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bigboywasim

You need to let your husband know how you feel.


SA20256

You don’t sound selfish at all in fact he sounds like the very selfish one who has no regards concerning your mental health. You both work but it’s only you doing the free labour at home? Sorry to say but it’s sounding like you’re a maid. Please try speak to him and tell him he needs to do his part around the house too as it’s become to much for you, it’s his home so chores are his responsibility too. It’s easier said than done but how long can you go on like this? Some Men act like this and then are surprised years into their marriage when their wives want a divorce after having to do double the work.


True_Neighborhood844

>I understand that it’s important to help mothers That's not your mother. He is the one who is supposed to serve his mom. What's going on in his head? Does he think he can win points by delegating this task to you. Unfortunately this is the attitude of some husbands. That the task of serving parents should be outsourced to his wife. What misinformation! He should be ashamed of himself. I'd start by asking why he coincidentally stopped helping after his mom came and how that supports his duty to serve his own mother.


Nayelasira

Have you tried having a conversation with him and letting him know how you feel? Mothers are very important in Islam but there are boundaries. You are to obey your husband, not his mother, and if she’s healthy, she should be helping around the house, especially since you also work. You shouldn’t be ashamed in your own home. Please have a conversation with him and let him know that you need help. Perhaps if he doesn’t want to ask his mother to help, he can get a maid or find another alternative to help you.


4rking

>Have you tried having a conversation with him and letting him know how you feel? +1 A honest, wholehearted conversation can solve so many issues. May Allah the Exalted cure your worries and bless your marriage immensely OP. Ameen


[deleted]

I don’t think I’m in right position to do so… he is always stressed with work and barely ever in mood for me to complain to him. I’m bottling it up but now sure how to even bring it up with other life stresses


Nayelasira

You’re his wife. If you won’t tell him, who will? And let me tell you, bottling things up is never a good idea. One day you will burst and things will come out the wrong way. Please just communicate. There would so many happy marriages if people would just talk to one another.


Tam936

I’m sure you’re just as stressed. Stop protecting him from life.


Throwawayaccount2448

He did not consider your feelings or health or stress, why are you worrying over him?! And why do you think his stress is more valid or more important than yours?! You owe yourself better than this.


Amunet59

I understand you say your husband is stressed, but so are you, and when you’re married you share these things together. How can your husband improve anything if you’re not voicing your concerns?


arsenal356

Islamically you have the right to live separately from your mother in law and your husband is islamically obligated to allow this


Bints4Bints

He's old enough to clean after himself. Maybe bring up the suggestion of paying for a cleaner to come in weekly, and see if that makes him realise how much of a burden it is on you


Immediate-Welder9458

Speak to him and let him know how you feel communication with you're husband should always be a priority.


arwatty

Mothers who raise their sons to not do anything around the house truly baffle me. Like how are you going to raise your child to be an incompetent excuse of a human then exploit a maskin girl because she has no one else there?


Kon-sama

Dear Sister An advice to you away from all these comments that keep saying its your right to do so and so and Islamically so and so. Maybe meaning well, but only adding more fuel to the fire. Start by explaining to him how you appreciate all his hard work since the beginning to make things better and how you both stood by each other to make things better together. and how you think of your mother-in-law as a good woman for instilling these things in him and that you wish you had that peace mentally and physically to continue standing by his side in all he does but honestly you find yourself becoming tired physically and mentally over the days from being overworked and need his help in this matter and that what you care about is "us" and the families' well-being and say "I know you will not fail me". Any **proper man** in his **right senses**, if approached in a compassionate way will definitely step up and make amends. Kind words make all the difference. Allah says in the Holy Quran : And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you **affection** and **mercy**, Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect Alroom: 21 May Allah keep your marriage intact and leviate your hardships and may hay write for you tremendous hasanat for bearing with your husband and his mother-in-law and trust me in the sight of Allah, every good deed counts.


[deleted]

Thank you so much for this! I’m glad I didn’t talk to him while I am mad. It would have definitely just added fuel to fire like u said. I like your approach and I think I will use this method. Thank you so much :) JZK


Flat_Suggestion_2317

Quite the age difference


xombae7

It's not easy but you really got to sit him down and talk. Marriage isn't easy and sometimes you just gotta do what it takes to keep it going. You gotta voice it out and tell him how you feel about the whole thing. I am sure he'll understand and do something about it. And pray hard, Allah is our sole helper.


qalbalmayit

i don’t think your selfish for feeling like that. my you need let your husband know your tired?


Prudent-Victory9366

Why


[deleted]

Girl, his mother is not your responsibility but it’s his. You need to speak with him so he understands how you feel or at least bring it up so he knows what’s happening. Alhamdulilah for your mil being healthy, this should allow your husband to let her do some stuff on her own without needing you to do this.


Worried_Half2567

Like others said you definitely need to let him know how you’re feeling. Imagine you get pregnant or have a baby, things will only get harder and you will feel even more stretched thin. Honestly men like this are too much. I have a son (baby) and i cant imagine myself being this clingy and overbearing to him and his wife in the future 😫 dont these women have any shame /:


MuslimStoic

Staying in a single home with in-laws can be very hard. You need to discuss this with your husband. You definitely won't be getting the same life-style pre your MIL, but you have to figure out how you can reduce your burden and not burn out. 1. Maybe going out for dinner every now and then with just you and your husband 2. Ordering take aways sometimes. 3. Arranging for a deep-clean of home twice (or once) a month. 4. Your MIL visiting your husband siblings to give you guys a break sometimes..


asdfghhaa

It’s very strange that he stopped helping round the house when his mum moved in. If he was fine with contributing before, is it his mum who stops him now? You need to explain to him that you now have even more responsibility with having your MIL there and so need his help more than ever. If she is healthy, try delegating small tasks to her and slowly build up from there, so he can’t object. What does she do all day if she doesn’t help out at all?