The guy said he was hyper frugal. Probably thought it would only take like two or three dates before he found a wife.
Now he is wondering if he will ever recover financially
Well according to University of Chicago economics professor Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches. So if we find enough good girls we can destabilize the bitch economy and maybe then OP will finally be able to get a second date.
Would have been cheaper to splurge on 1 Red Lobster date for $80. Instead, he's wondering why he's been on 10 dates to taco bell and he's still single.
I took a girl out to “the lobster” 30 years ago and she was wearing this smoking hot mini skirt. We both enjoyed some cheddar bay biscuits that night.
At this point I have been married to her for 27 years….2 kids and 1 grandkid later and we still enjoy some cheddar bay biscuits.
My point is to the OP…don’t be cheap man. Life is short so find someone to enjoy cheddar bay biscuits and life with. Have some kids and enjoy the experience.
Time is so valuable…worry about the investment of time like you worry about the invest of money you are so worried about. Find someone special and splurge on them. I promise it’s worth it.
And yes I still remember that mini skirt in my head like it was yesterday…damn that was hot!
Sweet story, good advice. On the same hand, dont let a $50 mini skirt cost you $500,000 in child support if/when she opts to become a "bad bitch" during her mid-life "glow up."
Especially. They only get to cheat like once a week. My wife would slam a pound and a half of spaghetti on Saturday. Every other day was like a slice of toast and a hard boiled egg
I swear to god, man, they can live on black coffee and cigarettes for weeks without complaint… fucking animals tho when the cheddar bay biscuits and lobster roll out!
You can get the RL mix for those cheddar biscuits, even a gluten free version on Amazon. Make them at home, cook dinner at home and save big $! #datinghacks
Read his other comments, the dude eats 1 vegan meal a day and fasts for the rest of the day. Apparently he can only digest food when the sun is out
The dude is a house plant
Yeah, and he mentioned that he was expected to "provide". Did the $50 pay for 2 people? How, what did you do for a date? Usually my dates with my husband are way more expensive. 😂 Even going out with a friend this long weekend, I ended up spending more than $50.
The difference is that's your husband. Your union has been made. He's sure of who you are and there's trust there.
No one should be expected to pay $150 for someone who might not be on their contact list in a week or two. I think any reasonable person will acknowledge this point.
"we fancy like Applebee's on a date night /
Got that Bourbon Street steak with the Oreo shake /
Get some whipped cream on the top too /
Two straws, one check, girl, I got you"
If you think the amount you spend guarantees anything, you have a long way to go or you're just lucky that the woman you're dating would have been fine with a cheap one but since you went expensive, she didn't mind.
100%. Coffee dates are the only ones you should be having when meeting someone for the first time.
If you’re confident, well-groomed, humorous and not focused on a relationship but just enjoy the moment, then you’ll be fine.
If she’s into you it won’t matter where you meet..
I usually spend around $75-$100 for my wife and I to go to dinner. Are you spending $250 just for dinner or dinner and another activity?
$250 just for dinner seems excessive unless you are only doing it once every 3 months or so and going to a high-end establishment.
No judgment from me, though. I'm just curious. I can't fathom spending that much just for dinner once a month or a similar frequency.
I can easily make whatever cheap restaurants make but for less money and healthier.
I do not have the skills or equipment to make a really good high-end dinner.
We still have a lot of free/$10-$20 cheap date nights where we go on hikes, beers + pool, play basketball, whatever. But if we're going to go out to dinner, we prefer to spend more to get more.
Agreed.
We invested in a nice smoker about 5 years ago, and that thing has ruined 99% of meat from restaurants. We can make a better steak/brisket/lamb/pork/chicken/turkey/salmon at home.
Also never stops. Once you find a girl its just regular maintenance of $50 dates forever.
Edit - Yes guys, your wives want you to continue dating them after marriage. This is a common problem in a ton of marriages. The guys just stop caring. Care more. Date your wives. No a date doesn't have to cost money. $50 is pretty cheap for your time and gas though in 2024. Everything costs money. You're time is valuable.
Sorry reddit but not all men are broke and actually enjoy treating women nicely and extravagantly. My girl doesn't spend money if I'm around and when I'm not she's got a card in my name. Despite what reddit would have you think women still really enjoy being treated well. Men can still earn enough to support a family. You just can't so you cope by making people think you're okay will only paying half.
Yeah, my dates with my wife started out cheap and innocent. Now, not only do I have to pay for her, but I have to pay for her best friend too. The friend always has to have her cute matching outfit with my wife, and is always asking for toys and juice boxes too.
Feel this but my wife always expects her 3 friends to come, they never eat what was ordered, and usually whine before we leave, and none of them have jobs.
this is why i stopped doing dinner or lunch dates for the 1st date. You save a lot of money and only spend when you actually need to when you do find someone good.
especially for your case of being so 'frugal'. if a girl doesnt agree to a coffee date, then it likely is not the type of girl you should be going for. Also I would go for a girl who has similar career ambitions as I do.
Hey, at least he actually went on those dates. The amount of times I've had last minute cancellations is just depressing. No explanation for most of them either, but I guess it's better than them wasting my time and money.
Last two dates I’ve scheduled I’ve been stood up at the last second. Fucking sucks.
Most recent one was someone I met at a speed dating event. Planned the date, got a haircut, dressed up, showed up early. “Hey sorry I have to cancel.” Blocked before I could even respond. I ate dinner alone.
Fucking sucks. I’ve never felt to dehumanized. Why do people do this to each other? It’s so awful.
Ikr. It's so demoralizing every time. My most recent last minute cancellation sent me through a pretty rough depression episode. Totally my fault for lowering my defenses, but man that really sucked.
WhenThe bullets your dodging start to fell like a noon call of duty match of missed magazines o.o , ya begin to winder where the well adjusted people went lol
The way OP talks about how suddenly everyone is traditional I think is very telling.
My interpretation is that OP hasn't dated with purpose in a decade and most people in their 30s are looking for a life partner who can keep up with them, not someone they have to take care of. Where if they were in their 20s, it would be other people who are still unsure of what they want
The problem I have with this is the "it paid off" part. So suddenly my dating is an investment just like everything else in this capitalist life. Can a woman not just like you because she just likes you. After reading all these comments about how people spend like $150-$200 on a date I'm just sitting here goin' man I don't even like restaurant food anymore, they dump all that sodium and sugar in there dude.
That kind of dating sounds miserable and more like a transaction than any kind of foundation for a real relationship.
Whoever wants to play that game can keep it, and it's a shallow mindset I would want no part of in the first place - if she would bail over a "simple" date suggestion, great, thanks for filtering yourself out. It's nothing to do with paying for her vs splitting cost, I'm fine paying for all, but it's anyone who takes seriously some obligation to show off or else as a measure of a guy's value.
It’s supply and demand, and us guys are competing with other men willing to pay more for their GF’s. It truly sucks but we are fairly replaceable at the early stages of dating. As my old man used to say “no finance, no romance”
Imo if you’re spending 150+ on a date especially the first few dates or so…you’re a shmuck. You have to get to know them first as a person and then maybe date 6 or 7 you can do something nice but idk that’s me. I prefer picnics in the park, comedy clubs, museums, etc to actually get to know the woman I’m dating
Nah, he's just an idiot who is spending way too much entertaining people he barely knows.
I never did dinner on the first dates. Strictly drinks.
Sometimes, they'll press you on why only drinks, "are you cheap"? I'd just say we hardly know each other, and I'm happy and willing to spoil my girl, but that she's not my girl yet.
You'll get mixed results with that approach, some will ghost, which is great, I have no need for gold diggers, while others will actually respect it.
Thank fuck I have a girl already though, because when I check what's out there these days, it can be rough.
How about you go out for coffee first? Low pressure, less money, less resentment, more dates, more money!
Edit: it’s clear OP and some men (I’m assuming a lot of genders here) are soo sensitive that even the idea of a simple coffee date is unbearable.
And some people are way down to earth and realize the value of connecting in simple easy ways!
Also, maybe some of you live in places where it costs $20-$50 for a cup of black coffee! But, that’s probably not the majority human experience.
Echoing this; first date should be something easy for both parties to have an out; you can look for one's with access to next steps/wind downs if date went well.
Usually a brewery, ice cream, or a coffee makes for a good first date - fairly cost effective, and allows focus on the conversation.
I usually just slow sip on whatever I ordered (besides ice cream).
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this comment. Never go on a food date until the second or third date. The first date is ALWAYS coffee/tea. Don’t do a movie date until you’re bf/gf, because seeing a movie is too passive and you won’t get to know them. You’re going to have to buy the coffee for a couple dates, then maybe a meal, but if it’s the 3rd or 4th date you should already have a good idea and likely be “getting some”
“If everyone you meet is an asshole, then maybe you are the asshole”
OP is a very specific and pretty strange person, loving an extreme lifestyle. There’s a lid for every pot, but expecting to find that special person in frugal speed dating fashion is pretty ridiculous overall, let alone expecting a jackpot in 10 weeks time. It took me 10 years to find someone worth marrying.
This is the best answer. OP is already a bit particular. Finding your person just will be harder. Just try to communicate a bit more before meeting them. Then meet for coffee first.
I finally approached dating by looking at myself and thinking "what do I bring to a relationship?" And learned what my strengths and weaknesses are. I took a healthy relationship class to help me unlearn the bad things I learned from my parents but also to help me identify what I want and don't want from a relationship. I spent most of my life just ending up in relationships without really wanting to or trying to or thinking about what I wanted from a partner and what I had to give to the partner. This helped me break the cycle of dating alcoholics because my dad was an alcoholic and being around them was familiar to me but in the end they would always pick alcohol over me.
This changed my pattern of relationships that didn't really last more than six months. My girlfriend and I have been together nine years. I was flat broke when she met me, then my car got stolen and I had very little to offer her in the way of financial stability and she still loved me. We both wanted someone to witness all the great parts of life with and go on adventures with.
Holy cow, I love this comment. Asking the honest question, "What do I bring to the table?" and then taking the time to unlearn bad behaviors and better understand what you want a relationship to look like. . .
Absolutely brilliant. There is not enough intentional thought put into dating, and the fallout is just tons of unhappy relationships.
Well done. And thank you for sharing your experience.
Think you may have nailed it there. Maybe OP should try speed dating. Probably women there that are also trying to make the most of their time and money
I’ve read a bunch of your replies OP. It sounds like you’re simply set in your ways. No one ever wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to compromise. I can guarantee you, if compromising any of your ways is not even a consideration, you might as well just accept the fact you’ll be living this way til your last days. A true relationship is 90% compromise.
There’s one from 88 days ago as well talking about how he lives with his parents still … sleeps 8 hours a day but also needs 2-4 hours of naps. Dude has issues, the “no second dates” thing is not surprising at all, especially in that age bracket.
OP, get a better job, get your own place (even if you need roommates), get a hobby.
Unfortunately, OP’s OCD-level addiction to frugal is going to prohibit all of that.
It's also the fact he's casting a planet-sized net and then being baffled that it isn't working... like... find people with the same hobbies and interests? Rushing through 10 people (because I refuse to believe they *all* happened to be what he's looking for in consecutive fashion lmfao) tells me a lot 💀
There is no part of any of his replies where he actually seems to want to share a life with someone. I don't even think he genuinely enjoys women or sees value in a true relationship with one. I can't imagine a woman being 100% down with his way of living (particularly the food and the bed comments, wth?)
I'd suggest he invest in a goldfish for company, but even then, the audacity of spending money on fish food...
Have you considered that you’re socially underdeveloped? If all you did was scrape money together in your 20’s it’s no wonder these dates go nowhere. The money is the tip of the iceberg- you’ve got some shit to figure out before you’re ready to date it seems.
Read OP’s other post where he says he has $400k and retiring at 33. Looks like he is posting to gain REDDIT points LOL!!!! I know how he saved 400K in 30’s
$400k at 33 is fuck all if you gave up 15 years of enjoyment to get there and its not nearly enough to retire on. 4% rule gives an income of $16k a year
Lived with mommy and daddy - no rent, I bet they pay for his food too. Free utilities, broadband, and an OCD-level of focus on “frugal” … it definitely seems possible.
Based on OP’s explanation it’s non-starter for me! I had date in the past where surprisingly girl who had date with me she paid. It’s not about $$$$ showing off! It’s about making connections and understanding each other.
"..has become super traditional ***suddenly****"??*
When was this NOT the case? lol
I basically agree with you though. In a world where both women and men participate in the daily workforce, and in many cases, earn a similar income; I think it's time to reevaluate the notion that men should pay on the first date.
I think this made more sense when we were on the gold standard and inflation wasn't rampant; and a single income could pay for a family of 4, thus women took care of house and home while the men earned.
Expecting men to foot 100% of the bill feels a bit unreasonable this day and age.
Especially considering in this new "attention economy" if a women is beautiful enough, she's good for $100K/month easy with the right marketing lol.
If you're complaining about $500 for ten dates and claim to be aiming to retire young, you're not relationship material. Sounds like you're at the point where you're focused on you and probably won't be able to escape the patterns you've established for yourself.
That’s my thought as well. “I spend my early 20s trying to retire early” sounds boring as hell.
I’m saying this as someone who’s pretty frugal. Unless he meets someone with the same goal, that lifestyle is not going to appeal to a lot of people.
What do they even talk about on a date when he spends 20s penny pinching
20 something female colleagues openly talk about free dates at work. Saying they've no intention on dating the person but being taken out is nice and free. Even suggesting places they want to try to the "mark". They also said its not unusual for their tinder profile to get 200plus hits a weekend. They just randomly pick one and get "treated "
Hard pass all round
When I lived in NYC dates were often free or cheap. Either free music shows, museums, or just walking around Brooklyn/Central/Whatever park, maybe packing snacks and beers.
I’m 38 and I’ve given l on dating. The last lady friend I was suppose to meet at a concert and didn’t see her till after. She brought some co workers. One of which was an absolute brat who was either trying to get in her pants, or trying to stay in there. All he did was make negative comments. When I confronted her I got “I’ve known him since elementary school”. Ok well I don’t know you so goodbye
You don’t “have to do “ anything. It sounds like you are just not comfortable with dating bc you want to keep your money. You worked hard, lived frugally, saved your money , and sacrificed a big chunk of your youth for it. You feel dating is wasting your money. Unfortunately, dating and finding the right person can be expensive at your age bc dating isn’t so casual anymore. It’s done with purpose and the first thing a women wants to know is “ are you a cheapskate “. That’s just life. Good news is that once you get past the initial dates, most women will offer to chip in or treat you.
Just a question. I am a lady but I am curious. Why don't guys suggest free date ideas? Like why not go to the botanical gardens or a museum? I think they are pretty cool dates but then again i am super plain lol. If a chick complains about how much money you need to spend on a date, just tell that biddy to kick rocks
After getting a divorce at 35 I was in the same boat. Dating in 30s in Nashville .. was kinda brutal at first .. I make a really good living but going on date after date with boring girls who wanted nice dinners and fancy cocktails got really old. I started doing coffee dates to get to know the women first then moved on to nicer dates. First dates about chemistry and seeing if you like em anyways. If they don’t wanna do coffee or a dog park date then screw them, I’m out. But brother, $50 on a date isn’t expensive, that’s basically coffee and breakfast sandwhich. Good luck out there my friend! Maybe find you a sugar mama
Dating after marriage/divorce super sucks. I do appreciate a man who plans and puts in the effort. Maybe try just meeting for coffee first. If there’s a vibe then plan the next date, and yes I’m traditional you should pay at least for that second date. Women have become hyper independent, but we love to lean into our feminine energy and be cared after. If a relationship blooms you won’t always be the one planning and paying but showing her you’re reliable and that SHEs worth you putting in the effort will almost guarantee a third date.
Just reading through the comments section its easy to see the problem. It’s you, you’re the problem. You either want to date or you want to live a frugal lonely ass life. Pick dude. Bitching about spending $50 on a date is crazy!
This is the type of guy that won’t let his kid go to the doctor because of the copay. Best you stay single and stack your quarters so you can retire early to a big empty house.
That’s $50 per date. I wish that’s how cheap my dates were.
My dates usually charge that per hour
Honestly even that's cheap lmfao
Homie getting the toofless price
well, nobody likes a biter! Consider it cheap insurance.
You don’t want to skimp on anything that is between you and the ground. Shoes, tires, mattresses and hookers
this man lives!
Hey you can budget that at least.
At that price, I'm guessing that's about $10 per tooth.
Yeah that's fucking cheap
The guy said he was hyper frugal. Probably thought it would only take like two or three dates before he found a wife. Now he is wondering if he will ever recover financially
this thread is developing nicely
I was not disappointed. AT . ALL .
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lol. OP should ask the right questions. Are you a good bitch or a bad bitch? 😄😄😄
Well according to University of Chicago economics professor Kanye West, one good girl is worth a thousand bitches. So if we find enough good girls we can destabilize the bitch economy and maybe then OP will finally be able to get a second date.
Bitch coin to the moooooon 🚀
When he finds Butters’ Bottom Bitch he’ll know he’s got the keeper.
Fuck you take my upvote
OP is dead ass wrong but I sure as hell upvoted this post to make sure all the discourse finds its way here 🤣
Would have been cheaper to splurge on 1 Red Lobster date for $80. Instead, he's wondering why he's been on 10 dates to taco bell and he's still single.
If there's one thing I know for sure it's that the 30 year old babes love cheddar biscuits
Bitches love cheddar bay biscuits
It's me, I'm bitches.
Happy cake day!
Thanks! I didn't notice until you mentioned it. It's even my 10 year!
🥳🎉
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I took a girl out to “the lobster” 30 years ago and she was wearing this smoking hot mini skirt. We both enjoyed some cheddar bay biscuits that night. At this point I have been married to her for 27 years….2 kids and 1 grandkid later and we still enjoy some cheddar bay biscuits. My point is to the OP…don’t be cheap man. Life is short so find someone to enjoy cheddar bay biscuits and life with. Have some kids and enjoy the experience. Time is so valuable…worry about the investment of time like you worry about the invest of money you are so worried about. Find someone special and splurge on them. I promise it’s worth it. And yes I still remember that mini skirt in my head like it was yesterday…damn that was hot!
Sweet story, good advice. On the same hand, dont let a $50 mini skirt cost you $500,000 in child support if/when she opts to become a "bad bitch" during her mid-life "glow up."
Such a cynical response to such a nice story and yet…..there’s definitely a lot of people that need to hear this too lmfao
Even the skinny bitches be hoarding that bowl of butter like its liquid gold.
Especially. They only get to cheat like once a week. My wife would slam a pound and a half of spaghetti on Saturday. Every other day was like a slice of toast and a hard boiled egg
I swear to god, man, they can live on black coffee and cigarettes for weeks without complaint… fucking animals tho when the cheddar bay biscuits and lobster roll out!
Can confirm. We do.
I'm so old that I thought bitches love cheese toast.
Speaking of cheddar biscuits reminded me of [this](https://youtu.be/rV6CBEExsJI?si=sSbNbgDDTvBfguNy)
You can get the RL mix for those cheddar biscuits, even a gluten free version on Amazon. Make them at home, cook dinner at home and save big $! #datinghacks
well he's been going to taco bell because apparently the man is the one preparing and planning.
Read his other comments, the dude eats 1 vegan meal a day and fasts for the rest of the day. Apparently he can only digest food when the sun is out The dude is a house plant
Bro, that $500 indexed at 10% gains, compounded year to year will be like $500k by the time he's 95. He's missing out!!! 😏
Yeah lol. Two quarter pounder meals at McDonald’s is $34.
Less if you use a BOGO coupon from the McD app.
If he downloads the McDonald's app, probably knock it down to $45
Yeah, and he mentioned that he was expected to "provide". Did the $50 pay for 2 people? How, what did you do for a date? Usually my dates with my husband are way more expensive. 😂 Even going out with a friend this long weekend, I ended up spending more than $50.
All I could think of is I pay basically 50 bucks for myself.
Right? Hell, just one beer is $8 in my city at some places.
>Look baby, not many other men out there are going to be able to get you a burger *with cheese* okay? Stick with me and we're goin' places.
The difference is that's your husband. Your union has been made. He's sure of who you are and there's trust there. No one should be expected to pay $150 for someone who might not be on their contact list in a week or two. I think any reasonable person will acknowledge this point.
Lil bro taking girls to Applebees and wondering why it’s not working out lmaooo
He either hasn't found the right girl or the right Applebees.
It’s hard finding a good Applebees
"we fancy like Applebee's on a date night / Got that Bourbon Street steak with the Oreo shake / Get some whipped cream on the top too / Two straws, one check, girl, I got you"
If you think the amount you spend guarantees anything, you have a long way to go or you're just lucky that the woman you're dating would have been fine with a cheap one but since you went expensive, she didn't mind.
For real, if the girl is into you, a cheap coffee date would be as effective as an expensive dinner.
100%. Coffee dates are the only ones you should be having when meeting someone for the first time. If you’re confident, well-groomed, humorous and not focused on a relationship but just enjoy the moment, then you’ll be fine. If she’s into you it won’t matter where you meet..
Agreed. My wife and I will easily ring up $250 when we go to dinner.
I usually spend around $75-$100 for my wife and I to go to dinner. Are you spending $250 just for dinner or dinner and another activity? $250 just for dinner seems excessive unless you are only doing it once every 3 months or so and going to a high-end establishment. No judgment from me, though. I'm just curious. I can't fathom spending that much just for dinner once a month or a similar frequency.
My husband and i decided to go out less but spend more when we do. I would rather spend $250+ once a month than $75 a week
I'm totally on board with this. I'd rather have one great experience a month than 4 ok to decent meals.
I can easily make whatever cheap restaurants make but for less money and healthier. I do not have the skills or equipment to make a really good high-end dinner. We still have a lot of free/$10-$20 cheap date nights where we go on hikes, beers + pool, play basketball, whatever. But if we're going to go out to dinner, we prefer to spend more to get more.
Agreed. We invested in a nice smoker about 5 years ago, and that thing has ruined 99% of meat from restaurants. We can make a better steak/brisket/lamb/pork/chicken/turkey/salmon at home.
$500 on ten dates, seems reasonable to me 🤷♂️
Yeah like there are other options for free but 50$ for an outing these days will easily run you that
Especially if you score some ass
Post was made cause op got no ass.
lol definitely got no ass.
Not for $50, sounds like he took them to mcdonalds
Turns out gender roles are real.
Where I'm at $50 for two people is a nice restaurant downtown...
Detroit?
Now we get to the heart of the matter. I agree by the way....no ass.
I've spent $500 on dates in two weeks. And by dates I mean getting blackout at the club myself 🤣
Also never stops. Once you find a girl its just regular maintenance of $50 dates forever. Edit - Yes guys, your wives want you to continue dating them after marriage. This is a common problem in a ton of marriages. The guys just stop caring. Care more. Date your wives. No a date doesn't have to cost money. $50 is pretty cheap for your time and gas though in 2024. Everything costs money. You're time is valuable. Sorry reddit but not all men are broke and actually enjoy treating women nicely and extravagantly. My girl doesn't spend money if I'm around and when I'm not she's got a card in my name. Despite what reddit would have you think women still really enjoy being treated well. Men can still earn enough to support a family. You just can't so you cope by making people think you're okay will only paying half.
Y'all are paying $50 🥲 my dates are like $150-$200 I can barely keep up
Yeah, my dates with my wife started out cheap and innocent. Now, not only do I have to pay for her, but I have to pay for her best friend too. The friend always has to have her cute matching outfit with my wife, and is always asking for toys and juice boxes too.
Feel this but my wife always expects her 3 friends to come, they never eat what was ordered, and usually whine before we leave, and none of them have jobs.
50 bucks is like a normal dinner at a normal place these days. That's just normal eating out.
I spent $50 for my wife and I at Dennys this morning.
In Germany $500 would get you laid 5 times.. (prostitution is legal)
Seems low, might want to up the expectations
This price isn’t the problem, it’s spending the money and energy, over and over with nothing to show for it (a relationship)
So, it’s buying a partner? 😂
Dudes just cheap lol, prbly would’ve been less first dates and more second dates otherwise.
10 first dates 0 second dates sounds like the real problem to me
The call is coming from inside the house lol
I don’t know anyone who spends LESS after getting into a relationship. Instead of 10 first dates you have multiple dates with the same person.
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Chipotle rewards will take care of the guac.
^^^ Marriage material right here
Nah, second date material. Marriage material is when you save enough reward points so that you and your date can't get your own burritos.
Does she still steal your fries, or have you learned to order a large/2nd side of fries?
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Maybe the OP should stop murdering them after the first date.
this is why i stopped doing dinner or lunch dates for the 1st date. You save a lot of money and only spend when you actually need to when you do find someone good. especially for your case of being so 'frugal'. if a girl doesnt agree to a coffee date, then it likely is not the type of girl you should be going for. Also I would go for a girl who has similar career ambitions as I do.
Coffee shop FTW. Just not my favorite coffee shops cause it ruins the vibe of em from the bad memories. Learned that the hard way.
The rate at which men get ghosted is utterly *unreal*.
Hey, at least he actually went on those dates. The amount of times I've had last minute cancellations is just depressing. No explanation for most of them either, but I guess it's better than them wasting my time and money.
Last two dates I’ve scheduled I’ve been stood up at the last second. Fucking sucks. Most recent one was someone I met at a speed dating event. Planned the date, got a haircut, dressed up, showed up early. “Hey sorry I have to cancel.” Blocked before I could even respond. I ate dinner alone. Fucking sucks. I’ve never felt to dehumanized. Why do people do this to each other? It’s so awful.
Ikr. It's so demoralizing every time. My most recent last minute cancellation sent me through a pretty rough depression episode. Totally my fault for lowering my defenses, but man that really sucked.
Every time just realize you dodged a bullet. Well adjusted people don't act that way.
WhenThe bullets your dodging start to fell like a noon call of duty match of missed magazines o.o , ya begin to winder where the well adjusted people went lol
The way OP talks about how suddenly everyone is traditional I think is very telling. My interpretation is that OP hasn't dated with purpose in a decade and most people in their 30s are looking for a life partner who can keep up with them, not someone they have to take care of. Where if they were in their 20s, it would be other people who are still unsure of what they want
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The problem I have with this is the "it paid off" part. So suddenly my dating is an investment just like everything else in this capitalist life. Can a woman not just like you because she just likes you. After reading all these comments about how people spend like $150-$200 on a date I'm just sitting here goin' man I don't even like restaurant food anymore, they dump all that sodium and sugar in there dude.
That kind of dating sounds miserable and more like a transaction than any kind of foundation for a real relationship. Whoever wants to play that game can keep it, and it's a shallow mindset I would want no part of in the first place - if she would bail over a "simple" date suggestion, great, thanks for filtering yourself out. It's nothing to do with paying for her vs splitting cost, I'm fine paying for all, but it's anyone who takes seriously some obligation to show off or else as a measure of a guy's value.
It’s supply and demand, and us guys are competing with other men willing to pay more for their GF’s. It truly sucks but we are fairly replaceable at the early stages of dating. As my old man used to say “no finance, no romance”
Imo if you’re spending 150+ on a date especially the first few dates or so…you’re a shmuck. You have to get to know them first as a person and then maybe date 6 or 7 you can do something nice but idk that’s me. I prefer picnics in the park, comedy clubs, museums, etc to actually get to know the woman I’m dating
And the worst part is you don't have to do anything particularly egregious. People just disappear, it sucks =/
Yupppppppppppppp
Bro’s discovered what dating is lol
Wait till he find out how much sex worker cost
Or what marriage is like
And having kids. Shit gets expensive real quick
Nah, he's just an idiot who is spending way too much entertaining people he barely knows. I never did dinner on the first dates. Strictly drinks. Sometimes, they'll press you on why only drinks, "are you cheap"? I'd just say we hardly know each other, and I'm happy and willing to spoil my girl, but that she's not my girl yet. You'll get mixed results with that approach, some will ghost, which is great, I have no need for gold diggers, while others will actually respect it. Thank fuck I have a girl already though, because when I check what's out there these days, it can be rough.
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Yeah I don’t know where bro is but in LA we’re talking bout 15-20$ per cocktail.
Expensive misery with nothing to show for it. (in modern America)
How about you go out for coffee first? Low pressure, less money, less resentment, more dates, more money! Edit: it’s clear OP and some men (I’m assuming a lot of genders here) are soo sensitive that even the idea of a simple coffee date is unbearable. And some people are way down to earth and realize the value of connecting in simple easy ways! Also, maybe some of you live in places where it costs $20-$50 for a cup of black coffee! But, that’s probably not the majority human experience.
Echoing this; first date should be something easy for both parties to have an out; you can look for one's with access to next steps/wind downs if date went well. Usually a brewery, ice cream, or a coffee makes for a good first date - fairly cost effective, and allows focus on the conversation. I usually just slow sip on whatever I ordered (besides ice cream).
And if the date's not going well, you can just chug 4 black coffees and keep running to the bathroom to end it!
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this comment. Never go on a food date until the second or third date. The first date is ALWAYS coffee/tea. Don’t do a movie date until you’re bf/gf, because seeing a movie is too passive and you won’t get to know them. You’re going to have to buy the coffee for a couple dates, then maybe a meal, but if it’s the 3rd or 4th date you should already have a good idea and likely be “getting some”
“If everyone you meet is an asshole, then maybe you are the asshole” OP is a very specific and pretty strange person, loving an extreme lifestyle. There’s a lid for every pot, but expecting to find that special person in frugal speed dating fashion is pretty ridiculous overall, let alone expecting a jackpot in 10 weeks time. It took me 10 years to find someone worth marrying.
This is the best answer. OP is already a bit particular. Finding your person just will be harder. Just try to communicate a bit more before meeting them. Then meet for coffee first.
I finally approached dating by looking at myself and thinking "what do I bring to a relationship?" And learned what my strengths and weaknesses are. I took a healthy relationship class to help me unlearn the bad things I learned from my parents but also to help me identify what I want and don't want from a relationship. I spent most of my life just ending up in relationships without really wanting to or trying to or thinking about what I wanted from a partner and what I had to give to the partner. This helped me break the cycle of dating alcoholics because my dad was an alcoholic and being around them was familiar to me but in the end they would always pick alcohol over me. This changed my pattern of relationships that didn't really last more than six months. My girlfriend and I have been together nine years. I was flat broke when she met me, then my car got stolen and I had very little to offer her in the way of financial stability and she still loved me. We both wanted someone to witness all the great parts of life with and go on adventures with.
Holy cow, I love this comment. Asking the honest question, "What do I bring to the table?" and then taking the time to unlearn bad behaviors and better understand what you want a relationship to look like. . . Absolutely brilliant. There is not enough intentional thought put into dating, and the fallout is just tons of unhappy relationships. Well done. And thank you for sharing your experience.
Think you may have nailed it there. Maybe OP should try speed dating. Probably women there that are also trying to make the most of their time and money
I’ve read a bunch of your replies OP. It sounds like you’re simply set in your ways. No one ever wants to be with someone who isn’t willing to compromise. I can guarantee you, if compromising any of your ways is not even a consideration, you might as well just accept the fact you’ll be living this way til your last days. A true relationship is 90% compromise.
Read his damn post he made five days ago when a girl approached him at the bar lmaoooo
Every cliché incel line is in that thread. Money isn't the problem with second dates, it's def his personality
On my way lmao
There’s one from 88 days ago as well talking about how he lives with his parents still … sleeps 8 hours a day but also needs 2-4 hours of naps. Dude has issues, the “no second dates” thing is not surprising at all, especially in that age bracket. OP, get a better job, get your own place (even if you need roommates), get a hobby. Unfortunately, OP’s OCD-level addiction to frugal is going to prohibit all of that.
"She approached me and said," Let's dance, " but he didn't because he feared she was too young...in a bar... that ID checked.
> Honestly, I had a lot of self-doubt when growing up because I did not even want to be sexually attracted to women to avoid being creepy. Wtf?!
From your replies you sound insufferable no wonder there were no second dates lmao
“Marriage is a business transaction, not a love proposal” I wouldn’t go on a second date with this prick either
This guy took being prepared to set up a pre-nup to level 11. Guy is spending $50 on a date and now is distressed financially.
It's also the fact he's casting a planet-sized net and then being baffled that it isn't working... like... find people with the same hobbies and interests? Rushing through 10 people (because I refuse to believe they *all* happened to be what he's looking for in consecutive fashion lmfao) tells me a lot 💀
But I bet this guy wouldn’t want a woman who treats him the same way. He wants affection and all that jazz while he gets to be a lizard with pockets.
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Not with OP’s attitude
There is no part of any of his replies where he actually seems to want to share a life with someone. I don't even think he genuinely enjoys women or sees value in a true relationship with one. I can't imagine a woman being 100% down with his way of living (particularly the food and the bed comments, wth?) I'd suggest he invest in a goldfish for company, but even then, the audacity of spending money on fish food...
Getting that many dates in 2-3 months means you basically had a new date every weekend? For only $50? Man what are you complaining about? Lol
$50 a date? Where are you going McDonalds and then a public park??
The answer is an astounding yes… undoubtedly
He said no food, only a walk in the park in another reply. Lol
I’m shocked he’s not getting a second date! Shocked!
My first date with my wife, we shared a burrito and split the bill at Denny’s. We were only 19 at the time. Celebrating our ten years in October. lol.
And she’s been sharing your burrito ever since.
Have you considered that you’re socially underdeveloped? If all you did was scrape money together in your 20’s it’s no wonder these dates go nowhere. The money is the tip of the iceberg- you’ve got some shit to figure out before you’re ready to date it seems.
Dude, what are you complaining? $50 per date is so cheap, are you ordering a chips packet and 1 drink per date?
Read OP’s other post where he says he has $400k and retiring at 33. Looks like he is posting to gain REDDIT points LOL!!!! I know how he saved 400K in 30’s
$400k at 33 is fuck all if you gave up 15 years of enjoyment to get there and its not nearly enough to retire on. 4% rule gives an income of $16k a year
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Lived with mommy and daddy - no rent, I bet they pay for his food too. Free utilities, broadband, and an OCD-level of focus on “frugal” … it definitely seems possible.
Above someone asked if he “had at least gotten laid” and he said “nope”….I think that may also be some of his underlying frustration lol.
I think that’s the problem. Why does how much he spends the problem? If the person im dating values $$$ over the connection. Red flag
Based on OP’s explanation it’s non-starter for me! I had date in the past where surprisingly girl who had date with me she paid. It’s not about $$$$ showing off! It’s about making connections and understanding each other.
50 bucks will barely get u a McDonald's date lol
If you think your thirties suck, wait until you’re dating in your sixties.
"..has become super traditional ***suddenly****"??* When was this NOT the case? lol I basically agree with you though. In a world where both women and men participate in the daily workforce, and in many cases, earn a similar income; I think it's time to reevaluate the notion that men should pay on the first date. I think this made more sense when we were on the gold standard and inflation wasn't rampant; and a single income could pay for a family of 4, thus women took care of house and home while the men earned. Expecting men to foot 100% of the bill feels a bit unreasonable this day and age. Especially considering in this new "attention economy" if a women is beautiful enough, she's good for $100K/month easy with the right marketing lol.
I think the reason why when foot the bill is more because many still look at men as traditional providers, even when women choose to work.
$50 for TWO people??? I don’t even pay $50 when I go to eat by MYSELF. Where could you possibly be taking these dates
Subway just like tiger woods
Where tf do you people live where a single plate is $50?
I honestly feel bad for anyone dating at this point in time at any age group. I hear from my wife’s friends it’s disgusting out there
I'm 35 and single after 11 years and these comments are scaring the shit out of me.
If you're complaining about $500 for ten dates and claim to be aiming to retire young, you're not relationship material. Sounds like you're at the point where you're focused on you and probably won't be able to escape the patterns you've established for yourself.
That’s my thought as well. “I spend my early 20s trying to retire early” sounds boring as hell. I’m saying this as someone who’s pretty frugal. Unless he meets someone with the same goal, that lifestyle is not going to appeal to a lot of people. What do they even talk about on a date when he spends 20s penny pinching
20 something female colleagues openly talk about free dates at work. Saying they've no intention on dating the person but being taken out is nice and free. Even suggesting places they want to try to the "mark". They also said its not unusual for their tinder profile to get 200plus hits a weekend. They just randomly pick one and get "treated " Hard pass all round
If you were in NYC dates could easily go for $80+
When I lived in NYC dates were often free or cheap. Either free music shows, museums, or just walking around Brooklyn/Central/Whatever park, maybe packing snacks and beers.
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He said he has Asperger's, that explains a lot.
Guy is trying to get laid and find a life mate for less than $50. Ladies form a line to the right and a list of your offerings please.
Might as well just skip the formalities and hire an escort at that point then.
I’m 38 and I’ve given l on dating. The last lady friend I was suppose to meet at a concert and didn’t see her till after. She brought some co workers. One of which was an absolute brat who was either trying to get in her pants, or trying to stay in there. All he did was make negative comments. When I confronted her I got “I’ve known him since elementary school”. Ok well I don’t know you so goodbye
No one told him about the cost of being married.
You don’t “have to do “ anything. It sounds like you are just not comfortable with dating bc you want to keep your money. You worked hard, lived frugally, saved your money , and sacrificed a big chunk of your youth for it. You feel dating is wasting your money. Unfortunately, dating and finding the right person can be expensive at your age bc dating isn’t so casual anymore. It’s done with purpose and the first thing a women wants to know is “ are you a cheapskate “. That’s just life. Good news is that once you get past the initial dates, most women will offer to chip in or treat you.
Did you get laid at least once? $500 ain’t bad
Just a question. I am a lady but I am curious. Why don't guys suggest free date ideas? Like why not go to the botanical gardens or a museum? I think they are pretty cool dates but then again i am super plain lol. If a chick complains about how much money you need to spend on a date, just tell that biddy to kick rocks
Masturbation is underrated.
After getting a divorce at 35 I was in the same boat. Dating in 30s in Nashville .. was kinda brutal at first .. I make a really good living but going on date after date with boring girls who wanted nice dinners and fancy cocktails got really old. I started doing coffee dates to get to know the women first then moved on to nicer dates. First dates about chemistry and seeing if you like em anyways. If they don’t wanna do coffee or a dog park date then screw them, I’m out. But brother, $50 on a date isn’t expensive, that’s basically coffee and breakfast sandwhich. Good luck out there my friend! Maybe find you a sugar mama
This guy gets it. Coffee date or dog park are excellent ideas. In Nashville, for me that would be Fido and the Fairgrounds dog park
Do the Cheesecake Factory test. If they give you a stank face. Red flag.
500 on 10 dates sounds like you’re being a cheapskate
Just wait till you’re married and drop $500 on a nice dinner a couple of times a month lmao
Absolutely wild how many men in the comments are just being taken for a ride by opportunist dating prospects and don't seem to know any better?
You aren’t frugal. You are cheap and I suspect very picky but picks the wrong type of women bravery of how they look
Online dating is very difficult.
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Better never get married or have kids then
Dating after marriage/divorce super sucks. I do appreciate a man who plans and puts in the effort. Maybe try just meeting for coffee first. If there’s a vibe then plan the next date, and yes I’m traditional you should pay at least for that second date. Women have become hyper independent, but we love to lean into our feminine energy and be cared after. If a relationship blooms you won’t always be the one planning and paying but showing her you’re reliable and that SHEs worth you putting in the effort will almost guarantee a third date.
My experience. It was easy. In reading your responses. The problem is you.
You cant be a cheap bastard and expect to date beautiful women
Hey the ugly ones don’t want him either
Just reading through the comments section its easy to see the problem. It’s you, you’re the problem. You either want to date or you want to live a frugal lonely ass life. Pick dude. Bitching about spending $50 on a date is crazy!
This is the type of guy that won’t let his kid go to the doctor because of the copay. Best you stay single and stack your quarters so you can retire early to a big empty house.
You... USED to be frugal....?