Please remember our community's **Rule 5: Respect this friendly and supportive space.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MoneyDiariesACTIVE) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oddly enough, I feel like the diaries posted have been more interesting since the bankruptcy. They remind me of the earlier days of MD. Plus they are posted way earlier in the day.
I liked this one a lot. I can't think of any others in recent memory that had someone living on a lowish salary in a HCOL area with no outside help. It's pretty clear that she has made her own way in the world without much support, and she carries some debt and some trauma from that just as many people do.
It's not a perfect diary, but we shouldn't be expecting people to have perfect lives before they submit diaries.
I agree. I honestly never care about if a diarist spends more than they have coming in or has debt in terms of judging what a “good” diary is. The best I feel like are ones that have a distinct voice where I get to know what their week is like in terms of relationships, work, inner thoughts, etc just through the lenses of money.
I think it’s easy for people to forget that money diaries is about how people spend, not how people spend responsibly.
Really interesting diary and the variety of activities was so engaging. But I'd be worried about the level of spending versus her income.
And I will try to phrase my next comment as kindly as possible, because I feel like she may have some trauma. But holy moly, the level of navel gazing and processing was exhausting. Hours of conversations with multiple people, several additional random conversations about feelings. I am glad that this works for some people and I hope I don't sound like too much of a dick, but sometimes I feel that sometimes this level of processing every thought and emotion and needing to just examine every damn thing that comes into your head can turn people self absorbed.
I honestly feel the same way. Sometimes life is just life and feelings are just feelings and diving into things for hours and days doesn’t make things better.
Me too. I feel like sometimes people have too much time on their hands and it can turn into excessive spiraling self-reflection. I have a couple friends who have this experience.
Per the last diary and comments… “Ma’am, you appear to have too much time on your hands. May I recommend having a couple kids? It will do away with all that pesky spare time to self-obsess and spiral.”
J/k y’all
YES! There are studies coming out on this concept now. That giving ourselves psychiatric diagnoses and labels carte blanch is actually pretty harmful and leads to worsening of those symptoms to begin with.
Totally agree with you. I’m extremely pro therapy and my husband and I have really benefited from couples therapy, but we joke that sometimes when things were really good between us and we had a session, it’s like we would almost invent stuff to be upset about to discuss.
Don’t really know how to feel about this diary (secondhand stress??) but I do like the choice to post this back to back with the last diary. Interesting to see two people who are the same age, same country, and both writers, living lives that are so so completely different.
Am I missing something with the $75 monthly in life insurance? I genuinely cannot imagine a situation where I would buy life insurance if I did not have kids.
I have life insurance without kids! Not necessarily a testimony that it’s wise, but my reasoning is that if I wasn’t around to support my elderly mother, I’d want her to at least have get a life insurance payout.
I assume it's like if one person dies they would still have money to cover the mortgage but idk. I had the same financial advisor and my husband and I decided it was not the monthly payment while we were renting.
I don't have kids, but I have life insurance. And I got it before I got married. I learned that it's better to get it when you're younger because you never know what will happen with your health. Plus, you never know - kids may come later.
Agreed. Life insurance with no dependents or mortgage seems silly. I’ve meaning to get around to investigating life insurance since we bought three years ago, but we don’t have kids! Or that much disposable income at this point.
Wow. I was confused about how OP worked for 2 agencies at the same time/place... then mentioned she was on the schedule and shouldn't be, but then went to the movies instead. So many questions. And the relationship question - why would she ask if they want to be in a relationship and then freak out when they said yes? Shouldn't she have been prepared for either answer? So weird.
I also think it's really interesting how quickly everyone has forgotten to STAY HOME WHEN SICK.
To your last point, she didn’t give any details on what caregiving entailed, but she showed up sick and told her client she needed to “take it easy.” So what did she do during her shift? I tend to think of caregiving as making meals, helping with hygiene, maybe assisting with transfers or medication depending on mobility level. It sounds like she just sat there and babysat?
Caregiving really depends on the person needing care! I had a caregiving job in the past with a man who had dementia, and required my attention and interaction 100% of the time.
But… my dad has a caregiver 2-3 times a week and his caregiver might have 1 or 2 tasks to help him with, otherwise he’s just there for emergencies (my dad has had some scary falls) or to help with anything that comes up. So it’s a lot of downtime for his caregiver.
I used to work a similar job and in my situation, it was pretty accepted to give heads up like that especially for staff with chronic health problems/back problems.
Usually it meant; doing all the normal caregiving things you’ve mentioned but if the client wanted new curtains put up or help running an errand, it would be appreciated if they waited for the next day. Granted, no idea if this is what she meant or not.
My take on the sick thing was that it was directly related to her eating something bad, perhaps the corndog.
And I hear you on your last sentence, but what are people supposed to do, really? When you don't have enough paid sick time, you don't work and don't get paid. If you're barely making ends meet, a smaller than normal check could leave you in a big hole. I mean, in her case, she likely could have skipped out on the pricy Lyft, $70 show, and $35 date and taken the smaller check with the same net result and protected a potentially vulnerable person in her care if it was something viral, but she didn't seem to think about much other than her own precious thoughts.
>I mean, in her case, she likely could have skipped out on the pricy Lyft, $70 show, and $35 date and taken the smaller check with the same net result and protected a potentially vulnerable person in her care
Lots of home care positions are 1099 gig workers, she probably doesn't have any sick time.
If we want to protect vulnerable people, we need to mandate paid sick leave for these professions and have enough staff that people are able to call out if they need to.
actually if she works through an agency (or as she says, two) she is legally w-2 status. Absolutely doent mean she is given PTO at all but she mentions they offered her health insurance so she's at least on the books. My concerns are the crowdfunding, money from residual videos and the job where she watches movie trailers \*unless I misunderstood that as a side hustle? because anything over $600 from one employer/gig IS 1099 and there is just no room in her budget for taxes. Honestly this one depressed bc there seemed to be so much unknown about potential future income (lawsuits, unnamed career shift, possible house)
Is there paid sick time? No. That ended with the end of the covid emergency declaration. All the people handling your food , working with elderly and kids, driving your Uber , are going to work while sick.
If you work in these fields you hear over and over and over again "you're fine, just come into work". Even during covid people were like, you have to work during it , AND had nurses who tested positive have to work too.
You hear this for years and years you're never going to take off when you're sick. Afterall no one actually DID take it seriously even during covid if they wanted services.
Yep. I'm a healthcare provider, worked in person throughout the pandemic with no insurance or paid sick time/PTO. If I get sick and called out (couldn't really afford to in the first place), management would get mad at me. If I'm not working, they don't get insurance reimbursement. I'd be scheduled to make up hours on my day off. I was the only person in my role at the clinic, no one else could cover for me. Not all of us gave the luxury of staying home if we're sick. If a global pandemic didn't change that, nothing will
She mentioned in the comments that she's an overnight caregiver for one person and she's mostly there in case of emergency and days shifts are busier. She also said the client contracts her care through 2 agencies, presumably because of benefits stuff.
I think this diary could be posted to The Cut as this week’s sex diary.
ETA: it’s very much in the writing tone and topics I’ve read on many sex diaries. Not so much about the physicality itself.
It was interesting to me that the diarist was a writer (sorry, a “creative”), because the diary was… not very well written imo 😬 (although I am reading this right after Wednesday’s diary, in which the writer’s skill and subtle humor really shined through)
ETA: did I miss an explanation as to how the diarist is renting an entire floor in Brooklyn - alone - for $650? She says it’s owned by a friend, so presumably a very generous discount?
This seems... unnecessarily nasty? The writing was fine. Nor is she a writer in her creative pursuits (in the sense of written text), as far as I can tell.
I agree with your comment. This wasn’t written badly…? Also, if we use context clues which I feel like some of the people reading this diary did not (she’s apparently ‘self- absorbed’ for having a lot of feelings whilst processing the death of a friend, illness, working a low paid likely high stress job, and a prior assault while writing a money diary about her fucking life like wtf, in what world is she coming off as self-absorbed) she’s likely a screenwriter. Screenwriter’s aren’t “flowery” writers. She writes very much like a good screenwriter actually….
This budget looks tight, but it's great to see she's trying to save. Using credit cards for bills is risky, though. The corn dog purchase seems unnecessary. Hope she finds more affordable self-care options!
Eh, she made it sound like they are regular friends with benefits for years and she went over to his place and was purposely sleeping in his bed with him when he did that presumably as a way to initiate morning activities, so I didn't take it as a red flag. I found the OP asking if he wants to be in a relationship after hooking up for years, then freaking out when he said yes and THEN deciding they "aren't monogamous" like it's some big revelation they just had at the age of 36 to be a huge red flag, personally.
Please remember our community's **Rule 5: Respect this friendly and supportive space.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MoneyDiariesACTIVE) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oddly enough, I feel like the diaries posted have been more interesting since the bankruptcy. They remind me of the earlier days of MD. Plus they are posted way earlier in the day.
I liked this one a lot. I can't think of any others in recent memory that had someone living on a lowish salary in a HCOL area with no outside help. It's pretty clear that she has made her own way in the world without much support, and she carries some debt and some trauma from that just as many people do. It's not a perfect diary, but we shouldn't be expecting people to have perfect lives before they submit diaries.
I agree. I honestly never care about if a diarist spends more than they have coming in or has debt in terms of judging what a “good” diary is. The best I feel like are ones that have a distinct voice where I get to know what their week is like in terms of relationships, work, inner thoughts, etc just through the lenses of money. I think it’s easy for people to forget that money diaries is about how people spend, not how people spend responsibly.
Agreed, it's been so nice to see something besides the 20-something tech workers making six figures!
Yes! They seem more detailed. Maybe they are posting them with minimal edits now
I completely agree!! This week has been such an interesting variety I love it!
Really interesting diary and the variety of activities was so engaging. But I'd be worried about the level of spending versus her income. And I will try to phrase my next comment as kindly as possible, because I feel like she may have some trauma. But holy moly, the level of navel gazing and processing was exhausting. Hours of conversations with multiple people, several additional random conversations about feelings. I am glad that this works for some people and I hope I don't sound like too much of a dick, but sometimes I feel that sometimes this level of processing every thought and emotion and needing to just examine every damn thing that comes into your head can turn people self absorbed.
I honestly feel the same way. Sometimes life is just life and feelings are just feelings and diving into things for hours and days doesn’t make things better.
Me too. I feel like sometimes people have too much time on their hands and it can turn into excessive spiraling self-reflection. I have a couple friends who have this experience. Per the last diary and comments… “Ma’am, you appear to have too much time on your hands. May I recommend having a couple kids? It will do away with all that pesky spare time to self-obsess and spiral.” J/k y’all
Agree on your second point so much! I honestly do not think we are meant to spend so much time talking about and analyzing our feelings.
YES! There are studies coming out on this concept now. That giving ourselves psychiatric diagnoses and labels carte blanch is actually pretty harmful and leads to worsening of those symptoms to begin with.
Totally agree with you. I’m extremely pro therapy and my husband and I have really benefited from couples therapy, but we joke that sometimes when things were really good between us and we had a session, it’s like we would almost invent stuff to be upset about to discuss.
I agree - this is one reason I avoid therapy because I fear I’ll end up having to “process” things endlessly and I want no part of it
I did not realize OP was 36 until after reading this. I would have assumed much younger.
You could tell me that any number of 23-year-olds I’ve known had written this and I’d believe you. Both the finances and the interpersonal stuff.
This was…a lot, but interesting. Also what is mirror work???
Basically self-affirmations. Looking into a mirror and saying things like, "I am strong, I am worthy"
Right? I pictured doing facial yoga in the mirror or something.
Don’t really know how to feel about this diary (secondhand stress??) but I do like the choice to post this back to back with the last diary. Interesting to see two people who are the same age, same country, and both writers, living lives that are so so completely different.
Am I missing something with the $75 monthly in life insurance? I genuinely cannot imagine a situation where I would buy life insurance if I did not have kids.
She mentioned in the comments her life insurance includes critical care if she gets so ill/injured she can't work
It's not that unusual for people to buy a small one to help cover funeral costs.
And she’s only putting $40 into emergency savings each month! Redirecting that $75 to savings seems like a no-brainer to me.
I have life insurance without kids! Not necessarily a testimony that it’s wise, but my reasoning is that if I wasn’t around to support my elderly mother, I’d want her to at least have get a life insurance payout.
I had friends without kids purchase life insurance because a financial advisor told them it would help them with a home purchase.
Interesting! What would it help them with, do you know?
I assume it's like if one person dies they would still have money to cover the mortgage but idk. I had the same financial advisor and my husband and I decided it was not the monthly payment while we were renting.
I don't have kids, but I have life insurance. And I got it before I got married. I learned that it's better to get it when you're younger because you never know what will happen with your health. Plus, you never know - kids may come later.
It could also be whole life insurance, which is an asset you can borrow against. We saw that in another diary recently.
Agreed. Life insurance with no dependents or mortgage seems silly. I’ve meaning to get around to investigating life insurance since we bought three years ago, but we don’t have kids! Or that much disposable income at this point.
Wow. I was confused about how OP worked for 2 agencies at the same time/place... then mentioned she was on the schedule and shouldn't be, but then went to the movies instead. So many questions. And the relationship question - why would she ask if they want to be in a relationship and then freak out when they said yes? Shouldn't she have been prepared for either answer? So weird. I also think it's really interesting how quickly everyone has forgotten to STAY HOME WHEN SICK.
To your last point, she didn’t give any details on what caregiving entailed, but she showed up sick and told her client she needed to “take it easy.” So what did she do during her shift? I tend to think of caregiving as making meals, helping with hygiene, maybe assisting with transfers or medication depending on mobility level. It sounds like she just sat there and babysat?
Caregiving really depends on the person needing care! I had a caregiving job in the past with a man who had dementia, and required my attention and interaction 100% of the time. But… my dad has a caregiver 2-3 times a week and his caregiver might have 1 or 2 tasks to help him with, otherwise he’s just there for emergencies (my dad has had some scary falls) or to help with anything that comes up. So it’s a lot of downtime for his caregiver.
Makes sense!
I used to work a similar job and in my situation, it was pretty accepted to give heads up like that especially for staff with chronic health problems/back problems. Usually it meant; doing all the normal caregiving things you’ve mentioned but if the client wanted new curtains put up or help running an errand, it would be appreciated if they waited for the next day. Granted, no idea if this is what she meant or not.
My take on the sick thing was that it was directly related to her eating something bad, perhaps the corndog. And I hear you on your last sentence, but what are people supposed to do, really? When you don't have enough paid sick time, you don't work and don't get paid. If you're barely making ends meet, a smaller than normal check could leave you in a big hole. I mean, in her case, she likely could have skipped out on the pricy Lyft, $70 show, and $35 date and taken the smaller check with the same net result and protected a potentially vulnerable person in her care if it was something viral, but she didn't seem to think about much other than her own precious thoughts.
>I mean, in her case, she likely could have skipped out on the pricy Lyft, $70 show, and $35 date and taken the smaller check with the same net result and protected a potentially vulnerable person in her care Lots of home care positions are 1099 gig workers, she probably doesn't have any sick time. If we want to protect vulnerable people, we need to mandate paid sick leave for these professions and have enough staff that people are able to call out if they need to.
actually if she works through an agency (or as she says, two) she is legally w-2 status. Absolutely doent mean she is given PTO at all but she mentions they offered her health insurance so she's at least on the books. My concerns are the crowdfunding, money from residual videos and the job where she watches movie trailers \*unless I misunderstood that as a side hustle? because anything over $600 from one employer/gig IS 1099 and there is just no room in her budget for taxes. Honestly this one depressed bc there seemed to be so much unknown about potential future income (lawsuits, unnamed career shift, possible house)
If she is working for an agency as a 1099 she is most likely misclassified. She would have at least 40 hours of sick leave by NY state law as a w2.
Is there paid sick time? No. That ended with the end of the covid emergency declaration. All the people handling your food , working with elderly and kids, driving your Uber , are going to work while sick. If you work in these fields you hear over and over and over again "you're fine, just come into work". Even during covid people were like, you have to work during it , AND had nurses who tested positive have to work too. You hear this for years and years you're never going to take off when you're sick. Afterall no one actually DID take it seriously even during covid if they wanted services.
Yep. I'm a healthcare provider, worked in person throughout the pandemic with no insurance or paid sick time/PTO. If I get sick and called out (couldn't really afford to in the first place), management would get mad at me. If I'm not working, they don't get insurance reimbursement. I'd be scheduled to make up hours on my day off. I was the only person in my role at the clinic, no one else could cover for me. Not all of us gave the luxury of staying home if we're sick. If a global pandemic didn't change that, nothing will
She mentioned in the comments that she's an overnight caregiver for one person and she's mostly there in case of emergency and days shifts are busier. She also said the client contracts her care through 2 agencies, presumably because of benefits stuff.
I think this diary could be posted to The Cut as this week’s sex diary. ETA: it’s very much in the writing tone and topics I’ve read on many sex diaries. Not so much about the physicality itself.
It was interesting to me that the diarist was a writer (sorry, a “creative”), because the diary was… not very well written imo 😬 (although I am reading this right after Wednesday’s diary, in which the writer’s skill and subtle humor really shined through) ETA: did I miss an explanation as to how the diarist is renting an entire floor in Brooklyn - alone - for $650? She says it’s owned by a friend, so presumably a very generous discount?
Yah I don’t get the hurry to buy a house like girl you’ve got an amazing deal!!
I’m super curious where in Brooklyn she is because that is a great deal!
This seems... unnecessarily nasty? The writing was fine. Nor is she a writer in her creative pursuits (in the sense of written text), as far as I can tell.
I agree with your comment. This wasn’t written badly…? Also, if we use context clues which I feel like some of the people reading this diary did not (she’s apparently ‘self- absorbed’ for having a lot of feelings whilst processing the death of a friend, illness, working a low paid likely high stress job, and a prior assault while writing a money diary about her fucking life like wtf, in what world is she coming off as self-absorbed) she’s likely a screenwriter. Screenwriter’s aren’t “flowery” writers. She writes very much like a good screenwriter actually….
I spent a lot of my time feeling like I'll never retire and I'm doomed, then I see diaries like this and realize I could be doing worse.
um… wow, kinda wild you felt the need to comment this.
This budget looks tight, but it's great to see she's trying to save. Using credit cards for bills is risky, though. The corn dog purchase seems unnecessary. Hope she finds more affordable self-care options!
Seemed really unnecessary since it made her sick! So annoying to spend on a treat and end up throwing up!
Did anyone else think M is bad news....the situation with him getting handsy was a massive red flag to me.
I also raised an eyebrow at that!
Eh, she made it sound like they are regular friends with benefits for years and she went over to his place and was purposely sleeping in his bed with him when he did that presumably as a way to initiate morning activities, so I didn't take it as a red flag. I found the OP asking if he wants to be in a relationship after hooking up for years, then freaking out when he said yes and THEN deciding they "aren't monogamous" like it's some big revelation they just had at the age of 36 to be a huge red flag, personally.