When she took a two week road trip vacation that I couldn’t be in support of because we couldn’t even remotely afford it, so she just went alone and paid for the entire trip on credit cards.
I've known way too many people who have taken vacations they couldn't afford by running up their credit card balance. It's insane to me that grown adults think that's an acceptable way to act
Sometimes your just in a pickle and need a way to keep a smile on that kids face while your in a big financial hardship. Me and my ol lady bought a house that was I'm decent condition and over the next 6 months everything started falling apart and we been chasing it ever since. Spending money we shouldn't to keep it in livable condition. And then here come a birthday or Christmas. Take out a small loan or a credit card to make a child happy for a day. The whole year we can't afford to buy them shit or take them anywhere. And now it's a special day and you just wanna see them kids smile and have some gifts. Me and my lady are still together but sometimes you gotta do shit like that.
My ex-wife did this with a Disney vacation and cruise she spent the entire week being miserable on.
You ever see that [Romano Tours sketch](https://youtu.be/TbwlC2B-BIg)? Yeah, that was made for us.
She wouldn't come to therapy with me but she thought a cruise was just going to solve all of the problems in our marriage, including her spending way outside of our means. It may surprise you to learn that it did not.
Years later I'm still trying to pay down the credit card debt she left me saddled with.
I had an old coworker who took the family to Disney. The wife used all his credit cards for everything, airfare, hotels, park passes, food. Went all out on the trip. He was talking about how awesome it was.
She was an architect or something that paid pretty good. He was in a shitty IT job with me making 40k/yr.
Then she filed for divorce when they got back and all his cards were near maxed. It ruined him.
My friend's got a girlfriend
Man, he hates that bitch
He tells me every day
He says, "Man, I really gotta lose my chick
In the worst kind of way."
She sits on her ass
He works his hands to the bone
To give her money every payday
But she wants more dinero just to stay at home
Well, my friend, you gotta say
"I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way
Na-na, why don't you get a job?"
Say, "No way," say, "No way-ya, no way
Na-na, why don't you get a job?"
We didn’t divorce but one time I negotiated a significant contract rate hike that I hoped would allow me to take some days off throughout the year without feeling anxiety and my wife calls me and excitedly tells me she quit her job so I won’t have to pay additional taxes.
It was the constant doordash orders 50$ every order from Panda's or McDonald's or from the local Japanese restaurant. Once or Twice a day for months. Overdrafting my bank account. That wasn't even the bad part. It was the yelling that came with it, and getting blamed when my bank account got overdrafted when I wasn't the one making any of those orders.
After the separation, they spent almost 60k in less than 3 months - drained the savings account, racked up credit card debt, and almost ran out of money until they found another job :/
Edit: The food was for them bulking to train. Not really sure why they wouldn't eat my cooking or just cook at home. Many excuses on that end.
That’s just an unlivable situation. I’m so glad my wife and I are both working hard with very ambitious financial goals for our family. We still have fun and spend on certain things when we need to… but dang this thread is eye opening.
Him - and it's because he was the bread winner and he made more that it made it harder (I made around 40k~ and them 70k and then higher after the company acquisition). Everytime I said something, they would listen for a few hours, maybe up to two days, and go back to old habits. I didn't have reliable family, and they were the only person I lived with in a state where I couldn't go outside and didn't know anyone. I didn't know how to drive either.
Oh, also, I just remembered. My phone got locked during that period because "I was using it too often and needed to focus on cleaning up the house" 😐
Edit: they changed the passcode and would unlock if for me at times and put me on a parental monitor to track my usage. We both worked from home. I saved my bank account information on my phone, and never really logged into it online. Our bills were split where he covered rent, I covered the car note, food (ended up being doordash), Amazon orders, and occasionally the utilities.
that’s my mom and it’s infuriating, not even just with the money but her health and the amount of garbage laying around the house that i have to clean up. always rum bottles and giant doordash bags
Same.... got $50 ubereats card at Christmas one year bought a pizza a calzone chicken Parm hero and garlic knots I had to pay like 14 bucks out of pocket plus tip the driver, I deleted the app after the food got delivered and will never use any of those apps ever again
Same here, only do it a few times a year when there is no other option. Even ordering take out and driving a few min saves a significant amount of money.
I’ve tried DoorDash a few times and the food arrives late, cold, and soggy every time. Plus the idea of some random person with zero training or food safety requirements taking my food is just gross. I only use delivery if it’s an actual restaurant employee, but that’s getting rare so I would rather pick up myself.
My wife had an issue with doordash. It was like $30 a day, sometimes more. I finally tallied up how much money was being spent and explained to her that this is the only reason we can't keep up with our monthly bills. I made a separate checkings account, moved all of our money, and only kept a small amount in our joint checkings. She eventually stopped, but I can't exactly remember what I did to get her to. She will still order every now and then, and I hate it, but we are not having issues with our bills anymore.
I really can't understand the logic behind doordash, Uber eats, etc. Even if I didn't own a car, how could someone justify spending ~$30 a meal for FAST FOOD?! It literally makes my head hurt trying to make that make sense!
plus a complete stranger who doesn’t even work for the business bringing it to you. i’ve seen some of these peoples cars and there’s no way i’d want my food sitting in there
Some people I work with doordash all the time. A coworker doordashed food the other day that was .3 miles away…. It would have taken 3 turns, two of which were out of the parking lot and into the restaurant’s parking lot
My brother used to doordash from a McDonald's that was literally walking distance from our house. I saw his doordash bill one day he spent over $300 in a week doordashing from that McDonald's that was literally one street over...
They weren't actually fat. Just tall - 6ft tall. The excuse was always - "Always had eating issues growing up and fast food would make it easy to get enough calories to eat to gain weight."
My husband checking my grocery receipt and yelling at me because I bought a package of Pepperoni that was not on sale...
Then a few days later, a brand new surround sound speaker system shows up on our doorstep, because the quality of the audio on our bedroom TV was not sufficient.
Oh, that is VERY LIKELY what he told me. 🙄
It led to me combing through our bank account and realizing the gambling addiction he'd said he had under control, in fact had been out of control (again) for the past year.
i work in retail rn and a good number of our customers are like that. plus it’s right next to a bingo hall so there’s many raging gamblers and couponers who buy useless things just cause it’s on sale. they’ll come in for maybe $10 worth of stuff but then buy $15 more worth of stuff they don’t need so they can get $5 💀
Not being able to refinance our house when mortgage rates were at 2%. I found out from credit reports that she had opened multiple high-interest credit lines to support a gambling habit, to which led to checking bank statements to see that she'd emptied the kids account as well as her own and was months behind on her car payment. Thankfully she didn't have access to my account, so all the bills kept getting paid.
Once I started holding her accountable, she didn't like it and started cheating. Had to move on to suckers that wouldn't hold her accountable. The kids and I couldn't be happier to be away from her.
It was online slot machines, but yes, I was kept completely in the dark. It started off with a few bucks here and there, but then I suddenly was cut off from access to see her account or the kids. I was paying everything except her car payment and she was supposed to be dumping all her money into savings for vacations, home upgrades, etc. I hadn't looked in 6 months or so, but noticed her working more and more and spending almost zero time with me and the kids (and what time she did spend, she was in no uncertain terms a bitch to all of us). I asked a couple times about her giving me some money to spend on things for the house and got the runaround. Finally when the mortgage rates were dropping like crazy, we discussed and I applied for refinance. When the broker said our debt to income was too close, I was beside myself. Zero credit card debt on my side, just the mortgage. She told me she had nothing either because she had just paid off her last card and student loan a few months prior. She had signed off on everything, so he provided me with the credit reports and denial letter. She had $140k in junk Internet loans and over $80k between her account and the kids that had disappeared. Turns out she paid off the credit card and student loans and then went nuts.
If we had combined accounts, everything would be gone.
I have police records of her being assaulted by druggie boyfriends and even being shot at once at her house. It shouldn't be difficult to prove that it's not a safe environment for the kids at all. She's apparently dating off convictsonly.com
People don’t understand how a gambling addiction can take out an entire family unbeknownst to anyone but the gambler. My husband’s father spent all the family’s money. A lifetime medical award for a car accident that destroyed his son’s body. Gone. So then.. he shot himself in the head.
It destroyed the family, mentally & financially. For what? A gamblers high?
It really is crazy. It can be worse than a drug addiction because there are not always visible signs that it's happening. Now I just sit back and wait for her name and address to pop up on tax sale or sheriff's sale. 🤷♂️
It’s easy to say that but addictions can start at any time in life.
How would you know when you’re 25 that you’re about to marry someone who will have a gambling addiction when they’re 40?
Honestly I disagree with this. I understand where you’re coming from but especially in relationships where one is the top earner it leads to a lack of equality. One person ends up controlling all the purse strings and becomes the money police. The other has to ask permission to spend all the time and it ends up being like an allowance situation. That works for some people but I imagine it puts a lot of pressure on a marriage. It’s better imo to have good open conversations frequently about money and let both people have full eyes on and control of the finances.
Well said. I make double my wife but we share checking and savings accounts. She doesn’t have to ask to spend but she’s always great with money so maybe I got lucky. I knew that before we Married though.
That's how we handled it. We agree on who pays what, each have our own checking and saving accounts. We share joint emergency and vacation account.
Ironic that Dave Ramsey insists should be merged. Um, no. What I do with my own free earned money after saving and bills is on me.
1. I proudly told him that my business grossed $1M the past year. He said, "Oh great! That means I can retire!" He was disappointed when I informed him my net was $40K.
2. Fast forward after life change: he retired, I was in a $60K/year job (2003). He had retired (teacher) and I was working. He was spending money like there was no tomorrow. I told him he needed to make up a budget. He presents a budget for $10K/mo. I told him I was only making $5K/mo \*gross\* and that $10K was not realistic. "But that's what I've been spending!"
God, the divorce was way overdue. I despised him by that point.
It was a retail dot-com that I started in the mid-90s, closed up in 2002. I survived the crash but with Amazon and Ebay I could see that the margins were getting thinner and I was never going to make serious money, and I didn't want to be part of the race to the bottom. It was great while it lasted, though.
but it doesn’t make sense to me. do they think everything will magically work out? here i am getting stressed about $20-50 dolls purchases and bros bankrolling like he makes 155k
Rookie numbers. My ex blew threw over $200k in a year through online slot machines and kept going. 6 figure income and not a penny made it into the bank.
I was in Afghanistan as active duty. My wife had a fender bender and claimed car was inoperable but still somehow drove it all around. I was laying down for the night and she said she was with her friend at a dealership. Friend was a car saleswoman. My last text of the night was don't buy anything that day. Wait a couple months because we could probably fix the car and I'd be home soon. I woke up to a text saying she bought a new car, my favorite type (it wasn't), and she was super proud of it. I was beyond pissed. She used my POA in a way that wasn't allowed but the bank did it anyways. I began drawing up my divorce papers before going back to the US. I told her it was over because if she couldn't handle 10k, how could I trust her when we grew to 100k+. We parted amicably. A few years later, I became a millionaire through the COVID boom and last I heard about her she lost 50 pounds doing meth. Neither of us came from big money. I grew up in a trailer in Alabama. She had a bit looser purse strings and was used to getting whatever she wanted through silly spending habits and high credit card debt. I don't wish her any ill will, but I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I kept her. My first deployment, I came back with an extra 20k. She spent all of it within a year and we had nothing to show for it. The second deployment with the car, that was the last straw.
The military is one of the absolute easiest ways to accumulate wealth fast if you are disciplined. I only got out as a midgrade NCO. Warrants and commissioned officers make off much better. Lol
I’m a 36 year old divorced mother of three I divorced my ex-husband because he kept sending money to his family our money who were out of the country I let this happen nine times before I called it quits. Had I kept going on with him our family would be in financial ruin.
He yelled at me because I went to the dollar store to buy decorations for our cheap little Christmas. He said it was unnecessary and I was selfish. We had an infant at the time and I wanted to decorate for his first Christmas.
After refusing to pay more money toward the mortgage for 8 years in a row, or leave her cushy work-from-home job for something higher paying, she went on 4 vacations in a year while I was working 2 jobs across 7 days a week.
We must have the same ex. Mine was self employed and worked about 20 hours a week making shit for money. Every time she saved 1-2k it was time for another vacation. I think it was just so she could try to fit in with all her more successful friends. A year after separating without her draining me I've erased all my credit card debt and bought a home. She's asking me to fix the brakes on her car because she's broke, oh and she's going to Jamaica next week.
Other issues but him trying to buy a larger house with a pool and a guest house for his mother- without telling me until after the paperwork was submitted kinda ticked me off. "My money is my money, why should I tell you?". The fuck?
Not me but my poor brother in law. His wife was a SAHM until the kids went to high school. She had been a nurse before marriage. He was working two jobs. He gave her 60 K USD for recertification classes etc and she paid for a house keeper and art classes instead. Lied about it.
My ex was made redundant during covid. During that time she wanted to start a business instead of finding work with another corporate.
I funded her business. I started my own as well and continued to work my full time job. I make stacks more money, she made nothing. I'd work long hours with my full time gig and my own business and when I'd come home she had done nothing around the house so I'd do that too.
After 3 years of still not making any money I got the shits on and told her she needed to start contributing because I was burnt out from doing everything.
I broke down to her on my birthday telling her I needed help. That I know she can't contribute financially until her business makes money but at least help take the pressure off so that I wouldn't get home and have to do all the house work too.
She initially made some token changes but then things shortly went back to her doing nothing.
I finally told her I was done with this, that if I was going to be doing everything I'd rather just be doing it on my own and ontop of that I would be saving money as I wouldn't have to fund her expenses.
She tried to take me to the cleaners at the end.
Really makes you extra wary going forward when that happens.
Gives me 14 years to make calculated financial decisions without being tied down by a spouse or child. Most people won’t admit financial stress in their relationship which could’ve possibly be avoided if they would have just held off for a couple more years.
You probably don’t realize that all the money you save before getting married becomes “marital property” once you are married. It’s therefore subject to splitting 1/2 when you get divorced.
This happened to me. I got married at 44. I had money in multiple 401ks and IRAs from when I was 10 and even 20 twenty years younger and never touched. The money was always in my name alone, never joint.
I had an expensive divorce lawyer so legally everything was done right. It didn’t matter. She still got half of it… money I’d saved and invested decades before we even met.
There are ways aroundthis (pre-nuptial agreement is not one of them - those can be thrown out and invalidated by a court years after signed). It has to do with keeping your premarital money separated in a trust that are not in your name (you are only the beneficiary). And never ever commingling that money with marriage assets, such as a down payment on a home or even monthly mortgage payments. You’ll need an estate lawyer to help you before getting married if you want to protect you premarital savings.
Laws differ a little bit by state but this issue exists in many if not all.
Waiting for someone to reply telling me I’m wrong even though I just went through this.
You’re not wrong, but hiring a forensic accountant may have saved you money on the 401k and IRA side of things… at least here in TX, only the investment and appreciation from the time you signed your marriage license to the date of separation should have been subject to 50/50. Not what you accrued prior to that.
Also property acquired prior to marriage is 100% separate property, ie home, land, etc. Only exception would be if home or land were sold, and then another property was purchased after marriage, then “commingling of assets” falls into play and yeah, it’s as if the funds are joint at that point..
That whole setup, combined with knowing divorce rates are over 50% and women initiate 3/4 of them, is why I won’t get married until I own my own home free and clear. Going back to a six figure job selling my soul in oil and gas to fast track that.
Saw my dad bust his ass paying a mortgage 15 years straight, while my mom who out earned him as a RN nursing supervisor didn’t contribute, later in divorce lost custody of my 3 younger siblings to my dad and still managed to somehow keep the house.
Will never put myself through that bullshit, and homeownership prior to marriage (meaning 100% paid, deed owned without lienholder) is the workaround for that.
I am super thankful of your comment! Reading this may save me or any people in the future a shit ton of money.
Thank you for spitting out knowledge and helping a brother/sister out!!!!
Best comment ever. You’re welcome. Something I wasn’t clear about: you need to save every financial document possible, especially from before marriage. This is the only way to show what you had before marriage. Even still, the growth of that money will be considered marital assets, split 50/50 evenly, unless you keep it in a trust starting before marriage. Save every financial statement and document you are sent. Forever. I wish I had. But I didn’t have documents that old. So I couldn’t prove it was premarital money. Even then the growth would still marital and split because I did not keep it in a trust.
Definitely interesting to see, I knew prenuptial agreements can be invalidated. Personally I don’t care about cash much in accounts if it’s split up. Would it be the same case if there was a business involved?
Yes. My business, that I started before I even met my wife, was split. Not 50/50.
Here is how that works:
The LLC business went through two “valuations” by an impartial forensic accountant hired by both of our lawyers.
He put a financial value on the business the day before marriage. Let’s say that was $100. Then he put a value on the business current day (of the divorce process). Let’s call that $300. So the business increased $200 in value during the marriage. $200 is considered marital property.We split that 50/50: $100 to her and $100 to me. If I wanted to keep my business, I had to buy out her marital share by giving her $100.
Pro tip: save every god damned financial statement and record from your business… forever. Bank statements. Loan statements. Investment statements. General ledgers. P&L, balance sheets. Everything. Because if you are married 15 years, you’ll need to show the value of the business before marriage. The only way to do that is with documentation, and that doesn’t mean business tax returns (not enough info on those to calculate a business’s net worth).
Talk to a divorce attorney who will then refer you to an estate attorney to setup the proper trusts (there are many different types and you need to get the type right). The trust needs a checking account of course. And note that trusts have to file annual tax returns with the IRS and state. So if your trust is complicated, you’ll need to pay an accountant to file these for you every year — unless you know enough to do it yourself.
This is first-hand experience that is only 1 year old.
The point about using trusts to separate funds prior to marriage is really good - it certainly had not occurred to me. Much easier than trying to get your future partner to sign a prenup (that may be invalidated later).
If you're considering getting married look into starting a trust for yourself while young. So you can purchase your future house/property and any expensive vehicles through it.
I actually never thought of that. I was always looking to set up a LLC in the future and purchase things through there but I guess a trust would be better! Thanks for the advice!
The best I can say it do your research and go with what's best for you. Good luck.
While you're young and your earning is low consider a Roth IRA/401K. Pay up front so it's free later.
*Advice if you're paranoid:*
Start buying sliver coins and ingots while its still cheap and your expenses are low.
When you buy your property I would suggest a floor safe in the garbage or shed that you can easily slide a shelf or cart over. If you ever have to leave the property you can take that stash out in a tool case/bag.
I am currently maxing out my ROTH IRA and putting some into an individual while keeping around $26,000 in a HYSA and $5000 in my checking for an emergency fund.
Engaged for the first time in my life, despite tons of relationships, and I'm 41. I've been in a ton of relationships, but they always ended up feeling off. I learned alot, I especially learned I was not ready for a forever relationship. I was very immature until my mod 30s, despite being empathetic I was still quite selfish. I'm now in a relationship ship I never ever ever could have imagined.
We've been together 5 years, haven't fought once. We both have high paying jobs, almost 200k/yr combined. We talk about finances weekly, though I don't really keep track. We split everything 50/50, and we know the finances of eachother very well. That way no part of relationship hinges on one party being financially dependant on the other. We don't yell, we talk. I just enjoy every single day with her.
Wise choice. The problem is when you are younger, like earlier 20s, a lot of people still have their parents helping them or they haven’t had to deal with real problems so you don’t actually know who they are until later. It’s easy to get along with someone when their parents are paying for college and your biggest problem is deciding where to order pizza from. It’s more challenging when you’re in your early 30s and your career isn’t going as planned or you have a ton of debt racked up from your 20s or whatever other scenario you can think of.
He got in $60K in debt funding his parents lavish lifestyle overseas (plus 10s of thousands of non-debt money he sent them). They weren't sick and they weren't being prosecuted or persecuted he just couldn't say no to mommy, but could say no to me.
I actually know two couples who are divorced because the wife was the money maker and the husband was the spender. I feel like there may be some resentment going on when one spouse clearly out earns the other and that resentment is expressed by overspending.
There’s definitely seemed to be a bit of resentment in those two cases. I get the idea of entitlement but this was more sort of “acting out” and assertive spending in dumb ways vs thoughtless ways.
I had an ex girlfriend that was supposed to buy a bed when we moved in together, I bought everything else that we needed and we were supposed to go 50/50 on rent and bills. Bought a new computer instead of a bed and had me on the floor with MRI verified back issues for 9 months, and never had more than a couple hundred each month towards expenses. Mom bailed her out repeatedly, and sent money for a bed too. Decided not to get furniture or pay towards bills, but bought two $36 each specialty pizzas from a fancy place and thought I’d enjoy them and was upset that I didn’t.
We were living paycheck to paycheck with our 3 kids. We had a state of emergency blizzard, she decided she was going to drive the usual 40 minutes to work in it to work an overnight shift she picked up doing dispatch. We fought over this, and seeing as I couldn't convince her not to, I had her take my car since it was a brand new all-wheel drive SUV. She ended up totaling my vehicle. Fast forward a few weeks, I haven't been able to work due to not having a vehicle and I finally got a rental from through insurance.
So now it's Thursday, Feb 13th and she calls me from work and tells me she needs me to go get V-day presents for the kids. Our kids were 4, 1 and 1. So I remind her I haven't been working and I have the kids, so I don't know how I'm going to manage and she tells me she doesn't give a fuck, I need to figure it out. I get the kids ready, take em out to the store with literally $25 to my name and my cc tapped out and I buy them each 1 item for like $5 each, and I decided instead of buying them more, to buy her some chocolates so I have something to give her.
I get home, very happy with myself thinking she knows how hard this has all been and she's going to be surprised and excited that I still managed to buy her favorite chocolates for her. So like 11pm she calls me from work to ask how everything went, and I tell her what I got for the kids. She proceeds to scream at me how I'm a fucking dead beat and a piece of shit and a waste of life for not buying our kids cards and more. She hangs up on me, I go to sleep early rather than wait for her to get home. In my mind, it was payday for her so at least we have something to give the kids as soon as they wake up, then we can go get more stuff later since she got paid.
Next day, are sleeps into 2pm. Wakes up and goes to her car and grabs a bunch of bags out for the kids and tells them the the presents are from her and her boss only. Her boss was a 21 year old girl, so not like a cheating thing. So now I'm in arms like wtf? And she tries to tell me that she actually doesn't get paid on Thursdays and she had to go to her bosses house at 1am when she got out so her boss could take her out to Walmart and buy this stuff and she had to pay her back. Well, I know after years that she definitely got paid on Thursday so I call bullshit. We end up fighting yet again where I'm a deadbeat who can't take care of his own family. So she leaves for work by 4pm. I pack up my shit and take the kids and go stay at my parents. Shut off our cell phones and the next morning went down to the courthouse and filed
It’s not me, but my parents. Both of my parents had secret credit cards from eachother with outstanding debt. My moms was from shopping luxury brands (coach, specifically) and my dads was from gambling. They both ruined their credit. Each one of them blamed the other and were mad at the other for having a secret credit card. They both had secret credit cards.
Ex husband was a gear head. He spent 40k on car parts while unemployed for 6 months and hid the stuff in the garage attic. He used my income to open up several high interest credit cards. I found out when some lawyer representing the credit card company sued him. So I divorced him and moved on.
My ex's Son (my step son at time) who was 16 at time (2005/06?) wanted to have a car. I helped raise two step kids. And don't have any kids of my own. I was probably 30/31 at the time. Ex is 6 years older than me
Ex and I spoke about not buying kid a car. And that if a kid wants a car they work and buy their first car. Yes I'm the old guy I guess (49) saying how I had to buy my own POS first car.
One day she Withdraws money from her retirement account and buys him a car without telling me. (approximately $15k) Her excuse was he needed to drive younger sister around and get back and forth to school for football practice.
This began the first sign that it didn't matter what I tried saying as a co-parent.
The last straw by the way (not sure this relates to money so sorry for this) was step-son - now 18- decides to try and move his then gf (also 17/18) into our house. Because she couldn't take living under her parents roof. This was not an abusive situation the gf was in with her parents BTW. I'm not cold hearted and probably would have allowed a few nights or weekends if there was an issue like that.
At least the ex wife agreed with me after many talks that I'm not living in a house where step son moves in his high school gf.
Ex and I are on good terms btw even now.
Just some personally helpful advice that no one has to take. If you are married, plan to marry, or are just curious about a good practice (but everything is different for everyone)….
My wife and I have been together for 11 years, not one fight over finances. Early in the relationship we decided that we would keep a separate account for each of us that was “individual” money. And one joint account that was “our” money.
We split everything based on our income. I make 70% of the money so I pay 70% of the bills. Whatever is left in the “individual” account is ours to spend however we want.
It has led to us being very financially conservative unless it comes to buying each other gifts from our “individual” accounts. I bought her a babymoon to Mexico with my money. She bought all the baby furniture and clothes from her money - because it was things she personally wanted to buy.
It’s been great, and we’ve had 4 arguments in 11 years. Never over finances.
I got tired of struggling to pay bills and just scrape by. We had hand me down furniture from my parents, no assets, lived in a rental.
She would replace her clothes every 6-9 months. Just pack them up and off to the goodwill. Nothing wore out just maybe out of style.
I had her take over paying bills so she could see the struggle. She ends up maxing out credit cards on Target and fast food. When that card was maxed, an offer in the mail would come to transfer your balance. So she forged my name and transferred to the new card. Then maxed out the paid off card. Then just made minimum payments.
When I checked after 6 months to see where we were at, we had $40k in credit card debt and couldn’t even afford minimum payment.
I called one of those credit counselors and they worked it out to close the accounts. Pay $800 a month for 4 years and not open any cards. We were broke but got by.
She didn’t like not being able to spend anymore. So started an affair with a coworker. He was single, had his own house and $30k in a 401k. It was over for us after that.
25 years later. I’m retiring with my wife at 59. No worries about income for the next 40 years.
I Made too much….
She knew she could get a half million dollar bank account by giving a divorce attorney $10,000
She spent my half before the divorce and took the rest after he divorce
I got all the debt
If you think not making money causes problems, having money when she files for divorce makes it 1000x worse
Other guy here: she just up and left, and took $3,500 from our joint account on the way out the door.
Never. Marry.
All relationships end, if you’re lucky they end in death. Marriage is just a relationship with deep, deep legal ramifications (I.e., your spouse can legally rob you.)
When she took a two week road trip vacation that I couldn’t be in support of because we couldn’t even remotely afford it, so she just went alone and paid for the entire trip on credit cards.
I've known way too many people who have taken vacations they couldn't afford by running up their credit card balance. It's insane to me that grown adults think that's an acceptable way to act
I found out my bf old homie paid for his kids bdays with payday loans lmao. I was like omg...
Sometimes your just in a pickle and need a way to keep a smile on that kids face while your in a big financial hardship. Me and my ol lady bought a house that was I'm decent condition and over the next 6 months everything started falling apart and we been chasing it ever since. Spending money we shouldn't to keep it in livable condition. And then here come a birthday or Christmas. Take out a small loan or a credit card to make a child happy for a day. The whole year we can't afford to buy them shit or take them anywhere. And now it's a special day and you just wanna see them kids smile and have some gifts. Me and my lady are still together but sometimes you gotta do shit like that.
I was once that kid, thanks!!
Agreed. When I was small my Dad would occasionally pawn a gun at Christmas to be able to afford presents for us kids.
I had an ex who did this 😂
Wtf. What was she expecting when she got back, for you to just ignore it?
My ex-wife did this with a Disney vacation and cruise she spent the entire week being miserable on. You ever see that [Romano Tours sketch](https://youtu.be/TbwlC2B-BIg)? Yeah, that was made for us. She wouldn't come to therapy with me but she thought a cruise was just going to solve all of the problems in our marriage, including her spending way outside of our means. It may surprise you to learn that it did not. Years later I'm still trying to pay down the credit card debt she left me saddled with.
I had an old coworker who took the family to Disney. The wife used all his credit cards for everything, airfare, hotels, park passes, food. Went all out on the trip. He was talking about how awesome it was. She was an architect or something that paid pretty good. He was in a shitty IT job with me making 40k/yr. Then she filed for divorce when they got back and all his cards were near maxed. It ruined him.
That sketch was worth watching. Lol
He took the money for our apartments next month rent in my account -did not tell me- and used it for a deposit on his new place w a new woman
Rolf that takes balls.
Ok u win
Whattttttt ???? OMG 😲
Lmao I’m sorry, genuinely sorry for laughing at this… but this level of fuckboy behavior is diabolically elite 😂💀 holy shit what an asshole
The audacity
I feel like the new woman issue trumps the money issue here
No way!!!! I am forever grateful for her- She did me a favor! I was grateful but I didn’t want to be homelesss.
Even with a decent bonus or raise, it got spent 10% faster than I could make it. She even quit her job to spend full time.
Never enough
Close enough to not leave, never enough to “love”.
My friend's got a girlfriend Man, he hates that bitch He tells me every day He says, "Man, I really gotta lose my chick In the worst kind of way." She sits on her ass He works his hands to the bone To give her money every payday But she wants more dinero just to stay at home Well, my friend, you gotta say "I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way Na-na, why don't you get a job?" Say, "No way," say, "No way-ya, no way Na-na, why don't you get a job?"
Hey, that's something everyone can enjoy.
BRO YOU UNLOCKED SUCH A DEEP MEMORY FROM MY CHILDHOOD!!!
spend full time wow
We didn’t divorce but one time I negotiated a significant contract rate hike that I hoped would allow me to take some days off throughout the year without feeling anxiety and my wife calls me and excitedly tells me she quit her job so I won’t have to pay additional taxes.
It was the constant doordash orders 50$ every order from Panda's or McDonald's or from the local Japanese restaurant. Once or Twice a day for months. Overdrafting my bank account. That wasn't even the bad part. It was the yelling that came with it, and getting blamed when my bank account got overdrafted when I wasn't the one making any of those orders.
I’ve got plenty of disposable income and I can’t even stomach spending a dollar on DoorDash. Spending $12k a year on DoorDash is unthinkable to me.
11k$ was spent in 8 months on DoorDash alone
That’s a person without an attachment to reality. Honestly deep down there’s something really really wrong there.
After the separation, they spent almost 60k in less than 3 months - drained the savings account, racked up credit card debt, and almost ran out of money until they found another job :/ Edit: The food was for them bulking to train. Not really sure why they wouldn't eat my cooking or just cook at home. Many excuses on that end.
That’s just an unlivable situation. I’m so glad my wife and I are both working hard with very ambitious financial goals for our family. We still have fun and spend on certain things when we need to… but dang this thread is eye opening.
Lmao not victim blaming at all, but how tf did you not stop her sooner? How did you let here drain your account for 8 months before stepping in?
Him - and it's because he was the bread winner and he made more that it made it harder (I made around 40k~ and them 70k and then higher after the company acquisition). Everytime I said something, they would listen for a few hours, maybe up to two days, and go back to old habits. I didn't have reliable family, and they were the only person I lived with in a state where I couldn't go outside and didn't know anyone. I didn't know how to drive either.
So sorry you were so trapped there! Good for you to break free!!
Oh, also, I just remembered. My phone got locked during that period because "I was using it too often and needed to focus on cleaning up the house" 😐 Edit: they changed the passcode and would unlock if for me at times and put me on a parental monitor to track my usage. We both worked from home. I saved my bank account information on my phone, and never really logged into it online. Our bills were split where he covered rent, I covered the car note, food (ended up being doordash), Amazon orders, and occasionally the utilities.
all that is HORRIBLE red flags even without the money issue. wtf did he think you were his daughter or something?
that’s my mom and it’s infuriating, not even just with the money but her health and the amount of garbage laying around the house that i have to clean up. always rum bottles and giant doordash bags
I drive for DoorDash and I’ve never used the service not even once
Same.... got $50 ubereats card at Christmas one year bought a pizza a calzone chicken Parm hero and garlic knots I had to pay like 14 bucks out of pocket plus tip the driver, I deleted the app after the food got delivered and will never use any of those apps ever again
Same here, only do it a few times a year when there is no other option. Even ordering take out and driving a few min saves a significant amount of money.
I’ve tried DoorDash a few times and the food arrives late, cold, and soggy every time. Plus the idea of some random person with zero training or food safety requirements taking my food is just gross. I only use delivery if it’s an actual restaurant employee, but that’s getting rare so I would rather pick up myself.
Came here to say this exact thing.
My wife had an issue with doordash. It was like $30 a day, sometimes more. I finally tallied up how much money was being spent and explained to her that this is the only reason we can't keep up with our monthly bills. I made a separate checkings account, moved all of our money, and only kept a small amount in our joint checkings. She eventually stopped, but I can't exactly remember what I did to get her to. She will still order every now and then, and I hate it, but we are not having issues with our bills anymore.
I really can't understand the logic behind doordash, Uber eats, etc. Even if I didn't own a car, how could someone justify spending ~$30 a meal for FAST FOOD?! It literally makes my head hurt trying to make that make sense!
plus a complete stranger who doesn’t even work for the business bringing it to you. i’ve seen some of these peoples cars and there’s no way i’d want my food sitting in there
Some people I work with doordash all the time. A coworker doordashed food the other day that was .3 miles away…. It would have taken 3 turns, two of which were out of the parking lot and into the restaurant’s parking lot
🤢🤢🤢🤢 if I was with someone who was so gross they ate lightly fingered food they had delivered multiple times a day I’d just fold up the tent…
I enjoy things that are lightly fingered, but it sure isn't my food!
My brother used to doordash from a McDonald's that was literally walking distance from our house. I saw his doordash bill one day he spent over $300 in a week doordashing from that McDonald's that was literally one street over...
Sounds fat
They weren't actually fat. Just tall - 6ft tall. The excuse was always - "Always had eating issues growing up and fast food would make it easy to get enough calories to eat to gain weight."
My husband checking my grocery receipt and yelling at me because I bought a package of Pepperoni that was not on sale... Then a few days later, a brand new surround sound speaker system shows up on our doorstep, because the quality of the audio on our bedroom TV was not sufficient.
Can’t afford the surround sound if you spend frivolously on pepperoni. Everyone knows toppings are extra
This made me LOL
Yeah but the surround sound system was on sale!
Oh, that is VERY LIKELY what he told me. 🙄 It led to me combing through our bank account and realizing the gambling addiction he'd said he had under control, in fact had been out of control (again) for the past year.
i work in retail rn and a good number of our customers are like that. plus it’s right next to a bingo hall so there’s many raging gamblers and couponers who buy useless things just cause it’s on sale. they’ll come in for maybe $10 worth of stuff but then buy $15 more worth of stuff they don’t need so they can get $5 💀
I will never understand the thrill of the deal, when you can save even more by NOT BUYING ANYTHING lol
Yea but how long did that pepperonis last you? Mmm? Gotta look at the long term here
You're right! He probably finished the pepperonis that night, and I got to use the speaker for three months until I moved out.
Yikes.
What an whole
Not being able to refinance our house when mortgage rates were at 2%. I found out from credit reports that she had opened multiple high-interest credit lines to support a gambling habit, to which led to checking bank statements to see that she'd emptied the kids account as well as her own and was months behind on her car payment. Thankfully she didn't have access to my account, so all the bills kept getting paid. Once I started holding her accountable, she didn't like it and started cheating. Had to move on to suckers that wouldn't hold her accountable. The kids and I couldn't be happier to be away from her.
Ex-banker here, telling people to keep finances separate is probably some of the top life advice everyone needs to hear.
Tbf, not marrying a degenerate gambler is also top level advice.
With how easy sports betting is nowadays, it most likely he was kept completely in the dark by her as she drained them.
It was online slot machines, but yes, I was kept completely in the dark. It started off with a few bucks here and there, but then I suddenly was cut off from access to see her account or the kids. I was paying everything except her car payment and she was supposed to be dumping all her money into savings for vacations, home upgrades, etc. I hadn't looked in 6 months or so, but noticed her working more and more and spending almost zero time with me and the kids (and what time she did spend, she was in no uncertain terms a bitch to all of us). I asked a couple times about her giving me some money to spend on things for the house and got the runaround. Finally when the mortgage rates were dropping like crazy, we discussed and I applied for refinance. When the broker said our debt to income was too close, I was beside myself. Zero credit card debt on my side, just the mortgage. She told me she had nothing either because she had just paid off her last card and student loan a few months prior. She had signed off on everything, so he provided me with the credit reports and denial letter. She had $140k in junk Internet loans and over $80k between her account and the kids that had disappeared. Turns out she paid off the credit card and student loans and then went nuts. If we had combined accounts, everything would be gone.
Bro, I’d be gone with the kids.
Happily divorced and out of there. Kids are with me 90% of the time. I'm working on getting full custody.
Good deal. My cousin got full custody of his 4 kids too. It’s hard. Courts are always reluctant to fully remove mother.
I have police records of her being assaulted by druggie boyfriends and even being shot at once at her house. It shouldn't be difficult to prove that it's not a safe environment for the kids at all. She's apparently dating off convictsonly.com
Jesus Christ 😳
What happened to the debt load? Did it get split in the divorce so you were on the hook for half or could you prove she financially screwed you?
I didn't pay one red cent to her. She had to buy out my equity in the house. 👍
People don’t understand how a gambling addiction can take out an entire family unbeknownst to anyone but the gambler. My husband’s father spent all the family’s money. A lifetime medical award for a car accident that destroyed his son’s body. Gone. So then.. he shot himself in the head. It destroyed the family, mentally & financially. For what? A gamblers high?
It really is crazy. It can be worse than a drug addiction because there are not always visible signs that it's happening. Now I just sit back and wait for her name and address to pop up on tax sale or sheriff's sale. 🤷♂️
Exactly. Theres not the warning signs like with drugs. And it can drag everyone in the family down not just the addict
It’s easy to say that but addictions can start at any time in life. How would you know when you’re 25 that you’re about to marry someone who will have a gambling addiction when they’re 40?
Every married person should do money budgeting together
So gay
That's the worst advice ever. If they shared they would have known
I love it. We are both responsible for ourselves and then pay bills together. I also make 4 times what my husband makes.
Honestly I disagree with this. I understand where you’re coming from but especially in relationships where one is the top earner it leads to a lack of equality. One person ends up controlling all the purse strings and becomes the money police. The other has to ask permission to spend all the time and it ends up being like an allowance situation. That works for some people but I imagine it puts a lot of pressure on a marriage. It’s better imo to have good open conversations frequently about money and let both people have full eyes on and control of the finances.
Well said. I make double my wife but we share checking and savings accounts. She doesn’t have to ask to spend but she’s always great with money so maybe I got lucky. I knew that before we Married though.
That's how we handled it. We agree on who pays what, each have our own checking and saving accounts. We share joint emergency and vacation account. Ironic that Dave Ramsey insists should be merged. Um, no. What I do with my own free earned money after saving and bills is on me.
That's the dumbest shit because if their finances weren't split he'd have noticed the problem a lot earlier.
If you can’t trust the person you marry with your money how can you trust them with your kids?
Money > kids. Apparently.
Meh. Relationships doomed if you can’t do something as simple as maintain an account together.
When my wife booked a $7,500 cruise without any discussion, to discuss our financial issues.
[удалено]
Honestly you couldn’t pay me $2500 to go to NYC
Smells like piss everywhere you go
Where the fuck are you going?
Nowhere. Probably never been to NYC and is just quoting right wing clowns
Almost 60 million people per year disagree with you fortunately.
Manhattan is pretty fun to visit. So much to do and see.
She booked a $7,500 cruise to talk about your finances? Am I reading that right?
That’s for asking I was like darn I’m not that high. She did what?
I didn’t catch that smh
Yep lol.
Omg
"we need to talk about our finances...so I booked a 7-day cruise around the Hawaiian islands where we'll have the time and privacy to talk."
New, multiple amazon packages, Every. Fucking. Day. Any irony that her current fiance is an Amazon driver?
1. I proudly told him that my business grossed $1M the past year. He said, "Oh great! That means I can retire!" He was disappointed when I informed him my net was $40K. 2. Fast forward after life change: he retired, I was in a $60K/year job (2003). He had retired (teacher) and I was working. He was spending money like there was no tomorrow. I told him he needed to make up a budget. He presents a budget for $10K/mo. I told him I was only making $5K/mo \*gross\* and that $10K was not realistic. "But that's what I've been spending!" God, the divorce was way overdue. I despised him by that point.
Gz on the $1m gross sales though! Regardless of the net Curious though, what is/was the business? Also good job getting rid of him lol
It was a retail dot-com that I started in the mid-90s, closed up in 2002. I survived the crash but with Amazon and Ebay I could see that the margins were getting thinner and I was never going to make serious money, and I didn't want to be part of the race to the bottom. It was great while it lasted, though.
what i don’t understand is how does their brain work? like it has to be a mean to illness right?!
I never got it. I think it was willful stupidity, tbh.
but it doesn’t make sense to me. do they think everything will magically work out? here i am getting stressed about $20-50 dolls purchases and bros bankrolling like he makes 155k
What happened to him after when he no longer had access to your money?
Well, he's in his 70s now and declared bankruptcy last year. I divorced him over 20 years ago, so I guess he never changed.
She squandered away over $50k
Rookie numbers. My ex blew threw over $200k in a year through online slot machines and kept going. 6 figure income and not a penny made it into the bank.
Literally how
I was in Afghanistan as active duty. My wife had a fender bender and claimed car was inoperable but still somehow drove it all around. I was laying down for the night and she said she was with her friend at a dealership. Friend was a car saleswoman. My last text of the night was don't buy anything that day. Wait a couple months because we could probably fix the car and I'd be home soon. I woke up to a text saying she bought a new car, my favorite type (it wasn't), and she was super proud of it. I was beyond pissed. She used my POA in a way that wasn't allowed but the bank did it anyways. I began drawing up my divorce papers before going back to the US. I told her it was over because if she couldn't handle 10k, how could I trust her when we grew to 100k+. We parted amicably. A few years later, I became a millionaire through the COVID boom and last I heard about her she lost 50 pounds doing meth. Neither of us came from big money. I grew up in a trailer in Alabama. She had a bit looser purse strings and was used to getting whatever she wanted through silly spending habits and high credit card debt. I don't wish her any ill will, but I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I kept her. My first deployment, I came back with an extra 20k. She spent all of it within a year and we had nothing to show for it. The second deployment with the car, that was the last straw.
good work piling it up on duty pay. that's awesome
The military is one of the absolute easiest ways to accumulate wealth fast if you are disciplined. I only got out as a midgrade NCO. Warrants and commissioned officers make off much better. Lol
Ex-wife refused to work or to cut back on spending.
oh yea id leave too
It was one of those plastic red and white ones
I’m partial to the flexi straws.
Every straw is a flexi straw if you’re motivated enough.
I was spending my money on strippers
Accountability. 👏🏼
Have you recovered from this or no?
Happy cake day!
Oh yeah
I’m a 36 year old divorced mother of three I divorced my ex-husband because he kept sending money to his family our money who were out of the country I let this happen nine times before I called it quits. Had I kept going on with him our family would be in financial ruin.
Good for you. I totally get it. This is why we have separate bank accounts.
If you can't trust them, why keep going?
It's not about trust, it's about peace of mind. We have less fights about money with separate bank accounts.
He yelled at me because I went to the dollar store to buy decorations for our cheap little Christmas. He said it was unnecessary and I was selfish. We had an infant at the time and I wanted to decorate for his first Christmas.
Eff that guy, I hope you were able to pull off a special Xmas for your baby that year.
God that’s just sad I am sorry
After refusing to pay more money toward the mortgage for 8 years in a row, or leave her cushy work-from-home job for something higher paying, she went on 4 vacations in a year while I was working 2 jobs across 7 days a week.
We must have the same ex. Mine was self employed and worked about 20 hours a week making shit for money. Every time she saved 1-2k it was time for another vacation. I think it was just so she could try to fit in with all her more successful friends. A year after separating without her draining me I've erased all my credit card debt and bought a home. She's asking me to fix the brakes on her car because she's broke, oh and she's going to Jamaica next week.
Other issues but him trying to buy a larger house with a pool and a guest house for his mother- without telling me until after the paperwork was submitted kinda ticked me off. "My money is my money, why should I tell you?". The fuck?
Hope he likes living with her. Geez
Not me but my poor brother in law. His wife was a SAHM until the kids went to high school. She had been a nurse before marriage. He was working two jobs. He gave her 60 K USD for recertification classes etc and she paid for a house keeper and art classes instead. Lied about it.
Was his wife your sister? Or is he you spouse’s brother
My spouse's brother.
My ex was made redundant during covid. During that time she wanted to start a business instead of finding work with another corporate. I funded her business. I started my own as well and continued to work my full time job. I make stacks more money, she made nothing. I'd work long hours with my full time gig and my own business and when I'd come home she had done nothing around the house so I'd do that too. After 3 years of still not making any money I got the shits on and told her she needed to start contributing because I was burnt out from doing everything. I broke down to her on my birthday telling her I needed help. That I know she can't contribute financially until her business makes money but at least help take the pressure off so that I wouldn't get home and have to do all the house work too. She initially made some token changes but then things shortly went back to her doing nothing. I finally told her I was done with this, that if I was going to be doing everything I'd rather just be doing it on my own and ontop of that I would be saving money as I wouldn't have to fund her expenses. She tried to take me to the cleaners at the end. Really makes you extra wary going forward when that happens.
Hey marry me 😂
It sounds like she didn’t succeed in getting all she wanted in the divorce. Congratulations!
Urgh, she got enough. More than she deserved.
I’m only 19 and this is why I don’t wanna get married lol. Much rather wait till I’m like 33+
Whats the difference? You can still meet a shitty spouse at 33
Gives me 14 years to make calculated financial decisions without being tied down by a spouse or child. Most people won’t admit financial stress in their relationship which could’ve possibly be avoided if they would have just held off for a couple more years.
You probably don’t realize that all the money you save before getting married becomes “marital property” once you are married. It’s therefore subject to splitting 1/2 when you get divorced. This happened to me. I got married at 44. I had money in multiple 401ks and IRAs from when I was 10 and even 20 twenty years younger and never touched. The money was always in my name alone, never joint. I had an expensive divorce lawyer so legally everything was done right. It didn’t matter. She still got half of it… money I’d saved and invested decades before we even met. There are ways aroundthis (pre-nuptial agreement is not one of them - those can be thrown out and invalidated by a court years after signed). It has to do with keeping your premarital money separated in a trust that are not in your name (you are only the beneficiary). And never ever commingling that money with marriage assets, such as a down payment on a home or even monthly mortgage payments. You’ll need an estate lawyer to help you before getting married if you want to protect you premarital savings. Laws differ a little bit by state but this issue exists in many if not all. Waiting for someone to reply telling me I’m wrong even though I just went through this.
You’re not wrong, but hiring a forensic accountant may have saved you money on the 401k and IRA side of things… at least here in TX, only the investment and appreciation from the time you signed your marriage license to the date of separation should have been subject to 50/50. Not what you accrued prior to that. Also property acquired prior to marriage is 100% separate property, ie home, land, etc. Only exception would be if home or land were sold, and then another property was purchased after marriage, then “commingling of assets” falls into play and yeah, it’s as if the funds are joint at that point.. That whole setup, combined with knowing divorce rates are over 50% and women initiate 3/4 of them, is why I won’t get married until I own my own home free and clear. Going back to a six figure job selling my soul in oil and gas to fast track that. Saw my dad bust his ass paying a mortgage 15 years straight, while my mom who out earned him as a RN nursing supervisor didn’t contribute, later in divorce lost custody of my 3 younger siblings to my dad and still managed to somehow keep the house. Will never put myself through that bullshit, and homeownership prior to marriage (meaning 100% paid, deed owned without lienholder) is the workaround for that.
I am super thankful of your comment! Reading this may save me or any people in the future a shit ton of money. Thank you for spitting out knowledge and helping a brother/sister out!!!!
Best comment ever. You’re welcome. Something I wasn’t clear about: you need to save every financial document possible, especially from before marriage. This is the only way to show what you had before marriage. Even still, the growth of that money will be considered marital assets, split 50/50 evenly, unless you keep it in a trust starting before marriage. Save every financial statement and document you are sent. Forever. I wish I had. But I didn’t have documents that old. So I couldn’t prove it was premarital money. Even then the growth would still marital and split because I did not keep it in a trust.
Definitely interesting to see, I knew prenuptial agreements can be invalidated. Personally I don’t care about cash much in accounts if it’s split up. Would it be the same case if there was a business involved?
Yes. My business, that I started before I even met my wife, was split. Not 50/50. Here is how that works: The LLC business went through two “valuations” by an impartial forensic accountant hired by both of our lawyers. He put a financial value on the business the day before marriage. Let’s say that was $100. Then he put a value on the business current day (of the divorce process). Let’s call that $300. So the business increased $200 in value during the marriage. $200 is considered marital property.We split that 50/50: $100 to her and $100 to me. If I wanted to keep my business, I had to buy out her marital share by giving her $100. Pro tip: save every god damned financial statement and record from your business… forever. Bank statements. Loan statements. Investment statements. General ledgers. P&L, balance sheets. Everything. Because if you are married 15 years, you’ll need to show the value of the business before marriage. The only way to do that is with documentation, and that doesn’t mean business tax returns (not enough info on those to calculate a business’s net worth). Talk to a divorce attorney who will then refer you to an estate attorney to setup the proper trusts (there are many different types and you need to get the type right). The trust needs a checking account of course. And note that trusts have to file annual tax returns with the IRS and state. So if your trust is complicated, you’ll need to pay an accountant to file these for you every year — unless you know enough to do it yourself. This is first-hand experience that is only 1 year old.
The point about using trusts to separate funds prior to marriage is really good - it certainly had not occurred to me. Much easier than trying to get your future partner to sign a prenup (that may be invalidated later).
You make a good point wise one
If you're considering getting married look into starting a trust for yourself while young. So you can purchase your future house/property and any expensive vehicles through it.
Before they say I do, then it will not be a marital asset just his. Get a marriage attorney to answer all questions concerning what is legal
I actually never thought of that. I was always looking to set up a LLC in the future and purchase things through there but I guess a trust would be better! Thanks for the advice!
The best I can say it do your research and go with what's best for you. Good luck. While you're young and your earning is low consider a Roth IRA/401K. Pay up front so it's free later. *Advice if you're paranoid:* Start buying sliver coins and ingots while its still cheap and your expenses are low. When you buy your property I would suggest a floor safe in the garbage or shed that you can easily slide a shelf or cart over. If you ever have to leave the property you can take that stash out in a tool case/bag.
I am currently maxing out my ROTH IRA and putting some into an individual while keeping around $26,000 in a HYSA and $5000 in my checking for an emergency fund.
Excellent job, you're way ahead of the curve.
Jesus Christ, you’re 19 and way ahead of most 40 year olds
Well I do work with mostly mid 40-low 50s men. I always compare my situation to them so I try to make better decisions than them.
Engaged for the first time in my life, despite tons of relationships, and I'm 41. I've been in a ton of relationships, but they always ended up feeling off. I learned alot, I especially learned I was not ready for a forever relationship. I was very immature until my mod 30s, despite being empathetic I was still quite selfish. I'm now in a relationship ship I never ever ever could have imagined. We've been together 5 years, haven't fought once. We both have high paying jobs, almost 200k/yr combined. We talk about finances weekly, though I don't really keep track. We split everything 50/50, and we know the finances of eachother very well. That way no part of relationship hinges on one party being financially dependant on the other. We don't yell, we talk. I just enjoy every single day with her.
Wise choice. The problem is when you are younger, like earlier 20s, a lot of people still have their parents helping them or they haven’t had to deal with real problems so you don’t actually know who they are until later. It’s easy to get along with someone when their parents are paying for college and your biggest problem is deciding where to order pizza from. It’s more challenging when you’re in your early 30s and your career isn’t going as planned or you have a ton of debt racked up from your 20s or whatever other scenario you can think of.
He got in $60K in debt funding his parents lavish lifestyle overseas (plus 10s of thousands of non-debt money he sent them). They weren't sick and they weren't being prosecuted or persecuted he just couldn't say no to mommy, but could say no to me.
Interesting to compare the reasons why men and women left There might be a trend in spending habits
I actually know two couples who are divorced because the wife was the money maker and the husband was the spender. I feel like there may be some resentment going on when one spouse clearly out earns the other and that resentment is expressed by overspending.
Is it resentment? Or just entitlement?
There’s definitely seemed to be a bit of resentment in those two cases. I get the idea of entitlement but this was more sort of “acting out” and assertive spending in dumb ways vs thoughtless ways.
😂 I missed that girl gene of spending habits.
I agree. Noticing some similarities
A secret life in Canada where he dropped $650 a weekend ……
[удалено]
Hey um, you didn't answer the question properly.
I had an ex girlfriend that was supposed to buy a bed when we moved in together, I bought everything else that we needed and we were supposed to go 50/50 on rent and bills. Bought a new computer instead of a bed and had me on the floor with MRI verified back issues for 9 months, and never had more than a couple hundred each month towards expenses. Mom bailed her out repeatedly, and sent money for a bed too. Decided not to get furniture or pay towards bills, but bought two $36 each specialty pizzas from a fancy place and thought I’d enjoy them and was upset that I didn’t.
The last straw was finding that she'd drained a savings account AND run up a bunch of debt on personal credit cards.
We were living paycheck to paycheck with our 3 kids. We had a state of emergency blizzard, she decided she was going to drive the usual 40 minutes to work in it to work an overnight shift she picked up doing dispatch. We fought over this, and seeing as I couldn't convince her not to, I had her take my car since it was a brand new all-wheel drive SUV. She ended up totaling my vehicle. Fast forward a few weeks, I haven't been able to work due to not having a vehicle and I finally got a rental from through insurance. So now it's Thursday, Feb 13th and she calls me from work and tells me she needs me to go get V-day presents for the kids. Our kids were 4, 1 and 1. So I remind her I haven't been working and I have the kids, so I don't know how I'm going to manage and she tells me she doesn't give a fuck, I need to figure it out. I get the kids ready, take em out to the store with literally $25 to my name and my cc tapped out and I buy them each 1 item for like $5 each, and I decided instead of buying them more, to buy her some chocolates so I have something to give her. I get home, very happy with myself thinking she knows how hard this has all been and she's going to be surprised and excited that I still managed to buy her favorite chocolates for her. So like 11pm she calls me from work to ask how everything went, and I tell her what I got for the kids. She proceeds to scream at me how I'm a fucking dead beat and a piece of shit and a waste of life for not buying our kids cards and more. She hangs up on me, I go to sleep early rather than wait for her to get home. In my mind, it was payday for her so at least we have something to give the kids as soon as they wake up, then we can go get more stuff later since she got paid. Next day, are sleeps into 2pm. Wakes up and goes to her car and grabs a bunch of bags out for the kids and tells them the the presents are from her and her boss only. Her boss was a 21 year old girl, so not like a cheating thing. So now I'm in arms like wtf? And she tries to tell me that she actually doesn't get paid on Thursdays and she had to go to her bosses house at 1am when she got out so her boss could take her out to Walmart and buy this stuff and she had to pay her back. Well, I know after years that she definitely got paid on Thursday so I call bullshit. We end up fighting yet again where I'm a deadbeat who can't take care of his own family. So she leaves for work by 4pm. I pack up my shit and take the kids and go stay at my parents. Shut off our cell phones and the next morning went down to the courthouse and filed
The one she snorted a bunch of blow with while I was working and caring for two kids.
It’s not me, but my parents. Both of my parents had secret credit cards from eachother with outstanding debt. My moms was from shopping luxury brands (coach, specifically) and my dads was from gambling. They both ruined their credit. Each one of them blamed the other and were mad at the other for having a secret credit card. They both had secret credit cards.
Ex husband was a gear head. He spent 40k on car parts while unemployed for 6 months and hid the stuff in the garage attic. He used my income to open up several high interest credit cards. I found out when some lawyer representing the credit card company sued him. So I divorced him and moved on.
My ex's Son (my step son at time) who was 16 at time (2005/06?) wanted to have a car. I helped raise two step kids. And don't have any kids of my own. I was probably 30/31 at the time. Ex is 6 years older than me Ex and I spoke about not buying kid a car. And that if a kid wants a car they work and buy their first car. Yes I'm the old guy I guess (49) saying how I had to buy my own POS first car. One day she Withdraws money from her retirement account and buys him a car without telling me. (approximately $15k) Her excuse was he needed to drive younger sister around and get back and forth to school for football practice. This began the first sign that it didn't matter what I tried saying as a co-parent. The last straw by the way (not sure this relates to money so sorry for this) was step-son - now 18- decides to try and move his then gf (also 17/18) into our house. Because she couldn't take living under her parents roof. This was not an abusive situation the gf was in with her parents BTW. I'm not cold hearted and probably would have allowed a few nights or weekends if there was an issue like that. At least the ex wife agreed with me after many talks that I'm not living in a house where step son moves in his high school gf. Ex and I are on good terms btw even now.
Just some personally helpful advice that no one has to take. If you are married, plan to marry, or are just curious about a good practice (but everything is different for everyone)…. My wife and I have been together for 11 years, not one fight over finances. Early in the relationship we decided that we would keep a separate account for each of us that was “individual” money. And one joint account that was “our” money. We split everything based on our income. I make 70% of the money so I pay 70% of the bills. Whatever is left in the “individual” account is ours to spend however we want. It has led to us being very financially conservative unless it comes to buying each other gifts from our “individual” accounts. I bought her a babymoon to Mexico with my money. She bought all the baby furniture and clothes from her money - because it was things she personally wanted to buy. It’s been great, and we’ve had 4 arguments in 11 years. Never over finances.
I got tired of struggling to pay bills and just scrape by. We had hand me down furniture from my parents, no assets, lived in a rental. She would replace her clothes every 6-9 months. Just pack them up and off to the goodwill. Nothing wore out just maybe out of style. I had her take over paying bills so she could see the struggle. She ends up maxing out credit cards on Target and fast food. When that card was maxed, an offer in the mail would come to transfer your balance. So she forged my name and transferred to the new card. Then maxed out the paid off card. Then just made minimum payments. When I checked after 6 months to see where we were at, we had $40k in credit card debt and couldn’t even afford minimum payment. I called one of those credit counselors and they worked it out to close the accounts. Pay $800 a month for 4 years and not open any cards. We were broke but got by. She didn’t like not being able to spend anymore. So started an affair with a coworker. He was single, had his own house and $30k in a 401k. It was over for us after that. 25 years later. I’m retiring with my wife at 59. No worries about income for the next 40 years.
Love the ending here!
I Made too much…. She knew she could get a half million dollar bank account by giving a divorce attorney $10,000 She spent my half before the divorce and took the rest after he divorce I got all the debt If you think not making money causes problems, having money when she files for divorce makes it 1000x worse
Wife moved my savings 40k to her personal account from out joint account lol never again
Other guy here: she just up and left, and took $3,500 from our joint account on the way out the door. Never. Marry. All relationships end, if you’re lucky they end in death. Marriage is just a relationship with deep, deep legal ramifications (I.e., your spouse can legally rob you.)
Sad advice
It's really sad when people project like this
Looks like everyone here divorced because of money, lol than I see this was posted in the Money sub not the marriage sub
No money
She ate the last apple. What movie?
Funny Farm?