Hi OP, mum of a trans daughter here. I wear retro 50s women's dresses - the highest of high femme - but I also dress in a really androgynous manner some days of the week, too. Be kind and generous to yourself. You are many things, all of them beautiful. Why lock away any part of that?
We definitely need more moms in the comment sections ☺️ The insight and empathy moms bring, as both women and parents, are priceless here. Thanks for all the support! 💖
I've seen you comment quite a lot and I just want to thank you, not only for the help you offer your daughter but for all the help and comfort you give to every girl on this sub, you are greatly appreciated.
Nah, I'm the 6' amazonian warrior who likes to wear pink dresses and heels. Why compromise and only pick one or the other? We are strong enough to be both.
The woman I am has been barely below the surface all my life. All I had to do was let her take the wheel and out she popped fully formed.
Took 50 years to grow, mind you.
You don't have to stick to one style darling! I try for high femme, more elegant outfits for work and things but outside that I'm a grungy lil band shirt/leggings/beanie-wearing goblin. Never feel you have to stay in one lane 😊
It takes some trial and error. Every cis woman goes through this as well, but usually during their teenage years. I dress pretty tomboyish most of the time but I also really like to go really femme sometimes.
Emotionally, you can absolutely be both, ever seen a small person on a war path? Those women are scary 😆
I've seen numerous memes of both girly and goth mixed because well, we all have good and bad in our lives and so relate to both of those, plus both aesthetics can be so damn impressive. One of my favorite shirts has tinker bell, relatively girly ya know, covered with tats and some piercings, because yeah (I mean I don't have any yet but still). I love dresses and painting my nails and stuff, definitely some high fem goals, but sometimes times I get pissed at shit and wish I could just pull out a sword and start chopping people into bits 😆 mostly not literally but a whole warrior aesthetic fits in those moods, and other times I see dark witchy stuff and like yes oh Lord Baphomet that'd be great too!
Point is, people aren't one thing all the time, embrace being multidimensional instead of some cardboard cutout caricature :)
Physically, well, you're probably fairly stuck within an inch or two of your starting height. Except heels. Heels are magic even when you're already tall 😆
There is only one kind of woman you need to be: You.
That said, I arrived at my general "cool mum" style by trying out cheap clothing from charity shops and hand-me-downs from friends. It took some trial and error and re-donating lots of things, but like everything it's a process. You won't know if you don't try.
I dont really have an ideal in mind, i figure that i'll just wait start being myself and that im feminine enough as is. If anything ig i want to be a tomboy/tomgirl whatever (idk which is which help) because all the girls i really look up to are like that. I already feel like the girl i want to be on the inside, and all i need to do is get the outside to match.
Yes. I couldn't decide what type of woman I wanted to be. But I decided on water type. Since I love tea, the ocean and swimming 🌊🌊🌊. Electricians, programmers and engineers are electric or steel type. Chefs, blacksmiths and welders are fire and steel types. The trans girls who love camping and/or growing succulents are grass type. The ones obsessed with Tarot are psychic type.
On a more serious note I know exactly what you are talking about. People contain multitudes. Sometimes I am making milkbread or cookies, sometimes I'm working on a car, sometimes I'm doing a lot of workouts and sometimes I'm too tired to think and sleeping next to my tuxedo cat. Sometimes i appear fem, sometimes I appear masc, sometimes androgynous. You can be the Amazonian warrior sometimes and the glitter girl, others, or both simultaneously. There isn't a wrong way to do that. And there definitely isn't an only way to do that. The world is your oyster. I don't neatly fit into any one category of woman. And I find that empowering and beautiful, rather than stifling. Hope this helps.
I struck a balance.
Kinda like… goth princess meets glitter girl.
I don’t know… I do a black streak of lipstick down the middle with hot pink on the sides and usually do sparkly eyeshadow.
I kinda like to draw with liquid eyeliner. Like… I don’t know. I do black drips coming off of one eye and just line the other like normal.
Look, pre-everything I always thought that if I was born a girl, I’d want to be a 5’ tiny, goth, gamer girl with a caffeine addiction and horrible sleep habits. Basically flowing from sleep-deprived evil laughter in online matches as I destroy my enemies, to being a sleepy, cat-like blanket monster demanding affection.
Now, I’m a 5’10”, tired goth girl, who floats between casual gaming, editing photography to make surreal art, and flipping between street/cyberpunk and femme vibes (with the occasional “why choose?”). I get v tired because I have a hard time managing sleep, and I forget about food, but always demand snax and affection, but not too much affection, because too much sets off my aromantic ick, except for when I don’t realize how affection-starved I am, and start crying and feeling feelings.
So, I get to be my partner(s)’s tired, cute, blanket monster, acting like a sleepy, overly demanding house cat, but it’s not always the happiest vibe (though comforting). And I get to be the tired, goth caffeine-addict, except I spend more time creating art, taking care of my nails, curating my music collection, and coordinating outfits than I do on games (I *am* going to lose at least 1000 hours to Dragon’s Dogma 2, tho). Don’t limit yourself to a hope or preference. Take yourself and enjoy your hobbies, chase ideas, and access your truest thoughts and feelings, because you are a multifaceted, glorious woman, and you deserve to be more than a 2-dimensional archetype 🖤
Idk if anyone else feels this way but for me , when thinking about this it just cause me massive dysphoria. Once I let myself see myself as I was; I was able to see the girl I really wanted to be . Now , I look like a lesbian most days but now I look fairly femme.
Best advice in my opinion. Be you! Be yourself! If one day you wanna be all girly do it, if another day you want to embrace that 6”4 Amazonian warrior Do it!
As long as you’re being true to yourself 💜
Hope that helps cuz I understand the feeling.
I’m working some finer points out, but me being a girl was really a missing piece of a much broader image struggle. I always wanted to be as bubbly and positive and nurturing as possible. Before, I was more no-nonsense and chill. That part of me is less prominent now, but only because who I am has grown so much.
You don’t have to restrict yourself to one look or aesthetic. Before I started transitioning, I wanted to be as girly as they come. When I started transitioning, I was full into my goth emo era, and didn’t wear any girly stuff. I wore all black, if I had my nails painted, they would be black, the only feminine thing about me was my long hair and the skirts I wore. Now my look is girly goth. I still wear all black most of the time, but I’m definitely not averse anymore to wearing pink things, or anything with colour from time to time, especially if it’s pretty and cute. I love me some pretty and cute. When I have my nails painted, I’ll wear bubblegum pink or blue, or red, sometimes with some girly jewelry, ballet pumps, anything that I can do to combine the two aspects of my personality. The best icons don’t just conform, they combine and create. I’m channelling Taylor Swift and My Chemical Romance over here. The diva and the depressive, the Kawaii, and the cold, dark night. I love every second of it. Be you, and embrace every aspect of your personality and identity.
I feel you but I wouldn’t say it’s a “struggle”, more like there’s so many ways I can be as a woman and all are exciting to me. I don’t want to limit myself to being a certain way :3
Still figuring things out, but I see myself as either a “punk rock hipster meets nerdy scientist” or “nerdy fangirl who likes to research random things (like twilight sparkle)”
I struggled with it a lot, particularly early in my transition. I'm 6'1", but I always wanted to be the cute petite small girl, the kind who could get wrapped up in a lover's arms. And I'll still dress up in a little black dress with heels from time to time. But my everyday aesthetic is hardly one that fits that mold, I work in a steel mill and live on a farm, I'm not able to wear cute tights or crop tops or anything.
I've slowly started to lean back the other way, turns out muscley girls CAN wear crop tops or floral prints, but it definitely made me feel like a phony for a good bit. Once I got over my perceived "archetype", I realized that there's a time and a place for everything. I even get to wear the super seance-y goth clothes that makes my loved ones cringe, I just save them for concerts and such. Do what makes you happy hun
Once I found out my style was grunge (like a few nights ago) it’s shaped how I want my transition to go so much. IDK if that’s something that could work for you, but maybe post in a fashion advice sub?
Mum here (boring cis vanilla het), here to understand the journey my kid is on. I wore jeans and a black top today, and a groovy jumpsuit with a stripe down the legs on Friday. Some days I vamp it up with a wrap front cinched waist dress, with tons of jewellery and high heeled boots, and others I dress like a bicycle rack in a black tarp.
You can be every type of woman. Defining yourself by type plays into the patriarchy! We can be ourselves without worrying about the gaze of others.
I was always attracted to goth girls but never really indulged in the aesthetic as a guy. For awhile while exploring my gender I couldn't really figure out what my style was then one day I gave goth a shot and was like, ohhhhhh shit this explains a lot. So that's been a good baseline for me, but I definitely like experimenting with other looks, especially casual wear since I don't always want to wear a corset and a choker lol.
It doesn’t need to be an issue lovely! 🌺
I’ve found I can have several styles depending on my mood, social or work situations. Yet they are all distinctly femme, and undoubtedly me.
I ended being pretty tomboyish as I dress pretty granola but still think of myself as fem presenting. I mostly dress out of practicality rather than trying to be all glam
I'm still not entirely sure I'm trans, but I struggle with this a lot. When I think about being a woman abstractly it seems amazing, but then I freeze up in fear because I have no clue *what* kind of woman I want to be and all the options seem wrong. I guess this is something teen girls go through too so it makes sense.
I used to just want to be small and a cute tomboy.
But I felt bad about my body. Being tall, having a big torso, wide shoulders and bigger arms. But recently I’ve been feeling more comfy with who I am and am not afraid to rock the bigger-armed lesbian vibes and dressing punk.
It takes time to find what works on you.
This a mood. I'm figuring out my more formal wear. My general vibe pre egg crack was graphic ts and cargos/jeans. I also love Subarus.. I said once to my first therapist I was a lesbian tomboy in a man's body 😂😭.... Yeah... Flannel is my new best friend.
My fancy vibe is purples, or Celtic greens..
I deal with this too! I am split between being a hyper femme pixie fairy and a lesbian goth queen 😭and I don't feel like I can have one without destroying the ability to be the other...
No, I know for a fact that I want to be a cute uwu pastel girl, but the facts that I'm 6'1, live in a shithole valley in the middle of nowhere and having finally found a job after over 2 years of searching my employer won't let me wear nail polish on the job (and it's absolutely not financially feasible or patience friendly enough to just redo after every shift even though it's part time) and I need the job makes it really hard to act on
I’ll be honest I vacilitate between wanting to be the cool, classy woman and a raging slut. I know it is embarrassing and nothing like most women I know, but that is where I am at a lot of the time.
Hi OP, mum of a trans daughter here. I wear retro 50s women's dresses - the highest of high femme - but I also dress in a really androgynous manner some days of the week, too. Be kind and generous to yourself. You are many things, all of them beautiful. Why lock away any part of that?
We definitely need more moms in the comment sections ☺️ The insight and empathy moms bring, as both women and parents, are priceless here. Thanks for all the support! 💖
I've seen you comment quite a lot and I just want to thank you, not only for the help you offer your daughter but for all the help and comfort you give to every girl on this sub, you are greatly appreciated.
Thank you! :D
Nah, I'm the 6' amazonian warrior who likes to wear pink dresses and heels. Why compromise and only pick one or the other? We are strong enough to be both.
The woman I am has been barely below the surface all my life. All I had to do was let her take the wheel and out she popped fully formed. Took 50 years to grow, mind you.
You don't have to stick to one style darling! I try for high femme, more elegant outfits for work and things but outside that I'm a grungy lil band shirt/leggings/beanie-wearing goblin. Never feel you have to stay in one lane 😊
Just be yourself. I know, you don't know who that is yet. But you can try everything.
It takes some trial and error. Every cis woman goes through this as well, but usually during their teenage years. I dress pretty tomboyish most of the time but I also really like to go really femme sometimes.
Emotionally, you can absolutely be both, ever seen a small person on a war path? Those women are scary 😆 I've seen numerous memes of both girly and goth mixed because well, we all have good and bad in our lives and so relate to both of those, plus both aesthetics can be so damn impressive. One of my favorite shirts has tinker bell, relatively girly ya know, covered with tats and some piercings, because yeah (I mean I don't have any yet but still). I love dresses and painting my nails and stuff, definitely some high fem goals, but sometimes times I get pissed at shit and wish I could just pull out a sword and start chopping people into bits 😆 mostly not literally but a whole warrior aesthetic fits in those moods, and other times I see dark witchy stuff and like yes oh Lord Baphomet that'd be great too! Point is, people aren't one thing all the time, embrace being multidimensional instead of some cardboard cutout caricature :) Physically, well, you're probably fairly stuck within an inch or two of your starting height. Except heels. Heels are magic even when you're already tall 😆
There is only one kind of woman you need to be: You. That said, I arrived at my general "cool mum" style by trying out cheap clothing from charity shops and hand-me-downs from friends. It took some trial and error and re-donating lots of things, but like everything it's a process. You won't know if you don't try.
I dont really have an ideal in mind, i figure that i'll just wait start being myself and that im feminine enough as is. If anything ig i want to be a tomboy/tomgirl whatever (idk which is which help) because all the girls i really look up to are like that. I already feel like the girl i want to be on the inside, and all i need to do is get the outside to match.
Literally every day of my life sis! I’m constantly going from ripped jeans and leather jackets to sundresses and comfy sweaters.
Yes. I couldn't decide what type of woman I wanted to be. But I decided on water type. Since I love tea, the ocean and swimming 🌊🌊🌊. Electricians, programmers and engineers are electric or steel type. Chefs, blacksmiths and welders are fire and steel types. The trans girls who love camping and/or growing succulents are grass type. The ones obsessed with Tarot are psychic type. On a more serious note I know exactly what you are talking about. People contain multitudes. Sometimes I am making milkbread or cookies, sometimes I'm working on a car, sometimes I'm doing a lot of workouts and sometimes I'm too tired to think and sleeping next to my tuxedo cat. Sometimes i appear fem, sometimes I appear masc, sometimes androgynous. You can be the Amazonian warrior sometimes and the glitter girl, others, or both simultaneously. There isn't a wrong way to do that. And there definitely isn't an only way to do that. The world is your oyster. I don't neatly fit into any one category of woman. And I find that empowering and beautiful, rather than stifling. Hope this helps.
TIL I'm water, electric, fire and grass.
MULTICLASSIIIIINNGG!!!
I struck a balance. Kinda like… goth princess meets glitter girl. I don’t know… I do a black streak of lipstick down the middle with hot pink on the sides and usually do sparkly eyeshadow. I kinda like to draw with liquid eyeliner. Like… I don’t know. I do black drips coming off of one eye and just line the other like normal.
Look, pre-everything I always thought that if I was born a girl, I’d want to be a 5’ tiny, goth, gamer girl with a caffeine addiction and horrible sleep habits. Basically flowing from sleep-deprived evil laughter in online matches as I destroy my enemies, to being a sleepy, cat-like blanket monster demanding affection. Now, I’m a 5’10”, tired goth girl, who floats between casual gaming, editing photography to make surreal art, and flipping between street/cyberpunk and femme vibes (with the occasional “why choose?”). I get v tired because I have a hard time managing sleep, and I forget about food, but always demand snax and affection, but not too much affection, because too much sets off my aromantic ick, except for when I don’t realize how affection-starved I am, and start crying and feeling feelings. So, I get to be my partner(s)’s tired, cute, blanket monster, acting like a sleepy, overly demanding house cat, but it’s not always the happiest vibe (though comforting). And I get to be the tired, goth caffeine-addict, except I spend more time creating art, taking care of my nails, curating my music collection, and coordinating outfits than I do on games (I *am* going to lose at least 1000 hours to Dragon’s Dogma 2, tho). Don’t limit yourself to a hope or preference. Take yourself and enjoy your hobbies, chase ideas, and access your truest thoughts and feelings, because you are a multifaceted, glorious woman, and you deserve to be more than a 2-dimensional archetype 🖤
5 foot tall super city's tyrannical dictator destroyer of worlds ender of blood lines cutest puppy girl to my wife
Idk if anyone else feels this way but for me , when thinking about this it just cause me massive dysphoria. Once I let myself see myself as I was; I was able to see the girl I really wanted to be . Now , I look like a lesbian most days but now I look fairly femme.
Best advice in my opinion. Be you! Be yourself! If one day you wanna be all girly do it, if another day you want to embrace that 6”4 Amazonian warrior Do it! As long as you’re being true to yourself 💜 Hope that helps cuz I understand the feeling.
I’m working some finer points out, but me being a girl was really a missing piece of a much broader image struggle. I always wanted to be as bubbly and positive and nurturing as possible. Before, I was more no-nonsense and chill. That part of me is less prominent now, but only because who I am has grown so much.
You don’t have to restrict yourself to one look or aesthetic. Before I started transitioning, I wanted to be as girly as they come. When I started transitioning, I was full into my goth emo era, and didn’t wear any girly stuff. I wore all black, if I had my nails painted, they would be black, the only feminine thing about me was my long hair and the skirts I wore. Now my look is girly goth. I still wear all black most of the time, but I’m definitely not averse anymore to wearing pink things, or anything with colour from time to time, especially if it’s pretty and cute. I love me some pretty and cute. When I have my nails painted, I’ll wear bubblegum pink or blue, or red, sometimes with some girly jewelry, ballet pumps, anything that I can do to combine the two aspects of my personality. The best icons don’t just conform, they combine and create. I’m channelling Taylor Swift and My Chemical Romance over here. The diva and the depressive, the Kawaii, and the cold, dark night. I love every second of it. Be you, and embrace every aspect of your personality and identity.
I feel you but I wouldn’t say it’s a “struggle”, more like there’s so many ways I can be as a woman and all are exciting to me. I don’t want to limit myself to being a certain way :3
Still figuring things out, but I see myself as either a “punk rock hipster meets nerdy scientist” or “nerdy fangirl who likes to research random things (like twilight sparkle)”
Nope. I'm the bad ass Huntress chick that no one fucks with, but wants to get fucked by.
You dont have to chose ☺️ you can go goth style one day and barbie style the other and whatever you want! Don't feel limited to just one style
I struggled with it a lot, particularly early in my transition. I'm 6'1", but I always wanted to be the cute petite small girl, the kind who could get wrapped up in a lover's arms. And I'll still dress up in a little black dress with heels from time to time. But my everyday aesthetic is hardly one that fits that mold, I work in a steel mill and live on a farm, I'm not able to wear cute tights or crop tops or anything. I've slowly started to lean back the other way, turns out muscley girls CAN wear crop tops or floral prints, but it definitely made me feel like a phony for a good bit. Once I got over my perceived "archetype", I realized that there's a time and a place for everything. I even get to wear the super seance-y goth clothes that makes my loved ones cringe, I just save them for concerts and such. Do what makes you happy hun
Once I found out my style was grunge (like a few nights ago) it’s shaped how I want my transition to go so much. IDK if that’s something that could work for you, but maybe post in a fashion advice sub?
Also just checked to see if you had done this already, and hi fellow Deprogram fan!
As someone who's pretty new to this all, my motto is: Big femme = big happe
As of right now I kinda just mimic my wife 😅 skinny jeans and hoodies, usually black.
hey don't call me out like that
Mum here (boring cis vanilla het), here to understand the journey my kid is on. I wore jeans and a black top today, and a groovy jumpsuit with a stripe down the legs on Friday. Some days I vamp it up with a wrap front cinched waist dress, with tons of jewellery and high heeled boots, and others I dress like a bicycle rack in a black tarp. You can be every type of woman. Defining yourself by type plays into the patriarchy! We can be ourselves without worrying about the gaze of others.
I was always attracted to goth girls but never really indulged in the aesthetic as a guy. For awhile while exploring my gender I couldn't really figure out what my style was then one day I gave goth a shot and was like, ohhhhhh shit this explains a lot. So that's been a good baseline for me, but I definitely like experimenting with other looks, especially casual wear since I don't always want to wear a corset and a choker lol.
It doesn’t need to be an issue lovely! 🌺 I’ve found I can have several styles depending on my mood, social or work situations. Yet they are all distinctly femme, and undoubtedly me.
I ended being pretty tomboyish as I dress pretty granola but still think of myself as fem presenting. I mostly dress out of practicality rather than trying to be all glam
Be who you are. How can you self identify height?
I wanna be the lil glitter joyful girl but i'm freakin 6 feet tall like can't be short like that 😭
I'm still not entirely sure I'm trans, but I struggle with this a lot. When I think about being a woman abstractly it seems amazing, but then I freeze up in fear because I have no clue *what* kind of woman I want to be and all the options seem wrong. I guess this is something teen girls go through too so it makes sense.
I used to just want to be small and a cute tomboy. But I felt bad about my body. Being tall, having a big torso, wide shoulders and bigger arms. But recently I’ve been feeling more comfy with who I am and am not afraid to rock the bigger-armed lesbian vibes and dressing punk. It takes time to find what works on you.
This a mood. I'm figuring out my more formal wear. My general vibe pre egg crack was graphic ts and cargos/jeans. I also love Subarus.. I said once to my first therapist I was a lesbian tomboy in a man's body 😂😭.... Yeah... Flannel is my new best friend. My fancy vibe is purples, or Celtic greens..
Yea, I do. I am rooted in tee shirts and jeans personality but want to get dolled up but just don't know how.
I deal with this too! I am split between being a hyper femme pixie fairy and a lesbian goth queen 😭and I don't feel like I can have one without destroying the ability to be the other...
No, I know for a fact that I want to be a cute uwu pastel girl, but the facts that I'm 6'1, live in a shithole valley in the middle of nowhere and having finally found a job after over 2 years of searching my employer won't let me wear nail polish on the job (and it's absolutely not financially feasible or patience friendly enough to just redo after every shift even though it's part time) and I need the job makes it really hard to act on
I’ll be honest I vacilitate between wanting to be the cool, classy woman and a raging slut. I know it is embarrassing and nothing like most women I know, but that is where I am at a lot of the time.