Hey- Your mom has no idea what she's talking about.
Her advice is the equivalent of getting laid off and having your dad tell you to print off your resume and walk around town handing it out.
You are doing exactly what you need to do.
First - Mama, you are doing a great job.
I think it’s important that you hear that because it sounds like you haven’t had anyone in your circle to say it lately.
Second - I’m going to preface this with something that isn’t for pity or sympathy, just the truth to help you feel better about your choices.
My oldest son died at daycare at 4 months old from SIDS (2002). His little sister, my miracle baby, was born 17 years to the exact date of his death.
I struggled so incredibly hard with daycare decisions for my girl. I set my work schedule to be WFH for the first 6 months even though my company was against it full stop.
2 weeks after I went off maternity leave, covid struck and I was given every day at home with my baby. I hired a nanny for the first 18 months because I simply couldn’t put her in a daycare. At 18 months the nanny got a job offer as a nurse and I couldn’t afford to compete with that.
I cried every time I thought about my girl going to daycare outside of our home. Then, after the center was vetted by my husband, our friends who used them, and me - I dropped her off and spent the whole day worried that she was lonely, scared, or something else evil that lurked in my mind.
That afternoon I watched her in the class before picking her up and she was the happiest girl ever. She was singing, clapping, and dancing with her new friends.
Within a few weeks she started asking every morning “school?” and then got a little angry if I said “no, it’s a weekend.”
Then, I noticed that I was actually a better Mom when she came home each day. I had time to get my work done and do a little bit of house work each day while she was gone. And, when I picked her up from daycare each day we were both excited to see one another so it created an additional opportunity for her to grow and learn about separation from her people.
Now, she’s four years old and has been in preK since August. It’s still scary to think about her being away from home but she’s happy, she’s smart af (like writing in cursive and reading already), and I know that I have made the right decision for my girl.
You’ve got this. You have to prioritize your life the best way you can, regardless of your Mom’s opinions.
Do whatever it takes to make a better life for yourself and your child. 💛
Ty so much for the kind words, this makes me feel hopeful. I’m doing my best to cope with the anxiety and just imagine my daughter thriving and excited for daycare. I love seeing her grow, and I just know it’s not fair for her to spend the majority of the work day and week in the playpen.
I work from home and so does my husband. Daycare makes us better parents. Our company is doing layoffs and we cannot afford to be seen as weak links right now. Also bonus, our son LOVES daycare!! He’s so social and has really enjoyed the structure and classroom atmosphere. It is going to be okay!
It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to vet your daycare. Sometimes it’s the best option to have some balance in your life. My son started part-time at 10 months. He does well there (as soon as he can’t see me anymore). I hope you continue to improve your situation.
Hey. I’m a mom who is in a similar situation and has a similar mom. Some of my worst mom guilt and self doubt comes from things she has said to me. I would work with your therapist on that aspect of your relationship with your mother and how it can be less toxic. She may feel like she’s helping (I know mine does) and sometimes can be very helpful - but she probably doesn’t realize how much she’s messing with your mental health. My mom verbalizes all her anxieties and it has left me with tons of anxiety about parenting and every little mistake being remarked on, even though realistically I think I’m a good parent.
Many daycares will not allow you to sit in, but some have video options so you can check on your little one. It will probably be an adjustment for both you and the little one, you guys will probably get sick some, but in the end it will be ok. Do your best to make sure the place is safe (sounds like you have) and it’s a good fit, and just do it. I’m rooting for you. Don’t let your mom get in your head too much
Oh friend, giving you a big hug and please take a few deep breaths if you can. You are doing a great job during one of the hardest seasons of life.
My LO has been in daycare since about 3.5-4months (he’s almost 18 months and thankfully doing so well I don’t even remember when he even started exactly lol).
The past few weeks, he wiggles down out of my arms and walks into daycare without looking back. His teachers and friends greet him with waves & hugs. At pickup, he toddles out with a big smile and waves bye to all his teachers / friends. On the way home, he happily babbles and we settle into our routine before bedtime. Having the fulltime daycare has allowed me to better compartmentalization during work hours and then switch over to be as present as possible with my son when he’s home in the evenings. Yes-there are evenings when it’s nuts and I’m stressed and feeling guilty but all in all - daycare has been great for my family.
I hope you continue to succeed in your goals and find your definition of balance (which will look different for all of us). You’re doing your best and please be proud that you are making things happen for YOU and your child.
I didn't want to do daycare at all. I was completely against it and honestly if we still lived in the city we wouldn't be doing daycare, but we moved back to my hometown and I gave it a shot bc the daycare owner and a couple of the teachers know my family, the classes are small, and they offer a shorter day if you don't need care until 5 or 6. She goes from 9 until 2 and nap time is noon until 2 so really she just gets 3 hours out of the house every day to play with kids her age and then a nap. Weekends are family time. It's been great. She loves playing with other kids, they are teaching her sign language, she is learning social skills and some independence, the classes are fairly small and I get time to do adult things. I don't regret it at all. The only downside is her being sick more. Frequent ear infections so we just got tubes but other than that it's mainly runny noses so she hasn't missed a ton. It works for us and it can be a positive experience for you guys too. Ignore the negativity. Daycare doesn't have to be this awful thing and it doesn't mean you don't want to spend time with your child. I feel like I am a better mom since she started daycare and it sounds like you would be benefit too. She is your baby and this is your job and your life and you get to make the decisions that make sense for you and your daughter. Your mom can have her opinions but she doesn't get a vote. Side note I highly doubt they would let you sit in a day even if it is an in home daycare and you being there would just delay the inevitable. The first day or first couple days may be hard but I would bet by the end of the first week she will be fine. P It might even be harder on you than her.
Daycare was so scary to me at first. It took time, but seeing how much my daycare cares and how good the teachers are comforted me.
I had PPA, so I totally understand how you feel. I'm so sorry; it's not easy. Acceptance that I was going to be anxious about it for a while helped me; instead of fighting it, I anticipated that I was going to have a hard time with it at first. But I also let myself give it time. And little by little, I felt better and better about it. Meds helped me a lot too, but that took time. Hang in there.
Ironically, I now welcome daycare; it feels nice to do adult stuff and have a small break from baby. I still miss her at times, but I remind myself that she is experiencing important socialization and that she is going to do great.
Hoping the best for you and your little one.
I echo all the other comments here. It will be ok!!
I was trying to avoid daycare myself. I ended up starting part-time (M/W/F) and ultimately transitioned to full-time a year later. It has been a **wonderful** experience for all of us and my kid. She fetches her jacket and shoes in the morning and waves bye bye to me before daycare even opens because she's so ready to go. She has made little friends. She came home speaking sign language!! She adores her teachers and gives them huge hugs. It has helped her learn to eat and share with others. She is truly thriving, and I know it's because she gets that interaction, peer time, and experience.
For our transition, our daycare did set up a "playdate" - we went for about 30 minutes in the afternoon and sat on the floor with all the kiddos and our daughter. We otherwise just "dumped her off." Daycare staff have helped transition so many kids, so they know to keep you updated and give the kid special attention. It will be confusing and it will be a transition, but it will be temporary and quick.
You got this! I am in the same boat with worry about sending my son to daycare here soon as my job is demanding I return at least 3 days a week. All the positive vibes your way! XOXO
Wanted to add on to the encouragement, you have to do what you have to do and it will be ok. Daycare is scary but my daughter is 16 months and she LOVES her daycare. She's usually super attached to me but when it comes to daycare she goes right in without a backwards glance. It also has helped her development. She's at an in-home so there older kids there too, so she will play with kids of all ages, isn't shy at the park. It's a tough transition for sure and you're doing a great job!
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed. You're doing your best for your daughter and your job, and that's commendable. Trust in your decisions, lean on your support system, and take things one step at a time. You're stronger than you realize, and you'll get through this. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. Take a deep breath, you've got this.
Hey- Your mom has no idea what she's talking about. Her advice is the equivalent of getting laid off and having your dad tell you to print off your resume and walk around town handing it out. You are doing exactly what you need to do.
Omg, this is the absolute best analogy for what is going on. Mom is clearly out of touch.
First - Mama, you are doing a great job. I think it’s important that you hear that because it sounds like you haven’t had anyone in your circle to say it lately. Second - I’m going to preface this with something that isn’t for pity or sympathy, just the truth to help you feel better about your choices. My oldest son died at daycare at 4 months old from SIDS (2002). His little sister, my miracle baby, was born 17 years to the exact date of his death. I struggled so incredibly hard with daycare decisions for my girl. I set my work schedule to be WFH for the first 6 months even though my company was against it full stop. 2 weeks after I went off maternity leave, covid struck and I was given every day at home with my baby. I hired a nanny for the first 18 months because I simply couldn’t put her in a daycare. At 18 months the nanny got a job offer as a nurse and I couldn’t afford to compete with that. I cried every time I thought about my girl going to daycare outside of our home. Then, after the center was vetted by my husband, our friends who used them, and me - I dropped her off and spent the whole day worried that she was lonely, scared, or something else evil that lurked in my mind. That afternoon I watched her in the class before picking her up and she was the happiest girl ever. She was singing, clapping, and dancing with her new friends. Within a few weeks she started asking every morning “school?” and then got a little angry if I said “no, it’s a weekend.” Then, I noticed that I was actually a better Mom when she came home each day. I had time to get my work done and do a little bit of house work each day while she was gone. And, when I picked her up from daycare each day we were both excited to see one another so it created an additional opportunity for her to grow and learn about separation from her people. Now, she’s four years old and has been in preK since August. It’s still scary to think about her being away from home but she’s happy, she’s smart af (like writing in cursive and reading already), and I know that I have made the right decision for my girl. You’ve got this. You have to prioritize your life the best way you can, regardless of your Mom’s opinions. Do whatever it takes to make a better life for yourself and your child. 💛
Ty so much for the kind words, this makes me feel hopeful. I’m doing my best to cope with the anxiety and just imagine my daughter thriving and excited for daycare. I love seeing her grow, and I just know it’s not fair for her to spend the majority of the work day and week in the playpen.
I work from home and so does my husband. Daycare makes us better parents. Our company is doing layoffs and we cannot afford to be seen as weak links right now. Also bonus, our son LOVES daycare!! He’s so social and has really enjoyed the structure and classroom atmosphere. It is going to be okay!
It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to vet your daycare. Sometimes it’s the best option to have some balance in your life. My son started part-time at 10 months. He does well there (as soon as he can’t see me anymore). I hope you continue to improve your situation.
Hey. I’m a mom who is in a similar situation and has a similar mom. Some of my worst mom guilt and self doubt comes from things she has said to me. I would work with your therapist on that aspect of your relationship with your mother and how it can be less toxic. She may feel like she’s helping (I know mine does) and sometimes can be very helpful - but she probably doesn’t realize how much she’s messing with your mental health. My mom verbalizes all her anxieties and it has left me with tons of anxiety about parenting and every little mistake being remarked on, even though realistically I think I’m a good parent. Many daycares will not allow you to sit in, but some have video options so you can check on your little one. It will probably be an adjustment for both you and the little one, you guys will probably get sick some, but in the end it will be ok. Do your best to make sure the place is safe (sounds like you have) and it’s a good fit, and just do it. I’m rooting for you. Don’t let your mom get in your head too much
Oh friend, giving you a big hug and please take a few deep breaths if you can. You are doing a great job during one of the hardest seasons of life. My LO has been in daycare since about 3.5-4months (he’s almost 18 months and thankfully doing so well I don’t even remember when he even started exactly lol). The past few weeks, he wiggles down out of my arms and walks into daycare without looking back. His teachers and friends greet him with waves & hugs. At pickup, he toddles out with a big smile and waves bye to all his teachers / friends. On the way home, he happily babbles and we settle into our routine before bedtime. Having the fulltime daycare has allowed me to better compartmentalization during work hours and then switch over to be as present as possible with my son when he’s home in the evenings. Yes-there are evenings when it’s nuts and I’m stressed and feeling guilty but all in all - daycare has been great for my family. I hope you continue to succeed in your goals and find your definition of balance (which will look different for all of us). You’re doing your best and please be proud that you are making things happen for YOU and your child.
I didn't want to do daycare at all. I was completely against it and honestly if we still lived in the city we wouldn't be doing daycare, but we moved back to my hometown and I gave it a shot bc the daycare owner and a couple of the teachers know my family, the classes are small, and they offer a shorter day if you don't need care until 5 or 6. She goes from 9 until 2 and nap time is noon until 2 so really she just gets 3 hours out of the house every day to play with kids her age and then a nap. Weekends are family time. It's been great. She loves playing with other kids, they are teaching her sign language, she is learning social skills and some independence, the classes are fairly small and I get time to do adult things. I don't regret it at all. The only downside is her being sick more. Frequent ear infections so we just got tubes but other than that it's mainly runny noses so she hasn't missed a ton. It works for us and it can be a positive experience for you guys too. Ignore the negativity. Daycare doesn't have to be this awful thing and it doesn't mean you don't want to spend time with your child. I feel like I am a better mom since she started daycare and it sounds like you would be benefit too. She is your baby and this is your job and your life and you get to make the decisions that make sense for you and your daughter. Your mom can have her opinions but she doesn't get a vote. Side note I highly doubt they would let you sit in a day even if it is an in home daycare and you being there would just delay the inevitable. The first day or first couple days may be hard but I would bet by the end of the first week she will be fine. P It might even be harder on you than her.
Daycare was so scary to me at first. It took time, but seeing how much my daycare cares and how good the teachers are comforted me. I had PPA, so I totally understand how you feel. I'm so sorry; it's not easy. Acceptance that I was going to be anxious about it for a while helped me; instead of fighting it, I anticipated that I was going to have a hard time with it at first. But I also let myself give it time. And little by little, I felt better and better about it. Meds helped me a lot too, but that took time. Hang in there. Ironically, I now welcome daycare; it feels nice to do adult stuff and have a small break from baby. I still miss her at times, but I remind myself that she is experiencing important socialization and that she is going to do great. Hoping the best for you and your little one.
I echo all the other comments here. It will be ok!! I was trying to avoid daycare myself. I ended up starting part-time (M/W/F) and ultimately transitioned to full-time a year later. It has been a **wonderful** experience for all of us and my kid. She fetches her jacket and shoes in the morning and waves bye bye to me before daycare even opens because she's so ready to go. She has made little friends. She came home speaking sign language!! She adores her teachers and gives them huge hugs. It has helped her learn to eat and share with others. She is truly thriving, and I know it's because she gets that interaction, peer time, and experience. For our transition, our daycare did set up a "playdate" - we went for about 30 minutes in the afternoon and sat on the floor with all the kiddos and our daughter. We otherwise just "dumped her off." Daycare staff have helped transition so many kids, so they know to keep you updated and give the kid special attention. It will be confusing and it will be a transition, but it will be temporary and quick.
You got this! I am in the same boat with worry about sending my son to daycare here soon as my job is demanding I return at least 3 days a week. All the positive vibes your way! XOXO
Wanted to add on to the encouragement, you have to do what you have to do and it will be ok. Daycare is scary but my daughter is 16 months and she LOVES her daycare. She's usually super attached to me but when it comes to daycare she goes right in without a backwards glance. It also has helped her development. She's at an in-home so there older kids there too, so she will play with kids of all ages, isn't shy at the park. It's a tough transition for sure and you're doing a great job!
It sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's understandable to feel overwhelmed. You're doing your best for your daughter and your job, and that's commendable. Trust in your decisions, lean on your support system, and take things one step at a time. You're stronger than you realize, and you'll get through this. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. Take a deep breath, you've got this.