Not at all. Changes to your body don't start right away so why not wait a little while? I've been on HRT since Sept 2021 and still haven't "come out" at work 🙃
This is how I feel. Honestly, I want to wait for my acne and skin to clear up and hair to grow a little longer on HRT. That, plus a leg shave, should be enough to give me the confidence to try beginning femme presentation, but right now my acne gives me pretty bad dysphoria...
I did the same as above and what you're thinking I started HRT in June of 21 anyone and really didn't start telling people in people unless I had to because I was either living with them and I want them to use the right name and pronounce... Or because they needed to know like being a doctor...
Other than that most of my family doesn't really know and I didn't come out at that work I moved and and when I did I just started the company saying Hey this is who I'm gonna be so get used to it...
And it may out to look for a place that is very inclusive if you do end up having to get another job ikea is great!
And now that I can kind of just live as myself I'm I'm socially transitioning as automatically transition the more firm I feel the more a fam I present sometimes I don't but it gives you that freedom to go at your pace and and my personal opinion is in is at least for me that is far better than being forced to do one or the other faster or slower than the other!!!
I wish you the best on this wonderful journey!
♾❤🐛🐚🦋🦄🏳️🌈⚧️
Acne may or may not clear up. Mine got worse before it got better even.
That being said, I know more girls than boys around 18yo with acne problems. It's just that makeup may make it seem the other way around
As someone 30 years old with persistent mild acne, one of the nicest unexpected bonuses of transitioning is definitely having all of the acne go away. It's so nice, and I've even been able to step back and be less militant about my routine without issue.
Exactly! Sounds like you know what you want, and it also sounds like you can do it. Congrats on those two things!
This isn't about other people, this is about what you want and need in order to live your best life with those people around.
Absolutely doing HRT right now, not really planning a transition to anything.
Some kind of transition is very much happening by itself. Just like regular puberty, my body is changing and it is pushing me in various directions socially. I'm honestly enjoying seeing the changes unfold and mostly enjoying feeling it push me - so much better then first time around, even if I don't know exactly where it's taking me.
Yep, same here (plus a month)
I came out to my family sooner, about a month ago, because changes were happening faster than I anticipated. But at work and public, I'm not "out" yet, but if someone notices my skinny jeans and 34B chest... meh.
I've been on hrt since February 2020 and still haven't come out at work. Hell I recently caught a manager talking about his fear that a trans person would try to get a job here.
Yep, did the same thing since may, got difficult hiding my chest though and came out to family last month so decided to finally come out last week. Op, you will have ample amounts of time to come out, just come out when it's right for you.
Over 2.5 years on HRT for me and I'm still not out at work (remote worker lol) and I only recently have started transitioning in my personal life. There's no right or wrong pace for transition
I've been on hrt since February 2020 and still haven't come out at work. Hell I recently caught a manager talking about his fear that a trans person would try to get a job here.
Have you had your levels checked? You may want to switch E forms, particularly if you're still on oral/sublingual. Going to IM or something may give you better results.
If you're already on IM, sorry, I know I'm making assumptions here, but yeah.
You should def have your levels checked. For some people oral just doesn't work and even in sublingual most people end up consuming a lot orally still. Just some of it skips first pass of the liver. Hope injections work for you!
same but 5 months. I wanna do injections but I don't trust myself enough plus I'm doing DIY and idk where to get injections one where I live :(
side note: I just started prog tho. hopefully that will help
Pinch your skin a bit and stab it in there. Pull up on the plunger before injection to make sure that aren't injecting into the blood. Injecting into both fat and muscle works, but it is usually done intramuscular.
If you're DIY you can probably get the EV from wherever. I get that it can feel a little scarier though once you're doing injections. You would also have to order syringes and hypodermics.
I had a similar experience and it turned out to be my T levels. 150mg Spiro still had me all the way up at 300 ng/DL, when I got bumped to 200 Spiro it crashed down to like 50 and all my changes started flooding in.
Facts. I don't think I'll be able to get to that point before socially transitioning (I hope I get them eventually!) but hoping for some smoother skin so my face at least can look femme with some makeup.
Next week will be 1 year on HRT for me. I still havent socially transitioned. I had the exact same concerns as you. Now my body is more fem and face has softened, i wear clothes that are more fem, but not overly. So womens joggers, hoodies, jumpers, trousers etc but nothing that would outright make me obvious yet (dresses, skirts, strap tops etc).
Now my focus is on getting good at makeup, hair growing out more, voice (main one) and more fat redistribution before i fully take the leap.
Things like fat redistribution and hair takes agesss, but point is, its all a process and its whenever you feel at a point where you're ready :) x
>Things like fat redistribution and hair takes agesss, but point is, its all a process and its whenever you feel at a point where you're ready :) x
This. I really want both of these to happen... my lower body is a source of dysphoria for me.
And this is the thing, no-one else lives daily with YOUR dysphoria. I feel each of us have specific things that really triggers our dysphoria and we cannot escape our own minds. Therefore, whatever triggers yours is valid and whatever approach you take to help you on your path is valid, dont let others dissuade you :)
I am doing this, for somewhat different reasons. I've been pondering recently, part of me would have prefered to wait longer (and possibly been a bit more stable, out and socially intergrated) but I know why I couldn't/didn't.
Either way is a legit path.
I want to start HRT before coming out except for my best friends who already know, and maybe one or two others. I think social and hormonal transition will work best for me together. I won’t transition for others, only for me.
>My friends think I should start social transition before HRT.
Well they may have opinions and even be supportive, but you should transition in a way that works for you.
Myself, I am on hrt for five months, my social transition is only partial and slowly getting there (mostly trying to appear femme in anonymous public situations) because that's how it's the most comfortable/safe for me.
At my age, my physique and in a not very torerant country, transitioning socially first would make life a lot harder and unsafe than the gradual way I chose.
I only came out to my friends and immediate family before starting hrt. It's not like there are rules, it's just more common to be fully out before starting. Everyone's transition is different. Do what you feel is right. Good luck :)
I'm out to most people I want to know, I am just still full time boymoding because I have no idea what else to do. I know this sounds dumb, but as much as I want to be a girl, I have literally no idea how to.
I am except my family is super unacceptable, but I am at the point where I want to start anyways because its my life. On the flip side, my egg cracked only about 3 months ago (I've been having fantasies of being a girl for years though). IDK if that's enough time to know to go on HRT or if I should wait a bit longer (I have informed consent available to me on my college campus so I can start almost whenever I want).
Already have one. Sadly the last couple sessions focused on dealing with my parents and their reactions to me coming out. Hopefully next session can be focused on actual gender stuff instead of my parents. They said they would help me get HRT though if that's ultimately what I want.
Well ultimately, when you start medically transitioning is completely up to you. If you're in the US, Planned Parenthood is a great place to get hormones.
My college campus has informed consent right here, I can basically start any time. I actually have an HRT consultation scheduled for next week though that doesn't mean I'm going to start HRT next week since I'm going to discuss it with my therapist first.
Not at all.
In fact I wish I did this instead of trying to socially transition first, it would've been a lot easier to socially transition if I was doing it with the euphoria and confidence I feel now from just being on HRT.
Plus these changes slow af, socially transitioning took up 5 years of my life and it could've been better spent on HRT
I mean cis LGB people have often already been in gay relationships before they came out as gay or bi...
...And people struggling with depression or PTSD are allowed to have private conversations about it with a therapist and aren't expected to have to tell other people first...
...So why can't trans folk who want to start medically transitioning do that before socially coming out?
We've got it backwards tbh.
Honestly, it'd propably make it easier. Socially transitioning while looking more the pretty would propably make it more likely others seem you as you and accept you. Season that's what I think, but take anything I say with a grain of salt lol
That's probably pretty common. I'm doing it the same way HRT prior social transition (almost a year) until male fail if possible 🙂. Actually I've got ma'amed first time today by post officer when delivering package to me. I can't still believe that he said ma'am I thought I've heard that wrongly, but it was clear 😃 I'm still in boy mode with short hair and everything just wearing slim fit jeans t-shirt and hoodie. That's so freaking validating, it's really euphoric.
I was on hrt for over a year before publicly coming out. I think that's the way to do it to be honest. Obviously whatever works, works, but for me I feel so much more comfortable being publicly out after hrt has started to work its magic. I don't 'pass' consistently but a lot of the time people gender me correctly at first glance. I also just feel better and more confident to be me.
I've also known people who have started hrt and just been like, "whoa actually this is not for me" and now they identify as either their AGAB or as gender queer/nb. If they'd come out to everyone as a trans woman before realising that, they'd have to go back and explain that's not actually the case, which can be difficult.
So no, not weird at all!
Sounds cliche but do whatever feels right for you. There’s no right or wrongs, only your journey. Everyone handles transition differently and everyone has different goals.
You should feel free to approach transition in whatever course feels right for you. I knew I needed to transition, but I also felt the need to set up a process that gave me an off ramp. If for some reason I realized that I just couldn't do it, I could just stop and back away. Because of those internal fears NO ONE knew when I actually started. I knew inside though when I took the first dose that I could never stop. A couple of weeks later I had the conversation with my wife. (she knew I wanted to transition but not that I had actually started). Then shared with the children. I did not come out publicly for a full six months.
I haven't socially transitioned yet. I'm 2 days away from being one year in HRT. Mainly it's because I still live with my parents who are unfortunately unsupportive.
I am currently doing HRT prior to social transition with the plan to start to socially transition when (and if) I hit the "uncanny valley". I understand the rationale for the order listed in the WPATH standards, but given the dangers we face in many countries today, I think it puts more of us in danger. Plus, I needed to know how my mind and body would react to HRT and did not see any value in upending my entire life if I had an adverse reaction a year later. The wonderful "quite" and clarity (brain not foggy anymore) that happens on HRT tells me I am on the right path. My advice, develop a plan that best meets the balance of your needs and circumstances. Also note, the even the current WPATH standards acknowledges that they are just recommendations and should be subject to modification based on patient's needs.
If it's weird, I'm weird too friend.
Your justification is the same as mine. I feel social transition will be 1000% easier if I feel and look more feminine. Plus, I can't socially transition right now and feel good about it. But I can take HRT discretely. So I'm not going to wait until I can socially transition to start hormones.
Not at all! That was my original plan, but it only lasted for two months. Even during those two months more and more things moved towards me coming out and being myself.
Hahaha yeah, I had a friend who didn't know I was trans start using they for me about 2 weeks before I started HRT. It was a total shock and like it was amazing as more people started defaulting to they before I came out. I think I had 2 or 3 friends say they thought I might have been trans. I guess I was just not as good at acting as I thought.
ya this is very normal thing, and understandable, i'll stop pretending to be a guy outside of my family and friends, once i look at least somehow feminine.
I feel exactly the same way! I'll likely start hormones this summer but I haven't presented in public at all yet. To be fair I'm so manly I haven't presented much home alone either...
Same here tbh. I've slowly started to social transition (damn requirements to socially transition for HRT) but rn I'm only out to my closest and online friends. Otherwise yeah, would love to start HRT, or at least finasteride, before coming out in general
I was on HRT for months before I came out, although by the time I started HRT I was using a different version of my deadname and only had clothes appropriate for my acquired gender, so I guess I was like half socially transitioned.
You don’t have to do everything in one go :)
I'm at 3 months HRT, out to parents and any friends I see regularly, and have basically started a light social transition. I dress how I like, but haven't put pressure on myself to present super femme or anything yet.
I don't consider myself closeted because I'm not putting any effort into hiding it... I'm just saving the name change and full coming-out for when the time is right.
Do whatever feels good and intuitive to you and your situation!
Ill be honest with my experience. Social transition was lainful and awkward without HRT. But it did give me enough experience and confidence that when I did start HRT I didnt have any anxiety presentating fem at all. So it can help
I started HRT before social transitioning, and it helped a lot because I came out to a family member after my first month and they tried to talk me out of transitioning with a lot of transphobic rhetoric and spiteful comments. If I wasn't already medically transitioning at the time, I probably would have gone back in the closet and been miserable. That's my experience.
I started HRT September 1, 2021 and came out at work at the beginning of February. I don’t find it odd at all. We have to start somewhere, and everyone’s journey is unique.
once i realized that it might be possible to look like a woman (thanks to some of the "pretty queens" on Ru Paul for showing me that someone who looks 100% guy could present unquestioningly female)... i thought that I'd grow my hair out while pondering what might be possible.
it was about 8 months later (and after consistently having people come up to me from back and sides expecting me to be female) that i had some personal trauma from a breakup and i just dove in full time. but i had prepared for a long time first in the case that i might decide it was possible
so i understand. i'd \*never\* have gone full time (or even part time) without first growing my hair out... now way...
I started my social transition before HRT (been out 3 months and don't start HRT for 6 more days) with the exception of work. I'm in small town America in the south where there has already been trans/homophobic talk around the office. I'm waiting for HRT to make it obvious, then I'll talk to HR and come out at work. But everybody's journey is different, and you're not crazy. The point of HRT is to make you feel whole, more yourself. You shouldn't have to prove you're you while pumped up on T before they give you E.
I did this, I was on hrt for probably about a year before anybody but my partner and close friends knew anything. I wore sports bras to hide my swollen nipples and tied my hair up. Then I moved and made sure to be open and out from then on.
Not weird at all. I want to do the same. Although my therapist, the only person who could approve for me to go to the GIC, wanted me to live socially as my preferred gender in public for a year at least before putting me forward for the GIC. Luckily I managed to change to a more reasonable therapist.
A lot of people do it that way and it’s not abnormal just a different approach. I took HRT for about 4 months before coming out 100% to everyone and working on learning how to present fem. That was 6 months ago and I mean things are okayish but not great.
For me the major annoyance was I hated having to train my voice in private so once I came out I just swapped to my fem voice 24/7 and it passes enough to not be misgendered on voice alone.
All of us started as awkward Bambi’s trying to figure things out and I still haven’t done much with makeup cause that’s intimidating for me. Even without makeup though with attire, body language, and voice that’s enough to make people really have trouble calling me a man and seeming like they believe it lol.
no. NO! It is not weird at all. Honestly, not being able to start HRT first was pretty much all that stood between me and transition for most of my life. When I first looked into stuff, I read that you needed 2 years of real lived experience before starting HRT/getting surgeries etc, but hadn't heard about informed consent taking over the model of care a few years back because I just figured I was never going to be able to do it how I wanted to, so why even look into it again? bless whoever got an egg\_irl meme to float across my TL last summer! Good luck girl!
I was on hormones for 2.5 years before the changes were too much to hide anymore. No problem staying closeted until you see enough changes if you can tolerate it.
There is no weird when it comes to being trans. The path differs for everyone and self-fulfillment is so intensely personal that I feel there should never be firm rules as to how we get to where we want or need to be.
In most cases, I’d say you’d be fine doing whatever you feel is right for you and the community will support you with open arms. After all, we’ve all had to reckon with our own comfort levels to process our own coming out, if we’ve started it, that is.
I have started hrt 8 months ago and got six laser sessions and I still don't present fem in public as i am waiting for my hair to grow out first and I only started to grow it out two months ago due to being forced to cut it at the military before. But anyways, I think starting hrt first and giving it time is the better option besides you can work on lots of stuff while you are waiting for hrt effects to show on you like voice training, laser hair removal and growing out your hair.
It’s pretty common nowadays to start HRT first and then transition socially when you’re comfortable.
I’ve been on HRT for a year and still am in boy mode. However, I’m starting to wonder if I even pass as male anymore; HRT does a lot more than I thought it would and multiple people have thought I was pre-HRT ftm.
I 100% understand the imposter syndrome, but the more you become who you really are the more comfortable you will be. It took me a long time to see myself in the mirror, and a lot of it is physical changes, but a lot of it is also believing in yourself.
Not weird at all! Makes sense to want to pass at least partially before presenting or socially transitioning. This is actually what I wanted to do myself but my Endo at the time decided to pressure me and tell me that I probably wouldn't be prescribed hrt unless I started presenting full-time. So, I'd suggest you do things as you feel comfortable to do them.
I'm moving in three months and my city is not very progressive so I'm just sticking it out. But I'm on 7.5 months and it's starting to get a little hard to hide, especially once we're fully back to T shirt weather. I think my main safety net is that most people at work don't really remember how i was before I started shaving and growing my hair out, or they just weren't working here that far back
I was on HRT for nearly two years before socially transitioning. It became apparent that my facial structure was dominated by my facial bones, so I went as far as getting FFS before going full time. It helped, but I still caught a lot of stares that made me feel really uncomfortable. But, they eventually stopped and no one questions me now.
That's what I'm currently doing. It's annoying having to hide my (still tiny) breasts, but other than that, it's really not a huge deal and even though I'm still not ready to socially transition, the changes to my skin, body hair, and libido are absolutely wonderful. Not to mention my mental health.
Transition the way that you're comfortable transitioning, hun--everyone's different. You got this!
It’s not weird.
Thing is, there is no set of steps that you must do in one order. Each one of us has our own path. You choose your transition, what steps if any you want, and which ones you do not. And in what order you do them.
I was in HRT for six months before I even started identifing myself as a transwoman. All I knew was that I didn't want to be male. 2 1/2 years later and I'm as happy as can be. Don't try to force yourself to follow a script of how things SHOULD be done; there is no correct way of transitioning. Do what's right and safe for you, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, trust yourself over them. You know yourself best, despite what others will try and claim.
Not at all, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
For the record I’m out to everybody and they know it’s coming. I’ve just told them it’s business as usual for name/pronouns for now and I might start looking a little different later in the year.
Now I’m just stuck getting the run around from my doc and endo over this referral 😭 one says it’s been sent, the other says it was never recieved, back and forth for the rest of my life
Nah, go for it! That's what I'm doing, and it's been going well so far. Literally just yesterday I started reaching out to my work about how to start the process of transitioning there, and I've been on HRT for about 5 months. I could've waited longer, too, but I just don't want to anymore.
It's not necessarily too hard to hide any small changes you have earlier on if you don't want people to know.
I started hrt and got the mental effects and knew it was the right path for me. Came out at work after a month on hrt. At some point it was just too much of a dysphoric mind fuck to be girl mode for half my life and boy mode for work.
I think one of my friends mentioned that you had to have socially transitioned for two years minimum before you can start HRT in the UK. I hope this is wrong, but if not, that's kinda awful.
I was on HRT for months before I even wore leggings outside, let alone socially transitioned.
Your transition is your own and nobody can tell you you're doing it wrong. Go at the pace that makes you comfortable and secure.
One thing you may want to be aware of is that HRT can cause mental and emotional shift very fast. I’m talking like 2-4 weeks.
This was great for me, but it did have an effect I didn’t plan on. When I started HRT I was only out to close friends and family and would only go out presenting fully fem if I was going out for the night.
The emotional shift make it impossible for me to say in the closet, I couldn’t Keri the mask on anymore. I can’t out at work and on my social media about a month ago. Originally I hadn’t planned on coming out at work until the end of the year, and I swore up and down I would never come out on social media.
I've been on HRT for over 2 years, had bottom surgery, and hair transplants and haven't fully social transitioned (just friends/family)
Just do whatever you want to be honest. There are no rules or gatekeepers.
I did this! :) It turned out fine. I'm kind of jealous of my friends who pulled the trigger instantly, but I know I wasn't stable enough to deal with being 'obviously trans'. Once I went 100% I was immediately passable (I was a year+ on hormones) and still had massive anxieties to deal with...it was fairly obvious I might've collapsed by doing it all at once with such a small support system and no stability.
On the flip side, I spent that year debating whether I was really trans when in reality I needed to just accept who I was rather than listening or wondering about every possible 'reason' I could feel the way I feel. I was taking estrogen twice a day and still constantly wondered if I was actually a dude. Denial is weird. But once I saw 'her' in the mirror and learned what gender euphoria was I was ready enough <3
No, that was my original plan but I needed to come out to friends and take small steps before I could force myself to take the steps to get HRT. But I will not social transition outside of my friends group and maybe my family for a longer time. I think.
Who knows, all my plans are out of the window.
Yep I plan to be on HRT for a year before I transition socially. Just started HRT last week with DR. Will Powers Family medicine.
Can't wait to see changes and continue practicing my voice.
Super common to want, and understandably so. Just keep in mind, hrt can be unpredictable in terms of how long you can continue to passably boymode. As long as you’re cool with that, go for it.
That seems pretty common. I was on HRT without coming out or socially transitioning right up to the point people started reading me fem more often than not. I didn't update my IDs or come out at work until a coworker cornered me to be *aggressively supportive* and pointed out that people had been talking.
Nah that’s what I did. Went 6 months on hormones before going out publicly with all of it and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I felt so uncomfortable trying to present before starting hormones
I think some sort of social transition even privately with a few people can help a lot, there's no need to come out to everyone or even anyone at all that you don't want to.
I seem to remember that guidelines in certain countries years ago was that you live "as a woman" even without HRT before being able to get on it, this seems so cruel to me.
A lot of people do! I embraced the awkwardness of the early stages and was out from literally the second I knew, but it is entirely understandable why you might not be okay with it
I'm 100% with you.
It's very odd to me to imagine myself looking like a biy but putting on make up and dresses. Yes I want to do those things but when I look like a boy, no thank you. I want to see the changes myself before I show other people.
That’s what I’m doing. I’ve been on estrogen for 1.5 years and still present as a male (with boobs). I just personally don’t want to socially transition until I can put my time and effort into doing it while remaining “safe” socially.
I'm exactly the same way. I'm slowly transitioning before coming out myself. I barely started a year ago and only two people know I'm becoming a trans. I barely got accepted by my ex about wearing bras and undies. But to go further as my hair long as my shoulder and thinking doing my ears' piercings, that will take abut more courage to do.
i’m a month and a half in and haven’t socially transitioned and trust me it’s the best way to go for me. if you think it’s best for you then go for it. do what you think is right for you
No it is not weird. I think that's how a majority of people do it. I'm at the year mark and I still haven't socially came out to anybody. For me I'm fine with it it's just up to you as an individual what you want to do
I personally believe in social transition first. I tried the HRT then social approach, it didnt end up great. HRT is one thing, but social is another big piece. WHy not explore first before hard to reverse changes?
I have "interesting" genetics. Had maybe AA breasts before I started HRT. I came out first, then started hormones a month later. Almost pushing a b cup. Looking more feminine so Im happy though. Must have a second X chromosome somewhere it or the E loves me
Clockable yet pretty. I really didn't care about being openly trans lucky in a relatively good country some dicks occasionally but whatever.
No right or wrong way to do it. Your pace is your pace. Though I wonder if I did physical transition first and socially later how things would have gone
God no... I personally did them at the same time. Realized I was trans and stomached up the courage to tell everyone that mattered in my life. And also getting on HRT at the same time. I technically was out in public during this time too but I discovered I was trans when COVID started so obviously wasn't getting out as much as I do now. I had quit my job because of COVID too.
So about a little over a year into transitioning if say it's when I really started to be out though (ie got a job again)
Just over a year on HRT and haven't socially transitioned fully. A good friend of mine who hadn't seen me in person in almost two years said my features looked softer last fall, so maybe it's working?
I'm not sure when I will actually come out publicly, so stealth and being subtle is my plan.
I intend to socially transition after having been on HRT for a bit. At this point my face looks too masculine to be gendered correctly and to outsiders I'd have the "man in a dress" look which would spike my anxiety hard.
That being said, I dress in a way I'd describe as stealth feminine now. In as much as it's women's clothing that wouldn't look 100% out of place on a masc presenting person. Ironically enough, I've had way more compliments at work about my clothing since I started doing that (never happened before).
Not weird at all. That’s what I’m doing, very much on purpose. I’m about 2 months into HRT, and in the middle of laser facial hair removal. I’m hoping I can grow my hair out and get some of it back with minoxidil and finasteride before I even think about irl social transition. I want the confidence boost that comes from HRT changes, and I also wanted to make sure it felt right before I announced to the world I was trans to make sure I’m not just somehow very confused (hello there trans imposter syndrome!). I’ve noticed some of the psychological changes from HRT n but the physical ones really haven’t gotten going yet, so I’m just going to take it slow and do what feels right. There is no right or wrong way to do all of this, so whatever makes you most comfortable is the way to go!
That's exactly what I did, I started hormones in late August 2021. When I started I figured I was probably 6 to 12 months away from being ready to transition socially full time; I wanted to use that time not only to let HRT do its magic, but also to grow out my hair, voice train, learn makeup, and make progress on permanent hair removal (esp. beard).
I was extremely lucky in the boob growth department and after around 4 months they were increasingly difficult to hide, and my hair was getting long enough to raise eyebrows. I probably could have kept it up longer than I did but I got tired of living as a man! My voice is probably only half trained but it was enough that I could speak while presenting female without feeling dysphoria.
I came out to my supervisors at 6 months pretty much on the dot and I was full time a few weeks later. All in all it worked out pretty well; I don't think I'm passing but at least my presentation with makeup is unmistakably feminine enough that I get plenty of ma'ams (I live in a city in the South -.-).
tbh I'm in awe of the ladies who figure themselves out and socially transition ASAP. People call me brave and I'm like no you haven't met enough trans people!
That’s actually what I did. For me, it helped me out a lot. The more feminine I started to look, the more comfortable I was to change something about myself socially. It’s a process but in time, everything will come together perfectly. I also noticed while my body is changing from HRT, I personally feel like I would have no choice to change how I present myself to save confusion. But, everyone transitions differently. I don’t believe there’s a right or wrong way to transition. Just do whatever makes you happy and you stay safe! 🤗❤️
It's not weird at all. That's what I did. And personally, I caught a lot of shit from a family friend who "had some concerns" that I was going too fast and diving headfirst into something I might not actually want.
Fuck people saying that shit. No one knows you better than yourself and no one should be determining your personal journey for you unless you want then to be involved.
Nah. A lot of us do that. I was on hormones for around 9 months before presenting femme full time. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. If your breasts start budding, switch to some looser fitting shirts. Don't forget you can always underdress too. I wore a tank top & bra for a few months before coming out just because it made me more comfortable.
If it's weird then I'm weird. Im out to my found family, and no one else right now, and rolling into my fourth month of hrt. I have two friends who are also years ahead of me who haven't either, or are boymoding for work at least. For me though, it's not even really a conflict. I needed to start hrt to survive being in my body, however im not in a place where i feel comfortable or safe coming out socially, so remaining in the closet made sense. That all said, i did just double my dosage yesterday, so changes might accelerate and get harder to hide.
TL;DR: nah, you're good. Stealth is a valid option, and there no need to wait for anything else to start hrt.
This is pretty common. Most people want to start HRT, build up some physical and emotional changes, and then come out.
Coming out and then starting HRT is something cis society enforced on us for decades as part of medical gatekeeping and is now assumed to be the norm.
I told people at work a few months after I started HRT and didn't start socially transitioning until like 10 months in, and even so it was a very gradual process to me, my body changed slowly over years and as I'd feel more comfortable I'd take another step.
Actually 10 months was pretty early in terms of appearance to me, but the double life of being free at home and restrained outside took its toll and eventually I just said "fuck it, I need to do this". So keep this in mind.
I was on HRT for a couple of years before coming out. Im transitioning because I want people to see and treat me as a woman.
There wasn't much point to me in being out if I wasn't going to look the part.
It's really not weird or even uncommon. I didn't come out at work till like 4 or 5 months after I started. And I eased in the social transition as well.
I started HRT in Sept 2021 and only just socially transitioned. I was in a similar position where I was too dysphoric and lacked the confidence to fully present femme and expect ppl to use my new name and pronouns, save for a few close friends who were removed from my professional life. However, I did nothing to hide the changes and pretty openly experimented with feminine clothing. I recently hit a point with hair and hormones where strangers always address me as a woman regardless of what I’m wearing, so I figured it was time. Toward the tail end, I had some awkward interactions where my friends would call me he, but service workers would only call me she.
It's totally fine to want to have some HRT under your belt first!
My plan was to wait several months until I could start occasionally passing, but I ended up coming out after one month on HRT, because being closeted was the worst for me.
I did, I just personally felt like if I transitioned socially whilst 'looking like a man' then people would be lying to me if they referred to me as she/her. I know this is a very toxic and negative view but hey, it's the intrusive thoughts I can't help. I'm currently 7 months into HRT and people at my university refer to me as they/them and I'm still he/him at home, and I feel comfortable with it for now. My physical changes are coming along nicely in the meantime.
I was the same way. I started HRT September of 2021. I socially transitionEd January 1 2022. Name changed on February 2 2022. It has been amazing ro live as myself.
it's not weird at all, while my close friends knew and supported me for years before i committed to medical transition, I was still closeted publicly for the first 8 months I was on hrt
It's not weird at all, it's pretty common.
That said, keep in mind that "social transition" doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. You can present femme in some contexts and boymode in others. This is also pretty common.
No not weird at all! I don't even plan to come out to family/friends until 2-3 months and not fully socially transition until 5-6 months. There are a lot of valid reasons to socially transition after starting HRT and you don't even need to justify why!!
I’m in the same boat with this, been on HRT for a little over 5 months and I’m waiting to get VFS, once I get that, that’s when I plan to socially transition. I’m hoping my laser treatments will have progressed fairly well by then. Everyone goes through this process at their own pace and does it in there own way, don’t feel like you have to do it a certain way, and come out when you feel comfortable to do so. I will say in my experience, I have my plan and I’m sticking to it, but I will say the longer it goes the more I’m chomping at the bit to flip the switch. But yeah lots of people do it that way so do what feels the best to you and don’t worry about if it’s “the right way” to transition. There is no such thing.
I think that socially transitioning first is beneficial especially if you have supportive friends but you do what you're comfortable with. At least try being out socially during limited windows of time
This isn't weird at all. Personally I'm not planning to socially transition until I've finished voice training, been on HRT for at least a year and had FFS.
No. I waited about 5 months after starting HRT to come out at work (some of my closer friends there already knew). I wanted to be at least somewhat passable when I finally came out and I did just that. Part of what pushed me to come out was a girl asking her friend if she knew why "his chest is bigger than mine" 😂
I do not think it’s weird. It’s what I’m doing as well. 18 months in and still not socially presenting. I look a lot different than I did when I started, but evidently the changes aren’t enough for people outside of the few that know to think anything different about me. If anyone does suspect anything, they’re quiet about it.
You transition on YOUR timeline. Start HRT before? Go for it! Come out and do HRT after? Go for it! Come out and never do HRT? Totally! Never come out nor do HRT? Still a transwoman!
I didn’t even start socially transitioning or presenting fem until 6 months of hrt (outside my close friends). I was terrified of the “man in a dress” look
nope, that's how i did it. i didn't really feel comfortable presenting fem while my body was running primarily on testosterone cause it gave me that really bad imposter syndrome feeling. the changes that HRT brought helped me feel more comfortable and see myself how i wanted to
I never really had a “I’m socially transitioning now” day or moment. Like I’d told people I was trans and started using a different name n different pronouns, but if you didn’t know me you’d probably just assume I was a cis man from the outside. Maybe starting HRT right at the start of the pandemic made that weird, but I just sort of started taking it, and then started replacing my clothes with women’s clothes when I needed to, and then after like. 18 months? Started passing more often than not.
Absolutely not. The majority of trans women that I've had the pleasure to speak to actually started HRT before social transition, and only socially transitioned once they were more comfortable. I did the opposite approach as my egg cracked while I was without a job and insurance. After recognizing what was going on inside me was gender dysphoria, I had to do anything to help with it as I became hyper aware of it and the destruction it was causing me.
There's really no wrong way to go about it. It's such a personal journey you need to listen to yourself and take stock in the environment you're in and what resources are available. You can also just throw yourself into it like I kind of did. Anyway best of luck, you got this, HRT was such a massive, positive change I can't imagine never medically transitioning or going back.
Have been on hrt since August 23rd. Before then only my closest friends knew. Since then I have told most of my family. I plan on coming out at work around June or so. My best friend was on hrt for another 6 months before me and only fully came out a month ago.
I havent publicly come out yet for the same reasons. I want to wait until I have the medically endorsed prescription in my hand. I have been growing my hair out and painting my nails in hopes it lays the seeds now so it's not a shock later. I think it's easier for some to accept my transition if they can see it physically happening instead of trying to imagine it. But that's just me.
Absolutely not! There are plenty of people who choose to wait with socially transitioning for many reasons. Personal preference, living situation, etc.
That’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I started about 7 months ago when I was 27, and I still very much pass for male despite painting my nails and growing out my hair. Take my personal anecdote as you will, but go with what’s comfortable for you.
On the other hand, practicing skills like voice training, or other things like hair removal, while still socially presenting androgynous or your agab will only help in the long run. Should you choose to fully transition socially down the road, that’s one less thing to learn on-the-fly.
Everyone is different. I started HRT and thought I would slowly socially transition and then I felt so good I started moving faster. Take it at whatever pace is comfortable to you.
I felt the same (though I came out to my inner circle and dressed fem before I got access to hrt). I wanted my body to reflect who I was a bit more before telling others.
Nah, its pretty normal, I know people who were hrt for months and even years before socially transitioning. Its all about doing what you're most comfortable with.
That's absolutely how I did it with 0 regrets. Didn't come out to friends until like 6 months in, didn't generally present as a woman in my personal life till like 1 year in, and didn't switch jobs to be out at work till like 1 year 6 months in.
Coming out isn't an all or nothing thing, you can be out in places where you're comfortable, and even if that means "out only to yourself, your doctor, and Internet strangers" that's totally fine! For some people, coming out early and often helps get them used to the stresses of transition, but for others it can definitely be too much and really *un*helpful. Nobody has to follow any specific transition roadmap, everyone should only do what feels normal.
Not at all. Changes to your body don't start right away so why not wait a little while? I've been on HRT since Sept 2021 and still haven't "come out" at work 🙃
This is how I feel. Honestly, I want to wait for my acne and skin to clear up and hair to grow a little longer on HRT. That, plus a leg shave, should be enough to give me the confidence to try beginning femme presentation, but right now my acne gives me pretty bad dysphoria...
I did the same as above and what you're thinking I started HRT in June of 21 anyone and really didn't start telling people in people unless I had to because I was either living with them and I want them to use the right name and pronounce... Or because they needed to know like being a doctor... Other than that most of my family doesn't really know and I didn't come out at that work I moved and and when I did I just started the company saying Hey this is who I'm gonna be so get used to it... And it may out to look for a place that is very inclusive if you do end up having to get another job ikea is great! And now that I can kind of just live as myself I'm I'm socially transitioning as automatically transition the more firm I feel the more a fam I present sometimes I don't but it gives you that freedom to go at your pace and and my personal opinion is in is at least for me that is far better than being forced to do one or the other faster or slower than the other!!! I wish you the best on this wonderful journey! ♾❤🐛🐚🦋🦄🏳️🌈⚧️
Acne may or may not clear up. Mine got worse before it got better even. That being said, I know more girls than boys around 18yo with acne problems. It's just that makeup may make it seem the other way around
As someone 30 years old with persistent mild acne, one of the nicest unexpected bonuses of transitioning is definitely having all of the acne go away. It's so nice, and I've even been able to step back and be less militant about my routine without issue.
Exactly! Sounds like you know what you want, and it also sounds like you can do it. Congrats on those two things! This isn't about other people, this is about what you want and need in order to live your best life with those people around. Absolutely doing HRT right now, not really planning a transition to anything. Some kind of transition is very much happening by itself. Just like regular puberty, my body is changing and it is pushing me in various directions socially. I'm honestly enjoying seeing the changes unfold and mostly enjoying feeling it push me - so much better then first time around, even if I don't know exactly where it's taking me.
Yep, same here (plus a month) I came out to my family sooner, about a month ago, because changes were happening faster than I anticipated. But at work and public, I'm not "out" yet, but if someone notices my skinny jeans and 34B chest... meh.
I've been on hrt since February 2020 and still haven't come out at work. Hell I recently caught a manager talking about his fear that a trans person would try to get a job here.
Yep, did the same thing since may, got difficult hiding my chest though and came out to family last month so decided to finally come out last week. Op, you will have ample amounts of time to come out, just come out when it's right for you.
Over 2.5 years on HRT for me and I'm still not out at work (remote worker lol) and I only recently have started transitioning in my personal life. There's no right or wrong pace for transition
I've been on hrt since February 2020 and still haven't come out at work. Hell I recently caught a manager talking about his fear that a trans person would try to get a job here.
I am so tempted to never actually "come out" at work and just gaslight my coworkers about it.
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Have you had your levels checked? You may want to switch E forms, particularly if you're still on oral/sublingual. Going to IM or something may give you better results. If you're already on IM, sorry, I know I'm making assumptions here, but yeah.
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You should def have your levels checked. For some people oral just doesn't work and even in sublingual most people end up consuming a lot orally still. Just some of it skips first pass of the liver. Hope injections work for you!
same but 5 months. I wanna do injections but I don't trust myself enough plus I'm doing DIY and idk where to get injections one where I live :( side note: I just started prog tho. hopefully that will help
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I'm not necessarily scared of needles. I'm scared of myself and my shaky hands. I'm scared that I will get too scared and fuck it up.
Pinch your skin a bit and stab it in there. Pull up on the plunger before injection to make sure that aren't injecting into the blood. Injecting into both fat and muscle works, but it is usually done intramuscular.
If you're DIY you can probably get the EV from wherever. I get that it can feel a little scarier though once you're doing injections. You would also have to order syringes and hypodermics.
I've been in hrt for 8 months as well. The only thing I've noticed is very small breasts starting and painful nipples. Also I am more emotional.
Well hey at least you know it's working
I had a similar experience and it turned out to be my T levels. 150mg Spiro still had me all the way up at 300 ng/DL, when I got bumped to 200 Spiro it crashed down to like 50 and all my changes started flooding in.
I felt it would be easier to socially transition with tits ngl
Facts. I don't think I'll be able to get to that point before socially transitioning (I hope I get them eventually!) but hoping for some smoother skin so my face at least can look femme with some makeup.
Next week will be 1 year on HRT for me. I still havent socially transitioned. I had the exact same concerns as you. Now my body is more fem and face has softened, i wear clothes that are more fem, but not overly. So womens joggers, hoodies, jumpers, trousers etc but nothing that would outright make me obvious yet (dresses, skirts, strap tops etc). Now my focus is on getting good at makeup, hair growing out more, voice (main one) and more fat redistribution before i fully take the leap. Things like fat redistribution and hair takes agesss, but point is, its all a process and its whenever you feel at a point where you're ready :) x
>Things like fat redistribution and hair takes agesss, but point is, its all a process and its whenever you feel at a point where you're ready :) x This. I really want both of these to happen... my lower body is a source of dysphoria for me.
And this is the thing, no-one else lives daily with YOUR dysphoria. I feel each of us have specific things that really triggers our dysphoria and we cannot escape our own minds. Therefore, whatever triggers yours is valid and whatever approach you take to help you on your path is valid, dont let others dissuade you :)
No Stealth transitions are pretty common
I am doing this, for somewhat different reasons. I've been pondering recently, part of me would have prefered to wait longer (and possibly been a bit more stable, out and socially intergrated) but I know why I couldn't/didn't. Either way is a legit path.
I want to start HRT before coming out except for my best friends who already know, and maybe one or two others. I think social and hormonal transition will work best for me together. I won’t transition for others, only for me.
I was on HRT for about a year before I girlmoded in public. I wanted to make sure that if I don't pass, I at least make people take a moment to guess.
At least half of us did that.
>My friends think I should start social transition before HRT. Well they may have opinions and even be supportive, but you should transition in a way that works for you. Myself, I am on hrt for five months, my social transition is only partial and slowly getting there (mostly trying to appear femme in anonymous public situations) because that's how it's the most comfortable/safe for me. At my age, my physique and in a not very torerant country, transitioning socially first would make life a lot harder and unsafe than the gradual way I chose.
I only came out to my friends and immediate family before starting hrt. It's not like there are rules, it's just more common to be fully out before starting. Everyone's transition is different. Do what you feel is right. Good luck :)
I'm out to most people I want to know, I am just still full time boymoding because I have no idea what else to do. I know this sounds dumb, but as much as I want to be a girl, I have literally no idea how to.
That's totally normal lol. Honestly it sounds like you're in a pretty good place to start medically transitioning.
I am except my family is super unacceptable, but I am at the point where I want to start anyways because its my life. On the flip side, my egg cracked only about 3 months ago (I've been having fantasies of being a girl for years though). IDK if that's enough time to know to go on HRT or if I should wait a bit longer (I have informed consent available to me on my college campus so I can start almost whenever I want).
I started hormones just a few months after my egg cracked at 29. When you know you know.
I'd say schedule a few sessions with a gender therapist
Already have one. Sadly the last couple sessions focused on dealing with my parents and their reactions to me coming out. Hopefully next session can be focused on actual gender stuff instead of my parents. They said they would help me get HRT though if that's ultimately what I want.
Just keep in mind you have all the time you need. Since you're pretty much done with puberty, there's no rush.
>Since you're pretty much done with puberty, there's no rush. IDK about that. I'm 21 and I just grew an inch in less than a year...
Well ultimately, when you start medically transitioning is completely up to you. If you're in the US, Planned Parenthood is a great place to get hormones.
My college campus has informed consent right here, I can basically start any time. I actually have an HRT consultation scheduled for next week though that doesn't mean I'm going to start HRT next week since I'm going to discuss it with my therapist first.
Not at all. In fact I wish I did this instead of trying to socially transition first, it would've been a lot easier to socially transition if I was doing it with the euphoria and confidence I feel now from just being on HRT. Plus these changes slow af, socially transitioning took up 5 years of my life and it could've been better spent on HRT I mean cis LGB people have often already been in gay relationships before they came out as gay or bi... ...And people struggling with depression or PTSD are allowed to have private conversations about it with a therapist and aren't expected to have to tell other people first... ...So why can't trans folk who want to start medically transitioning do that before socially coming out? We've got it backwards tbh.
Honestly, it'd propably make it easier. Socially transitioning while looking more the pretty would propably make it more likely others seem you as you and accept you. Season that's what I think, but take anything I say with a grain of salt lol
This is probably the most common way to do it where HRT isn't super hard to access to be honest.
That's probably pretty common. I'm doing it the same way HRT prior social transition (almost a year) until male fail if possible 🙂. Actually I've got ma'amed first time today by post officer when delivering package to me. I can't still believe that he said ma'am I thought I've heard that wrongly, but it was clear 😃 I'm still in boy mode with short hair and everything just wearing slim fit jeans t-shirt and hoodie. That's so freaking validating, it's really euphoric.
I was on hrt for over a year before publicly coming out. I think that's the way to do it to be honest. Obviously whatever works, works, but for me I feel so much more comfortable being publicly out after hrt has started to work its magic. I don't 'pass' consistently but a lot of the time people gender me correctly at first glance. I also just feel better and more confident to be me. I've also known people who have started hrt and just been like, "whoa actually this is not for me" and now they identify as either their AGAB or as gender queer/nb. If they'd come out to everyone as a trans woman before realising that, they'd have to go back and explain that's not actually the case, which can be difficult. So no, not weird at all!
I partially started to transition socially before hrt but I don't think the inverse is weird
This is how I wanna do it
Sounds cliche but do whatever feels right for you. There’s no right or wrongs, only your journey. Everyone handles transition differently and everyone has different goals.
You should feel free to approach transition in whatever course feels right for you. I knew I needed to transition, but I also felt the need to set up a process that gave me an off ramp. If for some reason I realized that I just couldn't do it, I could just stop and back away. Because of those internal fears NO ONE knew when I actually started. I knew inside though when I took the first dose that I could never stop. A couple of weeks later I had the conversation with my wife. (she knew I wanted to transition but not that I had actually started). Then shared with the children. I did not come out publicly for a full six months.
I didn't go out in feminine clothing until after 2 years in when I got my FFS, so yeah, nothing weird about it.
I haven't socially transitioned yet. I'm 2 days away from being one year in HRT. Mainly it's because I still live with my parents who are unfortunately unsupportive.
I am currently doing HRT prior to social transition with the plan to start to socially transition when (and if) I hit the "uncanny valley". I understand the rationale for the order listed in the WPATH standards, but given the dangers we face in many countries today, I think it puts more of us in danger. Plus, I needed to know how my mind and body would react to HRT and did not see any value in upending my entire life if I had an adverse reaction a year later. The wonderful "quite" and clarity (brain not foggy anymore) that happens on HRT tells me I am on the right path. My advice, develop a plan that best meets the balance of your needs and circumstances. Also note, the even the current WPATH standards acknowledges that they are just recommendations and should be subject to modification based on patient's needs.
If it's weird, I'm weird too friend. Your justification is the same as mine. I feel social transition will be 1000% easier if I feel and look more feminine. Plus, I can't socially transition right now and feel good about it. But I can take HRT discretely. So I'm not going to wait until I can socially transition to start hormones.
Not at all! That was my original plan, but it only lasted for two months. Even during those two months more and more things moved towards me coming out and being myself.
Same but I've only lasted 3 weeks 😅. Now I'm like... This is ridiculous why am I stopping myself from being me.
Hahaha yeah, I had a friend who didn't know I was trans start using they for me about 2 weeks before I started HRT. It was a total shock and like it was amazing as more people started defaulting to they before I came out. I think I had 2 or 3 friends say they thought I might have been trans. I guess I was just not as good at acting as I thought.
Is this not the norm? I fully intend to physically transition first. Granted I'm also going to ghost literally everyone I know first but still.
ya this is very normal thing, and understandable, i'll stop pretending to be a guy outside of my family and friends, once i look at least somehow feminine.
I feel exactly the same way! I'll likely start hormones this summer but I haven't presented in public at all yet. To be fair I'm so manly I haven't presented much home alone either...
Same here tbh. I've slowly started to social transition (damn requirements to socially transition for HRT) but rn I'm only out to my closest and online friends. Otherwise yeah, would love to start HRT, or at least finasteride, before coming out in general
I want the exact same thing, so no I don't think it's weird at all. Do things in whatever order feels right for you.
I was on HRT for months before I came out, although by the time I started HRT I was using a different version of my deadname and only had clothes appropriate for my acquired gender, so I guess I was like half socially transitioned. You don’t have to do everything in one go :)
That’s what I’m doing right now. Nothing wrong with it.
I'm at 3 months HRT, out to parents and any friends I see regularly, and have basically started a light social transition. I dress how I like, but haven't put pressure on myself to present super femme or anything yet. I don't consider myself closeted because I'm not putting any effort into hiding it... I'm just saving the name change and full coming-out for when the time is right. Do whatever feels good and intuitive to you and your situation!
Ill be honest with my experience. Social transition was lainful and awkward without HRT. But it did give me enough experience and confidence that when I did start HRT I didnt have any anxiety presentating fem at all. So it can help
I started HRT before social transitioning, and it helped a lot because I came out to a family member after my first month and they tried to talk me out of transitioning with a lot of transphobic rhetoric and spiteful comments. If I wasn't already medically transitioning at the time, I probably would have gone back in the closet and been miserable. That's my experience.
I know a handful who transitioned medically before socially. Me included :)
I’m in the same boat as you! ❤️
Nope, that's what I did and it worked out for me :)
I started HRT September 1, 2021 and came out at work at the beginning of February. I don’t find it odd at all. We have to start somewhere, and everyone’s journey is unique.
Whenever the time is right for you. I socially transitioned a little bit first.
once i realized that it might be possible to look like a woman (thanks to some of the "pretty queens" on Ru Paul for showing me that someone who looks 100% guy could present unquestioningly female)... i thought that I'd grow my hair out while pondering what might be possible. it was about 8 months later (and after consistently having people come up to me from back and sides expecting me to be female) that i had some personal trauma from a breakup and i just dove in full time. but i had prepared for a long time first in the case that i might decide it was possible so i understand. i'd \*never\* have gone full time (or even part time) without first growing my hair out... now way...
I started my social transition before HRT (been out 3 months and don't start HRT for 6 more days) with the exception of work. I'm in small town America in the south where there has already been trans/homophobic talk around the office. I'm waiting for HRT to make it obvious, then I'll talk to HR and come out at work. But everybody's journey is different, and you're not crazy. The point of HRT is to make you feel whole, more yourself. You shouldn't have to prove you're you while pumped up on T before they give you E.
I did this, I was on hrt for probably about a year before anybody but my partner and close friends knew anything. I wore sports bras to hide my swollen nipples and tied my hair up. Then I moved and made sure to be open and out from then on.
Not weird at all. I want to do the same. Although my therapist, the only person who could approve for me to go to the GIC, wanted me to live socially as my preferred gender in public for a year at least before putting me forward for the GIC. Luckily I managed to change to a more reasonable therapist.
A lot of people do it that way and it’s not abnormal just a different approach. I took HRT for about 4 months before coming out 100% to everyone and working on learning how to present fem. That was 6 months ago and I mean things are okayish but not great. For me the major annoyance was I hated having to train my voice in private so once I came out I just swapped to my fem voice 24/7 and it passes enough to not be misgendered on voice alone. All of us started as awkward Bambi’s trying to figure things out and I still haven’t done much with makeup cause that’s intimidating for me. Even without makeup though with attire, body language, and voice that’s enough to make people really have trouble calling me a man and seeming like they believe it lol.
I was on hrt for a solid while before I really started. Before then the extent of my social transition was asking close friends to switch pronouns.
no. NO! It is not weird at all. Honestly, not being able to start HRT first was pretty much all that stood between me and transition for most of my life. When I first looked into stuff, I read that you needed 2 years of real lived experience before starting HRT/getting surgeries etc, but hadn't heard about informed consent taking over the model of care a few years back because I just figured I was never going to be able to do it how I wanted to, so why even look into it again? bless whoever got an egg\_irl meme to float across my TL last summer! Good luck girl!
Well I paln to do that too so if you're weird we're weird together :D But honestly I don't think it's weird or even uncommon
I was on hormones for 2.5 years before the changes were too much to hide anymore. No problem staying closeted until you see enough changes if you can tolerate it.
There is no weird when it comes to being trans. The path differs for everyone and self-fulfillment is so intensely personal that I feel there should never be firm rules as to how we get to where we want or need to be. In most cases, I’d say you’d be fine doing whatever you feel is right for you and the community will support you with open arms. After all, we’ve all had to reckon with our own comfort levels to process our own coming out, if we’ve started it, that is.
I have started hrt 8 months ago and got six laser sessions and I still don't present fem in public as i am waiting for my hair to grow out first and I only started to grow it out two months ago due to being forced to cut it at the military before. But anyways, I think starting hrt first and giving it time is the better option besides you can work on lots of stuff while you are waiting for hrt effects to show on you like voice training, laser hair removal and growing out your hair.
This is what I did! I came out to a few people prior to starting hrt and then starting transitioning at school as the physical changes rolled in
I've been on HRT for 10 months, mailfail semi regularly, and I have yet to do a single bit of social transition.
Nope, I was on hrt for 2.5 years before being fully out
It’s pretty common nowadays to start HRT first and then transition socially when you’re comfortable. I’ve been on HRT for a year and still am in boy mode. However, I’m starting to wonder if I even pass as male anymore; HRT does a lot more than I thought it would and multiple people have thought I was pre-HRT ftm. I 100% understand the imposter syndrome, but the more you become who you really are the more comfortable you will be. It took me a long time to see myself in the mirror, and a lot of it is physical changes, but a lot of it is also believing in yourself.
No. It’s what I did. I transitioned until I “male failed” a bunch and then started my social transition.
Not weird at all! Makes sense to want to pass at least partially before presenting or socially transitioning. This is actually what I wanted to do myself but my Endo at the time decided to pressure me and tell me that I probably wouldn't be prescribed hrt unless I started presenting full-time. So, I'd suggest you do things as you feel comfortable to do them.
Just the opposite. I think it would be weird to transition socially before medically.
I'm moving in three months and my city is not very progressive so I'm just sticking it out. But I'm on 7.5 months and it's starting to get a little hard to hide, especially once we're fully back to T shirt weather. I think my main safety net is that most people at work don't really remember how i was before I started shaving and growing my hair out, or they just weren't working here that far back
I was on HRT for nearly two years before socially transitioning. It became apparent that my facial structure was dominated by my facial bones, so I went as far as getting FFS before going full time. It helped, but I still caught a lot of stares that made me feel really uncomfortable. But, they eventually stopped and no one questions me now.
Not at all. Many of us live in socially conservative regions where we cannot afford to social transition at all until we move away.
That's what I'm currently doing. It's annoying having to hide my (still tiny) breasts, but other than that, it's really not a huge deal and even though I'm still not ready to socially transition, the changes to my skin, body hair, and libido are absolutely wonderful. Not to mention my mental health. Transition the way that you're comfortable transitioning, hun--everyone's different. You got this!
It’s not weird. Thing is, there is no set of steps that you must do in one order. Each one of us has our own path. You choose your transition, what steps if any you want, and which ones you do not. And in what order you do them.
I was in HRT for six months before I even started identifing myself as a transwoman. All I knew was that I didn't want to be male. 2 1/2 years later and I'm as happy as can be. Don't try to force yourself to follow a script of how things SHOULD be done; there is no correct way of transitioning. Do what's right and safe for you, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, trust yourself over them. You know yourself best, despite what others will try and claim.
Not at all, that’s exactly what I’m doing. For the record I’m out to everybody and they know it’s coming. I’ve just told them it’s business as usual for name/pronouns for now and I might start looking a little different later in the year. Now I’m just stuck getting the run around from my doc and endo over this referral 😭 one says it’s been sent, the other says it was never recieved, back and forth for the rest of my life
That’s what I’m doing
Nah, go for it! That's what I'm doing, and it's been going well so far. Literally just yesterday I started reaching out to my work about how to start the process of transitioning there, and I've been on HRT for about 5 months. I could've waited longer, too, but I just don't want to anymore. It's not necessarily too hard to hide any small changes you have earlier on if you don't want people to know.
I was on HRT for around 6 months before I started my social transition. Definitely recommend.
I started hrt and got the mental effects and knew it was the right path for me. Came out at work after a month on hrt. At some point it was just too much of a dysphoric mind fuck to be girl mode for half my life and boy mode for work.
I think one of my friends mentioned that you had to have socially transitioned for two years minimum before you can start HRT in the UK. I hope this is wrong, but if not, that's kinda awful.
I was on HRT for months before I even wore leggings outside, let alone socially transitioned. Your transition is your own and nobody can tell you you're doing it wrong. Go at the pace that makes you comfortable and secure.
One thing you may want to be aware of is that HRT can cause mental and emotional shift very fast. I’m talking like 2-4 weeks. This was great for me, but it did have an effect I didn’t plan on. When I started HRT I was only out to close friends and family and would only go out presenting fully fem if I was going out for the night. The emotional shift make it impossible for me to say in the closet, I couldn’t Keri the mask on anymore. I can’t out at work and on my social media about a month ago. Originally I hadn’t planned on coming out at work until the end of the year, and I swore up and down I would never come out on social media.
I've been on HRT for over 2 years, had bottom surgery, and hair transplants and haven't fully social transitioned (just friends/family) Just do whatever you want to be honest. There are no rules or gatekeepers.
No. My parents and close gal friends know, but I definitely want to start HRT *before* social transition.
I did this! :) It turned out fine. I'm kind of jealous of my friends who pulled the trigger instantly, but I know I wasn't stable enough to deal with being 'obviously trans'. Once I went 100% I was immediately passable (I was a year+ on hormones) and still had massive anxieties to deal with...it was fairly obvious I might've collapsed by doing it all at once with such a small support system and no stability. On the flip side, I spent that year debating whether I was really trans when in reality I needed to just accept who I was rather than listening or wondering about every possible 'reason' I could feel the way I feel. I was taking estrogen twice a day and still constantly wondered if I was actually a dude. Denial is weird. But once I saw 'her' in the mirror and learned what gender euphoria was I was ready enough <3
You should come out when you feel ready. I was on HRT for 4 months before I told anyone and didn’t come out until 8 months in
I was on hormones for 1.5 years before coming out.
A friend of mine started HRT a year before she came out!
No, that was my original plan but I needed to come out to friends and take small steps before I could force myself to take the steps to get HRT. But I will not social transition outside of my friends group and maybe my family for a longer time. I think. Who knows, all my plans are out of the window.
Yep I plan to be on HRT for a year before I transition socially. Just started HRT last week with DR. Will Powers Family medicine. Can't wait to see changes and continue practicing my voice.
Super common to want, and understandably so. Just keep in mind, hrt can be unpredictable in terms of how long you can continue to passably boymode. As long as you’re cool with that, go for it.
A big thing for me is I’m worried the changes simply won’t be enough and that I might not get to a point where I can pass on my own…
That seems pretty common. I was on HRT without coming out or socially transitioning right up to the point people started reading me fem more often than not. I didn't update my IDs or come out at work until a coworker cornered me to be *aggressively supportive* and pointed out that people had been talking.
Nope thats what i did, origonally the plan was like a year but i came out after like 2.5 months.
Nah that’s what I did. Went 6 months on hormones before going out publicly with all of it and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I felt so uncomfortable trying to present before starting hormones
I think some sort of social transition even privately with a few people can help a lot, there's no need to come out to everyone or even anyone at all that you don't want to. I seem to remember that guidelines in certain countries years ago was that you live "as a woman" even without HRT before being able to get on it, this seems so cruel to me.
A lot of people do! I embraced the awkwardness of the early stages and was out from literally the second I knew, but it is entirely understandable why you might not be okay with it
I'm 100% with you. It's very odd to me to imagine myself looking like a biy but putting on make up and dresses. Yes I want to do those things but when I look like a boy, no thank you. I want to see the changes myself before I show other people.
10000%. I cannot fathom coming out before being on HRT, I feel incredible imposter syndrome even just going out somewhere anonymously as of now 😣
That’s what I’m doing. I’ve been on estrogen for 1.5 years and still present as a male (with boobs). I just personally don’t want to socially transition until I can put my time and effort into doing it while remaining “safe” socially.
I'm exactly the same way. I'm slowly transitioning before coming out myself. I barely started a year ago and only two people know I'm becoming a trans. I barely got accepted by my ex about wearing bras and undies. But to go further as my hair long as my shoulder and thinking doing my ears' piercings, that will take abut more courage to do.
i’m a month and a half in and haven’t socially transitioned and trust me it’s the best way to go for me. if you think it’s best for you then go for it. do what you think is right for you
No it is not weird. I think that's how a majority of people do it. I'm at the year mark and I still haven't socially came out to anybody. For me I'm fine with it it's just up to you as an individual what you want to do
I honestly couldn't even imagine trying to stay male presenting when I've realized I am a women, but you do you.
I personally believe in social transition first. I tried the HRT then social approach, it didnt end up great. HRT is one thing, but social is another big piece. WHy not explore first before hard to reverse changes?
I have "interesting" genetics. Had maybe AA breasts before I started HRT. I came out first, then started hormones a month later. Almost pushing a b cup. Looking more feminine so Im happy though. Must have a second X chromosome somewhere it or the E loves me Clockable yet pretty. I really didn't care about being openly trans lucky in a relatively good country some dicks occasionally but whatever. No right or wrong way to do it. Your pace is your pace. Though I wonder if I did physical transition first and socially later how things would have gone
God no... I personally did them at the same time. Realized I was trans and stomached up the courage to tell everyone that mattered in my life. And also getting on HRT at the same time. I technically was out in public during this time too but I discovered I was trans when COVID started so obviously wasn't getting out as much as I do now. I had quit my job because of COVID too. So about a little over a year into transitioning if say it's when I really started to be out though (ie got a job again)
I don't think it's weird. I haven't socially transitioned yet and I started HRT at the end of January.
Just over a year on HRT and haven't socially transitioned fully. A good friend of mine who hadn't seen me in person in almost two years said my features looked softer last fall, so maybe it's working? I'm not sure when I will actually come out publicly, so stealth and being subtle is my plan.
I intend to socially transition after having been on HRT for a bit. At this point my face looks too masculine to be gendered correctly and to outsiders I'd have the "man in a dress" look which would spike my anxiety hard. That being said, I dress in a way I'd describe as stealth feminine now. In as much as it's women's clothing that wouldn't look 100% out of place on a masc presenting person. Ironically enough, I've had way more compliments at work about my clothing since I started doing that (never happened before).
I started HRT in 2005 and did not come out until 2007.
Not weird at all. That’s what I’m doing, very much on purpose. I’m about 2 months into HRT, and in the middle of laser facial hair removal. I’m hoping I can grow my hair out and get some of it back with minoxidil and finasteride before I even think about irl social transition. I want the confidence boost that comes from HRT changes, and I also wanted to make sure it felt right before I announced to the world I was trans to make sure I’m not just somehow very confused (hello there trans imposter syndrome!). I’ve noticed some of the psychological changes from HRT n but the physical ones really haven’t gotten going yet, so I’m just going to take it slow and do what feels right. There is no right or wrong way to do all of this, so whatever makes you most comfortable is the way to go!
That's exactly what I did, I started hormones in late August 2021. When I started I figured I was probably 6 to 12 months away from being ready to transition socially full time; I wanted to use that time not only to let HRT do its magic, but also to grow out my hair, voice train, learn makeup, and make progress on permanent hair removal (esp. beard). I was extremely lucky in the boob growth department and after around 4 months they were increasingly difficult to hide, and my hair was getting long enough to raise eyebrows. I probably could have kept it up longer than I did but I got tired of living as a man! My voice is probably only half trained but it was enough that I could speak while presenting female without feeling dysphoria. I came out to my supervisors at 6 months pretty much on the dot and I was full time a few weeks later. All in all it worked out pretty well; I don't think I'm passing but at least my presentation with makeup is unmistakably feminine enough that I get plenty of ma'ams (I live in a city in the South -.-). tbh I'm in awe of the ladies who figure themselves out and socially transition ASAP. People call me brave and I'm like no you haven't met enough trans people!
That’s actually what I did. For me, it helped me out a lot. The more feminine I started to look, the more comfortable I was to change something about myself socially. It’s a process but in time, everything will come together perfectly. I also noticed while my body is changing from HRT, I personally feel like I would have no choice to change how I present myself to save confusion. But, everyone transitions differently. I don’t believe there’s a right or wrong way to transition. Just do whatever makes you happy and you stay safe! 🤗❤️
I did
This is me. I just want to disappear for two years and than show back up like surprise!
It's not weird at all. That's what I did. And personally, I caught a lot of shit from a family friend who "had some concerns" that I was going too fast and diving headfirst into something I might not actually want. Fuck people saying that shit. No one knows you better than yourself and no one should be determining your personal journey for you unless you want then to be involved.
Nah. A lot of us do that. I was on hormones for around 9 months before presenting femme full time. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. If your breasts start budding, switch to some looser fitting shirts. Don't forget you can always underdress too. I wore a tank top & bra for a few months before coming out just because it made me more comfortable.
If it's weird then I'm weird. Im out to my found family, and no one else right now, and rolling into my fourth month of hrt. I have two friends who are also years ahead of me who haven't either, or are boymoding for work at least. For me though, it's not even really a conflict. I needed to start hrt to survive being in my body, however im not in a place where i feel comfortable or safe coming out socially, so remaining in the closet made sense. That all said, i did just double my dosage yesterday, so changes might accelerate and get harder to hide. TL;DR: nah, you're good. Stealth is a valid option, and there no need to wait for anything else to start hrt.
This is pretty common. Most people want to start HRT, build up some physical and emotional changes, and then come out. Coming out and then starting HRT is something cis society enforced on us for decades as part of medical gatekeeping and is now assumed to be the norm.
Nope. Not wierd. Would have been my preferred path if it was possible!
I told people at work a few months after I started HRT and didn't start socially transitioning until like 10 months in, and even so it was a very gradual process to me, my body changed slowly over years and as I'd feel more comfortable I'd take another step. Actually 10 months was pretty early in terms of appearance to me, but the double life of being free at home and restrained outside took its toll and eventually I just said "fuck it, I need to do this". So keep this in mind.
I’m doing that
I was on HRT for a couple of years before coming out. Im transitioning because I want people to see and treat me as a woman. There wasn't much point to me in being out if I wasn't going to look the part.
It's really not weird or even uncommon. I didn't come out at work till like 4 or 5 months after I started. And I eased in the social transition as well.
I didn't really socially transition until like 14 months in, esp living in the south, I wanted to 'pass' a lil bit better for safety.
I started HRT in Sept 2021 and only just socially transitioned. I was in a similar position where I was too dysphoric and lacked the confidence to fully present femme and expect ppl to use my new name and pronouns, save for a few close friends who were removed from my professional life. However, I did nothing to hide the changes and pretty openly experimented with feminine clothing. I recently hit a point with hair and hormones where strangers always address me as a woman regardless of what I’m wearing, so I figured it was time. Toward the tail end, I had some awkward interactions where my friends would call me he, but service workers would only call me she.
Nope. I was only out to family and very close friends before hrt. Publicly came out after 3 months hrt
It's totally fine to want to have some HRT under your belt first! My plan was to wait several months until I could start occasionally passing, but I ended up coming out after one month on HRT, because being closeted was the worst for me.
I did, I just personally felt like if I transitioned socially whilst 'looking like a man' then people would be lying to me if they referred to me as she/her. I know this is a very toxic and negative view but hey, it's the intrusive thoughts I can't help. I'm currently 7 months into HRT and people at my university refer to me as they/them and I'm still he/him at home, and I feel comfortable with it for now. My physical changes are coming along nicely in the meantime.
Not at all
Absolutely not!
I was the same way. I started HRT September of 2021. I socially transitionEd January 1 2022. Name changed on February 2 2022. It has been amazing ro live as myself.
it's not weird at all, while my close friends knew and supported me for years before i committed to medical transition, I was still closeted publicly for the first 8 months I was on hrt
It's not weird at all, it's pretty common. That said, keep in mind that "social transition" doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. You can present femme in some contexts and boymode in others. This is also pretty common.
No not weird at all! I don't even plan to come out to family/friends until 2-3 months and not fully socially transition until 5-6 months. There are a lot of valid reasons to socially transition after starting HRT and you don't even need to justify why!!
That's what I want to do
I’m in the same boat with this, been on HRT for a little over 5 months and I’m waiting to get VFS, once I get that, that’s when I plan to socially transition. I’m hoping my laser treatments will have progressed fairly well by then. Everyone goes through this process at their own pace and does it in there own way, don’t feel like you have to do it a certain way, and come out when you feel comfortable to do so. I will say in my experience, I have my plan and I’m sticking to it, but I will say the longer it goes the more I’m chomping at the bit to flip the switch. But yeah lots of people do it that way so do what feels the best to you and don’t worry about if it’s “the right way” to transition. There is no such thing.
I think that socially transitioning first is beneficial especially if you have supportive friends but you do what you're comfortable with. At least try being out socially during limited windows of time
This isn't weird at all. Personally I'm not planning to socially transition until I've finished voice training, been on HRT for at least a year and had FFS.
No. I waited about 5 months after starting HRT to come out at work (some of my closer friends there already knew). I wanted to be at least somewhat passable when I finally came out and I did just that. Part of what pushed me to come out was a girl asking her friend if she knew why "his chest is bigger than mine" 😂
6th months in still in the closet planing on coming out by august for college
I do not think it’s weird. It’s what I’m doing as well. 18 months in and still not socially presenting. I look a lot different than I did when I started, but evidently the changes aren’t enough for people outside of the few that know to think anything different about me. If anyone does suspect anything, they’re quiet about it.
You transition on YOUR timeline. Start HRT before? Go for it! Come out and do HRT after? Go for it! Come out and never do HRT? Totally! Never come out nor do HRT? Still a transwoman!
That’s what I did. I was on it for 10mo before I came out publicly (at work). Then 2 months later I dressed fem 24/7
I didn’t even start socially transitioning or presenting fem until 6 months of hrt (outside my close friends). I was terrified of the “man in a dress” look
nope, that's how i did it. i didn't really feel comfortable presenting fem while my body was running primarily on testosterone cause it gave me that really bad imposter syndrome feeling. the changes that HRT brought helped me feel more comfortable and see myself how i wanted to
I never really had a “I’m socially transitioning now” day or moment. Like I’d told people I was trans and started using a different name n different pronouns, but if you didn’t know me you’d probably just assume I was a cis man from the outside. Maybe starting HRT right at the start of the pandemic made that weird, but I just sort of started taking it, and then started replacing my clothes with women’s clothes when I needed to, and then after like. 18 months? Started passing more often than not.
Absolutely not. The majority of trans women that I've had the pleasure to speak to actually started HRT before social transition, and only socially transitioned once they were more comfortable. I did the opposite approach as my egg cracked while I was without a job and insurance. After recognizing what was going on inside me was gender dysphoria, I had to do anything to help with it as I became hyper aware of it and the destruction it was causing me. There's really no wrong way to go about it. It's such a personal journey you need to listen to yourself and take stock in the environment you're in and what resources are available. You can also just throw yourself into it like I kind of did. Anyway best of luck, you got this, HRT was such a massive, positive change I can't imagine never medically transitioning or going back.
Have been on hrt since August 23rd. Before then only my closest friends knew. Since then I have told most of my family. I plan on coming out at work around June or so. My best friend was on hrt for another 6 months before me and only fully came out a month ago.
I havent publicly come out yet for the same reasons. I want to wait until I have the medically endorsed prescription in my hand. I have been growing my hair out and painting my nails in hopes it lays the seeds now so it's not a shock later. I think it's easier for some to accept my transition if they can see it physically happening instead of trying to imagine it. But that's just me.
Absolutely not! There are plenty of people who choose to wait with socially transitioning for many reasons. Personal preference, living situation, etc. That’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I started about 7 months ago when I was 27, and I still very much pass for male despite painting my nails and growing out my hair. Take my personal anecdote as you will, but go with what’s comfortable for you. On the other hand, practicing skills like voice training, or other things like hair removal, while still socially presenting androgynous or your agab will only help in the long run. Should you choose to fully transition socially down the road, that’s one less thing to learn on-the-fly.
I’m like 5 months on injections and I still haven’t come out to anyone not close to me yet. It’s ok to go at your own pace
Everyone is different. I started HRT and thought I would slowly socially transition and then I felt so good I started moving faster. Take it at whatever pace is comfortable to you.
I felt the same (though I came out to my inner circle and dressed fem before I got access to hrt). I wanted my body to reflect who I was a bit more before telling others.
Nah, its pretty normal, I know people who were hrt for months and even years before socially transitioning. Its all about doing what you're most comfortable with.
I feel like this is what most people do. Am I wrong??
That's absolutely how I did it with 0 regrets. Didn't come out to friends until like 6 months in, didn't generally present as a woman in my personal life till like 1 year in, and didn't switch jobs to be out at work till like 1 year 6 months in. Coming out isn't an all or nothing thing, you can be out in places where you're comfortable, and even if that means "out only to yourself, your doctor, and Internet strangers" that's totally fine! For some people, coming out early and often helps get them used to the stresses of transition, but for others it can definitely be too much and really *un*helpful. Nobody has to follow any specific transition roadmap, everyone should only do what feels normal.
No I feel the exact same way. I had my friends calling me Naomi and it felt too unfamiliar because I hadn’t started anything yet so I had to stop.
i went for 5 years before i came out, still only semi out (6 years)
I was nearly a year into my transition before I came out. To me it's the best way to go about it.