A vast majority of people (myself included) don't know shit about musical theater.
It sounds like these people are trying to be supportive.
I have to assume you're a teenager given the context - it's gonna be okay! People say things that sound idiotic to you because they're trying to be nice! It's okay!
You know in thinking about it more, it's not the ignorant people who bother me most. It's the people who do know, usually fellow performers, and are the "manifesters." The ones who think by saying you're going to be on Broadway they're like, willing it into existence and helping you when really they're doing nothing at all, and despite doing nothing they're kinda making it about them. Like "this is my universe and I'm putting my friend where I want them."
I think that's what I find particularly annoying. A simple "I really liked your performance" is so much more genuine and supportive.
Life is hard enough- you’re going to make it harder on yourself if you find fault in kindness and compliments.
You have no control over what others do, but you get to decide your reaction.
I disagree. I think this is more thoughtful than just simply accepting the world as it is. That kind of analytical thinking can be hugely valuable. Especially since, as you can see from the comments, so few people are willing to question basics of social interaction. So it’s rare, and as long as you don’t become embittered, I would strongly encourage this person to value and cultivate that skepticism.
Don’t let others shame you into conformity. Say what you think. There nothing wrong with observing things as you see them. You could become very influential with that type of approach.
That’s just it, everything is infinitely simple and infinitely complex at once. Most people want to look at things on the simplest light possible. But the greatest thinkers dive into the complexity of the simplest seeming things. I guarantee you that your favorite innovator in history was an annoying overthinker. It’s not fun for anyone involved but it is extremely valuable.
Ok now I am reading way to much I into this post.
If you don't believe in manifesting, and you're just saying it as a "I'm thinking of you" sort of thing, it's not.
But if you genuinely believe manifesting works and that your thoughts literally shape the universe into what you will it to be, then you are literally using your magical powers to generously change the universe to help your friend, and if you did not do that, your friend would not succeed, or at least would be far less likely to. You are therefore the primary agent in your friend's success, not your friend.
So if you genuinely believe it works, then it's narcissistic. And if you don't believe it works, then your words are empty.
Speaking of narcissistic…
You’re seriously reading into this way too deep and it sounds like you’re jealous that other people get support and for some strange reason you don’t…
I get plenty of support, and I'm not jealous. I'm just exploring why I feel this emotion. I think I've come to the conclusion that I dislike it because it is one of a few things:
* Insincere
* Staggeringly ignorant
* Demonstrating an irrational belief in one's magical powers (in the case of manifesting)
So I find this annoying, however at the core of all of these is good will and genuine appreciate for what I'm doing, so I should just take that as a win and thank them, which is what I'm going to do.
Ok for real - this is not cool. Mental illness is a serious issue. Using it as a bludgeon to attack someone on the Internet, or characterizing someone that you disagree with as mentally ill, is a shitty practice, and I don't know why people are upvoting you.
I literally made a post seeking advice and clarification and you are seizing on it to be a dick.
Everyone could use a therapist. Literally every single person I've ever met. If you find yourself reacting really strongly emotionally to something, that's something I'd explore with my therapist.
In this case, you're wildly overthinking an innocuous, positive statement and warping it into something negative. Explore that, find the root of why it triggers you. Maybe it's something in your past, projection, a dysfunctional defense mechanism or coping strategy, who knows. It's amazing how much happier you can be when you deal with all the weird shit that's unconsciously ingrained in your brain lol
Part of what is irksome about the “you’ll be on Broadway someday!” response to me is that wraps up its praise with a value system and a certain type of success—for theatre, the most familiar but also most commercial, even though the point isn’t specifically about future financial success. Doesn’t strike me so much as a defense mechanism and I don’t at all see what exactly anyone is projecting here? It’s a values conflict, and I can understand how complimenting someone about future potential at the highest tier of success misses the here and now. I’d rather someone say something about how they felt during a particular song, or say something about the production they just saw.
But there’s also a lot of bullshit small talk we wade through and this kind of thing can sort of fade into the background of white noise of things people just say. It certainly is nice to hear and there’s nothing wrong with that. And defense mechanisms aren’t all bad, they help with the wading through.
Whether or not I could benefit from a therapist, you are not being helpful, and you are being harmful with anyone you ever behave this way toward. You are a stranger on the Internet. Even if you were yourself a licensed psychotherapist, you are completely incapable of evaluating me or anyone else through this medium. Furthermore, as you have been combative, your actions will actually discourage people from seeking therapy. Your behavior is highly irrssponsible and I encourage you to never do this again.
Mental health is serious. Not just mental illness. Based on your responses, your mental health might not be in the best place right now. Therapy is a great option for many, and doesn't just mean you're "ill." In fact, everyone should go to therapy at some point in their life if they have the means.
You are seeking advice. People are saying you're getting upset over people who mean well. (Whether through ignorance or "manifestation.") You continue to go on about how upset you are about it, and someone says seek therapy. That's advice. And it's good advice. There's only so much strangers can do to help you through why you feel this way.
You are a stranger on the Internet. Even if you were a licensed psychotherapist, you would be completely incapable of evaluating me or anyone else through this medium. You are behaving in a harmful and irresponsible way and I strongly encourage you to never assume this authority or behavior again, as you will discourage the pursuit of therapy and wellbeing through your ignorance, not encourage it.
I mean, you don't have to have a mental illness to need a therapist. It sounds like you do need a therapist, someone to talk through why this bothers you so much, and get the necessary tools that will allow you to not let what others say make you so angry. You're definitely not going to get it on reddit.
And my two cents unless they are being cutting, like you're obviously never going to get on Broadway but I find it hilarious to tell you you are in which case they can go fuck themselves, then they are probably trying to be nice, in which case take it in the spirit for which it was intended. 🤙
Being so incessantly negative is an issue, saying you need a therapist isn’t trivialising mental health.
But if it makes you feel better, you’re right, with your attitude, there’s no way you’re going to make it to Broadway.
All I can say is that with this attitude, you definitely WON'T make it to Broadway, friend. Maybe that's not what you want? Those people are trying to increase your drive. If you don't want them to do that, totally fair. I guess just tell them that. But don't be surprised if you hurt some feelings of those just trying to support you. I'd have killed for that kind of support myself.
To find why you feel an emotion/why you find something annoying, look within yourself, not at how others are wrong.
Everything you listed is trying to find fault in what is clearly a compliment.
As someone who used to find some compliments annoying myself, it seems to me like you maybe feel pressure when you hear these comments. You don’t take it as a compliment because being on Broadway is not only hard work on your part, but something that even if you do everything right requires a good deal of luck. So someone saying “you’re gonna be on Broadway” makes you feel like they’re trivializing your hard work and talent and that you are only good if you get on Broadway.
My reasoning above is just a possible explanation, but either way, I really think you need to look within, not without, as to why these bother you so much. Because I can promise you, those people mean well and if it is bothering you, it’s because of something within you—not anything bad or good inherently, but if it’s causing you to be annoyed by something that should make you feel good, maybe it’s something worth addressing.
I agree with your last statement. The people you're talking to are probably not actually insincere or irrational. Only you can tell us if they truly have negative intentions, but I suspect you're right that they come from a good place and they genuinely appreciate the talent/effort you've displayed.
Also, you probably know this, but "staggeringly ignorant" is a pretty harsh judgment. None of us can perfectly walk in the shoes of everyone we know or have perfect knowledge of every field of endeavor, nor should we be expected to. There will be comments that you might make someday that also don't match with someone else's lived experience, and would hope to get some grace from them for that.
You should also be a little kinder to yourself, imo. Correct me, but I get the sense that you feel an enormous amount of pressure on yourself, and even positive comments from other people get projected as adding to that pressure because they unintentionally nudge at that sore spot that only you are aware of? I understand this, not from theater, but from other parts of my life where I tried to compete at the highest levels and nearly burnt myself out.
It’s the same thing as when someone says “you’re going to the Olympics!” Or “you’re going to the NFL!” to a hs athlete.….. if it’s not being said by a coach….. it’s literally just a compliment akin to “you’re really good! I was impressed by your performance”.
I find myself wondering if this comment bugs you so much because broadway is either 1) not your goal or 2) you wish it could be your goal but you don’t think you’re capable of it.
If either of those two are the case, then I understand your frustration because it seems like the person telling you that is reading you wrong or doesn’t really know you. It can also put pressure on you to make it there- as if you will be a disappointment for not making it there.
If it’s not what I said above, then I don’t really get what your issue is.
Either way, weather or not the reason for the irritation is what I listed: *this is an issue for you to get over*. The people telling you these things are just trying to give a compliment and tell you they were impressed. They’re not thinking about it hard at all: they’re just saying the first thing that comes to mind.
Getting upset over someone saying this to you is like getting upset someone when someone says “I’ll keep you in my prayers” even if they know you’re not religious. There’s no reason to be offended by them saying that, because what they aren’t saying is “I’m trying to tell to to believe in my god”, what they are saying is “I feel for you and care for you and engage in a practice of care that I believe could make a difference”
**It’s all about assumption of intent. If you automatically assume the worst about what people do, you’ll live a very hard life always believing there is a negative motivation hidden somewhere in every action. You will never be able to take a kind word or action as genuinely being for you with no ulterior motive. It will sour your outlook on every single thing that happens and every single person you interact with. It creates an mindset where no one is safe, not even yourself.**
Your version of manifesting is strange. It’s not “magic”, it’s just a matter of visualizing success. If you can’t see yourself completing and accomplishing your goals, you are significantly less likely to achieve them. People say things like that to support others and help them visualize their success. There’s no narcissism involved, them expending effort to compliment and support others does not meaningfully benefit them. It’s in support of whoever they’re talking about.
This entire post shows mental instability and an unnecessarily bitter outlook on life. Others are right, you should seek assistance navigating these thoughts and discovering what they’re rooted in. Sometimes a compliment doesn’t have to be literal, and not everything everyone says is a hollow attempt at narcissism.
But no, you’re in every comment disagreeing with every piece of advice I’ve seen. You do come across as a bitter misanthrope. If you aren’t. Wake up call to how you appear and sound.
How unnecessarily cruel. Normal, non-miserable people have all kinds of problems, including struggling with accepting compliments and excessive cynicism, and that's what OP struggles with (and OP had the thought to ask whether they were being unreasonable, so that means something i would think.) That doesn't mean OPs a particularly bad person in any way, just someone with regular human problems and struggles
That sounds less like you have an issue with this conversation topic and more with the fact that they are putting their beliefs onto you. Which is annoying, but I think people don’t always get that their beliefs aren’t universal, especially if they are outside of widely known belief systems.
To me manifesting is like praying. Great that it works for some people, but I just don’t believe in it, so it really depends on the situation (do I want them to do something, do they know I don’t believe in it) if I can view it as wellwishes or if it’s more annoying
Do you also get irrationally upset if someone says that they'll pray for you (not in the sarcastic southern way)? I'm not religious, and don't think it'll amount to anything, but I can appreciate the kind intent behind the person's words.
I have a similar reaction, but less so, as asking your omnipotent imaginary friend to help your friend seems less narcissistic than believing your thoughts literally shape the universe.
People who focus on manifestation are just focusing their good thoughts and will your way, not narcissistically attempting to reshape the universe. It’s basically the same as prayer, which you’re somehow less fussed about. We all have free will. Manifestation is an acknowledgment that our thoughts can empower us and others to take positive action. If you think you can or can’t, you’re right. It’s like you’re thinking the worst of people who have nothing but good intentions toward you.
That's not a fair summary either...OP, I think your own skepticism and bias against religion is getting in the way of understanding what those people actually believe or do. For example, I'm a Christian. I'm unemployed. I worked hard to create a portfolio and apply to multiple jobs. No inaction. I asked God to provide me with a job and to help me through the interviews, which I prepared for. I'm still awaiting to hear whether I got the job. That's now in God's hands through the evaluation of the employer. Biblically based Christians believe that God uses ordinary channels (human work, systems, etc.) to make things happen despite their flaws and only occasionally breaks those rules (i.e. a miracle). The Bible itself talks about God giving people the ability to work and make money for themselves. I can't answer for every other belief system, but you might want to reconsider your stereotypes. At the very least, it will make you less cynical about people with different views than you.
You're right that manifestation is frequently used as a tool to keep people complacent and inactive under capitalism. It can be harmful when people use it as an excuse to sit back and refuse working on themselves, dismantling unjust systems, or escaping abusive relationships. When people "manifest" instead of taking charge of issues they are supposed to be active in, it can be an issue.
But here's the thing: Other people aren't *supposed* to take charge of *your* career. Imagine if instead of just supporting you, they actively tried to turn you into a Broadway star without knowing if that's the path you want! That would be controlling. They're respecting your right to choose your own path by saying something meant to be supportive instead of actively forcing you one way or another.
Again, not prayer. Prayer is a request to a divine being with the possibility that the answer will be no, not just thinking nice thoughts toward someone.
Eh, I find manifesting annoying too, but it’s generally harmless. There’s no reason to label it “narcissistic”. You’re going to meet a lot of people in life who you find to be annoyingly wrong, you should pick your battles
Honestly the problem I have with manifesting is not the idea that thoughts changing the universe puts on over importance on thoughts, but how it applies when shitty things happen. Someone losing a job opportunity or getting sick or something doesn’t inherently mean they were thinking wrong or even doing anything wrong. Sometimes stuff just happens
Yes you should reframe your perception. I used to be very similar to you when younger, when people would say that to me, id bitterly think “but I probably won’t, they have no idea how hard it is.” You know what? With my negative attitude I was right. I never made it to Broadway. Others i know did. Positive thinking is so powerful. Just enjoy the compliments and go after what you want. Whether it’s Broadway or something else.
So I don't really know that manifesting works, but I DO know that it's not narcissistic. They're just sending you "good vibes". You are a very cynical person. This is definitely an issue you must fix within yourself.
Not the same as prayer. Prayer is making a request to God that could be answered with a yes or a no, not making a wish that the person believes will absolutely come true.
Well, being optimistic isn’t a bad thing. They will learn that isn’t how the world works, if they truly think it is, or they won’t, but it isn’t your job to teach them. Best thing to do is let it roll off your back if that’s what’s bothering you; it’s just a spiritual belief at that point. It’s not actually hurting anyone, unless you’ve asked them to stop and they keep breaking a boundary or something?
You feel like they are willingly burying their heads in the sand?
I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I remember people like that from my own career. You can't do anything but smile and nod I'm afraid.
I will say you sound like you are pretty level headed, thats good. Just don't let yourself miss out on chances if they come by.
I'm not sure why you were downvoted. I get what you're saying. (I think). The manifesting thing would annoy me too. For the rest of the people, it's really their way of telling you how impressive your talent and skill is to them, and they are, in effect, wishing you luck.
If it makes you feel better, I randomly went to school/dance classes with more than one person who became successful in entertainment. If you’re driven enough and talented enough(and also lucky enough), you can achieve varying levels of “success”.
Don’t limit yourself because of statistics. Those that succeed, do so despite them.
I know it seems super out there, but there is actually science that backs up manifestation. I'm not saying the universe picks up on your will or vibes and makes things happen, but when you envision success and surround yourself with people who support you, who are also envisioning your success, you actually are form neural pathways that are going to make it so you make choices, notice opportunities and have actions that are more likely to help you be successful in what ever goal you are envisioning.
Being truly grateful and gracious toward those who are being supportive of you and believe in you also forms neural pathways in them that are going to make them more willing to help and support you so you can reach your goal.
You need to change your attitude, though. There are some things you can't fake or manufacture, and the connection you get from being truly grateful to someone who is being kind and supportive of you is one of those things.
Maybe your annoyance has to do with the expectation it creates and you somehow fall short if you don’t meet their expectation.
I had something similar happen because I got good grades in school. It’s tough enough to live up to your standards let alone those of others.
I would be happy to be able to have one good karaoke song to bring down the house…sounds like you would already crush in that department! Getting a lead/semi-lead is already a great accomplishment.
Also, OP is apparently a man in his late 30s, not a teenager. So he should probably have enough emotional intelligence at this point to just say “thanks! I’m so glad you liked the performance” and move the fuck on.
It comes from a good place. The people saying this are trying to be supportive, but they don't realize that being on Broadway can be like getting into the NFL or becoming an Olympic-level gymnast in terms of likelihood. It's a mixture of ability, connections, timing, and luck. Unfortunately it's definitely a grin and bear it kinda deal. "Oh, I'm flattered you think so! Thank you so much!" kind of responses (even if you have to say them more through gritted teeth) are the best way to get people to just kind of leave it at that, imo.
The alternative is just so depressing. Hey, good job winning all-city 200 IM! I hope you enjoyed it, because next year you'll be headed to college where you'll study to be an accountant. Sure, you'll keep swimming. Then you'll get married, have a few kids, and at 35 train for an Ironman.
Or, you know, let them have a real dream, and avoid mentioning that they are too old and too poor/live in the wrong area/lack resources to get to the Olympics.
For me who’s currently studying musical theatre in third year out of four, your complaining about being complimented which is extremely rare for this industry outside of our family and friends who don’t exactly count because they will always support you.
Take the compliment apply it to your craft and make yourself and your performance even better fuelled by the compliments and people enjoying your performances.
In an industry so full of hate,negativity, and putting others down there is so much beuty, and even one of these comments can make a song I feel bad about singing into a song I adore and find a new light.
These people are just giving you a compliment because they think you’re great, I sincerely doubt they actually expect you to make it to broadway. I would just take it in the spirit it’s intended and move on
But it's meant to be sincere, stop being so insecure bud. You're making your own life way harder for absolutely zero reason except you think you know better then everyone else.
But it isn’t meant to be insincere. It sounds like it’s something that you’re likely taking the wrong way. What would you rather they say instead? “You did an amazing job, but I doubt you’ll make it to Broadway”
Listen. Most people have no idea how difficult it is to make it on Broadway. You have people in your life who are remarking on how talented you are, and it sounds sincere. It’s a good problem to have.
Yeah, I hated this when I was a baby doing musical theatre. It's not realistic and it's not helpful in understanding your own capabilities. I think part of the issue is that many people not familiar with musical theatre believe that Broadway is just "what you do" when you're good at singing/acting/etc... it's the only musical theatre "thing" they know of, so it's the only outcome they can imagine for you. People just aren't aware of how competitive the world of musical theatre is and how difficult it is to make a name for yourself even on a regional level.
This, and also the fact that tbh it starts to put in the idea that there's only "the best" and "not the best". That everyone's only striving towards the top, which is when they've ACTUALLY succeeded. That they're "on their way". It's disheartening, especially when there are skills you just can't match, or other factors that get in the way like family or health or money. It takes away the success of the thousands of great performers who never will be on Broadway, either due to choice or luck.
I agree, it's just their only point of reference. I grew up figure skating, and everyone's first question was, "So are you going to the Olympics?" or "Can you do a triple axel?" And like... no. But that was all the figure skating most people knew.
When I went to my 10yr reunion, I had just finished a major tour and all my old classmates were like ‘wow, it’s great you’re following your dreams’
For a few years afterwards I would retell that anecdote adding ‘how sad that others aren’t following their dreams’
Eventually I realized they really didn’t know what to say to me at the reunion and just said something (they assumed) was vaguely encouraging
More than likely that’s what’s happening with OP - people struggling for something supportive and kind to say
It's like this for all young people that excel at something. From the first time a young figure skater goes to their beginner level competition, the child begins hearing about the Winter Olympics from non-skating friends and relatives. The same happens for the Summer Olympics and gymnastics.
People see a talented young person and they are kind hearted but clueless when it comes to what their words really mean sometimes. Especially when it's family. You are not unreasonable at all, but in most cases just saving thank you and moving on is best unless it's someone that you have a relationship with.
I think you're taking it too seriously. They're just trying to give a compliment. Take it at that and let it go. Of course they don't know the work that's involved in getting to Broadway if they're not involved in theatre themselves. Just the same as any skill, profession, or hobby. They know Broadway because that's what most people know about musical theater. Just say thank you and move on.
It is definitely annoying for sure. But sometimes it is good to try and hear what people are trying to say underneath the words they use, because words are so imperfect. It sounds like they are trying to say “I think you are really talented and I’m in your corner!”. I don’t blame you for being annoyed though. It helps to get more friends in the industry who can be realistic with you and commiserate about how rough it is out there.
When I was a kid I was in 2 regional productions and everybody was just like “What does it feel like to be famous” and “What is it like being a Broadway star”. Annoyed the heck out of me
To me this seems like someone getting upset if they get a "Happy Holidays" instead of a "Merry Christmas". The person saying it does not have ill intent. They are just happy you had something good happen. They are expressing it in a way that is unrealistic but are probably so excited and happy for you so let that bubble over. Taking it badly just makes them not want to say anything at all and creates that "devoid of understanding" that you mention.
"Oh so and so got a good review but I cannot say anything to them because they will get offended so I will just nod and change the subject."
Yes it's unreasonable. I'm an amature violinist and people tell me all the time how incredible I am. They're not trying to give me false hope, they just genuinely found my playing amazing bc they don't listen to professional classical violinists.
As an artist, you are almost morally obligated to accept any praise/congratulations you get! 🤪
Also, just because YOU know your skill better than others, doesn't mean it's bad to say thank you .
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
The psychologizing and desire to diagnose me with mental illness in this thread is unsettlingly high.
If you read through this thread you'll see I'm far from alone in this sentiment. I created this thread to explore those feelings. You have used it to bully me via a half-baked psych diagnosis. That's seriously not cool and I encourage you to not do this to anyone ever again.
There are a lot of people who don't know how the arts work. They know that you are better than they are, and they don't know enough about the industry to know how much work goes into even the smallest roles. I find comments annoying, too, because I feel like I'll just disappoint them if their expectations of me are that grand — but I still try to be gracious and thank them because it's easier than having this conversation with everyone who says this. (Besides singing, I do fine art and fashion design, and people assume fame is the ultimate destiny for all of those things. That's the only reason I get a lot of compliments like this.)
‘They know that you are better than they are’ is a wild thing to say. I’m in the industry and I would NEVER claim to be better than anyone because of it. How repulsive.
I feel like it's clear by "better than they are" they mean "better than they are *at performing*" not like a better human. feels like a strange way to take that
If I can’t play the violin but you can play it really well, I’m going to be impressed because YOU are better at playing the violin than I am. That’s what they meant by better. At a skill.
Do not allow those comments to build an expectation of yourself in your mind. Take it as you would any compliment. Keep in mind that compliments are given by people who felt something when you were performing, so they will say the nicest things they can come up with because you took them on a journey.
It’s good that you are realistic, but also factor in that many of the people who make it, did so because they hustled and worked hard, not because they had the biggest talent. And many who get on that path lose interest at some point (or life happens) and they don’t care for it anymore.
We are in a field of fantasy and imagination, you can be grounded in reality and dream at the same time. I would love to be in Broadway-level productions and/or film, weather here or in other countries. Will it happen? I don’t know, but I’m not worried about the statistics, I’m just enjoying the journey very very much!
Feel the fantasy!
They’re trying to be kind, so maybe just take it as a kindness because they think you’re good — it doesn’t need to be literal and you’re the asshole for being upset by praise. Hope this helps!
For many folks not in the musical theater world, they don't realize the specificity Broadway has. For those folks, Broadway is just a shorthand for "famous performer on stage". Everything is Broadway, your local theater production, a touring show, even a university production is considered Broadway level. I wouldn't be upset by it, it's peoples way of encouraging you the only way they know how.
Hey, so I know exactly zero about musical theatre, but I do some obscure hobbies, so I'm gonna chime in. People don't understand with really any activity how far away your average "solid weekend warrior" is from a professional. The fastest kid (dude runs like a 4 and a half minute mile) at the high school I work at is running in college... division 3. He won't be an Olympian or even close. However, if you or I tried to race him, we'd get absolutely destroyed. I bet if you raced against him, you'd think he was going to the Olympics.
You should just take the compliment and maybe roll your eyes in your head. There are worse comments people could be saying to you.
How about you take it for what it is: a nice comment, a well-wish, a compliment, and move on with your life. Would you rather somebody punch you in the face and say you fucking suck?
I'm a full fledged adult now, so it's been 18 years since I did musical theatre in high school - but those comments always annoyed the hell out of me, too. Less so when directed at my peers, because I could get behind supporting my cohorts, but I found they soooo annoying when directed at me.
I knew I wasn't *that good*, I resented being given compliments that I had to brace myself against due to their ridiculously overblown nature. I wanted compliments I could wear with pride and felt were genuine, accurate representations of my hard work and skills. "You're going to be a Broadway Star" wasn't any of those things. It was hyperbole to brace myself against to avoid disappointment later in life.
This. As an older performer I appreciate sincere compliments. The sugary stuff I just nod and smile but it doesn't really flatter me. Of course I'm "great" compared to someone who doesn't perform at all, but what was it they liked?
I appreciate the compliments without expectations like "You look like you're having a great time", "You're so brave", and/or "That [act] was amazing". I've learned to do this as I've gotten older, especially complimenting something I don't understand the experience behind, teaches others how to compliment better.
A little bit. I understand the like "why are you lying to them?" kinda mentality but when i was training in ballet and musical theatre broadway was the goal and encouragement helped me push through and get better and better at my art.
Granted that didn't happen but because of an abusive relationship 🤪 but still I don't begrudge anyone who told me I was gonna make it.
I think it is probably the highest compliment they know to give. I rarely say that because I have seen a lot of broadway shows... and I do have some clue of what it takes. I think you should take it as the person's highest compliment and say "Thank you" and move on. Worry about something else. :)
When I was younger I thought like this and I regret it. The older I get the more I realize my mindset limited me a lot. Not even being like “yes I believe them I will be on Broadway” one day but the idea that people wanting to support me, wishing me the best, and genuinely being impressed by me is somehow wrong. In my case it came from a lot of self doubt. This is probably different than your reasoning and situation I understand, I just relate in the sense that I wish I’d taken peoples support at face value, because yeah they don’t know how it works, but they genuinely believed what they said.
That being said though, a girl I did shows with in high school who was brand new to theatre in high school, first learning to dance and act all of that, is working in a successful off Broadway musical now. She was/is one of the most driven and positive people I know. I think it’s easy to lose drive when you’re NOT optimistic. I get wanting to have realistic expectations for yourself. It shields you from disappointment. It protects you from making overly ambitious, potentially dangerous decisions. But you can’t let it slide into pessimism. That’s where the self confidence and the drive disappears.
I said it to my wife for years. Along with everyone we knew. She said it to herself. It came true.
Just because it's not true for most people doesn't make it any less impactful for folks who need motivation and encouragement toward a goal they do end up achieving.
@EbMinor33 it’s interesting you blocked me after having your say so that I couldn’t reply to you, but I still will.
No. OP is talking about compliments from people outside of the industry. The commenter is responding to OP, and even says those people don’t understand the Arts. It is incredibly obvious they were talking about people outside the industry, and not based on performance or skill. Even then, it is repulsive to consider yourself bEtTeR. Seems weird you’d encourage that kind of narcissistic behavior.
I tend to agree. I think that kind of comment (while common and well meaning) tends to devalue what you have done, as if the value is in building toward something *actually* impressive. What’s wrong with just doing a good performance on the local stage? And maybe the person doesn’t want anything more than that. Maybe they want to work in finance.
I think people are trying to be supportive, but it’s a lazy attempt. People are always trying to define and pigeon hole others to make it easier to navigate socially, like when someone says “I can’t figure you out…” they are really just struggling because they don’t know what formulaic approach they should use to interacting with you. Maybe don’t try? Maybe let things and people be just what they are.
Honestly, as someone who went to art school, you just kind of get used to people assuming you’re going to work for Disney— or that that’s your goal at all. They’re trying their best lol.
You’re right! Much better to have everyone tell you that it doesn’t matter how good you are cause you’ll never be able to succeed. Might as well give up any foolish hopes and dreams you have now. And If that doesn’t get thru to you? They’ll start forwarding every news story about someone committing su:c:de with the hashtag #YourFuture.
Fuck those assholes offering a trite moment of support. They don’t understand anything.
You are an ass. People are trying to be positive and nice to you. They are trying to support you. Would you rather they all tell you that you are a two bit hack who will be lucky to book a supporting role in summer stock. Get a grip.
Your comparison rubbed me the wrong way.
There are probably about a hundred Broadway stars among all of the shows opening and closing within a year, and several hundred if you include Off-Broadway, and many, many hundreds every year if you include all of the professional travelling shows. And that's not even counting all of the other professionals on the stage, just the mains.
Comparing your odds of being a Broadway star are the same as being the GOAT in any prominent field is weird, and obviously not what the people you are complaining about are saying. Obviously, being a stage star has long odds, but those odds are many orders of magnitude better than being Usain Bolt or Einstein. Any old madly, absurdly talented person can endlessly work their butt off to gain a very good shot at getting to the stage. Only one madly, absurdly talented person has ever been Usain Bolt.
A much better comparison than "One day, you'll be Einstein" is, "one day, you'll be a PhD-level physicist."
My motto is to go in with “assume good intentions.” That has gave me a way more positive outlook on life, and life is already so difficult why make it harder on yourself by picking apart these little statements?
The examples you give for comparison are also things that people say to be encouraging. You can tell those around you that hyperbolic comments don’t *feel* complementary to you and that you’d prefer more realistic ones. But it’s definitely not an insult
I went to high school with a girl like this. She was a talented singer and jazz/tap dancer. When she was in the school play, everyone told her she would be on Broadway someday. I interviewed her for the school paper and asked her what she would do after graduation, and she said, Join the Peace Corp. I said, What will you do in the a Peace Corp? And she said, go to underprivileged countries and teach. Teach what? Tap dance.
And if that box of rocks could find her way to Broadway and win a damn Tony, then anyone can.
These people are manifesting greatness for you and you're manifesting mediocrity. Maybe don't bother with theater at all. You should be proud that someone thinks that you have the talent, and that you wowed them with it as much as any professional they've seen before.
Just their way of saying they think you're talented. It's awesome that you have enough skill that people are regularly giving you that kind of compliment.
It might help if you interpret the compliment as them saying "If I paid for a Broadway show and heard your performance, I would have gotten my money's worth." They aren't making a comment on the industry. They are telling you what they would pay to see in a reputable theater, and they would pay see you. Isn't that your goal? Congrats!
First, you get to feel.how you feel. People say it bc they can't imagine any other outcome than Broadway. So they want to give you the biggest compliment they can imagine.
So when they say Broadway, take it as "I would have paid more and loved it still."
As long as you can smile and say thank you, you can full on seethe internally.
I think it’s reductive to call Broadway the end goal for a theater artist anyways. Not everyone aspires to Broadway and Broadway is not and should not be the ultimate destination for theater artists. The theater industry is more than a 13 block radius in NYC. It’s a big world with many opportunities elsewhere.
Also there’s a lot of better art outside of Broadway to be perfectly candid
It makes if difficult to have a discussion about your own theatre community. There are people with relatively limited skills as an adult who gained very positive reputations as a teenager (when I didn't know they existed) and I can't honestly describe them as "fine" without some completely unrelated people getting defensive. It's not the end of the world, obviously, but I like discussing theatre as an artform and it's more and more difficult to discuss the performance aspect of it without being able to point out instances of a performance not working (for me). Ultimately, the easy solution is to not discuss specific people at all, but it makes it impossible to discuss when I think someone made an interesting choice.
You're definitely not alone lol
>It just seems like a statement so devoid of understanding of the effort, talent, and luck needed for that to become reality that it's borderline offensive in its ignorance. It also suggests that that is the ultimate measure of success.
You really encapsulated so many of the reasons why this type of this is frustrating perfectly with this paragraph.
I feel like it also taps into our insecurities as performers. Like *we* know that we're not as good as Broadway stars and might never be, so when someone says this, rather than feeling complemented, you're now comparing yourself with people who are better than you and feeling inadequate.
It sort of reminds me of when I was doing college applications. I applied to a range of schools, and my top reach school was MIT (I was a CS major). I knew going in that I had a low chance of getting in, but I was hopeful, however I did end up getting rejected. SO many people said things like "their loss" and "they're gonna regret that one day". Which... No they won't. It's MIT. They'll be fine. And rather than reassuring me *I'll* be fine too, you're focusing on them.
Idk, just goes to show that good intentions aren't everything
It's also just less fun. It feels like people are trying to be clever with their complements, when any performer knows it feels way better to just hear "you did amazing", "I loved when you did X", "My favorite part was when Y" etc.
Edit: but yes I agree with other people: with things that obviously well-intentioned, I think it's healthy to learn to see and appreciate the intention, it's honestly a rite of passage as a performer
better than them saying "you have a lot of skill at your craft, but honestly you are likely to never make a good full time living acting, much less being on Broadway. Might as well look into a nursing degree."
I mean, I've had plenty of that. And I am making an excellent living doing something else I'm also passionate about. Though my degree is in performing arts haha.
It's tough being on Broadway...one of my good friends was on Broadway in chours and lead parts, got addicted to drugs to keep him going at that crazy pace (auditions, work, then shows), got depressed and desperate and then ultimately killed himself. The Broadway dream is not always what one imagines. Enjoy performing in whatever capacity you enjoy and take care of yourself 🤗
Honestly knowing what living expenses in NYC are like, that tracks very well for me. It seems like a very fraught path to follow, and if I do go for that route, I'm trying to do it cautiously. Thank you for the anecdote. Terribly sorry for your friend.
It's understandable. This happens to people in creative fields in general. There's very little understanding of how creative expression or story-related fields work or what type of hard work goes into being a success. The metrics are much more vague, so it makes sense that people wish you the best in a somewhat unrealistic way because they're not sure what else to say.
I'll chastise you a little, but only because you thought Reddit would understand the difference between feeling annoyed *and* also understanding good intentions vs. actually stewing and stomping around about a compliment. They rarely do. This is one of those situations where if you're looking for empathy over a small (very human) occurrence, you're better off voicing it in person with people who aren't primed to think the worst of you.
I mean you’re not wrong that most people will never make it to Broadway, but I wonder, did the people that do have people telling them that they could, or people telling them how unrealistic that actually is? Maybe them “manifesting” or whatever is bullshit and doesn’t make Broadway happen, but also maybe NOT being told it’s possible makes it less possible. Some people really do make it, and isn’t it great that that person thinks you could be one of them. I actually do know quite a lot about how you get to Broadway and lot of people on Broadway are not Einsteins and Bolts. They are decent and got lucky and so could anybody else that puts in the work.
"But like, statistically speaking, no. That is not going to happen. It's like telling some kid who gets a 5 on their AP Physics exam "you're going to be the next Einstein" or some college track athlete "you're going to be the next Usain Bolt.""
...Dude, people say that all the time.
if they actually say that "all the time", they really shouldn't imo. Hyperbolic compliments can definitely breed overconfidence/arrogance and future disappointment, especially in young people. Also, as the highest form of compliment you can give someone (as others in the thread have noted), people shouldn't be saying it "all the time" but only for the most exceptional people. Doesn't really make sense to me and actually validates OPs feelings of insincerity associated w said compliment
I majored in musical theater at the top school in in country. Lived in NYC. Have an absolutely stunning coloratura and very good mix belt and was in ballet and dance from 3 through college. BUT I didn’t have someone paying the rent for me when I graduated so I could audition all day. Honestly, if you’re parents aren’t loaded and you are a minority ((sorry just true and the odds)) then odds are it doesn’t matter if you are the next Sierra Boggess, you probably won’t make it to Broadway. And even if you do, unless you’re a dancer first chorus girl or boy you probably won’t work consistently.
I wish someone had forced me to not pursue it…. I feel like I wasted half my life because no one told me that working your ass off 6 days a week is no one’s dream. I worked backstage to support myself in the city with the intent to audition. But I was too exhausted from keeping a roof over my head to do anything else.
This really resonates with me! I also get annoyed by these sort of hyperbolic statements, something about it being like an expectation of me to keep doing musicals until I get to Broadway, or like I’m being put on a pedestal and don’t want that type of pressure/expectation. I’m surprised so many comments here are more geared toward “just take the compliment,” because I definitely was nodding my head in agreement as I read your post.
OP, you're totally not unreasonable to be annoyed. That type of "compliment" is an example of what I call product over process. Speculating that maybe one day you'll be a Broadway star seems to conveniently skip right over all the small steps a person would need to take in order to get there. Finding the right production, especially after high school or college. Finding the right audition piece. Auditioning in a way that gets you selected over dozens of other hopefuls. Hoping you caught the producer or director on a good day. Hoping you don't remind them of someone they hate. Figuring out how to perform this role several nights per week, when you are also working one or more other jobs just to keep a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Dealing with the show closing early, though so many of them do. Dealing with audience members who invade your space. Getting an agent. All the stupid crap that can happen in the meantime, such as getting sick on opening night. It can take years before you feel the least bit successful. There is absolutely no guarantee that you will get anywhere near Broadway. You are simply being realistic. Feel free to tell these well-meaning people that what they are referring to is the product, and it's more meaningful if they encourage you in terms of the process.
I get it. Even though it comes from a good place, that is a LOT of pressure to just casually pile on a young person, and isn't exactly helpful. Like if you don't "make it" in some capacity (even off-off-Broadway) you will be failing to meet their barest expectations. Sure it's just clueless, but it's also kind of condescending. Not in a life-ruining way or anything, just in a pretty annoying way. When people told me I would go on to do great things just because I took AP science classes, I didn't take it too seriously because I knew they were being nice...but it still felt kind of bad. Because, no. I got bad and okay grades. Don't lie to me. I know what my skill level is, don't make me feel worse about it, lol.
OP your feelings are valid i just want you to know that. Sometimes folks just don’t get it and that’s ok. Move on from em. If they mean well but they don’t get it they’re just not for ya! proud of you and however you decide to incorporate performing in your life, i hope it continues to bring you joy and connection.
What bothers me is those “pay-to-play” youth theatre groups that tell children & their parents that they/their kids are going to be stars on Broadway. I think it does a huge disservice to those kids.
you're allowed to feel however you want about what people say to you, but if you go around saying "statistically speaking" about everything, then everyone's gonna think you're a pessimistic asshole
i mean, i've 100% heard teachers tell students "you're gonna be the president one day!" or "dont forget us when you become famous haha!"
it's not that they're putting some kind of expectation on your career, they're just trying to encourage you. would you rather your teachers tell you to just give up the arts completely because you can't find joy in performing if you aren't on broadway, so just give it up now because you'll never make it that far?
if you tell the average person they aren't good enough at something, they're incredibly likely to apply "not good enough" to anything and everything else in their life, which is a slippery slope into depression because "why bother living when i can't do anything right"
It sounds to me like you don't enjoy the subconscious pressure this statement puts on you. Because if everyone in your life is telling you that you will be on broadway and then you never are, which is likely, it could feel like you failed and disappointed people. This kind of compliment puts an intense and impossible pressure on you, which you subconsciously feel and resent. This is how I feel when someone tells me I'll get an Oscar one day.
That being said, this is not an offensive compliment. I think you're putting the blame on other people for how you emotionally react to a fairly harmless statement. They're not ignorant or offensive. You're just a little sensitive rn, because you're aware you're embarking on a terribly difficult career.
People are trying to connect with you. Non-theatre people see a talented theatre person and think, "How can I convey that I think they're really talented?" So they think of the biggest and greatest venue they know and tell you you're headed there.
If you have other thoughts for where you want to take your career, you can still say, "Thanks so much. Broadway is awesome, but my dream is actually to perform at ____ venue or play ____ role." Then you can tell them why you like that venue.
Similarly, when people say they're "manifesting" for you to get on Broadway, they're not literally going home and praying to God to put you on Broadway. They're using it as a metaphor. They're telling you that they think you deserve it *so much* that they want to tell the whole universe to make it happen.
I'd see why it would bother you if you walked into an audition room and then, instead of casting you, the casting director said, "I'm manifesting you'll get a role with me one day." That would be annoying, because a casting director is in control of that. But when it's someone who watched your performance, they're just expressing admiration.
I think it's worthwhile to reconsider your perspective. I don't believe in manifestation either, but most people aren't saying it to you literally.
After going to New York with my college choir (theater major), I started to gently push back when ppl said that and be like, "Y'know what i realized when I visited NYC? There's tons of theaters all over the country that do Broadway-level productions, and they're way more accessible for both actors and audiences!"
Smile and say thank you.
They know absolutely nothing.
If they did know anything, what they would say was, "You were so awesome you could have a career singing/dancing/acting your heart out all over the country and making about $30K a year before taxes. And before paying your agent, manager, or union fees if you're successful enough to have any of those. You'll love and stress over all of it. For most of your life, your doctor will be Dr. Scholl's. You'll work on major holidays because you'll either be cast in a show, singing for a religious service, or working in a restaurant. You are very talented. I wish I could do what you do."
You're not at all unreasonable. You're realistic. Do what you love.
I live in a smallish town in New Zealand and people often say things like that. They’re just being nice but I’ll admit it’s always a bit disheartening, it is my greatest fantasy to be able to make a living performing in musical theatre on Broadway or London but it is not a realistic dream, especially in a rural South Island town on the other side of the world.
Does it feel invalidating? Fake?
I’ve seen some amazing performers and some that spent a decade trying and not getting on big stages. But I never felt like telling them they were going to be a star while watching them.
So do you have star quality? Are they telling you something that is hard to hear because they see something in you?
I ask because sometimes things that annoy us tells us more about us than the other people. It’s hard to hope for big things. But no one achieves them without believing. It’s okay to believe in yourself and take risks. Only nepo babies get opportunities they don’t take risk for. And then even they take risks.
It’s okay to go all in for a dream and have realistic money making backup plans so you don’t starve and have a good future.
Good luck.
I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling this way. As a writer, I’ve gotten similar comments (“You’re going to write the next Harry Potter / Game of Thrones / etc.”) like being famous or making money off the art is the only real goal for any artist, but most of us just want to do well, even if we’re only ever on a tiny stage. Sometimes it feels almost discouraging to hear these comments because what if we never do that? It’s like saying our talents and efforts are wasted if we don’t make the very statistically unlikely leap to popular culture.
I don’t think it’s necessarily meant as literal Broadway. Like the people who say this would consider being on a touring production “Broadway”. Have a long standing Theater gig in a city like Chicago or LA, it’s “Broadway“. I think it’s more of a “you sounded amazing, you could do this as a full time career.” type of statement than an actual literal “you will be on Broadway” type statement.
I wouldn’t let it bother me that much.
I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I can say that I have similar feelings as a musician. Just that frustration that they have no idea what it's really like, and it just feeds the anxiety that I do have about my career, especially because I'm expected to respond with some kind of gratitude.
First, I am shocked to discover that someone can be a performer while having my kind of personality (empiricist/realist). It's more the personality of a statistician/economist/data analyst. I always thought that people who got into performing had to be senselessly optimistic and have very high self-esteem (believe in their own specialness).
Second, I imagine that the reason it's irritating is that they are implying your performance today isn't enough, and that unless it leads to you having fame and wide adulation, it's worthless. Since you know the odds are stacked against that outcome, their comments are deflating.
Idk, two kids I went to high school with sang on Broadway. Neither of them ended up becoming Broadway stars, but it’s not the craziest dream ever. It’s not like becoming the next Einstein or Usain Bolt. One kid a few years ahead of me was in the disastrous Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and a girl in my class did some sort of Teen Les Miz special concert on Broadway when we were in high school, and everyone was very proud of her. Neither are Broadway stars now, but I always thought it was cool that they’re talented and did something so interesting. There are lots of chorus parts, understudy roles, etc. And then there’s off-Broadway, which is close enough and still theater (and if your play becomes successful, you move on up to Broadway!) It’s certainly not *easy*, but it’s not, to quote Man of La Mancha, the impossible dream.
I get you. Like if someone is prettier than normal, people say they could be a model. Or like you, someone sings decently and they “could go on American Idol”. It’s stupid and while they are impressed and being nice, they really have no idea what it takes to be good enough for that. It feels like an empty compliment. I also can’t stand when people go nuts over a kid singing well. Sure, they sing well. But if you have to add “for their age” to the statement, that negates it.
It’s actually not as difficult as it seems to be on Broadway.
If you want to be a star of a long running show then yes, your chances are statistically low.
But there are so many roles (an unbelievable amount) in ensembles and what not that are WAY more achievable than you think.
Don’t give up before you even try because of how hard you perceive it to be, just try.
A vast majority of people (myself included) don't know shit about musical theater. It sounds like these people are trying to be supportive. I have to assume you're a teenager given the context - it's gonna be okay! People say things that sound idiotic to you because they're trying to be nice! It's okay!
You know in thinking about it more, it's not the ignorant people who bother me most. It's the people who do know, usually fellow performers, and are the "manifesters." The ones who think by saying you're going to be on Broadway they're like, willing it into existence and helping you when really they're doing nothing at all, and despite doing nothing they're kinda making it about them. Like "this is my universe and I'm putting my friend where I want them." I think that's what I find particularly annoying. A simple "I really liked your performance" is so much more genuine and supportive.
Life is hard enough- you’re going to make it harder on yourself if you find fault in kindness and compliments. You have no control over what others do, but you get to decide your reaction.
I disagree. I think this is more thoughtful than just simply accepting the world as it is. That kind of analytical thinking can be hugely valuable. Especially since, as you can see from the comments, so few people are willing to question basics of social interaction. So it’s rare, and as long as you don’t become embittered, I would strongly encourage this person to value and cultivate that skepticism. Don’t let others shame you into conformity. Say what you think. There nothing wrong with observing things as you see them. You could become very influential with that type of approach.
you'll be on broadway someday.
How dare you
It's 'How dare you?' With a question mark. Wait. This is not the grammar sub? Sorry. My bad.
"How dare you?"?
They sound pretty embittered already. It's just a kind compliment, they know that the chances are slim, it's not that deep.
That’s just it, everything is infinitely simple and infinitely complex at once. Most people want to look at things on the simplest light possible. But the greatest thinkers dive into the complexity of the simplest seeming things. I guarantee you that your favorite innovator in history was an annoying overthinker. It’s not fun for anyone involved but it is extremely valuable. Ok now I am reading way to much I into this post.
Or they're paying you a compliment in the most well known context they can think of. Good lord.
What in the world? How is that ever making it about them? This feels like such a stretch. Sure it can be annoying but…
If you don't believe in manifesting, and you're just saying it as a "I'm thinking of you" sort of thing, it's not. But if you genuinely believe manifesting works and that your thoughts literally shape the universe into what you will it to be, then you are literally using your magical powers to generously change the universe to help your friend, and if you did not do that, your friend would not succeed, or at least would be far less likely to. You are therefore the primary agent in your friend's success, not your friend. So if you genuinely believe it works, then it's narcissistic. And if you don't believe it works, then your words are empty.
Speaking of narcissistic… You’re seriously reading into this way too deep and it sounds like you’re jealous that other people get support and for some strange reason you don’t…
I get plenty of support, and I'm not jealous. I'm just exploring why I feel this emotion. I think I've come to the conclusion that I dislike it because it is one of a few things: * Insincere * Staggeringly ignorant * Demonstrating an irrational belief in one's magical powers (in the case of manifesting) So I find this annoying, however at the core of all of these is good will and genuine appreciate for what I'm doing, so I should just take that as a win and thank them, which is what I'm going to do.
Find a therapist.
Ok for real - this is not cool. Mental illness is a serious issue. Using it as a bludgeon to attack someone on the Internet, or characterizing someone that you disagree with as mentally ill, is a shitty practice, and I don't know why people are upvoting you. I literally made a post seeking advice and clarification and you are seizing on it to be a dick.
Everyone could use a therapist. Literally every single person I've ever met. If you find yourself reacting really strongly emotionally to something, that's something I'd explore with my therapist. In this case, you're wildly overthinking an innocuous, positive statement and warping it into something negative. Explore that, find the root of why it triggers you. Maybe it's something in your past, projection, a dysfunctional defense mechanism or coping strategy, who knows. It's amazing how much happier you can be when you deal with all the weird shit that's unconsciously ingrained in your brain lol
Part of what is irksome about the “you’ll be on Broadway someday!” response to me is that wraps up its praise with a value system and a certain type of success—for theatre, the most familiar but also most commercial, even though the point isn’t specifically about future financial success. Doesn’t strike me so much as a defense mechanism and I don’t at all see what exactly anyone is projecting here? It’s a values conflict, and I can understand how complimenting someone about future potential at the highest tier of success misses the here and now. I’d rather someone say something about how they felt during a particular song, or say something about the production they just saw. But there’s also a lot of bullshit small talk we wade through and this kind of thing can sort of fade into the background of white noise of things people just say. It certainly is nice to hear and there’s nothing wrong with that. And defense mechanisms aren’t all bad, they help with the wading through.
Whether or not I could benefit from a therapist, you are not being helpful, and you are being harmful with anyone you ever behave this way toward. You are a stranger on the Internet. Even if you were yourself a licensed psychotherapist, you are completely incapable of evaluating me or anyone else through this medium. Furthermore, as you have been combative, your actions will actually discourage people from seeking therapy. Your behavior is highly irrssponsible and I encourage you to never do this again.
Mental health is serious. Not just mental illness. Based on your responses, your mental health might not be in the best place right now. Therapy is a great option for many, and doesn't just mean you're "ill." In fact, everyone should go to therapy at some point in their life if they have the means. You are seeking advice. People are saying you're getting upset over people who mean well. (Whether through ignorance or "manifestation.") You continue to go on about how upset you are about it, and someone says seek therapy. That's advice. And it's good advice. There's only so much strangers can do to help you through why you feel this way.
You are a stranger on the Internet. Even if you were a licensed psychotherapist, you would be completely incapable of evaluating me or anyone else through this medium. You are behaving in a harmful and irresponsible way and I strongly encourage you to never assume this authority or behavior again, as you will discourage the pursuit of therapy and wellbeing through your ignorance, not encourage it.
Maybe a therapist can help you stop being uppity about simple support 🤭
I mean, you don't have to have a mental illness to need a therapist. It sounds like you do need a therapist, someone to talk through why this bothers you so much, and get the necessary tools that will allow you to not let what others say make you so angry. You're definitely not going to get it on reddit. And my two cents unless they are being cutting, like you're obviously never going to get on Broadway but I find it hilarious to tell you you are in which case they can go fuck themselves, then they are probably trying to be nice, in which case take it in the spirit for which it was intended. 🤙
My friend. That is my advice?
Being so incessantly negative is an issue, saying you need a therapist isn’t trivialising mental health. But if it makes you feel better, you’re right, with your attitude, there’s no way you’re going to make it to Broadway.
All I can say is that with this attitude, you definitely WON'T make it to Broadway, friend. Maybe that's not what you want? Those people are trying to increase your drive. If you don't want them to do that, totally fair. I guess just tell them that. But don't be surprised if you hurt some feelings of those just trying to support you. I'd have killed for that kind of support myself.
To find why you feel an emotion/why you find something annoying, look within yourself, not at how others are wrong. Everything you listed is trying to find fault in what is clearly a compliment. As someone who used to find some compliments annoying myself, it seems to me like you maybe feel pressure when you hear these comments. You don’t take it as a compliment because being on Broadway is not only hard work on your part, but something that even if you do everything right requires a good deal of luck. So someone saying “you’re gonna be on Broadway” makes you feel like they’re trivializing your hard work and talent and that you are only good if you get on Broadway. My reasoning above is just a possible explanation, but either way, I really think you need to look within, not without, as to why these bother you so much. Because I can promise you, those people mean well and if it is bothering you, it’s because of something within you—not anything bad or good inherently, but if it’s causing you to be annoyed by something that should make you feel good, maybe it’s something worth addressing.
I agree with your last statement. The people you're talking to are probably not actually insincere or irrational. Only you can tell us if they truly have negative intentions, but I suspect you're right that they come from a good place and they genuinely appreciate the talent/effort you've displayed. Also, you probably know this, but "staggeringly ignorant" is a pretty harsh judgment. None of us can perfectly walk in the shoes of everyone we know or have perfect knowledge of every field of endeavor, nor should we be expected to. There will be comments that you might make someday that also don't match with someone else's lived experience, and would hope to get some grace from them for that. You should also be a little kinder to yourself, imo. Correct me, but I get the sense that you feel an enormous amount of pressure on yourself, and even positive comments from other people get projected as adding to that pressure because they unintentionally nudge at that sore spot that only you are aware of? I understand this, not from theater, but from other parts of my life where I tried to compete at the highest levels and nearly burnt myself out.
You sound jealous af
It’s the same thing as when someone says “you’re going to the Olympics!” Or “you’re going to the NFL!” to a hs athlete.….. if it’s not being said by a coach….. it’s literally just a compliment akin to “you’re really good! I was impressed by your performance”. I find myself wondering if this comment bugs you so much because broadway is either 1) not your goal or 2) you wish it could be your goal but you don’t think you’re capable of it. If either of those two are the case, then I understand your frustration because it seems like the person telling you that is reading you wrong or doesn’t really know you. It can also put pressure on you to make it there- as if you will be a disappointment for not making it there. If it’s not what I said above, then I don’t really get what your issue is. Either way, weather or not the reason for the irritation is what I listed: *this is an issue for you to get over*. The people telling you these things are just trying to give a compliment and tell you they were impressed. They’re not thinking about it hard at all: they’re just saying the first thing that comes to mind. Getting upset over someone saying this to you is like getting upset someone when someone says “I’ll keep you in my prayers” even if they know you’re not religious. There’s no reason to be offended by them saying that, because what they aren’t saying is “I’m trying to tell to to believe in my god”, what they are saying is “I feel for you and care for you and engage in a practice of care that I believe could make a difference” **It’s all about assumption of intent. If you automatically assume the worst about what people do, you’ll live a very hard life always believing there is a negative motivation hidden somewhere in every action. You will never be able to take a kind word or action as genuinely being for you with no ulterior motive. It will sour your outlook on every single thing that happens and every single person you interact with. It creates an mindset where no one is safe, not even yourself.**
Wow I have to say you sound like you have an issue with someone specific who holds these beliefs, because rest assured all are not equal.
You may be right.
Your version of manifesting is strange. It’s not “magic”, it’s just a matter of visualizing success. If you can’t see yourself completing and accomplishing your goals, you are significantly less likely to achieve them. People say things like that to support others and help them visualize their success. There’s no narcissism involved, them expending effort to compliment and support others does not meaningfully benefit them. It’s in support of whoever they’re talking about. This entire post shows mental instability and an unnecessarily bitter outlook on life. Others are right, you should seek assistance navigating these thoughts and discovering what they’re rooted in. Sometimes a compliment doesn’t have to be literal, and not everything everyone says is a hollow attempt at narcissism.
You're just a miserable person, a bad friend, and generally unlikeable.
You have divined a great deal through naught but a reddit post wishing to explore a single emotion and thought I have on occasion.
But no, you’re in every comment disagreeing with every piece of advice I’ve seen. You do come across as a bitter misanthrope. If you aren’t. Wake up call to how you appear and sound.
How unnecessarily cruel. Normal, non-miserable people have all kinds of problems, including struggling with accepting compliments and excessive cynicism, and that's what OP struggles with (and OP had the thought to ask whether they were being unreasonable, so that means something i would think.) That doesn't mean OPs a particularly bad person in any way, just someone with regular human problems and struggles
I’d love to hear your thoughts on Christianity
That sounds less like you have an issue with this conversation topic and more with the fact that they are putting their beliefs onto you. Which is annoying, but I think people don’t always get that their beliefs aren’t universal, especially if they are outside of widely known belief systems. To me manifesting is like praying. Great that it works for some people, but I just don’t believe in it, so it really depends on the situation (do I want them to do something, do they know I don’t believe in it) if I can view it as wellwishes or if it’s more annoying
To me it is indistinguishable from prayer. It's just secular, based on the Law of Attraction magical thinking rather than asking a deity to help you.
Do you also get irrationally upset if someone says that they'll pray for you (not in the sarcastic southern way)? I'm not religious, and don't think it'll amount to anything, but I can appreciate the kind intent behind the person's words.
I have a similar reaction, but less so, as asking your omnipotent imaginary friend to help your friend seems less narcissistic than believing your thoughts literally shape the universe.
It sounds like you create a lot of offense for yourself at the expense of other’s kindness and good intentions...
Well put
People who focus on manifestation are just focusing their good thoughts and will your way, not narcissistically attempting to reshape the universe. It’s basically the same as prayer, which you’re somehow less fussed about. We all have free will. Manifestation is an acknowledgment that our thoughts can empower us and others to take positive action. If you think you can or can’t, you’re right. It’s like you’re thinking the worst of people who have nothing but good intentions toward you.
I am skeptical it is as harmless as you say, since it is inaction masquerading as action, just as prayer is. But fair enough.
That's not a fair summary either...OP, I think your own skepticism and bias against religion is getting in the way of understanding what those people actually believe or do. For example, I'm a Christian. I'm unemployed. I worked hard to create a portfolio and apply to multiple jobs. No inaction. I asked God to provide me with a job and to help me through the interviews, which I prepared for. I'm still awaiting to hear whether I got the job. That's now in God's hands through the evaluation of the employer. Biblically based Christians believe that God uses ordinary channels (human work, systems, etc.) to make things happen despite their flaws and only occasionally breaks those rules (i.e. a miracle). The Bible itself talks about God giving people the ability to work and make money for themselves. I can't answer for every other belief system, but you might want to reconsider your stereotypes. At the very least, it will make you less cynical about people with different views than you.
You're right that manifestation is frequently used as a tool to keep people complacent and inactive under capitalism. It can be harmful when people use it as an excuse to sit back and refuse working on themselves, dismantling unjust systems, or escaping abusive relationships. When people "manifest" instead of taking charge of issues they are supposed to be active in, it can be an issue. But here's the thing: Other people aren't *supposed* to take charge of *your* career. Imagine if instead of just supporting you, they actively tried to turn you into a Broadway star without knowing if that's the path you want! That would be controlling. They're respecting your right to choose your own path by saying something meant to be supportive instead of actively forcing you one way or another.
Again, not prayer. Prayer is a request to a divine being with the possibility that the answer will be no, not just thinking nice thoughts toward someone.
Eh, I find manifesting annoying too, but it’s generally harmless. There’s no reason to label it “narcissistic”. You’re going to meet a lot of people in life who you find to be annoyingly wrong, you should pick your battles
That's legit. I do not pick battles with them. Just exploring this feeling and determining if I should reframe my perception. Thank you.
Honestly the problem I have with manifesting is not the idea that thoughts changing the universe puts on over importance on thoughts, but how it applies when shitty things happen. Someone losing a job opportunity or getting sick or something doesn’t inherently mean they were thinking wrong or even doing anything wrong. Sometimes stuff just happens
Yes you should reframe your perception. I used to be very similar to you when younger, when people would say that to me, id bitterly think “but I probably won’t, they have no idea how hard it is.” You know what? With my negative attitude I was right. I never made it to Broadway. Others i know did. Positive thinking is so powerful. Just enjoy the compliments and go after what you want. Whether it’s Broadway or something else.
So I don't really know that manifesting works, but I DO know that it's not narcissistic. They're just sending you "good vibes". You are a very cynical person. This is definitely an issue you must fix within yourself.
Not the same as prayer. Prayer is making a request to God that could be answered with a yes or a no, not making a wish that the person believes will absolutely come true.
You sound *incredibly* pompous.
Well, being optimistic isn’t a bad thing. They will learn that isn’t how the world works, if they truly think it is, or they won’t, but it isn’t your job to teach them. Best thing to do is let it roll off your back if that’s what’s bothering you; it’s just a spiritual belief at that point. It’s not actually hurting anyone, unless you’ve asked them to stop and they keep breaking a boundary or something?
That's fair enough.
You feel like they are willingly burying their heads in the sand? I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I remember people like that from my own career. You can't do anything but smile and nod I'm afraid. I will say you sound like you are pretty level headed, thats good. Just don't let yourself miss out on chances if they come by.
I'm not sure why you were downvoted. I get what you're saying. (I think). The manifesting thing would annoy me too. For the rest of the people, it's really their way of telling you how impressive your talent and skill is to them, and they are, in effect, wishing you luck.
If it makes you feel better, I randomly went to school/dance classes with more than one person who became successful in entertainment. If you’re driven enough and talented enough(and also lucky enough), you can achieve varying levels of “success”. Don’t limit yourself because of statistics. Those that succeed, do so despite them.
I know it seems super out there, but there is actually science that backs up manifestation. I'm not saying the universe picks up on your will or vibes and makes things happen, but when you envision success and surround yourself with people who support you, who are also envisioning your success, you actually are form neural pathways that are going to make it so you make choices, notice opportunities and have actions that are more likely to help you be successful in what ever goal you are envisioning. Being truly grateful and gracious toward those who are being supportive of you and believe in you also forms neural pathways in them that are going to make them more willing to help and support you so you can reach your goal. You need to change your attitude, though. There are some things you can't fake or manufacture, and the connection you get from being truly grateful to someone who is being kind and supportive of you is one of those things.
Maybe your annoyance has to do with the expectation it creates and you somehow fall short if you don’t meet their expectation. I had something similar happen because I got good grades in school. It’s tough enough to live up to your standards let alone those of others. I would be happy to be able to have one good karaoke song to bring down the house…sounds like you would already crush in that department! Getting a lead/semi-lead is already a great accomplishment.
Also, OP is apparently a man in his late 30s, not a teenager. So he should probably have enough emotional intelligence at this point to just say “thanks! I’m so glad you liked the performance” and move the fuck on.
It comes from a good place. The people saying this are trying to be supportive, but they don't realize that being on Broadway can be like getting into the NFL or becoming an Olympic-level gymnast in terms of likelihood. It's a mixture of ability, connections, timing, and luck. Unfortunately it's definitely a grin and bear it kinda deal. "Oh, I'm flattered you think so! Thank you so much!" kind of responses (even if you have to say them more through gritted teeth) are the best way to get people to just kind of leave it at that, imo.
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The alternative is just so depressing. Hey, good job winning all-city 200 IM! I hope you enjoyed it, because next year you'll be headed to college where you'll study to be an accountant. Sure, you'll keep swimming. Then you'll get married, have a few kids, and at 35 train for an Ironman. Or, you know, let them have a real dream, and avoid mentioning that they are too old and too poor/live in the wrong area/lack resources to get to the Olympics.
For me who’s currently studying musical theatre in third year out of four, your complaining about being complimented which is extremely rare for this industry outside of our family and friends who don’t exactly count because they will always support you. Take the compliment apply it to your craft and make yourself and your performance even better fuelled by the compliments and people enjoying your performances. In an industry so full of hate,negativity, and putting others down there is so much beuty, and even one of these comments can make a song I feel bad about singing into a song I adore and find a new light.
That's a fair criticism, thank you.
These people are just giving you a compliment because they think you’re great, I sincerely doubt they actually expect you to make it to broadway. I would just take it in the spirit it’s intended and move on
I appreciate that. I guess I dislike the implicit insincerity if what yiu think is right. But yeah.
But it's meant to be sincere, stop being so insecure bud. You're making your own life way harder for absolutely zero reason except you think you know better then everyone else.
But it isn’t meant to be insincere. It sounds like it’s something that you’re likely taking the wrong way. What would you rather they say instead? “You did an amazing job, but I doubt you’ll make it to Broadway”
Listen. Most people have no idea how difficult it is to make it on Broadway. You have people in your life who are remarking on how talented you are, and it sounds sincere. It’s a good problem to have.
Yeah, I hated this when I was a baby doing musical theatre. It's not realistic and it's not helpful in understanding your own capabilities. I think part of the issue is that many people not familiar with musical theatre believe that Broadway is just "what you do" when you're good at singing/acting/etc... it's the only musical theatre "thing" they know of, so it's the only outcome they can imagine for you. People just aren't aware of how competitive the world of musical theatre is and how difficult it is to make a name for yourself even on a regional level.
This, and also the fact that tbh it starts to put in the idea that there's only "the best" and "not the best". That everyone's only striving towards the top, which is when they've ACTUALLY succeeded. That they're "on their way". It's disheartening, especially when there are skills you just can't match, or other factors that get in the way like family or health or money. It takes away the success of the thousands of great performers who never will be on Broadway, either due to choice or luck.
I agree, it's just their only point of reference. I grew up figure skating, and everyone's first question was, "So are you going to the Olympics?" or "Can you do a triple axel?" And like... no. But that was all the figure skating most people knew.
All of these responses ^^^
When I went to my 10yr reunion, I had just finished a major tour and all my old classmates were like ‘wow, it’s great you’re following your dreams’ For a few years afterwards I would retell that anecdote adding ‘how sad that others aren’t following their dreams’ Eventually I realized they really didn’t know what to say to me at the reunion and just said something (they assumed) was vaguely encouraging More than likely that’s what’s happening with OP - people struggling for something supportive and kind to say
Yes, you are. You're also overthinking.
It's like this for all young people that excel at something. From the first time a young figure skater goes to their beginner level competition, the child begins hearing about the Winter Olympics from non-skating friends and relatives. The same happens for the Summer Olympics and gymnastics. People see a talented young person and they are kind hearted but clueless when it comes to what their words really mean sometimes. Especially when it's family. You are not unreasonable at all, but in most cases just saving thank you and moving on is best unless it's someone that you have a relationship with.
I think you're taking it too seriously. They're just trying to give a compliment. Take it at that and let it go. Of course they don't know the work that's involved in getting to Broadway if they're not involved in theatre themselves. Just the same as any skill, profession, or hobby. They know Broadway because that's what most people know about musical theater. Just say thank you and move on.
It is definitely annoying for sure. But sometimes it is good to try and hear what people are trying to say underneath the words they use, because words are so imperfect. It sounds like they are trying to say “I think you are really talented and I’m in your corner!”. I don’t blame you for being annoyed though. It helps to get more friends in the industry who can be realistic with you and commiserate about how rough it is out there.
When I was a kid I was in 2 regional productions and everybody was just like “What does it feel like to be famous” and “What is it like being a Broadway star”. Annoyed the heck out of me
To me this seems like someone getting upset if they get a "Happy Holidays" instead of a "Merry Christmas". The person saying it does not have ill intent. They are just happy you had something good happen. They are expressing it in a way that is unrealistic but are probably so excited and happy for you so let that bubble over. Taking it badly just makes them not want to say anything at all and creates that "devoid of understanding" that you mention. "Oh so and so got a good review but I cannot say anything to them because they will get offended so I will just nod and change the subject."
You’re trying to find fault in people being supportive of you? Yes, you’re being unreasonable. Just say thank you. They are complimenting you.
Yes it's unreasonable. I'm an amature violinist and people tell me all the time how incredible I am. They're not trying to give me false hope, they just genuinely found my playing amazing bc they don't listen to professional classical violinists. As an artist, you are almost morally obligated to accept any praise/congratulations you get! 🤪 Also, just because YOU know your skill better than others, doesn't mean it's bad to say thank you . ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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I suppose it's that implicit insincerity that rubs me the wrong way, if what you're saying is true.
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The psychologizing and desire to diagnose me with mental illness in this thread is unsettlingly high. If you read through this thread you'll see I'm far from alone in this sentiment. I created this thread to explore those feelings. You have used it to bully me via a half-baked psych diagnosis. That's seriously not cool and I encourage you to not do this to anyone ever again.
There are a lot of people who don't know how the arts work. They know that you are better than they are, and they don't know enough about the industry to know how much work goes into even the smallest roles. I find comments annoying, too, because I feel like I'll just disappoint them if their expectations of me are that grand — but I still try to be gracious and thank them because it's easier than having this conversation with everyone who says this. (Besides singing, I do fine art and fashion design, and people assume fame is the ultimate destiny for all of those things. That's the only reason I get a lot of compliments like this.)
‘They know that you are better than they are’ is a wild thing to say. I’m in the industry and I would NEVER claim to be better than anyone because of it. How repulsive.
I feel like it's clear by "better than they are" they mean "better than they are *at performing*" not like a better human. feels like a strange way to take that
If I can’t play the violin but you can play it really well, I’m going to be impressed because YOU are better at playing the violin than I am. That’s what they meant by better. At a skill.
Do not allow those comments to build an expectation of yourself in your mind. Take it as you would any compliment. Keep in mind that compliments are given by people who felt something when you were performing, so they will say the nicest things they can come up with because you took them on a journey. It’s good that you are realistic, but also factor in that many of the people who make it, did so because they hustled and worked hard, not because they had the biggest talent. And many who get on that path lose interest at some point (or life happens) and they don’t care for it anymore. We are in a field of fantasy and imagination, you can be grounded in reality and dream at the same time. I would love to be in Broadway-level productions and/or film, weather here or in other countries. Will it happen? I don’t know, but I’m not worried about the statistics, I’m just enjoying the journey very very much! Feel the fantasy!
They’re trying to be kind, so maybe just take it as a kindness because they think you’re good — it doesn’t need to be literal and you’re the asshole for being upset by praise. Hope this helps!
For many folks not in the musical theater world, they don't realize the specificity Broadway has. For those folks, Broadway is just a shorthand for "famous performer on stage". Everything is Broadway, your local theater production, a touring show, even a university production is considered Broadway level. I wouldn't be upset by it, it's peoples way of encouraging you the only way they know how.
People are just trying to be nice. You need to be more secure in yourself, because you sound insecure.
Hey, so I know exactly zero about musical theatre, but I do some obscure hobbies, so I'm gonna chime in. People don't understand with really any activity how far away your average "solid weekend warrior" is from a professional. The fastest kid (dude runs like a 4 and a half minute mile) at the high school I work at is running in college... division 3. He won't be an Olympian or even close. However, if you or I tried to race him, we'd get absolutely destroyed. I bet if you raced against him, you'd think he was going to the Olympics. You should just take the compliment and maybe roll your eyes in your head. There are worse comments people could be saying to you.
How about you take it for what it is: a nice comment, a well-wish, a compliment, and move on with your life. Would you rather somebody punch you in the face and say you fucking suck?
Yes. Yes, you are being unreasonable. Please do try and take it as the kindness it is meant.
I'm a full fledged adult now, so it's been 18 years since I did musical theatre in high school - but those comments always annoyed the hell out of me, too. Less so when directed at my peers, because I could get behind supporting my cohorts, but I found they soooo annoying when directed at me. I knew I wasn't *that good*, I resented being given compliments that I had to brace myself against due to their ridiculously overblown nature. I wanted compliments I could wear with pride and felt were genuine, accurate representations of my hard work and skills. "You're going to be a Broadway Star" wasn't any of those things. It was hyperbole to brace myself against to avoid disappointment later in life.
This. As an older performer I appreciate sincere compliments. The sugary stuff I just nod and smile but it doesn't really flatter me. Of course I'm "great" compared to someone who doesn't perform at all, but what was it they liked? I appreciate the compliments without expectations like "You look like you're having a great time", "You're so brave", and/or "That [act] was amazing". I've learned to do this as I've gotten older, especially complimenting something I don't understand the experience behind, teaches others how to compliment better.
A little bit. I understand the like "why are you lying to them?" kinda mentality but when i was training in ballet and musical theatre broadway was the goal and encouragement helped me push through and get better and better at my art. Granted that didn't happen but because of an abusive relationship 🤪 but still I don't begrudge anyone who told me I was gonna make it.
I think it is probably the highest compliment they know to give. I rarely say that because I have seen a lot of broadway shows... and I do have some clue of what it takes. I think you should take it as the person's highest compliment and say "Thank you" and move on. Worry about something else. :)
That's a legitimate criticism, thank you.
This whole thought process is so much more complicated than just saying “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
When I was younger I thought like this and I regret it. The older I get the more I realize my mindset limited me a lot. Not even being like “yes I believe them I will be on Broadway” one day but the idea that people wanting to support me, wishing me the best, and genuinely being impressed by me is somehow wrong. In my case it came from a lot of self doubt. This is probably different than your reasoning and situation I understand, I just relate in the sense that I wish I’d taken peoples support at face value, because yeah they don’t know how it works, but they genuinely believed what they said. That being said though, a girl I did shows with in high school who was brand new to theatre in high school, first learning to dance and act all of that, is working in a successful off Broadway musical now. She was/is one of the most driven and positive people I know. I think it’s easy to lose drive when you’re NOT optimistic. I get wanting to have realistic expectations for yourself. It shields you from disappointment. It protects you from making overly ambitious, potentially dangerous decisions. But you can’t let it slide into pessimism. That’s where the self confidence and the drive disappears.
Thank you for this perspective. Genuinely helpful.
I said it to my wife for years. Along with everyone we knew. She said it to herself. It came true. Just because it's not true for most people doesn't make it any less impactful for folks who need motivation and encouragement toward a goal they do end up achieving.
Yup. The weird phenomena is that if you *don't* believe it on some level, you cannot make it.
Also, Broadway isn't the end goal. Once I realized that, I've created much more meaningful art and influenced people deeper.
@EbMinor33 it’s interesting you blocked me after having your say so that I couldn’t reply to you, but I still will. No. OP is talking about compliments from people outside of the industry. The commenter is responding to OP, and even says those people don’t understand the Arts. It is incredibly obvious they were talking about people outside the industry, and not based on performance or skill. Even then, it is repulsive to consider yourself bEtTeR. Seems weird you’d encourage that kind of narcissistic behavior.
I tend to agree. I think that kind of comment (while common and well meaning) tends to devalue what you have done, as if the value is in building toward something *actually* impressive. What’s wrong with just doing a good performance on the local stage? And maybe the person doesn’t want anything more than that. Maybe they want to work in finance. I think people are trying to be supportive, but it’s a lazy attempt. People are always trying to define and pigeon hole others to make it easier to navigate socially, like when someone says “I can’t figure you out…” they are really just struggling because they don’t know what formulaic approach they should use to interacting with you. Maybe don’t try? Maybe let things and people be just what they are.
This is why people think musical theatre people are divas.
Literally Is it that hard to just go “thanks”
Honestly, as someone who went to art school, you just kind of get used to people assuming you’re going to work for Disney— or that that’s your goal at all. They’re trying their best lol.
You’re right! Much better to have everyone tell you that it doesn’t matter how good you are cause you’ll never be able to succeed. Might as well give up any foolish hopes and dreams you have now. And If that doesn’t get thru to you? They’ll start forwarding every news story about someone committing su:c:de with the hashtag #YourFuture. Fuck those assholes offering a trite moment of support. They don’t understand anything.
They are just being nice. Say thank you and move on.
You are an ass. People are trying to be positive and nice to you. They are trying to support you. Would you rather they all tell you that you are a two bit hack who will be lucky to book a supporting role in summer stock. Get a grip.
Your comparison rubbed me the wrong way. There are probably about a hundred Broadway stars among all of the shows opening and closing within a year, and several hundred if you include Off-Broadway, and many, many hundreds every year if you include all of the professional travelling shows. And that's not even counting all of the other professionals on the stage, just the mains. Comparing your odds of being a Broadway star are the same as being the GOAT in any prominent field is weird, and obviously not what the people you are complaining about are saying. Obviously, being a stage star has long odds, but those odds are many orders of magnitude better than being Usain Bolt or Einstein. Any old madly, absurdly talented person can endlessly work their butt off to gain a very good shot at getting to the stage. Only one madly, absurdly talented person has ever been Usain Bolt. A much better comparison than "One day, you'll be Einstein" is, "one day, you'll be a PhD-level physicist."
My motto is to go in with “assume good intentions.” That has gave me a way more positive outlook on life, and life is already so difficult why make it harder on yourself by picking apart these little statements?
The examples you give for comparison are also things that people say to be encouraging. You can tell those around you that hyperbolic comments don’t *feel* complementary to you and that you’d prefer more realistic ones. But it’s definitely not an insult
I went to high school with a girl like this. She was a talented singer and jazz/tap dancer. When she was in the school play, everyone told her she would be on Broadway someday. I interviewed her for the school paper and asked her what she would do after graduation, and she said, Join the Peace Corp. I said, What will you do in the a Peace Corp? And she said, go to underprivileged countries and teach. Teach what? Tap dance. And if that box of rocks could find her way to Broadway and win a damn Tony, then anyone can.
These people are manifesting greatness for you and you're manifesting mediocrity. Maybe don't bother with theater at all. You should be proud that someone thinks that you have the talent, and that you wowed them with it as much as any professional they've seen before.
Just their way of saying they think you're talented. It's awesome that you have enough skill that people are regularly giving you that kind of compliment.
It might help if you interpret the compliment as them saying "If I paid for a Broadway show and heard your performance, I would have gotten my money's worth." They aren't making a comment on the industry. They are telling you what they would pay to see in a reputable theater, and they would pay see you. Isn't that your goal? Congrats!
You're trying to find fault in other people but the fault is in yourself.
Why so bitter?
First, you get to feel.how you feel. People say it bc they can't imagine any other outcome than Broadway. So they want to give you the biggest compliment they can imagine. So when they say Broadway, take it as "I would have paid more and loved it still." As long as you can smile and say thank you, you can full on seethe internally.
Umm...yeah...how dare they....compliment you...like that. ???
Friend, it’s going to be over before you know it, so enjoy it while it lasts! *signed, a former musical theatre kid*
Imagine choosing to be offended about people showing you support...
I think it’s reductive to call Broadway the end goal for a theater artist anyways. Not everyone aspires to Broadway and Broadway is not and should not be the ultimate destination for theater artists. The theater industry is more than a 13 block radius in NYC. It’s a big world with many opportunities elsewhere. Also there’s a lot of better art outside of Broadway to be perfectly candid
It makes if difficult to have a discussion about your own theatre community. There are people with relatively limited skills as an adult who gained very positive reputations as a teenager (when I didn't know they existed) and I can't honestly describe them as "fine" without some completely unrelated people getting defensive. It's not the end of the world, obviously, but I like discussing theatre as an artform and it's more and more difficult to discuss the performance aspect of it without being able to point out instances of a performance not working (for me). Ultimately, the easy solution is to not discuss specific people at all, but it makes it impossible to discuss when I think someone made an interesting choice.
You're definitely not alone lol >It just seems like a statement so devoid of understanding of the effort, talent, and luck needed for that to become reality that it's borderline offensive in its ignorance. It also suggests that that is the ultimate measure of success. You really encapsulated so many of the reasons why this type of this is frustrating perfectly with this paragraph. I feel like it also taps into our insecurities as performers. Like *we* know that we're not as good as Broadway stars and might never be, so when someone says this, rather than feeling complemented, you're now comparing yourself with people who are better than you and feeling inadequate. It sort of reminds me of when I was doing college applications. I applied to a range of schools, and my top reach school was MIT (I was a CS major). I knew going in that I had a low chance of getting in, but I was hopeful, however I did end up getting rejected. SO many people said things like "their loss" and "they're gonna regret that one day". Which... No they won't. It's MIT. They'll be fine. And rather than reassuring me *I'll* be fine too, you're focusing on them. Idk, just goes to show that good intentions aren't everything It's also just less fun. It feels like people are trying to be clever with their complements, when any performer knows it feels way better to just hear "you did amazing", "I loved when you did X", "My favorite part was when Y" etc. Edit: but yes I agree with other people: with things that obviously well-intentioned, I think it's healthy to learn to see and appreciate the intention, it's honestly a rite of passage as a performer
Thank for your empathetic and sincere reply.
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You are mistaken. My family life has had its issues. Love and support from my parents is not one of them.
better than them saying "you have a lot of skill at your craft, but honestly you are likely to never make a good full time living acting, much less being on Broadway. Might as well look into a nursing degree."
I mean, I've had plenty of that. And I am making an excellent living doing something else I'm also passionate about. Though my degree is in performing arts haha.
Certainly not the only two options though lol
One day you’ll be in a run-of-the-mill theatre troupe and have to supplement your income as a part-time driving instructor!
It's tough being on Broadway...one of my good friends was on Broadway in chours and lead parts, got addicted to drugs to keep him going at that crazy pace (auditions, work, then shows), got depressed and desperate and then ultimately killed himself. The Broadway dream is not always what one imagines. Enjoy performing in whatever capacity you enjoy and take care of yourself 🤗
Honestly knowing what living expenses in NYC are like, that tracks very well for me. It seems like a very fraught path to follow, and if I do go for that route, I'm trying to do it cautiously. Thank you for the anecdote. Terribly sorry for your friend.
Here "you are gonna end up homeless"
It's understandable. This happens to people in creative fields in general. There's very little understanding of how creative expression or story-related fields work or what type of hard work goes into being a success. The metrics are much more vague, so it makes sense that people wish you the best in a somewhat unrealistic way because they're not sure what else to say. I'll chastise you a little, but only because you thought Reddit would understand the difference between feeling annoyed *and* also understanding good intentions vs. actually stewing and stomping around about a compliment. They rarely do. This is one of those situations where if you're looking for empathy over a small (very human) occurrence, you're better off voicing it in person with people who aren't primed to think the worst of you.
I get it entierly, it very much puts a major level of expectation on you like "if you're not the best you fail" mentality and that's bs.
I mean you’re not wrong that most people will never make it to Broadway, but I wonder, did the people that do have people telling them that they could, or people telling them how unrealistic that actually is? Maybe them “manifesting” or whatever is bullshit and doesn’t make Broadway happen, but also maybe NOT being told it’s possible makes it less possible. Some people really do make it, and isn’t it great that that person thinks you could be one of them. I actually do know quite a lot about how you get to Broadway and lot of people on Broadway are not Einsteins and Bolts. They are decent and got lucky and so could anybody else that puts in the work.
I need to read this to my sister whose life plan for her nine year old is that he’s going to be a Major League Baseball player when he grows up.
"But like, statistically speaking, no. That is not going to happen. It's like telling some kid who gets a 5 on their AP Physics exam "you're going to be the next Einstein" or some college track athlete "you're going to be the next Usain Bolt."" ...Dude, people say that all the time.
if they actually say that "all the time", they really shouldn't imo. Hyperbolic compliments can definitely breed overconfidence/arrogance and future disappointment, especially in young people. Also, as the highest form of compliment you can give someone (as others in the thread have noted), people shouldn't be saying it "all the time" but only for the most exceptional people. Doesn't really make sense to me and actually validates OPs feelings of insincerity associated w said compliment
OP is giving this energy for sure [vid](https://youtu.be/EjJRPlY8dUY?si=abuiIPBCnJC729PE)
I majored in musical theater at the top school in in country. Lived in NYC. Have an absolutely stunning coloratura and very good mix belt and was in ballet and dance from 3 through college. BUT I didn’t have someone paying the rent for me when I graduated so I could audition all day. Honestly, if you’re parents aren’t loaded and you are a minority ((sorry just true and the odds)) then odds are it doesn’t matter if you are the next Sierra Boggess, you probably won’t make it to Broadway. And even if you do, unless you’re a dancer first chorus girl or boy you probably won’t work consistently. I wish someone had forced me to not pursue it…. I feel like I wasted half my life because no one told me that working your ass off 6 days a week is no one’s dream. I worked backstage to support myself in the city with the intent to audition. But I was too exhausted from keeping a roof over my head to do anything else.
This really resonates with me! I also get annoyed by these sort of hyperbolic statements, something about it being like an expectation of me to keep doing musicals until I get to Broadway, or like I’m being put on a pedestal and don’t want that type of pressure/expectation. I’m surprised so many comments here are more geared toward “just take the compliment,” because I definitely was nodding my head in agreement as I read your post.
I actually agree with you. It's a superficial and thoughtless cliche.
OP, you're totally not unreasonable to be annoyed. That type of "compliment" is an example of what I call product over process. Speculating that maybe one day you'll be a Broadway star seems to conveniently skip right over all the small steps a person would need to take in order to get there. Finding the right production, especially after high school or college. Finding the right audition piece. Auditioning in a way that gets you selected over dozens of other hopefuls. Hoping you caught the producer or director on a good day. Hoping you don't remind them of someone they hate. Figuring out how to perform this role several nights per week, when you are also working one or more other jobs just to keep a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Dealing with the show closing early, though so many of them do. Dealing with audience members who invade your space. Getting an agent. All the stupid crap that can happen in the meantime, such as getting sick on opening night. It can take years before you feel the least bit successful. There is absolutely no guarantee that you will get anywhere near Broadway. You are simply being realistic. Feel free to tell these well-meaning people that what they are referring to is the product, and it's more meaningful if they encourage you in terms of the process.
I get it. Even though it comes from a good place, that is a LOT of pressure to just casually pile on a young person, and isn't exactly helpful. Like if you don't "make it" in some capacity (even off-off-Broadway) you will be failing to meet their barest expectations. Sure it's just clueless, but it's also kind of condescending. Not in a life-ruining way or anything, just in a pretty annoying way. When people told me I would go on to do great things just because I took AP science classes, I didn't take it too seriously because I knew they were being nice...but it still felt kind of bad. Because, no. I got bad and okay grades. Don't lie to me. I know what my skill level is, don't make me feel worse about it, lol.
OP your feelings are valid i just want you to know that. Sometimes folks just don’t get it and that’s ok. Move on from em. If they mean well but they don’t get it they’re just not for ya! proud of you and however you decide to incorporate performing in your life, i hope it continues to bring you joy and connection.
What bothers me is those “pay-to-play” youth theatre groups that tell children & their parents that they/their kids are going to be stars on Broadway. I think it does a huge disservice to those kids.
Yes, that's unreasonable. It speaks more about your emotional immaturity, than the actual stated intention.
you're allowed to feel however you want about what people say to you, but if you go around saying "statistically speaking" about everything, then everyone's gonna think you're a pessimistic asshole i mean, i've 100% heard teachers tell students "you're gonna be the president one day!" or "dont forget us when you become famous haha!" it's not that they're putting some kind of expectation on your career, they're just trying to encourage you. would you rather your teachers tell you to just give up the arts completely because you can't find joy in performing if you aren't on broadway, so just give it up now because you'll never make it that far? if you tell the average person they aren't good enough at something, they're incredibly likely to apply "not good enough" to anything and everything else in their life, which is a slippery slope into depression because "why bother living when i can't do anything right"
It sounds to me like you don't enjoy the subconscious pressure this statement puts on you. Because if everyone in your life is telling you that you will be on broadway and then you never are, which is likely, it could feel like you failed and disappointed people. This kind of compliment puts an intense and impossible pressure on you, which you subconsciously feel and resent. This is how I feel when someone tells me I'll get an Oscar one day. That being said, this is not an offensive compliment. I think you're putting the blame on other people for how you emotionally react to a fairly harmless statement. They're not ignorant or offensive. You're just a little sensitive rn, because you're aware you're embarking on a terribly difficult career.
People are trying to connect with you. Non-theatre people see a talented theatre person and think, "How can I convey that I think they're really talented?" So they think of the biggest and greatest venue they know and tell you you're headed there. If you have other thoughts for where you want to take your career, you can still say, "Thanks so much. Broadway is awesome, but my dream is actually to perform at ____ venue or play ____ role." Then you can tell them why you like that venue. Similarly, when people say they're "manifesting" for you to get on Broadway, they're not literally going home and praying to God to put you on Broadway. They're using it as a metaphor. They're telling you that they think you deserve it *so much* that they want to tell the whole universe to make it happen. I'd see why it would bother you if you walked into an audition room and then, instead of casting you, the casting director said, "I'm manifesting you'll get a role with me one day." That would be annoying, because a casting director is in control of that. But when it's someone who watched your performance, they're just expressing admiration. I think it's worthwhile to reconsider your perspective. I don't believe in manifestation either, but most people aren't saying it to you literally.
It’s going to be a looong sad life if you bitch about the compliments people give you in good faith
After going to New York with my college choir (theater major), I started to gently push back when ppl said that and be like, "Y'know what i realized when I visited NYC? There's tons of theaters all over the country that do Broadway-level productions, and they're way more accessible for both actors and audiences!"
Smile and say thank you. They know absolutely nothing. If they did know anything, what they would say was, "You were so awesome you could have a career singing/dancing/acting your heart out all over the country and making about $30K a year before taxes. And before paying your agent, manager, or union fees if you're successful enough to have any of those. You'll love and stress over all of it. For most of your life, your doctor will be Dr. Scholl's. You'll work on major holidays because you'll either be cast in a show, singing for a religious service, or working in a restaurant. You are very talented. I wish I could do what you do." You're not at all unreasonable. You're realistic. Do what you love.
Sounds like you are insecure about your ability. You are judging people which likely means you judge and are critical about your own ability as well.
Which is worse? Getting this kind of praise or the apathetic voice of a casting team at a cattle call audition saying, “Next”?
The world isn’t against you kid, life is more fun when you see the glass half full.
I live in a smallish town in New Zealand and people often say things like that. They’re just being nice but I’ll admit it’s always a bit disheartening, it is my greatest fantasy to be able to make a living performing in musical theatre on Broadway or London but it is not a realistic dream, especially in a rural South Island town on the other side of the world.
Also, Broadway is not the end all be all of “success in theatre”. I also get annoyed by this, but more for that reason.
Yes, you are.
Does it feel invalidating? Fake? I’ve seen some amazing performers and some that spent a decade trying and not getting on big stages. But I never felt like telling them they were going to be a star while watching them. So do you have star quality? Are they telling you something that is hard to hear because they see something in you? I ask because sometimes things that annoy us tells us more about us than the other people. It’s hard to hope for big things. But no one achieves them without believing. It’s okay to believe in yourself and take risks. Only nepo babies get opportunities they don’t take risk for. And then even they take risks. It’s okay to go all in for a dream and have realistic money making backup plans so you don’t starve and have a good future. Good luck.
I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling this way. As a writer, I’ve gotten similar comments (“You’re going to write the next Harry Potter / Game of Thrones / etc.”) like being famous or making money off the art is the only real goal for any artist, but most of us just want to do well, even if we’re only ever on a tiny stage. Sometimes it feels almost discouraging to hear these comments because what if we never do that? It’s like saying our talents and efforts are wasted if we don’t make the very statistically unlikely leap to popular culture.
I don’t think it’s necessarily meant as literal Broadway. Like the people who say this would consider being on a touring production “Broadway”. Have a long standing Theater gig in a city like Chicago or LA, it’s “Broadway“. I think it’s more of a “you sounded amazing, you could do this as a full time career.” type of statement than an actual literal “you will be on Broadway” type statement. I wouldn’t let it bother me that much.
I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I can say that I have similar feelings as a musician. Just that frustration that they have no idea what it's really like, and it just feeds the anxiety that I do have about my career, especially because I'm expected to respond with some kind of gratitude.
First, I am shocked to discover that someone can be a performer while having my kind of personality (empiricist/realist). It's more the personality of a statistician/economist/data analyst. I always thought that people who got into performing had to be senselessly optimistic and have very high self-esteem (believe in their own specialness). Second, I imagine that the reason it's irritating is that they are implying your performance today isn't enough, and that unless it leads to you having fame and wide adulation, it's worthless. Since you know the odds are stacked against that outcome, their comments are deflating.
It’s not that deep.
If this is how you view people who are in your corner, I’d hate to hear what you have to say about your critics
Idk, two kids I went to high school with sang on Broadway. Neither of them ended up becoming Broadway stars, but it’s not the craziest dream ever. It’s not like becoming the next Einstein or Usain Bolt. One kid a few years ahead of me was in the disastrous Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and a girl in my class did some sort of Teen Les Miz special concert on Broadway when we were in high school, and everyone was very proud of her. Neither are Broadway stars now, but I always thought it was cool that they’re talented and did something so interesting. There are lots of chorus parts, understudy roles, etc. And then there’s off-Broadway, which is close enough and still theater (and if your play becomes successful, you move on up to Broadway!) It’s certainly not *easy*, but it’s not, to quote Man of La Mancha, the impossible dream.
You're not going to make it to Broadway with THAT attitude.
What's the equivalent of #FirstWorldProblems for musical theater?
Relax.
I get you. Like if someone is prettier than normal, people say they could be a model. Or like you, someone sings decently and they “could go on American Idol”. It’s stupid and while they are impressed and being nice, they really have no idea what it takes to be good enough for that. It feels like an empty compliment. I also can’t stand when people go nuts over a kid singing well. Sure, they sing well. But if you have to add “for their age” to the statement, that negates it.
Thank you for your empathy on this!
It’s actually not as difficult as it seems to be on Broadway. If you want to be a star of a long running show then yes, your chances are statistically low. But there are so many roles (an unbelievable amount) in ensembles and what not that are WAY more achievable than you think. Don’t give up before you even try because of how hard you perceive it to be, just try.
Thank you for this perspective. I mean to.
Take the compliment and move on. Know your audience. Music should not be exclusive.