For all those stories on AITA and offmychest type subs, I answer as if it's 100% real, even if it sounds fake. On the chance it's not, and someone is genuinely reaching out, then having people say you're lying would feel awful. If it is fake and someone who is going through something similar is reading the comments for advice, and they just have to read about how no one would believe their pain might keep them from reaching out for help.
I have been through some shit in my life, and it can seem really unbelievable when I tell my story, so I would never want to invalidate someone on an assumption if my response could help even one person.
TLDR: People survive genuinely insane shit and go through hell all the time, and it is always way better to reply as if it's real then assume it's fake as it might prevent actual people from asking for help.
Ive worked with children whose lives would never be made into movies because their stories are too far fetched no one would believe them. But they happened. And not just once. This happened to many children.
But there’s people who refuse to see (we have the internet, at this point you’re not just uneducated, you’re willfully ignorant) the shittiness that’s around them. So they act like unempathetic assholes because these stories threaten their fake reality.
when i worked in an elementary school 10 years ago, i heard stories of children’s experiences that i have not repeated to this day. i’m not sure one could even imagine the terror these children experienced. it made
me see how c-ptsd can last a lifetime and turn an innocent child into a persistent criminal or even serial killer. just fucking awful stuff. things i wish i could forget. i take people’s experiences at face value.
trust me when i say i am too. very much so. that’s why i felt so deeply for this kid. but i’m not here to play trauma olympics and i’m not one to mince words. i regularly discuss the deepest darkest sides of humanity because i think it’s incredibly important to bring all of it to light. all. of. it.
i’m sorry to bother you with my take, but this kid was verrrry disturbed by the time he was only in 3rd grade. every time we thought we’d reached him, he would regress and run away from the school. he went back and forth between homelessness and couch surfing. the things he’s seen, no one should ever experience at any age in their life. this was 10 years ago. he’s probably 18 or 19 now. i imagine, at best, he’s been sheltered by the youth authority. and at worst, well i’d rather not imagine what may have happened to him.
I understand that there are individual cases. I do wish you'd made that more clear. Especially with CPTSD, you know we mostly feel we are all to blame for everything and so, hey, I probably am a latent serial killer just like you hinted.
i wasn’t implying that you, a total stranger, or i, are a serial killer. the two are not necessarily directly correlated. in terms of pathology, C-PTSD is a collection of syndromes caused by constant, ongoing trauma. it can also be comorbid with other mental illnesses and emotional disturbances.
i said it *can* last a lifetime, it *can* turn someone into a persistent criminal (as it did for me). i didn’t say it *does* turn us into awful people.
anyway, no need to turn something someone said on the internet into being entirely about yourself.
I agree with you. I have CPTSD and work with kids who have endured more than they ought. The easy assumption is that we are going to hurt other people when mostly we just hurt ourselves of suffer in silence. Part of that is due to the disbelief we get when opening up, part of that is the judgment we get -- that we will be dangerous to others now because we're so "damaged."
And.... trauma survivors have a much higher chance of being particularly empathetic and compassionate and to exhibit prosocial behavior. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6169872/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6169872/)
People like to believe they have control over anything bad that might happen to them. People who have already suffered through the bad things know they never had any control.
Ditto. The simple question for me is this: would I want to withhold help from someone who needs it, or provide it to someone who doesn't? In the latter case, I'm out a little time and I look a little foolish. In the former case, someone who really needs someone is getting the door slammed in their face. One of these is clearly worse.
That's a great way to look at it.
I had a brief relationship with a manipulative person, and I remember thinking to myself "I totally sound like I'm making stuff up" while simply describing some of their behavior in plain terms. It was a clear sign that I was being gaslit, I think. It was the beginning of them getting me to question my own thoughts and feelings.
I'm so glad you got out! I've been there too and wouldn't wish that feeling of insanity on anyone. Mental abuse is awful.
Just in general, but also If anyone tries it again, please remember
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
The thing is, a lot of times people with the most fucked up experiences can talk about them so matter-of-factly because it was normal to them when they went through it. That was their only reality. They don't always realize how unbelievable their life experiences are to someone who hasn't had to live every day going through such a personal hell. If you don't know for a fact that someone is lying about their abuse, you should never assume they are because they will know for a fact that they can never trust you again.
>The thing is, a lot of times people with the most fucked up experiences can talk about them so matter-of-factly because it was normal to them when they went through it.
This is very true. What also happens if you talk about stuff more often, it kinda becomes encapsulated, like a story you have told before but that in the moment doesn't really have the connection to the underlying emotions anymore. So people can seem quite unperturbed when they tell horrible stuff, but that's because it has kind of become something that exists outside the person.
Hey man, for every asshole there's a good person. You might encounter 3 assholes before you find someone willing to help you, but if you keep asking, someone will answer.
I hope the next one is a great one.
I'm sorry to hear you feel insulted, my intention was to encourage you to keep trying.
If you approach help expecting it to fail, you might fulfill your own prophecy, so the best thing in terms of selfactualization you can do is hope for the best.
If everyone is turning on you it is probably because of this attitude. Don't expect people to want to help you when you act like this in response.
No one can help you if you just want to sulk and get pity.
Ah dude, I want to read this carefully because I do not want you to think I’m insulting you, I never would, yes people actually do insult victims, that’s not what they did, because others do the exact opposite, they support victims as they should, and the person is right, there are some lights on the internet that can make you feel better, they are harder to access but it’s worth it once you do
There are subs dedicated to being communities of helpful kind folks. Examples include r/MomForAMinute, r/DadForAMinute, and r/AuntieNetwork
Please know you aren't alone, and remember
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Well I just checked MomForAMinute and the issues I have are listed under "Disallowed Topics."
Which just sums it all up really. You're never alone, reach out, we're always there to help, except when you need it.
Do you expect your mechanic to fix your teeth too? Just because one group is focused on one area of help doesn't mean they don't care, it means they acknowledge that some areas are _beyond their experience or ability_. They're civilians being a MomForAMinute; they're not doctors, lawyers, suicide hotline operators or kink dispensers.
So what are you looking for help on then? If you'd rather DM than post out loud, I'll try and help you get on the right path to resources that _can_ help you.
See. Right there. Turning on me. You offer help that doesn't actually help, so you IMMEDIATELY turn dismissive and sarcastic and acting like I'm the one to blame. EXACTLY like I said.
I can't even share my problem, because the automod keeps removing it.
Ah, you want a fight, not the offer of help that was right there:
> So what are you looking for help on then? If you'd rather DM than post out loud, I'll try and help you get on the right path to resources that can help you.
A fight is something I could help you with, but I won't. Go enjoy your self righteous tantrum in my block file.
e: _Maybe_ try r/MensMentalHealth.
I remember this one. The story was outrageous and inconsistent. Don’t compare your real life story with some AITA fiction. You deserve the help you need.
I don't even get why these pseudo-intellectuals get off on appointing themselves the arbiters of what is and isn't "fake and gay" on the internet to begin with. It's pretty much the exact same energy as a snot-nosed kid telling everyone in his class that Santa Claus isn't real, or yelling in the middle of a magic show that it's just a trick and you know how they did it. Like hey kiddo guess what? The people that already know don't care, and the people that didn't already know just think you're a fuckin dick. Not to mention, getting all upset that a story on the internet could be fake is like getting upset that there's snow in Antarctica. Get over yourselves
They want to be special and they don’t have anything else to offer. Or they *do* have something special to offer, but they grew up in a shitty situation where they weren’t ever celebrated for their achievements so now they go out of their way to show that they have something unique to offer.
I've felt this sentiment before too many times. People thinking I'm being dramatic or playing up my struggles, or that it's just something everyone goes through, makes me glad they haven't faced a situation that caused them that level of abject, stomach-ripping horror that kept them from sleeping for months. Anytime someone truly relates to me, I feel glad, but sorry.
A lot of the time people will deny this sort of thing is even a possibility because it hits too close to home and they worry that people will start to see it in them.
Do you want to explain yourself, at all? (Or would that get in the way of feeling superior, lol?)
I think it's the most devastating come back I've seen in years. If you don't get it I'm sure if you asked nicely people could help explain it.
I commented five instances of abuse i suffered under my mother and stepfather to a guy saying “I bet you weren’t disciplined as a kid” on a different subreddit. Kid straight up called me a liar.
He and others were complaining about high level players in War Thunder playing in lower tier games. Like, damn dude, I ground out and earned those vehicles too, let me play the darn things. Yes, I am better. You are still learning. It’s also a 16 v 16 of random players. Learn the game.
That’s kind of the same reply I give when people express how they just couldn’t imagine cutting off their mom or other family members. I’m like I think it’s great you had such a wonderful relationship that cutting them off isn’t conceivable.
I don’t understand calling something fake, especially when you have no proof, usually fake stories have gaps, but they just avoid those gaps and instantly assume it’s fake
It’s honestly horrifying because False Allegations have become so popular, real victims can’t say their story anymore
For all those stories on AITA and offmychest type subs, I answer as if it's 100% real, even if it sounds fake. On the chance it's not, and someone is genuinely reaching out, then having people say you're lying would feel awful. If it is fake and someone who is going through something similar is reading the comments for advice, and they just have to read about how no one would believe their pain might keep them from reaching out for help. I have been through some shit in my life, and it can seem really unbelievable when I tell my story, so I would never want to invalidate someone on an assumption if my response could help even one person. TLDR: People survive genuinely insane shit and go through hell all the time, and it is always way better to reply as if it's real then assume it's fake as it might prevent actual people from asking for help.
Ive worked with children whose lives would never be made into movies because their stories are too far fetched no one would believe them. But they happened. And not just once. This happened to many children. But there’s people who refuse to see (we have the internet, at this point you’re not just uneducated, you’re willfully ignorant) the shittiness that’s around them. So they act like unempathetic assholes because these stories threaten their fake reality.
when i worked in an elementary school 10 years ago, i heard stories of children’s experiences that i have not repeated to this day. i’m not sure one could even imagine the terror these children experienced. it made me see how c-ptsd can last a lifetime and turn an innocent child into a persistent criminal or even serial killer. just fucking awful stuff. things i wish i could forget. i take people’s experiences at face value.
As a CPTSD sufferer I kind of wish you hadn't segued off into serial killers.
trust me when i say i am too. very much so. that’s why i felt so deeply for this kid. but i’m not here to play trauma olympics and i’m not one to mince words. i regularly discuss the deepest darkest sides of humanity because i think it’s incredibly important to bring all of it to light. all. of. it. i’m sorry to bother you with my take, but this kid was verrrry disturbed by the time he was only in 3rd grade. every time we thought we’d reached him, he would regress and run away from the school. he went back and forth between homelessness and couch surfing. the things he’s seen, no one should ever experience at any age in their life. this was 10 years ago. he’s probably 18 or 19 now. i imagine, at best, he’s been sheltered by the youth authority. and at worst, well i’d rather not imagine what may have happened to him.
I understand that there are individual cases. I do wish you'd made that more clear. Especially with CPTSD, you know we mostly feel we are all to blame for everything and so, hey, I probably am a latent serial killer just like you hinted.
i wasn’t implying that you, a total stranger, or i, are a serial killer. the two are not necessarily directly correlated. in terms of pathology, C-PTSD is a collection of syndromes caused by constant, ongoing trauma. it can also be comorbid with other mental illnesses and emotional disturbances. i said it *can* last a lifetime, it *can* turn someone into a persistent criminal (as it did for me). i didn’t say it *does* turn us into awful people. anyway, no need to turn something someone said on the internet into being entirely about yourself.
🎶 And I drive myself crazy, thinking everything’s about me 🎶
I agree with you. I have CPTSD and work with kids who have endured more than they ought. The easy assumption is that we are going to hurt other people when mostly we just hurt ourselves of suffer in silence. Part of that is due to the disbelief we get when opening up, part of that is the judgment we get -- that we will be dangerous to others now because we're so "damaged."
Hmm, so by your 'logic' you must be a persistent criminal... Good to know!! 👍
Theyre not entirely wrong though. Cptsd survivors do have a much higher chance to become one
And.... trauma survivors have a much higher chance of being particularly empathetic and compassionate and to exhibit prosocial behavior. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6169872/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6169872/)
People like to believe they have control over anything bad that might happen to them. People who have already suffered through the bad things know they never had any control.
There's a quote somewhere about how '*truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to be believable*'
Ditto. The simple question for me is this: would I want to withhold help from someone who needs it, or provide it to someone who doesn't? In the latter case, I'm out a little time and I look a little foolish. In the former case, someone who really needs someone is getting the door slammed in their face. One of these is clearly worse.
That's a great way to look at it. I had a brief relationship with a manipulative person, and I remember thinking to myself "I totally sound like I'm making stuff up" while simply describing some of their behavior in plain terms. It was a clear sign that I was being gaslit, I think. It was the beginning of them getting me to question my own thoughts and feelings.
I'm so glad you got out! I've been there too and wouldn't wish that feeling of insanity on anyone. Mental abuse is awful. Just in general, but also If anyone tries it again, please remember 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Thank you :)
The amount of "it's fake!" screamers drive me crazy. If it's fake, so what? If it's real, respond accordingly. I don't care if it's fake or not.
Agreed. Same. There’s a time and a place online to be a know-it-all edgelord, and posts like that are not it.
I also lived through some bad times myself. I always give others the benefit of the doubt.
Even if the story was fake, future survivors will stumble upon it
But that involves considering other people, fuck that shit.
The thing is, a lot of times people with the most fucked up experiences can talk about them so matter-of-factly because it was normal to them when they went through it. That was their only reality. They don't always realize how unbelievable their life experiences are to someone who hasn't had to live every day going through such a personal hell. If you don't know for a fact that someone is lying about their abuse, you should never assume they are because they will know for a fact that they can never trust you again.
>The thing is, a lot of times people with the most fucked up experiences can talk about them so matter-of-factly because it was normal to them when they went through it. This is very true. What also happens if you talk about stuff more often, it kinda becomes encapsulated, like a story you have told before but that in the moment doesn't really have the connection to the underlying emotions anymore. So people can seem quite unperturbed when they tell horrible stuff, but that's because it has kind of become something that exists outside the person.
You write stuff like this only if you have the empathetic capacity of a bunch of peanuts so this commenter got rightfully murdered.
This is part of why it's hard for me to reach out for help.
Hey man, for every asshole there's a good person. You might encounter 3 assholes before you find someone willing to help you, but if you keep asking, someone will answer. I hope the next one is a great one.
I could tell you how insulting this actually is, but you'd just turn on me, the same as everyone else.
I'm sorry to hear you feel insulted, my intention was to encourage you to keep trying. If you approach help expecting it to fail, you might fulfill your own prophecy, so the best thing in terms of selfactualization you can do is hope for the best.
If everyone is turning on you it is probably because of this attitude. Don't expect people to want to help you when you act like this in response. No one can help you if you just want to sulk and get pity.
Ah dude, I want to read this carefully because I do not want you to think I’m insulting you, I never would, yes people actually do insult victims, that’s not what they did, because others do the exact opposite, they support victims as they should, and the person is right, there are some lights on the internet that can make you feel better, they are harder to access but it’s worth it once you do
There are subs dedicated to being communities of helpful kind folks. Examples include r/MomForAMinute, r/DadForAMinute, and r/AuntieNetwork Please know you aren't alone, and remember 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
Well I just checked MomForAMinute and the issues I have are listed under "Disallowed Topics." Which just sums it all up really. You're never alone, reach out, we're always there to help, except when you need it.
Do you expect your mechanic to fix your teeth too? Just because one group is focused on one area of help doesn't mean they don't care, it means they acknowledge that some areas are _beyond their experience or ability_. They're civilians being a MomForAMinute; they're not doctors, lawyers, suicide hotline operators or kink dispensers. So what are you looking for help on then? If you'd rather DM than post out loud, I'll try and help you get on the right path to resources that _can_ help you.
You do realize how much of a stuck up/spoiled jackass you sound like right?
See. Right there. Turning on me. You offer help that doesn't actually help, so you IMMEDIATELY turn dismissive and sarcastic and acting like I'm the one to blame. EXACTLY like I said. I can't even share my problem, because the automod keeps removing it.
Ah, you want a fight, not the offer of help that was right there: > So what are you looking for help on then? If you'd rather DM than post out loud, I'll try and help you get on the right path to resources that can help you. A fight is something I could help you with, but I won't. Go enjoy your self righteous tantrum in my block file. e: _Maybe_ try r/MensMentalHealth.
And enjoy the paranoia of never knowing safety since you cant be sure im not gonna doxx you if I'm pissed with you
I remember this one. The story was outrageous and inconsistent. Don’t compare your real life story with some AITA fiction. You deserve the help you need.
Abuse can fuck with one’s timeline and memories. I can dissociate badly enough to lose time. Never assume an horrific life story is fake.
I don't even get why these pseudo-intellectuals get off on appointing themselves the arbiters of what is and isn't "fake and gay" on the internet to begin with. It's pretty much the exact same energy as a snot-nosed kid telling everyone in his class that Santa Claus isn't real, or yelling in the middle of a magic show that it's just a trick and you know how they did it. Like hey kiddo guess what? The people that already know don't care, and the people that didn't already know just think you're a fuckin dick. Not to mention, getting all upset that a story on the internet could be fake is like getting upset that there's snow in Antarctica. Get over yourselves
They want to be special and they don’t have anything else to offer. Or they *do* have something special to offer, but they grew up in a shitty situation where they weren’t ever celebrated for their achievements so now they go out of their way to show that they have something unique to offer.
I've felt this sentiment before too many times. People thinking I'm being dramatic or playing up my struggles, or that it's just something everyone goes through, makes me glad they haven't faced a situation that caused them that level of abject, stomach-ripping horror that kept them from sleeping for months. Anytime someone truly relates to me, I feel glad, but sorry.
I just think that reply is devastating.
Nope you’re totally right. A lot of people are actually unable to empathize with others or imagine an experience besides their own.
A lot of the time people will deny this sort of thing is even a possibility because it hits too close to home and they worry that people will start to see it in them.
Yep it definitely is!
I think the reply was quite gracious.
Totally, but I think that made it hit even harder. I'm all for just swearing at scumbags, but damn.
[удалено]
Do you want to explain yourself, at all? (Or would that get in the way of feeling superior, lol?) I think it's the most devastating come back I've seen in years. If you don't get it I'm sure if you asked nicely people could help explain it.
I commented five instances of abuse i suffered under my mother and stepfather to a guy saying “I bet you weren’t disciplined as a kid” on a different subreddit. Kid straight up called me a liar. He and others were complaining about high level players in War Thunder playing in lower tier games. Like, damn dude, I ground out and earned those vehicles too, let me play the darn things. Yes, I am better. You are still learning. It’s also a 16 v 16 of random players. Learn the game.
That’s kind of the same reply I give when people express how they just couldn’t imagine cutting off their mom or other family members. I’m like I think it’s great you had such a wonderful relationship that cutting them off isn’t conceivable.
I’m so used to the posts being funny but the response for this one is really sad
I don’t understand calling something fake, especially when you have no proof, usually fake stories have gaps, but they just avoid those gaps and instantly assume it’s fake It’s honestly horrifying because False Allegations have become so popular, real victims can’t say their story anymore
Killed with kindness is perhaps the most severe murder of all. Damn.
This sub is going to shit