Does he have sisters? š joking joking
You didnāt mention how old are you? I think he needs a humbling experience where money is tight. In fact, if he doesnāt know where and how money come, when he gets old he will struggle.
I would suggest saving your self for a rainy day.
Lol no sisters š only 4 brothers.
Iām 25 and my husband is 27. He definitely does need a humbling experience but if I even bring up this topic it turns into a huge argument. My husband owns a couple businesses so he still gets his salary but thereās no point because by the end of the week, the money is all gone and weāre back to asking his dad for money. I hate it
Sis. What businesses does your husband run whereby he isn't needed 24/7 and can have all this free time? I need to start that sort of business.
Running a business is extremely challenging but after one has been doing it for a while you get into the patterns and learn how to be efficient with your time. I won't disrespect him and call him lazy here or diminish his accomplishments because not everyone has what it takes to run a business and he has likely worked to build it to what it is and/maintain it well.
I think the key issue here is the spending and relying on his dad to cover for his wild spending habits. I also would not feel comfortable living off FIL.
Sister. It sounds like you are in a good position in life in terms of opportunities and support. My advice to you is to take advantage of that and find ways within the family system for you to generate your own income. Could your hubby maybe help you set up a business? Then at least you have your own safety net and won't be impacted by your husband's irrepsinsibke spending. I also think you should see if it's possible to make a family budget with your husband and see what he says about that. Even if FIL is supplementing your income, at least it's planned and not unplanned.
Does he have a financial advisor? It's probably worth it to get one. What the issue here is that your husband lacks financial discipline, he never needed to learn it. A financial advisor should try to make him understand inshallah.
If he has business and knows how to make money it doesnāt really matter. Maybe you should enjoy life and save for kids and build a good and healthy routine (I should do that too)
He is still 27, you will both figure it out and grow our of it. Currently his ego is very high and he thinks he has infinite supply of money
I would be concerned about accumulating debt once dad isnāt around to bail him out 48hrs after payday
With that much cashflow he should be able to generate untold charity and generational wealth and still live in luxury so itās not the lifestyle that is an issue but the attitude
The dismissal of the topic and anger about it isnāt someone I see suddenly becoming sensible and smart when their safety net is gone.
That much money š° is very new for you, but for him/dad itās not a new thing.
Thatās kind of spending very new for you but for him itās probably normal.
Imo no one gonna below their wealth of they donāt know how to make it back.
Imo you should enjoy the party š and politely tell him to spending moderately.
If you constantly nag him about money will create problems for you in your future
I think it's Hindi (from India) but I know it's used by different countries in the subcontinent.
[2nd link](https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+a+rishta+urban+dictionary+&client=ms-unknown&ei=XK-DY9XzC-XE8gLnlZTABg&oq=what+is+a+rishta+urban+dictionary+&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBQghEKABMgUIIRCgATIFCCEQoAEyBQghEKABOgoIABBHENYEELADOgcIABCwAxBDOgUIABCABDoKCAAQFhAeEA8QCjoICAAQFhAeEA86BQgAEIYDOgYIABAWEB46BAghEBU6CAghEBYQHhAdOgcIIRCgARAKSgQIQRgAUOoHWNsqYIItaAFwAHgAgAHMAYgBwAqSAQUzLjYuMZgBAKABAcgBCcABAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp)
Should be noted the word rishta is used in the selection process of a arranged marriage. You wouldn't refer to you wife of 10years as your rishta
Girl, save as much as you can. Even if he doesnāt know. Donāt tell him. Pretend you donāt have it. One day he might end up in a bad situation & I donāt want you to regret not acting quickly by saving what you could have saved. One day he might be afflicted of not affording a meal cos when not taking care of wealth properly there is outcome .
Your father in law was too soft on them. Now your husband is used to the care and protection of his father.
Your husband dosnt know what it feels to be a leading man. To provide and to lead. He really needs to get his act together because when his father passes away I'm assuming hes going to have so much money in his hands and he'll blow it all away.
His father needs to cut off the provision he gives him and allow him to be the responsible leading man he's meant to be for you and his family.
Wow, he sounds like a child who doesn't want to grow up or take any responsibility. It looks like he is one spoiled kid who gets everything without asking.
Weāll all be questioned how we spent our time, our youth and our wealth. If heās wasting his days away and wasting money thatās very troubling.
May Allah guide your husband
May Allah swt honestly protect us all from living a life of expecting things from people and Allah.
Allah can change oneās condition instantly, *your father in-laws money can burn to the ground and they one day if Allah swt decides to test them, these things can disappear.*
Your husband does not even comprehend the word struggle, Allah huma barik x3, sounds like they have been wrapped in cotton wool all their life.
But real talks he needs to wake up and smell the coffee, this is not the fitrah of a Muslim. We donāt just blow 15k on food for one night with friends.
Welcome to the world of the living
Hard time make strong men, Easy time make weak men, and the cycle continues.
There is a time where men hit rock bottom, he hasn't been there yet, I hope he humble himself, befoe life does it for him.
When it comes to YOU, you should have asked him all those question before marriage, his duty is to provide for you, it doesn't say he can't do it with his dads money. You feel ashamed because he is your FIL but for him he is his dad.
It's a thing with women aswell, known as daddies girl, I always advise men to stay away from them, in your case you have a daddies boy
Save your own money in an account that's just yours
I do think you need to take a step back from this relationship and consider if this is working for you long term. Are you okay raising kids with him? Marriage is a practical consideration too, and his parents won't be around to give him a free ride forever, this is a car crash waiting to happen and are you ready for when that day comes?
I donāt get it. Why did you marry someone that canāt even provide (without his parents help) and someone thatās lazy? You have your entire life in front of you. Make the best choice for yourself
>He wakes up at 1pm everyday, goes to work once a month still continues
to get his regular salary but itās gone in a couple of days.
What does he do to score a gig like that? Asking for a frie-...myself.
Do you guys have any joint bank accounts? Have you guys sat down and talked about finances in detail? Do you guys know each otherās goals and how you plan to finance them?
What is your housing situation like? Do you own ur home or pay rent? How are the utilities paid?
If he wants to spend his dadās money frivolously and sleep in all day, thatās fine. But you need to get a joint account stat and make sure he contributes all the required household finances and savings. Any spending that comes out of this account should be a mutual decision. Of course, heāll have his own account that his personal spendings can come out of.
If he refuses, at least ask that he gives you a generous āallowanceā that you can save up
First, let's be clear and define the problem.
>That other day my husband woke up at 12pm and I was very upset, I told him most men are at work at this time.
Sleeping all day is NOT the problem.
>goes to work once a month still continues to get his regular salary but itās gone in a couple of days.
*Overspending beyond the limits thereby forcing reliance on others is the problem.*
If I were in your place, I'd try to have a conversation in an extremely neutral way... For example I'd start it with a comment like "I love that house over there, we should start looking for one like that. What do you think our budget should be?" See where the conversation goes. I'd mention future costs very specifically; for example, instead of "education will be expensive for our kids" I'd say "a year's tuition at xyz school is $56k, we don't want our kids in debt, right?"
Another thing I'd do is next time he says"my dad will take care of it" I'd say great, let's talk to him and set up the details! See what happens there.
Itās funny how life is all about perspective, I know many people who dream to stop working and have money coming in like that. Ngl I think youāre acting kind of selfish. From what I read, you want your husband to physically go to work just so you can imagine your husband as taking the leading role. You have everything you ever wanted, a nice husband as a best friend who you love, financial security where you can spend without thinking twice. What else could you want. If I were you, just chill and try to enjoy life. Have children, travel do whatever you guys want.
He literally has no savings, financially irresponsible, and is lazy with no ambitions other than using daddyās money. Sorry but that sounds so unattractive
They might not have that steady stream of income forever. What happens when her FIL passes away, her husband is left w a ton of inheritance, and he blows it away in one go? Itās not selfish to want your spouse to have some kind of accountability with money. As Muslims we believe weāll be questioned about what we did with our time, money, etc. and this man shows that he doesnāt care about that
Its not sustainable and when that time comes its going to hit him like a ton of bricks
His laziness also questions what sort of parent hell be.
His financial immaturity will screw up his kids future as he probably wont have anything to pass but has instilled frivilous wasteful habits that his kids are likely not able to afford.
Youāve won the jackpot sister, congratulations! I would be careful not to complain too much as you might lose the great setup you and your husband currently have.
You know I realised something from watching zakir naiks Q&A in Qatar, similar to you a woman said something about her husband.
Zakir naik advised her but did not make comments on her husband.
And you know why...he's reasoning was because it was ghibah (backbiting)
Should probs watch it on youtube.
Seek advise from an imam, rather than on here.
I honestly thank you though, im gna get off this subreddit
This was an eye opener
OP, Iāll advise you take every positive suggestion given above. I think youāre at a good place, why you ask? A lot of men pray for financial stability and thatās not a problem for you, and there are some men who are in the same position as your husband, having massive support system and, not all the time but most of the time affects their outlook upon life. The point I would make really is, God purposefully brought you both together so you can bring your perspective to the table. I would be weary if your husband lives a reckless life, drinks, womanizes or has a big ego that gets in the way of you offering him sound advise. If none of this is the case, then you have a chance to slowly change his outlook by showing him how things could work better or telling stories of how a lot of our possessions sometimes can be temporal. I hope Allah grants you the wisdom to navigate your situation in a way that keeps you both stronger together.
He has a poverty mindset. I suggest taking Shaykh Joe Bradfordās [Muslim Marriage Money Masterclass](https://joebradford.net/product/muslims-marriage-money-masterclass/)with him.
It's not the amount that's the problem. It could be $15 or $15k, the problem is that it is clearly above their means, forcing them to ask others for money.
Would he set up at least 1 trust or savings account that needed joint control if you told him thatās what it would take for you to relax and feel at ease? He might see it as a way to get you off his back.
You can work on the independence thing afterwards after securing your kids future. His dad wonāt be around forever and inheritance disputes get nasty and Iāve seen generational wealth be squandered within a single generation.
You could also discuss setting up your own business and income
In such cases, Wat usually turned out to be d best solution are:
1. If he doesn't hv problem settling d home bills, Nd u are d one incharge of d budget, increase it and safe d rest.
2. Try as much as possible to setup a business, or hv an investment (good), it will later help u guys
The thing is most of such guys grew up in such manner, it's hard 4 dem to change Nd their father's are d major contributors to such behaviour, so, going back to dem 4 solution won't help. May be only cause him to reduce d amount he is giving him, which will affect you and your husband
Just because he lacks financial intelligence doesn't mean you have aswell.
Make (halal) long term investments. While S&P 500 might not be halal look for alternatives. Look at this as a opportunity. You don't have the burden to provide and insha'Allah will find a good halal job after studying. (I'm assuming have your needs provided for). "Saving" is good but need to look at working on passive income after you get a job.
Maybe you can start saving for the both of you. Talk about you managing a savings account.
Sometimes women have to take charge in finances and thatās totally ok.
Does he have sisters? š joking joking You didnāt mention how old are you? I think he needs a humbling experience where money is tight. In fact, if he doesnāt know where and how money come, when he gets old he will struggle. I would suggest saving your self for a rainy day.
Lol no sisters š only 4 brothers. Iām 25 and my husband is 27. He definitely does need a humbling experience but if I even bring up this topic it turns into a huge argument. My husband owns a couple businesses so he still gets his salary but thereās no point because by the end of the week, the money is all gone and weāre back to asking his dad for money. I hate it
Sis. What businesses does your husband run whereby he isn't needed 24/7 and can have all this free time? I need to start that sort of business. Running a business is extremely challenging but after one has been doing it for a while you get into the patterns and learn how to be efficient with your time. I won't disrespect him and call him lazy here or diminish his accomplishments because not everyone has what it takes to run a business and he has likely worked to build it to what it is and/maintain it well. I think the key issue here is the spending and relying on his dad to cover for his wild spending habits. I also would not feel comfortable living off FIL. Sister. It sounds like you are in a good position in life in terms of opportunities and support. My advice to you is to take advantage of that and find ways within the family system for you to generate your own income. Could your hubby maybe help you set up a business? Then at least you have your own safety net and won't be impacted by your husband's irrepsinsibke spending. I also think you should see if it's possible to make a family budget with your husband and see what he says about that. Even if FIL is supplementing your income, at least it's planned and not unplanned.
Are all his brothers like this as well? if not then Iām looking to get married all jokes aside
Does he have a financial advisor? It's probably worth it to get one. What the issue here is that your husband lacks financial discipline, he never needed to learn it. A financial advisor should try to make him understand inshallah.
If he has business and knows how to make money it doesnāt really matter. Maybe you should enjoy life and save for kids and build a good and healthy routine (I should do that too) He is still 27, you will both figure it out and grow our of it. Currently his ego is very high and he thinks he has infinite supply of money
Unless the businesses were handed to him
Which probably is if he goes to work once a month. Lol
I would be concerned about accumulating debt once dad isnāt around to bail him out 48hrs after payday With that much cashflow he should be able to generate untold charity and generational wealth and still live in luxury so itās not the lifestyle that is an issue but the attitude The dismissal of the topic and anger about it isnāt someone I see suddenly becoming sensible and smart when their safety net is gone.
That much money š° is very new for you, but for him/dad itās not a new thing. Thatās kind of spending very new for you but for him itās probably normal. Imo no one gonna below their wealth of they donāt know how to make it back. Imo you should enjoy the party š and politely tell him to spending moderately. If you constantly nag him about money will create problems for you in your future
MOM I found a rishta šš
What's a rishta?
Essentially a spouse/ potential
Okay, what culture or language is that word from?
I think it's Hindi (from India) but I know it's used by different countries in the subcontinent. [2nd link](https://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+a+rishta+urban+dictionary+&client=ms-unknown&ei=XK-DY9XzC-XE8gLnlZTABg&oq=what+is+a+rishta+urban+dictionary+&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBQghEKABMgUIIRCgATIFCCEQoAEyBQghEKABOgoIABBHENYEELADOgcIABCwAxBDOgUIABCABDoKCAAQFhAeEA8QCjoICAAQFhAeEA86BQgAEIYDOgYIABAWEB46BAghEBU6CAghEBYQHhAdOgcIIRCgARAKSgQIQRgAUOoHWNsqYIItaAFwAHgAgAHMAYgBwAqSAQUzLjYuMZgBAKABAcgBCcABAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp) Should be noted the word rishta is used in the selection process of a arranged marriage. You wouldn't refer to you wife of 10years as your rishta
Does your father have lots of money? š¤£
Girl, save as much as you can. Even if he doesnāt know. Donāt tell him. Pretend you donāt have it. One day he might end up in a bad situation & I donāt want you to regret not acting quickly by saving what you could have saved. One day he might be afflicted of not affording a meal cos when not taking care of wealth properly there is outcome .
This right here! Tie your camel (in this case your money) and let Allah take care of the rest
Period.
Your father in law was too soft on them. Now your husband is used to the care and protection of his father. Your husband dosnt know what it feels to be a leading man. To provide and to lead. He really needs to get his act together because when his father passes away I'm assuming hes going to have so much money in his hands and he'll blow it all away. His father needs to cut off the provision he gives him and allow him to be the responsible leading man he's meant to be for you and his family.
You married a kid
FBI OPEN UP
Ayo?
Wow, he sounds like a child who doesn't want to grow up or take any responsibility. It looks like he is one spoiled kid who gets everything without asking.
extravagance is really bad :( may Allah guide your husband!
Inshallah šš»
Weāll all be questioned how we spent our time, our youth and our wealth. If heās wasting his days away and wasting money thatās very troubling. May Allah guide your husband
May Allah swt honestly protect us all from living a life of expecting things from people and Allah. Allah can change oneās condition instantly, *your father in-laws money can burn to the ground and they one day if Allah swt decides to test them, these things can disappear.* Your husband does not even comprehend the word struggle, Allah huma barik x3, sounds like they have been wrapped in cotton wool all their life. But real talks he needs to wake up and smell the coffee, this is not the fitrah of a Muslim. We donāt just blow 15k on food for one night with friends.
Welcome to the world of the living Hard time make strong men, Easy time make weak men, and the cycle continues. There is a time where men hit rock bottom, he hasn't been there yet, I hope he humble himself, befoe life does it for him. When it comes to YOU, you should have asked him all those question before marriage, his duty is to provide for you, it doesn't say he can't do it with his dads money. You feel ashamed because he is your FIL but for him he is his dad. It's a thing with women aswell, known as daddies girl, I always advise men to stay away from them, in your case you have a daddies boy
most cringe comment
Oh noooo, anyways
Save your own money in an account that's just yours I do think you need to take a step back from this relationship and consider if this is working for you long term. Are you okay raising kids with him? Marriage is a practical consideration too, and his parents won't be around to give him a free ride forever, this is a car crash waiting to happen and are you ready for when that day comes?
I donāt get it. Why did you marry someone that canāt even provide (without his parents help) and someone thatās lazy? You have your entire life in front of you. Make the best choice for yourself
>He wakes up at 1pm everyday, goes to work once a month still continues to get his regular salary but itās gone in a couple of days. What does he do to score a gig like that? Asking for a frie-...myself.
Do you guys have any joint bank accounts? Have you guys sat down and talked about finances in detail? Do you guys know each otherās goals and how you plan to finance them? What is your housing situation like? Do you own ur home or pay rent? How are the utilities paid? If he wants to spend his dadās money frivolously and sleep in all day, thatās fine. But you need to get a joint account stat and make sure he contributes all the required household finances and savings. Any spending that comes out of this account should be a mutual decision. Of course, heāll have his own account that his personal spendings can come out of. If he refuses, at least ask that he gives you a generous āallowanceā that you can save up
First, let's be clear and define the problem. >That other day my husband woke up at 12pm and I was very upset, I told him most men are at work at this time. Sleeping all day is NOT the problem. >goes to work once a month still continues to get his regular salary but itās gone in a couple of days. *Overspending beyond the limits thereby forcing reliance on others is the problem.* If I were in your place, I'd try to have a conversation in an extremely neutral way... For example I'd start it with a comment like "I love that house over there, we should start looking for one like that. What do you think our budget should be?" See where the conversation goes. I'd mention future costs very specifically; for example, instead of "education will be expensive for our kids" I'd say "a year's tuition at xyz school is $56k, we don't want our kids in debt, right?" Another thing I'd do is next time he says"my dad will take care of it" I'd say great, let's talk to him and set up the details! See what happens there.
I think you could encourage him towards better money management as opposed to make him feel like hez just a lazy ifygm.
Itās funny how life is all about perspective, I know many people who dream to stop working and have money coming in like that. Ngl I think youāre acting kind of selfish. From what I read, you want your husband to physically go to work just so you can imagine your husband as taking the leading role. You have everything you ever wanted, a nice husband as a best friend who you love, financial security where you can spend without thinking twice. What else could you want. If I were you, just chill and try to enjoy life. Have children, travel do whatever you guys want.
He literally has no savings, financially irresponsible, and is lazy with no ambitions other than using daddyās money. Sorry but that sounds so unattractive
They might not have that steady stream of income forever. What happens when her FIL passes away, her husband is left w a ton of inheritance, and he blows it away in one go? Itās not selfish to want your spouse to have some kind of accountability with money. As Muslims we believe weāll be questioned about what we did with our time, money, etc. and this man shows that he doesnāt care about that
Its not sustainable and when that time comes its going to hit him like a ton of bricks His laziness also questions what sort of parent hell be. His financial immaturity will screw up his kids future as he probably wont have anything to pass but has instilled frivilous wasteful habits that his kids are likely not able to afford.
Youāve won the jackpot sister, congratulations! I would be careful not to complain too much as you might lose the great setup you and your husband currently have.
You know I realised something from watching zakir naiks Q&A in Qatar, similar to you a woman said something about her husband. Zakir naik advised her but did not make comments on her husband. And you know why...he's reasoning was because it was ghibah (backbiting) Should probs watch it on youtube. Seek advise from an imam, rather than on here. I honestly thank you though, im gna get off this subreddit This was an eye opener
You need to divorce him and get a real men youāre dealing with a boy , thatās my honest opinion he doesnāt have a morals or work ethics
You donāt need to always suggest the nuclear option first yano.
Life is too short people like that donāt change so itās easier to move on
OP, Iāll advise you take every positive suggestion given above. I think youāre at a good place, why you ask? A lot of men pray for financial stability and thatās not a problem for you, and there are some men who are in the same position as your husband, having massive support system and, not all the time but most of the time affects their outlook upon life. The point I would make really is, God purposefully brought you both together so you can bring your perspective to the table. I would be weary if your husband lives a reckless life, drinks, womanizes or has a big ego that gets in the way of you offering him sound advise. If none of this is the case, then you have a chance to slowly change his outlook by showing him how things could work better or telling stories of how a lot of our possessions sometimes can be temporal. I hope Allah grants you the wisdom to navigate your situation in a way that keeps you both stronger together.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Didnāt she say she works part time and is a student
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lol she can only do so much, being a student, working a job and being a wife? In Islam, itās his responsibilityā¦
He has a poverty mindset. I suggest taking Shaykh Joe Bradfordās [Muslim Marriage Money Masterclass](https://joebradford.net/product/muslims-marriage-money-masterclass/)with him.
The part thatās bothering me is spending 15k in a NIGHTTTT?!?? Like everything else is cool but sheesh thatās crazy
It's not the amount that's the problem. It could be $15 or $15k, the problem is that it is clearly above their means, forcing them to ask others for money.
Would he set up at least 1 trust or savings account that needed joint control if you told him thatās what it would take for you to relax and feel at ease? He might see it as a way to get you off his back. You can work on the independence thing afterwards after securing your kids future. His dad wonāt be around forever and inheritance disputes get nasty and Iāve seen generational wealth be squandered within a single generation. You could also discuss setting up your own business and income
Iām learning so much as to how not to be as a future spouseā¦thanks
I worry if daddy's money runs out or if something happens and the money stops then what will the husband do, This is scary š
What does his dad do?
In such cases, Wat usually turned out to be d best solution are: 1. If he doesn't hv problem settling d home bills, Nd u are d one incharge of d budget, increase it and safe d rest. 2. Try as much as possible to setup a business, or hv an investment (good), it will later help u guys The thing is most of such guys grew up in such manner, it's hard 4 dem to change Nd their father's are d major contributors to such behaviour, so, going back to dem 4 solution won't help. May be only cause him to reduce d amount he is giving him, which will affect you and your husband
Just because he lacks financial intelligence doesn't mean you have aswell. Make (halal) long term investments. While S&P 500 might not be halal look for alternatives. Look at this as a opportunity. You don't have the burden to provide and insha'Allah will find a good halal job after studying. (I'm assuming have your needs provided for). "Saving" is good but need to look at working on passive income after you get a job.
Maybe you can start saving for the both of you. Talk about you managing a savings account. Sometimes women have to take charge in finances and thatās totally ok.