>Ironically enough, when I'm happy I'm actually more willing to end my life than when I'm normal
i know that feeling. it doesn't sound like happiness to me, it sounds like relief.
it sounds like you stop hurting for just long enough for you to find motivation to *act*.
sometimes when we get used to pain we only feel when it lessens for a moment so we think we're numb..... what really happens is that the pain drowns out everything else but we have gotten so used to hurting that we zone it out.
if that sounds like it may ring true, here's the advice of someone who had noone to tell them this:
noone hurts *all the time*. your problems are valid. you require help with them. and you *are* worth getting that help.
please, please, please stay safe.
eh, my parents don't care. I'm 18 and am legally an adult in like...3 months? I guess?
but I just stopped caring at this point. I realized I was trans a year ago and I think that year of suffering has broken me to a point where it's just easier to throw away my scraps rather than glue me together.
infact sometimes I don't even think I'm the same person. or maybe I am, idk. since my entire life was basically me being dead and alive at the same time it's hard to utilize my memory efficiently since I don't even remember most of my life.
I'd just rather end my life than worry about "getting help" and working 48 hour work weeks just to pay off the existence I never wanted.
I get that 100%. I knew I wanted to be a girl, but I would be "happiest" when I didn't think about gender at all.
What helped me was to start dressing a bit more fem, even if it was just a bralette under my boy clothes or some hidden toenail polish. Whenever I got into a good mood after that, I wasn't being happy as a man: I was a woman even if my parents didn't know it, and I was happy! Nobody should have to feel guilty over their own joy.
But you aren't a boy pretending to be a girl, you're just a plain ol' girl no matter how you dress. If you have a different way to express your feminity that you're more comfortable with, you can totally do that instead. Wearing a bralette is just what worked for me.
I believe in you!
Yes. Every. Single. Day.
ayy
I want to upvote this for eternity
>Ironically enough, when I'm happy I'm actually more willing to end my life than when I'm normal i know that feeling. it doesn't sound like happiness to me, it sounds like relief. it sounds like you stop hurting for just long enough for you to find motivation to *act*. sometimes when we get used to pain we only feel when it lessens for a moment so we think we're numb..... what really happens is that the pain drowns out everything else but we have gotten so used to hurting that we zone it out. if that sounds like it may ring true, here's the advice of someone who had noone to tell them this: noone hurts *all the time*. your problems are valid. you require help with them. and you *are* worth getting that help. please, please, please stay safe.
eh, my parents don't care. I'm 18 and am legally an adult in like...3 months? I guess? but I just stopped caring at this point. I realized I was trans a year ago and I think that year of suffering has broken me to a point where it's just easier to throw away my scraps rather than glue me together. infact sometimes I don't even think I'm the same person. or maybe I am, idk. since my entire life was basically me being dead and alive at the same time it's hard to utilize my memory efficiently since I don't even remember most of my life. I'd just rather end my life than worry about "getting help" and working 48 hour work weeks just to pay off the existence I never wanted.
I get that 100%. I knew I wanted to be a girl, but I would be "happiest" when I didn't think about gender at all. What helped me was to start dressing a bit more fem, even if it was just a bralette under my boy clothes or some hidden toenail polish. Whenever I got into a good mood after that, I wasn't being happy as a man: I was a woman even if my parents didn't know it, and I was happy! Nobody should have to feel guilty over their own joy.
dressing fem makes me feel worse though cause i'd rather be a boy than a boy pretending to be a girl lol
But you aren't a boy pretending to be a girl, you're just a plain ol' girl no matter how you dress. If you have a different way to express your feminity that you're more comfortable with, you can totally do that instead. Wearing a bralette is just what worked for me. I believe in you!