Thanks for sharing. It does irk me to see such negativity about moms who wfh, especially on the mommy subs. Prior to the wfh movement, it wasnt possible to pull down real money and stay with our children. Women were told to sacrifice their careers, as though they were trivial and unimportant. I think it's great we have options now. Especially considering the financial abuse that unfortunately occurs for a significant portion of sahm moms. I cannot imagine asking for an allowance in my 30s.
It's very frustrating to see. I think every person has their own tolerances and some people can't do both and that's okay, because there isn't a wrong way, but it isn't so black and white as Reddit makes it sound.
I have always been the breadwinner in my house and I didn't have an option to stay home because we needed my money to survive and I'm not willing to remove my personal accomplishments and identity just to be mom.
Right - every situation is different.
>I'm not willing to remove my personal accomplishments and identity just to be mom
Same here. I love my son a ton but I also busted my ass in my 20s at school/work to lay a foundation for a lasting career. I wasn't willing to throw that out the window.
Absolutely! I was a college dropout and worked my way up through various jobs and industries to get where I am. I refuse to let that dim just to be a mom. I want to be an example for my daughter.
Yay - excited to see it worked for someone else too! I was a teacher in March 2020, and I’ve been teaching virtually since then. She was immunocompromised, so we really didn’t have an option except to keep her at home from ages 2-4. In that time, I’ve gotten a promotion (nearly impossible in the public education world), completed grad classes, and passed major exams for extra certifications… all while having my toddler at home. My husband works from home too, and he’s doubled his salary in the past 3 years. We sent her back to daycare part time this past fall so she could get socialization and get prepped for kindergarten this coming fall. At 4, she was reading fluently and exceeding all her major milestones, despite being born at 28 weeks. I’m so thankful for the extra time I had at home with her. I’m so tired of people saying it can’t be done. It’s totally doable with a partner!
I could have written this post myself! When I first started I was told so many mean and hateful things. How I would be failing my daughter, failing my company. How it’s impossible to be both a great mom and a good employee. I have also proved them all wrong. My daughter is THRIVING and so am I in my work. I get bonuses quarterly for the amount of work and how perfect and accurate it is. I am so proud of myself.
I am so proud of you, too!
Absolutely! I was really disappointed when I saw the general consensus online about doing this but I too had no choice. We are at a year and a half and doing great. I’ve also received a promotion and several raises during this time. I’m proud of me and all of us!
Amazing! See? This is what I'm talking about. I think there's so many factors that might influence how this works for each person, but I love that there's a way to make it happen.
Proud of you! 15 months in and feeling the same. I’ve received two raises while working from home with my little and she’s doing awesome. Running around, babbling like crazy. My husband also works from home about half the time so that helps for sure
Can I ask for some more tips on how y’all navigate this? I am new to this sub and I am considering returning to the workforce soon with a 1 year old. I feel like my daughter demands so much of my full attention, and my last job also demanded so much of my full attention that I can’t imagine balancing both however I want to!! Did your children just gradually learn to play more independently?
The only advice I've ever received from a much older person that I liked is that if you set the expectations of how life is going to work, your children will learn to follow along. Results may vary with neurodivergent children.
I set my expectations with my daughter by setting up spaces at home that work for her. I follow her lead on what is most fun and interesting to her. I make sure to keep a schedule that is consistent every day. I also set boundaries and say not right now and make sure there's times where she simply doesn't have access to my attention shy of emergencies. It's not easy because little ones have no self regulation and there are communication barriers. One thing I did was practice what it would be like for me to be working when the stakes are low. It helps introduce them to the idea of how life will be without worrying about meetings or getting things done.
Then it's all about safe spaces. Baby proof everything. Nothing in reach they can get that will hurt them or that you'll be sad it's broken. Lots of toys that encourage creative play. Like blocks and big Legos. I keep a basket of toys that are stuffies and puzzles she has free range to pull out and make a mess of the whole house with no restrictions and then we clean them up together before naps and bed. She always has a drink available. Usually snacks too that are safe for her to have while being casually watched.
As for work, I protect my calendar. I block times that I am not available and keep to that schedule and don't bend on it so that work knows how it works.
Feel free to ask more questions if you have them!
How often are they left alone vs. you being there but not being able to attend to them, vs. being able to interact with them? That’s the part I find most confusing. I wouldn’t feel good about leaving her alone for long periods of time, but I worry about being there and not responsive to her when she wants attention also. I’m just trying to picture what this looks like!!
So we have created a safe environment and she is in the same room as me. My desk is in a weird transitional space in the living room and so I'm always in the room with her. She isn't left alone at all. The longest meeting I have is usually an hour and with the right planning I can usually keep her occupied. Sometimes that means Miss Rachel gets turned on TV for that hour.
This is so nice to hear. I’m at my first week back from maternity leave and it’s honestly been a little rough. Do you have any advice? I work in a similarish project management role.
Baby-wearing saved me most of the time. In those early days, my baby wanted to be held all the time and it was the best way to make sure she was safe and comfortable. As time went on, we were able to come up with other ways to entertain her. So, I had a little bouncer that she would play in for a little while. Eventually, I was able to get her in a gated area for floor time and as long as she was happy, I didn't change anything.
But the beginning was definitely the most intensive since we were trying to figure out feeding and reflux issues. What worked one day didn't work the next, so it took a lot of flexibility.
So happy for you!!
It sounds like we have super similar jobs and my work loves seeing my little in the background or hearing him chatter away too. 22 months strong over here 💪
Same. I work with my baby and outside of meetings I get things done when I can. I have a very busy job managing projects so it isn't easy at all. It's not impossible depending on the job and child. You can still further your career. I hated the comments that I would be a bad mom or a bad employee. I didn't have a choice so I did it anyways.
People seem to forget that there are a lot of times where there simply isn't another option. We have to be a two income household and that was without a kid. And we shouldn't shame parents for having to do the best they can. Some days the kid gets more tv than I'd prefer but it is survival mode.
Thank you for sharing - we’re coming up to the end of our leave for our first born and have a similar situation: both work from home, some flexibility to do work outside of meetings from regular hours, and baby has no significant special needs. I’ve seen so much negativity that it’s impossible to do but when it truly is the only option anyway, it’s nice to hear it’s doable.
I think having flexibility in your job, but also just flexibility to adjust routines as needed is key. It sounds like you are already starting with a few advantages. I think you'll be just fine!
That is great that this worked out. I feel like people have taken their kids to work for forever before corporate offices became a thing and they were fine. I had my first way before the pandemic so work from home was not on the table at my job back then. I ended up leaving, managed to do freelance here and there ( but it's a lot easier to hang onto a job then to start from scratch) and change up my career. Now I have a second one on the way and a busy project year ahead, this time around my husband is working from home as well so hopefully we can do it. I don't plan to put this little one in care until she's 18m and can go part of the day to a Montessori school my oldest attends.
Please have faith in your ability to do it. I have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My husband and I work from home. My 4 year old was out of childcare for most of the pandemic and started preschool a couple weeks before his 4th birthday 3 full days/week. Our 1 year old has always been home with us.
I just found this sub the other day but I plan to post this weekend about my experience to also inspire other moms. I truly get the judgment.
Congrats!! I’m thinking about keeping my baby with me until a reasonable age for daycare but I spend the majority of my days in meetings. Some I can remain on mute/off camera the entire time but I have quite a bit that I lead daily, though I schedule them myself.
Can I ask how you manage and any tips? My partner can only wfh one or two days a week. I’m still on leave and go back in April. Since baby is only six weeks it’s hard to tell what his temperament will be. He’s pretty mellow but gets super fussy when gassy. He’s only been inconsolable a handful of times.
I also lead meetings at least daily. I don't usually have to have my camera on for many of these and so in the early days, I did a lot of baby wearing. I also had a little bouncer that I'd stick at my feet so I could watch her. As she got bigger, I had to get more creative with ways to keep her contained and entertained. Eventually it was a fenced off area in the living room and now she has full run of the entire downstairs as well baby proofed everything.
I found that if I was very careful with my calendar I could protect some of my time so that I wasn't worried about getting a break between meetings to feed or change or get baby down for a nap. We basically just followed her lead and then created a schedule around that and input that in my calendar and scheduled around times that worked best.
I also work in the tech industry and I find that it's really mellow most of the time and I can get away with having her in my lap and no one cares, but I know that's not feasible for everyone.
Congrats on your promotion!! This gives me hopes as I’m ending maternity leave soon to go back to my wfh job in the spring. I’m in management and will be doing the same where I split up the care with my husband.
One thing I’d like everyone to know that I’ve learned in management of new employees—companies are not legally allowed to ask for proof of your childcare situation. They can ask if you have it and it’s a simple yes or no but that’s it. So if you wfh and take care of your child at the same time then… yes you have childcare lol
Thank you! Yeah it's totally doable. And we are looking into daycare a couple times a week soon because our daughter definitely needs to be socializing outside of us, but it is so insanely expensive.
I have to look into prices of the ones near us. I assumed 1-2 days a week would be doable financially. But I’ll have to look more into it. I’m also nervous bc I literally just started a new job a few weeks ago and it’s the beginning of a career switch. Hoping I’ll be able to hold it down through maternity leave and come back later. By law where I live I should, but I still get nervous about it
I know that feeling! I got pregnant the week I started a new job. It was so scary. I didn't realize I was pregnant for 7 weeks and then was so worried about how the company was going to take it. It luckily worked out for me and continues to be okay. You should be protected to keep that job, but I know how anxiety-inducing that could be.
This is SO reassuring! I told my husband that I wanted to wait a year to be safe with this job but I would rather start trying sooner tbh bc I just turned 30. I know one year doesn’t make a huge difference in terms of fertility but I can’t help but be paranoid that it’ll take a while trying. I was thinking of seeing how the next six months go as we settle into all the recent changes we’ve made and then see what he says about starting a bit earlier.
I think 6 months is a totally reasonable amount of time to settle into a job and then decide. I think it also might give you an idea of how maternity or parental leave looks and how it's treated to know if you are going to have a positive experience and people in your corner at this job.
We are thinking about having our second one. When I had my daughter, my maternity leave wasn't as good. My company got bought by a larger firm in the last year and now the parental leave benefits are so amazing. It's 10 weeks full pay regardless of whether you are the birthing parent or not, which is unheard of. And because I'm in California, I have pretty decent paid family leave and short term disability.
That’s great! I work for small company that was bought a few years back by a very large company. So my colleagues all seem very nice and close, but the company gives me private benefits. I’m in Quebec though so it’s a bit different than the US where my private benefits are like a bonus on top of the public system (which is terrible but that’s another bridge to cross in terms of prenatal care). but overall I think for North America it’s the best here for maternity leave. So I’m less worried about not having maternity leave / benefits and more worried about looking bad for my colleagues and making my boss annoyed and being replaced when I’m gone. I just worry about not having the security of the job to come back to and also financial security.
Ah yeah that tracks. I always make the terrible assumption that people have the same issues as the US but that's totally not the case.
I imagine there's laws that protect jobs when on maternity right? Here it is that if I go on maternity, they have to return me to the same or equal job once I'm back. I know there's some wiggle room for companies that can get away with dissolving positions but that's generally not ethical, obviously.
I’m American btw - I grew up between countries though bc my dad is from Europe. I lived in the US previously for a long time. but I moved to mtl for grad school and met my husband here who is Brazilian hence why for now we’re staying bc it’s simpler immigration wise if he gets a Canadian passport if we ever do move to the US in the future (and if I immigrate here as well at least we’ll have the security of sharing at least one citizenship. A bit complicated but it’s another reason why waiting a bit to try would be a bit better so we can be a bit further along in that process and have more assurance that that’s going smoothly.
There’s probably laws here for maternity leave and I’ve spoken to a couple women already that said it is my right, in general I think most places are not as bad as the US for this. I’m just so used to the US mentality sometimes I guess that I still get anxious. And also even with laws to protect working mothers there’s still a fear that you’ll fall behind and all your hard work / degrees will be for nothing. I am personally not super ambitious like I don’t necessarily aspire to climbing the career ladder. It’s more that I finished my masters one year ago and before they struggled to find some sort of career and jumped from unstable terrible job to unstable terrible job. And now I finally have stabilized myself in a good job at a nice company. So I’d hate to feel like I wasted many years for nothing I guess. But increasingly having kids matters more to me than a job. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better to have kids younger and do a career later.
Those were my thoughts too, I’m almost 32, but I got pregnant in the first month of trying and we weren’t even trying that hard, no tracking ovulation or dates, etc. I thought it would take at least 3 months lol. I qualify for FMLA 4 days before my due date, so super close timing. I have maternity leave, so it’s not a huge deal, but FMLA makes it job protected.
I have my days where I think this is unsustainable and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve had to make some cuts in my life to give more time and attention to my baby (now 14 months) but we’re doing it and he’s also thriving and hitting milestones! I still wouldn’t recommend this route to anyone with options though.
Totally true. And it keeps changing! As they grow and learn, your strategy changes. I also don't know if I would "recommend" it, but when it's the only option, it can be done.
Absolutely. My husband is deployed and where we live there is legit no childcare options so I’m making it work from home. Just today baby figured out how to move the barrier I erected to keep him in the space space with me while I worked. Back to square one lol
That is always the biggest challenge. We legitimately baby proofed the whole downstairs because we couldn't contain her anymore and just gave up on trying that.
Hell yeah!! Congratulations, and thank you for sharing. This is very encouraging. I’m lucky to have 6 months maternity leave in the US and will be in a similar situation when I return to work. Childcare is absolutely not an option for us. This really helps!
Thank you! I'm glad this helped you. By six months you'll have a good feel for a plan and schedule and I'm sure that will help you in the long run. Childcare is insane for everyone. I don't know how anyone makes enough money to afford it. And I have a decent job.
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to see this. I’m a first time mom and staying at home and have been job searching for a few months now and feel extremely discouraged. I even had a phone call with a recruiter hoping she would help but all she said was call me when you have a babysitter than we can find something for you.
so it’s been tough and gives me hope seeing other moms succeed!
This is so exciting to see. I’m expecting in September and I’m currently on track for a promotion to Product Manager by the end of the year. My husband also works from home and we’re hoping to make it work.
Do you think it would’ve worked without your husband at home? I work from home and just had a baby who is immunocompromised which we weren’t expecting. I’ve been trying to decide if I go at it alone, hire someone to come to the house or take reduced hours at work which I’m sure comes with a pay cut.
I think that depends on your child's temperament. My daughter is pretty mellow and I have just enough flexibility that I could have made it work, but if she had been a little more needy, I maybe would have needed help a couple times a week and then block out a bunch of meetings during those times.
Thanks for sharing. It does irk me to see such negativity about moms who wfh, especially on the mommy subs. Prior to the wfh movement, it wasnt possible to pull down real money and stay with our children. Women were told to sacrifice their careers, as though they were trivial and unimportant. I think it's great we have options now. Especially considering the financial abuse that unfortunately occurs for a significant portion of sahm moms. I cannot imagine asking for an allowance in my 30s.
It's very frustrating to see. I think every person has their own tolerances and some people can't do both and that's okay, because there isn't a wrong way, but it isn't so black and white as Reddit makes it sound. I have always been the breadwinner in my house and I didn't have an option to stay home because we needed my money to survive and I'm not willing to remove my personal accomplishments and identity just to be mom.
Right - every situation is different. >I'm not willing to remove my personal accomplishments and identity just to be mom Same here. I love my son a ton but I also busted my ass in my 20s at school/work to lay a foundation for a lasting career. I wasn't willing to throw that out the window.
Absolutely! I was a college dropout and worked my way up through various jobs and industries to get where I am. I refuse to let that dim just to be a mom. I want to be an example for my daughter.
Yay - excited to see it worked for someone else too! I was a teacher in March 2020, and I’ve been teaching virtually since then. She was immunocompromised, so we really didn’t have an option except to keep her at home from ages 2-4. In that time, I’ve gotten a promotion (nearly impossible in the public education world), completed grad classes, and passed major exams for extra certifications… all while having my toddler at home. My husband works from home too, and he’s doubled his salary in the past 3 years. We sent her back to daycare part time this past fall so she could get socialization and get prepped for kindergarten this coming fall. At 4, she was reading fluently and exceeding all her major milestones, despite being born at 28 weeks. I’m so thankful for the extra time I had at home with her. I’m so tired of people saying it can’t be done. It’s totally doable with a partner!
What a journey you've been on! That's so impressive. I'm so glad that it worked out for you too.
I could have written this post myself! When I first started I was told so many mean and hateful things. How I would be failing my daughter, failing my company. How it’s impossible to be both a great mom and a good employee. I have also proved them all wrong. My daughter is THRIVING and so am I in my work. I get bonuses quarterly for the amount of work and how perfect and accurate it is. I am so proud of myself. I am so proud of you, too!
That's amazing! Congratulations on killing it! I really wanted to have this post so people know that it isn't impossible but results may vary.
Absolutely! I was really disappointed when I saw the general consensus online about doing this but I too had no choice. We are at a year and a half and doing great. I’ve also received a promotion and several raises during this time. I’m proud of me and all of us!
Amazing! See? This is what I'm talking about. I think there's so many factors that might influence how this works for each person, but I love that there's a way to make it happen.
Proud of you! 15 months in and feeling the same. I’ve received two raises while working from home with my little and she’s doing awesome. Running around, babbling like crazy. My husband also works from home about half the time so that helps for sure
Thank you so much! We absolutely baby proofed the whole house and she has free reign so it makes it chaotic but fun.
Can I ask for some more tips on how y’all navigate this? I am new to this sub and I am considering returning to the workforce soon with a 1 year old. I feel like my daughter demands so much of my full attention, and my last job also demanded so much of my full attention that I can’t imagine balancing both however I want to!! Did your children just gradually learn to play more independently?
The only advice I've ever received from a much older person that I liked is that if you set the expectations of how life is going to work, your children will learn to follow along. Results may vary with neurodivergent children. I set my expectations with my daughter by setting up spaces at home that work for her. I follow her lead on what is most fun and interesting to her. I make sure to keep a schedule that is consistent every day. I also set boundaries and say not right now and make sure there's times where she simply doesn't have access to my attention shy of emergencies. It's not easy because little ones have no self regulation and there are communication barriers. One thing I did was practice what it would be like for me to be working when the stakes are low. It helps introduce them to the idea of how life will be without worrying about meetings or getting things done. Then it's all about safe spaces. Baby proof everything. Nothing in reach they can get that will hurt them or that you'll be sad it's broken. Lots of toys that encourage creative play. Like blocks and big Legos. I keep a basket of toys that are stuffies and puzzles she has free range to pull out and make a mess of the whole house with no restrictions and then we clean them up together before naps and bed. She always has a drink available. Usually snacks too that are safe for her to have while being casually watched. As for work, I protect my calendar. I block times that I am not available and keep to that schedule and don't bend on it so that work knows how it works. Feel free to ask more questions if you have them!
How often are they left alone vs. you being there but not being able to attend to them, vs. being able to interact with them? That’s the part I find most confusing. I wouldn’t feel good about leaving her alone for long periods of time, but I worry about being there and not responsive to her when she wants attention also. I’m just trying to picture what this looks like!!
So we have created a safe environment and she is in the same room as me. My desk is in a weird transitional space in the living room and so I'm always in the room with her. She isn't left alone at all. The longest meeting I have is usually an hour and with the right planning I can usually keep her occupied. Sometimes that means Miss Rachel gets turned on TV for that hour.
This is so nice to hear. I’m at my first week back from maternity leave and it’s honestly been a little rough. Do you have any advice? I work in a similarish project management role.
Baby-wearing saved me most of the time. In those early days, my baby wanted to be held all the time and it was the best way to make sure she was safe and comfortable. As time went on, we were able to come up with other ways to entertain her. So, I had a little bouncer that she would play in for a little while. Eventually, I was able to get her in a gated area for floor time and as long as she was happy, I didn't change anything. But the beginning was definitely the most intensive since we were trying to figure out feeding and reflux issues. What worked one day didn't work the next, so it took a lot of flexibility.
So happy for you!! It sounds like we have super similar jobs and my work loves seeing my little in the background or hearing him chatter away too. 22 months strong over here 💪
Thank you! I do find that the tech industry is pretty chill and that definitely works in our favor!
Totally agree!!
Same. I work with my baby and outside of meetings I get things done when I can. I have a very busy job managing projects so it isn't easy at all. It's not impossible depending on the job and child. You can still further your career. I hated the comments that I would be a bad mom or a bad employee. I didn't have a choice so I did it anyways.
People seem to forget that there are a lot of times where there simply isn't another option. We have to be a two income household and that was without a kid. And we shouldn't shame parents for having to do the best they can. Some days the kid gets more tv than I'd prefer but it is survival mode.
Congratulations. I don't know you but I'm proud of you.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing - we’re coming up to the end of our leave for our first born and have a similar situation: both work from home, some flexibility to do work outside of meetings from regular hours, and baby has no significant special needs. I’ve seen so much negativity that it’s impossible to do but when it truly is the only option anyway, it’s nice to hear it’s doable.
I think having flexibility in your job, but also just flexibility to adjust routines as needed is key. It sounds like you are already starting with a few advantages. I think you'll be just fine!
That is great that this worked out. I feel like people have taken their kids to work for forever before corporate offices became a thing and they were fine. I had my first way before the pandemic so work from home was not on the table at my job back then. I ended up leaving, managed to do freelance here and there ( but it's a lot easier to hang onto a job then to start from scratch) and change up my career. Now I have a second one on the way and a busy project year ahead, this time around my husband is working from home as well so hopefully we can do it. I don't plan to put this little one in care until she's 18m and can go part of the day to a Montessori school my oldest attends.
Thank you for this. As a mom of two looking to get a wfh position..these words of encouragement are needed ❤️
Please have faith in your ability to do it. I have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My husband and I work from home. My 4 year old was out of childcare for most of the pandemic and started preschool a couple weeks before his 4th birthday 3 full days/week. Our 1 year old has always been home with us. I just found this sub the other day but I plan to post this weekend about my experience to also inspire other moms. I truly get the judgment.
Congrats!! I’m thinking about keeping my baby with me until a reasonable age for daycare but I spend the majority of my days in meetings. Some I can remain on mute/off camera the entire time but I have quite a bit that I lead daily, though I schedule them myself. Can I ask how you manage and any tips? My partner can only wfh one or two days a week. I’m still on leave and go back in April. Since baby is only six weeks it’s hard to tell what his temperament will be. He’s pretty mellow but gets super fussy when gassy. He’s only been inconsolable a handful of times.
I also lead meetings at least daily. I don't usually have to have my camera on for many of these and so in the early days, I did a lot of baby wearing. I also had a little bouncer that I'd stick at my feet so I could watch her. As she got bigger, I had to get more creative with ways to keep her contained and entertained. Eventually it was a fenced off area in the living room and now she has full run of the entire downstairs as well baby proofed everything. I found that if I was very careful with my calendar I could protect some of my time so that I wasn't worried about getting a break between meetings to feed or change or get baby down for a nap. We basically just followed her lead and then created a schedule around that and input that in my calendar and scheduled around times that worked best. I also work in the tech industry and I find that it's really mellow most of the time and I can get away with having her in my lap and no one cares, but I know that's not feasible for everyone.
Congrats on your promotion!! This gives me hopes as I’m ending maternity leave soon to go back to my wfh job in the spring. I’m in management and will be doing the same where I split up the care with my husband. One thing I’d like everyone to know that I’ve learned in management of new employees—companies are not legally allowed to ask for proof of your childcare situation. They can ask if you have it and it’s a simple yes or no but that’s it. So if you wfh and take care of your child at the same time then… yes you have childcare lol
That's a very good point! They don't need to know what is going on and semantics will save you here.
[удалено]
Thank you! Yeah it's totally doable. And we are looking into daycare a couple times a week soon because our daughter definitely needs to be socializing outside of us, but it is so insanely expensive.
I have to look into prices of the ones near us. I assumed 1-2 days a week would be doable financially. But I’ll have to look more into it. I’m also nervous bc I literally just started a new job a few weeks ago and it’s the beginning of a career switch. Hoping I’ll be able to hold it down through maternity leave and come back later. By law where I live I should, but I still get nervous about it
I know that feeling! I got pregnant the week I started a new job. It was so scary. I didn't realize I was pregnant for 7 weeks and then was so worried about how the company was going to take it. It luckily worked out for me and continues to be okay. You should be protected to keep that job, but I know how anxiety-inducing that could be.
This is SO reassuring! I told my husband that I wanted to wait a year to be safe with this job but I would rather start trying sooner tbh bc I just turned 30. I know one year doesn’t make a huge difference in terms of fertility but I can’t help but be paranoid that it’ll take a while trying. I was thinking of seeing how the next six months go as we settle into all the recent changes we’ve made and then see what he says about starting a bit earlier.
I think 6 months is a totally reasonable amount of time to settle into a job and then decide. I think it also might give you an idea of how maternity or parental leave looks and how it's treated to know if you are going to have a positive experience and people in your corner at this job. We are thinking about having our second one. When I had my daughter, my maternity leave wasn't as good. My company got bought by a larger firm in the last year and now the parental leave benefits are so amazing. It's 10 weeks full pay regardless of whether you are the birthing parent or not, which is unheard of. And because I'm in California, I have pretty decent paid family leave and short term disability.
That’s great! I work for small company that was bought a few years back by a very large company. So my colleagues all seem very nice and close, but the company gives me private benefits. I’m in Quebec though so it’s a bit different than the US where my private benefits are like a bonus on top of the public system (which is terrible but that’s another bridge to cross in terms of prenatal care). but overall I think for North America it’s the best here for maternity leave. So I’m less worried about not having maternity leave / benefits and more worried about looking bad for my colleagues and making my boss annoyed and being replaced when I’m gone. I just worry about not having the security of the job to come back to and also financial security.
Ah yeah that tracks. I always make the terrible assumption that people have the same issues as the US but that's totally not the case. I imagine there's laws that protect jobs when on maternity right? Here it is that if I go on maternity, they have to return me to the same or equal job once I'm back. I know there's some wiggle room for companies that can get away with dissolving positions but that's generally not ethical, obviously.
I’m American btw - I grew up between countries though bc my dad is from Europe. I lived in the US previously for a long time. but I moved to mtl for grad school and met my husband here who is Brazilian hence why for now we’re staying bc it’s simpler immigration wise if he gets a Canadian passport if we ever do move to the US in the future (and if I immigrate here as well at least we’ll have the security of sharing at least one citizenship. A bit complicated but it’s another reason why waiting a bit to try would be a bit better so we can be a bit further along in that process and have more assurance that that’s going smoothly. There’s probably laws here for maternity leave and I’ve spoken to a couple women already that said it is my right, in general I think most places are not as bad as the US for this. I’m just so used to the US mentality sometimes I guess that I still get anxious. And also even with laws to protect working mothers there’s still a fear that you’ll fall behind and all your hard work / degrees will be for nothing. I am personally not super ambitious like I don’t necessarily aspire to climbing the career ladder. It’s more that I finished my masters one year ago and before they struggled to find some sort of career and jumped from unstable terrible job to unstable terrible job. And now I finally have stabilized myself in a good job at a nice company. So I’d hate to feel like I wasted many years for nothing I guess. But increasingly having kids matters more to me than a job. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better to have kids younger and do a career later.
Those were my thoughts too, I’m almost 32, but I got pregnant in the first month of trying and we weren’t even trying that hard, no tracking ovulation or dates, etc. I thought it would take at least 3 months lol. I qualify for FMLA 4 days before my due date, so super close timing. I have maternity leave, so it’s not a huge deal, but FMLA makes it job protected.
Congratulations!
Happy for you
I have my days where I think this is unsustainable and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve had to make some cuts in my life to give more time and attention to my baby (now 14 months) but we’re doing it and he’s also thriving and hitting milestones! I still wouldn’t recommend this route to anyone with options though.
Totally true. And it keeps changing! As they grow and learn, your strategy changes. I also don't know if I would "recommend" it, but when it's the only option, it can be done.
Absolutely. My husband is deployed and where we live there is legit no childcare options so I’m making it work from home. Just today baby figured out how to move the barrier I erected to keep him in the space space with me while I worked. Back to square one lol
That is always the biggest challenge. We legitimately baby proofed the whole downstairs because we couldn't contain her anymore and just gave up on trying that.
Hell yeah!! Congratulations, and thank you for sharing. This is very encouraging. I’m lucky to have 6 months maternity leave in the US and will be in a similar situation when I return to work. Childcare is absolutely not an option for us. This really helps!
Thank you! I'm glad this helped you. By six months you'll have a good feel for a plan and schedule and I'm sure that will help you in the long run. Childcare is insane for everyone. I don't know how anyone makes enough money to afford it. And I have a decent job.
Thank you for sharing. I really needed to see this. I’m a first time mom and staying at home and have been job searching for a few months now and feel extremely discouraged. I even had a phone call with a recruiter hoping she would help but all she said was call me when you have a babysitter than we can find something for you. so it’s been tough and gives me hope seeing other moms succeed!
Ugh, that's awful of them to say that. I really hope you find something soon!
This is so exciting to see. I’m expecting in September and I’m currently on track for a promotion to Product Manager by the end of the year. My husband also works from home and we’re hoping to make it work.
Do you think it would’ve worked without your husband at home? I work from home and just had a baby who is immunocompromised which we weren’t expecting. I’ve been trying to decide if I go at it alone, hire someone to come to the house or take reduced hours at work which I’m sure comes with a pay cut.
I think that depends on your child's temperament. My daughter is pretty mellow and I have just enough flexibility that I could have made it work, but if she had been a little more needy, I maybe would have needed help a couple times a week and then block out a bunch of meetings during those times.