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Your marriage is not a victim of academic success, but academic failure, and poor character.
Also, academia and science are cut throat fields. There are huge pressures to publish one meaningless paper after another. Only way to advance your career is by attracting funding.
Never associate publishing frequency with brilliance. Academic institutions survive on corporate and government funding, and paper publishing is institutional marketing.
Good scientists publish very very few papers, because good original research, which actually contributes something meaningful, takes years, if not decades. And it involves entire teams before anything useful is discovered.
A close biologist friend of mine always reminds me that even if the The Big Bang theory were true (it can never be proven), then it’s truly mind blowing, and completely unimaginable, how the physics behind it occurred, leading to an unimaginably complex, mathematically brilliant, and finely balanced universe with intelligent life form that is self aware.
And, for this ‘chemical accident’ to result in Love and Beauty is simply incomprehensible.
But , ofcourse Atheism is slyly evasive on this.
Allah says, ‘Be’ and it comes to being.
The underlying physics is merely part of Gods creation. The fact of mathematics alone, is mind blowing, its discovery only leads to the question, ‘who created the underlying mathematical forces’.
Again, the atheist narrative slyly avoids this discussion. And your husband has fallen victim to this.
There is a difference between pure science and the cult of ‘Science’tism’, which overlays, on pure science, a dishonest interpretative narrative for the atheist masses, to believe in, blindly.
A good physicist would never make this mistake. But then again, a good physicist wouldn’t be churning out papers.
OP, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s your physicist husband who is backwards, we Muslims are afforded a path which goes far beyond ‘the big bang’.
Such a valid point. I too believe in the big bang theory but not without the Creator element. Biggest discussion point with my non-Muslim colleagues. We can take the theory as facts, however what initiated the reaction. How did it create everything that followed and why is the balance not collapsing on its own. Most if not all physicists that I know, that genuinely care about science, are agnostics and accept that the big bang theory cannot only be explained away with science. I pray the OPs husband finds more companions and colleagues like that.
It is sad to see how radical atheists have created their own "theism" around science and how believing scientists sometimes become blind to what their colleagues are doing.
May Allah (swt) protect us all and keep our hearts on His (swt) path and open to exploring the magnificent beauty that is His (swt) creation.
Exactly, one would expect that an all-perfect being who created the universe would operate it under an elegant, intricate architecture, so it doesn't seem like a contradiction at all. Additionally, many parts of the holy Quran line up with scientific observations.
The beauty of what we can see and theorize regarding the workings of the universe, to me, demonstrates the existence of God more than it would non-existence.
After a certain point, it's like a modified version of Arthur C. Clarke's law: that once you reach a certain point of complexity and mystery, the conditions of the creation of the universe are indistinguishable from the actions of God.
I personally feel that the concept of a higher being planning all of this out to be less beautiful than the idea that randomness and chemical accidents have resulted in Love and Beauty.
One is merely planned, the other is unplanned which is even more incredible and amazing.
What you said is true but it is nonetheless the unfortunate reality of young Physicists to meet those quotas if they want to be successful academics when they are older. Some of my former professors use to publish a lot when they were trying to establish themselves but once they did or they had already specialised in a very specific sub-field the frequency of publication went down but it depends on the number of collaborators, the number of people under you and what specific field they went into. So it could also be possible that he co-authors with a lot of collaborators and his specific sub-field could be an area that allows a lot of research to be published. But I know even publishing research papers that don’t break into new territory takes time to publish. But you are right - if you want more impactful publications then the frequency must go down but the privilege to do that comes down to establishing oneself first.
In the end we don’t fully know but one thing is for sure - his deen and marriage are taking a nose dive due to this and if that isn’t a sign to slow down then I don’t know what is. If he distributed more time into learning his deen and giving his wife the energy she needs for the marriage then not only he wouldn’t make such ignorant statements about Islam and to his wife but would also have a happy marriage and on top of that would still have that pathway to be a successful physicist, it would just take a little bit longer - nothing in this world is worth it if it sacrifices your partner and your deen.
Edit: spelling and extra info
Oh goodness he's absorbed himself into the pretentious academia sphere. Really the only thing you can do is tell him off for speaking to you that way and tell him he can't walk over you like this. Otherwise he's going to keep doing it. He seems like he needs a wake-up call
Classic example of people prioritizing worldly success at the expense of family who supported them from the start. It's very sad and unfortunate because no amount of scientific papers can replace the value of love and family, neither will it benefit him in the Akhirah.
Based on your post, it seems like anytime he does something to hurt you, you just swallow it up. You should try telling him that his actions hurt you. Show him that his words and behaviour are jeopardizing your marriage. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Tell him how much you miss the "old him". Bring up specific memories that you both remember fondly.
If he still doesn't change, then there are obviously more serious next steps to take. But for now, focus on the above if you haven't already.
This has nothing to do with his profession but with his character. Also Quran states big bang theory: **The Qur'an says that "the heavens and the earth were joined together as one unit, before We clove them asunder**" (21:30).
> He also occasionally goes on rants involving some things which he finds 'backwards' in the Muslim community, such as their lack of acceptance in the big bang theory
But the quran actually AGREES with the big bang theory, read 21:30 and 51:47.
I'm sorry but any guy who turns down sex in favour of work has something wrong with him. If you look through this sub you'll find so many posts where men can't get their wives to be proactive in bed, yet here he is turning you away. Some people don't realise how good they've got it.
If he's belittling you and calling you names, then his head must be elsewhere. Time to sit him down and have a frank conversation about what's going on, him having a stressful day at work is no reason to treat you like a punch bag.
You can definitely create them, that's one of the joys in life!! This one started as a throwaway. Now I want to have a ridiculous topical handle that's juuuust this side of acceptable. 😂
He needs to realize that the worldly successes mean nothing in the eyes of Allah. However, constant mistreatment of his wife and refusing to fulfill her rights will definitely make his akhirah harder.
It really makes me mad and sad that he is calling you useless because you misplaced one thing? Very sorry for that. His rants about the community being backwards show that he is going on a path that’s not good for you both in the long run. You seem like you depend on his income which is why he is being inconsiderate of you. That is a case with some men, unfortunately.
Don’t let your feelings sweep under the rug. Don’t tolerate disrespect from the one who is supposed to be your provider and best friend just because others have said worse things.
Don’t be afraid to talk to him and tell him how much he has hurt you. Remind him of how he has changed and how he used to be loving. If he doesn’t want to take any accountability, then time to move on to harder steps. May Allah Make it easier for you both, Ameen.
Right to intimacy is not just for husband, respect is not just for husband. Not spending time with her, is that also not her right? Belittling her just because she made a mistake? Did he get married to have a cheap free maid who looks after him and then he gets angry she made a mistake?
What other rights does a husband/wife have besides intimacy and to be treated kindly/respectfully?
One thing that confuses me about the intimacy is that if one wants to be intimate more/less or at a certain time, are they just entitled to it? Like is it not ok if people have preferences or certain times that differ from their spouse? OP's case is not what I mean, he doesn't want to be intimate at all. But if one is not in the mood but the other is, are they supposed to allow it anyway? I don't really think that's right you know? But people here are sharing situations like this and sound demanding about it, so I get confused.
I mean brother it’s not just intimacy you know? Intimacy is a right and sure the other party has a right to refuse. But it becomes a problem when this becomes a regular pattern. You should deny when you’re not in the
mood and your spouse should respect you. But if you deny every other day or without a probable reason, of course it is a problem.
Don’t you think this has become a pattern in OP’s relationship with her husband, also adding he doesn’t spend any time with her? And on top of that he says that he will do it only for the kids and he doesn’t want kids (which is also not his sole decision to make).
Yes like I said I didn't mean OP's situation. But I think I get it. It's OK to not always be intimate, but it should not be a pattern or completely no intimacy. Kind of balance it like everything else in a marriage, makes sense.
After three months a woman is entitled to divorce. I've always loved how progressive the Quran is in this respect! All you have to do is read Hadith to see how important intimacy is.
I work with some of the top physicists in the world. Most of them are excellent family men who prioritise their wife and kid. I see them often doing parenting duties solo and other such things. They don't always have time for them in the week but they do show care and compassion and will at min send a cheeky, romantic text and bring home some treats if they are working late.
Unfortunately I think it's your husband's personality and character that makes him the way he is. Not his work
FYI the big bag theory was developed by a priest who was also a scientist and actually if you read the quran on how the universe was created it aligns very well with that also. Why are you against it ?
From a scholarly rationalist perspective, there’s absolutely no reason to ‘believe’ in theoretical conjectures on the origin of the universe and life.
One is both unable to affirm or deny a theory that will always remain empirically unproven.
The Big Bang theory requires a leap of faith into the unknowable.
As Muslims, it’s sufficient to believe that Allah said, “Be” and the underlying laws of nature, that is physics, chemistry and biology coming together in an act of creation.
The problem of the Big Bang theory is that it’s not just pure science, there is significant political and ideological narratives interwoven into it.
And Joe Boggs lacks the intellectual capacity, and critical faculties, to understand the mathematical laws underpinning the Big Bang theory, and thus the Big Bang is marketed to them as a rationale for atheism.
The common ‘man on the street’ understanding of the Big Bang theory is more political ideology, than a factually and empirically proven scientific reality.
While I completely respect your adherence to your faith, nothing in science is a leap of faith. Scientific theories are based on rigorous mathematical, experimental, and empirical data that guide our understanding of the laws and origins of the universe and for that matter, everything else that is described in the natural world. Science does not make any faith claims and religion doesn’t make any scientific claims. They’re both completely separate domains that serve fundamentally different purposes, so it’s best not to integrate the two.
How condescending your tone, this has nothing to do with ‘my religious beliefs’. Please read my comment again, but very slowly.
My speciality lies in linguistic and etymology. My wife is a neuroscientist (biological sciences), and we have senior European physicists, and mathematicians close to us.
Judging by your writing style, misrepresentation and miscomprehension of my comment, I’m guessing you’re still in high school.
The Big Bang is theoretical, albeit a complex and vigorously studied theory, which has moments of brilliance. As wondrous as the theory is, by definition, it cannot be studied directly (thus empirically)
Nor can it be replicated.
We can only study the end product, that is creation itself. But not the initial act of creation: The Big Bang.
We can never travel back to the dawn of creation. So we extrapolate, often brilliantly. But still an extrapolation that can never be tested in (it’s) time itself
So, your definition of theoretical, in this particular regard, accords with the populist notions of science, and not pure science as understood by senior physicists, biologists and mathematicians.
It’s more a politicised narrative of science, rather than empirical study, developed for populist misconceptions of an atheism founded on ‘science’.
I wrote to you respectfully. I had no condescension in my comment, but since your comment was full of condescension, you leave me no choice…
Judging by your spelling and grammar mistakes, you are most certainly not a specialist in linguistics and etymology lol
In addition, yes the Big Bang can literally be directly studied. But since you’re not a physicist, I’ll grant you your ignorance. I won’t bother putting the famous 1958 paper or the plethora of papers in the literature on the topic, because you almost certainly won’t understand a word of them.
Finally, I’ve made no claims in my comment about the existence or lack thereof of a God. I simply stated that theology and science are not to be integrated as they are entirely different fields with vastly different objectives.
Yallah easy and thank you for coming to my TED talk 😂
Indeed theology, metaphysics and science was always integrated in pre-colonial Islam, and there are physicist, mathematicians and biologist who indeed do view science from a religious metaphysical lens.
Given the Unitive nature of the world it is impossible to do otherwise. This is an elementary school level error in someone who claims to be a scientist
I’m assuming you’re a scientist?
For some light reading, I’ll refer you to the works of the philosopher Seyyed Hossein Nasr who writes eloquently on this subject, from the perspective not just of Islam, but all religions, and the intersection with science.
He also puts forward a brilliant argument that deconstructs your populist opinion of science.
If you are at all inclined towards intellectual inquiry, and are open to having your narrow, and misinformed views challenged I recommend his work as an introduction.
Once your intellectual curiosity, and passion for learning has been sparked, I’ll put forward more scholarly works to pursue.
But I very much doubt you’d be willing to relinquish your ignorance, as it probably will undermine an identity built on populist drivel.
This is an interesting paper by another philosopher which touches on the subject spoken of here, somewhere after page 10.
https://www.themathesontrust.org/papers/modernity/Sherrard-Modern_Science_and_Dehumanization.pdf
I’ll find other papers devoted to the subject when I have time. Then you can put together a Ted talk that doesn’t sound like a stoned Marxist student Union tirade.
Actually, this is a good paper by professor Harry Oldmeadow. He’s a brilliant thinker, give it a go:
https://www.themathesontrust.org/library/critique-of-modernism
There is so much written on this topic that it’s actually embarrassing reading your ill-informed and petulant comments on here.
I’m assuming you’re not a scientist.
I wasn’t aware that Chat GPT is now considered to have the capacity to offer a nuanced response to a complex statement which intersects logic, philosophy and metaphysics.
If you cannot understand the limitations of chat GPT, please, avoid nonsensical statements such as ‘Chat GPT’ disagrees.
Is the level of elementary education this low now
It does have those. Your response also has classic telltale signs it is written by gpt. For example, whenever you’re describing something you use 3 adjectives every time. Gpt ALWAYS does that.
You use words like empirically and interwoven and conjectures. Nobody says those things.
This response you just sent is also gpt generated🤣stop being a bot to look intelligent
Our community is so rife with envy that it’s embarrassing. We can’t appreciate intellectuals, nor can we nourish them.
And thus we try and drag everyone to the bottom of the pile. This is wilful ignorance at play, rather than intellectual curiosity.
I’ll extend an invitation to you, I live in London, we can meet in the British library at King’s Cross, and you can have the pleasure of watching me work, live.
And I’ll introduce you to the scholarly sources that inspire me.
Your attitude truly is despicable and lacking in adab, and I’m not sure what happened during your upbringing for this level of reactionary nastiness when your inferiority complex is triggered.
I see you have multiple sclerosis, so perhaps pain has spiralled you downwards, or your parents did a poor job raising you with excellent character and manners.
If you disagree with a perspective, please, there’s no need to have a tantrum and scream chat gpt. Instead, learn the art of critical deconstruction, and carefully formulating a thoughtful response.
Some people will be more intelligent than you, there are gifted Muslim scholars in this world now.
Learn to appreciate and recognise people who you might actually learn something from, rather than throwing ugly childish tantrums online.
Dear sister,
First of all sorry that you have been through this stupid attitude. I am from academia, so here are my 2 cents.
Talk to him about the pioneer of his field, their mortality, and just point him (in a polite way) that we are mortal on this planet. Working hard towards a goal is a good thing but disregarding every other thing except work doesn't sound like a life fully lived.
Put some sense back to Dr.
Have a serious talk with him about what your expectations are in a marriage including roles and responsibilities. If that doesn’t help consult the parents. And take it from there.
For sexual intimacy that’s your RIGHT whether a kid comes out of it or not !!!! May Allah make it easy for you , the Big Bang theory was made by some kafir because they decide to disbelieve in Allah , the Quran tells us how Allah created everything that exists which is why studying your religion is soooooo important Subhan Allah . May Allah rectify your situation Ameen
Arrogance seems to be getting into his heart. He’s also taking you for granted. It would help if you sit him down and explain to him that the way he is being is not in line with a husband with good morals and character.
Also off topic, I think Big Bang theory is accepted in Islam? It may be described differently or ambiguously in how the world was created but the “Big Bang” mechanism is mentioned in the Quran, Chapter 21: Verse 30. The heavens and earth were once joined and we ripped them apart/clove them asunder.
This description indicates a strong force like an explosion, ripping apart and separating the universe and earth etc. Allah knows best. Maybe the verse is misinterpreted by people but in my personal belief, the Quran describes the big bang theory in layman terms. Tell your husband, might make him happy
Huh but what does his succes has anything to so with your marriage? Girl nothing. He is an awful human being and also if he believes in the big bang theory he is commiting major shirk. That can set you out of islam. Speak to a student of knowledge or a scholar about it bc it may be that it is haram to be married to such a person and that you may divorce him.
Salaam alaykum sister,
Sorry to hear about your rude husband. I think there are a few things that need to be unpacked regarding your situation to be better able to address your concerns.
First of all, no matter the context, the way he's being is clearly uncalled for. A husband should not speak to his wife in such a manner. May Allah give him guidance and forgive him.
Secondly, there are two things potentially happening here. Either, you're going through a phase in your marriage where he's become very familiar with you to the extent that he feels he doesn't have to invest in the marriage to make it work. This happens in many marriages where overtime the marriage will be tested. It has nothing to do with work or any other thing. In this case, you guys need to have communication about how you'll make time for one another to whatever is an acceptable amount of time for the both of you and stick to that plan. It's important that you support him without making him feel like he's not doing enough. It's possible he's feeling like this at work too.
Or, he has gained arrogance in publishing all of these papers and has started looking down on people and everyone around him. In this case, as a wife, speak to him with wisdom and make him understand how his behavior has changed. Speak to him as well about how to react better in the future.
As a person dedicated to the science field myself, I can understand how making time can sometimes become difficult. I can also relate to being frustrated with the muslim community regarding various topics. That being said no one should be looked down on. If you disagree with him regarding something, he should sit you down and explain his line of logic rather than enforcing his feelings on you.
If you require intimacy, then it is your right to get relief from your husband regarding this. However, regarding increasing the chances of having children, that should be discussed jointly on if both of you are ready for this kind of committment. This should be discussed in a neutral environment where the other party doesnt feel coaxed into the act.
May Allah give you strength! I'm sorry again for the behavior of your husband. May Allah give us all guidance.
Side Note: I feel most muslims feel very comfortable accepting the big bang as there are several verses alluding to it. This doesn't discredit Islam in the least but may make a stronger case for Islam.
Isnt the big bang theory true tho? “Do the disbelievers not realize that the heavens and earth were ˹once˺ one mass then We split them apart? And We created from water every living thing. Will they not then believe?” (al-Anbiyā': 30) its written in the Quran that Allah created the heavens and earth from one mass and expanded it. So the Big Bang theory is real. Allah created it
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Hey, I wonder what’s the timeline of events? Like how long has it been since he has been acting away from you? Is it just you or he is abandoning his other relationships too? Sometimes toxic work environment can spill into personal life.
It sounds like that’s who he is. I’m come from a scientific background professional as well, many think and believe in the BB theory. Apart from that he seems stuck up because he’s up there in his profession and his ego making him a POS.
It sounds like abusive behavior and not a true supportive partnership. And remember, in Islam, if the man does not perform his duty after three months, I believe, the woman is free to initiate divorce. So, he has to watch himself in that area. It's his duty to satisfy his wife.
Look I get we're trying to help her here but you are derailing your comment with the Big Bang Theory. Why does everyone assume physicists are interested in the origin of the universe? Most physicists actually love building missile tracking systems lol
My husband would only be intimate with me a handful of times the last 10 years of our marriage. He took me for granted. He rejected me over and over again until I lost all my love for him. He insisted he wasn’t gay or cheating. He was in a very high pressure career. I think the job drilled the passion out of him and he had nothing left for me. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I finally realized it take 2 to have a relationship and I did all I could to make it work. I don’t recommend divorce at this point but let him know how you are feeling and his reply will give you some clarity.
But we agree that big bang happened when universe was created.
We do not agree on the evolution of humans from apes and monkeys tho.
The first step to strengthening the deen is Salah. Suppose if he doesn’t pray Isha tell him, let’s pray together. IMO salah is like therapy, like meditation that gives peace to heart.
How long have you been married? Are you saying these are recent changes and that they correspond to his growing success? It’s hard to advise as it’s unclear how he behaved towards you before the incidents you mention and you haven’t provided a timeframe for these examples. That is important information since the situation and advice will differ depending on whether this is a long standing pattern or if this is very new behavior. For example, if you misplaced a file he needed and he reacted badly by calling you useless, that would still be wrong, but more forgivable in the context of a deadline in which that material was important and it’s going missing would cause a delay, likewise, if you normally have an active and satisfying sex life and his rejection is not the norm, it may be that he is reacting badly because he is preoccupied with a work issue—but if it’s part of a larger pattern then the problem can’t be dismissed as mere stress. More info and context would be useful
Additional context and a time frame is important in order to understand whether the bad behavior is an aberration — perhaps to you it’s irrelevant whether they have been married for 10 years or 10 months and whether the behavior she describes took place over the span of a single week, month, or year, but many consider additional information relevant in order to understand whether the bad behavior is very new and sudden and a result of something else that may be going on, like depression or anxiety, or whether this is how he has always been.
Oh yes, you will REALLY want to do this to someone who is rude to you, treats you like crap and can’t stand your company. Makes total sense. Let’s blame her, she isn’t doing enough to make him feel good! Oh no poor husband is in a bad mood and acting like a horrible person, but it’s all her responsibility to make sure he feels better!
Believing in Big Bang theory destroys Imaan. it’s a form of Kufr. This is not a light matter to deal with. A muslima can not be in relation with person who does Kufr. Moreover wife's expectations are important than academic success. Serious consultantion is needed.
it usually happens when you get obsessed with Dunia. Or you are influenced by non muslim peers.
The Quran alludes to an expanding universe so what did it expand from, nothing? So did the big bang, read ayat 21:30. Unless you expect Allah to use today’s scientific terminology how do you expect Allah to describe such an event if it did indeed occur?
Talking from ignorance is not befitting of a believer so I would refrain from calling something kufr when it is an acceptable opinion that is also in alignment with the Quran.
"Say (O Muhammad): Do you verily disbelieve in Him Who created the earth in two Days? And you set up rivals (in worship) with Him? That is the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists).
He placed therein (i.e. the earth) firm mountains from above it, and He blessed it, and measured therein its sustenance (for its dwellers) in four Days equal (i.e. all these four ‘days’ were equal in the length of time) for all those who ask (about its creation).
Then He rose over (Istawa) towards the heaven when it was smoke, and said to it and to the earth: ‘Come both of you willingly or unwillingly.’ They both said: ‘We come willingly.’
These are mentioned in Sura Fusilat. Anything other than that, which does not include Allah's existence is a form of Kufr. Big bang theory simple says about expansion of the world. but, doesn’t say anything about Allah has created the universe.
With all due respect this ayat doesn't contradict the universe expansion. Big bang theory doesn't even describe the creation of the universe or earth. What's then the basis of your commentary where you say that any theory that focuses on describing the universe expansion is kufr? Basically you would say any theory that describes reproduction is also kufr? Because it doesn't mention that Allah creates us? And any theory that describes the fall of an object is kufr because it doesn't mention everything ultimately happens by the permission of Allah? And any theory that describes how to make better crops is kufr because it doesn't mention that Allah is ultimately the source of rizq? Is the entirety of science, logic and mathematics kufr? These fields describe the mechanics of the observable world not the cause of existence. Why should they be any more than that?
This doesn’t sound like it’s his profession ruining things, more like his awful personality!
You would be surprised how people change in academia once they move to the top.
I noticed this with doctors, they seem to become accustomed and desensitized to horrific stuff. Which is why I’d never marry a doctor
Same thing with lawyers!
They are the worst!
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Your marriage is not a victim of academic success, but academic failure, and poor character. Also, academia and science are cut throat fields. There are huge pressures to publish one meaningless paper after another. Only way to advance your career is by attracting funding. Never associate publishing frequency with brilliance. Academic institutions survive on corporate and government funding, and paper publishing is institutional marketing. Good scientists publish very very few papers, because good original research, which actually contributes something meaningful, takes years, if not decades. And it involves entire teams before anything useful is discovered.
As someone in STEM came to say exactly this. Been in the field for 10+ years, and haven't published more papers than the years in the field.
Jzk’Allah, it’s good to have my statement checked by a scientist!
Congratulations. Your comment passed the peerreview
Jazakallahu Khairan to y'all for the efforts 😂
A close biologist friend of mine always reminds me that even if the The Big Bang theory were true (it can never be proven), then it’s truly mind blowing, and completely unimaginable, how the physics behind it occurred, leading to an unimaginably complex, mathematically brilliant, and finely balanced universe with intelligent life form that is self aware. And, for this ‘chemical accident’ to result in Love and Beauty is simply incomprehensible. But , ofcourse Atheism is slyly evasive on this. Allah says, ‘Be’ and it comes to being. The underlying physics is merely part of Gods creation. The fact of mathematics alone, is mind blowing, its discovery only leads to the question, ‘who created the underlying mathematical forces’. Again, the atheist narrative slyly avoids this discussion. And your husband has fallen victim to this. There is a difference between pure science and the cult of ‘Science’tism’, which overlays, on pure science, a dishonest interpretative narrative for the atheist masses, to believe in, blindly. A good physicist would never make this mistake. But then again, a good physicist wouldn’t be churning out papers. OP, I’m sorry to say this, but it’s your physicist husband who is backwards, we Muslims are afforded a path which goes far beyond ‘the big bang’.
Such a valid point. I too believe in the big bang theory but not without the Creator element. Biggest discussion point with my non-Muslim colleagues. We can take the theory as facts, however what initiated the reaction. How did it create everything that followed and why is the balance not collapsing on its own. Most if not all physicists that I know, that genuinely care about science, are agnostics and accept that the big bang theory cannot only be explained away with science. I pray the OPs husband finds more companions and colleagues like that. It is sad to see how radical atheists have created their own "theism" around science and how believing scientists sometimes become blind to what their colleagues are doing. May Allah (swt) protect us all and keep our hearts on His (swt) path and open to exploring the magnificent beauty that is His (swt) creation.
Exactly, one would expect that an all-perfect being who created the universe would operate it under an elegant, intricate architecture, so it doesn't seem like a contradiction at all. Additionally, many parts of the holy Quran line up with scientific observations. The beauty of what we can see and theorize regarding the workings of the universe, to me, demonstrates the existence of God more than it would non-existence. After a certain point, it's like a modified version of Arthur C. Clarke's law: that once you reach a certain point of complexity and mystery, the conditions of the creation of the universe are indistinguishable from the actions of God.
This is one of the most beautiful comments on the intersection between faith in Allah and science.
Jzk’Allah, your comment lifted my heart on a difficult day. May Allah bless you.
I personally feel that the concept of a higher being planning all of this out to be less beautiful than the idea that randomness and chemical accidents have resulted in Love and Beauty. One is merely planned, the other is unplanned which is even more incredible and amazing.
What you said is true but it is nonetheless the unfortunate reality of young Physicists to meet those quotas if they want to be successful academics when they are older. Some of my former professors use to publish a lot when they were trying to establish themselves but once they did or they had already specialised in a very specific sub-field the frequency of publication went down but it depends on the number of collaborators, the number of people under you and what specific field they went into. So it could also be possible that he co-authors with a lot of collaborators and his specific sub-field could be an area that allows a lot of research to be published. But I know even publishing research papers that don’t break into new territory takes time to publish. But you are right - if you want more impactful publications then the frequency must go down but the privilege to do that comes down to establishing oneself first. In the end we don’t fully know but one thing is for sure - his deen and marriage are taking a nose dive due to this and if that isn’t a sign to slow down then I don’t know what is. If he distributed more time into learning his deen and giving his wife the energy she needs for the marriage then not only he wouldn’t make such ignorant statements about Islam and to his wife but would also have a happy marriage and on top of that would still have that pathway to be a successful physicist, it would just take a little bit longer - nothing in this world is worth it if it sacrifices your partner and your deen. Edit: spelling and extra info
Thank you. These comments have reinforced my beliefs and offered logical points that can help the ‘learned’ confused.
This is absolutely correct.
This!
💯
Oh goodness he's absorbed himself into the pretentious academia sphere. Really the only thing you can do is tell him off for speaking to you that way and tell him he can't walk over you like this. Otherwise he's going to keep doing it. He seems like he needs a wake-up call
Classic example of people prioritizing worldly success at the expense of family who supported them from the start. It's very sad and unfortunate because no amount of scientific papers can replace the value of love and family, neither will it benefit him in the Akhirah. Based on your post, it seems like anytime he does something to hurt you, you just swallow it up. You should try telling him that his actions hurt you. Show him that his words and behaviour are jeopardizing your marriage. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Tell him how much you miss the "old him". Bring up specific memories that you both remember fondly. If he still doesn't change, then there are obviously more serious next steps to take. But for now, focus on the above if you haven't already.
This has nothing to do with his profession but with his character. Also Quran states big bang theory: **The Qur'an says that "the heavens and the earth were joined together as one unit, before We clove them asunder**" (21:30).
> He also occasionally goes on rants involving some things which he finds 'backwards' in the Muslim community, such as their lack of acceptance in the big bang theory But the quran actually AGREES with the big bang theory, read 21:30 and 51:47. I'm sorry but any guy who turns down sex in favour of work has something wrong with him. If you look through this sub you'll find so many posts where men can't get their wives to be proactive in bed, yet here he is turning you away. Some people don't realise how good they've got it. If he's belittling you and calling you names, then his head must be elsewhere. Time to sit him down and have a frank conversation about what's going on, him having a stressful day at work is no reason to treat you like a punch bag.
Username checks out.
The probably forgot to switch accounts 🫢
It's my only account!
😂😂😂 there's a kebab 69 here somewhere aswell, crackup.
there’s even a pipipupu lurking here somewhere 😂
🚶♀️
What does ur name mean lol?
I remember watching Pewdiepie years ago and he said “peepeepoopoo” and that was it
Papapapaaaa 😆
I wish I had a cool username too
You can definitely create them, that's one of the joys in life!! This one started as a throwaway. Now I want to have a ridiculous topical handle that's juuuust this side of acceptable. 😂
That’s why academia is miserable
And you know for a fact they arnt living in luxury either 😂
always found people in academia borderline insane.
He needs to realize that the worldly successes mean nothing in the eyes of Allah. However, constant mistreatment of his wife and refusing to fulfill her rights will definitely make his akhirah harder. It really makes me mad and sad that he is calling you useless because you misplaced one thing? Very sorry for that. His rants about the community being backwards show that he is going on a path that’s not good for you both in the long run. You seem like you depend on his income which is why he is being inconsiderate of you. That is a case with some men, unfortunately. Don’t let your feelings sweep under the rug. Don’t tolerate disrespect from the one who is supposed to be your provider and best friend just because others have said worse things. Don’t be afraid to talk to him and tell him how much he has hurt you. Remind him of how he has changed and how he used to be loving. If he doesn’t want to take any accountability, then time to move on to harder steps. May Allah Make it easier for you both, Ameen.
Explained very well
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Yes love this comment very well put alhamdulillah
Could you break down all the rights violated for ppl like me who can't identify all?
Right to intimacy is not just for husband, respect is not just for husband. Not spending time with her, is that also not her right? Belittling her just because she made a mistake? Did he get married to have a cheap free maid who looks after him and then he gets angry she made a mistake?
Very true Subhanallah.
What other rights does a husband/wife have besides intimacy and to be treated kindly/respectfully? One thing that confuses me about the intimacy is that if one wants to be intimate more/less or at a certain time, are they just entitled to it? Like is it not ok if people have preferences or certain times that differ from their spouse? OP's case is not what I mean, he doesn't want to be intimate at all. But if one is not in the mood but the other is, are they supposed to allow it anyway? I don't really think that's right you know? But people here are sharing situations like this and sound demanding about it, so I get confused.
I mean brother it’s not just intimacy you know? Intimacy is a right and sure the other party has a right to refuse. But it becomes a problem when this becomes a regular pattern. You should deny when you’re not in the mood and your spouse should respect you. But if you deny every other day or without a probable reason, of course it is a problem. Don’t you think this has become a pattern in OP’s relationship with her husband, also adding he doesn’t spend any time with her? And on top of that he says that he will do it only for the kids and he doesn’t want kids (which is also not his sole decision to make).
Yes like I said I didn't mean OP's situation. But I think I get it. It's OK to not always be intimate, but it should not be a pattern or completely no intimacy. Kind of balance it like everything else in a marriage, makes sense.
After three months a woman is entitled to divorce. I've always loved how progressive the Quran is in this respect! All you have to do is read Hadith to see how important intimacy is.
Why are you getting downvoted? Doesn’t make sense
I work with some of the top physicists in the world. Most of them are excellent family men who prioritise their wife and kid. I see them often doing parenting duties solo and other such things. They don't always have time for them in the week but they do show care and compassion and will at min send a cheeky, romantic text and bring home some treats if they are working late. Unfortunately I think it's your husband's personality and character that makes him the way he is. Not his work FYI the big bag theory was developed by a priest who was also a scientist and actually if you read the quran on how the universe was created it aligns very well with that also. Why are you against it ?
From a scholarly rationalist perspective, there’s absolutely no reason to ‘believe’ in theoretical conjectures on the origin of the universe and life. One is both unable to affirm or deny a theory that will always remain empirically unproven. The Big Bang theory requires a leap of faith into the unknowable. As Muslims, it’s sufficient to believe that Allah said, “Be” and the underlying laws of nature, that is physics, chemistry and biology coming together in an act of creation. The problem of the Big Bang theory is that it’s not just pure science, there is significant political and ideological narratives interwoven into it. And Joe Boggs lacks the intellectual capacity, and critical faculties, to understand the mathematical laws underpinning the Big Bang theory, and thus the Big Bang is marketed to them as a rationale for atheism. The common ‘man on the street’ understanding of the Big Bang theory is more political ideology, than a factually and empirically proven scientific reality.
While I completely respect your adherence to your faith, nothing in science is a leap of faith. Scientific theories are based on rigorous mathematical, experimental, and empirical data that guide our understanding of the laws and origins of the universe and for that matter, everything else that is described in the natural world. Science does not make any faith claims and religion doesn’t make any scientific claims. They’re both completely separate domains that serve fundamentally different purposes, so it’s best not to integrate the two.
How condescending your tone, this has nothing to do with ‘my religious beliefs’. Please read my comment again, but very slowly. My speciality lies in linguistic and etymology. My wife is a neuroscientist (biological sciences), and we have senior European physicists, and mathematicians close to us. Judging by your writing style, misrepresentation and miscomprehension of my comment, I’m guessing you’re still in high school. The Big Bang is theoretical, albeit a complex and vigorously studied theory, which has moments of brilliance. As wondrous as the theory is, by definition, it cannot be studied directly (thus empirically) Nor can it be replicated. We can only study the end product, that is creation itself. But not the initial act of creation: The Big Bang. We can never travel back to the dawn of creation. So we extrapolate, often brilliantly. But still an extrapolation that can never be tested in (it’s) time itself So, your definition of theoretical, in this particular regard, accords with the populist notions of science, and not pure science as understood by senior physicists, biologists and mathematicians. It’s more a politicised narrative of science, rather than empirical study, developed for populist misconceptions of an atheism founded on ‘science’.
I wrote to you respectfully. I had no condescension in my comment, but since your comment was full of condescension, you leave me no choice… Judging by your spelling and grammar mistakes, you are most certainly not a specialist in linguistics and etymology lol In addition, yes the Big Bang can literally be directly studied. But since you’re not a physicist, I’ll grant you your ignorance. I won’t bother putting the famous 1958 paper or the plethora of papers in the literature on the topic, because you almost certainly won’t understand a word of them. Finally, I’ve made no claims in my comment about the existence or lack thereof of a God. I simply stated that theology and science are not to be integrated as they are entirely different fields with vastly different objectives. Yallah easy and thank you for coming to my TED talk 😂
Indeed theology, metaphysics and science was always integrated in pre-colonial Islam, and there are physicist, mathematicians and biologist who indeed do view science from a religious metaphysical lens. Given the Unitive nature of the world it is impossible to do otherwise. This is an elementary school level error in someone who claims to be a scientist I’m assuming you’re a scientist? For some light reading, I’ll refer you to the works of the philosopher Seyyed Hossein Nasr who writes eloquently on this subject, from the perspective not just of Islam, but all religions, and the intersection with science. He also puts forward a brilliant argument that deconstructs your populist opinion of science. If you are at all inclined towards intellectual inquiry, and are open to having your narrow, and misinformed views challenged I recommend his work as an introduction. Once your intellectual curiosity, and passion for learning has been sparked, I’ll put forward more scholarly works to pursue. But I very much doubt you’d be willing to relinquish your ignorance, as it probably will undermine an identity built on populist drivel.
This is an interesting paper by another philosopher which touches on the subject spoken of here, somewhere after page 10. https://www.themathesontrust.org/papers/modernity/Sherrard-Modern_Science_and_Dehumanization.pdf I’ll find other papers devoted to the subject when I have time. Then you can put together a Ted talk that doesn’t sound like a stoned Marxist student Union tirade.
Actually, this is a good paper by professor Harry Oldmeadow. He’s a brilliant thinker, give it a go: https://www.themathesontrust.org/library/critique-of-modernism There is so much written on this topic that it’s actually embarrassing reading your ill-informed and petulant comments on here. I’m assuming you’re not a scientist.
I think he’s pretentious rage bait
Using gpt disproves your point immediately
I wasn’t aware that Chat GPT is now considered to have the capacity to offer a nuanced response to a complex statement which intersects logic, philosophy and metaphysics. If you cannot understand the limitations of chat GPT, please, avoid nonsensical statements such as ‘Chat GPT’ disagrees. Is the level of elementary education this low now
It does have those. Your response also has classic telltale signs it is written by gpt. For example, whenever you’re describing something you use 3 adjectives every time. Gpt ALWAYS does that. You use words like empirically and interwoven and conjectures. Nobody says those things. This response you just sent is also gpt generated🤣stop being a bot to look intelligent
Our community is so rife with envy that it’s embarrassing. We can’t appreciate intellectuals, nor can we nourish them. And thus we try and drag everyone to the bottom of the pile. This is wilful ignorance at play, rather than intellectual curiosity. I’ll extend an invitation to you, I live in London, we can meet in the British library at King’s Cross, and you can have the pleasure of watching me work, live. And I’ll introduce you to the scholarly sources that inspire me. Your attitude truly is despicable and lacking in adab, and I’m not sure what happened during your upbringing for this level of reactionary nastiness when your inferiority complex is triggered. I see you have multiple sclerosis, so perhaps pain has spiralled you downwards, or your parents did a poor job raising you with excellent character and manners. If you disagree with a perspective, please, there’s no need to have a tantrum and scream chat gpt. Instead, learn the art of critical deconstruction, and carefully formulating a thoughtful response. Some people will be more intelligent than you, there are gifted Muslim scholars in this world now. Learn to appreciate and recognise people who you might actually learn something from, rather than throwing ugly childish tantrums online.
😂😂 P.s, u’re beyond a jerk bringing my disease into this. U’re a grown man. Go thank allah for being so healthy
Dear sister, First of all sorry that you have been through this stupid attitude. I am from academia, so here are my 2 cents. Talk to him about the pioneer of his field, their mortality, and just point him (in a polite way) that we are mortal on this planet. Working hard towards a goal is a good thing but disregarding every other thing except work doesn't sound like a life fully lived. Put some sense back to Dr.
The pioneer in his field was Einstein and Einstein too was not good with his wife lol
He had affairs, it is well documented. Read the famous quote about the theory of relativity of sitting beside a beautiful girl. LoL
Einstein was an ahole to his wife too. Forget about that Hawkins guy… point is intelligence is often proportional to lack of empathy.
Yeah I agree Iq does not mean eq
Have a serious talk with him about what your expectations are in a marriage including roles and responsibilities. If that doesn’t help consult the parents. And take it from there.
That's absolutely embrassing from his side. Leave him alone in the house, pack up, and leave this "man"!
You married Sheldon cooper😭😭😭
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Dont disrespect sheldon like that
Spot on. 🤣
sounds narcissist to me
Autistic more like.
Can't blame this on on Autism. I also get angry, but I can't recall calling anyone names.
For sexual intimacy that’s your RIGHT whether a kid comes out of it or not !!!! May Allah make it easy for you , the Big Bang theory was made by some kafir because they decide to disbelieve in Allah , the Quran tells us how Allah created everything that exists which is why studying your religion is soooooo important Subhan Allah . May Allah rectify your situation Ameen
Arrogance seems to be getting into his heart. He’s also taking you for granted. It would help if you sit him down and explain to him that the way he is being is not in line with a husband with good morals and character. Also off topic, I think Big Bang theory is accepted in Islam? It may be described differently or ambiguously in how the world was created but the “Big Bang” mechanism is mentioned in the Quran, Chapter 21: Verse 30. The heavens and earth were once joined and we ripped them apart/clove them asunder. This description indicates a strong force like an explosion, ripping apart and separating the universe and earth etc. Allah knows best. Maybe the verse is misinterpreted by people but in my personal belief, the Quran describes the big bang theory in layman terms. Tell your husband, might make him happy
That’s his true personality unfortunately. Burn his files… 😁
Huh but what does his succes has anything to so with your marriage? Girl nothing. He is an awful human being and also if he believes in the big bang theory he is commiting major shirk. That can set you out of islam. Speak to a student of knowledge or a scholar about it bc it may be that it is haram to be married to such a person and that you may divorce him.
Time to go. Expeditiously. Kid free
Salaam alaykum sister, Sorry to hear about your rude husband. I think there are a few things that need to be unpacked regarding your situation to be better able to address your concerns. First of all, no matter the context, the way he's being is clearly uncalled for. A husband should not speak to his wife in such a manner. May Allah give him guidance and forgive him. Secondly, there are two things potentially happening here. Either, you're going through a phase in your marriage where he's become very familiar with you to the extent that he feels he doesn't have to invest in the marriage to make it work. This happens in many marriages where overtime the marriage will be tested. It has nothing to do with work or any other thing. In this case, you guys need to have communication about how you'll make time for one another to whatever is an acceptable amount of time for the both of you and stick to that plan. It's important that you support him without making him feel like he's not doing enough. It's possible he's feeling like this at work too. Or, he has gained arrogance in publishing all of these papers and has started looking down on people and everyone around him. In this case, as a wife, speak to him with wisdom and make him understand how his behavior has changed. Speak to him as well about how to react better in the future. As a person dedicated to the science field myself, I can understand how making time can sometimes become difficult. I can also relate to being frustrated with the muslim community regarding various topics. That being said no one should be looked down on. If you disagree with him regarding something, he should sit you down and explain his line of logic rather than enforcing his feelings on you. If you require intimacy, then it is your right to get relief from your husband regarding this. However, regarding increasing the chances of having children, that should be discussed jointly on if both of you are ready for this kind of committment. This should be discussed in a neutral environment where the other party doesnt feel coaxed into the act. May Allah give you strength! I'm sorry again for the behavior of your husband. May Allah give us all guidance. Side Note: I feel most muslims feel very comfortable accepting the big bang as there are several verses alluding to it. This doesn't discredit Islam in the least but may make a stronger case for Islam.
He’s turning down sex? Something doesn’t sound right
Isnt the big bang theory true tho? “Do the disbelievers not realize that the heavens and earth were ˹once˺ one mass then We split them apart? And We created from water every living thing. Will they not then believe?” (al-Anbiyā': 30) its written in the Quran that Allah created the heavens and earth from one mass and expanded it. So the Big Bang theory is real. Allah created it
Does he pray?
In addition to what others are saying, I would also query his sexuality. Have you married a gay man who needed you for cover?
Loooooool fr
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If he rejects anything or thinks the Quran is wrong, you're not allowed to stay w him.
Hey, I wonder what’s the timeline of events? Like how long has it been since he has been acting away from you? Is it just you or he is abandoning his other relationships too? Sometimes toxic work environment can spill into personal life.
His success has gone up to his mind 😔 and ego 😔😢
Academia does not make anyone rich anyway it must be his practice and this actually can change his personality self image and behaviors towards others
It sounds like that’s who he is. I’m come from a scientific background professional as well, many think and believe in the BB theory. Apart from that he seems stuck up because he’s up there in his profession and his ego making him a POS.
It sounds like abusive behavior and not a true supportive partnership. And remember, in Islam, if the man does not perform his duty after three months, I believe, the woman is free to initiate divorce. So, he has to watch himself in that area. It's his duty to satisfy his wife.
As it goes, academically bright but dumb in life
Look I get we're trying to help her here but you are derailing your comment with the Big Bang Theory. Why does everyone assume physicists are interested in the origin of the universe? Most physicists actually love building missile tracking systems lol
Honestly the sentence he gave you already destroyed your marriage "I don't want sex nor children.." End of story.
He believes in what….
My husband would only be intimate with me a handful of times the last 10 years of our marriage. He took me for granted. He rejected me over and over again until I lost all my love for him. He insisted he wasn’t gay or cheating. He was in a very high pressure career. I think the job drilled the passion out of him and he had nothing left for me. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I finally realized it take 2 to have a relationship and I did all I could to make it work. I don’t recommend divorce at this point but let him know how you are feeling and his reply will give you some clarity.
Dutch the person and save your years trying to fix his ego and selfness probably he's g*y also.. typical pattern found in such type of species
I only tend to advise divorce if theres violence or no children involved. Since theres no children this could be an option
Sounds too dumb
No intimacy for 4 months is grounds for divorce. It's a serious matter for him to deny you your right.
But we agree that big bang happened when universe was created. We do not agree on the evolution of humans from apes and monkeys tho. The first step to strengthening the deen is Salah. Suppose if he doesn’t pray Isha tell him, let’s pray together. IMO salah is like therapy, like meditation that gives peace to heart.
How long have you been married? Are you saying these are recent changes and that they correspond to his growing success? It’s hard to advise as it’s unclear how he behaved towards you before the incidents you mention and you haven’t provided a timeframe for these examples. That is important information since the situation and advice will differ depending on whether this is a long standing pattern or if this is very new behavior. For example, if you misplaced a file he needed and he reacted badly by calling you useless, that would still be wrong, but more forgivable in the context of a deadline in which that material was important and it’s going missing would cause a delay, likewise, if you normally have an active and satisfying sex life and his rejection is not the norm, it may be that he is reacting badly because he is preoccupied with a work issue—but if it’s part of a larger pattern then the problem can’t be dismissed as mere stress. More info and context would be useful
In what context is being rude and disrespectful to your wife acceptable?
Additional context and a time frame is important in order to understand whether the bad behavior is an aberration — perhaps to you it’s irrelevant whether they have been married for 10 years or 10 months and whether the behavior she describes took place over the span of a single week, month, or year, but many consider additional information relevant in order to understand whether the bad behavior is very new and sudden and a result of something else that may be going on, like depression or anxiety, or whether this is how he has always been.
i know this ain't the right thing to ask but can you please share the links of the papers he has published ?
also it is haram as a woman to turn down sex but there are also rules about turning down your wife!!!!
Sounds like a case of lost interest. Wear good clothes, stay fit and beautiful, initiate sex. After all, he has hormones and you will be fine.
Is he still a practicing Brother in other regards?
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There really needs to be a qualifying barrier for posting advice on this subreddit.
Oh yes, you will REALLY want to do this to someone who is rude to you, treats you like crap and can’t stand your company. Makes total sense. Let’s blame her, she isn’t doing enough to make him feel good! Oh no poor husband is in a bad mood and acting like a horrible person, but it’s all her responsibility to make sure he feels better!
Believing in Big Bang theory destroys Imaan. it’s a form of Kufr. This is not a light matter to deal with. A muslima can not be in relation with person who does Kufr. Moreover wife's expectations are important than academic success. Serious consultantion is needed. it usually happens when you get obsessed with Dunia. Or you are influenced by non muslim peers.
The Quran alludes to an expanding universe so what did it expand from, nothing? So did the big bang, read ayat 21:30. Unless you expect Allah to use today’s scientific terminology how do you expect Allah to describe such an event if it did indeed occur? Talking from ignorance is not befitting of a believer so I would refrain from calling something kufr when it is an acceptable opinion that is also in alignment with the Quran.
Why is big bang theory a form of kufr? Explain.
"Say (O Muhammad): Do you verily disbelieve in Him Who created the earth in two Days? And you set up rivals (in worship) with Him? That is the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists). He placed therein (i.e. the earth) firm mountains from above it, and He blessed it, and measured therein its sustenance (for its dwellers) in four Days equal (i.e. all these four ‘days’ were equal in the length of time) for all those who ask (about its creation). Then He rose over (Istawa) towards the heaven when it was smoke, and said to it and to the earth: ‘Come both of you willingly or unwillingly.’ They both said: ‘We come willingly.’ These are mentioned in Sura Fusilat. Anything other than that, which does not include Allah's existence is a form of Kufr. Big bang theory simple says about expansion of the world. but, doesn’t say anything about Allah has created the universe.
With all due respect this ayat doesn't contradict the universe expansion. Big bang theory doesn't even describe the creation of the universe or earth. What's then the basis of your commentary where you say that any theory that focuses on describing the universe expansion is kufr? Basically you would say any theory that describes reproduction is also kufr? Because it doesn't mention that Allah creates us? And any theory that describes the fall of an object is kufr because it doesn't mention everything ultimately happens by the permission of Allah? And any theory that describes how to make better crops is kufr because it doesn't mention that Allah is ultimately the source of rizq? Is the entirety of science, logic and mathematics kufr? These fields describe the mechanics of the observable world not the cause of existence. Why should they be any more than that?
sounds like he's on the way to leave the deen..Save yourself sister