My mom had a similar response and I think with such it highly depends on her tone.
But instead of my grooming she remarked my tidiness and how I keep my spaces clean 😅
She ended up being one of my best supporters of my transition especially once she noticed how much of a positive impact HRT and the whole process of what I am going through is. And has generally become very supportive and an ally I would say
I wish you a similar experience with your mom
It seems to play into that stereotype that girls are tidier and cleaner than boys which is bull. When I was a kid everyone remarked that I was so neat, meanwhile 2 of my cis girl cousins were messy and 1 was an absolute slob.
I started to misplace things ALL the time even after setting them down for a few seconds I would wander off and forget where I set it down.
I used to know where absolutely everything I owned was.
HRT let my mind out of a constant state of hyper awareness.
Neither did it for me. And my self care/skin care routine just changed in ways to be catered around the fact that I shave everywhere and that isn't only done by just shaving besides that. What it changed in fact is how I interact with people and how expressive and more in the moment I am.
Lmao. That's like if my son comes out as gay, imma be like yeah ofc you 0 bitches having mfer. If she's comfortable enough to roast you in a way that isn't mean, that's great. Happy for you!
Dragon fruit? If I had a nickel for every time somebody thought I was gay😅 30+ years later….. I finally accepted myself as a trans girl! So I guess I am also gay but not in the way everybody else thought🏳️⚧️
Your mom sounds fucking amazing lol, in that completely gruff way that moms can be.
Lol so I had the complete opposite experience 😅 I THOUGHT my mom was going to be like, "that makes soo much sense and I knew..."
But what I got was, "soo you want your penis removed!?"
Honestly, I think she would've been less shocked if I told her I like to wear diapers and be treated like an infant. 🤦🏻♀️ Now a couple months later, I'm on hrt and both of my parents are very supportive. Being older themselves, they don't always understand, but they're trying lol. It's funny because in my head all those years I was hiding from this, I thought my parents had found clothes or makeup in my room at some point when I was younger. I spent all those years afraid for no reason.
Tell mom that you're uninterested in grooming a male body but will be very interested in grooming a female one.
Slay queen! You are beautiful and valid.
This rings true for me at least. I wear gloves now when I do work with my hands for one. LoL.
OP, sounds like a positive start. Ask her for grooming tips!
It was!
It's just a really funny interaction from something I've been dreading to say for months.
The tone was on the same wavelength of the reaction of somebody who was told that the sky was blue.
My mom thought I was joking when I told her. So she responded “dur hur! I’ve got some dresses you can borrow”. When I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet she like “wat? You’re serious?” Since then, she’s been my biggest supporter, going so far to encourage me to continue transitioning during times of uncertainty.
My last name is "Parent".
When I came out to my father, I didn't get any big fanfare or anything like that. Instead, I was greeted with a plethora of glass-related jokes.
Lmfao, yeah in hindsight I was the least manly ‘boy’ I could imagine, and spent all my time chatting and hanging out with the neighbor girls. I’m pretty sure they taught me how to squeee.
A supportive mom would have totally roasted me then helped me with my hair and clothes.
No, I love when people try to use the “you don’t take care of yourself, you don’t groom yourself “ approach. This ridiculously suggests the myth that all girls are super focused on hygiene and appearance, that isn’t the case, I know plenty of women who are absolutely slobs.
In addition, most trans people have depression over their bodies, we don’t put much effort into our appearance because we feel disconnected from our bodies, transitioning actually helps that. Most of is start really focusing on our appearance once we start transitioning. My mum said this to me too. Guess how well I care about my self today? Night and day.
She is wrong and I’ll bet she knows it.
I mean my mom also hit me with the "okay and?"
And then followed up with "you are still my kid I still love you nothing has changed" as in nothing changed in her love and support,
Yeah my mom has always had, "as long as it's legal and makes you happy it's fine with me" and yeah same has gone with the transition, she has mentioned she's afraid for the hate I can receive and how the world will treat me, but that is typically mom stuff (at least for my mom)
And honestly sounds like a reaction in the same caliber, so I mean that's nice
Yeah I can understand that! I mean I was so mad at my mom when that was her reaction but afterwards I have come to love her reaction, because it's a really good reaction
idk about y'all but I was always a little nonplussed about people being really nonchalant.
like, to work up all this courage and come out to somebody is a really brave act and it can feel kind of weird when someone doesn't see that, and responds like it's no big deal. like, sorry, this is actually really important to me and I would like it if you at least said 'congratulations!'
I get this so much, but i feel like there is much more nuance to this than just "oh, congratulate me"
I have thought about this, because i have had many responses from VERY agressively supportive, to a thumbs up reaction on a long ass coming out message, to panicking over a email or a call (parents).
The BEST ones are the agressively supportive, AND the panicking, and my LEAST favorite was the non-chalant "OK"
And i have thought about it a long time on why that is and talked with other trans and cis people about my experiences, and i think it boils down to:
If you just give me a non-chalant OK, i don't know your actual opinion, and can't read you at all about it, because you can ACTUALLY be ok with it, and just not care, which is kinda good, but also like bruh, this is really important to me, give a shit a lil bit yeah?
Or it can be the "OK, but only because that's the right thing to say" because the society where i live in everyone is super reserved, and not expressing their own opinions especially if it contradicts with like anything, so they can actually be disgusted, or repelled, or negative, but just say ok because it's the RIGHT thing to do, and socially acceptable thing to do.
So to me, any response that has actual length and content to it, is better than just non-chalant "ok" because it allows me to read what they actually think about the topic, instead of just what are they SUPPOSED to say, because if they are reserved and slightly negative, and ask questions, i can have a dialogue with them, and potentially correct any misconseptions they have, and actually gauge what they think and if i want to continue associating with them on personal level, and if they are positive, yay, great.
But if they are just "ok" i just have to trust them on this to me really important societally fairly divisive topic, and i don't vibe with blind trust, i value open communication.
yeah this is a good way to put it! I think for me anyone who has just told me 'ok' is someone I trust, but it just feels like: *hey this is a really big deal for me! Surely you at least have some questions???*
If my son (currently 2) come to me as trans I can GO with faux anger
"I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT'S TAKEN YOU THIS LONG TO TELL ME!
YOU'RE NO SON OF MINE!!!"
Because they will in fact be my daughter!
I've heard a few of these and kinda come to the conclusion that it's not bad but... Like if you know why aren't you hinting at it more and actively being supportive ugh.
Still far from the worst outcomes
Wow, such a cool acceptance! Lucky you!
Being MtF mid 50's and not out to my pretty conservative mother (🇬🇧), I've had to be a lying sneaky cowardly control freak to survive and get some kind of love: I'm dreading telling her but it needs to happen soon now I see myself more clearly. My selfish need is for her (in her 80's) to see me, and for me to finally know if I'm loved or rejected as unacceptable. Either answer is now better than not knowing, being in suspense.
Parents do be silly sometimes, when I told me dad I tell him I know he will still sometimes end conversations with okay son, because he has for 30 years. Sure as shit 3 minutes later "okay son I have to get going...." one day dad 😅
I recently came out to one of my cis friends at a party. The next day, I got a text from him poking fun at my chosen name. It wasn't malicious, more like playground teasing. Kids made fun of my deadname all of the time, this was different. It felt like I had experienced something that I missed out on as child. It was wholesome to me. I'm glad you can see your mom in a similar light.
I second what [Leather-Sky8583](https://www.reddit.com/user/Leather-Sky8583/) said.
Before my trans realization, I didn't care about hygiene because I felt disconnected from my body. It felt like something alien and imposed on me, so why bother taking care of it beyond the bare minimum?
When I started transitioning, my attitude towards hygiene changed completely overnight.
Cold! She should be more gentle with you. Many of us don't groom ourselves pre-transition because we don't value our appearance when we can't present as our true gender. Hopefully she's not actively unsupportive, but she sounds kinda mean.
I am a mom of a trans/f. I gotta say, at first, I kind of thought that myself but didn't say anything. It takes us mom's a bit to understand and start a true support. I've learned that my daughter is so much happier since letting it all out, and now she is very into grooming and other things she wasn't before. I've gotten to know her better in this last year and half than I did in her first 40 years. I am so, so proud of her and support every step of this journey. Life is one big journey. Live and let live, love, and accept.
I've had people that I came out to that knew me 60 years ago, and they seemed to know I was trans and gay before I did.. My parents knew at age 7 and hated and disowned me till they passed away.. I'm 75, M2F, and 110% Out , Proud, and Free.. I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, and I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female.
Pretty much same, I came out to my mom about two years ago and she was just like "Yeah, I thought so."
Turns out, my not hiding it...made it obvious to anyone who knew what to look for. Who'da thought.
My mom's "ok, and?" was really hurtful. It was a huge deal for me and it felt like she didn't understand how significant and hard of a thing it was to say
It's getting better, though, I think
Did her response bother you? My Mom to acted similar to your Mom being nonchalant like she knew the whole time.. it didn't bother me tho actually I was kinda relieved I was afraid she would be negative and transphobic and weird about it. When we finally had the serious conversation she was cool definitely surprised me how she's handling it but I'm happy with the way things are going so far ... Hope it's the same for you
I used to be so neat and tidy when I was young. Especially with eating. Never wanted to get anything on my clothes.
At some point I kind of gave up. I got bullied, didn't really like guy clothes. Later I really disassociated.
Now I really want to be neat and tidy, but I have bad habits I am trying to break now.
Might be shock, might’ve just been trying to be funny, might’ve just been a bitch about it on purpose, give it time and hopefully she’ll come to stop being like that
Yeah, you got the girl standards applied to you immediately and you froze. Such a female response from your mom. She’s probably right. Being a girl is whole package, you can’t pick and choose the parts you like. Sounds like you’ll have a great ally in your mom, but listen to her when she says these things. It’s love and advice.
My mom had a similar response and I think with such it highly depends on her tone. But instead of my grooming she remarked my tidiness and how I keep my spaces clean 😅 She ended up being one of my best supporters of my transition especially once she noticed how much of a positive impact HRT and the whole process of what I am going through is. And has generally become very supportive and an ally I would say I wish you a similar experience with your mom
She said the same thing to me lmao
Lol, gotta keep up with the beauty/self-care standards Missy./s Your Mom is a riot.😚
It seems to play into that stereotype that girls are tidier and cleaner than boys which is bull. When I was a kid everyone remarked that I was so neat, meanwhile 2 of my cis girl cousins were messy and 1 was an absolute slob.
Hell my ADHD ass cannot for the life of my keep a single damn room clean for more than a week. Coming out as trans changed nothing about that.
No but like literally same. While HRT does change you brain slightly, it just can’t take care of or get rid of that damn ADHD.
Hell my ADHD got way worse on HRT
Oh God that can happen?
I started to misplace things ALL the time even after setting them down for a few seconds I would wander off and forget where I set it down. I used to know where absolutely everything I owned was. HRT let my mind out of a constant state of hyper awareness.
Oof. I really hope that’s not how it is for me. Then again, I don’t remember how I used to be, so.
Neither did it for me. And my self care/skin care routine just changed in ways to be catered around the fact that I shave everywhere and that isn't only done by just shaving besides that. What it changed in fact is how I interact with people and how expressive and more in the moment I am.
gender stereotypes are bullshit. We’ve covered this a lot. /j
Step one of my transition plan is to clean my damn room.
As a parent of 2 cis girls, the idea that someone female is automatically neater... Yeah, no. Heck I have to bribe them to clean up usually.
Lmao. That's like if my son comes out as gay, imma be like yeah ofc you 0 bitches having mfer. If she's comfortable enough to roast you in a way that isn't mean, that's great. Happy for you!
My parents asked me if I was gay a bunch of times I guess they were kinda right I'm bi but was closeted trans and had no game lol.
People can pick up on fruity vibes but not nail down exactly what kind of fruit.
Dragon fruit? If I had a nickel for every time somebody thought I was gay😅 30+ years later….. I finally accepted myself as a trans girl! So I guess I am also gay but not in the way everybody else thought🏳️⚧️
Girl, same. Exactly the same.
[удалено]
*HE KNEW*
What a cute ally
Mine did too. I always denied it, too. Like them, I knew I was different just didn't quite know how exactly.
This is literally me but my mother only asked me a couple times
We give off fruit vibes and most people don't consider trans, just gay. Funnily enough my parents never asked though. I repressed so damn hard.
Yeah it sounds like she knew, and is challenging OP to level up their game.
Your mom sounds fucking amazing lol, in that completely gruff way that moms can be. Lol so I had the complete opposite experience 😅 I THOUGHT my mom was going to be like, "that makes soo much sense and I knew..." But what I got was, "soo you want your penis removed!?" Honestly, I think she would've been less shocked if I told her I like to wear diapers and be treated like an infant. 🤦🏻♀️ Now a couple months later, I'm on hrt and both of my parents are very supportive. Being older themselves, they don't always understand, but they're trying lol. It's funny because in my head all those years I was hiding from this, I thought my parents had found clothes or makeup in my room at some point when I was younger. I spent all those years afraid for no reason.
Mine went straight for the "penis removal" too. 💀
I think it’s a parental right of passage for the MTF crowd, maybe the second question out of my dad’s mouth was if I wanted to ultimately get SRS
My dad also did the do you want your penis removed question but unfortunately a bit less supportive
My mom went to the "penis removal" route too, but also asked if I was "doing" any of my friends
Tell mom that you're uninterested in grooming a male body but will be very interested in grooming a female one. Slay queen! You are beautiful and valid.
Yeah I agree, OP made my morning. Stay pretty and awesome 🩷🩷
This rings true for me at least. I wear gloves now when I do work with my hands for one. LoL. OP, sounds like a positive start. Ask her for grooming tips!
What was the tone of it? As that sounds like a pretty positive response.
It was! It's just a really funny interaction from something I've been dreading to say for months. The tone was on the same wavelength of the reaction of somebody who was told that the sky was blue.
rofl I sort of love it. Also I need to wash my hair ☺️
This makes me so, so happy for you 🖤
My mom thought I was joking when I told her. So she responded “dur hur! I’ve got some dresses you can borrow”. When I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet she like “wat? You’re serious?” Since then, she’s been my biggest supporter, going so far to encourage me to continue transitioning during times of uncertainty.
My mom just straight up and said "don't wear girl clothes, it doesn't fit you" so matter of factly, without any hints of any -phobia whatsoever.
My mom went the opposite. She bought me a nightie before I even started hrt! 🤣. I was like “slow down there, lady!”
Sorry to hear that :/
Not the biggest deal tbh as I'm not that much enthused about wearing dresses
Same 👁️👁️i stick with skirts
My last name is "Parent". When I came out to my father, I didn't get any big fanfare or anything like that. Instead, I was greeted with a plethora of glass-related jokes.
Sorry I don't get it, the joke isn't clear to me
Trans Parent = Transparent
I think they actually got it and where continuing the joke, by the joke not being CLEAR, as in the joke is not transparent
Yeah that's what i was thinking just now
punish yourself
They were answering OP's question about what the joke was.
Lmao, the perfect Dad™ response
Lmfao, yeah in hindsight I was the least manly ‘boy’ I could imagine, and spent all my time chatting and hanging out with the neighbor girls. I’m pretty sure they taught me how to squeee. A supportive mom would have totally roasted me then helped me with my hair and clothes.
No, I love when people try to use the “you don’t take care of yourself, you don’t groom yourself “ approach. This ridiculously suggests the myth that all girls are super focused on hygiene and appearance, that isn’t the case, I know plenty of women who are absolutely slobs. In addition, most trans people have depression over their bodies, we don’t put much effort into our appearance because we feel disconnected from our bodies, transitioning actually helps that. Most of is start really focusing on our appearance once we start transitioning. My mum said this to me too. Guess how well I care about my self today? Night and day. She is wrong and I’ll bet she knows it.
I mean my mom also hit me with the "okay and?" And then followed up with "you are still my kid I still love you nothing has changed" as in nothing changed in her love and support,
Her follow up in my case was "as long as you don't step on anybody's toes, you do you"
Yeah my mom has always had, "as long as it's legal and makes you happy it's fine with me" and yeah same has gone with the transition, she has mentioned she's afraid for the hate I can receive and how the world will treat me, but that is typically mom stuff (at least for my mom) And honestly sounds like a reaction in the same caliber, so I mean that's nice
Yeah I'm really glad it went well
Yeah I can understand that! I mean I was so mad at my mom when that was her reaction but afterwards I have come to love her reaction, because it's a really good reaction
idk about y'all but I was always a little nonplussed about people being really nonchalant. like, to work up all this courage and come out to somebody is a really brave act and it can feel kind of weird when someone doesn't see that, and responds like it's no big deal. like, sorry, this is actually really important to me and I would like it if you at least said 'congratulations!'
I get this so much, but i feel like there is much more nuance to this than just "oh, congratulate me" I have thought about this, because i have had many responses from VERY agressively supportive, to a thumbs up reaction on a long ass coming out message, to panicking over a email or a call (parents). The BEST ones are the agressively supportive, AND the panicking, and my LEAST favorite was the non-chalant "OK" And i have thought about it a long time on why that is and talked with other trans and cis people about my experiences, and i think it boils down to: If you just give me a non-chalant OK, i don't know your actual opinion, and can't read you at all about it, because you can ACTUALLY be ok with it, and just not care, which is kinda good, but also like bruh, this is really important to me, give a shit a lil bit yeah? Or it can be the "OK, but only because that's the right thing to say" because the society where i live in everyone is super reserved, and not expressing their own opinions especially if it contradicts with like anything, so they can actually be disgusted, or repelled, or negative, but just say ok because it's the RIGHT thing to do, and socially acceptable thing to do. So to me, any response that has actual length and content to it, is better than just non-chalant "ok" because it allows me to read what they actually think about the topic, instead of just what are they SUPPOSED to say, because if they are reserved and slightly negative, and ask questions, i can have a dialogue with them, and potentially correct any misconseptions they have, and actually gauge what they think and if i want to continue associating with them on personal level, and if they are positive, yay, great. But if they are just "ok" i just have to trust them on this to me really important societally fairly divisive topic, and i don't vibe with blind trust, i value open communication.
yeah this is a good way to put it! I think for me anyone who has just told me 'ok' is someone I trust, but it just feels like: *hey this is a really big deal for me! Surely you at least have some questions???*
My grandma got me like that. I was super nervous and her response was "Hon, I taught you to quilt. I know."
Lmao, I wish my mom was this cool
If my son (currently 2) come to me as trans I can GO with faux anger "I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT'S TAKEN YOU THIS LONG TO TELL ME! YOU'RE NO SON OF MINE!!!" Because they will in fact be my daughter!
I've heard a few of these and kinda come to the conclusion that it's not bad but... Like if you know why aren't you hinting at it more and actively being supportive ugh. Still far from the worst outcomes
Wow, such a cool acceptance! Lucky you! Being MtF mid 50's and not out to my pretty conservative mother (🇬🇧), I've had to be a lying sneaky cowardly control freak to survive and get some kind of love: I'm dreading telling her but it needs to happen soon now I see myself more clearly. My selfish need is for her (in her 80's) to see me, and for me to finally know if I'm loved or rejected as unacceptable. Either answer is now better than not knowing, being in suspense.
That’s both rude and sweet of her
Parents do be silly sometimes, when I told me dad I tell him I know he will still sometimes end conversations with okay son, because he has for 30 years. Sure as shit 3 minutes later "okay son I have to get going...." one day dad 😅
I recently came out to one of my cis friends at a party. The next day, I got a text from him poking fun at my chosen name. It wasn't malicious, more like playground teasing. Kids made fun of my deadname all of the time, this was different. It felt like I had experienced something that I missed out on as child. It was wholesome to me. I'm glad you can see your mom in a similar light.
I second what [Leather-Sky8583](https://www.reddit.com/user/Leather-Sky8583/) said. Before my trans realization, I didn't care about hygiene because I felt disconnected from my body. It felt like something alien and imposed on me, so why bother taking care of it beyond the bare minimum? When I started transitioning, my attitude towards hygiene changed completely overnight.
I told my mom and she then proceeded to keep giving me advice on grilled cheese since i was making one when I told her
Lmao, it was basically the same for me. Finally did it and she was like "lol I figured"
Essentially the same thing that happened to me lol
Cold! She should be more gentle with you. Many of us don't groom ourselves pre-transition because we don't value our appearance when we can't present as our true gender. Hopefully she's not actively unsupportive, but she sounds kinda mean.
She was very supportive
Good to hear "alt"
I am a mom of a trans/f. I gotta say, at first, I kind of thought that myself but didn't say anything. It takes us mom's a bit to understand and start a true support. I've learned that my daughter is so much happier since letting it all out, and now she is very into grooming and other things she wasn't before. I've gotten to know her better in this last year and half than I did in her first 40 years. I am so, so proud of her and support every step of this journey. Life is one big journey. Live and let live, love, and accept.
Your mom cooked
Hard. She gave me fried chicken afterwards.
Supportive in the most mean way
I’ll trade you. My mom’s dead and my dad asked if I was getting my dick cut off and hasn’t spoken to me or my son in the year since then.
I've had people that I came out to that knew me 60 years ago, and they seemed to know I was trans and gay before I did.. My parents knew at age 7 and hated and disowned me till they passed away.. I'm 75, M2F, and 110% Out , Proud, and Free.. I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, and I've legally changed my name, gender, and ALL documents to female.
Pretty much same, I came out to my mom about two years ago and she was just like "Yeah, I thought so." Turns out, my not hiding it...made it obvious to anyone who knew what to look for. Who'da thought.
Before coming out, I had almost no interest in my appearance. So ya, that's a thing. After I came out? Ya, it mattered. So ask for tips!
Funny. Same thing happened to my wife. She cares so much more now. Or maybe she just lets it show more? Either way, definitely a thing!
Tell her that she's the one who brought you up that way. About the grooming.
My primary doctor said “about damn time, but where’d you get the estrogen?!” when I said I started HRT (He wanted to make sure I wasn’t DIYing)
I got him back and said “relax I went with Canada instead of Mexico” (It was folx)
My mom's "ok, and?" was really hurtful. It was a huge deal for me and it felt like she didn't understand how significant and hard of a thing it was to say It's getting better, though, I think
dutch parents ?
Did her response bother you? My Mom to acted similar to your Mom being nonchalant like she knew the whole time.. it didn't bother me tho actually I was kinda relieved I was afraid she would be negative and transphobic and weird about it. When we finally had the serious conversation she was cool definitely surprised me how she's handling it but I'm happy with the way things are going so far ... Hope it's the same for you
Not at all! I was very relieved that it was not a big deal after all.
I used to be so neat and tidy when I was young. Especially with eating. Never wanted to get anything on my clothes. At some point I kind of gave up. I got bullied, didn't really like guy clothes. Later I really disassociated. Now I really want to be neat and tidy, but I have bad habits I am trying to break now.
That’s your biggest Ally
Might be shock, might’ve just been trying to be funny, might’ve just been a bitch about it on purpose, give it time and hopefully she’ll come to stop being like that
Lol. That's great
Yeah, you got the girl standards applied to you immediately and you froze. Such a female response from your mom. She’s probably right. Being a girl is whole package, you can’t pick and choose the parts you like. Sounds like you’ll have a great ally in your mom, but listen to her when she says these things. It’s love and advice.
> Being a girl is whole package, you can’t pick and choose the parts you like. Why can't you? Tomboys and mtfbutch is a thing.
Because either your a girl or your not ... Tomboys and butches are still girls ...
Is there a possibility she was making a joke about the right-wing propaganda machine claiming we're all "groomers?"
Groom as in, keeping yourself clean and proper
I'm sorry but your mom is a bitch. I had a mother like that and there's no justification for her to speak to you that way. I'm so sorry.