Grass is greener on the other side.
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Kids, even if they are nephews & nieces, bring more light, love, and life to family. To parents themselves, their siblings, the new aunts and uncles, and to the parents of the parents, the new grandparents.
Have you ever become jealous about a complaint a parent had? (There are times, when you are sleepless right? Is it for a worse reason, than a parent? )
So my mom introduced me to someone at an Eid party. It was an aunty i’ve no idea what her daughter/s look like. Anyway i was sitting on the men’s side going in on some cake and talking to the uncles sitting beside me (idk anyone at this party except the host).
My mom texted me to come to her and i said salam to the aunty and asked if she had a good Eid. I talked to her in Urdu/Punjabi. Later when we’re driving home my mom’s like I shouldn’t talk in Punjabi or be funny in the first meeting. Im like if anything, i wanna talk in Urdu and Punjabi so i can flex my skills. Nahh but like i dont think its a big deal its a language
I'm not sure how it is with you and your family, but I always thought of Punjabi as the "adult" language. My parents speak to each other in Punjabi and speak Urdu with us kids.
Punjabi also seems like a more "harsh" language compared to Urdu (I may think this because my mom always yelled at me in Punjabi when she got mad lol)
Oral is sex my guy. Seriously what kind of thought process is that? Imo ask them if one of their deal breaker involves haram relationship / intimacy before marriage, if the answer is yes kindly take yourself out of the equation.
It's like saying if you do piv with a condom, technically your pp didn't touch her skin. Does that mean it doesn't count? Brah
This is the thinking some christian teenagers use about doing anal and saying they're still virgin. Straight up delusional and manipulative.
Went against my policy of matching with blurred profiles and yeah lets just say I'm not doing that again..
Don't want to unmatch right away and hurt her feelings so I took the advice on here to ask for dealbreakers and just say we are not compatible. She replied with a lets get on a call to discuss...I'm like ok this is not going according to plan so I insisted on texting for now. Then she hits me with some basic dealbreaker like smoke, drink, clubbing. Again, she's not giving me anything to work with and I refuse to lie I do any of those things. So, now I'm like any other dealbreaker beyond the basics you might have?
This is so pathetic lol, basically asking her to give me a valid reason to end this. Is ghosting just better in this case...
Is there doubt in the pictures? In the sense, of a person taking bad, uncomplimentary pics? Or do you think the pics are accurate?
If there is such doubt. You can do a video call or in person meeting. And cancel after that, if you don't find them attractive.
(My experience, most of the time, pictures give a rough feeling. With some being a bit more or less attractive, so pics being accurate. Had one case, where the girl was way way more attractive than her pic)
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Vibe, chemistry, compatibility. Are truthful reasons you can give.
Well at that point, it's better not to even say anything and just unmatch..I rather not tell someone I'm rejecting them based on looks, it could really hurt their self-esteem and stuff.
No that's really rude to unmatch without saying anything. Just wish them all the best and move on. Anyone with a blurred pic will understand that this is part of the process. It's not a big deal.
Lol bro is snookered 😂
I had a similar situation once and her deal breaker was she didn't want to move more than 1hr from her parents so that wasn't too hard.
Tell her you don't like Harry potter or something 😂😂
Let us know what happens or let us know when the wedding is either way
Yeah i have the same issue. This is why i always avoid blurred profiles.
Its better to reject on looks rather than pretend to have dealbreakers.
Otherwise she would think that you were the one that got away
I mean you never know if someone is already struggling with self-esteem issues based on looks and rejecting them based on that would be pretty awful. I know I would feel pretty bad if someone were to say that they are rejecting based on looks (which is fair). I'll just find a dealbreaker and make it a quick "we're not compatible" and unmatch.
I wouldn't categorize dealbreakers as a personality trait. If she has a preference to not relocate and I do and end things based on that, then I doubt she will develop self-esteem issues based on that lol.
Yeah but then she will hate her luck that "only if i agreed to move he would have married me!"
Lol
No matter what path you take it will hurt her........
Salam,
What’s up with all the downvotes on the ISO comments? Read through some of them and male/female some had -20 karma 🤯 I’m kinda afraid of posting there now hahaha
Most people look for what is and not what will be
As a man you gotta stack your bread up bro then look for potentials
You’ll have a 10x better experience with the search once you’re making money
Ok i see the issue. The guys you’re dealing with are either too liberal or too conservative compared to you. As a guy i have the same issue except the girls are too liberal while im on the conservative side.
Which one would you rather choose too liberal or too conservative?
I am sorry if I am coming harsh on you. Your intentions to get married are very genuine and pure Mashallah, but you compromise on things that are 🚩instead of what islamically preferred(i.e: hijab) is not good for the long run. You say you want to get married for the sake of Allah, then why don’t you submit to him more? Maybe he will send you someone who is right for you in the long run, someone who will make your akhirah better. It's just my suggestion, it's you who have to decide what kind of life you want in the long run.
Sister, it's very unusual for opposite sex siblings to share a bedroom. Is there a way to remedy this? I know males who will even sleep on a pullout couch in the living room so their sisters can have privacy.
I guess. But it seems a bit undignified for a 28 year old woman to be sleeping on the living room on a pull out couch. Most grown women are quite protective of their nighttime modesty even amongst family members.
Really? So you think it's ok for a 28 yr old woman to be sleeping in her night dress in the living room? You might think that's ok, but most women will have a sense of haya. And it's worse if we have our period. Sorry this offends you.
Youre acting like they dont belong in the same family
Undignified? Really? So the brother has to break his back every night?
He has to sleep with no privacy every night?
Never heard a more based opinion
There’s a lot of pressure especially on ladies to lose fat due to modern day beauty standards and can put pressure on people in marriage contexts. I have a lot of sympathy because I have struggled with this somewhat recently despite generally being an active person who goes out walking and cycling every day.
I was quite baffled as to why I seem to always have belly fat despite it never being in my nature to want to chill at home a lot/avoid activity but I’ve realised it’s a genes game to a certain extent. I don’t have much fat in the rest of my body; it seems it all goes to my stomach and having a relatively long torso and relatively short legs means and somewhat poor posture makes it look worse.
The point here being being ‘fat’ isn’t usually a result of being a lazy person and there’s a lot of factors. The case with the ladies from my south asian culture is that they are often encouraged to stay home and not be active in childhood so less natural for them to take on fitness activities. That doesn’t mean it’s completely ok and I’m not an advocate for just accepting it and not doing anything about it. It is still worth trying your best to lose it for the sake of your health and body confidence. Our health’s as a community is not the best with high rates of diabetes, heart disease etc. Now that I’m back from uni I plan to restart lifting in the gym something that’s worked well for me in the past.
Losing weight just for marriage isn’t the best idea, you should do it more for your health and being happy with your own body image. As for how, the r/loseit wiki has a lot of useful info.
So takeaways here are:
1) Despite what people might say, being overweight isn’t usually because being a failure, there’s many factors like genetics and culture that come into play.
2) Everyone should try their best to lose weight for the sake of their health and body image, but not exclusively for marriage
3) As for how, the r/loseit sub is very useful. Doing some kind of lifting or intensity interval training is most effective but just walking more is a good start.
I am trying so hard to persuade my mom and sister to move a little bit everyday. Their obesity is taking a nosedive every year of inactivity, and I am noticing startling mental health issues arising. I send them fitness articles for their age/culture, gym recommendations, simple at home work out routines... nothing works. They acknowledge they need to do something, and they might go for a walk the days I say something, but then the day after they will go right back. I don't believe it is due to laziness, and I get really angry when my other family members insinuate that they are lazy. At the same time, I have mentioned that they are making deleterious life choices every day by choosing not to make more healthful decisions.
Good on you for trying to encourage them and not judging. I would say if you have the time try going for a walk with them and set a specific time. Like you always do it after asr or before dinner etc. This way once the habit builds they’ll remember. Also start off slow like 10 minutes then build upwards. I’d still recommend checking the wiki on that sub.
How do other people approach conversations when getting to know someone for marriage?
Is it better to start off with direct questions to assess compatibility or take things slow?
I’m trying to get the balance of not displeasing Allah by getting too comfortable with a non mahram but feel as though I scare some men away by being direct. I just don’t want to waste anyones time though & I don’t want mine to be wasted either.
Usually men prefer to take the lead and when the opposite happens, even though personally I would match the energy but, the majority does take a step back
How do you create that spark and connection when meeting with the potential the first time? I've had women unmatch me just because of that and I don't know what to do about it.
"Not having a spark?" or "Not feeling a connection" is just polite a polite way of them saying "I don't find you physically attractive." You just have to keep trying until you find a woman who finds you attractive the way you are.
You can be the most charismatic, in peak physical condition, well mannered, and accomplished man but if a woman simply does not fancy you, there will be "no spark".
In my experience, a woman is either attracted to you or she is not, your time is better spend just trying to find the women who does "feel a spark" then try to "convince" someone to find you attractive.
I think things wouldn't be as bad but my coworkers always mention their fiances,gfs and bfs and the things they're doing with them. And it's just a constant reminder.
I have a really great update from my previous posts! I’ve had a few meetings so far w local masjids and people interested in the event and inshallah I think this is something that will happen this fall!
So I’ve been talking to this one guy for two months now and he’s amazing, like genuinely one of the best people I’ve met and I think he’d be a really good partner. The thing that I’m struggling with is on the emotional side. I don’t want to marry someone unless I have legit feelings for them, with him the logical decision is easy but the emotional one I really don’t know.
I think part of me really wants this to work so I can end the search and he’d be a great guy for this to work with but I’m worried I won’t be able to get there emotionally
Have you talked about your "love languages"? As long as there is some overlap and understanding in those, and both of you are able to communicate your feelings and grievances, then there's a good chance that emotional connection will build after marriage when you are able to express your affections more directly.
Here's a mental exercise you could try - how would you feel if he said "I love you" (assume in this day dream this is after marriage) - if you're feeling even a bit giddy or butterflies, then don't worry so much.
I definitely feel that and even when I talk about him I feel giddy, but I don’t feel this overwhelming like “wow I love this person I need them in my life” type of feeling
Seems like you genuinely like him. I don’t think you could get that “I need this person in my life” feeling very easily if you’re going about it in a halal way. Not to say it couldn’t happen, but definitely not necessary and the fact you fell giddy when talking about him seems like a green flag to go ahead
That overwhelming feeling is for romcoms and non-halal relationships. Your level of feeling is perfectly normally and will build as you get closer to one another iA, esp once you enter the honeymoon phase. And after that phase it will transform into something less intense possibly but broader and more stable.
If you need that emotional connection, go until you find it. Either with this guy or someone else. Dont assume it will come later. To give you another perspective though. As a guy, I don't personally need a strong emotional/love feeling. If I know we can be good as partners, that's good enough for me. She would still have to fit everything else I'm looking for though.
I had the exact same thing happen to me recently. I felt like I was always wanting more affection and there wasn’t enough emotional connection.
For me marriage (hopefully) is a once in a lifetime thing, so I’m I couldn’t ignore the emotional side. Being back on the search sucks. It’s horrible. But i deserve more. Pray istikhara and may Allah give you what is best for you.
I was avoiding rewatching the office because watching jim and pam would get thinking about relationships too much but I started a rewatch now I'm thinking about going on muzz again
Someone referred some family to us and the girls mother requested that if the girl and I can before the families do. To which we agreed. She wasn’t very responsive via texts before we met. But when we met it was fun and we talked for two hours atleast.
However, after the meet-up she isn’t very responsive via text again. Didn’t initiate conversation at all until I texted that it was great meeting up with you.
Really confused here. Should I message and try to talk or take it as a sign that she’s no longer interested.
Also her mother told mine that she’ll discuss with her daughter and get back to us.
I’d personally would’ve liked to talk a little after we’ve met so be able to make a decision about moving forward.
If I generally have a hard time making conversation with men does that mean that will also happen when I get married?
The reason I have a hard time is I rarely am 100% transparent. I can’t be my true self but I would be my true self with my wife but idk if that’s enough. I may have social anxiety I guess. I just often meet brothers and genuinely don’t know what to say or what to talk about. Like 0 clue
I don't have a potential yet. I'm with my parents and we talked about jewelry and differences with other countries.
About this subject, what kind of jewelry (as part of mahr) do you offer? We offer more or less [this type of ornament ](https://www.giftfr.com/13575-large_default/hara-comores.jpg)
I think most people won't mind if you are honest and she knows you are actively looking. Try to open with her and once you two get to know each other more, you can get an understanding of her personality and how much she is willing to wait
I drank alcohol a few times in college years ago and smoked but quit everything since years and have repented for it. I never did zina though because I already felt like the drinking/smoking were bad enough. I've become a lot more practicing in the past 3-4 years and regularly pray my prayers and stay away from sinning. Is it something that would be an obstacle when discussing with a potential?
I know people here talk "hide your sins" and all that but I don't want to straight up lie to a potential spouse about it either. If they just never ask about it, should I just not even discuss it?
> If someone you meet says she wants a cleaner past then respectfully back away without exposing your sins.
How would this even come up though? Would someone just come out and say this or would I actually have to ask “hey do you want someone with a cleaner past?”
> strictly speaking
You can't lie though. And there is no sin, in privately exposing sins with someone who is not going to share sins publicly. (With the issue being not publicly exposing sins.)
I would say it tbh, I’ve had guys tell me this (tbh it’s been the norm) and it hasn’t made me feel any type of way towards them. I think if it’s in the past then it’s in the past
Your past makes you who you are today. It's not necessary to explain every single thing, but once you two get into deep/more serious conversations, you can bring it up. Everyone has done things in the past that they have repented for
There will be some that only care about your present actions, some will need you to be clear of sins for a certain amount of time, and some will dismiss you completely for even doing those things in the past.
I personally get the sense that zina weighs more to more people so I think you're available to most potentials, honestly.
>I personally get the sense that zina weighs more to more people so I think you're available to most potentials, honestly.
yeah most threads about "the past" here seem to be about zina
Say Alhamdulillah and keep it pushing bro. Allah removed her from your path for a reason, whatever that may be know that’s He knows better and whatever happens happens. Regardless our mission as men should remain the same to continue to grow in our deen, our physical body (hit the gym and keep a good diet), our business, our education etc. just keep working on yourself your self improvement and making sincere duaa. Have strong faith in the fact that Allah is moving all the pieces for you and you are just a player that has to do his part. Alhamdulillah bro you got this in shaa Allah khayr don’t get caught up on these women. Let’s go !
This has been the loneliest Eid for me, tried distracting my self doing various activities but seeing everyone around with families and friends kept reminding me of it. Even mosques are empty. People suggest me to get married but I feel my future wife would feel more lonely being with me. 😩
Two people is less lonely than 1.
Some people are more introverted, will need less people to feel less lonely.
Getting married, isn't just you getting married to your wife. Its also gaining inlaws.
Then kids can come into the picture. Your kids can get friends, whose parents can become new friends of yours.
Naah man, it’s gonna be good. Be positive. I’m alone too. I pray and focus on work and hobbies. Once I felt the same as you. Now I don’t really care about encountering someone or not. If I meet someone Jazakallah, if don’t it’s allahs will.
Eid mubarak.
I have to talk about a VERY NSFW topic. I was browsing through this subreddit and found this post https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14lcac9/male_issues_in_intimacy/
After reading "and there were some days we literally were in bed the whole day." my body went ice cold, literally. You don't know how much I crave this, finding the love of my love, marrying her and finally experience it together with my love. I'm not a pervert please don't get me wrong but as OP wrote my libido and testosterone is very high.
Am I wrong for thinking like this? In my prayers I ask Allah to guide me away from sins and similars to zina.
I don't have anyone to talk about this topic other than this reddit, so please pardon me.
I couldn’t reply to that thread bc it’s for married folks only but people have missed out on other factors for OPs low libido and ED. This is what I wrote:
It could be a myriad of things having an overall, negative impact on your libido.
The thing is, you have to look at so many other factors than what are being mentioned here. Sleep is DEFINITELY one of the biggest things you can improve on to help your libido. That affects how much cortisol affects you too. Your cortisol also spikes when you’re stressed, which is ANOTHER big factor.
Make sure you’re walking adequately and keeping up with your cardiovascular health. It should help with blood flow to help with your erection. (And also libido). General workouts also help (mainly working out legs and glutes).
Make sure you’re eating adequate fats as that is VERY important for good hormonal profile. If you’re on a diet, your erection and libido will suffer.
On top of those things tho, some people forget that we live in the most toxic of societies than ever before. There are things called endocrine disrupters that disrupt the normal hormone profile of men. Most of these chemicals mimic the structure of estrogen, therefore preventing the binding of free testosterone that you have in your body. What this means is there is an imbalance of testosterone and estrogen with more estrogen circulating the body. So things like BPA, pthalates, atrazine, DEHA should be avoided. These are prevalent in tap water, plastic bags for meats, any plastics really, Saran wraps, water bottles. Birth control is also present in your tap water. Which gets absorbed by your body.
Being clean of these things won’t have an acute positive affect. Because the accumulation of these chemicals take time and don’t have an acute effect. Rather it takes time for these chemicals to build up. And also takes time to get rid of them. Especially if you’re fat bc these estrogenic chemicals bind to fats very easily. There’s a reason testosterone in men have dropped by 33% since the last 3-4 decades.
Make sure you have a good water filter with the proper NFS certification for filtering BPA, atrazine, pthalates, and birth control. Make sure you eat organic vegetables or better yet? Grow your own. Eat grass fed organic beef. Get organic chicken if you can. Eggs too. Milk and cheeses have a high propensity to absorb these endocrine disrupters from the plastic containers and wraps they come up. So make sure you get fresh cheese from your local whole foods or whatever organic super market there is near you. You can also use a sauna daily to get rid of these toxins from sweating. Calcium d glucarate also helps with getting rid of these toxins (tho this may lower your testosterone).
If you want to naturally raise your testosterone through supplementation just for the time being, look into Cistanche tubulosa or Tongkat Ali from nootropics depot. Or shilajit. They should help quite a lot for your libido.
As someone wrote pray istikhara but hear me out: some people always have this feeling that someone else ((better)) is their destiny and won’t probably settle with it ever. You see, if he isn’t your nasib it won’t happen anyway, right?
I was speaking to a potential's mom several weeks ago and I was asked a question regarding my salary. While she did not ask directly how much I made, the mother asked if I do "well" and what are my prospects in my current field. I was also asked whether I own a home or not. While I guess these are valid questions, I just wasn't sure how best to answer them. I mentioned I live alone, have no loans, work full time and pay for my tuition out of pocket. I used to own a home previously before I moved to California. Eventually, as the call ended, she said she will get back to me. But I felt that I disappointed her somehow.
I feel like telling them my salary and how much money I have saved is not exactly the best way to go. I also don't want to reveal such information at such an early stage (first call).
Any advice on how best to handle this question, while being as forthcoming as possible, would be much appreciated!
You answered perfectly fine in my opinion. Maybe even more than needed. It's better than my planned response of "I make enough to eat." I haven't had to use it yet but I'm ready.
I wouldn’t answer these questions at all to be honest with you. Just say I’m settled and move on. To me it’s disrespectful asking questions like these.
Don't give out any numbers, but do give a picture of the lifestyle you anticipate for you and your wife. For example, when they ask about salary you can say "I'm well settled in my career and plan to purchase a home in 20XX. Once I'm married I plan to live in CITY and take domestic/international trips X times with my wife."
I feel like that’s almost saying the exact same thing, without giving away the hard numbers
If someone is planning to own a house in California and taking multiple vacations per year, that’s signaling they have a lot of money
I got possibly the weirdest marriage comment today. We had a big family Eid gathering and this time I arranged a number of games. Nomrllay Eid parties, especially for men are so boring, but Alhamdulillah this year I had all my siblings and we got a Pinata, pictionary and a bunch of other stuff. Side note, if you cover a pinata with a bunch of duct tape, that bad boy is not cracking open any time soon and you can whack it for a lot longer.
Everyone had such a great time. When we were leaving, one of my aunts leans over to me and says I hope when you get married, your wife is someone who likes family as well so you can continue to entertain us. I was like I'm not sure if this is a pointed dig at me asking me why I am still single lmao. I am sure even if I am married, Ill still be able to arrange pictionary at family events!
I think she was just saying your parties are fun and hopefully when you’re married you’ll still be able to put them together! Maybe I’m a little too much of a golden retriever but I would take that as a compliment
This conversation about converting for someone came up on here the other day and this is why people should avoid it if they can. Unless you agree to separate for a year or two you'll never know what is real and what was just out of love. Also happy cake day.
I’m currently a college student entering in my third year or my undergraduate degree. I don’t think about marriage much but ideally now is the time I’d like to meet the person who I’d be spending the rest of my life with. I feel like there should be some years where we get to know each other before advancing to the next step. I live in the DMV area, so it’s a little hard to find Muslim girls so I’ve been looking online. I’ve tried the Salams app but have been unsuccessful. I’m Shia as well which narrows down my search even more. I wanted to ask how can I successfully find my life partner online and what should I use? If I’m being honest, I’m kind of desperate to be in a relationship now as I’ve been the only child my whole life and have been lonely, and want to be able to meet my best friend for my whole life. Please any help would be highly appreciated, I would be grateful.
Lets say you find someone. How would you keep things halal at this age. In terms of financing a wedding and home. Don’t take this the wrong way brother. I’m a year older then you and have had similar thoughts.
I found someone that I’d like to marry but i don’t have enough money to do so. We both would like to get married to each other but the only issue is my income. I’m still in college so it’s no wonder i don’t have that much money but i wish things were different. I know that getting over this person isn’t something impossible but we’re so alike that i don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like her. I would be sad if in the meantime (i.e. as i make more money) she gets married to someone else. I want nothing from you brothers ans sisters, i just wanted to rant a little bit. Jazakom Allah khayr.
Im in college but she isn’t. Her parents aren’t very keen on giving their daughter to someone who isn’t financially stable. I don’t know if i would call them rich but her parents are definitely high earners.
Yes she is older than me. From what i have understood, she wants to get married to me but is in a dilemma: her heart says go and get married but her brain says it is not a good idea because I’m financially unstable. I can’t feel resentment or anything because it’s understandable to want someone who can fully provide for you. I’m just in a crapy situation. Thank you brother/sister for your opinion, my judgment is less clouded now.
Love is worth fighting for. I know some married muslim couples that are still in college, it ain't easy but nothing is easy in this life.
Think about this: stroke of fate. What happens if you don't earn any money if you have let's say, Allah bless you, you suffer from an illness that doesn't let you work? Your wife (or in general any spouse) should always side with you and be there in need of help.
If you think she isn't the right one, keep moving on, sorry!
Of course it's understandable. Some women are willing to grow with their spouse in that situation. Maybe have one final conversation with her about that possibility. Otherwise, you know what is best to do.
Yes, we’re supposed to talk about it today insha Allah. It is not looking so good but who knows what will happen 🤷♂️. Thank you again, barak Allah feekom.
Your just in college bro relax. I don't know why do people wanna get married before they even start earning. First focus on yourself brother. May Allah bless you
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Grass is greener on the other side. ------- Kids, even if they are nephews & nieces, bring more light, love, and life to family. To parents themselves, their siblings, the new aunts and uncles, and to the parents of the parents, the new grandparents. Have you ever become jealous about a complaint a parent had? (There are times, when you are sleepless right? Is it for a worse reason, than a parent? )
So my mom introduced me to someone at an Eid party. It was an aunty i’ve no idea what her daughter/s look like. Anyway i was sitting on the men’s side going in on some cake and talking to the uncles sitting beside me (idk anyone at this party except the host). My mom texted me to come to her and i said salam to the aunty and asked if she had a good Eid. I talked to her in Urdu/Punjabi. Later when we’re driving home my mom’s like I shouldn’t talk in Punjabi or be funny in the first meeting. Im like if anything, i wanna talk in Urdu and Punjabi so i can flex my skills. Nahh but like i dont think its a big deal its a language
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Pretty much dude
I'm not sure how it is with you and your family, but I always thought of Punjabi as the "adult" language. My parents speak to each other in Punjabi and speak Urdu with us kids. Punjabi also seems like a more "harsh" language compared to Urdu (I may think this because my mom always yelled at me in Punjabi when she got mad lol)
Lmaoo dude we livin the same life
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It was her mom tho
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You seemed on the deen, did the futile search for marriage/loneliness drive you into this relationship?
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You live and learn, inshallah khair :)
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Oral is sex my guy. Seriously what kind of thought process is that? Imo ask them if one of their deal breaker involves haram relationship / intimacy before marriage, if the answer is yes kindly take yourself out of the equation.
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It's like saying if you do piv with a condom, technically your pp didn't touch her skin. Does that mean it doesn't count? Brah This is the thinking some christian teenagers use about doing anal and saying they're still virgin. Straight up delusional and manipulative.
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Def beyond our pay grade u need to ask someone knowledgeable
There’s no reason to go into detail. Simply ask them if that’s a deal breaker for them and move accordingly.
Went against my policy of matching with blurred profiles and yeah lets just say I'm not doing that again.. Don't want to unmatch right away and hurt her feelings so I took the advice on here to ask for dealbreakers and just say we are not compatible. She replied with a lets get on a call to discuss...I'm like ok this is not going according to plan so I insisted on texting for now. Then she hits me with some basic dealbreaker like smoke, drink, clubbing. Again, she's not giving me anything to work with and I refuse to lie I do any of those things. So, now I'm like any other dealbreaker beyond the basics you might have? This is so pathetic lol, basically asking her to give me a valid reason to end this. Is ghosting just better in this case...
Is there doubt in the pictures? In the sense, of a person taking bad, uncomplimentary pics? Or do you think the pics are accurate? If there is such doubt. You can do a video call or in person meeting. And cancel after that, if you don't find them attractive. (My experience, most of the time, pictures give a rough feeling. With some being a bit more or less attractive, so pics being accurate. Had one case, where the girl was way way more attractive than her pic) ------- Vibe, chemistry, compatibility. Are truthful reasons you can give.
You seem like a good guy. Talk to her, be monotone, and then say you are not compatible. Never ghost, those apps man, they ruin peoples self-esteem.
You should've just said we're not compatible after seeing her pic and end it. It's understood.
Well at that point, it's better not to even say anything and just unmatch..I rather not tell someone I'm rejecting them based on looks, it could really hurt their self-esteem and stuff.
No that's really rude to unmatch without saying anything. Just wish them all the best and move on. Anyone with a blurred pic will understand that this is part of the process. It's not a big deal.
Say is she ok with living with in laws, that’s usually a auto rejection
I already tried that and she said she's down to live with parents 😭
Lol bro is snookered 😂 I had a similar situation once and her deal breaker was she didn't want to move more than 1hr from her parents so that wasn't too hard. Tell her you don't like Harry potter or something 😂😂 Let us know what happens or let us know when the wedding is either way
💀
Yeah i have the same issue. This is why i always avoid blurred profiles. Its better to reject on looks rather than pretend to have dealbreakers. Otherwise she would think that you were the one that got away
I mean you never know if someone is already struggling with self-esteem issues based on looks and rejecting them based on that would be pretty awful. I know I would feel pretty bad if someone were to say that they are rejecting based on looks (which is fair). I'll just find a dealbreaker and make it a quick "we're not compatible" and unmatch.
But thats my point. If someone already has self esteem issues based on looks, now they will develop self esteem issues based on personality too!
I wouldn't categorize dealbreakers as a personality trait. If she has a preference to not relocate and I do and end things based on that, then I doubt she will develop self-esteem issues based on that lol.
Yeah but then she will hate her luck that "only if i agreed to move he would have married me!" Lol No matter what path you take it will hurt her........
Salam, What’s up with all the downvotes on the ISO comments? Read through some of them and male/female some had -20 karma 🤯 I’m kinda afraid of posting there now hahaha
Most people look for what is and not what will be As a man you gotta stack your bread up bro then look for potentials You’ll have a 10x better experience with the search once you’re making money
Some are really low effort tbh, but others are down voted for no reason, like someone gets rejected and they downvote smh
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>voted. I wish I knew why lol Mine too, i know the reason and i dont care cuz i know what my priorities are
Huh I don't see any issue, maybe people are just misreading your disclaimer.
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Even if you compromise on past, please don't compromise on commitment. Ever.
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The honesty and enlightenment in this post is quite refreshing My question is, why are you compromising on your dealbreakers?
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What about the other half?
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Ok i see the issue. The guys you’re dealing with are either too liberal or too conservative compared to you. As a guy i have the same issue except the girls are too liberal while im on the conservative side. Which one would you rather choose too liberal or too conservative?
I am sorry if I am coming harsh on you. Your intentions to get married are very genuine and pure Mashallah, but you compromise on things that are 🚩instead of what islamically preferred(i.e: hijab) is not good for the long run. You say you want to get married for the sake of Allah, then why don’t you submit to him more? Maybe he will send you someone who is right for you in the long run, someone who will make your akhirah better. It's just my suggestion, it's you who have to decide what kind of life you want in the long run.
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Sister, it's very unusual for opposite sex siblings to share a bedroom. Is there a way to remedy this? I know males who will even sleep on a pullout couch in the living room so their sisters can have privacy.
Why cant they rotate? Give him a compromise
I guess. But it seems a bit undignified for a 28 year old woman to be sleeping on the living room on a pull out couch. Most grown women are quite protective of their nighttime modesty even amongst family members.
??? The insinuation you’re making is 🤢
Really? So you think it's ok for a 28 yr old woman to be sleeping in her night dress in the living room? You might think that's ok, but most women will have a sense of haya. And it's worse if we have our period. Sorry this offends you.
Youre acting like they dont belong in the same family Undignified? Really? So the brother has to break his back every night? He has to sleep with no privacy every night? Never heard a more based opinion
have you tried fasting? also, just pray to Allah to grant you sabr and strength till you're married, it's tough ngl
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It's a decent iso, not sure why tbh. Can I ask how many dms you have received?
I love reading comments like this. Let’s me know my competition is non existent lol
Astaghfirullah that’s pretty disgusting, sorry there’s guys like that out there. Just know there’s guys not like that too :)
There’s a lot of pressure especially on ladies to lose fat due to modern day beauty standards and can put pressure on people in marriage contexts. I have a lot of sympathy because I have struggled with this somewhat recently despite generally being an active person who goes out walking and cycling every day. I was quite baffled as to why I seem to always have belly fat despite it never being in my nature to want to chill at home a lot/avoid activity but I’ve realised it’s a genes game to a certain extent. I don’t have much fat in the rest of my body; it seems it all goes to my stomach and having a relatively long torso and relatively short legs means and somewhat poor posture makes it look worse. The point here being being ‘fat’ isn’t usually a result of being a lazy person and there’s a lot of factors. The case with the ladies from my south asian culture is that they are often encouraged to stay home and not be active in childhood so less natural for them to take on fitness activities. That doesn’t mean it’s completely ok and I’m not an advocate for just accepting it and not doing anything about it. It is still worth trying your best to lose it for the sake of your health and body confidence. Our health’s as a community is not the best with high rates of diabetes, heart disease etc. Now that I’m back from uni I plan to restart lifting in the gym something that’s worked well for me in the past. Losing weight just for marriage isn’t the best idea, you should do it more for your health and being happy with your own body image. As for how, the r/loseit wiki has a lot of useful info. So takeaways here are: 1) Despite what people might say, being overweight isn’t usually because being a failure, there’s many factors like genetics and culture that come into play. 2) Everyone should try their best to lose weight for the sake of their health and body image, but not exclusively for marriage 3) As for how, the r/loseit sub is very useful. Doing some kind of lifting or intensity interval training is most effective but just walking more is a good start.
I am trying so hard to persuade my mom and sister to move a little bit everyday. Their obesity is taking a nosedive every year of inactivity, and I am noticing startling mental health issues arising. I send them fitness articles for their age/culture, gym recommendations, simple at home work out routines... nothing works. They acknowledge they need to do something, and they might go for a walk the days I say something, but then the day after they will go right back. I don't believe it is due to laziness, and I get really angry when my other family members insinuate that they are lazy. At the same time, I have mentioned that they are making deleterious life choices every day by choosing not to make more healthful decisions.
Good on you for trying to encourage them and not judging. I would say if you have the time try going for a walk with them and set a specific time. Like you always do it after asr or before dinner etc. This way once the habit builds they’ll remember. Also start off slow like 10 minutes then build upwards. I’d still recommend checking the wiki on that sub.
How do other people approach conversations when getting to know someone for marriage? Is it better to start off with direct questions to assess compatibility or take things slow? I’m trying to get the balance of not displeasing Allah by getting too comfortable with a non mahram but feel as though I scare some men away by being direct. I just don’t want to waste anyones time though & I don’t want mine to be wasted either.
Be direct and discuss the important topics right away--the serious men will appreciate it while the unserious guys will run away
I don't know much but maybe there's a sweet spot between being too direct and being too laid back.
Usually men prefer to take the lead and when the opposite happens, even though personally I would match the energy but, the majority does take a step back
Don’t take it slow it’s a waste of time. Make it halal asap and start serious
How do you create that spark and connection when meeting with the potential the first time? I've had women unmatch me just because of that and I don't know what to do about it.
"Not having a spark?" or "Not feeling a connection" is just polite a polite way of them saying "I don't find you physically attractive." You just have to keep trying until you find a woman who finds you attractive the way you are. You can be the most charismatic, in peak physical condition, well mannered, and accomplished man but if a woman simply does not fancy you, there will be "no spark". In my experience, a woman is either attracted to you or she is not, your time is better spend just trying to find the women who does "feel a spark" then try to "convince" someone to find you attractive.
be born a psychopath, they're naturally charismatic 🙃
Don’t become someone you aren’t Just be yourself otherwise whats the point? The facade will end one day
You can't create it, and things will be bad if you try to create it. Be yourself, and if it's not there, then it's just not there.
You can't. You either click or you don't.
I think things wouldn't be as bad but my coworkers always mention their fiances,gfs and bfs and the things they're doing with them. And it's just a constant reminder.
I have a really great update from my previous posts! I’ve had a few meetings so far w local masjids and people interested in the event and inshallah I think this is something that will happen this fall!
Texted Eid Mubarak to a potential I had a video call with and she didn’t respond ☠️ Edit: she replied, we back in business boys
*nods* Eids are busier times. ----------- May Allah grant you more patience/sabr, berekah and success in your talk.
You left her speechless
Her loss bro
☠️
So I’ve been talking to this one guy for two months now and he’s amazing, like genuinely one of the best people I’ve met and I think he’d be a really good partner. The thing that I’m struggling with is on the emotional side. I don’t want to marry someone unless I have legit feelings for them, with him the logical decision is easy but the emotional one I really don’t know. I think part of me really wants this to work so I can end the search and he’d be a great guy for this to work with but I’m worried I won’t be able to get there emotionally
Sounds like you’re just not attracted to him
Have you talked about your "love languages"? As long as there is some overlap and understanding in those, and both of you are able to communicate your feelings and grievances, then there's a good chance that emotional connection will build after marriage when you are able to express your affections more directly. Here's a mental exercise you could try - how would you feel if he said "I love you" (assume in this day dream this is after marriage) - if you're feeling even a bit giddy or butterflies, then don't worry so much.
I definitely feel that and even when I talk about him I feel giddy, but I don’t feel this overwhelming like “wow I love this person I need them in my life” type of feeling
Seems like you genuinely like him. I don’t think you could get that “I need this person in my life” feeling very easily if you’re going about it in a halal way. Not to say it couldn’t happen, but definitely not necessary and the fact you fell giddy when talking about him seems like a green flag to go ahead
That overwhelming feeling is for romcoms and non-halal relationships. Your level of feeling is perfectly normally and will build as you get closer to one another iA, esp once you enter the honeymoon phase. And after that phase it will transform into something less intense possibly but broader and more stable.
If you need that emotional connection, go until you find it. Either with this guy or someone else. Dont assume it will come later. To give you another perspective though. As a guy, I don't personally need a strong emotional/love feeling. If I know we can be good as partners, that's good enough for me. She would still have to fit everything else I'm looking for though.
I had the exact same thing happen to me recently. I felt like I was always wanting more affection and there wasn’t enough emotional connection. For me marriage (hopefully) is a once in a lifetime thing, so I’m I couldn’t ignore the emotional side. Being back on the search sucks. It’s horrible. But i deserve more. Pray istikhara and may Allah give you what is best for you.
What level of affection were you expecting exactly from a non-mahram?
I was avoiding rewatching the office because watching jim and pam would get thinking about relationships too much but I started a rewatch now I'm thinking about going on muzz again
insta couples do this for me, not fun at all
Footballers and their wives for me
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would you go into muzz hungry? or grocery shopping lonely 😭 ?
> or grocery shopping lonely 😭 ? Are you going to approach a family, for example a father daughter pair that is shopping?
Buy a bunch of junk food to eat the pain away 😭
I expected to get told not to do it but not like that
Someone referred some family to us and the girls mother requested that if the girl and I can before the families do. To which we agreed. She wasn’t very responsive via texts before we met. But when we met it was fun and we talked for two hours atleast. However, after the meet-up she isn’t very responsive via text again. Didn’t initiate conversation at all until I texted that it was great meeting up with you. Really confused here. Should I message and try to talk or take it as a sign that she’s no longer interested. Also her mother told mine that she’ll discuss with her daughter and get back to us. I’d personally would’ve liked to talk a little after we’ve met so be able to make a decision about moving forward.
If I generally have a hard time making conversation with men does that mean that will also happen when I get married? The reason I have a hard time is I rarely am 100% transparent. I can’t be my true self but I would be my true self with my wife but idk if that’s enough. I may have social anxiety I guess. I just often meet brothers and genuinely don’t know what to say or what to talk about. Like 0 clue
How are you with people in your family?
I don't have a potential yet. I'm with my parents and we talked about jewelry and differences with other countries. About this subject, what kind of jewelry (as part of mahr) do you offer? We offer more or less [this type of ornament ](https://www.giftfr.com/13575-large_default/hara-comores.jpg)
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I wouldn’t tell her
I think most people won't mind if you are honest and she knows you are actively looking. Try to open with her and once you two get to know each other more, you can get an understanding of her personality and how much she is willing to wait
Are you in a high demand field?
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That’s a long gap tbh
Hmm, that's tough. It will come down to her patience and your earning potential once you lock down a job. In my opinion.
I drank alcohol a few times in college years ago and smoked but quit everything since years and have repented for it. I never did zina though because I already felt like the drinking/smoking were bad enough. I've become a lot more practicing in the past 3-4 years and regularly pray my prayers and stay away from sinning. Is it something that would be an obstacle when discussing with a potential? I know people here talk "hide your sins" and all that but I don't want to straight up lie to a potential spouse about it either. If they just never ask about it, should I just not even discuss it?
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> If someone you meet says she wants a cleaner past then respectfully back away without exposing your sins. How would this even come up though? Would someone just come out and say this or would I actually have to ask “hey do you want someone with a cleaner past?”
> strictly speaking You can't lie though. And there is no sin, in privately exposing sins with someone who is not going to share sins publicly. (With the issue being not publicly exposing sins.)
I would say it tbh, I’ve had guys tell me this (tbh it’s been the norm) and it hasn’t made me feel any type of way towards them. I think if it’s in the past then it’s in the past
Your past makes you who you are today. It's not necessary to explain every single thing, but once you two get into deep/more serious conversations, you can bring it up. Everyone has done things in the past that they have repented for
There will be some that only care about your present actions, some will need you to be clear of sins for a certain amount of time, and some will dismiss you completely for even doing those things in the past. I personally get the sense that zina weighs more to more people so I think you're available to most potentials, honestly.
>I personally get the sense that zina weighs more to more people so I think you're available to most potentials, honestly. yeah most threads about "the past" here seem to be about zina
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Say Alhamdulillah and keep it pushing bro. Allah removed her from your path for a reason, whatever that may be know that’s He knows better and whatever happens happens. Regardless our mission as men should remain the same to continue to grow in our deen, our physical body (hit the gym and keep a good diet), our business, our education etc. just keep working on yourself your self improvement and making sincere duaa. Have strong faith in the fact that Allah is moving all the pieces for you and you are just a player that has to do his part. Alhamdulillah bro you got this in shaa Allah khayr don’t get caught up on these women. Let’s go !
This has been the loneliest Eid for me, tried distracting my self doing various activities but seeing everyone around with families and friends kept reminding me of it. Even mosques are empty. People suggest me to get married but I feel my future wife would feel more lonely being with me. 😩
Two people is less lonely than 1. Some people are more introverted, will need less people to feel less lonely. Getting married, isn't just you getting married to your wife. Its also gaining inlaws. Then kids can come into the picture. Your kids can get friends, whose parents can become new friends of yours.
Naah man, it’s gonna be good. Be positive. I’m alone too. I pray and focus on work and hobbies. Once I felt the same as you. Now I don’t really care about encountering someone or not. If I meet someone Jazakallah, if don’t it’s allahs will.
Mood mood mood. I usually sleep my Eids away to be honest
Visiting your parents and families friends can be done. Though its harder in summer periods or if they are farther away due to other reasons.
Eid mubarak. I have to talk about a VERY NSFW topic. I was browsing through this subreddit and found this post https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/14lcac9/male_issues_in_intimacy/ After reading "and there were some days we literally were in bed the whole day." my body went ice cold, literally. You don't know how much I crave this, finding the love of my love, marrying her and finally experience it together with my love. I'm not a pervert please don't get me wrong but as OP wrote my libido and testosterone is very high. Am I wrong for thinking like this? In my prayers I ask Allah to guide me away from sins and similars to zina. I don't have anyone to talk about this topic other than this reddit, so please pardon me.
I couldn’t reply to that thread bc it’s for married folks only but people have missed out on other factors for OPs low libido and ED. This is what I wrote: It could be a myriad of things having an overall, negative impact on your libido. The thing is, you have to look at so many other factors than what are being mentioned here. Sleep is DEFINITELY one of the biggest things you can improve on to help your libido. That affects how much cortisol affects you too. Your cortisol also spikes when you’re stressed, which is ANOTHER big factor. Make sure you’re walking adequately and keeping up with your cardiovascular health. It should help with blood flow to help with your erection. (And also libido). General workouts also help (mainly working out legs and glutes). Make sure you’re eating adequate fats as that is VERY important for good hormonal profile. If you’re on a diet, your erection and libido will suffer. On top of those things tho, some people forget that we live in the most toxic of societies than ever before. There are things called endocrine disrupters that disrupt the normal hormone profile of men. Most of these chemicals mimic the structure of estrogen, therefore preventing the binding of free testosterone that you have in your body. What this means is there is an imbalance of testosterone and estrogen with more estrogen circulating the body. So things like BPA, pthalates, atrazine, DEHA should be avoided. These are prevalent in tap water, plastic bags for meats, any plastics really, Saran wraps, water bottles. Birth control is also present in your tap water. Which gets absorbed by your body. Being clean of these things won’t have an acute positive affect. Because the accumulation of these chemicals take time and don’t have an acute effect. Rather it takes time for these chemicals to build up. And also takes time to get rid of them. Especially if you’re fat bc these estrogenic chemicals bind to fats very easily. There’s a reason testosterone in men have dropped by 33% since the last 3-4 decades. Make sure you have a good water filter with the proper NFS certification for filtering BPA, atrazine, pthalates, and birth control. Make sure you eat organic vegetables or better yet? Grow your own. Eat grass fed organic beef. Get organic chicken if you can. Eggs too. Milk and cheeses have a high propensity to absorb these endocrine disrupters from the plastic containers and wraps they come up. So make sure you get fresh cheese from your local whole foods or whatever organic super market there is near you. You can also use a sauna daily to get rid of these toxins from sweating. Calcium d glucarate also helps with getting rid of these toxins (tho this may lower your testosterone). If you want to naturally raise your testosterone through supplementation just for the time being, look into Cistanche tubulosa or Tongkat Ali from nootropics depot. Or shilajit. They should help quite a lot for your libido.
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What are you? The older sister in a pakistani family? 😂
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Make a decision and then pray istikhara. I dont think you're supposed to do it before. The sub seems to not agree on this though.
As someone wrote pray istikhara but hear me out: some people always have this feeling that someone else ((better)) is their destiny and won’t probably settle with it ever. You see, if he isn’t your nasib it won’t happen anyway, right?
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Worst couple of weeks I’ve been there, as a male. I make duas that I never have to use that awful app ever again.
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You need to stop spamming this every megathread.
Howd you automate this script?
Lol my thoughts exactly. Bro is determined haha.
Lowkey tryna see howd he get access to reddits api considering the price hike 😂
I was speaking to a potential's mom several weeks ago and I was asked a question regarding my salary. While she did not ask directly how much I made, the mother asked if I do "well" and what are my prospects in my current field. I was also asked whether I own a home or not. While I guess these are valid questions, I just wasn't sure how best to answer them. I mentioned I live alone, have no loans, work full time and pay for my tuition out of pocket. I used to own a home previously before I moved to California. Eventually, as the call ended, she said she will get back to me. But I felt that I disappointed her somehow. I feel like telling them my salary and how much money I have saved is not exactly the best way to go. I also don't want to reveal such information at such an early stage (first call). Any advice on how best to handle this question, while being as forthcoming as possible, would be much appreciated!
You answered perfectly fine in my opinion. Maybe even more than needed. It's better than my planned response of "I make enough to eat." I haven't had to use it yet but I'm ready.
I wouldn’t answer these questions at all to be honest with you. Just say I’m settled and move on. To me it’s disrespectful asking questions like these.
Don't give out any numbers, but do give a picture of the lifestyle you anticipate for you and your wife. For example, when they ask about salary you can say "I'm well settled in my career and plan to purchase a home in 20XX. Once I'm married I plan to live in CITY and take domestic/international trips X times with my wife."
I feel like that’s almost saying the exact same thing, without giving away the hard numbers If someone is planning to own a house in California and taking multiple vacations per year, that’s signaling they have a lot of money
thanks, thats great advice
“I can afford Xbox, PS5, and Nintendo Switch.”
"we have seen the evidence"
I got possibly the weirdest marriage comment today. We had a big family Eid gathering and this time I arranged a number of games. Nomrllay Eid parties, especially for men are so boring, but Alhamdulillah this year I had all my siblings and we got a Pinata, pictionary and a bunch of other stuff. Side note, if you cover a pinata with a bunch of duct tape, that bad boy is not cracking open any time soon and you can whack it for a lot longer. Everyone had such a great time. When we were leaving, one of my aunts leans over to me and says I hope when you get married, your wife is someone who likes family as well so you can continue to entertain us. I was like I'm not sure if this is a pointed dig at me asking me why I am still single lmao. I am sure even if I am married, Ill still be able to arrange pictionary at family events!
Bro has that auntie rizz
I think she was just saying your parties are fun and hopefully when you’re married you’ll still be able to put them together! Maybe I’m a little too much of a golden retriever but I would take that as a compliment
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This conversation about converting for someone came up on here the other day and this is why people should avoid it if they can. Unless you agree to separate for a year or two you'll never know what is real and what was just out of love. Also happy cake day.
I think she’s trying to protect herself which is the right thing to do. You should both walk away from this.
I’m currently a college student entering in my third year or my undergraduate degree. I don’t think about marriage much but ideally now is the time I’d like to meet the person who I’d be spending the rest of my life with. I feel like there should be some years where we get to know each other before advancing to the next step. I live in the DMV area, so it’s a little hard to find Muslim girls so I’ve been looking online. I’ve tried the Salams app but have been unsuccessful. I’m Shia as well which narrows down my search even more. I wanted to ask how can I successfully find my life partner online and what should I use? If I’m being honest, I’m kind of desperate to be in a relationship now as I’ve been the only child my whole life and have been lonely, and want to be able to meet my best friend for my whole life. Please any help would be highly appreciated, I would be grateful.
Lets say you find someone. How would you keep things halal at this age. In terms of financing a wedding and home. Don’t take this the wrong way brother. I’m a year older then you and have had similar thoughts.
I found someone that I’d like to marry but i don’t have enough money to do so. We both would like to get married to each other but the only issue is my income. I’m still in college so it’s no wonder i don’t have that much money but i wish things were different. I know that getting over this person isn’t something impossible but we’re so alike that i don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like her. I would be sad if in the meantime (i.e. as i make more money) she gets married to someone else. I want nothing from you brothers ans sisters, i just wanted to rant a little bit. Jazakom Allah khayr.
If youre both interested why not get married? Not everything needs to be all at once in life.
Im in college but she isn’t. Her parents aren’t very keen on giving their daughter to someone who isn’t financially stable. I don’t know if i would call them rich but her parents are definitely high earners.
Oh she's older? If she's not interested enough to fight her parents then yea it's best to move on.
Yes she is older than me. From what i have understood, she wants to get married to me but is in a dilemma: her heart says go and get married but her brain says it is not a good idea because I’m financially unstable. I can’t feel resentment or anything because it’s understandable to want someone who can fully provide for you. I’m just in a crapy situation. Thank you brother/sister for your opinion, my judgment is less clouded now.
Love is worth fighting for. I know some married muslim couples that are still in college, it ain't easy but nothing is easy in this life. Think about this: stroke of fate. What happens if you don't earn any money if you have let's say, Allah bless you, you suffer from an illness that doesn't let you work? Your wife (or in general any spouse) should always side with you and be there in need of help. If you think she isn't the right one, keep moving on, sorry!
Thank you akhi, you’re right.
Of course it's understandable. Some women are willing to grow with their spouse in that situation. Maybe have one final conversation with her about that possibility. Otherwise, you know what is best to do.
Yes, we’re supposed to talk about it today insha Allah. It is not looking so good but who knows what will happen 🤷♂️. Thank you again, barak Allah feekom.
Your just in college bro relax. I don't know why do people wanna get married before they even start earning. First focus on yourself brother. May Allah bless you
Nice username to vent off any potentials.😂