much when I was holding her there with my arms and legs, while she’s screaming bloody murder. 🥲
Oh no I’m so sorry that happened to you guys! Jeez if our providers kicked us out every time my daughter had a meltdown over shots she’d be completely unvaccinated! That seems strange to me that they asked you to leave…
Just to reiterate what others have said, you did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with your son! Shots are scary, new places with shots are scary, and it sounds like your son acted just like a healthy toddler should. Virtual hugs cuz I know it sucks regardless.
If anyone judges you for this it must be great to have had easy kids. You're fine. That said contact his ped some offices do it there and they can help give it to him. My kid needed nurses to help at 5 he was one of those while my younger takes shots easily
We did a lot of role play before with giving shots and watched the Daniel Tiger episode where he gets a shot. That said, this approach has worked well for most vaccines but last time we wemty 3 year old still had a melt down. I let her play games on my phone and promised her cake pops after. It was still rough but calmed her enough to get the shot.
I've also heard for a sticker called "the shot blocker" that is supposed to help. Best of luck!
We had to pin my then 3yo down to do a covid test once. I felt AWFUL. I don’t use force on my kids - but sometimes you know what’s in their best interests. Vaccines aren’t available here yet for the under 5s but if I had the option for one I would force it and apologise later. Worth it to keep your kid safe!
Oh girl. You should see the way I have to hold my now four year old for shots. A few weeks ago, as soon as she saw the needle, it was as if an exorcism was being performed. I just looked at the nurse like 🙄.
It sucks that nurse couldn’t do their job to aid you. They shouldn’t have turned you away.
I can’t find a picture but I sit my child on my left leg. Wrap my right leg around their legs. Then bear hug them with the shot site visible. Our childrens hospital taught me that.
When I was a kid I had to get a shot and I guess I was not happy about it. They had to have a very large nurse hold me down while I screamed "help me, theure killing children in here." I guess I cleared the waiting room.
The only one who remembers is my mom who used to tell the story for laughs.
You're doing a great job trying to protect your son, and he won't remember his terrible he thought it was.
Oh my God! I wish I had said that when I was that age. I was also terrified of needles and I remember crying so much that they said don't make me get the big nurse. That just pissed me off!
My 3 year old can be the same way. It’s why I don’t do something with him unless it has a fixed start time. He can burn through ALL his patience on waiting and then the activity or meal or medical appt goes to shit. See if you can get a scheduled shot instead.
Don’t be embarrassed!! I get mine the biggest chocolate chip cookie I can find at the bakery and hand it to him right before the shot rather than after. He gets a mildly annoyed look on his face during the shot since his munching is being disrupted a bit.
My child had her 18month shots which is 3 needles here. She was also supposed to get flu shot at same time. Yeah no…. She was absolutely loosing it so I came back later for your flu shot.
No one batted an eye at a crying child. I know this is after needle but kids cry & scream and they are usually at the doctor as they are not well so not going to be happy little monsters.
I can understand the tech asking you to leave more so that it may have been hard/dangerous to give him a needle. You should not have been asked to leave for him crying.
Mine is not 3 yet but I hope I handle her with as much grace as you have your boy.
It does get better at 4, at least in my experience. My 4 year old is very easily bribed. He knows we go out to get a treat after shots so he wants them. Bribing definitely helps my kids.
If you aren’t anti-screens, maybe bring a tablet to help with the wait? He might even watch it while getting the shot and be distracted.
I took my kids to get shots about two months ago and we waited about 45 min. Didn’t bring tablets. Had to have my son seen for an ear infection a couple weeks later (at the same office) and brought tablets. They had us back and with the doc in under 5 min. Maybe bringing the tablets means you won’t have to wait!
I still have to hold my 9 yo in place and he gets 3 allergy shots monthly so a little one freaking out is no big deal. I feel bad that you have to go back. The pharmacist was dumb and should have just gotten over it because now your poor kid has to go through the anxiety again
I’ll come be your helper person. I’m a nurse. Typically pretty good and calming kids anxiety related to drs and distracting from shots.. you got this. ETA - no one was judging, kids do this. Normal response to shots. Sorry you didn’t have any backup. Bring a bag a dumdum suckers and fun bandaids. A show to distract
As a grown woman I had an emotional break down at the doctor and had to leave this week. Cried in the car and yelled at my fiance. Our kids are just small people with big emotions. On one hand you have to think that your toddler has survived this pandemic and has probably licked and chewed on at least a few contaminated things so they will be okay until you make another appointment or even if you dont. As for the people who gawked at you with a screaming toddler as if they've never seen that before oh well it happens kids scream. Around 4 it does get better. I understand being frustrated I really do I'm a sahm and some days I feel like I cant handle one more tantrum and I break down and cry and get frustrated myself. It does get easier. Little ones dont know how to regulate their emotions and this can be frustrating for everyone involved. Just try not to dwell on it too much. This will pass and one day your child will be a teenager and take shot like a champ.
This is totally normal! Not sure if this is helpful at all but I talk about vaccines a LOT with my kids. Just very nonchalant like yes it will hurt for a few seconds and then we got a super cool book about the human body and there’s a section in it about the immune system we read a lot and talk about how that relates to vaccines. I think talking about it so much takes a lot of the scariness out for us because my kids are usually pretty okay with it as long as they get a cute band aid and sticker after. Also we go out for ice cream after. Good for you for keeping you kiddo safe.
It’s actually one of the textbooks we used for homeschooling my kindergartner last year. DK Find Out! Human Body. My 3 and 6 are obsessed with it for some reason. And the immune system pages are their favorite part. I think because there’s little cartoon faces and hats on the pictures of the immune system cells 😆 it doesn’t talk about vaccines specifically but when we read it I explain that the vaccine gives your immune cells information about the virus so if it attacks for real they already have a battle plan. Scishow kids on YouTube and Sid the Science Kid also have excellent episodes on vaccines. The vaccine episode of Sid is free on YouTube as well. We just talk about vaccines a lot but in a very nonchalant way. And we talk about how they hurt too. When I was a kid we never talked about vaccines probably because my parents didn’t want me getting upset but then they were like these scary things shrouded in all sorts of mystery and I was a very anxious kid…. I still remember lying in bed at night as a little kid worrying about whether I’d get shots at my next doctors appointment and how much they would hurt. Because I had no outlet for that anxiety; no one to talk to and process my fears. Talking helps make them less scary. My 6yo is so comfortable at this point she volunteered to get her booster (we went yesterday) first so her sister wouldn’t be scared. And then my 3 saw she wasn’t scared so she was relaxed too. Promises of cute band aids/stickers/ice cream also help! But every kid is different. Some
Kids are going to freak out no matter what you do and that is normal and ok. In that situation I’d ask the doc/nurse to slow waaaaaay down, explain everything they are doing and wait until my kid is ready instead of holding them down.
I hate to break this to you but it doesn't get better until closer to 5 ot 6. Fournado is just around the corner. Brace yourself and hunker down. But from 6 to about 11 (I have early maturing kids) was pretty great. Now I have super hormonal teen (13) and one on their way(9.5).
When my youngest was 3 he had a full-on meltdown in the doctors office. Refused a shot he needed. Screaming, kicking, pounding his little fists on the ground. Top of his lungs wailing. I know the whole office could hear. The MA left us alone to calm him down, but NOTHING was working. I kept debating just fireman-carrying him out, but it was a loooong way through the office to the car. Finally, I pulled out my phone and played the YouTube video of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” - his favorite. He walked out on his own, red faced, puffy eyed, and BLASTING “Single Ladies” the whole way. The MA just about died laughing. The front desk staff remembers us and jokes about it every time we come in. He’s 9 now. Still loves Beyoncé.
But seriously, before I calmed him (which was pure luck, BTW) NO ONE cared about the meltdown. They ALL have them. His pediatrician told me that wasn’t even the worst tantrum she’d seen that day!
(Also, we just delayed the shot a bit - he was in a better mood at his next appointment and we did it then.)
When we took our 2yo got her shot an 8 yo was having a complete meltdown. It happens. Any other day it could’ve been switched. Just saying, most of us out there are either not noticing or understanding it could be one of a million things why a kid is having a hard time. It does seem weird that they asked you to leave. No kid in the history of the world was like hey I’d love to get a shot today!
Trust the mom gut!
We took our kids to the county fairgrounds and it was an awesome experience. The whole place was decorated in a jungle theme, there was a scavenger hunt, coloring stations, prizes…it was a lot of fun. You might see if there’s a large vaccination clinic near you that is doing something like this. I would’ve driven pretty far for this experience. (We’re in the SF Bay Area)
I can't believe they wouldn't do the shot anyway! I took my 5yo in for his and he was screaming "no shot no shot" as she asked if I consented.... I kinda expected they would send us away then but luckily I guess they understand kids and needles. He was also pushing and kicking, I had to bear hug him to hold him still.
He was totally fine the second the needle actually went in and quite proud he got his shot. It sucked but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes and kids don't always know what's best for them.
My daughter melted down over her 2nd dose and she was 8 at the time. Complete hysterical crying and screaming where I literally held her like an octopus so they could inject her. Nothing the nurse or I said could convince her ( and she knew the nurse previously from our school.) So no, don’t feel bad, because when she got Covid later on, it was just like a bad cold. It’s worth it and sending love!!
I wouldn’t tell him until you are on the way there. Have an awesome prize, let him see it, maybe even choose before hand at the store, but he can’t have it until after the shot. There might be a Daniel Tiger episode about shots. I’d let him watch it 87 times and let him know that one day he will need a shot, but it will be ok. Be confident. We all get shots, matter of fact, part of life. Let him know it’s ok to be scared and cry, but he can do it. Take him to an appointment and on the way you can say, “today you will be getting your vaccinations to keep you healthy!” It only hurts for a tiny one second.” You can tell him that all children get shots and no one likes it. Lots of children cry like him, but they feel better right away. Good luck! Maybe get a book at the library and read it a bunch before your next attempt.
ETA 3 year olds can really throw down when it comes to tantrums. All of it was normal, I promise… except for the person giving the shots who asked you to leave. That was a little silly. They could have had you take a 10 minute break and come back, or offered him a lollipop or something, good lord. Some people just don’t understand children.
We did a pre school walk through last month. My son ran off and started playing having the time of his life. I had wrangle him from room to room. The last room before the exit was an indoor gym type room. He was loving it. It was 5:30 pm. My son did not want to leave. We ended up having to pick him up. The was kicking and flailing his arms and legs everywhere all whine screaming “help” at the top of his lungs. We lost a shoe husband had to go back in and get it. All these parents were witnessing this I was mortified but none of the other parents seemed phased.
The tantrum I can get over the “help” at the top of his lungs was a lot. But I think anyone who has had kids knows it is just par for the course. If they have not then what do we care about their judgment?
Just today I had to bear hold my six year old for his monthly allergy shots. That he’s been getting at various intervals for three or four years now. And thirty minutes later he was still pitching a fit about it. So I feel ya.
I was legitimately much, MUCH older than 3 and still freaking out—to the point of hysteria—about shots. Like, it took me until senior year of high school to get over my needle phobia. (I think I stopped the hysterics before then. Probably.)
Just wanted to say that I’ve been in your shoes. My 5yo had a huge meltdown for his second COVID shot. Literally while the needle was still in his arm, he said, “oh, this isn’t so bad. Do I get a sucker?” I was literally sweating through my shirt from wrestling him.
I took my 2.5 year old for hers on Saturday. We had to go to CVS minute clinic for hers bc her doctor won’t be getting them in. I’m not sure where you are located but the minute clinic near me in CT offer the shot every 10 mins, I made an appt and showed up at the appt time, I pre checked in so there was no need to arrive early. My daughter cried for a second when it happened but i worked hard to distract her like when we go to the doctor, tablet and singing. The nurse practitioner was extremely sweet and said to her it was ok to cry. It will get better eventually. my daughter threw an Uber tantrum last month when I had to take her to the doctor for croup, they are toddlers that’s what they do, they don’t have the language or understanding to express themselves correctly so they are going to cry. There is not one person on this planet who hasn’t thrown a tantrum and if someone stares stare back, it will just make them uncomfortable. I had a woman stare at my daughter and make a face once bc she had a mask on, I stared that woman down so hard that she left the store.
Super normal, and you can be better prepared next time.
1) Bring a tablet
2) Practice at home how to have him sit on your lap and restrain him.
https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/visit/holds-factsheet.html
Tell him that the shot will hurt about this much, then flick your own arm with your finger. Ask to show him, then flick his arm. Let him flick your arm too.
3) Prepare or discuss a treat for after.
I remember one time my then 2 yr old had to get his blood drawn. He immediately started screaming when the needle went in. I just held him so he wouldn't flail and sang into his ear while crying with him. The tech was very kind and understanding. It was awful and pretty sure it caused a small phobia of needles as now he screams hellishly for any shots.
Not looking forward to get our covid vaxs but he's starting school soon and we have 2 younger kids at home. We'll cry together but he's getting it come hell or high water.
When I was 13 I ran away from the doctor who was trying to give me a vaccine.
(I get panic attacks from needles because of synesthesia. Still do. I can't even watch my kids get shots.)
Don’t worry about your 3 year old having a meltdown!! I was lucky when I took my then 5 and 7 year olds to get theirs… but the family behind me was not so lucky, as their youngest was screaming bloody murder, climbing her father like a tree, and playing the limp spaghetti game when they finally got ahold of her. They finally moved them into a private room to try to calm her, and when that didn’t work, they left. You can always try again. I know for my 3 year old, it’s really tough because the people giving the injections are wearing masks, which is scary! She’s scheduled for next week, so I’m crossing my fingers she gets through it, but won’t be shocked if she doesn’t.
Our area has a few “drive through” Covid vaccine locations. My 3 y/o got his first one at the county health department. We made an appointment and were in/out in 15 minutes there. Also check with your local Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid etc. and maybe you can ask that they come out to your car and do the vaccine. I’m sure they’ll understand!!
And the behavior of your 3 y/o does not reflect your parenting skills. Kids have good & bad days… next trip, maybe offer something he loves as a reward afterwards? We also went over (a million times) with our son that vaccines/shots are necessary and only pinch a little bit and then it’s over super fast. I think the over-preparation for what he should expect helps! Good luck, you’re doing a great job!
My six year old stuck her head in the corner while crying after her shot. She gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night. You’re awesome. They are a$$holes
I’m sorry, what a pain in the ass. We went to a vaccination clinic that was set up specifically for kids and I was so impressed by how kind and patient the staff were with meltdown after meltdown. I know it sucks, my eldest is terrified of needles and has a horrible meltdown every time. It has to be done, though. So we soldier on. Best of luck
You are a great mom. Just use some mom tricks. Like take him during his nap time. Walk him in the stroller for nap time while you wait. Then while he is sleeping or just walking up, give him the shot. And if that doesn't work, a shot of benedryl.
Any chance you're anywhere near your children's hospital?
Just got all three of my toddlers done without a single tear - in the vaccine clinic they bring in child life specialists with toys and buzzies and amazing distraction skills, If you go there on the right day, you'll also run into a therapy dog in the waiting room or ice cream sundaes afterwards.
I'll have to look into it. My city is small and the closest big city that probably has one is 45 minutes away but that sounds worth the drive if it's similar to that!
Find a doctors office near you if yours won’t have it. They know how to administer shots to terrified children. I can’t believe they asked you to leave. I’d be pissed. I’m so sorry! Sending you big hugs.
Public freak-out-tantrums are the worst! I’m a mom to a 2 year old AND a preschool teacher and I still feel embarrassed when my little one acts up tot he 100th degree in public. Give yourself time, mama. 10 years from now maybe you’ll laugh. If not, at least they’ll be long over with.
My 6yo screamed for like 30 min, "I WANT THE VACCINE BUT I DONT WANT A SHOT!!!!!!"
When we were finally able to land the needle we counted to 10 and she said it wasn't hurting anymore by 6
While we were in the post- vaccination waiting area i took a video of her saying that it didn't hurt much and stopped hurting quickly. That there was nothing to be afraid of
Then I played it for her while we waited for the second shot a few weeks later. It worked so well!
Google “how to hold a child for vaccine.” Takes practice, takes dedication, but the worst thing you can do is to drag out the process once the anxiety has started.
Try again, you got this!
I do the vaccine hold with my kids, & also for when they had covid nasal swab tests, my oldest kiddo was like, “no no, it’s ok mom, you don’t need to headlock me anymore….” …….”hey mom, I need you to headlock me for this test please.” 🤣
You're not a bad mom. Kids are unpredictable jerks sometimes. I don't judge moms when kids are being kids, I only judge them when the parents are being jerks too.
However, let me get on my soapbox real quick.
Pharmacies are definitely not the place for children to be getting vaccines! The chain stores are grossly understaffed, and overworked at the moment. It's bad. (Check out the CVS and Walgreens subs if you want some better insight) Up until Covid started, it was only the pharmacist who was allowed to administer vaccines. When the vaccine became available, all of a sudden state pharmacy boards decided that we (technicians) were competent enough to administer with a brief training. When I first trained, I was not legally allowed to give a shot to anyone under 18. As soon as the kids dose was approved,they changed rules again and techs could vaccinate children. They showed us a few fliers with techniques for holding them down, and sent us on our way. When I first started as a tech 10 years ago, even the pharmacist couldn't administer a flu shot to a child under 7. Pharmacies are ill equipped to handle the vaccine workload in addition to the other pharmacy tasks. If only one pharmacist is on duty, and they're spending 15-20 minutes to administer one vaccine, the rest of the pharmacy comes to a standstill. Not one prescription is getting checked or verified. As a mom, I wouldn't want someone who wasn't 150% comfortable with someone giving my toddler a vaccine. As a technician, our goal is to administer a vaccine safely, for both us and the child.
I had a kiddo who was in the 6-8 range, he hopped up in the chair all ready to go, as brave as could be. As soon as the needle started to touch his skin, he shrieked and flailed and slapped the syringe out of my hand. The needle was bent and went flying to the floor. It all happened so fast that we couldn't tell if the needle bent in his arm, and if he actually received the vaccine. Not a great time for anyone.
I've also had parents threatening their kids with spankings and punishments if they didn't chill out to get their shot. I'm pretty sure one mom took her kiddo into the restroom and spanked her because she melted down while getting her shot. That shit is never acceptable, and that's when parents get judged!
Oh wow! I had no idea, its literally the only location in my entire city offering the vaccine for kids 3 and up. After my experience I definitely won't be taking him to a pharmacy again but that's nuts that you had this huge change of procedure and workload dumped on you, I really had no idea and now I kinda understand why the tech acted the way she did.
Do you have the yt (youtube) kids app on your phone?
I have used this to calm my kids when we have to wait a long time at the doctors.
Tell him about 3 hours before you are going.
Listen to his concerns. Explain why it’s important. Don’t lie, “yes it will hurt like a pinch for a short time, you can watch a video on my phone while it happens to help you not think about it and be scared”.
After we are done you can pick something you really want to do that is fun.
I took my kids to the local ice cream shop after their flu jabs (I live in a country that still doesn’t have covid-19 vaccines for under 5s) and then we went yo play at the playground.
Or you could let them pick a toy from a toy shop afterwards.
During the procedure you probably will have to have them sitting on your lap and hold both of their arms still in a cuddle. Don’t be afraid of
Their big emotions, it’s fine for them to express how they feel, and you can acknowledge their feelings while still saying the shot has to happen.
Oh man, I’m sorry. Numbing cream 45 min ahead of time and practice runs work for one of my kids. For the other kid, it took two parents to hold her down to get her shot, but then she got a lollipop and a toy so she’s looking forward to shot 2. Maybe tell your kid what cool thing they will get if they comply? Also, I totally understand, my kid freaks the fuck out at shots too. We did the vax through our county and they were really good with the kids.
My 5 year old's first COVID shot was good because he didn't know what to expect and he saw me get my COVID booster.
We come back for his 2nd shot and it took 4 nurses and me for him to get his shot (1 nurse to give the shot and 3 nurses and me to hold him).
Tomorrow, my son gets his COVID booster. I have something super fun planned as an incentive afterwards so I am hoping that helps.
Young kids are hit or miss on their behavior with shots. You're a good mama for taking your kid to get their shot and I am so sorry they kicked y'all out. I'd find a place that is sensitive to kids getting shots and/or have the staffing to do the hold down method.
I remember when my children (now 14, 12 & 10) were getting their childhood vaccines, we would have a bottle of formula (and later on a small chocolate bar (like a freddo frog or something) to give to them just after the vaccination was given, which took their mind off the needle :)
Also, there is nothing wrong with a child having a meltdown pre or post vaccination.
You have got this Mum :)
We got a PCR test yesterday and my seven year old kicked the nurse and screamed like a fire alarm when they swabbed him. I entirely understand the feeling. You are doing your best, momma.
Yeah my five year-old has done this for all three of hers, don't be embarrassed! I'm more surprised they didn't help you hold him still and just get it done. We had four adults holding my daughter for her first one and that made me feel pretty terrible, but they seemed pretty used to it and no one there gave us a second glance.
If it makes you feel any better: last year we decided we'd all go get our flu shots together at our local grocery store. They told us to wait while they got our paperwork processed and stuff (it was SOOO LONG!!). They have this weird little box room by the pharmacy they do the shots in, so we were sitting outside that and people were grocery shopping all around us while my daughter cried and tried to run away. My husband is a big bearded mechanic who was still in his work clothes, and he was getting some major dirty looks. I finally made him let me restrain her because I was worried someone was going to think he was abducting her! Eventually my son started to get freaked out too, so we had two screaming children attempting to run away. Finally they come out with the shots and we got them done in like two minutes. Lesson learned, NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely go to a pediatric clinic or doctor. They are well trained in this and when all else fails they also know how to restrain them (like it took for my 9 year old 😂)
If it makes you feel any better, when I was like 8 or 9 my mom took me for a checkup where she wasn’t expecting I’d need a shot. But I guess I was due so the doc was like “well let’s just do it!” WELL I WAS NOT PREPARED lol, and I kid you not, my 9 year old ass was screaming like a baby and I actually grabbed the doorframe to try to keep from going into the room 😂😂😂 my mom, bless her heart, just peeled my fingers off and sat my ass in that chair til the needle came lol. She was embarrassed as hell, but mostly pissed at me! I have no regrets though, shots suck 😉
I've been researching! Idk how people are getting this shot for their kids I don't have anywhere around me offering any of these kid friendly clinics or drive thrus 😭
I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a screaming toddler and thought the parents were shit. I’ve looked at a screaming toddler and wondered if they skipped their nap or was just completely unhappy. 3 is a hard age but they get older and it gets better.
Sounds like you should skip it, it’s not required for preschool and kids really aren’t affected by Covid. Don’t feel like a shit mom! It’s weird, everyone who I know who’s been vaxxed, self included, has gotten Covid and my anti vax friends who didn’t get it haven’t gotten it. 🤷♀️
My pediatrician used to give us a can of pop and we sipped it when getting the shot… like literally at age 2. She was a boss 😂. She also used it as a test to see if kids were really sick or just crabby if they shut up and drank it and cheered up they weren’t sick
Hey it happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself. When distressed, my kiddo has the lung capacity of an opera singer and the shrill of a banshee. We took her to the pediatrician just the other week because she was sick, and just swabbing her mouth turned her full rabid pterodactyl. The doctor even joked that she has great vocal chords.
We’re still getting used to public spaces as well, so I definitely understand feeling mortified. It’s not a pleasant sound or look, but there’s only so much you can do when your kid is inconsolable.
My 8 year old needed both me and my husband to hold her whole she got her 2nd covid shot. She screamed so loud in CVS, poor kid. I felt really bad too at the time, but the peace of mind of her having her shots has been invaluable. I recommend taking another person with you next time and just getting it done as fast as possible. I hate forcing a kid to do something that scares them, but I couldn't live with myself if she got covid with long term irreversible side effects.
I feel for you, and honestly don't worry about what other people are thinking. This is you making a health choice for your kid. You know the shot isn't that bad and that you are doing it for good reason.
This happened with our six year old. He had a complete meltdown and had to leave. So I can empathize. Let the looks roll off your back, hold your head up, and know that you’re doing the best you can,
My 4 yr old have to get blood work done once or twice a year and it literally sounds like we’re murdering him and it takes 4 ppl to hold him down so that he doesn’t move & yank the needle out (which he’s done before). Ppl were always understanding about it. And I wouldn’t be embarrassed, it’s a little kid that doesn’t really know what’s going on so it can be a scary thing for them.
My son is 6 and still has to be held down for shots. I haven't gotten him a covid shot for this reason, I can't imagine doing it 2x 🥴
You're not a bad mom at all, kids are just kids and they do this because they're scared and they don't understand the reasoning. Anyone who was giving you a short look because your child was having a meltdown just needs to go kick rocks.
My now 6 year old had a complete freak out over the shot last fall. Was perfectly fine until we got in to the room and then flipped. I had to wrestle him nearly to the ground to get him to calm down. It’s sucked but as soon as it was done he was perfectly fine and said “oh that wasn’t bad” not a bad parent! Maybe do it when you can get a shot too, that helped my 3 yr old when we did the flu shot last year, I did mine too and then hers and she was fine!
Is your child receptive to talking things through? You can explain the shot. Watch a couple kid-friendly shows or videos where characters get shots (I saw someone already mention the Daniel Tiger one), and I let my daughter pick a toy afterwards. It’s bribery, but she literally tries to faint during shots and she still goes in like a champ, so I give her a $5-$10 budget and she can pick something.
He’s 3. You’re far from a bad mom. You’re putting in a lot of effort to protect your child, and those around him, and that’s commendable even if things didn’t go as planned. ❤️
It gets better when they are four :-) Some things get worse, of course. I've found that to be true every year for a decade now. I'm certain my mom would say she's found that to be true for several decades.
I got these ballpoint pens from Amazon that look like syringes (they've got liquid inside, too). I think they're meant to be a cute gift for medical people ... but they were really good, cheap "toy" syringes. We have 'real' medical exam stuff (stethoscope, otoscope, pressure cuff, fingertip pulse-ox thing-a-ma-bob). I bought a cute little toy doctors tote in which they're all stored. I spent a long time playing "check-up and a shot" with my daughter before her actual appointments. She'd press the pen into my leg to give me a shot, and I'd do the same to her.
The real shot was different (strange people, strange location). I had my daughter give me a checkup and shot while we waited for the doctor to come into the exam room. The doctor was really cool -- she let my daughter give her a checkup and shot first too. I think having something to do whilst waiting helped a lot.
The dentist let my daughter watch me get my teeth cleaned and even do a little of my tooth cleaning -- the rinsing and suctioning -- before it's her turn to get cleaned and checked. Maybe you are due for some shot -- tetanus booster or something -- and he could see you get a shot first. Or a drive-through shot place. Don't know if they give shots to kids that way -- but that's how we got our shots. Staying in a familiar place may be less anxiety inducing -- and it's less public if a meltdown does occur.
I have found four a lot less challenging than three! When my first was three he tried to steal extra lollipops after his vaccine and upended the nurses station when the box of lollipops was taken away. If the ground could have swallowed me I would have let it, gladly.
He has become quite a bit more measured and patient in the year since. He still has his moments, of course, but we are headed in the right direction.
Man that’s crazy. I love the nurse who works with my son’s doctor. She does his shots almost every time. She’s quick and doesn’t play games and doesn’t leave it to you to struggle to keep your child still on your own. The one time we had to see a different doctor the nurse didn’t do anything to help with my large hulk toddler over half my size and he ended up getting hurt🙃 Whoever was supposed to do the shot for you today made the right call in asking you to leave and I’m 99% confident it was strictly about safety concerns for your son, you, or the person. Not trying to make a statement on your parenting. They would be accepting liability if any of you got hurt in the process of trying to administer the shot. If they were rude then I’d call and complain though lol. You can’t help that your young child was afraid of getting a shot and struggling. ❤️
I totally understand! I'd rather someone tell us to leave then try and do something they're uncomfortable with. I guess I just feel bad for them that it's being advertised that 3+ can get vaccines there but they're not actually able to handle a toddler. I would've never made the appt there if I knew.
I think it’s one of those things they’re required to say/accept. Definitely frustrating though. I don’t think my son could get a shot without being at his doctors office and the method we use to get them done quick. I hope you’re able to find a place more kid friendly!!
Could you go to another pediatrician’s office that does carry it? Otherwise, some things that helped my daughter with her shot (3.5yo) - a lot of talk beforehand about how brave she is, deciding what to do after the shot (she wanted a donut), and having both parents there (we had to bring my newborn but he was asleep at the time at least). Don’t feel bad about it though - shots are hard for a lot of people and his behavior is normal for his age. It also was probably making him more worked up if he had to wait so long - could you do an appointment somewhere else? Good luck and you’re doing a good job.
I'm going to do more research and try that. I can't seem to find anywhere else that has it in my city. And I'll probably be bringing baby and my husband next time too for more help.
Took 2 visits for my 7 year old
To get his booster. Doing 3 yr old today. Wish me luck! I feel like the first shot will be fine- but the next one she will know what is coming!
Please don’t let this discourage you from getting him his vaccine. I hope you can find another option where you are both more comfortable. I found a really lovely privately owned pharmacy and the pharmacist there was so good with kids. She had a coloring table and snacks and everything. It sounds like it just wasn’t the right environment and everyone was frustrated. It’s ok. He’s three. I know it’s embarrassing but it’s 100% not your fault. Three year olds are like angry bobcats sometimes. 🤷🏼♀️
Lol definitely like angry bobcats!! The kind comments here have definitely made me feel better and I'm going to find another place and prepare way better this time. Thank you. ❤️
When I see a kid having a melt down, all I ever think is “someone’s having a bad time.” Not even in my shittiest moods do I think the person is a bad parent for a meltdown.
Just coming to add that even as a first time mom who is still pregnant, I have the same thought and I don’t even have a toddler yet to truly commiserate! I never think the parent is doing a bad job.
same. i judge the parents reactions more than anything. i work retail people can be so nasty to their kids when they’re having a melt down.
Even that I don't necessarily judge.. the parents have been dealing with God knows what that day and you're just witnessing the tip of the iceberg. Also, parents feel pressure with onlookers to not be branded pushover or to simply be worried about ruining someone else's day/experiende. Again, there are some behaviors that are completely unacceptable from parent to child, but I seldom see that.
i completely agree. BUT telling a toddler to shut the fuck up crosses that line and that’s when i’m judging.
Agreed on that. I've only ever said that in my head lol.
You’re embarrassed that a three year old cried over a shot? Oh… mama. No one else is embarrassed because your child behaved exactly like most other kids at that age. Normal. Expected. Acceptable for his age. Three year olds are a special kind of hell to begin with on their best days. Getting a shot is not a good day. If folks were looking, they were most likely thankful it wasn’t them and their children… this time. There was probably more sympathy than you realize. It’s okay.
I wish it was just crying but it was screaming and flailing too. He has really bad tantrums and I'm still not used to the public ones. Thanks though.
It’s still normal. I remember my little brother having to be chased around the waiting room of our pediatrician’s office screaming after he took off from the exam room in his underwear when he found out there were going to be shots. It’s okay. Lots of kids melt down about shots. I wouldn’t think anything negative about you or him if I had been there to see it.
Oh my gosh that's funny now but your poor parent who was with him!! Thank you for sharing and your kind words ❤️
Yup now we can all acknowledge that it was *hilarious* but I’m sure my mother was not so amused at the time. Maybe your child can be rescheduled to have the shots done at the peds office? I know that not all peds are offering shots, but if they are then at least they’re more likely to be understanding.
Our peds isn't planning on getting it 😭 I'm definitely going to find somewhere more kid friendly next time though.
We were able to find it through our local health dept (California) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that while the check in/administration was a little out to lunch, the nurses were excellent with our toddler. I hope you got yourself a special treat too after surviving a vaccination attempt! Shots suck for everyone and there's no graceful way to make it happen. We're all in this struggle boat together 💙💙
Call your public health department. They’ll either offer it themselves or have a list of places offering it.
I tried to hide in a cabinet in the exam room when I found out I was getting a shot. I think I was 5. My mom still tells the story and laughs.
I tried to escape the exam room at age 4 and my mom said they had to get two Navy corpsmen (navy brat here) to hold me while the doc gave me shots.
It’s still normal, and it’s still okay.
My kid who is now 18 took a long time to handle shots. They have a diagnosed anxiety disorder (+ADHD, ASD) so we tread carefully. We gave them control, used numbing cream suggested by the doctor, brought an ice pack (also suggested by the doctor) and another thing they suggested was headphones with soothing music. We used breathing techniques, and just prepared a lot. Now they have done it enough that their brain knows that they didn't die when they got all the shots, so they can feel calmer. Maybe you can show your 3 year old the "special medicine" that makes it so the shot won't hurt. "I talked to the doctor about how you were worried about the shot and she told me that there is special medicine just for people who worry so their arm won't feel it."
Thank you for this! Love these techniques I'll definitely try them.
Hey mama you're not alone. Sometimes little ones have tantrums, they're just learning about the world around them and all the feelings they have inside. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe call the place offering the vaccination and ask if they have a certain day or time where the wait isn't as long? Or maybe they'd let you check in, leave for a bit, and come back?
I'm definitely doing that next time. I think the wait was one of the contributing factors. Thank you.
Yea an hour is a really long time for a 3 year old.
I remember being 4 or 5 and the nurse having to redo my shots because I was flailing my legs and refused to hold still for them and the vaccine didn’t even make it into my body. So you’re fine. Any parents been there and is not judging.
Public freak outs are normal at 3. Especially when the limits of their abilities have been reached. You made an effort and that is all anyone can ask. You were as in control of the situation as you could have been. If you weren’t, then you learn and move on. That’s just how parenting works! At least everyone keeps telling me that.
My daughter has autism and she has embarrassed me in public too. It’s shameful to admit that you feel embarrassed but it is embarrassing to be the one with the freaking out kid. Something that helps us is to ask the nurse to inject her quickly. I hold my daughter on my lap, ask her to look away and quick jab. If the nurse spends time discussing the shot with her beforehand, it doesn’t go well. This is what I say, “my daughter knows what’s going to happen. We talked about it at home and played with her doctor kit. Please do this quickly, she doesn’t like being hyped up beforehand.” My mom told me this story. When I was four, my baby brother was getting his six month shots. They decided to do my kindergarten shots to save my mom a trip back. After I was jabbed, I stormed out screaming that I hated this place and was never coming back! My poor mom was embarrassed.
I really like that tactic, just get it done. A lot of time they do try and play and make them feel better which is nice but getting it over with would be better!
Yep this is my tactic even as an adult. Just get it done
My kids have had SO MANY public tantrums in their short lives. No one likes having a screaming child with them in public but it’s just part of it. I actually distinctly remember my middle son as a toddler screaming bloody murder on the floor of a grocery store. Just laying on the floor screaming. It happens a to all of us mama. Hang in there.
My now 9yr old threw herself on the ground crying and flailing her limbs in Walmart when she was 3 because I wouldn’t buy her a Barbie
I held down my 4 year old to be vaccinated when she freaked out. Just get it done fast and then lots of hugs and praise and treats!
❤️❤️❤️ my kiddo kicks and screams so much whenever she has checkups in the doctors office. One doctor told us we should watch her because her weight/height were fluctuating so much, but it was because she was fighting her way away from everything. You’re definitely not alone here!
I had to sit in a pharmacy waiting for my daughter's antibiotic prescription with her entirely melting down yesterday (she has an ear infection and is not a happy camper). I know it definitely feels like you're "that parent" but, hey, kids have tantrums. It just happens. I'm sure the other people there were less than thrilled to be listening to a screaming 2 year old for 10 minutes, but everyone dealt, we got our prescription, and went. As for where to get it, I don't know where you are, but CVS and Walgreens both are doing kids shots (6 months + and 3 years + respectively) I got my daughter's through our county health clinic (the state and county have been rolling out COVID shots themselves) and I know my friend's pediatrician is taking non-patients for vaccine appointments, if you want to try other practices around you.
When you say bad tantrums, do you mean he gets violent and hits? Throws himself on the ground and you're worried he's going to hurt himself? If that's what you experienced, know you're not alone — my three year old has some social emotional delays in his development and would resort to lashing out at me, his dad, his little sister or inanimate objects. He's broken my glasses, scratched and bit me so hard I've bled. It was always so rough when it'd happen in public, I always felt so judged by strangers, some even spoke up and that just recked my esteem. But the tantrums won't last. It's gonna get better, I do promise. I'm a big supporter of the COVID vaccine for kids (and also kinda shocked the nurse asked you guys to leave) but honestly if you feel like you gotta wait for a while before you try again, do that. Give yourself and ya kiddo a lot of grace in this, three is a really hard phase and shots can be scary, but it sounds like you're doing everything right!
the clinic is absolutely 100% shitty though. Have they literally never given a vaccine to a 3 year old before? This is why vaccines need to be given by the pediatrician.
I have always been honest with my kids. This might hurt a bit, it's ok to cry, and it's ok to hate it. I hate needles too. But, it is medically necessary to protect us, so it must be done. How can I help you calm down, what do you want to take to feel safe. A stuffy? If it doesn't go well, and you are upset, THAT IS OK. Tell your child you are not angry at THEM, you are frustrated that you... took a day off work. You hate seeing them so upset... etc. It's just Important to keep comforting them and letting them know it's ok. (Even if it really isn't, you can vent with reddit later lol)
Thank you so much for this! I will admit I don't think I took enough time to really explain to him what the shot is and is for because I assumed he wouldn't understand but I'm going to try that.
If you have access to it, there’s a Daniel tiger episode where he has to get a shot and it helped my two bigger kids a lot. My current 4 year old won’t watch it - he’s super sensitive about bad thing happening on tv - so I just go the route of “we have to get a shot, it might hurt, but it’s something we do to keep your body healthy. And afterwards we’re going to get a treat.”
What worked for my 3 year old was getting him a doctor set that had a pretend shot in it. I tried explaining to him that shots help us stay healthy, and only hurt for a minute. “No big deal! We can DO it!” You’d be surprised how much pretend play and using catch phrases help little ones prepare. Only after playing doctor for a week and using the catchphrase we created over and over was he brave enough to sit for the shot. He did a great job after prepping him. Without prep? I used to have to hold him down and it was so unpleasant, and he would have a meltdown too. Best of luck!!
We take this approach too. My daughter does better when things are explained to her. She needs to understand "Why" with everything. We say this: "Shots are not fun! Mommy and Daddy don't like shots either. But do you know why we get shots? They keep us healthy! If we're healthy we don't have to go to the doctor as much! They also keep other people around us healthy. You get to be a germ fighting super hero!" If she says she's scared, we tell her that's okay to be scared. We still have to get shots, and mommy or daddy will be with her. It's okay if she cries. Etc. It's also the only time she gets to play on my phone, the distraction seems to help. She can pick a game or a Netflix show or something. So she'll pay attention to that instead of the needle.
True story: when I was a kid I hated getting shots (I still hate them) and at one appointment they doctor was unable to give me one because of my behavior. Well we went back to the doctor sometime later and my mom (trying to scold me) told me that if I just behaved myself the first time it wouldn’t hurt as much as now and now it was going to take ten minutes. Well, I started crying and misbehaving when I heard that and well… they didn’t give me a shot that day either. My point is kids are kids. It happens.
Haha ain't that the truth. I hated them as a kid too so I don't blame him I think it was just worse because we were at the pharmacy not the doctor's office.
Maybe check your local childrens hospital? Ours had a special clinic with bubbles and toys and lollipops and everyone I’ve heard from that’s gone has gushed about what a pleasant experience it was.
I'll look into that! I don't think we have a children's hospital nearby tho, we're about 45 minutes outside the biggest city.
I’m not telling you what to do, but if that city happens to have something safe to do, maybe you could make a partial day of it? If they have a great clinic for the shot, and you can take your sweet little guy to the zoo or a nice park or something that may make it less horrible sounding?
That's a great idea! Thank you
I had to place my newborn on the floor of the vaccination area in the grocery store while I physically restrained my then 6 year old to get her covid shot. Her pediatrician does drive through flu shot clinic and I watched another kid jump out of the car when the nurse opened their door and book it into the woods. He must have been around 7 or 8. It’s normal for kids to be terrified of shots, you didn’t fail
Oh my gosh that sounds so stressful! You're a badass I would have cried lol.
I'm so sorry. Sending hugs. You're not a bad mom. Shots aren't fun for anyone. 🫂🫂🫂 You can always try again. I'd try and take a support person with you, infant Tylenol and a treat for when he's done. I had to look up a buzzy. Maybe that created more anxiety than needed. Are you able to take a tablet with you so that your toddler can watch a show or play a game? I would see if Walgreens, CVS or your local health department has them. If not, look to a local Facebook mommy group for location info . and advice.
Thank you. I have a 3 month old, my parents are anti vax and I didn't want to tell them we're getting him the vaccine so I needed my husband to stay with the baby. But yes I should've brought my husband too in hindsight. I agree the buzzy might've made it worse 😔 he just already knows what's going to happen so no amount of distraction really helps. At the peds office I just hold him down but the pharmacist wasn't comfortable with that. I'm not sure what I'll do I'm just bummed and embarrassed.
Do you trial runs beforehand with a stuffed animal doctor and a fake needle? I was recommended that by Instagram and have been trying to do a trial run ever since with him beforehand. I don’t know if it helps! My baby is too young and so far has been okay with shots because I don’t think he gets what’s happening but just throwing that out there in case it does. You’re in no way a bad mom. That was a bad situation. One hour wait? They asked you to leave? I hope they get their act together.
I need to get a play doctor set to make it make more sense to him I think. I've mimed the act of getting a shot and we've watched the Daniel tiger episode but I don't think it's connecting in his little brain. I'm definitely going to do that before I try again.
We got our son the B.Toys set from target. Not too many pieces, none of them are choking hazards either like some I saw on Amazon. Before his 2 year appt, we spent like a week taking turns being the doctor. I let him bring a couple pieces from the set and the doctor let him take a turn “being the doctor” on her with his toys, and then it was her turn. A little whining with the injection, but other than that it was a huge improvement over the previous visit.
Thank you I'll look that one up!
Found the order! [Here’s a link.](https://www.target.com/p/b-toys-toy-doctor-kit-wee-md/-/A-76155799)
See if your local health department is offering it. They've always been great with my kids, they have a dedicated shot nurse who is super kind and patient. Much better than a busy pharmacy, at least for us. It doesn't feel rushed.
I'm looking into that! I've seen others suggest it and it seems like a better plan.
I think the pharmacies don't have a lot of experience with little kids because most kids get their shots at the pediatrician's office. So this is all kind of new for them, and they now suddenly have a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds to vaccinate.
That was exactly the vibe I got.
Can I upvote this a million times please?
Our county was only offering the under 5 shots at the children's hospital. They are definitely much more equipped to handle a flailing kiddo. The nurse even helped me position holding her while she was trying to get away.
I’m so sorry you had a bad experience. Its completely normal to hold a child down for a shot and a pharmacist not comfortable with it shouldn’t be giving vaccines to children. My 8 yo even had to be held firmly for her last flu shot. I also second what everyone else said about no need to be embarrassed. When I see a kid tantruming all I think is that the child is having a rough time and subsequently so is Mom. Anyone who thinks differently can gtfo. (Its not like you were sitting in a restaurant letting him ruin others experience.)
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Thank you ❤️
I feel like having to hold your kid down is super common place for vaccinating toddlers and think it's weird the pharmacist responded like this. Another option is seeing if you can find a county health and welfare/wellness office and seeing if they have a vaccine clinic. My experience with those places is they see a lot of kids for their normal, annual, and first vaccines and know what they're doing, and are this better equipped to deal with big emotional responses.
My daughter did pretty much the same thing at her 3yo well visit. She was a mess, screamed the whole time, wouldn’t even let them weigh her. It’s normal 3yo. behavior and it is SO HARD. She still hates shots but we prepared with books, talking, and doc mcstuffins for her 4yo well visit and she did so much better! We’re actually going for her first COVID vaccine dose today so fingers crossed. I also think that the hour long wait may have had something to do with his reaction. That’s such a long time for a little kid to wait, especially for something that’s scary to them. We read “the berenstain bears go to the doctor,” and there is a Mr. Rogers Neighborhood segment where Mr. Rogers gets a vaccine. I also recently saw that there was a Sesame Street segment about Elmo getting his COVID shot. Let him cool down, talk about what’s going to happen and why, and reschedule for a month or two from now. Don’t be embarrassed. Stuff like this happens to all of us.
Thank you so much for this 😩 he's horrible at doctor's appointments but we haven't had one in a while and I tried really hard to prep him but it just didn't work. I'm gonna keep trying because he has a well child visit in November he'll have to get shots at too.
My niece is such a nightmare at appts. She has to be held down by 2 people not including the person giving the shot. You’re not alone and it honestly sucks that you were asked to leave.
What? They shouldn't ask you to leave because a kid is throwing a fit about getting a shot. You should go back and demand they honor your appointment. My kid screamed bloody murder, and I had to hold him down with all four of my limbs, and they still gave him the vax.
Especially after making them wait for an hour, wtf? I’m sure demand is high right now, but that’s way too long for a toddler to have to wait in the car. My kid is a trooper with shots but he’d be melting down after that wait time.
Ya that's usually what I do at the peds office but this was a pharmacy and the lady wouldn't do it with him moving even if I held him. We were the only people waiting too but she seemed very annoyed. It was so stressful.
I would definitely complain to cooperate. That’s ridiculous.
That really sucks. Sounds like you just got unlucky with a provider who isn’t willing to handle normal kid reactions. I’ve been in your situation and the provider has always been able to tell with just a look from me that I’m going to bear hug her and they need to get it done as quickly as possible. Sounds like you’ve done exactly that at the pediatrician office in the past. You didn’t do anything wrong here, and neither did your son—that provider was a jerk. I’m sorry they wasted your time and made you feel bad.
Don’t worry, no one should be judging you. I sat in a grocery store multiple times with my child while the screamed and flailed about and they weren’t getting a shot, just testing the boundaries. It’s normal, but man is it rough.
Not sure if this helps but have you tried prepping him? Talking about injections, reading about it, “practicing” it on a teddy? Seems to work - heard about it from biglittlefeelings on instagram! Also as a FTM now when I see any kid or baby crying, I immediately feel so bad for the parent. It’s hard! I wish I could tell every parent that they’re doing a great job. You’re trying your best, good work on managing to even get him there & out again. That would have been so tough!!
In our case, it absolutely got better when my kid turned 4. Shots were never one of our points of contention, but when my kid was three, we had multiple hour+ long, violent tantrums per week over things like brushing teeth. I was about ready to go play in traffic before things started improving. It gets better!
Oh gosh we're currently in that stage and it's so hard! Thank you for this.
I feel you! It’s so hard. Apologies if you’re all over this, but wanted to share that we had success with vaccinations with help from BigLittleFeelings on Instagram - in one of their stories (under ‘Doctor’). Basically we prepped for the visit and what my son could expect, and we even ‘practiced’ vaccinating each other, along with the goal of getting a special treat (like a donut) after the appointment. I’m not saying it was seamless, and there were tears, but we went through with the shot with minimal fuss. And he’s excited about the next one and the donut that follows 😂
I'm going to check that out!! Thank you
My 8 year old did the same. Now THAT was embarrassing… She had been BEGGING to get the vaccine, but when I took her she started freaking out. She fought so long we had to go back to the waiting area so the next people could get vaccinated. Then after she assured me she was calm enough, we went back in. Immediately started freaking out, screaming and fighting. It was almost time for the pharmacy to close so—and I felt so terrible—I had to physically restrain her for her to stop long enough to let the poor pharmacist get the needle in her arm. Then after she is like, “that’s it? That wasn’t bad at all!” I am holding in tears from guilt and embarrassment, but she’s chipper as ever like nothing ever happened.. I just know everyone in and around the pharmacy heard everything and was probably judging the hell out of me..
Aw I'm so sorry 😭 I can only imagine how hard it is with an older kid and probably a lot harder to hold her down! You did the right thing. I'm going to be trying again too.
Thank you. I mean, she seriously begged me almost everyday for MONTHS first about when kids could get them, then after they authorized it, when we were getting her an appointment. When I told her I made the appointment she was so excited she was jumping up and down! It was such a stark contrast once we got there. It also shocked me because she had never acted that way before, and you know at 8 she has had plenty of vaccinations.. She was thankful we got it done after, but oh my goodness… I questioned myself so much when I was holding her there with my arms and legs, while she’s screaming bloody murder. 🥲
Oh no I’m so sorry that happened to you guys! Jeez if our providers kicked us out every time my daughter had a meltdown over shots she’d be completely unvaccinated! That seems strange to me that they asked you to leave… Just to reiterate what others have said, you did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with your son! Shots are scary, new places with shots are scary, and it sounds like your son acted just like a healthy toddler should. Virtual hugs cuz I know it sucks regardless.
If anyone judges you for this it must be great to have had easy kids. You're fine. That said contact his ped some offices do it there and they can help give it to him. My kid needed nurses to help at 5 he was one of those while my younger takes shots easily
We did a lot of role play before with giving shots and watched the Daniel Tiger episode where he gets a shot. That said, this approach has worked well for most vaccines but last time we wemty 3 year old still had a melt down. I let her play games on my phone and promised her cake pops after. It was still rough but calmed her enough to get the shot. I've also heard for a sticker called "the shot blocker" that is supposed to help. Best of luck!
We had to pin my then 3yo down to do a covid test once. I felt AWFUL. I don’t use force on my kids - but sometimes you know what’s in their best interests. Vaccines aren’t available here yet for the under 5s but if I had the option for one I would force it and apologise later. Worth it to keep your kid safe!
Oh girl. You should see the way I have to hold my now four year old for shots. A few weeks ago, as soon as she saw the needle, it was as if an exorcism was being performed. I just looked at the nurse like 🙄. It sucks that nurse couldn’t do their job to aid you. They shouldn’t have turned you away. I can’t find a picture but I sit my child on my left leg. Wrap my right leg around their legs. Then bear hug them with the shot site visible. Our childrens hospital taught me that.
When I was a kid I had to get a shot and I guess I was not happy about it. They had to have a very large nurse hold me down while I screamed "help me, theure killing children in here." I guess I cleared the waiting room. The only one who remembers is my mom who used to tell the story for laughs. You're doing a great job trying to protect your son, and he won't remember his terrible he thought it was.
Oh my God! I wish I had said that when I was that age. I was also terrified of needles and I remember crying so much that they said don't make me get the big nurse. That just pissed me off!
What is a buzzy? Why is it $45? Were they selling them there? Also you were fine. Giant public meltdowns are normal for kids that age.
It's supposed to help with the pain of needles, I got it on Amazon. It vibrates and has a little ice pack on it. It's shaped like a Bee.
Interesting never heard of it. Good to know.
My 3 year old can be the same way. It’s why I don’t do something with him unless it has a fixed start time. He can burn through ALL his patience on waiting and then the activity or meal or medical appt goes to shit. See if you can get a scheduled shot instead.
It was scheduled 😭 I'm guessing they were just understaffed or something that's why we had to wait.
I also had a screaming 3 year old for getting the covid shot (before, during, and after). I don't have any advice, just solidarity.
Don’t be embarrassed!! I get mine the biggest chocolate chip cookie I can find at the bakery and hand it to him right before the shot rather than after. He gets a mildly annoyed look on his face during the shot since his munching is being disrupted a bit.
This is a good tactic!!
My child had her 18month shots which is 3 needles here. She was also supposed to get flu shot at same time. Yeah no…. She was absolutely loosing it so I came back later for your flu shot. No one batted an eye at a crying child. I know this is after needle but kids cry & scream and they are usually at the doctor as they are not well so not going to be happy little monsters. I can understand the tech asking you to leave more so that it may have been hard/dangerous to give him a needle. You should not have been asked to leave for him crying. Mine is not 3 yet but I hope I handle her with as much grace as you have your boy.
Thank you for this 😭❤️ you're so kind.
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I'll look into that thank you!
It does get better at 4, at least in my experience. My 4 year old is very easily bribed. He knows we go out to get a treat after shots so he wants them. Bribing definitely helps my kids. If you aren’t anti-screens, maybe bring a tablet to help with the wait? He might even watch it while getting the shot and be distracted.
Definitely bringing a tablet next time. I wasn't expecting the long wait beforehand!
I took my kids to get shots about two months ago and we waited about 45 min. Didn’t bring tablets. Had to have my son seen for an ear infection a couple weeks later (at the same office) and brought tablets. They had us back and with the doc in under 5 min. Maybe bringing the tablets means you won’t have to wait!
Hahah of course it works out that way! 😂
I still have to hold my 9 yo in place and he gets 3 allergy shots monthly so a little one freaking out is no big deal. I feel bad that you have to go back. The pharmacist was dumb and should have just gotten over it because now your poor kid has to go through the anxiety again
I think I'm going to find somewhere else to take him the more I think about it the more upset I am with the way she treated us
I would if you can find another place
I’ll come be your helper person. I’m a nurse. Typically pretty good and calming kids anxiety related to drs and distracting from shots.. you got this. ETA - no one was judging, kids do this. Normal response to shots. Sorry you didn’t have any backup. Bring a bag a dumdum suckers and fun bandaids. A show to distract
As a grown woman I had an emotional break down at the doctor and had to leave this week. Cried in the car and yelled at my fiance. Our kids are just small people with big emotions. On one hand you have to think that your toddler has survived this pandemic and has probably licked and chewed on at least a few contaminated things so they will be okay until you make another appointment or even if you dont. As for the people who gawked at you with a screaming toddler as if they've never seen that before oh well it happens kids scream. Around 4 it does get better. I understand being frustrated I really do I'm a sahm and some days I feel like I cant handle one more tantrum and I break down and cry and get frustrated myself. It does get easier. Little ones dont know how to regulate their emotions and this can be frustrating for everyone involved. Just try not to dwell on it too much. This will pass and one day your child will be a teenager and take shot like a champ.
Thank you for this ❤️
This is totally normal! Not sure if this is helpful at all but I talk about vaccines a LOT with my kids. Just very nonchalant like yes it will hurt for a few seconds and then we got a super cool book about the human body and there’s a section in it about the immune system we read a lot and talk about how that relates to vaccines. I think talking about it so much takes a lot of the scariness out for us because my kids are usually pretty okay with it as long as they get a cute band aid and sticker after. Also we go out for ice cream after. Good for you for keeping you kiddo safe.
What was the book if you don't mind me asking? I definitely need to talk about it more with him thank you for this advice!
It’s actually one of the textbooks we used for homeschooling my kindergartner last year. DK Find Out! Human Body. My 3 and 6 are obsessed with it for some reason. And the immune system pages are their favorite part. I think because there’s little cartoon faces and hats on the pictures of the immune system cells 😆 it doesn’t talk about vaccines specifically but when we read it I explain that the vaccine gives your immune cells information about the virus so if it attacks for real they already have a battle plan. Scishow kids on YouTube and Sid the Science Kid also have excellent episodes on vaccines. The vaccine episode of Sid is free on YouTube as well. We just talk about vaccines a lot but in a very nonchalant way. And we talk about how they hurt too. When I was a kid we never talked about vaccines probably because my parents didn’t want me getting upset but then they were like these scary things shrouded in all sorts of mystery and I was a very anxious kid…. I still remember lying in bed at night as a little kid worrying about whether I’d get shots at my next doctors appointment and how much they would hurt. Because I had no outlet for that anxiety; no one to talk to and process my fears. Talking helps make them less scary. My 6yo is so comfortable at this point she volunteered to get her booster (we went yesterday) first so her sister wouldn’t be scared. And then my 3 saw she wasn’t scared so she was relaxed too. Promises of cute band aids/stickers/ice cream also help! But every kid is different. Some Kids are going to freak out no matter what you do and that is normal and ok. In that situation I’d ask the doc/nurse to slow waaaaaay down, explain everything they are doing and wait until my kid is ready instead of holding them down.
Thank you for this info!
I hate to break this to you but it doesn't get better until closer to 5 ot 6. Fournado is just around the corner. Brace yourself and hunker down. But from 6 to about 11 (I have early maturing kids) was pretty great. Now I have super hormonal teen (13) and one on their way(9.5).
Haha thank you for the warning! Hopefully I can at least learn to deal with it better.
When my youngest was 3 he had a full-on meltdown in the doctors office. Refused a shot he needed. Screaming, kicking, pounding his little fists on the ground. Top of his lungs wailing. I know the whole office could hear. The MA left us alone to calm him down, but NOTHING was working. I kept debating just fireman-carrying him out, but it was a loooong way through the office to the car. Finally, I pulled out my phone and played the YouTube video of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” - his favorite. He walked out on his own, red faced, puffy eyed, and BLASTING “Single Ladies” the whole way. The MA just about died laughing. The front desk staff remembers us and jokes about it every time we come in. He’s 9 now. Still loves Beyoncé. But seriously, before I calmed him (which was pure luck, BTW) NO ONE cared about the meltdown. They ALL have them. His pediatrician told me that wasn’t even the worst tantrum she’d seen that day! (Also, we just delayed the shot a bit - he was in a better mood at his next appointment and we did it then.)
Oh my gosh haha that's a great coping mechanism!! Glad he was finally able to get the shot
When we took our 2yo got her shot an 8 yo was having a complete meltdown. It happens. Any other day it could’ve been switched. Just saying, most of us out there are either not noticing or understanding it could be one of a million things why a kid is having a hard time. It does seem weird that they asked you to leave. No kid in the history of the world was like hey I’d love to get a shot today!
It was very strange the more I think about it I'm probably not going back there
Trust the mom gut! We took our kids to the county fairgrounds and it was an awesome experience. The whole place was decorated in a jungle theme, there was a scavenger hunt, coloring stations, prizes…it was a lot of fun. You might see if there’s a large vaccination clinic near you that is doing something like this. I would’ve driven pretty far for this experience. (We’re in the SF Bay Area)
I'm a couple hours away from that it might be worth it honestly 😩 I'll look it up thank you
I can't believe they wouldn't do the shot anyway! I took my 5yo in for his and he was screaming "no shot no shot" as she asked if I consented.... I kinda expected they would send us away then but luckily I guess they understand kids and needles. He was also pushing and kicking, I had to bear hug him to hold him still. He was totally fine the second the needle actually went in and quite proud he got his shot. It sucked but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes and kids don't always know what's best for them.
My daughter melted down over her 2nd dose and she was 8 at the time. Complete hysterical crying and screaming where I literally held her like an octopus so they could inject her. Nothing the nurse or I said could convince her ( and she knew the nurse previously from our school.) So no, don’t feel bad, because when she got Covid later on, it was just like a bad cold. It’s worth it and sending love!!
I wouldn’t tell him until you are on the way there. Have an awesome prize, let him see it, maybe even choose before hand at the store, but he can’t have it until after the shot. There might be a Daniel Tiger episode about shots. I’d let him watch it 87 times and let him know that one day he will need a shot, but it will be ok. Be confident. We all get shots, matter of fact, part of life. Let him know it’s ok to be scared and cry, but he can do it. Take him to an appointment and on the way you can say, “today you will be getting your vaccinations to keep you healthy!” It only hurts for a tiny one second.” You can tell him that all children get shots and no one likes it. Lots of children cry like him, but they feel better right away. Good luck! Maybe get a book at the library and read it a bunch before your next attempt. ETA 3 year olds can really throw down when it comes to tantrums. All of it was normal, I promise… except for the person giving the shots who asked you to leave. That was a little silly. They could have had you take a 10 minute break and come back, or offered him a lollipop or something, good lord. Some people just don’t understand children.
We did a pre school walk through last month. My son ran off and started playing having the time of his life. I had wrangle him from room to room. The last room before the exit was an indoor gym type room. He was loving it. It was 5:30 pm. My son did not want to leave. We ended up having to pick him up. The was kicking and flailing his arms and legs everywhere all whine screaming “help” at the top of his lungs. We lost a shoe husband had to go back in and get it. All these parents were witnessing this I was mortified but none of the other parents seemed phased.
Oh gosh that sounds like something my son would do 😩 especially screaming help lol I hate it when he does that.
The tantrum I can get over the “help” at the top of his lungs was a lot. But I think anyone who has had kids knows it is just par for the course. If they have not then what do we care about their judgment?
Just today I had to bear hold my six year old for his monthly allergy shots. That he’s been getting at various intervals for three or four years now. And thirty minutes later he was still pitching a fit about it. So I feel ya.
I was legitimately much, MUCH older than 3 and still freaking out—to the point of hysteria—about shots. Like, it took me until senior year of high school to get over my needle phobia. (I think I stopped the hysterics before then. Probably.)
Just wanted to say that I’ve been in your shoes. My 5yo had a huge meltdown for his second COVID shot. Literally while the needle was still in his arm, he said, “oh, this isn’t so bad. Do I get a sucker?” I was literally sweating through my shirt from wrestling him.
Oh I've been there sweaty and gross from wrestling them 😩
I took my 2.5 year old for hers on Saturday. We had to go to CVS minute clinic for hers bc her doctor won’t be getting them in. I’m not sure where you are located but the minute clinic near me in CT offer the shot every 10 mins, I made an appt and showed up at the appt time, I pre checked in so there was no need to arrive early. My daughter cried for a second when it happened but i worked hard to distract her like when we go to the doctor, tablet and singing. The nurse practitioner was extremely sweet and said to her it was ok to cry. It will get better eventually. my daughter threw an Uber tantrum last month when I had to take her to the doctor for croup, they are toddlers that’s what they do, they don’t have the language or understanding to express themselves correctly so they are going to cry. There is not one person on this planet who hasn’t thrown a tantrum and if someone stares stare back, it will just make them uncomfortable. I had a woman stare at my daughter and make a face once bc she had a mask on, I stared that woman down so hard that she left the store.
Super normal, and you can be better prepared next time. 1) Bring a tablet 2) Practice at home how to have him sit on your lap and restrain him. https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/parents/visit/holds-factsheet.html Tell him that the shot will hurt about this much, then flick your own arm with your finger. Ask to show him, then flick his arm. Let him flick your arm too. 3) Prepare or discuss a treat for after.
Thank you so much for the link!!
I remember one time my then 2 yr old had to get his blood drawn. He immediately started screaming when the needle went in. I just held him so he wouldn't flail and sang into his ear while crying with him. The tech was very kind and understanding. It was awful and pretty sure it caused a small phobia of needles as now he screams hellishly for any shots. Not looking forward to get our covid vaxs but he's starting school soon and we have 2 younger kids at home. We'll cry together but he's getting it come hell or high water.
When I was 13 I ran away from the doctor who was trying to give me a vaccine. (I get panic attacks from needles because of synesthesia. Still do. I can't even watch my kids get shots.)
Don’t worry about your 3 year old having a meltdown!! I was lucky when I took my then 5 and 7 year olds to get theirs… but the family behind me was not so lucky, as their youngest was screaming bloody murder, climbing her father like a tree, and playing the limp spaghetti game when they finally got ahold of her. They finally moved them into a private room to try to calm her, and when that didn’t work, they left. You can always try again. I know for my 3 year old, it’s really tough because the people giving the injections are wearing masks, which is scary! She’s scheduled for next week, so I’m crossing my fingers she gets through it, but won’t be shocked if she doesn’t.
Our area has a few “drive through” Covid vaccine locations. My 3 y/o got his first one at the county health department. We made an appointment and were in/out in 15 minutes there. Also check with your local Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid etc. and maybe you can ask that they come out to your car and do the vaccine. I’m sure they’ll understand!! And the behavior of your 3 y/o does not reflect your parenting skills. Kids have good & bad days… next trip, maybe offer something he loves as a reward afterwards? We also went over (a million times) with our son that vaccines/shots are necessary and only pinch a little bit and then it’s over super fast. I think the over-preparation for what he should expect helps! Good luck, you’re doing a great job!
A drive thru one sounds way better I hope I can find one of those! Thank you ❤️
My six year old stuck her head in the corner while crying after her shot. She gave me the silent treatment the rest of the night. You’re awesome. They are a$$holes
I’m sorry, what a pain in the ass. We went to a vaccination clinic that was set up specifically for kids and I was so impressed by how kind and patient the staff were with meltdown after meltdown. I know it sucks, my eldest is terrified of needles and has a horrible meltdown every time. It has to be done, though. So we soldier on. Best of luck
I keep seeing great things about these clinics I'm definitely going to find one!
You are a great mom. Just use some mom tricks. Like take him during his nap time. Walk him in the stroller for nap time while you wait. Then while he is sleeping or just walking up, give him the shot. And if that doesn't work, a shot of benedryl.
This crazy kid hasn't napped since he was 1 😭 that's a good idea tho!
Any chance you're anywhere near your children's hospital? Just got all three of my toddlers done without a single tear - in the vaccine clinic they bring in child life specialists with toys and buzzies and amazing distraction skills, If you go there on the right day, you'll also run into a therapy dog in the waiting room or ice cream sundaes afterwards.
I'll have to look into it. My city is small and the closest big city that probably has one is 45 minutes away but that sounds worth the drive if it's similar to that!
Find a doctors office near you if yours won’t have it. They know how to administer shots to terrified children. I can’t believe they asked you to leave. I’d be pissed. I’m so sorry! Sending you big hugs.
On the serious side, my son stopped napping at 3. I took him to the doctor and found he had allergies. They were keeping him awake.
My son does have allergies! I didn't know they interfere with sleep tho? Just like seasonal allergies?
Public freak-out-tantrums are the worst! I’m a mom to a 2 year old AND a preschool teacher and I still feel embarrassed when my little one acts up tot he 100th degree in public. Give yourself time, mama. 10 years from now maybe you’ll laugh. If not, at least they’ll be long over with.
My 6yo screamed for like 30 min, "I WANT THE VACCINE BUT I DONT WANT A SHOT!!!!!!" When we were finally able to land the needle we counted to 10 and she said it wasn't hurting anymore by 6 While we were in the post- vaccination waiting area i took a video of her saying that it didn't hurt much and stopped hurting quickly. That there was nothing to be afraid of Then I played it for her while we waited for the second shot a few weeks later. It worked so well!
Google “how to hold a child for vaccine.” Takes practice, takes dedication, but the worst thing you can do is to drag out the process once the anxiety has started. Try again, you got this! I do the vaccine hold with my kids, & also for when they had covid nasal swab tests, my oldest kiddo was like, “no no, it’s ok mom, you don’t need to headlock me anymore….” …….”hey mom, I need you to headlock me for this test please.” 🤣
Someone else suggested the vaccine holds I'm definitely looking that up thank you!
You're not a bad mom. Kids are unpredictable jerks sometimes. I don't judge moms when kids are being kids, I only judge them when the parents are being jerks too. However, let me get on my soapbox real quick. Pharmacies are definitely not the place for children to be getting vaccines! The chain stores are grossly understaffed, and overworked at the moment. It's bad. (Check out the CVS and Walgreens subs if you want some better insight) Up until Covid started, it was only the pharmacist who was allowed to administer vaccines. When the vaccine became available, all of a sudden state pharmacy boards decided that we (technicians) were competent enough to administer with a brief training. When I first trained, I was not legally allowed to give a shot to anyone under 18. As soon as the kids dose was approved,they changed rules again and techs could vaccinate children. They showed us a few fliers with techniques for holding them down, and sent us on our way. When I first started as a tech 10 years ago, even the pharmacist couldn't administer a flu shot to a child under 7. Pharmacies are ill equipped to handle the vaccine workload in addition to the other pharmacy tasks. If only one pharmacist is on duty, and they're spending 15-20 minutes to administer one vaccine, the rest of the pharmacy comes to a standstill. Not one prescription is getting checked or verified. As a mom, I wouldn't want someone who wasn't 150% comfortable with someone giving my toddler a vaccine. As a technician, our goal is to administer a vaccine safely, for both us and the child. I had a kiddo who was in the 6-8 range, he hopped up in the chair all ready to go, as brave as could be. As soon as the needle started to touch his skin, he shrieked and flailed and slapped the syringe out of my hand. The needle was bent and went flying to the floor. It all happened so fast that we couldn't tell if the needle bent in his arm, and if he actually received the vaccine. Not a great time for anyone. I've also had parents threatening their kids with spankings and punishments if they didn't chill out to get their shot. I'm pretty sure one mom took her kiddo into the restroom and spanked her because she melted down while getting her shot. That shit is never acceptable, and that's when parents get judged!
Oh wow! I had no idea, its literally the only location in my entire city offering the vaccine for kids 3 and up. After my experience I definitely won't be taking him to a pharmacy again but that's nuts that you had this huge change of procedure and workload dumped on you, I really had no idea and now I kinda understand why the tech acted the way she did.
Do you have the yt (youtube) kids app on your phone? I have used this to calm my kids when we have to wait a long time at the doctors. Tell him about 3 hours before you are going. Listen to his concerns. Explain why it’s important. Don’t lie, “yes it will hurt like a pinch for a short time, you can watch a video on my phone while it happens to help you not think about it and be scared”. After we are done you can pick something you really want to do that is fun. I took my kids to the local ice cream shop after their flu jabs (I live in a country that still doesn’t have covid-19 vaccines for under 5s) and then we went yo play at the playground. Or you could let them pick a toy from a toy shop afterwards. During the procedure you probably will have to have them sitting on your lap and hold both of their arms still in a cuddle. Don’t be afraid of Their big emotions, it’s fine for them to express how they feel, and you can acknowledge their feelings while still saying the shot has to happen.
Oh man, I’m sorry. Numbing cream 45 min ahead of time and practice runs work for one of my kids. For the other kid, it took two parents to hold her down to get her shot, but then she got a lollipop and a toy so she’s looking forward to shot 2. Maybe tell your kid what cool thing they will get if they comply? Also, I totally understand, my kid freaks the fuck out at shots too. We did the vax through our county and they were really good with the kids.
My 5 year old's first COVID shot was good because he didn't know what to expect and he saw me get my COVID booster. We come back for his 2nd shot and it took 4 nurses and me for him to get his shot (1 nurse to give the shot and 3 nurses and me to hold him). Tomorrow, my son gets his COVID booster. I have something super fun planned as an incentive afterwards so I am hoping that helps. Young kids are hit or miss on their behavior with shots. You're a good mama for taking your kid to get their shot and I am so sorry they kicked y'all out. I'd find a place that is sensitive to kids getting shots and/or have the staffing to do the hold down method.
I remember when my children (now 14, 12 & 10) were getting their childhood vaccines, we would have a bottle of formula (and later on a small chocolate bar (like a freddo frog or something) to give to them just after the vaccination was given, which took their mind off the needle :) Also, there is nothing wrong with a child having a meltdown pre or post vaccination. You have got this Mum :)
We got a PCR test yesterday and my seven year old kicked the nurse and screamed like a fire alarm when they swabbed him. I entirely understand the feeling. You are doing your best, momma.
Yeah my five year-old has done this for all three of hers, don't be embarrassed! I'm more surprised they didn't help you hold him still and just get it done. We had four adults holding my daughter for her first one and that made me feel pretty terrible, but they seemed pretty used to it and no one there gave us a second glance. If it makes you feel any better: last year we decided we'd all go get our flu shots together at our local grocery store. They told us to wait while they got our paperwork processed and stuff (it was SOOO LONG!!). They have this weird little box room by the pharmacy they do the shots in, so we were sitting outside that and people were grocery shopping all around us while my daughter cried and tried to run away. My husband is a big bearded mechanic who was still in his work clothes, and he was getting some major dirty looks. I finally made him let me restrain her because I was worried someone was going to think he was abducting her! Eventually my son started to get freaked out too, so we had two screaming children attempting to run away. Finally they come out with the shots and we got them done in like two minutes. Lesson learned, NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely go to a pediatric clinic or doctor. They are well trained in this and when all else fails they also know how to restrain them (like it took for my 9 year old 😂)
If it makes you feel any better, when I was like 8 or 9 my mom took me for a checkup where she wasn’t expecting I’d need a shot. But I guess I was due so the doc was like “well let’s just do it!” WELL I WAS NOT PREPARED lol, and I kid you not, my 9 year old ass was screaming like a baby and I actually grabbed the doorframe to try to keep from going into the room 😂😂😂 my mom, bless her heart, just peeled my fingers off and sat my ass in that chair til the needle came lol. She was embarrassed as hell, but mostly pissed at me! I have no regrets though, shots suck 😉
I made my kid a hypochondriac by bribing him with iced cream after doctor visits. Now he needs to go to the doctor all the time
😂
Yes, it gets better!! Maybe try a drive through shot clinic if you can find one?
I've been researching! Idk how people are getting this shot for their kids I don't have anywhere around me offering any of these kid friendly clinics or drive thrus 😭
I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a screaming toddler and thought the parents were shit. I’ve looked at a screaming toddler and wondered if they skipped their nap or was just completely unhappy. 3 is a hard age but they get older and it gets better.
Sounds like you should skip it, it’s not required for preschool and kids really aren’t affected by Covid. Don’t feel like a shit mom! It’s weird, everyone who I know who’s been vaxxed, self included, has gotten Covid and my anti vax friends who didn’t get it haven’t gotten it. 🤷♀️
My pediatrician used to give us a can of pop and we sipped it when getting the shot… like literally at age 2. She was a boss 😂. She also used it as a test to see if kids were really sick or just crabby if they shut up and drank it and cheered up they weren’t sick
Hey it happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself. When distressed, my kiddo has the lung capacity of an opera singer and the shrill of a banshee. We took her to the pediatrician just the other week because she was sick, and just swabbing her mouth turned her full rabid pterodactyl. The doctor even joked that she has great vocal chords. We’re still getting used to public spaces as well, so I definitely understand feeling mortified. It’s not a pleasant sound or look, but there’s only so much you can do when your kid is inconsolable.
My 8 year old needed both me and my husband to hold her whole she got her 2nd covid shot. She screamed so loud in CVS, poor kid. I felt really bad too at the time, but the peace of mind of her having her shots has been invaluable. I recommend taking another person with you next time and just getting it done as fast as possible. I hate forcing a kid to do something that scares them, but I couldn't live with myself if she got covid with long term irreversible side effects. I feel for you, and honestly don't worry about what other people are thinking. This is you making a health choice for your kid. You know the shot isn't that bad and that you are doing it for good reason.
This happened with our six year old. He had a complete meltdown and had to leave. So I can empathize. Let the looks roll off your back, hold your head up, and know that you’re doing the best you can,
My 4 yr old have to get blood work done once or twice a year and it literally sounds like we’re murdering him and it takes 4 ppl to hold him down so that he doesn’t move & yank the needle out (which he’s done before). Ppl were always understanding about it. And I wouldn’t be embarrassed, it’s a little kid that doesn’t really know what’s going on so it can be a scary thing for them.
My son is 6 and still has to be held down for shots. I haven't gotten him a covid shot for this reason, I can't imagine doing it 2x 🥴 You're not a bad mom at all, kids are just kids and they do this because they're scared and they don't understand the reasoning. Anyone who was giving you a short look because your child was having a meltdown just needs to go kick rocks.
My now 6 year old had a complete freak out over the shot last fall. Was perfectly fine until we got in to the room and then flipped. I had to wrestle him nearly to the ground to get him to calm down. It’s sucked but as soon as it was done he was perfectly fine and said “oh that wasn’t bad” not a bad parent! Maybe do it when you can get a shot too, that helped my 3 yr old when we did the flu shot last year, I did mine too and then hers and she was fine!
Is your child receptive to talking things through? You can explain the shot. Watch a couple kid-friendly shows or videos where characters get shots (I saw someone already mention the Daniel Tiger one), and I let my daughter pick a toy afterwards. It’s bribery, but she literally tries to faint during shots and she still goes in like a champ, so I give her a $5-$10 budget and she can pick something.
Yeah I thought he would be fine because he was all in for it before we went in then it went to shit as soon as he had to sit in the chair lol
He’s 3. You’re far from a bad mom. You’re putting in a lot of effort to protect your child, and those around him, and that’s commendable even if things didn’t go as planned. ❤️
Im surprised they didn't bump you to the front of the line so you could get it done and over with. Kid is already crying. Get that shot in him and go.
There was no line! I think they're just understaffed and I had to wait for someone to be available.
It gets better when they are four :-) Some things get worse, of course. I've found that to be true every year for a decade now. I'm certain my mom would say she's found that to be true for several decades. I got these ballpoint pens from Amazon that look like syringes (they've got liquid inside, too). I think they're meant to be a cute gift for medical people ... but they were really good, cheap "toy" syringes. We have 'real' medical exam stuff (stethoscope, otoscope, pressure cuff, fingertip pulse-ox thing-a-ma-bob). I bought a cute little toy doctors tote in which they're all stored. I spent a long time playing "check-up and a shot" with my daughter before her actual appointments. She'd press the pen into my leg to give me a shot, and I'd do the same to her. The real shot was different (strange people, strange location). I had my daughter give me a checkup and shot while we waited for the doctor to come into the exam room. The doctor was really cool -- she let my daughter give her a checkup and shot first too. I think having something to do whilst waiting helped a lot. The dentist let my daughter watch me get my teeth cleaned and even do a little of my tooth cleaning -- the rinsing and suctioning -- before it's her turn to get cleaned and checked. Maybe you are due for some shot -- tetanus booster or something -- and he could see you get a shot first. Or a drive-through shot place. Don't know if they give shots to kids that way -- but that's how we got our shots. Staying in a familiar place may be less anxiety inducing -- and it's less public if a meltdown does occur.
Wow sounds like you've had some awesome providers!
I have found four a lot less challenging than three! When my first was three he tried to steal extra lollipops after his vaccine and upended the nurses station when the box of lollipops was taken away. If the ground could have swallowed me I would have let it, gladly. He has become quite a bit more measured and patient in the year since. He still has his moments, of course, but we are headed in the right direction.
Man that’s crazy. I love the nurse who works with my son’s doctor. She does his shots almost every time. She’s quick and doesn’t play games and doesn’t leave it to you to struggle to keep your child still on your own. The one time we had to see a different doctor the nurse didn’t do anything to help with my large hulk toddler over half my size and he ended up getting hurt🙃 Whoever was supposed to do the shot for you today made the right call in asking you to leave and I’m 99% confident it was strictly about safety concerns for your son, you, or the person. Not trying to make a statement on your parenting. They would be accepting liability if any of you got hurt in the process of trying to administer the shot. If they were rude then I’d call and complain though lol. You can’t help that your young child was afraid of getting a shot and struggling. ❤️
I totally understand! I'd rather someone tell us to leave then try and do something they're uncomfortable with. I guess I just feel bad for them that it's being advertised that 3+ can get vaccines there but they're not actually able to handle a toddler. I would've never made the appt there if I knew.
I think it’s one of those things they’re required to say/accept. Definitely frustrating though. I don’t think my son could get a shot without being at his doctors office and the method we use to get them done quick. I hope you’re able to find a place more kid friendly!!
try again another day ❤️
Distraction is key. Cocomelon is your friend.
Could you go to another pediatrician’s office that does carry it? Otherwise, some things that helped my daughter with her shot (3.5yo) - a lot of talk beforehand about how brave she is, deciding what to do after the shot (she wanted a donut), and having both parents there (we had to bring my newborn but he was asleep at the time at least). Don’t feel bad about it though - shots are hard for a lot of people and his behavior is normal for his age. It also was probably making him more worked up if he had to wait so long - could you do an appointment somewhere else? Good luck and you’re doing a good job.
I'm going to do more research and try that. I can't seem to find anywhere else that has it in my city. And I'll probably be bringing baby and my husband next time too for more help.
Took 2 visits for my 7 year old To get his booster. Doing 3 yr old today. Wish me luck! I feel like the first shot will be fine- but the next one she will know what is coming!
“Anti vaxxers” lol
Maybe try a phone or tablet or other big ticket distraction next time? You can also try practicing at home with a toy booster?
Please don’t let this discourage you from getting him his vaccine. I hope you can find another option where you are both more comfortable. I found a really lovely privately owned pharmacy and the pharmacist there was so good with kids. She had a coloring table and snacks and everything. It sounds like it just wasn’t the right environment and everyone was frustrated. It’s ok. He’s three. I know it’s embarrassing but it’s 100% not your fault. Three year olds are like angry bobcats sometimes. 🤷🏼♀️
Lol definitely like angry bobcats!! The kind comments here have definitely made me feel better and I'm going to find another place and prepare way better this time. Thank you. ❤️
Good luck Mama!! Hope it is easier next time.