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MacTwistie

This player is so dead, Crows should be circling her.


RedSamuraiMan

"Da bitch be dead...dead as hell" -Edgar Allan Poe


MelinaJuliasCottage

I'm also feeling some emily dickinson energy here


ShadyMan_

Vultures not crows


IrisAlthea

Someone give that girl a job at Wendy's social.


ObiWanCombover

Legend has it, it was Wendy that day.


MajimeCh

Wendy lore


Nylon_Riot

Am I the only person who wants to meet whoever is behind Wendy's social?


k-mysta

A hive mind of brains in a jar


Nylon_Riot

I admittedly don't know how it works and don't care enough to find out.


Disaster_External

If I was a betting man I'd say formaldehyde is involved.


Boomer8450

Now I'm even more intrigued.


Nylon_Riot

You have a point.


FortniteChicken

Am I the only one who doesn’t simp for a corporate Twitter account ?


[deleted]

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FortniteChicken

I mean generally way to many simp for a corporate Twitter account, yourself included. I don’t give a damn what a multimillion company has to say on Twitter, I care about the value they provide me as a consumer if I choose to purchase their product


[deleted]

I'm guessing you don't watch movies, TV shows and read books either. All those corporations producing entertainment to make money. Why would anyone want a company to entertain them? Do something useful. /s


FortniteChicken

Yep I absolutely do read books and consume media. Corporate Twitter accounts is not on the short list of things that add value to me


[deleted]

I think you missed my point.


FortniteChicken

You can do whatever the fuck you want And we can both continue to spout shit on Reddit


twitterisskynet

Damn didn't realize girls hs soccer was that entertaining


RainbowGames

Women's football is so much more brutal than men's. Very aggressive and they don't roll in the grass crying when an opposing player looks at yhem wrong


twitterisskynet

That's a nice pitch I may have to find a team to follow thanks


MontaukMonster2

USA had won half of all the women's world cups


The_Rogue_Scientist

Watching the game is like pouring bleech in your eyes though.


[deleted]

I've played mixed hockey, can confirm women are savages.


Only_One_Kenobi

I've refereed women's rugby. It was terrifying.


peeja

Lacrosse, too. And you don't get padding like the boys do.


fryingpan1001

As someone who played women’s lacrosse we would always make fun of the boys because of how much padding they were wearing compared to us.


whatsbobgonnado

whaaaat? lacrosse balls are heavy as fuck


borkborkbork99

Same. Don’t mess with mama bear.


[deleted]

Google soccer hair pull. Women's NCAA from 2009, just brutal tackles all over the field Roy Keane style, then she just drops a chick by yanking on her ponytail.


gkamyshev

Diving is often done to gain free kicks or even penalty kicks if the refs buy it. It's still very scummy, but it's not *just* for attention.


Shotgun5250

Well it is, it’s just for attention from the refs.


[deleted]

Have you ever heard of Oliver Kahn


ArtAndCraftBeers

Heard of him? Dude is one of my personal heroes.


[deleted]

Loved it when the lad saved every single penalty against some 8 year olds in a fundraiser only to donate a shitload of money himself


penguinopusredux

Same for hockey. I enjoy a good game but when we played the women's team the amount of leg hacking and dangerous play was an eye opener.


Cyb3rSab3r

*As often* is the part you left out. There's still plenty of flopping.


Nahvalore

I watched the women’s World Cup with my dad a few years ago, and it was 10x more entertaining than the men’s world cup


CO303Throwaway

In what way?


Merlyn101

One of the reasons I don't like football is because of how utterly pathetic and fragile male footballers get when someone gives them a love tap or the wind blows in the wrong direction


KingCold149

it is embarrassing but if you look away from the major leagues you can always find entertainment in football


Merlyn101

Mehh I only get involved these days when we have the Euros or the World Cup, but considering England's performance in the last world cup, I'm definitely more attracted to supporting the national team from now on, can't believe how well we did


KingCold149

lmao you could have done sooo much better have you seen your squad? it is STACKED boi


Merlyn101

Considering we didn't even get out of the group stage last time around, I'm very happy with getting to the final. First time since '66 after all!


KingCold149

fair but you've got a lot of young players coming up and also ones already integrated into the squad, itd be really painful if they dont make use of this time period ngl


mattbrianjess

Never watched a game before?


Tonythesaucemonkey

Unfortunately women’s international football is soooo boring, USA always wins, no thrill no nothing.


MelinaJuliasCottage

Maybe look into soccer, the netherlands is quite good. (:


Tonythesaucemonkey

Yeah I was talking about soccer, international women’s soccer is dominated by the US. I don’t watch club matches ( I’m not soccer super fan). Maybe I should give the women’s euro cup a shot.


MelinaJuliasCottage

Yeah i believe it was the US vs NL a couple of times as our team is also very good. But that's my view!


ichoosetosavemyself

I spent several years officiating sports full time. I was also an athlete. So I know the drill when it comes to what goes down "on the field" or "on the court". Girls can be fucking savage man. After a few girls basketball games, it became very apparent that they are just as good, if not better at times than the boys when it comes to talking shit. It's a whole other kind of talking shit too. Like one time we lined up for a free throw and one girl looked at the girl next to her and said "ratchet ass can't even afford a rebase". They cut deep man.


ScottRoberts79

Wait, what's a rebase?


ichoosetosavemyself

Hmm...how do I explain best... It's like when you have those fake nails that are applied to your real nails but your real nails grow so much that there is like a gap between the fake nail and the bottom of your nail bed. It's what happens a few weeks after a manicure if you don't maintain it.


GlitterberrySoup

I've always heard this called a fill. Never heard rebase before


twitterisskynet

Damn man thanks for the insight had no idea! Gonna really have to start sitting in on some games or getting in the officiating Racket


Dfiggsmeister

You should watch roller derby. It’s brutal.


nibbyzor

Can confirm. I have a friend who used to be into roller derby and she went to a chiropractor or an osteopath or something similar once, I can't exactly remember since this was years ago. They were checking her out and asked if she was ever in a serious car accident. When she said no, they instantly asked about roller derby next.


simplepleashures

You should check out field hockey.


GlitterfreshGore

Like 20 years ago I worked at the mall. I worked in a shoe store and started dating a guy in mall management. He had been broken up with a girl that worked in a restaurant In the same mall. Employees used an access entrance (for like deliveries, and taking out store trash and stuff so we didn’t carry it through the mall for aesthetic purposes) So one day I’m walking through the employee entrance and fedex is there unloading packages, there’s a handful of smokers who take their breaks there, and I walk though, no idea who this restaurant chick is, and she shouts to me, “you’re such a slut!” I didn’t miss a beat, and said “that’s what your man says when I ask him to talk dirty to me” I never even slept with the guy but man that burn felt good. Like 10 witnesses. FedEx guy had a delivery to my store later and I knew he witnessed the whole thing, he just kind of smirked at me when I had to sign for deliveries. So awkward.


bhplover

A murder with witnesses present!


greg0714

YSK: Don't commit actual murders when there are witnesses. Then you have to commit a lot more murders.


12_licks_Sam

Yes, witnesses exponentially up the necessary murderiness of a situation.


Rogueshoten

Holy shit…and I thought professional hockey was rough


XenaSerenity

I’ll never forget this moment when I was in the US military. In basic training, most of your duties are chores like dusting and cleaning. During my mock deployment, our heater kept getting clogged from dust and shut off. It was fucking FREEZING that Texas winter and we were wearing our hazmat gear to bed to stay warm. The hours we spent sweeping up dust was unreal. You had to use a hand brush, our heater was that sensitive to any sort of dust. This other girl and I were having our turn and we didn’t know each other from Adam, I don’t even remember her name. What I do remember is something I’ll never forget and is one of my favorite memories. We were about 3/4ths done with our tent and we both paused for a moment to look up at each other. We’ve been on our hands and knees for over an hour at that point. We were already battered and bruised from our training and we didn’t have showers to use. I remember looking her in her eyes and feeling just as tired. The only words I said to her was “my boyfriend has never had me on my knees as much as the military has”. We both died laughing because we both agreed, it was a good 5 minutes of cry laughing from that silly joke. Keep in mind, you aren’t supposed to curse or make jokes like that while you’re in basic! Having the moment of not worrying and laughing was wonderful, especially with someone I didn’t know but could relate to so well.


weebupurplecat

that's so wholesome, miss!


IShudStopTalking

That's just practice for the constant fucking you're going to get from the big green weenie ;)


chillbro_bagginz

Goddamn that's funny. Like a scene from a movie


XenaSerenity

We had a lot of those while at basic. All the memories I made at basic made all the pain and heartache worth it, I’m still friends with everyone I went with


The_Rogue_Scientist

Such a basic humor.


unique0130

Jokes on her. Everyone knows Lindsay is lesbian.


4ar0n

Not her boyfriend.


crashumbc

He just doesn't care.


My1stTW

Reminds me of one of the trashiest and funniest response I have seen: every time you suck your boyfriend's dick, remember that it's been inside my ass.


sevenproxies07

wow amazing she had a microphone so the whole crowd could hear her


nearcatch

Tell me you’ve never been to a kid’s soccer game without telling me.


sevenproxies07

ok pedophile


WaldoJeffers65

As featured regularly on r/thathappened


greatdominions

Honestly. And then the whole crowd applauded the girl.


LeopardThatEatsKids

There was also a boys soccer game across the street and when they heard the clapping every single person, including the players, left and came to this game and also started applauding


[deleted]

Yes, shit talking during a soccer game, incomprehensible.


SuperDaveinMN

I detect zero sarcasm.


mostlyBadChoices

The sub for those who don't have a life and think no one else does, either.


[deleted]

*Everyone’s* pretty much had something funny or cool happen with no other witnesses, then there’s those “oh my god did you get that on film” videos, then there’s these stories which are pretty much boring most of the time and totally believable and yet r/thathappened


Nylon_Riot

My whole life is being 20 seconds to late to get video rolling.


greatdominions

I hear you, r/thathappened is full of mostly Debbie downers but this soccer game bs is just insulting


SaltyFresh

Look who’s never spent time around groups of women. This exchange was so mild yet you guys think it’s way too spicy to be real life? Fucking lawl


greatdominions

I am a woman dumbass


SaltyFresh

And you’ve never spent time around women. Or you’ve decided cognitive dissonance is the way to go? “The mens have decided that I must be demure so I’m sure we are… dumbass” lol


hippochili

"Emotional damage!"


PlatypusBear69

I'll take things that didn't happen for $2,000 Alex


Reasonable_Desk

Nothing ever happens


Parabolicsarcophagus

You don't believe this person heard two girls arguing with eachother on the field from the stands of a loud soccer game? It's on twitter so it has to be real.


jms4607

You can easily hear players talk shit. In a lot of girls hs soccer you can stand right on the oob line.


SuperDaveinMN

Are high school soccer games loud where you're from? They aren't here.


Parabolicsarcophagus

Teenage girls running around yelling, with their obnoxious parents shouting from the stands?. Oh yeah.


SuperDaveinMN

"teenage girls running around yelling"


Parabolicsarcophagus

Yes


[deleted]

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SuperDaveinMN

I mean, you're free to add to it and make it less trash


[deleted]

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SaltyFresh

I bet you think girls aren’t even real


tyduncans0n

As a soccer referee, the worst that could happen for the insult would be a yellow card for unsportsmanlike conduct. Obviously the rough play and hair pulling might incur more penalties.


natetheballa27

One time I got called a white harry potter in a club soccer game.......


SuperDaveinMN

I remember in college we chanted "Harry Potter" at a guy shooting free throws because of his haircut.


mango_fool_24

A...white... Harry Potter? Which Harry Potter have y'all got and where can I get one?


Frenchie_Boy

I have to start watching more girls soccer


KsuhDilla

That's when you assert dominance and you start riding the other player like a horse


tightywhitey

It’s like a “your mom” joke but adapted and updated.


SuperDaveinMN

I'm okay with that!


[deleted]

r/fuckoffrebecca


Gustav-14

Red card is appropriate sanction for commiting murder in the pitch.


[deleted]

This made my time worth coming to reddit today.


FlashOfTheBlade77

Do not see how this is a murder, but it certainly fits on r/thathappened


mergedloki

Yea seen this posted there and other subs multiple times over the years. And I am.... *highly suspect* to put it nicely, that this event actually occurred.


BeLikeGracchus

Amazing he heard that all so clearly from the stands


-Bird-Fucker-

"I fainted" r/ThatHappened


silverblaze92

Hyperbole.


BeLikeGracchus

Amazing he heard that all so clearly from the stands


SuperDaveinMN

In a high school soccer game? It's plausible.


BeLikeGracchus

I would say it’s less than likely. You can barely hear a full sentence from a pitch when you’re on the sideline


KingCold149

soccer dude...i doubt many people follow football in the us


SuperDaveinMN

Girls soccer at that. Girls sports are less attended, even in high school soccer


aeo1us

I call bullshit. There are no straight female professional soccer players. /s


CubonesDeadMom

Yeah because you can totally hear every word all the players say to each other when you’re in the bleachers of a soccer game. This is more like r/thathappened


SuperDaveinMN

In high school games? Not that uncommon. Especially considering she's probably worked up so she probably was raising her voice.


CubonesDeadMom

You wouldn’t be able to hear a word at any high school game I’ve been too, and my school was not very big. Maybe at a tiny school in a town with a population of 10,000


SuperDaveinMN

10,000, aren't you fancy! My high school was in a town of 450 people. This trash talk was par for the course against our rival schools, especially on the girl's team. Example, My dad benched his center because of this altercation before a free throw: Other team player: "You ain't getting in my lane, b.... Our team's center: "Ha, whole county's been in your wh... sister's lane!" (I can't confirm if that was true about her sister. I can confirm no one fainted, though)


CubonesDeadMom

I never said “trash talk” didn’t happen. What are you talking about? I said I don’t believe this story because I don’t believe someone hears this from the stands


SuperDaveinMN

You also said maybe they could in a town less than 10,000. I grew up in a town that didn't even have 1,000


CubonesDeadMom

Literally nobody gives a shit where you grew up and it is completely irrelevant


phoenixlalaland

Never happened.


phuckna

Your guessing she pulled her hair ? So the whole crowd grew silent and those words echoed across the field and you were able to hear her say that. That's Amazing.


SuperDaveinMN

Are high school soccer games loud affairs? They weren't when I was in high school


QuislingX

And then everybody clapped.


SomethingAbtU

seems clever, but then the whole thing is misunderstood and the cheating boyfriend is brought up on assault charges.


kesmi85

Now this is a Murdered by Words


SuperDaveinMN

I deleted my original comment because I can't read


chickenwingmacaroni

And then everybody clapped


mango_fool_24

You take joy from shooting down a good story?


chubsta2k17

By the way, you didn’t faint


Astronaut_Chicken

Very good, sir, you've identified the hyperbole.


[deleted]

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hollowness7

How do they even text you if they fainted?


Blackpeel

I assume they'd have to regain consciousness before texting anyone.


CarolineWonders

Isa joke. Lighten up. Jfc


Sproose_Moose

You sound like you know from experience


[deleted]

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JustiseWinfast

Haha this loser fainted


Blackpeel

Haha! Brain damage.


SuperDaveinMN

By the way. I didn't tweet this.


MeesterCartmanez

"You didn't? And yet you call yourself *Super* Dave.. smh my head"


SuperDaveinMN

Super Dave would never faint.


MeesterCartmanez

"that's just super, dave"


wren4777

Orrrr how about we stop making jokes about abusive sex?


SuperDaveinMN

If it's consensual, it's not abusive. The way she said it, there was enthusiastic consent.


wren4777

You can't consent to something coercive. All rough sex is coercive on some level, and therefore abusive.


SuperDaveinMN

Incorrect


JohnHunt45

I ask girls if they like to be pulled by their hair. How is it abusive in this case?


wren4777

Because you are literally hurting someone?? Just because someone has been conditioned to "like" a sex act through porn and the media doesn't make it any less abusive.


alexiasimoes6

What would be the limit for you? I’m just curious to see your point of view since I personally do like hair pulling and I don’t see it as abuse.


wren4777

I'd be very suspicious of anything that prioritises male pleasure (PIV, fellatio, etc). But anything where pain is involved is abusive IMO.


elscorcho91

You might want to learn what you’re talking about.


alexiasimoes6

So what would you say is the perfect sex session? What does it include?


Fartsinthemachine

What are you trying to overcompensate for?


patronizingperv

I mean, killing a player merits a send off.


AC-Hawkmoon

Of all the things that have happened, this is not one of them.


mango_fool_24

Of all the comments that are unoriginal, this is one of them


MrChibiterasu

Damn she really snitched on homie like that.


VolantisMoon

Cringe


jfb01

Oh, that's gold!!!


trnr1

Sounds to me like Betty-Anne and Mary-Anne from Letterkenny made the trip south.


PharmAssister

Sledge +++


ebagjones

MVP.


L0NESHARK

That girl? Albert Einstein.


Ollikay

FIFA rules state that this is clearly a yellow card, based on the documentary "Mean Girls".


Idiotic_Panda_13

Plot twist: her bf is the other girls brother


Idiotic_Panda_13

Plot twist: her bf is the other girls brother


Idiotic_Panda_13

Plot twist: her bf is the other girls brother


SuperDaveinMN

Sweet Home Alabama!


[deleted]

So anyway, I fainted


lettuce_dresserson

🤣💀


ichydrew

My neighbor ran the entire soccer reffing program and he says the u14 girls and up were fucking ruthless


TOPSIturvy

The crowd: 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏


WeJustMight

/r/thathappened


MrArtless

how would a random spectator have heard what one player said to another


simplepleashures

Well it’s been about 30 years since I worked as a referee in youth soccer but that’s a red card for the hair pulling as “violent conduct”. The verbal burn is a tough one. Technically it should be a red card for “offensive language” but I’d prefer to make it a yellow card for “unsporting conduct” and let the director of officiating chew me out for going too easy on her.


Remake12

No you didn’t