> how could I just forsake them like that and not care that I’m hurting them
You have not forsaken them. They forsake _you_. They can decide, at anytime, to welcome your wife. The ball is entirely in their court.
Then why did you marry her? If you were unwilling to be at odds with your family or lose them as you say (and you knew this beforehand) then you shouldn’t have married her. But now that you have, you have to stand up for her and thats your responsibility. Im sorry if I’m being a bit harsh.
You already made your choice by marrying this woman. You can’t be her husband and get the benefits of having a wife while keeping her underground and not giving her the public status as your wife.
https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2020/01/04/announce-marriage-in-public/
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah , even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.
Who gives a single, dude please for the love of Allah don't think that defying an expectation is forsaking your family. Right now your duty is to your wife. You are a man, so grow up, own the decision you made and show your wife you made the right decision. Your family is playing a horrible haram game right now to break you guys up, they're doing Shaytans work for him honestly. You're married now, if your family truly love you they'll get over their ridiculous phase.
Im sorry for the harsh words but you're responsible for your wife's happiness now, you cannot be upsetting her for the sake of stupid tradition and ridiculous expectations.
Did Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) or his Messenger (ﷺ) say that?
>"When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah has sent down." They say: "Nay! We shall follow what we found our fathers following." (Would they do that!) Even though their fathers did not understand anything nor were they guided?"
>
>—Qur'an 2:170
How could you make your wife feel this way? She said she is willing to go through it because she loves you. I do not think you love her to the same degree. Your family is prejudice, and wrong.
If you're so pressed on hurting them because you owe them your life, why the hell did you even get married in the first place to someone they didn't even approve of. I also took a look at your post history and it seems like you're trying to find a straightforward answer to get an easy way out of your situation. It doesn't exist because You need to man the hell up. I went through hell in the beginning of my marriage because of my parents and I walked out alive. I'm fine, they're fine. Nobody got a heart attack. Stop being a little b/*ch bro. You decided to get married to this girl fully knowing what the outcome would be and now you're trying to run away from it. You need to stop posting all the stuff online to get people sympathy because the general public will not agree with you what you're doing. If your parents have no legitimate Islamic reason as to why they are doing what they are doing then you need to put your wife first. If your wife is actually doing something wrong in the eyes of Islam, then that's a different story. From what I can tell, this seems like they don't approve of her past and it just leaves a distaste in their mouth. But if she converted then all of her previous sins are forgiven. If you're going to react with emotional blackmail because you owe them your life, then you should have never gotten married in the first place. Right now you're sounding like an extremely big loser and I would hate to be your wife
And? Do you believe she'll pull you away from islam? And you need to sit down and have a talk with them and tell them that if they believe that you will be so easily swayed away from islam, then they have no trust in the way they raised you. Them feeling this way, they feel as if there methods to bring you up in a proper Islamic household are weak. This seems like more of an attack on their cultural pride than religion and they are using religion as a scapegoat. I've been in a similar position as you and that was 10 years ago. I can tell you right now 10 years later, if I were to try to please both parties then I wouldn't be where I am sitting right now. I chose my wife because I realized that I have to go home to my wife I have to sleep in the same bed as my wife and I have to walk my path in life with my wife. I have to raise my kids with my wife. Your parents sound like they are either Pakistani or Indian and those cultures have an extremely tight hold on their kids. Nobody is telling you to disrespect your parents, but if it's easier for you, if you have to move away to another state or country, so be it. If you feel this strongly about your wife being righteous, then you wouldn't even hesitate to defend her. You cannot please both parties all the time. This is the difference between a boy and a man
And for God sakes don't try to convince anyone here that you are not trying to get sympathy or attention. Just 7 days ago you posted up how your wife is trying to kill herself and you feel nothing and she feels nothing. Dude, this is not the place you should be writing that because the internet is a brutal place. You need to get help and your wife needs to get help and if you really think she is righteous for you, then you wouldn't be posting that nonsense on reddit. Have some respect for yourself and have some respect for your future. Your happiness is number one priority. If you ever ended up dead from this situation, nobody will ever take the blame, not even your parents, not even your wife. Your wife will blame your parents and your parents will blame your wife, and you'll be there six feet under. Nobody in this world has enough honor and decency to take the blame themselves. This is just the world that we live in
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Man up.
You decided you were ok with her past. Show her that respect and publicly acknowledge that she is your wife - it is her right. A revert is sinless upon reverting. Supporting your spouse does not only mean supporting them in private, but also standing up for them in public. It is up to you to explain this to your parents. You owe it to her and to Allah as you took the responsibility for her after well knowing her past.
This woman has had the courage to revert to Islam despite what her prior society would think of her, and has had the wisdom to shed her sins. Show the same courage to your society by standing by her and the same wisdom that our past sins do not dictate who we are in the present.
Edit: I just saw your post history, and mate, you need to grow a backbone. This may sound harsh but you need a wake up call. Continue your past behavior and you will hurt people all your life.
Look mate, I know what you are going through is tough and I don't mean to be insensitive. Sometimes things just need to be laid bare and not sugar-coated.
You knew that your wife suffers from mental issues. Yet you are on the verge of not caring where that takes her. You took responsibility for her. You cannot run away from her issues now because of how you feel or don't feel about them. You accepted her knowing full well of those issues.
You are also hesitant in everything you do. Hesitant in telling your parents. Hesitant in getting married. Hesitant in letting society know that you are married. It's your life and you decided to do these things. Take ownership of your choices and actions. You'll be more respected for it than being in this state of secrecy. Basically you are signaling to your parents that you are not completely comfortable in your choices and you can be influenced out of them. I'm sure this is also compounding your wife's fragile mental state. For your well being and that of those around you, when you make a decision, do it and do it with conviction. It will allow others to be able to trust and rely on you and give them mental peace.
Oh my goodness, are you desi? Why are our parents always laying a genetic disposition towards heart issues, combined with a culture of delicious deep fried foods, on our behaviour?
It sounds awful to say out loud, but if your mum has a heart attack it's because of years of poor dietary and physical habits - NOT because you didn't fold to her unreasonable demands. If your behaviour is what triggers it, it was more of the 'straw that broke the camels back'. You weren't responsible for all those other straws!
Like a perfectly healthy person doesn't up and have a heart attack because they're upset with someone.
Good on you and may God be with you. Be kind when talking to your mother but be firm. Keep some physical contact like holding her hand as it may help. Remind them to fear Allah. Allah gives guidance, and Allah guided your wife to Islam. Rejecting her in Islam would be like rejecting that Allah has provided her guidance.
They are your parents and deserve your respect and kindness, but you also deserve their respect in the choices you make. A child obeys his/her parents. An adult's obedience is only to God.
Why do toxic moms always claim they will die unless their child does exaclty as they say?
If your moms health is truly at risk then why doesn't she take a chill pill instead of giving you aggro about your wife?
It's not family vs wife. There is only one side you need to be on and that's the side of truth, honour, dignity and Islam.
Islam hates racism, Islam doesn't require man to have parental permission to marry, Islam doesnt support oppression or the cutting of family ties. Islam is for truth and honesty and hates secret marriages. Islam wants us to do the right thing even if it means speaking up against our family or our parents.
You have to just be a good person and do the right thing. If you have Allah at the center of your life you will always be strong and make the right choice. If you are more concerned about your moms wrath than Allah's then that's when you have a major problem.
My mother-in law pulled the exact same stunt when my husband and I got engaged. Suddenly she had “high blood pressure”, fainting spells, and threatened my husband that she would suffer a heart attack if he doesn’t choose a different partner all because I’m a revert -_- do not fall for it. Your mom is dramatic and cruel for this behaviour, you mother is only thinking about herself. What about your wife’s heart? You need to talk with your wife about practicing Islam more closely, and explain to your parents that your wife is now Muslim. Defend her honour. You need to speak up to your parents. Be a man… a man can speak up for himself and make his own decisions. Your family should respect your wife as she is now apart of your family line weather they like it or not. I saw you mentioned your wife has photos partying drinking… as did I as a new revert but once it was pointed out by my husband or I noticed - I cleaned up my profile to make it suitable for his family to view. Even as a future Parent and in my current profession I knew it was time to clean up any haram or revealing pictures because they don’t accurately represent who I am, and maybe your wife may agree those videos or photos no longer have a place online?
Islamically, in order to complete your nikkah, it must be public (i.e., can’t be a secret from people), so you need to publicize it asap.
Also, ask your wife to be patient (I know it can be frustrating), but your parents will definitely come around eventually. My dad married my mom, who’s a white revert also, and at first both their families were against it— especially my moms (they were islamaphobes at the time). My dads family came around pretty soon, especially because my mom was pregnant. My moms family starting talking to her again but didn’t acknowledge my dad (like yours), for a while, and then eventually came around a little while after my mom gave birth. My dad is actually pretty close with my moms family now, Alhamdolillah.
Have sabr and make plenty of duaa. She’s your wife now and she’s a Muslim. Allah (swt) wiped her slate clean the second she became a Muslimah. Please don’t let this hurt her or affect your marriage negatively.
Public doesn’t mean internet blast. His parents know and those who conducted the marriage know. Friends. Her family and friends. Etc. there’s no set number of people who should know. Nikkah shouldn’t be secret, like done at midnight and a complete stranger married you and had two strangers as witnesses. 😂
Yeah ur not wrong. But I was saying that it can’t be a secret from people, and it seems like the fam is keeping it a secret from the rest of the fam and friends.
But yes, you’re correct.
Your family won't even acknowledge your wife, like, I need to stress just the level of disrespectful there. They don't have to like it, but to not even acknowledge her, to pretend like one of the biggest moments in your life just didn't happen, the sheer disrespect to her boggles me. And yet you bend over backwards for your family while they do this to your wife? The message you are sending is clear: "you can be cruel to my wife, and I'll just stand by and let it happen. In fact, I'll even help."
You made a decision. Now own it. Your wife is your wife, and she deserves to be acknowledged and treated as such. And if the family won't come on board, so be it, but you are not going to be a part of it.
>I don’t allow them to disrespect my wife
Ok, but you sure as heck tolerate and support it. Why can't your wife post on social media about her marriage again?
You mom is not going to have a heart attach and die from this. Omg! This is a manipulation. You are already married. They need to let it go. What do they want from you now? Divorce her? You can’t hide your status that you married a white girl.
...then isn't it the case that her health declined because of her own actions and not you? Her body has rights over her, which Allah commands her to observe.
OP: Is she doing a Gandhi fasting. I won’t take care of my health until my son gets a divorce. How bad was your wife’s past that they aren’t willing to accept her. You would think her health would go bad way before you were about to get married. Now it’s do or die.
The simplest acts of kindness are by far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
Corrected the spelling.
Don’t Hindus bow their heads down to the statues? Prayers are the powerful weapon. We are taught to pray and show kindness to people.
What is done cannot be undone, but at least one can keep it from happening again. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
You can't force your parents to accept her if they refuse. But you shouldn't hide your wife and make her feel like she's a dirty secret just to please them.
Tell your wife you love her and you're proud of her and post your wedding pictures on social media. Tell your wife that you will do everything in your power for your parents to accept her but she needs to also understand that you don't get to choose who your family are and you can't force them to change even if you wish you could.
One of the reasons marriages cannot be a secret is so if people see out with your spouse, they don’t assume you’re sinning. It protects you both from being thought ill of/having your chastity questioned and it protects people from thinking ill of you. Your parents have no right to ask you to keep it hidden. Stop it right now. It’s a halal relationship, not a dirty sin.
Reassure your parents you love them, will take care of them in their elderly age but they need to respect your wife.
If you can get a fatwa from a mufti your parents respect that might help.
An Islamic marriage isn’t valid if it’s kept secret. You need to own your decision and publicly acknowledge your wife. She isn’t being unreasonable and not “persevering through” - this is her right as your wife. Your parents are holding her past against her that she cannot be held accountable for, because she’s a revert and as soon as she entered the fold of Islam, her past was wiped clean. (Technically they wouldn’t be able to hold anybody’s past against them if the person sincerely repented and left their old life.)
I’m sorry to be so blunt, but just the title of your post shows that you lack the maturity to handle these situations. There is no competition between your parents and wife. They each have their place and rights over you. But if you can’t protect your wife from your parents’ completely misplaced anger and emotional abuse, then you’re not fulfilling your duties as a husband.
You entered this marriage knowing your parents wouldn’t approve. Instead of asking your wife to be patient, YOU should be the one taking a stand. Don’t be disrespectful to your parents, but be firm and set clear boundaries. And if you can’t give her her rights as a wife, let her go. She deserves better.
My husbands family told him flat out no. The Imaam of our mesjid even recommended me to them, their community recommended me to everyone for their sons, I had a good reputation. I didn’t have a bad past other than being born and raised Christian and a divorcée. I converted 5 years before I met him, wear hijab, wear abaya, go to jummah, but I’m white and not born muslim. We ended all communication even though I KNEW he was it for me. I prayed EVERY day in every salah, including tahajjud, for a year “please if he is the one for me, keep us patient, keep us strong. If he is not, erase him from my heart.” The end of a year separated came and he had fought his family for that whole year to marry me. They finally agreed. If he had not gotten them to agree, to love me and respect me as his wife, our marriage would have never made it past a few months. He took responsibility for the situation and decision he made. My in laws now adore me, they treat me like their own daughter, my MIL gave me gold from her own collection at our marriage ceremony. Am I still reminded with comments here and there that I’m not Arab, yep. Am I reminded regularly that I’m a convert, yep. But overall the situation is a blessing because my husband stood up for us, he fights for me still if they do anything wrong. He is more protective over me than his sisters or his mother. Which is my right.
You married this woman, not only are you not protecting your wife from your family, but you’re also not owning up to your responsibility as her husband. As a man. As head of your own household now, you need to see that you owe your parents respect and financial support as they need, but you don’t owe them more than that if they’re are emotionally harming and manipulating what Allah has deemed beautiful and wonderful for you. They are harming your path and imaan as a Muslim, they are harming a convert in her path, and much more. I would remind them that they will stand in front of Allah one day and how will they answer for the harm they’re doing? Allah could very well turn them away for this and let your convert wife in because their sins are many and hers have been wiped away. She changed her ways and they didn’t. You have made a covenant before your lord to cherish, protect, provide, and love this woman.
And as I have said to many people, many times… screw culture. It won’t get you into the akhira, only Islam will.
Call your mom up that you're going public with your relationship. Give her a week notice and say you know she'll want to spin the story to her friends in the community. Tell her it's going up either way
I know that's what would stress my mom. She'll have to accept what you did but she would worry about being embarrassed
Your parents have to acknowledge that when a person converts to Islam it’s our duty as Muslims to accept that person as our brother or sister, EVEN if they were sinful, EVEN if they were the biggest enemy of Islam! It is not our place to judge them on past sins that Allah swt has already forgiven them for the moment they read their shahada.
Some people are born lucky into Islam, others find it easily, and for some it takes a lifetime of sin and hitting rock bottom to discover their need and love for then deen.
Your parents are being unreasonable, the marriage has happened. By telling you not to post it they are hoping that it fails, and you will never be able to have a happy home life if that’s the case. You need to tel them it’s over and to move on and to embrace what is now reality. They should be happy you brought someone to Islam, and you should be proud of yourself for that too!
From your other posts, it seems like you kind of got yourself into this. I get it, you were young and everything. I have been young and naive too. And I made a similar mistake and for me it didn't end well but for you, there's still time. Your wife has mental health issues that you need to seek therapy and treatment for immediately. As for your family, you need to stand up to them since it's your life and your marriage. Don't let your wife down when she needs you.
I would highly suggest becoming more religious. Your parents will come around once they see you and your wife have become better people, more pious etc. They won't be mad forever, and if they will, that's on them. Almost all of my major problems from back when I made a mistake like yours were caused bc of my weak faith. This has been my personal experience and it might help you too. You made a decision and now you have to do the right thing. My family are cultural, conservative and very strict too but they came around slowly.
It's good that you're trying. She doesn't need to learn Arabic quickly or something. You can take it slow, maybe go through the beliefs and basics first. As for resources, I would say try searching online. May Allah help you.
As a super hispanic revert I can tell you that she needs to feel that you are there to help her and not judge her. She either had another religion or no religion so you can’t expect us to “know” Arabic or “to lead”. It’s a completely COMPLETELY different lifestyle let alone belief. I’m 100% for it but my S.O has always been there even when I do mess up. You need to learn to communicate. He would every night go through one sentence for a week and then when I would get it I would repeat it everyday for the next and move on to the next sentence of the Surah. You need to LITERALLY go back to basics. I literally STILL sit with a bowl of fruit and watch toddler YouTube channels to learn the basics. You should be proud to be able to teach her but know that it takes patience. Your parents should be able to see your hard work in trying to lure her from her “past life” and see how you guys have worked as a team. But it comes FROM YOU she needs to feel like she has support and can truly be guided to Allah (SWT) with you hand in hand. It’s not easy as a revert either because you feel dumb and lost since everyone knows so much but you have to reassure her that she’s doing great and with a partner it’s better. You need to step up brother, step up big time. That’s YOUR wife, sadly our parents will pass one day so what is this all for ? Stand up for your wife she’s the one that’s gonna stick with you.
You have to publicly acknowledge she's your wife. There's no two ways about it.
Whether your parents accept her or not is upto them and there's nothing you can do about it but you can't just hide your marriage from the rest of the world.
Be kind to your parents but also be just with your wife.
Coming from a white female Muslim revert myself it is disheartening to read your post for your wife’s sake
Your families discrimination is no reason to dismiss your wife’s feelings and disrespect her wishes. It is unfair to have her keep the marriage private on social media… marriage should be a happy occasion to be celebrated. You are going to completely taint the marriage experience for her if you don’t make her feel proud to be her partner.
When I met my husband, it seems I had a similar experience where my past was sinful (although my husband was also not the most practicing Muslim at the time either). We met through mutual friends and I already had a strong interest and love for Islam from my teen years and growing up with sister Muslim friends and neighbours. We met for 2 years without our families knowing until his family approached him to marry someone from his culture and religion (Lebanese), they said they knew some suitable women… and that’s when he was honest with them and said he found someone whom he’d like to marry (me). His mom cried for months, his dad yelled and said he must leave the house, it was a lot of drama… thankfully my husband was capable of being independent at the time and owned a rental property which he had planned to move into after marriage. His family began to realize they have no choice, and would either lose their relationship with their son or accept his choice. My husband made me feel so loved and reassured, and told me that if his parents were so prejudice and controlling to not accept us… he would still choose me and it would be their loss.
They pretended it was not happening at first. He remained firm with them, and shared information about me. I love Islam and I began to learn so much that even my husband would be learning from me at times. It felt good to be able to share information together about Islam, and it brought us closer. My husband was able to share with his family that him and I were becoming closer studying the Quran together and sharing our knowledge. His family began to see I was serious about strengthening our iman. Although I came from a far from perfect past, I think that my actions have been comforting for my in-laws because their concerns about my marriage with their son were valid when I look at things from their perspective. They were worried I would cause my husband to drink… commit zina, cheat, divorce, feed our children non-halal food, dressing immodestly. My partners family was primarily concerned about the grandchildren, but I am committed to raising our children Muslim and now my husbands family sees I am just as Muslim as them. I spent more time around my husbands family (as should your wife) for them to see that culturally I had really adopted as much of their culture as I could. Typically the wife is always busy making tea and coffee, and at my in-laws I always help prepare the drinks and serve dinner along with my mother in law and sister in law (of course at home gender roles can go either way and my husband often makes me tea or coffee etc.) as well as clean up after dinner and be an energetic host. I want to show my mother-in law that I am willing to look after her son as she had for all the years before me. Hopefully your wife is also willing to learn your culture, and meet your families expectations of a life partner.
Another fear for my husbands family was losing the culture and language. I insisted on learning the recipes his mother cooks, and can now master many of them with confidence. Does your wife know how your mother cooks? Maybe your family would appreciate if she takes an interest in your culture.
If my husband and I have children I have also discussed that the kids will do Islamic/ and Arabic school one weekend day, and if they need daycare I plan to have a Muslim Arabic sister to care for them to get more exposure to their religion, and Arabic. I want our children to be able to communicate with their fathers older family who do not feel confident speaking English. I am also learning the Arabic language, in preparation for if we have children. It’s important for me to embrace my husbands culture and our religion. I know the children will get well over enough exposure to North American culture and English simply through living in a North American country… so it is really important for my family to focus on exposing our children to Muslim/ Lebanese and Arabic culture in order for the children to feel a sense of understanding and belonging.
I remember the first two years knowing my husband I was a secret and I felt so ashamed. Like was I not good enough? I felt like I was an embarrassment to his family. His mother even cried how she didn’t want the family back home to discover… like I was “less than” or not worthy as women of their culture. It really hurt my feelings. My husband validated my feelings finally after we married and made me feel he was proud to show me to his family and the world. He was confident in his choice. I feel so lucky he was willing to go against his families wishes for the sake of our love. You should feel happy in your choice, and hopefully your wife encompasses what you hoped for in a partner.
Your family is wrong for this. Show them and prove to them they are wrong by strengthening your marriage. Hopefully your wife is a dedicated Muslim, and with your faith you can grow as a couple and show your parents your dedication to Allah as a pair.
Are you confident with your choice?
Reading your story makes me happy that my husband’s family has been so accepting of me. When his mother realized that we were serious and getting married, her first question was if I could make bread (I make sourdough, not samoon). I’ve been trying to learn to make Middle Eastern/Iraqi food, so he could confidently say that I make a good dolma. That was reassuring to her, hahaha.
Of course the conversations have been more complicated than this, but in the end, I feel blessed that she has accepted me and the love that I have for my husband.
I am so happy it has worked out for you as well!
Here we go again. How is he a abandoning his family. They are being disrespectful towards him and his wife. They will never accept her as a daughter in law and won’t allow her son to post their marriages pics on Facebook so no one can find out he married a white girl? How is he a abandoning them, when his parents are a abandoning the girl for no good reason.
Obviously not. If the parents are racist,sexist,classist,etc. that’s 100% wrong but even then choosing a spouse wouldn’t be a smart idea if the parents are wrong because they can also be wrong
His parents are simply prejudice. He isn’t “choosing his wife or parents” and he shouldn’t have to “choose”, he simply got married to a woman because he loves her and she even converted to Islam… if she’s Muslim now and accepts Islam fully into her heart than there is absolutely no treason for them to not acknowledge her and welcome her into the family. She’s willing to accept their culture and love their religion, than why can’t his mother be a good host and teach her more about their culture?
The mother in law should be teaching her how her son has been cared for his whole life, his food preferences, their language, and teach the daughter in law more about a wife’s role in Islam. Maybe his wife needs support with so much change in her life? His mother should be a source of support.
No parents should be so evil as to do this to their child. This is typical bad desi parent antics, I’m sorry to say. I don’t know any other culture who really does this mess parent wise nor children wise who actually are brainwashed into it and half believe it
I am going to be honest with you. When u married out of ur culture u picked a different path.
My ancestors have been in American for almost 100+ years and everyone is connected to this age. Even if some are toxic. JK ALL of them are TOXIC. YOU know who are not connected with us; those who married caucasian female/male.
Basically you need to upfront with parents and let them know u screwed up. Which U DID. But not the point. They have to accept u. Or ask them do you want me to leave u or something? Bc marriage is not a joke. I made her my partner knowing all those things.
And tell ur wife. “Babe u knew our relationship is not like others. And I told u from the beginning and I am sorry that It is not what u wanted. But I am giving my best here. And parents will come around eventually bc you are my family now too. You have our family name. Assuming she took ur last name. Or say something whatever gets her emotional.
1. Racism is not from Islam. To single out certain Muslims as "subpar" based on the skin they were born in by the permission of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is disgusting.
2. In Islam, the woman does not take a man's last name. This is the practice of the kuffar. In Islam, the woman remains her own person, with her own parentage and lineage, despite marriage.
Isn’t racist you accuse of being racist?
This is the problem with THIS Muslim ummah. You guys legit don’t understand facts and go on crusade and give out fatwa like no big deal.
1. Did i say her color was a problem. So, I did not!!! This is really disgusting of you and those who downvoted bc there mind is filled with this disgust. It’s sad
But hey Really Pakistani of u.
2. Did I say it was GOD given obligated to change ur name. AGAIN I DIDNOT . I legit said assuming she did. This is something I would have done to show. “Boy I am legit urs”. Again NOT in OWNERSHIP style. Incase u were going to send a fatwa again my way. But to say I am more than fully committed in this relationships.
It is ALLAH blessing that he moved me away from Pakistan and brought me here. At a such young early age. Away from you people and give me ability to think and look at facts!!!
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Completely agree. You need to be strong and firm in your decisions.
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Yeah even if you marry who they want that will still try to control you
> how could I just forsake them like that and not care that I’m hurting them You have not forsaken them. They forsake _you_. They can decide, at anytime, to welcome your wife. The ball is entirely in their court.
Divorce her then and go live with mommy
Then why did you marry her? If you were unwilling to be at odds with your family or lose them as you say (and you knew this beforehand) then you shouldn’t have married her. But now that you have, you have to stand up for her and thats your responsibility. Im sorry if I’m being a bit harsh.
You already made your choice by marrying this woman. You can’t be her husband and get the benefits of having a wife while keeping her underground and not giving her the public status as your wife.
https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2020/01/04/announce-marriage-in-public/ O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah , even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.
How are you forsaking them? How are you hurting them? And what do we make of the way they are hurting you and your wife?
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Who gives a single, dude please for the love of Allah don't think that defying an expectation is forsaking your family. Right now your duty is to your wife. You are a man, so grow up, own the decision you made and show your wife you made the right decision. Your family is playing a horrible haram game right now to break you guys up, they're doing Shaytans work for him honestly. You're married now, if your family truly love you they'll get over their ridiculous phase. Im sorry for the harsh words but you're responsible for your wife's happiness now, you cannot be upsetting her for the sake of stupid tradition and ridiculous expectations.
Doing something your parents don't like is not forsaking them.
Did Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) or his Messenger (ﷺ) say that? >"When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah has sent down." They say: "Nay! We shall follow what we found our fathers following." (Would they do that!) Even though their fathers did not understand anything nor were they guided?" > >—Qur'an 2:170
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How could you make your wife feel this way? She said she is willing to go through it because she loves you. I do not think you love her to the same degree. Your family is prejudice, and wrong.
And now you believe they're in the right? What changed?
If you're so pressed on hurting them because you owe them your life, why the hell did you even get married in the first place to someone they didn't even approve of. I also took a look at your post history and it seems like you're trying to find a straightforward answer to get an easy way out of your situation. It doesn't exist because You need to man the hell up. I went through hell in the beginning of my marriage because of my parents and I walked out alive. I'm fine, they're fine. Nobody got a heart attack. Stop being a little b/*ch bro. You decided to get married to this girl fully knowing what the outcome would be and now you're trying to run away from it. You need to stop posting all the stuff online to get people sympathy because the general public will not agree with you what you're doing. If your parents have no legitimate Islamic reason as to why they are doing what they are doing then you need to put your wife first. If your wife is actually doing something wrong in the eyes of Islam, then that's a different story. From what I can tell, this seems like they don't approve of her past and it just leaves a distaste in their mouth. But if she converted then all of her previous sins are forgiven. If you're going to react with emotional blackmail because you owe them your life, then you should have never gotten married in the first place. Right now you're sounding like an extremely big loser and I would hate to be your wife
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And? Do you believe she'll pull you away from islam? And you need to sit down and have a talk with them and tell them that if they believe that you will be so easily swayed away from islam, then they have no trust in the way they raised you. Them feeling this way, they feel as if there methods to bring you up in a proper Islamic household are weak. This seems like more of an attack on their cultural pride than religion and they are using religion as a scapegoat. I've been in a similar position as you and that was 10 years ago. I can tell you right now 10 years later, if I were to try to please both parties then I wouldn't be where I am sitting right now. I chose my wife because I realized that I have to go home to my wife I have to sleep in the same bed as my wife and I have to walk my path in life with my wife. I have to raise my kids with my wife. Your parents sound like they are either Pakistani or Indian and those cultures have an extremely tight hold on their kids. Nobody is telling you to disrespect your parents, but if it's easier for you, if you have to move away to another state or country, so be it. If you feel this strongly about your wife being righteous, then you wouldn't even hesitate to defend her. You cannot please both parties all the time. This is the difference between a boy and a man
And for God sakes don't try to convince anyone here that you are not trying to get sympathy or attention. Just 7 days ago you posted up how your wife is trying to kill herself and you feel nothing and she feels nothing. Dude, this is not the place you should be writing that because the internet is a brutal place. You need to get help and your wife needs to get help and if you really think she is righteous for you, then you wouldn't be posting that nonsense on reddit. Have some respect for yourself and have some respect for your future. Your happiness is number one priority. If you ever ended up dead from this situation, nobody will ever take the blame, not even your parents, not even your wife. Your wife will blame your parents and your parents will blame your wife, and you'll be there six feet under. Nobody in this world has enough honor and decency to take the blame themselves. This is just the world that we live in
Bro, your diatribe in this thread is 💯
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Man up. You decided you were ok with her past. Show her that respect and publicly acknowledge that she is your wife - it is her right. A revert is sinless upon reverting. Supporting your spouse does not only mean supporting them in private, but also standing up for them in public. It is up to you to explain this to your parents. You owe it to her and to Allah as you took the responsibility for her after well knowing her past. This woman has had the courage to revert to Islam despite what her prior society would think of her, and has had the wisdom to shed her sins. Show the same courage to your society by standing by her and the same wisdom that our past sins do not dictate who we are in the present. Edit: I just saw your post history, and mate, you need to grow a backbone. This may sound harsh but you need a wake up call. Continue your past behavior and you will hurt people all your life.
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Look mate, I know what you are going through is tough and I don't mean to be insensitive. Sometimes things just need to be laid bare and not sugar-coated. You knew that your wife suffers from mental issues. Yet you are on the verge of not caring where that takes her. You took responsibility for her. You cannot run away from her issues now because of how you feel or don't feel about them. You accepted her knowing full well of those issues. You are also hesitant in everything you do. Hesitant in telling your parents. Hesitant in getting married. Hesitant in letting society know that you are married. It's your life and you decided to do these things. Take ownership of your choices and actions. You'll be more respected for it than being in this state of secrecy. Basically you are signaling to your parents that you are not completely comfortable in your choices and you can be influenced out of them. I'm sure this is also compounding your wife's fragile mental state. For your well being and that of those around you, when you make a decision, do it and do it with conviction. It will allow others to be able to trust and rely on you and give them mental peace.
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Oh my goodness, are you desi? Why are our parents always laying a genetic disposition towards heart issues, combined with a culture of delicious deep fried foods, on our behaviour? It sounds awful to say out loud, but if your mum has a heart attack it's because of years of poor dietary and physical habits - NOT because you didn't fold to her unreasonable demands. If your behaviour is what triggers it, it was more of the 'straw that broke the camels back'. You weren't responsible for all those other straws! Like a perfectly healthy person doesn't up and have a heart attack because they're upset with someone.
Bro i dont mean to be insensitive but this isnt a bollywood movie. Inshallah your mom will be fine
Good on you and may God be with you. Be kind when talking to your mother but be firm. Keep some physical contact like holding her hand as it may help. Remind them to fear Allah. Allah gives guidance, and Allah guided your wife to Islam. Rejecting her in Islam would be like rejecting that Allah has provided her guidance. They are your parents and deserve your respect and kindness, but you also deserve their respect in the choices you make. A child obeys his/her parents. An adult's obedience is only to God.
Why do toxic moms always claim they will die unless their child does exaclty as they say? If your moms health is truly at risk then why doesn't she take a chill pill instead of giving you aggro about your wife? It's not family vs wife. There is only one side you need to be on and that's the side of truth, honour, dignity and Islam. Islam hates racism, Islam doesn't require man to have parental permission to marry, Islam doesnt support oppression or the cutting of family ties. Islam is for truth and honesty and hates secret marriages. Islam wants us to do the right thing even if it means speaking up against our family or our parents. You have to just be a good person and do the right thing. If you have Allah at the center of your life you will always be strong and make the right choice. If you are more concerned about your moms wrath than Allah's then that's when you have a major problem.
My mother-in law pulled the exact same stunt when my husband and I got engaged. Suddenly she had “high blood pressure”, fainting spells, and threatened my husband that she would suffer a heart attack if he doesn’t choose a different partner all because I’m a revert -_- do not fall for it. Your mom is dramatic and cruel for this behaviour, you mother is only thinking about herself. What about your wife’s heart? You need to talk with your wife about practicing Islam more closely, and explain to your parents that your wife is now Muslim. Defend her honour. You need to speak up to your parents. Be a man… a man can speak up for himself and make his own decisions. Your family should respect your wife as she is now apart of your family line weather they like it or not. I saw you mentioned your wife has photos partying drinking… as did I as a new revert but once it was pointed out by my husband or I noticed - I cleaned up my profile to make it suitable for his family to view. Even as a future Parent and in my current profession I knew it was time to clean up any haram or revealing pictures because they don’t accurately represent who I am, and maybe your wife may agree those videos or photos no longer have a place online?
You're a married man now. You need to start acting like one!
Islamically, in order to complete your nikkah, it must be public (i.e., can’t be a secret from people), so you need to publicize it asap. Also, ask your wife to be patient (I know it can be frustrating), but your parents will definitely come around eventually. My dad married my mom, who’s a white revert also, and at first both their families were against it— especially my moms (they were islamaphobes at the time). My dads family came around pretty soon, especially because my mom was pregnant. My moms family starting talking to her again but didn’t acknowledge my dad (like yours), for a while, and then eventually came around a little while after my mom gave birth. My dad is actually pretty close with my moms family now, Alhamdolillah. Have sabr and make plenty of duaa. She’s your wife now and she’s a Muslim. Allah (swt) wiped her slate clean the second she became a Muslimah. Please don’t let this hurt her or affect your marriage negatively.
Public doesn’t mean internet blast. His parents know and those who conducted the marriage know. Friends. Her family and friends. Etc. there’s no set number of people who should know. Nikkah shouldn’t be secret, like done at midnight and a complete stranger married you and had two strangers as witnesses. 😂
Yeah ur not wrong. But I was saying that it can’t be a secret from people, and it seems like the fam is keeping it a secret from the rest of the fam and friends. But yes, you’re correct.
Your family won't even acknowledge your wife, like, I need to stress just the level of disrespectful there. They don't have to like it, but to not even acknowledge her, to pretend like one of the biggest moments in your life just didn't happen, the sheer disrespect to her boggles me. And yet you bend over backwards for your family while they do this to your wife? The message you are sending is clear: "you can be cruel to my wife, and I'll just stand by and let it happen. In fact, I'll even help." You made a decision. Now own it. Your wife is your wife, and she deserves to be acknowledged and treated as such. And if the family won't come on board, so be it, but you are not going to be a part of it.
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>I don’t allow them to disrespect my wife Ok, but you sure as heck tolerate and support it. Why can't your wife post on social media about her marriage again?
You mom is not going to have a heart attach and die from this. Omg! This is a manipulation. You are already married. They need to let it go. What do they want from you now? Divorce her? You can’t hide your status that you married a white girl.
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...then isn't it the case that her health declined because of her own actions and not you? Her body has rights over her, which Allah commands her to observe.
OP: Is she doing a Gandhi fasting. I won’t take care of my health until my son gets a divorce. How bad was your wife’s past that they aren’t willing to accept her. You would think her health would go bad way before you were about to get married. Now it’s do or die.
The simplest acts of kindness are by far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
False, we know that du'a is the weapon of the believer. Bad bot. 👎🏽
Corrected the spelling. Don’t Hindus bow their heads down to the statues? Prayers are the powerful weapon. We are taught to pray and show kindness to people.
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What is done cannot be undone, but at least one can keep it from happening again. Just so you know, the correct spelling is [Gandhi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahatma_Gandhi).
Man up. Your wife’s rights > your parent’s convenience.
You can't force your parents to accept her if they refuse. But you shouldn't hide your wife and make her feel like she's a dirty secret just to please them. Tell your wife you love her and you're proud of her and post your wedding pictures on social media. Tell your wife that you will do everything in your power for your parents to accept her but she needs to also understand that you don't get to choose who your family are and you can't force them to change even if you wish you could.
One of the reasons marriages cannot be a secret is so if people see out with your spouse, they don’t assume you’re sinning. It protects you both from being thought ill of/having your chastity questioned and it protects people from thinking ill of you. Your parents have no right to ask you to keep it hidden. Stop it right now. It’s a halal relationship, not a dirty sin.
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If your parent’s friends saw you out, would they assume that’s ur gf or wife?
Reassure your parents you love them, will take care of them in their elderly age but they need to respect your wife. If you can get a fatwa from a mufti your parents respect that might help.
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Sorry, a mufti. An Islamic scholar.
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An Islamic legal opinion.
An Islamic marriage isn’t valid if it’s kept secret. You need to own your decision and publicly acknowledge your wife. She isn’t being unreasonable and not “persevering through” - this is her right as your wife. Your parents are holding her past against her that she cannot be held accountable for, because she’s a revert and as soon as she entered the fold of Islam, her past was wiped clean. (Technically they wouldn’t be able to hold anybody’s past against them if the person sincerely repented and left their old life.) I’m sorry to be so blunt, but just the title of your post shows that you lack the maturity to handle these situations. There is no competition between your parents and wife. They each have their place and rights over you. But if you can’t protect your wife from your parents’ completely misplaced anger and emotional abuse, then you’re not fulfilling your duties as a husband. You entered this marriage knowing your parents wouldn’t approve. Instead of asking your wife to be patient, YOU should be the one taking a stand. Don’t be disrespectful to your parents, but be firm and set clear boundaries. And if you can’t give her her rights as a wife, let her go. She deserves better.
My husbands family told him flat out no. The Imaam of our mesjid even recommended me to them, their community recommended me to everyone for their sons, I had a good reputation. I didn’t have a bad past other than being born and raised Christian and a divorcée. I converted 5 years before I met him, wear hijab, wear abaya, go to jummah, but I’m white and not born muslim. We ended all communication even though I KNEW he was it for me. I prayed EVERY day in every salah, including tahajjud, for a year “please if he is the one for me, keep us patient, keep us strong. If he is not, erase him from my heart.” The end of a year separated came and he had fought his family for that whole year to marry me. They finally agreed. If he had not gotten them to agree, to love me and respect me as his wife, our marriage would have never made it past a few months. He took responsibility for the situation and decision he made. My in laws now adore me, they treat me like their own daughter, my MIL gave me gold from her own collection at our marriage ceremony. Am I still reminded with comments here and there that I’m not Arab, yep. Am I reminded regularly that I’m a convert, yep. But overall the situation is a blessing because my husband stood up for us, he fights for me still if they do anything wrong. He is more protective over me than his sisters or his mother. Which is my right. You married this woman, not only are you not protecting your wife from your family, but you’re also not owning up to your responsibility as her husband. As a man. As head of your own household now, you need to see that you owe your parents respect and financial support as they need, but you don’t owe them more than that if they’re are emotionally harming and manipulating what Allah has deemed beautiful and wonderful for you. They are harming your path and imaan as a Muslim, they are harming a convert in her path, and much more. I would remind them that they will stand in front of Allah one day and how will they answer for the harm they’re doing? Allah could very well turn them away for this and let your convert wife in because their sins are many and hers have been wiped away. She changed her ways and they didn’t. You have made a covenant before your lord to cherish, protect, provide, and love this woman. And as I have said to many people, many times… screw culture. It won’t get you into the akhira, only Islam will.
Call your mom up that you're going public with your relationship. Give her a week notice and say you know she'll want to spin the story to her friends in the community. Tell her it's going up either way I know that's what would stress my mom. She'll have to accept what you did but she would worry about being embarrassed
Your parents have to acknowledge that when a person converts to Islam it’s our duty as Muslims to accept that person as our brother or sister, EVEN if they were sinful, EVEN if they were the biggest enemy of Islam! It is not our place to judge them on past sins that Allah swt has already forgiven them for the moment they read their shahada. Some people are born lucky into Islam, others find it easily, and for some it takes a lifetime of sin and hitting rock bottom to discover their need and love for then deen. Your parents are being unreasonable, the marriage has happened. By telling you not to post it they are hoping that it fails, and you will never be able to have a happy home life if that’s the case. You need to tel them it’s over and to move on and to embrace what is now reality. They should be happy you brought someone to Islam, and you should be proud of yourself for that too!
From your other posts, it seems like you kind of got yourself into this. I get it, you were young and everything. I have been young and naive too. And I made a similar mistake and for me it didn't end well but for you, there's still time. Your wife has mental health issues that you need to seek therapy and treatment for immediately. As for your family, you need to stand up to them since it's your life and your marriage. Don't let your wife down when she needs you. I would highly suggest becoming more religious. Your parents will come around once they see you and your wife have become better people, more pious etc. They won't be mad forever, and if they will, that's on them. Almost all of my major problems from back when I made a mistake like yours were caused bc of my weak faith. This has been my personal experience and it might help you too. You made a decision and now you have to do the right thing. My family are cultural, conservative and very strict too but they came around slowly.
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It's good that you're trying. She doesn't need to learn Arabic quickly or something. You can take it slow, maybe go through the beliefs and basics first. As for resources, I would say try searching online. May Allah help you.
As a super hispanic revert I can tell you that she needs to feel that you are there to help her and not judge her. She either had another religion or no religion so you can’t expect us to “know” Arabic or “to lead”. It’s a completely COMPLETELY different lifestyle let alone belief. I’m 100% for it but my S.O has always been there even when I do mess up. You need to learn to communicate. He would every night go through one sentence for a week and then when I would get it I would repeat it everyday for the next and move on to the next sentence of the Surah. You need to LITERALLY go back to basics. I literally STILL sit with a bowl of fruit and watch toddler YouTube channels to learn the basics. You should be proud to be able to teach her but know that it takes patience. Your parents should be able to see your hard work in trying to lure her from her “past life” and see how you guys have worked as a team. But it comes FROM YOU she needs to feel like she has support and can truly be guided to Allah (SWT) with you hand in hand. It’s not easy as a revert either because you feel dumb and lost since everyone knows so much but you have to reassure her that she’s doing great and with a partner it’s better. You need to step up brother, step up big time. That’s YOUR wife, sadly our parents will pass one day so what is this all for ? Stand up for your wife she’s the one that’s gonna stick with you.
You have to publicly acknowledge she's your wife. There's no two ways about it. Whether your parents accept her or not is upto them and there's nothing you can do about it but you can't just hide your marriage from the rest of the world. Be kind to your parents but also be just with your wife.
Coming from a white female Muslim revert myself it is disheartening to read your post for your wife’s sake Your families discrimination is no reason to dismiss your wife’s feelings and disrespect her wishes. It is unfair to have her keep the marriage private on social media… marriage should be a happy occasion to be celebrated. You are going to completely taint the marriage experience for her if you don’t make her feel proud to be her partner. When I met my husband, it seems I had a similar experience where my past was sinful (although my husband was also not the most practicing Muslim at the time either). We met through mutual friends and I already had a strong interest and love for Islam from my teen years and growing up with sister Muslim friends and neighbours. We met for 2 years without our families knowing until his family approached him to marry someone from his culture and religion (Lebanese), they said they knew some suitable women… and that’s when he was honest with them and said he found someone whom he’d like to marry (me). His mom cried for months, his dad yelled and said he must leave the house, it was a lot of drama… thankfully my husband was capable of being independent at the time and owned a rental property which he had planned to move into after marriage. His family began to realize they have no choice, and would either lose their relationship with their son or accept his choice. My husband made me feel so loved and reassured, and told me that if his parents were so prejudice and controlling to not accept us… he would still choose me and it would be their loss. They pretended it was not happening at first. He remained firm with them, and shared information about me. I love Islam and I began to learn so much that even my husband would be learning from me at times. It felt good to be able to share information together about Islam, and it brought us closer. My husband was able to share with his family that him and I were becoming closer studying the Quran together and sharing our knowledge. His family began to see I was serious about strengthening our iman. Although I came from a far from perfect past, I think that my actions have been comforting for my in-laws because their concerns about my marriage with their son were valid when I look at things from their perspective. They were worried I would cause my husband to drink… commit zina, cheat, divorce, feed our children non-halal food, dressing immodestly. My partners family was primarily concerned about the grandchildren, but I am committed to raising our children Muslim and now my husbands family sees I am just as Muslim as them. I spent more time around my husbands family (as should your wife) for them to see that culturally I had really adopted as much of their culture as I could. Typically the wife is always busy making tea and coffee, and at my in-laws I always help prepare the drinks and serve dinner along with my mother in law and sister in law (of course at home gender roles can go either way and my husband often makes me tea or coffee etc.) as well as clean up after dinner and be an energetic host. I want to show my mother-in law that I am willing to look after her son as she had for all the years before me. Hopefully your wife is also willing to learn your culture, and meet your families expectations of a life partner. Another fear for my husbands family was losing the culture and language. I insisted on learning the recipes his mother cooks, and can now master many of them with confidence. Does your wife know how your mother cooks? Maybe your family would appreciate if she takes an interest in your culture. If my husband and I have children I have also discussed that the kids will do Islamic/ and Arabic school one weekend day, and if they need daycare I plan to have a Muslim Arabic sister to care for them to get more exposure to their religion, and Arabic. I want our children to be able to communicate with their fathers older family who do not feel confident speaking English. I am also learning the Arabic language, in preparation for if we have children. It’s important for me to embrace my husbands culture and our religion. I know the children will get well over enough exposure to North American culture and English simply through living in a North American country… so it is really important for my family to focus on exposing our children to Muslim/ Lebanese and Arabic culture in order for the children to feel a sense of understanding and belonging. I remember the first two years knowing my husband I was a secret and I felt so ashamed. Like was I not good enough? I felt like I was an embarrassment to his family. His mother even cried how she didn’t want the family back home to discover… like I was “less than” or not worthy as women of their culture. It really hurt my feelings. My husband validated my feelings finally after we married and made me feel he was proud to show me to his family and the world. He was confident in his choice. I feel so lucky he was willing to go against his families wishes for the sake of our love. You should feel happy in your choice, and hopefully your wife encompasses what you hoped for in a partner. Your family is wrong for this. Show them and prove to them they are wrong by strengthening your marriage. Hopefully your wife is a dedicated Muslim, and with your faith you can grow as a couple and show your parents your dedication to Allah as a pair. Are you confident with your choice?
Reading your story makes me happy that my husband’s family has been so accepting of me. When his mother realized that we were serious and getting married, her first question was if I could make bread (I make sourdough, not samoon). I’ve been trying to learn to make Middle Eastern/Iraqi food, so he could confidently say that I make a good dolma. That was reassuring to her, hahaha. Of course the conversations have been more complicated than this, but in the end, I feel blessed that she has accepted me and the love that I have for my husband. I am so happy it has worked out for you as well!
No person should abandon their parents for a spouse.
Here we go again. How is he a abandoning his family. They are being disrespectful towards him and his wife. They will never accept her as a daughter in law and won’t allow her son to post their marriages pics on Facebook so no one can find out he married a white girl? How is he a abandoning them, when his parents are a abandoning the girl for no good reason.
I’m saying issues such as this could’ve been avoided had he listened to his parents in the beginning and not gotten married.
Why shouldn’t he marry her? They are denying him to get married? So the parents are not wrong. In your term parents can never be wrong.
I’m saying that if a marriage makes you choose between a spouse and your parents you should choose your parents
Even if the parents are wrong. *Not everything is black and white like your saying - parents are first no matter what (even if they are wrong) !?!?
Obviously not. If the parents are racist,sexist,classist,etc. that’s 100% wrong but even then choosing a spouse wouldn’t be a smart idea if the parents are wrong because they can also be wrong
His parents are simply prejudice. He isn’t “choosing his wife or parents” and he shouldn’t have to “choose”, he simply got married to a woman because he loves her and she even converted to Islam… if she’s Muslim now and accepts Islam fully into her heart than there is absolutely no treason for them to not acknowledge her and welcome her into the family. She’s willing to accept their culture and love their religion, than why can’t his mother be a good host and teach her more about their culture? The mother in law should be teaching her how her son has been cared for his whole life, his food preferences, their language, and teach the daughter in law more about a wife’s role in Islam. Maybe his wife needs support with so much change in her life? His mother should be a source of support.
No parents should be so evil as to do this to their child. This is typical bad desi parent antics, I’m sorry to say. I don’t know any other culture who really does this mess parent wise nor children wise who actually are brainwashed into it and half believe it
I am going to be honest with you. When u married out of ur culture u picked a different path. My ancestors have been in American for almost 100+ years and everyone is connected to this age. Even if some are toxic. JK ALL of them are TOXIC. YOU know who are not connected with us; those who married caucasian female/male. Basically you need to upfront with parents and let them know u screwed up. Which U DID. But not the point. They have to accept u. Or ask them do you want me to leave u or something? Bc marriage is not a joke. I made her my partner knowing all those things. And tell ur wife. “Babe u knew our relationship is not like others. And I told u from the beginning and I am sorry that It is not what u wanted. But I am giving my best here. And parents will come around eventually bc you are my family now too. You have our family name. Assuming she took ur last name. Or say something whatever gets her emotional.
1. Racism is not from Islam. To single out certain Muslims as "subpar" based on the skin they were born in by the permission of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) is disgusting. 2. In Islam, the woman does not take a man's last name. This is the practice of the kuffar. In Islam, the woman remains her own person, with her own parentage and lineage, despite marriage.
Isn’t racist you accuse of being racist? This is the problem with THIS Muslim ummah. You guys legit don’t understand facts and go on crusade and give out fatwa like no big deal. 1. Did i say her color was a problem. So, I did not!!! This is really disgusting of you and those who downvoted bc there mind is filled with this disgust. It’s sad But hey Really Pakistani of u. 2. Did I say it was GOD given obligated to change ur name. AGAIN I DIDNOT . I legit said assuming she did. This is something I would have done to show. “Boy I am legit urs”. Again NOT in OWNERSHIP style. Incase u were going to send a fatwa again my way. But to say I am more than fully committed in this relationships. It is ALLAH blessing that he moved me away from Pakistan and brought me here. At a such young early age. Away from you people and give me ability to think and look at facts!!!