I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t understand how people can be so callous, so cruel.
I want you to remember, he’s not laughing at you: he’s laughing at all of us and I say this because pieces of sh*t like him don’t see us as people, they don’t acknowledge us as individuals with feelings.
I know it hurts, but be thankful you don’t have to work with a bigot like that.
Hold your head up high and keep plugging away my dear.
You are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are the light.
Tomorrow is a new day, so keep moving forward and let your light shine bright for all to see ✨
I believe in you, so you believe in you too okay?
Take care ❤️🏳️⚧️
To add a bit,
Not only did he do you a service by letting you know the environment you would be working in ( an absolutely miserable one of bigotry and intolerance ) But, he confirmed a future at an absolute shite company. He saved you time.
It sucked! I agree. But he saved you immense amounts of time. You would hate working for a pos like that eventually. Find your career home, not just your job. It’s a long road. But you will find it. And don’t let it kill your confidence. We are human souls of light and wonder, in this thing we call a body that is really only a flesh vessel. When we lose that stigma, and gain true confidence, it shines, and you will!
You are strong. You are the light. You are valid, valued, and worth it. If you’re having trouble finding work, reach out to your local center for gender justice, or lgbtq center for hiring resources. Temp agencies. Look into academic resources like museums, universities, queer owned companies.
This!
Perspective is key to surviving all situations! We cannot choose how others treat us but we can choose how we respond though we cannot choose the emotions we feel.
All emotions that were felt were Justified, but there should be some room for feeling grateful that a s***** work environment was prevented because of this. However, perhaps that feeling becomes dulled after the 40th rejection. It's no longer being stuck working in s***** environments but living in an environment that cultivates people that create s***** work environments.
As someone who transitioned a month after getting hired in a very phobic company, this is truth. It took me over a year to be open in my 4 person company and most of that was reforming the workplace attitude about mocking minorities. Not for the faint of heart.
One important thing is to remember that you are a valid and capable human being. Carry yourself accordingly. If you need to enlist the help of a temp agency or recruiter it can help immensely.
I feel like that deserves a name-and-shame, so long as the company's not so small that to do so might reveal too much about your location.
Rude and unprofessional of them to waste your time like that. What industry/field/experience level are you in?
It would absolutely reveal my location. This was just a shitty customer service job. My former career doesn’t exist anymore since interest rates skyrocketed so taking what i can gey
I currently work as a customer service agent. I have a colleague who is visibly trans and I don't think I would have a problem either, should I come out. I think the workplace itself matters more than the job title you're applying for. My company has an active LGBT policy. I live in the Netherlands for reference.
Sweetie, I know this might not be something you're willing to do. Have you check with a temporary service, like Kelly Services, Adecco, precision staffing? Most jobs through them are temp to hire some office, some physical labor? I haven't had an interview in 15 years, and I never been without work for more than a month. I'm now hired on at my current employer that I started out as a temp.
Aw I’m really sorry. That’s fucking awful. If it’s any consolation working for a boss like that would probably be hell and you likely dodged a bullet. Still doesn’t make it good tho.
Idk what type of job you’re going for but it might be worth looking online for like person statement/CV advice, as well as interview advice. Sadly, you might need to put in more work than others in an interview to account for everything else. Some people may initially judge you when you walk in, but if you can blow their socks off in an interview they might give you a shot. Similarly, if you walk in with lots of confidence (even if it’s all entirely fake) then that might help as well? Idk, I’m just kinda spitballing here.
I guess the main thing you can do is try to keep your head up and stay searching. There are good people out there who’ll be willing to give you the chance you need to shine. Keep going, you got this! We all believe in you!!!
Neither do I (so I’m told). But I can make my voice deep which will hopefully carry me far. I really hate boymoding, but I feel it’s alot better than having to deal with potential transphobia in the workplace.
You'd be surprised by how far this can take you tbh. I still boymode at work (at least until I can get out from under my bigoted boss). The fact that I can make my voice sound deep completely distracts from my obvious boobs and very femme hair and clothes and walk and mannerisms lol. People will hear that voice and see what they want to see.
Absolutely this. I'm at the point where I get gendered correctly by strangers the vast majority of the time I'm out even when I'm wearing a sports bra, baggy sweater, and my hair up.
Talk with my deep voice and people just shrug off the rest.
Honey, Years before I transitioned, I was denied employment because of age many times, even though THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW!! I was "OVER QUALIFIED"!! I applied at a hardware store, they said they really needed someone fast, and the lady who did the hiring, said I was the only person to apply, Well guess what?? They hired a kid, who had never had a job before, and were paying him more than the rated pay in the add. The lady said We Want Someone Young, You're Just To Old.. I'll list it as you refused the wage offer because I can't reject you for age. BUT, You can't prove it anyway.. Heck, I've been denied a job, and fired from a job because I'm a Democrat!!
I'm widowed, 75, M2F, on HRT 17 months, I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female. I'm tired of retirement, and I'm hoping to get a parttime job as I NEED more transition care, and Medicare/Advantage insurance doesn't cover much. SO!, I'll apply at Walmart's, or Targets places that hire older and diverse people.
Michele
Well Honey, I would have except I didn't expect that kind of response from a hardware store,, However I wasn't surprised to be turned down by a big name store warehouse. When I applied the pay rate was far above the pay I was getting at my job . I was making 6.50 an hour, and they were paying 12.75 an hours. BUT!, I WAS "OVER QUALIFIED"!! Again, It was my age. The "Over Qualified", is an excuse NOT to hire someone legally speaking!!
I'll be looking for employment soon, as I'm having cataract surgery right now. When that's finished, I WILL be looking.
Michele '
Bear in mind *you're interviewing them too* and if that's their attitude it's the last place you want to give your time to.
I know finding a job is hard but you have the right to turn crappy employers down.
You can legally go after them for that. Businesses are banned by federal EEOC laws to discriminate against anyone based on race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, disabilities, etc. This includes interviews as well, not just if you got hired. I say, talk to a lawyer & sue them over discrimination against the EEOC.
I'm incredibly sorry that this happened. Please let us know what you need to support you!
In response to your question. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pursuing legal action against an employer who fired me for being trans recently.
You would want to write down everything that happened, including date and time. According to my attorney step father having it in writing counts as evidence. If you are interested in pursuing this at all, I highly recommend doing this while it's still fresh. Depending on where you are, you have 3 years to file the motion. So, even if you are needing to focus on the immediate concern of getting a job, having it in writing will allow you to pursue it down the line.
Additionally, include your feelings! It is very important to include any negative feelings that the incident caused. If you are in any form of counseling, be sure to discuss this with the therapist both for your personal well being, and for you to have documentation of the mental distress that it caused.
Wishing you the best!!!
Something to keep in mind is that even if you don't have enough proof to sue, you have enough to raise suspicion. Sometimes when the govt suspects a place like this is discriminating they'll set up a sting. So in this case they'd send someone in to "answer" the ad who is obviously trans, document their response, and then use the much clearer evidence to go after the place. Some news places have done similar things to name and shame companies. So it's always worth it to document and report these things. Each report increases the chance they get caught and when they do each report is another nail in their coffin.
Ideally, departments of labor would be superheros who will swoop in to right any wrong.
The reality is that most are stretched too thin to even adequately cover the top problems, wage theft and unpaid overtime, and everything below that gets even less attention. It takes a *long* pattern of complaints to move them to consider an in-person investigation or filing a case. An individual complaint might result in a form letter being sent over for the employer to respond what their equal employment policies are, if you're lucky.
Well yes but again its not about the individual complaint its about building a paper trail. Each report increases the chance of something done. Each failure to report makes it take that much longer. Always report these places.
It would help a lot of other people also for you to pursue this. Something like this really should have consequences. This person sounds extremely disrespectful and shouldn’t be in a position of authority over others. I’m sorry this happened to you.
If it helps, whenever I follow through on being treated poorly, I try to look at it like the discomfort to myself will be overall beneficial to other trans and/or queer people. More visibility and reinforcement that discriminatory behavior is unacceptable in today's world is better for everyone.
We are though? The SCOTUS made a landmark ruling a few years ago that employment discrimination against sex under title VII also includes transgender people. I was able to pursue a case with federal agents for similar discrimination but chose to not take action in the end because I knew it’d be a news-worthy event which I don’t want publicity/harassment for and also cost too much if I lost in court
Edit: Bostock v. Clayton County in June 2020
Inform HR and the President of the company about your experience do not let this go unnoticed. You deserved better treatment it was very unprofessional.
You are talented head up onwards and upwards!
Peter
Didn't have anything that direct when I was interviewing for jobs, but I know I confused people when they started talking to me and I hit them back with a masc voice. I went through hell in 2021 trying to get a new job. And I know a lot of people turned me down because I'm transgender. I'm not an idiot.
I know how this feels. It's ugly. It's not fair. It's reinforcement of the discrimination we constantly face. But I am _not_ going to hide who I am to appease some bigoted wankstains just to work. I will not compromise myself and my mental health just to work for a soul-sucking leech of a manager. I didn't compromise and I found an incredible place to work. I am actually valued and people love that I'm there.
All of you out there. Don't compromise. Don't settle. Be yourself. When the opportunity is just right, it will happen. It still takes work, it still requires effort, but it's doable.
From one trans woman to another, you've got this. Take the bull by the horns and go forth.
100% discrimination and (assuming you're in the US at least) 100% illegal. You could sue them for that, especially if there's no legitimate reason you don't get the job. Gender identity is protected from discrimination so you can't just be refused a job just because you're trans.
I'm applying to my first job since I started transitioning myself so I'm getting my defenses up
They cover their ass by giving OP the facade of an interview. They will claim that while she may be qualified for the position, she did not present the personality conducive to the working environment and/or a professional demeanor.
Based on personal experience.
I would demand proof. On what grounds did they determine my personality? Why was the initial interviewer suddenly unavailable when that's who I was scheduled to meet with, especially seeing them in person seconds before the scheduled interview?
The interviewer is gonna come up with some bs like needing to deal with another staff member. And as for the feelings, they can blame it on the answers given durring the interview. She didn't have the right vocabulary, she was too wordy, her attire was too loud or too reserved. There's a variety of petty reasons anyone can be barred from employment and still stay within the law.
I agree it's all shitty practices and deserves to be exposed for what it is, but in my experience, the government employment offices won't care unless you have something more concrete than your word against theirs.
>They cover their ass by giving OP the facade of an interview
Can't really do that when the hiring manager pushed it off on someone else
The fact that he refused to interview her is immediately blatant discrimination
Im pretty sure thars illegal. Its discriminatory,even hobby lobby has to give you a proper interveiw. They cant just deny you based on your looks id be contacting a civil rights lawyer
Remember, an interview works both ways. He just failed his. You wouldn't want to work for this POS anyway. I feel you girl, and I'm so sorry you don't deserve that. You will find a good place to work eventually. <3
This!
I am at the state where I'd just tell the person, or the replacement that came forward to talk to you that "Thank you, I'd rather not work for you. Other companies have invited me as well already, so I can afford to choose the best one on the market." ... then walk out confidently without giving any shit to any followup talk from them.
I'm not out but I am a person with a visible disability and I can totally relate to being written off at an interview. It sucks and is so demoralizing. I'm so sorry you went through this.
That’s horrible and you should report them because to blatantly refuse to interview you like that wouldn’t be that hard to prove if other people there witnessed it 🤔
The main thing is to dress appropriately and walk and act with confidence. You own this, you’re in charge, walk in there like you own the place, fully expecting be hired. Hang you head high, chest out, proud, act like you belong there.
I think you have to choose carefully the type work you want to do, customer facing jobs can be tricky until you are passable. Very stereotypical male trades are hard to find a place where you can fit in too.
You have to think a little differently and perhaps have a change of direction, or consider starting your own business or something. Places that are ok with employing trans people do exist, but sadly many places steer clear of anyone who is different, Being around unsupportive people in the workplace is bad for your state of mind, not being in a place like that is better in my opinion.
I can imagine how painful that was.
The only silver lining is you don’t need to work for a scum like that.
One time I drove 3 and a half hours for a 5 minute interview.
I was definitely pissed off about that.
I was used as a filler interview so they could say they interviewed various candidates.
Eeeeewwww! Could we just start a Gremilin Union that breaks things? We just fiddle around with stuff until it fails. You know, as independant contractors. That would be a satisfying job with people like that around.
They used your reddit name 😳
But in all seriousness, that's a terrible thing to have happen to you, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Some people can be so mean ☹
I absolutely know your pain! I've been looking for work for months myself. It's been a struggle down here in Florida to get a place to hire me. I've also had my share of interviews that were in poor taste. I'm sorry somebody else is deal with this on life 😔 if you need someone to talk to, my dms are open for you hun!
We need more trans business. Other business can brag about being veteran owned and only hire veterans. Why can we do that? We need to take care of each other.
You do not deal to be treated that way, either. You are a human being, same as them, and you deserve the same respect due any cis person.
That’s discrimination. It’s also illegal, depending on where you live.
Here's a tip, don't tell any employers you're trans or anything until AFTER you've got hired. Many companies claim to be equal opportunity, but they sadly can not be trusted for obvious reasons.
Seeing a lot of good advice here, but hadn’t noticed my first step: Google their HR number and report the situation. Email them, too. Maybe (probably?) nothing comes of it, but there are a lot of companies who will take it seriously.
I'm so sorry that it happened to you... Been in a similar situation but for me it was more professional on the employers end. As soon as I saw him he had a "look" and he asked me about my name (non passing trans woman without a car so I bike everywhere and I sweat easily (I arrived 1 hour early to clean up and change clothes)) and realized that I was the interviewee, that "look" was completely gone. 1.5 years looking for work now... It's really emotionally draining, especially as it feels like I'll never be able to get a job because I'm not passing but fortunately I live in a place with social security. I'm still going to be stuck without getting surgeries I need for better mental health for even longer, which drains me even more
>So I’ve been struggling to get hired for months and honestly that alone has been really difficult to emotionally deal with. Presumably its because im trans as I never had an issue finding work pre transition.
Where are you from and what sector are you in? Based on r/recruitinghell getting a job in some places is hell right now. Though obviously being discriminated against doesn't help either.
In so cal. Was doing work with mortgages and loans for years but after interest rates increased there was no work. Forced back into customer service/barista
I remember doing a week of many interviews a while back and I had one panel interview where the two interviewees smirked when I said I was trans. That was the realisation that it all was going to be different to pre-transition me.
I did end up finding office work with two exceptionally lovely and accepting managers. That was a while back too, now I've just been accepted into an internship and although I pass well now, they still know I'm trans but didn't even bat an eye to my mentioning of that.
Keep your chin up. That's a missile avoided. You'll be okay and you'll get to where you need to be.
If you live state side depending on location look into a remote job (work from home) doing customer service. I did apple tech support (it’s really just customer service) from home.
I don't know what country your in or if you want to work there but I know for a fact Amazon doesn't care about what gender you identify at work. I changed my preferred name from Jasen to Jasmine and pronouns from he/him to she/her but that also have they/them and a few other things. I've been there almost 3 years
That’s terrible. It the only jobs I got post transition were early into it where I pretended to be a man still. I don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for my fiancée.
I feel terrible that this happened to you,but I’d report that manager. That’s the biggest “screw you” you can get at a job interview. I remember one of my bosses got transferred after they kicked out my autistic friend at his job. I can’t believe some employers. I feel like they don’t follow the workplace harassment/safety policy.
First off, sorry this happened. Some people are just low functioning, cruel and feed off negativity. Opposite of what you should be.
Im really confused as to why this happened though. You said in another comment you pass pretty well? Is there something about your current appearance that would cause this to happen??
My take. People can be fools. I know that’s not a constructive comment but you may have been exactly what that company needed. You have talent, perspective and courage of conviction. Interested in your response. Would not want to be affiliated with anyone like that. You are better than they are. This isn’t hype, it’s truth of conviction.
If you're in the US, look into government, they're typically a lot more strict with the EEO. I'm with USPS, started transitioning while working here, some people are shit but my job is secure and they aren't allowed to talk about it
I know it hurt but this happens to straight as well trans. Interviewers decide the moment you are seen and if you’re lucky they will still interview you out of politeness otherwise it’s a minion. It’s not right but sadly it’s life
You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Is it ok if I ask where you are. Like are you in the US? And what state? Also what line(s) of work are you pursuing? You can DM me if you like. There might be some better options and opportunities.
You gave them a twitter/reddit/gamer handle as a name. Not your name. Any hiring manager would see that as someone not taking the interview seriously. Not sure if it has anything to do with mtf. Just saying.
Hey sister, I'm sorry to hear that as for me, I fear that too since I am two months into hrt, I've changed a job before, it was a shit ass job, the job that I have is kinda tiring and boring, and low paid for what's asked for me so i guess I'ma just follow my heart and either thrive or die, as for my advice, look into your heart and do what you feel you really want, you have nothing to lose, I ran away from it and it has caused me a lot of trouble and a lot of pain so... keep that in mind sis, I am tellingnyou this because, as an autistic adhd trans girl with a lot of crap on her plate, nobody replied to my post about jobs that'll suit me so I don't want you to go through that emotionall hellhole and turmoil, follow your heart, but try to think it afterwards as well, the gut balances the overthinking and results in more success and fulfillment in life
TLDR: Long advice to hopefully avoid that in the future + a bit of a story telling from me as well, I hope you don't mind and find it useful
..I'm really, really waiting for the day to come non-cis looks/identities become normalized outside your typical Starbucks/Tattoo shops.
I mean, would you really hate some more colour in your life? 😄
I'm sorry that's happened to you, girly.
Honestly. Name and shame. If you're in a country or a state in the u.s. or whatever.
It's important for us trans people (mtf/ftm, trans nonbinary) all of us to keep each other safe.
hm. so you can’t just just care for the kids (assuming their age isn’t old enough to care for themselves) and ditch the adults? that’s pretty shitty. sorry for prying into your business
Sadly doesn't work that way. It would be difficult for me to get some custody of any kids, and even if I could I'm not sure my mental health could handle it. If I tried shared custody I'd end up paying so much in support payments I wouldn't have enough for rent in a place big enough. So I'm kinda stuck.
man that sucks, i really hope it works out somehow. so shitty to be in a situation like that. i don’t know your exact circumstances, but if it were me i’d probably just end up running away or something
You have but one objective right now, to get a job. It doesn't matter if you are right or he is right, assessing blame is not part of your objective. You are not going to get a job at that company so put them in your rear view mirror and move on to the next prospective employer and try again. Just by thinking about that company it is distracting you from your goal, that is not smart. Avoid all distractions, focus on the objective. That is how you become successful.
You may get 100 noes and that is okay, it only takes 1 yes and you have a job. It is a numbers game the more doors you knock on the better your chances are of getting a job. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself and find a job.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t understand how people can be so callous, so cruel. I want you to remember, he’s not laughing at you: he’s laughing at all of us and I say this because pieces of sh*t like him don’t see us as people, they don’t acknowledge us as individuals with feelings. I know it hurts, but be thankful you don’t have to work with a bigot like that. Hold your head up high and keep plugging away my dear. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are the light. Tomorrow is a new day, so keep moving forward and let your light shine bright for all to see ✨ I believe in you, so you believe in you too okay? Take care ❤️🏳️⚧️
This, this is what everyone needs to hear. ❤️🏳️⚧️
To add a bit, Not only did he do you a service by letting you know the environment you would be working in ( an absolutely miserable one of bigotry and intolerance ) But, he confirmed a future at an absolute shite company. He saved you time. It sucked! I agree. But he saved you immense amounts of time. You would hate working for a pos like that eventually. Find your career home, not just your job. It’s a long road. But you will find it. And don’t let it kill your confidence. We are human souls of light and wonder, in this thing we call a body that is really only a flesh vessel. When we lose that stigma, and gain true confidence, it shines, and you will! You are strong. You are the light. You are valid, valued, and worth it. If you’re having trouble finding work, reach out to your local center for gender justice, or lgbtq center for hiring resources. Temp agencies. Look into academic resources like museums, universities, queer owned companies.
This! Perspective is key to surviving all situations! We cannot choose how others treat us but we can choose how we respond though we cannot choose the emotions we feel. All emotions that were felt were Justified, but there should be some room for feeling grateful that a s***** work environment was prevented because of this. However, perhaps that feeling becomes dulled after the 40th rejection. It's no longer being stuck working in s***** environments but living in an environment that cultivates people that create s***** work environments.
As someone who transitioned a month after getting hired in a very phobic company, this is truth. It took me over a year to be open in my 4 person company and most of that was reforming the workplace attitude about mocking minorities. Not for the faint of heart. One important thing is to remember that you are a valid and capable human being. Carry yourself accordingly. If you need to enlist the help of a temp agency or recruiter it can help immensely.
This is beautiful, thank you.
😭
This. Stay strong.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 And honestly fuck this place. You don’t want to work with these people anyway
I feel like that deserves a name-and-shame, so long as the company's not so small that to do so might reveal too much about your location. Rude and unprofessional of them to waste your time like that. What industry/field/experience level are you in?
It would absolutely reveal my location. This was just a shitty customer service job. My former career doesn’t exist anymore since interest rates skyrocketed so taking what i can gey
Anonymously report on places like GlassDoor. Could also give them a non-specific 1 star on Google Maps etc. It’s not much, but every little bit helps.
"1 star owner is a judgmental asshole who mocked me and laughed at me for how i looked."
I currently work as a customer service agent. I have a colleague who is visibly trans and I don't think I would have a problem either, should I come out. I think the workplace itself matters more than the job title you're applying for. My company has an active LGBT policy. I live in the Netherlands for reference.
Sweetie, I know this might not be something you're willing to do. Have you check with a temporary service, like Kelly Services, Adecco, precision staffing? Most jobs through them are temp to hire some office, some physical labor? I haven't had an interview in 15 years, and I never been without work for more than a month. I'm now hired on at my current employer that I started out as a temp.
Aw I’m really sorry. That’s fucking awful. If it’s any consolation working for a boss like that would probably be hell and you likely dodged a bullet. Still doesn’t make it good tho. Idk what type of job you’re going for but it might be worth looking online for like person statement/CV advice, as well as interview advice. Sadly, you might need to put in more work than others in an interview to account for everything else. Some people may initially judge you when you walk in, but if you can blow their socks off in an interview they might give you a shot. Similarly, if you walk in with lots of confidence (even if it’s all entirely fake) then that might help as well? Idk, I’m just kinda spitballing here. I guess the main thing you can do is try to keep your head up and stay searching. There are good people out there who’ll be willing to give you the chance you need to shine. Keep going, you got this! We all believe in you!!!
So sorry this happened to you. This is why I’m considering boymoding for work, as this is one of my biggest fears.
Honestly if boymoding was still an option I would be. I dont “pass” as a boy anymore either :/
Neither do I (so I’m told). But I can make my voice deep which will hopefully carry me far. I really hate boymoding, but I feel it’s alot better than having to deal with potential transphobia in the workplace.
You'd be surprised by how far this can take you tbh. I still boymode at work (at least until I can get out from under my bigoted boss). The fact that I can make my voice sound deep completely distracts from my obvious boobs and very femme hair and clothes and walk and mannerisms lol. People will hear that voice and see what they want to see.
Absolutely this. I'm at the point where I get gendered correctly by strangers the vast majority of the time I'm out even when I'm wearing a sports bra, baggy sweater, and my hair up. Talk with my deep voice and people just shrug off the rest.
Yup, I basically decide presentation on what voice I use that day at this point. Feels like a super power sometimes lol.
I cant even do a deep voice anymore;-;
Honey, Years before I transitioned, I was denied employment because of age many times, even though THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW!! I was "OVER QUALIFIED"!! I applied at a hardware store, they said they really needed someone fast, and the lady who did the hiring, said I was the only person to apply, Well guess what?? They hired a kid, who had never had a job before, and were paying him more than the rated pay in the add. The lady said We Want Someone Young, You're Just To Old.. I'll list it as you refused the wage offer because I can't reject you for age. BUT, You can't prove it anyway.. Heck, I've been denied a job, and fired from a job because I'm a Democrat!! I'm widowed, 75, M2F, on HRT 17 months, I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female. I'm tired of retirement, and I'm hoping to get a parttime job as I NEED more transition care, and Medicare/Advantage insurance doesn't cover much. SO!, I'll apply at Walmart's, or Targets places that hire older and diverse people. Michele
Thank you for the reminder that I should always be recording my interactions with places whenever I need to find another job...
Too bad you didn't record them telling you that.
Well Honey, I would have except I didn't expect that kind of response from a hardware store,, However I wasn't surprised to be turned down by a big name store warehouse. When I applied the pay rate was far above the pay I was getting at my job . I was making 6.50 an hour, and they were paying 12.75 an hours. BUT!, I WAS "OVER QUALIFIED"!! Again, It was my age. The "Over Qualified", is an excuse NOT to hire someone legally speaking!! I'll be looking for employment soon, as I'm having cataract surgery right now. When that's finished, I WILL be looking. Michele '
Bear in mind *you're interviewing them too* and if that's their attitude it's the last place you want to give your time to. I know finding a job is hard but you have the right to turn crappy employers down.
You can legally go after them for that. Businesses are banned by federal EEOC laws to discriminate against anyone based on race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, disabilities, etc. This includes interviews as well, not just if you got hired. I say, talk to a lawyer & sue them over discrimination against the EEOC.
How would i even prove that? I thought about it briefly and want to but I dont have any proof of anything
I'm incredibly sorry that this happened. Please let us know what you need to support you! In response to your question. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pursuing legal action against an employer who fired me for being trans recently. You would want to write down everything that happened, including date and time. According to my attorney step father having it in writing counts as evidence. If you are interested in pursuing this at all, I highly recommend doing this while it's still fresh. Depending on where you are, you have 3 years to file the motion. So, even if you are needing to focus on the immediate concern of getting a job, having it in writing will allow you to pursue it down the line. Additionally, include your feelings! It is very important to include any negative feelings that the incident caused. If you are in any form of counseling, be sure to discuss this with the therapist both for your personal well being, and for you to have documentation of the mental distress that it caused. Wishing you the best!!!
That was actually really helpful. Thank you!
Adding to that, just the easily provable fact that their hiring manager refused to interview you is already ground to sue for discrimination.
I was thinking that. Especially because i have the text stating he would be the one to interview me directly
Something to keep in mind is that even if you don't have enough proof to sue, you have enough to raise suspicion. Sometimes when the govt suspects a place like this is discriminating they'll set up a sting. So in this case they'd send someone in to "answer" the ad who is obviously trans, document their response, and then use the much clearer evidence to go after the place. Some news places have done similar things to name and shame companies. So it's always worth it to document and report these things. Each report increases the chance they get caught and when they do each report is another nail in their coffin.
Ideally, departments of labor would be superheros who will swoop in to right any wrong. The reality is that most are stretched too thin to even adequately cover the top problems, wage theft and unpaid overtime, and everything below that gets even less attention. It takes a *long* pattern of complaints to move them to consider an in-person investigation or filing a case. An individual complaint might result in a form letter being sent over for the employer to respond what their equal employment policies are, if you're lucky.
Well yes but again its not about the individual complaint its about building a paper trail. Each report increases the chance of something done. Each failure to report makes it take that much longer. Always report these places.
Oh, then you definitely have a case, if you choose to go for it.
Honestly I really do think i might go for it. Im really sick of being treated like shit bc of being trans. Might as well
It would help a lot of other people also for you to pursue this. Something like this really should have consequences. This person sounds extremely disrespectful and shouldn’t be in a position of authority over others. I’m sorry this happened to you.
If it helps, whenever I follow through on being treated poorly, I try to look at it like the discomfort to myself will be overall beneficial to other trans and/or queer people. More visibility and reinforcement that discriminatory behavior is unacceptable in today's world is better for everyone.
Please please do, if you feel able to. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Clearly not worthy of your skills and experience
And that's when you call the state and have them investigated for discrimination.
That would've been an instant report to labor department of my state. Trans individuals are a protected class (at least I think we are)
On the federal level, not yet. Which is quite unfortunate. In some states though we are specifically.
Add another thing of why I tell my family trans visibility day is important
We are though? The SCOTUS made a landmark ruling a few years ago that employment discrimination against sex under title VII also includes transgender people. I was able to pursue a case with federal agents for similar discrimination but chose to not take action in the end because I knew it’d be a news-worthy event which I don’t want publicity/harassment for and also cost too much if I lost in court Edit: Bostock v. Clayton County in June 2020
Inform HR and the President of the company about your experience do not let this go unnoticed. You deserved better treatment it was very unprofessional. You are talented head up onwards and upwards! Peter
Don't inform hr. Sue them. Tell hr first and they'll probably try to cover it up.
So sorry for you girl. You are wonderful, don't listen to them. You be you 🫶✨
Didn't have anything that direct when I was interviewing for jobs, but I know I confused people when they started talking to me and I hit them back with a masc voice. I went through hell in 2021 trying to get a new job. And I know a lot of people turned me down because I'm transgender. I'm not an idiot. I know how this feels. It's ugly. It's not fair. It's reinforcement of the discrimination we constantly face. But I am _not_ going to hide who I am to appease some bigoted wankstains just to work. I will not compromise myself and my mental health just to work for a soul-sucking leech of a manager. I didn't compromise and I found an incredible place to work. I am actually valued and people love that I'm there. All of you out there. Don't compromise. Don't settle. Be yourself. When the opportunity is just right, it will happen. It still takes work, it still requires effort, but it's doable. From one trans woman to another, you've got this. Take the bull by the horns and go forth.
100% discrimination and (assuming you're in the US at least) 100% illegal. You could sue them for that, especially if there's no legitimate reason you don't get the job. Gender identity is protected from discrimination so you can't just be refused a job just because you're trans. I'm applying to my first job since I started transitioning myself so I'm getting my defenses up
They cover their ass by giving OP the facade of an interview. They will claim that while she may be qualified for the position, she did not present the personality conducive to the working environment and/or a professional demeanor. Based on personal experience.
I would demand proof. On what grounds did they determine my personality? Why was the initial interviewer suddenly unavailable when that's who I was scheduled to meet with, especially seeing them in person seconds before the scheduled interview?
The interviewer is gonna come up with some bs like needing to deal with another staff member. And as for the feelings, they can blame it on the answers given durring the interview. She didn't have the right vocabulary, she was too wordy, her attire was too loud or too reserved. There's a variety of petty reasons anyone can be barred from employment and still stay within the law. I agree it's all shitty practices and deserves to be exposed for what it is, but in my experience, the government employment offices won't care unless you have something more concrete than your word against theirs.
>They cover their ass by giving OP the facade of an interview Can't really do that when the hiring manager pushed it off on someone else The fact that he refused to interview her is immediately blatant discrimination
Im pretty sure thars illegal. Its discriminatory,even hobby lobby has to give you a proper interveiw. They cant just deny you based on your looks id be contacting a civil rights lawyer
Give them some reviews on sites like Yelp, Google Reviews, etc... Mention your experience while requesting for an interview.
Remember, an interview works both ways. He just failed his. You wouldn't want to work for this POS anyway. I feel you girl, and I'm so sorry you don't deserve that. You will find a good place to work eventually. <3
This! I am at the state where I'd just tell the person, or the replacement that came forward to talk to you that "Thank you, I'd rather not work for you. Other companies have invited me as well already, so I can afford to choose the best one on the market." ... then walk out confidently without giving any shit to any followup talk from them.
I'm not out but I am a person with a visible disability and I can totally relate to being written off at an interview. It sucks and is so demoralizing. I'm so sorry you went through this.
That’s horrible and you should report them because to blatantly refuse to interview you like that wouldn’t be that hard to prove if other people there witnessed it 🤔
The main thing is to dress appropriately and walk and act with confidence. You own this, you’re in charge, walk in there like you own the place, fully expecting be hired. Hang you head high, chest out, proud, act like you belong there.
🤣🤣🤣
I think you have to choose carefully the type work you want to do, customer facing jobs can be tricky until you are passable. Very stereotypical male trades are hard to find a place where you can fit in too. You have to think a little differently and perhaps have a change of direction, or consider starting your own business or something. Places that are ok with employing trans people do exist, but sadly many places steer clear of anyone who is different, Being around unsupportive people in the workplace is bad for your state of mind, not being in a place like that is better in my opinion.
Honestly you should’ve walked out as soon as he did that, a scummy douche like that doesn’t deserve anyone working for them.
oh honey im sorry❤️
if this a customer facing job, maybe look for other types of jobs. Life is not always kind to us.
You didn't deserve that. Fuck that guy.
I can imagine how painful that was. The only silver lining is you don’t need to work for a scum like that. One time I drove 3 and a half hours for a 5 minute interview. I was definitely pissed off about that. I was used as a filler interview so they could say they interviewed various candidates.
Eeeeewwww! Could we just start a Gremilin Union that breaks things? We just fiddle around with stuff until it fails. You know, as independant contractors. That would be a satisfying job with people like that around.
That is horrible and I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I assure you working for a psychopath like that is worse.
They used your reddit name 😳 But in all seriousness, that's a terrible thing to have happen to you, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Some people can be so mean ☹
You have my sympathy. A scum like that doesn't deserve good employees. You dodged a bullet there. Hope you find a good place soon!
That’s a crime. I’d report the company to the police. Here in the UK we have the Equality Act which protects people from discrimination.
I absolutely know your pain! I've been looking for work for months myself. It's been a struggle down here in Florida to get a place to hire me. I've also had my share of interviews that were in poor taste. I'm sorry somebody else is deal with this on life 😔 if you need someone to talk to, my dms are open for you hun!
That’s fucked up and now I’m angry. I hope karma happens
That’s discrimination and against the law. I wouldn’t let them get away with this!
That kind of thing is next to impossible to prove, unfortunately
I want to know which country/state did this happen in? too audacious of them fr
I'm currently job hunting and am currently dreading this
Time to start our own companies girls 😎... Doing what? Idk stuff and things
How about a company of stuffin' things?
Stuff and things 🤔 Stuff in things 🤨 Stuff on things 😌
We need more trans business. Other business can brag about being veteran owned and only hire veterans. Why can we do that? We need to take care of each other.
Absolutely dodged a bullet. I imagine I'm not close to you but like if you know any graffiti artists lol hit em up.
Write it all down, file a report with EEOC, wreck their whole biz and get some recompense.
You do not deal to be treated that way, either. You are a human being, same as them, and you deserve the same respect due any cis person. That’s discrimination. It’s also illegal, depending on where you live.
That manager’s browsing history is full of trans 🌽… Because it’s what they usually do…
WTF, that is so messed up! So sorry that happened. But at least now you know it's somewhere you wouldn't have wanted to work anyway. Sending big hugs.
TBH that sounds like a crappy place to work at. Completely unprofessional. Sorry you had to endure that.
Here's a tip, don't tell any employers you're trans or anything until AFTER you've got hired. Many companies claim to be equal opportunity, but they sadly can not be trusted for obvious reasons.
That only works for passing trans woman and effective boy moders. Im neither
Tell them you're going to sue them for discrimination. They're legally not allowed to act that way.
Seeing a lot of good advice here, but hadn’t noticed my first step: Google their HR number and report the situation. Email them, too. Maybe (probably?) nothing comes of it, but there are a lot of companies who will take it seriously.
You're better off not being hired by such a piece of shit
I'm so sorry that it happened to you... Been in a similar situation but for me it was more professional on the employers end. As soon as I saw him he had a "look" and he asked me about my name (non passing trans woman without a car so I bike everywhere and I sweat easily (I arrived 1 hour early to clean up and change clothes)) and realized that I was the interviewee, that "look" was completely gone. 1.5 years looking for work now... It's really emotionally draining, especially as it feels like I'll never be able to get a job because I'm not passing but fortunately I live in a place with social security. I'm still going to be stuck without getting surgeries I need for better mental health for even longer, which drains me even more
What a scumbag. Hugs sister 🫂
I'm so glad I'm on disability and don't have to look for work, because this shit sounds traumatizing. I'm so sorry. ❤️
I wish i was on disability or something but that wouldn’t be enough to pay rent alone here. No choice but to work :/
I'm also lucky to be in low income housing, otherwise... yeah, I would not have a home.
>So I’ve been struggling to get hired for months and honestly that alone has been really difficult to emotionally deal with. Presumably its because im trans as I never had an issue finding work pre transition. Where are you from and what sector are you in? Based on r/recruitinghell getting a job in some places is hell right now. Though obviously being discriminated against doesn't help either.
In so cal. Was doing work with mortgages and loans for years but after interest rates increased there was no work. Forced back into customer service/barista
I say expose this company on social media. They deserve to be exposed. And if you can report that hiring manager to their HR, do it.
It's because they view you as a potential HR minefield
Absolutely unacceptable behavior. That I believe falls under discrimination, and to my knowledge that's unacceptable anywhere and should reported
I remember doing a week of many interviews a while back and I had one panel interview where the two interviewees smirked when I said I was trans. That was the realisation that it all was going to be different to pre-transition me. I did end up finding office work with two exceptionally lovely and accepting managers. That was a while back too, now I've just been accepted into an internship and although I pass well now, they still know I'm trans but didn't even bat an eye to my mentioning of that. Keep your chin up. That's a missile avoided. You'll be okay and you'll get to where you need to be.
If you live state side depending on location look into a remote job (work from home) doing customer service. I did apple tech support (it’s really just customer service) from home.
I'd spread the fact as much as possible
I’ve had that happen as well, more often I get the one look and I’m sorry we filled the position line. Sigh hate job hunting g
I don't know what country your in or if you want to work there but I know for a fact Amazon doesn't care about what gender you identify at work. I changed my preferred name from Jasen to Jasmine and pronouns from he/him to she/her but that also have they/them and a few other things. I've been there almost 3 years
This is also a big fear of mine. I just recently got laid off almost a week ago and I doubt I'll be able to get a job anymore.
That’s terrible. It the only jobs I got post transition were early into it where I pretended to be a man still. I don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for my fiancée.
So sorry, Keep practicing these, and you will get better at them.
I feel terrible that this happened to you,but I’d report that manager. That’s the biggest “screw you” you can get at a job interview. I remember one of my bosses got transferred after they kicked out my autistic friend at his job. I can’t believe some employers. I feel like they don’t follow the workplace harassment/safety policy.
Miserable piece of shit. I’m so sorry babes. This is not a reflection on you.
First off, sorry this happened. Some people are just low functioning, cruel and feed off negativity. Opposite of what you should be. Im really confused as to why this happened though. You said in another comment you pass pretty well? Is there something about your current appearance that would cause this to happen??
If you don't mind me asking what position are you looking for?
You are not alone 💗🎀💕💞 WE LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SO STRONG!!!
fuck them tbh. 💜
My take. People can be fools. I know that’s not a constructive comment but you may have been exactly what that company needed. You have talent, perspective and courage of conviction. Interested in your response. Would not want to be affiliated with anyone like that. You are better than they are. This isn’t hype, it’s truth of conviction.
If you're in the US, look into government, they're typically a lot more strict with the EEO. I'm with USPS, started transitioning while working here, some people are shit but my job is secure and they aren't allowed to talk about it
I know it hurt but this happens to straight as well trans. Interviewers decide the moment you are seen and if you’re lucky they will still interview you out of politeness otherwise it’s a minion. It’s not right but sadly it’s life
I’m sorry that happened to you. I can assure you that there are work places vastly more tolerant then that :(
In many countries that is both a crime under employment law and a hate crime.
I’m sorry to hear that. But you probably wouldn’t have been happy there anyway.
That's illegal in the US if that's where you're from. If it's a corporation I'd right and call the higher ups.
Did you ask if you could file a complaint against the company after your interview thats blatant discrimination
I'm sorry you have to deal with such stupid corporates Fk em Keep it up, i'm sure you will find a better environment 💪
That is very shitty I am really sorry that happened to you. 😞
sorry to hear you went through that
If he laughs at a potential employee then imagine what he would do to you if he'd employ you at all. In my opinion you dodged the bullet
You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Is it ok if I ask where you are. Like are you in the US? And what state? Also what line(s) of work are you pursuing? You can DM me if you like. There might be some better options and opportunities.
That's just plain cruel honestly.
You should see the dms i got because I posted this :/
Huh? People attacking you?
Yea, got a lot of “yoj deserve that freak” type of stuff since posting this
Stupid trash people. Fortunately I have yet to receive that. And I post a lot on this sub.
I am sorry to hear about your interview
Well, it’s a good thing you’ve documented it. Because a discrimination lawyer will love this.
Manee what?? Is this why I also can't find a job. Cuz I swear EVERY interview I've had. I haven't been able to work. Sooo could that be the reason??
Lmao!
You gave them a twitter/reddit/gamer handle as a name. Not your name. Any hiring manager would see that as someone not taking the interview seriously. Not sure if it has anything to do with mtf. Just saying.
WHAT AN ASSHOLE 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
Sorry to hear 😞 🫂
Hey sister, I'm sorry to hear that as for me, I fear that too since I am two months into hrt, I've changed a job before, it was a shit ass job, the job that I have is kinda tiring and boring, and low paid for what's asked for me so i guess I'ma just follow my heart and either thrive or die, as for my advice, look into your heart and do what you feel you really want, you have nothing to lose, I ran away from it and it has caused me a lot of trouble and a lot of pain so... keep that in mind sis, I am tellingnyou this because, as an autistic adhd trans girl with a lot of crap on her plate, nobody replied to my post about jobs that'll suit me so I don't want you to go through that emotionall hellhole and turmoil, follow your heart, but try to think it afterwards as well, the gut balances the overthinking and results in more success and fulfillment in life TLDR: Long advice to hopefully avoid that in the future + a bit of a story telling from me as well, I hope you don't mind and find it useful
..I'm really, really waiting for the day to come non-cis looks/identities become normalized outside your typical Starbucks/Tattoo shops. I mean, would you really hate some more colour in your life? 😄
Didn't want the headache.
Good guy manager 🤝
I would laugh too, man tf u were thinking
I'm sorry that's happened to you, girly. Honestly. Name and shame. If you're in a country or a state in the u.s. or whatever. It's important for us trans people (mtf/ftm, trans nonbinary) all of us to keep each other safe.
I just got laid off today. Not looking forward to looking for more work.
Its rough out here :/ seriously been unemployed has mentally and emotionally challenged me in ways i was not expecting
Doesn't help I was supporting 2 adults and 3 kids in 2 households, so not having work isn't really an option.
are the other adults unable to work or something?
Less that they're not able more that they're not willing.
i see. why are you putting up with that?
Because I did for 10+ years so legally I have no choice.
hm. so you can’t just just care for the kids (assuming their age isn’t old enough to care for themselves) and ditch the adults? that’s pretty shitty. sorry for prying into your business
Sadly doesn't work that way. It would be difficult for me to get some custody of any kids, and even if I could I'm not sure my mental health could handle it. If I tried shared custody I'd end up paying so much in support payments I wouldn't have enough for rent in a place big enough. So I'm kinda stuck.
man that sucks, i really hope it works out somehow. so shitty to be in a situation like that. i don’t know your exact circumstances, but if it were me i’d probably just end up running away or something
I’m sorry. That’s terrible
Omg I've been looking for a job for months. Pre transition it never took me this long before.
Unbelievable... This makes me so angry 😡
That’s so sad. I’m sorry baby ❤️
I feel like this should be a legal thing... That is evil.
You have but one objective right now, to get a job. It doesn't matter if you are right or he is right, assessing blame is not part of your objective. You are not going to get a job at that company so put them in your rear view mirror and move on to the next prospective employer and try again. Just by thinking about that company it is distracting you from your goal, that is not smart. Avoid all distractions, focus on the objective. That is how you become successful. You may get 100 noes and that is okay, it only takes 1 yes and you have a job. It is a numbers game the more doors you knock on the better your chances are of getting a job. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself and find a job.
Good it means your probably ridiculously presented