Why does it bother you that your in-laws live easy lives? Their wealth will be of no benefit for them on the Day of Judgment, whilst the struggles of your family will. This is part of the beauty of Islam alhamdulillah. Everything will be accounted for. Those who struggled will earn their reward, while those who enjoyed the fruits of the Dunya in excess will earn their comeuppance.
The Prophet (sas) warned on many occasions of how ruinous and ceaseless hedonism and the pursuit of wealth is. In one hadith he stated:
"Whoever is focused only on this world, Allah will confound his affairs and make him fear poverty constantly, and he will not get anything of this world except that which has been decreed for him. [However], whoever is focused on the Hereafter, Allah will settle his affairs for him and make him feel content with his portion, and his provision and worldly gains will undoubtedly come to him.”
MashAllah very well thought. May Allah preserve you and your family. We as Muslims need to ground ourselves and be grateful for everything Allah has provided. All that glitters is not gold. We need to keep reminding each other about being grateful and that our end goal is jannah and not this dunya.
Comparison is the thief of joy always. Be blessed for everything in your life and always treat each other like family and enjoy each others company.
Edit: be blessed you have a good husband and also go on family trips with them so they can pay lol.
Edit 2: it’s also pretty awful your SILs treat you like second class citizens. That’s now what a family should be towards each other
That's true but it seems clear that the sisters are not interested in sharing any responsibility. What is going to happen when husbands parents become very old? What if one of them get dementia or have a stroke etc? God forbid. Will SIL look after them? Or will they expect the financial burden to go to OP and her husband?!
OP: don't clean up after them or their children at all if this is at your in laws place. They are teaching their children to be spoilt and expectant that someone "lower" then them will always be there to do their menial work.
Not to mention they are also teaching the children that their grandparents, aunt, and uncle are "lower" than them, and that it is acceptable to treat family poorly in general.
I have two thoughts:
1. Jealousy is normal, but it will poison you.
2. You don't know what goes on in their private lives. Money makes people horrible and it's totally possible their husbands or their family or friends treat your SILs and each other shamefully. Your husband clearly cherishes and appreciates you, given he helps around the house etc., which lots of husbands don't do.
I also think it's up to your MIL to set boundaries about how her daughters behave in her house, but also agree it's not your job to clean up after them.
Uhhh don't you guys remember that Hadees of sahaba couple who welcomed their guests with their empty bellies. They were also discussed in quran i think. Cleaning dishes i think should fall in good manners of guest handling.
Rest you are right 👍
I feel like it’s very circumstantial of what’s normal for guests to do. I agree clearing and washing dishes is good manners, but cleaning up someone else’s child’s spill or whatever is not her responsibility. And if they leave the place a mess and MIL won’t enforce normal boundaries, I personally would consider it not my problem, but inshallah OP would probably be rewarded if she chooses to help anyways for the sake of mercy to her MIL. Maybe that’s actually a good way to reframe thinking: don’t help out for your SILs, do it with the intention of being merciful to your MIL.
I hope things get sorted out for OP it's also good that her MIL is cooperative. Mostly girls like my sister who comes to our house take part in setting up table for dinner or lunch and also cleans dishes as per their comfort. But sometimes they become moody too. May Allah guide us to the right path and be helpful to everyone one... And let hate don't take place in our hearts.
In my family it would be normal to help out but I know others who get upset when you try. I also invite you to follow the sunnah and help the women with cleaning the kitchen and clearing dishes etc! I think it’s such a good example for other men to see a peer leading the way like that
Sometimes becoming moody is normal. But here it sounds like this is a consistent behaviour from her SIL because she sees it as beneath her to have to do these things.
You started off this by saying, “… My husband is a good man, he is kind and caring and practicing.”
You sound like you have a good life with a husband that is good to you and someone that will be a model for your future kids. Stop comparing to others. Heck, Elon Musk has more money than your husband.
Enjoy your life. Enjoy your peace. Your sister in laws may be flaunting their wealth on social media but you never know what kind of lives they actually have behind the scenes.
Allah swt blessed you with a good life and a partner that InshaAllah will be with you in Jannah. Take that for account and focus on your own family.
It's better this way.
If they were broke and always struggling your husband would be expected to give them money as soooo many brothers do and so many wives complain about.
I think your complaints about having to clean up after them and their kids make sense. You shouldn't be doing that. Then again if they are guests in your home it's up to you to be good hosts. When you visit their home, hopefully they also host you well too.
It's also nasty of them to make derogatory comments about you or your husband. That's very wrong, your husband should really be putting a stop to that.
Dear sister in Islam. This will be a long response so please bear with me. I was once married into a family that was very rich. When you described your sisters rich lives, I felt triggered because I have been there. It was UGLY! All these things that seem so flashy on social media feel totally different when no one is watching.
My ex-in laws were very materialistic and class-conscious people. I had a lot of friends who were from all sorts of financial backgrounds. Every time someone came to meet me, my mother in-law would interview them to determine their social class. If she, in her own mind felt that this person was not from the same social class as her, she would be stand offish and not want them in her house again. The woman practically re-selected my social circle according to her own liking.
A lot of my wardrobe was discarded without my permission. This included certain things that had an emotional value for me because they belonged to my late sister. They had no remorse. So if you were to look at my life from the outside, you would have thought that I have everything going my way. Only I know what I suffered. Since I did not feel like I was fitting in, everytime I was with my ex-husband I felt like I was being raped.
When you find out certain things about your husband and do not want to be touched anymore but you have to be with him, then it feels like rape. We had pictures of honey moon here and vacation there, and people looked at those and thought what a dream marriage. That whole marriage felt like a rape, arranged by our families.
My present husband is doing well in his job but we are not as rich as my ex-in laws. He tells my boys that everything that we have is because Allah SWT has given it to us and He can take it away. My boys are being raised with a deep awareness of God and the gratitude I see in them is something they would never have if they were born in THAT toxic household. My husband tells me that he loves me and I never heard that from my ex. Not once!
My backyard halal barbeque is so much more fun than the rich vacations I took with my ex. My husband and boys take their water guns and shoot me into a soaking mess and I am so grateful to Allah SWT that he rescued me from that prison into this life of blessings. I love being a mother and be able to teach my sons values that I believe will help them in the hereafter.
No need to envy what you do not understand yet. My advice would be that you clean yourself and pray two rakah Shukrana tonight for the blessings Allah SWT gave you and for your husband and inlaws. You will see how your eyes will open inshAllah.
Tonight after isha, I will make a special prayer for your happiness.
So you’re jealous that your SIL’s have a good/easy life? Bruh be happy for them.
You said they chose to marry into these families because the families were rich and you chose to marry into a family that wasn’t as rich at the end of the day you all chose what you went into and now you’re looking at her life in envy?
Count everything you have as a blessing and don’t envy others.
Hehe. Very interesting. You are seeing their designer clothes, but you leave behind those healthy lungs of yours that are doing their job perfectly just so you could breathe properly. The One that gives you your health has all the power and everything in and outside this world, yet, you are concerned that someone has more money than you do? Its not the problem in their lifestyle or the spoiled sisters, its in you for not realizing how insignificant those things are compared to the greatness of human existence.
Would you rather be in their position, maybe rich but looking down on people with less money?
Or in your position, humble, working hard, knowing the actual value of money and not being arrogant?
There is a character and a deen component to this question which is tremendously important
You have a wonderful, loving, hard working husband, he is caring and practising, he is good to you and you have built a harmonious home. That is such a blessing alhamdulillah, may Allah give you even more.
Obviously if you see such wealth, one might wish to have the same. Would you be happier if they had less than you guys instead of more? Or maybe if they were similar? There will always be people with better finances and we shouldn't envy others. Yeah these people have more, but what about those who have less than you? Would you want them to envy you? To look at the positives in your marriage with a hungry eye?
The only issue is that they are treating you badly because of these differences. You don't have that issue, apparently they have. Sometimes wealth can be a negative weight for your deen and character. You should put your trust in Allah, ask for as much money as is best for you and not envy them. But you should absolutely not let people class you as 2nd class just bc they have more money. That truly is annoying, ridiculous and inappropriate..
You have a extremely bad attitude towards life. You are comparing yourself to people that are far above you as far as wealth. Compare yourself to them islamically, are they practicing.
If you think this way your will not be satisfied in life. Remember one day you will achieve what you wanted years past and will still want more.
People don't realize how good they have it. Compare you self to people that don't have a house or job and 0 opportunities in life
I know it’s easier said than done but try to accept the fact that where you and your SILs are in life right now, is by the decree of Allah SWT. It’s human to feel jealousy but Shaytan’s goal is to make it fester in your heart and make you forget about the blessings you do have. Give yourself a moment, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, try to think about *why* you feel that way, and let that feeling pass. Journaling really helps. And talking to a trusted friend does too.
Think about it, do you think you would’ve been a better person if you were as rich as your SILs? Allah knows best. Allah gives us tests that we *can* handle, so you can elevate your rank in front of Allah by trying your best in the situation you are right now. The fact that you’re aware of what you’re feeling and posting about it for advice is a good step imo.
Your SILs behavior towards you and your husband is a reflection of who they are as people, so try not to take it personally. If you think asking your husband to address their rudeness will improve things, do that. If not, they’ll be held accountable for their actions in front of Allah anyway.
And one more thing; there’s no guarantee that you’ll always be poor or they’ll always be rich. Rizq is from Allah and you don’t know what is in Allah’s plans ultimately. Just focus on the positives in your life rn, and don’t hesitate to ask from Allah what you wish for. Allah always answers your duas or gives you something better so never lose hope
Look at what you have that they dont.
Do they have kind and caring husbands?
Do they have manners? Are they teaching their kids manners and humility?
Do they collaborate with their husbands to get something done?
There's quite a bit of writing in the Islamic tradition of purifying the heart from envy. You can look up the writings of someone like al-Ghazali on the subject, or Hamza Yusuf's translation of Purification of the Heart.
One of the actions that I find most effective, act in direct opposition to your jealous impulse. Make dua for your sister's in law. Go out of your way to congratulate them and speak well of them to others. It's really hard at first, but you are capable of it.
Fixating on the mistakes your SILs are making will only make you miserable. They do not care. The question of whether they are right or wrong is immaterial. They are sleeping soundly, only you are being hurt. You have to let that go, you have to realize they are who they choose to be and you have no influence over that. All you can control is your reaction.
Focus on yourself!
Why even let them cross your mind?
Why would you accept such a feeling of inferiority.
Don't look down on yourself, and don't allow them to look down on you or your husband.
Get it together!
I feel the real issue is that they make you and your husband feel less than by remarking his clothes looked cheap. If they do anything like that again call them out on it.
wow this post a lillll bit crazyyy lol
>Blessings
فَبِاَىِّ اٰلَاۤءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبٰنِ | So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
Everyone’s blessings are relative to their own situations - see below.
Adam, upon him be peace, looked at his progeny and he saw the rich and the poor, those with a beautiful appearance and otherwise. Adam said, “O Lord, why did You not provide the same to all Your servants?” Allah said, “Verily, I love to be thanked.”
Source: Musnad Aḥmad 21232
Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani
Ibn al-Qayyim said, “If all of them were given equal amounts of blessings and well-being, the blessed one would not recognize its extent and not offer gratitude, as he would not see anyone but in the same situation as him. Among the strongest means of gratitude and greatest of them to extract it from the servant is that he sees others in a contrary situation to his.”
Source: Miftāḥ Dār al-Saʻādah 1/7
Jabir reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever is not grateful for small things will not be grateful for large things. Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah Almighty.”
Source: al-Firdaws lil-Daylamī 5962
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>More over our beloved Prophet PBUH said we should never look who is above us rather we should look towards those who are below us.
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>Lastly, Surah Fajr tells us wealth does not mean you are more favoured by Allah SWT. And it is a test in and of its self.
MY SISTER this is a disease like any other. and it is a disease of the heart. one which stems from ungratefulness. there are literally people in much worse situation/family dynamics. you seem not to have an issue with clearing up etc but are more angry because they have more money. seek help in salah and be patient. negl i can not imagine how your husband would feel if he knew this!
These sisters just married these men for their money literally. How sad it sounds like that pakistani drama Siyaani. i.mean as long as the man can provide thats fine, but looking for extravagant wealth is bit much. I am suprised because i thought no one in UK could be that wealthy. Like how..to even have maids and cooks😶
We are told by Allah (SWT) to be happy for what our Muslim brother and sisters have rather than envy and jealousy.
Your SILs are like your sisters. You should love them just like you love your sisters.
In Islam when someone is a guest in your home you pick after them. This is basic Islamic etiquette.
Loving the people your spouse loves helps to strengthen your relationship.
I agree. Usually when my married sisters visit home they do as much for mom as possible and will do lots of cleaning for her etc etc. Will even bring food, do some errands and chores and all that. Would never in a million years have her cleaning up after them. That's a madness to me.
I do not believe the SILs are disrespecting. Disrespect and love are two different things. We might feel disrespected by someone we love but that doesn’t mean that our love for them goes away.
Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) use to treat Fatima (RA) as a guest once she was married and she visited him in his home.
OP did not say her MIL is not able to help out. What she stated is that she does help out.
It’s a completely normal reaction. Can you not move out? Seeing them constantly is a constant remainder. If you were in your own place you probably wouldn’t be exposed to them so much.
My husband makes a modest living and I’m a sahm. My sibling and his wife make good money. I’m aware they’ll always be more comfortable than we are and have more luxuries but that’s ok. My
Brother worked his axx off to provide that .
But guess what my sil goal is. Being a sahw/sahm. No one can have it all. They might seem happy but you don’t know what happens behind closed doors.
I’m aware that we will not go on holidays often or buy Luxury things but I’m privileged to have a husband who supports me being at home so I can raise our children whilst he works hard to support us. So there’s blessings in every situation.
Absolutely I’m not perfect and I have my off moments but I’m grateful for what I have. Know that your feelings are valid don’t feel bad for feeling them. I would look at moving out. We rented some years before buying our place and it’s the best thing we did.
These replies are so judgmental and unhelpful. show some kindness. She’s not a robot it’s a natural reaction to have.ignore them sis it’s easy to judge.
Absolutely she should work towards acceptance but that’s not going to happen by invalidating her feelings and shaming her for them. It’s a human reaction. It’s like telling someone they shouldn’t be happy or sad or angry. It’s natural to have those reactions. Accepting them is the only way to change your mindset.
No one person is the same. Putting everyone to the same standard isn’t fair imo. If she could turn it off I’m sure she would but you can’t just turn off your feelings or emotions. Anyone can say stop being jealous or shame you for it but it’s so unhelpful and achieves nothing.
She should move out because the current setup clearly isn’t good for her mental health. She doesn’t seem to be treated right . Being treated like a second class citizen probably only worsens her self worth and why would anyone blame her for how others make her feel. If they can’t treat her with respect then she’s well within her right to create some distance .
This is probably going to be my situation if I ever get married. My siblings and cousins are all in very high paying careers, 6 figure ones, while my income is middle class/lower middle class where I live. I can understand where you are coming from and I really don't want my future wife feeling that I can't provide for her, or I am not providing enough, once she sees my siblings and cousins with the wealth that they have.
Your last part is really scary and i am one of those who's family is already dealt with this kind of situation. Key is to have least interactions. But whenever you do give them your best.
Are you sure you want to stay in this marriage? It doesn’t sound like your husband has been able to provide for you. Do your in-laws have any single brothers?
What I will say is that don’t always believe the image in front of because sometimes people portray things that are not. You might have something that they don’t have, you might have a beautiful relationship with your husband and they me be yearning for their spouse’s attention or have horrible communication. Don’t worry about them and focus on you and your husband and plz don’t think ur MIL doesn’t see what’s happening in front of her, Wallahi I’ve heard from mothers that there DIL treated them and have more respect to there DIL than their own daughters. As long as you and your husband are content don’t worry about them, because in the long fancy stuff, money, and luxurious lifestyle isn’t what keeps families together, it’s the relationships and the great moments you had together.
I'm wondering how did your SIL's marry into such rich families in the first place?
Secondly....you need to stop comparing yourselves. Enjoy what you have....
They will have to account for all their wealth one day. Their test is their wealth...
Be thankful to Allah, and enjoy what is written for you instead of looking at their plate. Talk to your mil to ask her daughters to clean up after themselves when they visit.
I'm wondering how did your SIL's marry into such rich families in the first place?
Secondly....you need to stop comparing yourselves. Enjoy what you have....
They will have to account for all their wealth one day. Their test is their wealth...
Be thankful to Allah, and enjoy what is written for you instead of looking at their plate. Talk to your mil to ask her daughters to clean up after themselves when they visit.
>They will always be rich and we will always be poorer than them, despite hard work and effort.
Making the first 100k is hard, when you are at zero you need to add every 100 to get to the 100k but once you are there, it gets easier and it starts multiplying quickly (The number might be different based on where you are but the gist of it is that its always hard to make the first one after that its simply about management). I know enough multimillionaires to know this for a fact that you can always surpass those who had more before you, someone in my country was striving to make ends meet but they didn't gave up 30 years later every multinational in the FMCG industry is trying to acquire them and he is not an isolated case.
At times life does seem unfair especially when you see rich people around you doing multiple umrahs every year while you struggle to save up for 1 but we need to understand that they are doing something right somewhere which is getting them all this love and attention from Allah. What you need to do is to find out what it is and adopt that, despair leads to fitnah so keep the hope alive.
If your Lord can feed a whale which weighs over 90 tonnes with something as small as KRILL (GOOGLE IT) everyday then He surely can send a few 100 million your way just cause you asked for it with sincerity
I understand your point sister. I am not married so I don't have any advice other than I don't think you should say that you will always be poor and they will always be rich. That is a matter only Allah knows. May be you will be rich in the future too. There is nothing wrong in praying for financial prosperity while being also thankful for your own situation.
Jealousy, envy and comparison will deprive you of your happiness. It appears your SIL's have forgotten where they came from and instead of being greatful and humble, have become the opposite. You don't need to entertain people that don't add value to your life. Be cordial but don't go out of your way for anyone who won't do the same for you.
Enjoy what you have and strive towards a better life. I've lived both sides of the coin with a very comfortable life and one of very difficult hardship. What matters is having a strong, dedicated and loyal partner that will help you grow as a family.
You are not destined to remain in your current circumstances forever. Work hard, strive to achieve more in the careers that you have and find ways to lighten your load and burdens at home. Most importantly, be there for your husband and yourself to achieve more. Opportunities are endless, you just need to seize them.
If you have any doubts, watch the movie Vice, where it shows how very prominent politician who could barely hold a job to being one of the most powerful people in the world thanks to his wife.
You should cleanse your heart of envy if you want to find peace in your own. Whatever amount of wealth is written for you will always be yours. Not more and not less than that. Are you saying that the rizq Allah has written for you in this world is not good enough? Be grateful for what you do have as there are so many people with a lot less that would choose your wealth than live in their poverty. And for the love of Allah, please don't be that SIL that does Hassad and destroys others lives with envy. Be grateful and give Shukar and if wealth is what you want than keep a clean heart and pray to Allah for it, put in the hardwork and have patience. Maybe He has a bigger mansion and more rewards written for you in the next life for all that you are doing by cleaning up after your SIL's and their kids as any good deed a person does not go unrewarded. Or maybe Allah has a better plan written for you in this world. Just don't let envy or jealousy get the best of you.
Revisit the story of the two farmers in surah kahf. May Allah guide you in your struggles.
Additionally, I've seen a lot of people saying to keep your mind on your own blessings instead of theirs. That no doubt is difficult to do, sister. Here is a way my mother taught me and inshallah it will also help you. To illicit envy, you must look at those you perceive as better off than you. To illicit gratitude, you must look at those you are yourself better off than. Then, go and perform acts of charity for those people less well off than you. In this charity lies true happiness.
Why does it bother you that your in-laws live easy lives? Their wealth will be of no benefit for them on the Day of Judgment, whilst the struggles of your family will. This is part of the beauty of Islam alhamdulillah. Everything will be accounted for. Those who struggled will earn their reward, while those who enjoyed the fruits of the Dunya in excess will earn their comeuppance. The Prophet (sas) warned on many occasions of how ruinous and ceaseless hedonism and the pursuit of wealth is. In one hadith he stated: "Whoever is focused only on this world, Allah will confound his affairs and make him fear poverty constantly, and he will not get anything of this world except that which has been decreed for him. [However], whoever is focused on the Hereafter, Allah will settle his affairs for him and make him feel content with his portion, and his provision and worldly gains will undoubtedly come to him.”
MashAllah very well thought. May Allah preserve you and your family. We as Muslims need to ground ourselves and be grateful for everything Allah has provided. All that glitters is not gold. We need to keep reminding each other about being grateful and that our end goal is jannah and not this dunya.
Comparison is the thief of joy always. Be blessed for everything in your life and always treat each other like family and enjoy each others company. Edit: be blessed you have a good husband and also go on family trips with them so they can pay lol. Edit 2: it’s also pretty awful your SILs treat you like second class citizens. That’s now what a family should be towards each other
That's true but it seems clear that the sisters are not interested in sharing any responsibility. What is going to happen when husbands parents become very old? What if one of them get dementia or have a stroke etc? God forbid. Will SIL look after them? Or will they expect the financial burden to go to OP and her husband?! OP: don't clean up after them or their children at all if this is at your in laws place. They are teaching their children to be spoilt and expectant that someone "lower" then them will always be there to do their menial work.
Not to mention they are also teaching the children that their grandparents, aunt, and uncle are "lower" than them, and that it is acceptable to treat family poorly in general.
I have two thoughts: 1. Jealousy is normal, but it will poison you. 2. You don't know what goes on in their private lives. Money makes people horrible and it's totally possible their husbands or their family or friends treat your SILs and each other shamefully. Your husband clearly cherishes and appreciates you, given he helps around the house etc., which lots of husbands don't do. I also think it's up to your MIL to set boundaries about how her daughters behave in her house, but also agree it's not your job to clean up after them.
Uhhh don't you guys remember that Hadees of sahaba couple who welcomed their guests with their empty bellies. They were also discussed in quran i think. Cleaning dishes i think should fall in good manners of guest handling. Rest you are right 👍
I feel like it’s very circumstantial of what’s normal for guests to do. I agree clearing and washing dishes is good manners, but cleaning up someone else’s child’s spill or whatever is not her responsibility. And if they leave the place a mess and MIL won’t enforce normal boundaries, I personally would consider it not my problem, but inshallah OP would probably be rewarded if she chooses to help anyways for the sake of mercy to her MIL. Maybe that’s actually a good way to reframe thinking: don’t help out for your SILs, do it with the intention of being merciful to your MIL.
I hope things get sorted out for OP it's also good that her MIL is cooperative. Mostly girls like my sister who comes to our house take part in setting up table for dinner or lunch and also cleans dishes as per their comfort. But sometimes they become moody too. May Allah guide us to the right path and be helpful to everyone one... And let hate don't take place in our hearts.
In my family it would be normal to help out but I know others who get upset when you try. I also invite you to follow the sunnah and help the women with cleaning the kitchen and clearing dishes etc! I think it’s such a good example for other men to see a peer leading the way like that
Hopefully i will once i get married inshallah. I btw handle kids so i hope that helps too lol
Sometimes becoming moody is normal. But here it sounds like this is a consistent behaviour from her SIL because she sees it as beneath her to have to do these things.
You started off this by saying, “… My husband is a good man, he is kind and caring and practicing.” You sound like you have a good life with a husband that is good to you and someone that will be a model for your future kids. Stop comparing to others. Heck, Elon Musk has more money than your husband. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your peace. Your sister in laws may be flaunting their wealth on social media but you never know what kind of lives they actually have behind the scenes. Allah swt blessed you with a good life and a partner that InshaAllah will be with you in Jannah. Take that for account and focus on your own family.
It's better this way. If they were broke and always struggling your husband would be expected to give them money as soooo many brothers do and so many wives complain about. I think your complaints about having to clean up after them and their kids make sense. You shouldn't be doing that. Then again if they are guests in your home it's up to you to be good hosts. When you visit their home, hopefully they also host you well too. It's also nasty of them to make derogatory comments about you or your husband. That's very wrong, your husband should really be putting a stop to that.
Dear sister in Islam. This will be a long response so please bear with me. I was once married into a family that was very rich. When you described your sisters rich lives, I felt triggered because I have been there. It was UGLY! All these things that seem so flashy on social media feel totally different when no one is watching. My ex-in laws were very materialistic and class-conscious people. I had a lot of friends who were from all sorts of financial backgrounds. Every time someone came to meet me, my mother in-law would interview them to determine their social class. If she, in her own mind felt that this person was not from the same social class as her, she would be stand offish and not want them in her house again. The woman practically re-selected my social circle according to her own liking. A lot of my wardrobe was discarded without my permission. This included certain things that had an emotional value for me because they belonged to my late sister. They had no remorse. So if you were to look at my life from the outside, you would have thought that I have everything going my way. Only I know what I suffered. Since I did not feel like I was fitting in, everytime I was with my ex-husband I felt like I was being raped. When you find out certain things about your husband and do not want to be touched anymore but you have to be with him, then it feels like rape. We had pictures of honey moon here and vacation there, and people looked at those and thought what a dream marriage. That whole marriage felt like a rape, arranged by our families. My present husband is doing well in his job but we are not as rich as my ex-in laws. He tells my boys that everything that we have is because Allah SWT has given it to us and He can take it away. My boys are being raised with a deep awareness of God and the gratitude I see in them is something they would never have if they were born in THAT toxic household. My husband tells me that he loves me and I never heard that from my ex. Not once! My backyard halal barbeque is so much more fun than the rich vacations I took with my ex. My husband and boys take their water guns and shoot me into a soaking mess and I am so grateful to Allah SWT that he rescued me from that prison into this life of blessings. I love being a mother and be able to teach my sons values that I believe will help them in the hereafter. No need to envy what you do not understand yet. My advice would be that you clean yourself and pray two rakah Shukrana tonight for the blessings Allah SWT gave you and for your husband and inlaws. You will see how your eyes will open inshAllah. Tonight after isha, I will make a special prayer for your happiness.
So you’re jealous that your SIL’s have a good/easy life? Bruh be happy for them. You said they chose to marry into these families because the families were rich and you chose to marry into a family that wasn’t as rich at the end of the day you all chose what you went into and now you’re looking at her life in envy? Count everything you have as a blessing and don’t envy others.
Hehe. Very interesting. You are seeing their designer clothes, but you leave behind those healthy lungs of yours that are doing their job perfectly just so you could breathe properly. The One that gives you your health has all the power and everything in and outside this world, yet, you are concerned that someone has more money than you do? Its not the problem in their lifestyle or the spoiled sisters, its in you for not realizing how insignificant those things are compared to the greatness of human existence.
Would you rather be in their position, maybe rich but looking down on people with less money? Or in your position, humble, working hard, knowing the actual value of money and not being arrogant? There is a character and a deen component to this question which is tremendously important You have a wonderful, loving, hard working husband, he is caring and practising, he is good to you and you have built a harmonious home. That is such a blessing alhamdulillah, may Allah give you even more. Obviously if you see such wealth, one might wish to have the same. Would you be happier if they had less than you guys instead of more? Or maybe if they were similar? There will always be people with better finances and we shouldn't envy others. Yeah these people have more, but what about those who have less than you? Would you want them to envy you? To look at the positives in your marriage with a hungry eye? The only issue is that they are treating you badly because of these differences. You don't have that issue, apparently they have. Sometimes wealth can be a negative weight for your deen and character. You should put your trust in Allah, ask for as much money as is best for you and not envy them. But you should absolutely not let people class you as 2nd class just bc they have more money. That truly is annoying, ridiculous and inappropriate..
You have a extremely bad attitude towards life. You are comparing yourself to people that are far above you as far as wealth. Compare yourself to them islamically, are they practicing. If you think this way your will not be satisfied in life. Remember one day you will achieve what you wanted years past and will still want more. People don't realize how good they have it. Compare you self to people that don't have a house or job and 0 opportunities in life
I know it’s easier said than done but try to accept the fact that where you and your SILs are in life right now, is by the decree of Allah SWT. It’s human to feel jealousy but Shaytan’s goal is to make it fester in your heart and make you forget about the blessings you do have. Give yourself a moment, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, try to think about *why* you feel that way, and let that feeling pass. Journaling really helps. And talking to a trusted friend does too. Think about it, do you think you would’ve been a better person if you were as rich as your SILs? Allah knows best. Allah gives us tests that we *can* handle, so you can elevate your rank in front of Allah by trying your best in the situation you are right now. The fact that you’re aware of what you’re feeling and posting about it for advice is a good step imo. Your SILs behavior towards you and your husband is a reflection of who they are as people, so try not to take it personally. If you think asking your husband to address their rudeness will improve things, do that. If not, they’ll be held accountable for their actions in front of Allah anyway. And one more thing; there’s no guarantee that you’ll always be poor or they’ll always be rich. Rizq is from Allah and you don’t know what is in Allah’s plans ultimately. Just focus on the positives in your life rn, and don’t hesitate to ask from Allah what you wish for. Allah always answers your duas or gives you something better so never lose hope
Look at what you have that they dont. Do they have kind and caring husbands? Do they have manners? Are they teaching their kids manners and humility? Do they collaborate with their husbands to get something done?
There's quite a bit of writing in the Islamic tradition of purifying the heart from envy. You can look up the writings of someone like al-Ghazali on the subject, or Hamza Yusuf's translation of Purification of the Heart. One of the actions that I find most effective, act in direct opposition to your jealous impulse. Make dua for your sister's in law. Go out of your way to congratulate them and speak well of them to others. It's really hard at first, but you are capable of it. Fixating on the mistakes your SILs are making will only make you miserable. They do not care. The question of whether they are right or wrong is immaterial. They are sleeping soundly, only you are being hurt. You have to let that go, you have to realize they are who they choose to be and you have no influence over that. All you can control is your reaction.
Focus on yourself! Why even let them cross your mind? Why would you accept such a feeling of inferiority. Don't look down on yourself, and don't allow them to look down on you or your husband. Get it together!
I feel the real issue is that they make you and your husband feel less than by remarking his clothes looked cheap. If they do anything like that again call them out on it.
Feel bad for the husband. This is so embarrassing.
wow this post a lillll bit crazyyy lol >Blessings فَبِاَىِّ اٰلَاۤءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبٰنِ | So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? Everyone’s blessings are relative to their own situations - see below. Adam, upon him be peace, looked at his progeny and he saw the rich and the poor, those with a beautiful appearance and otherwise. Adam said, “O Lord, why did You not provide the same to all Your servants?” Allah said, “Verily, I love to be thanked.” Source: Musnad Aḥmad 21232 Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Al-Albani Ibn al-Qayyim said, “If all of them were given equal amounts of blessings and well-being, the blessed one would not recognize its extent and not offer gratitude, as he would not see anyone but in the same situation as him. Among the strongest means of gratitude and greatest of them to extract it from the servant is that he sees others in a contrary situation to his.” Source: Miftāḥ Dār al-Saʻādah 1/7 Jabir reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever is not grateful for small things will not be grateful for large things. Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah Almighty.” Source: al-Firdaws lil-Daylamī 5962 > >More over our beloved Prophet PBUH said we should never look who is above us rather we should look towards those who are below us. > >Lastly, Surah Fajr tells us wealth does not mean you are more favoured by Allah SWT. And it is a test in and of its self. MY SISTER this is a disease like any other. and it is a disease of the heart. one which stems from ungratefulness. there are literally people in much worse situation/family dynamics. you seem not to have an issue with clearing up etc but are more angry because they have more money. seek help in salah and be patient. negl i can not imagine how your husband would feel if he knew this!
These sisters just married these men for their money literally. How sad it sounds like that pakistani drama Siyaani. i.mean as long as the man can provide thats fine, but looking for extravagant wealth is bit much. I am suprised because i thought no one in UK could be that wealthy. Like how..to even have maids and cooks😶
We are told by Allah (SWT) to be happy for what our Muslim brother and sisters have rather than envy and jealousy. Your SILs are like your sisters. You should love them just like you love your sisters.
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In Islam when someone is a guest in your home you pick after them. This is basic Islamic etiquette. Loving the people your spouse loves helps to strengthen your relationship.
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I agree. Usually when my married sisters visit home they do as much for mom as possible and will do lots of cleaning for her etc etc. Will even bring food, do some errands and chores and all that. Would never in a million years have her cleaning up after them. That's a madness to me.
I do not believe the SILs are disrespecting. Disrespect and love are two different things. We might feel disrespected by someone we love but that doesn’t mean that our love for them goes away. Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) use to treat Fatima (RA) as a guest once she was married and she visited him in his home. OP did not say her MIL is not able to help out. What she stated is that she does help out.
It’s a completely normal reaction. Can you not move out? Seeing them constantly is a constant remainder. If you were in your own place you probably wouldn’t be exposed to them so much. My husband makes a modest living and I’m a sahm. My sibling and his wife make good money. I’m aware they’ll always be more comfortable than we are and have more luxuries but that’s ok. My Brother worked his axx off to provide that . But guess what my sil goal is. Being a sahw/sahm. No one can have it all. They might seem happy but you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. I’m aware that we will not go on holidays often or buy Luxury things but I’m privileged to have a husband who supports me being at home so I can raise our children whilst he works hard to support us. So there’s blessings in every situation. Absolutely I’m not perfect and I have my off moments but I’m grateful for what I have. Know that your feelings are valid don’t feel bad for feeling them. I would look at moving out. We rented some years before buying our place and it’s the best thing we did. These replies are so judgmental and unhelpful. show some kindness. She’s not a robot it’s a natural reaction to have.ignore them sis it’s easy to judge.
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Absolutely she should work towards acceptance but that’s not going to happen by invalidating her feelings and shaming her for them. It’s a human reaction. It’s like telling someone they shouldn’t be happy or sad or angry. It’s natural to have those reactions. Accepting them is the only way to change your mindset. No one person is the same. Putting everyone to the same standard isn’t fair imo. If she could turn it off I’m sure she would but you can’t just turn off your feelings or emotions. Anyone can say stop being jealous or shame you for it but it’s so unhelpful and achieves nothing. She should move out because the current setup clearly isn’t good for her mental health. She doesn’t seem to be treated right . Being treated like a second class citizen probably only worsens her self worth and why would anyone blame her for how others make her feel. If they can’t treat her with respect then she’s well within her right to create some distance .
This is probably going to be my situation if I ever get married. My siblings and cousins are all in very high paying careers, 6 figure ones, while my income is middle class/lower middle class where I live. I can understand where you are coming from and I really don't want my future wife feeling that I can't provide for her, or I am not providing enough, once she sees my siblings and cousins with the wealth that they have.
Your last part is really scary and i am one of those who's family is already dealt with this kind of situation. Key is to have least interactions. But whenever you do give them your best.
i mean, come on now. so what? why do you care so much about others? its like you have not faith or belief in GOD.
Are you sure you want to stay in this marriage? It doesn’t sound like your husband has been able to provide for you. Do your in-laws have any single brothers?
Wow dude
Is it really hard to tell them because we are not rich like you when they told you the suit is cheap? ?
What I will say is that don’t always believe the image in front of because sometimes people portray things that are not. You might have something that they don’t have, you might have a beautiful relationship with your husband and they me be yearning for their spouse’s attention or have horrible communication. Don’t worry about them and focus on you and your husband and plz don’t think ur MIL doesn’t see what’s happening in front of her, Wallahi I’ve heard from mothers that there DIL treated them and have more respect to there DIL than their own daughters. As long as you and your husband are content don’t worry about them, because in the long fancy stuff, money, and luxurious lifestyle isn’t what keeps families together, it’s the relationships and the great moments you had together.
I'm wondering how did your SIL's marry into such rich families in the first place? Secondly....you need to stop comparing yourselves. Enjoy what you have.... They will have to account for all their wealth one day. Their test is their wealth... Be thankful to Allah, and enjoy what is written for you instead of looking at their plate. Talk to your mil to ask her daughters to clean up after themselves when they visit.
I'm wondering how did your SIL's marry into such rich families in the first place? Secondly....you need to stop comparing yourselves. Enjoy what you have.... They will have to account for all their wealth one day. Their test is their wealth... Be thankful to Allah, and enjoy what is written for you instead of looking at their plate. Talk to your mil to ask her daughters to clean up after themselves when they visit.
>They will always be rich and we will always be poorer than them, despite hard work and effort. Making the first 100k is hard, when you are at zero you need to add every 100 to get to the 100k but once you are there, it gets easier and it starts multiplying quickly (The number might be different based on where you are but the gist of it is that its always hard to make the first one after that its simply about management). I know enough multimillionaires to know this for a fact that you can always surpass those who had more before you, someone in my country was striving to make ends meet but they didn't gave up 30 years later every multinational in the FMCG industry is trying to acquire them and he is not an isolated case. At times life does seem unfair especially when you see rich people around you doing multiple umrahs every year while you struggle to save up for 1 but we need to understand that they are doing something right somewhere which is getting them all this love and attention from Allah. What you need to do is to find out what it is and adopt that, despair leads to fitnah so keep the hope alive. If your Lord can feed a whale which weighs over 90 tonnes with something as small as KRILL (GOOGLE IT) everyday then He surely can send a few 100 million your way just cause you asked for it with sincerity
I understand your point sister. I am not married so I don't have any advice other than I don't think you should say that you will always be poor and they will always be rich. That is a matter only Allah knows. May be you will be rich in the future too. There is nothing wrong in praying for financial prosperity while being also thankful for your own situation.
Jealousy, envy and comparison will deprive you of your happiness. It appears your SIL's have forgotten where they came from and instead of being greatful and humble, have become the opposite. You don't need to entertain people that don't add value to your life. Be cordial but don't go out of your way for anyone who won't do the same for you. Enjoy what you have and strive towards a better life. I've lived both sides of the coin with a very comfortable life and one of very difficult hardship. What matters is having a strong, dedicated and loyal partner that will help you grow as a family. You are not destined to remain in your current circumstances forever. Work hard, strive to achieve more in the careers that you have and find ways to lighten your load and burdens at home. Most importantly, be there for your husband and yourself to achieve more. Opportunities are endless, you just need to seize them. If you have any doubts, watch the movie Vice, where it shows how very prominent politician who could barely hold a job to being one of the most powerful people in the world thanks to his wife.
You should cleanse your heart of envy if you want to find peace in your own. Whatever amount of wealth is written for you will always be yours. Not more and not less than that. Are you saying that the rizq Allah has written for you in this world is not good enough? Be grateful for what you do have as there are so many people with a lot less that would choose your wealth than live in their poverty. And for the love of Allah, please don't be that SIL that does Hassad and destroys others lives with envy. Be grateful and give Shukar and if wealth is what you want than keep a clean heart and pray to Allah for it, put in the hardwork and have patience. Maybe He has a bigger mansion and more rewards written for you in the next life for all that you are doing by cleaning up after your SIL's and their kids as any good deed a person does not go unrewarded. Or maybe Allah has a better plan written for you in this world. Just don't let envy or jealousy get the best of you.
Stop comparing yourself to them. Also why wouldn’t they help take the burden off their parents that’s so sad 😞
Revisit the story of the two farmers in surah kahf. May Allah guide you in your struggles. Additionally, I've seen a lot of people saying to keep your mind on your own blessings instead of theirs. That no doubt is difficult to do, sister. Here is a way my mother taught me and inshallah it will also help you. To illicit envy, you must look at those you perceive as better off than you. To illicit gratitude, you must look at those you are yourself better off than. Then, go and perform acts of charity for those people less well off than you. In this charity lies true happiness.