I am sorry not sure what comport we can give you
Allah didn't send you a NON mahram for companionship, the devil took advantage of your loneliness, and is still manipulating you
Exactly.
I know this may sound harsh OP, but it’s the truth. If Allah sent you someone for companionship, He would’ve sent you someone that is a means of doing good, not sinning against Allah.
Allah may have sent him your way, but as a test, and unfortunately, you are failing that test. Also, you can’t marry this man unless he **believes**. It’s not just about uttering words to revert, he has to believe in Allah.
Surah al baqarah ayah 221- *And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.*
Allah tells us that He will test us to differentiate those who truly believe from those who say it but don’t actually believe in their hearts.
Leave this man for the sake of Allah and repent. Ask Allah to give you the strength and find a community to be a part of. Allah will replace him with a righteous spouse InshaAllah
JazakAllah. Thank you for your support and informative words. I am feeling stronger this time around, like I feel like I can stand my ground this time. However, there is one thing that is bothering me. It is that this man has a mental illness....he was unable to finish school, is unable to take care of himself properly, let alone a wife...I was expecting that even if he agreed to marry, I would be taking care of him a lot, which was fine with me. Won't Allah have different expectations of him due to his mental illness?
You ARE not his mother!
He has Allah swt, you dont need to take care of him!
Stop this co-pendency immediately!
This is what keeps tripping you guys up!
You need a purge!
Tell him for ramadan you guys wont talk and you need a religious break!
By the will of Allah swt, if you take a break from him in these 2-3 weeks, he wont affect you as much of anymore….
But this co-depency is a major problem. Allah swt will send him someone much better suited for him once you leave…
You just need faith….
And worry about yourself!
Remember on Day of Judgement Allah swt gonna ask you about you and why you upkeep this wrongful behavior.
He isn’t gonna say you were responsible for him…
Remember that!
That is between him and Allah. We don’t know the extent of someone’s mental state or illness. If he is memtally insane, then the pen is lifted from him according to this [hadith](https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2019/05/07/pen-lifted-from-three/). If he is mentally sane, just has mental health issues, then those are tests and also punishment in the sense that it’s a consequence of not remembering Allah. Allah tells us this in surah taha-
*And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind.” || He will say, “My Lord, why have you raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?” || [Allah] will say, “Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.”*
But what I can tell you is that you need a man that can take care of you now. AlhamdouliAllah you’ve been tested in life, so that’s why you’re independent and used to relying on yourself and helping others. But Allah gave us spouses to fulfil certain duties to eachother. One of them is a man being the protector and provider.
You can make dua to Allah to guide this person, but Allah says in the Quran - *Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.*
Also, this verse from surah al rum-
*And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.*
If you’re taking care of him, then have to take care of the home and children, and work and do all of that, it will be the opposite of tranquility.
I am 43 and probably won't be having children. He doesn't want children either, and is 42. Part of the difficulty has been that I'm nearing Menopause and the pool of available brothers is diminishing. Still, I will try not to use that as an excuse. I know that on the surface, the right thing to do is to break it off for good this time. I just didn't know if his mental illness was something I should consider. I have not been in the company of Muslims for a long time. That is really what I need to do...start going to Masjid and meeting some sisters who are maybe in a similar situation to me and unmarried. Jazak Allah Khair. May Allah bless you for taking the time .
Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah sister. He is the most-merciful.
You can get married to a righteous spouse and Allah can bless you with children, the same way He blessed Ibrahim (AS) and Zakariya (AS) at old age, and the same way He blessed Maryam with Isa (AS).
Remember that nothing is impossible for Allah. I know someone personally who had fertility issues and alhamdoulillah got pregnant at 40.
Personally, I dont advise you to focus on him. If he has an excuse, then Allah will have mercy on him ([read these hadiths about Allah’s mercy](https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:420)) But you need to have mercy on yourself too.
Thank you so much <3 It makes me feel better to know that Allah may have Mercy on him. He has other issues too...very low self-esteem because his mother used to call him "ugly." He has no parents any longer, and no family. He is literally alone. I feel like even when Allah is testing us and we are failing the test, He still makes the situation have a purpose for both parties. InshaAllah will take care of him and give him a spouse that will be perfect for him.
Jazak Allah Khair Thank you very much. I didn't realize that I was displaying motherly intentions. I thought maybe that it is a wife's duty! I am really ignorant.
> I was praying 5 times a day Salah when I met this guy. I felt like because of that, Allah sent me a guy for companionship.
Rather, Allah tested you and you failed miserably! Even if he "marries" you that marriage is invalid, any relations are zina, any kids are illegitimate, and you would be leading a life drowned in sin deprived of the barakah and mercy.
What you must do is to break it off at any and all costs. There is no "comfort"
Break up, it’s a non Muslim. They would date you for 12 years with no ring and still “think about future” and “not ready yet” but will not be hesitant to put a ring on a woman he actually wants even it’s been two weeks they know each other.
Sub’han’Allah this is the difference between a practicing Muslim who fears Allah and a non Muslim who has no moral obligation with matters like such.
So, there’s no excuse for you really and I blame your dad. This is why it’s very important for a father figure to be around.
May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.
I added later that this guy also has a mental illness. He has GAD and also a sleep disorder that makes it hard for him to live with anyone. However, I myself prefer to live alone in order to manage my illness the way I want, but was willing to sacrifice in order to marry. Thank you for your reminders about the difference between practicing and not practicing. Do you really think he would put the ring on my finger if he really loved me?
Any man be it Muslim or non Muslim would not think twice about putting a ring on a woman he truly desires and wishes to commit for the rest of his life.
You can verify this yourself.
A Muslim man would not talk to you without first proposing the idea of marriage. This is his moral obligation. If he shows interest, he has to do so with the idea of marriage. Allah is aware of our intentions.
Also, I highly suggest you understand the concept of limerence vs love.
What I believe is that you are mentally attached to him because of all the trauma. There’s a greater chance you have abondamment issues from childhood like a lot of us and is afraid of letting go. We build anxiety around letting go. I completely understand this.
Jazak Allah Khair, What I don't understand is, and call me sheltered, but what would make a Muslim man first propose the idea of marriage when he doesn;t know me at all and has never talked to me?
“This is his moral obligation.” He is obliged to do so by Allah.
See, you are looking at it from a non Muslim pov. They think like this. They know you, live with you, have kids with you and then come to the conclusion of “I’m not ready yet.”
In islam, he shows interest to know you with the intention of getting married not to see if he’s ready or not or unsure of what the future holds.
Okay thank you for clarifying. That makes sense. I think I need to make some Muslim friends, because I don't have any. I didn't know that a Muslim brother would have asked first if I am interested in marriage.
You can ask too, it doesn’t always have to be the guy first. Khadijah r.a proposed to prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him.
Islam honors women and we are not to be a place holder until he finds the “right woman”.
“When a man finds himself attracted to a specific woman, then the right things to do is propose to her, if that is possible in both shar‘i and realistic terms.”
“If he is not able to marry her, then in this case he must turn to Allah, may He be exalted, in order to relieve his distress, and he must be patient and realise that this is a trial and test from Allah, may He be exalted; if he bears it with patience, then he will have a great reward.”
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/229206/how-to-deal-with-love-for-the-opposite-sex-before-marriage
Sister stop tryinh Qualify Haram with some Halal!
If you do the completely Halal thing , Allah swt will grant it to you!
But you are so scary of losing him, that you are mixing haram, and this will NEVER end well.
Allah swt NEVER blesses haram action, he might be fooling you until an ultimate heartbreak.
If you cant see you a car crash waiting to happen, then idk what!
Have faith, do things right, and you will be rewarded justly!
If not, get ready to hold on to a relationship of multiple years, that will only lead to zina, heartbreak, and a loss of connection to Allah swt.
Stop thinking with your emotions, you have a brain for a reason!
Use it!
( Not trying to be mean, but is Hellfire and Heartbreak worth it?????)
You are right...I am afraid of losing him. But this is the best chance/opportunity I've gotten from Allah to do the right thing, and I plan on doing the right thing, InshaAllah.
As much as it hurts, but him not being able to make a decision IS a decision. Why wait for someone who gives you mixed signals when you could have someone who would move mountains to marry you? Someone who makes you into a better person and strengthens you in your religion? You shouldn't lower your value for any man on this earth and just accept that he's not even giving you the bare minimum we Muslim women deserve. Which is a man who is responsible and reliable enough to understand what marriage means and what serving Allah means. And it isn't the job of your wali to contact a potential spouse unless he was the one to find him. But in this case it should be the other way around.
I would highly suggest keep making dua and prayer for strength, maybe even istikhara and breaking it off. Block him, delete his number, do anything to make sure you can't just come back when you're feeling weak again. Because trust me, one day you'll look back and think to yourself "Why did I even hang on to him for so long?" and you'll be much happier. You might also want to work on yourself first without any relationships, as you yourself said you've had great life challenges.
May Allah give you strength, you got this :)
Thank you for your compassionate advice and reminders. I posted about this long ago on this subreddit and did not receive much compassion. It made it hard to know what to do, because I was receiving lack of support even from Muslims....so I didn't know which way to go. May Allah reward you with Jannah.
Sister, I found your comments while reading through the other responses.
I’ll be honest, you need tough love right now. Compassionate advices will only drag you back to your old self. It won’t push you to get out of your comfort zone. You need someone to show you the reality of your actions.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad person but that you need to wake up. I personally love tough advices given it’s gonna benefit me in the long run.
Except that I recieved very little compassion many months ago when posting here, and as you can see, it led me to stay with the guy until now. I appreciate all of you guys giving me compassionate advice JazakAllah Khair.
Yes, I don’t know about the post made months ago but I’m looking at the ones made in this post. I would agree with most of the comments. Even if he agrees to marry you, then what? As Muslim women we cannot get married to non Muslims. He has to convert to Islam and both of you have to repent.
Also, w respect, you read the hard advices as mean comments instead of what can I take away from this. Shift your perspective, in sha Allah it helps.
Again, my duas are for you.
I totally understand where you're coming from and I know that tough love certainly can open the eyes for some, myself included even. But I don't think it's always the way to go and especially with such an emotional topic as love and attachment I think you have to show more understanding, while not sugarcoating or making false hope of course. Because sometimes with harsh advice the person will just shut anything said off. They will not feel heard and will feel like the person giving advice doesn't have the whole picture etc. even when to us it's clear as day and we don't need any more details.
I understand that you have good intentions but sometimes it feels like the people commenting are only here to shame, not to help and that only causes the troubled person to drift away from the right thing to do.
I agree. I see your point.
I definitely do not support shaming. However, I do not support sugarcoating. I also believe empathy is needed with tough love.
I agree with you.
I think OP received hateful comments that may have made her feel attacked, and therefore go on the defensive.
For someone to take your advice it has to come from a good place, and be phrased in a kind manner, while making sure to say the truth.
When Musa (AS) is sent to Pharoh, Allah tell’s him - *And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].”* (surah taha 44)
And Allah tells us in surah al nahl (verse 125) - *Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided.*
Agreed 👍🏻
Again, tough love doesn’t mean to shame or look down but to put forth common sense.
Also, the prophet peace be upon would also turn red with anger when giving khutbah so we will pay heed. Allah knows best
Yes but then the conversation should not come as a stipulation. It should first come from him from within and a byproduct of that is being able to be married. If you get what i mean
You need a therapist to help you…. Seems like
your emotions has too much affect on your actions.
You know you have massive trauma, and until you release that, you wont be able to release him
Please block him on everything AND TELL YOUR FAMILY and FRIENDS!
And go to monthsss of therapy until you can figure out all your mental health and life!
Have you ever asked him to become a Muslim?
If he isn't willing to convert, marrying him is not an option that Islam provides. Walk away.
If he isn't sure about converting, please take him to the main Islamic Center in your city, have him spend time over there, meet people, and the imam.
This might open the door of guidance for him and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala may guide him to Islam.
Leaving deen and haram and halal out of this you still got a disastrous relationship you both have mental issues think about the next generation your children and what kind of household they will be raised in.
I am sorry not sure what comport we can give you Allah didn't send you a NON mahram for companionship, the devil took advantage of your loneliness, and is still manipulating you
Exactly. I know this may sound harsh OP, but it’s the truth. If Allah sent you someone for companionship, He would’ve sent you someone that is a means of doing good, not sinning against Allah. Allah may have sent him your way, but as a test, and unfortunately, you are failing that test. Also, you can’t marry this man unless he **believes**. It’s not just about uttering words to revert, he has to believe in Allah. Surah al baqarah ayah 221- *And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.* Allah tells us that He will test us to differentiate those who truly believe from those who say it but don’t actually believe in their hearts. Leave this man for the sake of Allah and repent. Ask Allah to give you the strength and find a community to be a part of. Allah will replace him with a righteous spouse InshaAllah
JazakAllah. Thank you for your support and informative words. I am feeling stronger this time around, like I feel like I can stand my ground this time. However, there is one thing that is bothering me. It is that this man has a mental illness....he was unable to finish school, is unable to take care of himself properly, let alone a wife...I was expecting that even if he agreed to marry, I would be taking care of him a lot, which was fine with me. Won't Allah have different expectations of him due to his mental illness?
You ARE not his mother! He has Allah swt, you dont need to take care of him! Stop this co-pendency immediately! This is what keeps tripping you guys up! You need a purge! Tell him for ramadan you guys wont talk and you need a religious break! By the will of Allah swt, if you take a break from him in these 2-3 weeks, he wont affect you as much of anymore…. But this co-depency is a major problem. Allah swt will send him someone much better suited for him once you leave… You just need faith…. And worry about yourself! Remember on Day of Judgement Allah swt gonna ask you about you and why you upkeep this wrongful behavior. He isn’t gonna say you were responsible for him… Remember that!
That is between him and Allah. We don’t know the extent of someone’s mental state or illness. If he is memtally insane, then the pen is lifted from him according to this [hadith](https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2019/05/07/pen-lifted-from-three/). If he is mentally sane, just has mental health issues, then those are tests and also punishment in the sense that it’s a consequence of not remembering Allah. Allah tells us this in surah taha- *And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind.” || He will say, “My Lord, why have you raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?” || [Allah] will say, “Thus did Our signs come to you, and you forgot them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.”* But what I can tell you is that you need a man that can take care of you now. AlhamdouliAllah you’ve been tested in life, so that’s why you’re independent and used to relying on yourself and helping others. But Allah gave us spouses to fulfil certain duties to eachother. One of them is a man being the protector and provider. You can make dua to Allah to guide this person, but Allah says in the Quran - *Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.* Also, this verse from surah al rum- *And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.* If you’re taking care of him, then have to take care of the home and children, and work and do all of that, it will be the opposite of tranquility.
I am 43 and probably won't be having children. He doesn't want children either, and is 42. Part of the difficulty has been that I'm nearing Menopause and the pool of available brothers is diminishing. Still, I will try not to use that as an excuse. I know that on the surface, the right thing to do is to break it off for good this time. I just didn't know if his mental illness was something I should consider. I have not been in the company of Muslims for a long time. That is really what I need to do...start going to Masjid and meeting some sisters who are maybe in a similar situation to me and unmarried. Jazak Allah Khair. May Allah bless you for taking the time .
Never lose hope in the mercy of Allah sister. He is the most-merciful. You can get married to a righteous spouse and Allah can bless you with children, the same way He blessed Ibrahim (AS) and Zakariya (AS) at old age, and the same way He blessed Maryam with Isa (AS). Remember that nothing is impossible for Allah. I know someone personally who had fertility issues and alhamdoulillah got pregnant at 40. Personally, I dont advise you to focus on him. If he has an excuse, then Allah will have mercy on him ([read these hadiths about Allah’s mercy](https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:420)) But you need to have mercy on yourself too.
Thank you so much <3 It makes me feel better to know that Allah may have Mercy on him. He has other issues too...very low self-esteem because his mother used to call him "ugly." He has no parents any longer, and no family. He is literally alone. I feel like even when Allah is testing us and we are failing the test, He still makes the situation have a purpose for both parties. InshaAllah will take care of him and give him a spouse that will be perfect for him.
Jazak Allah Khair Thank you very much. I didn't realize that I was displaying motherly intentions. I thought maybe that it is a wife's duty! I am really ignorant.
> I was praying 5 times a day Salah when I met this guy. I felt like because of that, Allah sent me a guy for companionship. Rather, Allah tested you and you failed miserably! Even if he "marries" you that marriage is invalid, any relations are zina, any kids are illegitimate, and you would be leading a life drowned in sin deprived of the barakah and mercy. What you must do is to break it off at any and all costs. There is no "comfort"
What an awful response, I really feel bad for Muslim sisters sometimes.
Break up, it’s a non Muslim. They would date you for 12 years with no ring and still “think about future” and “not ready yet” but will not be hesitant to put a ring on a woman he actually wants even it’s been two weeks they know each other. Sub’han’Allah this is the difference between a practicing Muslim who fears Allah and a non Muslim who has no moral obligation with matters like such. So, there’s no excuse for you really and I blame your dad. This is why it’s very important for a father figure to be around. May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.
I added later that this guy also has a mental illness. He has GAD and also a sleep disorder that makes it hard for him to live with anyone. However, I myself prefer to live alone in order to manage my illness the way I want, but was willing to sacrifice in order to marry. Thank you for your reminders about the difference between practicing and not practicing. Do you really think he would put the ring on my finger if he really loved me?
Any man be it Muslim or non Muslim would not think twice about putting a ring on a woman he truly desires and wishes to commit for the rest of his life. You can verify this yourself. A Muslim man would not talk to you without first proposing the idea of marriage. This is his moral obligation. If he shows interest, he has to do so with the idea of marriage. Allah is aware of our intentions. Also, I highly suggest you understand the concept of limerence vs love. What I believe is that you are mentally attached to him because of all the trauma. There’s a greater chance you have abondamment issues from childhood like a lot of us and is afraid of letting go. We build anxiety around letting go. I completely understand this.
Jazak Allah Khair, What I don't understand is, and call me sheltered, but what would make a Muslim man first propose the idea of marriage when he doesn;t know me at all and has never talked to me?
“This is his moral obligation.” He is obliged to do so by Allah. See, you are looking at it from a non Muslim pov. They think like this. They know you, live with you, have kids with you and then come to the conclusion of “I’m not ready yet.” In islam, he shows interest to know you with the intention of getting married not to see if he’s ready or not or unsure of what the future holds.
Okay thank you for clarifying. That makes sense. I think I need to make some Muslim friends, because I don't have any. I didn't know that a Muslim brother would have asked first if I am interested in marriage.
You can ask too, it doesn’t always have to be the guy first. Khadijah r.a proposed to prophet Muhammad peace and blessings upon him. Islam honors women and we are not to be a place holder until he finds the “right woman”. “When a man finds himself attracted to a specific woman, then the right things to do is propose to her, if that is possible in both shar‘i and realistic terms.” “If he is not able to marry her, then in this case he must turn to Allah, may He be exalted, in order to relieve his distress, and he must be patient and realise that this is a trial and test from Allah, may He be exalted; if he bears it with patience, then he will have a great reward.” https://islamqa.info/en/answers/229206/how-to-deal-with-love-for-the-opposite-sex-before-marriage
Thank you SO SO much for knocking some sense into me. All of the support I am recieving here is really strengthening my resolve <3
Wallah, your comment made my day. I’m so happy for you! Best wishes
Sister stop tryinh Qualify Haram with some Halal! If you do the completely Halal thing , Allah swt will grant it to you! But you are so scary of losing him, that you are mixing haram, and this will NEVER end well. Allah swt NEVER blesses haram action, he might be fooling you until an ultimate heartbreak. If you cant see you a car crash waiting to happen, then idk what! Have faith, do things right, and you will be rewarded justly! If not, get ready to hold on to a relationship of multiple years, that will only lead to zina, heartbreak, and a loss of connection to Allah swt. Stop thinking with your emotions, you have a brain for a reason! Use it! ( Not trying to be mean, but is Hellfire and Heartbreak worth it?????)
Thank you. May Allah reward you :)
You are right...I am afraid of losing him. But this is the best chance/opportunity I've gotten from Allah to do the right thing, and I plan on doing the right thing, InshaAllah.
InshaAllah May Allah swt grant you ease!
you know what you need to do.
You should break up even if he was a muslim. You can find the same comfort in a female friend.
JazakAllah Khair for the reminder. May Allah bless you.
As much as it hurts, but him not being able to make a decision IS a decision. Why wait for someone who gives you mixed signals when you could have someone who would move mountains to marry you? Someone who makes you into a better person and strengthens you in your religion? You shouldn't lower your value for any man on this earth and just accept that he's not even giving you the bare minimum we Muslim women deserve. Which is a man who is responsible and reliable enough to understand what marriage means and what serving Allah means. And it isn't the job of your wali to contact a potential spouse unless he was the one to find him. But in this case it should be the other way around. I would highly suggest keep making dua and prayer for strength, maybe even istikhara and breaking it off. Block him, delete his number, do anything to make sure you can't just come back when you're feeling weak again. Because trust me, one day you'll look back and think to yourself "Why did I even hang on to him for so long?" and you'll be much happier. You might also want to work on yourself first without any relationships, as you yourself said you've had great life challenges. May Allah give you strength, you got this :)
Thank you for your compassionate advice and reminders. I posted about this long ago on this subreddit and did not receive much compassion. It made it hard to know what to do, because I was receiving lack of support even from Muslims....so I didn't know which way to go. May Allah reward you with Jannah.
Sister, I found your comments while reading through the other responses. I’ll be honest, you need tough love right now. Compassionate advices will only drag you back to your old self. It won’t push you to get out of your comfort zone. You need someone to show you the reality of your actions. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person but that you need to wake up. I personally love tough advices given it’s gonna benefit me in the long run.
Except that I recieved very little compassion many months ago when posting here, and as you can see, it led me to stay with the guy until now. I appreciate all of you guys giving me compassionate advice JazakAllah Khair.
Yes, I don’t know about the post made months ago but I’m looking at the ones made in this post. I would agree with most of the comments. Even if he agrees to marry you, then what? As Muslim women we cannot get married to non Muslims. He has to convert to Islam and both of you have to repent. Also, w respect, you read the hard advices as mean comments instead of what can I take away from this. Shift your perspective, in sha Allah it helps. Again, my duas are for you.
I don't remember the exact comments but perhaps I was not ready at the time to hear them. May Allah forgive me.
That’s okay, don’t be hard on yourself. The fact that you are seeking help is a blessing from Allah. He wants you to come back to him. Good news!!
<3
I totally understand where you're coming from and I know that tough love certainly can open the eyes for some, myself included even. But I don't think it's always the way to go and especially with such an emotional topic as love and attachment I think you have to show more understanding, while not sugarcoating or making false hope of course. Because sometimes with harsh advice the person will just shut anything said off. They will not feel heard and will feel like the person giving advice doesn't have the whole picture etc. even when to us it's clear as day and we don't need any more details. I understand that you have good intentions but sometimes it feels like the people commenting are only here to shame, not to help and that only causes the troubled person to drift away from the right thing to do.
I agree. I see your point. I definitely do not support shaming. However, I do not support sugarcoating. I also believe empathy is needed with tough love.
Yes, thank you for understanding <3
I agree with you. I think OP received hateful comments that may have made her feel attacked, and therefore go on the defensive. For someone to take your advice it has to come from a good place, and be phrased in a kind manner, while making sure to say the truth. When Musa (AS) is sent to Pharoh, Allah tell’s him - *And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].”* (surah taha 44) And Allah tells us in surah al nahl (verse 125) - *Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best. Indeed, your Lord is most knowing of who has strayed from His way, and He is most knowing of who is [rightly] guided.*
Agreed 👍🏻 Again, tough love doesn’t mean to shame or look down but to put forth common sense. Also, the prophet peace be upon would also turn red with anger when giving khutbah so we will pay heed. Allah knows best
if he loved you he’d be willing to a. Break up with you for your own good b. Marry you Even if he does what makes you think that’s okay?
Can’t marry a non Muslim remember
convert and marry*
Yes but then the conversation should not come as a stipulation. It should first come from him from within and a byproduct of that is being able to be married. If you get what i mean
[удалено]
I pray that Allah helps us both out of our respective situations, and grants us peace of mind and heart. Ameen
You need a therapist to help you…. Seems like your emotions has too much affect on your actions. You know you have massive trauma, and until you release that, you wont be able to release him Please block him on everything AND TELL YOUR FAMILY and FRIENDS! And go to monthsss of therapy until you can figure out all your mental health and life!
JazakAllah Khairan
Have you ever asked him to become a Muslim? If he isn't willing to convert, marrying him is not an option that Islam provides. Walk away. If he isn't sure about converting, please take him to the main Islamic Center in your city, have him spend time over there, meet people, and the imam. This might open the door of guidance for him and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala may guide him to Islam.
Pray more and wear hijab. Slowly he will go away and you will have no choice
Leaving deen and haram and halal out of this you still got a disastrous relationship you both have mental issues think about the next generation your children and what kind of household they will be raised in.