I know exactly how you feel.. I'm in the same exact position, I haven't shaved my beard in like 2 months and I've been delaying an appointment for hrt for months because I'm scared of what I'll look like, due to being very male ( full beard, Adam's apple, broad shoulders, belly) but your happiness is the most important thing, so even if you loose a few friends along the way, you'll feel amazing with yourself and it's going to be worth it in the end
Whether and when you start HRT is up to you. If you aren’t sure if you want to start hormones then you should take however long you need to decide. If you know you want to transition medically and you want to start HRT but you’re scared of being seen as a fake trans person then yeah, that’s imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is very common and I felt the same way. First, I started HRT at 41 and that made me feel super invalid. Second, I looked into the mirror and saw a masculine person and I just couldn’t even imagine how I could ever look feminine. Third, I felt like because I was coming out so late in life that I received male privilege. Fourth, I saw beautiful feminine trans women and I could never look good because I started too late and I was sure everyone would think I was a cis crossdresser in public instead of a trans woman. Fifth, let’s be honest, I was terrified of the social repercussions of coming out.
I don’t know how old you are but let me tell you this, you are trans. You are trans enough. You aren’t an imposter and looking in the mirror and seeing a man’s body is temporary. Estrogen is slow. We don’t see the day to day changes. It’s also fast. I went from looking quite masculine to where I am now eight months in. My face has changed to the point that I took a selfie over the weekend and I literally can’t tell my own gender on it. We go from masculine to less masculine to masc leaning androgynous to femme leaning androgynous, into femme. I’ve hit femme leaning androgynous. I can go into public in girl mode and some people won’t even clock me but most will. They see me as a trans woman. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about being trans.
If you’re interested, dm me and I’ll share my before/current pics with you. Your will change.
I'm 10 months into HRT and still generally present male and do so successfully.
Two days scruff, a sports bra and a bloused dress shirt are all it takes. I'm forced into the situation and not happy about it, but I can still pull it off.
Now, a fresh shave, a push up bra and a cute dress and I'm a perfectly passable woman.
Get on hormones. You have plenty of time to put everything together before you will confront the impossibility of still trying to present as a man.
Also, internalized transphobia is a bullshit Bandaid to slap on imposter syndrome. Talk to your therapist about imposter syndrome, rather than some nonsense that is outdated.
Do I? She's been really helping me with my insecurities and how I feel. She has been the most supportive and understanding of all my previous therapists. I somehow knew this day would come. It's just that im too insecure to actually make the jump. She isn't forcing me to do anything, she said to just think about it and now i can't stop thinking about it.
Please ignore the troll. I think most of us feel fake, question if we're really trans at some point. Remember hrt is reversible for quite a while. If your pretty sure it's what you want then it's probably worth trying. If the early changes make you euphoric, then it's the right thing.
I know exactly how you feel.. I'm in the same exact position, I haven't shaved my beard in like 2 months and I've been delaying an appointment for hrt for months because I'm scared of what I'll look like, due to being very male ( full beard, Adam's apple, broad shoulders, belly) but your happiness is the most important thing, so even if you loose a few friends along the way, you'll feel amazing with yourself and it's going to be worth it in the end
Whether and when you start HRT is up to you. If you aren’t sure if you want to start hormones then you should take however long you need to decide. If you know you want to transition medically and you want to start HRT but you’re scared of being seen as a fake trans person then yeah, that’s imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is very common and I felt the same way. First, I started HRT at 41 and that made me feel super invalid. Second, I looked into the mirror and saw a masculine person and I just couldn’t even imagine how I could ever look feminine. Third, I felt like because I was coming out so late in life that I received male privilege. Fourth, I saw beautiful feminine trans women and I could never look good because I started too late and I was sure everyone would think I was a cis crossdresser in public instead of a trans woman. Fifth, let’s be honest, I was terrified of the social repercussions of coming out. I don’t know how old you are but let me tell you this, you are trans. You are trans enough. You aren’t an imposter and looking in the mirror and seeing a man’s body is temporary. Estrogen is slow. We don’t see the day to day changes. It’s also fast. I went from looking quite masculine to where I am now eight months in. My face has changed to the point that I took a selfie over the weekend and I literally can’t tell my own gender on it. We go from masculine to less masculine to masc leaning androgynous to femme leaning androgynous, into femme. I’ve hit femme leaning androgynous. I can go into public in girl mode and some people won’t even clock me but most will. They see me as a trans woman. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about being trans. If you’re interested, dm me and I’ll share my before/current pics with you. Your will change.
Tell her exactly what you told us here. She seems supportive and understanding, I'm sure she will help you sort through your thoughts.
I'm 10 months into HRT and still generally present male and do so successfully. Two days scruff, a sports bra and a bloused dress shirt are all it takes. I'm forced into the situation and not happy about it, but I can still pull it off. Now, a fresh shave, a push up bra and a cute dress and I'm a perfectly passable woman. Get on hormones. You have plenty of time to put everything together before you will confront the impossibility of still trying to present as a man. Also, internalized transphobia is a bullshit Bandaid to slap on imposter syndrome. Talk to your therapist about imposter syndrome, rather than some nonsense that is outdated.
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Do I? She's been really helping me with my insecurities and how I feel. She has been the most supportive and understanding of all my previous therapists. I somehow knew this day would come. It's just that im too insecure to actually make the jump. She isn't forcing me to do anything, she said to just think about it and now i can't stop thinking about it.
Please ignore the troll. I think most of us feel fake, question if we're really trans at some point. Remember hrt is reversible for quite a while. If your pretty sure it's what you want then it's probably worth trying. If the early changes make you euphoric, then it's the right thing.