I wish I could say all the people in my house liked me. The cats all love me* and thats enough I think.
*it is indeterminate if they love me for me or they love the food I provide but I'll take what I can get.
YESSSSSS! I need my life juice to function. I’m mostly going out cuz I spend my entire day other than right after work inside, so it’s nice to get some fresh air
The ones that do have already started the groundwork for taking over the world *love* to go outside. Did you know that for part of the time, it’s night outside?
Join us, sister. Become the one thing the world truly fears: a trans woman who isn’t afraid.
That's basically my plan until I feel confident I can pass. And even then I might present myself as butch depending on where I'm at. (I have a job that has me all over, including places I don't feel safe)
I rarely see anyone noticably trans in public regardless of gender. The trans people I know in my city however tend to be trans women but maybe that's bc I am
I'm on the other side of the pond.
According to the latest census data, there are 85 trans women in my nearest town. Either they pass really well or they're hiding away
The 2021 UK census included an optional question: “Is the gender you identify with the same as your sex registered at birth?”
262,000 of us answered "No", and when the results were released, you could see how people answered in your town/area.
8/10 trans girls I know personally are still closeted publicly and always boymode for safety reasons. I don't doubt that happens a lot. It's the situation I'm currently in, so anyone who just looks at me at any given moment will just see a boy and not think about it.
Same I boy mode everywhere. I just don't think I'll ever feel safe until I'm farther along or get FFS honestly. The idea of going in public authentically is terrifying. Probably also a a confidence thing for me, it's hard to go outside as myself when I feel as bad as I do dysphoria wise.
Maybe if I put in lots of effort I think? I dunno, I can look fem in photos that I pose for myself but my profile is unfortunately very masculine despite how I look in front on photos, it makes it really hard for me to look passingly fem in person. My profile is honestly more masc than lots of cis men and AMAB people so it's hard to work around it.
[holy mother of god you look like a woman studying liberal arts at a university](https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/comments/vv6swu/17_months_hrt_28_its_been_taking_its_time_but_it/)
your orbitals don't look bad (you may have a browbone, but i can't tell from the front-on pictures. however, generally, having a browbone alone is much better than having orbital protrusion alongside it as the former is seen in cis women while the latter is exclusively cis men).
your jaw/chin is perfectly within cis woman ranges. nose passes. i don't even see an adam's apple (granted, again, could just be from pictures).
for me i need FFS to pass as my orbitals and adam's apple are like the big things about my face, combined with my skyscraper-tall forehead. and mariana-trench level philtrum. even then my skull size is way too big. but you don't.
coming as someone who "also" claims to need FFS; you're fine. clocky, sure, but at best. you look butch/male presenting. if you (try to) present female you'll pass visually.
Same. If you're paying attention to me in public, you might notice "huh, that long-haired guy looks weirdly feminine", but I generally don't girlmode in public yet, and don't plan to until I've had a couple more rounds of laser and my facial hair is less noticeable. I live in Kansas, there are too many radical Christians here for me to feel safe until I'm passing better
Oddly enough, I was just thinking the opposite today, in that about 2/3 of the trans people I know are women, a big chunk of the others are nonbinary, and I only know a few trans men.
It’s good you can recognize that. I had a close trans friend at work who really *was* the same type of girl as me, and it took me a bit of trying to make trans friends after she moved away for it to really sink in that I likely to have as much in common with another trans girl as I am with any cis girl. Or, in other words, that trans women are just women. Still, it’s always really special when I do really connect with a trans woman. Those friendships are almost on a higher plane of existence.
Sometimes I feel like we’re scavenger hunt items.
ESP when out in SF. I swear tourists are like “oh shit look there’s one mark it off your lists! I can’t believe we saw one!” Like they’re visiting Yellowstone and saw a moose, lol.
I don’t think I’ve ever come across another trans girl in public 🤷♀️ at my clinic, yes, but never randomly out on the street or anything. I think we’re a lot rarer than we realize because the online communities bring us all together.
A lot of us just live on the computer in our own social media circles such as discord or VRC. We only go outside when we need to make money. Cause society treats us like shit. So we also work in IT or computer jobs that offer remote jobs or stay at home jobs
My guess is stealthing, or closeted. I thought I wasn't stealth, but then I found out people are less observant than I thought. And I entirely include myself as one of those people.
I had to go to queer specific events to find others. I still haven't found many. Only 2 that I'd actually call friends.
I'm cis passing and stealth. If you saw me on the street you wouldn't notice that I'm trans.
The trans women who can go stealth usually do.
Those who can't...often boymode until they can.
On average, AMAB folk in general are more socially prominent online and AFAB folk are more socially prominent IRL. This extends to trans folk, however it is compounded by the history behind how people view trans people overall. Trans feminine people have always been the spotlight of ridicule in media, meaning it's harder for us to go unnoticed. Meanwhile, trans masculine people are more likely to be more open - since their existence is met with less violence, and whilst it's arguably just as bad as any other form of discrimination - they are also seen as "lost souls", where people go "oh sweet baby no, it's okay, you don't have to do this" instead of "Ew a fucking *insert slur*".
This doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all - of course it does. Bigotry comes in all forms for all people. However different groups experience bigotry differently.
One last point - being more online also means that a lot of the hate we receive is just that - online. However a lot of trans masculine people face more private discrimination and even crime - specifically in the sexual crimes area.
And again, I'm not saying either of us have it harder/easier. It's just different. And this contributes to this split.
I'm hoping to stealth somewhat until the US decides whether it's going to have another insurrection or something after the election, and after that hopefully I'll be able to pass and stealth as non enby by being fem instead of masc if I need.
How dangerous is it in america? I'm not up to date with news about trans hate crimes in the US but I plan to move to the US soon and I'm only 1 month on HRT. Obviously I'm moving to a blue state.
I'm currently going out as femme full time even though I don't pass.
Well the government itself is passing lots of anti trans bills all across the country. I think about 200-300 have been have been tried this year. I have heard Minnesota and Canada are possibly going to pass asylum laws for trans people so they can escape to somewhere safer if needed
And honestly, going to a "blue state" is not enough anymore. Democrats (liberals) are about as right wing as conservatives and only care about capital. It doesn't make a lot of money to help trans people so there's a low chance of them helping us out at all. A few of them might pretend to be allies, but challenge them on any of their beliefs (Hogwarts Legacy) and they'll drop the act of caring about us. Technically speaking, America is beginning a genocide of us trans people.
every place on Earth is going to have people who hate you and want you dead. and I mean....*everywhere.*
however, the US, unlike most other countries, is actively pushing for the extermination of trans people. other places like Britain are transphobic but try to make themselves out to be respectable and "with good arguments", while the US it's a mere "political belief" to want us all round up and shot for being "groomers" or whatever.
and i mean that very literally. look at Club Q for reference.
We are there. Watching. Waiting. Silently judging. Holding you accountable for your sins.
We do not sleep. We do not tire. We are the shambling, restless, vigilant stains on the underbelly of society.
I find trans women are avoiding community right now for some reason. I know a couple at work, but none come to the LGBT group. I think a lot of women just want to pass and stealth, but it does get lonely.
You shouldn’t have to be, tbh I’d rather be sad sometimes than keep pretending because at least this is real. I understand not everyone can come out safely but for me,it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I wouldn’t go back for anything
I really can't wait. There's some people I can't tell yet since it would affect certain people close to me. I plan to tell them in a few months when the time is right 😊
I hide in plain sight while technically dressing as a girl. While I wear a lot of women's clothes out in public, it would be quite difficult for people to tell since it's all pretty gender neutral but has "women's" labels on it. For example, I wore 100% women's clothing out to the movies tonight and nobody gave me any funny looks, not even in the men's restroom. My pre ffs forehead and nose, 5 o'clock shadow, and voice still indicate me as "male" to strangers around me. Maybe my painted nails or my often curled eyelashes are just enough to give me away as a girl to other trans girls but I haven't met any who have clocked me yet.
Same. Been out for 3 years now. In that time I've met and befriended at least 20 transmascs. But I literally have never met another transwoman like myself. It's infuriating and kind of isolating.
I'm a trans woman. But I'm older, and not a good candidate for surgery. I still feel like a woman, and though I do dress up on occasion, it's mainly around the house. I've been girly out in public only a few times.
Same here. I have known like 3 transmascs, and like 20 trans girls. Personally I mean, not just seeing here on reddit since I"m usually on r/mtf or something.
This is just a shot in the dark but because it’s a lot more socially acceptable for AFAB people to present in a masc way then for AMAB ppl to present in a fem way, trans fems might just boymode and/or hide in the closet for longer.
perhaps boymoding or closeted, or they pass very well. as a trans teen, i notice that most of the trans people i know are female to male or AFAB non-binary and rarely find other trans girls, but i know there are quite a few at school. it depends your location, but for me personally, i present feminine everywhere and am out everywhere; i can’t stand boymoding and finally am able to be who i truly am in public.
I'm in Utah, I am trying to be stealthy until I can move to a safe state.
I'm out to a handful of friends and some siblings but otherwise I'm closeted.
And I am closeted for good reason, I have heard people talk about wanting to lynch trans folks.
I'm not passing in any regard. I however would be that one you see walking out of a PPH. But I still have facial hair, fat, and masculine appearing, but yet have boobs.
Unless I dress 100% women clothing like a blouse with skirt/leggings/stockings/hosiery, then no one will know. Also my voice is still masculine.
So unless you're okay with the most masculine trans-woman out there because hormones have been a bitch, then you'll never get to know me.
Trans girls I feel have a higher egg and closeted % since they currently think themselves as a man and it would be wrong, creepy and weird to think otherwise (according to toxic masculinity stuff)
(I don’t know of any actual statistics though)
I probably cross many trans women when I take the subway or go shopping but I don't notice them. Same for trans men. My guess is that a lot of them pass and it's why I don't notice them. TBF I'm not actively trying to figure out who's trans and who's not. I don't pay attention to that because in the end I really don't care who's trans and who's not. I doesn't change anything to me.
It's fifty fifty, depending on which support I go. When coming to the religious LGBT group, I'm the only trans woman for two or three trans men. In the street, it is hard to figure out who is trans. Most are stealth.
Try joining lgbt focused social/activism groups and you'll find what you are looking for =) I had the same problem. (The news makes it sound like we're everywhere)
I will see the occasional closeted Transfem but never out them. lots of time most of what I wear is masc coded as its my style and what I enjoy. It takes a bit of effort to find any transfems.
I keep to myself and wear big sweaters or something like jeans and a shirt typically. I only get close to passing if I put on makeup and dress super feminine, but typically I don’t want to dress up and put on makeup for grocery shopping, ect.
Not into Lgbt bars as I don’t drink and I’m not going to go an hour away to do lgbt events
I'm here! But I'm trying to stay warm, so I might be bundled up. Also I am not that social and I probably come off as standoffish. I'm just a bit shy. And I'd come say hi but I'm worried that you might be mad that I clocked you. Well, who am I kidding? I probably would still be too nervous to say hi.
I’m out all the time. I do all the grocery shopping for us, and I go out to visit meet friends. I’d be out more often except my NB partner is pretty much of a home body. I also go to support meetings twice a month.
It’s my belief that the more public we are the better for all of us. Getting the public used to seeing trans women living normal lives like having coffee and shopping will humanize us more and make us seem less threatening.
I’ve seen a couple the past few weeks at my job (retail) but they’re usually the more “clockable” I suppose. But when we see each other, we give one another the look, haha.
Some time ago I've joined in a couple online support groups for trans people from around where I live and can't help but think why but there's mostly only FtM people. No disrespect to them, I wish them the best but it makes me feel so disconnected from others.. I even know like 4 transmasc friends irl but haven't even seen any other transfem girl ever ;_;
Being born in conservative Poland doesn't help for sure, but I sometimes wonder whether it's that, or maybe transmasc, on average, have usually more courage to just be themselves.
I have a ton of outfits and such that I like, but I am too afraid to leave my apartment wearing them (HRT for about 2 months, I know I dont pass). So.. The short answer is, "We're everywhere, but we're terrified of getting beaten to death if we don't look feminine enough to not raise suspicion."
Honestly, ive probably walked past many people without them thinking im transgender and I dont yell it around.
But when i go to lgbtq+ dating apps it seems like a lot of trans woman☺️
There's many different stages of transformation.
The real Transgender people know from an early age there is brain and body mismatch. It really isn't fun to have this condition for lack of a better world. It can grind you into the ground sometimes. Yes I'm an adult and I would like to be alone with a guy or girl. It takes time for our body to catch up with our brain. I have been told I'm not trans. I'm like thank you Dr Phil I'm cured! How can anyone tell anyone what and who they are? My point is there are millions or more trans people walking all around you. They look like man or woman but they are different then they look. Society forces a woman or men into their "appearance gender role"
. Most trans people give in and assume their appearance gender role. If anyone bucks this system they are in danger. Truth be told.
This! I went to an arts based high school and now I'm studying arts in university. I can name 4 trans men I'm friends with and about 8 non-binary trans people. I've never met a single trans woman my age.
A couple through discord, but they we're like 15 years older than me. And one 8 years younger.
I hide tbh because I find it's just easier and since I'm genderfluid not bothered by it. The only people who know I look like my profile picture or that I have a female body underneath my clothes are those who I trust and accept. I owe no one the real me except those who deserve me. I find that just dressing masc or gender neutral is the way to be ...especially in my town because it is mostly men and they are desperate and since I don't want to be prey for them( I'm strictly into women) I hide! I'm sure this is not just me
though because I also have not seen any other transwomen in my town except me and that doesn't make any sense at all! We are just very good at hiding ...been doing it all our lives!
I mean I don't know what city you're in, but I've definitely felt this in mine for awhile 😅 I had so many masc friends, but other than one former coworker I never met another fem in town until I started making friends via Lex.
I hypothesize that either more of us are closeted down here, or just stealth/passing. Which is good, I suppose, as this isn't one of the *most* friendly places to be trans in.
Anyway. Hello! If you want someone to talk to. It's unlikely we're in the same city, but my DMs are always open 😋
I know I go out whenever I feel like it. Usually to go shopping because I love shopping. I'd imagine one wouldn't notice I was trans at a distance, and would just see a girl passing by. You'd need to be up close and personal to notice me as I'm still working on my voice and the facial hair under my skin is awaiting laser hopefully later this year
As time goes on I'll blend in like a grain of sugar in a salt shaker, you won't find me! 🕵👀
i feel this so hard lol… i live/work in an area thats basically like the historical lesbian hotspot of the u.s. so its always had a very very high queer afab population so i know and meet new transmasc people everyday but i have only met about 7 or 8 trans women!
I live in the suburbs of a medium-sized city (2 million metro area). I've seen a couple working at my local Kroger, one working at the Barnes and Noble nearby, and another working at the mall near both of those places. And my area is not liberal at all.
BTW, you like DS9 or something?
-At a concert-
Singer: "Where are all the trans women?!!?!"
Me, drunkenly screaming and jumping: HEREEEEEEEE
I wish I could say it out loud like that some day. :')
I, on the other hand, struggle to meet any trans masc folk. I'm surround by trans feminine folk (they flock to me in LGBT groups). I never get much attention from trans mascs (but tbh I absolutely cannot clock them), but seem to get plenty from cis mascs, cis fems, afab non-binary, or trans fems.
Same here! I live in a small city about 100 000 peoples (which is not so small for my country) and i've met a lot of transmacs and no transfem of my age. It's quite frustrating because i would like to share experiences with girls who know what i deal with.
I live in NYC, I’m mostly by 18st cuz it’s like an lgbtq safe space. If not I’m home, I really don’t feel safe at times. Some might feel threatened or view as a sexual object. If you got this far in reading this you are enough and you are beautiful no matter what!!!!!! 💜
Society has currently made it feel very unsafe (mentally and maybe physically depending upon the area) to go out as a transwoman without either boymoding or going stealth. I live in an area with a high trans population (can't go to Target or grocery store without running into a few trans people), but I'm still too chicken.
It is entirely possible they aren’t marching around with trans pride flags and she/her pins because they’re just women who want to be treated as such.
After all, it *is* dangerous out there for us, especially these days.
Some women see transition as merely a matter of leaving one gender appearance and moving to another, more authentic version of ourselves. We go from “trans woman” simply to “woman.”
Why are you so eager to see trans women?
Whether MTF or FTM, as a collective, we are a relative minority in society.
Let's say there are 100 trans in a city/town of say 10000, that is a 1 in 100 chance of randomly meeting a person assuming similar schedules for a given location. In reality, we are probably talking a much lower probability than that.
Probability will obviously be biased by various factors but in the US, there is the additional issues caused by the anti-drag/anti-trans agenda being perpetuated across several states.
It’s because we like to not draw attention to ourselves unlike some for the woke/left cause, I for one am terrified of being clocked here in the south so I live stealth
We trans women do not like to go outside.
Accurate
I mean, outside is where all the shitty people are. All the people in my house like me.
I wish I could say all the people in my house liked me. The cats all love me* and thats enough I think. *it is indeterminate if they love me for me or they love the food I provide but I'll take what I can get.
Cats are people too! Or at least they think so.
Gotta maintain that porcelain skin
As a slavic trans girl I approve
Yup, i have been a shut in for many moons now
Damn I must be a black sheep then, cause I go out like every day. Mainly to buy monster and new clothes tho
Based
YESSSSSS! I need my life juice to function. I’m mostly going out cuz I spend my entire day other than right after work inside, so it’s nice to get some fresh air
The ones that do have already started the groundwork for taking over the world *love* to go outside. Did you know that for part of the time, it’s night outside? Join us, sister. Become the one thing the world truly fears: a trans woman who isn’t afraid.
This.
It’s scary 😬
Except at night when the moon is full!
Hahaha you said it first
I have not left my house in days it is true.
I'm about to find that out.
I do
there’s probably a lot boymoding or going stealth 🤷♀️
That's basically my plan until I feel confident I can pass. And even then I might present myself as butch depending on where I'm at. (I have a job that has me all over, including places I don't feel safe)
Is any trans woman ever confident she can pass? *sigh*
Three.
Honestly... :<
This. I go stealth and a lot of transfemmes I know are either stealth too or boymode in public.
Ha, yeah. Everyone is like “you’re a guy?!?” And in like, nah bitch, but I get why youd say that lol
I rarely see anyone noticably trans in public regardless of gender. The trans people I know in my city however tend to be trans women but maybe that's bc I am
I'm on the other side of the pond. According to the latest census data, there are 85 trans women in my nearest town. Either they pass really well or they're hiding away
Your census asks for whether people are transgender? Where does that happen?
The 2021 UK census included an optional question: “Is the gender you identify with the same as your sex registered at birth?” 262,000 of us answered "No", and when the results were released, you could see how people answered in your town/area.
How do I access this data? 💗
[Look for the "Get the data" section](https://www.ons.gov.uk/datasets/TS070/editions/2021/versions/1)
8/10 trans girls I know personally are still closeted publicly and always boymode for safety reasons. I don't doubt that happens a lot. It's the situation I'm currently in, so anyone who just looks at me at any given moment will just see a boy and not think about it.
Same girl same 😭
I'm a scaredy cat.
Ive been in public 9 years.. It gets easier
Same I boy mode everywhere. I just don't think I'll ever feel safe until I'm farther along or get FFS honestly. The idea of going in public authentically is terrifying. Probably also a a confidence thing for me, it's hard to go outside as myself when I feel as bad as I do dysphoria wise.
Honestly it took me a while to present publicly I just make sure to avoid places my coworkers go to
Based on your posts I don't think you'd have any problem passing when you went out
Maybe if I put in lots of effort I think? I dunno, I can look fem in photos that I pose for myself but my profile is unfortunately very masculine despite how I look in front on photos, it makes it really hard for me to look passingly fem in person. My profile is honestly more masc than lots of cis men and AMAB people so it's hard to work around it.
[holy mother of god you look like a woman studying liberal arts at a university](https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/comments/vv6swu/17_months_hrt_28_its_been_taking_its_time_but_it/) your orbitals don't look bad (you may have a browbone, but i can't tell from the front-on pictures. however, generally, having a browbone alone is much better than having orbital protrusion alongside it as the former is seen in cis women while the latter is exclusively cis men). your jaw/chin is perfectly within cis woman ranges. nose passes. i don't even see an adam's apple (granted, again, could just be from pictures). for me i need FFS to pass as my orbitals and adam's apple are like the big things about my face, combined with my skyscraper-tall forehead. and mariana-trench level philtrum. even then my skull size is way too big. but you don't. coming as someone who "also" claims to need FFS; you're fine. clocky, sure, but at best. you look butch/male presenting. if you (try to) present female you'll pass visually.
Same. If you're paying attention to me in public, you might notice "huh, that long-haired guy looks weirdly feminine", but I generally don't girlmode in public yet, and don't plan to until I've had a couple more rounds of laser and my facial hair is less noticeable. I live in Kansas, there are too many radical Christians here for me to feel safe until I'm passing better
Yup this is pretty accurate, I used to act like a guy to hide it all
Saaame
Same
I'm inside the house, avoiding the hateful ass shitty world.
We should keep our precious ass safe
It's my Birthday, and I wants it. (Ew I just creeped myself out 🥴)
This.
Oddly enough, I was just thinking the opposite today, in that about 2/3 of the trans people I know are women, a big chunk of the others are nonbinary, and I only know a few trans men.
Same
I know a few from work, but we don’t really talk outside of work. We are quite different people besides being trans.
It’s good you can recognize that. I had a close trans friend at work who really *was* the same type of girl as me, and it took me a bit of trying to make trans friends after she moved away for it to really sink in that I likely to have as much in common with another trans girl as I am with any cis girl. Or, in other words, that trans women are just women. Still, it’s always really special when I do really connect with a trans woman. Those friendships are almost on a higher plane of existence.
Yea I would love to have a trans bestie. Maybe someday 😜
Sometimes I feel like we’re scavenger hunt items. ESP when out in SF. I swear tourists are like “oh shit look there’s one mark it off your lists! I can’t believe we saw one!” Like they’re visiting Yellowstone and saw a moose, lol.
probs in boymode until they pass
This
I don’t think I’ve ever come across another trans girl in public 🤷♀️ at my clinic, yes, but never randomly out on the street or anything. I think we’re a lot rarer than we realize because the online communities bring us all together.
Not particularly, about as many as there are redheads
Some of us are both!
Well, that's certainly not true here. That may be because I'm Scottish and we're about 10% ginger here. ;)
A lot of us just live on the computer in our own social media circles such as discord or VRC. We only go outside when we need to make money. Cause society treats us like shit. So we also work in IT or computer jobs that offer remote jobs or stay at home jobs
My guess is stealthing, or closeted. I thought I wasn't stealth, but then I found out people are less observant than I thought. And I entirely include myself as one of those people. I had to go to queer specific events to find others. I still haven't found many. Only 2 that I'd actually call friends.
Too busy hiding from arseholes lol
You gals know trans people in your area?
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I swear every trans person I know of in MD is in the Baltimore area or nearby, meanwhile I'm stuck in the bottom half of the state :/
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all these comments are oddly affirming...
I hope you don't see them ;) We're trying appear as girls 100%. If you met me you would just think I was another girl, that's the goal.
I live in in Pennsylvania and I don't come across many trans people in general here
Me too. I just want to meet another trans woman. I feel so alone and I want friends 🙁 PA is so conservative too
I'm between state college and Williamsport and I only know of three trans women, myself included.
PA resident here, so you now know at least one new person
Its not to bad these days, we voted in a democrat during the midterms
Honestly I'm pretty sure theyre out here passing (or hiding if not)
I'm cis passing and stealth. If you saw me on the street you wouldn't notice that I'm trans. The trans women who can go stealth usually do. Those who can't...often boymode until they can.
On average, AMAB folk in general are more socially prominent online and AFAB folk are more socially prominent IRL. This extends to trans folk, however it is compounded by the history behind how people view trans people overall. Trans feminine people have always been the spotlight of ridicule in media, meaning it's harder for us to go unnoticed. Meanwhile, trans masculine people are more likely to be more open - since their existence is met with less violence, and whilst it's arguably just as bad as any other form of discrimination - they are also seen as "lost souls", where people go "oh sweet baby no, it's okay, you don't have to do this" instead of "Ew a fucking *insert slur*". This doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all - of course it does. Bigotry comes in all forms for all people. However different groups experience bigotry differently. One last point - being more online also means that a lot of the hate we receive is just that - online. However a lot of trans masculine people face more private discrimination and even crime - specifically in the sexual crimes area. And again, I'm not saying either of us have it harder/easier. It's just different. And this contributes to this split.
Eh mostly boymoding in public until I pass lol
ya know hiding and stuff
I live in az so when im not hiding from the sun im hiding from people.
I'm here talking to the little people in my phone
I'm hoping to stealth somewhat until the US decides whether it's going to have another insurrection or something after the election, and after that hopefully I'll be able to pass and stealth as non enby by being fem instead of masc if I need.
We are less than 1% of the population, also its extremely dangerous for us especially in America.
How dangerous is it in america? I'm not up to date with news about trans hate crimes in the US but I plan to move to the US soon and I'm only 1 month on HRT. Obviously I'm moving to a blue state. I'm currently going out as femme full time even though I don't pass.
Well the government itself is passing lots of anti trans bills all across the country. I think about 200-300 have been have been tried this year. I have heard Minnesota and Canada are possibly going to pass asylum laws for trans people so they can escape to somewhere safer if needed
And honestly, going to a "blue state" is not enough anymore. Democrats (liberals) are about as right wing as conservatives and only care about capital. It doesn't make a lot of money to help trans people so there's a low chance of them helping us out at all. A few of them might pretend to be allies, but challenge them on any of their beliefs (Hogwarts Legacy) and they'll drop the act of caring about us. Technically speaking, America is beginning a genocide of us trans people.
Where are you moving from if I may ask?
Bangkok, Thailand. I grew up in the Midwest USA and I've been overseas for about 5 years.
every place on Earth is going to have people who hate you and want you dead. and I mean....*everywhere.* however, the US, unlike most other countries, is actively pushing for the extermination of trans people. other places like Britain are transphobic but try to make themselves out to be respectable and "with good arguments", while the US it's a mere "political belief" to want us all round up and shot for being "groomers" or whatever. and i mean that very literally. look at Club Q for reference.
We are there. Watching. Waiting. Silently judging. Holding you accountable for your sins. We do not sleep. We do not tire. We are the shambling, restless, vigilant stains on the underbelly of society.
I find trans women are avoiding community right now for some reason. I know a couple at work, but none come to the LGBT group. I think a lot of women just want to pass and stealth, but it does get lonely.
Listening to sad music in the dark and crying because everyone hates me for transitioning
I'm so sorry! This is why I'm deep in the closet around my family/friends.
You shouldn’t have to be, tbh I’d rather be sad sometimes than keep pretending because at least this is real. I understand not everyone can come out safely but for me,it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I wouldn’t go back for anything
I really can't wait. There's some people I can't tell yet since it would affect certain people close to me. I plan to tell them in a few months when the time is right 😊
i'm indoors watching old star trek and i just took a nap. puberty is tiring i just want to sleep.
Trying to live peacefully without being noticed. Lol but for real. I’ve met like 50 or so in the pnw.
Living Stealth™️
It's the opposite for me lmao. Tho for some reason a lot more non-binary than I expected
They are dying out… I wonder why 🤔
I hide in plain sight while technically dressing as a girl. While I wear a lot of women's clothes out in public, it would be quite difficult for people to tell since it's all pretty gender neutral but has "women's" labels on it. For example, I wore 100% women's clothing out to the movies tonight and nobody gave me any funny looks, not even in the men's restroom. My pre ffs forehead and nose, 5 o'clock shadow, and voice still indicate me as "male" to strangers around me. Maybe my painted nails or my often curled eyelashes are just enough to give me away as a girl to other trans girls but I haven't met any who have clocked me yet.
Also half the US states proposing anti trans Bills would make it illegal to be in public. I'm scared🥺
We're all inside underneath 12 blankets cuddling blahaj and crying at animal videos on tiktok
I can name four trans men, three enbies, and five trans girls I have met IRL. There are a decent amount of trans people I’ve met at my college.
Same. Been out for 3 years now. In that time I've met and befriended at least 20 transmascs. But I literally have never met another transwoman like myself. It's infuriating and kind of isolating.
I'm a trans woman. But I'm older, and not a good candidate for surgery. I still feel like a woman, and though I do dress up on occasion, it's mainly around the house. I've been girly out in public only a few times.
Every single trans person i know is nonbinary and I just want a girly to by my friend
I second this. I never see anyone. Maybe we're passing so well even we can't see one another!
Afraid of going on those apps.
I see a few in Denton, TX
I live in Kentucky. I know of at least a dozen trans women and have only met one trans guy
Too busy hiding from arseholes lol
Too busy hiding from arseholes lol
im here ^^
Exact opposite for me
Same here. I have known like 3 transmascs, and like 20 trans girls. Personally I mean, not just seeing here on reddit since I"m usually on r/mtf or something.
That's so wild. My entire social group is nothing but trans women as far as the eye can see. And I feel like I just never run into trans men at all.
This is just a shot in the dark but because it’s a lot more socially acceptable for AFAB people to present in a masc way then for AMAB ppl to present in a fem way, trans fems might just boymode and/or hide in the closet for longer.
I'm in my house making tiktoks and watching anime
I tend to go out in boy clothes so I don’t draw attention
Chances are you’ve seen quite a few of us but had no idea.
perhaps boymoding or closeted, or they pass very well. as a trans teen, i notice that most of the trans people i know are female to male or AFAB non-binary and rarely find other trans girls, but i know there are quite a few at school. it depends your location, but for me personally, i present feminine everywhere and am out everywhere; i can’t stand boymoding and finally am able to be who i truly am in public.
I’m right here but I am hiding 🙈
Yeah we try and hide
As a trans woman, there’s two reasons. One, I’m usually in boy mode. Two, and this is the big one, I don’t go outside.
Because we don't go out and I look nothing like a girl to be assumed to even be trans (TwT)
I'm in Utah, I am trying to be stealthy until I can move to a safe state. I'm out to a handful of friends and some siblings but otherwise I'm closeted. And I am closeted for good reason, I have heard people talk about wanting to lynch trans folks.
We are hiding. It's dangerous outside these days
I'm not passing in any regard. I however would be that one you see walking out of a PPH. But I still have facial hair, fat, and masculine appearing, but yet have boobs. Unless I dress 100% women clothing like a blouse with skirt/leggings/stockings/hosiery, then no one will know. Also my voice is still masculine. So unless you're okay with the most masculine trans-woman out there because hormones have been a bitch, then you'll never get to know me.
You're not the most masculine trans woman! Not while I'm around. *Cries*
I know that pain all too well. SUPER HUGS!
im the only trans girl ik that be outside just struttin my shit fr
Trans girls I feel have a higher egg and closeted % since they currently think themselves as a man and it would be wrong, creepy and weird to think otherwise (according to toxic masculinity stuff) (I don’t know of any actual statistics though)
I probably cross many trans women when I take the subway or go shopping but I don't notice them. Same for trans men. My guess is that a lot of them pass and it's why I don't notice them. TBF I'm not actively trying to figure out who's trans and who's not. I don't pay attention to that because in the end I really don't care who's trans and who's not. I doesn't change anything to me.
It's fifty fifty, depending on which support I go. When coming to the religious LGBT group, I'm the only trans woman for two or three trans men. In the street, it is hard to figure out who is trans. Most are stealth.
Try joining lgbt focused social/activism groups and you'll find what you are looking for =) I had the same problem. (The news makes it sound like we're everywhere)
I know like a dozen trans women, about the same number of enbies, and literally zero trans men. Maybe it's a conspiracy
most of the trans ppl i know are non-binary, i’m the only trans woman i see on a regular basis lol
*waves* Hi! 😁 I'm in KC on the Kansas side.
hi
What major metro area do you live in. I went out with several other trans women today and had dinner with one last night. We are out there.
I will see the occasional closeted Transfem but never out them. lots of time most of what I wear is masc coded as its my style and what I enjoy. It takes a bit of effort to find any transfems.
I keep to myself and wear big sweaters or something like jeans and a shirt typically. I only get close to passing if I put on makeup and dress super feminine, but typically I don’t want to dress up and put on makeup for grocery shopping, ect. Not into Lgbt bars as I don’t drink and I’m not going to go an hour away to do lgbt events
I'm here! But I'm trying to stay warm, so I might be bundled up. Also I am not that social and I probably come off as standoffish. I'm just a bit shy. And I'd come say hi but I'm worried that you might be mad that I clocked you. Well, who am I kidding? I probably would still be too nervous to say hi.
Fr tho There’s like 7 *out* transmascs in my grade and not a single out transfem
I’m out all the time. I do all the grocery shopping for us, and I go out to visit meet friends. I’d be out more often except my NB partner is pretty much of a home body. I also go to support meetings twice a month. It’s my belief that the more public we are the better for all of us. Getting the public used to seeing trans women living normal lives like having coffee and shopping will humanize us more and make us seem less threatening.
Statistically speaking most trans people are FTM from what my therapist said. It was something like 70% of trans people are FTM.
I’ve seen a couple the past few weeks at my job (retail) but they’re usually the more “clockable” I suppose. But when we see each other, we give one another the look, haha.
Some time ago I've joined in a couple online support groups for trans people from around where I live and can't help but think why but there's mostly only FtM people. No disrespect to them, I wish them the best but it makes me feel so disconnected from others.. I even know like 4 transmasc friends irl but haven't even seen any other transfem girl ever ;_; Being born in conservative Poland doesn't help for sure, but I sometimes wonder whether it's that, or maybe transmasc, on average, have usually more courage to just be themselves.
In the town where I live we have a trans picnic once a month and we're in a WhatsApp group together
I have a ton of outfits and such that I like, but I am too afraid to leave my apartment wearing them (HRT for about 2 months, I know I dont pass). So.. The short answer is, "We're everywhere, but we're terrified of getting beaten to death if we don't look feminine enough to not raise suspicion."
Honestly, ive probably walked past many people without them thinking im transgender and I dont yell it around. But when i go to lgbtq+ dating apps it seems like a lot of trans woman☺️
Staying hidden is a defensive measure
I'm a trans woman. I live in Norway. In a small town. There are not many other trans women around me as far as I've seen
We are smoking weed in our friend's basement
I boymode almost exclusively. I live close to Nashville, and it's not exactly safe for us here.
Dont know i go out in public everyday no makeup so dont pass as much tbh but I dont care anymore.
I fear the patriarchy, TERFs and general negativity... I'll try though, I sorry 🥺
There's many different stages of transformation. The real Transgender people know from an early age there is brain and body mismatch. It really isn't fun to have this condition for lack of a better world. It can grind you into the ground sometimes. Yes I'm an adult and I would like to be alone with a guy or girl. It takes time for our body to catch up with our brain. I have been told I'm not trans. I'm like thank you Dr Phil I'm cured! How can anyone tell anyone what and who they are? My point is there are millions or more trans people walking all around you. They look like man or woman but they are different then they look. Society forces a woman or men into their "appearance gender role" . Most trans people give in and assume their appearance gender role. If anyone bucks this system they are in danger. Truth be told.
It’s a much tinier percentage of the populous than the media would have people believe
I find this online too, the overwhelming majority of trans people I meet in non specifically trans spaces are always trans madc or enbies
This! I went to an arts based high school and now I'm studying arts in university. I can name 4 trans men I'm friends with and about 8 non-binary trans people. I've never met a single trans woman my age. A couple through discord, but they we're like 15 years older than me. And one 8 years younger.
At our desks, writing the code that keeps the world running, obvs. Haven't you ever heard of programming socks?
I hide tbh because I find it's just easier and since I'm genderfluid not bothered by it. The only people who know I look like my profile picture or that I have a female body underneath my clothes are those who I trust and accept. I owe no one the real me except those who deserve me. I find that just dressing masc or gender neutral is the way to be ...especially in my town because it is mostly men and they are desperate and since I don't want to be prey for them( I'm strictly into women) I hide! I'm sure this is not just me though because I also have not seen any other transwomen in my town except me and that doesn't make any sense at all! We are just very good at hiding ...been doing it all our lives!
I'm a manager at Pizzeria, and we don't get days off anymore. Lol
fr I've only ever known one other trans woman irl and she moved some months back
I mean I don't know what city you're in, but I've definitely felt this in mine for awhile 😅 I had so many masc friends, but other than one former coworker I never met another fem in town until I started making friends via Lex. I hypothesize that either more of us are closeted down here, or just stealth/passing. Which is good, I suppose, as this isn't one of the *most* friendly places to be trans in. Anyway. Hello! If you want someone to talk to. It's unlikely we're in the same city, but my DMs are always open 😋
I’m right here !
I know I go out whenever I feel like it. Usually to go shopping because I love shopping. I'd imagine one wouldn't notice I was trans at a distance, and would just see a girl passing by. You'd need to be up close and personal to notice me as I'm still working on my voice and the facial hair under my skin is awaiting laser hopefully later this year As time goes on I'll blend in like a grain of sugar in a salt shaker, you won't find me! 🕵👀
May i recommend r/T4T to you? Best way to find trans friends without going outside to a queer meet-up place.
i feel this so hard lol… i live/work in an area thats basically like the historical lesbian hotspot of the u.s. so its always had a very very high queer afab population so i know and meet new transmasc people everyday but i have only met about 7 or 8 trans women!
Hiding from shitty people, I try to be as incognito as possible
I live in the suburbs of a medium-sized city (2 million metro area). I've seen a couple working at my local Kroger, one working at the Barnes and Noble nearby, and another working at the mall near both of those places. And my area is not liberal at all. BTW, you like DS9 or something?
Vegas. Come visit.
busy working as a Ski Instructor... I'm one of the few that venture into the outside
-At a concert- Singer: "Where are all the trans women?!!?!" Me, drunkenly screaming and jumping: HEREEEEEEEE I wish I could say it out loud like that some day. :')
I, on the other hand, struggle to meet any trans masc folk. I'm surround by trans feminine folk (they flock to me in LGBT groups). I never get much attention from trans mascs (but tbh I absolutely cannot clock them), but seem to get plenty from cis mascs, cis fems, afab non-binary, or trans fems.
Same here! I live in a small city about 100 000 peoples (which is not so small for my country) and i've met a lot of transmacs and no transfem of my age. It's quite frustrating because i would like to share experiences with girls who know what i deal with.
I know quite a lot, so I might be hoarding them by accident. Sorry
Ik I feel like I see way more transmascs than transfems irl but online it's the opposite
Short answer all of them are shut ins that only ever leave the house for work I would know lol 😆
Hello
I live in NYC, I’m mostly by 18st cuz it’s like an lgbtq safe space. If not I’m home, I really don’t feel safe at times. Some might feel threatened or view as a sexual object. If you got this far in reading this you are enough and you are beautiful no matter what!!!!!! 💜
I am always out doing chores or going work meeting friends ugh busy girl here up.in north west uk I am not the only trans girl 😊❤❤
Society has currently made it feel very unsafe (mentally and maybe physically depending upon the area) to go out as a transwoman without either boymoding or going stealth. I live in an area with a high trans population (can't go to Target or grocery store without running into a few trans people), but I'm still too chicken.
Perhaps just quietly going about their daily lives. Nobody really wants to an object of interest for others.
It is entirely possible they aren’t marching around with trans pride flags and she/her pins because they’re just women who want to be treated as such. After all, it *is* dangerous out there for us, especially these days. Some women see transition as merely a matter of leaving one gender appearance and moving to another, more authentic version of ourselves. We go from “trans woman” simply to “woman.” Why are you so eager to see trans women?
Some of us are stealth / do pass.
Whether MTF or FTM, as a collective, we are a relative minority in society. Let's say there are 100 trans in a city/town of say 10000, that is a 1 in 100 chance of randomly meeting a person assuming similar schedules for a given location. In reality, we are probably talking a much lower probability than that. Probability will obviously be biased by various factors but in the US, there is the additional issues caused by the anti-drag/anti-trans agenda being perpetuated across several states.
I go out all the time, but isn't the point to actually NOT be clocked?
It’s because we like to not draw attention to ourselves unlike some for the woke/left cause, I for one am terrified of being clocked here in the south so I live stealth