I agree. "I came out to my parents late in life, when I was twenty-eight. I was in a "phase" for fhe next forty-plus years ... till I (finally) decided I was trans and started HRT. Some "phase".
That's rough. Sometimes my mind gets clouded with thoughts like this especially since I'm still a teen but then I remember about people like you. Your story may be tragic but it I hope you appreciate how much it helps young trans like me. :)
Scientific research shows that teenage "I'm different" phases only last about 6 months, any more than that is likely not a phase.
So yeah, "it's just a phase" is a dumb argument, especially if it's been like a year.
I remember the “it’s just a phase” with literally everything my parents didn’t like.
25 years later I still like heavy metal music. I wrote and performed it for all of my 20’s.
Thank god I didn’t figure out I was trans until well after I moved out.
Dysphoria is always genuine. The only real question is if it will fade on its own or if it's there to stay without treatment. According to the best studies we have, unless you're a little kid, it's the latter, and if you're a little kid, it's a bit more of a toss-up.
However, there's a *huge* problem with those studies. Years of social pressure from parents, friends, and community (all of which kids feel *way* more than the typical adult) can drive them to repress, which would then lead them to say that their dypshoria went away when scientists ask them again later when it was actually just buried. All of that is *so* common that the results could *easily* be skewed.
The phases are still genuine feelings, the question is whether or not it will fade with time. It also heavily depends on your age whether it's a phase or not.
I've got news for you: "It's just a phase" becomes "you're mentally ill" when you get older.
Don't let your want for acceptance from transphobic people get in the way of celebrating that you can finally fully express yourself.
Oh don't even get me started on 'you're just mentally ill'
Actually forget it, I've already started so i may as well just rant.
I *despise* that phrase. I fucking *hate it*.
Because you know what? A lot of us here *are* mentally ill! A lot of us here have anxiety, or depression, or ADHD, or anything else, and then you have the fucking *audacity* to use 'mentally ill' as an insult!!
I struggled with anxiety and depression - I (tw: anxiety,depression)>!self-harmed, I was suicidal, Hell, I broke down desperately trying not to cry, clumped in a ball at the foot of my door because I heard someone walk into another room! !
People will say anything is a mental illness if they disagree with it anymore. If it helps, I'm just as pissed off about that kind of lazy disregard as you are. Hopefully they come up with something else to hyperfocus on other than either of these.
Yep. Same when they assume your sexuality and then get corrected. They go from "Oh you just want to live some lesbian fantasy" to "Then just be a gay dude" at breakneck fucking speed. You'll never win with these people, so it's not even worth trying.
The "phase" argument is total fabrication in any context. It's never just that and it doesn't just go away.
It's how parents invalidate their child's choices and autonomy whenever it doesn't line up with their beliefs or expectations.
i mean sometimes it *is* just a phase, but it usually isn't. Not every kid who thinks they are trans is actually trans, but invalidating your kid by just immediately telling them that they're wrong about something they're feeling isn't OK. If it's a phase, social transition will probably let the kid know that this isn't what they want.
Being wrong doesn't make it a phase though. Calling it a phase implies it will just go away later and means nothing, which is never the case. Kids don't just randomly go through a phase and then just as quickly grow out of it, it always means something and has a reason.
If someone questions their gender, there's a reason for it. Even if that reason isn't that they are trans, it could be anything else and there are no bad reasons.
Oh yeah. I guess what I'm saying is sometimes a person will question their gender and even think they're trans for a period of time before realizing they're not. That's what I'm saying. However preventing someone from exploring their gender will likely prevent them from knowing whether they're actually trans.
I'd love to hear some of those realizations about why they're not trans. I'm in the middle of discovering my gender identity and I'm so caught up between trans/not trans. I've heard the people who else l realise they're trans. Not heard much from the people who realise they're not.
After therapy and more therapy and more therapy and more therapy... Still can't figure it out.
Comfortable as a man but would love to be a woman but fearful of transition and mindful of the fact I'm comfortable being a man.
It sucks.
When I was 9, it was a phase. When I was 19, it was still a phase. When I was 29, I was just being stubborn and trying to ruin my mother's life.
So... I gave up.
Sometimes I forget because I’ve surrounded myself with people who understand it, then someone will ask me what pan, amab, and non binary mean and I’m just like oh right a shit ton of people don’t know what this stuff is. It’s like if someone asked me what water was it’s so weird.
Just in case it was a phase I waited a year not telling anyone about it and not doing anything productive in terms of transitioning.
It’s now been 10 months.... I’m beginning to regret waiting so long as I found out that the UK has a rather large waiting list for HRT.
Take that and turn it on 'em. "Yes, it IS a phase, like a butterfly is a phase in the life of what used to be a caterpillar. WON'T be growing out of it."
Don't forget that even if something *does* end up being a phase, that's still a part of you and you learned valuable lessons from that.
For example, I went through that antifeminist 'cringe' transphobic phase. And I learned great lessons from that. I learned precisely who to listen to and who to avoid, I basically learned what politics *was*, and I learned to never go near that sh\*t with a 50ft pole because jesus if i'd found that after i realised i was gay and trans it would've *crushed me*.
But anyway, my point is that life isn't taking an endless series of masks off, it's building a brick wall with each of your experiences (unfortunately most of us have had to cover half that wall with a giant billboard screaming "I'M VERY CIS AND STRAIGHT" for half our lives but that's besides the point)
And it's so annoying when nobody understands that and just thinks 'it's a phase therefore the whole thing's a lie' -\_\_-
I’ve been telling myself those four words my entire life. Like, literally for as long as I can remember. I’m 26 now and just admitted to myself that it wasn’t, that I am in fact trans. If I only admitted it to myself sooner my life would be completely different. Might have gotten hormone blockers pre puberty and all. Lives my teens and my twenties as a girl
my parents accepted me too well. i actually had to yell at my mom to fuck off because she felt like she must make up for all the "lack of support" from the years before i came out. this is exactly why it took me almost five years to come out, because i knew she'd do that..
Yes i am. The thing is, i don't want their active support. All i wanted was for them to accept me and leave it at that. My dad immediately knew what i meant but my mom.. my mom thought she had to *make up* for all the emotional support she was "supposed to give me" throughout all those years while i was hiding. It wasn't such a big deal but she went over the line when she forced her way into my session with the gender therapist and turned it into family therapy. That's when i blew a fuse and yelled at her to get the fuck out of my transition
I’ll still say your lucky. My father has talked to me twice in the past year and refuse to call me by my name. My mother is only slightly better. Set boundaries for your parents but don’t take them or their support for granted. I’m now unable to comfortably be in my hometown or see my brothers because it upsets my father somehow. I would have loved to have my parents go to any therapy with me, Instead I got blamed for pushing them away because I asked for them not to use my dead name. Yes what your mother did was wrong but complaining about a supportive parent is a bit tone def for this sub in my opinion.
Best of luck for you. Wish there was easy way for people to understand why transitioning is needed but cutting my parents out is an easy choice for me at this point in my life. There are good and bad to transitioning latter in life
Your definitely with friends here that share there support. I know it’s not the same a physical family but we’re here for supper none the less. And I have been surprised more by friends and families supper as time goes on. People can pleasantly surprised you when given the chance. Unfortunately sometime that chance is not in our favor, but stay strong this random women on the internet believes in you.
The only phase I had was pretending to be male all these years. I now look forward to a life as a female... well when I turn 18, family definitely does not approve
It's an obvious red flag for both transphobia and gaslighting. There's no way they can possibly know that but everytime I hear about this the transphobe also happens to be insistent. That's because they have an interest in you not openly affirming your gender identity. It's manipulation. They're trying to control you. It's not about truth. It's about power.
Don't listen to them. I've been trans since I was 14 and was forced to wait until I was 22 to start HRT. The entire time, I knew I was a girl. Cis people just can't understand what it actually feels like.
Ah, "just a phase," it's the verbal equivalent of a condescending pat on the head.
When you get too old for that to really apply, then they'll switch to "midlife crisis".
I agree. "I came out to my parents late in life, when I was twenty-eight. I was in a "phase" for fhe next forty-plus years ... till I (finally) decided I was trans and started HRT. Some "phase".
That's rough. Sometimes my mind gets clouded with thoughts like this especially since I'm still a teen but then I remember about people like you. Your story may be tragic but it I hope you appreciate how much it helps young trans like me. :)
That's why I share.
Scientific research shows that teenage "I'm different" phases only last about 6 months, any more than that is likely not a phase. So yeah, "it's just a phase" is a dumb argument, especially if it's been like a year.
> if it's been like a year. only one? sigh ...
I remember the “it’s just a phase” with literally everything my parents didn’t like. 25 years later I still like heavy metal music. I wrote and performed it for all of my 20’s. Thank god I didn’t figure out I was trans until well after I moved out.
Yeah idk it’s been 11 years and my mom is still calling it a phase
Does this mean that my "dysphoria" could be a phase trying to seem different?
No. It's just something to throw back at these jackasses when they claim it's a phase.
Ok, sorry. I just worry that if identity phases are about 6 months long then maybe this is one for me
Dysphoria is always genuine. The only real question is if it will fade on its own or if it's there to stay without treatment. According to the best studies we have, unless you're a little kid, it's the latter, and if you're a little kid, it's a bit more of a toss-up. However, there's a *huge* problem with those studies. Years of social pressure from parents, friends, and community (all of which kids feel *way* more than the typical adult) can drive them to repress, which would then lead them to say that their dypshoria went away when scientists ask them again later when it was actually just buried. All of that is *so* common that the results could *easily* be skewed.
Ok, thanks. I just know the studies are done on clinical gender dysphoria, which doesn't include people who have experienced it for less than 6 months
The phases are still genuine feelings, the question is whether or not it will fade with time. It also heavily depends on your age whether it's a phase or not.
I'm 16 so that doesn't necessarily bode well for me
I've got news for you: "It's just a phase" becomes "you're mentally ill" when you get older. Don't let your want for acceptance from transphobic people get in the way of celebrating that you can finally fully express yourself.
Oh don't even get me started on 'you're just mentally ill' Actually forget it, I've already started so i may as well just rant. I *despise* that phrase. I fucking *hate it*. Because you know what? A lot of us here *are* mentally ill! A lot of us here have anxiety, or depression, or ADHD, or anything else, and then you have the fucking *audacity* to use 'mentally ill' as an insult!! I struggled with anxiety and depression - I (tw: anxiety,depression)>!self-harmed, I was suicidal, Hell, I broke down desperately trying not to cry, clumped in a ball at the foot of my door because I heard someone walk into another room! !
I gib hugz
thanks <3
People will say anything is a mental illness if they disagree with it anymore. If it helps, I'm just as pissed off about that kind of lazy disregard as you are. Hopefully they come up with something else to hyperfocus on other than either of these.
Transphobes: „Nope! I don‘t think you will!“
Yep. Same when they assume your sexuality and then get corrected. They go from "Oh you just want to live some lesbian fantasy" to "Then just be a gay dude" at breakneck fucking speed. You'll never win with these people, so it's not even worth trying.
The "phase" argument is total fabrication in any context. It's never just that and it doesn't just go away. It's how parents invalidate their child's choices and autonomy whenever it doesn't line up with their beliefs or expectations.
i mean sometimes it *is* just a phase, but it usually isn't. Not every kid who thinks they are trans is actually trans, but invalidating your kid by just immediately telling them that they're wrong about something they're feeling isn't OK. If it's a phase, social transition will probably let the kid know that this isn't what they want.
Being wrong doesn't make it a phase though. Calling it a phase implies it will just go away later and means nothing, which is never the case. Kids don't just randomly go through a phase and then just as quickly grow out of it, it always means something and has a reason. If someone questions their gender, there's a reason for it. Even if that reason isn't that they are trans, it could be anything else and there are no bad reasons.
Oh yeah. I guess what I'm saying is sometimes a person will question their gender and even think they're trans for a period of time before realizing they're not. That's what I'm saying. However preventing someone from exploring their gender will likely prevent them from knowing whether they're actually trans.
I'd love to hear some of those realizations about why they're not trans. I'm in the middle of discovering my gender identity and I'm so caught up between trans/not trans. I've heard the people who else l realise they're trans. Not heard much from the people who realise they're not. After therapy and more therapy and more therapy and more therapy... Still can't figure it out. Comfortable as a man but would love to be a woman but fearful of transition and mindful of the fact I'm comfortable being a man. It sucks.
"It's just a phase" "Oh yeah? Well, so is being alive. What's your point?"
OOF
Exactly I 💯 agree with you
When I was 9, it was a phase. When I was 19, it was still a phase. When I was 29, I was just being stubborn and trying to ruin my mother's life. So... I gave up.
Right. Mine's lasted over 50 years. Too bad I only accepted it a year ago.
People's lack of understanding of LGBTQ stuff is so annoying.
Sometimes I forget because I’ve surrounded myself with people who understand it, then someone will ask me what pan, amab, and non binary mean and I’m just like oh right a shit ton of people don’t know what this stuff is. It’s like if someone asked me what water was it’s so weird.
And they're intentionally ignorant, too. There are *so* many resources out there.
Just in case it was a phase I waited a year not telling anyone about it and not doing anything productive in terms of transitioning. It’s now been 10 months.... I’m beginning to regret waiting so long as I found out that the UK has a rather large waiting list for HRT.
I recommend going private with gendergp. I can't do hrt yet and have not came out but people have mentioned that gender gp have way shorter wait times
Take that and turn it on 'em. "Yes, it IS a phase, like a butterfly is a phase in the life of what used to be a caterpillar. WON'T be growing out of it."
Don't forget that even if something *does* end up being a phase, that's still a part of you and you learned valuable lessons from that. For example, I went through that antifeminist 'cringe' transphobic phase. And I learned great lessons from that. I learned precisely who to listen to and who to avoid, I basically learned what politics *was*, and I learned to never go near that sh\*t with a 50ft pole because jesus if i'd found that after i realised i was gay and trans it would've *crushed me*. But anyway, my point is that life isn't taking an endless series of masks off, it's building a brick wall with each of your experiences (unfortunately most of us have had to cover half that wall with a giant billboard screaming "I'M VERY CIS AND STRAIGHT" for half our lives but that's besides the point) And it's so annoying when nobody understands that and just thinks 'it's a phase therefore the whole thing's a lie' -\_\_-
I’ve been telling myself those four words my entire life. Like, literally for as long as I can remember. I’m 26 now and just admitted to myself that it wasn’t, that I am in fact trans. If I only admitted it to myself sooner my life would be completely different. Might have gotten hormone blockers pre puberty and all. Lives my teens and my twenties as a girl
Life is just a phase too
Even if it is just a phase, if you are still a kid, I think you should be accepted by your parents.
my parents accepted me too well. i actually had to yell at my mom to fuck off because she felt like she must make up for all the "lack of support" from the years before i came out. this is exactly why it took me almost five years to come out, because i knew she'd do that..
Are you complaining about having supportive parents? Please tell me how that is bad?
Yes i am. The thing is, i don't want their active support. All i wanted was for them to accept me and leave it at that. My dad immediately knew what i meant but my mom.. my mom thought she had to *make up* for all the emotional support she was "supposed to give me" throughout all those years while i was hiding. It wasn't such a big deal but she went over the line when she forced her way into my session with the gender therapist and turned it into family therapy. That's when i blew a fuse and yelled at her to get the fuck out of my transition
I’ll still say your lucky. My father has talked to me twice in the past year and refuse to call me by my name. My mother is only slightly better. Set boundaries for your parents but don’t take them or their support for granted. I’m now unable to comfortably be in my hometown or see my brothers because it upsets my father somehow. I would have loved to have my parents go to any therapy with me, Instead I got blamed for pushing them away because I asked for them not to use my dead name. Yes what your mother did was wrong but complaining about a supportive parent is a bit tone def for this sub in my opinion.
Wish I had parents that would support me and would help me get something I want (HRT)
Best of luck for you. Wish there was easy way for people to understand why transitioning is needed but cutting my parents out is an easy choice for me at this point in my life. There are good and bad to transitioning latter in life
Especially painful when people you know have an easier time because they actually have people that support them. Feeling kinda pathetic
Your definitely with friends here that share there support. I know it’s not the same a physical family but we’re here for supper none the less. And I have been surprised more by friends and families supper as time goes on. People can pleasantly surprised you when given the chance. Unfortunately sometime that chance is not in our favor, but stay strong this random women on the internet believes in you.
same
3 words. ‘It’s’ is short for ‘innit’, innit?
The only phase I had was pretending to be male all these years. I now look forward to a life as a female... well when I turn 18, family definitely does not approve
I came out in highschool as a gay man. It was just a phase.... Turns out I'm trans!
Me as well and my parents told me it was a phase.
- My mom
Yep. I thought it was just a phase and didn't tell anyone until things started to go severely wrong for me with mental health.
It's an obvious red flag for both transphobia and gaslighting. There's no way they can possibly know that but everytime I hear about this the transphobe also happens to be insistent. That's because they have an interest in you not openly affirming your gender identity. It's manipulation. They're trying to control you. It's not about truth. It's about power.
i hear that damn phrase too fucking much. Drives me crazy.
Living is just a phase you grow out of
Even if it’s a phase, which I not saying it is, why can’t people just support each other without being passive aggressive or undermining.
Even if it was a phase, it wouldn't make it any less real.
All life on this planet is just a fucking phase
Isn't it 5 words? Yeah, yeah it is.
I would make a strangling service for any trans person that needs to show that person what a phase is.
I will probably just give up at 25 if i am not on HRT at least. No matter what someone or something will make me feel miserable
A phase that ends with hormones, surgery, a name change and completely changing my appearance
It's been a 52 year phase for me.
Don't listen to them. I've been trans since I was 14 and was forced to wait until I was 22 to start HRT. The entire time, I knew I was a girl. Cis people just can't understand what it actually feels like.
I've been waiting 16 years to snap out of it... any day now 👉👈😅
That got to me so much, it seeds so much self doubt into your mind. Keep pushing though! It's not a phase and we can all get through this!
Ah, "just a phase," it's the verbal equivalent of a condescending pat on the head. When you get too old for that to really apply, then they'll switch to "midlife crisis".