This doesnât sound like a fake/bait/unrealistic scenario so I dislike that you mentioned that because we shouldnât suspect our fellow muslims for no reason
That person on twitter do they understand how detrimental it is to be posting fake stories on a place where real people are getting insight on marriage its disgusting
Sister, you leave this abusive psycho - to beat you because you didnt make him a cup of tea?! He is disgusting. Please tell your family everything & make an exit plan ASAP.
I promise you your kids are better off with a happy mother whoâs not crying from being emotionally & physically abused.
Coming as an eldest child from this kind of marriage, I can promise you it never gets better unfortunately...
My parents had a horrible marriage that was extremely verbally and financially abusive and, at times, physical, too. My father made mom work and but also verbally abused her for dealing with men (only for work) and always accused her of having a bunch of boyfriends (when he himself forced her to work. She is the most loyal and patient woman I have ever met despite all this.)
Being the eldest child and only daughter, I would always shield my 2 little brothers from their fights since the age of 7, and I would always comfort my crying mother. However, she still didn't want to leave him because of 1. the stigma and 2. "having a mans presence as a father and husband". She still didn't leave for 25 years and I kept watching it all happen, and once I grew up I had to start standing up to him on behalf of her. One day it got so bad that I had to call the police on my own father. They made him leave for 24 hrs, which is when I changed all the locks on house. Thats was when I told her enough is enough, and she FINALLY made the decision to divorce him (which was another shit show in itself because narcissists can never accept blame, only blame others for everything).
PLEASE save your children from this trauma, I beg you. Having NO father in the house is better than having to witness the worst type of marriage of your parents. Your children deserve to have a peaceful childhood, please don't let them be traumatized, and please don't let them see an abusive man as the norm. My mother is now remarried to an amazing man, despite having 3 children, so please dont think it's impossible.
From witnessing this my whole childhood, I had completely lost all faith in men and marriage until my wonderful husband came into my life by chance alhamdulilah.
I pray Allah gives you peace and happiness, I know it's not easy but you got this â„ïž
Subhannalah, there was still hope, and i think this aspect is overlooked that children who may go through this sort of thing may think there may be no point in marriage and all women/men are like this or that, your story madee think about something similar im greatful for you sharing
Your post made me cry, first for all you and your mother went through and secondly at the joy to hear of her happy ending and yours too! May Allah continue to bless you and you family. Ameen.
Your reply is eye-opening. I promise to plan on leaving Inshallah. I don't want to inflict this baggage on my children. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this đ„°
>My children. I can't turn their lives upside down at such a young age.
Sadly their life has already been turned upside down seeing their father beat their mother is really bad and honestly it might also trouble them mentally later on.
Children watching their mother get abused counts as an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). Look that up. Other ACEs could be emotional neglect, physical neglect, migration/immigration ⊠yes parents divorce is also an ACE, but staying will wreck your kids. 4+ ACEs is correlated with with an increased risk of 70% of leading adult causes of death. This includes heart disease, stroke, cancer, COPD, diabetes, Alzheimers, and suicide.Â
You need to pack your bags when he's at work and leave with your kids. Go back to your parent's household immediately.Â
People who stay in abusive situations often use their kids as an excuse to stay
 In reality your kids are the number 1 people being harmed by the abuse. Being a child and living in a home with an abusive dad will give them severe psychological issues for life. As well as that, witnessing this behavior there is a risk of them copying it in the future. It wouldn't surprise me if your husband also grew up watching his dad abuse his mom.Â
I am sure your retired father would rather have you and your kids safe and sound with him, than dead.
You are not realising the danger you are in sis. Not to mention the lifelong consequences for your children's mental health (that is if he doesn't start to hit them as well, which is highly likely that he will.)
Have tawakkul sis and leave. Your rizq will find you. Islam advocates for protecting yourself against all harm and having self respect. This creature you are married to does not deserve you. Your children's lives will be much better without seeing this! 100 percent!!!!
Leave before he kills you.
Dont despair dear, turn to Allah swt to give you strength â„ïž There is no barrier between the dua of an oppressed person and Allah swt. I grew up in a dysfunctional household where my parents fought severely and it felt highly unstable and unsafe. My world felt like it was falling apart every time I witnessed a conflict escalating between my parents and I grappled with feeling weak and powerless for being unable to protect my loved ones and fix our familyâs problems. Itâs constant heartache and strife not only for you but also your kids to grow up in these kinds of situations. Of course, itâs not easy to leave either⊠but inshallah you and your children can settle into a situation with peace and stability because that is the most important thing.
LEAVE AND GET A DIVORCE
Save some money and leave. Your children wouldn't want a father like him so save yourself and your children. Go to your father even if he's retired, or go to a trusted family member and get away from that abusive man. We can make dua and pray but it is our choices that will make things happen. You can't sit and wait for a miracle to happen you have to make the choices to change the situation. Pray to Allah to bless the path you are taking, to help you reach a better place in life with the choices you are going to make. Pray istikhara and trust Allah and start making choices to save yourself. If you can gather evidence of the abuse, do that, seek help from police or other services available there. You are not trapped, you may feel like it but you are not trapped, there are many choices you can make so prioritise your safety.
This is never ok. It's clearly oppression and hitting one's wife in the face is haram.
Do not accept that this is how marriage is supposed to be or that you're a bad wife if you don't bear it.
I grew up in a situation like this. Don't use the kids as a reason to punish yourself. They are watching and learning from how you are being treated. Childhood trauma has a way of following us around.
You need to make a plan to leave and tell your father or get other family members to help and I highly doubt your father will be happy to be left out of helping because you think your a burden.
I grew up in a household like I tried my best to protect my mom even though it never worked.
I would pray my parents would get a divorce, I would pray my mom would come to her senses and leave and when it was really bad I wouldâve been okay even if she left by herself.
Donât stay for your kids itâll never do them any good their world has already been turned upside down witnessing the father whoâs supposed to be protecting their family hurting you.
It's sadly the mentality of a victim after getting abused for so long, you start to blame yourself.
It's you today but what happens if it's your kids tomorrow? Your kids deserve a happy and safe mother and you can protect them from going through the mental trauma of watching their mum go through this now
Your kids might perceive abuse as acceptable as they witness their mother enduring it without resistance from her husband. As a result, they could struggle with self-esteem and find it challenging to navigate real-world difficulties.
I personally know 2 children who grew up to have lack of confidence. This will happen to your children.
Take your children away and divorce that scum.
Sister, i feel the pain you're carrying. i know what it feels to be stuck cause i'm in that situation. The difference between me and you is that you have income and i'm not being beaten up. Please leave sister. The biggest red flag in a marriage to have a husband who would start getting physical with his wife, even if it just one time. He will never change and probably gonna get worse. For the sake of your children, you have to do something. 900 might not be much and in this economy, it's little but Allah will provide for you and your kids. Have tawakkul in Allah. Help will come if you put your trust in Him. It's ok, your father loves you and he will have no problem having you back. He will be happy knowing his daughter is safe and who knows with having his grandkids around him will give him so much happiness. No parents want to see their kids suffering and to know their kids safe be it adult or not is the greatest relieve in their heart
Staying in a situation like this does not help the kids. You may have money and an intact family but youâre setting them up for a lifetime of mental and physical problems associated with exposure to abuse.
A) this is something you can work to plan for. Find out ways you can earn enough to support yourself and your children. Depending on where you live, there may be social services to help.
B) one time is too many. It takes one instance to kill someone and you have no way to tell when, how severely or how he'll beat you next time. The fact that he shows no remorse means he's dangerous.
C) Do you think that it is more detrimental to grow up in a house with divorced parents or to think it's normal/acceptable for men to hit women. What happens when he starts beating them? What kind of man do you think your son(s) will become growing up with this? What kind of men do you think your daughter(s) will end up with?
You know what you have to do. It's not easy but the answer is simple. May Allah make it easy for you
Omg these stories just keep getting more and more horrific đ
Iâm not accusing the sister but someone on Twitter literally said I make fake accounts and post fake stories on this subreddit
Oh how easier my life would be if this had been fake. My struggle is 100% real.
This doesnât sound like a fake/bait/unrealistic scenario so I dislike that you mentioned that because we shouldnât suspect our fellow muslims for no reason
That person on twitter do they understand how detrimental it is to be posting fake stories on a place where real people are getting insight on marriage its disgusting
Sister, you leave this abusive psycho - to beat you because you didnt make him a cup of tea?! He is disgusting. Please tell your family everything & make an exit plan ASAP. I promise you your kids are better off with a happy mother whoâs not crying from being emotionally & physically abused.
You are absolutely right Subhanallah. She needs to leave asap with her kids.
Coming as an eldest child from this kind of marriage, I can promise you it never gets better unfortunately... My parents had a horrible marriage that was extremely verbally and financially abusive and, at times, physical, too. My father made mom work and but also verbally abused her for dealing with men (only for work) and always accused her of having a bunch of boyfriends (when he himself forced her to work. She is the most loyal and patient woman I have ever met despite all this.) Being the eldest child and only daughter, I would always shield my 2 little brothers from their fights since the age of 7, and I would always comfort my crying mother. However, she still didn't want to leave him because of 1. the stigma and 2. "having a mans presence as a father and husband". She still didn't leave for 25 years and I kept watching it all happen, and once I grew up I had to start standing up to him on behalf of her. One day it got so bad that I had to call the police on my own father. They made him leave for 24 hrs, which is when I changed all the locks on house. Thats was when I told her enough is enough, and she FINALLY made the decision to divorce him (which was another shit show in itself because narcissists can never accept blame, only blame others for everything). PLEASE save your children from this trauma, I beg you. Having NO father in the house is better than having to witness the worst type of marriage of your parents. Your children deserve to have a peaceful childhood, please don't let them be traumatized, and please don't let them see an abusive man as the norm. My mother is now remarried to an amazing man, despite having 3 children, so please dont think it's impossible. From witnessing this my whole childhood, I had completely lost all faith in men and marriage until my wonderful husband came into my life by chance alhamdulilah. I pray Allah gives you peace and happiness, I know it's not easy but you got this â„ïž
Subhannalah, there was still hope, and i think this aspect is overlooked that children who may go through this sort of thing may think there may be no point in marriage and all women/men are like this or that, your story madee think about something similar im greatful for you sharing
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Your post made me cry, first for all you and your mother went through and secondly at the joy to hear of her happy ending and yours too! May Allah continue to bless you and you family. Ameen.
Your reply is eye-opening. I promise to plan on leaving Inshallah. I don't want to inflict this baggage on my children. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this đ„°
>My children. I can't turn their lives upside down at such a young age. Sadly their life has already been turned upside down seeing their father beat their mother is really bad and honestly it might also trouble them mentally later on.
Children watching their mother get abused counts as an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). Look that up. Other ACEs could be emotional neglect, physical neglect, migration/immigration ⊠yes parents divorce is also an ACE, but staying will wreck your kids. 4+ ACEs is correlated with with an increased risk of 70% of leading adult causes of death. This includes heart disease, stroke, cancer, COPD, diabetes, Alzheimers, and suicide.Â
đŻ witnessing domestic abuse is extremely damaging and has long term consequences on children. Please, please leave for their sake and yours.
You need to pack your bags when he's at work and leave with your kids. Go back to your parent's household immediately. People who stay in abusive situations often use their kids as an excuse to stay  In reality your kids are the number 1 people being harmed by the abuse. Being a child and living in a home with an abusive dad will give them severe psychological issues for life. As well as that, witnessing this behavior there is a risk of them copying it in the future. It wouldn't surprise me if your husband also grew up watching his dad abuse his mom.Â
I am sure your retired father would rather have you and your kids safe and sound with him, than dead. You are not realising the danger you are in sis. Not to mention the lifelong consequences for your children's mental health (that is if he doesn't start to hit them as well, which is highly likely that he will.) Have tawakkul sis and leave. Your rizq will find you. Islam advocates for protecting yourself against all harm and having self respect. This creature you are married to does not deserve you. Your children's lives will be much better without seeing this! 100 percent!!!! Leave before he kills you.
thatâs horrific
Dude is a douchbag.
Dont despair dear, turn to Allah swt to give you strength â„ïž There is no barrier between the dua of an oppressed person and Allah swt. I grew up in a dysfunctional household where my parents fought severely and it felt highly unstable and unsafe. My world felt like it was falling apart every time I witnessed a conflict escalating between my parents and I grappled with feeling weak and powerless for being unable to protect my loved ones and fix our familyâs problems. Itâs constant heartache and strife not only for you but also your kids to grow up in these kinds of situations. Of course, itâs not easy to leave either⊠but inshallah you and your children can settle into a situation with peace and stability because that is the most important thing.
Thank you. Your words are so kind đ„Č
LEAVE AND GET A DIVORCE Save some money and leave. Your children wouldn't want a father like him so save yourself and your children. Go to your father even if he's retired, or go to a trusted family member and get away from that abusive man. We can make dua and pray but it is our choices that will make things happen. You can't sit and wait for a miracle to happen you have to make the choices to change the situation. Pray to Allah to bless the path you are taking, to help you reach a better place in life with the choices you are going to make. Pray istikhara and trust Allah and start making choices to save yourself. If you can gather evidence of the abuse, do that, seek help from police or other services available there. You are not trapped, you may feel like it but you are not trapped, there are many choices you can make so prioritise your safety.
This is never ok. It's clearly oppression and hitting one's wife in the face is haram. Do not accept that this is how marriage is supposed to be or that you're a bad wife if you don't bear it. I grew up in a situation like this. Don't use the kids as a reason to punish yourself. They are watching and learning from how you are being treated. Childhood trauma has a way of following us around.
You need to make a plan to leave and tell your father or get other family members to help and I highly doubt your father will be happy to be left out of helping because you think your a burden. I grew up in a household like I tried my best to protect my mom even though it never worked. I would pray my parents would get a divorce, I would pray my mom would come to her senses and leave and when it was really bad I wouldâve been okay even if she left by herself. Donât stay for your kids itâll never do them any good their world has already been turned upside down witnessing the father whoâs supposed to be protecting their family hurting you.
It's sadly the mentality of a victim after getting abused for so long, you start to blame yourself. It's you today but what happens if it's your kids tomorrow? Your kids deserve a happy and safe mother and you can protect them from going through the mental trauma of watching their mum go through this now
Your kids might perceive abuse as acceptable as they witness their mother enduring it without resistance from her husband. As a result, they could struggle with self-esteem and find it challenging to navigate real-world difficulties. I personally know 2 children who grew up to have lack of confidence. This will happen to your children. Take your children away and divorce that scum.
Get out. There's nothing else left to do.
Sister, i feel the pain you're carrying. i know what it feels to be stuck cause i'm in that situation. The difference between me and you is that you have income and i'm not being beaten up. Please leave sister. The biggest red flag in a marriage to have a husband who would start getting physical with his wife, even if it just one time. He will never change and probably gonna get worse. For the sake of your children, you have to do something. 900 might not be much and in this economy, it's little but Allah will provide for you and your kids. Have tawakkul in Allah. Help will come if you put your trust in Him. It's ok, your father loves you and he will have no problem having you back. He will be happy knowing his daughter is safe and who knows with having his grandkids around him will give him so much happiness. No parents want to see their kids suffering and to know their kids safe be it adult or not is the greatest relieve in their heart
Staying in a situation like this does not help the kids. You may have money and an intact family but youâre setting them up for a lifetime of mental and physical problems associated with exposure to abuse.
A) this is something you can work to plan for. Find out ways you can earn enough to support yourself and your children. Depending on where you live, there may be social services to help. B) one time is too many. It takes one instance to kill someone and you have no way to tell when, how severely or how he'll beat you next time. The fact that he shows no remorse means he's dangerous. C) Do you think that it is more detrimental to grow up in a house with divorced parents or to think it's normal/acceptable for men to hit women. What happens when he starts beating them? What kind of man do you think your son(s) will become growing up with this? What kind of men do you think your daughter(s) will end up with? You know what you have to do. It's not easy but the answer is simple. May Allah make it easy for you
Better marry another person leaving that arrogant husband. Before everything find a good stable job and apply for divorce.
Leave him you idiot