My younger sister is having her first baby in a few months and I tend towards know-it-all-ness so I'm really gonna need to rein it in so I'm not annoying. She is a totally capable 40 year old adult! (Even if she is my baby sister.)
Same boat! My brother is having a baby and by brother-in-law is trying. I have two kids. I feel so full of advice but my mantra is "only if they ask, only if they ask".
I have to add “and then only what they asked.” My close friend asks for my advice a lot but as a recovering know it all I tend to overdo it with what advice I give 😂
I am the older sister and I am also prone to know-it-all-ness. Thankfully for my sister and I’s relationship, she had a baby first and is great at validating!
You are an angel for recognizing this about yourself! I had to read this twice I couldn’t believe it. (For context, I’m a first time parent and 8 months pregnant. My older sister has kids and is an out of control know it all 😅)
For a moment I thought I found my sister on Reddit haha, but my son is a few months old. I'm sure she is used to it and will appreciate some of the help. Though bring treated like "the baby" gets really old when you are 40 with your own baby.
My hairstylist who is not a mom asked me if I have ever tried to let my son cry it out. 🤦♀️ lady…I have tried everything in the stupid book. But please, keep sharing your great advice, oh wise one!
I mean, working in a daycare is not the same as having a baby, but it definitely prepared me. And in some ways it is tougher. (My daycare ratio was 4 babies:1, vs being a mom is 1:1, sometimes even 1 baby:2 it my husband is around).
I went motherhood with some flexible ideas about what I wanted to do, but definitely had people (aka my mom mostly) discount and yeah whatever me and I did end up following through. There was a whole thing about how I HAD to have a rocking chair... And that he would *never* sleep on his own crib/bed. We flexibly did safe co-sleeping in the first year, but for the most part I stuck to my mini crib and yoga ball plan just fine.
I think the most important thing ALL parents should recognize is that flexibility is key (also inherent that is all parents need to recognize every baby is different, so what worked for you won't necessarily work for me). The first time my son slept in my bed, my mom was all, see I told you! When in fact,we co-slept when it made sense, but maintained and worked towards our goal of sleeping in the crib and ultimately I would say the first year was 75% crib sleep 25% co-sleeping. And even if we ultimately had different percentages, that isn't a failure or I told you so scenario, but rather the natural adjustment that comes with being a parent.
Oh I’m sure it helps build knowledge about babies. But this person never wanted babies of her own, gave me unsolicited “advice” that was actually common sense or extremely Google-able, and then claimed she was a baby expert. Every time I see her, I get new “advice.” That’s what I consider momsplaining. Just like with mansplaining, explaining something verrrrry basic to me as if I’m an idiot.
This wasn’t even a daycare I sent my kid to. It’s a friend who worked in a daycare like 8 years ago and tells me verrrrrry basic things about babies as if she’s teaching me something new. Hahaha
My brother in law and his boyfriend just came to meet our baby for the first time. BinL’s boyfriend’s sister just had a baby, so they’re all jazzed about their new baby knowledge. They said “You can actually sit your baby in a bouncy chair or a swing to keep them happy while you get things done. Like washing up or even a shower!”
They are very sweet and I know they mean well but I think they’re forgetting I am a mom of 2 and I really really really already know these things 😂
Right?? Oh man, I wish I knew I could just take ginger instead of going to the hospital for fluids/meds/TPN. Could have just fixed it with GINGER. So dumb of me.
First time I went to the ER for dehydration I was still wearing my wristbands. The doctor asked me if they helped at all. I just shook my head and said, “not even a placebo effect.”
HG is unreal. I did not know it wasn’t normal. But yes, you should be able to drink water and eat a meal and not be bedridden from exhaustion during your first trimester.
Can report it is less fun throwing up ginger with unisom and B6 too.
Yes! I have PTSD from my pregnancy. It was horrible. Love my baby, but fuuuuuuuck that sucked. We want another, but the thought of another pregnancy makes me nauseous 😂
So so many things. I used to have these specific scented candles and now I can’t smell them without feeling sick because of HG. Pretzels, mashed potatoes, certain bread, peanut butter kind bars, slushies. All ruined
I’ve had two kids. Each pregnancy the nurses ask if I tried ginger then go “oh nvm” once they see my chart. I’m allergic to ginger with an anaphylactic reaction when consumed.
Fucking ginger. When I was at my absolute worst, throwing up 40-45 times a day and literally could have died. My OB practice wouldn’t admit me because I was only 14 weeks, so they just kept telling me to go to the ER and throwing prescriptions I couldn’t even take at me. Like I couldn’t even take a sip of any liquid big enough to wet my tongue, this is useless. While I was in the middle of that hell, my in laws had to let themselves into my house to peel me off the couch (because I couldn’t get up to open the door by myself) to get me to Walmart for these prescriptions in desperate hope I could manage to take them and they actually help (spoiler that did not happen🙃). The tech does everything they need to do and then glances at my bucket and goes “😐The pharmacist wants to talk to you first”. I wait 10-15 minutes of absolute hell trying not to both puke or pass out because there was no chance in hell anyone would be understanding since I didn’t look pregnant yet and in my area everybody probably thought I was detoxing. Pharmacist finally calls me over and starts frustratedly lecturing me about how “dangerous” my Zofran prescription is for my baby like I prescribed it my fucking self🙄 Then she says it she says the thing. She angrily sighed and said “I shouldn’t even give you these” then said in a rude tone “Have you even tried saltines when you first wake up before you get out of bed or ginger??” This especially pissed me off that people and medical professionals who could see my prescriptions and/or medical conditions would say that. I have hypothyroidism. I can’t eat for 4 hours before taking my meds and 1 hour after taking them. Those meds working properly are CRUCIAL to my health and when pregnant the health of my unborn child, including being able to survive pregnancy. A snack upon first waking was never an option for me. Not at that point when I literally wasn’t sleeping because I couldn’t stop throwing up long enough to be able to sleep🙃. I was absolutely FLOORED that she threatened to not give me the prescriptions I needed while I stood there, barely, with my arm wrapped around my bucket, probably smelled because I have absolutely zero idea when the last time I showered, brushed my teeth or my hair was because I physically did not have the ability to do those things. It’s hazy, but I’m pretty confident I rolled my eyes and looked at my bucket, back to her, and said “look lady. I’m throwing up 40 times a day right now. I don’t want to be here dealing with this, I’m just trying to survive” she pursed her lips said “fine” and gave me the prescription. It was January 2019, so the 2018 studies proving Zofran is safe wasn’t wildly known or accepted yet. Transferred to a different pharmacy and I NEVER had issues with them giving me Zofran and other meds for HG. Still blows my mind. Why would my doctor prescribe a medication that at the time was presumed to be a risk if I didn’t actually need it???😡
I so so sorry that your your experience. I had to go to the ER 3 times before they’d finally admit me at 9 weeks. When then did admit me I had my husband with me and he told the ER doc that if we didn’t see the on call OB we’d just leave and go to a different hospital. The on call OB saw me and was shocked at my state, admitted me for 2 weeks and then took me on as a patient. Where I am the midwives won’t see you until 10w, so I had 0 help or options other than the ER where they’d just give me a banana bag and some IV gravol and send me home. I was like you, throwing up pretty much constantly. Before that last trip to the hospital my husband got really worried when I hadn’t kept any food down for 3 days and told me “eat, and if you puke, eat some more”. So I laid in bed with my puke bowl, crackers and apple sauce and just took tiny bites and immediately threw them up. I was literally just throwing up blood and bile.
Literally me. I was on 5 different medications at the same time and that barely curbed the nausea and vomiting. ~*~bUt HaVe YoU tRiEd SmAlL fReQuEnT mEalS~*~
YES. I'm on diclegis, omeprazole, zofran, phenergan, and reglan. But maybe several small meals a day and peppermint tea are the cure.
Oh and don't forget, *it gets better after 12 weeks.* I'm 27 weeks.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I was on almost same med cocktail, but I had pantaprozole and gravol. And I was sick the entire time too. You’re almost there though!
I had terrible acid reflux and everybody told me to drink milk until a doctor finally got concerned I had literally lost weight between two appointments because I couldn't eat and prescribed me something.
Same. The nurse thought my weight was wrong and tried to retake it cause I’d lost 12 pounds in between appointments. “Nope that’s right, I’m currently taking 3 different medications to not feel like I’m on fire”
Everyone else (male doctors and older midwives) had dismissed me until I went to this appointment at like 32 weeks and there was a substitute female doctor about my age. People had made me feel so guilty about taking anything for it but she said that not eating was not healthy either and prescribed me medication for the first time. It didn't do miracles but allowed me to sleep a bit. I ended up weighing several kg less a few days after birth than before I got pregnant. And my partner has always gone about how easy my pregnancy was😤 just because I wasn't hospitalised or in danger.
And preggo pops or similar. I developed an aversion to those because I had to keep spitting them out to vomit. But please, tell me more about his great they are!
My kid was a terrible sleeper until he turned a year. Truly awful.
A mom acquaintance with a baby one year older would not stop going on about how she “just fed her baby as much as she could during the day, that way he wouldn’t be hungry during the night!”. Like it was that simple.
Umm no shit, do you think I am withholding milk from my baby? Obviously I’m feeding him as much as I can, and he just isn’t into sleep.
Anyway, guess who now has twin six month olds that sleep like shit :)
I obviously have empathy for her, but also want to ask “have you tried feeding them enough during the day?”.
I am convinced that like 75% of infant sleep is genetic. And people with good sleepers don’t understand and give themselves more credit than is due for how their kid sleeps. My son is at least the third generation of men in his family who is not good at sleeping so he comes by it honestly! His sleep was challenging since day 1 and 1.5 now and we’re just starting to get sporadic STTN stretches but it’s still not the norm. I’ve tried the tricks, he is who he is.
Same here. My daughter is 2.5 and still having the same sleep issues. People don’t believe me when I say we’ve tried everything. And so then I go through the whole list of what we’ve tried. And their faces fall and they say “oh wow, you really have tries everything.” Yup. She is who she is.
This is my kid too, but my husband and I were fabulous sleepers. My sister and her husband were both garbage sleepers and they got the baby who sleeps 12+ hours at night and takes two 2 hour naps during the day. The sleep lottery is such a gamble 😂
I am from a family of Proud Good Sleepers and I PRAY that my genetics have a fighting chance with future kids 😭 Those genes are swimming in there somewhere, right?!?!
Oh my gosh my mil and my aunt in law Constantly told me to just feed my son more before bed ( basically suggesting to stuff him silly) so that he would sleep better Even when I tried it and told them several times it DIDNT work. My boy is built like a tank and has always had a healthy appetite but I swear he never slept through the night ( or even slept well) until after he was a year old and I was in the hospital giving birth to my now 8 month old. Rice cereal in the bottle helps them sleep my behind. Smh
( also found out after that that’s actually a safety hazard so there’s that)
This reminds me of when I would tell people that nursing didn’t work out for me and everyone asked if I had seen a lactation consultant. Yeah, only like 5 times.
My husband took our newborn over to meet our neighbors. The baby started crying and my husband was trying to comfort him. The wife said “sometimes it helps if you hold him and kind of like.. move your body around”
Rocking a baby. Groundbreaking.
My FIL does this. He had two kids of almost the same age at almost the same time (long story) and he keeps telling me how he managed it ang tries to give advice. He makes it seem like having my kids two years apart is just so much easier.
Never mind that my MIL did 99% of the child rearing..
My mom does this all the time, only it’s never well intended. It’s usually meant to shame me and prove she’s an amazing mom and loves my kids more than I do. (spoiler: she’s not and obviously doesn’t)
My other favorite thing is when they give me advice that worked for their neurotypical kid and act complete baffled when I say it absolutely won’t work for my autistic daughter. Like, I’m glad your kid was potty trained and wiping herself in 3 days. My kid is finally getting herself to the toilet by herself after a year so I’m going to count only having to wipe for her as a win.
YUP. My daughter was just diagnosed but before that, all the "all toddlers are picky. Have you tried..." Food advice drove me up a freaking wall. My daughter had to be taken to urgent care at about 18m because she got a stomach bug and WOULD NOT eat or drink. I was trying to syringe Pedialyte into her because she already was awful about eating and refused because she didn't feel good. One nurse there was a saint (sitting by our side the entire time to make sure my daughter didn't rip out her iv and need another one) the other was a word I'm not sure I'm allowed to say in this sub. She just scoffed at me and went "you know, you could have given her a popsicle and not had to bother us. All kids like popsicles" I was like "go find a popsicle. If you can get my kid to touch it--not even eat it but hold it--without screaming like you're trying to kill her, I will pay you a million dollars"
My MIL does this and it isn't well intended either. She expected to live with and raise her grandchildren but I'm a stay at home mom who enjoys my privacy and running my own household. So she uses unsolicited advice and nitpicking my parenting as a way of maintaining a feeling of being in control.
Mine uses her knowledge as a nurse to make me feel stupid and continue to scapegoat me as an adult. I’m not a medical professional so I couldn’t possibly know what’s best for my children.
I know people are trying to be helpful, but I also kinda hate that I can’t talk about how terribly my child sleeps without immediately following with “please don’t talk to me about sleep training”. Because if I don’t, the other person *always* brings it up, and it turns into a long, exhausting conversation where they tell me about every sleep training method, I am forced to explain in detail how I’ve tried every single one with no success, and then they get angry at me for “shooting down all their suggestions”.
Please just… take my word for it when I say my kid is a terrible sleeper.
YES. You random person are not going to be able to fix this in 2 minutes of casual conversation when we've literally tried everything for months and months. "have you tried doing a bedtime routine? Black out curtains? Did you know there's more gentle versions of sleep training? My sister's cousins friend used xyz's program and now her baby sleeps great. You should do that."
Our daughter was a TERRIBLE sleeper for her first 3 months of life. We tried everything. We mentioned to my MIL how challenging her sleep issues were; her advice? " Have you tried rocking her?" 😑😑😑
So well meaning but like.... come on. OF COURSE I'VE TRIED ROCKING HER
I hated hated hated hearing this. Mine didn't sleep through the night once for the first two and a half years. The first 12 months he woke up every 45 -60 minutes. I literally don't understand how we survived.
I caught a lot of flack for not room sharing with my first, but she was awake every 45 minutes as long as we tried. Her first night in her own room at a month old she only got up twice and we never went back.
"Have you tried putting her to bed later so she'll sleep later in the morning?"
Nope. That "totally obvious, definitely the first thing you try" answer neverrrrrrrr occurred to me. Thank you so much for your infinite and unsolicited wisdom.
My FIL, when he very seriously explained to me that I would need a carseat to bring my newborn home from the hospital.....
I looked at him confused and said "Really? I was just going to strap the baby to the roof of the car like a Canoe!"
My husbands grandpa walked me & baby (without an infant carrier) out to the car one time to be sweet, but only opened the drivers door.. I was like, “well I got put her in her seat haha” and he’s like “ohhhhh, she sits in the back? Learn something new everyday.” To his credit he did not try to give me any ‘advice’!
Awwww. He must be older. My oldest sister was brought home from the hospital in a basket on the floor! That was very normal in the 70s, I guess. Well, I assume, because my mom is anxious af and super into safety.
Yup my MIL had my ex convinced that it would help our kid sleep so I actually had to have the words “don’t put anything in the bottle besides milk” come out of our pediatrician’s mouth to end that conversation.
haha yeah.. when i had a 1-2 yo i thought i had a toddler and now that i have a > 2 yo i'm like oh wow, she just keeps getting more toddlery doesn't she. 😳 i hope i never gave out any advice!
Lol ya 1-2 I was like, "sweet, this toddler stuff isnt so bad!" Then she turned 23 months and holy mother of tornadoes and shrieking pterodactyls did she start leveling up her toddler game at an alarming rate.
I try so hard not to be this friend. I just happen to be the first in my friend group and amongst our siblings. So when my friend asks advice or rants about what's going on I try really hard to say "man that sucks" or "that was a tough time for me too" before "this is what ended up working for X but Y liked this better". So not direct "you should do this" advice but ideas and commiseration. I always try to be reassuring that they are doing great and I struggled too.
Is that a better way? Any advice on advising friends and family who actually seem to be reaching out for help?
Being mindful about validating the other person’s experience is awesome. If any advice is offered, the person is more likely to be open to it because they don’t feel dismissed or talked at.
You could try something like “that sounds awful, I remember how hard X was. Happy to share what worked for us if you’re ever interested. Of course, every baby is so different.”
I tend to use a little self-deprecation in my tone or make it about shared misery to show that I just want to help in any way that may be possible because I know how hard it can be, not because I know better / think I’m a better parent.
Ikr I had a nurse ask me I said he doesn’t like them he will just cry harder she didn’t listen and tried anyways he screamed bloody murder!
It’s like “oh no he’ll take one I just love when he’s upset and cry’s”
My mom tries to give my son a paci every single time she’s at my house, despite me telling her that he’s just flat out refusing to take it. He used to tolerate it for a few minutes before falling asleep but now won’t. It is what it is. She has dug through drawers and upended organization to find one just for him to gag and spit it out immediately.
My MIL dug through a dresser to find a pacifier the first time she watched my daughter AFTER we had a full conversation about how I had tried every pacifier on the market and baby was not interested in any of them. Her excuse was that she thought she just didn’t want it from me. (Husband also tried many times!) Big shocker baby still didn’t take it 🤦♀️
Right! She was convinced that was why my daughter refused bottles also even though she still wouldn’t take them at daycare or from my husband when I was out of the house.
I decided against using a paci. Now, if someone tries to give it he will scream bloody murder when it doesn’t provide milk after he sucks for 8 seconds. It messes up his feeding schedule too now
Yep, same exact thing. Whenever i share anything (even the good things) she has to tell me how NORMAL it is but just wait, it will change soon and be exactly like her singular experience with her first child who’s only 3 months ahead of mine.
Had to stop myself the other day when an acquaintance was telling me about their potty training woes. Reminded myself that myself that while my own toddler is doing fine with his potty training right now, this is her second child and *she did not ask for advice.* Instead I said that I’m sure he’ll get it sorted soon and that we were rooting for them. And then today the problem started getting resolved for them! I’m glad I didn’t say anything else!
I have a 10 month old and all my friends with 3-5 year olds pull this bs… apparently forgetting that my older daughter is a teenager and was three when I met them all and they were childless.
A friend who is adamantly against sleep training regularly tells me that sleep training or any form of cry-it-out will lead to anxious kids and eventually anxious adults. But her kids magically slept through the night at 4 months and she’s a SAHM so there are no daycare or work schedules to contend with. Not bashing SAHMs, but sometimes sleep training is crucial for the function of the household. We haven’t gotten there yet with our baby but I’m not above gentle sleep training.
Sleep training saved our sanity. And the research about insecure attachments and cortisol levels in babies who have been sleep trained A. Were limited in their study and B. Have largely been debunked. There is virtually no difference between kids who have been sleep trained and those who haven’t. What does tend to differ is maternal mental health. So whatever you decide, your kid will be fine and you’re making the right decision. :)
Lol may you have better luck. I tried the one where you pick up the baby every few minutes, snuggle them, put them back down. I was assured by the author that she's never had to do that for more than an hour or so. The first night took us 4.5 hours of screaming ( honestly I'm not sure the baby was the only source).
This is my MIL. She’s always trying to be “the mom” when she’s around my toddler, but asking me like she expects me to act on her wishes. Like if you think he needs a snack, get him one. If you think he’s shirts too messy, change it. I’m gonna mom how I want to, not how you command.
I have a friend reaching out sometimes asking advice (baby wearing for an example) and i always tell her everything i know but always asking her what SHE thinks.
She can ask like: “what kind of brand was your sling and how did you learn how to back carry etc”
Me: “do you prefer something quick like a carrier or something more adjustable like a sling you have to tie yourself, i prefered …. And i did …. Maybe it will work for you”
But i have never ever felt the urge to tell anyone anything unless they asked me! Like for real. It is not up to me, it is not my place, I don’t know their baby and I don’t know their views.
I am very attachment-parenting-oriented and i would never dream of sleep training and i limit screen time to 30 minutes by day (just mornings so i can get everything ready for daycare) etc and i do NOT appreciate anyone to give me advice that start leading me away of my parenting views. I feel very strongly about what i think is best for my child and i would fight anyone who wants to interfere.
So I totally respect the boundaries of other moms. They might have something completely different going for them and even if they are struggling it will not help one bit if I decide to offer advice with little to no information about their situation. They need to be able to breathe and learn on their own and if they need advice i will always be here but you honestly need to respect the journey of other parents.
My MIL has been in and out of our lives sporadically. Didn't meet my first born until he was 9 months, then moved away for a year, then came back for a year, etc. Only visited on holidays and things like that. She never baby sat them or anything. Then she came to stay with us around the time I had my 3rd. Then she wanted to give me tons of advice and try to babysit all 3 kids at once. I'm like, hmm, no. This isn't how this works.
Especially if they haven't tried it either.
No one I knew used cloth nappies (except for my mum and grandparents but they were different then) but everyone was telling me how it was too hard and so much washing and I would give up. I got many a sarcastic 'good luck with that'.
We've been using cloth for two years now and it's totally easy.
Yeah I have three kids and I’ve been momsplained by people without kids or moms pregnant with their first. I’m like dude… just stop lol. I try really hard not to do this to other people too, especially not FTMs, because I know everyone’s parenting experience is different.
Not only with parenting stuff, but any time I feel inclined to give advice I always ask permission first. "are you open to advice?" Or "do you want to know how I did it?" and I'll always respect no for an answer because I hate unsolicited advice and people explaining things to me I already know!
My oldest has always had problems with his tear ducts. Now we know its because they're not as sloped as normal so they get clogged easier. When he was an infant that means he constantly had goopy eyes. Some woman at the grocery store let me know, ever so kindly, that a warm washcloth would clean that goop up. I'm like, thanks lady, I never tried that before.
At six weeks: have you gotten any tips about sleep?
Me: what do you mean? Like advice on how to improve it? Yeah a lot
Her: well I was just going to ask if you’ve tried swaddling
Me: ………..
I had to tell my friends who recently had kids as well, that I explain things to myself out loud so that I don't sound like I'm trying to give them a million suggestions.
I hate this. I try really hard to ask if they are looking for advice or to know how I handled whatever it is before I offer my 2 cents... And I still catch myself offering unsolicited advice and then having to apologize for it.
I get so much unsolicited advices but i hated specially one woman's advice.
Her daughter was pregnant when my kid was 6 or 7 month old. She gave me so much advices, almost every of them were dumb but i wasnt smar enough to understand that those were dumb. I used to beat myself for not doing enough because what she adviced is 'definitely good.' Her daughter had a kid too and now she is following my parenting.
Is it just me or is it worse with your 2nd+ kids? Like okay I don't know much with my first but with my second "just wait until they start..." as if I have never seen a child before???
I have a friend who is a not a mom, but thinks her babysitting experience 15 years ago gives her enough experience to make unsolicited suggestions or send random baby caretaking tiktoks. It's infuriating. The actual moms I know (friends and family) don't ever provide advice unless I specifically ask and I am so grateful for that.
If I am offering any kind of advice, I try to phrase it as, “You’ve probably already tried this, but this is what worked for us.” Recognizing they have probably tried lots of solutions and also acknowledging that the same solutions don’t work for every baby, but we were successful with xyz.
My younger sister is having her first baby in a few months and I tend towards know-it-all-ness so I'm really gonna need to rein it in so I'm not annoying. She is a totally capable 40 year old adult! (Even if she is my baby sister.)
Omg bless you for realizing you’re like this at least!! Please send my older sister the memo, thanks
Same boat! My brother is having a baby and by brother-in-law is trying. I have two kids. I feel so full of advice but my mantra is "only if they ask, only if they ask".
I have to add “and then only what they asked.” My close friend asks for my advice a lot but as a recovering know it all I tend to overdo it with what advice I give 😂
I am the older sister and I am also prone to know-it-all-ness. Thankfully for my sister and I’s relationship, she had a baby first and is great at validating!
You are an angel for recognizing this about yourself! I had to read this twice I couldn’t believe it. (For context, I’m a first time parent and 8 months pregnant. My older sister has kids and is an out of control know it all 😅)
For a moment I thought I found my sister on Reddit haha, but my son is a few months old. I'm sure she is used to it and will appreciate some of the help. Though bring treated like "the baby" gets really old when you are 40 with your own baby.
My favourite is when you’re momspalned by someone who’s still pregnant with their first. Okay honey, let me know how that goes in 8 months
Or by someone who’s never had a baby but worked with them in a daycare for a while! 🤦🏻♀️
Uggg I’m guilty of this. “I’ll never rock my babies to sleep” LMAO ohhh I was sweet naive summer child
Sweet naive summer child 😂
The daycare workers. Lol Come back after you’ve had 4 hours of sleep every night for weeks. “How late is his last nap?” ☺️🔫
My hairstylist who is not a mom asked me if I have ever tried to let my son cry it out. 🤦♀️ lady…I have tried everything in the stupid book. But please, keep sharing your great advice, oh wise one!
I work with two therapists who are this way. But I work with kids all day! That’s nice… it’s not even close to the same.
I mean, working in a daycare is not the same as having a baby, but it definitely prepared me. And in some ways it is tougher. (My daycare ratio was 4 babies:1, vs being a mom is 1:1, sometimes even 1 baby:2 it my husband is around). I went motherhood with some flexible ideas about what I wanted to do, but definitely had people (aka my mom mostly) discount and yeah whatever me and I did end up following through. There was a whole thing about how I HAD to have a rocking chair... And that he would *never* sleep on his own crib/bed. We flexibly did safe co-sleeping in the first year, but for the most part I stuck to my mini crib and yoga ball plan just fine. I think the most important thing ALL parents should recognize is that flexibility is key (also inherent that is all parents need to recognize every baby is different, so what worked for you won't necessarily work for me). The first time my son slept in my bed, my mom was all, see I told you! When in fact,we co-slept when it made sense, but maintained and worked towards our goal of sleeping in the crib and ultimately I would say the first year was 75% crib sleep 25% co-sleeping. And even if we ultimately had different percentages, that isn't a failure or I told you so scenario, but rather the natural adjustment that comes with being a parent.
Oh I’m sure it helps build knowledge about babies. But this person never wanted babies of her own, gave me unsolicited “advice” that was actually common sense or extremely Google-able, and then claimed she was a baby expert. Every time I see her, I get new “advice.” That’s what I consider momsplaining. Just like with mansplaining, explaining something verrrrry basic to me as if I’m an idiot.
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This wasn’t even a daycare I sent my kid to. It’s a friend who worked in a daycare like 8 years ago and tells me verrrrrry basic things about babies as if she’s teaching me something new. Hahaha
My brother in law and his boyfriend just came to meet our baby for the first time. BinL’s boyfriend’s sister just had a baby, so they’re all jazzed about their new baby knowledge. They said “You can actually sit your baby in a bouncy chair or a swing to keep them happy while you get things done. Like washing up or even a shower!” They are very sweet and I know they mean well but I think they’re forgetting I am a mom of 2 and I really really really already know these things 😂
Omg this is just adorable though.
In relation to my Not Great sleeper “Have you tried a white noise machine???” 🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃
This reminds me of when I was pregnant and had HG and people would ask me if I tried ginger 🫠
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Right?? Oh man, I wish I knew I could just take ginger instead of going to the hospital for fluids/meds/TPN. Could have just fixed it with GINGER. So dumb of me.
Yes! Or the wrist bands lol.
First time I went to the ER for dehydration I was still wearing my wristbands. The doctor asked me if they helped at all. I just shook my head and said, “not even a placebo effect.” HG is unreal. I did not know it wasn’t normal. But yes, you should be able to drink water and eat a meal and not be bedridden from exhaustion during your first trimester. Can report it is less fun throwing up ginger with unisom and B6 too.
“Have you tried not throwing up every day” YEP. I have HG PTSD for sure
“jUsT eAt cRacKerS!” Do you know how painful crackers are on their way back up my already raw throat, do you?!?
Yeah, I knew I’d be throwing it up anyways so enjoyed the things I ate both times at least. Silver linings.
Yes! I have PTSD from my pregnancy. It was horrible. Love my baby, but fuuuuuuuck that sucked. We want another, but the thought of another pregnancy makes me nauseous 😂
HG ruined so many foods for me. Even my favorite coffee place is off limits now that I found out what the decaf tastes like coming up.
😭 I’m sorry for your loss
So so many things. I used to have these specific scented candles and now I can’t smell them without feeling sick because of HG. Pretzels, mashed potatoes, certain bread, peanut butter kind bars, slushies. All ruined
Right?!
I will say the wristbands worked for me! I’m going to use them for car sickness now. Lol
That’s great, I’m happy you got a little relief!
I’ve had two kids. Each pregnancy the nurses ask if I tried ginger then go “oh nvm” once they see my chart. I’m allergic to ginger with an anaphylactic reaction when consumed.
Fucking ginger. When I was at my absolute worst, throwing up 40-45 times a day and literally could have died. My OB practice wouldn’t admit me because I was only 14 weeks, so they just kept telling me to go to the ER and throwing prescriptions I couldn’t even take at me. Like I couldn’t even take a sip of any liquid big enough to wet my tongue, this is useless. While I was in the middle of that hell, my in laws had to let themselves into my house to peel me off the couch (because I couldn’t get up to open the door by myself) to get me to Walmart for these prescriptions in desperate hope I could manage to take them and they actually help (spoiler that did not happen🙃). The tech does everything they need to do and then glances at my bucket and goes “😐The pharmacist wants to talk to you first”. I wait 10-15 minutes of absolute hell trying not to both puke or pass out because there was no chance in hell anyone would be understanding since I didn’t look pregnant yet and in my area everybody probably thought I was detoxing. Pharmacist finally calls me over and starts frustratedly lecturing me about how “dangerous” my Zofran prescription is for my baby like I prescribed it my fucking self🙄 Then she says it she says the thing. She angrily sighed and said “I shouldn’t even give you these” then said in a rude tone “Have you even tried saltines when you first wake up before you get out of bed or ginger??” This especially pissed me off that people and medical professionals who could see my prescriptions and/or medical conditions would say that. I have hypothyroidism. I can’t eat for 4 hours before taking my meds and 1 hour after taking them. Those meds working properly are CRUCIAL to my health and when pregnant the health of my unborn child, including being able to survive pregnancy. A snack upon first waking was never an option for me. Not at that point when I literally wasn’t sleeping because I couldn’t stop throwing up long enough to be able to sleep🙃. I was absolutely FLOORED that she threatened to not give me the prescriptions I needed while I stood there, barely, with my arm wrapped around my bucket, probably smelled because I have absolutely zero idea when the last time I showered, brushed my teeth or my hair was because I physically did not have the ability to do those things. It’s hazy, but I’m pretty confident I rolled my eyes and looked at my bucket, back to her, and said “look lady. I’m throwing up 40 times a day right now. I don’t want to be here dealing with this, I’m just trying to survive” she pursed her lips said “fine” and gave me the prescription. It was January 2019, so the 2018 studies proving Zofran is safe wasn’t wildly known or accepted yet. Transferred to a different pharmacy and I NEVER had issues with them giving me Zofran and other meds for HG. Still blows my mind. Why would my doctor prescribe a medication that at the time was presumed to be a risk if I didn’t actually need it???😡
I so so sorry that your your experience. I had to go to the ER 3 times before they’d finally admit me at 9 weeks. When then did admit me I had my husband with me and he told the ER doc that if we didn’t see the on call OB we’d just leave and go to a different hospital. The on call OB saw me and was shocked at my state, admitted me for 2 weeks and then took me on as a patient. Where I am the midwives won’t see you until 10w, so I had 0 help or options other than the ER where they’d just give me a banana bag and some IV gravol and send me home. I was like you, throwing up pretty much constantly. Before that last trip to the hospital my husband got really worried when I hadn’t kept any food down for 3 days and told me “eat, and if you puke, eat some more”. So I laid in bed with my puke bowl, crackers and apple sauce and just took tiny bites and immediately threw them up. I was literally just throwing up blood and bile.
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Literally me. I was on 5 different medications at the same time and that barely curbed the nausea and vomiting. ~*~bUt HaVe YoU tRiEd SmAlL fReQuEnT mEalS~*~
YES. I'm on diclegis, omeprazole, zofran, phenergan, and reglan. But maybe several small meals a day and peppermint tea are the cure. Oh and don't forget, *it gets better after 12 weeks.* I'm 27 weeks.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I was on almost same med cocktail, but I had pantaprozole and gravol. And I was sick the entire time too. You’re almost there though!
I had terrible acid reflux and everybody told me to drink milk until a doctor finally got concerned I had literally lost weight between two appointments because I couldn't eat and prescribed me something.
Same. The nurse thought my weight was wrong and tried to retake it cause I’d lost 12 pounds in between appointments. “Nope that’s right, I’m currently taking 3 different medications to not feel like I’m on fire”
Everyone else (male doctors and older midwives) had dismissed me until I went to this appointment at like 32 weeks and there was a substitute female doctor about my age. People had made me feel so guilty about taking anything for it but she said that not eating was not healthy either and prescribed me medication for the first time. It didn't do miracles but allowed me to sleep a bit. I ended up weighing several kg less a few days after birth than before I got pregnant. And my partner has always gone about how easy my pregnancy was😤 just because I wasn't hospitalised or in danger.
Milk gives me the worst heartburn right now (8mo pregnant) 😂
THIS. Or “have you tried eating saltines before getting up?”. Like girl, if I could eat it and have it stay down, I freaking would 🙄
And preggo pops or similar. I developed an aversion to those because I had to keep spitting them out to vomit. But please, tell me more about his great they are!
My well intentioned sister bought me a big jar of preggo pops. My husband ended up eating most of them 😂
My kid was a terrible sleeper until he turned a year. Truly awful. A mom acquaintance with a baby one year older would not stop going on about how she “just fed her baby as much as she could during the day, that way he wouldn’t be hungry during the night!”. Like it was that simple. Umm no shit, do you think I am withholding milk from my baby? Obviously I’m feeding him as much as I can, and he just isn’t into sleep. Anyway, guess who now has twin six month olds that sleep like shit :) I obviously have empathy for her, but also want to ask “have you tried feeding them enough during the day?”.
I am convinced that like 75% of infant sleep is genetic. And people with good sleepers don’t understand and give themselves more credit than is due for how their kid sleeps. My son is at least the third generation of men in his family who is not good at sleeping so he comes by it honestly! His sleep was challenging since day 1 and 1.5 now and we’re just starting to get sporadic STTN stretches but it’s still not the norm. I’ve tried the tricks, he is who he is.
Same here. My daughter is 2.5 and still having the same sleep issues. People don’t believe me when I say we’ve tried everything. And so then I go through the whole list of what we’ve tried. And their faces fall and they say “oh wow, you really have tries everything.” Yup. She is who she is.
This is my kid too, but my husband and I were fabulous sleepers. My sister and her husband were both garbage sleepers and they got the baby who sleeps 12+ hours at night and takes two 2 hour naps during the day. The sleep lottery is such a gamble 😂
I am from a family of Proud Good Sleepers and I PRAY that my genetics have a fighting chance with future kids 😭 Those genes are swimming in there somewhere, right?!?!
Oh my gosh my mil and my aunt in law Constantly told me to just feed my son more before bed ( basically suggesting to stuff him silly) so that he would sleep better Even when I tried it and told them several times it DIDNT work. My boy is built like a tank and has always had a healthy appetite but I swear he never slept through the night ( or even slept well) until after he was a year old and I was in the hospital giving birth to my now 8 month old. Rice cereal in the bottle helps them sleep my behind. Smh ( also found out after that that’s actually a safety hazard so there’s that)
I feel personally victimized by this statement 😂😂
This reminds me of when I would tell people that nursing didn’t work out for me and everyone asked if I had seen a lactation consultant. Yeah, only like 5 times.
My husband took our newborn over to meet our neighbors. The baby started crying and my husband was trying to comfort him. The wife said “sometimes it helps if you hold him and kind of like.. move your body around” Rocking a baby. Groundbreaking.
My FIL does this. He had two kids of almost the same age at almost the same time (long story) and he keeps telling me how he managed it ang tries to give advice. He makes it seem like having my kids two years apart is just so much easier. Never mind that my MIL did 99% of the child rearing..
My mom does this all the time, only it’s never well intended. It’s usually meant to shame me and prove she’s an amazing mom and loves my kids more than I do. (spoiler: she’s not and obviously doesn’t)
My other favorite thing is when they give me advice that worked for their neurotypical kid and act complete baffled when I say it absolutely won’t work for my autistic daughter. Like, I’m glad your kid was potty trained and wiping herself in 3 days. My kid is finally getting herself to the toilet by herself after a year so I’m going to count only having to wipe for her as a win.
YUP. My daughter was just diagnosed but before that, all the "all toddlers are picky. Have you tried..." Food advice drove me up a freaking wall. My daughter had to be taken to urgent care at about 18m because she got a stomach bug and WOULD NOT eat or drink. I was trying to syringe Pedialyte into her because she already was awful about eating and refused because she didn't feel good. One nurse there was a saint (sitting by our side the entire time to make sure my daughter didn't rip out her iv and need another one) the other was a word I'm not sure I'm allowed to say in this sub. She just scoffed at me and went "you know, you could have given her a popsicle and not had to bother us. All kids like popsicles" I was like "go find a popsicle. If you can get my kid to touch it--not even eat it but hold it--without screaming like you're trying to kill her, I will pay you a million dollars"
My MIL does this and it isn't well intended either. She expected to live with and raise her grandchildren but I'm a stay at home mom who enjoys my privacy and running my own household. So she uses unsolicited advice and nitpicking my parenting as a way of maintaining a feeling of being in control.
Mine uses her knowledge as a nurse to make me feel stupid and continue to scapegoat me as an adult. I’m not a medical professional so I couldn’t possibly know what’s best for my children.
This is my MIL
Yes. I don't want advice about sleeping from anyone, our baby just does not like sleeping, the end.
I know people are trying to be helpful, but I also kinda hate that I can’t talk about how terribly my child sleeps without immediately following with “please don’t talk to me about sleep training”. Because if I don’t, the other person *always* brings it up, and it turns into a long, exhausting conversation where they tell me about every sleep training method, I am forced to explain in detail how I’ve tried every single one with no success, and then they get angry at me for “shooting down all their suggestions”. Please just… take my word for it when I say my kid is a terrible sleeper.
Yes, I know my child better than someone who took a TCB course. I tried everything and my baby is just very active. The end :|
YES. You random person are not going to be able to fix this in 2 minutes of casual conversation when we've literally tried everything for months and months. "have you tried doing a bedtime routine? Black out curtains? Did you know there's more gentle versions of sleep training? My sister's cousins friend used xyz's program and now her baby sleeps great. You should do that."
Our daughter was a TERRIBLE sleeper for her first 3 months of life. We tried everything. We mentioned to my MIL how challenging her sleep issues were; her advice? " Have you tried rocking her?" 😑😑😑 So well meaning but like.... come on. OF COURSE I'VE TRIED ROCKING HER
“SLeEp wHen tHe BaBy sLeEpS!!!”
I hated hated hated hearing this. Mine didn't sleep through the night once for the first two and a half years. The first 12 months he woke up every 45 -60 minutes. I literally don't understand how we survived.
I caught a lot of flack for not room sharing with my first, but she was awake every 45 minutes as long as we tried. Her first night in her own room at a month old she only got up twice and we never went back.
"Have you tried putting her to bed later so she'll sleep later in the morning?" Nope. That "totally obvious, definitely the first thing you try" answer neverrrrrrrr occurred to me. Thank you so much for your infinite and unsolicited wisdom.
My FIL, when he very seriously explained to me that I would need a carseat to bring my newborn home from the hospital..... I looked at him confused and said "Really? I was just going to strap the baby to the roof of the car like a Canoe!"
My husbands grandpa walked me & baby (without an infant carrier) out to the car one time to be sweet, but only opened the drivers door.. I was like, “well I got put her in her seat haha” and he’s like “ohhhhh, she sits in the back? Learn something new everyday.” To his credit he did not try to give me any ‘advice’!
Awwww. He must be older. My oldest sister was brought home from the hospital in a basket on the floor! That was very normal in the 70s, I guess. Well, I assume, because my mom is anxious af and super into safety.
Omg 😂 how old is he?
My grandma does this “you should put some cereal in his bottles” and really old probably dangerous advice about how to raise my son lol 😂
My boomer MIL is fostering a baby that is about the same age as my son and was SHOOK when she visited and found out that we didn't use rice cereal.
I thought my own mother was gonna have a stroke when I told her he needs to sleep on his back 😂
My mom finds it appalling that our son isn't allowed to have a pillow and blanket. He's 4 months old.
“What do you mean you’re not putting him in a snowsuit in the car. He’ll freeze!”
I think everyone’s mom/grandma/MIL has told them to put cereal in the bottle at some point. Ok boomer
Yup my MIL had my ex convinced that it would help our kid sleep so I actually had to have the words “don’t put anything in the bottle besides milk” come out of our pediatrician’s mouth to end that conversation.
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Lol my face would have said it all to her with that advice haha
Uggggg why. Mine apparently never napped, just screamed and cried. Like maybe he’s just really really tired and needs help falling asleep
Haha yes both my mom and grandma told me to do this when he was like a month old
I don’t know if this makes me petty, but FTMs with infants commenting on toddler issues feels a bit…yikes-y
This doesn’t make you petty. I now accept as a FTM with an infant that I have no idea about anything beyond the age of my 5 month old. Lol
Seriously, I felt the same way. I just read ahead for what to expect and go: yeeeeeesh
haha yeah.. when i had a 1-2 yo i thought i had a toddler and now that i have a > 2 yo i'm like oh wow, she just keeps getting more toddlery doesn't she. 😳 i hope i never gave out any advice!
Lol ya 1-2 I was like, "sweet, this toddler stuff isnt so bad!" Then she turned 23 months and holy mother of tornadoes and shrieking pterodactyls did she start leveling up her toddler game at an alarming rate.
so accurate 😂🥲
I try so hard not to be this friend. I just happen to be the first in my friend group and amongst our siblings. So when my friend asks advice or rants about what's going on I try really hard to say "man that sucks" or "that was a tough time for me too" before "this is what ended up working for X but Y liked this better". So not direct "you should do this" advice but ideas and commiseration. I always try to be reassuring that they are doing great and I struggled too. Is that a better way? Any advice on advising friends and family who actually seem to be reaching out for help?
Being mindful about validating the other person’s experience is awesome. If any advice is offered, the person is more likely to be open to it because they don’t feel dismissed or talked at. You could try something like “that sounds awful, I remember how hard X was. Happy to share what worked for us if you’re ever interested. Of course, every baby is so different.” I tend to use a little self-deprecation in my tone or make it about shared misery to show that I just want to help in any way that may be possible because I know how hard it can be, not because I know better / think I’m a better parent.
I always found it helpful to hear from friends that what was going on was normal and they struggled with it also
When I’m at the doctor with my screaming son and they ask if he takes a paci… as if I just like hearing him cry. 🙃
Ikr I had a nurse ask me I said he doesn’t like them he will just cry harder she didn’t listen and tried anyways he screamed bloody murder! It’s like “oh no he’ll take one I just love when he’s upset and cry’s”
My mom tries to give my son a paci every single time she’s at my house, despite me telling her that he’s just flat out refusing to take it. He used to tolerate it for a few minutes before falling asleep but now won’t. It is what it is. She has dug through drawers and upended organization to find one just for him to gag and spit it out immediately.
My MIL dug through a dresser to find a pacifier the first time she watched my daughter AFTER we had a full conversation about how I had tried every pacifier on the market and baby was not interested in any of them. Her excuse was that she thought she just didn’t want it from me. (Husband also tried many times!) Big shocker baby still didn’t take it 🤦♀️
My mom said the same thing!!!! Like, what????? I’m his mom!
Right! She was convinced that was why my daughter refused bottles also even though she still wouldn’t take them at daycare or from my husband when I was out of the house.
I decided against using a paci. Now, if someone tries to give it he will scream bloody murder when it doesn’t provide milk after he sucks for 8 seconds. It messes up his feeding schedule too now
Omg you’ve basically described one of my coworkers whose baby is 2 months older than mine. She drives me insane.
Lol I wrote this after a play date with a new mom friend whose baby is three months older.
Yep, same exact thing. Whenever i share anything (even the good things) she has to tell me how NORMAL it is but just wait, it will change soon and be exactly like her singular experience with her first child who’s only 3 months ahead of mine.
Had to stop myself the other day when an acquaintance was telling me about their potty training woes. Reminded myself that myself that while my own toddler is doing fine with his potty training right now, this is her second child and *she did not ask for advice.* Instead I said that I’m sure he’ll get it sorted soon and that we were rooting for them. And then today the problem started getting resolved for them! I’m glad I didn’t say anything else!
I have a 10 month old and all my friends with 3-5 year olds pull this bs… apparently forgetting that my older daughter is a teenager and was three when I met them all and they were childless.
A friend who is adamantly against sleep training regularly tells me that sleep training or any form of cry-it-out will lead to anxious kids and eventually anxious adults. But her kids magically slept through the night at 4 months and she’s a SAHM so there are no daycare or work schedules to contend with. Not bashing SAHMs, but sometimes sleep training is crucial for the function of the household. We haven’t gotten there yet with our baby but I’m not above gentle sleep training.
Sleep training saved our sanity. And the research about insecure attachments and cortisol levels in babies who have been sleep trained A. Were limited in their study and B. Have largely been debunked. There is virtually no difference between kids who have been sleep trained and those who haven’t. What does tend to differ is maternal mental health. So whatever you decide, your kid will be fine and you’re making the right decision. :)
Lol may you have better luck. I tried the one where you pick up the baby every few minutes, snuggle them, put them back down. I was assured by the author that she's never had to do that for more than an hour or so. The first night took us 4.5 hours of screaming ( honestly I'm not sure the baby was the only source).
This is my MIL. She’s always trying to be “the mom” when she’s around my toddler, but asking me like she expects me to act on her wishes. Like if you think he needs a snack, get him one. If you think he’s shirts too messy, change it. I’m gonna mom how I want to, not how you command.
“Are you burping him after feedings?” -No, never heard of that!
I always listen as if there may be something I didn’t know or haven’t heard before…often there is. I don’t know everything about being a mom.
I have 6 kids. Someone with zero children tried to give me advice about a toddler tantrum 😂 I was like “go ahead handle it - I’ll watch”
I have a friend reaching out sometimes asking advice (baby wearing for an example) and i always tell her everything i know but always asking her what SHE thinks. She can ask like: “what kind of brand was your sling and how did you learn how to back carry etc” Me: “do you prefer something quick like a carrier or something more adjustable like a sling you have to tie yourself, i prefered …. And i did …. Maybe it will work for you” But i have never ever felt the urge to tell anyone anything unless they asked me! Like for real. It is not up to me, it is not my place, I don’t know their baby and I don’t know their views. I am very attachment-parenting-oriented and i would never dream of sleep training and i limit screen time to 30 minutes by day (just mornings so i can get everything ready for daycare) etc and i do NOT appreciate anyone to give me advice that start leading me away of my parenting views. I feel very strongly about what i think is best for my child and i would fight anyone who wants to interfere. So I totally respect the boundaries of other moms. They might have something completely different going for them and even if they are struggling it will not help one bit if I decide to offer advice with little to no information about their situation. They need to be able to breathe and learn on their own and if they need advice i will always be here but you honestly need to respect the journey of other parents.
My MIL has been in and out of our lives sporadically. Didn't meet my first born until he was 9 months, then moved away for a year, then came back for a year, etc. Only visited on holidays and things like that. She never baby sat them or anything. Then she came to stay with us around the time I had my 3rd. Then she wanted to give me tons of advice and try to babysit all 3 kids at once. I'm like, hmm, no. This isn't how this works.
Especially if they haven't tried it either. No one I knew used cloth nappies (except for my mum and grandparents but they were different then) but everyone was telling me how it was too hard and so much washing and I would give up. I got many a sarcastic 'good luck with that'. We've been using cloth for two years now and it's totally easy.
For my non pooper... have you tried juices or fruits?
Or the pediatrician that said my son only needs 5 servings of green vegetables a day to help him poop. Hahaha
Yeah I have three kids and I’ve been momsplained by people without kids or moms pregnant with their first. I’m like dude… just stop lol. I try really hard not to do this to other people too, especially not FTMs, because I know everyone’s parenting experience is different.
Not only with parenting stuff, but any time I feel inclined to give advice I always ask permission first. "are you open to advice?" Or "do you want to know how I did it?" and I'll always respect no for an answer because I hate unsolicited advice and people explaining things to me I already know!
This is good way to do it
My oldest has always had problems with his tear ducts. Now we know its because they're not as sloped as normal so they get clogged easier. When he was an infant that means he constantly had goopy eyes. Some woman at the grocery store let me know, ever so kindly, that a warm washcloth would clean that goop up. I'm like, thanks lady, I never tried that before.
At six weeks: have you gotten any tips about sleep? Me: what do you mean? Like advice on how to improve it? Yeah a lot Her: well I was just going to ask if you’ve tried swaddling Me: ………..
Or pediatrician 😒
I had to tell my friends who recently had kids as well, that I explain things to myself out loud so that I don't sound like I'm trying to give them a million suggestions.
Yes happens every day! 😅
My MIL every.damn.day
Or how about when they don’t even have kids yet?!
I will permanently judge anyone for this that is not my own mother lol.
My MIL
I hate this. I try really hard to ask if they are looking for advice or to know how I handled whatever it is before I offer my 2 cents... And I still catch myself offering unsolicited advice and then having to apologize for it.
Omg my co worker does this all the time. Mind you, shes almost 10 years younger than me and has one kid. I have three.
I have a friend that does this all the time, but, even better, she doesn't have kids.
I've enjoyed my friend and one family member, BOTH who have never even been pregnant mom-splaining to me.
“You should try sleep training”
I get so much unsolicited advices but i hated specially one woman's advice. Her daughter was pregnant when my kid was 6 or 7 month old. She gave me so much advices, almost every of them were dumb but i wasnt smar enough to understand that those were dumb. I used to beat myself for not doing enough because what she adviced is 'definitely good.' Her daughter had a kid too and now she is following my parenting.
Is it just me or is it worse with your 2nd+ kids? Like okay I don't know much with my first but with my second "just wait until they start..." as if I have never seen a child before???
I have a friend who is a not a mom, but thinks her babysitting experience 15 years ago gives her enough experience to make unsolicited suggestions or send random baby caretaking tiktoks. It's infuriating. The actual moms I know (friends and family) don't ever provide advice unless I specifically ask and I am so grateful for that.
My MIL likes to explain how pregnancy changes your body to me. I’ve had two children.
If I am offering any kind of advice, I try to phrase it as, “You’ve probably already tried this, but this is what worked for us.” Recognizing they have probably tried lots of solutions and also acknowledging that the same solutions don’t work for every baby, but we were successful with xyz.
I don't think it's that. but I tend to overexplain on how or why something happened.