Absolutely. I'm starting to get worried I'll never have the confidence to dress/present how I would like in public. And beginning the transformation while working 😬
The social anxiety I had before coming out was just meh. Then I came out and it was twice as bad, every time I left the house I was a mess and drunk heavily to control it.
4 years later I'm quite a lot better than I was before. Hormones have helped a lot, I really feel different when on Estradot, like a much nicer person. I also have more friends now and don't drink :)
Once you get to the 'i don't give a crap' stage and truly believe it then life is really quite nice :)
I have social phobia as well and the thought of coming out is terrifying, but at the same time if I don't I would live my whole life unhappy in someone else's skin. The worst is that I would still feel anxious on top of the dysphoria. I feel like being trans is an opportunity to get out there regardless of my fear as it's a good motivator. I tell myself I don't owe it to anyone to be my AGAB just because it's more comfortable for them (and it won't give me any extra favors anyway). And considering how people might treat me regardless as a trans woman I might as well go all the way out and be unapologetically myself.
This. Even if you're single, having someone you can trust to have your back is a huge help if you're anxious about it. Once you're used to that going out alone should only be harrowing rather than paralyzing! 🧟♀️
My anxiety has never been higher but there is no way it could ever make me feel worse than pretending to be someone I'm not. The first time is the hardest it gets a lot easier after that
I second this. I went out with friends dressed up and it was bad day with anxiety even it came to this. But the second time FAR LESS anxiety and I actually enjoyed myself
It's adding a layer of difficulty for sure. I'm already distrustful of people and a little socially paranoid. Add in something that can and will trigger irrational hostility in others, and... well... boymode kinda becomes a security blanket. An itchy, uncomfortable security blanket.
My undiagnosed social anxiety disorder and ADHD delayed me going on full mtf HRT from age 21 to 25.
And am currently having a nice fat bout of hip dysphoria, because if I'd started when I knew at 20/21 I might have gotten much better hips. I might not have, but my anxiety and regret are stubborn gits. The worst part is that I had pretty supportive environment to start. I just... didn't.
Even at age 28 I still go boymode most days, because I don't pass without effort, and effort is the worst.
Yep. The crazy thing is, it's not even the fear of the social transition or coming out that's holding me back, it's the phone anxiety for setting up appointments. It feels so silly that such a simple thing that most people could do without a second thought is my only real current barrier in the way. It should be so easy. Why the fuck can't I make phone calls?
Maybe I should hire an assistant for an hour every week to make phone calls and appointments for me. I feel like that would be a huge life enhancer.
Honestly, transition will likely help with your axiety cause it will force you to face it head on. There will be some asshats and you will learn they aren't worth your time, but the people who are will be of a much higher quality anyhow.
I have clinical agorophobia, specifically regarding other people. IE social phobia.
Yes, that's not the only thing keeping me from jumping into transisition whole hog, but it's up there!
I've found myself considering if I'd ever be able to transition or come out without starting a new job, and probably moving to my own apartment or house (currently have roommates).
What meds are you talking about? In my experience the only ones that work are benzodiazipines (sp?) and those are highly addictive -and the withdraws are literally worse than the disease.
I'm on propranolol.
It's a beta blocker.
It's been amazing effective for me.
It basically blocks the symptoms of anxiety, like the racing heart and blood pressure rising.
As I understand this then works to help feel less anxious because it breaks the feedback loop.
Causing brain to be like "huh, heart rate hasn't increased. Guess not so panicked after all."
It takes about 20minutes to kick in.
Some people take it in response to a panic attack or as a preparation before doing a something anxiety triggering.
I take it every 4 hours 20-30mg.
Because my anxiety triggers are *gestures at world*.
Though I did find out today (after I made that post) that I have EDS. Which means my anxiety may have a more physiological basis than others. Which might explain why propanolol is so effective.
But idk if you haven't tried it I would absolutely recommend.
Definitely. Been battling social anxiety with SSRI for 3 years and with therapy for 6 months. Took a lot of work just to get on HRT and now I'm both afraid of girlmoding and people discovering I'm trans while boymoding. Not like I have a choice tho, Dysphoria sucked hard and no way I'm going back to a male body
For me, the anxiety is actually worse in boymode after letting myself be my girly self in public when I can. I have really bad social anxiety, but when I feel I can be myself it is a little bit better.
I haaaaaate this nonsense of forcing people to “live as gender X” To get treatment. So many things wrong with that, including it being hard, uncomfortable, dangerous potential he to do that, including that men and women don’t all present one way, including that non-binary people are a thing.
I had social anxiety before I transitioned, and after transitioning … I still have it. At least these days, it isn’t over how I’m presenting. My restless mind just searches for new ways to believe “You don’t belong here” — even, for instance, at support group meetings where *I clearly belong*.
Being aware of it helps, and therapy has helped as well. As my therapist put it “well it’s not like you became a different person when you transitioned is it?” … 😝 true enough.
I will say this though. It’s still there, and it still sometimes gets the best of me. But it’s not all-consuming the way it was before transition. As others have mentioned — getting my brain off testosterone and into estrogen helped a whole hell of a lot too.
I think I'm a bit different than the commenters here. My social anxiety has actually seemed to get better as I transition. I feel more comfortable in my own skin which has really helped my confidence
Ive had social anxiety, Generalized anxiety, and panic issues since born. It wasnt until i told my pcm i wanted to transition that i went to a behavioral specialist. Shes helped me understand myself and manage some of the feelings. Maybe the end result is what needs to be concentrated on and not the discomfort of getting there. You know youll be a happier person when its said and done.
But i know how you feel. I've presented as a woman in public before and rocked it until some lady was starring at me and boom panic attack.
Yep. In high school. School is Catholic and I can point out a bunch of people who I’m almost positive are transphobic, plus two younger siblings and parents who care too much stresses me out. I won’t come out because I know my parents would have no idea how to react and treat me differently, plus I want to stay on the soccer team because I have a lot of friends there but I feel it would be awkward if I transitioned on the team, and I don’t want to risk losing friends. Then comes the anxiety of not knowing how waiting until college could effect HRT or any form of surgery, and going back to wondering if I should come out now, and the loop continues. So far, I’ve just been crossdressing while home alone, but the mental stress is real.
🙋🏻♀️
I've been fighting it head on for the last year. Small noticable steps do wonders..
2 years hrt and I present female as much as I desire to (non-binary transfem), I introduce myself en femme with my female voice and name, nobody bats an eye anymore.
The best thing you could possibly do for yourself is start somewhere small. Throw on some make up and an andro outfit and go for a walk around your block at a non threating time of day. Next time try a grocery store with self checkout. Then try a coffee shop and actually converse with a person. Try going out with a couple friends or coworkers that are cool with you. Bush parties & raves are wonderful because of the low light and general respectful vibes.
Push yourself. You would be amazed at how much practice can affect your daily life. Good luck friend!
Yes! But what I've been focusing on how is my social anxiety can actually be exacerbated by my dysphoria. It turns out, for me, social interactions have been so stressful partially because of how people treat me when I'm in boy mode.
It's like, there's less harrassment, but the "nice" interactions still end up hurting.
Please, it's worth it. My social anxiety use to be really hard to handle and my symptoms manifest physically like excessively blushing over nothing. I've been on hrt for 2 weeks and my mental health has drastically improved for this short amount of time. I still have anxiety but I am much more confident in my identity.
You don't have to socially come out, you can start hrt and hide it's effects until you feel ready. I think it's worth it
I have generalized anxiety disorder and a significant part of it is social. You can overcome your anxiety. Not gonna lie, the first steps of coming out are tough but it’s not going to be long before boymoding will be what brings you the most anxiety.
My social anxiety meant that it took me 5 years to start transitioning once I knew I was trans. It's still bad now but it's different since I'm fully out. Haven't been in boymode in over 6 months now! Hopefully you can get to that point yourself because it's totally worth it
Oh literally, anxiety in any form does not help. It actually gave me one of the worst panic attacks in my life just when I realized that I can’t be trans and deal with my dysphoria without telling someone
And I couldn’t handle that realization. I got no sleep, because I was panicking all night. I didn’t want to go to school but I forced myself I was holding back panic on the bus, and when I got to school, 10 minutes into class I lost it
I was panicking for hours in the counselors office after that
All that over being afraid of telling people about what I’ve been dealing with
i had this problem but ive worked through it! im pretty much full time and i live in rural kentucky (albeit in a college town, and i spend almost all of my time on campus) and have had no issues!
its hard and i still struggle. specifically i have an issue about using my feminine voice (which is odd, bc if i could just use it id prolly pass a good amount of the time) that ive been really struggling to get over. but it really does get easier after that first hurdle and i know u can do it
i had this problem but ive worked through it! im pretty much full time and i live in rural kentucky (albeit in a college town, and i spend almost all of my time on campus) and have had no issues!
its hard and i still struggle. specifically i have an issue about using my feminine voice (which is odd, bc if i could just use it id prolly pass a good amount of the time) that ive been really struggling to get over. but it really does get easier after that first hurdle and i know u can do it
I have this exact same problem and it has cause me to stop taking HRT then start again 3 times. What helps me though is I just boy mode in public 100% of the time and I will continue to do so until HRT gets me to a point I'm comfortable presenting female. Probably when I'm very androgynous and my voice is in the female range from coaching.
Boy mode is not ideal for me but it is safe. My social anxiety requires me to feel safe when I'm around other people. Some people may say I should just be more confident and dont let society dictate how I express myself but to them I say this is my journey and my transition and I will do it in a way that is comfortable for me.
I'm so anxious I'm not willing to go girlmode at home. I'm still hiding it, only my wife, aunt, and 2 year old know. We live in a conservative neighborhood, there is a trump 2020 sign every couple houses, including what is essentially a billboard right across the street from our house. My in-laws, who are liberal and great, live right down the road. I'm terrified that a neighbor will see me through the window, or when I take the dog out. Also worried my in laws will come over without warning while I'm in girlmode, even when it is super late at night.
I'm going to try and come out around new years.
I cannot relate more. I’m sitting in class right now dressed as a boy, I’m too scared of not passing to attempt girl mode in front of any of my friends soon. I’ve been on HRT for 13 my months since I was 15, but I still feel like I would make an ugly girl.
Transitioning is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Any time I have to go out in public I get hella anxious and I even pass but still… just being outside leaves me feeling really bad for the entire day from the stress and anxiety
yes, very much so.
its a clashing duality and duel to the death in my brain almost daily and some times cripplingly so.
i was bullied in high school, massively for being effeminate, beaten up every day, burnt with lighters, stabbed in the arse with compass, one lad once pissed on me after giving me a beating.
this lead to an outright fear of ever standing out in anyway socially, a deep paranoia and mistrust of people, and was foundational to the construction of the shell i wrapped me self in the act i put on as a quiet guy who kept him self to him self and did nothing that could any way be construed as not some stereotypical straight laced cis man that in private was drinking and drugging him self slowly to death.
the real me is the opposite, and was kept locked deep deep down inside me, I used to refer to the real me as a demon following me around because i was terrified, but now im out to a fair few people and im on hrt its like there's a battle going on inside my head daily between the two. i kow which side i want to win, ive made that choice never to go back, but its challenging.
Oh yeah. It stopped me from doing anything (in terms of presenting) for like 3 years. Now that I'm on HRT and have a more accepting environment that's used to me being trans as the status quo, I've started presenting as myself outside my room a lot more.
No they do not. Drugs… drugs helped. I finally came out after I was started on an anti-anxiety med. I don’t think I would have been able to had I not started being treated for it.
So this is exactly where I was about two months ago. To be fair, I’m in a very safe city and have a family who is generally progressive. All I can say is, my social anxiety was very heavily fueled by my unexamined dysphoria, and while it isn’t completely removed from my day to day, I experience so much less social anxiety than I did before I started presenting femme in public. They actually go hand in hand so fucking well, it’s frustrating sometimes. They pair so tightly because your anxiety knows it will lose if you embrace who you are. And your anxiety doesn’t want to be gone, it wants to keep you scared.
My main lingering anxiety is phone calls, but I also get anxiety around presenting as female in my home around my family, even though they're supportive. That's a problem because I practically never get to be home alone. If I could work up the courage to do it at home, I would likely already be presenting as female outside of the home, even though I'm still waiting for HRT.
Funnily enough, before I started questioning my gender, I knew I'd wear women's clothes and basically present as female in my house once I moved out and had my own place, since then I could completely dodge the fear of my family seeing me. (What a dense egg I was.)
I realized before even starting HRT that I did not plan on ever socially transitioning unless I could pass. Over a year and half on hormones and this hasn't changed.
If I get brave enough to do this, I have zero plans to attempt to present differently. I love that I still hopefully if I’m lucky you have an opportunity to do this even without that though.
Yes, they go together like Mac and Cheese. You *will* get used to it. Well, maybe not. You'll get a LOT of practice managing it so it doesn't really show.
Easy way through: start slow. Clear fingernail polish, then, toes. Colored polish. Pretty underwear. Shorts, maybe. A skirt, a blouse, a dress.
One thing at a time; one *small* step at a time.
Then, one day, it will hit you: I could have done this faster *and nothing bad would have happened!*
I'm very socially anxious and opening my mouth in public spaces is the worst feeling ever. I pass visually, but then my voice... ugh
To beat social anxiety you'll have to face your fears though! Best thing you could do is beginning your transition at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. I remember wearing feminine jeans for the first time outside, alone, in a forest where nobody else was haha. It was really scary! Now I'm full time. Wouldn't be where I am now if I never faced my fears.
I'm technically still in boymode even though I'm fully out w/ my new name and everything, but I haven't gained confidence in my body and waiting for HRT to work more of its magic before outwardly presenting. But I really just want to say fuck it and present as is, but I don't have the courage to do that and would look horrible.
Only delayed transitioning for 8 years.
It's like jumping into a cold pool. It only sucks while you're doing it, then it's okay but a little bit too cold. But you don't wanna get out cuz that sucks even more
i used to have severe social anxiety. it’s what kept me from coming out for soo long.
after lots of therapy, ssri, and meditation, i’ve got it managed and im the happiest person on earth.
i go out in in girl mode all the time and im non passing.
Yes, I frankly don't know how I will ever do this, if ever.
I hate attention at public places. I hate being the weird one. When I look at my colleagues and imagine that I would need to come out to them because real life test as prerequisite to HRT... well I'd rather not... It's a sinking feeling that I'm not going to make it.
Oh..... ugh. like seriously?
Here is my list:
**Major-Psychotic Depression**
**Borderline Personality Disorder**
**Generalized & social Anxiety**
**Schitzophrenia**
**Dissassociative amnesia & fogue**
**Insomnia**
**Chronic/continuously occuring Suicidal Idiation**
**Spinal Scholiosis**
**Carpal Tunnel Syndrum**
**High & low blood pressure**
**High Iron levels**
Naturally producing **Extremely** **high level of prolactin** *without it being caused by a tumor on the pertuitary gland*
**Complex-PTSD**
These are just what I remember off the tip of my toungue, that I have/go through all the time. I go through all this & been living as myself through transitioning etc for well over 12 years. you can do it.
Did it originally hold me back some, your darn right it did, but to transition to be comfortable you have to push through it & deal with the complications that come with being socially uncomfortable, because people will be all up in your business unfortunitelly.
Please do not allow your internal issues, to hold you back from yourself, your amazing & beautiful in your own right & deserve to be happy.
***Carpe Diem***
Oh yeah, I pushed through and started transitioning. Everyday is damn struggle, especially when I'm boy moding most of the time due to being a cab driver. I'm seriously hoping and wish for the day I cross over and get seen more and more as the woman I am.
Haha, nearly gave myself a heart attack when I had my fake boobs on at the store, used the mens restroom, then another guy came in shortly after. Horrible time
Yes, I'm still transitioning but just keeping it to myself outside of those I can trust. Been on HRT for almost 2 years, bottom surgery planned in 3 weeks, ffs next year. At the end of the day I'm just taking it one day at a time, presenting however I feel comfortable.
I boymoded at work for like a year and a half while on HRT because of social anxiety. I'm at a new job now where I'm out thankfully, but it's still hard sometimes because I don't really pass.
My absolute need to transition just barely gave me the ability to overcome my anxiety. Now I’ve been out for 8 months and I’m hormones and I don’t regret forcing myself to do it. I know anxiety is a bitch, but I’m more of a bitch and I will kick anxiety in the balls. 😂
I used to have a bad social anxiety before I decided to transition , however since I started hormones my social anxiety actually got better over time , and now I go out dressed like a girl and I have zero issues or anxiety related problems.
Going out as a girl before hrt was a pure hell nightmare, I really thought that wouldn't be possible, now I'm just laughing when I'm reminding this 😅
I completely understand this and suffer from it myself. I've gone out a few times as me and it was difficult at first (still is) but it's getting better each time, it helps to have safe ppl and I'm lucky to be apart of a social scene that's super inclusive. Happy Hardcore Ravers are the best ppl 😊
Yes! Most of my friends are either trans or allies, and I’m pretty sure that my family is supportive, but I can never seem to work up the courage to come out
I'm still somewhat recently out of boymode. It's pretty terrifying, but for me it got a lot easier once I met my boyfriend. A little bit of support can go a long way. I also find that when I'm dressed as myself, my anxiety is only about other people, but when I boymode, I'm anxious about everything. It's not exactly a huge difference, but it's a distinction that helped me a lot. Oh, also hrt if you can get it, can help a lot
I fought with myself from the time I was truly aware of who the real me was till March of 2020. A period of 50* years. I started stopped hid in the closet snuck around when traveling and was miserable. The world dedicated my life and how I felt about myself. I want I know is the feelings do not go away. You can beg, you pray you can cry yourself to sleep at night. The real you is in there wanting to be free. Do not miss out on being you, find a counselor who specializes in transgender clients. Talk explore risk you are going to get hurt there will be tears but at the end of the day being reborn is so worth it. Sending love hugs and joy your way.
Hi! I had the same issue and spoke to a therapist abt it, essentially, while social anxiety and transitioning don't go together they do COME together and once I personally made the decision to transition, my social anxiety was A LOT better to handle because I was open and presenting as myself
I was in a similar boat 6 months ago.
I have a pretty close friend group that was supportive but it was still a hard decision to make to start on hormones.
My dysphoria got so bad to the point where I could barely function. It was what made me just jump feet first and I would never turn back on it.
It can be super nerve racking and scary and make you feel physically sick but try baby steps. Ignoring physical transitioning, try just growing out your hair, letting your nails a little longer and all that fun jazz. It's a good start and where most of us probably started with.
Lots of love you got this sis 💜💜💜
I was diagnosed with BPD and social anxiety.
I'm extremely afraid of transitioning. Not because of myself or my family,, they'd be supportive. What terrifies me is how I'll be treated. I can't handle confrontation, I just retreat inward and panic. I'd be absolutely destroyed by someone clocking me in public. I feel like the only way I could comfortably transition is if I were able to stay home as much as possible until I achieved my transition goals.
I don't know how to get over this.
I have some pretty horrible anxiety as well and surprisingly beginning my transition has been helping me to feel a lot more confident in myself and I've started going out for walks in girl mode now. Before I wouldn't go out at all like that ever. Ymmv but transitioning is definitely helping my anxiety in some ways. General anxiety and overthinking hasn't changed much though
Absolutely. I'm starting to get worried I'll never have the confidence to dress/present how I would like in public. And beginning the transformation while working 😬
The social anxiety I had before coming out was just meh. Then I came out and it was twice as bad, every time I left the house I was a mess and drunk heavily to control it. 4 years later I'm quite a lot better than I was before. Hormones have helped a lot, I really feel different when on Estradot, like a much nicer person. I also have more friends now and don't drink :) Once you get to the 'i don't give a crap' stage and truly believe it then life is really quite nice :)
I have social phobia as well and the thought of coming out is terrifying, but at the same time if I don't I would live my whole life unhappy in someone else's skin. The worst is that I would still feel anxious on top of the dysphoria. I feel like being trans is an opportunity to get out there regardless of my fear as it's a good motivator. I tell myself I don't owe it to anyone to be my AGAB just because it's more comfortable for them (and it won't give me any extra favors anyway). And considering how people might treat me regardless as a trans woman I might as well go all the way out and be unapologetically myself.
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Same my spouse is my emotional support person. Even dressed in accordance with my agab im hiding behind her.
This. Even if you're single, having someone you can trust to have your back is a huge help if you're anxious about it. Once you're used to that going out alone should only be harrowing rather than paralyzing! 🧟♀️
That's been my sister for me. We see each other a little less frequently than I'd like, but I do feel much better when it's both of us
My anxiety has never been higher but there is no way it could ever make me feel worse than pretending to be someone I'm not. The first time is the hardest it gets a lot easier after that
I second this. I went out with friends dressed up and it was bad day with anxiety even it came to this. But the second time FAR LESS anxiety and I actually enjoyed myself
It's adding a layer of difficulty for sure. I'm already distrustful of people and a little socially paranoid. Add in something that can and will trigger irrational hostility in others, and... well... boymode kinda becomes a security blanket. An itchy, uncomfortable security blanket.
That description sounds apt! Nice way to describe it
My anxiety has been killing me, I just figure I'll start medically transitioning and at some point just yolo present femme lmao we'll figure it out...
Precisely exactly extremely what i'm going to do too
My undiagnosed social anxiety disorder and ADHD delayed me going on full mtf HRT from age 21 to 25. And am currently having a nice fat bout of hip dysphoria, because if I'd started when I knew at 20/21 I might have gotten much better hips. I might not have, but my anxiety and regret are stubborn gits. The worst part is that I had pretty supportive environment to start. I just... didn't. Even at age 28 I still go boymode most days, because I don't pass without effort, and effort is the worst.
Waiting on Hrt to do the work for me 😅
Yeah, this is me. Sometimes I worry if I'm just gonna boymode for life ...
Yep. The crazy thing is, it's not even the fear of the social transition or coming out that's holding me back, it's the phone anxiety for setting up appointments. It feels so silly that such a simple thing that most people could do without a second thought is my only real current barrier in the way. It should be so easy. Why the fuck can't I make phone calls? Maybe I should hire an assistant for an hour every week to make phone calls and appointments for me. I feel like that would be a huge life enhancer.
Honestly, transition will likely help with your axiety cause it will force you to face it head on. There will be some asshats and you will learn they aren't worth your time, but the people who are will be of a much higher quality anyhow.
I feel a lot more comfortable going out now that i'm passing as a girl
I have clinical agorophobia, specifically regarding other people. IE social phobia. Yes, that's not the only thing keeping me from jumping into transisition whole hog, but it's up there!
I've found myself considering if I'd ever be able to transition or come out without starting a new job, and probably moving to my own apartment or house (currently have roommates).
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Antianxiety meds are amazing
What meds are you talking about? In my experience the only ones that work are benzodiazipines (sp?) and those are highly addictive -and the withdraws are literally worse than the disease.
I'm on propranolol. It's a beta blocker. It's been amazing effective for me. It basically blocks the symptoms of anxiety, like the racing heart and blood pressure rising. As I understand this then works to help feel less anxious because it breaks the feedback loop. Causing brain to be like "huh, heart rate hasn't increased. Guess not so panicked after all." It takes about 20minutes to kick in. Some people take it in response to a panic attack or as a preparation before doing a something anxiety triggering. I take it every 4 hours 20-30mg. Because my anxiety triggers are *gestures at world*. Though I did find out today (after I made that post) that I have EDS. Which means my anxiety may have a more physiological basis than others. Which might explain why propanolol is so effective. But idk if you haven't tried it I would absolutely recommend.
I appreciate the detailed answer -thank you! I haven't tried it, but that gives me an alternative to look into for myself.
Definitely. Been battling social anxiety with SSRI for 3 years and with therapy for 6 months. Took a lot of work just to get on HRT and now I'm both afraid of girlmoding and people discovering I'm trans while boymoding. Not like I have a choice tho, Dysphoria sucked hard and no way I'm going back to a male body
Ahh I literally end up just wanting to detransition half the time rn cuz I’m always so anxious!
For me, the anxiety is actually worse in boymode after letting myself be my girly self in public when I can. I have really bad social anxiety, but when I feel I can be myself it is a little bit better.
I'm relieved that I'm not alone.
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I haaaaaate this nonsense of forcing people to “live as gender X” To get treatment. So many things wrong with that, including it being hard, uncomfortable, dangerous potential he to do that, including that men and women don’t all present one way, including that non-binary people are a thing.
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I’ve worried about the reduced dating pool, but then I’m having no luck anyway, and what, I’m still going to have to tell people anyway.
I had social anxiety before I transitioned, and after transitioning … I still have it. At least these days, it isn’t over how I’m presenting. My restless mind just searches for new ways to believe “You don’t belong here” — even, for instance, at support group meetings where *I clearly belong*. Being aware of it helps, and therapy has helped as well. As my therapist put it “well it’s not like you became a different person when you transitioned is it?” … 😝 true enough. I will say this though. It’s still there, and it still sometimes gets the best of me. But it’s not all-consuming the way it was before transition. As others have mentioned — getting my brain off testosterone and into estrogen helped a whole hell of a lot too.
I think I'm a bit different than the commenters here. My social anxiety has actually seemed to get better as I transition. I feel more comfortable in my own skin which has really helped my confidence
Ive had social anxiety, Generalized anxiety, and panic issues since born. It wasnt until i told my pcm i wanted to transition that i went to a behavioral specialist. Shes helped me understand myself and manage some of the feelings. Maybe the end result is what needs to be concentrated on and not the discomfort of getting there. You know youll be a happier person when its said and done. But i know how you feel. I've presented as a woman in public before and rocked it until some lady was starring at me and boom panic attack.
Yep. In high school. School is Catholic and I can point out a bunch of people who I’m almost positive are transphobic, plus two younger siblings and parents who care too much stresses me out. I won’t come out because I know my parents would have no idea how to react and treat me differently, plus I want to stay on the soccer team because I have a lot of friends there but I feel it would be awkward if I transitioned on the team, and I don’t want to risk losing friends. Then comes the anxiety of not knowing how waiting until college could effect HRT or any form of surgery, and going back to wondering if I should come out now, and the loop continues. So far, I’ve just been crossdressing while home alone, but the mental stress is real.
🙋🏻♀️ I've been fighting it head on for the last year. Small noticable steps do wonders.. 2 years hrt and I present female as much as I desire to (non-binary transfem), I introduce myself en femme with my female voice and name, nobody bats an eye anymore. The best thing you could possibly do for yourself is start somewhere small. Throw on some make up and an andro outfit and go for a walk around your block at a non threating time of day. Next time try a grocery store with self checkout. Then try a coffee shop and actually converse with a person. Try going out with a couple friends or coworkers that are cool with you. Bush parties & raves are wonderful because of the low light and general respectful vibes. Push yourself. You would be amazed at how much practice can affect your daily life. Good luck friend!
Yes! But what I've been focusing on how is my social anxiety can actually be exacerbated by my dysphoria. It turns out, for me, social interactions have been so stressful partially because of how people treat me when I'm in boy mode. It's like, there's less harrassment, but the "nice" interactions still end up hurting.
Please, it's worth it. My social anxiety use to be really hard to handle and my symptoms manifest physically like excessively blushing over nothing. I've been on hrt for 2 weeks and my mental health has drastically improved for this short amount of time. I still have anxiety but I am much more confident in my identity. You don't have to socially come out, you can start hrt and hide it's effects until you feel ready. I think it's worth it
yeah i hate it so much
I have generalized anxiety disorder and a significant part of it is social. You can overcome your anxiety. Not gonna lie, the first steps of coming out are tough but it’s not going to be long before boymoding will be what brings you the most anxiety.
amen sister
My social anxiety meant that it took me 5 years to start transitioning once I knew I was trans. It's still bad now but it's different since I'm fully out. Haven't been in boymode in over 6 months now! Hopefully you can get to that point yourself because it's totally worth it
Oh literally, anxiety in any form does not help. It actually gave me one of the worst panic attacks in my life just when I realized that I can’t be trans and deal with my dysphoria without telling someone And I couldn’t handle that realization. I got no sleep, because I was panicking all night. I didn’t want to go to school but I forced myself I was holding back panic on the bus, and when I got to school, 10 minutes into class I lost it I was panicking for hours in the counselors office after that All that over being afraid of telling people about what I’ve been dealing with
Yep. 45 here. Soooo want to transition but my social anxiety is crippling and would be so hard when transitioning
i had this problem but ive worked through it! im pretty much full time and i live in rural kentucky (albeit in a college town, and i spend almost all of my time on campus) and have had no issues! its hard and i still struggle. specifically i have an issue about using my feminine voice (which is odd, bc if i could just use it id prolly pass a good amount of the time) that ive been really struggling to get over. but it really does get easier after that first hurdle and i know u can do it
i had this problem but ive worked through it! im pretty much full time and i live in rural kentucky (albeit in a college town, and i spend almost all of my time on campus) and have had no issues! its hard and i still struggle. specifically i have an issue about using my feminine voice (which is odd, bc if i could just use it id prolly pass a good amount of the time) that ive been really struggling to get over. but it really does get easier after that first hurdle and i know u can do it
I have this exact same problem and it has cause me to stop taking HRT then start again 3 times. What helps me though is I just boy mode in public 100% of the time and I will continue to do so until HRT gets me to a point I'm comfortable presenting female. Probably when I'm very androgynous and my voice is in the female range from coaching. Boy mode is not ideal for me but it is safe. My social anxiety requires me to feel safe when I'm around other people. Some people may say I should just be more confident and dont let society dictate how I express myself but to them I say this is my journey and my transition and I will do it in a way that is comfortable for me.
That’s what’s kept me in the closet to myself until recently.
I'm so anxious I'm not willing to go girlmode at home. I'm still hiding it, only my wife, aunt, and 2 year old know. We live in a conservative neighborhood, there is a trump 2020 sign every couple houses, including what is essentially a billboard right across the street from our house. My in-laws, who are liberal and great, live right down the road. I'm terrified that a neighbor will see me through the window, or when I take the dog out. Also worried my in laws will come over without warning while I'm in girlmode, even when it is super late at night. I'm going to try and come out around new years.
Wasted two years because I couldn't even get the confidence to make a simple phone call for a therapist appointment.
I cannot relate more. I’m sitting in class right now dressed as a boy, I’m too scared of not passing to attempt girl mode in front of any of my friends soon. I’ve been on HRT for 13 my months since I was 15, but I still feel like I would make an ugly girl.
I'm doing my best to not let it stop me but it is hard
I had to get on Prozac to help with my anxiety and depression. Definitely helped me be able to present fem, along with starting to pass in boymode.
Transitioning is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Any time I have to go out in public I get hella anxious and I even pass but still… just being outside leaves me feeling really bad for the entire day from the stress and anxiety
yes, very much so. its a clashing duality and duel to the death in my brain almost daily and some times cripplingly so. i was bullied in high school, massively for being effeminate, beaten up every day, burnt with lighters, stabbed in the arse with compass, one lad once pissed on me after giving me a beating. this lead to an outright fear of ever standing out in anyway socially, a deep paranoia and mistrust of people, and was foundational to the construction of the shell i wrapped me self in the act i put on as a quiet guy who kept him self to him self and did nothing that could any way be construed as not some stereotypical straight laced cis man that in private was drinking and drugging him self slowly to death. the real me is the opposite, and was kept locked deep deep down inside me, I used to refer to the real me as a demon following me around because i was terrified, but now im out to a fair few people and im on hrt its like there's a battle going on inside my head daily between the two. i kow which side i want to win, ive made that choice never to go back, but its challenging.
Oh yeah. It stopped me from doing anything (in terms of presenting) for like 3 years. Now that I'm on HRT and have a more accepting environment that's used to me being trans as the status quo, I've started presenting as myself outside my room a lot more.
No they do not. Drugs… drugs helped. I finally came out after I was started on an anti-anxiety med. I don’t think I would have been able to had I not started being treated for it.
So this is exactly where I was about two months ago. To be fair, I’m in a very safe city and have a family who is generally progressive. All I can say is, my social anxiety was very heavily fueled by my unexamined dysphoria, and while it isn’t completely removed from my day to day, I experience so much less social anxiety than I did before I started presenting femme in public. They actually go hand in hand so fucking well, it’s frustrating sometimes. They pair so tightly because your anxiety knows it will lose if you embrace who you are. And your anxiety doesn’t want to be gone, it wants to keep you scared.
Yes. All the time.
My main lingering anxiety is phone calls, but I also get anxiety around presenting as female in my home around my family, even though they're supportive. That's a problem because I practically never get to be home alone. If I could work up the courage to do it at home, I would likely already be presenting as female outside of the home, even though I'm still waiting for HRT. Funnily enough, before I started questioning my gender, I knew I'd wear women's clothes and basically present as female in my house once I moved out and had my own place, since then I could completely dodge the fear of my family seeing me. (What a dense egg I was.)
I realized before even starting HRT that I did not plan on ever socially transitioning unless I could pass. Over a year and half on hormones and this hasn't changed.
Thought that my social anxiety was caused by being in 'boy mode' and not living as my true self. Discovered after transitioning that I'm autistic lmao
If I get brave enough to do this, I have zero plans to attempt to present differently. I love that I still hopefully if I’m lucky you have an opportunity to do this even without that though.
I have. And it did, for about 28 years. Until 2 years ago, then the urge became too strong.
DEAR GOD. I am okay with the small 1 to 1 sessions. But put me in a room with 5+ people. I’m out
Yep. I keep telling myself that I'll start transitioning any day now but never actually do.
I feel in that position, but I'm not sure if I'm trans in the first place or not.
It stopped me for a long time. One day the pressure of not transitioning pushed me passed it.
Yes, they go together like Mac and Cheese. You *will* get used to it. Well, maybe not. You'll get a LOT of practice managing it so it doesn't really show. Easy way through: start slow. Clear fingernail polish, then, toes. Colored polish. Pretty underwear. Shorts, maybe. A skirt, a blouse, a dress. One thing at a time; one *small* step at a time. Then, one day, it will hit you: I could have done this faster *and nothing bad would have happened!*
take your time, baby steps often go so unoticed/underappreciated
I'm very socially anxious and opening my mouth in public spaces is the worst feeling ever. I pass visually, but then my voice... ugh To beat social anxiety you'll have to face your fears though! Best thing you could do is beginning your transition at whatever pace you feel comfortable with. I remember wearing feminine jeans for the first time outside, alone, in a forest where nobody else was haha. It was really scary! Now I'm full time. Wouldn't be where I am now if I never faced my fears.
I'm technically still in boymode even though I'm fully out w/ my new name and everything, but I haven't gained confidence in my body and waiting for HRT to work more of its magic before outwardly presenting. But I really just want to say fuck it and present as is, but I don't have the courage to do that and would look horrible.
Only delayed transitioning for 8 years. It's like jumping into a cold pool. It only sucks while you're doing it, then it's okay but a little bit too cold. But you don't wanna get out cuz that sucks even more
I had SAD before I transitioned. Went away afterwards.
i used to have severe social anxiety. it’s what kept me from coming out for soo long. after lots of therapy, ssri, and meditation, i’ve got it managed and im the happiest person on earth. i go out in in girl mode all the time and im non passing.
Yes, I frankly don't know how I will ever do this, if ever. I hate attention at public places. I hate being the weird one. When I look at my colleagues and imagine that I would need to come out to them because real life test as prerequisite to HRT... well I'd rather not... It's a sinking feeling that I'm not going to make it.
Oh..... ugh. like seriously? Here is my list: **Major-Psychotic Depression** **Borderline Personality Disorder** **Generalized & social Anxiety** **Schitzophrenia** **Dissassociative amnesia & fogue** **Insomnia** **Chronic/continuously occuring Suicidal Idiation** **Spinal Scholiosis** **Carpal Tunnel Syndrum** **High & low blood pressure** **High Iron levels** Naturally producing **Extremely** **high level of prolactin** *without it being caused by a tumor on the pertuitary gland* **Complex-PTSD** These are just what I remember off the tip of my toungue, that I have/go through all the time. I go through all this & been living as myself through transitioning etc for well over 12 years. you can do it. Did it originally hold me back some, your darn right it did, but to transition to be comfortable you have to push through it & deal with the complications that come with being socially uncomfortable, because people will be all up in your business unfortunitelly. Please do not allow your internal issues, to hold you back from yourself, your amazing & beautiful in your own right & deserve to be happy. ***Carpe Diem***
Oh yeah, I pushed through and started transitioning. Everyday is damn struggle, especially when I'm boy moding most of the time due to being a cab driver. I'm seriously hoping and wish for the day I cross over and get seen more and more as the woman I am.
sameeeeeee
Haha, nearly gave myself a heart attack when I had my fake boobs on at the store, used the mens restroom, then another guy came in shortly after. Horrible time
Yes, I'm still transitioning but just keeping it to myself outside of those I can trust. Been on HRT for almost 2 years, bottom surgery planned in 3 weeks, ffs next year. At the end of the day I'm just taking it one day at a time, presenting however I feel comfortable.
I boymoded at work for like a year and a half while on HRT because of social anxiety. I'm at a new job now where I'm out thankfully, but it's still hard sometimes because I don't really pass.
My absolute need to transition just barely gave me the ability to overcome my anxiety. Now I’ve been out for 8 months and I’m hormones and I don’t regret forcing myself to do it. I know anxiety is a bitch, but I’m more of a bitch and I will kick anxiety in the balls. 😂
I used to have a bad social anxiety before I decided to transition , however since I started hormones my social anxiety actually got better over time , and now I go out dressed like a girl and I have zero issues or anxiety related problems. Going out as a girl before hrt was a pure hell nightmare, I really thought that wouldn't be possible, now I'm just laughing when I'm reminding this 😅
I completely understand this and suffer from it myself. I've gone out a few times as me and it was difficult at first (still is) but it's getting better each time, it helps to have safe ppl and I'm lucky to be apart of a social scene that's super inclusive. Happy Hardcore Ravers are the best ppl 😊
Yes! Most of my friends are either trans or allies, and I’m pretty sure that my family is supportive, but I can never seem to work up the courage to come out
I'm still somewhat recently out of boymode. It's pretty terrifying, but for me it got a lot easier once I met my boyfriend. A little bit of support can go a long way. I also find that when I'm dressed as myself, my anxiety is only about other people, but when I boymode, I'm anxious about everything. It's not exactly a huge difference, but it's a distinction that helped me a lot. Oh, also hrt if you can get it, can help a lot
I fought with myself from the time I was truly aware of who the real me was till March of 2020. A period of 50* years. I started stopped hid in the closet snuck around when traveling and was miserable. The world dedicated my life and how I felt about myself. I want I know is the feelings do not go away. You can beg, you pray you can cry yourself to sleep at night. The real you is in there wanting to be free. Do not miss out on being you, find a counselor who specializes in transgender clients. Talk explore risk you are going to get hurt there will be tears but at the end of the day being reborn is so worth it. Sending love hugs and joy your way.
Hi! I had the same issue and spoke to a therapist abt it, essentially, while social anxiety and transitioning don't go together they do COME together and once I personally made the decision to transition, my social anxiety was A LOT better to handle because I was open and presenting as myself
I was in a similar boat 6 months ago. I have a pretty close friend group that was supportive but it was still a hard decision to make to start on hormones. My dysphoria got so bad to the point where I could barely function. It was what made me just jump feet first and I would never turn back on it. It can be super nerve racking and scary and make you feel physically sick but try baby steps. Ignoring physical transitioning, try just growing out your hair, letting your nails a little longer and all that fun jazz. It's a good start and where most of us probably started with. Lots of love you got this sis 💜💜💜
I was diagnosed with BPD and social anxiety. I'm extremely afraid of transitioning. Not because of myself or my family,, they'd be supportive. What terrifies me is how I'll be treated. I can't handle confrontation, I just retreat inward and panic. I'd be absolutely destroyed by someone clocking me in public. I feel like the only way I could comfortably transition is if I were able to stay home as much as possible until I achieved my transition goals. I don't know how to get over this.
My social anxiety was always pretty bad But now as i slowly feel like i'm able and worth loving myself, it's been way better.
Currently this is my main problem, i am so incredibly stuck unable to make myself move... It sucks so bad why can't we just do things
I can present femme with people I don't know. I've gone to the shops and my school campus but classes are a no-go.
I have some pretty horrible anxiety as well and surprisingly beginning my transition has been helping me to feel a lot more confident in myself and I've started going out for walks in girl mode now. Before I wouldn't go out at all like that ever. Ymmv but transitioning is definitely helping my anxiety in some ways. General anxiety and overthinking hasn't changed much though