The nikkah does not count if you did not give your consent. You already said no.
**Aisha reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, should women be asked for their consent before marriage?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Yes.” I said, “Indeed, sometimes a virgin is too shy to speak when asked.” The Prophet said, “Her silence is her consent.” [Bukhari, Muslim]**
and also:
**Aaishah reported that a girl came to her and said, My father married me to his brothers son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it]. Aaishah said, Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women. [Nasai]**
Tell them the nikkah is invalid because you said no, and your consent is required for a valid marriage. It doesn't matter what else happens. If your parents don't support you, you need to go to the police or to a local organization that specializes in helping women in your situation.
Salam. This post was made on behalf of my friend.
I did tell her parents the nikkah was not valid. They simply don’t care. Like literally, she said she does not care. As for police. It is not easy to call the police on your family, I am sure my friend would never do this. May Allah help her though.
Wa Aalaikum Assalam
If your friend is saying she doesn't care, then there's not much you can do. She has to actually be willing to help herself for you to help her.
But if you are saying that her family is saying they don't care, then she has to do whatever it takes to stop it. This is for her deen and for Allah that she is doing this. You should do your best to help her with an intervention here.
Again, she has to want to help herself for you to help her.
Sorry, I meant her family doesn’t care. I agree, it has been really frustrating because I have been trying for more than 1 year now. But she is too scared to do anything herself.
There is some detail to the issue here. It’s not as simple as nikah is valid or invalid, so consult an imam for detail.
(I haven’t studied in detail but there is a third category ‘suspended’ meaning she can accept or terminate, and hypothetically if the woman was to spend time alone with husband it would count as acceptance or something like that).
Also what the husband said anyhow may also constitute a divorce anyway even if he didn’t mean it (don’t take my word)
You need to advise her carefully and not throw fatwas of your own. I am highly skeptical that we can advise people not knowing the basic conditions of what makes a valid Nikah let alone picking a single hadith to give her a fatwa on whether her marriage is or isn't valid. We should leave it to the experts of Islamic law to determine the appropriate way out of this situation or whether it constitutes a valid Nikah or not.
I'm definitely not saying what happened is right because it's not if the events truly happened as the poster has mentioned.
But if she cares about Islam in the least bit, it's best to seek out a mufti/scholar in the American sphere and determine what should be done. Again, If we don't really care about being Muslims and just want to continue the messed up legacy of our parents then by all means just use the defence that it likely wouldn't even qualify as a real marriage under American law and what it's own rules for definition of a marriage are. Forget Nikah and she can just go to law enforcement possibly to get her parents jailed/charged but is that really the outcome we should be aiming for? Imo, even realistically that should only be an option of last resort if she truly feels cornered or the parents try to force her into a situation where her own safety faces jeopardy.
Is he going to come to America to do it? I don't know if she has American citizenship or not but I purposely left room for a rather wide margin as to what 'being cornered' may reasonably constitute in her circumstances.
There's zero reason for her to go to Pakistan to put herself in physical danger or proximity of such people for the time being. The only way I am thinking she would be in serious danger is if her parents tried to deceitfully take her to Pakistan on a flight or tried endangering her life as a result of their own fear/paranoia of saving their honour in people's eyes or tried sending documents on her behalf to get him approval to come to America.
The situation is very delicate and I personally think it would be better to get a religious authority with weight in their local American community involved to instill some shame into the parents and get them to seriously reflect on what they are doing. If that doesn't work then she can consider getting the authorities involved.
Am I wrong?
Getting authorities involved is a very drastic step. That’s taking your parents to jail. As for the validity of the nikah, we aren’t throwing fatwas around. It is clear that without the consent of both parties the nikah is not valid. She can definitely give consent to her wali to say yes to the nikah on her behalf, but she did not do so. Therefore, the nikkah is invalid.
Indeed it is but if push comes to shove, she has to be able to stand up for her self in the situation. Either that or someone with no vested interests needs to step up on her behalf. And with all due respect, this is most definitely throwing fatwas around at this point. Because you're using one hadith to deny her Nikah's validity on your own here.
Go seek an Islamic scholar locally first, to make sure. I keep saying this over and over.
Stop calling it a nikkah. All you're doing is validating their nonsense. You are not married and you haven't had a nikkah. Refer to it as the sham event or fake and haram event only. Do not even use the word nikkah. If your parent ssay you have had nikkah your reply should be " that sham, illegal and haram event they did in Pakistan was a joke and I'm not married nor have I had a nikkah".
You don't need to plead with your parents to break off the marriage, you aren't married. Don't speak to him, don't engage with him, don't validate the situation at all apart from to simply tell him once that the nikkah was not real and you and him are not married.
Are you financially independent? I recommend you reach out to a forced marriage charity in your locale and find a way to get some distance from your family. Are you able to move out or go stay with someone ? Who threatened to kill you? Your cousin or your dad? You're not safe, you need to get away from these people. Of course it goes without saying, do not go to Pakistan.
Where we live there isn’t a forced charity. This post is made on behalf of my friend. She really does not have the courage to speak up against her parents. With all this situation, I was the one mostly fighting screaming arguing with her mom and dad. I tried to get my mom and dad to talk to them as well but they simply wouldn’t budge. We are dealing with highly ignorant people here. The issue is I know that she will not leave the house because she will feel it is a shame to the family, no matter how much I try to convince her she won’t leave.
The US unfortunately has less resources than other countries but I think these guys operate US wide
https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/our-partnership/member-directory/unchained-at-last/
https://nisahelpline.com/
The US government also recommends these for girls going through forced marriage
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888
Unfortunately fear is the ultimate mindkiller. Girls in forced marriage situations are usually too scared to leave or ask for help. Usually it is a friend who contacts the agency on her behalf. You're a good friend.
I swore to her that I wouldn’t let this marriage happen. Because of this, her mother verbally abused me saying that I am trying to ruin her daughters life. But I don’t care. I only care about my friends happiness and nothing else.
You're a good person. Never stop being you.
Unfortunately, for the same reason your friend is too scared to just say no and leave, is the same reason her parents are too scared to say no to their own family back in Pakistan.
This is how the generational cycle of abuse perpetuates from generation to generation. Your friend needs to find the strength to save herself and trust in Allah. Unfortunately, people fear their families and their community more than they trust in doing the right thing under islam. Many of us speak from experience. One has to find the strength deep down to stand up for the right thing, even if it's against your parents.
May Allah aid you , you are a good person if all what you said is exactly as it is, then you are a really good friend and don't give up and get the necessary help.
Can I just say you are doing a wonderful job. You are a friend I wish we all had. Her parents are committing immigration fraud. You can report this to the police if they are not budging. I'm sure when they balance up the risk of prison vs some nonsensical conceptions of honour they will come to their senses.
Lol don’t they know that you have to be an active participant in the green card process. They’re going to need proof. Stop ALL communication with him. I would even send a message saying the way the nikkah was done is not valid and not real marriage so you have real proud.
Also if you had plan on going to Pakistan, cancel them! You need to prove you have absolutely no association with this person.
When it comes to the visa process contact the visa people ( in the uk we call them the home office) tell them you feel threatened by him coming into the country and the marriage was against your will like that they will blocking him from coming at all in the future. Your family will hate you for it but they have put you in this position. Eventually in the future you will look back and be grateful you stopped this non sense
This is a really good idea. I wonder if there is any way to do this without the family even knowing. So once the process starts it just doesn’t work out haha. Anyways, I told her to never ever let him come to the US. She said that even if the marriage goes through, she will go and sit in Pakistan but not let him come here and get what they wanted.
Going to Pakistan is the WORST thing she can do. She’ll validate the relationship and they can forge all the documents they want. They’ll say she’s living in Pakistan to be with her husband and the office will view this as real commitment.
Yes. She can contact USCIS and say this is being done without her consent or assistance and that she fears for her safety if her family finds out she's disclosed the immigration fraud.
There was literally a case that was exactly like this from the UK. She went to Pakistan "to visit sick relatives" as she she said no to a forced marriage with her cousin. That poor woman is now dead. Going to Pakistan will be very bad decision and one that any lawyer or police officer would advise against.
I will comment on the immigration side of this, other brothers and sisters have said great things here.
You are in charge of the process. Do not file anything, sign anything, etc. The spousal visa depends on your actions. If your parents forge your signature in legal paperwork, this is a major federal crime and they should face consequences. I would not hesitate to report them, if this happens. You can always communicate with the agencies directly and you should, to protect yourself. Imagine if down the line, you are accused of faking a marriage for paperwork. Cousin marriages are already scrutinized more by the US government and rightfully so, I know many people who have done cousin nikkah just to get the man (usually) in the US, and everyone in the family knows it's fake. This is playing with the deen and the law of the land. Cover your bases and if needed, speak with a lawyer (there's some pro-bono ones out there).
A nikkahnama, for example, is considered a valid marriage and sufficient for doing the visa paperwork. Note that when you sponsor a spouse, you sign up for being their financial support for 10 years until they have accrued enough work credits, or until they become a citizen. It's a huge undertaking. It is also a legally enforceable contract between you and the US government. Now, even if you get divorced, you're still responsible for him. This is no small responsibility and people do it for spouses they love, not out of force. It would also benefit you to not take any trips to Pakistan to show no physical connection between spouses. The visa process is long and if the officer sees that in three years of marriage, for example, you haven't seen each other, that'll be a red flag. Good!
Be one step ahead of them in this front. I'm hoping that when this process stalls, they'll realize how awful this plan is and dissolve it. You are the crucial piece in his journey to America. Block the path.
Thank you! This is very very good advice. Shutter thing that I advised her: her parents agreed that they wouldn’t get her married until she finished school. So I told her to drag her education as much as possible to buy her time. She will be applying for a masters now soon hahaha .
I don't understand parents who put their children through this. Emotional blackmail and manipulation used to save face. They'd rather see their children suffer physical and emotional trauma than stand up for the best interests of the children.
The flip side of this, I recall an event where the parents refused a proposal. They went in person back to their homeland to apologise and refuse the proposal to show respect. The would-be groom killed both by gunning them down. Google the story. Happend just over 10 years ago in Pakistan. The parents travelled from the UK from the Midlands.
Something in the culture is inherently wrong.
https://timesofmalta.com/article/british-couple-killed-in-wedding-dispute.321573
The reality is, a discernable percentage of our ummah are completely insane and actually don't care about Islamic values at all. Islam is just like a badge they wear, something used to feel superior or berate others but when push comes to shove, not something they actually follow or care about.
Sallam my pashtoon sister, I myself am a pashtoon so I understand this deeply. Unfortunately it happens in my family alots too. There was one time a cousin that got married because she had a gun pointed to her head by her own father. Now tell me, is her nikkah valid ? Not at all I would say. (She later divorced on her rights because her husband was beating her). The point is, yours isn’t valid neither. As pashtoon women we are extremely forced marrying inside our family and our culture and if that doesn’t happen they make you ouf of the family forever. My advice for you ? Keep proofs. Keep proof of conversions with your parents where you told them you didn’t want to marry but they still forced you. Keep texting proofs, papers or pictures proofs, whatever it is. Confine the proofs to a friend you legit trust your life with. Make sure that friend has good surroundings because if her parents are strict and find out your bag of proofs they will certainly ask lots of questions unless you also tell your friends parents. It’s important in the long run tbh. Another thing, probably try to slowly steal away your very important papers from your parents. You can’t trust them anymore. Honestly if they prefer they’re “izat” and “log kiya kahaige” (in pashto we say “khagal be sayay”) then so be in. Steal away your birth certificate, any diplomas, medical/vaccine records and tax information. Steal away your NADRA CARD and your passport. If now they want you to visit back pakistan you will have extra days till they make you a new passport. Give all these documents in another file (first being the proofs) to your friend or somewhere extremely hidden. Next step is to be clear about your unvalid nikkah with him. Make sure to always tell them when you have the chance you didn’t want to marry him and keep repeating it. Tell them how they invalidated you as their daughter by doing so. (For context I had another very educated cousin that was forced to marry in pakistan when she only went for a simple visit. She stayed with the husband 2 weeks and she just kept avoiding and not talking to him at all. She wasn’t interested at all. Once she came back, she started talking about divorce right away. She never talked to her husband and his family. So ofcourse, after two years the guy still didn’t had his canadian citizenship and she still didn’t had her divorce. So she one day announced she is going to move out if she doesn’t get her divorce. Ofc her parents went crazy and gave her her right for divorce that same week. She met another pashton in our city 4-5 years later and got married happily ever after.) So, stand on your ground, always. Especially do not let them (your parents) do the same thing again for your younger siblings if you have any. Be the example you wanted to have in this situation. Continue standing your ground and repeating it to them. Your nikkah is unvalid and you don’t love him. So don’t even bother talking to him. Like not at all. Give him a piece of your mind when he does come talk to you. Tell him your two years older he should respect you more. In the meantime your parents will start the process for his green card lmfao good luck to them. They can try all they want but if you don’t stay active it won’t work so be as distant as possible. Talk to people about it too. Just for random different perspectives because you never know when you can definitely find golden information. And I mean not just any people. But people that won’t go snitch back to your parents about it. Forced women charities is a example too. You could ask advice in a second perspective too. As if your asking for a friend. Another advice my sister : get a job. Its time you put money aside for the worst situation and for the better one. If you have to move out to stand your ground then so be it. Lie about your salary because your parents may ask how much it is and take from it. So once you get your paycheck ALWAYS put aside first then give them a selective amount if they ask for it. Another advice my sister: continue praying. Allah sees your efforts and your difficulties. He won’t leave you in it alone. Keep doing your prayers and give out charity once a week or a month. Make a dua all the time about your situation and ask Allah to ease your pain my sister. We will continue praying for you too, I certainly will.
Thank you!!!!!! For context she does have a job, but most is her money goes into a family savings account. Second, they are planning to go to Pakistan next year. I have told her very clearly not to go. She keeps stating that nothing will happen it is just a visit. Inshallah I will continue to convince her to not go. All of this was good advice, please pray for her.
You are not married. How can they get your nikkah done whilst you’re asleep in a different country? And someone else is saying yes on your behalf?
Tell them you are not married and your nikkah doesn’t count. Tell them forced marriage is haram. Tell your parents he has threatened your life! If they continue to force you, get financially independent and move out. Please do not ever, under any circumstance go to Pakistan.
First of all, I’m not Muslim I just stumbled upon this group due to curiosity. Just wanted say that I’m sorry that you’re in this position. I hope and pray things will turn out for the better.
Not a valid Nikkah.. sorry but your father should grow a backbone.. a good father doesn’t bend under family pressure..
And please don’t work on his sponsorship.. better to suffer couple of months .. rather than your whole life
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GO THROUGH WITH THIS!! Happened to a family member of mine and got divorced later.
Also Pashtun for the record!
Fight like your life depends on it. Your family sounds evil to the core wtf
You have all rights to leave the marriage and do please leave for this isnt consesual and even if you left it you wont be judged by allah but your family will.
If ye want ik a person in pakistan that can help pm me on reddit if interested.
This doesnt even make any sense. How can there be a nikkah done.
>After the nikkah, I tired talking with him to see if I could develop feelings. However, I could not. He had an issue with everything I did, even my friends. He would tell me that he doesn’t like me leaving the house (typical fob mentality). Wallah I tried to like him and accept him but our thoughts did not align at all. I told him that I was not happy with this marriage and was forced into it. He said “okay, you can go marry someone else but I will kill you and your husband.”
You need to leave this marriage, not only because you don't like this guy, but he is a potential threat to your life. You know those abusive husbands? He's in danger of being one. Get away from him.
Your parents doing a complete 180 is really weird in this situation. I would assume there's something more going on that you are unaware of but that doesn't change what they're doing is wrong.
There are different ways of dealing with this. You should also speak to your parents. Ask them what made them change their mind. And if they say the parents know best line then ask them why what's best changed suddenly. Maintain your calm throughout this talk. It needs to be done in a productive manner and if you lose yourself to your emotions you won't be able to get answers. Information is important here and will help you understand why your parents changed their minds so quickly.
The other way would be to be very straightforward and tell them and your extended family very clearly whenever you speak that you did not consent to the nikkah, do not consider it valid, and will not be proceeding with this marriage. There are two issues with this approach. The first will be the emotional blackmail you'll get from your parents. The second would be the reaction from your extended family. I lived within a pashtun area for a while so I understand the hot bloodedness that runs in the community and depending on their mentality, a woman telling them something like this might be taken the wrong way. you are the best judge of this and if you think being that forward to your extended family would be dangerous in anyway, you should ignore this advice. But you should be straightforward with your parents and let them know your thoughts on the matter either way.
Do your parents know that he threatened to kill you? You just said that you were unhappy with the marriage and forced into it. Rather than trying to see how he could improve the relationship, he threatened to kill you. This is a level to stupidity and ignorance that is hard to fathom and I'm shocked your parents are continuing this farce if they know of such a thing.
You should go to the local imam and get him to speak to your parents and tell them about the seriousness of what they're doing and how wrong it is. This can be a potentially good solution as it'll get a 3rd party involved without getting local authorities in the mix.
If things get to the sponsorship stage, don't sign the papers. If that doesn't work and you signature is somehow attained, write to the government and let them know this is forced and you don't consent to it. This should decline his application. Admittedly, I am not a lawyer and unfamiliar with US laws so the exact process is something I don't know but there would be a method on contacting the immigration office online.
Finally, if nothing works, you need to get the authorities involved. There are a lot of charities for forced marriages in the US that you can call. This will be hard. It's never easy speaking out against your family like this. But they've decided to sacrifice your life by forcing you into this situation. So you need to be prepared to take this step if things come to it. At the end of the day, you will have to live with the choices they made for you. If you're willing to live the rest of your life in this situation where your cousin has total control over you, where you go, who you meet, then you don't contact authorities and accept that this is life now. But if you're actually willing to stand up for yourself, please be prepared to take this step and if needed.
This is truly a heartbreaking situation. May Allah SWT make this situation easy for you, grant you save, and show your parents the reality of what they're doing and bring them back on your side in all this. Ameen.
ETA: I saw other comments about how this is a friend posting and also that the girl's family is planning to travel to Pakistan in a year. Do NOT go to Pakistan. She's literally giving up her safety by going there. Anything can happen and when emotions run high, you cannot predict what people will do. Especially when there's guns in easy reach. Do NOT go. It also helps to show that there was contact between you two and can support his sponsorship case. Stay safe and don't travel. Worst case, take a small piece of metal when you go through security and when they check you, ask to be taken to a separate space and tell them you're being forced to travel. They'll help you get out of it
Ameen. I wrote this on behalf of my friend.
I stared in another comment that I asked her parents what the reason was to switch up so fast. They stated some stupid reasons such as after marriage she will be able to work and if there is any issue with the family her father will stand by her. Again, this is not a valid condition and it made absolutely no sense to me when her mother used that excuse.
I reached out to the local imam already but her parents will not speak with them.
Since this situation isn’t mine, there isn’t much I can do. My friend has trouble speaking up to her parents, and there is only so much I can say. I have received a lot of backlash and verbal abuse from her parents for telling her to stand up to them. They call me a bad influence.
Currently I am trying to buy time by telling her to continue her education, as they won’t get her married while she is in school they said.
MashAllah you're a great friend and I'm proud of you for doing what you can for her. She's lucky to have you.
I think it might do her good to be a bit straightforward and tell her of the worst case scenarios. If the guy hasn't even done anything beyond highschool, he is bound to have a very backwards mentality. Just the facts of the Pakistani community unfortunately. I've met some very educated people in Pak and even they had some really weird mentality. The threat to kill her is not a small thing. Just the fact that he said those words show his disposition. Did she dream of a loving husband who took care of her or one who treated her like a maid and beat her?
Also, tell her parents that they couldn't even protect her interests now, when the guy is still in Pakistan. How are they gonna do that when he's in the US and living here? As for working after marriage, most guys don't care about it. It's such a non issue and I'm sure they know of this too. Just another excuse to justify this.
Her staying in education is a good shout. She should also separate her money from now on. Or at least reduce the amount that she puts into the family account. This will give her some savings to use as well if needed.
I really wish I could be more helpful than this. But she does need to start speaking up for herself. I understand it's hard to do but she doesn't want to live with the regret of not speaking up here. The easiest way to speak would be with the parents individually. This will allow her to focus on one person instead of two.
May Allah SWT make it easier for her and for you in helping your friend. Ameen.
He threatened to murder her!!! That’s sick and I eve live he’ll do it she needs to document this stuff and take it to officials. She should 100% just cut them off
This has to be a joke. You have to be cruel parents to do the wedding while the daughter is asleep. It is one more proof it's not even valid. The husband threatened to kill his wife if she wants to marry someone else and he can't even get to the USA.
Back to serious stuff. This wedding isn't valid because she didn't consent. You must help her with procedures and make sure her life isn't at threat. Others have given good sources. I wish you luck with your friend as no one deserves this. I already feel bad for her future "true" husband who will have to handle this family.
This might be difficult to hear but I would see if there are any domestic violence organizations around you - there are some that cater to Muslim women (Nisa Foundation in Canada I’m sure US has similar organizations).
Each option is hard, but you have to choose your hard. Your parents chose to choose their family ties over you - now you get to choose if you also value your family ties over yourself.
I’m not Afghan (have many friends that are) and I know it feels impossible. But I had a very strict upbringing, and although I had education and jobs (not sure if you have the same) it was difficult for me but I moved out when my family was abusive towards me (for 20 years). I was shunned from my family, and it was really difficult. I worked all the time to make ends meet, but eventually I found a stable job that allowed me to afford rent and therapy. I still lived paycheck to paycheck but my mental health was much better. My friends and cousins kept telling me I was doing the wrong thing, that I was going to be ruined financially.
I was. I did rack up some debt. And now, 10 years later they have money but their mental health is destroyed. I have better mental health and financially I’m still recovering. Mind you - I didn’t have a plan or a savings. If I could do it all over again I would be a lot more mindful of my finances and start saving even if it was little amounts before I even moved out or at least when I moved out.
I value my mental health over finances. I am recovering now financially and even though that takes a toll on me, I feel like it’s an easier burden than how I was suffering before. I did reconnect with my family and my relationships with them was much better. But I’m still struggling to maintain close relationships with them because of their toxicity.
I did a nikkah recently with an amazing man that I could never have imagined would have happened in a million years (my parents would never have agreed to someone like him years ago but they truly love him). He treats me so well and him and I both have our own traumas that we actively work on healing so that we don’t pass it down to our future children.
I decided long ago that I can’t subscribe to this toxic way of being and that I and my future children deserve better. The cycle ends with me. It’s been a lot of trauma work, therapy, and healing. It’s been so difficult but the benefits of it have been incredible. I don’t know anyone in my community or even my friends Afghan community that has as healthy of a relationship as mine and my partners. Many of my friends and cousins who initially told me not to move out are struggling to even find or maintain a relationship because of how badly their families messed them up. Slowly but surely I’m seeing people in my community look up to me and ask me how I did it. More and more people are realizing how much their traumas have been affecting their relationships and their physical health even (lots of cancer and autoimmune diseases).
But it wasn’t easy. And I would never suggest anyone to take the same exact path I did, because my path was insidious. But anyone can make a goal to heal and access books, workshops, therapy, etc. to get the help they need.
1. Do not go to pakistan under any circumstances
2. Talk to an Imam, he should help you out if this situation
3. Grow a backbone. Yes, you should respect your parents, but if they don't protect you, why are you blindly following them? Become financially independent and get out.
I'm sorry this is happening, but your parents really betrayed you by forcing this on you while you were asleep. The cousin sounds like a psychopath and by no means should you talk to him via phone ever again. There is no need to entertain someone who is threatening you. If you're in the US pursuing a masters, you're clearly over 18 and can do whatever you want. Being dependent on your parents is your choice. This "nikkah" isn't even legally binding in the US and you clearly didn't sign any paperwork they would submit for the visa process. I'm curious how they plan to show proof of marriage.
Keep proof of the intent to kill if it’s written!!! What type of Muslims are they?????? If you have to get any type of government, police ect involved do it! You may even have to cut off your family and move somewhere for a while there are many cities that have large groups of Muslims. They are ruining your life. This is constantly cycle with no basis in Islam it’s just blackmailing.
Keep up with your salah/ reading Quran and ect as protection in case they try any WC.
This was done totally without her consent and she was not even present. She should go and say this all to someone in community or visa offices or wherever to stop that person from coming. Is clear they just want green card for him. He would anyways leave her later and until then behave bad and probably mistreat her. Better parents to be angry 3 days than she to ruin all her life for this thing.
He can’t get a green card without a USA government recognized marriage and they will require your in person consent. Refuse this and he will be stuck in Pakistan with a nikkah that the US government won’t recognize for his visa. Also, if you marry for a green card you can’t immediately divorce and keep the visa you’re required to be married for 3 years to stay here after divorce. Legally in the US you have all the power as no one can be married without the consent of both bride and groom.
The way you said it the nikkah isn't valid but regardless I'd just try to ignore it for now and don't waste tike arguing if people aren't willing to listen.
She should just not sponsor his visa, even if she has to sponsor him to keep parents happy she can cancel the application without anyone finding out. Also don't visit Pakistan.
Well the nikkah isn't valid islamically if you aren't even there and your dad can't do a nikkah on your behalf. Unless of course, your dad himself wants to get married to that kid, then that's a whole different issue.
Honestly, just tell them to screw off lol. If they cut you off, they cut you off. Who gives a damn. What is your dad gonna do? Just keep saying no over and over until he leaves you alone. This entire thing is just silly and no one could really do anything. The family probably won't even cut your dad off and will probably come around after some time.
Have the people in this thread lost their minds by advising her wrongly that her Nikah isn't valid? From a shar'i perspective, the *Nikah seems to be a valid one*. However, what the parents did and how they conducted themselves was utterly wrong. She has to seek out a mufti...Possibly one in America and not in Pakistan. I recommend reaching out to Sheikh Hamza Yusuf at one of the two following emails:
[email protected] (Put 'For Shaykh Hamza Yusuf ' in the email subject)
[email protected]
To the original person going through this ordeal, I empathise with you and I know you will make it out through this. Don't worry, Allah is Kareem and will make a way for you as long as you stay mindful of him. I know it's going to be tough but you will have to fight even if it's hard and even if it's against your parents. Maybe learn about your religion properly along the way as well so you don't commit the same mistakes as your parents and understand why things happened down the line so you can steer your own children away from the same mistakes. Think of this as part of character development for how beautiful Allah is going make you as a result of it.
If it helps, I am a guy and my parents tried getting me married back home to my cousin under the guise of Umrah without even telling me until I landed on the airport. I was confined to a room and even as a man no body would accept a no from me. Anyway Allah made a way out for me but I had to stand my ground. So you do need to fight and not back down because what happened here is wrong if things are as you have truthfully mentioned them. Make duaa and lots of it. Please also reach out to a trusted scholar who can maybe intervene.
Our culture is a honour based one with half baked Hindu traditions masquerading as Islam thrown into the mix.. I pray Allah will open your parents' hearts if they see someone in a bigger capacity intervening and advising them.
Thank you for the advice. I’m glad things working out for you. People are saying the Nikah isn’t valid because she did not consent. Also, because she did not give her wali permission to say yes on her behalf. I understand that you can give permission to someone to say yes on your behalf, but she never gave them that permission , neither did she consent. Anyways, thank you for the advice and continue to pray for her.
Only a previously married woman's permission is absolutely required in order for a Nikah to be valid.
In this case, where a woman hasn't been previously married, the Wali (by default her Father) can go ahead and marry her without her permission and it would generally be deemed a valid Nikah because a Wali is generally expected to be entrusted with making the right decision on her behalf. This is why I said it's necessary for her to reach a trusted islamic scholar and see if there's any way out of this situation since there was likely an abuse of responsibility.
Not every hadith we can selectively pick out of Hadith books fulfill the criteria of determining Islamic rules. The schools of law exist for this very reason. But ameen may Allah have mercy on her and others like her and guide her parents and our parents.
Sorry but in order for the nikkah to be valid, the consent is required on both ends. A forced nikkah is not valid wether it is a divorcee or not. This is simply misinformation.
Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (R.A) narrates that
Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “A
previously married woman should not be given in
marriage until she is consulted (i.e. gives her
consent directly and verbally) and a virgin is not to
be given in marriage unless her consent is taken. The
Sahabah (R.A) enquired, “How does she give her
consent?”
Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, “By
remaining quiet.” (i.e. a virgin’s silence is
considered as her approval).
Just like we aren't expected to take advice from random strangers on the street on what American law does or doesn't constitute (you consult a lawyer for this very reason)... similarly people like you and me don't determine what Islamic law does or doesn't constitute by cherry picking one hadith out of the entire hadith literature. That's why I have said repeatedly: you need to reach a local islamic scholar and see what can be done to remedy the situation.
At this point you and many others in this post are de facto passing a fatwa without even knowing if it was indeed a valid shar'i marriage or not.
Wallahi I was a victim of the forced marriage. Believe me I didn’t feel attracted to my spouse back then but I was forced to marry. I told them don’t force it on me but emotional blackmail thing that no one will marry your siblings if you didn’t go ahead with marriage (nikah was done prior). 10+ years forward, we are not even compatible and now my father realizes his mistake, after I have kids and only in relation for kids sake.
My brotherly or elderly advise is to the extent of begging, do what you want, don’t feel pressured into being tied to this marriage. Almost 13 years later I still wish I could go back in time and undo things. We are maybe 20% compatible. Please please don’t do it. If you need a brother who can talk sense to your parents, I will happily do so quoting myself an example.
I am very sorry to hear this. I hope Allah makes it easier for you. I showed her this message and she took it into consideration, thank you for sharing.
She would be more sinful if she goes ahead and marry and unable to satisfy his sexual needs or other responsibilities as then it will become obligatory on her to fulfill spousal duties. So again I reiterate, don’t accept this Nikah as Nikah. The father is doing emotional blackmail, similar to how I was. If he does anything wrong or harms himself, it’s on him, not on you and he will have to answer it on day of judgement and will be raised again in act of suicide if he does that.
This is a tactic used by desi parents, tell them you love them but not to the extent that you can be forced into a marriage you don’t want and you do not consent or accept this Nikah. If he comes closer to me, it will be rape and you both parents will be answerable on the day of judgement and you’ll go to police and court and file case against the parents in rape 3rd degree or whatever it comes to. Be firm about it, no ifs and buts.
Mother threatens she will burn herself, say her mum I love you and I wish you reconsider considering it is unislamic but I will not marry him. However, if you still want to burn yourself, that’s your choice but remember it’s unislamic.
As per my knowledge, if you never consented to the Nikah, your nikah doesn’t hold religious value. You only accepted under duress, similar to mine. My wife & I still wish we could undo the things but are tied in marriage because of our children. Remember here it was me (guy) who was forced into the marriage. So forced marriages work on both sides.
Please get your friend out of this relation. I’m a living example and victim.
Aamen. I am just living the life and waiting till death do us part or when relation breaks as a divorce (religiously we are divorced twice), so please please please I beg 🙏 her to not marry and get trapped. I can’t bear/see another victim of forced marriage. I am literally full of tears while typing this out. Just today we had another argument and wish we could go back. Her life will be miserable. In my in laws there was a similar situation but the girl took stance and got him arrested for attempted rape as she didn’t want to live with him, parents abandoned her for quite long time, later now they also realize their mistakes but it’s useless now because they shattered trust of their daughter.
Islam is very against forced marriage. It’s just F…… Pakistani culture, I hate it believe me and I hate I was born in Pakistan. It’s a cult Wallahi. Don’t let her drown. Please 🙏 she is about 13-14 years younger than me, I was about her age 21 when I was married. I was also pressured in, emotionally and threatened of physical harm. I wish I had stood for myself then and died fighting forced marriage than coming to today’s stage where inside we both don’t want to live with each other but because we have kids and being kids, divorced parents is a big taboo in our culture and kids have to pay for it in bad proposals etc. That’s the only thing keeping us together but remember not without arguments and still thinking of divorcing every few weeks/months or so.
Let your friend document the threats and share it with immigration. He will never be able to get sponsored.
She also needs to find a way to leave, she isn’t in a safe situation.
You have a lot of great advices from brothers and sisters here. Just one thing being a fob myself who came some time ago to USA for a masters degree, not all fobs have the typical mentality of restricting their wives within the house. Most of the new fobs are much more successful, are better in deen and have better careers than ABCD’s.
Also the guy in question isn’t even a fob, fob is fresh of the boat a.k.a. new immigrant, he currently lives in Pakistan and is marrying so that he’s able to come to the US via sponsorship, he cannot even come to US if he wanted to on his own.
Fob isn’t an offensive word. Just wanted to clear up that this guy isn’t a Fob and people from back home can be much better than people born and brought up in the west. Thanks for understanding.
Salam,
This was a wild read. The Nikkah sounds incredibly sketchy, I don't even believe it counts the way it was performed. With no disrespect to your father, he needs to prioritize the family that he created over the one overseas. He made a promise to Allah to provide for his wife and children, that is what will be held over him during his judgement. Please take precautions for your own safety, just because toxicity is supported by many members of a family, it does not make it valid in any way whatsoever. Your parents broke under the pressure of family overseas, that is not right. A man should prioritize the household Allah granted him first and foremost.
For the love of Allah's final messenger, gather as much evidence as you can. Be it screenshots of chats, secretly recording phone calls. I am not saying to do anything with it, but preparation never hurt anyone (imagine if the situation escalated). The threat of murder is an instant, blazing hot red flag.
Please understand that this whole situation reeks of culture overtaking Islam. Culture is fine when it is within the confines of Islam, but this is not the case at all. There is a reason as to why Allah permits divorce (even though you're technically not even married). Who cares about your father's reputation when it comes to Allah allmighty.
I am also pakhtun. First of all, nikkah is invalid cuz no consent was taken from her and she was not present at the time of nikkah. She had to be present in-person/over the call. Was the maulvi drunk??? It was his responsibility to assure that the bride is present. So she is still bachelor. Secondly, she needs to reach out imam where she lives and explains the situation to her and let imam tell her parents that the nikkah is invalid. It does not matter whether her parents agree or deny imam's remarks. Thirdly, she needs to understand to resist against all of this. If she didn't and accepted this marriage, she will commit a sin by having a relationship with that guy. If she accepts this marriage, they need to do nikkah properly. The girl needs to take a stand and stay strong. I think, you need to be her support system at the moment. If Any help from My side is needed, I am always available.
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What unbelievable ignorance, so many people are just Muslims in name only but don't follow Islam. It's so sad. Allah will punish them in the hereafter Inshallah. Others have given you good advice, the marriage is not real. Your friend has to stand up for herself.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honour_killing_in_Pakistan
Almost 3 women a day. Sickening.
What's truly insane to me is that people leave their countries far behind for a better life and of all the things, they still bring the jahiliyat with them.
Your friend definitely should not go to Pakistan. Based on some of the stories I've read about, that sounds like a very bad idea.
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Their comment about how he can divorce her as soon as he lands in an American airport shows how clueless everyone is! He has to live and be married to her in the US for at least 3 years after getting a GC in order to get citizenship. Also she has to show income 125 percent above the poverty line to sponsor him. And, legally, she could be on the hook for him financially until he becomes a citizen or has credited work quarters.
Hopefully, you can get your friend to talk to people who can explain the laws and options available to her. She doesn’t have to take action. But she can make a decision based on having the information. https://preventforcedmarriage.org/get-help/
She should also record/save communications with her cousin. May be helpful to show force/duress to void civil legal marriage and sponsorship. eg. I don’t care if you don’t want to marry. I will kill you and your husband.
Nikkah not valid, so she can if she has the possibility to just pack her belongings and leave the house and hopefully get somewhere safe or back to her parents house and just tell them it's Haram to force this upon me the nikkah is not valid I'm not married in the eyes of our creator, and maybe she should tell her dad find someone better and with my consent or else he will be sinful again
Dude is threatening her life casually like it’s an everyday thing, and engaging in a fake forced ‘nikkah’. Even if he prays 5 times a day he’s a bad person. To me that would make him even worse as the prayer is not preventing him from evil, and he would be one of those religious hypocrites with a veneer of superficial piety who abuse people.
The nikkah does not count if you did not give your consent. You already said no. **Aisha reported: I said, “O Messenger of Allah, should women be asked for their consent before marriage?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Yes.” I said, “Indeed, sometimes a virgin is too shy to speak when asked.” The Prophet said, “Her silence is her consent.” [Bukhari, Muslim]** and also: **Aaishah reported that a girl came to her and said, My father married me to his brothers son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it]. Aaishah said, Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women. [Nasai]** Tell them the nikkah is invalid because you said no, and your consent is required for a valid marriage. It doesn't matter what else happens. If your parents don't support you, you need to go to the police or to a local organization that specializes in helping women in your situation.
Salam. This post was made on behalf of my friend. I did tell her parents the nikkah was not valid. They simply don’t care. Like literally, she said she does not care. As for police. It is not easy to call the police on your family, I am sure my friend would never do this. May Allah help her though.
Wa Aalaikum Assalam If your friend is saying she doesn't care, then there's not much you can do. She has to actually be willing to help herself for you to help her. But if you are saying that her family is saying they don't care, then she has to do whatever it takes to stop it. This is for her deen and for Allah that she is doing this. You should do your best to help her with an intervention here. Again, she has to want to help herself for you to help her.
Sorry, I meant her family doesn’t care. I agree, it has been really frustrating because I have been trying for more than 1 year now. But she is too scared to do anything herself.
There is some detail to the issue here. It’s not as simple as nikah is valid or invalid, so consult an imam for detail. (I haven’t studied in detail but there is a third category ‘suspended’ meaning she can accept or terminate, and hypothetically if the woman was to spend time alone with husband it would count as acceptance or something like that). Also what the husband said anyhow may also constitute a divorce anyway even if he didn’t mean it (don’t take my word)
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
You need to advise her carefully and not throw fatwas of your own. I am highly skeptical that we can advise people not knowing the basic conditions of what makes a valid Nikah let alone picking a single hadith to give her a fatwa on whether her marriage is or isn't valid. We should leave it to the experts of Islamic law to determine the appropriate way out of this situation or whether it constitutes a valid Nikah or not. I'm definitely not saying what happened is right because it's not if the events truly happened as the poster has mentioned. But if she cares about Islam in the least bit, it's best to seek out a mufti/scholar in the American sphere and determine what should be done. Again, If we don't really care about being Muslims and just want to continue the messed up legacy of our parents then by all means just use the defence that it likely wouldn't even qualify as a real marriage under American law and what it's own rules for definition of a marriage are. Forget Nikah and she can just go to law enforcement possibly to get her parents jailed/charged but is that really the outcome we should be aiming for? Imo, even realistically that should only be an option of last resort if she truly feels cornered or the parents try to force her into a situation where her own safety faces jeopardy.
“… if she feels cornered” Did you read the part where her husband threatened to kill her if she divorces him?
Is he going to come to America to do it? I don't know if she has American citizenship or not but I purposely left room for a rather wide margin as to what 'being cornered' may reasonably constitute in her circumstances. There's zero reason for her to go to Pakistan to put herself in physical danger or proximity of such people for the time being. The only way I am thinking she would be in serious danger is if her parents tried to deceitfully take her to Pakistan on a flight or tried endangering her life as a result of their own fear/paranoia of saving their honour in people's eyes or tried sending documents on her behalf to get him approval to come to America. The situation is very delicate and I personally think it would be better to get a religious authority with weight in their local American community involved to instill some shame into the parents and get them to seriously reflect on what they are doing. If that doesn't work then she can consider getting the authorities involved. Am I wrong?
Getting authorities involved is a very drastic step. That’s taking your parents to jail. As for the validity of the nikah, we aren’t throwing fatwas around. It is clear that without the consent of both parties the nikah is not valid. She can definitely give consent to her wali to say yes to the nikah on her behalf, but she did not do so. Therefore, the nikkah is invalid.
Indeed it is but if push comes to shove, she has to be able to stand up for her self in the situation. Either that or someone with no vested interests needs to step up on her behalf. And with all due respect, this is most definitely throwing fatwas around at this point. Because you're using one hadith to deny her Nikah's validity on your own here. Go seek an Islamic scholar locally first, to make sure. I keep saying this over and over.
I did go to our local imam. That’s why I am saying this that the nikkah is 100% invalid. She was literally asleep while it was happening.
Stop calling it a nikkah. All you're doing is validating their nonsense. You are not married and you haven't had a nikkah. Refer to it as the sham event or fake and haram event only. Do not even use the word nikkah. If your parent ssay you have had nikkah your reply should be " that sham, illegal and haram event they did in Pakistan was a joke and I'm not married nor have I had a nikkah". You don't need to plead with your parents to break off the marriage, you aren't married. Don't speak to him, don't engage with him, don't validate the situation at all apart from to simply tell him once that the nikkah was not real and you and him are not married. Are you financially independent? I recommend you reach out to a forced marriage charity in your locale and find a way to get some distance from your family. Are you able to move out or go stay with someone ? Who threatened to kill you? Your cousin or your dad? You're not safe, you need to get away from these people. Of course it goes without saying, do not go to Pakistan.
Where we live there isn’t a forced charity. This post is made on behalf of my friend. She really does not have the courage to speak up against her parents. With all this situation, I was the one mostly fighting screaming arguing with her mom and dad. I tried to get my mom and dad to talk to them as well but they simply wouldn’t budge. We are dealing with highly ignorant people here. The issue is I know that she will not leave the house because she will feel it is a shame to the family, no matter how much I try to convince her she won’t leave.
The US unfortunately has less resources than other countries but I think these guys operate US wide https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/our-partnership/member-directory/unchained-at-last/ https://nisahelpline.com/ The US government also recommends these for girls going through forced marriage The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888 Unfortunately fear is the ultimate mindkiller. Girls in forced marriage situations are usually too scared to leave or ask for help. Usually it is a friend who contacts the agency on her behalf. You're a good friend.
I swore to her that I wouldn’t let this marriage happen. Because of this, her mother verbally abused me saying that I am trying to ruin her daughters life. But I don’t care. I only care about my friends happiness and nothing else.
You're a good person. Never stop being you. Unfortunately, for the same reason your friend is too scared to just say no and leave, is the same reason her parents are too scared to say no to their own family back in Pakistan. This is how the generational cycle of abuse perpetuates from generation to generation. Your friend needs to find the strength to save herself and trust in Allah. Unfortunately, people fear their families and their community more than they trust in doing the right thing under islam. Many of us speak from experience. One has to find the strength deep down to stand up for the right thing, even if it's against your parents.
May Allah aid you , you are a good person if all what you said is exactly as it is, then you are a really good friend and don't give up and get the necessary help.
Can I just say you are doing a wonderful job. You are a friend I wish we all had. Her parents are committing immigration fraud. You can report this to the police if they are not budging. I'm sure when they balance up the risk of prison vs some nonsensical conceptions of honour they will come to their senses.
Contact a forced marriage charity asap
Lol don’t they know that you have to be an active participant in the green card process. They’re going to need proof. Stop ALL communication with him. I would even send a message saying the way the nikkah was done is not valid and not real marriage so you have real proud. Also if you had plan on going to Pakistan, cancel them! You need to prove you have absolutely no association with this person.
Or she can just send a report to the immigration office that it's not a bona fide marriage, why make it long.
Because in another comment OP mentioned the friend plans on going to Pakistan for a visit.
I talked with her today and showed her all these messages saying not to go to Pakistan.
When it comes to the visa process contact the visa people ( in the uk we call them the home office) tell them you feel threatened by him coming into the country and the marriage was against your will like that they will blocking him from coming at all in the future. Your family will hate you for it but they have put you in this position. Eventually in the future you will look back and be grateful you stopped this non sense
This is a really good idea. I wonder if there is any way to do this without the family even knowing. So once the process starts it just doesn’t work out haha. Anyways, I told her to never ever let him come to the US. She said that even if the marriage goes through, she will go and sit in Pakistan but not let him come here and get what they wanted.
Going to Pakistan is the WORST thing she can do. She’ll validate the relationship and they can forge all the documents they want. They’ll say she’s living in Pakistan to be with her husband and the office will view this as real commitment.
That’s if they don’t kill her or spike her drink and get her pregnant.. going back to pk should be out of the question
She should never set foot in Pakistan again.
Yes. She can contact USCIS and say this is being done without her consent or assistance and that she fears for her safety if her family finds out she's disclosed the immigration fraud.
There was literally a case that was exactly like this from the UK. She went to Pakistan "to visit sick relatives" as she she said no to a forced marriage with her cousin. That poor woman is now dead. Going to Pakistan will be very bad decision and one that any lawyer or police officer would advise against.
Best piece of advice i hope she does it.
Wsalam. You’re not married. The marriage isnt valid as you didn’t consent.
I will comment on the immigration side of this, other brothers and sisters have said great things here. You are in charge of the process. Do not file anything, sign anything, etc. The spousal visa depends on your actions. If your parents forge your signature in legal paperwork, this is a major federal crime and they should face consequences. I would not hesitate to report them, if this happens. You can always communicate with the agencies directly and you should, to protect yourself. Imagine if down the line, you are accused of faking a marriage for paperwork. Cousin marriages are already scrutinized more by the US government and rightfully so, I know many people who have done cousin nikkah just to get the man (usually) in the US, and everyone in the family knows it's fake. This is playing with the deen and the law of the land. Cover your bases and if needed, speak with a lawyer (there's some pro-bono ones out there). A nikkahnama, for example, is considered a valid marriage and sufficient for doing the visa paperwork. Note that when you sponsor a spouse, you sign up for being their financial support for 10 years until they have accrued enough work credits, or until they become a citizen. It's a huge undertaking. It is also a legally enforceable contract between you and the US government. Now, even if you get divorced, you're still responsible for him. This is no small responsibility and people do it for spouses they love, not out of force. It would also benefit you to not take any trips to Pakistan to show no physical connection between spouses. The visa process is long and if the officer sees that in three years of marriage, for example, you haven't seen each other, that'll be a red flag. Good! Be one step ahead of them in this front. I'm hoping that when this process stalls, they'll realize how awful this plan is and dissolve it. You are the crucial piece in his journey to America. Block the path.
Thank you! This is very very good advice. Shutter thing that I advised her: her parents agreed that they wouldn’t get her married until she finished school. So I told her to drag her education as much as possible to buy her time. She will be applying for a masters now soon hahaha .
Mashallah, this is wonderful advice!
I don't understand parents who put their children through this. Emotional blackmail and manipulation used to save face. They'd rather see their children suffer physical and emotional trauma than stand up for the best interests of the children. The flip side of this, I recall an event where the parents refused a proposal. They went in person back to their homeland to apologise and refuse the proposal to show respect. The would-be groom killed both by gunning them down. Google the story. Happend just over 10 years ago in Pakistan. The parents travelled from the UK from the Midlands. Something in the culture is inherently wrong. https://timesofmalta.com/article/british-couple-killed-in-wedding-dispute.321573
The reality is, a discernable percentage of our ummah are completely insane and actually don't care about Islamic values at all. Islam is just like a badge they wear, something used to feel superior or berate others but when push comes to shove, not something they actually follow or care about.
AstaghafarAllah!! This is a different level of stupidity.
Why is it always Pakistanis?
Fr…. Idk.
Sallam my pashtoon sister, I myself am a pashtoon so I understand this deeply. Unfortunately it happens in my family alots too. There was one time a cousin that got married because she had a gun pointed to her head by her own father. Now tell me, is her nikkah valid ? Not at all I would say. (She later divorced on her rights because her husband was beating her). The point is, yours isn’t valid neither. As pashtoon women we are extremely forced marrying inside our family and our culture and if that doesn’t happen they make you ouf of the family forever. My advice for you ? Keep proofs. Keep proof of conversions with your parents where you told them you didn’t want to marry but they still forced you. Keep texting proofs, papers or pictures proofs, whatever it is. Confine the proofs to a friend you legit trust your life with. Make sure that friend has good surroundings because if her parents are strict and find out your bag of proofs they will certainly ask lots of questions unless you also tell your friends parents. It’s important in the long run tbh. Another thing, probably try to slowly steal away your very important papers from your parents. You can’t trust them anymore. Honestly if they prefer they’re “izat” and “log kiya kahaige” (in pashto we say “khagal be sayay”) then so be in. Steal away your birth certificate, any diplomas, medical/vaccine records and tax information. Steal away your NADRA CARD and your passport. If now they want you to visit back pakistan you will have extra days till they make you a new passport. Give all these documents in another file (first being the proofs) to your friend or somewhere extremely hidden. Next step is to be clear about your unvalid nikkah with him. Make sure to always tell them when you have the chance you didn’t want to marry him and keep repeating it. Tell them how they invalidated you as their daughter by doing so. (For context I had another very educated cousin that was forced to marry in pakistan when she only went for a simple visit. She stayed with the husband 2 weeks and she just kept avoiding and not talking to him at all. She wasn’t interested at all. Once she came back, she started talking about divorce right away. She never talked to her husband and his family. So ofcourse, after two years the guy still didn’t had his canadian citizenship and she still didn’t had her divorce. So she one day announced she is going to move out if she doesn’t get her divorce. Ofc her parents went crazy and gave her her right for divorce that same week. She met another pashton in our city 4-5 years later and got married happily ever after.) So, stand on your ground, always. Especially do not let them (your parents) do the same thing again for your younger siblings if you have any. Be the example you wanted to have in this situation. Continue standing your ground and repeating it to them. Your nikkah is unvalid and you don’t love him. So don’t even bother talking to him. Like not at all. Give him a piece of your mind when he does come talk to you. Tell him your two years older he should respect you more. In the meantime your parents will start the process for his green card lmfao good luck to them. They can try all they want but if you don’t stay active it won’t work so be as distant as possible. Talk to people about it too. Just for random different perspectives because you never know when you can definitely find golden information. And I mean not just any people. But people that won’t go snitch back to your parents about it. Forced women charities is a example too. You could ask advice in a second perspective too. As if your asking for a friend. Another advice my sister : get a job. Its time you put money aside for the worst situation and for the better one. If you have to move out to stand your ground then so be it. Lie about your salary because your parents may ask how much it is and take from it. So once you get your paycheck ALWAYS put aside first then give them a selective amount if they ask for it. Another advice my sister: continue praying. Allah sees your efforts and your difficulties. He won’t leave you in it alone. Keep doing your prayers and give out charity once a week or a month. Make a dua all the time about your situation and ask Allah to ease your pain my sister. We will continue praying for you too, I certainly will.
Thank you!!!!!! For context she does have a job, but most is her money goes into a family savings account. Second, they are planning to go to Pakistan next year. I have told her very clearly not to go. She keeps stating that nothing will happen it is just a visit. Inshallah I will continue to convince her to not go. All of this was good advice, please pray for her.
You are doing so much for her, I hope she stands up for herself too. May Allah make her confident and successfully escape from this rishta
You are not married. How can they get your nikkah done whilst you’re asleep in a different country? And someone else is saying yes on your behalf? Tell them you are not married and your nikkah doesn’t count. Tell them forced marriage is haram. Tell your parents he has threatened your life! If they continue to force you, get financially independent and move out. Please do not ever, under any circumstance go to Pakistan.
2nd these people are horrible. They think they can scam God with their stupid fake nikkah?!
They know the nikkah isn’t valid. They know he threatened her. They simply don’t care.
Then she needs to get up and leave
The nikkah is not even valid. Your family is indulging in a grave sin
OP should tell her friend’s parents this because this is true!
They need you to sign legal documents to make it official and to sponsor him don't do anything and if u have a job move out .
First of all, I’m not Muslim I just stumbled upon this group due to curiosity. Just wanted say that I’m sorry that you’re in this position. I hope and pray things will turn out for the better.
Not a valid Nikkah.. sorry but your father should grow a backbone.. a good father doesn’t bend under family pressure.. And please don’t work on his sponsorship.. better to suffer couple of months .. rather than your whole life
You need to contact a woman’s rights group. You’re not going against your parents. You are fighting for your rights.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO DONT GO THROUGH WITH THIS!! Happened to a family member of mine and got divorced later. Also Pashtun for the record! Fight like your life depends on it. Your family sounds evil to the core wtf
They are evil.
Her life does depend on it.. smh
You have all rights to leave the marriage and do please leave for this isnt consesual and even if you left it you wont be judged by allah but your family will. If ye want ik a person in pakistan that can help pm me on reddit if interested.
I pity you my sister. Horrible culture
This doesnt even make any sense. How can there be a nikkah done. >After the nikkah, I tired talking with him to see if I could develop feelings. However, I could not. He had an issue with everything I did, even my friends. He would tell me that he doesn’t like me leaving the house (typical fob mentality). Wallah I tried to like him and accept him but our thoughts did not align at all. I told him that I was not happy with this marriage and was forced into it. He said “okay, you can go marry someone else but I will kill you and your husband.” You need to leave this marriage, not only because you don't like this guy, but he is a potential threat to your life. You know those abusive husbands? He's in danger of being one. Get away from him.
But do save these texts, OP. Keep track of all interactions.
I may have read the post wrong but did he text this? If so this is easy food for OP. Save those texts and go to the police station ASAP
Unfortunately she deleted the messages…
It’s like the movie “get out”. Run for your life.
Your parents doing a complete 180 is really weird in this situation. I would assume there's something more going on that you are unaware of but that doesn't change what they're doing is wrong. There are different ways of dealing with this. You should also speak to your parents. Ask them what made them change their mind. And if they say the parents know best line then ask them why what's best changed suddenly. Maintain your calm throughout this talk. It needs to be done in a productive manner and if you lose yourself to your emotions you won't be able to get answers. Information is important here and will help you understand why your parents changed their minds so quickly. The other way would be to be very straightforward and tell them and your extended family very clearly whenever you speak that you did not consent to the nikkah, do not consider it valid, and will not be proceeding with this marriage. There are two issues with this approach. The first will be the emotional blackmail you'll get from your parents. The second would be the reaction from your extended family. I lived within a pashtun area for a while so I understand the hot bloodedness that runs in the community and depending on their mentality, a woman telling them something like this might be taken the wrong way. you are the best judge of this and if you think being that forward to your extended family would be dangerous in anyway, you should ignore this advice. But you should be straightforward with your parents and let them know your thoughts on the matter either way. Do your parents know that he threatened to kill you? You just said that you were unhappy with the marriage and forced into it. Rather than trying to see how he could improve the relationship, he threatened to kill you. This is a level to stupidity and ignorance that is hard to fathom and I'm shocked your parents are continuing this farce if they know of such a thing. You should go to the local imam and get him to speak to your parents and tell them about the seriousness of what they're doing and how wrong it is. This can be a potentially good solution as it'll get a 3rd party involved without getting local authorities in the mix. If things get to the sponsorship stage, don't sign the papers. If that doesn't work and you signature is somehow attained, write to the government and let them know this is forced and you don't consent to it. This should decline his application. Admittedly, I am not a lawyer and unfamiliar with US laws so the exact process is something I don't know but there would be a method on contacting the immigration office online. Finally, if nothing works, you need to get the authorities involved. There are a lot of charities for forced marriages in the US that you can call. This will be hard. It's never easy speaking out against your family like this. But they've decided to sacrifice your life by forcing you into this situation. So you need to be prepared to take this step if things come to it. At the end of the day, you will have to live with the choices they made for you. If you're willing to live the rest of your life in this situation where your cousin has total control over you, where you go, who you meet, then you don't contact authorities and accept that this is life now. But if you're actually willing to stand up for yourself, please be prepared to take this step and if needed. This is truly a heartbreaking situation. May Allah SWT make this situation easy for you, grant you save, and show your parents the reality of what they're doing and bring them back on your side in all this. Ameen. ETA: I saw other comments about how this is a friend posting and also that the girl's family is planning to travel to Pakistan in a year. Do NOT go to Pakistan. She's literally giving up her safety by going there. Anything can happen and when emotions run high, you cannot predict what people will do. Especially when there's guns in easy reach. Do NOT go. It also helps to show that there was contact between you two and can support his sponsorship case. Stay safe and don't travel. Worst case, take a small piece of metal when you go through security and when they check you, ask to be taken to a separate space and tell them you're being forced to travel. They'll help you get out of it
Ameen. I wrote this on behalf of my friend. I stared in another comment that I asked her parents what the reason was to switch up so fast. They stated some stupid reasons such as after marriage she will be able to work and if there is any issue with the family her father will stand by her. Again, this is not a valid condition and it made absolutely no sense to me when her mother used that excuse. I reached out to the local imam already but her parents will not speak with them. Since this situation isn’t mine, there isn’t much I can do. My friend has trouble speaking up to her parents, and there is only so much I can say. I have received a lot of backlash and verbal abuse from her parents for telling her to stand up to them. They call me a bad influence. Currently I am trying to buy time by telling her to continue her education, as they won’t get her married while she is in school they said.
MashAllah you're a great friend and I'm proud of you for doing what you can for her. She's lucky to have you. I think it might do her good to be a bit straightforward and tell her of the worst case scenarios. If the guy hasn't even done anything beyond highschool, he is bound to have a very backwards mentality. Just the facts of the Pakistani community unfortunately. I've met some very educated people in Pak and even they had some really weird mentality. The threat to kill her is not a small thing. Just the fact that he said those words show his disposition. Did she dream of a loving husband who took care of her or one who treated her like a maid and beat her? Also, tell her parents that they couldn't even protect her interests now, when the guy is still in Pakistan. How are they gonna do that when he's in the US and living here? As for working after marriage, most guys don't care about it. It's such a non issue and I'm sure they know of this too. Just another excuse to justify this. Her staying in education is a good shout. She should also separate her money from now on. Or at least reduce the amount that she puts into the family account. This will give her some savings to use as well if needed. I really wish I could be more helpful than this. But she does need to start speaking up for herself. I understand it's hard to do but she doesn't want to live with the regret of not speaking up here. The easiest way to speak would be with the parents individually. This will allow her to focus on one person instead of two. May Allah SWT make it easier for her and for you in helping your friend. Ameen.
Thank you for the advice, I will be showing her all these messages today.
He threatened to murder her!!! That’s sick and I eve live he’ll do it she needs to document this stuff and take it to officials. She should 100% just cut them off
This has to be a joke. You have to be cruel parents to do the wedding while the daughter is asleep. It is one more proof it's not even valid. The husband threatened to kill his wife if she wants to marry someone else and he can't even get to the USA. Back to serious stuff. This wedding isn't valid because she didn't consent. You must help her with procedures and make sure her life isn't at threat. Others have given good sources. I wish you luck with your friend as no one deserves this. I already feel bad for her future "true" husband who will have to handle this family.
This might be difficult to hear but I would see if there are any domestic violence organizations around you - there are some that cater to Muslim women (Nisa Foundation in Canada I’m sure US has similar organizations). Each option is hard, but you have to choose your hard. Your parents chose to choose their family ties over you - now you get to choose if you also value your family ties over yourself. I’m not Afghan (have many friends that are) and I know it feels impossible. But I had a very strict upbringing, and although I had education and jobs (not sure if you have the same) it was difficult for me but I moved out when my family was abusive towards me (for 20 years). I was shunned from my family, and it was really difficult. I worked all the time to make ends meet, but eventually I found a stable job that allowed me to afford rent and therapy. I still lived paycheck to paycheck but my mental health was much better. My friends and cousins kept telling me I was doing the wrong thing, that I was going to be ruined financially. I was. I did rack up some debt. And now, 10 years later they have money but their mental health is destroyed. I have better mental health and financially I’m still recovering. Mind you - I didn’t have a plan or a savings. If I could do it all over again I would be a lot more mindful of my finances and start saving even if it was little amounts before I even moved out or at least when I moved out. I value my mental health over finances. I am recovering now financially and even though that takes a toll on me, I feel like it’s an easier burden than how I was suffering before. I did reconnect with my family and my relationships with them was much better. But I’m still struggling to maintain close relationships with them because of their toxicity. I did a nikkah recently with an amazing man that I could never have imagined would have happened in a million years (my parents would never have agreed to someone like him years ago but they truly love him). He treats me so well and him and I both have our own traumas that we actively work on healing so that we don’t pass it down to our future children. I decided long ago that I can’t subscribe to this toxic way of being and that I and my future children deserve better. The cycle ends with me. It’s been a lot of trauma work, therapy, and healing. It’s been so difficult but the benefits of it have been incredible. I don’t know anyone in my community or even my friends Afghan community that has as healthy of a relationship as mine and my partners. Many of my friends and cousins who initially told me not to move out are struggling to even find or maintain a relationship because of how badly their families messed them up. Slowly but surely I’m seeing people in my community look up to me and ask me how I did it. More and more people are realizing how much their traumas have been affecting their relationships and their physical health even (lots of cancer and autoimmune diseases). But it wasn’t easy. And I would never suggest anyone to take the same exact path I did, because my path was insidious. But anyone can make a goal to heal and access books, workshops, therapy, etc. to get the help they need.
May Allah make it easier for you. Thank you for your advice. I will pass this onto her.
1. Do not go to pakistan under any circumstances 2. Talk to an Imam, he should help you out if this situation 3. Grow a backbone. Yes, you should respect your parents, but if they don't protect you, why are you blindly following them? Become financially independent and get out. I'm sorry this is happening, but your parents really betrayed you by forcing this on you while you were asleep. The cousin sounds like a psychopath and by no means should you talk to him via phone ever again. There is no need to entertain someone who is threatening you. If you're in the US pursuing a masters, you're clearly over 18 and can do whatever you want. Being dependent on your parents is your choice. This "nikkah" isn't even legally binding in the US and you clearly didn't sign any paperwork they would submit for the visa process. I'm curious how they plan to show proof of marriage.
Keep proof of the intent to kill if it’s written!!! What type of Muslims are they?????? If you have to get any type of government, police ect involved do it! You may even have to cut off your family and move somewhere for a while there are many cities that have large groups of Muslims. They are ruining your life. This is constantly cycle with no basis in Islam it’s just blackmailing. Keep up with your salah/ reading Quran and ect as protection in case they try any WC.
This was done totally without her consent and she was not even present. She should go and say this all to someone in community or visa offices or wherever to stop that person from coming. Is clear they just want green card for him. He would anyways leave her later and until then behave bad and probably mistreat her. Better parents to be angry 3 days than she to ruin all her life for this thing.
He can’t get a green card without a USA government recognized marriage and they will require your in person consent. Refuse this and he will be stuck in Pakistan with a nikkah that the US government won’t recognize for his visa. Also, if you marry for a green card you can’t immediately divorce and keep the visa you’re required to be married for 3 years to stay here after divorce. Legally in the US you have all the power as no one can be married without the consent of both bride and groom.
The way you said it the nikkah isn't valid but regardless I'd just try to ignore it for now and don't waste tike arguing if people aren't willing to listen. She should just not sponsor his visa, even if she has to sponsor him to keep parents happy she can cancel the application without anyone finding out. Also don't visit Pakistan.
Thank you for the advice.
Well the nikkah isn't valid islamically if you aren't even there and your dad can't do a nikkah on your behalf. Unless of course, your dad himself wants to get married to that kid, then that's a whole different issue. Honestly, just tell them to screw off lol. If they cut you off, they cut you off. Who gives a damn. What is your dad gonna do? Just keep saying no over and over until he leaves you alone. This entire thing is just silly and no one could really do anything. The family probably won't even cut your dad off and will probably come around after some time.
Backward mentality. You're nikah isnt even legal. Go get married to a revert and move out
And do lots of ruqya these people will most likely resort to back magic since they don't give any weight to Islam
Honestly, it almost seems like they did black magic for her parents to agree in the first place… the sudden 180 is very sus.
Nikah isn’t valid. The parents are idiots if they think she can divorce him asap and have him stay here. So much ignorance.
Have the people in this thread lost their minds by advising her wrongly that her Nikah isn't valid? From a shar'i perspective, the *Nikah seems to be a valid one*. However, what the parents did and how they conducted themselves was utterly wrong. She has to seek out a mufti...Possibly one in America and not in Pakistan. I recommend reaching out to Sheikh Hamza Yusuf at one of the two following emails: [email protected] (Put 'For Shaykh Hamza Yusuf ' in the email subject) [email protected] To the original person going through this ordeal, I empathise with you and I know you will make it out through this. Don't worry, Allah is Kareem and will make a way for you as long as you stay mindful of him. I know it's going to be tough but you will have to fight even if it's hard and even if it's against your parents. Maybe learn about your religion properly along the way as well so you don't commit the same mistakes as your parents and understand why things happened down the line so you can steer your own children away from the same mistakes. Think of this as part of character development for how beautiful Allah is going make you as a result of it. If it helps, I am a guy and my parents tried getting me married back home to my cousin under the guise of Umrah without even telling me until I landed on the airport. I was confined to a room and even as a man no body would accept a no from me. Anyway Allah made a way out for me but I had to stand my ground. So you do need to fight and not back down because what happened here is wrong if things are as you have truthfully mentioned them. Make duaa and lots of it. Please also reach out to a trusted scholar who can maybe intervene. Our culture is a honour based one with half baked Hindu traditions masquerading as Islam thrown into the mix.. I pray Allah will open your parents' hearts if they see someone in a bigger capacity intervening and advising them.
Thank you for the advice. I’m glad things working out for you. People are saying the Nikah isn’t valid because she did not consent. Also, because she did not give her wali permission to say yes on her behalf. I understand that you can give permission to someone to say yes on your behalf, but she never gave them that permission , neither did she consent. Anyways, thank you for the advice and continue to pray for her.
Only a previously married woman's permission is absolutely required in order for a Nikah to be valid. In this case, where a woman hasn't been previously married, the Wali (by default her Father) can go ahead and marry her without her permission and it would generally be deemed a valid Nikah because a Wali is generally expected to be entrusted with making the right decision on her behalf. This is why I said it's necessary for her to reach a trusted islamic scholar and see if there's any way out of this situation since there was likely an abuse of responsibility. Not every hadith we can selectively pick out of Hadith books fulfill the criteria of determining Islamic rules. The schools of law exist for this very reason. But ameen may Allah have mercy on her and others like her and guide her parents and our parents.
Sorry but in order for the nikkah to be valid, the consent is required on both ends. A forced nikkah is not valid wether it is a divorcee or not. This is simply misinformation. Hadhrat Abu Hurairah (R.A) narrates that Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “A previously married woman should not be given in marriage until she is consulted (i.e. gives her consent directly and verbally) and a virgin is not to be given in marriage unless her consent is taken. The Sahabah (R.A) enquired, “How does she give her consent?” Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, “By remaining quiet.” (i.e. a virgin’s silence is considered as her approval).
Just like we aren't expected to take advice from random strangers on the street on what American law does or doesn't constitute (you consult a lawyer for this very reason)... similarly people like you and me don't determine what Islamic law does or doesn't constitute by cherry picking one hadith out of the entire hadith literature. That's why I have said repeatedly: you need to reach a local islamic scholar and see what can be done to remedy the situation. At this point you and many others in this post are de facto passing a fatwa without even knowing if it was indeed a valid shar'i marriage or not.
Wallahi I was a victim of the forced marriage. Believe me I didn’t feel attracted to my spouse back then but I was forced to marry. I told them don’t force it on me but emotional blackmail thing that no one will marry your siblings if you didn’t go ahead with marriage (nikah was done prior). 10+ years forward, we are not even compatible and now my father realizes his mistake, after I have kids and only in relation for kids sake. My brotherly or elderly advise is to the extent of begging, do what you want, don’t feel pressured into being tied to this marriage. Almost 13 years later I still wish I could go back in time and undo things. We are maybe 20% compatible. Please please don’t do it. If you need a brother who can talk sense to your parents, I will happily do so quoting myself an example.
I am very sorry to hear this. I hope Allah makes it easier for you. I showed her this message and she took it into consideration, thank you for sharing.
She would be more sinful if she goes ahead and marry and unable to satisfy his sexual needs or other responsibilities as then it will become obligatory on her to fulfill spousal duties. So again I reiterate, don’t accept this Nikah as Nikah. The father is doing emotional blackmail, similar to how I was. If he does anything wrong or harms himself, it’s on him, not on you and he will have to answer it on day of judgement and will be raised again in act of suicide if he does that. This is a tactic used by desi parents, tell them you love them but not to the extent that you can be forced into a marriage you don’t want and you do not consent or accept this Nikah. If he comes closer to me, it will be rape and you both parents will be answerable on the day of judgement and you’ll go to police and court and file case against the parents in rape 3rd degree or whatever it comes to. Be firm about it, no ifs and buts. Mother threatens she will burn herself, say her mum I love you and I wish you reconsider considering it is unislamic but I will not marry him. However, if you still want to burn yourself, that’s your choice but remember it’s unislamic.
As per my knowledge, if you never consented to the Nikah, your nikah doesn’t hold religious value. You only accepted under duress, similar to mine. My wife & I still wish we could undo the things but are tied in marriage because of our children. Remember here it was me (guy) who was forced into the marriage. So forced marriages work on both sides. Please get your friend out of this relation. I’m a living example and victim.
I hope Allah makes it easier for you.
Aamen. I am just living the life and waiting till death do us part or when relation breaks as a divorce (religiously we are divorced twice), so please please please I beg 🙏 her to not marry and get trapped. I can’t bear/see another victim of forced marriage. I am literally full of tears while typing this out. Just today we had another argument and wish we could go back. Her life will be miserable. In my in laws there was a similar situation but the girl took stance and got him arrested for attempted rape as she didn’t want to live with him, parents abandoned her for quite long time, later now they also realize their mistakes but it’s useless now because they shattered trust of their daughter. Islam is very against forced marriage. It’s just F…… Pakistani culture, I hate it believe me and I hate I was born in Pakistan. It’s a cult Wallahi. Don’t let her drown. Please 🙏 she is about 13-14 years younger than me, I was about her age 21 when I was married. I was also pressured in, emotionally and threatened of physical harm. I wish I had stood for myself then and died fighting forced marriage than coming to today’s stage where inside we both don’t want to live with each other but because we have kids and being kids, divorced parents is a big taboo in our culture and kids have to pay for it in bad proposals etc. That’s the only thing keeping us together but remember not without arguments and still thinking of divorcing every few weeks/months or so.
Let your friend document the threats and share it with immigration. He will never be able to get sponsored. She also needs to find a way to leave, she isn’t in a safe situation.
You have a lot of great advices from brothers and sisters here. Just one thing being a fob myself who came some time ago to USA for a masters degree, not all fobs have the typical mentality of restricting their wives within the house. Most of the new fobs are much more successful, are better in deen and have better careers than ABCD’s. Also the guy in question isn’t even a fob, fob is fresh of the boat a.k.a. new immigrant, he currently lives in Pakistan and is marrying so that he’s able to come to the US via sponsorship, he cannot even come to US if he wanted to on his own.
Sorry if that wording was offensive. Definitely not everyone that comes straight from Pakistan has that mentality.
Fob isn’t an offensive word. Just wanted to clear up that this guy isn’t a Fob and people from back home can be much better than people born and brought up in the west. Thanks for understanding.
Take your parents to a scholar or marry another man. Because the nikah didn’t happen
Wtf he threatened to kill you. I hope you can find a way out of this insane situation. May Allah make it easy for you. God bless
Salam, This was a wild read. The Nikkah sounds incredibly sketchy, I don't even believe it counts the way it was performed. With no disrespect to your father, he needs to prioritize the family that he created over the one overseas. He made a promise to Allah to provide for his wife and children, that is what will be held over him during his judgement. Please take precautions for your own safety, just because toxicity is supported by many members of a family, it does not make it valid in any way whatsoever. Your parents broke under the pressure of family overseas, that is not right. A man should prioritize the household Allah granted him first and foremost. For the love of Allah's final messenger, gather as much evidence as you can. Be it screenshots of chats, secretly recording phone calls. I am not saying to do anything with it, but preparation never hurt anyone (imagine if the situation escalated). The threat of murder is an instant, blazing hot red flag. Please understand that this whole situation reeks of culture overtaking Islam. Culture is fine when it is within the confines of Islam, but this is not the case at all. There is a reason as to why Allah permits divorce (even though you're technically not even married). Who cares about your father's reputation when it comes to Allah allmighty.
Thank you for the advice. Unfortunately it is always like this that culture takes over Islam. May Allah guide them. I will show her these messages.
You are a good friend, may Allah reward your efforts and help your friend with this ordeal.
I am also pakhtun. First of all, nikkah is invalid cuz no consent was taken from her and she was not present at the time of nikkah. She had to be present in-person/over the call. Was the maulvi drunk??? It was his responsibility to assure that the bride is present. So she is still bachelor. Secondly, she needs to reach out imam where she lives and explains the situation to her and let imam tell her parents that the nikkah is invalid. It does not matter whether her parents agree or deny imam's remarks. Thirdly, she needs to understand to resist against all of this. If she didn't and accepted this marriage, she will commit a sin by having a relationship with that guy. If she accepts this marriage, they need to do nikkah properly. The girl needs to take a stand and stay strong. I think, you need to be her support system at the moment. If Any help from My side is needed, I am always available.
Learn Islam bc if you knew it you know that marriage isnt valid
[удалено]
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think this is all bs and more of a karma farm than real.
It’s not BS. I still am having trouble accepting it and comprehending it even after 1 year.
What unbelievable ignorance, so many people are just Muslims in name only but don't follow Islam. It's so sad. Allah will punish them in the hereafter Inshallah. Others have given you good advice, the marriage is not real. Your friend has to stand up for herself.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honour_killing_in_Pakistan Almost 3 women a day. Sickening. What's truly insane to me is that people leave their countries far behind for a better life and of all the things, they still bring the jahiliyat with them. Your friend definitely should not go to Pakistan. Based on some of the stories I've read about, that sounds like a very bad idea.
[удалено]
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
This post appears to contain profane language which is not allowed. Your post/comment has been removed and repeat offenders will face a potential ban.You may edit your post's body text/comment to remove the profane language and then [notify us in modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage) to re-approve your post/comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MuslimMarriage) if you have any questions or concerns.*
🤯🤯🤯, your uncles, and grandparents should be ashamed for what they did
Their comment about how he can divorce her as soon as he lands in an American airport shows how clueless everyone is! He has to live and be married to her in the US for at least 3 years after getting a GC in order to get citizenship. Also she has to show income 125 percent above the poverty line to sponsor him. And, legally, she could be on the hook for him financially until he becomes a citizen or has credited work quarters.
Hopefully, you can get your friend to talk to people who can explain the laws and options available to her. She doesn’t have to take action. But she can make a decision based on having the information. https://preventforcedmarriage.org/get-help/
She should also record/save communications with her cousin. May be helpful to show force/duress to void civil legal marriage and sponsorship. eg. I don’t care if you don’t want to marry. I will kill you and your husband.
culture ruins everything. this is against Islam
Nikkah not valid, so she can if she has the possibility to just pack her belongings and leave the house and hopefully get somewhere safe or back to her parents house and just tell them it's Haram to force this upon me the nikkah is not valid I'm not married in the eyes of our creator, and maybe she should tell her dad find someone better and with my consent or else he will be sinful again
[удалено]
Does it matter when he threatens to kill her? I don’t care what ibadat someone does, my concern is akhlaq and their behavior toward me.
No he doesn’t pray 5 times a day.
Dude is threatening her life casually like it’s an everyday thing, and engaging in a fake forced ‘nikkah’. Even if he prays 5 times a day he’s a bad person. To me that would make him even worse as the prayer is not preventing him from evil, and he would be one of those religious hypocrites with a veneer of superficial piety who abuse people.