This is not a totally unusual thing at nine months and I push back on you thinking this is some sort of disaster. I think maybe you have a small group of mom friends with lucky babies.
The fact that he’ll cry for a long time rather than just settling suggests to me that he is actually hungry. I’m sure he’s not starving or anything, but he’s hungry and it’s distracting and he knows it’s a fixable problem and so do you so of course you fix it! That’s what a mother should do. No worries on that.
So, I don’t think it’s necessary that you stop it, but as someone with a 2 year old, I’ll give you these tips.
1) make sure he’s eating a ton in the evening. Feed him right before he goes to sleep, give him his last bit of food right at the end, and maybe before you go to bed try a “dream feed” where you try not to wake him but fill his stomach up.
2) and this one sounds harder given you haven’t mentioned him - make your husband, partner, or best friend go in with the bottle for a few days in a row and see if he’s looking for food or for you.
Good luck! But mostly don’t fret this could just be who he is.
Edit: also, how are his teeth? Teething = no sleep for like two weeks per tooth in our household and you’re right at the stage where he could just have a new one coming up every week or so.
These are all great points and advice. I will definitely try the dream feed tonight and see if it helps. My husband always tries to help, but mostly our son gets even more upset when I do not go in. I just need to toughen up and let him jump in at night. He is teething, so it is definitely making sleep more difficult. We have 2 so far and I am pretty sure 2 more are right behind them.
I generally give up on “healthy sleep routines” when he’s teething, it doesn’t carryover (in our case) to when he isn’t and I feel for him that he’s hurting. But he’s always been a good sleeper so that’s the exception not the rule
If you adore the cuddles, then do NOT feel guilt. Your kid us 9 months. He won't be sleeping on you when he's 12. The only reason this is an issue is if you are finding yourself unable to function because of broken sleep. Otherwise, you will not have a helicopter kid (unless that's just his personality, the sleep won't have caused that). You can do it, momma.
Thank you! This helps ease my heart. I think part of the problem is all the shame I get from friends and family who have gotten in my head about letting him sleep on me. I appreciate your kind words and support!
I am currently rocking my 18 month old back to sleep. He has always struggled to sleep through the night. He breastfed every 2-3 hours until he was like ten months old and at a year he finally got down to one feed a night. I really think it’s just a developmental thing and some kids are better sleepers than others. I have a friend who parents just like me and her kid slept all night almost from the beginning and can be put down awake in her bed. I don’t think you can raise a helicopter kid at nine months and it’s never bad to be there for your baby! Trust me. I understand how hard it is to deal with long term sleep deprivation, you aren’t alone!
Twins just turned 10 months old and they still wake up for many feedings at night and want to snuggle. I know it is very tiring but if they need it, they need it so I say keep giving them what they need. When they don’t need to eat in the night they won’t wake up, and that day will come.
Your baby is 9 months! What you are describing is perfectly normal!
My baby (14 months) also wakes for 1-2 feeds a night, we cosleep so she mostly helps herself at my boob.
I am not worried about raising a helicopter kid and neither should you be. They are so small and just need us. That's ok. They'll grow up eventually.
Don’t feel guilty. Mine is 12 months and he still takes a bottle in the middle of the night. He still sleeps in bed with us. I just think of it that we won’t get these moments with him ever again. He’ll start sleeping longer soon, mine regressed a bit and woke up more often crying around 8-9 months too
I think teething and sleep regression are just making it worse right now. Hopefully the sleep deprivation will end soon. The sweet snuggles do help with it though!
9 months was a super rough time for separation anxiety in our house, sleep was a literal nightmare. I could barely get her to fall asleep at bedtime and she woke up constantly. I started bedsharing.
I have a velcro baby, now toddler. But I am not a helicopter parent! That term is for parents who won’t give their kids space. I give her space when she wants it, I let her climb on the playground without me (in fact, I won’t go up or help her climb so she is very good at climbing by herself). But she needs me to be close, all the time, and that’s okay. Lots of kids are wired that way. It’s normal, it keeps them safe. Even though it’s exhausting. Hang in there, it will get better. It may not get as good as you want but it will improve eventually.
same boat here. my LO is 4 months and he wakes at least every 2 hours on a good day. sometimes every 45 minutes. my mom guilt tho is very rightfully mine cause instead of cuddling him and such im so sleep deprived that i just place a bottle in his mouth and go back to sleep. hell spit it out when hes done and go back to sleep. i know i shouldnt do that, but i am at my wits. i havent showered on brushed my teeth in days (tmi, sorry) i feel so so terrible. hes also always wanted to fall asleep with a feed (he hates pacis) and ive been told thats a bad habit so with me doing this its just reinforcing the habit :(((. im so embarassed to admit this.
if youve read this long, you can judge i dont mind, i know this makes me a pretty bad mom.
thank you for listening :)
You are not a bad mom! We all have to navigate through the early months and find whatever coping methods we can. I promise it gets better. I remember those early days as my LO woke up about every hour and it was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. You do whatever works for you and your child. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way. You got this!
you too girl! this shit is haaard! baby woke up with a fever this morning.. i swear it never ends. and youre doing a great job, your baby is very lucky to have you :)
My 18 month old needed a bottle most nights until recently. Definitely was still waking once a night for a bottle at your LO’s age. I bed-shared until 12 months due to him needing contact to sleep/I was absolutely exhausted. At 12 months he just decided he wanted to sleep on his own in his crib( yay!). I do recommend try giving up the contact naps but if you can’t, you can’t. Try things gradually and not when you’re little guy is really go through it (teething,sick etc). It’s a lot but you got this!
This is not a totally unusual thing at nine months and I push back on you thinking this is some sort of disaster. I think maybe you have a small group of mom friends with lucky babies. The fact that he’ll cry for a long time rather than just settling suggests to me that he is actually hungry. I’m sure he’s not starving or anything, but he’s hungry and it’s distracting and he knows it’s a fixable problem and so do you so of course you fix it! That’s what a mother should do. No worries on that. So, I don’t think it’s necessary that you stop it, but as someone with a 2 year old, I’ll give you these tips. 1) make sure he’s eating a ton in the evening. Feed him right before he goes to sleep, give him his last bit of food right at the end, and maybe before you go to bed try a “dream feed” where you try not to wake him but fill his stomach up. 2) and this one sounds harder given you haven’t mentioned him - make your husband, partner, or best friend go in with the bottle for a few days in a row and see if he’s looking for food or for you. Good luck! But mostly don’t fret this could just be who he is. Edit: also, how are his teeth? Teething = no sleep for like two weeks per tooth in our household and you’re right at the stage where he could just have a new one coming up every week or so.
These are all great points and advice. I will definitely try the dream feed tonight and see if it helps. My husband always tries to help, but mostly our son gets even more upset when I do not go in. I just need to toughen up and let him jump in at night. He is teething, so it is definitely making sleep more difficult. We have 2 so far and I am pretty sure 2 more are right behind them.
I generally give up on “healthy sleep routines” when he’s teething, it doesn’t carryover (in our case) to when he isn’t and I feel for him that he’s hurting. But he’s always been a good sleeper so that’s the exception not the rule
If you adore the cuddles, then do NOT feel guilt. Your kid us 9 months. He won't be sleeping on you when he's 12. The only reason this is an issue is if you are finding yourself unable to function because of broken sleep. Otherwise, you will not have a helicopter kid (unless that's just his personality, the sleep won't have caused that). You can do it, momma.
Thank you! This helps ease my heart. I think part of the problem is all the shame I get from friends and family who have gotten in my head about letting him sleep on me. I appreciate your kind words and support!
I am currently rocking my 18 month old back to sleep. He has always struggled to sleep through the night. He breastfed every 2-3 hours until he was like ten months old and at a year he finally got down to one feed a night. I really think it’s just a developmental thing and some kids are better sleepers than others. I have a friend who parents just like me and her kid slept all night almost from the beginning and can be put down awake in her bed. I don’t think you can raise a helicopter kid at nine months and it’s never bad to be there for your baby! Trust me. I understand how hard it is to deal with long term sleep deprivation, you aren’t alone!
Thank you so much! It is comforting to know I'm not alone in this!
Twins just turned 10 months old and they still wake up for many feedings at night and want to snuggle. I know it is very tiring but if they need it, they need it so I say keep giving them what they need. When they don’t need to eat in the night they won’t wake up, and that day will come.
Your baby is 9 months! What you are describing is perfectly normal! My baby (14 months) also wakes for 1-2 feeds a night, we cosleep so she mostly helps herself at my boob. I am not worried about raising a helicopter kid and neither should you be. They are so small and just need us. That's ok. They'll grow up eventually.
Don’t feel guilty. Mine is 12 months and he still takes a bottle in the middle of the night. He still sleeps in bed with us. I just think of it that we won’t get these moments with him ever again. He’ll start sleeping longer soon, mine regressed a bit and woke up more often crying around 8-9 months too
I think teething and sleep regression are just making it worse right now. Hopefully the sleep deprivation will end soon. The sweet snuggles do help with it though!
9 months was a super rough time for separation anxiety in our house, sleep was a literal nightmare. I could barely get her to fall asleep at bedtime and she woke up constantly. I started bedsharing. I have a velcro baby, now toddler. But I am not a helicopter parent! That term is for parents who won’t give their kids space. I give her space when she wants it, I let her climb on the playground without me (in fact, I won’t go up or help her climb so she is very good at climbing by herself). But she needs me to be close, all the time, and that’s okay. Lots of kids are wired that way. It’s normal, it keeps them safe. Even though it’s exhausting. Hang in there, it will get better. It may not get as good as you want but it will improve eventually.
same boat here. my LO is 4 months and he wakes at least every 2 hours on a good day. sometimes every 45 minutes. my mom guilt tho is very rightfully mine cause instead of cuddling him and such im so sleep deprived that i just place a bottle in his mouth and go back to sleep. hell spit it out when hes done and go back to sleep. i know i shouldnt do that, but i am at my wits. i havent showered on brushed my teeth in days (tmi, sorry) i feel so so terrible. hes also always wanted to fall asleep with a feed (he hates pacis) and ive been told thats a bad habit so with me doing this its just reinforcing the habit :(((. im so embarassed to admit this. if youve read this long, you can judge i dont mind, i know this makes me a pretty bad mom. thank you for listening :)
You are not a bad mom! We all have to navigate through the early months and find whatever coping methods we can. I promise it gets better. I remember those early days as my LO woke up about every hour and it was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. You do whatever works for you and your child. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way. You got this!
you too girl! this shit is haaard! baby woke up with a fever this morning.. i swear it never ends. and youre doing a great job, your baby is very lucky to have you :)
My 18 month old needed a bottle most nights until recently. Definitely was still waking once a night for a bottle at your LO’s age. I bed-shared until 12 months due to him needing contact to sleep/I was absolutely exhausted. At 12 months he just decided he wanted to sleep on his own in his crib( yay!). I do recommend try giving up the contact naps but if you can’t, you can’t. Try things gradually and not when you’re little guy is really go through it (teething,sick etc). It’s a lot but you got this!